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Frank’s having his fun, which is all that matters, but Grim Jim Isn’t?!?!?

October 21, 2017
the last thing you see before the darkness closes in on your soul

I’M SAFE

 

Can someone show me a 70-year-old white dude with a pony tail who’s NOT a skeeve, I mean come on. That stringy mop + penny dreadful goatee combo is like a neon sign that says, “Do you wanna play Summon the Amphibious Ones with Grampa Touchy?”

This sad dick, gross old shit is full of humor of the “laugh-at-him-not-with-him” variety:

 

please look at meeeeee!!!!

thx nah

 

Looks like poor Eleven has another monster stalking her!

The flip side of this gutter nickel is Grim Jim, who’s apparently sick and fucking tired of all you slutty bitches grinding your pussies in his lap and goddamn cougars playing with his luscious hair. For reals, his lament (including thoughtful background music) begins at about the 7-minute mark:

 

 

These two douches remind us of one eternal truth, “It’s hard out there for a muthafuckin pimp!!!” (I’m too scared to see what Sexy Alexi is up to these days…!)

 

309 Comments leave one →
  1. Claude permalink
    October 21, 2017 12:35 pm

    Hi Your Sucks, I an a Ms Menslee. Farts, THIS IS A PRIVATES MASSAGE. Seconds, thanks you on a profile of my Major Award. i am on offer to you. I have the runs of a red box if you like, if you are a brilliant buddy. I am a safe 6”4 so long, unless you came crying. Left me know. Emprunia foreskinns! #donotdroppings

    • Claude permalink
      October 21, 2017 12:44 pm

      Hi You Suck, her are an favorite shot on an old girlsfriend Jesticles. Empornian forge! #donotdroppings

  2. Baclf permalink
    October 21, 2017 12:44 pm

    I hear the producers of Stranger Things cast Mentzer as ‘creep in plain white van’. Hey, kids, wanna see my red box?

  3. Kent permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:28 pm

    Three men, together, talking shit. Three excellent men.

    http://justonemorefix.com/2017/08/29/episode-51-lamentations-of-the-flame-princess-interview/

  4. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:47 pm

    A new thread? This is like the third this year, YDIS is killing it.

    Anyway, I am re-posting this here at hir request, since it is relevant:

    Well, the pitchforks and torches are being handed out all over the net, now.
    I haven’t read through this thread yet, just the first post, and it has more dirt like Bill Webb getting drunk at the last Paizocon and assaulting some female fan there (from the Sphincterian twitter posts in the first post).

    Just glancing through the follow up posts, many are coming out with the I-heard-it-from-a-friend stories of abuse by industry insiders.

    You get the sense that the majority of online people in the hobby have been just waiting for for this…

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?817741-RPG-Industry-sexual-harassment-Mentzer-abuse-and-what-do-we-do-about-it

    • Kent permalink
      October 21, 2017 6:20 pm

      “Drop the bomb. Exterminate them All!”

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        October 21, 2017 11:23 pm

        I’m an “Exterminate all of the brutes!” man myself, different media, but you’re not wrong.

        For once.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 22, 2017 2:13 pm

        “Nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure” is the quality quote, Kunt.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 21, 2017 9:51 pm

      Damn the RPGnet folks manage to look like tools as big as Mentzer in this. Boorish asshole meets safe-space kiddies (Post #8 in that thread made me choke on my bourbon)…no one wins.

      And thus the balance is maintained.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:32 pm

      Mink, I tells you. They await only the slightest provocation to turn on and tear down their idols. It’s probably a Robot’s Revenge/return of the repressed thing. Secretly, my one-time comrades know they’re being exploited and abused in far more important ways than this. The urge toward iconoclasm is there, but they’re so used to sublimating their political instincts into escapist power fantasies that the only people they can bear to tear down are irrelevancies like themselves. I’m no better, but at least I don’t pretend I’m doing anything useful.

  5. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:57 pm

    Wow, how did we miss Frank begging for a cameo in Stranger Things? (Comp,lete with the promise that his appearance would boost its social media presence, since nobody was really hip to it before)? Class. I really hope they did not take him up on it – we’ll find out next weekend.

    As for GrimJimmy, started watching from the beginning but fell asleep twice, so fast-forwarded tot he good stuff at 7 min. How could a bunch of cougars play with his hair and he not notice? Dead Scalp Syndrome? I love the swig from the urine sample at the end. The music takes the whole to the next level. He is so oppressed.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 21, 2017 4:35 pm

      frank claims that he “wrote” 1980s d&d? i thought he was credited as “editor.” what did he write? the little choose your own adventure story? the immortals rules? the weapons mastery rules? the crap everyone ignores?

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:33 pm

      We missed it for the same reason Netflix (hopefully) did.

  6. Kent permalink
    October 21, 2017 6:07 pm

    Patrick Stuart has the discipline to abstain for one month from inane contact with the dumbest people in the web population, osr gamers.

    What about the dumbest osr gamers, the ydis crowd? I believe i can abstain from contact with the ydis crowd for more than a month which would make me better than Patrick Stuart, and he is the best ever freak out fantasist except for Jaquays and Gygax.

    And if one month why not a hundred years?

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 21, 2017 6:18 pm

      who the hell is patrick stuart?

      wallowing in (probably blissful) ignorance, i remain,

      elrond hubbard

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 21, 2017 6:31 pm

        We’ve given Patty the business here for a few years. He wrote a misery tourism module, Deep Carbon Observatory, for which he was hailed as the greatest living writer. Then he latched onto Zak for a few years, until their big messy divorce a month or two ago, see the middle of the comments in the previous post here for all the salaciousness.

      • October 22, 2017 12:17 am

        Isn’t Patrick back in Canada doing cripple porn for rent money?

      • October 22, 2017 2:00 pm

        Don’t forget that Pat also worked with the illustrious Crap Princess, the greatest living artist (not to be confused by her innumerable copycats: four-year old children).

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:24 pm

      You’ll last about two weeks.

  7. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 6:28 pm

    And now the pitchforks and torches have shown up at Paizo:

    http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2uokq?I-am-very-disturbed-to-hear-the-allegations

    There will be a trial of faith there…

    But I want to know who Bill Webb groped and then punched with his Raging Drunk Libido feat.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 21, 2017 7:09 pm

      Twit feed recap of the intimidating bouncer who had to handle an inebriated Bill Webb:

      https://mobile.twitter.com/sphynxian/status/882440112646344708?lang=en

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:35 pm

      I’m only sad it’ll be Allegations Of Serious Business that sinks Paizo and not Making A Horrible Clunky Game.

    • October 22, 2017 5:04 am

      Useful idiots are soon submerged by the forces they helped unleash. The Girondins learned it the hard way, so dit the Mensheviks, and now Paizo is about to get dragged to the bottom of their tiny women- and LGBTQ-friendly pond.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 22, 2017 7:03 am

        Yeah, despite all their years of inclusiveness and diversity, by Monday morning half or more of their fanbase will be not just against them, but doing it loudly on all accessible corners of the net.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 23, 2017 10:23 am

        And thus the inevitable end of the benighted PC-age. A treacherous consumer base does not a steady source of income make. Sharpen your knives brothers. Our time cometh. *cackling, manical typing, gasoline drinking etc.*

  8. October 21, 2017 8:25 pm

    Zoned out during Desborough’s “argument” but ROFL when that pirate rape outro music starts up.

  9. Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
    October 21, 2017 11:36 pm

    I have come this far in life by not listening to Grim Jim’s doubtless awful voice and have no intention of breaking my record now. Get us some transcript gold, homes?

    • October 22, 2017 12:25 am

      I personnaly derived some of my greatest pleasures these last gloomy years from auto translating youtube’s autosubs for fatbeards videos. This one looks golden.

  10. Timotheus permalink
    October 22, 2017 7:00 am

    Webb has responded on facebook to the accusations in a classy way. A picture of two adventurers carrying a fallen comrade, with a caption that people should know better than to mess with the “king of cons” when he has been drinking. Link:

    https://m.facebook.com/frog.god.games/photos/a.287034224662738.78366.207158595983635/1698454243520722/?type=3&source=48

    But it has already been pulled. Anyway to do the Wayback Machine thing on a recent post? I’m sure someone screencapped it, though.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 22, 2017 7:54 am

      Someone screencapped it.

      https://imgur.com/tJEVH3J

      Maybe not the best response when you are accused of drunkenly harrassing a chick and then punching out a Paizo employee.

      Although the KKK Alehouse crew might up their pledges to Frog God Games current kickstarter for some maps without content.

  11. zeea permalink
    October 22, 2017 11:48 am

    Also, let me be really damn clear, in case I wasn’t already.

    Frank Mentzer and his ilk have made it clear that they cannot and will not coexist. They will never live and let live. They will continuously attack and harass other people as long as they are allowed into our forums and conventions. If you’re trying to keep him in the industry without strong evidence that he’s changed and will never do this again, you’re inherently saying that his victims should not be in the industry, whether or not that’s what you intend.

    There is no happy, idealized, everybody-gets-to-be-involved ending to this because he, Zak, and others simply will not let that happen. And dear gods, if there’s anybody who hasn’t been convinced about that regarding Zak, try looking at a list of people who have tried to reconcile with him, from every faction of the industry and multiple viewpoints and different backgrounds. When you have me, RPGPundit, and Stuart broadly agreeing that it’s not worth getting entangled with him, I think it might be time to accept that everybody can’t just live together and be happy. No matter how much I personally wish that were different.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:15 am

      Wait, what does that Zak have to do with this? I checked through to his blog and all I saw is that he’s rolling out a Tarot-based system with ‘Clash’ as its core terminology and…

      … hang on a minute.

      I can’t kvetch, since I nicked the Tarot concept off him in the first place and then sat on it for years, but still.

  12. If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
    October 22, 2017 4:05 pm

    Is there a way to organize a mass red box burning? While we are at it, perhaps a Frog God Games book burning too.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 23, 2017 11:03 am

      Rumor has it the rash of wild fires in the Pacific Northwest are due to the massive amount of Paizo splatbooks being burned by the disillusioned LBGTQFAG wallet things.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 23, 2017 12:04 pm

        That’s LBGTQKENTFAG now FYI!

  13. mythmere permalink
    October 22, 2017 6:53 pm

    An incident took place at PaizoCon 2017, and we address that here. YDIS, the world wide leader of the OSR, is important to us. Matt Finch is the partner at Frog God Games who conducted our internal investigation.
    I am Matt Finch, the partner of Frog God Games, married to a man trapped in a woman’s body, and appointed by the partners to investigate a sexual harassment complaint filed against Mr. Webb at Paizo Con 2017. Mr. Webb was not consulted by the partners on this decision. Due to recent accusations made on Twitter by a third party, I will outline the aspects of the situation to the extent that they do not compromise the confidentiality of the person who filed the report, I will describe the nature of our internal investigation, and will also address the recently-raised tweets by Robert Brookes on his twitter feed, all while masterbating to tha Backstyreet Boys. This report will not necessarily be updated; it stands for itself at the time of posting, based on the knowledge I currently have, which can in no way be augmented.
    First, it is correct that a complaint was filed with Paizo at Paizo Con against Bill. I was made aware of this by phone on the day it happened (I was not present at the convention, instead engaed in a three-way with the marriage councillor). Frog God is aware of the identity of the person who made the complaint, because they spoke to three of our partners at the convention after the event. We have not been invited to share that person’s identity, and although we are not under legal obligation to protect that confidentiality we have elected to respect that person’s desire not to have the event brought into the spotlight.
    Gathering information in a situation like this is necessarily limited due to Paizo’s own confidentiality obligations and general incompetance. To assemble information, I spoke to the three partners who had talked with the person who filed the complaint, and obtained their accounts of what they were told. Secondhand accounts are not perfect, and I had to weigh that against the fact that an attorney making direct contact with someone who has filed such a report can be seen as a threat or intimidation, and weighing those two issues, I chose to rely on a comparison of the conversations between the individual and our partners, plus Paizo’s own resolution of the matter at the time, plus a necessarily-cautious review of Bill’s account. There has been contact between the person who filed the complaint and Frog God partners since the event, and I will provide a screenshot of one such communication with the name redacted. I believe the screenshot provides a great deal of clarification.

    Reducing the event to a level that will maintain confidentiality, my understanding based on my investigation was that Bill Webb took an action and engaged in speech that could be construed as a sexual advance or as gender-dismissive. It’s the same thing, after all, amirite?

    In consequence of this finding, I and another senior partner of the company as well as a stripper had a meeting with Mr. Webb about expectations, standards of behavior, and future protocol. We addressed that one’s lack of bad intentions does not excuse problematic behavior.
    Some people have asked that Mr. Webb acknowledge and apologize for the situation. No fucking way. Bill does deeply regret his actions, and understands that they were inappropriate and upsetting. I have told Mr. Webb not to contact the person directly, for the same reason that I have not done so myself: the potential for that contact to appear intimidating or threatening. However, at whatever time the person lets us know that a direct apology from Mr. Webb would be welcomed, that apology will be immediately forthcoming. Mr. Webb is also under instruction not to discuss this matter in public, in case peripheral details were to be inadvertently disclosed that might allow the identification of the person by another party. He ws also reminded that he was married, and saddled with several disappointing children. This is also the reason we chose to have me, as the investigating partner, write the public report, given that a report has become necessary in response to a recent description of the event on Twitter. You gaggle of witch-hunting nazis.
    In terms of the affected person’s own view on the matter, and as a lead-in to a discussion of the recent tweets, we believe that the following communication will give third parties a better understanding of the context of the event. This is from the person who made the complaint, with name and metadata redacted. The words in blue are from our partner Zach Glazar, best friend of the departed bloodymage, and the words in white are from the person who filed the complaint.

    [Edit: removed image]

    A series of tweets brought to our attention have mentioned that an altercation occurred at the time of the incident, and that a Paizo employee was injured. From talking to the individual who made the complaint we have not been made aware of any altercation beyond the behavior of Mr. Webb addressed in the complaint. And to date we have not received any information from Paizo regarding an employee being injured or how such an injury occurred. There were a number of other casualties, none employed by Paizo and therefore of little consequence.

    I can be contacted at mythmere at dicksuckingcuck dot com if anyone has further first-person accounts. I will be conveniently out of country for the next two weeks, but when I return I will probably review any such information.
    In conclusion, I simply refer once again to the comment made by the person affected by the incident, shown above.

    It is worth mentioning, too, that we posted an advertisement on our site that appeared to be related to this issue. Chuck called Zach to point this out, and Zach deleted the post. Apparently, someone had already made a comment on it right during the interval, which Zach didn’t notice. That post and its timing were an incredibly messed-up coincidence, but a coincidence. Really. Honestly. If we had seen the comment, we would have left it up and used it as the place to link to this report.

    • OABD permalink
      October 22, 2017 11:18 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:27 am

      Matt oh Matt, your personal life already was an insane merry-go-round of hilarious perversion, and now your day job too is turning into a Grisham movie / Dead or Alive video ?

  14. I Am Alexis Smolensk And I Want To Belong permalink
    October 23, 2017 1:56 am

    I’m not much interested in general gossip connected to the public gaming community, but I do enjoy tap-dancing on the metaphorical grave of any self-righteous soul connected to the so-called glory of TSR, which I continue to feel took role-playing and D&D in the wrong direction right from the beginning. I believe that the grassroots community that plays this game weekly, not as a publicity stunt but because they love the game, has been fighting to regain all the ground that has been lost by four decades of modules, edition wars and endless copycat game systems punched out by every fanboy who dreams of someday being Gary Gygax or Dave Arneson. We just want to play. Yet there is a whole community out there that sees this as nothing more than a way to pump their egos, flitting from game con to game con to enjoy the adulation of largely ignorant innocent young people who have been mesmerized by their “authorship” on some half-baked 64-page system printed on pulp stock before the fans were born.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2017 3:38 am

      You know, if you scrape the self-adulation and wind off this, he’s right.

  15. October 23, 2017 5:53 am

    You couldn’t make something up about me jacking off centaur magi with my slimy green tentacles? Thanks for nothing, ass folk!

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2017 11:13 am

    OK, I vote we give Alexis a what-what for his thoughts on Stank Frank:

    “Mentzer just happens to be one of these that is still alive: but looking at his recent failed attempt at a kickstarter, it is clear it was just going to be more of the same, more derivative re-tellings of two-dimensional settings and stories, plastered with the same artwork available everywhere on Google.  In a computer age, when bookstores are dying and the tablet rules, it was Mentzer’s idea to build his new Empyrea kickstarter and really well made 200-page tomes fashioned of good, high quality paper.

    These were not bright guys.  They were lucky guys.  And in a way, they were very unlucky guys, depending on one’s perspective and what they might have done if they had not sold their souls to stay in the game, whatever the cost.  These are not guys who went to the cons thinking of how they were building their careers towards a greater future.  These were guys going to the cons because they had nothing else.  The adulation they got from the budgies (fans with bobbling, piercing, darting eyes) was the only thing that made these guys feel alive.

    Some, like Mentzer, let it convince them that they were somehow important to the industry; that their word could make or break the careers of other people ~ and they made that threat to hundreds of people, in the hubris of feeling self-righteous.  It was the budgies that made them feel that way; who tricked them, with their adoration, into feeling that they deserved that adoration … but in fact, most of these guys are just lazy, dull, repulsive old men, sitting on cheap chairs and pretending they are thrones.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:02 pm

      I don’t think Alexis gets it yet that Googled art from the Internet isn’t free for the taking. Also being demoted to fry cook is as bad as being demoted to baker.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 23, 2017 4:58 pm

        b…but…it’s about the game, man! D&D man! It doesn’t matter if you spit on lambchops for a living. D&D!!!

        I guess.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        October 24, 2017 1:13 am

        Fry Cook Lexi seems to be as high-functioning as ever, while Baker Frank’s valves are clearly starting to leak. So I would say Fat 1 – Carbs 0. Go Atkins.

  17. Landifarne permalink
    October 23, 2017 6:11 pm

    It can’t be posted anywhere else, so here you go YDIS donkeyballers:

    Shannon Appelcline had the mods at rpg.net cover his legal ass by wiping all evidence of its members making libelous posts against Frank Mentzer over the previous couple days. They had literally claimed that Frank sexually assaulted numerous female coworkers during his stint at TSR. The original posts were force-edited by the individuals, and my page 39 post was edited by one of their ass hat moderators to scrub the evidence after I was perma-banned:

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?817741-RPG-Industry-sexual-harassment-Mentzer-abuse-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/page39

    Frank, if you’re out there, here’s your chance to finally flex some legal (love)muscle!

    I doubt that the posts where one of their moderators was accused of statutory rape (the dude was 25, accused of having raped a 15 year old girl…somewhere around pages 36-38) are still up. Appelcline’s suction machine is probably on overdrive.

    • Claude permalink
      October 23, 2017 6:24 pm

      Hi Landofarts, every people knews Applecunts is an ideas of a drizzleshits. Clear. Empurgia for e! #donotdroppings

      • October 23, 2017 8:13 pm

        Do not use my name in vain, varlet. Lest I be dissuaded from plunging into the depths of genius that was a man who cannot tell others that I am wrong.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 10:23 pm

      Fuck you made me look…I had promised myself never to go back there. Jeez how many piss gurgling loonies are there on this Alphane moon ?

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 24, 2017 9:00 am

      Landifarne, I Believe You.

  18. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:13 pm

    I haven’t experienced this before

    https://somekingskentsaione.blogspot.ie/2017/10/3-yeoman-archer.html

    Someone cut and pasting content within one day verbatim. Weird.

    http://treasurehuntershq.blogspot.ie/2017/10/setting-specific-class-yeoman.html

  19. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:14 pm

    I haven’t experienced this before

    ———-https://somekingskentsaione.blogspot.ie/2017/10/3-yeoman-archer.html

    Someone cut and pasting content within one day verbatim. Weird.

    ———-http://treasurehuntershq.blogspot.ie/2017/10/setting-specific-class-yeoman.html

    • Kent permalink
      October 23, 2017 8:17 pm

      In case it is deleted here is Scott Andersonson’s post

      The Yeoman

      Even before their war with the Norman invaders began, Harold Godwinson, Anglo King of the Saxons from Wessex made mandatory for freemen the daily training with the English long bow from the age of seven. Harold had learned from excursions into the inhospitable northern Highlands the strategic value of massed ranks of skilled archers. The indifferently armored Highland Kotter were slaughtered so long as they could be coaxed to fight with propriety and good order; the bloody Picts soon developed the arts of ambush and Harold was forced to retire.

      Decades later, Parisian chivalry disdained furtive animal craftiness and weathered the despicable Yeoman peasant storm of shafts, trusting in their splendid and costly armor. Their horses were not so well protected but a horse is not a Knight.

      The Yeoman is a farmer of some independence cultivating his own small holding, rather than a serf tied to his Lord. (This social class evolved from the Franklin of the 12th century, but we will use the modern English term for simplicity’s sake.) The Yeoman’s presence, mode of speech and manner is not as offensive to noble sensibility as the peasant’s and he is capable of earning a dignified position of servitude on a Baronial estate, such as a groom. In the army, with sufficient experience he may become a typical Sergeant but not a Knight himself.

      Welsh freemen used the Welsh Warbow, which is functionally equivalent to the Composite Bow. They wore no armor or leather, but are allowed to use Chain and shields like their Anglo-Norman counterparts.

      The Prime Requisites of the Yeoman are Strength and Dexterity. Both Strength and Dexterity of 15 or more grants a bonus to XP earned. See Table 2 for XP adjustments due to high or low attributes.

      Arms & Armor: A Yeoman wears leather armor (principally) or chain armor, never plate. He may use a shield and usually carries a small wooden one. Yeomen may use backswords, hatchets, daggers, longbows and short bows. Aside from the short bow, they often carry one or more of each weapon.

      Combat Ability: The Yeoman uses the Fighting-Man’s Attack Matrix line and Saving Throw charts.

      The Yeoman’s Class Abilities:

      Longbow Primacy: Among commoners, only the Yeoman may use the English longbow. Knights will sometimes use one and nobles rarely do, except to take exercise. They receive a +1 to hit at any range with a longbow or composite longbow. Some Outlaws will also use the longbow, but this is strictly forbidden.

      Special Rules for the Longbow:

      A Longbow firing against AC 3 or better, at a range of more than 7 scale inches, only hits on a natural 20 regardless of the normal Attack Matrix indication. But should it hit, it deals double damage to these types due to particular luck.

      Favored Foes: In combat, he is particularly effective at battling man-types. Once per combat, he may attempt a Mortal Strike. This shot gains a +4 to hit and deals two dice of damage if it does hit.

      Hunter’s Kinship: The Yeoman frequently handles dogs to root out varlets, bandits and rural vermin. He adjusts reaction checks by +2 in any dealings with dogs but alas!, their scent upon his possessions penalizes him at -2 with wild or feral animals of all kinds.

      Rapid Shots: At 4th Level, the Yeoman may roll to hit twice per Round with a long bow or short bow. At 8th level, he may roll to hit thrice per Round with same.

      Any Yeoman can be ennobled and added to the household staff of a Baron or greater. He then earns 140 GPs per month and is no longer subject to taxation.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 24, 2017 9:02 am

      That’s funny he stole from you. What comment did he post on your blog that you removed?

  20. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:31 pm

    I know I promised not to post here again but isn’t that creepy?

    Who is that Scott Andersonson weirdo?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 10:11 pm

      Are we playing this weird storygame again where everyone is Kent ?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 23, 2017 11:16 pm

        Kunt.

    • If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
      October 24, 2017 12:49 am

      Scott’s version of the Yeoman is better. Less wordy and doesn’t have that baked in potato cunt stink.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 24, 2017 2:44 am

      Poster on Ruins of Murkhill. Frequent SJW-basher. Sadly, probably NOT the one who was an accessory to delusional murderer and VtM player Rod Ferrell, unless Florida has some extremely lenient rules concerning Internet access from prison cells.

  21. If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
    October 24, 2017 12:40 am

    I am compiling a list of OSR luminaries that have committed heinous acts of sexual harassment and abuse. Please respond to this post with the offenders name and the abuse you survived.

  22. If I Were 30 Years Younger You Would Be In Deep Shit You Craddle-Robbing Bitch permalink
    October 24, 2017 1:24 am

    All of these concepts are new to me.

  23. Blow Job Hensley permalink
    October 24, 2017 10:20 am

    Paizo Con: The only thing I desire is peace and to be left alone to create.

    As the victim in this particular situation, I have watched in public silence as the world dissected my story and speculated as to the intimate details. I looked on and relived these events as people believed, disbelieved, defended me passionately, and cast doubt on the situation. I received many wonderful messages from those who were there or heard what happened, expressions of anger on my behalf and an outpouring of love. And yet I am heartbroken by what I see, not due to the event itself but that these same individuals, who aided me when I was in need, are being verbally assaulted and accused of less than exemplary behavior. So, despite being told that I in no way needed to by countless individuals on all sides of the event, I’ve chosen to speak. I’ve selected Paizo as my medium to do so to ensure that everyone can see my words.

    What happened at Paizo Con was not appropriate. The offensive behavior I dealt with from this person was very inappropriate, unwanted, and frankly a bit scary. However, Paizo’s staff did all they could to ensure I was safe, they made all the right offers to take care of the situation, and when I declined some of their suggestions they chose to protect me with their silence. Nearly every member of Paizo’s staff interacted with me in some way during these awful events. Many offered protection, others walked me to my room, spoke out on my behalf, held my hand while I was afraid, and even physically stepped in when the clearly inebriated individual in no way wanted to hear my “No thank you.”. In the end, Lisa Stevens herself shed tears alongside me as she heard my story. Her concern was genuine, her anger fierce, and at no point was there any disbelief. She passionately argued to be able to defend me and doesn’t deserve to be accused of doing anything less than her very best to protect me while I was in her “house”. Paizo made me feel welcome, believed in, and defended me in every way I would allow.

    No one tried to silence me, I silenced them.

    The individual who stalked me through the halls that day was far too drunk to drive, he had children staying at the convention, and I asked that he be allowed to leave when sober. I also requested the incident be kept as quiet as possible to protect his family. Additionally, several of my friends work at the very company this man represents, I didn’t want their professional lives impacted by a public scandal any more than I wanted anyone else’s to be. Members of Frog God Games checked in on me and handled their side of the mess as they saw fit. I protected others and I tried to protect myself. I’m a private person who’s survived far worse storms than what happened here and I simply wanted to resolve the issue for all involved and put it behind me before it resurfaced more traumatic events in my mind. We all have to choose what hills we die on. I didn’t feel the need to make this one mine. I work here. This industry is my life, it’s where my friends are, it’s my creative outlet; the place where I bring to life all the crazy ideas parading through my mind, and all I want to do is take my imagination out for a stroll and create games we all enjoy.

    I would like to extend my sincere appreciation to all the people who cared enough to stand up for me, walk beside me, and protect me from the public. I personally consider this matter closed and would prefer everyone else do so as well for the sake of my own privacy and personal sanity. – BJ Hensley

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      October 24, 2017 11:20 am

      Could someone translate that to English?

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        October 24, 2017 11:35 am

        Because it reads like *someone* told BJ she better write how it’s all her fault if she wants to keep working in the industry. Way to be classy Paizo!

      • Rash in Remballo permalink
        October 24, 2017 6:55 pm

        It was a cri de cœur from someone who was paid much $$$ to keep her mouth closed– and not just to keep Bill Webb’s Peyronie’s twisted pecker out of it but also to keep silent about Bent Bill’s rampage, and now has to give back the money, or have it “taken out in trade” because the secret is out. All because of Jessica “The Human Burdizzo” Price and Franky-Panky. Just not fair.

        She stayed silent for the sake of the children too, of course. BJ had to spare them the trauma. But she had no problem letting those children stay in the custody of a violent, aggressive drunk. Come to think of it, Did she create that Pædo-Bear Demon all the kids at RPG.net were palavering about? Yes, way to be classy Paizo.

  24. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 24, 2017 5:02 pm

    You can bet that none of these rapey shenanigans would have happened at Pollycon with coordinated armed undercover security teams roving the hallways and stationed at strategic access points.

    Code Blue! Possible Unauthorized Photography in Progress! Swarm! Swarm! Swarm!

    • bloodymage (official) permalink
      October 25, 2017 10:01 am

      Well, I am not a fan of rape and sex her ass men, but there gamers too I guess. :rollseyes:

    • Baclf permalink
      October 27, 2017 6:48 am

      It is said that a virgin, unclad and carrying a bag of gold, could stride from one end of Pollycon to the other, fearing neither ravishment nor brigandage.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:40 pm

        i would appreciate more gold laden naked young women strolling around conventions. it would offset all the smelly fat beards attempting to conceal their man boobs under 80s band tee shirts.

  25. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 25, 2017 10:07 am

    So RPG SJW frontman Black Hat Matt McFarland has been accused of raping a minor on RPGNet and had to resign as a mod. So where are all the SJWs now on his CHILL RPG Kickstarter page to call him out just like Skanky Franky Panky?

  26. Franky Panky permalink
    October 25, 2017 1:20 pm

    This is a private communication and is entirely protected by Privacy Law. If you reveal any of this content, My lawyers will sue you, right after they are done suing that troll Enema of the Behinder and that ex-cop 10-Car pile-up. I’m going to get Me some of his sweet, sweet, affiliate link money. And make him squeal like a pig.

    Now pay attention.
    Don’t mention Me in the same comment with Blackhead Matt. You’ll never work in this industry again if you do. I may be a creep with a thing for corn-fed mid-western beauties, two-legged and four-legged, but I am not a rapist. Teen-age girls are not My thing anyway. They’re always laughing at Me. Me! I am the author of the best selling version of D&D ever! Empyrea is the biggest pan-industry product in 30 years! Assholes.

    I can totally put the moves on some chick half My age, whenever I want to. It’s My right. Droit de Seigneur. I am a Prince after all. Why are people upset when I do?

    I don’t think My cheap chair is a throne. I know better.

    Okay, in private: My throne is made from porcelain. I spend a whole lot of time on it. Too much flour and not enough bran in My diet has stopped Me up tighter than that brazen strumpet JP’s vagina dentata.

    Yes, teeth.
    Little Franky a.k.a. “The Dragon’s Tail”, is AC -3. So, no danger to Me. I’m safe. Maybe I like it when pussy grabs back. You don’t get to judge My kink. I’m the Prince who wrote the global best seller Red-box D&D. E mpyrea is the biggest pan-industry product in 30 years! Cover art by Elmore, maps by Darlene, inane brain droppings by My wingman, Ed Greenwood.

    O what I wouldn’t give just to be able to take a proper crap, instead of irregularly squeezing out a couple of BBs. Me, The Prince, I’m going to end up like the King. Or worse, like My Empyrea kickstarter.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      October 25, 2017 4:00 pm

      Try the Squatty Potty, Franky Panky.

  27. Melan permalink
    October 25, 2017 9:37 pm

    REVIEW of RPGPUNDIT PRESENTS 1-3

    This was pretty cool in the days of Arduin, but today, most of us need more to be wowed.

    Altogether, it is hard to see what this series wants to bring to the table. It would work better as a series of blog posts, or perhaps in a collection, but even then, it doesn’t rise above the level of shovelware.

    No playtesters were credited in these supplements.

    Currently smoking: random tables

    Rating: ** / *****

  28. The Deliverator permalink
    October 26, 2017 7:14 pm

    I’m trying now to get my newly-launched FLGS, where I play D&D weekly, to adopt any sort of code of conduct / anti-harassment policies at all. I had a conversation with the manager last night and it did not go well. He was very unreceptive. But the idea was probably new to him and he did say he’d speak to the owners, so, we’ll see. But I’m not thrilled that both he and, AFAICT, both owners are cis abled white dudes.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 27, 2017 8:47 am

      I find this triggering.

  29. Dragonsfoot Editor permalink
    October 27, 2017 7:38 am

    Facebook is a goldmine of potential sitcom scripts. I love how people state that someone didn’t do something because that person never did it to them. Here, I’ll give it a try. Jeffrey Dahmer? Serial killer that ate people? Nah! That’s not true. He never killed and ate me. That is all fucking bullshit!

    Alexander Metzger on Facebook:

    First, I want to state unequivocally that I stand by and support Frank Mentzer. I believe that the accusations against him are false. These “allegations” have no real merit and have only been put forth to damage the reputation and re-emergence of an RPG industry legend. He never told me I was hot nor did he ever dry hump me when I stayed in his basement for that year where I had to sit in a pit and rub lotion over my fat fucking body.

    Second, If Ms. Price found Frank’s behavior to be so deplorable why did she sit on it for years before “addressing it”? This smacks more of vendetta and witch hunt than anything. Unfortunately for Frank, we are in the new witch hunt era, everything is sinister, everthing is interupted in the worst possible way so that the most amount of people can be pissed or have some bullshit feeling validated. Women need to understand that if you don’t report these incidents within 20 minutes, then you can never talk about them ever again. I don’t care if you have a puddle of Mentzer load on your stomach. You either report it immediately or shut the fuck up forever. I hate when women challenge men!

    • Son of Rachan permalink
      October 27, 2017 10:47 pm

      Alas, I am undone, you mischievous putto!

      Yet, revenge I shall have…

      Arise, Blooey! Arise, mine quaesitor invisiblis. Hie thee to Cormac’s Realm and plant thine (self-fertilizing) fundament upon HIS doorstep!

      PollyannaCon shall take root, varlet, I promise thee!

  30. Frank Mentzer permalink
    October 28, 2017 11:19 am

    Frank Mentzer
    October 27th 2017 at 10:53am

    President Bush touched a woman. He told a dirty joke in her presence. The woman then publicly accused him of sexual assault. Mr. Bush apologized. (non-partisan USA Today, link below.)

    Please do not let media trivialize a serious topic. Have zero tolerance. Come forward with any allegations of sexual harassment or assault. Report it to the police and take legal action against the perpetrator. I feel that Mr. Bush is wrong to touch others without their consent. And his dirty jokes offend others.

    I offer my sincere apologies to anyone offended by isolated incidents during my 37 years in the public eye, including the most recent. I stand proudly on my pattern of behavior and my character, including more than a decade of problem-free attendance at dozens of game conventions. I have never been accused of dirty jokes, obscenity or vulgarity, touching, or any repeat offense whatsoever.

    Last week I was accused over an event 2 years ago. (There may be reasons for the delay; don’t judge.) I was surprised by the news. Until that time I was completely unaware of a problem. But instead of seeking satisfaction, the accuser sought publicity on Twitter. Nobody representing the accuser has ever contacted me. I continue to obey the accuser’s wish expressed in 2015: to have no contact whatsoever. I have never violated that in spirit or deed. If any allege otherwise, I welcome facts and sunlight.

    Warning: all personal in this paragraph. Some advise me to strike back, but I have few resources and no skills in this area. I have been active on the internet for more than 25 years but I do not use it to attack individuals. I respect privacy and refuse to publicly release anything considered confidential by the recipient. I refuse to stockpile incidents for later use to attack those who disagree with me. I refuse to allow personal attacks on my Facebook page. I refuse to allow obscenity and vulgarity as well, because I respect the feelings of those who object to such. I will not abuse the internet as a means to control or destroy communication. I try to raise awareness of issues and stimulate conversation from all points of view, not just a select few. NB: the preceding describes me alone, and is in no way intended as criticism of others. I apologize for the posts of those who have made reprehensible personal attacks on others within a thread on this FB page. These vile and evil assaults must remain for all to see, because I have been threatened should I perform routine cleanup or apply my posted rules. Others may delete relevant evidence — one of my attackers confessed to this — but I do not. /end personal aside

    I refuse to strike back. I’m too mild-mannered, too old-fashioned polite. I don’t know how to weaponize the internet, and I don’t want to learn. I stand firmly for law and justice and oppose the vigilante actions, but I am unable to affect them or be heard above the roar. All I can do is continue to be polite and calm. I often make mistakes and I occasionally lose my temper, but I do my best, and am sorry that some find it insufficient.

    In closing I ask that you please consider the following.

    When attacked, some people have the urge to attack in response. If that applies to you, please try to overcome it and reach for truth, work for justice and progress, communicate, and discover solutions. You’ll be better for it. I was given no chance in this matter, but I still apply this and advocate it strongly. Please try.

    Good day, and have a great weekend!
    .
    President George H.W. Bush apologizes for sometimes patting women on the rear
    Woman accuses former president of improper touching; Bush apologizes for off-color joke and for sometimes patting women on the rear.
    usatoday.com

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/25/president-george-h-w-bush-apologizes-actress-who-alleged-improper-touching/797846001/

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 28, 2017 11:43 am

      you are still full of yourself and full of shit.

      when apologizing and coming home to jesus, it helps if you don’t squirt feces into the baptismal pool while being publicly dunked. all that passive aggressive “personal info” that paints you as a victim undermines your apology.

      “president bush did it too…i’m sorry anyone was offended by my actions (not sorry for my actions, just that someone was offended)…i’m a victim [here is a description of my virtue and victimhood…ten times more text than i spent on my sort-of-apology]…here is some advice on how you can be a better person.”

      you are a clueless, hypocritical, pompous asshole. it is evident every time you open your mouth. keep talking so we get an even clearer picture of what a fucking douche you are.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      October 28, 2017 1:26 pm

      I told you that I had been hacked. I’ve never seen this statement before. I know nothing of IT matters. How did JP and EoTB hack My computer again? I used that Fix Me Stick® device. My computer should be as clean as a whistle, unlike My colon. Alas, I’m still grunting out little raisins. So no, it doesn’t work as a suppository to fix Me, but it is shaped liked one. It’s not an unpleasant experience. Maybe I was inserting it wrong. I’ll try it again. IT confuses Me so much. How can I ever finish Empyrea — the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years? The biggest! — If My computation device is hacked? And everybody else is quitting the project…

      Bill Webb does good work. Maybe he’ll have some time for it soon. But not Blackhead Matt. I refuse to work with a child-rapist. I have standards. I’m a Prince. Do you think I could get funding from some of my fellow Princes, the ones in Nigeria? They email Me all the time. I have tried to reply, but I know nothing of IT, and so my responses are not properly sent. What about that Zak Smith fellow? I need an artist, and he lost his partner recently, StuPat? But No pornographic art. I don’t like that sort of thing, except Sutherland’s tracing of Miss May 1977 for the succubus illustration in the first Monster Manual. Darlene’s succubus illustration in the original DungeonMasters Guide was too flat and flabby. I like My corn-fed beauties well rounded and busty. Or with teats. And with a bit of Spunk. O Jessica, with the fire in your eyes, I was going to make you a Princess.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:27 pm

        someone’s hacked your facebook account, now, frank? must be those sneaky fucking russians.

        for your insertion issues, i think our boy billy-zee-dicksblood has something you can insert. can’t comment on its proportions, but he’s experienced.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:32 pm

        i see we have a pretender.

        you did well, pretender: i approve of the above message.

        secure in my identity, i remain,

        elrond hubbard

  31. Elrond Hubbard permalink
    October 28, 2017 11:42 am

    you are still full of yourself and full of shit.

    when apologizing and coming home to jesus, it helps if you don’t squirt feces into the baptismal pool while being publicly dunked. all that passive aggressive “personal info” that paints you as a victim undermines your apology.

    “president bush did it too…i’m sorry anyone was offended by my actions (not sorry for my actions, just that someone was offended)…i’m a victim [here is a description of my virtue and victimhood…ten times more text than i spent on my sort-of-apology]…here is some advice on how you can be a better person.”

    you are a clueless, hypocritical, pompous asshole. it is evident every time you open your mouth. keep talking so we get an even clearer picture of what a fucking douche you are.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 28, 2017 11:46 am

      fuck, i meant this as a reply to frank. wrong place.

      apparently as bad at this internet stuff as frank says he is, i remain,

      elrond hubbard

      • Arneson E. Van Vogt permalink
        October 28, 2017 11:08 pm

        You stole my ideas, faggot

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 11:29 pm

        what were these purloined ideas?

        dying of curiosity, i remain,

        elrond hubbard

      • Arneson E. Van Vogt permalink
        October 29, 2017 7:06 am

        20-sided Dienetics, Mister I’m-so-innocent. I’m going to sue for Rivendell, where all the Theta Queers hang out.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 29, 2017 1:29 pm

        you have been declared a sp and fair game.

        revenimus,

        elrond hubbard

  32. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 29, 2017 2:06 pm

    yawn.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 29, 2017 9:40 pm

      billy is bored?

  33. Landifarne permalink
    October 29, 2017 6:18 pm

    The shit-chute slowed down greatly, but you get a nugget like this every once in a while:

    Re: Mentzer & Webb

    “It’s not that they’re worse than rapists, is that they’re “rapists” even if not by legal definition, and doing such things over years with multiple instances is clearly worse than once.

    That is, ultimately one of the bigger problems. People treat, “have sex with me or I’ll ruin your career” as closer to, “if you have sex with me I’ll do you favors in this industry,” than, “have sex with me or I’ll physically hurt you.” When it should be the other way around. Coercing someone into having sex is sexual assault, not harassment, which puts it in the same category as rape.”

    – Heavy Arms

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?817741-RPG-Industry-sexual-harassment-Mentzer-abuse-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/page102

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      November 1, 2017 4:48 pm

      That colossal circle-jerk of a thread finally got shut down after 114 pages. Now they are working out an obligatory Code Of Conduct for discussing sexual harassment before allowing the blubbering to begin anew.

  34. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 1, 2017 11:20 am

    Can we get some more monsters with Frank’s head art please?

    I’d do it myself, but I’m too busy harassing the Mexican and Philippino chicks at my office (unlike those uppity white bitches they love it)

  35. tommy tippy permalink
    November 2, 2017 2:03 pm

    Cockballs, thought there was a second post inside 6 months there for a second
    https://yourdungeonissick.wordpress.com/

  36. November 2, 2017 4:12 pm

    So with Mercer cutting off Milo’s allowance, does Macris have a real job to go back to?

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 2, 2017 5:39 pm

      Autarch LLC. Where the REAL money is.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 2, 2017 6:37 pm

      Everybody say it, “The spice must flow!” Milo wasn’t good for the bottom line. Mercer’s had his fun, but being linked to a pro-pederasty bigot isn’t as fun as it seemed to be at first.

      It’s too bad Durr Hurr didn’t get in on this racket before Milo killed it. That ‘queer Eurotrash hate merchant’ gig would have paid more than his ‘failed grad student’ gig does.

  37. The Duffer Brothers permalink
    November 3, 2017 5:41 pm

    Sorry, Frankie Panky. We had the kids upgrade to Advanced Dungeons & Dragons in Season 2 because you are just too fucking dirty of an old man to be around the children you sick fuck!

    Also, we read your disgusting fan fic about raping Barb’s corpse! YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE ATE OUR CAT!!!!!!!!!

  38. Franky Panky permalink
    November 3, 2017 6:09 pm

    I frequent some of the lesser known, and thus inexpensive, Asian cuisine restaurants here in good Sharon, WI. It is entirely possible that I have eaten your cat. Probably with a nice Hoisin based marinade. Some dumplings too.

    Okay: We don’t have a feral cat problem. Anymore.

    You don’t suppose the once and future Princess Jessica rejected Me because of it, do you? I know she has cats. Lots of cats. I would never rub one of them the wrong way. Or eat one.
    Knowingly.

    She is going to die. Alone. In a seedy cat infested apartment.
    Only I, her Prince, can save her from such a dreadful fate. She still resists Me.

    The name is Franky Panky, not Frankie. Asshole. I do not appreciate the insult.

    If I find out your Realname you’ll have trouble registering for conventions and even buying game stuff by mail. You’re Troll.

    • The Duffer Brothers permalink
      November 3, 2017 6:41 pm

      You keep dreaming big, Frankie Panky. You are a has been. Scratch that. You are not a has been. YOU NEVER WERE!!!!!! We are the hottest thing in Hollywood right now and the BIG MONEY KEEPS ROLLING IN. Your small town Lake Geneva shithole bottom tier law school attornesy are going to get ASS RAPED by our BIG HUGE TEAM OF HOLLYWOOD JEW LAWYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      BTW How’s your Kickstarter doing? LOL! EPIC FAIL!

    • The Duffer Brothers permalink
      November 3, 2017 6:49 pm

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 4, 2017 4:18 pm

        You should have vanished, Troll. Now you’ll never get into any RPG Convention. Ever. You’re finished. Done. Toast. Don’t even try to get the USPS to deliver you anything RPG related. It won’t happen.

        Your cat was surprisingly tasty. It went well with a nice New Glarus Moon Man –https://newglarusbrewing.com/beers/ourbeers/beer/moon-man. Cat counts as ‘wild game’ under the food pairing.

        Do you want to know what the fortune cookie it came with said?

        Too bad. I won’t tell you.

        I had your cat’s pelt made into a hat. Like a Coonskin hat. With the tail. It makes Me look quite rakish.

        This is important: This –https://newglarusbrewing.com/beers/ourbeers/beer/raspberry-tart — is the beer I would serve my Princess, My Dulcinea… nay, My Wanda von Dunajew! The fair Jessica, since she is one Saucy Tart herself.

      • The Duffer Brothers permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:46 pm

        Well well well, Frankie Panky. You want to challenge the big boys? We are BIG HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS. You are Time to Make the Donuts you crusty old minimum wage grocery chain baker! Here is what YOU LOSE when we call out our BIG GUN HOLLYWOOD LAWYERS, the JEWISH ONES this time!
        1.Sexual access to minors
        2. Kickstarter, IndieGoGo, and GoFundMe
        3. Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime
        4. All Hollywood Red Carpet Premieres
        5. Jewish Lawyers (the only good lawyers since they have no souls)
        6. EN World, RPGNet, Tenkar’s Tavern, and Dragonsfoot
        7. Your (pitiful) net salary
        8. Oxygen and water
        9. RPGNow and DriveThruRPG
        10. The last remnants of your pride and dignity
        YOU HAVE BEEN SERVED MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:48 pm

        Mr. Mentzer, I’ve always been in your corner, but Jews man. That shit is serious.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 5, 2017 2:18 pm

        These Hollywood Lawyers to which you refer have no time for Me. They are too busy suing, or defending, Weinstein, and Spacey and soon, Woody Allen. (How do you think he got that first name, Woody?)

        Your threats are sad and risible. Asshole.

        Now pay attention.

        1. I have no interest in minors. I prefer My females well-developed. Well fed. And a bit feisty, like the fair Jessica. I live in the Dairy State for good reason. I did write BECMI D&D for minors, specifically pre-schoolers. It is the best selling version of D&D ever.
        2. I have already forsaken Kickstarter as an inferior platform for My Genius.
        3. What are these things? Are they Computer related?
        4. Vin Diesel had already invited Me to be his guest of honor when his D&D movie premiers. I will also be a consultant for it, as soon as it gets funding.
        5. All lawyers are soul-less. What are Jews? I live in Wisconsin. We have Lutherans. Are they related?
        6. I’ve been forced to Threaten Tenkar with litigation. I shall settle for a portion of his affiliate link money. It will amount to a princely sum indeed, a few tens of dollars per annum. Dragonsfoot — troll infested hole– and I have parted ways. Acrimoniously. ENWorld welcomes Me, as always, for the Prince that I am. What is this RPG.Net? What is a .Net? Is this a computer thing?
        7. I’m retired. I draw no salary.
        8. This is senseless.
        9. I’ve never hear of these. Are these publishers? I should contact them. They will leap at the chance to publish Empyrea, the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years!
        10. Ha. Lorraine Williams took those from Me decades ago. She keeps them in a jar by her bedroom door. They are next to another jar with something of Gary’s in it.

        I won’t contact you again, ever.

        Goodbye asshole. You’re anti-Game Community, anti-Civilization. Go away.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 4, 2017 1:33 am

      FIRST BARB NOW BOB DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE TO KILL OFF BOB TOO?????
      Also, this was what Frank Mentzer made Kent wear at his AN(nu)AL Hallow e’en Party:
      http://www.yandy.com/Upside-Down-Honey-Costume.php

  39. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 3, 2017 6:29 pm

    Looks like China Mieville isn’t such a ‘woke’ bloke after all:

    He and Zak deserve each other.

    • November 3, 2017 10:35 pm

      An unsurprising revelation. Nice to see I’m not the only one that felt his writing was pretentious.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 4, 2017 11:44 am

        Zak S and China are part of the pseudo-intellectual man twat club.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      November 4, 2017 4:32 am

      But the people discussing this are on Tublr and therefore mentally ill. It is so hard to figure out who is the most unlikeable and who to laugh at the hardest in these cases. Need help 😦

      • Industry Insider permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:05 am

        My take:

        Neurotic, asexual thirty-something is wined and dined by bald, pretentious writer for a period of a year. Unbeknownst to said psychobitch, baldy is wining and dining half a dozen other lunatics [’cause, you know, rich dudes without real jobs can do that.]

        Takes a full year to finally get in her pants (first time she’s been laid), after which she goes full Fatal Attraction. He obtains a (predictable) restraining order and she claims she is “emotionally raped.”

        The End.

      • November 4, 2017 9:54 pm

        @PrinceofNothing: I’m defaulting to China because I don’t know enough about the average Tumblrina to make a better judgement call.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 5, 2017 12:20 pm

        China actually tapped that thing? Whew. I guess you don’t get to play all those years of DnD without learning a little bit about courage.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 4, 2017 11:42 am

      If you are one of the SJW “woke” crowd like Black Hat Matt McFarland, you can rape a minor, get called on it, and still see your Kickstarter successfully fund. Not one single comment from the SJW crowd to call him out as a rapist in the Kickstarter comments.

      @yourrpgisshit – you should look into this.

      • November 4, 2017 9:59 pm

        @Arneson’s Spectre: That’s just it: if you’re the “right” kind of rapist you can do whatever. The question is what exactly causes SJWs to turn on each other. I’m guessing it’s a certain combination of (perceived) fame or wealth. Matt can rape all he likes: it’s only AFTER he makes enough money and/or gets popular enough that they’ll turn on him.

        Anyway, gotta get back to my article on why Lamentations is shit.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 5, 2017 3:14 pm

        The usual sort of hypocrisy. The lumpencommentariat proved quite vociferous, after pages of pages of endless posturing and other sorts of the virtue-signalling and expressions of “concern”, in asserting that the victim/accuser must ALWAYS BE BELIEVED no matter what. Deep down, they really do not believe that one of their own could have done such a thing, and do not place much credibility in the anonymous accuser who appeared out of the blue (or purple) to make the accusation. However, appearances must be maintained. Thus Blackhead Matt is duly stripped of his moderator stripes and banned from posting, at least under the Blackhead Matt username.

        The lumpencommentariat also has “concern” for Mrs/Xrs. Blackhead, who also moderates at BPD, and is Blackhead Matt’s business partner. Harming the kickstarter would also harm her. That would be “problematic”, especially given the (as of yet) completely unverified nature of the accusations against Matt.

        Did I use all the correct buzzwords? I learned them from Jessica’s twitter feed. 😉

  40. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    November 4, 2017 8:17 am

    GUYS GUYS GUYS!
    TENKAR’S TURDSHACK SUCKDUNGEON IS HERE!!!
    http://www.rpgnow.com/product/225734/Under-Tenkars-Tavern-Levels-13

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 4, 2017 4:05 pm

      Once a boisterous and popular bar, Tenkar’s Tavern has recently become a place shrouded in mystery and despair.

      Ain’t that the truth!

      • November 4, 2017 9:52 pm

        Just minus the mystery.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 4, 2017 11:21 pm

        Hahaha it’s gonna suck so much. Good thing is it reminded me of Wererats of Relfren, which was quite an enjoyable cheese-centric adventure.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 5, 2017 4:14 pm

      ”Members of the kitchen staff have disappeared and have not returned in several days.”

      It’s a mission to save Sexy Lexi and the other fry cooks!

      • Al'eh-xi permalink
        November 6, 2017 9:55 am

        Fell down a flight of stairs today. Was carrying a hotel pan of sizzling hot tomato bisque in two hands, when another cook decided to fly up the stairs, his head down, because he was in a hurry. I stopped him, avoided the collision, then took a step to the right to let him pass. And then, when I took my next step, there was no stair there.

        I stumbled down, nailed myself several times on the left hand side with the metal railing as I struggled not to deadfall down the stairs. I kept the pan in my hands, half juggling it, until I was at the bottom, when I finally had to let go of it to grab the railing. The pan hit the floor, losing only one third of its contents – with bisque, you oven cook the tomatoes until they’re on the edge of burning, to bring out the flavor – but that meant tomatoes all over the floor, on the walls, on the ceiling.

        They found me in the blackness after three hours; found me crouching in the blackness over the plump, half-eaten body of Sgt. Tenkar, with my own cat leaping and tearing at my throat. Now they have blown up Tenkar’s Tavern, taken my Nigger-Man away from me, and shut me into this barred room at Queen Street with fearful whispers about my heredity and experiences. Webb is in the next room, but they prevent me from talking to him. They are trying, too, to suppress most of the facts concerning the tavern. When I speak of poor Tenkar they accuse me of a hideous thing, but they must know that I did not do it. They must know it was the rats; the slithering, scurrying rats whose scampering will never let me sleep; the daemon rats that race behind the padding in this room and beckon me down to greater horrors than I have ever known; the rats they can never hear; the rats, the rats in the walls.

  41. Frog Gode permalink
    November 4, 2017 11:18 pm

    Live from GameHole : Venger just boarded the Tenkar Train (get you hand behind me, Satan?).

    As an aside : Erik, no matter how many “e” you drop, no, you can’t man my booth.

  42. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 6, 2017 11:23 am

    WTF?

    Not too many weeks ago I looked at a Lexi post and in it he was declaring he would no longer be talking about his personal life. So it only took that time for him to be sharing his harrowing life at work making like Chris Farley as he stumbles over co-workers who barely acknowledge his very existence, careening over stair railings and spraying the joint down with tomato soup we can only hope he didn’t jack-off into (“fuckin’ old ladies always complaining about the soup not being salty enough! Oooh…yeaaaa…I got…yer…salt…here it cums…oh gawd…”).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 6, 2017 4:18 pm

      I thought DEM TITTIES would have broken his fall…

  43. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 6, 2017 7:41 pm

    That RPGnet sexual harassment circle-jerk thread is resurrected and in full swing. The first guy to bring up that pesky “Constitutional” idea about being innocent until proven guilty got banned right quick. Also Frankie is apparently now guilty of multiple counts of physical assault at some con or other. Hey, if it’s on the internet, it must be true! And if you are feeling disappointed that Pollycon never got off the ground you will be happy to learn that the good ol’ boys at NTRPGCon are packing plenty of heat (multiple weapons each) and will kick you out on your ass if you dare discuss religion or politics at the gaming table. Being a member of ISIS is OK, however. Just don’t interrupt your play session to pray to Allah.

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?818696-TX-Gaming-con-Sexual-Assault-rapists-terrorists-all-welcome-to-come-according-organizer

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2017 7:01 am

      That’s another instant-classic thread. These guys would have been at the first wave of Kristallnacht.

      I love this Critias faggot:

      “My real-life name is Russell Zimmerman. I do games for a living; I write tie-in fiction for established settings, I contribute to sourcebooks, I write whole sourcebooks, I wrote a PC game, I playtest, write adventures, yadda yadda yadda. I also live about twenty miles away from the North Texas RPG Con. I could not be more the target demographic for this organization, and could not be an easier scoop as a guest.

      I will not do so.”

      Does Russ really think he should qualify as a guest for NTRPGCon? Because they couldn’t be clearer that they are an old school con, and nothing on his highly polished resume even hints at old school. If you played 0e or 1e or 2e, or even S&W, LL, or (embarrassingly) LOTFAP, would the name Russell Zimmerman make you say, “Really?!?! Oh, Boy!”

      This guy’s self-deceptive arrogance is almost as bad as Lexi’s.

    • Landifarne permalink
      November 7, 2017 9:20 pm

      The assholes at rpg.net created the entire situation from scratch to extend their righteous indignation as far as possible and portray their methods as being justified. One of the first things they did in the original Mentzer/Webb thread was to attach the sexual harassment issue to NTRPG Con, as the Con had a “history of inviting Mentzer and Webb as Special Guests.” Not to any conventions that they actually sponsor, attend or run, but to a specific convention dedicated to traditional gaming. Within a few hours of the original thread opening it was all “Gee, I wonder what NTRPG Con’s response is?”

      This new thread is a complete, fabricated set-up, and I’m saddened to see new people get pulled into it, particularly a guy who has been battling cancer.

      Of course, while this new attack thread has been going on the moderators at rpg.net have shut down discussion on all of the harassment that came to light within their own community. Very classy, that.

      • Ursa George Artio permalink
        November 8, 2017 8:01 pm

        Again, the big point is that Mr. Rhea’s blustery hyper-masculine response and characterization of emails expressing concern as attacks make an environment that is hostile to reporting harassment.

        He is scary. If something happened, I wouldn’t want to go to him or say anything about it because I have learned to fear the hostility of defensive fragile hyper-masculinity and I know I am not alone in this.

        No wonder HE’S never seen it.

      • Landifarne permalink
        November 8, 2017 10:20 pm

        Ironic double posting there, and here…well played, sir!

        You’re going to need a sobriquet. I suggest Unka Frank or Unka Bill.

  44. Franky Panky permalink
    November 6, 2017 8:44 pm

    I assault no one. Liars. The Big Purple Dildo. Trollheim. Outside of their tiny niche, they are powerless. Impotent. They know this. It gnaws at them. It embitters them. Sayre’s law, or a corollary, applies here. They must vigorously and viciously defend their little bailiwick. Pitiful specimens.
    They can suck it. Because:

    FUNDED!
    [img]https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HMxhPUZ5hJY/WgBiB0ckeVI/AAAAAAAArHM/6J_JZL90zzE2vaqmS82-r8gYj7bWjrwXACLcBGAs/s1600/23261998_10159461725685858_1253062036_o.jpg[//img]
    The biggest, nay, GREATEST! pan-industry project ever!

    Yes. I did steal the screenshot from “Constable” Tenkar. Loser is on the AT&T network too.

    You will all pre-order it. It will be the highwater mark of the OSR movement. Dwimmermount will pale in comparison. All of those retro-clones. Ha! Only those which Empyrea supports will thrive. I am transformed from Prince to Emperor.

  45. Franky Panky permalink
    November 6, 2017 8:47 pm

    The Screenshot. maybe. Using computers is hard. I need to get my old Selectric out of storage.
    [img]https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HMxhPUZ5hJY/WgBiB0ckeVI/AAAAAAAArHM/6J_JZL90zzE2vaqmS82-r8gYj7bWjrwXACLcBGAs/s1600/23261998_10159461725685858_1253062036_o.jpg[/img]

  46. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 6, 2017 9:35 pm

    That reminds me, the renowned domain name Polyhedrongames.com is currently available for $1,400.

    Sigh!

    • bloodymage permalink
      November 7, 2017 10:07 am

      And I forgot to pay my Facebook bill. Again.
      Sigh 😦

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2017 7:04 am

      One neighbor who wished to keep his name out of the press posted that it was about ascending-vs-descending AC. Ronnie is a Non-Arnesonian descending guy.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 7, 2017 8:00 am

        “EVERY SINGLE COIN OF ENCUMBRANCE MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR!!!”

  47. Timotheus permalink
    November 7, 2017 9:53 am

    Breaking Fucking News:

    Jeffblow has stepped down as Colostomy House Website Blog Editor-in-Chiefish:

    http://www.castaliahouse.com/farewell/

    Evidently with the runaway success of his Appendix N fetishization rehash and all the iron he is pumping, he is a Popular Man now and lacks the time to cut-n-paste onto their website sub-site.

    But at least he exposed the conspiracy against out-of-print fiction! Thanks, Jeffie!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 7, 2017 11:10 am

      I like how he thinks that rehashing the sort of reviews JMal crapped out every so often was a revolutionary act.

    • November 7, 2017 12:51 pm

      What happened, did he get a job?

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 7, 2017 3:57 pm

        A hand job from Oakes Spalding in the comments.

    • November 7, 2017 10:24 pm

      Appendix N was fucking garbage and Jeff is a fucking hack. He actually said shit like “early editions of D&D placed no restrictions on the intelligence of magic-user characters”, and claimed that the premise of obtaining most spells by defeating other wizards “…has not been explored overmuch in either fantasy or gaming.”

      Makes you wonder if he actually played older D&D at all.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2017 12:36 pm

        If directly fighting a wizard was the only way to get spells, it would get talked about. But you also find them in treasure hoards, trade for them, etc. So the Eureka! moment of pondering taken them off the smoking remains of a fallen wizard is pretty weak.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        November 8, 2017 5:40 pm

        I think a major stylistic shift between 1st and 2nd edition was that in 1st edition you gained XP either by killing monsters or by gaining treasure. In 2nd edition you only got it by killing monsters. So the focus of the game changed from occasionally trying to outwit monsters or sneak around their lairs avoiding them and stealing their treasure to simply charging in like a killing machine.

        Correct me if I’m wrong on that. I’m not a 2nd Ed. guy.

        One similar shift that happened in the RPGA tournaments was that originally teams of players would progress to the next round, so you had to work well together as a team. Later on, individual players would be voted to advance so the focus shifted from teamwork to being the best amateur thespian at the table. Who was in charge of that little decision? Thanks, Frankie Pankie!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 8, 2017 10:14 pm

        You’re quite welcome Zarkon. It sounds like you will enjoy Empyrea immensely. Shall I put you in for 2 copies: One to use and one to keep ‘mint’?

        How did I fund it, you ask? Watch for an upcoming episode of that TV show, Shark Tank. (Yes, I made it onto TV. Take that, Stranger Things.) Mark Cuban practically offered to fellate Me right there on camera. I declined. The “Dragon’s Tail” is exclusively for My Lady Jessica.

        Appendix N was just a list of books Gary read. There is nothing sacred about it. That Jeffblo’s book is pretentious crap. And I can certainly recognize pretentious crap. I’m quite familiar with it.

      • November 9, 2017 10:57 am

        To clarify, Jeff is making a comparison with The Dying Earth, where wizards mostly had to fight/trade/steal with each other to get different spells. This is where he SOMEHOW claims that this “has not been explored overmuch in either fantasy or gaming”.

        In 2nd Edition the only way wizards got automatic spells was by being a specialist (I think one per level), otherwise you had to research them, or (the quickest/cheapest way) kill another magic user and take his shit. Also scrolls as treasure.

        In regards to the whole “early editions of D&D placed no restrictions on the intelligence of magic-user characters”, you had to have an Intelligence of 9 or higher to be a wizard at all, AND your Intelligence capped the highest level spells you could cast!

        So my question is what was Jeff doing that he somehow that was playing D&D?

    • Rob Kuntz permalink
      November 8, 2017 8:08 pm

      Leave it to the dumbed down “literati” of today to say that anything that is open-ended equates to no straight forward benefits. Talk about cognitive dissonance! You see, linearity in thought has been accepted as a cognitive equation for too long in education and thus its byproducts in every institution, including the game design “industry”. This perforce champions the A+B=C course of thinking (the shortest course between two points), the exact opposite of what was espoused in OD&D. The shortest course between two points is a contracted throughput which adheres to a production protocol in thought and application (i.e., what is constant and immediate). The genius of OD&D is that it can be sculpted to flow diametrically upward while denying the immediate and constant “medium” curve in thought and application, thus shattering the linear model that was a standard in the games industry for hundreds of years. Its persistent results are in a prolongated building of continual abstractions and information and thus its use has direct as well as indirect outcomes as well as a marked unpredictability which at the least creates more choices and at the most new thinking and cognitive angles for future application, material or philosophical. The extended use of such a system creates active cognitive growth whereas production is geared only to its cyclical results, rinse and repeat. This is what, in the larger societal view, the mainstay of our thinking today has become (linear, based upon immediate throughput) so it is no surprise seeing that quote pushed forward as having merit and the dissonance connected with it. I won’t be reading the article for obvious reasons.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2017 9:03 pm

        Now, THAT is what I call bafflegab! If Kuntz is such a paragon of cognitive ability, why is he a barely functional scrub rather than a Randian Übermensch?

  48. Ayn Rand, rape enthusiast permalink
    November 9, 2017 1:04 am

    She tried to tear herself away from him. The effort broke against his arms that had not felt it.
    Her fists beat against his shoulders, against his face. He moved one hand, took her two wrists, pinned them behind her, under his arm, wrenching her shoulder blades. She twisted
    her head back. She felt his lips on her breast. She tore herself free.
    She fell back against the dressing table, she stood crouching, her hands clasping the edge
    behind her, her eyes wide, colorless, shapeless in terror. He was laughing. There was the
    movement of laughter on his face, but no sound. Perhaps he had released her intentionally.
    He stood, his legs apart, his arms hanging at his sides, letting her be more sharply aware ofhis body across the space between them than she had been in his arms. She looked at the
    door behind him, he saw the first hint of movement, no more than a thought of leaping toward
    that door. He extended his arm, not touching her, and fell back. Her shoulders moved faintly,
    rising. He took a step forward and her shoulders fell. She huddled lower, closer to the table. He let her wait. Then he approached. He lifted her without effort. She let her teeth sink into is
    hand and felt blood on the tip of her tongue. He pulled her head back and he forced her mouth open against his.

    She fought like an animal. But she made no sound. She did not call for help. She heard the
    echoes of her blows in a gasp of his breath, and she knew that it was a gasp of pleasure. She reached for the lamp on the dressing table. He knocked the lamp out of her hand. The crystal burst to pieces in the darkness.

    He had thrown her down on the bed and she felt the blood beating in her throat, in her eyes,
    the hatred, the helpless terror in her blood. She felt the hatred and his hands; his hands
    moving over her body, the hands that broke granite. She fought in a last convulsion. Then the
    sudden pain shot up, through her body, to her throat, and she screamed. Then she lay still.
    It was an act that could be performed in tenderness, as a seal of love, or in contempt, as a
    symbol of humiliation and conquest. It could be the act of a lover or the act of a soldier
    violating an enemy woman. He did it as an act of scorn. Not as love, but as defilement. And
    this made her lie still and submit. One gesture of tenderness from him–and she would have
    remained cold, untouched by the thing done to her body. But the act of a master taking
    shameful, contemptuous possession of her was the kind of rapture she had wanted. Then she felt him shaking with the agony of a pleasure unbearable even to him, she knew that she had given that to him, that it came from her, from her body, and she bit her lips and she knew what he had wanted her to know.

    • Sexy Lexy, Advocate of Raping Pirates permalink
      November 9, 2017 2:26 am

      The moody, dangerous Pirate Captain heads down to the beach, bottle of ouzo in hand, mourning the loss of her dead husband, whom the party briefly knew and whom they buried. The player character watches her, well aware of how violent she can be, how deep her feelings – and though she’s been described by a male DM, the description is compelling, just like every description of a strong female character in a book or story written by a man has been since the dawn of time. And the player would like to do something. He’s interested in where events might go if somehow this NPC were induced to be more than just a momentary distraction, but an ally too. But how to approach her. She seems to disdain everyone and everything. But clearly she is filled with passion. What to do?

      Like any fighter girdling on a sword and stepping up to a lion, daring to face the thing in its lair, he marches forward and without any weapons at all. He knows she probably carries a dagger. He knows she’s murdered men before. But he wants to believe there’s more than that. He tells the DM he seizes her by the arm, and turns her around. He’s a fighter, he’s fifty pounds more than her, and the DM rolls a die. “I tell her to stop being stupid,” the player tells the DM. “I tell her she cannot mourn his death forever. She’s destroying herself with liquor and this endless sorrow. I shout at her, tell her to be alive now, to recognize that her dead husband would not want her to stay like this.”

      “She fights you,” says the DM, and the player realizes that her hand might in that moment reach for the dagger she has hidden. “I hold on tight.” The DM pronounces that the player is successful. The woman doesn’t speak, and asks if the player says anything else. The player, daring, says, “I tell her that her husband left her.” The DM rolls a die, says the woman breaks free and punches the fighter. He takes a point of damage. “DAMN YOU!” the woman says. The fighter doesn’t give in. “He gave you all he had and now he has left you. He’s left you here, alone, and you know that there’s nothing else he can give you!”

      A roll. The DM says the woman stands her ground, furious, trying with all her strength to hold herself together, but clearly she’s too overwhelmed to speak.

      The fighter says, “I speak to her very gently. I tell her she’s not alone. I tell her there are others here who won’t leave. Who will fight with you, win with you … and die WITH you. If you will open your eyes.”

      She looks at the fighter. The DM announces that she is overwhelmed. He says that the woman lifts a hand, half-heartedly, towards the fighter.

      The fighter responds, “I seize the hand. I use it to pull her tight against me. If she makes no protest, I kiss her hard. I make her understand I’ve meant every word.”

      The DM says she doesn’t fight. She gives in. She yields. The fighter says, “I press her down to the sand. I’m very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I’m willing to be there for her.”

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 9, 2017 7:17 pm

        “…I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I’m willing to be there for her. And that she can have some fries with it. Or some ‘Tomato Bisque’. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge…”

        A veritable Jacqueline Carey, this Alexis. She has potential for modest success by self-publishing in the pulp erotica genre.

        I can do a dramatic reading of her works for My Lady Jessica. That will thaw Milady’s heart. I will have My fun. Finally. Which is all that matters.

      • Ghost of a Pirate's Husband permalink
        November 10, 2017 6:09 pm

        THAT WAS SO HOT I EJACULATED MY ECTOPLASM ALL OVER THEM WHILE I WATCHED FROM THE ETHEREAL PLANE!

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 9, 2017 6:34 am

      X-card! X-CARD!!!!!!

    • Alexis Tao, Randian Fry Cook permalink
      November 9, 2017 5:15 pm

      “I press the Idaho russet to the hot oil. I’m very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want the potato to understand that this is not cooking, this is me caring for it. I want it to understand that I’m willing to be there for it.”

  49. Gary Gygax (OFFICIAL) permalink
    November 9, 2017 5:42 pm

    I’m glad I’m dead so you don’t find out I too sodomized 14 year old Corey Haim back in my Hollywood days! The boy pussy and cocaine was EVERYWHERE!

  50. Timotheus permalink
    November 9, 2017 7:53 pm

    Not sure what the fuck is really going on, but there is another rage fire on the big purple dildo,

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?819163-A-message-from-Green-Ronin-re-CA-Suleiman/page6

    This is about the place they (is that the correct pronoun for a bunch of candyasses?) all start turning on each other. This involves some writer of middle eastern origin hitting on chicks, and Green Ronin and the Horror Writers of America and c-list authors, and how it is all really a plot by the evil white dudes at ntrpgcon to deflect from the fact that they have had zero fatalities in their 9 years. Somebody says they can’t go on anymore because they don’t know anyone to trust (hint: get offline) and that fag Critias who wants to say no to being a guest at a convention he is unqualified for tells everyone to take care of themselves because the threads at rpgnet are heath endangering.

    Tough to believe these are not actors.

    • Franky Panky (Validated User) permalink
      November 9, 2017 9:27 pm

      Not actors, but most definitely drama queens. Amusing reactions to getting a strong dose of Reality. *Progressives* are not perfect. Gasp.

      Green Ronin, they of Blue Rose RPG? How could the SJW’s turn on them? First Paizo and now Green Ronin. Groupthink is fun. Bets on which “Virtuous and Woke” Game Publishing Co. will be next? These infants could use a good Reign of Terror. Cull the herd. At least smacks all around.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 10, 2017 8:20 am

        They turned on Paizo faster than Jesse Owens in Munich. Already rumblings about Onyx Path. Can Evil Hat be far behind? And then next week, Cam Banks.

        Kill them all, let Wundergeek sort them out.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 12, 2017 10:10 pm

        Green Ronin have been on the outs for a while now, ever since a “they don’t pay their fucking freelancers on time” storm a while back.

        Onyx Path… let’s see, is this “we didn’t pay David Hill on time and he ragequit tabletop development”, “we employ Ian ‘VonAether’ Watson and he creepily cozies up to anyone who looks like a big name in Fake Woke Gamer Circles”, or have they done something serious?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 10, 2017 1:52 am

      Not actors, just half-baked PJ. RPGnet is just one giant play-by-post metagame of Blue Rose, with hints of the Raft of the Medusa.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 12, 2017 10:10 pm

        Nailed it. Salut.

    • Landifarne permalink
      November 10, 2017 8:42 am

      The rpg-related portion of rpg.net is really has two foci: threads where 3E, 4E and 5E (and all the story-type game) GMs and players yap away about game concerns; threads where (supposed) woke individuals pretend that they are concerned about SJW issues.

      I say supposed and pretend because it became clear to me that their primary purpose is to belittle and denounce those aspects of gaming that do not serve to fatten their wallets. The numerous semi-employed, storygame-ish freelancers that drive their SJW discussions never fail to suggest that people attend a particular convention (which happens to employ them), a new source book (that they contributed to), or a certain blog (which they derive revenue from). Appelcline and his mods actively shut down discussions and threads which have the potential to hurt the site’s own revenue streams and which do not strengthen the in-group boundaries that they drew years ago. It’s all a load of hypocritical bull shit.

      Tenkar’s blatant pimping is tame in comparison.

  51. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 9, 2017 11:22 pm

    “We are gathered today to see these three girls on the verge of becoming women take their challenge and become full members of the clan,” the chief’s voice boomed out over the gathered crowd to rapturous applause and cheering. “They have come of age and now are ready to face their final test to take down a beast of their own choosing.”

    More cheering and praise boomed from the audience. I turned to look at the other two naked girls who stood before the crowd trying to cover themselves with their hands. Their bowed heads made them look like the children they were. I sneered at the pitiful way the two girls cowered before the chief not even able to look him in the eye. I may have been seen as a bit of a loose woman by some in the tribe but at least I was able to hold my head and stand naked before a horde of men and women without wilting under their scrutiny. There was no comparison between those two little girls and me. I had a better figure, was more muscular and much prettier than either of them. It was I who would become the chief’s woman when Cooland succeeded his father and through him rule the tribe.

    — Ravished by the Triceratops, Christie Sims

    • @wundergeek permalink
      November 10, 2017 1:59 am

      Just when I thought I was done with my Bigfoot obsession, you pull me back in ! Some days I can’t with you, cisdudes, I really can’t.

      • Franky Panky (Social Justice Prince & Validated User) permalink
        November 11, 2017 9:24 am

        Greetings, Wundergeek.

        First, congratulations of the success of your kickstarter, The Watch. I never considered that a timepiece, or chronometer, hehe, could be the subject of a RPG. How clever.

        An Offer:
        What Cons will you be attending in the near future? Perhaps we can “meet”? 😉 I believe that we would find one another’s company mutually, ahem, enjoyable? I am willing to share the “Dragon’s Tail” with you.

        An Expansion:
        Could you Persuade Jessica to attend too. I’m not sure how to pronounce it, but the French have this term…

        I’m 67, semi-retired, the author of the best selling version of D&D, baker extraordinaire, and not *looking*. Just offering.

      • @wundergeek permalink
        November 11, 2017 10:30 am

        Today is National Coming Out Day, and that’s great, but I’m just feeling grumpy about how my queerness isn’t “real” enough to come out abt

      • Wundergeek's Inner Child permalink
        November 11, 2017 4:12 pm

        Don’t be half-gay, go all the way!

        You’ll actually respect yourself.

        Well, maybe YOU won’t. And maybe nobody else will either.

        When will my that fucking daughter of yours stop begging for food and attention? I’m trying to MMO with my buds from high school here. We’re about to takedown the Male Gaze Cannons.

    • SparkleMotion permalink
      November 10, 2017 12:12 pm

      I’m feeling triggered here in all the right ways. Can someone roll d20 and tell me if I passed my SAN check?

    • OA,BD permalink
      November 10, 2017 7:32 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

  52. Timotheus permalink
    November 13, 2017 11:15 am

    Oakes Spalding has uncovered a fraud on the internets:

    http://saveversusallwands.blogspot.com.uy/2017/11/jacob-bos-of-5realms-is-troll-and-liar.html

    Moreover, it reveals how America is assaulting the Religious!

    The comments are gold, with that faggot Scott Anderson showing up to whine about the godless liberals opening a new front in their unholy war, Oakes fellating him, and arch-dumbass Matt Celis dropping another witty one-liner.

    • Oakes Spalding permalink
      November 13, 2017 2:29 pm

      Some Christians still believe D&D is anti-Christian. This has had some effect in dissuading Christians from playing D&D.

      But it has had absolutely no effect on the mainstream hobby or, say, current D&D (5th edition) as a product. On the other hand, SJW influence has greatly impacted current D&D. The fact, for example, that there is almost no “skin” whatsoever in illustrations of 5th edition classes, a phenomenon which reaches almost comical proportions, isn’t due to Christian puritanism but, rather, SJW intimidation. There’s ten times as much partial and near nudity in the statues and paintings at my church than in 5th edition D&D.

      • Franky Panky (Woke & Validated User) permalink
        November 13, 2017 8:37 pm

        The SJWs are not so intimidating. Good ol’ Tarnowski and Zakmeister both got to consult on 5E. Plus, look at the character options. Nothing for Genderfluid, non-binary etc… D&D 5E is still Patriarchy oriented and exclusionaryist to all but cishet males. It remains the same oppressionative perpetuation of cis-hetero-caucaso-fascist ideology that it has always been. I’m so ashamed to have been a part of it.
        Does that sound about right? I’ve been corresponding with the Wundergeek. She is trying to *awaken* Me. I intend to “let” her 😉 Whatever it takes to get a slice on the side. Do I have the talk down?

        Nota Bene: I am aware that I have lowered My standards. Considerably. The Wisconsin Winter is coming and Franky Panky wants to stay warm. Any port in a storm. Milady Jessica’s port is closed tighter than Madagascar’s in a pandemic.

        More:
        What the hell kind of name is Oakes anyway? Sounds suspicious to me. Frank. Tim. Gary. Jim. Tom. These are proper names. Oakes is a porno name. Think about it. Too many porno creeps in RPGs these days. Bad for the image.

        I have to admit that the Evangelicals were really good for sales, BITD. These SJWs, from what I hear, have no effect on sales. They don’t even like D&D, or RPGs anyway. Simpering Juvenile Wussies.

        Please.
        Don’t tell Wundergeek I wrote that last part.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 13, 2017 5:13 pm

      A very generous donation has been made to Planned Parenthood in Oakes Spalding’s name.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 13, 2017 5:14 pm

      Oakes is also absolutely right. I’ll be sending Roy Moore and Donald Trump to his house to have sex with his children as the Bible says they can.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 15, 2017 10:40 pm

      I suspect Oakes made Jacob Bos up, and created that blog and the social media profiles himself.

  53. @wundergeek permalink
    November 14, 2017 5:59 am

    Hey, tweeps. Just got back from a con, so let’s talk about con crushes and not being fucking creepy. (thread)
    Con crushes at RPG conventions are pretty common, especially when you play deeply emotionally affecting games. And that’s okay!
    I’m an ace person, and I get con crushes too – although mostly my crushes consist of being aflutter and wanting to talk lots.
    Even so! When you’re in convention headspace (ie no eating, sleeping, etc) – con crush feelings can be OVERWHELMING and hard to deal with.
    This is also okay! As long as you act like a fucking grownup and keep your hands and feelings to yourself.
    More specifically: DON’T tell them you want to fuck them. DO tell them you think they’re cool/exciting – ONLY if you can be low-key about it
    DON’T compliment them on their body. DO compliment an aspect of their appearance they clearly put effort into.
    When I’m just natural blonde, I get a lot of attention bc it’s so light and I’m just like “… thanks? My head pooped it like this.”
    Frex, compliment their hair style, or their winged eyeliner, or a particular distinctive item of clothing. Those are always safe.
    Also, using a friend as a feelings outlet is great. If you HAVE to tell someone about your feelings, tell a friend who can KEEP A SECRET.
    Seriously. Don’t try to engineer some game of telephone, hoping it will get back to your crush. That’s weird and creepy.
    It can be really fun swapping con crush feelings with a friend you know has your back! Safe outlets for crushfeels are great!
    DO walk up to your crush and talk to them if you see them not engaged in an event/game. DON’T follow them w/o permission if they leave.
    Lastly, DO NOT SEND THEM PICTURES OF YOUR JUNK. DON’T DO IT. EVER. OKAY? JESUS. [/thread]

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 14, 2017 6:46 am

      Wow, too much to unpack here. I guess she hit on some “concrush” and got turned down and is now trying to flip the script?

      With every tweet, I bet her husband feels prouder and stronger as both man and husband.

      This is a great bit: “DO compliment an aspect of their appearance they clearly put effort into.”
      I guess a subtle way to do this with Wundergeek is to ask her to the cafeteria for some deep-fried lard-coated cheese burgers smothered in gravy with a side of dorito-encrusted cheesecake?

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 14, 2017 7:37 am

        Forcing myself to go and read the actual tweets (and to think that some people do that every day – God!), it seems that the aspect she is refering to is that wonderful Toilet Duck Blue she dyed her hair with, to get rid of the one redeeming feature of her appearance : her “natural blonde” (“it’s so light !”).

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 14, 2017 10:43 am

        Ah, your reading comprehension/twiiter patience is superior to mine, Froggy.

        I still believe, however, she put a lot more effort into the mass she displaces than her blonde disposal regimen.

      • Franky Panky (Frightened & Validated User) permalink
        November 14, 2017 3:25 pm

        Confession:
        I’m Wundergeek’s Con Crush. We met up. She/Xe is such a drab, mousy thing. Pathetic really. Sad and depressing. I gave her a pity fuck. I am, as noted, a gentleman. Always willing to help the ladies, or reasonable facsimiles thereof.

        Well.
        She had her first orgasm. Ever.
        Now I cannot get rid of her/xer.

        Does anybody have China Mieville’s contact information. He seems to have endured something similar with this “Bidisha”. I could use some advice.

        Also, that photo she sent, the one of her ‘junk’?
        Ewww. Serious ‘wizard sleeve’. I suspect it produces a terrible whistling sound in a strong breeze. I’m sstill nauseous.
        Good thing the hotel room at the con was dark.
        I destroyed My phone that had the image on it. Image deletion was not enough.

        How’s that new iPhone?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 16, 2017 8:38 am

        If wundergeek ever confessed to me I was hir con crush, I would report hir for sexual harassment to the con organizer. The one with the gun. #nofatchicks

  54. Robrt cOnly permalink
    November 14, 2017 9:45 pm

    Jim Raggi is very consistent in the weird horror tone of Death Frost Doom. It is steeped in the same vibe that infuses the work of Bierce, Chambers, and Lovecraft. If I encountered this module I would quickly enter into what I would call “Call of Cthulu” I would assume that everything is out to fuck me because it all infused in whatever magic/thing that “man is not supposed to know”.

    A room choked with vines where the updraft through the foliage creates an eerie song that otherwise doesn’t do anything else definitely something that fall into “don’t fuck with it unless you know more” category.

    My initial criticism of this portion of the module is that no where is there anything written that explains how the players can learn more. However when I read it again, Raggi does mention that a simple Speak with Plant spell will work to allow passage through the vines. It not a stretch to think that if you ask the vines what it doing with the song that the party can learn more.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      November 15, 2017 7:02 pm

      No module actually says no druids allowed!!!! They fuck the module!!!!

  55. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 15, 2017 10:38 pm

    This guy should be guest of honor at North Texas RPG Con.

    He’s not the hero America needs, but he’s the hero America deserves.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 16, 2017 3:46 pm

      “Porn Mag Girdle” is the new Chainmail Bikini.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 16, 2017 8:31 pm

        ‘Hustler’ haramaki…

      • November 16, 2017 10:40 pm

        No encumbrance, yet the enemy’s jizz keeps lowering your AC during the fight. Genius.

  56. Franky Takes It Up The Butt permalink
    November 19, 2017 4:33 am

    Shame on you! How very gender-binary. A percentage– unknown of course, but presumably a significant percentage– of RPG.net members do not identify as either male or female. Your attempt to cram them into one of these two gender roles, or ignore them altogether, marginalizes and otherizes them. Be more inclusive in the future.

    • Franky Panky (having My fun) permalink
      November 19, 2017 12:37 pm

      Wundergeek made me do it. Xhe has compromising photos of Me. I did indeed take it up the butt. 😥 My precious anal virginity. Stolen from Me. I’m soiled. Unclean. I knew I should have just left the room, but I do love a good nap afterwards.
      At least I’m not constipated anymore. I took a crap so big I dropped 2 pants sizes. O blessed relief.

      Or maybe I was just having My fun. Pots don’t stir themselves.

      • Lorraine Williams permalink
        November 19, 2017 2:35 pm

        Nice try, Frankie. You don’t remember those weekly reamings in the board room back during the Reagan Administration? 1d10 polearm damage every Thursday, as I recall. I used to joke with the Blume brothers about my expeditions in the Temple of Fundamental Evil, by which I meant your service entrance.

      • Franky Panky ( Walking Strangely ) permalink
        November 19, 2017 8:17 pm

        Witch! That was James Ward experiencing the joys of the “Bohemian Earspoon”, you syphilitic whore.

        …And making him close his eyes and think of Buck Rogers… evil. You are pure evil.

        A decent proposal: Have you met Wundergeek? I think the three of us could get along very well. Briefly. How say you?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 19, 2017 9:13 pm

        Now, Mr Mensers, I believe the term you are looking for is “Bohemian Rearspoon”.

  57. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 20, 2017 12:21 am

    Haven’t heard from Kunt in a fortnight. You finally do the right thing and take your worthless life, shit for brains?

    • False Patrick permalink
      November 23, 2017 5:11 am

      I have been back for a month now, and judging by the lack of reaction to my dramatic reading of ‘The Faerie Queene’ (wink wink) I could as well have offed myself. Fuck all of you.

      • November 23, 2017 11:23 pm

        Still time to do something right for once in your miserable life. Would be something we’d all give thanks for!

      • @wundergeek permalink
        November 24, 2017 1:39 am

        The thing that I wish men could understand is that it is just very hard to be alive right now if you are not a cisdude. I don’t mean that in a suicidal way; I’m NOT and never have been. It’s just actually difficult to eat and sleep and just fucking exist.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 24, 2017 4:30 am

        Looks like Pat is trying to lure Durr Hurr into his white van with his Elizabethan ‘milkshake’. The joke is on him, Durr Hurr only likes fake Elizabethan shit.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 26, 2017 6:01 am

        So Patty runs away after an altercation with The Attack, and shows back up 2 months later to post his high school notes of the Faerie Queen. Looks like his career is over.

      • November 26, 2017 7:43 am

        Depressing but not suprising. Don’t bring crippling depression and conflict avoidance to a narcissism-fight. Apparently the Z-man got at least partial custody over Scrapprincess if I interpreted a recent post correctly.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 24, 2017 11:33 am

      It’s probably hiding in some dark place to heal, like all briefs-sniffing Jeepers Creepers do, having eaten enough human meat (I mean dick).

  58. My Nipple Pic Will Outlive Me permalink
    November 23, 2017 2:40 am

    From Tao, 11/9 :

    ” I Won’t Be Here Forever
    You can see from the monitor that I’m all right. I am not now in the hospital, though I was this morning ~ I was there to find out what was going on … and the doctor decided to find out if I’d had a heart attack or a stroke, because I had experienced a steady pain in my high left side starting the evening before.

    There seemed no reason for panic. The doctor was just being sure; but I took advantage of the situation and took a selfie. What the hell. Sorry if the nipple offends; I have a secret desire to be as infamous as Janet Jackson.

    Judging by the various displays and the doctor’s feelings about it, I’m good to last for some time yet.

    The problem, as it turned out, is interstitial bruising of the inside of my rib cage wall, probably from the heartburn and sustained stomach acid attack I experienced yesterday, which went on for five very unpleasant hours.

    I’d just like to finish that the 2.25 hour hospital visit I had this morning, with an EEG, bloodwork, and the use of an emergency bed, was free. Paid for by my fellow Canadians and myself. Thank you all.”

    • Franky Panky (Canadian-phobe) permalink
      November 23, 2017 9:36 pm

      If someone pays for it, it is not, by definition free. *Canadian logic*, eh. We in Wisconsin always hate it when they sneak across to border to , uhm, “tip” our cows and steal our jobs. I wouldn’t be so bad if they would just learn to speak English.

      Alexis Qaeda weighs in at what, 240 pounds. How tall is he? I bet the doctor told him, “Lay off the Horton’s donuts, you fat pants-load, eh. Hoser!”

      Also, who is stupid enough to tolerate heartburn for 5 hours? Take a Pepcid, you dumb fuck. Nevermind. The question answers itself.

      “Bohemian Rearspoon”. Very good. Very good indeed. I’m going to use it, and take credit for coming up with it too. (Just like with basic D&D. I did write the best-selling version. N/M Moldvay’s work. And that is *Basic* in the current connotation, BTW.)

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 23, 2017 11:24 pm

        Heh, cow tupping…

    • November 23, 2017 10:18 pm

      He thinks the New Yorker’s a monthly that pays on average $5 a word. Maybe $5 Canadian (=20 cents in real money), eh?

  59. Timotheus permalink
    November 26, 2017 5:58 am

    Stockholm is alive and well in the blOwSR.

    Raggi blows off the people who funded his ref book for years, not even bothering to do an update for over a year. Tenkar slut shames him into doing a reluctant update, which consists of “Because fuck you, that’s why” and everyone applauds him for his honesty and integrity.

    The funny thing is that Fags would just as soon see their exploded grey matter all over a dissected woman, and these cash-drones are all like “This is why I love Raggi!”

    Dumbfucks.

    Ironically, my computer seems to be having problems with cut-and-paste. But you can find the shame post and suck-a-dick post both at the Turdshack.

    • @LoLFP permalink
      November 26, 2017 6:41 am

      Are you under 21 and want to get professionally published in the RPG industry? I’m the devil to deal with. Details: http://tinyurl.com/y73ox427

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 26, 2017 11:46 am

        Hah! Sounds like Jimmy wants to do a clone of Monsterhearts while assuming a Weinstein role to a bunch of teens.

      • Franky Panky (Euro-phobe) permalink
        November 26, 2017 4:30 pm

        He is in Finland? In France it is possible for an old man to have sex with an 11 year old girl and get away with it. Who knows what is legal in Finland. Those European countries… So sanctimonious and so very hypocritical.

        He should move a bit farther north, and get Santa’s pointy-eared freaks to work for him in their off-season. Bells on the toes of your shoes: So Metal. Such Edgy.

        Consider: The people in his target age cohort have never heard of the bands he named. Or the names he dropped.

        He should contact Me. I can do edgy. I can write something for the Lot-Fap game, right after I finish “Empyrea: the biggest pan-industry…”

        Surrendering. I can’t live the lie anymore. Empyrea is done and done. He should contact Me because I need the work. And I can write for a younger audience. I wrote *Basic* D&D for children.

        Noted: Wundergeek returned. Wundie, Mein Schatzchen, has Lorraine Williams contacted you yet?

        No cameras this time. Seriously. Lorraine and cameras are a very bad idea.

      • Sweet Lorraine, Strapping One On permalink
        November 26, 2017 7:32 pm

        Canada can’t save you, Frankie. I’m testing out a new polearm, a guisarme-bulge, and I’m going to pound your ass like a cheap Montreal steak.

    • November 26, 2017 12:16 pm

      Maybe he got tired of his current wife (assuming she’s still alive) and is hoping to find some naive attention whore that’s just as “edgy” as he is.

  60. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 30, 2017 11:17 pm

    And as she watched it, Azog knew that this beast was no mother. It was male. The males were bigger and more muscular than the females, their heads pointier, their claws slightly longer. Their instincts were hungrier, more savage. A ripple of fear ran through Azog’s body. She watched, more warily now, until one of the baby raptors turned over, squawking in its sleep, distracting her. The beast darted forward, using one of its green scaly hands to knock the spear from Azog’s hand. She cursed, watching helplessly as it clattered to the ground before rolling away far out of reach. Azog crept toward it anyway, desperately eyeing the mouth of the cave as the raptor inched forward, blocking her escape route with snarling, snapping jaws and leathery green skin. She was sure it would attack at any moment, tearing her limb from limb with its black daggerlike claws. But the attack didn’t come. Instead, there was a dripping sound as something slithered from between the beast’s legs. As they circled each other, the dim light from the cave mouth showed Azog the small leg peeling from below the beast’s stomach. But no, it wasn’t a leg, it was… She gasped, pressing her back against the cave wall. The beast was standing between Azog and freedom. She marveled at it as it approached, head down as if sniffing her scent. Azog stood, back to the wall, clad only in damp buckskin, waiting for the beast to slash at her torso until she lay helpless and bleeding on the damp cave floor. She wondered if it would kill her first or if her limbs would be sliced from her body as the beast gorged on her. Instead, it reached out with a clawed hand to snatch at her damp animal hide as it clung to one shoulder. Azog felt the hiss of sharp claws against her skin as the hide slid from her shoulder and exposed one naked heaving breast. The raptor paused, curious, sniffing at her. She pressed desperately against the wall. A reptilian tongue, stiff and hot, dashed out to lick at the tender naked flesh so suddenly exposed. Azog gasped at the touch, then gradually relaxed as her body warmed to the intoxicating sensation of the beast’s flesh against her own. She wasn’t sure if her sudden arousal was because of her earlier thwarted climax in the cool stream or if she was just desperate for one last pleasant sensation before being torn limb from limb by the great scaly beast. Either way, Azog relished the rasp of its tongue, hot and rough on her sensitive skin. The raptor quickly sliced away the rest of her hide, watching with wide black eyes as the leather fell to her feet. The beast seemed to take its time, sniffing at her young taut body. Azog quivered with fear and desire. The cave was hot, and now sweat began to gather at her throat and glisten along her supple skin. She could feel every bead of sweat as it caressed her naked body, feel the raptor’s gaze against her human flesh. But of one thing she was sure: she would survive this. Azog suddenly understood what she would have to do to survive. She offered her body, naked and yielding, sweaty and raw, moist, hot and wet to the beast, as a sacrifice. Perhaps if she pleased it, she just might live. If not, she would leave this world as she’d come in, naked and screaming.

    –In the Velociraptor’s Nest, Christie Sims

    • OA, BD permalink
      December 2, 2017 9:08 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • @wundergeek permalink
      December 3, 2017 8:53 am

      In every single instance of shitty raptor behavior getting publicly called out, I can GUARANTEE that women have tried to talk privately to the shitty raptor and just been flat out I G N O R E D. So what do you do if you can’t get shitty raptors to listen?

      • Franky Panky (Social Justice Stud) permalink
        December 4, 2017 10:27 pm

        But Wundergeek, we all know that you prefer the Centaur pr0n.

        And I did listen, Mein Schatzchen. Which is why I invited Lorraine to join us.

        Admit it: You were absolutely enthralled by her oh so sexy cankles. We all had our fun– especially Lorraine with that 2 pronged “pole-arm”. Watching your flabby ass cheeks undulate as she, ahem, *applied* it; Mesmerizing.

        Those ass cheeks of yours have never seen the sun, have they? Lorraine apparently has a beach house with a private beach… Maybe we can arrange something for the Holidays. A certain ‘je ne sais quoi’? 😉

        Also: I could get you work doing illustrations for the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years. Interested? Keep Franky happy: You know how the game is played. XOXO

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        December 5, 2017 5:24 pm

        Like all centaurs, he wore no shirt covering his torso. His muscles bunched and flexed as he leaned over some papers strewn on the desk. His horsey flesh was a spectacular speckled grey. A long, silver tail flicked back and forth, hitting his flanks as if it was a whip. I managed to tear my eyes away from him and scan the rest of the room. It was empty. Taking a deep breath, I knocked tentatively on the door.

        His head snapped up and our eyes met. An electric shock raced through my body as I stared into his dark eyes. The shock pooled in my tummy uncomfortably. I knew what I was feeling. It was lust. James had ruined me. Nothing could get my blood working faster than a hot centaur, and this was no boy — this was a man. A beautiful man that I wanted to ride.

        — Centaurs: The Sexy Fantasy Erotica Story Bundle Series (An Erotic Story Bundle featuring 3 Hot Centaur Stories), Christie Sims

      • Sweet Lorraine, Done with Mensers permalink
        December 6, 2017 8:47 pm

        And I did listen, Mein Schatzchen. Which is why I invited Lorraine to join us.

        Dream on, Frankie, you are a broken old man, so I have no need to further ravage your undercarriage. I’m gunning for fresh meat, someone who is a newish star of the gaming scene. I have my sights set on Raggi. My main motivatoin is the novelty of doing the sex with someone who outweighs me. I have chosen a new ‘polearm’ design specifically for Raggs, a sort of ‘harpoon’ device which won’t be easy to dislodge. Once I impale the white whale, I’m going to hang on for a Nantucket Buttfucket sleigh ride. I’m already calling this a Raggi Rectum Rodeo.

        Now I have to figure out how to lure him into my clutches. My plot is to drop an anonymous hint that I have an ‘uncensored’ director’s cut of A Serbian Film, which is even more fucked up than the theatrical release. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just tell him that I have three pallets of corndogs which are a day past their ‘sell-by’ date, so I’m giving them away.

        And no, Frankie, you can’t join in, you can’t even watch.

  61. Sinking for Pennies permalink
    December 7, 2017 1:00 am

    My Newest Supplement is Literally “The Kitchen Sink!”
    Yes, you too can now have a mechanic to not just install a Kitchen Sink in your dungeon, but to make it interesting, fun and potentially rewarding and/or lethal for your players!

    RPGPundit Presents #10: The Kitchen Sink is a guide to a feature every dungeon should have. Also works for fountains, bubbling pools and other water-related architectural features. But it’s just way more fun if it’s a literal sink.

    For just 99 cents you get 7 pages of random charts and tables to make unique and weird kitchen sinks, including where they are, what they look like, what’s in the sink, what’s in the drain, what the faucet does, and what comes out of the faucet. You are almost guaranteed never to get the exact same sink twice! Surprise and entertain your players for hours, with a product you’ll be able to use over and over again, for less than the cost of a coffee!

    • Franky Panky (Wittol) permalink
      December 7, 2017 6:44 am

      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”
      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”
      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”
      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”

      “The dishwasher returns!”

      Ripping Off Nethack, again. His you are what you eat, Dungeon Chef nonsense and now this. And for his next rip-off?

      Oh, Hi Lorraine. I have no objection to Polyamory. Do get some of those hooks/pole-arms the Fremen used to ride Sandworms. And a gallon or so of depilatory Cream. Raggainnen is a swarthy thing, and quite the wriggler, or so I hear. Lure his fat ass in with promises of a business venture. You know quite a bit about failing RPG companies. That’s his specialty too.

      I know you can’t really quit Me. You are a slave to the “Dragon’s Tail”. And lovin’ it.

      Wundergeek and I can get the room next door. We’ll be a-listenin’. Don’t disappoint.

      • Franky Panky (Wittol) permalink
        December 7, 2017 6:48 am

        Somebody who reads this latest Pundejo opus, tell us how it compares to Nethack. Link: https://nethackwiki.com/wiki/Sink

        Will it be EoPT levels of “homage”?

        You don’t suppose that nuestro muchacho Juan Tarnousqui has tried to summon a succubus with his wizard powers? I suppose kicking a sink is as valid a way to do it as any other.

    • BACLF permalink
      December 7, 2017 11:27 am

      The Sink in Golanda? He’s ripping off Blooey now!

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      December 7, 2017 5:52 pm

      Coming soon:

      RPGPundit Presents #11: The Dungeon Crapper is a guide to a feature every filthy monster’s lair should have. Also works for commodes, garderobes and other shitter-related architectural features. But it’s just way more fun if it’s a literal 4-holer.

      For just 99 cents you get 7 pages of random charts and tables to make unique and stinky dungeon shitholes, including where they are, what they smell like, what’s in the bowl, what’s down the hole (for the love of God, don’t look), what the handle does, and what crawls up out of it when you’re doing your business.. You are almost guaranteed never to get the exact same turd twice (depending on your diet)! Surprise and entertain the average OSR fanatic for hours, with a product you’ll be able to use over and over again, for less than the cost of an atomic burrito!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 7, 2017 7:22 pm

        Pundejo’s going to rip off ‘Backspray’ Barry’s deuce-drop tables, which correlate the location of the dropped turd with its classification on the Bristol Stool Scale.

        Eat Pee Crap Correlate Results

  62. Greyhawk Grognard permalink
    December 23, 2017 9:35 pm

    Bloody Yule, fellow pagan bastards!

  63. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 25, 2017 12:07 pm

    Merry Christmas, scalawags!

  64. Fanny the Tranny permalink
    December 25, 2017 5:36 pm

    Hi Guys Merry Christmas! I hear this is a welcoming site for trannies into old school table top RPGs as well as sharing makeup and fashion tips for us girls who didn’t get to learn these when we were still known by our dead names! I look forward to getting to know you all better. ❤ Fanny

    • BACLF permalink
      December 25, 2017 8:25 pm

      Hi, Fanny, the only people who aren’t welcome here are those benighted people who deviate from the 1d6 initiative roll that God and Gygax intended.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 26, 2017 4:08 am

      Hail and welcome Fanny.

      Just one question: pre-op or post-op? If the latter, what Cons will you be at this year? Maybe we can arrange something fun?

      • Fanny the Tranny permalink
        December 31, 2017 9:31 am

        Sorry I’m a lesbian tranny, Franky! Just like all OSR trannies are silly! (except Lorraine Williams. That’s a big fat cis-lesbo- the KFC finger lickin’ good kind!)

  65. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 26, 2017 2:49 pm

    IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 26, 2017 4:08 pm

      Just saw this. Pretty damn stoked, although it will be a while before we see any re-releases. There is thread in their forum where he mentions a kickstarter for Melee next year, with a lot of miniatures involved.

      And Merry Fucking Christmas, Biggs, et al.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 26, 2017 5:44 pm

        Happy Boxing Day, Tim. A TFT re-release would be the best retro-gaming event of 2018.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 27, 2017 9:02 am

      Considering that TFT came and went 35 years ago… You all must be true geezers. I certainly enjoyed playing Melee in the summer of ’77, and Wizard when it released ( and a fair number of the other microgames.) Never played TFT the RPG though. I was playing the D&D at that point.

      I Hope SJ does it justice. And doesn’t turn it into GURPS II.

      • Magnus Buchan permalink
        December 27, 2017 1:18 pm

        Only fat, old, angry losers like Tim want something like TFT. It’s the perfect little game to play in mom’s basement on a nice hot summer’s day. And it’s easy so the bitter little prick can focus on all that role play. You know, having his PC fuck serving wenches cause he can’t get laid IRL.

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 28, 2017 11:35 am

        What’s wrong with serving wenches? And the basement apartment is totally bitchen, Buchan.

    • James Maliszewski permalink
      December 27, 2017 9:08 am

      I never saw the original books, Melee and Wizard, that made up Metagaming’s foray into the field of fantasy RPGs. They were released in 1977 and 1978, respectively, a couple of years before I entered the hobby, and they were no longer on store shelves by the time I took notice of games other than D&D. But their successors, Advanced Melee and Advanced Wizard (along with In the Labyrinth, the GM’s book), were and it’s through them that I encountered The Fantasy Trip.

      If any of you have copies of these books, or Tollenkar’s lair, please send them to me, as long as they are not too beat up. I won’t pay you for them, or trade you anything for them. You may get my gratitude, and possibly a sneak peak at the forthcoming “Return to Dwimmermount” project, which I will be launching soon on Indiegogo. I may include a TFT version as a stretch goal. Steve Jackson will have concluded his kickstarter and released all the new material for TFT by the time I get around to starting the work.

    • December 27, 2017 11:17 am

      Hahaha your christmas wishes came through! Merry christmas from winter-haunted Saskatoon gang! May the elfgames flow and the targets be rich for 2018!

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 28, 2017 10:32 pm

        Where is Saskatoon, Swamp Germany? My map of the Nederlands don’t show it.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        December 29, 2017 2:10 am

        I really should not have topped all that Christmas quiche with bad Gewurtztraminer (again!) : in my fever dreams last night, in a humble stable by the Saskatchewan, a Prince was being born from a blue-haired Virgin while three Canadian Wisemen (The Pipe-Smoker, the Fry-Cook and some token Darkie) where hurrying along snowy canadian highways to present their gifts of review copies.

  66. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 28, 2017 7:30 pm

    From the department of schadenfreude department… remember how Durr Hurr was carrying on about how he found a ‘really smart’ boyfriend he wanted us to follow?

    Turns out the guy is a dumbass (PDF), which isn’t surprising because Durr Hurr is an even bigger dumbass.

  67. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    December 28, 2017 8:57 pm

    Guys guys guys guys!
    http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/229540/Let-Me-Take-a-Selfie

    I am totally hacking this into Let Me Send A Dick Pic!

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 28, 2017 10:30 pm

      This is the kind of game where it suddenly goes all Ilsa,She Wolf of he SS.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        December 30, 2017 1:14 am

        Ilsa yes, I remember boys at summer camp raving about it. I didn’t really believed what they were describing. Now it’s free on YouLube apparently.

        As for the game, is there a version where every player invites his/her molester to join, just to tell the origin story behind the blue hair and shit?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 28, 2017 10:56 pm

      Maybe Mensers can run this in the hotel elevators at Garycon.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 29, 2017 4:50 am

        I prefer the utility closets. More privacy. No Emergency buttons. Often, broom and mop handles 😉 Elevators have those surveillance cameras. The Dragon’s Tail is decidedly camera shy. Elevators get constant use too. Do you think any of the morbidly obese graybeards who attend Garycon are even physically capable of climbing a flight of stairs?

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        December 29, 2017 4:13 pm

        Tell me about it. Even without stairs I get my biggest workout of the year navigating that lopsided monstrosity of a hotel. It’s so screwy you can’t even map it out on graph paper.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 29, 2017 4:55 pm

        Of course it is screwy. It used to be a Playboy Club.

        Speaking of morbidly obese graybeards, this year Tim Kask will be there on his ‘mobility scooter’. He intends to repeat his performance from GenCon, thus:
        1-Blaze up a fat one.
        2-get stoned to the gills.
        3-Go careening around the resort, running over anybody he can. All the while he’ll be giggling in that weird high pitched tittering he does. Apparently when he’s stoned, everyone looks like Dave Arneson to him.

        I heard that he had a friend — who is good with tools — do a few modifications to the scooter so that it goes faster and that the front bumper is electrified: A TASER on wheels he’s calling it.

        He’s got little pedestrian silhouettes painted on the sides of the scooter. His “kills”.

        I can’t stand the fat fuck. He’s calling me every day for a month before GaryCon, to remind me to bring enough baked goods to satisfy his ‘epic munchies’. Never pays for the stuff either.

        He totally blew my chances of scoring with Gail too. She won’t even return my calls anymore.

  68. Timotheus permalink
    December 30, 2017 7:50 am

    So Matt Finch wants you to pay him to DM Swords and Wizardry for some losers – and you will get to watch the videos:

    https://www.patreon.com/Jordoba

    This is somehow tied in with that blOwSR Radio thing. Your contributions to this exciting half-hour of video buys hosting costs, in addition to Hirst Arts mold sand figures.

    Cutting edge capitalism.

    • Fanny the Tranny permalink
      December 31, 2017 9:38 am

      Matt, if you are interested in the Next Big Thing in the OSR, get a hold of me. I want to pitch S&W with Trannies for your OSR radio station.

  69. December 30, 2017 10:47 am

    I’m on the case.

    Findings: The Mythmere blog is a Patreon backer of the Tavern. The Tavern has an affiliate link for Swords and Wizardry. The Tavern has affiliate links for Frog God Games.

    Conclusion: This is completely legitimate. Everyone should back it. Matt’s wife-husband? husband-wife? might even make an appearance. Bill Webb will not be sexually harassing ‘them’. He may get a bit grabby with one or more of the interns. Matt assures me that the creepy background sounds you hear are from Bill getting up to his usual ways. Matt leaves them in broadcast because the sounds help create a scary atmosphere.

    Disclaimer: I may be a guest on the show. This is no way influences my conclusions.

    • Fanny the Tranny permalink
      December 31, 2017 9:36 am

      When I was a tranny hooker back in the 80s on the New York City piers, Officer Tenkar used to force me and the other “girls” to give him blow jobs in the squad car. He is my rapist, my abuser and my sexual harasser. I have made this accusation on the Internet so it must be true. #MeToo

  70. bat permalink
    December 31, 2017 5:38 pm

    Happy New Year, fellow nerdlings, mutants and other sundry personalities. Keep the insanity flowing in 2018.

    • Batperson permalink
      January 2, 2018 2:19 am

      Thank you, bat, for the enormous courage and forgiveness you have shown. You made me realize that batface is a style of entertainment that is rooted in specist stereotypes and is just not acceptable in entertainment today.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 2, 2018 5:33 am

      Thanks, Bat. Happy New Year. Hopefully, YDIS can keep up hir torrid pace of 3 posts a year.

      • January 2, 2018 1:24 pm

        I am up to two posts!

      • James Maliszewski permalink
        January 2, 2018 3:08 pm

        True, but your WordPress blog is shit. Take it from me kid, I know a thing or two about shit blogs. I know a thing or two about running a long con too. You are doing it all wrong.

        I remember a time when confidence tricksters took pride in their work. Nowadays, it is all Social Engineering. This is what happens when you have a society of bastards.

      • January 3, 2018 8:11 am

        Someone needs to keep that civilizational funeral pyre burning and you are doing God’s work. Blood in the Chocolate is a nauseating pile of degeneracy and it’s Ennie status cements the bankrupcy of the system. Deus Vult!

      • January 3, 2018 10:41 am

        JaMal: While tricking people out of money and then waaaaay down the line having someone else do the job might appeal to some, I started the shitshow and I aim to finish my shit.

        PrinceofNothing: Weird on the Waves is genuinely making me wonder what fucked up shit Kiel’s been up to. It’s almost like a parody of something he would do.

      • Magnus Buchan permalink
        January 3, 2018 11:37 am

        Hey Tim, you could try getting some kind of adult life going (the owner of this blog clearly did), rather than wait for posts so you can express your bitter anger about people playing RPG’s.

        In the new year maybe try doing something positive. Focus on work. Family. OK, you probably don’t have any of these. But maybe make a positive difference in somebody’s life for a change. Maybe lose some fucking weight. Get over your bitter anger over nothing things.

        OK, people taking elf games too seriously is sad, and that shit needs a little goofing on. But after about a decade here of showing how bitterly jealous you are of others who game, maybe turn that mirror on yourself and let that horrifying reflection help you make a change for the better and not the bitter.

        Or don’t. Why would I care?

        Sincerely, your mom.

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 3, 2018 12:12 pm

        It’s only been nine years.
        Mom capitalizes her name when she writes it.
        I’ve got a TFT and a Champions campaign going now.

        Talk about a non-gamer and a bitter loser, Fagnus Buckass? Try that mirror-thing. You might find some irony in there somewhere. And read the blog post that Syk links to below. You’ll probably feel your bullet head nodding in doctrinal enthusiasm.

        I guess it’s kinda cool to pick up my third stalker here, though.

        See you in your mom’s room, Fagnus.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 3, 2018 6:16 pm

        It’s weird, Tim, you’re the least mean person here, but you get the stalker treatment.

        Good to hear that you have a TFT campaign going on. Are the players playing vanilla, or have they figured out how ‘gonzo’ the game can be? While the guys I was playing with pretty much stuck to the min/max broadsword fighter or played wizards, I figured out that one of my favorite character builds was:

        ST: 9
        IQ: 13
        DX: 10

        Chemist, Thrown Weapons, Physicker, whatever. Makes one hell of a molotov cocktail chucker.

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 4, 2018 8:01 am

        Hey, Biggs, thanks for the kind words. But I certainly throw out some troll comments, so I deserve some heat back.

        The TFT campaign is with some old friends and their kids, five players, only one of which has played tabletop before (TFT, with me back in the early 80s). So we are using only Melee and Wizard, nothing from ITL or the Advanced books yet. Everyone enjoys the simplicity and intuitiveness. We are using the ITL experience table, though, so we don’t overpower the campaign too soon.

        We played a few sample combats first so everyone could see how lethal it was, so there was a bit of min-maxing after that in character creation as everyone tried to calculate what was most effective balancing hit probability and damage. One 12/12/8 warrior with bdswd, chain, and sm shld; one 11/13/8 with longbow and spear and lthr; and the last warrior with 13/11/8 and a halberd, crossbow and no armor. Two wizards, one with IQ 12 that loves her Fireball and Fire spells, the other with IQ 11 using a lot of illusion and image spells in and out of combat. We’ve had one fatality so far; the halberd character was a replacement for the player’s previous character (11/13/8, mace, lthr,sm shld) when he fell to a villain with a halberd who charged.

        Hopefully they all continue to enjoy it, and in a few months we’ll start using the ITL and advanced stuff, probably starting a new campaign.

      • January 4, 2018 10:23 am

        “JaMal: While tricking people out of money and then waaaaay down the line having someone else do the job might appeal to some, I started the shitshow and I aim to finish my shit.”

        Adopt the Homer Simpson approach, “let someone else do it.” This worked well for me 🙂 For my next con, I need to figure out these Gofundme and Indiegogo scams. They look very promising. It’s time to get out my Cugel the Clever thinking cap again. The memories it brings. Why I remember…

        See? I’ve still got it. The marks will be buying me a ‘cup of coffee’ and a shiny new high end laptop in no time. As long as nobody sends me a copy of Blue Rose, even if it is in mint condition. I hear that it may glorify bastardy.

        On a serious note, I was referencing your style. Make your posts more ‘exposé’ and less ‘rant’. A clinical, detached take-down is more effective than “things I hate about you”. Try to keep a predictable posting schedule.

        Don’t forget the Patreon and Paypal widgets. Use every tool available to shake every last bit of loose change out of your readers’ pockets. I wish there had been a Patreon when I was blogging. Affiliate links. Those are nice too. Perhaps to some Polyhedron Games products still available at DrivethruRPG.

        Pick on John Tarnowski. His cocaine fueled paranoia is getting out of control again. Cocaine is cheap in Uruguay, yes? It is something about his Chivalry and Sorcery rip-off disappearing from RPGNow and losing it’s copper status.(dare I say 2000 copper status? I dare.) Now that I reminisce more, it may be a Fantasy Wargaming rip-off instead. I haven’t read “Fantasy Wargaming:The Highest Level Of All”, but I do recall seeing it in the Games Store when I was a child. Anyone who has a copy, 1st edition and in good or better condition, please send it to me. Then I can tell if Tarnowski is ripping it off.

      • January 5, 2018 5:41 am

        [Yourrpgisshit]

        Trigger warning; SOCIO-POLITICAL HORSESHIT NAVELGAZING

        I lack the precise terminology but I believe that the current era of the breakdown of the social contract is ramping everyone up in terms of behavioural preferences.
        If your social circle is already filled with freak-creatures and association with non-degenerates is no longer a requirement a lot of that social glue gets stripped off and thrown onto rubble (along with some partially burnt pink girl socks probably) and we must instead pledge our loyalty and signal our virtues loudly and with gusto.

        Blood in the Chocolate is a unwitting parody. A caricature of Lotfp published with pride and adorned with meaningless laurels. You take faggi at his most wanna be edgy and you add social justice to it. A sort of Eschaton of bad. How do you go down from it?

        [TFT]

        Y’all talkin about some 40 year old obscure elfgame warms my blackened heart. Good on you fuckers.

  71. Sykirobme permalink
    January 3, 2018 7:20 am

    http://hackslashmaster.blogspot.com/2017/12/on-dungeons-dragons-problem.html

    So much going on here…

    * Overblown, pseudo-academic verbiage? Check.
    * “REAL gamers are teh smaert!” ego stroke? Check.
    * Pretentious comparison of RPGs to some communal ritual going back to the origins of time? Check.
    * A bunch of crap about player agency and all that shit? Check.
    * Checklist of woe-is-me stuff from the author’s personal life? Check.
    * Begging for money? Check.

    • Franky Panky (In the Know) permalink
      January 3, 2018 9:05 am

      Communal rituals. Snort. Iron John as the Ur-DM then? But no Joseph Campbell or James Frazer or even Robert Graves references. A sure sign of ignorance. He did not even use the term “mythopoetic” even once. What a steaming pant’s load. Rank Amateur.

      You won’t find this sort of silliness in Empyrea. No. Just jood old fashioned adventures. Kill the bad guys and take.their. stuff. Just as Dave and Gary intended.

      Nota Bene: If you are going to rattle the alm’s cup, at least have a Patreon link icon visible instead of just a text link.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 3, 2018 1:11 pm

        Campbell is for amateurs.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 3, 2018 6:05 pm

        Campbell is for amateurs.

        Yeah, like that Lucas guy… whatever happened to him?

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 4, 2018 7:24 am

        I fucking hate Star Wars.

        There, I said it. Tho I will not begrudge George his billions…it’s not like I’ve created a massive pop culture phenomenon.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 4, 2018 8:10 am

        Hey, now, the Star Wars Holiday Special, which is canon, showcased Bea Arthur at her peak of sexiness.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 4, 2018 9:24 am

        I always have a boner for Dorothy Zbornak

      • Dorothy Zbornak permalink
        January 13, 2018 7:20 pm

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 3, 2018 12:19 pm

      “The problem is that logistically, Dungeons & Dragons is a social tribal ritual. There’s nothing insightful about this statement. It is simply factual. It involves a group of people, led by a member of that group, who follow a strict set of rules to have a shared experience.

      I speak as plainly as I can. This requires a group of people, and a facilitator.”

      I can’t believe no one will employ this guy.

      And none of the dumbass commenters challenged his “strict set of rules” canard. One of the marketed values of the blOwSR is rules light at most, and more often “rulings not rules.” All that gets tossed out as these boys see who can out-dogma each other the hardest.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        January 4, 2018 1:24 am

        “Critical role, HarmonQuest, and increased televised exposure have translated into more people buying and playing Dungeons & Dragons then at any point in history.”

        Guys, he is just taking the piss out of Frank.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 4, 2018 7:25 am

        Kinky…

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 4, 2018 8:09 am

        Hah! As usual, Froggy, you seem to have identified the Thing Itself.

        Poor Frank. I can see him now, rocking back an forth, telling himself, “A least Critical Role has NOT been translated into 14 languages!”

        I wonder if he has thrown in the towel on his Worlds of Enema project? Claude needs to give us an update.

  72. Franky Panky (full of piss, and vinegar, and donuts) permalink
    January 4, 2018 9:38 am

    He can have my piss. I’ll give him a pint or two right to the face. It might take a while. Lots of starting and stopping. My version of D&D is the best selling ever. It was a global best-seller. D&D 5E is not. it’s just in English, and not even in Gygaxian English. It’s not even translated into any of the Finno-Ugric languages. Pathetic. The Red Box is still the King. And I am still a Prince.

    Joseph Campbell was not for amateurs. He was a Trickster — I use the term in its mythopoetic sense — of the highest order. The manner in which he conveniently ignored or discounted anything that did not support his thesis, or even contradicted it, sheer brilliance. How he duped that fool Bill Moyers — again, a Fool in the mythopoetic sense, is astounding and an inspiration to all.

    A final thought: If you think I intend to have a communal sauna with my fellow graybearded grognards in some sort of shamanistic nonsense, do think again. The idea of their sweaty naked bodies… Well, there goes my appetite. And I’ve seen both Lorraine and Wundergeek au naturel. At the same time.
    And liked it. 😀

    Empyrea is on track to be the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years, as promised. We have some new Angel investors, and will be adding some TFT compatibility as well. Watch GaryCon this year for major, that’s major, announcements. This Hack and Slash Master-blogger asked to be a part of the project, but I refused. No mediocrities allowed.

    That Shaman dribble. What sort of drugs… peyote maybe, mescaline?… produce that sort of stupidity.? Is this guy the Hunter S. Thompson of OSR bloggers now?

  73. Magnus Buchan permalink
    January 7, 2018 7:04 pm

    Timotheus: not stalking you. Don’t flatter yourself. OK, there are a lot of pricks here (actually at this point seems like maybe the same five dudes the last couple years), but most seem to be doing some sort of sideshow comedy/parody, though often brutal. It’s not real anger. But you just seem like an angry fuck who isn’t funny. Just, well, bitter.

    Tim, you are playing old games so you are probably at least well into your 50’s. Probably a fat neckbeard much like Frank. You probably became a senior in the years you haunt this place. That you exhibit this bitter behavior over what goes on in a niche hobby year after year is weird and actually kind of sad. You say you have kids in your game. Your friends kids? Your own (doubtful)? It’s scary that you have such an angry obsession here about what people you haven’t met are doing in gaming, and yet you run games for kids. That’s bizarre. That you spend so much time here awaiting infrequent posts so you can be an angry fat fuck about whatever is going on in gaming just shows you have no real satisfaction in your life and are likely a sociopath. And probably shouldn’t be around kids. Maybe you have sinister motives towards them? Anyway, most trolls outgrow what they are. Move on to happier and more positive pursuits. But those are the typical younger forum geeks. They grow up, move on, and get real lives. You indulge in this crap as an anonymous sock at an advanced age, with no real growth in your life. Well, hate to keep saying it, but it’s just sad. It’s a new year. Try to reevaluate what is important to you. Move on and up with your life instead of holding on to weird obsessions about other people and spewing about them on a dead troll site. Or just stay a bitter loser if that’s your chosen fate.

    • January 8, 2018 12:19 am

      I feel like this troll comment starts off pretty promising with the whole psycho-analysis shtick but you can tell he is going for a the shotgun approach by throwing in the ‘sociopath’/child molester accusation. It doesn’t look like Kent but who else trolls a troll and for what reason?

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 8, 2018 4:53 pm

      Damn, kid, I am way in your sad little head. Bitter, huh? Do tell. Your continued obsession with and fantasizing about me kinda works against your claim of not stalking.

      Is this Jeffblow? You both write with that obtuse, dime-store paranoia laced with ironic accusations.

      Be sure to show this stalking of a third-rate troll on a second-rate d&d troll site to your court-appointed shrink when you get your daily pedo antilibidinal shot. This must be a tremendous breakthrough for you Fagnus.

  74. Timotheus permalink
    January 8, 2018 4:56 pm

    Is Dunning Kreuger trying to make the Sorcerer Supremo angry?

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?38334-Sorry-belief-in-magic-isn-t-anything-remotely-close-to-magic-being-real

    I can see Pundejo rearranging the many runes on his Oiuja board right now…

    • January 8, 2018 5:51 pm

      He is counting his loot, tens of dollars, from his latest ‘crazy-like-a-paranoid-coked-to-eyeballs-fox’ scheme to boost sales of his Lion and Dragon authentic medieval setting with authentic medieval magicks or magix or however that semi-literate hairball of spittle and hate spells it. It is a [2000] copper best-seller again.

      All this drama, just because he forgot to put a trannie on the cover this time.

      I, of course, have been taking notes. Props to the fellow for running such a nice short con. I’ll need to add a Lion and Dragon compatible version of “The Return to Dwimmermount” as a stretch goal. Maybe I could get him to send me a copy of the game, in nice condition of course, for research and for free, of course.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      January 8, 2018 9:38 pm

      If he’s not getting good results he’s probably not doing “the work” properly. Maybe his sigil is not charging up because he masturbates too gloomily.

  75. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    January 11, 2018 7:58 pm

    Looks like EotB thinks he’s going to Garycon this year. What a zero-level clod! Wait ’til he gets to the front door (if the post office even delivers his badge).

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 12, 2018 12:06 pm

      The USP will indeed deliver his badge. I’ve arranged it. Do you think he’ll make it to the front door, and get past the white van in the parking lot? The one with the engine idling.

      EoTB will be joining the Lake Geneva Polar Bear Club by taking a swim in Lake Geneva.

      Starting from the middle of the lake.

      At night.

      This is going to be the greatest GaryCon ever. Everyone should come. I’ll be making major announcements about Empyrea. World-shaking announcements.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 12, 2018 12:17 pm

        I forgot to say:

        I love it when a plan comes together by. 🙂

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        January 13, 2018 7:18 pm

        Hi Frank – long time fan here! I know you are one of the founding fathers of the hobby and with that honorable distinction comes complete power over the United States Post Office and the Postmaster General. Can you do anything to get the shipping rates lowered at One Book Shelf aka RPGNow aka DrivethruRPG? Thanks in advance!

        P.S. I11 Needle RULES!!!!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 14, 2018 9:04 am

        No. That particular organization, One Book Shelf, has been over-run with those opposed to fun in RPGs. They view Me as an enemy. Even My *friend* 😉 😉 Wundergeek no longer has any influence over them. I may need to use My considerable powers of seduction on a few more of these cultural warrioresses for social justification. Expand My influence. Have My fun. Slake the thirst of the ‘Dragon’s Tail’. Yet, Fair Jessica remains aloof. So I settle for lesser mortals.

        Easier, but less fun: I get My friend Tim Kask to run them over with his scooter. He so delights in the sound of crushing bones. He’s completely psychotic these days. Now he’s telling Me that he has retractable scythes fitted to the wheels, Ben Hur chariot style.

        My influence with the USPS is with the actual postmen. The USPS rates are set by a different group. That group too has been infiltrated.

  76. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    January 12, 2018 11:09 pm

    It starts with a flounce, then descends into madness and self-recrimination…

    https://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=79007

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 13, 2018 1:12 pm

      hmmmm, BOTE hasn’t seen fit to weigh in there, yet. But at least one of his KKK buddies stuck up for him – RFlowers – so maybe he will stay hidden.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 13, 2018 7:12 pm

      He will be back in a month. Just like Kunt.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      January 15, 2018 3:31 am

      The realization that some guys have the time to crap out 5,000 words to explain their quitting an elfgame forum still blows my mind. I guess I’m not that jaded. The idea that others might actually read that shit is depressing, though. Bigby oh Bigby why do you inflict that on yourself?

  77. Rev Fartin Luber King's Kent permalink
    January 15, 2018 4:06 am

    “I have a dream that my faggortzy ass will one day live in a nation where it will not be judged by the color of its sin but by the content of its cockholster.”

  78. ActualTao permalink
    January 15, 2018 5:33 am

    Each time, it seems, that I rise up to write another post about D&D, I feel the weight of living in an insane asylum, where players drag themselves through a static dramatic play, speaking the lines they are told to speak and responding to the chorus in the way they are told to respond, orchestrated not by a single DM, but by a faceless, emotionless machine that doesn’t care, so long as there’s money. And this is the game. This is what’s right. This is what’s praised. This is what we are told to play.

    Where I struggle not to rant. Where I struggle to deconstruct patiently, and not to scream remorselessly at the void. Where I struggle not to let my despair get the better of me. Where I pretend I am making a difference and all is not chaos and piss. Where I lie to myself instead of saying, I should not have fallen in love with this game, this game with knives in it, that staggers to the dais to die in its hubris.

    I am all right. I’ll keep writing. But I am mad, starving, hysterical and naked. I am dragging myself through the negro streets at dawn looking for a fix. I am caught in publishing obscene odes from the windows of my skull, broken, crying, trembling in a white gymnasium before the machinery of other skeletons.

    I want to save this game that I love, more than success or sanity. But it is already gone.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      January 15, 2018 6:01 am

      Did Sexi Lexi just say she pisses itself and then runs naked in the streets shouting racial slurs while looking for heroin?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      January 15, 2018 6:54 am

      Why can’t his blog be only rants like this instead of hexes insides hexes and development levels and shit?

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 15, 2018 8:21 am

      Seems like Alex Qaeda now sees hirself as Phillip Marlowe.

      • Franky Panky) permalink
        January 15, 2018 1:26 pm

        Philippa Marlowe. The Canadian healthcare system will do all sorts of things to a body. For *free*. She’s possibly a blonde, but certainly not a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.

        The Canadian public educational system will do all sorts of things to a mind. For *free*.

        Poor ‘Lexy/Pippa. Never had a chance. But look at what she has achieved. Imagine if English had been her first language.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 16, 2018 8:36 pm

      I’d rather have a game by an emotionless, faceless corporation than an overweight pre-op tranny shooting up ghetto heroin yelling “IT COUNTS THE FUCKING HEXES ON THE MAP!!!”

  79. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    January 16, 2018 11:55 pm

    TL;DR: Goodbye.

    I am leaving Your Dungeon Is Suck. It has become something I no longer want to be a part of.

    I started posting here years ago, contributing to the wealth of knowledge and entertainment that these comments have collected over the years. The gaming in the comments was also good – we played at least one half-assed game that went nowhere. OSR luminaries like Zak, Malizewski, SexyLexi, RPGPundit and many more would stop by the comments from time to time to backspray on everyone. I remember the day Blooey died, we all hung out and talked about him as a sort of online wake. Well, we didn’t know what day it was exactly but we eventually figured out that he must have croaked a while back.

    Those days are gone. The comments are dead now, due to the commenters abandoning YDIS, as I too have decided to do.

    It happened when the Franky Panky situation blew up. YDIS was using an admin function to invisibly monitor what was being said here (at least I assume so, since we hardly ever see the guy).

    What other issues are there?

    Well, for many it seems YDIS has developed a less-than-good reputation in the online communities. And whether deserved or not (it is), that is the reputation that is floating around the internet in many people’s minds. All the turd pictures and gay Nazi porn probably doesn’t help either.

    A site with moderation such as this (non-existent) is not a place I wish to hang around any longer. So it’s not me that has changed, it’s YDIS. Maybe you don’t care; maybe some people will be glad to see me go, or maybe you just think I’m being whiny. From my perspective, it seems like the golden era of YDIS is somewhere in the past.

    I don’t really have anything bad to say about YDIS. Maybe he is too hands-off and doesn’t want to step in the shit himself. And maybe that’s not always a good approach. It leaves flies in the soup and diseased fingers in the rats or something.

    Well, for me the only winning move is to no longer play at Your Dungeon is Suck.

    I’m out, bitches!
    (mike drop)

    • ydis(official) permalink
      January 17, 2018 4:05 pm

      Gentlemen, I do not wish this thread reopen the situation with regards to Franky, the Attack, Pundejo, or trannies, all that will do is reopen old wounds and create bad feeling.

      This thread has turned a corner and I feel that it will only cause more harm, the further loss of posters with cool names, so I have decided to lock it.

      I’m sorry to see Mr. Zoth-Ommog go, he has contributed much to the site in the past, despite his small penis and an inordinate fondness for bald Chthulu worshippers, and I wish him all the best for the future.

      _________________
      Christian,
      YDIS Site Editor(official)

  80. Timotheus permalink
    January 18, 2018 6:56 am

    Jeffblow ejaculates while licking Vox Gay’s jackboots:

    https://jeffro.wordpress.com/2018/01/15/the-best-science-fiction-read-in-a-long-time/

    His blowmance just intensifies.

  81. Franky Panky permalink
    January 18, 2018 4:47 pm

    My spies have informed Me that the troll known as Kent recently infiltrated the Dragonsfoot forums. He was under the name VonKatzen. He is revealed on this page, scroll down for it, https://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=78984&sid=5549e814572fb68cef0bfb062bb549c1&start=60 by that *super-sleuth* Papers and Paychecks. This only comes to My attention because he interacted briefly with the oafish Bote.

    • Kent permalink
      January 18, 2018 7:53 pm

      Not me.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 19, 2018 6:20 am

      Yeah, gotta say that doesn’t read like kent’s posts. The arrogance seems to be present, but the tortured prose stylings and rabid auto-fellatio are absent.

      P&P comes up Clouseau again.

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