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YDIS Classifieds — Looking for an Author

November 11, 2019
Chaalt - Copy

That’s “Cha’alt” with an apostrophe in the middle and no space and also don’t capitalize the second “a”

Is Prince of Nothing too busy to help a brother out, or does Venger regard his literary talents as insufficient for so weighty a task? I hope the author Venger-izes his/her/eir name, Lareth Beelzebub  maybe?

If you think you have the chops for this, reply in comments with your name, CV and social security number and I’ll forward an application.

 

127 Comments leave one →
  1. bloodymage permalink
    November 11, 2019 5:06 pm

    I need a cartographer!
    I’ve been dabbling in this map stuff for a bit and it’s definitely an exacting gig. I’ve made some progress, but with my current projects mapping just isn’t a priority, though I just purchased Fractal Terrains (shoot me for being a dummy!). Anyway, I’m also in the process of launching Polyhedron Games LLC. The papers are being filed and I’m producing. Trouble is, so far, this has been a one-man show and I’m a one-trick pony. I can write and I’m pretty good with graphics, but I have no artistic talent at all and the learning curve on these cartography programs is quite steep for me. I’m getting some coaching on getting this business going and one of the key points is that I produce. I have planned the publication of The Ertian Chronicles for Spring of 2014, a good bit of it already written. One of the techniques I’ve learned is to publish a large work in smaller parts, in this case, to issue gazetteers. To do that, I need some cartography. I have a hand drawn map of the world. Eventually, that would need to be rendered professionally, but for now, the need is for regional maps.

    So here’s the deal. I’m the manager/member, sole member of this LLC. I declared in the paperwork that I was funding it with $1,000. Now, with the expenses I’ve already incurred, I’m into it for more than that, but when I open the business account (waiting for my federal tax ID), I’ll put $1,000 into it. Now I’d like to recruit at least three other members, one in cartography, one in art and one in layout. Two others might be in editing and one in finance and that would be maxed out. I’m not looking to stuff the membership. Now, I could pay a flat rate for your work (eventually, I’m on a fixed income) but I’m really interested in someone who wants to be part of a new force in the industry. The LLC will not have employees. We will work solely on a member or contractual basis, outsourcing where needed. As a member, you would be recompensed at a certain percentage of the total income of the LLC. You would also have editorial control over the “cartography department.” Becoming a member takes an investment of time and talent, though you’re free to work as you please as long as we can make deadline (that 2014 date is the only deadline I’ve set, so far, and it’s not set in stone) and you’d need to match my $1,000 in financial investment to the company.

    If interested, please email me at gameguru/*at/*polyhedrongames.com. I’ll also entertain notions of piece work, but you’ll need to be flexible.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 11, 2019 7:29 pm

      Ah! Sweet, sweet Bloosong! Classic Blooey at his best served up by none other than the one and only original Bloobot®!

  2. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 11, 2019 6:13 pm

    Damn it, the apostrophe key on my laptop is broken!!!

  3. Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
    November 11, 2019 7:24 pm

    Sorry to see you were so heartlessly and callously cast aside by Venger, Prince of Nothing (Pr’in’ce o’f No’thi’ng?). Zak has abandoned me as well by rejected my deep love for him. This will be a very rough time for you. I know, probably more than anyone else does. Fair warning: you will probably shit your pants. That’s what happened to me.

    I shit my pants.

  4. Mike Evans permalink
    November 11, 2019 7:46 pm

    Current estimates are looking to have the Demon City book done in the next 2-3 months.

    I know I promised it for June, but now I’m promising it for January or February. The delay is due to the making Demon City a truly amazing and beautiful product! It’s a kickstarter, of course it is going to be delayed by at least 6 months.

    I can assure you that I have not spent the money on hookers and blow. Part of the delay was due to the Zak issue, but Zak has taught me how to live La Vida Roastie, so we’re cool. He also had a troublesome room-mate, who shall not be named, but who has caused Zak to spend a small fortune on Nature’s Miracle– the stuff you spray to destroy the odor of things like shit.

    Veni’gar, I can fit you into my busy schedule once I have delivered on Demon City. Since I don’t need to put too much effort into my recently funded kickstarter, Barbarians of the Ruined Earth, I’ll be able to work with you too. I told the backers to expect it in April, but I don’t even plan to start on it until April. It’s a kickstarter, of course it is going to be delayed by at least 6 months.

    Veni’gar, do you know any hookers? It would certainly sweeten the deal for me.

    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      November 12, 2019 5:51 pm

      Zak is going to break your heart, Mike. He is going to break your heart. And when he does, you are going to shit your pants. Just like I did when Zak broke my heart.
      I shit my pants.

    • Venger Satanis permalink
      November 17, 2019 5:10 pm

      Do I know hookers? Um… am I za’akier or not, dude? Sheesh!

      • Mike Evans permalink
        November 17, 2019 5:47 pm

        I don’t know. I have no idea what a za’akier might be? It’s not one of those copraphilic fetish things is it? I’m really not into poop stuff, especially after recently being in Zak’s apartment. His place smells worse than the streets of San Francisco. it’s a real mood killer. I and the hookers, girls, had to go elsewhere to conduct our business.

      • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
        November 18, 2019 3:05 pm

        Hey Venger. Long time no see. Have you seen Zak? Just wondering. I still love him. Did you hear?
        I shit my pants.

  5. Vulgar and Demented Irishman permalink
    November 12, 2019 2:59 am

    Sure and this is why Prince is fucking off to the States for three weeks for “training”. Sounds like sloppy za’akier Blow Jobs to me. Disgustin’.

    • P'r'i'n'c'e' o'f' N'o't'h'i'n'g' permalink
      November 12, 2019 5:55 pm

      You are damn right I am going to suck Venger’s cock. Slurp it real good, swallow the whole shaft and get the balls too!
      HAIL SATAN! HAIL CTHULHU!
      Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

      • Venger Satanis permalink
        November 29, 2019 8:45 am

        Finally!

  6. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    November 12, 2019 6:20 am

    Zpastic patreon running at $83 as credit cards long forgotten expire. Google gives no new results as Zpastic does little but repeatedly google himself as his nose runs and drips from the last of his crank. Dishes, dusty and dirty with eldritch filth, rattle and settle like creaking bones of skeletal tomb guardians. A magical rope of choking and strangulation beckons from a rafter. Too much detail for an encounter in a 10’x10’ room?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 12, 2019 7:43 am

      Much, much too usable and sense-conveying. Most of this would have been better described by the hastily scribbled silhouette of a naked ladyboy’s foot.

    • Zak le Langouste permalink
      November 14, 2019 10:12 pm

      Hey Bro, no rope at all. I use a nice woven belt for my auto-erotic needs or sometimes a pair of Mandy’s panty hose. I usually hang it from the shower head, that way I can clean everything up just by taking a shower. Stokes keeps warning me to move into the closet, even though I tell her that’s how Carradine died. She’s worried that I’ll slip and in my death throes, turn on the hot water. Imagine what kind of corpse my super would find after it spent several days under hot running water.

  7. Timotheus permalink
    November 12, 2019 11:58 am

    There is only one author who could do justice to Cha’alt, and you know who the fuck it is.

    Dr. Chuck Tingle.

    Love is real!

  8. Franky Panky permalink
    November 12, 2019 6:58 pm

    Vengar, greetings!

    First, an Introduction: I am a Prince of the OSR. I wrote the best-selling version of D&D ever. I have learned from the Master, Gary Himself. I am currently 68, semi-retired, desperate to supplement my fixed income, riddled with medical problems, but still of sound mind, and other more important body parts 😉 😉

    If you’re interested, I’d be happy to run one or more games in Cha’alt, so long as I can learn to pronounce it correctly. As someone with much editorial experience, I’ll offer a bit of free advice. People hate apostrophes even more than semi-colons. Maybe just call it Chalt, or better yet, something that doesn’t sound like an old man coughing up phlegm. Mrs. Panky hears that sound far too often, according to herself. Fortunately for me, one of my many medical issues is hearing loss.

    An expansion: If all goes well, perhaps you would be interested in investing in the biggest pan-industry project ever, My legendary world of Empyrea. There is no tentacle pr0n in Empyrea, so I am not sure it would interest you much, but, again I will offer good advice. People don’t like perverts. They dislike them even more than apostrophes. Maybe change your ways?

  9. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 12, 2019 8:53 pm

    I’ll do it for a hundred bucks and free gyros from Parthenon every game session but I want to write all about Venger only.

  10. Vaginer Suckpenis permalink
    November 13, 2019 1:56 am

    bet you’re kicking yourselves you didn’t think of this one

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 13, 2019 2:39 am

      Au contraire, mon semi-literate borderline-retarded tentacle rape-loving frere! Blooey did and he did it better: they pay Bloo $1,000 to work for him!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 13, 2019 2:43 am

      Blooey also created a successful fashion line of GAMER GIRL ladies panties and teddies. If you had an ounce of business savvy, Venger, you would already be selling INSERT TENTACLE HERE ladies panties (and for you too Kent!) from your online store!

  11. Christian Walker permalink
    November 13, 2019 6:21 pm

    Hey Venger dude! I’d love to help out, but I’m more DM than player. I love to set up the table, cook up some soup or cheese pie for my players, take some pics of the minis, and rock some dice! Often my campaigns last up to 5 sessions before they implode (I won’t bore you with details)! And the two dudes who comment on my blog (which I’ve hidden again thanks to the relentless goofing by the YDIS assholes) love my online Wastelands of Gash games! So I’ll stick to DM’ing.

    But maybe we could collaborate on a zine? Or a zi’ne if you prefer.I am always brimming with ideas. Like fishermen-jacking, Jager-gulping hobos who stalk LA beachscapes and leave mysterious footprints (and the occasional gooey Jack in the Box shit piles) around the shacks of baffled sailors. Could things like that fit into your ga’ame se’etting? Lemme know, brosif!

    Chr’istian Wa’lk’er

    Dest’ina’tion Unk’no’wn

  12. Radovarl permalink
    November 14, 2019 4:26 pm

    Will the fun never end?

  13. Radovarl permalink
    November 14, 2019 4:27 pm

    I’m in, as long as I can play a Goa’uld or a Tok’rah from Stargate.

  14. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    November 16, 2019 5:54 pm

    Tim Kask in rare form this weekend live at Aethercon!
    In just the first three minutes Tim takes a pot shot at Gail Gygax and lets us know he’s all fired up in curmudgeon mode and this one might be “not safe for work”!

    Senile old pothead gamers truly are the last of our national treasures along with Betty White! I’ve got $20 that Kask drops dead by June 30, 2020. Not gonna touch Betty White – she deserves to live forever!

    I assume Frank Mentzer is still banned from all gaming conventions including the stupid online ones that are really just a collection of YouTube videos otherwise they would have rolled that old stinkbutt out too.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 16, 2019 5:55 pm

      Not sure who the other two maroons are though. I’m checking the national pedophile database now for a match.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      November 17, 2019 1:56 am

      They tried to get me in on this, but I hate Australians even more than Canadians. No way I could listen to that abominable accent for more than a few seconds. Kaskoid can manage it because he’s stoned to the gills and can listen to anything. If you look carefully, you can see his copy of “Metal Machine Music” in the background. You can tell how baked he is by the hat he wears. That hat on his head says half-baked. The civil war era kepi he sometimes wears says completely baked. You don’t want to know what wearing the stetson means. Mrs. Kaskoid makes him do it, so all and sundry are warned on sight.

      Kaskoid still has wood for Gail too, even after all these years. We all do, really. Just listen to the thirst in his voice when he mentions ‘the widow’, the horny old goat.

  15. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 20, 2019 7:36 pm

    Alright, I think I have this apostrophe problem sorted out,.. rather than using the malfunctioning apostrophe key, I can just type a comma using a superscript HTML code. Great, now I can be the amanuensis for a goofball cartoon edgelord.

    Now, since about a third of the job is writing about Venge, I can just do what Venge has done and plagiarize… I think I will just cut-and-past from Dan Harms’ blog.

  16. Frog Gode permalink
    November 21, 2019 4:28 am

    Looks like Stupat’s latest dose adjustement worked fine : http://falsemachine.blogspot.com/2019/11/traitors.html

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
      November 21, 2019 8:28 am

      Is StewPut going to start laying Toynbee Tiles around cities? Was everyone in gaming this fundamentally shattered back in the day?

    • Vulgar and Demented Irishman permalink
      November 28, 2019 11:17 pm

      Jaysus suffering feck. So this is what passes for the Pope of the OSR these days? Squealin’ and bawlin’ from his high horse as he crams the week’s buzzwords up his arse an’ thumbs ’em in to be sure? I see he’s even got Kent out of hiding, God save him, and if you’ve got Kent on yer lawn only the cleansin’ fire can save ye.

      Come back, Chevski. All is forgiven.

  17. bloodymage permalink
    November 21, 2019 3:36 pm

    I need help. I don’t do well with computers, not since my brain tumor and I really don’t do well with remembering things. I’m 62 and old-fashioned, 100% disabled vet so I’d like to have something I can print out to learn this program.

    I supposedly found a pdf but Windows can’t open the file. I saw the ebook but this place takes half my money and I’ve got to watch the pennies.

    I need the pdf, please…

    I download a pdf that said it was a user’s guide or some such. I never seem to find what I need on these blasted machines. 🙄

    I’m pressing F1 with no result. I’m Mr. Magoo now and technology makes me bonkers!

    I downloaded this: PDNTuts.pdf and it won’t open.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 22, 2019 10:06 am

      Poor Blooey! Pressing F1 over and over but no PDF comes out just like a kid spending the last of his allowance on a broken bubblegum machine!

      The drama! The pathos!

      Classic Bloo!

  18. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 22, 2019 10:05 pm

    Good ‘ol Bloo. He asked for help with everything. PDF’s, product production (who made the shower curtains for his “ert” setting?), lodging and a meal or two on his cross country con-jaunts, gas money. He was braver than me with his beat up old jalopy truck. He drove thousands of miles on a wing and a prayer. When my Jeep is acting up I’m afraid to drive to 7-11 until I get a full servicing.

    Early on he begged DF’er’s to fund him as a con journalist (these confounded Bic ballpoints! Could somebody airmail me a decent pen? Sigh!). He crashed in vehicle in church parking lots. Did the fat pastors let him crap up the church toilets and sip out of the holy water fonts? So many questions.

    Some years ago somebody chimed in here about one of his con games. That and the comment on his dine and dash were some of the deepest info we got, outside of the precious utterings of the captain himself.

    But we cannot deny he had an adventurous soul. If he was a D&D PC he’d have been asking mind flayers for a place to crash (they’d tap on his skull with their knuckles, look at each other, shrug, and point to the nearest bedroll), and he’d be dine and dashing out of drow taverns. Parking his one horse cart behind St. Cuthbert temples.

    • bloodymage permalink
      November 25, 2019 7:09 pm

      Hi all! Since my “Conquest 2006” road tour, I’ve been stuck with my ex and kids. All of them are mental (me too!) or sick; fibromyalgia, autism and bipolarism to name just a few. I should be able to get back to work in early June. Paladin, the gaming macaw and I should be in new, more peaceful digs by then.

      And a personal to the Chenault brothers: neither of you guys have answered my most recent e-mails (Davis’ was awhile ago).

      Death to all PCs!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        November 25, 2019 7:15 pm

        Macaw!?!?!!!!

        Now there’s a tidbit! I never knew Blooey had a pet gaming macaw named Paladin!

        Was it a service macaw? Did it sit on his shoulder at gaming conventions? Was it trained to take out the eyes of cheating players? DEATH TO ALL PCS!!!!

        This new and improved Bloobot is better than ever!

  19. bloodymage permalink
    November 25, 2019 7:04 pm

    A tidbit
    Passwords are such a PITA. Anyway, thought you might be interested that I’m still workin’ hard as it it in my situation and condition. I’ve been working on The Ertian Chronicles and here is my tidbit:

    Stevldin Rockcrusher is the proprietor of the Taverna z Chenault along with his brother Davldin. Stevldin keeps order in the place, Davldin creates chaos. Stevldin is blond, Davldin is brown-haired, both with single braids front and back. Stevl has grey eyes, his brother brown. Needless to say, their tavern is constantly in an uproar but it’s a favorite in the heol. Gossip is a favorite pastime; it’s a good place to make dwarven connections and adventuring prospects pop up from time to time. Stevldin carries a war hammer, but Davl’s weapon is a special one of gnomish construction; it’s a mechanized saw! It will cut through trees or men doing 5-20 hp of damage to flesh, cutting clean through on a natural 20!

    (RPGNow or LULU (look for Paxland in the bookstore), Polyhedron Games LLC

    Tryin’ to pay tribute to all that have gone before me.

    See you at GaryCon! 😀

    I’m a gimp now and about brain dead but I’m still a gamer. Tryin’ not to forget anything…

    I have some print material I’d like to get rid of, I’m buried in paper right now. Cheap. PPGLLC stuff previously printed out.

    Now to change that friggin’ password.

  20. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    November 26, 2019 11:28 am

    Bed check for Zpastic, heard rumors he fell asleep at his tracing box errr… light box and burned half his head. The half with the hair so he loosely resembles Sloth now. Also heard he had two teeth abscess and needed to be pulled and he couldn’t afford screw in replacements so he’s even more snaggle toothed. Zpastic is really getting some holiday spirits since his deplatforming.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      November 26, 2019 1:16 pm

      Citations or links needed. Sounds like Zak is preparing himself so he can blend in for moving into his next “Apartment”, a cardboard box — that once contained a Maytag dryer– on Sepulveda Boulevard. Someone needs to tell, him that Satine isn’t home right now, she’s on a “world tour” for Destination Fantastic. Zak’s narc-rage is certainly strong enough to drive him to stalking. His dwindling finances –lawyers cost $$$– are enough to drive him into the streets. From paying rent to being rented. such is the cycle of life for a down and out porn start DIY D&Der in the City of Angels.

      My friend Gary knew where to find the best hookers too. I always enjoyed business trips to LA when he was out there.

  21. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    November 26, 2019 2:32 pm

    Other rumors swirl that Jamal is planning a big comeback with no mention of Dwindlingmont or how much money he spent on himself. Fanboys are jerking it hard for him to make a glorious return and discuss SPI’s Swords & Sorcery even though he’s never owned or played it but he’d love a fan to send him a copy (unpunched only preferably in shrink wrap) so he can achieve gaming orgasm.
    Jamal feels awful he’s relegated to the scum of the gaming pond that is Tekumel. He just wants to discuss games and get free stuff and maybe another $20k. Rumor is he plans to team up with Kevin Siembieda to run a miniatures game and on Kickstarter. What could go wrong with a Palladium n’ Jamal team up?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      November 26, 2019 5:04 pm

      So this little gem, therpgsite.com/showthread.php?41438-Has-the-Man-Behind-Grognardia-Ever-Re-Emerged was from a JaMal acolyte testing the waters for his master’s return? Looks like there are a few piraña still swimming about. That Megachurch for the Pope of the OSR will have to wait a bit longer yet to be built.

      Or maybe the Dwimmermount moneys have run out and JaMal just needs to see how well he could run a new confidence game. Kickstarter is out, but there is still Patreon, IndieGoGo and GoFundMe.

      I wish I could bilk My fellow OSRians like JaMal did, but as big a piece of work, a real *Prince*, Me, that I am, I cannot lower myself to such degradation. Gary would never forgive me, and I’d never get a slice or two at a Con ever again. Franky likes Fanny, as that old reprobate Don Turnbull used to say. I only figured out recently what he meant.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 28, 2019 11:28 pm

        That’s hilarious. So his pattern is to jump game lines or, eh-heh, “fandoms” once his workshy nature and grifter ways have worn out his welcome? First White Wolf, then the OSR, now Tekumel? Hey Jimmy, do Call of Cthulhu next! Mythos nerds will swallow anything, just ask August Derleth.

  22. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 26, 2019 7:02 pm

    Wundergeek has a new game out. We should have played this one here. It might have lasted longer:

    The Straights Are Not OK

    a comedy LARP about gender essentialism, heterosexism, and the rigidity of gender expectations

    In The Straights Are Not OK, you will play a group of people at a gender reveal party in a national forest. Nominally, party attendees are there to support the expectant parents, but during play you will use the occasion to vent frustrations and resentments with other party guests in the pettiest, most passive-aggressive manner possible. The game will end when the gender reveal goes hilariously wrong and the party-goers burn down the forest.

    Content Warning: This game revolves around themes of gender-essentialism, gender binarism, and heterosexism, although it does so as a way of holding up a critical lens to these common stereotypes. In The Straights Are Not OK, you will all play characters who are cisgender and heterosexual (or claim to be heterosexual), although each character may be played by any person of any gender or sexuality. Players should not feel obligated to align their character choices with their own gender.

    https://peachpantspress.com/larps/straights/

    • Basic Witch permalink
      November 27, 2019 10:31 am

      I cannot believe that this is serious.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 28, 2019 2:12 am

        The Blue-Haired Witch is always serious. S/h/it inhabits a world populated with all the most ridiculously exaggerated caricatures of political correctness you can think of, and they never ever laugh. That world lives mostly on the Internet but is seeping more and more into our reality in a “Bob, Lord of Evil” way.

  23. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 26, 2019 8:59 pm

    Remember Billy Webb’s heinously lecherous con behavior and the resulting fallout? Word around the scuttlebutt is that a bunch of the Frog God Games lawsuit defendants (possibly Price, Dellorfano, Helton, Hensley and some of their supporters) have all been fired for… wait for it… sexual misconduct. Nothing verified. Any intrepid agents in the field know anything about this?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 27, 2019 4:33 pm

      Most of those people, especially Dellofornicato, should be fired just for defending Mandy’s rapist Zak until he turned on them.

  24. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    November 27, 2019 1:30 pm

    Porky and Saltine have incredibly happy backers on Destination Bombastic. Apparently Porky showed the pilot around a convention and then farted towards the actual backers rather than uploading it for them. Another wonderfully run Kickstarter where dumbass backers find their money spent by Satine on cheap crack with nothing to show for their money.
    Awesome!
    I’d have my character live here! Awesome!
    So awesome!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 27, 2019 1:46 pm

      Anyone who backed that train wreck deserves to get fucked out of their money. Fucked for money – I think Old No Hole Left Unporked Saltine thinks that’s how all business is supposed to work!

  25. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    November 27, 2019 1:50 pm

    It there something I’m missing about middle aged overweight gamer chicks with mermaid blue hair? Are they killer in the sack or something?
    Looks like old wundergeek has been sexually harassed – again!

    https://gomakemeasandwich.wordpress.com/2019/11/12/i-was-abused-by-my-friend-and-co-author-my-story-of-emotional-abuse-and-trauma/

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 27, 2019 1:58 pm

      Or did she just threaten to #metoo her coauthor out of elfgames if he didn’t sign over 100% of the royalties?

      Remember when wundergeek complained that she wasn’t making any money off of her abuse story but others were when they shared it to show support and raise awareness just because they did it on their Patreon supported blogs? I think we got her number – and color! Time to switch the hair dye to green!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 27, 2019 9:47 pm

        Is green hair a better aposematic?

        Anna Krieder is batshit insane. But she doesn’t have PTSD as she claims. Next we’ll hear that she has, oh, Ehler-Danlos, Chronic Lyme disease, POTS, MCAS, Chiari, gastroparesis…. If she cannot get her asspats (Figuratively speaking, I think she would be repelled by actual ass to hand contact, but less repelled than the ass patter when they discovered an ass with the texture and feel of cold, lumpy oatmeal stuffed into a burlap sack.) by Woke RPG writing, she’ll take to munching. Go Make Me A Sandwich becomes Gotta get me a port and a feeding tube.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        December 2, 2019 10:14 pm

        Holy blackmail Batman!

  26. Reason permalink
    November 27, 2019 3:17 pm

    “And he had a type, which I fit to a T: short-haired gender non-conforming feminist gamer AFAB people.

    He knew it was inappropriate to manipulate women he was attracted to into being physically intimate with him, but he had no problem with manipulating women into being emotionally intimate with him in order to satisfy his desire for intimacy.”

    What a monster! I demand he give over his royalties and be paid nothing for his work. It’s the least he can do.

    Seriously, I don’t understand. What is his crime here? Being likeable? Oh it’s “manipulating” to cultivate a friendship? Then she publicly shames him, takes him for his royalties and get to bleat victim again. If you can stomach reading it, it’s almost a parody over there.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN AND NONBINARY permalink
      November 27, 2019 4:16 pm

      I’m reasonably sure NOBODY has that “type”!
      #thewupalittleinmymouth

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 27, 2019 9:50 pm

        Ahem.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 27, 2019 4:20 pm

      I believe Mandy because Zak is a piece of shit. Zak is totally guilty for real.
      I do not believe wundergeek because she is a manipulative cow who is so unattractive she has to fake sexual harassment claims to bolster her own self worth.

      See how this court of public opinion thing works?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN AND NONBINARY permalink
        November 27, 2019 4:28 pm

        I really feel sorry for her poor hubby. Somehow I don’t think he ever got his sandwich yet!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 27, 2019 6:59 pm

      Joke woke bloke meets world’s most dented can… hilarity, by which I mean ‘trauma’, ensues…

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
        November 27, 2019 9:37 pm

        I guess when Wunderfuhrer demanded all royalties the guy decided he could live without the two dollars The Watch was going to make in the future. The Watch is basically another powdered by the cowpocalypse game where the rules are lose and the theme is not mansplaining but manshaming. Another unplayable woke ass game that sits on a couple cucks shelves, never to be played. If anything Wunderreich has drawn the line in the sand over two bucks and no one in their right or left mind is going to work with them again. Wunderheil will cut your fucking throat over a dollar! Hard to make money when you’re a self professed Subway sandwich artist that doesn’t make sandwiches. Hope the guy recovers from Wunder’s imaginary harassment and has learned a lesson.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 28, 2019 2:25 am

        You cannot throw a dart at this mess of a post and not hit a quotable gem. This one :

        “I’ve run at least thirty sessions of The Watch at various conventions, and I’ve gotten to see the look on mens’ faces when they really understand something they’ve been doing in their life, something that didn’t make sense until just then. Seeing that realization and hearing them thank me for opening their eyes has been incredibly healing, and is one of the few things that consistently gives me hope that maybe the gaming community can learn to do and be better.”

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
      November 28, 2019 5:26 am

      Seriously, Wunderfuhrer is fucking nuts. He didn’t manipulate into a physical relationship but manipulated into an emotional one? He’s fucking guilty of wanting to be Wunderhimmler’s friend? Wundersturmfrunt should probably just isolate Wunderpanzer from any human contact because as an short haired, AHAB white whale privileged, non bianary XOR gated, inhuman monster it shouldn’t interact with people because it doesn’t understand how average people work at all. I can’t believe WunderGobbels hasn’t been called out on this shit.

  27. Paladin the Macaw permalink
    November 28, 2019 2:31 am

    ma-CAW! Well, this is not one of my favorite boards but I have product to sell, so I’m registering for an account.
    ma-CAW! ma-CAW!

  28. Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
    November 28, 2019 5:46 am

    And Wunderhitler’s thoughts that they’re smooshing the patriarchy. Fuck, rpg gamers are less than 1% of the population and tend to be socially awkward people that suck at human interaction and Anna is out here shaming and blaming their one outlet of elf games that might build confidence? Way to go, Oberkrieder in making people that might already feel bad about themselves and lack confidence feel fucking worse! Bravo!

  29. Franky Panky permalink
    November 28, 2019 12:17 pm

    Ven’igar needs an author. Wundergeek is available. Could this be the start of a beautiful friendship? I’d love to see the Canadian Hambeast and Cha’alt’s finest hook up, platonically. Imagine the hell out of the RPG that they could produce. Now enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner with that still fresh in your mind.

  30. Nanda Green permalink
    November 28, 2019 3:37 pm

    Men should all stop being masculine so misandropists can be happy. Wait, they can never be happy anyway. Carry on checking out hot chicks and not apologizing for wanting to fuck them.

  31. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 28, 2019 6:42 pm

    That LARP scenario, especially taking place in the woods at night, is a bunch of sexual assault/harassment arrests waiting to happen. An entire season’s worth of Special Victims Unit. That fucker is goddamn clueless to a dangerous level. Is he, like, the tranny version of Bloodymage?

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      November 28, 2019 11:23 pm

      That’s LARP in general though. They’re one boffer sword away from fucking each other at all times.

  32. trt permalink
    November 29, 2019 8:30 am

    i’ll leave this here

    https://www.gofundme.com/f/gxywr5-legal-funds

    • November 29, 2019 12:12 pm

      White knights turn out to be more generous than disease porn aficionados. What is wrong with this world?

    • I'm Pissing Caltrops permalink
      November 29, 2019 12:30 pm

      Oh look…perennial Zackattack punchingbag Fred Hicks has contributed…

      Fred Hicks donated $100
      I’ve experienced a tiny fraction of Zak’s scorn before. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for Mandy and the other women he has targeted.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
        November 29, 2019 12:48 pm

        Oh snap, can Zakattack hold off legal proceedings while his patreon catches up. He just needs about five years and he’ll be able to match her blow for blow.

    • Maze of the Blue Tranny permalink
      December 1, 2019 11:13 am

      Now if only fuckhead would start it own G.F.M, that would be a real hoot!

    • Basic Witch permalink
      December 3, 2019 2:54 pm

      If Mandy only needed $1,000 for legal defense, NumbNuts could not be mounting much of an offense. Good for her that she has exceeded her funding goals.

      And if she wins…I suspect that she would be emboldened to further beat on that half-haircutted piñata.

  33. Zak Smith, savior of D&D permalink
    November 29, 2019 6:20 pm

    Fred Hicks and the rest of the bad faith actors, wasted their money. Mandy will squander it by paying a retainer to that idiot Dani Jang. Getting Dani on her legal team is part of my master plan. He cannot help but to fuck things up. I am taking careful note of the names of all the donors. Fools, i will destroy them all when i’m replatformed and once again the guardian of the gate to DIY D&D. Remember, In ten years I’ve never promised the RPG community something I didn’t deliver.

    without me, the shitty people would still be there, preying on every new talent that comes up, unchallenged. I am the hero that D&D not only needed, but the hero that D&D got.

    • Dani Jang Demon Shitty Superbacker who rolling in GoFundMe Retainer Money! permalink
      November 29, 2019 8:45 pm

      Herro Zak! You need rawyer? Oh yes you do! Mandy and I are using money to pay off black face wearing Justin Trudeau to change Canadian legal system just so you can get death penalty! Quick painless death is too good for you Zak so new Canadian law state you will be repeatedly raped first by large black penises (real black men, not cracker in black face).

      I got to get back to pro bonering Mandy. She taking off my legal briefs as I speak! rink 😉 rink 😉

      Remember Folks: Next time, you no call whores YOU CALL RAWYER!

  34. Kent permalink
    November 29, 2019 6:29 pm

    Joe Rogan — AD&D stats

    Str—-15
    Int—-10
    Wis—14
    Dex–15
    Con–15
    Cha—18

    Fighter lvl 4

  35. Kent permalink
    November 29, 2019 7:12 pm

    Irish Pat — ie False Patrick

    AD&D stats

    Str—-5
    Int—16
    Wis—5
    Dex–15
    Con–4
    Cha–3

    Madame lvl 4 [homosexual madame]

  36. Kent permalink
    November 29, 2019 7:20 pm

    Captain Kirks Dick Blood

    AD&D stats

    Str—-5
    Int—-*
    Wis–*
    Dex–-5
    Con–-5
    Cha–*

    * inhuman female.

    Excrement Man lvl 2 [faecal squirt]

  37. Kent permalink
    November 29, 2019 7:24 pm

    Donald Trump

    AD&D stats

    Str—-9
    Int—-10
    Wis–-18
    Dex–-5
    Con–-16
    Cha–20

    Whodaknown !

  38. Kent's Prolapsed Rectum permalink
    November 29, 2019 8:54 pm

    Kent (Paul Berry)

    Str: -2 (limp wristed)
    Int: 0 (-10 maths)
    Wis: Drunk
    Socks: Pink
    AIDS: +
    Fag: 20
    Magic Items: Talking Rectum (Prolapsed)

    Level 15 Drunken Irish Doing Gay

  39. PrinceofNothing permalink
    December 1, 2019 12:08 pm

    Okay I am back. This one seems like a Venger solo project. I gotta finish my module first. Ohio was pretty nice even if I had to be re-animated from a mountain dew induced coma halfway through. On the plus side I did meet Bryce and Melan (proof to follow).

    Peace!

    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      December 1, 2019 1:52 pm

      Welcome back. Did you happen to see Zak when you were over there? I really miss Zak. I still love him.

      Did you hear? I shit my pants.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 1, 2019 5:13 pm

        Jimmy My boy, that insufferable little prick Skerples has taken a break from massively colonizing StuPat’s IP and is trying to get you canceled. coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2019/11/osr-on-lamentations-of-flame-princess.html

        Destroy him Jimmy! Destroy! Prove your love for Zak!

        Or just shit your pants. I’m good either way.

        Hello My fellow Prince. Too good to visit the Great State of Wisconsin, art thou? Or has Luke black-listed you too. The ingrate.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        December 2, 2019 3:31 pm

        Ohio for now, I have trouble imagining Zak dwelling un-punched for very long in such rugged environs, though it is fun to picture him hissing and spitting at overweight moms at the local farmer’s market, crying for a whole foods in an ocean of wallmarts.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 2, 2019 11:40 pm

        Ohio? Then you should have visited Tim Kask in Cincinnati, Ohio’s other armpit. He could have hooked you up with some primo weed, better than the lawn clippings you get in your homeland. Just tell him you’re from Europe and that François Marcela-Froideval sent you, and affect a French accent. Kaskoid loved Francois. Not sure why. Don’t try and sound German or Russian around Kaskoid. Not a Good Idea® He’ll go from 0 to Patton on your ass in no time. With all the modifications he has on his scooter, it may well weigh as much as a Sherman tank at this point.

      • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
        December 3, 2019 6:16 pm

        Mr. Mentzer, is Mr. Kask a pants shitter? Do you shit your pants as well? I could really use some advice from some of the great pant shitting RPG living legends like yourselves.

        I shit my pants.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 3, 2019 11:12 pm

        No Jimmy, Kaskoid does not soil himself. Nor do I. My problem goes in the other direction. Kaskoid may have a few problems with incontinence, due to old age, or more likely the fact that he so buzzed most of the time he just ‘forgets’ to go to the bathroom, and urine just sort of trickles out.

      • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
        December 4, 2019 5:44 pm

        If Zak ever breaks your heart like he broke mine you will shit your pants. I know because I shit my pants.

      • Mario Torralba permalink
        December 8, 2019 10:28 am

        “One-human shop” lol

        “Zack profitd handsomely” double lol if you believe that

        The spayed and neutered crowd is too funny

  40. December 1, 2019 7:09 pm

    So far as I’m aware, change and improvement inevitably leads to the people preventing change and improvement getting pissed off.

    of course, everyone on Story Games has tried to phrase their critiques of each other in such a way as to not be blunt for 2 decades and they’ve never managed to change -anything- about the bad actors in that community.

    No good people have said they stayed off forums bc of me. If there were any, someone somewhere would’ve been able to name even one by now.

    Have I been too harsh? No. But clearly I have not been not harsh enough—I shouldve started suing people years ago. And many people who I gave opportunities and second chances I shouldnt have.

    ..a lot of the less-intelligent OSR people see the situation as me being overly-zealous in defense of basically ok ideas and if only I could manage to dial back the rhetoric and be more like Arnold or Patrick or Gus or whoever then things would’ve been fine.

    And that’s ass-backwards, because those kinds of creators who just sprinkle urbane disapproval over a controversy like a shot of pixie dust and don’t really care if they get heard or whether anything actually changes are part of the norms that keep the industry so fucked-up.

    if a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right

    without me, the shitty people would still be there, preying on every new talent that comes up, unchallenged

    anyone who supported the fake accusations is as bad as a nazi so anyone who doesn’t call out John Harper is either a jerk or not paying attention.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax’s Ghost permalink
      December 2, 2019 12:05 pm

      So now Harper can sue Zpastic for saying he’s the equivalent of Wundergeek? Zpastic is really flailing his snail isn’t he? I can already hear Zpastic’s disapproving father saying this is the last of the money he’s going to get to chase his frivolous lawsuit.
      When did Zpastic start thinking he was the Geezis of the oh esss arrrrr?

  41. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 3, 2019 7:55 pm

    Kent (Kunt. Kunthole. Limpdick.)
    Str: Weak
    Int: Can’t fake smart, and it shows. He’s an idiot.
    Wis: Thinks he’s smart but is an idiot.
    Chr. Fat wife left him years ago, hasn’t been laid since long before that.
    Suicide save: Roll 15 or less once per year to continue. Fail and he realizes his life is a sad, empty waste. While shedding bitter tears and raging against God and humanity, he takes the sensible option.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 3, 2019 10:10 pm

      Wife? That’s heretical talk, oh my captain. Kent is on the record saying that he doesn’t only hate women, he hates pussy. By fat wife, do you mean Lexi?

      • Kent's Rectum (Prolapsed with Anal Warts) permalink
        December 4, 2019 3:21 pm

        “Kent is on the record saying that he doesn’t only hate women, he hates pussy.”
        QUOTED FOR TRUTHERY!

  42. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    December 3, 2019 11:36 pm

    Looks like Stephen Chenault from TLG is preparing to hold his nose and take a big bite of Ernie’s turd sandwich and try to reconstitute something from it. If he busts out that leather whip he used to swing around at his Garycon games there might some hope yet. Time for a ‘pankin’!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      December 5, 2019 2:57 pm

      Well, at least they got the Young Ernie’s Life Story stretch goal.
      Cocaine and Hookers and more Cocaine!
      FREEBASING!

  43. Zak Langouste permalink
    December 4, 2019 2:15 pm

    One of the guys living in the washin machine box next to me loaned me a Jordan Peterson book. Fascinating advice. I need to learn more about this man. James certainly liked him.

    If you Believe what you’re saying then you have to do what adults do in real life and back-up what you say, not just go ”nuh-uh”.

    If you don’t want to do that but still want to leave comments you should seek therapy and not get back on the Internet until it is finished and you realize that you have done something wrong.

    if your mental illness is so severe you can’t interact in a fair, compassionate, empathetic way with other people no matter how much therapy you get, then it’s best to stay off the internet and do not interact with other people outside a therapeutic or penal environment.

    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      December 4, 2019 5:42 pm

      Get out of that box and come live with me Zak. I still love you. I love you so much I shit my pants.

  44. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    December 4, 2019 3:19 pm

    Did you ever want to roleplay as Officer Erik Tenkar of the Turdshack and his NYPD Buddies in Blue? Now you can! Check out the most accurate and authentic police procedural RPG ever released!
    https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/296401/Police-Procedure

  45. Raggi Sings Reznor permalink
    December 5, 2019 3:35 pm

    I shit myself today
    To see if I still poop.

    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      December 5, 2019 5:26 pm

      Mind. Blown.
      Pants. Shit.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 5, 2019 6:22 pm

        Jimmy, this is starting to scare Me. I know an excellent Gastroenterologist here in the Great State of Wisconsin. I’ll forward you his details. I’m certain he can help you with your particular problem. He helped me with Mine. I’m as regular as a clock these days. AH, the sweet, sweet relief.

        No, you may not stay with Me when you come for an appointment. Mrs. Panky will have nothing to do with a house full of shit. That’s why I have to keep all My RPG stuff in a storage unit.

        You can’t sleep in My storage unit either.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 5, 2019 6:41 pm

      Jimmy, you’ve become a meme.

      No wonder no one is near you.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 5, 2019 7:47 pm

        No, Jamesy, nobody wants to smell your finger…

      • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
        December 6, 2019 3:47 am

        I remember that day. I had just shit my pants. That’s the best booth security money can buy: unwashed poopy fingers.

        We had a couple $1.99 in sales and both guys paid with a $100 bill. Zak was off trying to make change. I miss Zak. I still love him.

        Oops I think I just shit my pants again.

      • Zak’s Disapproving Father permalink
        December 6, 2019 11:25 am

        Raggy the Last looks like he lost weight. Either that’s an old picture or he’s just shitting his way to slimness.

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        December 6, 2019 12:33 pm

        Jim, Bro, you know that I was NOT at that Convention with you. *Göran Stahl* was the person with you, riiiiiiight?

        I know that now you are on the market again after Hannah shit-canned your ass, you are trying to lose the weight. I wish i’d never introduced you to the 7-Day Miracle Cleanse™ to help you. You are abusing it, Bro.

        Yes, your fingers are disgusting. But the look on Matt Finch’s face as you reached out to shake his hand was priceless. Or I think it would have been. If I had been there. But I was not. Göran Stahl told a mutual friend about it.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 8, 2019 4:38 pm

        That is the saddest looking con booth I have ever seen.

  46. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    December 7, 2019 7:45 am

    Mandy’s legal fund is over $9,000 now.
    https://www.gofundme.com/f/gxywr5-legal-funds
    Nobody likes you, Zak. Nobody.¹
    Drop your harassment lawsuit now and disappear for good. You have been deplatformed from RPGs for life. Nobody believes you.²

    ¹Except for James “Poo Poo Ragoo” Raggi who apparently shit his pants over the issue.
    ²See footnote above.

    • December 9, 2019 9:36 am

      $9,547 now.

      I am not sure how much people love Mandy, but I am certain a good number of people just hate Zak’s guts.

      • DANI JANG DEMON SHITTY SUPERBACKER WHO NOW PRO BONERING MANDY permalink
        December 9, 2019 2:59 pm

        See I tell you so Zak!
        You totally known for douchebaggery!
        HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        December 9, 2019 10:23 pm

        Dani Jang, I forgive you for you know not what you do.

        Has Mandy paid your retainer yet. I really want you on her legal team.

        You know those whores, witnesses, you called? They recorded the convos. All of them.

        Be well Dani. I know you’ll do the right things.

  47. Raggi the Poet permalink
    December 7, 2019 9:53 am

    Weeping in my bed.

    I took a chance.

    I tried to fart.

    But shit my pants.

    • Poo Poo Ragoo permalink
      December 7, 2019 6:31 pm

      The scent that lingers,
      I shit my pants.
      Smell my fingers,
      I shit my pants.

  48. Venger Satanis permalink
    December 7, 2019 1:55 pm

    Cha’alt: Fuchsia Malaise kickstarter, bitches! Back it.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 7, 2019 7:59 pm

      Hoss, my standards are low.

      But not that low.

      The Wisconsin Chamber of Commerce has asked Me, a paragon of the RPG and baking communities, to deliver to you a message. Get out of the Great State of Wisconsin and take your perversions to Minnesota where they belong. Your presence sours the milk of our cows.

    • Venger Is the New Blooey permalink
      December 7, 2019 8:35 pm

      BUY SOME PRODUCT!!!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        December 8, 2019 2:47 pm

        The New Bloo?!? You need to get a macaw first, Venger!

        And a pistol. Plus a terminal disease. And that damned annoying Yahoo toolbar.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 8, 2019 4:38 pm

        Ya’ho’o To’olb’ar

    • December 8, 2019 5:09 am

      Titillator!
      Plagiarist!
      Mental midget!
      Buffoon!
      BIG DUMMY!

      I AM THE EYE IN THE SKY WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE!!!!

      • Zak Langouste permalink
        December 8, 2019 11:01 pm

        I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end. I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die. I am the OSR and the gatekeeper.

      • DANI JANG DEMON SHITTY SUPERBACKER AND POWERFUL ATTORNEY AT RAW! permalink
        December 9, 2019 3:01 pm

        You also deplatformed FOR LIFE from elfgames Zak!
        HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • BACLF permalink
      December 8, 2019 9:47 am

      $10K stretch goal: double the amount of apostrophes!

      • Venger Satanis permalink
        December 9, 2019 6:21 pm

        That’s a good one, might steal it…

  49. J. Maliszewski permalink
    December 9, 2019 10:56 pm

    Whereas I think many of the criticisms directed toward Larry Elmore in old school circles are completely justified, I can’t say the same for those directed at another favorite grognard whipping boy, Ed Greenwood. Leaving aside the fact that Ed is one of the most charming, affable, and genuinely charismatic people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet — indeed I don’t believe I ever really understood what charisma was until I spoke with Ed one-on-one a few years ago.

    It destroyed me to later learn that he had possibly fathered a bastard. Now he is dead to me.

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