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Frank’s having his fun, which is all that matters, but Grim Jim Isn’t?!?!?

October 21, 2017
the last thing you see before the darkness closes in on your soul

I’M SAFE

 

Can someone show me a 70-year-old white dude with a pony tail who’s NOT a skeeve, I mean come on. That stringy mop + penny dreadful goatee combo is like a neon sign that says, “Do you wanna play Summon the Amphibious Ones with Grampa Touchy?”

This sad dick, gross old shit is full of humor of the “laugh-at-him-not-with-him” variety:

 

please look at meeeeee!!!!

thx nah

 

Looks like poor Eleven has another monster stalking her!

The flip side of this gutter nickel is Grim Jim, who’s apparently sick and fucking tired of all you slutty bitches grinding your pussies in his lap and goddamn cougars playing with his luscious hair. For reals, his lament (including thoughtful background music) begins at about the 7-minute mark:

 

 

These two douches remind us of one eternal truth, “It’s hard out there for a muthafuckin pimp!!!” (I’m too scared to see what Sexy Alexi is up to these days…!)

 

Gail Gygax Announces Artist for Memorial Statue, Work to Begin Shortly

July 16, 2017

Guys, I finally scooped Tenkar’s Tampon (Ha! Ha ha!). Gail Gygax contacted me directly to make the announcement that she’s chosen an artist for the Gary Gygax Memorial Statue of Gary Gygax. I know you’re all dying to know about the next stage of development of this exciting tribute to the creator of roleplaying games, here’s what she sent:

Dear YDIS, I write you today not to talk about the exquisite firmness of your buttocks, which exceed in all meaningful ways the flabby and pockmarked bottom of Kent. After much deliberation and a search that literally scoured the globe, I have chosen an artist to create a likeness to celebrate Gary and his accomplishments for all eternity. I have chosen… Scrap Princess!

The reasons for choosing Scrap Princess I think you’ll agree are obvious. The amazing talent stands out head and shoulders above her contemporaries. When I asked her initial thoughts about the form a statue to Gary might take, after several weeks of work she returned to me with this masterpiece:

gary at play with the world

It’s gorgeous! And to think it only took 2 months for Scrap Princess to draft this masterpiece. But she wasn’t satisfied and she’s actually forwarded several other concepts for consideration:

gary's creativity

A new Michelangelo in Wisconsin! Also this:

the lord gary christ

Amazing Scrap Princess, simply amazing. And another Scrap Princess color original:

beautiful gary

Bravo! Scrap’s artistry really captures Gary’s love of life.

There’s so much to love here, it may take us awhile to select a finalist. I’m leaning toward the red & blue scribble, which I think is not only exquisite artwork but also dramatically showcases Scrap Princess’s style and true talent. I expect this statue will rival the antiquities of Renaissance Italy and launch an artistic revival that may heal our fractured world. Sincerely yours, GG

This is exiting! I’m glad Gail has made a choice that dips into the deep talent pool of the OSR to honor the origins of the hobby. Looking forward to work beginning soon.

Kabuki Kaiser just nuked it from orbit

April 12, 2017

Check this shit out.

Haha DAMN SON! Good to see someone is keeping the flame lit, unlike my sad, sorry ass.

EDIT: Asslexis is drawing web comics?!?!? Zowie, I picked the wrong year to stop sniffing glue.

Open Letter to the OSR + Story Gamers (Inclusion MEGAThread)

July 27, 2016

Hey guys, sorry for the long wait between posts. I’m glad I took a little time off though because recent hubbubs have really made me start to think about building bridges instead of walls. There’s a lot going back and forth right now between OSR people and storygamers (so far the legitimate cosplayers and LARPers have stayed on the sidelines).

I’m an OSR guy but I’ve been lurking Tumblr for a couple days now to get a sense of how the other side thinks. And guess what, guys? They’re not so different from you and me. They like to use their imaginations to play games, just like we do.

So how about we start building some bridges right here? I’m going to start a play-by-post OSR game here on the ol’ blog and everyone’s invited! This is a chance for the OSR people to meet some story gamers, and for the story gamers to see we’re not all a bunch of jerks like Zak S. or Pundit or Scott Driver. Or Varg.

I want to give everyone a chance to tell THEIR STORY within this game, so there will be many chargen options available. Let’s start simple: if you are interested in playing, please browse the following tables and reply with your character race, class, gender identity, ableism context and religion. Thank you and I look forward to a real opportunity to meet new people, build bridges and HAVE SOME FUN!

Race options:

  • Human
  • Dwarf
  • Elf
  • Half-Human
  • Centaur
  • Candy Corn Teifling
  • Hobbit
  • Irish
  • Beholder
  • Gnoblar
  • Robo-Machine

Class options:

  • Fighting-Man
  • Fighting-Other
  • Magic User
  • Thief-Acrobat
  • Cleric
  • Rune Warlock

Gender identity options:

  • Male
  • Female
  • Queer [specify subspecies in brackets for +5% EXP bonus]
  • Trans
  • Neutrois
  • Cuck
  • Cislunar
  • Genderfluid
  • Vagiantess
  • Gymnosperm
  • Bromosexual
  • Tinglesexual (added, thank you Bigby’s Fist)

(Let me know if I missed anything, I’m still new to this!)

Ableism context:

  • Able
  • Differently able [specify mutation in brackets, e.g. wheelchair, hearing/sight disinvolved, third nipple, acid blood, Mongoloid-abled, Libertarian, etc.]

Religion:

  • Cthulhu
  • Scientology
  • Viking

(I’m only allowing 3 religions because I’m creating custom lists of cleric spells and I just don’t have time to make separate lists for Christians, Jewishers, Muslims, Aum Shinrikyo, etc.)

cismale bridgebuilders

 

Did he officially die or something??!?

February 4, 2016

bloodywillet

Or are we just presuming he’s dead? I scanned 2 months of comments and I’m not sure, but I organized a determined mission to find bloodymage: not only did I look in nearly 3-4 church parking lots on Google Street View searching for signs of habitation, I also Googled his name and went through almost the entire first page of results above the fold. No fucking luck.

So he’s probably dead? There’s no need to review bm’s legacy here and we’re in the trust tree so I think we can speak honestly about him: bloodymage was an utter fumbledick, a category 4 moron who made the planet functionally stupider. And yet…

God damn was this man lovable when viewed from afar! “There but by the grace of God go I” is powerful entertainment, and I know that if my Mom had sniffed more paint while I was in the womb, that could be me thanking sexydubaiwhores6969@spambot.by for his kind words about my blog. Or lamenting the lack of checkered tablecloth availability in Prescott, AZ. Or traveling 2000 miles and accidentally showing up 2 weeks early to a con. Or… you get the picture.

So, I’m not here to bury bm. I’m here to praise him. bm is the petty god of retarded aging neckbeards (please stat him up in comments for D&D, WFRP, Rune Quest, and Twilight: 2000), and could there ever be a divinity more appropriate or necessary to this hobby? I urge everyone, in memory of bloodymage: find room for a “Golanda” in your campaigns. It doesn’t have to stink, it could be just Golanda the Bar Wench, or the Free City of Golanda tucked into that corner of the map your players will probably never go, or Golanda the evil wizardress who died a thousand years ago, or whatever. Take that little bit of Golanda that lives in all our hearts and make it an official part of your campaigns, and celebrate the fucking idiots we love and laugh at that make this hobby special, in the Life Goes On sense. And if your Golanda is stinky, well that’s just gravy…

New Year’s Resolutions:

I want to do a F.A.T.A.L. play by post, probably taking the party through Dark Albion in search of big titties or a rape tournament or something…

More crying about men’s rights, I feel like everyone forgets Grim Jim even exists.

Publish my CARCOSA reskin, where Sorcerers are the Federal Government, Black Men are slaves and they like it that way, and maybe dial back the raping little kids 25-50%.

FIND GREG CHRISTOPHER! (I promised myself not to post here until he went live again on G+, but it’s just been too long…)

Hang out with Scott when he’s on one of his meth benders.

Also, I think we all need to be reminded that this exists:

tao_zpse4b07b82

[click to make dem titties even sloppier]

And now for something completely different

August 20, 2015

Dreams of Ruin is available in print, which I will never get because I’m a cheapass. But you can also get the pdf free and it’s worth a look. I read the version that was released during the Kickstarter and this appears to be a much-polished version of that. I can’t say I would remotely enjoy a campaign in this world, but this is an interesting look at someone taking a campaign idea and a world and thinking them if not all the way through, then at least exploring them within the context of D&D rules with a seriousness and to a depth that is extremely rare. Plus it’s domain-level, which you also almost never see and maybe the dude that wrote this found a way to make that shit tolerable. It’s gotta be better than rolling on some random table and finding out you’ve got a -1 to your realm’s happiness this month.

Warning: The author has an Exalted background and it shows a bit in the concept, the art is horrendous and there’s a rape pic mixed in there, so don’t get triggered.

http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/152691/The-Dreams-of-Ruin

 

 

If there’s one thing we can all agree about it’s that Oakes Spalding is a wretched cunt

July 25, 2015

This inveterate little pissgurgler needs no introduction. He barely finds time to post about D&D now he’s so freaked out about Mooslums, but his latest post is a little curious considering his past (current status?) as a deadbeat dad:

“The current Catholic Church is stupid and evil, why don’t they encourage all families to shit out 8+ children???”

Flashback to a year ago:

“HELP US!” *rattles tin cup* “Our Catholic family has too many kids and no money to support them, please send money for manservants and quad stroller GOD BLESS!” *smiles and poops pants*

Gotta admit, this Opus Dei crowd has chutzpah. As shitty as trotting out “bastardy” was, JaMal had the common sense and empathy to remove himself from public forums when he got called out. This dopey fucker sticks to his guns like pubic hair sticks to soap. I pray to Jesus and Little Baby Jesus that Oakes & Julie make the switch to buttfucking, cumming on her tits obviously isn’t working and they’re gonna need a bigger stroller and a better Go Fund Me.

we tried withdrawal and all we got were these four hungry mouths :(

we tried withdrawal and all we got were four hungry mouths 😦