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Okay, I’m Back on Gail Gygax’s Fucking Team

March 7, 2019

This article is a friggin’ hoot. Gail is a legit psycho and I feel for the poor Deputy Fifes up there in Wisco who have to endlessly shoo noisy cats out of her alley and pretend to file reports about sinister imaginary Smoking Men parked out front.

erik tenkunt

But I’m back on her team because she’s upfront about not wanting to be around fumbledick Tenkar and his creepy stalking. He’s up to his usual crybaby bullshit, pissing his diaper that the article’s one-sided after he refused to cooperate and took a shit on the reporter. This fat-assed dope is just pissed that he’s not allowed to monetize the links about him in her article.

And Gail’s got beef with Franky Panky! That Wookie-browed son of a bitch actually billed her for photocopies, maybe he’s not lying about being desperate for damn pennies.

I hope Gail has a few more spurious lawsuits left in her quiver and tosses one at Tenkar, one at Frank, and one at whoever keeps booby trapping her garden. I also hope she sticks to her guns with that godawful Gary statue, the one that looks like something a retarded kid would build out of Duplo blocks. It’s exactly what Gary would have wanted.

wtf is this horseshit

Known for Abuse

February 10, 2019

zakipedia

 

“Excuse me, but did you just ASSUME my anal circumference potential?!?!?”

November 15, 2018

Recruiting for a new play-by-post campaign, this will be a Vornheim city-crawl using the F.A.T.A.L. rule set and with custom classes drawn from Brony fandom. Apply in the comments section with a one-sentence bio for your character and roll your own areola diameter + hue.

 

Frank’s having his fun, which is all that matters, but Grim Jim Isn’t?!?!?

October 21, 2017
the last thing you see before the darkness closes in on your soul

I’M SAFE

 

Can someone show me a 70-year-old white dude with a pony tail who’s NOT a skeeve, I mean come on. That stringy mop + penny dreadful goatee combo is like a neon sign that says, “Do you wanna play Summon the Amphibious Ones with Grampa Touchy?”

This sad dick, gross old shit is full of humor of the “laugh-at-him-not-with-him” variety:

 

please look at meeeeee!!!!

thx nah

 

Looks like poor Eleven has another monster stalking her!

The flip side of this gutter nickel is Grim Jim, who’s apparently sick and fucking tired of all you slutty bitches grinding your pussies in his lap and goddamn cougars playing with his luscious hair. For reals, his lament (including thoughtful background music) begins at about the 7-minute mark:

 

 

These two douches remind us of one eternal truth, “It’s hard out there for a muthafuckin pimp!!!” (I’m too scared to see what Sexy Alexi is up to these days…!)

 

Gail Gygax Announces Artist for Memorial Statue, Work to Begin Shortly

July 16, 2017

Guys, I finally scooped Tenkar’s Tampon (Ha! Ha ha!). Gail Gygax contacted me directly to make the announcement that she’s chosen an artist for the Gary Gygax Memorial Statue of Gary Gygax. I know you’re all dying to know about the next stage of development of this exciting tribute to the creator of roleplaying games, here’s what she sent:

Dear YDIS, I write you today not to talk about the exquisite firmness of your buttocks, which exceed in all meaningful ways the flabby and pockmarked bottom of Kent. After much deliberation and a search that literally scoured the globe, I have chosen an artist to create a likeness to celebrate Gary and his accomplishments for all eternity. I have chosen… Scrap Princess!

The reasons for choosing Scrap Princess I think you’ll agree are obvious. The amazing talent stands out head and shoulders above her contemporaries. When I asked her initial thoughts about the form a statue to Gary might take, after several weeks of work she returned to me with this masterpiece:

gary at play with the world

It’s gorgeous! And to think it only took 2 months for Scrap Princess to draft this masterpiece. But she wasn’t satisfied and she’s actually forwarded several other concepts for consideration:

gary's creativity

A new Michelangelo in Wisconsin! Also this:

the lord gary christ

Amazing Scrap Princess, simply amazing. And another Scrap Princess color original:

beautiful gary

Bravo! Scrap’s artistry really captures Gary’s love of life.

There’s so much to love here, it may take us awhile to select a finalist. I’m leaning toward the red & blue scribble, which I think is not only exquisite artwork but also dramatically showcases Scrap Princess’s style and true talent. I expect this statue will rival the antiquities of Renaissance Italy and launch an artistic revival that may heal our fractured world. Sincerely yours, GG

This is exiting! I’m glad Gail has made a choice that dips into the deep talent pool of the OSR to honor the origins of the hobby. Looking forward to work beginning soon.

Kabuki Kaiser just nuked it from orbit

April 12, 2017

Check this shit out.

Haha DAMN SON! Good to see someone is keeping the flame lit, unlike my sad, sorry ass.

EDIT: Asslexis is drawing web comics?!?!? Zowie, I picked the wrong year to stop sniffing glue.

Open Letter to the OSR + Story Gamers (Inclusion MEGAThread)

July 27, 2016

Hey guys, sorry for the long wait between posts. I’m glad I took a little time off though because recent hubbubs have really made me start to think about building bridges instead of walls. There’s a lot going back and forth right now between OSR people and storygamers (so far the legitimate cosplayers and LARPers have stayed on the sidelines).

I’m an OSR guy but I’ve been lurking Tumblr for a couple days now to get a sense of how the other side thinks. And guess what, guys? They’re not so different from you and me. They like to use their imaginations to play games, just like we do.

So how about we start building some bridges right here? I’m going to start a play-by-post OSR game here on the ol’ blog and everyone’s invited! This is a chance for the OSR people to meet some story gamers, and for the story gamers to see we’re not all a bunch of jerks like Zak S. or Pundit or Scott Driver. Or Varg.

I want to give everyone a chance to tell THEIR STORY within this game, so there will be many chargen options available. Let’s start simple: if you are interested in playing, please browse the following tables and reply with your character race, class, gender identity, ableism context and religion. Thank you and I look forward to a real opportunity to meet new people, build bridges and HAVE SOME FUN!

Race options:

  • Human
  • Dwarf
  • Elf
  • Half-Human
  • Centaur
  • Candy Corn Teifling
  • Hobbit
  • Irish
  • Beholder
  • Gnoblar
  • Robo-Machine

Class options:

  • Fighting-Man
  • Fighting-Other
  • Magic User
  • Thief-Acrobat
  • Cleric
  • Rune Warlock

Gender identity options:

  • Male
  • Female
  • Queer [specify subspecies in brackets for +5% EXP bonus]
  • Trans
  • Neutrois
  • Cuck
  • Cislunar
  • Genderfluid
  • Vagiantess
  • Gymnosperm
  • Bromosexual
  • Tinglesexual (added, thank you Bigby’s Fist)

(Let me know if I missed anything, I’m still new to this!)

Ableism context:

  • Able
  • Differently able [specify mutation in brackets, e.g. wheelchair, hearing/sight disinvolved, third nipple, acid blood, Mongoloid-abled, Libertarian, etc.]

Religion:

  • Cthulhu
  • Scientology
  • Viking

(I’m only allowing 3 religions because I’m creating custom lists of cleric spells and I just don’t have time to make separate lists for Christians, Jewishers, Muslims, Aum Shinrikyo, etc.)

cismale bridgebuilders