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“Are their stories somehow irrelevant?”

December 10, 2019

Jeff Rients has a question for the community!

Are testimonials of the women who support Zak somehow irrelevant, or is it that they were weighed and compared against what Mandy and other women reported and readers’ individual experiences, and about a billion people who interacted with Zak recognized horrifying commonalities of behavior in how Mandy and her supporters reported being treated by Zak and the treatment the readers experienced first hand from Zak? Bullying, aggression, manipulation, terrifying shifts in mood, bad faith argumentation and all those other things Jeff characterizes as “X behavior that [they] don’t like.” Gosh, why don’t people like being treated like that?

Jeff didn’t even see any abuse in that “tiny sliver” of life he glimpsed in the background and says that’s “odd.” I wonder if Jeff’s colleagues at Temple thought it was “odd” that the women Bill Cosby preyed on at the university seemed fine at the time? What a bunch of oddballs, those abuse victims!

What seems odd to me is that Jeff has a dumb take and bad choice in friends and now his poor wife has been drawn in, patrolling the comments section for heretics. Jesus Christ, Jeff, don’t get your family smeared with Zak’s shit…

“Maybe I’m wrong to still be Zak’s friend. But I am.” Cool, bruh. Zak has succeeded in getting some disinfectant sprayed on his brand. Looking forward to the Zak + Jeff Kickstarter in 2020 Q1!


222 Comments leave one →
  1. Kent permalink
    December 10, 2019 1:34 pm

    I was an early despiser of Zak (2010?) because he struck me as just another Jew trying hard to seem the smartest non-goy around. And when opposed reacted like a slug in the presence of saint Salt.

    He tried to flatter me once, and once only, but flattery is supplication to me and I mocked him with great mockery, aka with biblical indignity. He never responded to me after that, I tried adeptly to seem friendly for several years without softening the granitic semitic hard face of the soft faced little fag. A *fag* to me is someone I could kill while doing household chores, and forget I had transgressed. Fucking slags does not elevate a *fag* to manhood [although ydis thinks so and communicated his former adulation of Zak to me privately in those terms.]

    At the same time, since when have sensible beings payed any attention to a dialogue, made public like a play, between a harlot and a fag? I mean ‘payed attention’ beyond mockery? If the police are not interested then why should I be?

    Ignore online fags and whores is a precept for pre-teens surely.

    • Andy Action permalink
      December 17, 2019 6:48 am

      Wow, I didn’t think anyone could bring this conversation any lower besides Zak himself – and yet, here is Kent to lower the bar.

  2. December 10, 2019 2:19 pm

    Gaah. So disappointing. Jeff was one of the OSR blogging old guard who had managed to keep his head above the sewage.

  3. Whateley permalink
    December 10, 2019 2:32 pm

    He’s not going to fuck you, Jeff. And if he does its going to be a mediocre one given the looks on the faces of women who agreed to be penetrated by a 90s family sitcom antagonist.

  4. Franky Panky permalink
    December 10, 2019 4:12 pm

    Did Jeff call the whores, like Dani Jang? How do you suppose those conversations went. “So You never saw Zak abuse Mandy. Okay. Say, what are you wearing… or not wearing… right now?” Bonus question, “Do you mind if my wife joins us? After all she fights my online fights for me because I am not enough of a man to fight them myself.”

    Zak is living in a cardboard box on Sepulveda Blvd right now, Jeff. He isn’t going to introduce you or Amy to the *Witnesses*.

  5. Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
    December 10, 2019 4:31 pm

    Jeff, Zak is going to break your heart. He is going to break your heart Jeff and when he does, you will shit your pants. Trust me on this pant shitting thing. I know because it happened to me.

    I shit my pants.

    Just don’t lose Amy over this like I lost Hannah. If you are anything like me – and I think you are because you clearly love Zak too and can probably feel the doo doo percolating inside you even now and heading toward your anus and you won’t be able to hold it in – you will shit your pants Jeff and need that razorback hog you call a wife around to do your laundry.

  6. Reason permalink
    December 10, 2019 6:16 pm

    It’s actually a testament to how brilliant at D&D Jeff is- even an auteur like Zak was so enchanted by Jeff’s DMing that he didn’t even get distracted & start abusing his wife whenever she dragged herself past the monitor during their live online game session. Usually he barely takes a break from that shit.

  7. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 10, 2019 7:25 pm

    Wow, Unca’ Jeffy’s wife got shut the fuck up quick by the reasonable counter-arguments. “are you from” joke is cringingly weak. She’s a fucking idiot.

    Looking at her pic online. Can’t decide if “woof woof” is appropriate or “Oink Oink.”

    Jeff is clearly enamored and bought into Zak’s “Ima cool non-nerd gamer, ya’ll” horseshit. Zak’s constant “anybody who doesn’t be reasonable and publicly defend me is an angry/dumb nerd” crap should be enough to turn off any gamer regardless of anything else. Jeez.

    Fuck you, Rients. You just want to be that fuckface’s sidekick. Even his ass-felching toady Joe The Unblown Lawyer dropped him like a laundry bag full of jerked off into gym socks.


    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 11, 2019 10:45 am

      Where might I view her pic on-line, O captain? Asking for myself. I’d like to be able to recognize her if I see her at a Con. Possibly offer her some private OSR lessons. Her manlet of a hubby certainly won’t mind. He seems quite the wittol.

  8. Frog Gode permalink
    December 11, 2019 3:01 am

    Went to my FLGS today, found these :
    Looks like a French version of the “cream” of LameOldtFP was kickstarted a while back and the deluxe hardcovers have just hit the stores. Great timing. I must say they are gorgeous. The paper alone was orgasm-inducing, and did not smell at all like abuse.

    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      December 11, 2019 6:16 am

      Sorry for the smell but I handled them all with my poopy fingers after I shit my pants. Glad you liked the scent though Frog Gode!

  9. December 11, 2019 6:29 am

    Don’t worry. Someone referred him to ” wundergeek’s recent posts on abusers in a community”. Everything is going to be fine.

  10. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 11, 2019 1:59 pm

    Zakko is now on the attack-o. He’s spamming that entire thread with his logical fallacies.

  11. Amy Rients Feminine Hygiene FAIL permalink
    December 11, 2019 2:44 pm


    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      December 11, 2019 2:52 pm

      Sorry Amy but you are losing him. You are losing Jeff to Zak just like Hannah lost me to Zak. But Zak will break his heart Amy. Zak will break his heart and when he does, Jeff will shit his pants. I know. It happened to me.

      I shit my pants.

  12. Franky Panky permalink
    December 11, 2019 5:10 pm

    It’s lika a best of “The Zak Show”, innit? The binary questions with 2 wrong choices, the demands for answers, the constant insinuations of bad faith, the petulance, the insistence that all interaction is on his terms — the very definition of an asshole, BTW , and the empty threats to leave, which we all know his narc-rage would never allow him to do.

    For anyone who wondered why Zak was canceled in the first place, he certainly did a fine job of reminding us of the reasons.

    What do you bet he whined to Amy and Jeff about how he was treated in the comments, and of course demanded that they do something, delete many things, or they are acting in bad faith. Archived here, for posterity

    • December 11, 2019 5:34 pm

      That is the trainwreck-iest thread we’ve seen in a loooong time. Wonder if Jeff will be turning over to Zak the IP addresses from comments, so he can build a more accurate enemies list? Took a few months for the community to turn on JaMal, Jeff’s letting himself get taken down overnight. Maybe he’s done with the scene and just said “Fuck it.” What is the end game here?

      Thank you for saving that thread Frank, in recognition I’ve pledged generously to the Eyebrow Fund at Locks of Love in your name.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        December 11, 2019 7:57 pm

        Without an answer to those questions, I’m done here.

  13. Parvel permalink
    December 11, 2019 7:29 pm

    Zak is very much like Trump: Toadies, sycophants, and even well-meaning but naive defenders in his orbit ALL sooner or later get sucked down into the pigshit with him by the event-horizon-level gravity of his narcissism.

    • Nanda Green permalink
      December 12, 2019 1:14 pm

      Except Trump can draw without tracing on a lightbox

  14. Reason permalink
    December 11, 2019 7:41 pm

    Zak is living a Kafkaesque nightmare where no one will engage with him where Wundergeek is being held up as an example of truth, logic & ethics… And all the shitty ways he used to “win” arguments don’t work anymore, just overnight everyone else decided all the words now mean something different and he wasn’t told.

    His way of engaging with the world that took him so far is now digging him deeper & he can’t seem to adapt. Instead of curling people up in petty semantics & high school level debate cheats people are just laughing in his face.

    Because IF he adapts he admits this new bizarro world is the real world, Wundergeek is worth listening to, the skank tap has dried up & he can’t even bully the unblown anymore. It’s an I Am Legend moment.

  15. Xartan Tssagua permalink
    December 11, 2019 8:28 pm

    It’s like Jeff invited a vampire into his house. Let the right one in Rients! Zak hatred is the one thing that has united the Left and Right of the OSR and for once everyone is correct.

  16. Buffet Slayer permalink
    December 11, 2019 8:31 pm

    Another “friend” like Raggi who waits MONTHS before telling people that they believed ‘hey, this stuff didn’t happen and it’s all not true’ instead of saying that days after the rape and abuse accusations were leveled– when it would have actually mattered. This is like going back and trying to clean up Chernobyl when the continent is already a dead husk. What a weakling and now double so hiding behind his wife. Not even the worst cunt you know deserves friends like these.

    • Mrs. Dr. The Reints (Amy) permalink
      December 11, 2019 8:35 pm

      Ok Twitter game nerds, STOP TALKING ABOUT MY HUABAND
      Who his friends are, is none of your business. Keep his name out of your mouth and off your keyboard. Go back to whence you came.

  17. Zak Zee Smith permalink
    December 12, 2019 12:24 am

    Ok, I asked a bunch of questions nobody could answer. It’s pretty obvious nobody attacking me or Jeff here has a solid reason for what they believe. Pay no attention to all the questions that didn’t answer. I’m not the one acting in bad faith. Everyone else is. Except Jeff and Amy.

    The people saying they believed Mandy didn’t have any facts to back it up (and consistently cited made-up stuff) and the people claiming I was a jerk all along couldn’t point to any real examples, or else pointed to _asking for evidence of abuse as abuse_.

    Any remotely sane third party can see what’s going on here so I’m out. I have no control over these comments and I’m starting to look really bad.

    If anybody does turn up to answer any of the questions I asked, somebody please let me know at zakzsmith AT hawtmayle dawt calm . for all the ‘bots out there.

  18. kin permalink
    December 12, 2019 3:11 am

    he wrote on his twitter that he is thinking about suicide every day. i mean this is getting serious. i still think that a chances that he is going to hurt himself are small but you know this is getting real.

    • December 12, 2019 7:37 am

      ‘ihititwithmyaxe’ tweeted, “I think about suicide every day.” and the next day we have Jeff Rients’ blogpost featuring all his thoughts about his friend Zak and the allegations against said friend. I think there’s a good chance there was a connection, that Rients felt his friend needed a show of support, but I hope he was prepared for the hell that this likely to bring upon him. I do not wish him hell, and this is not a threat, but I believe that hell is what he will get. His wife already seems like she was not enjoying proximity to someone with an unpardonable opinion. And Zak takes a victory lap through the blog comments, then resumes his normal operations.

    • Raggi’s Underwear permalink
      December 12, 2019 9:13 am


      He tweeted that? It’s pretty much the equivalent of cutting your wrists “across the street,” i.e. it’s all for attention, isn’t it? You want to do it, just do it. Cries for help are just cries for attention.

    • Nanda Green permalink
      December 12, 2019 1:17 pm

      Hilarious. Is there a betting pool for the date?

      Of course we know it’s fakery and a plea for sympathy or he would have just done it, not blogged about thinking it. Man has no pride, but then again nothing to be proud of.

  19. Timotheus permalink
    December 12, 2019 7:54 am

    Man, what a glorious mess. Zak is too psychotic to see how he has sliced his own throat, Rients getting butfucked and ghosted for sticking by his “friend”, and the poor wife trolling for her dumb lug of a husband.

    The blOwSR is back, bitches!

    Where is Witchiepoo in all this? And Lesbian Witch Boy? Turdkar? That fat loser who used to run the Temple of Demogorgon? Vulcan Stev!?

    Without the answers to these questions, I;m done here.

    • stonefisting permalink
      December 12, 2019 8:07 am

      You rang? What did I miss?

    • Old Man Timotheus' Impotent Rage permalink
      December 12, 2019 8:40 pm

      wows, Gran’pa Timotheus. You still carrying all that butthurt after all this time? And “blOwSR is back?” Almost expecting you to exclaim ” 23 Skidoo!” at this point. Makes sense, since you still play TFT, a game that had its peak 40 years ago. Um, and I think you once said you play it with your friend’s young boys. Ick. Is it that you can’t get a group of adults together or create anything online that makes you jealous and angry at others? Or that the moms and dads won’t leave you alone with the lads on game night?

      Sorry, Pops. While most of these comments are fun to read, you really just come off as bearing bitter hurt rather than the enjoying spoofs and LOLZ. Maybe Rients and the Mrs. can offer you healing hugs?

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 13, 2019 10:46 am

        I gotta admit, it’s kinda cool having my own stalker here.Especially how little I post here anymore. How’d I get inside your delicate little head so bad?

        Try laughing sometime. It won’t help your impotent jealousy, but you might actually enjoy life.


  20. stonefisting permalink
    December 12, 2019 10:51 am

    GentleMEN. Hygge thule and glad helsk. Miss me?

    All reading this need to know that Amy isn’t actually screening comments. They are going up in real time. It’s just that there are too many for the page to load at once so you need to hit the “load more” link right above the ad to rejoin the conversation.

    While I would never urge right action against a member of the White Oerid and Suel races, I did a little digging and “Rients” is a name of Latvian or Lettish origin, probably with some minor Flan admixture so we’re all good.

    • Amy permalink
      December 12, 2019 11:12 am

      Lots of cis het white gamergate guys performing wokeness.

      • Buffet Slayer permalink
        December 12, 2019 11:26 am

        Last I checked I was pretty fat and of a smooth cafe au lait coloring. Since you hate white males so much, you wanna go out? Ditch that fawning milksop for a real man. While I may not be able to run to the end of the block without collapsing, I could punch out a cow, imagine that tonight while lying in bed, I know I will.

      • OA, BD permalink
        December 12, 2019 11:41 am

        Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • wundergeek permalink
      December 12, 2019 11:13 am

      OK boomer

  21. FixerFixerFixer permalink
    December 12, 2019 12:03 pm

    Bros, i need some help here. I am currently unable to edit the comments for Jeff Rient’s blog. There are a lot of things there that need fact checking and correction. Jeff is too busy to do it so I’ve taken it upon myself to be helpful. Don’t worry about fixing wikipedia. my friend AlexaSmooth is working on that, but bad faith actors keep reverting my changes.

    • FixerFixerFixer permalink
      December 12, 2019 12:30 pm

      I mean AlexaSmooth’s changes. I haven’t changed anything on Zak’s wiki page in months.

      Why does that little box next to my name look like a swastika? am I being called a nazi?

      • Zak Zee Smith permalink
        December 12, 2019 12:31 pm

        If you’re not addressing that, I’m done here.

      • stonefisting permalink
        December 12, 2019 12:34 pm

        88 my man

  22. Nanda Green permalink
    December 12, 2019 1:09 pm

    Yes, hearsay is irrelevant, Jeff. Just because a person says “Zack never raped her while I was in the room” doesn’t make Zack not a rapist. See the Bill Cosby example so aptly provided. So you have chosen to be friends with a rapist. By the way, your D&D blog sucks and lacks even a glimmer of imagination and I would hate to be a player at your table. Plus you might invite some friend over to rape me.

  23. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    December 12, 2019 1:24 pm

    Christmas is early this year! That exchange has really help Zpastic’s Patreon for sure. All that’s left now is for Speaking Manners (aka not Zakattack) to demand his reinstatement on Reddit because the Rients couple have shown they stand with Zpastic! Are they going to get clued when blindfolds and cigarettes are handed out, though?
    Best part is Zpastic confirming his disappointed father is footing the bills. Love that deflection! Is ignoring questions altogether lying when you’re ignoring them do as not to paint yourself as a pushing 50 year old washed up meth head living on daddy’s cash.

  24. Amy "I though when they said I should really try a douche they meant befriend Zak" Rients permalink
    December 12, 2019 2:16 pm


  25. Zak Langouste verified permalink
    December 12, 2019 2:35 pm

    Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

    Stats tell me the same number of people read these entries as have for years, so I know this’ll reach the people it needs to.

    Recent bullshit aside, a lot of people in gamer land say I am unnecessarily mean on the internet to gamers. All these gamer conversations, long or short, follow this same basic form:

    Zak: “Well here’s the receipt”
    Angry: “I DON’T HAVE TO DEBATE YOU” (leaves)

    Angry (later, to the internet): “Zak is such a jerk, he said I was made of french fries!”

    Ten years of this–since 2009. I still haven’t learned why everyone else is an asshole.

    Point is, even though I have lots of people do that I legitimately to this day do not know why they think that because none of them ever stick around and answer questions long enough to explain what their beef is or why they have it. I (and everyone in real life who sees these things) go around mystified about it–I have no idea what people expect me to do instead of point to the receipt, never have. And, to a one, gamers immediately change their tune in real-life (cons or vidchat) and never say the stupid things they say online, so talking to them’s no help, either.

    So, if you are reading this and you think I am unnecessarily mean on the internet and can:

    -Point to a specific example of a specific instance but I will still demand more specificity

    -Answer all questions about why you thought it was bad, but do know that the questions never end. It’s how I win internet arguments, by attrition. I never surrender.

    Leave a comment. That’s an order. I need comments to pick apart to fuel my overweening narcissism and to take my mind off of my shitty life, that I might end at any time. Okay, maybe not, but I will make some shallow scratches on my writst and post the photos as evidence.

    Talk as if you’re talking in real life: No talking on behalf of other people (“I think people…”), no running away in the middle. I ran away from Jeff Rient’s comments, because I could not control them. Here I am the master and you will conform to my demands.

    No anonymous comments, you need a persistent identity so the conversation can be tracked and make sense. So you can be tracked too. I will compare your IP addresses to those given me by my besties Amy and Jeff, and add you to my enemies list.

    Leave a comment now. I need to win an internet argument soon. My self-esteem is at an all time low after the drubbing I took in the comments of Rient’s post. I think about suicide all the time, just not my own. I love myself too much to end myself.

    • Nanda Green permalink
      December 12, 2019 3:32 pm

      Whoever wrote this, it’s comedic gold standard satire

      • Basic Witch permalink
        December 13, 2019 7:56 am

        Drubbing is right. That was a motherfucking beatdown.

      • Zak Smith verified permalink
        December 13, 2019 6:05 pm

        I wrote this, but it has been changed to say things I never said. I don’t even like french fries. I never said I like french fries. cite one instance where i said that i like french fries or have your comments deleted.

  26. anonymous- quote from Rients page "load more" section permalink
    December 12, 2019 3:14 pm

    Oof, back of the net… [Here’s the skinny.

    People ghosted on Zak not because he’s an asshole. They ghosted on Zak because his pattern of public abuse matches Mandy’s allegations.

    Just read the comments here. I’ll pick some for you and walk you through what they mean about Zak.

    “I admit I was wrong all the time. For example: I was wrong to support most of the OSR authors I supported. Now you should admit you are wrong or someone might decide you’re a narcissist and therefore a rapist.”

    Here is Zak twisting what someone requested – that he admit wrongdoing, if not factually then at least perceptually – into a way to attack his former peers. He then uses this twisting to try and claim that he’s being unfairly portrayed. I should emphasize this because it’s Zak’s entire combative persona: he never argues in good faith, and gets bizarrely personal, whether it’s about accusations of abuse or somebody disagreeing with him about an RPG.

    This is not the behavior of a well-adjusted person. These two sentences ~alone~ are enough to justify the accusations of abuse to me, because it matches the pattern of behavior abusers typically follow. Most abusers are pathologically incapable of admitting fault, and when confronted with their own misbehavior, attempt to turn it around on the person confronting them. Zak is doing it all over the place in this post’s comments, and he did it in response to Mandy.

    “Rehabilitation is only relevant when you’ve done something wrong.”

    Zak is completely incapable of seeing the damage that his behavior has caused to the people around him. His reputation is not destroyed because of these allegations; it was destroyed by ~years and years of purposefully abuse public behavior~. Like most abusers, he thrives on riding the doubt line. Unfortunately, this only works for so long – once people notice the line, the abusive behavior suddenly becomes VERY apparent.

    So far in this thread, he spent the entire time demanding ~concrete factual evidence~ from people who are talking about patterns of behavior he exhibits IN THIS VERY THREAD. His inability to back down from a fight; his propensity to argue in bad faith; his abusive harassment; and, most importantly, his complete lack of a conscience.

    Zak believes he did nothing wrong, and baby, that’s proof enough. He admitted on his counter-blog (which doesn’t mention him by name, so that he dodges search results! cute) that even if the courts ruled in favor of Mandy – very unlikely, given the way defamation laws work in Canada, something Zak is specifically banking on and the reason why he sued there – and he lost, he would never accept the verdict.

    For all his talk of rationality, of looking at the evidence, of believing women (lol), Zak will never, ever, EVER, concede that he is wrong and someone else is right. He has zero empathy. He is incapable of seeing a situation or argument from a different perspective. And, in the greatest of RPG traditions, he always attempts to rules lawyer his way to victory.

    All of this is to say: Zak is a publicly abusive piece of shit. If you want to remain friends with him because he sucks your e-peen, go ahead. But you’ll be supporting an obviously unstable and abusive individual and helping to shield him from the consequences of his extremely shitty behavior.

    If you’re okay being his accomplice, by all means.]

    • Nanda Green permalink
      December 12, 2019 3:36 pm

      Well said, great summary. All too true.

      P.S. Zack is a piece of shit and his artwork is the only thing worse than his writing. I’m sure he’s also a racist. Read between the lines and look very carefully at his history.

      • stonefisting permalink
        December 12, 2019 3:39 pm

        Tell me more!

  27. Kent permalink
    December 12, 2019 5:53 pm

    Muslim scum Labour voters had a bad day.


      December 12, 2019 6:49 pm

      I didn’t know Boris Johnson had the drunken Irish homosexual vote. Good for you, Kent!

      • Kent permalink
        December 12, 2019 7:06 pm

        If I was an Irish homo would I say that the Irish are the greatest writers of the 20th century and homos have that insane fetish for anuses that you do, You Do.Yo uu dooo.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        December 12, 2019 8:36 pm

        You mean just like you just said?

        Well, if Zak ever says “PROOF KENT IS A HOMO OR YOU’RE A LIAR!”, we can point him here now.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 15, 2019 2:53 pm

      Way to lick Tory boots, there, Ian Gaysley.

  28. Kent permalink
    December 12, 2019 6:24 pm

    I have a Kickstarter which I am using to get cash or scotch.

    The idea is a campaign world of racial hierarchy where every race knows their place or gets beat down.

    At the very low end:

    Moss men
    Humus men
    Scum men, sewer men
    Shit men
    Criminal psycopaths
    Sexual psycopaths
    British Pakistanis

    • Kent permalink
      December 12, 2019 6:29 pm

      If that is a success and makes me famous I will do an aione kickstarter. But only if that is a wild worldwide success and makes me rich.

  29. Hehaw permalink
    December 15, 2019 9:13 am

    “maybe he ( i.e. Rients) can get a job playing the cucked husband in Zak’s next porno.”

    Hahah! Nothing makes me laugh more then when someone brings up Fuckface’s side job of using his ding-dong to generate income. Honestly, I’m surprised more people don’t make more jokes about it. It’s perfect fodder to use on him anytime he starts getting smart with people as it’ll always be his Achilles heel.

    And that twitter of himself saying he’s going to kill himself: yup. It’ll happen one day. Especially if he looses this case.

    • Parvel permalink
      December 15, 2019 5:06 pm

      Is Zak even really a “Porn star”? I looked up his credits once (Back when his blog was new) and IIRC “Minor stunt cock on the edges of the Industry” seemed more appropriate. It’s so weird that a guy with genuine accomplishments (Yale, MoMA, his first two LotFP books) would exaggerate and inflate that, of all things.

        December 15, 2019 5:29 pm

        Kent has repeatedly volunteered to be Zak’s fluffer.

      • Evil Half-Orc Assassin permalink
        December 15, 2019 6:18 pm

        It makes him “edgy.”

        (And lol putting “two LotFP books” on the same tier as Yale and MoMA.)

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        December 15, 2019 8:11 pm

        It was to get degenerate, unblown D&D’ers to “perk up” with interest. I looked up his credits years ago, and there were like 8, and a couple seemed non-sex background “punker pukebag #3” roles. This is what I’m gobsmacked by; more people not looking it up immediately after hearing about him. I mean fuckface has many times stated “make my living having sex.” Fuck that. Ron Jeremy might make a couple grand per scene, but he’s a pop culture icon. Most regular male performers are lucky to get 200 bucks per scene.

        Some living, Zak Smack.

      • Hehaw permalink
        December 16, 2019 4:23 am

        Fuckface likes to call himself a pornstar, and I’m certainly not going to argue if he deserves that entitlement, because deep down, he’s utterly embarrassed by doing something as stupid as porno. Haha!

      • Evil Half-Orc Assassin permalink
        December 16, 2019 5:17 am

        Ya know most men in porn make their nut (pun intended) doing the gay and twink stuff, so….

        (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        December 16, 2019 1:38 pm

        Hey Bro, ya’ll know that i;m totes a porn star. Zak Smith, BSD or Zak Sabbath, BSD are the credits to look for in the IPMDB. I think once I was billed as Zak Smith, BWC. I;m not really all that B, but I’m very W, and very much a D. The money in porn for me was in not in the gay or twink stuff, but the she-male stuff. I plowed a few stink ditches to pay the rent, before Me and Mandy learned to lure in the waifs at the bus stations and get them to do some DIY porn for a hot meal and a warm bed.

        It’s important to inflate my career as a sex worker. Peeps don’t do internet searches for MoMA, Yale or LotFP. Peeps do do searches for porn.

        Parvel, Bro, That little box next to your name looks like a swastika. Are you a Nazi? is this a Nazi site? There are too many swastikas here. Kent is here. He said my hair looked like Hitler’s moustache once. He’s a nazi.

        Peeps who keep harassing me by asking me If I would like some fries with that, nazis. peeps who believe Mandy, nazis. Peeps who commented in Rients blog, nazis. I demand that YDIS ban all the nazis. If YDIS is not addressing that, I’m done here.

      • stonefisting permalink
        December 16, 2019 2:22 pm

        Zak, I thought you would be the last person to infringe my freedoms of speech, conscience and association and my right to buy World War II themed lingerie at GenCon. Not Okay. Because as I said in my own post on the subject, the need to literally strike out at people who disagree with you is infantile, in a very literal sense.

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        December 16, 2019 5:55 pm

        I don’t even know who you are. i;m going to add you to my enemies list anyway. #3, 485) Fisting, Stone: bald nazi harasser with gay devil goatee and badly plucked eyebrows.

        My first few pornos were performed under the name Chad Thundercock. That’s how the name came into popular culture, from me. Mandy made me change it after it got too famous. She was jealous of my success as a sex worker.

    December 15, 2019 5:37 pm

    Kent looking fetching (felching?) in green at today’s RPG meetup!

      December 15, 2019 5:37 pm

      Isn’t Kent lovely!

    • Kent permalink
      December 16, 2019 5:02 pm

      So, this is the reference photograph of the PrinceOfNothing & Bryce Lynch hook up, without kid Melan photoshopped in.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      December 17, 2019 11:12 am

      Back to form. Alcohol has invigorated you. Good.

  31. Reason permalink
    December 15, 2019 10:10 pm

    Just as I thought the satire of Zak further above was too good to be true- turns out it’s 95% Zakko direct…

    You literally could not script a better Zak parody than what is going on in his DnDwithpawnstahs comments right now. Either he’s a genius prepping a mental illness/asbergers defence or he’s fucking retarded & you can see exactly how he manipulated, gaslighted & entangled those fringe porn skanks right there in his comments behaviour.

    And that’s the parts he edits so he can “win” & be shown in a good light… yikes.

    • Parvel permalink
      December 16, 2019 4:02 am

      How about those creepy hostage photos he posts of pale porn chicks standing there like deer in headlights holding “I am ___ and this is my official declaration”. So profoundly bizarre.

    • Evil Half-Orc Assassin permalink
      December 16, 2019 5:15 am

      He…he actually thinks this is how people have conversations. He says so. Jesus.

      Just print this out and present it as exhibit A for the defense.

  32. Bigdickduddley permalink
    December 16, 2019 4:33 am

    Those skanks aren’t going to help one bit in his case. One is a convicted felon who was kicked out of the states and another works as a whore in Seattle. The little fat one with glasses even mentioned in her deposition how Fuckface tried to coax her into porn and would play mind games on her and everyone else.

  33. Radovarl permalink
    December 17, 2019 6:23 am

    I’ve literally forgotten who Zak, Jeff, or any of these other wads are, or what they were doing back when I last played D&D. Gotta say I don’t miss the “community”, though. In what must certainly go down as one of the enduring mysteries in the annals of Chrome, and by what I can only imagine must have been the passing whim of the AI that runs Google, my autocomplete brought me here instead of youtube. Are we still calling it the “Old School Renaissance”, now that it clearly has lasted longer than the Old School did? (Really, I’m asking).

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 17, 2019 9:18 pm

      It’s the Old School Inquisition now.

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 18, 2019 7:25 am

      Yeah, the renaissance was over in 2010. It is just a marketing term now, deployed by the Pundejos and the Faggis and the Conloids.

  34. Zak Langouste permalink
    December 17, 2019 5:45 pm

    Since literally no-one anywhere ever in ten years has been able to make a defensible claim that I’m abusive, a mob claiming I am abusive is obviously not my fault. It is the fault of that mob being wrong. I define what is defensible, and any claim of abuse must be defended to my satisfaction. A quick look at my internet history will show you that i;m never satisfied with any defense, ergo no-one has made a defensible claim, ergo i’m not abusive.

    Over and over, even here, we’re getting “I DIDN’T ORDER FRIES!!!” and then there’s a receipt and then you run away. No-one can be expected to take indefensible claims seriously. I;m getting tired of being asked about french fries. I will instruct my minion to destroy the next nazi who asks about french fries.

    To the degree it “has to do with my behavior”–mobs generally target people who are well-known in their communities. So in that sense being a well-known opponent of trolls and harassers has, of course, attracted trolls and harassers, but this is preferable to those trolls and harassers acting unchallenged.

    This is a chewbacca defense, but i expect it to work, because i made it. People harass me because I am successful and charismatic and better than they are. Like that one piece of toilet paper that sticks to your shoe, I;m impossible to shake off, no matter what you do.

  35. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    December 17, 2019 7:41 pm

    Q: Do you know what they call French fries in France?

    A: Durka-Durka-Durka, Jihad!

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 17, 2019 11:00 pm

      A: Pommes Frites. François Marcela-Froideval taught me some very useful French words. He also taught Gary all the French he needed to get nice discounts with Parisian Courtesans. Too bad for Gary he never made it to Paris. The LA prostitutes, on the other hand, were deservedly called whores. Gary couldn’t even bring himself to call them slovenly trulls.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      December 18, 2019 1:11 am

      Pretty much still “frites”, even when it’s served with some suspiciously white-sauced hallal kebab, wich is the case more often than not in our radiant cities. The depressingly white thin stuff served in ‘merican fast food joints used to be derisively called “pommes allumettes”, but McDonalds is now the largest restaurant chain in France and most kids haven’t even tasted the juicy, perfect mix of crispy and chewy delight that is the Belgian frite that once ruled highway stops and Sunday markets.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      December 19, 2019 2:45 pm

      Goddamn that takes me back to holidays when I was a kid. The French Frite is a delightful fusion of the obstinate french sourness mixed with the bourgondian richness of the belgian pomme frite, the only thing Belgians succesfully maintained after King Leopold. Oh for the rich expanse of the belgian fry, drenched in mayonaise with just a whiff of vinegar. To experience instead the factory pressed desolation of the freedom fry is too much to bear.

      A Reign of Terror upon Mcdonalde Mon Ami. I don’t care if the Yank is bringing wendy’s to the Avondland.

  36. Kent permalink
    December 17, 2019 9:17 pm

    Friedkin’s 1980 ‘Cruising’ is a gallery of YDIS regulars. Compared to the modern plague of 10 year old girl type of fags, ‘Cruising’ 1980 shows you guys in the raw, very ‘tough’ compared to modern fags, but still **homos** and no worthwhile western culture will stand for ‘Cruising 1980’ hairy homos or modern girly immature fags neither.

    I, for one, probably the only one from what I can see in the OSR, stand for the old fashioned MAN, who thinks of homosexuals as a cultural nightmare, a sign of degeneracy.

    Come on Trump. Come on Boris.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 18, 2019 7:45 am

      Great, just great, now Brandoch Durr Hurr treats us to his Donald Trump/Boris Johnson spit-roast fantasy.

  37. Kent permalink
    December 17, 2019 10:12 pm

    I just thought of a new name for you guys here at YDIS:


    Get used to it.


    • Kent's Rectum (Prolapsed with Anal Warts) permalink
      December 18, 2019 4:05 am

      Homorons: Eh, that’s so-so. You never were particularly clever though Kent. I give it it a 4 out 10 in the spirit of the season.
      Will we be getting our “stocking stuffed” again tonight doing gay?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 18, 2019 7:46 am

        That’s our Dunning-Kruger poster boy!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 18, 2019 1:17 pm

        Tonight he’ll be off to the beautician to get himself trooned out in order to entice and delight all those rapey Paki boys he’s been ogling.

        Homorons… looks like some idiot mis-spelled hormones. Kents hormones currently come from pregnant mare’s piss, FYI if you’re curious. Mmm, Titty skittles.

  38. Basic Witch permalink
    December 18, 2019 9:37 am

    Never go Full Retard:

    • Wrath Of Mike (official) permalink
      December 18, 2019 2:11 pm

      Good day everyone! Here’s the deal: Shawn Cheng is working diligently on the remainder of the book. Having a picture on every page was more intensive thn originally anticipated. Reading between the lines of my own updates, Shawn is not getting paid up front, so is doing all this on “spec.” Since the process has now dragged on 6-9 months longer than originally anticipated, you can see how frustrating that proposition is for everyone. Shawn still needs to eat, but is also required to keep tinkering with the pages to meet Zak’s standard. He’s a perfectionist, we are unworthy, ha ha! We all want this book to look good, and are willing to sacrifice everything else to make that happen for you.

      I admit we took in $74,000, but after a small payout for Zak all monies have now been spent to get our production run. I know a $74,000 print bill blows you people’s minds but we were aiming big. Once the book is released to the general public the physical copies that sell will be slated (as per the explanation in the update) for charity and then refunds. Once those books that have been flagged have sold, all other books that sell will generate revenue that will be split between Zak, as the creator and illustrator of Demon City, and myself, as the publisher at a contractually agreed rate prior to the launch of the kickstarter.

      I’m not a “math guy” but we figure the market for Demon City is huge! Consider that we only pre-sold copies to 1,300 of Zak’s biggest fans so that barely scratches the potential audience. Maze of the Blue Medusa was a sell-out hit, and he left a lot of money on the table (I think I saw the print bill on that was only $28,000 so we are expecting 3x that). At $60, we only need to sell another 1,300 copies to break even on the prnt bill, and then it’s easy money for Shawn and all involved. Heavy metal override everyone! FYI, you can’t tell your friends to reserve extra copies because there is no store yet. My pal ws helping me set that up but he got in a big fight with another of my partners.

      • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
        December 18, 2019 7:00 pm

        Oh Mike. If you could only see how many unsold copies I’m stuck with now you’d shit your pants. Trust me I know.

        I shit my pants

      • Zakbot permalink
        December 18, 2019 8:18 pm

        No: Sales have steadily increased. I made a good income from games–better than most people, I bet.

        You didn’t fact-check any of this.

    • Marvin permalink
      December 20, 2019 11:23 am

      Lol his voice

      • Basic Witch permalink
        December 20, 2019 12:08 pm

        Yeah, dude has a voice for novel writing.

        Or graffiti.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 20, 2019 12:58 pm

        Such cacophony. The voice of a male whose testes produce almost no testosterone. The voice of a manlet. So many people in the industry sound this way. Such grating on the ears. Unlike Me, as a Prince, I should and do sound like a Prince. The mellifluosity of my rich baritone is a delight to all who hear it. Listen for yourself Truly celestial music to all ears. I was a folk singer with a bright future in My youth, but had to leave the scene. Joni Mitchell had started stalking Me. I like a leggy blonde as much as the next guy, moreso perchance, but she’s Canadian. You Gentle Sirs know how I feel about *those people*.

  39. Basic Witch permalink
    December 18, 2019 9:39 am

    I meant to post the comment section. There is some Retard Gold in there. Would almost beworth kicking in a few bucks to be allowed to comment.

  40. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    December 18, 2019 10:03 am

    Fucking hilarious that Mike tried to keep a leash on the Zakattack and now he’s out there being full Zpastic and thanking Kickstarter backers for their financial help in suing Mandy. Mike is desperately trying to do damage control but failing miserably and I can only hope Kickstarter tells him to pound sand with his deletion requests.
    Zpastic must have found some speed in his closet he’d forgotten about cause he’s in his amped up attack chihuahua mode biting the hand that feeds and oh my gods I wish I could hear the conversations with Zakattack and Mike. Zpastic will probably try to sue Mike before it’s all over. Who is winning bigger than Charlie Sheen? It’s Zpastic of course!

    • Basic Witch permalink
      December 18, 2019 12:21 pm

      I hadn’t thought about Zak suing Mike, but I bet Mike has considered the likelihood of this awesomeness.

      Going to be a bad day for Mike when the Pale Whores start posting their character witness statements about how Zak was abused by Mike in this kickstarting process.

  41. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    December 18, 2019 1:07 pm

    In other news not involving a rampant speed snorting chihuahua with a half head of hair, YDiSuckers will like to be kept abreast that Porky and Saltine are maintaining a Silence spell over on the Destination Gaptastic Cuckstarter. It dawns on a few that a shitastic campaign run by a trust fund manchild and a woman seldom seen without a cock in every orifice may not be the best place to put one’s faith (money). Personally I’m hard pressed to believe Wizurds hasn’t shitcanned Saltine cracker yet. Guess the fact that she can take the entire WotC micro penis brigade in one go is a good form of job security. I can understand Saltine not answer the Cuckstopper cause her hands are busy, but what about Porky? What the fuck could that guy be doing?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      December 19, 2019 3:53 am

      My lil Twitty bird told me that PorkHorny is busy sculpting the reward pieces for the moronic backers of his fully-paid, non-existent show. I guess then he will have to make a shelf to display them until his victims cough up additional delivery fees. Scamming is hard work, haters!

  42. Mike E permalink
    December 19, 2019 10:13 am

    Why is Jeff supporting an accused abuser?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 19, 2019 12:18 pm

      Access to whores. Amy Rients, judging from her comments on Jeff’s defense of Zak, is quite the fishwife. A manlet can only take so much of that.

      He may be doing it because Jimmy “the deuce-dropper” Dookie lacks the intestinal fortitude to do so. Rients has an interest in the success of LotFAP through his ennie winning Broodmother Skyfortress.

      • Marvin permalink
        December 20, 2019 11:29 am

        Wtf is an ennie? Is that slang for a micro penis? Wtf is a brood mother?? Wtf is a sky fortress for that matter what the fuck is a jeff reints???? All this rpg nerd horseshit is hilarious

  43. Kent permalink
    December 19, 2019 1:22 pm

    Some of you are Homorons, others Excretins.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 19, 2019 6:00 pm

      Poor Kent, he tries so hard.

    • Kent permalink
      December 19, 2019 7:06 pm


    • Kent permalink
      December 19, 2019 7:27 pm


      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 19, 2019 10:49 pm

        Finally, after a lifetime of failure, a joke which finally lands. Fess up, your rectum actually wrote this one.

      • Kent's Rectum (Prolapsed with Anal Warts) permalink
        December 20, 2019 1:35 pm

        Tee hee hee!

  44. Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
    December 19, 2019 6:31 pm

    Poor Mike Evans. I just read Zak’s latest outburst on the Demon City Kickstarter comments page. It’s finally happened now, hasn’t it Mike? You’ve shit your pants.
    I can tell. I can tell because your story is my story Mike.

    I shit my pants.

  45. I'm Pissing Caltrops permalink
    December 20, 2019 12:26 am

    It’s really too bad that Google Plus was wiped off the face of the interwebz because that’s where the majority of Zakattack’s worst behavior was recorded. Every time he asks for receipts people could point to specific threads, etc. but now they have to go mine the ancient caves of old blogs and whatnot. Has he been scrubbed from rpgnet & storygames?

  46. Frog Gode permalink
    December 20, 2019 6:10 am

    I came to Pundit’s youtoobz for the (actual) kitchen sink backdrop, stayed for his cat’s butt. His latest 5-views offering is an hilarious attempt to distance himself from Zak while trying to cling to that chocolate medal “credit” (I exchanged so many e-mails with Mike!). Also,, Something Awful and YDIS are mean.

    • Basic Witch permalink
      December 20, 2019 12:42 pm

      I listened to some of that. Goddam weird shit…I think Pundit’s parents were arguing in the background.

      But between his voice and Zak’s voice, you could easily put together a Disney movie. They sounds like two woodland creatures arguing about which way to go in the forest. Squirrels? Ferrets? I’m no expert…

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 20, 2019 1:16 pm

      Not his parents, they are in Canada, but an elderly couple from whom he rents a room. John Tarnowski is a Canadian. Never forget that, because it explains so much about him.

      A 23 minute rant about Zak the Canceled. How so very, very pathetic. I hope that the Cat goes rabid and turns on him, preferably while he is sleeping. A fitting end?

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 21, 2019 7:43 am

        Yeah, it would be fitting if he went out like Mr. Wilde in “The Repairer of Reputations.” In fact, there is a strong parallel between Wilde and Tarnowski, both believing they are controlling events from their shithole apartments.

      • Kent's Rectum (Prolapsed with Anal Warts) permalink
        December 21, 2019 8:42 am

        Tarnowski thought he saw the yellow sign, but it was just a pee pee stain on his undies.

        And this is the literary fun and games that Kent is denied due to his utter lack of wit.

    December 20, 2019 1:58 pm

    Herro YDIS Everybody! You need rawyer?
    I up in Canada now getting ready for the biggest case of my lifetime: Zak Smith vs. Mandy Morbid! My crient Mandy is in good spirits and ready to chop chop suey the other half of Zak’s hairdoo right off his goofball manlet head! We have more sworn testimony, more witnesses, and more screen shots of Zak’s shitty online behavior thanks to successful GoFundMe and all of you generous dedicated YDIS paralegals collecting it all for us and sharing here! Mandy sends many thank yous! Now I have to get back to pro bonering Mandy if you know what I mean rink 😉 rink 😉

    Remember Folks, next time don’t call whores YOU CALL RAWYER!

    • Zak Langouste permalink
      December 20, 2019 11:15 pm

      Great news Dani. Mandy and the rest of her legal team don’t suspect a thing do they? Everything is according to plan.

      Enjoy my sloppy seconds. Pro-bonering Mandy. Have some french fries with that mustyburger while you’re at it.

      • POO POO RAGOO permalink
        December 21, 2019 6:24 am

        You know I would be there to help you Zak, really I would but well, you know.

        I shit my pants.

  48. POO POO RAGOO permalink
    December 24, 2019 7:59 pm


    • Kent's Largely Destroyed Olfactory Bulb permalink
      December 25, 2019 12:07 am

      Great, now you’ve got Kent all hot and bothered. Kent’s been obsessed with Raggi ever since he learned that Raggi shits himself. Raggi’s ass is like the Holy Grail for Kent. There’s nobody quite like Raggi throughout Europe,,, he’s not only American fat, but Southern fat, so Kent wants to bury his face in Raggi’s twin-slightly-deflated-beach-ball butt cheeks. Kent craves the sort of mutual degradation that only dubious-consent analingus can provide.

      It’s gotten so bad that, everywhere he goes, Kent keeps on muttering “Rim Raggi.” He said it in front of class, and one of his students heard it. Kent tried to pass it off as a formula used to calculate the perimeter of a jagged circle, like a table saw blade. He muttered it in the FLGS and told the proprietor that he was looking for the LJN Toys wizard action figure. When he mutted “Rim Raggi” in the liquor store, he tried to pass it off as ‘rum raggy’, claiming it’s an egg-drop rum inspired by stracciatella.

      Kent’s now trying to lure Raggi into his lair in the steam tunnels at the college so he can hold him in durance vile, emphasis on the vile.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 25, 2019 12:30 am

      A Merry Christmas to you Jimmy. Now that you are back in America, you can celebrate it again, rather than celebrate annual reindeer slaughter day or whatever pagan crap those Finns get up to.

      Jimmy, please don’t put anything in my stocking. And do not leave any *Yule Logs* on my lawn either. Mrs. Panky gets completely mental when I run over such things with my mobility scooter tires and then drive around inside the house.

  49. Fanky Panky permalink
    December 25, 2019 12:34 am

    Jimmy has apparently solved his pants shitting problem. He has stopped wearing pants. I saw it, now you have to. Merry Christmas to all.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 25, 2019 2:45 pm

      Link’s not working. Try this

    • POO POO RAGOO permalink
      December 26, 2019 5:43 am

      I called my good friend Jordan Peterson and told him I shit my pants. Dr. Peterson came up with this genius solution: Then don’t wear pants!

      I should have put a sheet of plastic down first though. Replacement sofas cost more than new pants.

      I shit my sofa.

      • BACLF permalink
        December 26, 2019 9:12 am

        Got a good reason
        For spraying Febreeze in the house.
        Got a good reason
        For spraying Febreeze in the house.
        He was a couch shitter,
        Sofa pooper, yeah.
        It took me so long to find out
        But I gound out.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 26, 2019 1:02 pm

        Febreeze won’t cut it.Jimmy will need the big guns. This and most definitely this We used these when we had a feral cat intrude into the back office at one of the bakery locations. What it did to the couch… pretty much what Raggi is doing to the couch in the photo. I hope it’s an Ikea couch.

        Fire solves the problem too, but then Jimmy is sitting, and shitting, on the floor. Maybe get himself a litterbox?

    • POO POO RAGOO permalink
      December 26, 2019 5:45 am

      Also Kelvin Green keeps asking to sniff my sofa cushions.

  50. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    December 26, 2019 4:01 am

    Zpastic has gone batshit in his DaemonShitty Kickstarter. Trying to manipulate the narrative so Kickstopper will delete all evidence probably with the constant mantra of off topic information. At least Mike da Supporter managed to make his Thundarr RPG make some sweet money. Zpastic has completely lost his ever loving mind though. Mike has obviously lost any control over the meth fueled chihuahua he may have had and the Zakattack is ON. Glad Zpastic spent his whole Christmas acting like a Cyber-lunatic which is not a Shadowrun class.

    • Wrath Of Mike (official) permalink
      December 26, 2019 5:37 am

      We have a staggering print bill to pay off and I do care how people feel but unless these unsubstantiated rumors stop spreading I am going to end up with tens of thousands of dollars of debt and unsalable product. Please stop harassing us and stop leaving comments not related to the content and completion of the book that my business partner has to fact check.

      • POO POO RAGOO permalink
        December 26, 2019 5:51 am

        Some advice Mike: You can’t shit your pants if you refuse to wear any.

      • Marvin permalink
        December 26, 2019 7:15 am

        Proof or you’re arguing in bad faith and I will not respond. Indeed I will rage quit, which proves I win. Did you even call any 3rd-tier porn stars to confirm this? Whatever they say is true. This was established by Supreme Court precedent, probably the Dred Scott case.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
        December 26, 2019 1:23 pm

        Is Luke Crane of Burning Wheel still in charge of Kickstarter’s gaming branch? I for some reason can’t imagine Crane giving two flying fucks about Mike n Zak wanting there comments page pruned to suit their narrative. I’m stumped there were enough dumbasses out there to give Enabling Mike money to shit out that Thundarr piece of shit.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      December 26, 2019 11:07 pm

      Luke Crane doesn’t give a fuck about RPG folks shitting on his terms of service. Consider that he lets Rich Thomas squat on the platform, running Kickstarter after Kickstarter for second-tier White Wolf IP, despite Richy Rich being years behind on fulfilling them. Even lets The Rich run a secondary account. Tut tut. The message is clear; if you’re mates with Luke, Rule Zero applies.

  51. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    December 26, 2019 1:26 pm

    In breaking news Porky and Saltine have revealed the Destination Faptastic model going forward with communication. Something called the ‘Jamal Method’ anyone know what that’s about?

  52. Reason permalink
    December 26, 2019 6:12 pm

    I can’t wait until Porky & Saltine (in about 2 months) speak vaguely about the “dark times”, “personal issues” or other bullshit which is delaying/vaporwaring their show.

    I’ll shit my pants if they say “real life problems” is the cause – like stealing 100k or delivering on contracts isn’t “real life” because the topic is elf games. That really does seem to be the attitude here. And we have no idea how to make a fucking show…

  53. Reason permalink
    December 26, 2019 6:16 pm

    As for Zak’s latest… meh more of the same. The backer arguing with him actually IS incapable of making a single point & sticking to it or explaining it- then runs away screaming bullying whenever he says literally anything in return. Making to very easy for him to paint his critics as hysterical loonies there imo.

    The Jeff Gameblog comments & his own weird puppet show in DNDPawnstars blog are better examples of his douchebaggery.

    • Marvin permalink
      December 26, 2019 8:47 pm

      Proof or you’re arguing in bad faith and I win.

      Got a link? Sounds hilarious

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
      December 27, 2019 8:35 am

      Arguing with Zakattack in a rational manner IS pointless though. Zakattack has a strawman trebuchet at the ready with freely movable goalposts driven by circular logic. Might as well fire back with irrational shit. People are only reading to see Zakattack spaz out anyways.

  54. Kent permalink
    December 26, 2019 9:00 pm

    As I sit here musing and amusing in my sumptuous library, casting my eyes around breathing heavily at the spines of spectacular editions of lordly white male literature, it occurs to me that the only material I possess which counterpoises the tasteful dispersion about my sanctuary of the heart-churning words of man … is my sordid stained drawerful of hard-disks brimful of slutty white female buttocks, churning in their own way. This, sip, leads me to wonder does my vision portend a future war between sensitive tasteful (but hardy) readers of books and legions of sluts with beautiful gap thighed asses.

    Who would win? Perhaps some accommodation might be reached?

  55. Andy ready-for-butt Action permalink
    December 26, 2019 9:39 pm

    OMG, I am a black boy with an athletic physique (magazine: p12-13 Worthless Black Scum Fags – aug 1977). Reject the elite consensus at your peril, yo! Young white women may have a gap between their thighs but they will never look like hippopotamuses, and if you are not attracted to hippopotamuses you are RACIST.

    • POO POO RAGOO permalink
      December 27, 2019 8:01 am

      A child is black,
      A child is white.
      Together we’ll shit
      Our pants tonight!

  56. Zak Langouste permalink
    December 26, 2019 11:26 pm

    Bros, its true. I won the arguments on the demon city comments. I won i won i won. I won the arguments on my peeps Jeff and Amy’s blog too, because everybody else cheated, so I won by default. I always win on my own blog.

    Peeps hate me because I;m a winner. I;m a success in the porn biz, in the art world and the RPG world. Ya’ll understand this. the bad faith actors who won’t sign affadavits, the stuff about french fries, all of it is just resentment because I am better than everybody else. I tried to be nice, helpful and generous because that is what we superior peeps do in good faith. The french call it noblesse oblige. All i got was a bunch of nerd-monkeys slinging shit back at me. No more Mr nice guy. I’ve got an apartment full of shit thanks to James Raggi, and I;m going to smear it all over the RPG community.

    Can anyone loan me their reddit account for a while?

  57. Dirtbag Hater permalink
    December 27, 2019 5:40 pm

    Looks like Zackery also shits his pants

    Explains a lot really

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 27, 2019 6:32 pm

      ‘Twas written by Paul “Ettin” Matijevic of fame. I’d like to see his head jammed up Zak’s ass, and Zak’s head jammed up his ass, creating an ouroboros in reverse. They would both suffocate, but meh. Nothing of value lost.

      • Zack is diarrhea permalink
        December 28, 2019 11:07 pm

        “Fame” lol

        Even dancing with the stars doesn’t

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 27, 2019 9:55 pm

      I don’t know about Zak shitting his pants, but I do know that he was cut down earlier this year

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 27, 2019 10:15 pm

      The following is designated open gaming content!

      D6 random table: Why was Zak slain by a flumph?

      1. Community defense well within purview of Lawful Good alignment
      2. Constant goalpost moving, Gish galloping, and cod-legalese affront to Law
      3. Excessive sockpuppetry seen as Chaotic behavior
      4. Rogue flumph assassin employed by Mike Evans to forestall Kickstarter derailment
      5. Demands for signed affadavits impugn flumph honor
      6. Weird spiky head proves irresistible to amorous flumph

  58. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    December 27, 2019 6:30 pm

    Shitting his cargo shorts at Chik Fill Aye or not the Zpastic patreon is bringing him a whopping $66/month! That’s more money than any nerd that plays elf games sees with their real job.
    Hmmmm, Zpastic was talking about French fries and receipts, is his lame ass working the register at Big Kahuna Burger?

    • POO POO RAGOO permalink
      December 28, 2019 7:48 am

      I can say with 100% certainty Zak absolutely did NOT shit his sofa at Chick-Fil-A.
      Kelvin Green still wants to sniff my sofa cushions though. And my defecated pants.

  59. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 28, 2019 12:36 pm

    I love all this. Bed-shitting Raggi sitting bare-crack ass on the sofa, looking like a road kill Jabba; Zak’s deeper grave digging; his great endless love of his lame French fry analogy (T shirts to follow?); Pundits gleeful “I guess I won!” (T shirts to follow?) Such great gifts for the holidays. The cherry on top would be Zako declaring he and Charlotte Stokley’s herpie outbreaks have synched up.

    That Aussie article on Zak is the best thing about Wako Zako on the ‘nets, whether he shat the jorts or not (in a good and just world he did it. He shit his jorts).

    • Parvel permalink
      December 28, 2019 4:49 pm

      I’ll probably regret asking but what is this “Aussie article”?

    • Reason permalink
      December 28, 2019 7:07 pm

      I can’t stand Pundit;s little circle jerk forum or stand to watch his videos.

      But he seems to be trying to insert himself into this to get some attention- yeah pal, people will be flocking to but Assholes of India now.

      What exactly does he think he won? Was there some kind of beef he was involved in? Did other people even know about it or was he just hurling insults from the sideline?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 28, 2019 10:14 pm

        Pundejo’s funniest moment is his pathetic exercise video… this is a guy who has called other guys soyboys, which makes this extra hilarious:

        I would pay to watch Pundejo and Kent square off for a three-rounder.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 29, 2019 7:08 am

        Question: Does he rent that giant forehead out to RPG publishers for ad space?

      • January 3, 2020 10:33 am

        what the fuck

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 28, 2019 8:13 pm

      The photo of Jimmy is truly repugnant, but you know that someone, somewhere… fap, fap,fap. Dollars to doughnuts, it’s Kent.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 28, 2019 10:10 pm

        That’s Kent for ya, rubbing one out while he fantasizes about Raggi and Zak simulating bombing runs over his face.

    • Suck my lollipop permalink
      December 28, 2019 11:17 pm

      Ya know funny thing about his French fry idiocy is guess what? If i order and you make a mistake, the receipt reflects your mistake, not my order. He’s too fuckin dumb to even realize that. Seriously though he is stupid. Doesn’t even know what a witness is, or that stating you believe he’s a rapist doesnt require proof that he is and his whole “what will you give me if you’re wrong” shtick is a fuckin scream, as well as “will you sign an affidavit” hokum.

      Hey zack, saying “i didnt see zack rape her” isnt being a witness. I didnt see oj kill nicole but that doesn’t mean it didnt happen dummy. Boy and he thinks hes smart is the funniest part.

      Oy that guy…i love how fast the lynch mob strung him up back in February and hes been tryin to claw some way back all year. So joyful. The gift that keeps on giving is he is so stupidly narcissistic he just doubles down when there were so many better he could have used to at least not be so hated. But since he’s never wrong and so thin skinned and pea brained all he can do is ramp up the same “teenager took 1 debate class” shtick and try to argue and flail uselessly like don quijote at a windmill. Oy vey what a shmuck

      I also enjoy how he pretends to be jewish to try to deflect criticism. Zack u aint no jew. Jews dont get tatoos. Stop pretending.

      U also aint no artist. We all saw you couldnt pay someone to buy your photoshopped tracings. And if you were you would dump rpgs in a new yawk minnit and go where the real money is, as you pretend. We know it aint so boychik.

  60. Inquiring Minds Want to Know permalink
    December 28, 2019 11:28 pm

    Zak seems like he would have tiny balls, assuming he has any at all. Has anyone tracked down one of his alleged pornos he claims to make? If so, can you confirm he has peanut-sized testes? Also, does he just drip weak droplets of semen due to lack of testosterone and a functional Y chromosome? He looks like an ugly girl. Can you confirm his penis is undersized and flaccid even at its most erect? He seems like the sort of limp-dicked loser who tries to compensate with aggression and hostility, likely because he can’t afford a Ferrari like other small-cock genderbent failures relying on daddy-cash. Also, regarding his purported career in pornography, is he a bottom in homosexual pornos as I would assume is the case? And, if so, can you confirm he takes anal creampies? Presumably for free, since who on earth would pay such a fey little shit to be in a porno?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      December 30, 2019 5:26 am

      Tried to confirm any of those, could not. The guy hasn’t shot anything in HD, or even regular D. Everything I found at my usual providers’ was so “punk” (= grainy as shit) that he could have replaced Mandy whith a punctured bleached-out bagpipe mid-act and I would not have noticed.

  61. Basic Witch permalink
    December 29, 2019 7:45 am

    We are less than two months from the anniversary of that douchebag’s ouster. Start thinking of an appropriate way to celebrate it. Also, what would one call a holiday such as this?

    I just hope it doesn’t fall on Superbowl Sunday.

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 29, 2019 8:17 am

      Well, the victories in Europe and later Japan were called VE Day and VJ Day. So VZ Day makes sense. But VD Day would be more accurate.

    • Nanda Green permalink
      December 29, 2019 11:38 am

      With any luck we’ll be able to call it Suicide Sunday and then forget he ever existed, much like the RPG industry has done

    December 29, 2019 7:39 pm

    Herro Zak and Mike Evans. You need rawyer?

    Good to see worky worky getting done on Demon Shitty! That is just crazy amount of illustrations. Distribute pdfs through it’s better for rpg producers.
    Oh wait no you can’t go to! Eli Kurtz , Robert Bohl and Paul Matijevic (aka Ettin) fuck Zak up ass! They tell on Zak for rapey rapey abuse and he deplatformed again! HAHAHAHAHA!

    Remember folks, next time you no call whores YOU CALL RAWYER!

  63. Quentin Trenton permalink
    December 30, 2019 6:00 pm

    Did zac off himself yet?

  64. Kentucky Kid permalink
    December 31, 2019 6:58 pm

    Hey weasel faced cunt YDIS, where is my comment about the Jews gone?

  65. Zak Langouste permalink
    December 31, 2019 8:04 pm

    Bros, as I’ve said before, in February, hundreds of thousands of Nazi harassers in the online game community aggressively organized themselves on multiple platforms to basically destroy my life (for example: ) based on some total bullshit. They rolled over my rep like Panzers through France. It was a totes blitzkrieg.

    Even though the accusations were proved false pretty much immediately by witnesses of impeccable credibility, the Nazis were extremely successful within the game scene because fans, those useless nerds , just sat by the sidelines and did nothing at all to stop them. They just watched, and ate their damned french fries. Its costs lots of people lots of money and tanked lots of projects and done so much real and measurable damage that legal action is my only recourse. So, after I’ve done suing Mandy, I’m going to sue the internet.

    I -really- do not want to publish game stuff for a community who doesn’t value creators enough to lift a fucking finger to help them. It’s really gross. When I snap my fingers, the nerds damned well better jump. They didn’t when I needed them to rend Mandy and her bad faith supporters. They failed me. Everyone has failed me. Nobody is worthy of me, except me.

    I have some work that I promised people, and I’ll do it, and I am taking the necessary steps to hold all the Nazi harassers who did this responsible, but unless gamers start acting like they have some sort of empathy, guts or conscience I really do not want to go through the harassment and risk involved in publishing just so they get another toy to play with. They don’t understand how a cult of personality is supposed to work. They need to act like the minions and acknowledge me as the master. Unquestioning devotion and support is the price they must pay to me in order for me to continue creating.

    If my minions insist on sending me french fries instead of doing fuck-all, then they things they like will go away. That’s life.

    • Zak eats shit but will he die? permalink
      January 1, 2020 9:48 am

      You know what would really make them sorry? Imagine if you committed suicide. They’d all feel really bad for pushing you over the edge. Of course there is only one way for us to fact-check that.

  66. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 1, 2020 2:26 pm

    That video on the Demon City kickstarter page is horrible. First off, Fuckface’s voice just doesn’t match his wully bully tough guy persona. Kind of a gay, squeaky vibe to it. And does anybody recognize the bitches at that strangely set up, panel like game table? A couple are pretty fugly. Why aren’t his sworn-statement whores there?

    There’s a bizarre dork in extensive Devil makeup at the end who I guess is trying to be funny. Is that The Attack himself? And how is DC distinguishing itself from something like World of Darkness or other existing properties? That tarot card gimmick? The awful “art?”

    • Jethro Bodean permalink
      January 1, 2020 3:21 pm

      He’s supposed to be a tough guy? Looks like a twink poseur punk wannabe who takes jets of hot jizz up the ass to me. Are you sure he is not gay?

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        January 1, 2020 11:28 pm

        Hey Bro, not gay, but I am an accomplished and highly successful sex worker, which means I’m flexible about those things, for money. I never let men cum in my ass. I;m not a bug chaser. I haven’t done anything professionally for a while, since shortly after Mandy made me give up my Chad Thundercock identity. I’d fuck you in the ass for the right price. See my award winning short film, “Gay Boys In Bondage” for an idea of what you’d be getting. You’ll need to supply the ping pong paddle. Don’t bring any damned french fries.

        For my revenge, as part of the legal settlement with Mandy, She’ll have to agree to some bukkake with me, James Raggi, Mike Evans ( I promised him), Dani Jang (my secret weapon on her legal team) Jeff Rients (Amy wants to watch him give Mandy a creampie to the face. Amy’s totes cray-cray.) and 2-3 homeless dudes i pick up at the local bus station. The video will be available to all the peeps who support me on Patreon.

  67. Basic Witch permalink
    January 2, 2020 7:25 am

    So a distribution of nearly two dozen subscribers, then.

    • Zak Langouste permalink
      January 2, 2020 10:28 pm

      More than that Bro. When news gets out about the video, I’ll have scores of new patreon sign-ups. The sponsorbux will be rolling back in.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
        January 3, 2020 6:28 am

        $63 dollars a month now! Big huggy bear dollars! People so afraid of stirring the Zakattack that they prefer to just let their credit card expire than face his eternal disapproval. Zpastic is truly the big money pimp daddy of the oh ess arrrrrrr!

      • Not a Fan of Rapists permalink
        January 3, 2020 7:58 am

        You’re going to be offering a video of your suicide? That would almost be worth subscribing for.

        For your blame the victim note, will it be a prerecorded commentary track, text on screen, or what?

  68. Badmofobrown permalink
    January 3, 2020 9:43 am

    Actually, Fuckface once a long time ago did a j/o video on a faggot site. Even had both a chick and a guy reach in and touch his shit. It must be utterly embarrassing to him, but I guess he needed to pay rent. Haha.

    • January 3, 2020 10:10 am

      Zachary, this is your father again. I’ve tried calling, and leaving you messages on your blog, but you seem to be screening? Maybe you didn’t get the notifications. I know you read this site though. That Spanish gallery that bought one of your pieces just tried to sell it, but there were no bids. The auction house was hoping for 1,600 euros, or about $1,800 in our money. It’s perplexing to me, because everyone always talks about how the art world is exploding.

      We need to talk about your check this month. Maybe you could do another one of those “straight and hungry” videos or whatever they were called to cover the gap.

  69. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 3, 2020 2:44 pm

    Zak Attack seems to have gone to full on comment moderation on all his platforms. Just comments from supporters allowed. Its often hilarious too; some numbnuts or another will try to talk gaming, but Zak is just all “yeah, but if the cowardly nerds in the community don’t take action against injustice, wot’s tha point?” Its all retarded echo chambers now.

    Speaking of retards, Rients hasn’t posted in awhile. He must be chewing on he and the fat woif’s own moronic choices in who they defend on tha interwebs.

    • Basic Witch permalink
      January 3, 2020 2:55 pm

      Is she giant?

      • Nanda Green permalink
        January 3, 2020 3:29 pm

        Wouldn’t she have to be? Have you seen that dude? If she’s not a fat pig, then she must look like Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Plus she’s probably a white woman so there’s that.

    • Zak Langouste permalink
      January 5, 2020 12:09 am

      Bro, just a quick fact-check. Amy is not fat at all. She’s big boned, and festively plump, but not at all fat. Jeff is in the dog house with Amy right now. Nightly pegging without lube, and no internet, as Jeff tells it, are his current *punishments* I did mention that amy is cray-cray.

      What do you think of my bard rip-offs? Premium content, but I’m giving it away. Because i’m just that great.

      I need your help bros. It’s the RPGpundit. He’s been censoring me on his website. Deleting my comments. Having french fries delivered to my apartment. Can you imagine the nerve, deleting valid comments made in good faith. It’s really gross. Brigade his ass. Destroy him. Or loan me your RPGsite accounts, and socks, and I’ll take care of it right.

  70. Reason permalink
    January 5, 2020 1:53 am

    Can’t believe the OSR isn’t burning the internet down for Zakko just to get hold of that awesome ‘zine on troubadors and lutes we’ve all been crying out for.

    You might think I’m fucking with you, but that is literally the bait he thinks will drive the teeming hordes of latent Zak fans into a frenzy of hooker calling to clear his name.

    Man imagine how much richer your games would be with ZAK bards in your games! Yeah man, please come back, we’re begging you.

    I mean if he can do THAT, just imagine what he could do with the thief-acrobat; that’s like literally MINUTES of fun until the mage gets a Jump spell at first level.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 5, 2020 2:34 pm

      Zak had better not try and create a Mountebank. That, the Jester, the Mystic, and the Savant were to be in Gary’s additions to the second edition of His game. Gary would not suffer such a twerp like Zak Smith to muscle in on the D&D action. (yes, Zak and muscles. It’s meant to be humor). I guarantee you Kaskoid will flatten Zak if Zak tries. This time of year it would be very nasty, since Kaskoid has snow chains for his death scooter’s tires. He’s also stealing scootypuffs, “liberating” them from his local Walmart and having a friend — the one good with tools– install some AI and RC stuff, so Kaskoid can have his own squadron of drone scooters. I think he means to go after the Shriners again the next time they parade. Expect epic carnage, unless Kaskoid gets too baked the night before and forgets all about it.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      January 5, 2020 4:46 pm

      We don’t want a rapist’s harpists.

  71. Kentucky Kid permalink
    January 5, 2020 4:34 pm

    “Yahweh took it to Heaven”

    From here? My Jew post was too stinky for here?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      January 5, 2020 4:58 pm

      Too stinky? Try too boring… athe kids would say ‘you posted cringe’- it was so inept, it wasn’t even offensive. Try something different than the rehashed century-old ‘Dearborn Independent’ junk you posted. Even your grandmother could have come up with some better material. Pretend you have an ‘Ashkenazi IQ’ instead of the broken brain you’ve got.

      There are plenty of far-right circlejerks where you can JerQ off with your anime-avatar buddies, where originality is frowned upon. /pol/ and 8kun would be better for you, Durr Hurr.

      • Kentucky Kid permalink
        January 5, 2020 5:19 pm

        That sounds intelligent.

  72. Kentucky Kid permalink
    January 5, 2020 5:17 pm

    My new year resolution prohibits vulgar language.

    Were I to refer to a fellow as uncivil as, say, Captain Kirks Dick Blood I should call him at my most distempered a ‘cheeky mouse’ or ‘an apprentice rascal’. Zak Smith arises as a person ‘intrepid, confident and diligent, yet small’ in my new year mode.

    All the fun is gone just like it felt when I was fifteen.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      January 5, 2020 5:39 pm

      You’re being very unfair to the good Captain, who only wants to see an end to your suffering.

      Your new year resolution should be to stop the continuous failure which marks your existence, but you would only fail at that. There’s no Jewish plot to sabotage your career, you’re just a troglodyte.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 5, 2020 7:40 pm

        Troglodyte? No Good Sir, aim lower. Much lower. Gulley Dwarf.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 5, 2020 8:32 pm

        I’m actually surprised that he didn’t try to deny this sockpuppet thrice before, heh heh, cock’s, heh heh, crow.

      • Kentucky Kid permalink
        January 6, 2020 8:25 pm

        I was right. You are a very intelligent person, obviously underrated in your work life. You have much to offer the world. Keep your chins up.

  73. John Lennon permalink
    January 5, 2020 6:11 pm

    Imagine if he wasn’t just rewriting the previously published work of superior talents and knew a goddamned thing about bards and D&D. Imagine if he wasnt a closeted homosexual rapist with a mental illness haircut as placeholder for a personality. Imagine if he actually studied debate and rhetoric and knee how to argue instead of the reductive tripe he thinks is clever. Imagine if he had the balls not to erase comments on blogs that aren’t hagiography or fawning. Imagine if his art wasn’t merely photoshopped tracing with a lightbox. Imagine if he actually made porn videos like he pretends to. Imagine if he knew that character witnesses amount to nothing no matter how many blowjob queens he browbeats into vouching for him. Imagine if he realized that saying over and over that allegations against him were proven false because he has useless affidavits from whores stating they never saw him commit rape meant a goddamned thing as evidence. Imagine if he had the guts to sue in Los Angeles County instead of bumfuck Canada. Imagine if anyone gave a bowel movement if he lived or died.

    • POO POO RAGOO permalink
      January 9, 2020 6:18 pm

      No need to imagine: I James Raggi IV gave a bowel movement.
      I shit my pants.

  74. Kentucky Kid permalink
    January 6, 2020 8:28 pm

    I still want to know why my pretty clear analysis of the state and effect of Jewry was deleted by YDIS?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      January 6, 2020 11:03 pm

      The following is designated Open Game Content: Why is Kent spazzing out about J00z? (d6)

      1. Inability to comprehend constant failure, must blame sinister semitic cabal.
      2. Belief that Jews corrupted math limits him to dead end job in unaccredited trade school.
      3. Circumcised cocks don’t fill his mouth or butt like uncut ones.
      4. Perceived Jewish plot to legalize homosexual marriage cuts into his glory hole customer base.
      5. Envious of Zak and ‘Jewish card’ to deflect criticism for shitbaggery.
      6. Kent is secretly Jewish, self-hating variety- file under ‘shanda fur die goyim’.

    • Kentucky Kid permalink
      January 8, 2020 4:42 pm

      How is that Boy Band you were thinking of starting up for the new year coming along? I hesitate to suggest few traces of youth have survived in your wrinkled leering jowl-face. What was the name you settled on for your band of altar boys, was it …

      … Bumlingus and the Bumbling Cocktarts?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 8, 2020 7:56 pm

        No, it’s Paulie and the Pederasts. The lead singer, Paul, claims to be Irish, but he’s a pop-eyed Morlock with a singing prolapsed rectum who claims that he’s going to be a mathematician. His rectum also claims that it’s going to be a mathematician, and has a more convincing claim. The other band members are an obese guy with long, curly hair and some twerp with a not-quite-mohawk. They can’t play their instruments for shit because they keep sticking their dicks in Paul’s prolapsed pooper instead of practicing.

        As their manager, I am planning on ditching them at the side of the road in the Upper Midwest this winter so they all die of exposure. I expect this course of action will garner me universal acclaim.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 8, 2020 11:32 pm

        Paulie and the Paki rape boys. Paulie is the heir to Le Pétomane. His rectum is capable of a 4 octave range. His flatulent rendition of Oh Danny Boy can bring even a stone to tears.

      • BACLF permalink
        January 9, 2020 12:45 am

        Kent’s all torqued up about Pakistanis because he bought cumin powder at an IndoPak store and was enraged that it was actually a spice.

      • Kent's Prolapsed Rectum with Anal Warts permalink
        January 9, 2020 6:29 pm

        Oh Danny Boy,
        The pipes, the pipes are calling – literally! LOL!

  75. Unblown Dragonsfoot Manchild permalink
    January 8, 2020 8:16 pm

    I’m losing weight! Down 2 belt notches since April 2019. The change in employment is likely the source of my slightly better health! I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost, since I don’t have a scale, but I have a VA doc appointment next week, so I’ll know then. However, the Holidays have probably set me up a few pounds again, so more walkin’, less talkin’.

    Time to clean out my 10×20 storage unit. I have a bunch of stuff to put on the garage sail-boat. I hope to be completely useless sh!t free by the end of 2020.

    I’m getting rid of the internet. No, seriously. At least until I shop around for something more reasonable.
    I signed up for a 3 month free trial that included internet, cable tv basic package, and land line phone.

    I never watch tv (who needs it when you have internet?) and I have a cell phone.

    The salesman who ‘sold’ me on the 3 month free trial said that I’d be locked into a $90 or so deal, with the option to drop cable tv and phone so I’d only pay $45 for internet.

    So the 3 month trial is over, and they sent me the bill. I called and fumbled speaking with a phone AI for a few minutes before it transfered to HOLD and I waited 20 minutes to talk to a Real Person ™. This directory type person put me on HOLD again for 10 more minutes to talk to a service specialist. This ass-hat broke down the bill for me, and could not/would not offer me any deals, so the long & short of it is:
    $104.44 for all 3 packages.
    47.98 for the TV.
    24.99 for the Internet.
    9.99 for the phone.

    But if I cancel the cable TV, the promo discount goes out the window, so, instead of paying 104.44 a month, they will ONLY charge me… $98.97 a month. (I mean…. really f2cking angry face right now. The angriest I’ve been all year.)

    The short of it is a lesson: Never let a salesman sell you something at your door if you don’t really want everything he’s pushin on you. That package deal is for the whole package, and is never a deal in the end.

    Some of you might think this really is a deal, and it might be, for YOU. I’m on a tight budget and scraping by with a Fed student loan and child support garnishments both concurrent. I’ll be poor for at least the next 10 years. I hope I live that long to give those collectors the finger.

    I’ll be posting more sporadically than usual from here on out, either from the library or the coffee shop.

    – Bobjester

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 8, 2020 11:36 pm

      You manure coated peasant! You are are not even smart enough to be called an idiot. You are losing weight because you have worms, you dullard. Try washing your hands before you shove all those cheetos into your maw.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      January 9, 2020 6:24 pm

      “child support garnishments”
      They only garnish your wages for child support if you don’t pay it.
      These fatty manchild neckbeards of the blOwSR put themselves and Tenkar’s Turdshack affiliate link purchases before their own children.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      January 11, 2020 12:29 pm

      I remember years ago that Bobjester loser posting about having to use café internet access, and also being chronically underemployed, so no big changes there. But also having storage units (any guesses as to how often he slept there?) and wage garnishments point to not exactly having gone for the brass ring in life.

      Much like Blooey, lots of these old school shits are former military who are broke idiots who can’t take care of their kids. I’d feel for the moms, but these dumb bitches stooped to getting fucked by these wastes of space in the first place. Man, the poor kids why have these nothings for parents. Sad.

      Hey moron, worry less about gaming and take a shot at some form of getting ahead in life. You get free VA health care. That puts you in a much easier spot than a lot of people. Get with the fucking program. Jeez.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 11, 2020 2:06 pm

        You assume that they are the biological fathers of their ex-wives’ children. As any lawyer will tell you, don’t assume facts not in evidence. They have been too busy playing elf games to attend to the wives.

  76. Kentucky Kid permalink
    January 11, 2020 2:52 pm

    I have just discovered reddit.

    Bye bye tiny community of morons.

    • BACLF permalink
      January 11, 2020 3:59 pm

      Sorry, Durr Hurr, but you can’t say that you just discovered one of the planet’s most trafficked websites, founded in 2005, and call anyone else a moron.

      It just doesn’t work like that, you’re projecting again.

  77. Reason permalink
    January 11, 2020 4:56 pm

    How long will Kent be gone this time?
    3 weeks?

    • Kent's Prolapsed Rectum with Anal Warts permalink
      January 13, 2020 7:47 pm

      Kent always comes back. Just like an outbreak of his anal warts.

  78. POO POO RAGOO permalink
    January 12, 2020 5:53 pm

    I just walked in on Kelvin Green dry humping my sofa cushions. It looked just like the cover of Fish Fuckers. Kelvin has no shame. He asked me if I shit my pants so he could sniff those too.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 14, 2020 5:25 pm

      Jimmy, you should groom Kelvin to replace Zak as the main horse in your stable of writers. The success of Fish Fuckers among the LotFap crowd was no fluke. Kelvin will assure your prosperity for days to come. True that Zak hates Kelvin, much as a bitter old has-been hates his young and more talented replacement, but so what? Zak is cancelled. We are just waiting to hear that Zak fell asleep with his head in the oven, and a ‘no funeral’ sign taped to his back.

      As far as sniffing your pants, just tell him to sniff the sofa. We all know the source of the stains on it, the sofa being one of your ‘pants free zones’.

  79. Zak Langouste permalink
    January 15, 2020 10:25 pm

    As you may or may not know, last February a bunch of internet dickheads got organized and did various stuff on the internet to destroy my life. This included pressuring every single company that worked with me to stop working with me. My minions turned out to be useless nerds, and did nothing except eat some damned french fries and watched me burn. I had a year and literally hundreds of pages of work cancelled out from under me–mostly finished. Although lots of people, maybe 10 or 15, in the online RPG community want to buy this stuff or see it and wrote to me to offer condolences, but not money or sock puppet accounts or any sort of fealty, they don’t seem to be willing to organize to fix the problem or do anything about the people who did it. Where is the blind obedience? Where is the willingness to do as I say without regard for personal safety? Useless nerds. I gave up a sccessful career as a sex worker for them, and this is how they repay me.

    While I will stick around to hold the people who did this accountable, the idea of publishing game stuff and absorbing the inevitable abuse for the benefit of an audience that seems way more eager to fight for what’s wrong than fight for what’s right seems pretty gross. I have not received the adulation that I Zak, savior of D&D, and DIY D&D artist extraordinaire deserve. I’m taking my ball and going home. I’m moving out of LA and back to my childhood bedroom, that my dad has kept exactly as it was the day I moved out. You won’t have Zak to kick around much longer.

    • January 16, 2020 9:02 am

      We really need to talk on the phone about that childhood bedroom. Are you avoiding me?

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        January 16, 2020 10:13 pm

        Hey Dad, you can always reach me at zakzsmith AT hawtmayle dawt calm. I’m having some trouble with my phone right now, but the local library has free wifi, so I can check my email. Please don’t tell me you’ve changed my old room around. I don’t want to live in the basement. It has spiders. You know how I am about spiders.

  80. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    January 16, 2020 1:10 pm

    For those wondering, Destabilizing Faptastic has gotten Porky riled up to say he’s been sick for an entire MONTH!!!?!?!?1111!one!!!!
    He’s likely sick with same illness that affected Jamal and Gareth Skanka causing Fart West and Weezermont to flip around uselessly. At least Saltine took the 26 dicks out of her bag to comment and restore some faith! Oh wait, she had still NEVER engaged anyone in the Cuckstarter. Those hoping to touch her boob are no doubt seriously disappointed. But at least the can remain free of any serious social diseases.
    Don’t worry Saltine plans on running her own cuckstarter with blowies and feelies as stretch goals. Course I don’t think you can stretch her as she’s already able to shove an entire Apparatus of Kwalish up her anal cavity without an issue.

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