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Frank’s having his fun, which is all that matters, but Grim Jim Isn’t?!?!?

October 21, 2017
the last thing you see before the darkness closes in on your soul



Can someone show me a 70-year-old white dude with a pony tail who’s NOT a skeeve, I mean come on. That stringy mop + penny dreadful goatee combo is like a neon sign that says, “Do you wanna play Summon the Amphibious Ones with Grampa Touchy?”

This sad dick, gross old shit is full of humor of the “laugh-at-him-not-with-him” variety:


please look at meeeeee!!!!

thx nah


Looks like poor Eleven has another monster stalking her!

The flip side of this gutter nickel is Grim Jim, who’s apparently sick and fucking tired of all you slutty bitches grinding your pussies in his lap and goddamn cougars playing with his luscious hair. For reals, his lament (including thoughtful background music) begins at about the 7-minute mark:



These two douches remind us of one eternal truth, “It’s hard out there for a muthafuckin pimp!!!” (I’m too scared to see what Sexy Alexi is up to these days…!)


1,097 Comments leave one →
  1. Claude permalink
    October 21, 2017 12:35 pm

    Hi Your Sucks, I an a Ms Menslee. Farts, THIS IS A PRIVATES MASSAGE. Seconds, thanks you on a profile of my Major Award. i am on offer to you. I have the runs of a red box if you like, if you are a brilliant buddy. I am a safe 6”4 so long, unless you came crying. Left me know. Emprunia foreskinns! #donotdroppings

    • Claude permalink
      October 21, 2017 12:44 pm

      Hi You Suck, her are an favorite shot on an old girlsfriend Jesticles. Empornian forge! #donotdroppings

  2. Baclf permalink
    October 21, 2017 12:44 pm

    I hear the producers of Stranger Things cast Mentzer as ‘creep in plain white van’. Hey, kids, wanna see my red box?

  3. Kent permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:28 pm

    Three men, together, talking shit. Three excellent men.

  4. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:47 pm

    A new thread? This is like the third this year, YDIS is killing it.

    Anyway, I am re-posting this here at hir request, since it is relevant:

    Well, the pitchforks and torches are being handed out all over the net, now.
    I haven’t read through this thread yet, just the first post, and it has more dirt like Bill Webb getting drunk at the last Paizocon and assaulting some female fan there (from the Sphincterian twitter posts in the first post).

    Just glancing through the follow up posts, many are coming out with the I-heard-it-from-a-friend stories of abuse by industry insiders.

    You get the sense that the majority of online people in the hobby have been just waiting for for this…

    • Kent permalink
      October 21, 2017 6:20 pm

      “Drop the bomb. Exterminate them All!”

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        October 21, 2017 11:23 pm

        I’m an “Exterminate all of the brutes!” man myself, different media, but you’re not wrong.

        For once.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 22, 2017 2:13 pm

        “Nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure” is the quality quote, Kunt.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 21, 2017 9:51 pm

      Damn the RPGnet folks manage to look like tools as big as Mentzer in this. Boorish asshole meets safe-space kiddies (Post #8 in that thread made me choke on my bourbon)…no one wins.

      And thus the balance is maintained.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:32 pm

      Mink, I tells you. They await only the slightest provocation to turn on and tear down their idols. It’s probably a Robot’s Revenge/return of the repressed thing. Secretly, my one-time comrades know they’re being exploited and abused in far more important ways than this. The urge toward iconoclasm is there, but they’re so used to sublimating their political instincts into escapist power fantasies that the only people they can bear to tear down are irrelevancies like themselves. I’m no better, but at least I don’t pretend I’m doing anything useful.

  5. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:57 pm

    Wow, how did we miss Frank begging for a cameo in Stranger Things? (Comp,lete with the promise that his appearance would boost its social media presence, since nobody was really hip to it before)? Class. I really hope they did not take him up on it – we’ll find out next weekend.

    As for GrimJimmy, started watching from the beginning but fell asleep twice, so fast-forwarded tot he good stuff at 7 min. How could a bunch of cougars play with his hair and he not notice? Dead Scalp Syndrome? I love the swig from the urine sample at the end. The music takes the whole to the next level. He is so oppressed.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 21, 2017 4:35 pm

      frank claims that he “wrote” 1980s d&d? i thought he was credited as “editor.” what did he write? the little choose your own adventure story? the immortals rules? the weapons mastery rules? the crap everyone ignores?

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:33 pm

      We missed it for the same reason Netflix (hopefully) did.

  6. Kent permalink
    October 21, 2017 6:07 pm

    Patrick Stuart has the discipline to abstain for one month from inane contact with the dumbest people in the web population, osr gamers.

    What about the dumbest osr gamers, the ydis crowd? I believe i can abstain from contact with the ydis crowd for more than a month which would make me better than Patrick Stuart, and he is the best ever freak out fantasist except for Jaquays and Gygax.

    And if one month why not a hundred years?

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 21, 2017 6:18 pm

      who the hell is patrick stuart?

      wallowing in (probably blissful) ignorance, i remain,

      elrond hubbard

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 21, 2017 6:31 pm

        We’ve given Patty the business here for a few years. He wrote a misery tourism module, Deep Carbon Observatory, for which he was hailed as the greatest living writer. Then he latched onto Zak for a few years, until their big messy divorce a month or two ago, see the middle of the comments in the previous post here for all the salaciousness.

      • October 22, 2017 12:17 am

        Isn’t Patrick back in Canada doing cripple porn for rent money?

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        October 22, 2017 2:00 pm

        Don’t forget that Pat also worked with the illustrious Crap Princess, the greatest living artist (not to be confused by her innumerable copycats: four-year old children).

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:24 pm

      You’ll last about two weeks.

  7. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 6:28 pm

    And now the pitchforks and torches have shown up at Paizo:

    There will be a trial of faith there…

    But I want to know who Bill Webb groped and then punched with his Raging Drunk Libido feat.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 21, 2017 7:09 pm

      Twit feed recap of the intimidating bouncer who had to handle an inebriated Bill Webb:

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:35 pm

      I’m only sad it’ll be Allegations Of Serious Business that sinks Paizo and not Making A Horrible Clunky Game.

    • October 22, 2017 5:04 am

      Useful idiots are soon submerged by the forces they helped unleash. The Girondins learned it the hard way, so dit the Mensheviks, and now Paizo is about to get dragged to the bottom of their tiny women- and LGBTQ-friendly pond.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 22, 2017 7:03 am

        Yeah, despite all their years of inclusiveness and diversity, by Monday morning half or more of their fanbase will be not just against them, but doing it loudly on all accessible corners of the net.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 23, 2017 10:23 am

        And thus the inevitable end of the benighted PC-age. A treacherous consumer base does not a steady source of income make. Sharpen your knives brothers. Our time cometh. *cackling, manical typing, gasoline drinking etc.*

  8. October 21, 2017 8:25 pm

    Zoned out during Desborough’s “argument” but ROFL when that pirate rape outro music starts up.

  9. Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
    October 21, 2017 11:36 pm

    I have come this far in life by not listening to Grim Jim’s doubtless awful voice and have no intention of breaking my record now. Get us some transcript gold, homes?

    • October 22, 2017 12:25 am

      I personnaly derived some of my greatest pleasures these last gloomy years from auto translating youtube’s autosubs for fatbeards videos. This one looks golden.

  10. Timotheus permalink
    October 22, 2017 7:00 am

    Webb has responded on facebook to the accusations in a classy way. A picture of two adventurers carrying a fallen comrade, with a caption that people should know better than to mess with the “king of cons” when he has been drinking. Link:

    But it has already been pulled. Anyway to do the Wayback Machine thing on a recent post? I’m sure someone screencapped it, though.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 22, 2017 7:54 am

      Someone screencapped it.

      Maybe not the best response when you are accused of drunkenly harrassing a chick and then punching out a Paizo employee.

      Although the KKK Alehouse crew might up their pledges to Frog God Games current kickstarter for some maps without content.

  11. zeea permalink
    October 22, 2017 11:48 am

    Also, let me be really damn clear, in case I wasn’t already.

    Frank Mentzer and his ilk have made it clear that they cannot and will not coexist. They will never live and let live. They will continuously attack and harass other people as long as they are allowed into our forums and conventions. If you’re trying to keep him in the industry without strong evidence that he’s changed and will never do this again, you’re inherently saying that his victims should not be in the industry, whether or not that’s what you intend.

    There is no happy, idealized, everybody-gets-to-be-involved ending to this because he, Zak, and others simply will not let that happen. And dear gods, if there’s anybody who hasn’t been convinced about that regarding Zak, try looking at a list of people who have tried to reconcile with him, from every faction of the industry and multiple viewpoints and different backgrounds. When you have me, RPGPundit, and Stuart broadly agreeing that it’s not worth getting entangled with him, I think it might be time to accept that everybody can’t just live together and be happy. No matter how much I personally wish that were different.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:15 am

      Wait, what does that Zak have to do with this? I checked through to his blog and all I saw is that he’s rolling out a Tarot-based system with ‘Clash’ as its core terminology and…

      … hang on a minute.

      I can’t kvetch, since I nicked the Tarot concept off him in the first place and then sat on it for years, but still.

  12. If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
    October 22, 2017 4:05 pm

    Is there a way to organize a mass red box burning? While we are at it, perhaps a Frog God Games book burning too.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 23, 2017 11:03 am

      Rumor has it the rash of wild fires in the Pacific Northwest are due to the massive amount of Paizo splatbooks being burned by the disillusioned LBGTQFAG wallet things.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 23, 2017 12:04 pm

        That’s LBGTQKENTFAG now FYI!

  13. mythmere permalink
    October 22, 2017 6:53 pm

    An incident took place at PaizoCon 2017, and we address that here. YDIS, the world wide leader of the OSR, is important to us. Matt Finch is the partner at Frog God Games who conducted our internal investigation.
    I am Matt Finch, the partner of Frog God Games, married to a man trapped in a woman’s body, and appointed by the partners to investigate a sexual harassment complaint filed against Mr. Webb at Paizo Con 2017. Mr. Webb was not consulted by the partners on this decision. Due to recent accusations made on Twitter by a third party, I will outline the aspects of the situation to the extent that they do not compromise the confidentiality of the person who filed the report, I will describe the nature of our internal investigation, and will also address the recently-raised tweets by Robert Brookes on his twitter feed, all while masterbating to tha Backstyreet Boys. This report will not necessarily be updated; it stands for itself at the time of posting, based on the knowledge I currently have, which can in no way be augmented.
    First, it is correct that a complaint was filed with Paizo at Paizo Con against Bill. I was made aware of this by phone on the day it happened (I was not present at the convention, instead engaed in a three-way with the marriage councillor). Frog God is aware of the identity of the person who made the complaint, because they spoke to three of our partners at the convention after the event. We have not been invited to share that person’s identity, and although we are not under legal obligation to protect that confidentiality we have elected to respect that person’s desire not to have the event brought into the spotlight.
    Gathering information in a situation like this is necessarily limited due to Paizo’s own confidentiality obligations and general incompetance. To assemble information, I spoke to the three partners who had talked with the person who filed the complaint, and obtained their accounts of what they were told. Secondhand accounts are not perfect, and I had to weigh that against the fact that an attorney making direct contact with someone who has filed such a report can be seen as a threat or intimidation, and weighing those two issues, I chose to rely on a comparison of the conversations between the individual and our partners, plus Paizo’s own resolution of the matter at the time, plus a necessarily-cautious review of Bill’s account. There has been contact between the person who filed the complaint and Frog God partners since the event, and I will provide a screenshot of one such communication with the name redacted. I believe the screenshot provides a great deal of clarification.

    Reducing the event to a level that will maintain confidentiality, my understanding based on my investigation was that Bill Webb took an action and engaged in speech that could be construed as a sexual advance or as gender-dismissive. It’s the same thing, after all, amirite?

    In consequence of this finding, I and another senior partner of the company as well as a stripper had a meeting with Mr. Webb about expectations, standards of behavior, and future protocol. We addressed that one’s lack of bad intentions does not excuse problematic behavior.
    Some people have asked that Mr. Webb acknowledge and apologize for the situation. No fucking way. Bill does deeply regret his actions, and understands that they were inappropriate and upsetting. I have told Mr. Webb not to contact the person directly, for the same reason that I have not done so myself: the potential for that contact to appear intimidating or threatening. However, at whatever time the person lets us know that a direct apology from Mr. Webb would be welcomed, that apology will be immediately forthcoming. Mr. Webb is also under instruction not to discuss this matter in public, in case peripheral details were to be inadvertently disclosed that might allow the identification of the person by another party. He ws also reminded that he was married, and saddled with several disappointing children. This is also the reason we chose to have me, as the investigating partner, write the public report, given that a report has become necessary in response to a recent description of the event on Twitter. You gaggle of witch-hunting nazis.
    In terms of the affected person’s own view on the matter, and as a lead-in to a discussion of the recent tweets, we believe that the following communication will give third parties a better understanding of the context of the event. This is from the person who made the complaint, with name and metadata redacted. The words in blue are from our partner Zach Glazar, best friend of the departed bloodymage, and the words in white are from the person who filed the complaint.

    [Edit: removed image]

    A series of tweets brought to our attention have mentioned that an altercation occurred at the time of the incident, and that a Paizo employee was injured. From talking to the individual who made the complaint we have not been made aware of any altercation beyond the behavior of Mr. Webb addressed in the complaint. And to date we have not received any information from Paizo regarding an employee being injured or how such an injury occurred. There were a number of other casualties, none employed by Paizo and therefore of little consequence.

    I can be contacted at mythmere at dicksuckingcuck dot com if anyone has further first-person accounts. I will be conveniently out of country for the next two weeks, but when I return I will probably review any such information.
    In conclusion, I simply refer once again to the comment made by the person affected by the incident, shown above.

    It is worth mentioning, too, that we posted an advertisement on our site that appeared to be related to this issue. Chuck called Zach to point this out, and Zach deleted the post. Apparently, someone had already made a comment on it right during the interval, which Zach didn’t notice. That post and its timing were an incredibly messed-up coincidence, but a coincidence. Really. Honestly. If we had seen the comment, we would have left it up and used it as the place to link to this report.

    • OABD permalink
      October 22, 2017 11:18 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:27 am

      Matt oh Matt, your personal life already was an insane merry-go-round of hilarious perversion, and now your day job too is turning into a Grisham movie / Dead or Alive video ?

  14. I Am Alexis Smolensk And I Want To Belong permalink
    October 23, 2017 1:56 am

    I’m not much interested in general gossip connected to the public gaming community, but I do enjoy tap-dancing on the metaphorical grave of any self-righteous soul connected to the so-called glory of TSR, which I continue to feel took role-playing and D&D in the wrong direction right from the beginning. I believe that the grassroots community that plays this game weekly, not as a publicity stunt but because they love the game, has been fighting to regain all the ground that has been lost by four decades of modules, edition wars and endless copycat game systems punched out by every fanboy who dreams of someday being Gary Gygax or Dave Arneson. We just want to play. Yet there is a whole community out there that sees this as nothing more than a way to pump their egos, flitting from game con to game con to enjoy the adulation of largely ignorant innocent young people who have been mesmerized by their “authorship” on some half-baked 64-page system printed on pulp stock before the fans were born.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2017 3:38 am

      You know, if you scrape the self-adulation and wind off this, he’s right.

  15. October 23, 2017 5:53 am

    You couldn’t make something up about me jacking off centaur magi with my slimy green tentacles? Thanks for nothing, ass folk!

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2017 11:13 am

    OK, I vote we give Alexis a what-what for his thoughts on Stank Frank:

    “Mentzer just happens to be one of these that is still alive: but looking at his recent failed attempt at a kickstarter, it is clear it was just going to be more of the same, more derivative re-tellings of two-dimensional settings and stories, plastered with the same artwork available everywhere on Google.  In a computer age, when bookstores are dying and the tablet rules, it was Mentzer’s idea to build his new Empyrea kickstarter and really well made 200-page tomes fashioned of good, high quality paper.

    These were not bright guys.  They were lucky guys.  And in a way, they were very unlucky guys, depending on one’s perspective and what they might have done if they had not sold their souls to stay in the game, whatever the cost.  These are not guys who went to the cons thinking of how they were building their careers towards a greater future.  These were guys going to the cons because they had nothing else.  The adulation they got from the budgies (fans with bobbling, piercing, darting eyes) was the only thing that made these guys feel alive.

    Some, like Mentzer, let it convince them that they were somehow important to the industry; that their word could make or break the careers of other people ~ and they made that threat to hundreds of people, in the hubris of feeling self-righteous.  It was the budgies that made them feel that way; who tricked them, with their adoration, into feeling that they deserved that adoration … but in fact, most of these guys are just lazy, dull, repulsive old men, sitting on cheap chairs and pretending they are thrones.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:02 pm

      I don’t think Alexis gets it yet that Googled art from the Internet isn’t free for the taking. Also being demoted to fry cook is as bad as being demoted to baker.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 23, 2017 4:58 pm

        b…but…it’s about the game, man! D&D man! It doesn’t matter if you spit on lambchops for a living. D&D!!!

        I guess.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        October 24, 2017 1:13 am

        Fry Cook Lexi seems to be as high-functioning as ever, while Baker Frank’s valves are clearly starting to leak. So I would say Fat 1 – Carbs 0. Go Atkins.

  17. Landifarne permalink
    October 23, 2017 6:11 pm

    It can’t be posted anywhere else, so here you go YDIS donkeyballers:

    Shannon Appelcline had the mods at cover his legal ass by wiping all evidence of its members making libelous posts against Frank Mentzer over the previous couple days. They had literally claimed that Frank sexually assaulted numerous female coworkers during his stint at TSR. The original posts were force-edited by the individuals, and my page 39 post was edited by one of their ass hat moderators to scrub the evidence after I was perma-banned:

    Frank, if you’re out there, here’s your chance to finally flex some legal (love)muscle!

    I doubt that the posts where one of their moderators was accused of statutory rape (the dude was 25, accused of having raped a 15 year old girl…somewhere around pages 36-38) are still up. Appelcline’s suction machine is probably on overdrive.

    • Claude permalink
      October 23, 2017 6:24 pm

      Hi Landofarts, every people knews Applecunts is an ideas of a drizzleshits. Clear. Empurgia for e! #donotdroppings

      • October 23, 2017 8:13 pm

        Do not use my name in vain, varlet. Lest I be dissuaded from plunging into the depths of genius that was a man who cannot tell others that I am wrong.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 10:23 pm

      Fuck you made me look…I had promised myself never to go back there. Jeez how many piss gurgling loonies are there on this Alphane moon ?

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 24, 2017 9:00 am

      Landifarne, I Believe You.

  18. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:13 pm

    I haven’t experienced this before

    Someone cut and pasting content within one day verbatim. Weird.

  19. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:14 pm

    I haven’t experienced this before


    Someone cut and pasting content within one day verbatim. Weird.


    • Kent permalink
      October 23, 2017 8:17 pm

      In case it is deleted here is Scott Andersonson’s post

      The Yeoman

      Even before their war with the Norman invaders began, Harold Godwinson, Anglo King of the Saxons from Wessex made mandatory for freemen the daily training with the English long bow from the age of seven. Harold had learned from excursions into the inhospitable northern Highlands the strategic value of massed ranks of skilled archers. The indifferently armored Highland Kotter were slaughtered so long as they could be coaxed to fight with propriety and good order; the bloody Picts soon developed the arts of ambush and Harold was forced to retire.

      Decades later, Parisian chivalry disdained furtive animal craftiness and weathered the despicable Yeoman peasant storm of shafts, trusting in their splendid and costly armor. Their horses were not so well protected but a horse is not a Knight.

      The Yeoman is a farmer of some independence cultivating his own small holding, rather than a serf tied to his Lord. (This social class evolved from the Franklin of the 12th century, but we will use the modern English term for simplicity’s sake.) The Yeoman’s presence, mode of speech and manner is not as offensive to noble sensibility as the peasant’s and he is capable of earning a dignified position of servitude on a Baronial estate, such as a groom. In the army, with sufficient experience he may become a typical Sergeant but not a Knight himself.

      Welsh freemen used the Welsh Warbow, which is functionally equivalent to the Composite Bow. They wore no armor or leather, but are allowed to use Chain and shields like their Anglo-Norman counterparts.

      The Prime Requisites of the Yeoman are Strength and Dexterity. Both Strength and Dexterity of 15 or more grants a bonus to XP earned. See Table 2 for XP adjustments due to high or low attributes.

      Arms & Armor: A Yeoman wears leather armor (principally) or chain armor, never plate. He may use a shield and usually carries a small wooden one. Yeomen may use backswords, hatchets, daggers, longbows and short bows. Aside from the short bow, they often carry one or more of each weapon.

      Combat Ability: The Yeoman uses the Fighting-Man’s Attack Matrix line and Saving Throw charts.

      The Yeoman’s Class Abilities:

      Longbow Primacy: Among commoners, only the Yeoman may use the English longbow. Knights will sometimes use one and nobles rarely do, except to take exercise. They receive a +1 to hit at any range with a longbow or composite longbow. Some Outlaws will also use the longbow, but this is strictly forbidden.

      Special Rules for the Longbow:

      A Longbow firing against AC 3 or better, at a range of more than 7 scale inches, only hits on a natural 20 regardless of the normal Attack Matrix indication. But should it hit, it deals double damage to these types due to particular luck.

      Favored Foes: In combat, he is particularly effective at battling man-types. Once per combat, he may attempt a Mortal Strike. This shot gains a +4 to hit and deals two dice of damage if it does hit.

      Hunter’s Kinship: The Yeoman frequently handles dogs to root out varlets, bandits and rural vermin. He adjusts reaction checks by +2 in any dealings with dogs but alas!, their scent upon his possessions penalizes him at -2 with wild or feral animals of all kinds.

      Rapid Shots: At 4th Level, the Yeoman may roll to hit twice per Round with a long bow or short bow. At 8th level, he may roll to hit thrice per Round with same.

      Any Yeoman can be ennobled and added to the household staff of a Baron or greater. He then earns 140 GPs per month and is no longer subject to taxation.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 24, 2017 9:02 am

      That’s funny he stole from you. What comment did he post on your blog that you removed?

  20. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:31 pm

    I know I promised not to post here again but isn’t that creepy?

    Who is that Scott Andersonson weirdo?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 10:11 pm

      Are we playing this weird storygame again where everyone is Kent ?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 23, 2017 11:16 pm


    • If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
      October 24, 2017 12:49 am

      Scott’s version of the Yeoman is better. Less wordy and doesn’t have that baked in potato cunt stink.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 24, 2017 2:44 am

      Poster on Ruins of Murkhill. Frequent SJW-basher. Sadly, probably NOT the one who was an accessory to delusional murderer and VtM player Rod Ferrell, unless Florida has some extremely lenient rules concerning Internet access from prison cells.

  21. If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
    October 24, 2017 12:40 am

    I am compiling a list of OSR luminaries that have committed heinous acts of sexual harassment and abuse. Please respond to this post with the offenders name and the abuse you survived.

  22. If I Were 30 Years Younger You Would Be In Deep Shit You Craddle-Robbing Bitch permalink
    October 24, 2017 1:24 am

    All of these concepts are new to me.

  23. Blow Job Hensley permalink
    October 24, 2017 10:20 am

    Paizo Con: The only thing I desire is peace and to be left alone to create.

    As the victim in this particular situation, I have watched in public silence as the world dissected my story and speculated as to the intimate details. I looked on and relived these events as people believed, disbelieved, defended me passionately, and cast doubt on the situation. I received many wonderful messages from those who were there or heard what happened, expressions of anger on my behalf and an outpouring of love. And yet I am heartbroken by what I see, not due to the event itself but that these same individuals, who aided me when I was in need, are being verbally assaulted and accused of less than exemplary behavior. So, despite being told that I in no way needed to by countless individuals on all sides of the event, I’ve chosen to speak. I’ve selected Paizo as my medium to do so to ensure that everyone can see my words.

    What happened at Paizo Con was not appropriate. The offensive behavior I dealt with from this person was very inappropriate, unwanted, and frankly a bit scary. However, Paizo’s staff did all they could to ensure I was safe, they made all the right offers to take care of the situation, and when I declined some of their suggestions they chose to protect me with their silence. Nearly every member of Paizo’s staff interacted with me in some way during these awful events. Many offered protection, others walked me to my room, spoke out on my behalf, held my hand while I was afraid, and even physically stepped in when the clearly inebriated individual in no way wanted to hear my “No thank you.”. In the end, Lisa Stevens herself shed tears alongside me as she heard my story. Her concern was genuine, her anger fierce, and at no point was there any disbelief. She passionately argued to be able to defend me and doesn’t deserve to be accused of doing anything less than her very best to protect me while I was in her “house”. Paizo made me feel welcome, believed in, and defended me in every way I would allow.

    No one tried to silence me, I silenced them.

    The individual who stalked me through the halls that day was far too drunk to drive, he had children staying at the convention, and I asked that he be allowed to leave when sober. I also requested the incident be kept as quiet as possible to protect his family. Additionally, several of my friends work at the very company this man represents, I didn’t want their professional lives impacted by a public scandal any more than I wanted anyone else’s to be. Members of Frog God Games checked in on me and handled their side of the mess as they saw fit. I protected others and I tried to protect myself. I’m a private person who’s survived far worse storms than what happened here and I simply wanted to resolve the issue for all involved and put it behind me before it resurfaced more traumatic events in my mind. We all have to choose what hills we die on. I didn’t feel the need to make this one mine. I work here. This industry is my life, it’s where my friends are, it’s my creative outlet; the place where I bring to life all the crazy ideas parading through my mind, and all I want to do is take my imagination out for a stroll and create games we all enjoy.

    I would like to extend my sincere appreciation to all the people who cared enough to stand up for me, walk beside me, and protect me from the public. I personally consider this matter closed and would prefer everyone else do so as well for the sake of my own privacy and personal sanity. – BJ Hensley

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      October 24, 2017 11:20 am

      Could someone translate that to English?

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        October 24, 2017 11:35 am

        Because it reads like *someone* told BJ she better write how it’s all her fault if she wants to keep working in the industry. Way to be classy Paizo!

      • Rash in Remballo permalink
        October 24, 2017 6:55 pm

        It was a cri de cœur from someone who was paid much $$$ to keep her mouth closed– and not just to keep Bill Webb’s Peyronie’s twisted pecker out of it but also to keep silent about Bent Bill’s rampage, and now has to give back the money, or have it “taken out in trade” because the secret is out. All because of Jessica “The Human Burdizzo” Price and Franky-Panky. Just not fair.

        She stayed silent for the sake of the children too, of course. BJ had to spare them the trauma. But she had no problem letting those children stay in the custody of a violent, aggressive drunk. Come to think of it, Did she create that Pædo-Bear Demon all the kids at were palavering about? Yes, way to be classy Paizo.

  24. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 24, 2017 5:02 pm

    You can bet that none of these rapey shenanigans would have happened at Pollycon with coordinated armed undercover security teams roving the hallways and stationed at strategic access points.

    Code Blue! Possible Unauthorized Photography in Progress! Swarm! Swarm! Swarm!

    • bloodymage (official) permalink
      October 25, 2017 10:01 am

      Well, I am not a fan of rape and sex her ass men, but there gamers too I guess. :rollseyes:

    • Baclf permalink
      October 27, 2017 6:48 am

      It is said that a virgin, unclad and carrying a bag of gold, could stride from one end of Pollycon to the other, fearing neither ravishment nor brigandage.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:40 pm

        i would appreciate more gold laden naked young women strolling around conventions. it would offset all the smelly fat beards attempting to conceal their man boobs under 80s band tee shirts.

  25. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 25, 2017 10:07 am

    So RPG SJW frontman Black Hat Matt McFarland has been accused of raping a minor on RPGNet and had to resign as a mod. So where are all the SJWs now on his CHILL RPG Kickstarter page to call him out just like Skanky Franky Panky?

  26. Franky Panky permalink
    October 25, 2017 1:20 pm

    This is a private communication and is entirely protected by Privacy Law. If you reveal any of this content, My lawyers will sue you, right after they are done suing that troll Enema of the Behinder and that ex-cop 10-Car pile-up. I’m going to get Me some of his sweet, sweet, affiliate link money. And make him squeal like a pig.

    Now pay attention.
    Don’t mention Me in the same comment with Blackhead Matt. You’ll never work in this industry again if you do. I may be a creep with a thing for corn-fed mid-western beauties, two-legged and four-legged, but I am not a rapist. Teen-age girls are not My thing anyway. They’re always laughing at Me. Me! I am the author of the best selling version of D&D ever! Empyrea is the biggest pan-industry product in 30 years! Assholes.

    I can totally put the moves on some chick half My age, whenever I want to. It’s My right. Droit de Seigneur. I am a Prince after all. Why are people upset when I do?

    I don’t think My cheap chair is a throne. I know better.

    Okay, in private: My throne is made from porcelain. I spend a whole lot of time on it. Too much flour and not enough bran in My diet has stopped Me up tighter than that brazen strumpet JP’s vagina dentata.

    Yes, teeth.
    Little Franky a.k.a. “The Dragon’s Tail”, is AC -3. So, no danger to Me. I’m safe. Maybe I like it when pussy grabs back. You don’t get to judge My kink. I’m the Prince who wrote the global best seller Red-box D&D. E mpyrea is the biggest pan-industry product in 30 years! Cover art by Elmore, maps by Darlene, inane brain droppings by My wingman, Ed Greenwood.

    O what I wouldn’t give just to be able to take a proper crap, instead of irregularly squeezing out a couple of BBs. Me, The Prince, I’m going to end up like the King. Or worse, like My Empyrea kickstarter.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      October 25, 2017 4:00 pm

      Try the Squatty Potty, Franky Panky.

  27. Melan permalink
    October 25, 2017 9:37 pm


    This was pretty cool in the days of Arduin, but today, most of us need more to be wowed.

    Altogether, it is hard to see what this series wants to bring to the table. It would work better as a series of blog posts, or perhaps in a collection, but even then, it doesn’t rise above the level of shovelware.

    No playtesters were credited in these supplements.

    Currently smoking: random tables

    Rating: ** / *****

  28. The Deliverator permalink
    October 26, 2017 7:14 pm

    I’m trying now to get my newly-launched FLGS, where I play D&D weekly, to adopt any sort of code of conduct / anti-harassment policies at all. I had a conversation with the manager last night and it did not go well. He was very unreceptive. But the idea was probably new to him and he did say he’d speak to the owners, so, we’ll see. But I’m not thrilled that both he and, AFAICT, both owners are cis abled white dudes.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 27, 2017 8:47 am

      I find this triggering.

  29. Dragonsfoot Editor permalink
    October 27, 2017 7:38 am

    Facebook is a goldmine of potential sitcom scripts. I love how people state that someone didn’t do something because that person never did it to them. Here, I’ll give it a try. Jeffrey Dahmer? Serial killer that ate people? Nah! That’s not true. He never killed and ate me. That is all fucking bullshit!

    Alexander Metzger on Facebook:

    First, I want to state unequivocally that I stand by and support Frank Mentzer. I believe that the accusations against him are false. These “allegations” have no real merit and have only been put forth to damage the reputation and re-emergence of an RPG industry legend. He never told me I was hot nor did he ever dry hump me when I stayed in his basement for that year where I had to sit in a pit and rub lotion over my fat fucking body.

    Second, If Ms. Price found Frank’s behavior to be so deplorable why did she sit on it for years before “addressing it”? This smacks more of vendetta and witch hunt than anything. Unfortunately for Frank, we are in the new witch hunt era, everything is sinister, everthing is interupted in the worst possible way so that the most amount of people can be pissed or have some bullshit feeling validated. Women need to understand that if you don’t report these incidents within 20 minutes, then you can never talk about them ever again. I don’t care if you have a puddle of Mentzer load on your stomach. You either report it immediately or shut the fuck up forever. I hate when women challenge men!

    • Son of Rachan permalink
      October 27, 2017 10:47 pm

      Alas, I am undone, you mischievous putto!

      Yet, revenge I shall have…

      Arise, Blooey! Arise, mine quaesitor invisiblis. Hie thee to Cormac’s Realm and plant thine (self-fertilizing) fundament upon HIS doorstep!

      PollyannaCon shall take root, varlet, I promise thee!

  30. Frank Mentzer permalink
    October 28, 2017 11:19 am

    Frank Mentzer
    October 27th 2017 at 10:53am

    President Bush touched a woman. He told a dirty joke in her presence. The woman then publicly accused him of sexual assault. Mr. Bush apologized. (non-partisan USA Today, link below.)

    Please do not let media trivialize a serious topic. Have zero tolerance. Come forward with any allegations of sexual harassment or assault. Report it to the police and take legal action against the perpetrator. I feel that Mr. Bush is wrong to touch others without their consent. And his dirty jokes offend others.

    I offer my sincere apologies to anyone offended by isolated incidents during my 37 years in the public eye, including the most recent. I stand proudly on my pattern of behavior and my character, including more than a decade of problem-free attendance at dozens of game conventions. I have never been accused of dirty jokes, obscenity or vulgarity, touching, or any repeat offense whatsoever.

    Last week I was accused over an event 2 years ago. (There may be reasons for the delay; don’t judge.) I was surprised by the news. Until that time I was completely unaware of a problem. But instead of seeking satisfaction, the accuser sought publicity on Twitter. Nobody representing the accuser has ever contacted me. I continue to obey the accuser’s wish expressed in 2015: to have no contact whatsoever. I have never violated that in spirit or deed. If any allege otherwise, I welcome facts and sunlight.

    Warning: all personal in this paragraph. Some advise me to strike back, but I have few resources and no skills in this area. I have been active on the internet for more than 25 years but I do not use it to attack individuals. I respect privacy and refuse to publicly release anything considered confidential by the recipient. I refuse to stockpile incidents for later use to attack those who disagree with me. I refuse to allow personal attacks on my Facebook page. I refuse to allow obscenity and vulgarity as well, because I respect the feelings of those who object to such. I will not abuse the internet as a means to control or destroy communication. I try to raise awareness of issues and stimulate conversation from all points of view, not just a select few. NB: the preceding describes me alone, and is in no way intended as criticism of others. I apologize for the posts of those who have made reprehensible personal attacks on others within a thread on this FB page. These vile and evil assaults must remain for all to see, because I have been threatened should I perform routine cleanup or apply my posted rules. Others may delete relevant evidence — one of my attackers confessed to this — but I do not. /end personal aside

    I refuse to strike back. I’m too mild-mannered, too old-fashioned polite. I don’t know how to weaponize the internet, and I don’t want to learn. I stand firmly for law and justice and oppose the vigilante actions, but I am unable to affect them or be heard above the roar. All I can do is continue to be polite and calm. I often make mistakes and I occasionally lose my temper, but I do my best, and am sorry that some find it insufficient.

    In closing I ask that you please consider the following.

    When attacked, some people have the urge to attack in response. If that applies to you, please try to overcome it and reach for truth, work for justice and progress, communicate, and discover solutions. You’ll be better for it. I was given no chance in this matter, but I still apply this and advocate it strongly. Please try.

    Good day, and have a great weekend!
    President George H.W. Bush apologizes for sometimes patting women on the rear
    Woman accuses former president of improper touching; Bush apologizes for off-color joke and for sometimes patting women on the rear.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 28, 2017 11:43 am

      you are still full of yourself and full of shit.

      when apologizing and coming home to jesus, it helps if you don’t squirt feces into the baptismal pool while being publicly dunked. all that passive aggressive “personal info” that paints you as a victim undermines your apology.

      “president bush did it too…i’m sorry anyone was offended by my actions (not sorry for my actions, just that someone was offended)…i’m a victim [here is a description of my virtue and victimhood…ten times more text than i spent on my sort-of-apology]…here is some advice on how you can be a better person.”

      you are a clueless, hypocritical, pompous asshole. it is evident every time you open your mouth. keep talking so we get an even clearer picture of what a fucking douche you are.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      October 28, 2017 1:26 pm

      I told you that I had been hacked. I’ve never seen this statement before. I know nothing of IT matters. How did JP and EoTB hack My computer again? I used that Fix Me Stick® device. My computer should be as clean as a whistle, unlike My colon. Alas, I’m still grunting out little raisins. So no, it doesn’t work as a suppository to fix Me, but it is shaped liked one. It’s not an unpleasant experience. Maybe I was inserting it wrong. I’ll try it again. IT confuses Me so much. How can I ever finish Empyrea — the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years? The biggest! — If My computation device is hacked? And everybody else is quitting the project…

      Bill Webb does good work. Maybe he’ll have some time for it soon. But not Blackhead Matt. I refuse to work with a child-rapist. I have standards. I’m a Prince. Do you think I could get funding from some of my fellow Princes, the ones in Nigeria? They email Me all the time. I have tried to reply, but I know nothing of IT, and so my responses are not properly sent. What about that Zak Smith fellow? I need an artist, and he lost his partner recently, StuPat? But No pornographic art. I don’t like that sort of thing, except Sutherland’s tracing of Miss May 1977 for the succubus illustration in the first Monster Manual. Darlene’s succubus illustration in the original DungeonMasters Guide was too flat and flabby. I like My corn-fed beauties well rounded and busty. Or with teats. And with a bit of Spunk. O Jessica, with the fire in your eyes, I was going to make you a Princess.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:27 pm

        someone’s hacked your facebook account, now, frank? must be those sneaky fucking russians.

        for your insertion issues, i think our boy billy-zee-dicksblood has something you can insert. can’t comment on its proportions, but he’s experienced.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:32 pm

        i see we have a pretender.

        you did well, pretender: i approve of the above message.

        secure in my identity, i remain,

        elrond hubbard

  31. Elrond Hubbard permalink
    October 28, 2017 11:42 am

    you are still full of yourself and full of shit.

    when apologizing and coming home to jesus, it helps if you don’t squirt feces into the baptismal pool while being publicly dunked. all that passive aggressive “personal info” that paints you as a victim undermines your apology.

    “president bush did it too…i’m sorry anyone was offended by my actions (not sorry for my actions, just that someone was offended)…i’m a victim [here is a description of my virtue and victimhood…ten times more text than i spent on my sort-of-apology]…here is some advice on how you can be a better person.”

    you are a clueless, hypocritical, pompous asshole. it is evident every time you open your mouth. keep talking so we get an even clearer picture of what a fucking douche you are.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 28, 2017 11:46 am

      fuck, i meant this as a reply to frank. wrong place.

      apparently as bad at this internet stuff as frank says he is, i remain,

      elrond hubbard

      • Arneson E. Van Vogt permalink
        October 28, 2017 11:08 pm

        You stole my ideas, faggot

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 11:29 pm

        what were these purloined ideas?

        dying of curiosity, i remain,

        elrond hubbard

      • Arneson E. Van Vogt permalink
        October 29, 2017 7:06 am

        20-sided Dienetics, Mister I’m-so-innocent. I’m going to sue for Rivendell, where all the Theta Queers hang out.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 29, 2017 1:29 pm

        you have been declared a sp and fair game.


        elrond hubbard

  32. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 29, 2017 2:06 pm


    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 29, 2017 9:40 pm

      billy is bored?

  33. Landifarne permalink
    October 29, 2017 6:18 pm

    The shit-chute slowed down greatly, but you get a nugget like this every once in a while:

    Re: Mentzer & Webb

    “It’s not that they’re worse than rapists, is that they’re “rapists” even if not by legal definition, and doing such things over years with multiple instances is clearly worse than once.

    That is, ultimately one of the bigger problems. People treat, “have sex with me or I’ll ruin your career” as closer to, “if you have sex with me I’ll do you favors in this industry,” than, “have sex with me or I’ll physically hurt you.” When it should be the other way around. Coercing someone into having sex is sexual assault, not harassment, which puts it in the same category as rape.”

    – Heavy Arms

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      November 1, 2017 4:48 pm

      That colossal circle-jerk of a thread finally got shut down after 114 pages. Now they are working out an obligatory Code Of Conduct for discussing sexual harassment before allowing the blubbering to begin anew.

  34. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 1, 2017 11:20 am

    Can we get some more monsters with Frank’s head art please?

    I’d do it myself, but I’m too busy harassing the Mexican and Philippino chicks at my office (unlike those uppity white bitches they love it)

  35. tommy tippy permalink
    November 2, 2017 2:03 pm

    Cockballs, thought there was a second post inside 6 months there for a second

  36. November 2, 2017 4:12 pm

    So with Mercer cutting off Milo’s allowance, does Macris have a real job to go back to?

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 2, 2017 5:39 pm

      Autarch LLC. Where the REAL money is.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 2, 2017 6:37 pm

      Everybody say it, “The spice must flow!” Milo wasn’t good for the bottom line. Mercer’s had his fun, but being linked to a pro-pederasty bigot isn’t as fun as it seemed to be at first.

      It’s too bad Durr Hurr didn’t get in on this racket before Milo killed it. That ‘queer Eurotrash hate merchant’ gig would have paid more than his ‘failed grad student’ gig does.

  37. The Duffer Brothers permalink
    November 3, 2017 5:41 pm

    Sorry, Frankie Panky. We had the kids upgrade to Advanced Dungeons & Dragons in Season 2 because you are just too fucking dirty of an old man to be around the children you sick fuck!

    Also, we read your disgusting fan fic about raping Barb’s corpse! YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE ATE OUR CAT!!!!!!!!!

  38. Franky Panky permalink
    November 3, 2017 6:09 pm

    I frequent some of the lesser known, and thus inexpensive, Asian cuisine restaurants here in good Sharon, WI. It is entirely possible that I have eaten your cat. Probably with a nice Hoisin based marinade. Some dumplings too.

    Okay: We don’t have a feral cat problem. Anymore.

    You don’t suppose the once and future Princess Jessica rejected Me because of it, do you? I know she has cats. Lots of cats. I would never rub one of them the wrong way. Or eat one.

    She is going to die. Alone. In a seedy cat infested apartment.
    Only I, her Prince, can save her from such a dreadful fate. She still resists Me.

    The name is Franky Panky, not Frankie. Asshole. I do not appreciate the insult.

    If I find out your Realname you’ll have trouble registering for conventions and even buying game stuff by mail. You’re Troll.

    • The Duffer Brothers permalink
      November 3, 2017 6:41 pm

      You keep dreaming big, Frankie Panky. You are a has been. Scratch that. You are not a has been. YOU NEVER WERE!!!!!! We are the hottest thing in Hollywood right now and the BIG MONEY KEEPS ROLLING IN. Your small town Lake Geneva shithole bottom tier law school attornesy are going to get ASS RAPED by our BIG HUGE TEAM OF HOLLYWOOD JEW LAWYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      BTW How’s your Kickstarter doing? LOL! EPIC FAIL!

    • The Duffer Brothers permalink
      November 3, 2017 6:49 pm

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 4, 2017 4:18 pm

        You should have vanished, Troll. Now you’ll never get into any RPG Convention. Ever. You’re finished. Done. Toast. Don’t even try to get the USPS to deliver you anything RPG related. It won’t happen.

        Your cat was surprisingly tasty. It went well with a nice New Glarus Moon Man – Cat counts as ‘wild game’ under the food pairing.

        Do you want to know what the fortune cookie it came with said?

        Too bad. I won’t tell you.

        I had your cat’s pelt made into a hat. Like a Coonskin hat. With the tail. It makes Me look quite rakish.

        This is important: This – — is the beer I would serve my Princess, My Dulcinea… nay, My Wanda von Dunajew! The fair Jessica, since she is one Saucy Tart herself.

      • The Duffer Brothers permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:46 pm

        Well well well, Frankie Panky. You want to challenge the big boys? We are BIG HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS. You are Time to Make the Donuts you crusty old minimum wage grocery chain baker! Here is what YOU LOSE when we call out our BIG GUN HOLLYWOOD LAWYERS, the JEWISH ONES this time!
        1.Sexual access to minors
        2. Kickstarter, IndieGoGo, and GoFundMe
        3. Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime
        4. All Hollywood Red Carpet Premieres
        5. Jewish Lawyers (the only good lawyers since they have no souls)
        6. EN World, RPGNet, Tenkar’s Tavern, and Dragonsfoot
        7. Your (pitiful) net salary
        8. Oxygen and water
        9. RPGNow and DriveThruRPG
        10. The last remnants of your pride and dignity

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:48 pm

        Mr. Mentzer, I’ve always been in your corner, but Jews man. That shit is serious.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 5, 2017 2:18 pm

        These Hollywood Lawyers to which you refer have no time for Me. They are too busy suing, or defending, Weinstein, and Spacey and soon, Woody Allen. (How do you think he got that first name, Woody?)

        Your threats are sad and risible. Asshole.

        Now pay attention.

        1. I have no interest in minors. I prefer My females well-developed. Well fed. And a bit feisty, like the fair Jessica. I live in the Dairy State for good reason. I did write BECMI D&D for minors, specifically pre-schoolers. It is the best selling version of D&D ever.
        2. I have already forsaken Kickstarter as an inferior platform for My Genius.
        3. What are these things? Are they Computer related?
        4. Vin Diesel had already invited Me to be his guest of honor when his D&D movie premiers. I will also be a consultant for it, as soon as it gets funding.
        5. All lawyers are soul-less. What are Jews? I live in Wisconsin. We have Lutherans. Are they related?
        6. I’ve been forced to Threaten Tenkar with litigation. I shall settle for a portion of his affiliate link money. It will amount to a princely sum indeed, a few tens of dollars per annum. Dragonsfoot — troll infested hole– and I have parted ways. Acrimoniously. ENWorld welcomes Me, as always, for the Prince that I am. What is this RPG.Net? What is a .Net? Is this a computer thing?
        7. I’m retired. I draw no salary.
        8. This is senseless.
        9. I’ve never hear of these. Are these publishers? I should contact them. They will leap at the chance to publish Empyrea, the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years!
        10. Ha. Lorraine Williams took those from Me decades ago. She keeps them in a jar by her bedroom door. They are next to another jar with something of Gary’s in it.

        I won’t contact you again, ever.

        Goodbye asshole. You’re anti-Game Community, anti-Civilization. Go away.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 4, 2017 1:33 am

      Also, this was what Frank Mentzer made Kent wear at his AN(nu)AL Hallow e’en Party:

  39. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 3, 2017 6:29 pm

    Looks like China Mieville isn’t such a ‘woke’ bloke after all:

    He and Zak deserve each other.

    • yourrpgisshit permalink
      November 3, 2017 10:35 pm

      An unsurprising revelation. Nice to see I’m not the only one that felt his writing was pretentious.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 4, 2017 11:44 am

        Zak S and China are part of the pseudo-intellectual man twat club.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      November 4, 2017 4:32 am

      But the people discussing this are on Tublr and therefore mentally ill. It is so hard to figure out who is the most unlikeable and who to laugh at the hardest in these cases. Need help 😦

      • Industry Insider permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:05 am

        My take:

        Neurotic, asexual thirty-something is wined and dined by bald, pretentious writer for a period of a year. Unbeknownst to said psychobitch, baldy is wining and dining half a dozen other lunatics [’cause, you know, rich dudes without real jobs can do that.]

        Takes a full year to finally get in her pants (first time she’s been laid), after which she goes full Fatal Attraction. He obtains a (predictable) restraining order and she claims she is “emotionally raped.”

        The End.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        November 4, 2017 9:54 pm

        @PrinceofNothing: I’m defaulting to China because I don’t know enough about the average Tumblrina to make a better judgement call.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 5, 2017 12:20 pm

        China actually tapped that thing? Whew. I guess you don’t get to play all those years of DnD without learning a little bit about courage.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 4, 2017 11:42 am

      If you are one of the SJW “woke” crowd like Black Hat Matt McFarland, you can rape a minor, get called on it, and still see your Kickstarter successfully fund. Not one single comment from the SJW crowd to call him out as a rapist in the Kickstarter comments.

      @yourrpgisshit – you should look into this.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        November 4, 2017 9:59 pm

        @Arneson’s Spectre: That’s just it: if you’re the “right” kind of rapist you can do whatever. The question is what exactly causes SJWs to turn on each other. I’m guessing it’s a certain combination of (perceived) fame or wealth. Matt can rape all he likes: it’s only AFTER he makes enough money and/or gets popular enough that they’ll turn on him.

        Anyway, gotta get back to my article on why Lamentations is shit.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 5, 2017 3:14 pm

        The usual sort of hypocrisy. The lumpencommentariat proved quite vociferous, after pages of pages of endless posturing and other sorts of the virtue-signalling and expressions of “concern”, in asserting that the victim/accuser must ALWAYS BE BELIEVED no matter what. Deep down, they really do not believe that one of their own could have done such a thing, and do not place much credibility in the anonymous accuser who appeared out of the blue (or purple) to make the accusation. However, appearances must be maintained. Thus Blackhead Matt is duly stripped of his moderator stripes and banned from posting, at least under the Blackhead Matt username.

        The lumpencommentariat also has “concern” for Mrs/Xrs. Blackhead, who also moderates at BPD, and is Blackhead Matt’s business partner. Harming the kickstarter would also harm her. That would be “problematic”, especially given the (as of yet) completely unverified nature of the accusations against Matt.

        Did I use all the correct buzzwords? I learned them from Jessica’s twitter feed. 😉

  40. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    November 4, 2017 8:17 am


    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 4, 2017 4:05 pm

      Once a boisterous and popular bar, Tenkar’s Tavern has recently become a place shrouded in mystery and despair.

      Ain’t that the truth!

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        November 4, 2017 9:52 pm

        Just minus the mystery.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 4, 2017 11:21 pm

        Hahaha it’s gonna suck so much. Good thing is it reminded me of Wererats of Relfren, which was quite an enjoyable cheese-centric adventure.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 5, 2017 4:14 pm

      ”Members of the kitchen staff have disappeared and have not returned in several days.”

      It’s a mission to save Sexy Lexi and the other fry cooks!

      • Al'eh-xi permalink
        November 6, 2017 9:55 am

        Fell down a flight of stairs today. Was carrying a hotel pan of sizzling hot tomato bisque in two hands, when another cook decided to fly up the stairs, his head down, because he was in a hurry. I stopped him, avoided the collision, then took a step to the right to let him pass. And then, when I took my next step, there was no stair there.

        I stumbled down, nailed myself several times on the left hand side with the metal railing as I struggled not to deadfall down the stairs. I kept the pan in my hands, half juggling it, until I was at the bottom, when I finally had to let go of it to grab the railing. The pan hit the floor, losing only one third of its contents – with bisque, you oven cook the tomatoes until they’re on the edge of burning, to bring out the flavor – but that meant tomatoes all over the floor, on the walls, on the ceiling.

        They found me in the blackness after three hours; found me crouching in the blackness over the plump, half-eaten body of Sgt. Tenkar, with my own cat leaping and tearing at my throat. Now they have blown up Tenkar’s Tavern, taken my Nigger-Man away from me, and shut me into this barred room at Queen Street with fearful whispers about my heredity and experiences. Webb is in the next room, but they prevent me from talking to him. They are trying, too, to suppress most of the facts concerning the tavern. When I speak of poor Tenkar they accuse me of a hideous thing, but they must know that I did not do it. They must know it was the rats; the slithering, scurrying rats whose scampering will never let me sleep; the daemon rats that race behind the padding in this room and beckon me down to greater horrors than I have ever known; the rats they can never hear; the rats, the rats in the walls.

  41. Frog Gode permalink
    November 4, 2017 11:18 pm

    Live from GameHole : Venger just boarded the Tenkar Train (get you hand behind me, Satan?).

    As an aside : Erik, no matter how many “e” you drop, no, you can’t man my booth.

  42. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 6, 2017 11:23 am


    Not too many weeks ago I looked at a Lexi post and in it he was declaring he would no longer be talking about his personal life. So it only took that time for him to be sharing his harrowing life at work making like Chris Farley as he stumbles over co-workers who barely acknowledge his very existence, careening over stair railings and spraying the joint down with tomato soup we can only hope he didn’t jack-off into (“fuckin’ old ladies always complaining about the soup not being salty enough! Oooh…yeaaaa…I got…yer…salt…here it cums…oh gawd…”).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 6, 2017 4:18 pm

      I thought DEM TITTIES would have broken his fall…

  43. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 6, 2017 7:41 pm

    That RPGnet sexual harassment circle-jerk thread is resurrected and in full swing. The first guy to bring up that pesky “Constitutional” idea about being innocent until proven guilty got banned right quick. Also Frankie is apparently now guilty of multiple counts of physical assault at some con or other. Hey, if it’s on the internet, it must be true! And if you are feeling disappointed that Pollycon never got off the ground you will be happy to learn that the good ol’ boys at NTRPGCon are packing plenty of heat (multiple weapons each) and will kick you out on your ass if you dare discuss religion or politics at the gaming table. Being a member of ISIS is OK, however. Just don’t interrupt your play session to pray to Allah.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2017 7:01 am

      That’s another instant-classic thread. These guys would have been at the first wave of Kristallnacht.

      I love this Critias faggot:

      “My real-life name is Russell Zimmerman. I do games for a living; I write tie-in fiction for established settings, I contribute to sourcebooks, I write whole sourcebooks, I wrote a PC game, I playtest, write adventures, yadda yadda yadda. I also live about twenty miles away from the North Texas RPG Con. I could not be more the target demographic for this organization, and could not be an easier scoop as a guest.

      I will not do so.”

      Does Russ really think he should qualify as a guest for NTRPGCon? Because they couldn’t be clearer that they are an old school con, and nothing on his highly polished resume even hints at old school. If you played 0e or 1e or 2e, or even S&W, LL, or (embarrassingly) LOTFAP, would the name Russell Zimmerman make you say, “Really?!?! Oh, Boy!”

      This guy’s self-deceptive arrogance is almost as bad as Lexi’s.

    • Landifarne permalink
      November 7, 2017 9:20 pm

      The assholes at created the entire situation from scratch to extend their righteous indignation as far as possible and portray their methods as being justified. One of the first things they did in the original Mentzer/Webb thread was to attach the sexual harassment issue to NTRPG Con, as the Con had a “history of inviting Mentzer and Webb as Special Guests.” Not to any conventions that they actually sponsor, attend or run, but to a specific convention dedicated to traditional gaming. Within a few hours of the original thread opening it was all “Gee, I wonder what NTRPG Con’s response is?”

      This new thread is a complete, fabricated set-up, and I’m saddened to see new people get pulled into it, particularly a guy who has been battling cancer.

      Of course, while this new attack thread has been going on the moderators at have shut down discussion on all of the harassment that came to light within their own community. Very classy, that.

      • Ursa George Artio permalink
        November 8, 2017 8:01 pm

        Again, the big point is that Mr. Rhea’s blustery hyper-masculine response and characterization of emails expressing concern as attacks make an environment that is hostile to reporting harassment.

        He is scary. If something happened, I wouldn’t want to go to him or say anything about it because I have learned to fear the hostility of defensive fragile hyper-masculinity and I know I am not alone in this.

        No wonder HE’S never seen it.

      • Landifarne permalink
        November 8, 2017 10:20 pm

        Ironic double posting there, and here…well played, sir!

        You’re going to need a sobriquet. I suggest Unka Frank or Unka Bill.

  44. Franky Panky permalink
    November 6, 2017 8:44 pm

    I assault no one. Liars. The Big Purple Dildo. Trollheim. Outside of their tiny niche, they are powerless. Impotent. They know this. It gnaws at them. It embitters them. Sayre’s law, or a corollary, applies here. They must vigorously and viciously defend their little bailiwick. Pitiful specimens.
    They can suck it. Because:

    The biggest, nay, GREATEST! pan-industry project ever!

    Yes. I did steal the screenshot from “Constable” Tenkar. Loser is on the AT&T network too.

    You will all pre-order it. It will be the highwater mark of the OSR movement. Dwimmermount will pale in comparison. All of those retro-clones. Ha! Only those which Empyrea supports will thrive. I am transformed from Prince to Emperor.

  45. Franky Panky permalink
    November 6, 2017 8:47 pm

    The Screenshot. maybe. Using computers is hard. I need to get my old Selectric out of storage.

  46. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 6, 2017 9:35 pm

    That reminds me, the renowned domain name is currently available for $1,400.


    • bloodymage permalink
      November 7, 2017 10:07 am

      And I forgot to pay my Facebook bill. Again.
      Sigh 😦

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2017 7:04 am

      One neighbor who wished to keep his name out of the press posted that it was about ascending-vs-descending AC. Ronnie is a Non-Arnesonian descending guy.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 7, 2017 8:00 am


  47. Timotheus permalink
    November 7, 2017 9:53 am

    Breaking Fucking News:

    Jeffblow has stepped down as Colostomy House Website Blog Editor-in-Chiefish:

    Evidently with the runaway success of his Appendix N fetishization rehash and all the iron he is pumping, he is a Popular Man now and lacks the time to cut-n-paste onto their website sub-site.

    But at least he exposed the conspiracy against out-of-print fiction! Thanks, Jeffie!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 7, 2017 11:10 am

      I like how he thinks that rehashing the sort of reviews JMal crapped out every so often was a revolutionary act.

    • November 7, 2017 12:51 pm

      What happened, did he get a job?

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 7, 2017 3:57 pm

        A hand job from Oakes Spalding in the comments.

    • yourrpgisshit permalink
      November 7, 2017 10:24 pm

      Appendix N was fucking garbage and Jeff is a fucking hack. He actually said shit like “early editions of D&D placed no restrictions on the intelligence of magic-user characters”, and claimed that the premise of obtaining most spells by defeating other wizards “…has not been explored overmuch in either fantasy or gaming.”

      Makes you wonder if he actually played older D&D at all.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2017 12:36 pm

        If directly fighting a wizard was the only way to get spells, it would get talked about. But you also find them in treasure hoards, trade for them, etc. So the Eureka! moment of pondering taken them off the smoking remains of a fallen wizard is pretty weak.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        November 8, 2017 5:40 pm

        I think a major stylistic shift between 1st and 2nd edition was that in 1st edition you gained XP either by killing monsters or by gaining treasure. In 2nd edition you only got it by killing monsters. So the focus of the game changed from occasionally trying to outwit monsters or sneak around their lairs avoiding them and stealing their treasure to simply charging in like a killing machine.

        Correct me if I’m wrong on that. I’m not a 2nd Ed. guy.

        One similar shift that happened in the RPGA tournaments was that originally teams of players would progress to the next round, so you had to work well together as a team. Later on, individual players would be voted to advance so the focus shifted from teamwork to being the best amateur thespian at the table. Who was in charge of that little decision? Thanks, Frankie Pankie!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 8, 2017 10:14 pm

        You’re quite welcome Zarkon. It sounds like you will enjoy Empyrea immensely. Shall I put you in for 2 copies: One to use and one to keep ‘mint’?

        How did I fund it, you ask? Watch for an upcoming episode of that TV show, Shark Tank. (Yes, I made it onto TV. Take that, Stranger Things.) Mark Cuban practically offered to fellate Me right there on camera. I declined. The “Dragon’s Tail” is exclusively for My Lady Jessica.

        Appendix N was just a list of books Gary read. There is nothing sacred about it. That Jeffblo’s book is pretentious crap. And I can certainly recognize pretentious crap. I’m quite familiar with it.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        November 9, 2017 10:57 am

        To clarify, Jeff is making a comparison with The Dying Earth, where wizards mostly had to fight/trade/steal with each other to get different spells. This is where he SOMEHOW claims that this “has not been explored overmuch in either fantasy or gaming”.

        In 2nd Edition the only way wizards got automatic spells was by being a specialist (I think one per level), otherwise you had to research them, or (the quickest/cheapest way) kill another magic user and take his shit. Also scrolls as treasure.

        In regards to the whole “early editions of D&D placed no restrictions on the intelligence of magic-user characters”, you had to have an Intelligence of 9 or higher to be a wizard at all, AND your Intelligence capped the highest level spells you could cast!

        So my question is what was Jeff doing that he somehow that was playing D&D?

    • Rob Kuntz permalink
      November 8, 2017 8:08 pm

      Leave it to the dumbed down “literati” of today to say that anything that is open-ended equates to no straight forward benefits. Talk about cognitive dissonance! You see, linearity in thought has been accepted as a cognitive equation for too long in education and thus its byproducts in every institution, including the game design “industry”. This perforce champions the A+B=C course of thinking (the shortest course between two points), the exact opposite of what was espoused in OD&D. The shortest course between two points is a contracted throughput which adheres to a production protocol in thought and application (i.e., what is constant and immediate). The genius of OD&D is that it can be sculpted to flow diametrically upward while denying the immediate and constant “medium” curve in thought and application, thus shattering the linear model that was a standard in the games industry for hundreds of years. Its persistent results are in a prolongated building of continual abstractions and information and thus its use has direct as well as indirect outcomes as well as a marked unpredictability which at the least creates more choices and at the most new thinking and cognitive angles for future application, material or philosophical. The extended use of such a system creates active cognitive growth whereas production is geared only to its cyclical results, rinse and repeat. This is what, in the larger societal view, the mainstay of our thinking today has become (linear, based upon immediate throughput) so it is no surprise seeing that quote pushed forward as having merit and the dissonance connected with it. I won’t be reading the article for obvious reasons.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2017 9:03 pm

        Now, THAT is what I call bafflegab! If Kuntz is such a paragon of cognitive ability, why is he a barely functional scrub rather than a Randian Übermensch?

  48. Ayn Rand, rape enthusiast permalink
    November 9, 2017 1:04 am

    She tried to tear herself away from him. The effort broke against his arms that had not felt it.
    Her fists beat against his shoulders, against his face. He moved one hand, took her two wrists, pinned them behind her, under his arm, wrenching her shoulder blades. She twisted
    her head back. She felt his lips on her breast. She tore herself free.
    She fell back against the dressing table, she stood crouching, her hands clasping the edge
    behind her, her eyes wide, colorless, shapeless in terror. He was laughing. There was the
    movement of laughter on his face, but no sound. Perhaps he had released her intentionally.
    He stood, his legs apart, his arms hanging at his sides, letting her be more sharply aware ofhis body across the space between them than she had been in his arms. She looked at the
    door behind him, he saw the first hint of movement, no more than a thought of leaping toward
    that door. He extended his arm, not touching her, and fell back. Her shoulders moved faintly,
    rising. He took a step forward and her shoulders fell. She huddled lower, closer to the table. He let her wait. Then he approached. He lifted her without effort. She let her teeth sink into is
    hand and felt blood on the tip of her tongue. He pulled her head back and he forced her mouth open against his.

    She fought like an animal. But she made no sound. She did not call for help. She heard the
    echoes of her blows in a gasp of his breath, and she knew that it was a gasp of pleasure. She reached for the lamp on the dressing table. He knocked the lamp out of her hand. The crystal burst to pieces in the darkness.

    He had thrown her down on the bed and she felt the blood beating in her throat, in her eyes,
    the hatred, the helpless terror in her blood. She felt the hatred and his hands; his hands
    moving over her body, the hands that broke granite. She fought in a last convulsion. Then the
    sudden pain shot up, through her body, to her throat, and she screamed. Then she lay still.
    It was an act that could be performed in tenderness, as a seal of love, or in contempt, as a
    symbol of humiliation and conquest. It could be the act of a lover or the act of a soldier
    violating an enemy woman. He did it as an act of scorn. Not as love, but as defilement. And
    this made her lie still and submit. One gesture of tenderness from him–and she would have
    remained cold, untouched by the thing done to her body. But the act of a master taking
    shameful, contemptuous possession of her was the kind of rapture she had wanted. Then she felt him shaking with the agony of a pleasure unbearable even to him, she knew that she had given that to him, that it came from her, from her body, and she bit her lips and she knew what he had wanted her to know.

    • Sexy Lexy, Advocate of Raping Pirates permalink
      November 9, 2017 2:26 am

      The moody, dangerous Pirate Captain heads down to the beach, bottle of ouzo in hand, mourning the loss of her dead husband, whom the party briefly knew and whom they buried. The player character watches her, well aware of how violent she can be, how deep her feelings – and though she’s been described by a male DM, the description is compelling, just like every description of a strong female character in a book or story written by a man has been since the dawn of time. And the player would like to do something. He’s interested in where events might go if somehow this NPC were induced to be more than just a momentary distraction, but an ally too. But how to approach her. She seems to disdain everyone and everything. But clearly she is filled with passion. What to do?

      Like any fighter girdling on a sword and stepping up to a lion, daring to face the thing in its lair, he marches forward and without any weapons at all. He knows she probably carries a dagger. He knows she’s murdered men before. But he wants to believe there’s more than that. He tells the DM he seizes her by the arm, and turns her around. He’s a fighter, he’s fifty pounds more than her, and the DM rolls a die. “I tell her to stop being stupid,” the player tells the DM. “I tell her she cannot mourn his death forever. She’s destroying herself with liquor and this endless sorrow. I shout at her, tell her to be alive now, to recognize that her dead husband would not want her to stay like this.”

      “She fights you,” says the DM, and the player realizes that her hand might in that moment reach for the dagger she has hidden. “I hold on tight.” The DM pronounces that the player is successful. The woman doesn’t speak, and asks if the player says anything else. The player, daring, says, “I tell her that her husband left her.” The DM rolls a die, says the woman breaks free and punches the fighter. He takes a point of damage. “DAMN YOU!” the woman says. The fighter doesn’t give in. “He gave you all he had and now he has left you. He’s left you here, alone, and you know that there’s nothing else he can give you!”

      A roll. The DM says the woman stands her ground, furious, trying with all her strength to hold herself together, but clearly she’s too overwhelmed to speak.

      The fighter says, “I speak to her very gently. I tell her she’s not alone. I tell her there are others here who won’t leave. Who will fight with you, win with you … and die WITH you. If you will open your eyes.”

      She looks at the fighter. The DM announces that she is overwhelmed. He says that the woman lifts a hand, half-heartedly, towards the fighter.

      The fighter responds, “I seize the hand. I use it to pull her tight against me. If she makes no protest, I kiss her hard. I make her understand I’ve meant every word.”

      The DM says she doesn’t fight. She gives in. She yields. The fighter says, “I press her down to the sand. I’m very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I’m willing to be there for her.”

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 9, 2017 7:17 pm

        “…I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I’m willing to be there for her. And that she can have some fries with it. Or some ‘Tomato Bisque’. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge…”

        A veritable Jacqueline Carey, this Alexis. She has potential for modest success by self-publishing in the pulp erotica genre.

        I can do a dramatic reading of her works for My Lady Jessica. That will thaw Milady’s heart. I will have My fun. Finally. Which is all that matters.

      • Ghost of a Pirate's Husband permalink
        November 10, 2017 6:09 pm


    • Timotheus permalink
      November 9, 2017 6:34 am

      X-card! X-CARD!!!!!!

    • Alexis Tao, Randian Fry Cook permalink
      November 9, 2017 5:15 pm

      “I press the Idaho russet to the hot oil. I’m very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want the potato to understand that this is not cooking, this is me caring for it. I want it to understand that I’m willing to be there for it.”

  49. Gary Gygax (OFFICIAL) permalink
    November 9, 2017 5:42 pm

    I’m glad I’m dead so you don’t find out I too sodomized 14 year old Corey Haim back in my Hollywood days! The boy pussy and cocaine was EVERYWHERE!

  50. Timotheus permalink
    November 9, 2017 7:53 pm

    Not sure what the fuck is really going on, but there is another rage fire on the big purple dildo,

    This is about the place they (is that the correct pronoun for a bunch of candyasses?) all start turning on each other. This involves some writer of middle eastern origin hitting on chicks, and Green Ronin and the Horror Writers of America and c-list authors, and how it is all really a plot by the evil white dudes at ntrpgcon to deflect from the fact that they have had zero fatalities in their 9 years. Somebody says they can’t go on anymore because they don’t know anyone to trust (hint: get offline) and that fag Critias who wants to say no to being a guest at a convention he is unqualified for tells everyone to take care of themselves because the threads at rpgnet are heath endangering.

    Tough to believe these are not actors.

    • Franky Panky (Validated User) permalink
      November 9, 2017 9:27 pm

      Not actors, but most definitely drama queens. Amusing reactions to getting a strong dose of Reality. *Progressives* are not perfect. Gasp.

      Green Ronin, they of Blue Rose RPG? How could the SJW’s turn on them? First Paizo and now Green Ronin. Groupthink is fun. Bets on which “Virtuous and Woke” Game Publishing Co. will be next? These infants could use a good Reign of Terror. Cull the herd. At least smacks all around.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 10, 2017 8:20 am

        They turned on Paizo faster than Jesse Owens in Munich. Already rumblings about Onyx Path. Can Evil Hat be far behind? And then next week, Cam Banks.

        Kill them all, let Wundergeek sort them out.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 12, 2017 10:10 pm

        Green Ronin have been on the outs for a while now, ever since a “they don’t pay their fucking freelancers on time” storm a while back.

        Onyx Path… let’s see, is this “we didn’t pay David Hill on time and he ragequit tabletop development”, “we employ Ian ‘VonAether’ Watson and he creepily cozies up to anyone who looks like a big name in Fake Woke Gamer Circles”, or have they done something serious?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 10, 2017 1:52 am

      Not actors, just half-baked PJ. RPGnet is just one giant play-by-post metagame of Blue Rose, with hints of the Raft of the Medusa.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 12, 2017 10:10 pm

        Nailed it. Salut.

    • Landifarne permalink
      November 10, 2017 8:42 am

      The rpg-related portion of is really has two foci: threads where 3E, 4E and 5E (and all the story-type game) GMs and players yap away about game concerns; threads where (supposed) woke individuals pretend that they are concerned about SJW issues.

      I say supposed and pretend because it became clear to me that their primary purpose is to belittle and denounce those aspects of gaming that do not serve to fatten their wallets. The numerous semi-employed, storygame-ish freelancers that drive their SJW discussions never fail to suggest that people attend a particular convention (which happens to employ them), a new source book (that they contributed to), or a certain blog (which they derive revenue from). Appelcline and his mods actively shut down discussions and threads which have the potential to hurt the site’s own revenue streams and which do not strengthen the in-group boundaries that they drew years ago. It’s all a load of hypocritical bull shit.

      Tenkar’s blatant pimping is tame in comparison.

  51. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 9, 2017 11:22 pm

    “We are gathered today to see these three girls on the verge of becoming women take their challenge and become full members of the clan,” the chief’s voice boomed out over the gathered crowd to rapturous applause and cheering. “They have come of age and now are ready to face their final test to take down a beast of their own choosing.”

    More cheering and praise boomed from the audience. I turned to look at the other two naked girls who stood before the crowd trying to cover themselves with their hands. Their bowed heads made them look like the children they were. I sneered at the pitiful way the two girls cowered before the chief not even able to look him in the eye. I may have been seen as a bit of a loose woman by some in the tribe but at least I was able to hold my head and stand naked before a horde of men and women without wilting under their scrutiny. There was no comparison between those two little girls and me. I had a better figure, was more muscular and much prettier than either of them. It was I who would become the chief’s woman when Cooland succeeded his father and through him rule the tribe.

    — Ravished by the Triceratops, Christie Sims

    • @wundergeek permalink
      November 10, 2017 1:59 am

      Just when I thought I was done with my Bigfoot obsession, you pull me back in ! Some days I can’t with you, cisdudes, I really can’t.

      • Franky Panky (Social Justice Prince & Validated User) permalink
        November 11, 2017 9:24 am

        Greetings, Wundergeek.

        First, congratulations of the success of your kickstarter, The Watch. I never considered that a timepiece, or chronometer, hehe, could be the subject of a RPG. How clever.

        An Offer:
        What Cons will you be attending in the near future? Perhaps we can “meet”? 😉 I believe that we would find one another’s company mutually, ahem, enjoyable? I am willing to share the “Dragon’s Tail” with you.

        An Expansion:
        Could you Persuade Jessica to attend too. I’m not sure how to pronounce it, but the French have this term…

        I’m 67, semi-retired, the author of the best selling version of D&D, baker extraordinaire, and not *looking*. Just offering.

      • @wundergeek permalink
        November 11, 2017 10:30 am

        Today is National Coming Out Day, and that’s great, but I’m just feeling grumpy about how my queerness isn’t “real” enough to come out abt

      • Wundergeek's Inner Child permalink
        November 11, 2017 4:12 pm

        Don’t be half-gay, go all the way!

        You’ll actually respect yourself.

        Well, maybe YOU won’t. And maybe nobody else will either.

        When will my that fucking daughter of yours stop begging for food and attention? I’m trying to MMO with my buds from high school here. We’re about to takedown the Male Gaze Cannons.

    • SparkleMotion permalink
      November 10, 2017 12:12 pm

      I’m feeling triggered here in all the right ways. Can someone roll d20 and tell me if I passed my SAN check?

    • OA,BD permalink
      November 10, 2017 7:32 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

  52. Timotheus permalink
    November 13, 2017 11:15 am

    Oakes Spalding has uncovered a fraud on the internets:

    Moreover, it reveals how America is assaulting the Religious!

    The comments are gold, with that faggot Scott Anderson showing up to whine about the godless liberals opening a new front in their unholy war, Oakes fellating him, and arch-dumbass Matt Celis dropping another witty one-liner.

    • Oakes Spalding permalink
      November 13, 2017 2:29 pm

      Some Christians still believe D&D is anti-Christian. This has had some effect in dissuading Christians from playing D&D.

      But it has had absolutely no effect on the mainstream hobby or, say, current D&D (5th edition) as a product. On the other hand, SJW influence has greatly impacted current D&D. The fact, for example, that there is almost no “skin” whatsoever in illustrations of 5th edition classes, a phenomenon which reaches almost comical proportions, isn’t due to Christian puritanism but, rather, SJW intimidation. There’s ten times as much partial and near nudity in the statues and paintings at my church than in 5th edition D&D.

      • Franky Panky (Woke & Validated User) permalink
        November 13, 2017 8:37 pm

        The SJWs are not so intimidating. Good ol’ Tarnowski and Zakmeister both got to consult on 5E. Plus, look at the character options. Nothing for Genderfluid, non-binary etc… D&D 5E is still Patriarchy oriented and exclusionaryist to all but cishet males. It remains the same oppressionative perpetuation of cis-hetero-caucaso-fascist ideology that it has always been. I’m so ashamed to have been a part of it.
        Does that sound about right? I’ve been corresponding with the Wundergeek. She is trying to *awaken* Me. I intend to “let” her 😉 Whatever it takes to get a slice on the side. Do I have the talk down?

        Nota Bene: I am aware that I have lowered My standards. Considerably. The Wisconsin Winter is coming and Franky Panky wants to stay warm. Any port in a storm. Milady Jessica’s port is closed tighter than Madagascar’s in a pandemic.

        What the hell kind of name is Oakes anyway? Sounds suspicious to me. Frank. Tim. Gary. Jim. Tom. These are proper names. Oakes is a porno name. Think about it. Too many porno creeps in RPGs these days. Bad for the image.

        I have to admit that the Evangelicals were really good for sales, BITD. These SJWs, from what I hear, have no effect on sales. They don’t even like D&D, or RPGs anyway. Simpering Juvenile Wussies.

        Don’t tell Wundergeek I wrote that last part.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 13, 2017 5:13 pm

      A very generous donation has been made to Planned Parenthood in Oakes Spalding’s name.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 13, 2017 5:14 pm

      Oakes is also absolutely right. I’ll be sending Roy Moore and Donald Trump to his house to have sex with his children as the Bible says they can.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 15, 2017 10:40 pm

      I suspect Oakes made Jacob Bos up, and created that blog and the social media profiles himself.

  53. @wundergeek permalink
    November 14, 2017 5:59 am

    Hey, tweeps. Just got back from a con, so let’s talk about con crushes and not being fucking creepy. (thread)
    Con crushes at RPG conventions are pretty common, especially when you play deeply emotionally affecting games. And that’s okay!
    I’m an ace person, and I get con crushes too – although mostly my crushes consist of being aflutter and wanting to talk lots.
    Even so! When you’re in convention headspace (ie no eating, sleeping, etc) – con crush feelings can be OVERWHELMING and hard to deal with.
    This is also okay! As long as you act like a fucking grownup and keep your hands and feelings to yourself.
    More specifically: DON’T tell them you want to fuck them. DO tell them you think they’re cool/exciting – ONLY if you can be low-key about it
    DON’T compliment them on their body. DO compliment an aspect of their appearance they clearly put effort into.
    When I’m just natural blonde, I get a lot of attention bc it’s so light and I’m just like “… thanks? My head pooped it like this.”
    Frex, compliment their hair style, or their winged eyeliner, or a particular distinctive item of clothing. Those are always safe.
    Also, using a friend as a feelings outlet is great. If you HAVE to tell someone about your feelings, tell a friend who can KEEP A SECRET.
    Seriously. Don’t try to engineer some game of telephone, hoping it will get back to your crush. That’s weird and creepy.
    It can be really fun swapping con crush feelings with a friend you know has your back! Safe outlets for crushfeels are great!
    DO walk up to your crush and talk to them if you see them not engaged in an event/game. DON’T follow them w/o permission if they leave.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 14, 2017 6:46 am

      Wow, too much to unpack here. I guess she hit on some “concrush” and got turned down and is now trying to flip the script?

      With every tweet, I bet her husband feels prouder and stronger as both man and husband.

      This is a great bit: “DO compliment an aspect of their appearance they clearly put effort into.”
      I guess a subtle way to do this with Wundergeek is to ask her to the cafeteria for some deep-fried lard-coated cheese burgers smothered in gravy with a side of dorito-encrusted cheesecake?

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 14, 2017 7:37 am

        Forcing myself to go and read the actual tweets (and to think that some people do that every day – God!), it seems that the aspect she is refering to is that wonderful Toilet Duck Blue she dyed her hair with, to get rid of the one redeeming feature of her appearance : her “natural blonde” (“it’s so light !”).

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 14, 2017 10:43 am

        Ah, your reading comprehension/twiiter patience is superior to mine, Froggy.

        I still believe, however, she put a lot more effort into the mass she displaces than her blonde disposal regimen.

      • Franky Panky (Frightened & Validated User) permalink
        November 14, 2017 3:25 pm

        I’m Wundergeek’s Con Crush. We met up. She/Xe is such a drab, mousy thing. Pathetic really. Sad and depressing. I gave her a pity fuck. I am, as noted, a gentleman. Always willing to help the ladies, or reasonable facsimiles thereof.

        She had her first orgasm. Ever.
        Now I cannot get rid of her/xer.

        Does anybody have China Mieville’s contact information. He seems to have endured something similar with this “Bidisha”. I could use some advice.

        Also, that photo she sent, the one of her ‘junk’?
        Ewww. Serious ‘wizard sleeve’. I suspect it produces a terrible whistling sound in a strong breeze. I’m sstill nauseous.
        Good thing the hotel room at the con was dark.
        I destroyed My phone that had the image on it. Image deletion was not enough.

        How’s that new iPhone?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 16, 2017 8:38 am

        If wundergeek ever confessed to me I was hir con crush, I would report hir for sexual harassment to the con organizer. The one with the gun. #nofatchicks

  54. Robrt cOnly permalink
    November 14, 2017 9:45 pm

    Jim Raggi is very consistent in the weird horror tone of Death Frost Doom. It is steeped in the same vibe that infuses the work of Bierce, Chambers, and Lovecraft. If I encountered this module I would quickly enter into what I would call “Call of Cthulu” I would assume that everything is out to fuck me because it all infused in whatever magic/thing that “man is not supposed to know”.

    A room choked with vines where the updraft through the foliage creates an eerie song that otherwise doesn’t do anything else definitely something that fall into “don’t fuck with it unless you know more” category.

    My initial criticism of this portion of the module is that no where is there anything written that explains how the players can learn more. However when I read it again, Raggi does mention that a simple Speak with Plant spell will work to allow passage through the vines. It not a stretch to think that if you ask the vines what it doing with the song that the party can learn more.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      November 15, 2017 7:02 pm

      No module actually says no druids allowed!!!! They fuck the module!!!!

  55. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 15, 2017 10:38 pm

    This guy should be guest of honor at North Texas RPG Con.

    He’s not the hero America needs, but he’s the hero America deserves.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 16, 2017 3:46 pm

      “Porn Mag Girdle” is the new Chainmail Bikini.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 16, 2017 8:31 pm

        ‘Hustler’ haramaki…

      • November 16, 2017 10:40 pm

        No encumbrance, yet the enemy’s jizz keeps lowering your AC during the fight. Genius.

  56. Franky Takes It Up The Butt permalink
    November 19, 2017 4:33 am

    Shame on you! How very gender-binary. A percentage– unknown of course, but presumably a significant percentage– of members do not identify as either male or female. Your attempt to cram them into one of these two gender roles, or ignore them altogether, marginalizes and otherizes them. Be more inclusive in the future.

    • Franky Panky (having My fun) permalink
      November 19, 2017 12:37 pm

      Wundergeek made me do it. Xhe has compromising photos of Me. I did indeed take it up the butt. 😥 My precious anal virginity. Stolen from Me. I’m soiled. Unclean. I knew I should have just left the room, but I do love a good nap afterwards.
      At least I’m not constipated anymore. I took a crap so big I dropped 2 pants sizes. O blessed relief.

      Or maybe I was just having My fun. Pots don’t stir themselves.

      • Lorraine Williams permalink
        November 19, 2017 2:35 pm

        Nice try, Frankie. You don’t remember those weekly reamings in the board room back during the Reagan Administration? 1d10 polearm damage every Thursday, as I recall. I used to joke with the Blume brothers about my expeditions in the Temple of Fundamental Evil, by which I meant your service entrance.

      • Franky Panky ( Walking Strangely ) permalink
        November 19, 2017 8:17 pm

        Witch! That was James Ward experiencing the joys of the “Bohemian Earspoon”, you syphilitic whore.

        …And making him close his eyes and think of Buck Rogers… evil. You are pure evil.

        A decent proposal: Have you met Wundergeek? I think the three of us could get along very well. Briefly. How say you?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 19, 2017 9:13 pm

        Now, Mr Mensers, I believe the term you are looking for is “Bohemian Rearspoon”.

  57. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 20, 2017 12:21 am

    Haven’t heard from Kunt in a fortnight. You finally do the right thing and take your worthless life, shit for brains?

    • False Patrick permalink
      November 23, 2017 5:11 am

      I have been back for a month now, and judging by the lack of reaction to my dramatic reading of ‘The Faerie Queene’ (wink wink) I could as well have offed myself. Fuck all of you.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        November 23, 2017 11:23 pm

        Still time to do something right for once in your miserable life. Would be something we’d all give thanks for!

      • @wundergeek permalink
        November 24, 2017 1:39 am

        The thing that I wish men could understand is that it is just very hard to be alive right now if you are not a cisdude. I don’t mean that in a suicidal way; I’m NOT and never have been. It’s just actually difficult to eat and sleep and just fucking exist.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 24, 2017 4:30 am

        Looks like Pat is trying to lure Durr Hurr into his white van with his Elizabethan ‘milkshake’. The joke is on him, Durr Hurr only likes fake Elizabethan shit.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 26, 2017 6:01 am

        So Patty runs away after an altercation with The Attack, and shows back up 2 months later to post his high school notes of the Faerie Queen. Looks like his career is over.

      • November 26, 2017 7:43 am

        Depressing but not suprising. Don’t bring crippling depression and conflict avoidance to a narcissism-fight. Apparently the Z-man got at least partial custody over Scrapprincess if I interpreted a recent post correctly.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 24, 2017 11:33 am

      It’s probably hiding in some dark place to heal, like all briefs-sniffing Jeepers Creepers do, having eaten enough human meat (I mean dick).

  58. My Nipple Pic Will Outlive Me permalink
    November 23, 2017 2:40 am

    From Tao, 11/9 :

    ” I Won’t Be Here Forever
    You can see from the monitor that I’m all right. I am not now in the hospital, though I was this morning ~ I was there to find out what was going on … and the doctor decided to find out if I’d had a heart attack or a stroke, because I had experienced a steady pain in my high left side starting the evening before.

    There seemed no reason for panic. The doctor was just being sure; but I took advantage of the situation and took a selfie. What the hell. Sorry if the nipple offends; I have a secret desire to be as infamous as Janet Jackson.

    Judging by the various displays and the doctor’s feelings about it, I’m good to last for some time yet.

    The problem, as it turned out, is interstitial bruising of the inside of my rib cage wall, probably from the heartburn and sustained stomach acid attack I experienced yesterday, which went on for five very unpleasant hours.

    I’d just like to finish that the 2.25 hour hospital visit I had this morning, with an EEG, bloodwork, and the use of an emergency bed, was free. Paid for by my fellow Canadians and myself. Thank you all.”

    • Franky Panky (Canadian-phobe) permalink
      November 23, 2017 9:36 pm

      If someone pays for it, it is not, by definition free. *Canadian logic*, eh. We in Wisconsin always hate it when they sneak across to border to , uhm, “tip” our cows and steal our jobs. I wouldn’t be so bad if they would just learn to speak English.

      Alexis Qaeda weighs in at what, 240 pounds. How tall is he? I bet the doctor told him, “Lay off the Horton’s donuts, you fat pants-load, eh. Hoser!”

      Also, who is stupid enough to tolerate heartburn for 5 hours? Take a Pepcid, you dumb fuck. Nevermind. The question answers itself.

      “Bohemian Rearspoon”. Very good. Very good indeed. I’m going to use it, and take credit for coming up with it too. (Just like with basic D&D. I did write the best-selling version. N/M Moldvay’s work. And that is *Basic* in the current connotation, BTW.)

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 23, 2017 11:24 pm

        Heh, cow tupping…

    • November 23, 2017 10:18 pm

      He thinks the New Yorker’s a monthly that pays on average $5 a word. Maybe $5 Canadian (=20 cents in real money), eh?

  59. Timotheus permalink
    November 26, 2017 5:58 am

    Stockholm is alive and well in the blOwSR.

    Raggi blows off the people who funded his ref book for years, not even bothering to do an update for over a year. Tenkar slut shames him into doing a reluctant update, which consists of “Because fuck you, that’s why” and everyone applauds him for his honesty and integrity.

    The funny thing is that Fags would just as soon see their exploded grey matter all over a dissected woman, and these cash-drones are all like “This is why I love Raggi!”


    Ironically, my computer seems to be having problems with cut-and-paste. But you can find the shame post and suck-a-dick post both at the Turdshack.

    • @LoLFP permalink
      November 26, 2017 6:41 am

      Are you under 21 and want to get professionally published in the RPG industry? I’m the devil to deal with. Details:

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 26, 2017 11:46 am

        Hah! Sounds like Jimmy wants to do a clone of Monsterhearts while assuming a Weinstein role to a bunch of teens.

      • Franky Panky (Euro-phobe) permalink
        November 26, 2017 4:30 pm

        He is in Finland? In France it is possible for an old man to have sex with an 11 year old girl and get away with it. Who knows what is legal in Finland. Those European countries… So sanctimonious and so very hypocritical.

        He should move a bit farther north, and get Santa’s pointy-eared freaks to work for him in their off-season. Bells on the toes of your shoes: So Metal. Such Edgy.

        Consider: The people in his target age cohort have never heard of the bands he named. Or the names he dropped.

        He should contact Me. I can do edgy. I can write something for the Lot-Fap game, right after I finish “Empyrea: the biggest pan-industry…”

        Surrendering. I can’t live the lie anymore. Empyrea is done and done. He should contact Me because I need the work. And I can write for a younger audience. I wrote *Basic* D&D for children.

        Noted: Wundergeek returned. Wundie, Mein Schatzchen, has Lorraine Williams contacted you yet?

        No cameras this time. Seriously. Lorraine and cameras are a very bad idea.

      • Sweet Lorraine, Strapping One On permalink
        November 26, 2017 7:32 pm

        Canada can’t save you, Frankie. I’m testing out a new polearm, a guisarme-bulge, and I’m going to pound your ass like a cheap Montreal steak.

    • yourrpgisshit permalink
      November 26, 2017 12:16 pm

      Maybe he got tired of his current wife (assuming she’s still alive) and is hoping to find some naive attention whore that’s just as “edgy” as he is.

  60. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 30, 2017 11:17 pm

    And as she watched it, Azog knew that this beast was no mother. It was male. The males were bigger and more muscular than the females, their heads pointier, their claws slightly longer. Their instincts were hungrier, more savage. A ripple of fear ran through Azog’s body. She watched, more warily now, until one of the baby raptors turned over, squawking in its sleep, distracting her. The beast darted forward, using one of its green scaly hands to knock the spear from Azog’s hand. She cursed, watching helplessly as it clattered to the ground before rolling away far out of reach. Azog crept toward it anyway, desperately eyeing the mouth of the cave as the raptor inched forward, blocking her escape route with snarling, snapping jaws and leathery green skin. She was sure it would attack at any moment, tearing her limb from limb with its black daggerlike claws. But the attack didn’t come. Instead, there was a dripping sound as something slithered from between the beast’s legs. As they circled each other, the dim light from the cave mouth showed Azog the small leg peeling from below the beast’s stomach. But no, it wasn’t a leg, it was… She gasped, pressing her back against the cave wall. The beast was standing between Azog and freedom. She marveled at it as it approached, head down as if sniffing her scent. Azog stood, back to the wall, clad only in damp buckskin, waiting for the beast to slash at her torso until she lay helpless and bleeding on the damp cave floor. She wondered if it would kill her first or if her limbs would be sliced from her body as the beast gorged on her. Instead, it reached out with a clawed hand to snatch at her damp animal hide as it clung to one shoulder. Azog felt the hiss of sharp claws against her skin as the hide slid from her shoulder and exposed one naked heaving breast. The raptor paused, curious, sniffing at her. She pressed desperately against the wall. A reptilian tongue, stiff and hot, dashed out to lick at the tender naked flesh so suddenly exposed. Azog gasped at the touch, then gradually relaxed as her body warmed to the intoxicating sensation of the beast’s flesh against her own. She wasn’t sure if her sudden arousal was because of her earlier thwarted climax in the cool stream or if she was just desperate for one last pleasant sensation before being torn limb from limb by the great scaly beast. Either way, Azog relished the rasp of its tongue, hot and rough on her sensitive skin. The raptor quickly sliced away the rest of her hide, watching with wide black eyes as the leather fell to her feet. The beast seemed to take its time, sniffing at her young taut body. Azog quivered with fear and desire. The cave was hot, and now sweat began to gather at her throat and glisten along her supple skin. She could feel every bead of sweat as it caressed her naked body, feel the raptor’s gaze against her human flesh. But of one thing she was sure: she would survive this. Azog suddenly understood what she would have to do to survive. She offered her body, naked and yielding, sweaty and raw, moist, hot and wet to the beast, as a sacrifice. Perhaps if she pleased it, she just might live. If not, she would leave this world as she’d come in, naked and screaming.

    –In the Velociraptor’s Nest, Christie Sims

    • OA, BD permalink
      December 2, 2017 9:08 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • @wundergeek permalink
      December 3, 2017 8:53 am

      In every single instance of shitty raptor behavior getting publicly called out, I can GUARANTEE that women have tried to talk privately to the shitty raptor and just been flat out I G N O R E D. So what do you do if you can’t get shitty raptors to listen?

      • Franky Panky (Social Justice Stud) permalink
        December 4, 2017 10:27 pm

        But Wundergeek, we all know that you prefer the Centaur pr0n.

        And I did listen, Mein Schatzchen. Which is why I invited Lorraine to join us.

        Admit it: You were absolutely enthralled by her oh so sexy cankles. We all had our fun– especially Lorraine with that 2 pronged “pole-arm”. Watching your flabby ass cheeks undulate as she, ahem, *applied* it; Mesmerizing.

        Those ass cheeks of yours have never seen the sun, have they? Lorraine apparently has a beach house with a private beach… Maybe we can arrange something for the Holidays. A certain ‘je ne sais quoi’? 😉

        Also: I could get you work doing illustrations for the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years. Interested? Keep Franky happy: You know how the game is played. XOXO

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        December 5, 2017 5:24 pm

        Like all centaurs, he wore no shirt covering his torso. His muscles bunched and flexed as he leaned over some papers strewn on the desk. His horsey flesh was a spectacular speckled grey. A long, silver tail flicked back and forth, hitting his flanks as if it was a whip. I managed to tear my eyes away from him and scan the rest of the room. It was empty. Taking a deep breath, I knocked tentatively on the door.

        His head snapped up and our eyes met. An electric shock raced through my body as I stared into his dark eyes. The shock pooled in my tummy uncomfortably. I knew what I was feeling. It was lust. James had ruined me. Nothing could get my blood working faster than a hot centaur, and this was no boy — this was a man. A beautiful man that I wanted to ride.

        — Centaurs: The Sexy Fantasy Erotica Story Bundle Series (An Erotic Story Bundle featuring 3 Hot Centaur Stories), Christie Sims

      • Sweet Lorraine, Done with Mensers permalink
        December 6, 2017 8:47 pm

        And I did listen, Mein Schatzchen. Which is why I invited Lorraine to join us.

        Dream on, Frankie, you are a broken old man, so I have no need to further ravage your undercarriage. I’m gunning for fresh meat, someone who is a newish star of the gaming scene. I have my sights set on Raggi. My main motivatoin is the novelty of doing the sex with someone who outweighs me. I have chosen a new ‘polearm’ design specifically for Raggs, a sort of ‘harpoon’ device which won’t be easy to dislodge. Once I impale the white whale, I’m going to hang on for a Nantucket Buttfucket sleigh ride. I’m already calling this a Raggi Rectum Rodeo.

        Now I have to figure out how to lure him into my clutches. My plot is to drop an anonymous hint that I have an ‘uncensored’ director’s cut of A Serbian Film, which is even more fucked up than the theatrical release. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just tell him that I have three pallets of corndogs which are a day past their ‘sell-by’ date, so I’m giving them away.

        And no, Frankie, you can’t join in, you can’t even watch.

  61. Sinking for Pennies permalink
    December 7, 2017 1:00 am

    My Newest Supplement is Literally “The Kitchen Sink!”
    Yes, you too can now have a mechanic to not just install a Kitchen Sink in your dungeon, but to make it interesting, fun and potentially rewarding and/or lethal for your players!

    RPGPundit Presents #10: The Kitchen Sink is a guide to a feature every dungeon should have. Also works for fountains, bubbling pools and other water-related architectural features. But it’s just way more fun if it’s a literal sink.

    For just 99 cents you get 7 pages of random charts and tables to make unique and weird kitchen sinks, including where they are, what they look like, what’s in the sink, what’s in the drain, what the faucet does, and what comes out of the faucet. You are almost guaranteed never to get the exact same sink twice! Surprise and entertain your players for hours, with a product you’ll be able to use over and over again, for less than the cost of a coffee!

    • Franky Panky (Wittol) permalink
      December 7, 2017 6:44 am

      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”
      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”
      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”
      “Klunk! The pipes vibrate noisily.”

      “The dishwasher returns!”

      Ripping Off Nethack, again. His you are what you eat, Dungeon Chef nonsense and now this. And for his next rip-off?

      Oh, Hi Lorraine. I have no objection to Polyamory. Do get some of those hooks/pole-arms the Fremen used to ride Sandworms. And a gallon or so of depilatory Cream. Raggainnen is a swarthy thing, and quite the wriggler, or so I hear. Lure his fat ass in with promises of a business venture. You know quite a bit about failing RPG companies. That’s his specialty too.

      I know you can’t really quit Me. You are a slave to the “Dragon’s Tail”. And lovin’ it.

      Wundergeek and I can get the room next door. We’ll be a-listenin’. Don’t disappoint.

      • Franky Panky (Wittol) permalink
        December 7, 2017 6:48 am

        Somebody who reads this latest Pundejo opus, tell us how it compares to Nethack. Link:

        Will it be EoPT levels of “homage”?

        You don’t suppose that nuestro muchacho Juan Tarnousqui has tried to summon a succubus with his wizard powers? I suppose kicking a sink is as valid a way to do it as any other.

    • BACLF permalink
      December 7, 2017 11:27 am

      The Sink in Golanda? He’s ripping off Blooey now!

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      December 7, 2017 5:52 pm

      Coming soon:

      RPGPundit Presents #11: The Dungeon Crapper is a guide to a feature every filthy monster’s lair should have. Also works for commodes, garderobes and other shitter-related architectural features. But it’s just way more fun if it’s a literal 4-holer.

      For just 99 cents you get 7 pages of random charts and tables to make unique and stinky dungeon shitholes, including where they are, what they smell like, what’s in the bowl, what’s down the hole (for the love of God, don’t look), what the handle does, and what crawls up out of it when you’re doing your business.. You are almost guaranteed never to get the exact same turd twice (depending on your diet)! Surprise and entertain the average OSR fanatic for hours, with a product you’ll be able to use over and over again, for less than the cost of an atomic burrito!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 7, 2017 7:22 pm

        Pundejo’s going to rip off ‘Backspray’ Barry’s deuce-drop tables, which correlate the location of the dropped turd with its classification on the Bristol Stool Scale.

        Eat Pee Crap Correlate Results

  62. Greyhawk Grognard permalink
    December 23, 2017 9:35 pm

    Bloody Yule, fellow pagan bastards!

  63. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 25, 2017 12:07 pm

    Merry Christmas, scalawags!

  64. Fanny the Tranny permalink
    December 25, 2017 5:36 pm

    Hi Guys Merry Christmas! I hear this is a welcoming site for trannies into old school table top RPGs as well as sharing makeup and fashion tips for us girls who didn’t get to learn these when we were still known by our dead names! I look forward to getting to know you all better. ❤ Fanny

    • BACLF permalink
      December 25, 2017 8:25 pm

      Hi, Fanny, the only people who aren’t welcome here are those benighted people who deviate from the 1d6 initiative roll that God and Gygax intended.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 26, 2017 4:08 am

      Hail and welcome Fanny.

      Just one question: pre-op or post-op? If the latter, what Cons will you be at this year? Maybe we can arrange something fun?

      • Fanny the Tranny permalink
        December 31, 2017 9:31 am

        Sorry I’m a lesbian tranny, Franky! Just like all OSR trannies are silly! (except Lorraine Williams. That’s a big fat cis-lesbo- the KFC finger lickin’ good kind!)

  65. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 26, 2017 2:49 pm


    • Timotheus permalink
      December 26, 2017 4:08 pm

      Just saw this. Pretty damn stoked, although it will be a while before we see any re-releases. There is thread in their forum where he mentions a kickstarter for Melee next year, with a lot of miniatures involved.

      And Merry Fucking Christmas, Biggs, et al.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 26, 2017 5:44 pm

        Happy Boxing Day, Tim. A TFT re-release would be the best retro-gaming event of 2018.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      December 27, 2017 9:02 am

      Considering that TFT came and went 35 years ago… You all must be true geezers. I certainly enjoyed playing Melee in the summer of ’77, and Wizard when it released ( and a fair number of the other microgames.) Never played TFT the RPG though. I was playing the D&D at that point.

      I Hope SJ does it justice. And doesn’t turn it into GURPS II.

      • Magnus Buchan permalink
        December 27, 2017 1:18 pm

        Only fat, old, angry losers like Tim want something like TFT. It’s the perfect little game to play in mom’s basement on a nice hot summer’s day. And it’s easy so the bitter little prick can focus on all that role play. You know, having his PC fuck serving wenches cause he can’t get laid IRL.

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 28, 2017 11:35 am

        What’s wrong with serving wenches? And the basement apartment is totally bitchen, Buchan.

    • James Maliszewski permalink
      December 27, 2017 9:08 am

      I never saw the original books, Melee and Wizard, that made up Metagaming’s foray into the field of fantasy RPGs. They were released in 1977 and 1978, respectively, a couple of years before I entered the hobby, and they were no longer on store shelves by the time I took notice of games other than D&D. But their successors, Advanced Melee and Advanced Wizard (along with In the Labyrinth, the GM’s book), were and it’s through them that I encountered The Fantasy Trip.

      If any of you have copies of these books, or Tollenkar’s lair, please send them to me, as long as they are not too beat up. I won’t pay you for them, or trade you anything for them. You may get my gratitude, and possibly a sneak peak at the forthcoming “Return to Dwimmermount” project, which I will be launching soon on Indiegogo. I may include a TFT version as a stretch goal. Steve Jackson will have concluded his kickstarter and released all the new material for TFT by the time I get around to starting the work.

    • December 27, 2017 11:17 am

      Hahaha your christmas wishes came through! Merry christmas from winter-haunted Saskatoon gang! May the elfgames flow and the targets be rich for 2018!

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 28, 2017 10:32 pm

        Where is Saskatoon, Swamp Germany? My map of the Nederlands don’t show it.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        December 29, 2017 2:10 am

        I really should not have topped all that Christmas quiche with bad Gewurtztraminer (again!) : in my fever dreams last night, in a humble stable by the Saskatchewan, a Prince was being born from a blue-haired Virgin while three Canadian Wisemen (The Pipe-Smoker, the Fry-Cook and some token Darkie) where hurrying along snowy canadian highways to present their gifts of review copies.

  66. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 28, 2017 7:30 pm

    From the department of schadenfreude department… remember how Durr Hurr was carrying on about how he found a ‘really smart’ boyfriend he wanted us to follow?

    Turns out the guy is a dumbass (PDF), which isn’t surprising because Durr Hurr is an even bigger dumbass.

  67. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    December 28, 2017 8:57 pm

    Guys guys guys guys!

    I am totally hacking this into Let Me Send A Dick Pic!

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 28, 2017 10:30 pm

      This is the kind of game where it suddenly goes all Ilsa,She Wolf of he SS.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        December 30, 2017 1:14 am

        Ilsa yes, I remember boys at summer camp raving about it. I didn’t really believed what they were describing. Now it’s free on YouLube apparently.

        As for the game, is there a version where every player invites his/her molester to join, just to tell the origin story behind the blue hair and shit?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 28, 2017 10:56 pm

      Maybe Mensers can run this in the hotel elevators at Garycon.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 29, 2017 4:50 am

        I prefer the utility closets. More privacy. No Emergency buttons. Often, broom and mop handles 😉 Elevators have those surveillance cameras. The Dragon’s Tail is decidedly camera shy. Elevators get constant use too. Do you think any of the morbidly obese graybeards who attend Garycon are even physically capable of climbing a flight of stairs?

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        December 29, 2017 4:13 pm

        Tell me about it. Even without stairs I get my biggest workout of the year navigating that lopsided monstrosity of a hotel. It’s so screwy you can’t even map it out on graph paper.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 29, 2017 4:55 pm

        Of course it is screwy. It used to be a Playboy Club.

        Speaking of morbidly obese graybeards, this year Tim Kask will be there on his ‘mobility scooter’. He intends to repeat his performance from GenCon, thus:
        1-Blaze up a fat one.
        2-get stoned to the gills.
        3-Go careening around the resort, running over anybody he can. All the while he’ll be giggling in that weird high pitched tittering he does. Apparently when he’s stoned, everyone looks like Dave Arneson to him.

        I heard that he had a friend — who is good with tools — do a few modifications to the scooter so that it goes faster and that the front bumper is electrified: A TASER on wheels he’s calling it.

        He’s got little pedestrian silhouettes painted on the sides of the scooter. His “kills”.

        I can’t stand the fat fuck. He’s calling me every day for a month before GaryCon, to remind me to bring enough baked goods to satisfy his ‘epic munchies’. Never pays for the stuff either.

        He totally blew my chances of scoring with Gail too. She won’t even return my calls anymore.

  68. Timotheus permalink
    December 30, 2017 7:50 am

    So Matt Finch wants you to pay him to DM Swords and Wizardry for some losers – and you will get to watch the videos:

    This is somehow tied in with that blOwSR Radio thing. Your contributions to this exciting half-hour of video buys hosting costs, in addition to Hirst Arts mold sand figures.

    Cutting edge capitalism.

    • Fanny the Tranny permalink
      December 31, 2017 9:38 am

      Matt, if you are interested in the Next Big Thing in the OSR, get a hold of me. I want to pitch S&W with Trannies for your OSR radio station.

  69. December 30, 2017 10:47 am

    I’m on the case.

    Findings: The Mythmere blog is a Patreon backer of the Tavern. The Tavern has an affiliate link for Swords and Wizardry. The Tavern has affiliate links for Frog God Games.

    Conclusion: This is completely legitimate. Everyone should back it. Matt’s wife-husband? husband-wife? might even make an appearance. Bill Webb will not be sexually harassing ‘them’. He may get a bit grabby with one or more of the interns. Matt assures me that the creepy background sounds you hear are from Bill getting up to his usual ways. Matt leaves them in broadcast because the sounds help create a scary atmosphere.

    Disclaimer: I may be a guest on the show. This is no way influences my conclusions.

    • Fanny the Tranny permalink
      December 31, 2017 9:36 am

      When I was a tranny hooker back in the 80s on the New York City piers, Officer Tenkar used to force me and the other “girls” to give him blow jobs in the squad car. He is my rapist, my abuser and my sexual harasser. I have made this accusation on the Internet so it must be true. #MeToo

  70. bat permalink
    December 31, 2017 5:38 pm

    Happy New Year, fellow nerdlings, mutants and other sundry personalities. Keep the insanity flowing in 2018.

    • Batperson permalink
      January 2, 2018 2:19 am

      Thank you, bat, for the enormous courage and forgiveness you have shown. You made me realize that batface is a style of entertainment that is rooted in specist stereotypes and is just not acceptable in entertainment today.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 2, 2018 5:33 am

      Thanks, Bat. Happy New Year. Hopefully, YDIS can keep up hir torrid pace of 3 posts a year.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        January 2, 2018 1:24 pm

        I am up to two posts!

      • James Maliszewski permalink
        January 2, 2018 3:08 pm

        True, but your WordPress blog is shit. Take it from me kid, I know a thing or two about shit blogs. I know a thing or two about running a long con too. You are doing it all wrong.

        I remember a time when confidence tricksters took pride in their work. Nowadays, it is all Social Engineering. This is what happens when you have a society of bastards.

      • January 3, 2018 8:11 am

        Someone needs to keep that civilizational funeral pyre burning and you are doing God’s work. Blood in the Chocolate is a nauseating pile of degeneracy and it’s Ennie status cements the bankrupcy of the system. Deus Vult!

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        January 3, 2018 10:41 am

        JaMal: While tricking people out of money and then waaaaay down the line having someone else do the job might appeal to some, I started the shitshow and I aim to finish my shit.

        PrinceofNothing: Weird on the Waves is genuinely making me wonder what fucked up shit Kiel’s been up to. It’s almost like a parody of something he would do.

      • Magnus Buchan permalink
        January 3, 2018 11:37 am

        Hey Tim, you could try getting some kind of adult life going (the owner of this blog clearly did), rather than wait for posts so you can express your bitter anger about people playing RPG’s.

        In the new year maybe try doing something positive. Focus on work. Family. OK, you probably don’t have any of these. But maybe make a positive difference in somebody’s life for a change. Maybe lose some fucking weight. Get over your bitter anger over nothing things.

        OK, people taking elf games too seriously is sad, and that shit needs a little goofing on. But after about a decade here of showing how bitterly jealous you are of others who game, maybe turn that mirror on yourself and let that horrifying reflection help you make a change for the better and not the bitter.

        Or don’t. Why would I care?

        Sincerely, your mom.

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 3, 2018 12:12 pm

        It’s only been nine years.
        Mom capitalizes her name when she writes it.
        I’ve got a TFT and a Champions campaign going now.

        Talk about a non-gamer and a bitter loser, Fagnus Buckass? Try that mirror-thing. You might find some irony in there somewhere. And read the blog post that Syk links to below. You’ll probably feel your bullet head nodding in doctrinal enthusiasm.

        I guess it’s kinda cool to pick up my third stalker here, though.

        See you in your mom’s room, Fagnus.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 3, 2018 6:16 pm

        It’s weird, Tim, you’re the least mean person here, but you get the stalker treatment.

        Good to hear that you have a TFT campaign going on. Are the players playing vanilla, or have they figured out how ‘gonzo’ the game can be? While the guys I was playing with pretty much stuck to the min/max broadsword fighter or played wizards, I figured out that one of my favorite character builds was:

        ST: 9
        IQ: 13
        DX: 10

        Chemist, Thrown Weapons, Physicker, whatever. Makes one hell of a molotov cocktail chucker.

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 4, 2018 8:01 am

        Hey, Biggs, thanks for the kind words. But I certainly throw out some troll comments, so I deserve some heat back.

        The TFT campaign is with some old friends and their kids, five players, only one of which has played tabletop before (TFT, with me back in the early 80s). So we are using only Melee and Wizard, nothing from ITL or the Advanced books yet. Everyone enjoys the simplicity and intuitiveness. We are using the ITL experience table, though, so we don’t overpower the campaign too soon.

        We played a few sample combats first so everyone could see how lethal it was, so there was a bit of min-maxing after that in character creation as everyone tried to calculate what was most effective balancing hit probability and damage. One 12/12/8 warrior with bdswd, chain, and sm shld; one 11/13/8 with longbow and spear and lthr; and the last warrior with 13/11/8 and a halberd, crossbow and no armor. Two wizards, one with IQ 12 that loves her Fireball and Fire spells, the other with IQ 11 using a lot of illusion and image spells in and out of combat. We’ve had one fatality so far; the halberd character was a replacement for the player’s previous character (11/13/8, mace, lthr,sm shld) when he fell to a villain with a halberd who charged.

        Hopefully they all continue to enjoy it, and in a few months we’ll start using the ITL and advanced stuff, probably starting a new campaign.

      • January 4, 2018 10:23 am

        “JaMal: While tricking people out of money and then waaaaay down the line having someone else do the job might appeal to some, I started the shitshow and I aim to finish my shit.”

        Adopt the Homer Simpson approach, “let someone else do it.” This worked well for me 🙂 For my next con, I need to figure out these Gofundme and Indiegogo scams. They look very promising. It’s time to get out my Cugel the Clever thinking cap again. The memories it brings. Why I remember…

        See? I’ve still got it. The marks will be buying me a ‘cup of coffee’ and a shiny new high end laptop in no time. As long as nobody sends me a copy of Blue Rose, even if it is in mint condition. I hear that it may glorify bastardy.

        On a serious note, I was referencing your style. Make your posts more ‘exposé’ and less ‘rant’. A clinical, detached take-down is more effective than “things I hate about you”. Try to keep a predictable posting schedule.

        Don’t forget the Patreon and Paypal widgets. Use every tool available to shake every last bit of loose change out of your readers’ pockets. I wish there had been a Patreon when I was blogging. Affiliate links. Those are nice too. Perhaps to some Polyhedron Games products still available at DrivethruRPG.

        Pick on John Tarnowski. His cocaine fueled paranoia is getting out of control again. Cocaine is cheap in Uruguay, yes? It is something about his Chivalry and Sorcery rip-off disappearing from RPGNow and losing it’s copper status.(dare I say 2000 copper status? I dare.) Now that I reminisce more, it may be a Fantasy Wargaming rip-off instead. I haven’t read “Fantasy Wargaming:The Highest Level Of All”, but I do recall seeing it in the Games Store when I was a child. Anyone who has a copy, 1st edition and in good or better condition, please send it to me. Then I can tell if Tarnowski is ripping it off.

      • January 5, 2018 5:41 am



        I lack the precise terminology but I believe that the current era of the breakdown of the social contract is ramping everyone up in terms of behavioural preferences.
        If your social circle is already filled with freak-creatures and association with non-degenerates is no longer a requirement a lot of that social glue gets stripped off and thrown onto rubble (along with some partially burnt pink girl socks probably) and we must instead pledge our loyalty and signal our virtues loudly and with gusto.

        Blood in the Chocolate is a unwitting parody. A caricature of Lotfp published with pride and adorned with meaningless laurels. You take faggi at his most wanna be edgy and you add social justice to it. A sort of Eschaton of bad. How do you go down from it?


        Y’all talkin about some 40 year old obscure elfgame warms my blackened heart. Good on you fuckers.

  71. Sykirobme permalink
    January 3, 2018 7:20 am

    So much going on here…

    * Overblown, pseudo-academic verbiage? Check.
    * “REAL gamers are teh smaert!” ego stroke? Check.
    * Pretentious comparison of RPGs to some communal ritual going back to the origins of time? Check.
    * A bunch of crap about player agency and all that shit? Check.
    * Checklist of woe-is-me stuff from the author’s personal life? Check.
    * Begging for money? Check.

    • Franky Panky (In the Know) permalink
      January 3, 2018 9:05 am

      Communal rituals. Snort. Iron John as the Ur-DM then? But no Joseph Campbell or James Frazer or even Robert Graves references. A sure sign of ignorance. He did not even use the term “mythopoetic” even once. What a steaming pant’s load. Rank Amateur.

      You won’t find this sort of silliness in Empyrea. No. Just jood old fashioned adventures. Kill the bad guys and take.their. stuff. Just as Dave and Gary intended.

      Nota Bene: If you are going to rattle the alm’s cup, at least have a Patreon link icon visible instead of just a text link.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 3, 2018 1:11 pm

        Campbell is for amateurs.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 3, 2018 6:05 pm

        Campbell is for amateurs.

        Yeah, like that Lucas guy… whatever happened to him?

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 4, 2018 7:24 am

        I fucking hate Star Wars.

        There, I said it. Tho I will not begrudge George his billions…it’s not like I’ve created a massive pop culture phenomenon.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 4, 2018 8:10 am

        Hey, now, the Star Wars Holiday Special, which is canon, showcased Bea Arthur at her peak of sexiness.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 4, 2018 9:24 am

        I always have a boner for Dorothy Zbornak

      • Dorothy Zbornak permalink
        January 13, 2018 7:20 pm

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 3, 2018 12:19 pm

      “The problem is that logistically, Dungeons & Dragons is a social tribal ritual. There’s nothing insightful about this statement. It is simply factual. It involves a group of people, led by a member of that group, who follow a strict set of rules to have a shared experience.

      I speak as plainly as I can. This requires a group of people, and a facilitator.”

      I can’t believe no one will employ this guy.

      And none of the dumbass commenters challenged his “strict set of rules” canard. One of the marketed values of the blOwSR is rules light at most, and more often “rulings not rules.” All that gets tossed out as these boys see who can out-dogma each other the hardest.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        January 4, 2018 1:24 am

        “Critical role, HarmonQuest, and increased televised exposure have translated into more people buying and playing Dungeons & Dragons then at any point in history.”

        Guys, he is just taking the piss out of Frank.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        January 4, 2018 7:25 am


      • Timotheus permalink
        January 4, 2018 8:09 am

        Hah! As usual, Froggy, you seem to have identified the Thing Itself.

        Poor Frank. I can see him now, rocking back an forth, telling himself, “A least Critical Role has NOT been translated into 14 languages!”

        I wonder if he has thrown in the towel on his Worlds of Enema project? Claude needs to give us an update.

  72. Franky Panky (full of piss, and vinegar, and donuts) permalink
    January 4, 2018 9:38 am

    He can have my piss. I’ll give him a pint or two right to the face. It might take a while. Lots of starting and stopping. My version of D&D is the best selling ever. It was a global best-seller. D&D 5E is not. it’s just in English, and not even in Gygaxian English. It’s not even translated into any of the Finno-Ugric languages. Pathetic. The Red Box is still the King. And I am still a Prince.

    Joseph Campbell was not for amateurs. He was a Trickster — I use the term in its mythopoetic sense — of the highest order. The manner in which he conveniently ignored or discounted anything that did not support his thesis, or even contradicted it, sheer brilliance. How he duped that fool Bill Moyers — again, a Fool in the mythopoetic sense, is astounding and an inspiration to all.

    A final thought: If you think I intend to have a communal sauna with my fellow graybearded grognards in some sort of shamanistic nonsense, do think again. The idea of their sweaty naked bodies… Well, there goes my appetite. And I’ve seen both Lorraine and Wundergeek au naturel. At the same time.
    And liked it. 😀

    Empyrea is on track to be the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years, as promised. We have some new Angel investors, and will be adding some TFT compatibility as well. Watch GaryCon this year for major, that’s major, announcements. This Hack and Slash Master-blogger asked to be a part of the project, but I refused. No mediocrities allowed.

    That Shaman dribble. What sort of drugs… peyote maybe, mescaline?… produce that sort of stupidity.? Is this guy the Hunter S. Thompson of OSR bloggers now?

  73. Magnus Buchan permalink
    January 7, 2018 7:04 pm

    Timotheus: not stalking you. Don’t flatter yourself. OK, there are a lot of pricks here (actually at this point seems like maybe the same five dudes the last couple years), but most seem to be doing some sort of sideshow comedy/parody, though often brutal. It’s not real anger. But you just seem like an angry fuck who isn’t funny. Just, well, bitter.

    Tim, you are playing old games so you are probably at least well into your 50’s. Probably a fat neckbeard much like Frank. You probably became a senior in the years you haunt this place. That you exhibit this bitter behavior over what goes on in a niche hobby year after year is weird and actually kind of sad. You say you have kids in your game. Your friends kids? Your own (doubtful)? It’s scary that you have such an angry obsession here about what people you haven’t met are doing in gaming, and yet you run games for kids. That’s bizarre. That you spend so much time here awaiting infrequent posts so you can be an angry fat fuck about whatever is going on in gaming just shows you have no real satisfaction in your life and are likely a sociopath. And probably shouldn’t be around kids. Maybe you have sinister motives towards them? Anyway, most trolls outgrow what they are. Move on to happier and more positive pursuits. But those are the typical younger forum geeks. They grow up, move on, and get real lives. You indulge in this crap as an anonymous sock at an advanced age, with no real growth in your life. Well, hate to keep saying it, but it’s just sad. It’s a new year. Try to reevaluate what is important to you. Move on and up with your life instead of holding on to weird obsessions about other people and spewing about them on a dead troll site. Or just stay a bitter loser if that’s your chosen fate.

    • January 8, 2018 12:19 am

      I feel like this troll comment starts off pretty promising with the whole psycho-analysis shtick but you can tell he is going for a the shotgun approach by throwing in the ‘sociopath’/child molester accusation. It doesn’t look like Kent but who else trolls a troll and for what reason?

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 8, 2018 4:53 pm

      Damn, kid, I am way in your sad little head. Bitter, huh? Do tell. Your continued obsession with and fantasizing about me kinda works against your claim of not stalking.

      Is this Jeffblow? You both write with that obtuse, dime-store paranoia laced with ironic accusations.

      Be sure to show this stalking of a third-rate troll on a second-rate d&d troll site to your court-appointed shrink when you get your daily pedo antilibidinal shot. This must be a tremendous breakthrough for you Fagnus.

  74. Timotheus permalink
    January 8, 2018 4:56 pm

    Is Dunning Kreuger trying to make the Sorcerer Supremo angry?

    I can see Pundejo rearranging the many runes on his Oiuja board right now…

    • January 8, 2018 5:51 pm

      He is counting his loot, tens of dollars, from his latest ‘crazy-like-a-paranoid-coked-to-eyeballs-fox’ scheme to boost sales of his Lion and Dragon authentic medieval setting with authentic medieval magicks or magix or however that semi-literate hairball of spittle and hate spells it. It is a [2000] copper best-seller again.

      All this drama, just because he forgot to put a trannie on the cover this time.

      I, of course, have been taking notes. Props to the fellow for running such a nice short con. I’ll need to add a Lion and Dragon compatible version of “The Return to Dwimmermount” as a stretch goal. Maybe I could get him to send me a copy of the game, in nice condition of course, for research and for free, of course.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      January 8, 2018 9:38 pm

      If he’s not getting good results he’s probably not doing “the work” properly. Maybe his sigil is not charging up because he masturbates too gloomily.

  75. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    January 11, 2018 7:58 pm

    Looks like EotB thinks he’s going to Garycon this year. What a zero-level clod! Wait ’til he gets to the front door (if the post office even delivers his badge).

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 12, 2018 12:06 pm

      The USP will indeed deliver his badge. I’ve arranged it. Do you think he’ll make it to the front door, and get past the white van in the parking lot? The one with the engine idling.

      EoTB will be joining the Lake Geneva Polar Bear Club by taking a swim in Lake Geneva.

      Starting from the middle of the lake.

      At night.

      This is going to be the greatest GaryCon ever. Everyone should come. I’ll be making major announcements about Empyrea. World-shaking announcements.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 12, 2018 12:17 pm

        I forgot to say:

        I love it when a plan comes together by. 🙂

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        January 13, 2018 7:18 pm

        Hi Frank – long time fan here! I know you are one of the founding fathers of the hobby and with that honorable distinction comes complete power over the United States Post Office and the Postmaster General. Can you do anything to get the shipping rates lowered at One Book Shelf aka RPGNow aka DrivethruRPG? Thanks in advance!

        P.S. I11 Needle RULES!!!!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 14, 2018 9:04 am

        No. That particular organization, One Book Shelf, has been over-run with those opposed to fun in RPGs. They view Me as an enemy. Even My *friend* 😉 😉 Wundergeek no longer has any influence over them. I may need to use My considerable powers of seduction on a few more of these cultural warrioresses for social justification. Expand My influence. Have My fun. Slake the thirst of the ‘Dragon’s Tail’. Yet, Fair Jessica remains aloof. So I settle for lesser mortals.

        Easier, but less fun: I get My friend Tim Kask to run them over with his scooter. He so delights in the sound of crushing bones. He’s completely psychotic these days. Now he’s telling Me that he has retractable scythes fitted to the wheels, Ben Hur chariot style.

        My influence with the USPS is with the actual postmen. The USPS rates are set by a different group. That group too has been infiltrated.

  76. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    January 12, 2018 11:09 pm

    It starts with a flounce, then descends into madness and self-recrimination…

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 13, 2018 1:12 pm

      hmmmm, BOTE hasn’t seen fit to weigh in there, yet. But at least one of his KKK buddies stuck up for him – RFlowers – so maybe he will stay hidden.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 13, 2018 7:12 pm

      He will be back in a month. Just like Kunt.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      January 15, 2018 3:31 am

      The realization that some guys have the time to crap out 5,000 words to explain their quitting an elfgame forum still blows my mind. I guess I’m not that jaded. The idea that others might actually read that shit is depressing, though. Bigby oh Bigby why do you inflict that on yourself?

  77. Rev Fartin Luber King's Kent permalink
    January 15, 2018 4:06 am

    “I have a dream that my faggortzy ass will one day live in a nation where it will not be judged by the color of its sin but by the content of its cockholster.”

  78. ActualTao permalink
    January 15, 2018 5:33 am

    Each time, it seems, that I rise up to write another post about D&D, I feel the weight of living in an insane asylum, where players drag themselves through a static dramatic play, speaking the lines they are told to speak and responding to the chorus in the way they are told to respond, orchestrated not by a single DM, but by a faceless, emotionless machine that doesn’t care, so long as there’s money. And this is the game. This is what’s right. This is what’s praised. This is what we are told to play.

    Where I struggle not to rant. Where I struggle to deconstruct patiently, and not to scream remorselessly at the void. Where I struggle not to let my despair get the better of me. Where I pretend I am making a difference and all is not chaos and piss. Where I lie to myself instead of saying, I should not have fallen in love with this game, this game with knives in it, that staggers to the dais to die in its hubris.

    I am all right. I’ll keep writing. But I am mad, starving, hysterical and naked. I am dragging myself through the negro streets at dawn looking for a fix. I am caught in publishing obscene odes from the windows of my skull, broken, crying, trembling in a white gymnasium before the machinery of other skeletons.

    I want to save this game that I love, more than success or sanity. But it is already gone.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      January 15, 2018 6:01 am

      Did Sexi Lexi just say she pisses itself and then runs naked in the streets shouting racial slurs while looking for heroin?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      January 15, 2018 6:54 am

      Why can’t his blog be only rants like this instead of hexes insides hexes and development levels and shit?

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 15, 2018 8:21 am

      Seems like Alex Qaeda now sees hirself as Phillip Marlowe.

      • Franky Panky) permalink
        January 15, 2018 1:26 pm

        Philippa Marlowe. The Canadian healthcare system will do all sorts of things to a body. For *free*. She’s possibly a blonde, but certainly not a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window.

        The Canadian public educational system will do all sorts of things to a mind. For *free*.

        Poor ‘Lexy/Pippa. Never had a chance. But look at what she has achieved. Imagine if English had been her first language.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 16, 2018 8:36 pm

      I’d rather have a game by an emotionless, faceless corporation than an overweight pre-op tranny shooting up ghetto heroin yelling “IT COUNTS THE FUCKING HEXES ON THE MAP!!!”

  79. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    January 16, 2018 11:55 pm

    TL;DR: Goodbye.

    I am leaving Your Dungeon Is Suck. It has become something I no longer want to be a part of.

    I started posting here years ago, contributing to the wealth of knowledge and entertainment that these comments have collected over the years. The gaming in the comments was also good – we played at least one half-assed game that went nowhere. OSR luminaries like Zak, Malizewski, SexyLexi, RPGPundit and many more would stop by the comments from time to time to backspray on everyone. I remember the day Blooey died, we all hung out and talked about him as a sort of online wake. Well, we didn’t know what day it was exactly but we eventually figured out that he must have croaked a while back.

    Those days are gone. The comments are dead now, due to the commenters abandoning YDIS, as I too have decided to do.

    It happened when the Franky Panky situation blew up. YDIS was using an admin function to invisibly monitor what was being said here (at least I assume so, since we hardly ever see the guy).

    What other issues are there?

    Well, for many it seems YDIS has developed a less-than-good reputation in the online communities. And whether deserved or not (it is), that is the reputation that is floating around the internet in many people’s minds. All the turd pictures and gay Nazi porn probably doesn’t help either.

    A site with moderation such as this (non-existent) is not a place I wish to hang around any longer. So it’s not me that has changed, it’s YDIS. Maybe you don’t care; maybe some people will be glad to see me go, or maybe you just think I’m being whiny. From my perspective, it seems like the golden era of YDIS is somewhere in the past.

    I don’t really have anything bad to say about YDIS. Maybe he is too hands-off and doesn’t want to step in the shit himself. And maybe that’s not always a good approach. It leaves flies in the soup and diseased fingers in the rats or something.

    Well, for me the only winning move is to no longer play at Your Dungeon is Suck.

    I’m out, bitches!
    (mike drop)

    • ydis(official) permalink
      January 17, 2018 4:05 pm

      Gentlemen, I do not wish this thread reopen the situation with regards to Franky, the Attack, Pundejo, or trannies, all that will do is reopen old wounds and create bad feeling.

      This thread has turned a corner and I feel that it will only cause more harm, the further loss of posters with cool names, so I have decided to lock it.

      I’m sorry to see Mr. Zoth-Ommog go, he has contributed much to the site in the past, despite his small penis and an inordinate fondness for bald Chthulu worshippers, and I wish him all the best for the future.

      YDIS Site Editor(official)

  80. Timotheus permalink
    January 18, 2018 6:56 am

    Jeffblow ejaculates while licking Vox Gay’s jackboots:

    His blowmance just intensifies.

  81. Franky Panky permalink
    January 18, 2018 4:47 pm

    My spies have informed Me that the troll known as Kent recently infiltrated the Dragonsfoot forums. He was under the name VonKatzen. He is revealed on this page, scroll down for it, by that *super-sleuth* Papers and Paychecks. This only comes to My attention because he interacted briefly with the oafish Bote.

    • Kent permalink
      January 18, 2018 7:53 pm

      Not me.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 19, 2018 6:20 am

      Yeah, gotta say that doesn’t read like kent’s posts. The arrogance seems to be present, but the tortured prose stylings and rabid auto-fellatio are absent.

      P&P comes up Clouseau again.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 19, 2018 10:40 pm

        Yeah, there’s a certain Durr Hurvian quality that’s missing. Kent would have been prissier-yet-more-cryptic… he would have called them all something like ‘maiden aunties with unlaundered tea cosies’.

        This VonKatzen guy also had a better command of American vernacular English than Durr Hurr. A hypothetical Von Kentzen would have used barbarities such as ‘maths’ and superfluous U’s.

        Finally, VonKatzen didn’t refer to old regular posters with familiarity, which was Durr Hurr’s typical fatal error as a sockpuppet posing as a n00b.

    • EyeOfTheButt-drilling-faggot permalink
      January 19, 2018 4:20 pm

      Kent has been around as long as the OSR. I don’t think there’s any bio to point anyone too, other than the insults passed around on YDIS between him and the others there. Kent’s one of those guys who likely has some talent, but he can’t ever finish anything (or if he does, put it out for public consumption). Unfortunately, he has a chip on his shoulder (and a drinking problem too, I suspect) and becomes very anti-social towards those disagreeing with him or enforcing norms.

      Flaming out like this is the only thing I’ve seen from him (at least, left up for more than 48 hours) since he began interacting with the RPG community.

  82. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    January 22, 2018 8:35 pm

    Miss Phoenix is an Honored Guest at Garycon XXX this year although there is no mention in her bio of her previous illustrious endeavors. You would think she’d be hawking her old videos in the dealer hall. She could probably unload enough to boost her backroom BJ price anyway. I saw her there last year but I didn’t want to say hello or anything lest I unwittingly contract The Cooties. Getting con crud is bad enough.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 22, 2018 8:59 pm

      Satine? Be still My heart. Not in the back room; the utility closet for an honored guest, or even in My room. Not the one I sleep in. The one I have for My fun. The Dragon’s Tail will not settle for a mere BJ either.

      The greatest GaryCon ever just got a even greater. I may even have some time to DM a game. 😉

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 22, 2018 9:16 pm

        She’s going to have to wear those ears too. Oh yes. Grrrr.

        I shall need to get Kask to run down Bill Webb in the parking lot with his death scooter, just to be safe. Webb will certainly get drunk and make a move on her. I cannot have him spoiling My fun.

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 23, 2018 7:48 am

        I bet Webby is going to have a tough time at Cons, now. From security dudes to random white knights quite a few will be looking for the fame that comes from intervening between him and the next blue-haired whale of a victim.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 23, 2018 7:44 am

      I thought you were joking, but holy shit. Her garycon bio makes her sound like the Second Coming (hah! Rim shot…er, job). Funny how she has this blOwSR cred…or not. The Attack must be jealous that he doesn’t rate more than a Gilligan’s Island-style “…and the rest!”

      Franky Panky might be right in that she sets up her office in the utility closet. Bound to be a run on toilet tissue at some point.

      And, in honor of Bloo, some of the Cheetos and Dr.Pepper set need to pull a Brine-n-Dash on hir.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        January 23, 2018 1:12 pm

        No. No. No. See my comment of December 29th. The utility closet is one of MY preferred locations for Con Trysting. I am intimately familiar with the interior of most of the closets at the Grand Geneva Resort & Spa. As a gentleman, I will gladly acquaint the lovely Satine with a the interiors of a goodly number of the closets. It should require about 5-8 minutes per closet.

        Of White Knights: I should arm good Sir Tim with a lance. There are a few “special guests” he could skewer. Skip Williams for starters.

  83. IamJam permalink
    January 23, 2018 8:16 am

    Not one, but TWO driven from S&W publishing!

    • January 23, 2018 1:45 pm

      Hahahaha Bryce Lynch, the Grand Executioner! That’s all the OSR needed, some fucking criticism.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      January 23, 2018 4:49 pm

      The eloquent review in question:

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 23, 2018 6:48 pm

        Hah! And Venger stops by to deliver both a big ol’ sloppy Saltine, and a “Hoss”!

        Kinda stupid of him to claim Brycie is making a difference. Ten Foot Pole has been going a half-dozen years now, and shit is still being shat out.

        Unless Venger meant that the effect was to drive publishers away from S&W?

      • January 24, 2018 2:46 am

        He drives shitty publishers that sold 5 copies away from S&W, so it can’t be all that terrible.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        January 24, 2018 6:39 am

        I was driven away from S&W by Finch’s huswife’s sex change. And The Sargeant’s Continual Crap. And Dragonsfart. There is such a sad cloud of loserness hanging above all that that when I need to check something I instinctively pull Mentzer instead (just joking, who needs to check anything except the spells ranges and monsters HD ?) . But I’ll concur that the thought of a reviewer being gratuitously mean on the Interweb is revolting.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 26, 2018 7:15 am

      Bryce gets a pass from me on this one for once being charitable to our boy Blooey:

  84. Venger permalink
    January 24, 2018 9:24 pm

    Re-watching the raunchy comedy Waiting… last night, it dawned on me that Alpha Blue, or at least one of its many scenarios, could use something like The Penis Showing Game to keep things interesting in an otherwise boring-ass juvenile sex-replacement money-grab..

    Basically, you try to catch others unawares, making them inadvertently look at your hideously infected junk. Like me and my players during Slim Jim Piggy down time. Then you ridicule them for being a homosexual as if its unusual for the OSR and get to kick them in the luscious ass (the number of times depends on how complicated and medically-enhanced the “exposure move” is).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 26, 2018 7:18 am

      Does your plagiarism know no end, Ass Nasty? This is clearly stolen from Kent’s core mechanic!!!!

      • Real Kent's Rectum, Twitter Verification Pending permalink
        January 28, 2018 10:30 pm

        Kent’s Rectum here. A few years ago, Kent contacted Venger to asscertain whether or not Venger would be willing to give hir an enema using a fifty-five gallon drum of Nickelodeon slime In their correspondence, Kent revealed that he was working on a sci-fi game titled Brown Star: Adventures Along the Galactic Rim, to be followed up with a scat fetishist supplement: Alpha Poo. I will let you draw your own conclusions here.

  85. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    January 24, 2018 10:22 pm

    Fuck, Mark E. Smith died. I guess Spectre vs Rector can now be considered autobiographical now.

  86. FagMeAndDie permalink
    January 25, 2018 10:07 pm

    That was taken from my article, that I shared in the comments above. I posted what was in my letter.

    The person who posted that ignored the response I received.

  87. Uncle Matt Mythmere permalink
    January 27, 2018 5:04 pm

    I would like to arrange an interview with the host here Mr. YDIS, but as a mystery man he is hard to contact. You might find you are a better, more civilized person after our conversation because I am a nice guy and my aura makes people friendly whether they like it or not. You will recognize me because I have a little white beard on my face and I say things like ‘imagine the hell out of AD&D!’

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      January 28, 2018 6:56 pm

      You should do an interview with your he-wife! That might get YDIS out of hibernation.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      January 29, 2018 7:57 am

      You sad, unfortunate man. We all have little white beards on our faces. Some of the beards may have an orange hue. Cheetos’ stains. Our kind is a mightily challenged when it comes to personal hygiene. Many of us have enormous rotund guts too. We seem to prefer greasy, stringy pony-tails. We waddle around conventions. We scowl at the punks. Tim Kask runs them over.

      I will consent to an interview. We will discuss Empyrea, the biggest pan-industry project ever. Perhaps I will permit you to contribute something for the S&W version. You will need to prove yourself first. Keep BIll Webb away from My ladies. Frankie doesn’t share pussy.

  88. Uncle Matt Mythmere permalink
    February 1, 2018 4:30 pm

    My name is me. Look at my teeth in close up. I am serious. Look at my 3d dungeon. It is scary. I am your uncle. D&D is me. You mean nothing. Look at my teeth.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      February 2, 2018 11:53 am

      Matt, I have pieces of guys like you in My stool. You are not avuncular. You are a pitiful wretch who transcribed a barely playable set of rules into a barely playable set of rules with a different name. I, on the other hand, wrote the best selling version of D&D, ever.

      I’ve forwarded your dossier to Tim Kask. He’s recently had his scooter painted Olive Drab and fitted with some loudspeakers.

      When you are at GaryCon and hear ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ you may wish to start running. It won’t matter. Kask will still run you down. Then he will reverse the scooter and back over your twitching body. Just to hear that extra crunch. Somebody sprayed PCP on his weed. He is totally psychotic now. We all just pray he’ll keep his clothes on. And run over Jason Bulmahn. Pathfinder. Hah!

      See you at GaryCon. Briefly.

  89. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 1, 2018 5:54 pm

    Heh, look who’s getting all sorts of rimjobs from the Dragonsfooters:

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 1, 2018 7:12 pm

      I don’t think Kent’s maps are quite up to Scrap Princess’s skill level yet:

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        February 1, 2018 10:38 pm

        To be fair once you’re more than a few years old it’s hard to unintentionally match Crap’s very, ahem, special definition of “skill level”.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        February 1, 2018 10:48 pm

        And just found a G+ post where she actually bitches about how bad something someone else made looks:

      • Franky Panky permalink
        February 3, 2018 5:54 pm

        That’s is the most convincing illustration of a cat’s hairball that I have ever seen. I imagine the Fair Jessica’s apartment is full of such things. I do oft imagine her apartment too. Some day I will see if My imaginings are accurate. Imaginings of her apartment, and of other things. 😉

        Yes, nice maps. Is this Kent a reliable worker? Empyrea could use an additional cartographer. It will be too much work for Darlene alone. I would ask about Scrap Princess’s availability for artwork, but honestly, I do not care for xer style. Trans people make me very uncomfortable too, at least until they’ve had the surgery. Then It’s time to introduce them to the joys of Womanhood. It is the gentlemanly thing to do. The Dragon’s Tail is the perfect instrument for that.

      • Fanny the Tranny (my pronouns are it/its and thing" permalink
        February 7, 2018 9:20 pm

        If Crap Princess is a tranny, I would hate to see how she applies makeup. I’m picturing this:

  90. Uncle Matt Mythmere permalink
    February 5, 2018 4:12 pm

    Boring roleplay. D&D works best with minis and physically crafted dungeons.

    Rob Conley is no Kubrick. I am not saying I am Kubrick but who is moving the OSR in the right direction?

    • Fanny the Tranny (my pronouns are it/its and thing" permalink
      February 7, 2018 9:17 pm

      Where is the transgender representation? They got a cis bitch!

  91. Fanny the Tranny (my pronouns are it/its and "thing") permalink
    February 7, 2018 9:22 pm

    Do you guys think I’m hot?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 7, 2018 9:24 pm

      Swipe left SWIPE LEFT!!!!!
      Also, I am tapping the X-card. I am tapping the shit out of it!

      • BACLF permalink
        February 11, 2018 7:20 am

        That’s Kent’s official state portrait now that he’s Kim Jong Un’s Principal Catamite.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      February 9, 2018 9:37 am

      Sorry mate, pre-op is one thing, but you can’t pull off half-juggalo.

  92. Swolen Bat Gentials (Male) permalink
    February 8, 2018 8:05 pm

    I am inside Kent right now

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 9, 2018 8:13 am


      • Swolen Bat Gentials (Male) permalink
        February 9, 2018 12:03 pm

        I read your doxxed first-draft “I am leaving YDIS” letter and it left me vibed af.

        Consider this your KUDO.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        February 9, 2018 11:11 pm

        I believe the proper OSR term is ‘have an exalt’.

    • KENT'S RECTUM (OFFICIAL) permalink
      February 10, 2018 3:44 pm


  93. Timotheus permalink
    February 10, 2018 6:09 am

    Outraged bitch-slapping on the Perilous Creamer’s “gentleman’s” forum:

    Split off from another “women in d&d” thread there. Bobby Kuntz is his outraged, trembly-lipped best in both threads, every post on the verge of his trademark, ex-pat “Good day to you, sirrah!” shtick, all the while insisting that he alone is the arbiter of REASON.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      February 10, 2018 3:40 pm

      And Old Geezer of Lick My Pee Pee Hole fame makes an appearance too!

      I bet the word count on all of the Libertarian outrage posts CUNTz has wasted time shitting out on the forums would exceed what he needed to complete any of his unfinished and abandoned projects by more than ten fold. What a fucking loser! He makes Mentzer look competent.

      And don’t make Perilous Creamer waste his time passive-aggressively moderating his boards! That little boy tied up in his white van isn’t going to rape himself.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        February 12, 2018 9:55 am

        I am highly competent. Best selling version of D&D ever written by Me. Empyrea will be even greater. All will know My majesty.

        You forget My role in the Cyborg Commando game too. It could have been much, much worse, that game, save for My competence. Mohan is a Moron. We called him that too, BITD, Quim Moron. The things he did for and to Lorraine to keep his job. Caligula would have blushed. I, at least, kept My dignity intact. I went to work mopping the floors at My wife’s bakery, and pissing into the bags of day old donuts and bread loaves before tossing them into the dumpster. To keep the homeless from feeding on them. A liability issue.

    • Kent permalink
      February 10, 2018 9:11 pm

      Who did this?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      February 11, 2018 10:21 am

      Not at all, Matt. The all capital letters? A sure sign of brain damage or some form of neurological impairment. That is the handwriting of a truly diseased mind. I would never let such a person be a part of the largest pan-industry project in the entire Milky Way galaxy.

      Also, such an ugly thumb. I wonder how much time it spends inserted into its owner’s rectum. Or mouth. Possibly both.

  94. Kent permalink
    February 10, 2018 9:15 pm

    Get in touch with the gayer aspects of your psyche, (as if you haven’t already)

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 11, 2018 6:51 am

      Not surprised the title of your series is “As It Comes.”

      But that is a cool map, kent.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      February 12, 2018 6:51 am

      Seriously: love the watercolor. Your maps are always great.

    • February 13, 2018 1:42 am

      Nice stroke of brush indeed, but colour me confused : I understood the short pierced cock-and-balls of your previous post, but those reddish indentations are clearly more vaginal than buttholy, and frankly out of character. Are you reversing steam ?

      • BACLF permalink
        February 13, 2018 3:54 pm

        Clearly, those reddish indentations represent Kent’s anal fissures. Remember that all of Kent’s maps are based on his cock-ravaged tripes, hence the acronym: Anus Is Open, Need Euros!

    • Kent's Rectum, Prolapsed (OFFICIAL) permalink
      February 14, 2018 6:36 pm

      I was dipped in paint (blood + semen) and Kent squatted on the paper.There’s more MANgina than vagina to that map.

  95. Frank Mentzer (Franky Panky) permalink
    February 13, 2018 9:56 pm

    Competition between humans started with basic survival.
    Civilization evolved to the Greeks (and others) who codified Sports, including the Olympic games.
    Nonphysical competition arose in chess, of which our tabletop hobbies are the descendants.
    Storytelling and folklore were pure entertainment, not games or competitions.
    In the 1800s, the evolution of transportation made Leisure a part of daily life. That enabled Milton Bradley and others to invent home board games. Card games expanded, too.
    In the 1970s, D&D merged storytelling and gaming. Its competitions were for both Teams and Individuals, as in team sports. The role aspects also made the game more personal. A dimension was added, one not found in any other form of small-group entertainment, and everyone could participate.
    During the 1970s, people changed role-playing in various ways, adding new systems and genres, discovering options never codified in human history.
    In retrospect we see a crucial juncture in this period. Some hobbyists focused on personalization, cooperation, and new opportunities for entertainment. Others focused on the character details, the opponents, and the competition (a traditional Sports mentality), and over time they became the majority of fans.
    Sales revenue is a requisite for business success. The most successful modern entertainments are exciting. Male teens have comprised the primary market for roleplaying games for most of their history. It is therefore probable that these factors resulted in an early focus on the Sports mentality, which has heavily influenced most of the last 40 years of roleplaying design.
    Human nature produces competition everywhere. (Road rage, Food arguments, Sneaker theft, et alii). But whenever you Win, somebody else Loses.
    Can we transcend that and still find happiness?
    In any role game you start with a character. But —
    If you have stats, that produces competition for better stats.
    If you have equipment, you compete for better stuff.
    If you have combat to the death, that’s the ultimate competition.
    Can you leave all those out and still have fun?
    > Can a successful form of group entertainment focus on group cooperation and actively deemphasize competition?
    In FTG*, play the role of a character in a medieval world with magic and monsters.
    Use the unique game mechanics to resolve events.
    But spend less time on details and more on people. They’re more fun.
    Fairy Tale Games* Debut tour, this year at the cons.

    *Fairy Tale Games and FTG are trade marks of Loxley inc. Copyright 2017 Loxley inc. All Rights Reserved.

    Yes, a new game. Sadly, Empyrea is no more. Done in by the oafish Bote.

    It seems someone has exploited this Meltdown Spectre, and once again hacked My machine to change the very words I typed. I don’t recall writing any of the above, but there it is. It is rambling, disjointed gibberish. I think maybe Rob Kuntz wrote it.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      February 14, 2018 6:39 pm

      Wow, that’s as boring and uninspired as one of your game sessions!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        February 14, 2018 9:28 pm

        Arneson, Kask really was right about you. Too bad you’re dead –not really. Tim and I could have some real fun with you, you malignant toad. You had the greatest idea in the world and could not figure out how to make a red cent from it until Gary showed you. Even then you were such a fat, lazy, steaming hot mess that you could not make much of it except by whining to the lawyers.

        Rob Kuntz will be along shortly. He’s familiar enough with failures to recognize one when he sees it. He’ll defend you out of a sense of solidarity.

        Fairy Tale Games will be a huge success. The greatest pan-industry success in 30 years! And you cannot play, not even one of Snow White’s dwarves. Well, maybe you can be Toady, the dwarf which the other seven strangled to death with his own beard because he was such a miserable pant-load.

        Now who shall be My Rapunzel? or My Cinderella?

  96. Kent permalink
    February 14, 2018 2:22 am

    The Elliot guy here is an excellent roleplayer. Does anyone know who he is, blog/forum?

    • Elliot's Privates permalink
      February 14, 2018 5:24 am

      Nope. No idea. Nonono. Please look elsewhere.

  97. Timotheus permalink
    February 18, 2018 4:43 pm

    Little Jeffblow shows us that he is getting dumber:

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 18, 2018 4:50 pm

      Whoops! Maybe I am, too. Anyway:

      The vapid remark that only people from the South USA know how to have a conversation is one thing (Je-fucking-sus). But the disapointment with the way physics developed during the 20th Century (Je-fucking-fuck-sus) leads him to conclude that science has hone astray since Newton.

      I am finding it increasingly difficult to believe he is an actual human being with an actual brain. I now believe he is a Vox Gay suckpuppet.

      Seriously, these fags should worship science, because without it and it’s widespread benefits to humanity, their material would have been weeded out of the genepool long ago.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        February 18, 2018 5:39 pm

        the disapointment with the way physics developed during the 20th Century

        What the fuck does that even mean? I will concede the point that there were a couple of unfortunate physics experiments conducted on an archipelago to the east of the Asian landmass, but the Standard Model and the Theory of General Relativity hold up well… and somehow I feel that Jeffro isn’t all that upset about fission/fusion experiments on certain civilian populations.

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 19, 2018 10:17 pm

        Jeffie says:

        “At some point I remark that it really is unfortunate how physics turned out during the twentieth century. “The more strange and counter-intuitive results would seem to undercut the very philosophy and mindset that gave rise to science in the first place,” I said. “Honestly, the entire enterprise has been all downhill ever since Newton.” ”

        That is authentic Kuntz-level gibberish, a confused kid trying to convince everyone he is creative by saying everyone else is wrong.

        Einstein was a fraud!

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        February 19, 2018 10:49 pm

        I wouldn’t go that far, but Olinto had a far manlier mustache.

      • February 20, 2018 6:36 am

        Isn’t “the entire enterprise has been all downhill ever since Newton” traditionally code for “since they let in Jewish ideas?”

        Explains the obsession with rockets, come to think of it.

      • February 21, 2018 6:23 am

        The hell?!? You are either a Christian in which case it matters FUCK ALL what a tool designed to generate accurate predictions and build better Iphones may or may not say about the origins of the universe and the perceived validity of your dogma since you accept those conclusions based on faith or you do not in which case it matters FUCK ALL because the use of systems and tools clearly reflects an underlying order to the universe in broad alignment with your worldview and a considerable portion if not the bulk of those post-newtonian scientists were Christians anyway.

        R.e scientific abominations: Nuke testing (bikini atol?), withholding typhus medicine from populations for purposes of “research”, Operation MK. Ultra, Unit 731, Marxist sociologal and political doctrine and so on and so forth.

        A problem with ethical committees meant to prevent such atrocities is that they are very vulnerable to co-option, turning into a sort of orthodoxy and ultimately inhibiting the very process of discovery they are meant to safeguard.

      • February 21, 2018 6:30 am

        And by co-option I mean that where once the hearty songs of gold-haired maidchens and the jovial clinking of wooden mugs of beer rang to the sound of hammers striking the technological engines of progress with Teutonic determination there is now only darkness, the wringing of claw-like hands, the suggestion of vast, protruding aquiline noses, the glint of ill-gotten gold and the harsh, raspy whisperings for the blood of the Goyim.

  98. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 19, 2018 5:16 pm

    Rob Conley: Legal Eagle (or is that Leegle Eegal????)

    Just a thought: if you are going to ask legal questions about contracts and IP law for the RPG publishing community, you may wish to acquire a command of the English language first so your questions are at least comprehensible.

    Kudos/exalt to OBS for wading through Conley’s semiliterate screeds to answer his questions.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 19, 2018 10:13 pm

      “Note: Thanks to Douglas Cole of Gaming Ballistic taking the time to edit my post.”

      Safe to say that Douglas Cole’s command of the English language is no greater than Bobby Conloid’s. As an editor, he sucks shit.

      As far as what he’s whining about, he wants to maintain creative control over stuff he uses with other people’s property? I guess? What a whiner.

  99. Timotheus permalink
    February 21, 2018 10:33 am

    So over at the Turdshack, Officer Crapkee has pointed out a petition by Withchiepoo. He is co-opting a phrase popularized by a right wing demagogue who was installed as our president by Russian agents:

    Make Aerdy Great Again

    The idea seems to be: send a message to WOTC to bring back the most vanilla, boring-ass fantasy world ever, or “we’ll do to you what we’re doing to America.”

    Or something.

    (I know the Forgotten Realms was weak, but it had slightly more flavor than Gaycock.)

    Think they’ll get a thousand signatures?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      February 21, 2018 1:10 pm

      Dragonsfoot, that pit, has over 10,000 members. ( Or so the site says. Most are sock puppets, possibily 90%.) Knights & Knaves, that even deeper pit, has barely more than 1000 members. These are the sorts that will vote for Greyhawk. Nobody else will care. The petition may get 1000 signatures.

      1000 potential customers. A rounding error to WotC. Customers WoTC does not want. Mearls already fired the lot of them. Good riddance, I say. D&D communities should be filled with female players. Oh, yes. They can play elves. Oh, yes. And wear the pointy ears. Ahhh.

      I cannot say much, lest I spoil the negotiations, but WotC may be working with a certain renowned member of the OSR Nobility to bring a fresh setting to 5e. Could it be a major pan-industry project? 😉 It certainly won’t be Greyhawk. WotC has tossed that dessicated husk into the dumpster.

      • ex-TSR Temp permalink
        February 22, 2018 8:51 am

        Back in the day at TSR when we used to play our annual game of Torture&Termination (what you guys call Christmas), the implied setting was definitely more FR than Greyhawk IIRC (there are deep-throating elves in FR, right?)

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 25, 2018 8:22 am

      I hope WotC brings back a rebooted Greyhawk with an emphasis on diversity and inclusion as well as storygaming. Think Blue Rose cranked up to 100. LGBTQWERTY (whatever it is now) friendly, Keoland is all black people, The Knights of Furyondy are gay furries, the Mayor of Greyhawk is trans female. And something with bronies as horse nomads. I want to see GOPagan have an aneurysm and poop out his mouth!

  100. Kent permalink
    February 22, 2018 6:46 pm

    Has anyone read a novel published later than 1982 (Gene Wolfe) and enjoyed it?

    I have not but that is becoming a long time ago. I ask because publishers are very sensitive to vibes.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      February 22, 2018 8:42 pm

      Are you looking for fantasy? Or actual literature (and I can only think of one or two works that fit both categories)?

    • Fantasy Fan permalink
      February 23, 2018 1:19 am

      You should join Finarvyn’s ODD74 forum, there’s a subforum just about fiction.

    • Foucault's Pendulum permalink
      February 23, 2018 3:32 am

      I was about to say Nifft the Lean but fuck gods it’s 1982 too. So no.

    • Kent permalink
      February 23, 2018 4:45 am

      Michael Shea is very good and little known.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 23, 2018 8:49 am

      Jesus, are you now relying on Jeffblow for your opinions, kent? There is a metric shit-ton of great books written since ’82, as long as you are not lazy or ideologically committed to being ignorant.

      Read A Gathering of Ravens by Scott Oden. Twelve Children of Paris by Tim Willocks for apocalyptic historical fiction. Mask of the Sorcerer by Darrell Schweitzer will rock your Jamesons-soaked socks. Barrow by John Deakins.

      I could go on and on, but if you are committed to the Church of Appendix N Only, why go on?

      And yes, Shea fucking rocked. There is a a recent posthumous collection of his works (and tributes) out, And Death Shall Have No Dominion (I don’t have it yet).

    • February 24, 2018 11:48 am

      Dan Simmons’s Hyperion kicks ass and his historical fiction is great too. R Scott Baker’s The Darkness that Comes Before and The Warrior Prophet are interesting, smart fantasy though the last part of the trilogy is noticeably less. I also liked John C Wright’s Golden Age cycle if you can get into its far future ridiculousness.

      I prefer older shit myself these days but there is still some good stuff here and there.

  101. John C. Wright permalink
    February 27, 2018 10:02 am

    Some European or Leftist readers from overseas are puzzled about American love of liberty, and the role of firearms in preserving those liberties from Europeans and Leftists.

  102. Tomitheus permalink
    February 28, 2018 5:03 pm

    Jesus Christ, it’s unreal that there are still remnants of the angry shits who once heavily populated this place. You are officially more pathetic than the Dragonsfart lame-o’s.

    There are always little pieces of shit in the bowl that just won’t flush.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      February 28, 2018 7:00 pm

      Sea Monkeys.

    • Kent's Shaved Anus permalink
      March 1, 2018 5:01 am

      What can I say ? Life has been good lately and contentment has set in. Or is it despair? I can’t tell the difference.

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 1, 2018 2:29 pm

      The haters are back! 😦

      • Tomitheus permalink
        March 1, 2018 3:35 pm

        Don’t call it a comeback, you’ve been here for years, shithead.

        Fuck, even the blogs owner seems to have gotten a life.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 1, 2018 8:41 pm

        Damn, Tim, what did you do to this scrote? I imagine he showed up at your table with a first level angsty drow character named Tanis Do’Bloodmoon, or some such shit, with ten pages of backstory, and ended up as the most storied green slime in the first session, so he’s never forgiven you since.

      • Tomitheus permalink
        March 1, 2018 10:40 pm

        You’re a piece of shit loser too, fuckface. Another long time angry cunt here with no real life. But Tim seems the most chickenshit and prolific, so I call him out. Don’t try to absolve yourself. You are a negative shit nugget as well. Another bully not used to having the tables turned.

        Sad and pathetic.

      • Tomitheus permalink
        March 1, 2018 10:51 pm

        And let me ask you, Bigs. What did any of the targets of the bile of you wanks ever do to you? I imagine your are mostly jealous of anybody with anything creative to do or say. Probably goes back to elementary school, when you were eating paste and drooling while the other lads actually showed a bright spark. Going on to well lived lives instead of negatively commenting on dead websites.

        Sad and retarded. The DF crowd bloody laughs at you turds.

        haha heehee.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 2, 2018 12:55 am

        You really seem emotional about this, Tanis. You should consider counseling so you can learn to distinguish reality from internet ‘drama’. Also, you are lapsing into a Durr Hurrvian vocabulary, even down to the drool fetish and compulsion to write out your mirthless laughter. If you aren’t Durr Hurr, you have no doubt ingested enough of his rectal epithelial cells that they have altered your genome.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        March 2, 2018 4:06 am

        The idea that mere contact with Paul’s protruding colon can turn you into a clone is highly disturbing. Are we headed for a Tom of Finland / Arkham Knight crossover?

      • BACLF permalink
        March 2, 2018 5:05 am

        The real peril, mon froggy ami, is that Kent’s rectum has been pumped so full of semen and pathogens that it is now a world unto itself, the eponymous megadungeon of his abortion of a blog. Periodically, two sperm cells interact with one of Kent’s somatic cells, producing a teratological sport, a butt-baby, sil vous plait. I suspect that this current salty cur, if not Kent itself, is one of Backspray Barry’s Butt Babies. Why this creature is brown-knighting for the DF/K&K crowd remains a mystery.

      • Kent's Rectum, Prolapsed (OFFICIAL) permalink
        March 2, 2018 4:26 pm

        “The idea that mere contact with Paul’s protruding colon can turn you into a clone is highly disturbing.”

  103. Tao's Enlightment permalink
    March 2, 2018 5:04 am

    All of which leads me to believe that most RPG players represent the least brightest pennies in the piggy bank of humanity. And that perhaps all the abuse, all the exploitation, all the bad advice, all the short-shrifting of design, all the monumental oversight and resistance to solve real game problems, is somehow a phenomenon of awarding bad karma to those who deserve bad karma.

    • Tomitheus permalink
      March 2, 2018 9:53 am

      Every ass-felcher on this blog is a gamer. In that regard your comment is spot on, Tao. They just don’t seem happy in the gaming. Hence all the distain for what other gamers are up to. Gobs like Tim scouring the gaming scene for any little thing he can be critical of and come dashing here to grumble it out to the other 4 blokes who remain here, instead of taking a stab at trying to be creative himself. But not everybody is cut out for it.

      And Bigby, you sound upset. Sorry, mate. I imagine you start many days that way, when mum comes down to the basement to use the washer and catches her middle aged son trying to have a wank.

      • BACLF permalink
        March 2, 2018 10:40 am

        You need to come up with original material, teratological oddity. You are merely parroting others’ comments, just like sad Paul regurgitates old material produced by others, and you’re not doing it too well. The impression that you are Kent grows more convincing. Laying on the faux Cockney patois is the icing on the cake- cock comes out of your mouth, not Cockney.

        Run along and cry while you watch your precious Peter Jackson movies, you nonentity.

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 2, 2018 11:55 am

        This kid doesn’t get the glaringly obvious irony, does he? Nevertheless, it clearly makes hir feel powerful to whine at us.

        Maybe this will help them move forward in their impotent little life.

      • bloodymage permalink
        March 2, 2018 4:22 pm

        Thank you for your comments but now will you please BUY SOMETHING so I can keep the lights on? I have product to sell and I can’t keep clean for all of 5 minutes.

  104. Tomitheus permalink
    March 2, 2018 4:27 pm

    Ha! I’ve really lathered up the sad old cunts here! Don’t have a stroke, Tim!

    You and Bigs should start a new blog. You’re weird bitterness about gamers, and Bigby’s wild obsession with sperm, rectums, and fecal matter would be very popular! Among the four losers who still lurk here anyway.

    • bloodymage (OFFICIAL) permalink
      March 2, 2018 4:51 pm

      PolyCon Northern Arizona RPG Convention Update: Here’s a video of Kent helping me make some Polly Eggs which will be available during the prayer breakfast Sunday morning at the Prescott Marriott. Thank you for your interest, Tomitheus!

    • Kent's Rectum (OFFICIAL) permalink
      March 3, 2018 1:13 pm

      Wait, is that Muslim boy shoving eggs up his ass and shitting them out? Please don’t give Kent any ideas!

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 3, 2018 3:55 pm

      X CARD! Goddamnit, Bloo, X FUCKING CARD!

  105. Timotheus permalink
    March 3, 2018 3:54 pm

    It’s hilarious that your life revolves around this website, Tanis/Fagnus. Your parents would be so proud!

    But seriously, despite what your heroes Goebbels and Vox told you, repeating lies over and over does not make them true. Nobody here is worked up over your pussy trolling except to laugh at you. Your DF fat-crushes will never even notice you.

    Now clean off your keyboard and do your homework, kid. Try to build an actual life for your sad little self.

    • Tomitheus permalink
      March 3, 2018 7:32 pm

      John Ronald Reuel Tolkien has been dead for four and a half decades, Edgar Rice Burroughs has been gone for nearly seven, and it’s been over eight since Howard Phillips Lovecraft and Robert Ervin Howard met their untimely demises.
      Their works survived the inept attempts at besmirchment of the resentful and creatively sterile subversives, but in response they have changed tract and co-opted the stories, made gross, irreverent, black-washed parodies of their work on the silver screen to present these men as the face of their cultural hegemony and progressive messages.
      Young people today are not reading LotR for Christian allegory or Tarzan for the ideal Man of Nature, they watch glitzy Hollywood “reimaginings” of them that is stripped of nuance and with a pro-diversity tagline slapped on.
      And for all your glorification of the insular and self-aggrandizing indie-literature circuit, you have no minds of comparable skill or prestige, and will not for years and years if ever.
      A say this not as a black-pill but a reality check. A soil-bed for unconscious Conservative dreaming might still remain, but don’t stand on the graves of men long dead, point to their fully-converged and corporatized estates, and claim that Right-Wing art in the modern day is anything other than a cast-out desiccated sham. It reeks of delusion.
      For Hell’s pity, seriously hold up Jordan Peterson as an equal to those old greats!? The agnostic Canadian Libertarian whose singular political stance is resistance to constructed pronouns (side-stepping or acquiescing to Feminism and Multi-Culturalism whenever he can get away with it), whose “literary masterpiece” is an incredible shallow self-help book marketed to fatherless boys? If he’s the best we have, how can you unironically claim we haven’t hit rock bottom.
      Hell, even some of these last-century figures don’t really deserve to be called Right-Wing Icons; Tolkien was a simpering Jew-lover, and most of the Inklings wound up heartily aligning with Second-Wave Feminist Activists.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 3, 2018 11:13 pm

        Jesus, Kent, just write your own gay Nazi fanfic, the ‘normies’ don’t give a rat’s ass about you.

        Oh, by the way, your ‘really smart’ pederast boyfriend, whose videos you were pushing here, is hawking dubious supplements now.

        He’s reduced to being Blooey with a stupid hairdo. BUY SOME PRODUCT!

      • March 4, 2018 5:31 am

        Small correction: Yiannopoulos never fucked any kids, you can check out his interview at the Drunken Peasants Podcast (though its a pretty boring show). He was fucked as an underage teenager and voiced the opinion that such relationships are formative for young gays.

        Stop responding to Kent. He is practically outsourcing his trolling at this point.

      • March 4, 2018 7:13 am

        Alexander Macris, gentlemen. Cee. Eee. Oh. Best career choice in history.

    • Tomitheus permalink
      March 4, 2018 3:25 pm

      Wow Timshit, you are seriously fucking projecting there (uh, YOU are the guy who has made a sad little life here. Been doing your bitter one-note act on the site for many years, so don’t be a fucking loser hypocrite). Awesome! From a psychological standpoint, it’s pretty rich irony! It’s also telling how you are so clearly lacking in esteem (common among angry, bitter failures online) that every time you are called out you not only get upset, start projecting your failures in life, but then follow up with spanking new anger-posts at more chickenshit niche hobby things gamers online are up to like you are trying to justify your little presence.

      And that you keep saying “kid” is also proof you are an old guy. Younger folk can get a pass because they do move on with life and mature and get happy lives going. That you are here circle jerking with the same 3 or 4 guys (operating a bunch of socks) over nothing things shows your life has no real meaning. Nobody knows exactly who you are, but after all this time what you essentially are is a loser with no triumphs, small or large, in your personal life. Why else would this be an outlet for you for so many years.

      And I’ve said my piece. I’m moving on (again, you can’t claim I’m living a life here like you, you fat fuck hypocrite). I won’t be seeing your next sad, failure-projecting reply. But you’ll make it anyway so your little fellow-failures can see what a big tough guy you are. Good luck with that, Slapnuts! 🙂

      • Kent permalink
        March 4, 2018 3:55 pm

        Apart from the appalling prose the ‘Franky Panky’ moron is the one using smileys. So that’s that ‘mystery’ sorted.

      • March 4, 2018 5:03 pm

        Wheels within Wheels within Wheels. Faints within Faints.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        March 4, 2018 6:47 pm

        Victimized by yet another false accusation. I only use the emoticons to give a wink and a nudge when discussing the fair sex. A gentleman knows when to leave things unsaid.

        My prose is what made BECMI D&D into the best selling D&D ever. Appalling? Nay. Golden? Yea.

        A proposition: I could use a cartographer for My latest pan-industry project. People seem to praise your skills. Need work? I could pay you in day old donuts and scraps of paper with all sorts of notes, doodles and such that I fished out of the dumpster behind the old TSR headquarters. Worth a fortune. Gold they are. Pure gold to the collectors at the Acaeum. Dumpster Diving or Dumpster mining? My finances say the latter.

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 4, 2018 8:15 pm

        TLDR, except to see the flounce, and the oh-so-convincing “I won’t read your reply!” Little faggot could dish it out but couldn’t take it.

        Xe’ll be back, stalking us under a new nom de girl. This site is now a central part of hir life.

        Hey, kent, I know that wasn’t you. You barely notice me. Excluding me from your intelligence scale is deeply hurtful.

        I don’t think it was Franky Panky, either, despite the Poirotesque insight on the emoticon things. Franky’s cool.

        My money is on Jeffblow. Their clunky writing style, easy risibility at phrases like “kid”, and stupidity is identical. The only reason I’m not sure of it is the odd appeal to DF for validation. WTF is that about? Although, saying Vox Gay laughs at us would have been a dead giveaway.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 5, 2018 6:02 pm

        That would be funny if it is Jeffblow. That idiocy about TEH JOOS fits right in with his Confederacy fetish and Pat Buchanan mindset. Come to think of it, Tim, you are the guy who usually links to his shit… I actually ragged on someone on a mainstream site who was plugging Jeffro’s book, making fun of Jeffro’s bit about how he had a hard time whacking it to ‘Star Wars’ until Leia showed up in that metal bikini. GOOD TIMES!

  106. RPGPunster permalink
    March 4, 2018 10:07 am

    So as of right now I’ve just gotten to the end of my RPG review-copy waiting list.

    That means that if you have an RPG gamebook, supplement, or random shit that you would like me to paraphrase, this would be the ideal time for you to send it my way.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 4, 2018 12:13 pm

      After GaryCon. After the reveal for Fairy Tale Games, the biggest pan-industry project in 40 years! You may review it for Me. It will make all of your derivative works pale in comparison. You will feel like a man with a very tiny penis indeed. I, of course, wield the mighty Dragon’s Tail, much to the delight of all the ladies.

      You have free time. Perhaps some consultancy for the the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years, Empyrea. I can pay you in day old donuts.

  107. Kent permalink
    March 4, 2018 2:19 pm

    Watching the above I learned that Fantasy fiction has only become a thing since 2000, rather than dying as I believed in 1982.

    I am only interested in literary writing but I shouldn’t have to say that, all writing should be literary by default. Mask of the Sorcerer by Darrell Schweitzer sounds interesting because of Gene Wolfe’s blessing. I wanted to like Dan Simmons because the blurbs make the right sounds but I couldn’t read more than a few pages, which is all you need to see if someone can write.

    • Kent permalink
      March 4, 2018 2:24 pm

      Joe Abercrombie? Or is he an illiterate storyteller like GRR Martin.

    • March 4, 2018 5:12 pm

      Simmons can’t write? Philistine! I’ll admit he lacks the ability to craft a phrase like Herbert, Wolfe or Eddison, and his prose can seem mundane when compared to older giants but his works are very well researched (especially his historical stuff), his characters are vivid, his plots are intricate and suprising and his love for classic literature is so profound they are a crucial part of the plot. Hyperion is a love letter to anything from John Keats to the Canturbury tales. Illium and Olympus are not just giving hand jobs to those two homerian works but fucking Shakespeare as well.

      There are a bunch of guys that do what Martin does only smarter, more effectively and with more depth. Have you read or ever heard of R.Scott Baker?

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 4, 2018 8:18 pm

        I’ve only read one Simmons book, and it was awesome. The Terror, based on the Franklin expedition. I definitely need to read more.

      • March 4, 2018 11:49 pm

        Man the Terror was fucking great. If you like obsessively researched historical horror I found Drood to be similarly satisfying (it helps if you have a hard on for dickens-era english literature).

      • Frog Gode permalink
        March 5, 2018 2:24 am

        When Hyperion was published in Frogland in 91 it got articles in mainstream newspapers like it was the second coming of Our Lord Asimov. I have yet to find a public library that doesn’t carry it, along with Carrion Comfort.

      • March 5, 2018 4:39 am

        It’s a crazy good novel if you take consider the science-fictional speculation on the implications of an interstellar wormhole-internet and the societal effect thereof. And the fucking characters. I remember all of the main characters in the first book and I read it once almost a decade ago. I can’t think of any other work that stuck with me that long except for Dune. Granted I’ve read a lot more since then and other dudes like Gene Wolfe, Leiber and arguably Zelazny stand a bit higher in my estimation but still it’s a great work.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      March 4, 2018 5:17 pm

      Poor Kent

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 4, 2018 8:21 pm

        I kept expecting Zakina to show up in the montage of poseurs.

  108. Kent permalink
    March 4, 2018 2:38 pm

    Why do US publishing giants feel it is ok to treat US fantasy writers like puppets in a puppet show? These female editors for the big publishers are just dorkherds.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      March 5, 2018 2:32 am

      I think they’re cute, and sign language interpretors always cheer me up. BTW is Erikson any good ? “Mazalan Book” flopped here, there was no paperback and volumes 3-10 were never translated, but I heard good things about it.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 5, 2018 6:03 pm

        The female form holds no allure for noted vulvaphobe Paul ‘Kent’ Barry.

  109. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    March 5, 2018 6:05 pm

    Heh, indeed….

    Money quote:

    The announcement was first made in a Facebook post on Thursday, when Yiannopoulos said the Scottsdale Police Department had received a credible threat against his life and had “forbidden us from proceeding with this event.”

    However, Scottsdale police Sgt. Ben Hoster told KTAR News 92.3 FM that the event had already been cancelled by the time officers had reached out to The Venue in downtown Scottsdale on Thursday.

    “We called the manager of the business to check on the status of the event and we were told that the speaking event was cancelled due to security reasons,” Hoster said. “At that point, we concluded our inquiry into the event.”

    Hoster also confirmed that the department had not received any credible death threats and that the situation was a miscommunication between Yiannopoulos’ people and The Venue.

    How soon until he’s trying to cadge free lunches out of the local Mormons?

  110. Kent permalink
    March 6, 2018 6:13 pm


    If you are impatient skip the first 3 mins.

    I can’t help wondering what kinds of students these are, yes ok they are arts students, but what kind of humans are they … to silently take notes while this man-sized pastry speaks.

  111. Kent permalink
    March 6, 2018 7:25 pm

    I thought I would dislike Neil Gaiman, having no interest in his writing, but he is charismatic like an actor. I wonder why genre English always make genre Americans seem like fatty childish dorks.

    • Kent permalink
      March 6, 2018 8:08 pm

      It’s hard not to like this guy. (I won’t answer for his writing)

    • BACLF permalink
      March 6, 2018 9:06 pm

      Newsflash: Gay Man Likes Gaiman

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      March 16, 2018 4:03 am

      Gaiman’s a nice chap and a perfectly adequate writer. Not his fault the deprived minds of Nineties comics fandom decided he was a fucking genius, and he’s still better than Mieville, who has disappeared up his own ass in search of fresh theory to devour and regurgitate in the last few years. Sooner or later all Marxists abandon either praxis or Marx and Mieville has made the wrong sacrifice.

  112. Kent permalink
    March 6, 2018 7:46 pm

    If I was interviewed as a clever writer by a pig bellied dork from MIT or YALE or whatever, to appear on youTube, I would wear tight leather around my crotch and buttocks in homage to Led Zeppelin but also because that’s what young ladies like even though they are TREMENDOUS LIARS AND CLAIM OTHERWISE. My buttocks and cock have been recorded by SCIENCE to burst beautiful girls into flames with lust just like in OVID.

    • BACLF permalink
      March 6, 2018 9:10 pm

      Put succinctly: Kent admits to being flamer.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        March 7, 2018 2:33 am

        Don’t you mean fluffer?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 7, 2018 11:35 am

        A flamer, a fluffer
        An own-colon stuffer.
        He went to a golf course
        And sucked off a duffer.

        A fluffer, a flamer
        A wannabe gamer.
        He posts YouTube vid-yas,
        He couldn’t be lamer.

  113. Franky Panky permalink
    March 6, 2018 9:49 pm

    Behold WotC! Paizo strikes a resounding blow! Pathfinder 2e. I will see what the hoopla is about at GaryCon, where I can see some of the rules in action. If I’m not distracted by watching the ladies in action. Watching or something else 😉 Sadly, the Fair Jessica no longer works for Paizo.

    Admission: I do not understand the Pathfinder game. So many rules. Paizo needs to make the game, much, much simpler. Something even a child could understand. Maybe I should offer my services as a consultant. I can write rules like that.

  114. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 6, 2018 9:54 pm

    All hail Kevin Siembieda, the new RPG kickstarter king. Some pesky backers are having their credit card companies dog his ass but with a cool $1.4 million in backers’ cash he should have enough to stick his toes in the sand for a while. I hear Bermuda is nice this time of year.

    • Kent's Shaved Anus permalink
      March 7, 2018 2:39 am

      If you’re not reasonable with your stretch goals you always end up taking a pounding.

  115. @wundergeek permalink
    March 7, 2018 6:17 am

    TFW you’re at that point in building something in WordPress where you’re just like WHATEVER, THIS IS FUCKING WITCHCRAFT OKAY

    Seriously, there is NO FUCKING REASON it should be doing this, and I’m just trying not to look too crazy as I stare in anger at my screen.

  116. Timmys' Friend Jeffro permalink
    March 7, 2018 9:48 am

    Come to think of it, having mean-spirited and unsavory people attack my thesis in a public space was an equally powerful motivator for me to step up my game, refine my style and arguments, and dig up more persuasive evidence. That sort of rough and tumble competition does not happen in school environments that are little more than glorified kindergartens.

    That’s evidence of not just the fact that public schools are engineered to make people stupid. It also highlights why it is that delegating the education of children to a bunch of spinsters has always been an inherently dumb idea.

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 7, 2018 7:01 pm

      “the fact that public schools are engineered to make people stupid”

      Don’t blame what you are on your free schooling, Jeffie/Fagnus/Tomi. There was no conspiracy among Superindendants. Nobody held you back except yourself.

  117. Timotheus permalink
    March 7, 2018 6:56 pm

    Trouble on the OD&D boards. Some troll writes a blog post about how bad the place is becoming, Fin creates a thread to circle the wagons, and Oakes “Jesus Fucking Christ Not Another God Damned Kid! Where The Fuck Do They All Come From And How Can I Monetize This Situation” Spaulding decides to wave the Republican flag and climb up on the cross instead.

    Rafe is a total pansy but he lets Oakes have both barrels at the bottom of the page.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      March 7, 2018 9:00 pm

      Looks like that Cuck Ass of the Purple Worm guy wants to drive traffic to his moribund blog. Oakes is just being Oakes- at least he’s not blegging because he can’t feed his children. What’s with these ‘traditional’ type nutters who can’t feed their families? Wasn’t it just last year that John C. Wright was shaking the tin cup? VOX DAY LAUGHS!

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 7, 2018 10:15 pm

      Who is this LLaurenella, and how can I access his harem? I’m not allowed on the ODD74 forum. I’m not Old School enough. Me, the Prince of RPGs. The nerve. You don’t see Me ranting about it. I’ll just make them the target of many a jest when I bring forth the Wonder that is Fairy Tale Games.

      I can have Kask run down this Llaurenella. Kaskoid is now perpetually stoned. Has been since GenCon. We think that he scored some GMO weed or something. Kask now has a hookah mounted onto the back of scooter. He spends his time careening around like a drunken shriner, and blares that damned Wagner music from his loudspeakers and trailing a thick smoke cloud in his wake. One gets a contact high just being in the same county as Kask these days.

      We are all terrified, especially any of us who look like Arneson. Fat, balding and gray-bearded; we all look a bit like Arneson. Thank the Divine that I do not wear glasses. The carnage coming this weekend at GaryCon… I shudder. Except when I think of the fate which awaits the oafish Bote. When I do that, I smile.

      Does anyone have a picture of this Oakes fellow? I can have Kask take care of him too. How does a porn star– Oakes, such a porno name — have children. Don’t those sorts get themselves fixed?

      Ah Wundergeek returns. Schätzchen, I have an extra pair of pointy ears, just for thee. And several utility closets, reserved for three. We’ll have the pleasure of the company of a ‘professional’ 😉 😉 woman at GaryCon.

      • @wundergeek permalink
        March 8, 2018 1:42 am

        PSA for my dudes out there: there is like a 105% chance that any woman over 25 is part of AT LEAST ONE digital back-channel that is explicitly for Not Cis Men to complain about Cis Men.

        Women fucking talk to each other about your garbage, okay? So govern yourselves accordingly.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 8, 2018 1:54 am

        Don’t give Mensers any ideas about back channels IYKWIMAITTYD.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      March 8, 2018 2:02 am

      Re-reading that thread, this strikes me as odd:

      The surprising twist to the continued attacks against OD&D’74 for all we know, is that it really has nothing to do with personal differences of any kind, but with rock-solid business calculations. You ALL well know by now that there are certain people in the oldschool scene who’d very much like to see communities like this one fail, just so that they could take over. It’s not just on OD&D’74 – it’s become a recurring phenomenon virtually everywhere. We have reason to believe that there are always more or less the same people involved, albeit maybe under different aliases.

      Inadvertently, this has had the beneficial side effect that, at some point, most of the organizers of the different oldschool boards started talking to one another, and to look for ways to deal with this mess. So, this has brought many of us closer together. And, of course, those that look to divide the community don’t like that, at all. Which might explain this recent blog post, and some other stuff, as well.

      Any details on this kooky conspiracy? Is it just a weird ‘palace intrigue’ LARP being played by the forum denizens?

      • Franky Panky permalink
        March 8, 2018 1:43 pm

        Is it this mysterious Llaurenella and his harem? The one Rafe accuses Oakes of serving as a jester…

        “It’s you who’s lacking self-awareness, man. You’re not becoming a hero, you’re making yourself the court jester of Llaurenella’s pet harem.”

        The word ‘harem’ makes this memorable for Me. It’s also the only interesting thing about the comment. I should have a harem. Surrounded by a bevy of beauties. No longer will I be a mere Prince. I will be a Sultan! Dance for Me Jessica, the dance of the seven veils! Wundergeek can feed me peeled grapes and Lorraine can make the eunuchs to guard My harem. Maybe I should spare the oafish Bote. He can be My first eunuch.

        These OSRianese all have a touch of the paranoia. It come from playing too many games of Avalon Hill’s DIplomacy BITD. I wonder about the urge to take over the OSR. It seems like it would be as much fun as being the sommelier at an Olive Garden restaurant. Much better to work at the Hooters. I wonder: if I started a Hooters franchise, could I get the waitresses to wear the pointy ears too?

  118. Kent permalink
    March 8, 2018 7:13 pm

    This is the dumbest place on the web. What does ‘place’ mean on the web? People, it means a small group of people coming together. In the osr this place is avoided as ‘foul’ but it is not only foul it is stupid, and more stupid than foul if you press me. Calling ydis evil or wicked would be like describing a hovel as a palace. No it is more a shadowed corner of a field that animals come to shit in. Don’t mistake me, the animals are innocent, the manbeciles who post here are things that grow in beast-shit dropped in shadow.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      March 8, 2018 7:30 pm

      This is the dumbest place on the web

      That’s because you’re here, Dunning-Kruger boy.

    • Kent permalink
      March 8, 2018 7:53 pm

      ‘If you’re so clever what happens if a manbecile shits in the shadows, surely we manbeciles, if we exist, need to defecate like real beings?’

      You have not noticed because you are all so stupid but ‘Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist’ is the inevitable result of second generation shit-things voiding. He is not unique but very rare, insane and stinking of everybody’s yesterday’s dinner. He is the shit’s shit. He is the entity that faeces scorn

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        March 8, 2018 8:58 pm

        Now, now, Backspray Barry, you’re projecting again. Why don’t you run along to the Perilous Dreamer’s forum so you can cry about tumblr denizens marginalizing you with their pronouns? You could even ask Scott Anderson about his need to plagiarize your stupid gaming crap.

  119. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    March 8, 2018 7:33 pm

    Heh, Perilous Dreamer’s crew are triggered by X-cards…

    • March 8, 2018 10:10 pm

      “Original Duneons and Dragons”? These guys are purists.

  120. Timotheus permalink
    March 9, 2018 8:08 am

    Well, well. It seems the Perilous Creamer is this mysterious Llaurenela.

    (scroll down a bit)

    And Rafe is accusing him of being a deep state troll to disrupt the Big Business of the blOwSR. While saying he is a messenger being shot.

    This is getting good.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 9, 2018 11:52 am

      Not good. Bad. YDIS did not accept my previous comment. YDIS is part of the conspiracy, or compromised. Caution, gentlemen. We may be in dangerous times. Sleep lightly, and never in the same place twice — not a problem for a Don Juan like Me 😉 😉

      Perhaps the comment awaits moderation? It did contain an alluring image. I’ll try again, with the image removed.

      We may have discovered who has been hacking My computers too. It all fits. I, Prince of the OSR, would be a natural target.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 9, 2018 11:56 am

      I am disappointed. This means that this Llaurenella’s pet harem is, in all probability, a Russian Troll Factory. I do not think that I want access to that. Or do I? I could sic them on the oafish Bote. What if the Russian Trolls all look like Anna Chapman, noted Russian Agent. (I removed the image.)?

      If this is true, then I would very much like access. Maybe mail order a few. Forget being a Prince. I’ll be a Tsar!

      Rob Kuntz seems to have allied with this Llaurenella. I am not surprised. Kuntz ruined My chances with the Gygax girls. Both of them. At the same time. I swore My revenge on him. Maybe seduce his wife? She’s French. French girls have no standards. They will sleep with anybody. One is sleeping with Rob Kuntz. Q.E.D. Of course, she may look like Ayn Rand. I’m not sure the Dragon’s Tail would get up for that.

      I will make inquiries among the remaining Old Guard this week-end, if I have the time. Kask will be useless. He’s deep in a fugue state now. He thinks Reagan is still president and out to personally ruin Kask’s publishing venture with Ral Partha. Some of the others may know something. Some may be in on the conspiracy. I shall need to be cautious. I shall also need to get a refill on My little blue pill prescription.

      Could Rob Kuntz be this mysterious Llaurenella? Kuntz would very much like to sabotage Jon Peterson. And Me. He’s always been jealous of My accomplishments.

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 9, 2018 12:17 pm

        Hey, Franky, I saw Kask’s module for the first Ral Partha Chaos Wars kickstarter. It was OK. Was there supposed to be more of this? What was this venture supposed to be?

      • FrankyPanky permalink
        March 9, 2018 1:47 pm

        I have no idea. Kask has not been coherent for months. He probably did it for weed money. Or sentimentality, a one off thing he did as a favor. Ral Partha did bank-roll his attempt at Dragon II magazine. They all live in Cincinnati too. What a miserable city that is. Ohio’s other armpit. There were probably no plans for anything more.

        I had forgotten Iron Wind Metals even existed. Those old Ral Partha miniatures were pretty good, unlike the Minifig and Grenadier stuff. Julie Guthrie still sculpts for Reaper. Tom Meier just recently closed up his business and now only does freelance.

      • March 15, 2018 3:58 pm

        @Timotheus – it was a one and done for the first Kickstarter Wave, in support of the rerelease of Chaos Wars.

        If you liked the old RP stuff, there is a lot available through the website now, with many of the older figures having been revived. There should be a third Kickstarter happening in 2018.

  121. Kent permalink
    March 9, 2018 8:16 pm

    Has anyone come across pdfs of any of these Companions adventures. They are old, rare and very expensive. Might be among the best material written for D&D according to various reports. Try to be useful can’t you.



    • The Perilous Dreamer permalink
      March 10, 2018 3:51 pm

      Why, yes, Kent, I happen to have pdfs of all of those adventure modules, they are in my nondescript white van, which is parked right outside the student union of the junior college at which you work. Stop on by, what could possibly go wrong?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 11, 2018 10:55 am

      I have the galley proofs for The Curse on Hareth, The Plague of Terror, The Brotherhood of the Bolt, and Gems for Death. There are some coffee stains and a few other, mysterious’, stains on them. The ink has blurred in a few places, but they remain basically legible. I ‘rescued’ them from the TSR dumpster. TSR bought the rights to re-publish them, but then chose not to publish them. We chose to publish the Dragonlance modules instead. Thus we tossed out the material. You would be amazed at the items I ‘rescued’. And still rescue. Blackmail is an ugly word, but I must pay for my retirement somehow.

      I will not share them with you. But if you make it to GaryCon next year, I can take you out on the lake for a “fishing trip”. You’ll be with the oafish Bote. That villein has proven to be a very slippery fellow at this GaryCon. I admit; I have been very, very distracted. It will hurt every time I piss for the next week. Lots of ladies walking bow-legged for a while too. 😉 😉 Good times.

    • Kent permalink
      March 11, 2018 4:51 pm

      I promise to befriend anyone who can find a pdf of one of these adventures. The duration of said friendship to last no less than 6 minutes and no greater than twelve minutes.

  122. Frog Gode permalink
    March 10, 2018 8:53 am

    And now The Attack is giving lectures at USC. For a class on tabletop design. It’s probably more interesting than Women Studies, but do these kid’s parents know they are paying for that?

    • yourrpgisshit permalink
      March 11, 2018 1:18 pm

      Actual lectures, or Zak’s charitable interpretation of a lecture?

      I ask because he likes to brag about “making a video game”, even though it’s just a visual novel and I don’t think he actually made it. I also tried sitting through a few episodes of Hit it with my axe (or whatever it was called), and it looked like no one gave a fuck.

      I tried looking this up and found a PDF for a game studies course at USC, but it only mentioned Vornheim as being required reading for some reason. Maybe it was so the instructor could provide a solid example of what NOT to do?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      March 12, 2018 4:02 am

      Zeke’s mom’s lube must have been some kind of a industrial-grade surfactant because it’s been almost ten years and this self-aggrandizing fart bubble just won’t pop. With even YDIS regulars like our favourite below-sea-level Prince stating “there is no shame in liking Vornheim” (insert screaming emoji), why would it? Maybe we should just give up and join half-mohawked deacon Blackfire after all.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        March 12, 2018 10:27 am

        But how big is the fart bubble, really? This is the internet so we’re probably getting a VERY skewed perspective. Zak doesn’t act like an actually successful person, but a VERY desperate, wannabe-edgy attention whore who writes RPG shit because the indie bar is about as low as it can get (he’s also narcissistic but anyone can be narcissistic).

        But even if he WAS successful? Eh, no. I have standards and I’m not a whiny teenager wanting my mom(s) and/or dad(s) (and/or gender neutral/gender everything parental units) to pay attention to me, so I’ll keep my full head of hair thanks.

      • March 12, 2018 12:32 pm

        The defence maintains that Vornheim had interesting content IN it but was baffled at the notion it is somehow a genius work of art when so much of it is fluff and it resorts to a blog to provide its monster descriptions. I already downgraded it to a 6.5 a while back (in true 1984 fashion) and I suspect that the more products I go through the lower it will sink in my estimation. The setting is not bad even though it relies mostly of aethetics and novelty, a Viriconium + Perdido Street Station dye-job is at least something that doesn’t come around too often, the sandbox city rules probably got used once by everyone and then discarded and gosh darn it I liked the adventure with the bird and the magic turtles.

        Smith does style, layout and ideas pretty well. His campaign settings are essentially potemkin villages that look impressive but lack depth or consistency, which is why he relies on weird impressionist bullshit magic settings so often. Politically and personal he is a moral leper and by god that ego but his work is not shit. It’s not the be all and end all and I suspect most people that buy his work never fucking run it since it relies on novelty and avant-garde stuff always has the staying power of a liquor store and porn store in Mosul but fuck it the guy has a modicum of talent.

        The weird and flashy guys are always going to attract more attention then the guy who does really solid work that is only accessible to longtime fans of the genre. You want to turn the world upside down? Give Kutalik or Guy Fullerton’s shit a read and post a review about it. People buy what they know and syphilitic artists from degenerate metropoli absolutely dominated by industries of vapid narcissim know how to self-promote.

        The problem is that a lot of great guys in the OSR are too fucking autistic to self-promote worth a damn or don’t give enough of a shit because they care about the substance, not the result, so some vapid, talentless degenerate like Chenier can call up his buddies and game the Ennies while Rients is left to suck cock for a judge’s choice award.

        And while I am on the subject check out my fucking adventure if you want to see how non-avantgarde self-promotional OSR badassery is done under the Sea-level.

        Hope that one got through the spam filters.

        Prince, out.

      • yourrpgisshit permalink
        March 13, 2018 10:40 am

        I disagree about Zak’s everything: I think his style and layout are complete and utter shit. There is NO way I’d ever use anything he’s ever written and I’m glad I haven’t had to give him a single cent. I wouldn’t even modify his shit for use: I’d take the core concept (ie, jail run by a medusa), throw the book away, and build everything from scratch. For starters, I’d make it an actual jail and not a random collection of 300 nonsense gimmick rooms to distract all the fucking retards from realizing that it’s just 300 random nonsense gimmick rooms.

        The only ideas of his that aren’t complete and utter shit are ideas that other people have also thought up, anyway. The upside is that you don’t have to dig through the rest of Zak’s poorly written, laid out, and possibly illustrated shit ideas to find them, and they’re expressed more cohesively.

      • March 14, 2018 12:03 pm

        I will not argue an appreciation of aethetics because different strokes for different folks. For what it is worth, I thought the way monster information was conveyed in something like Vornheim and RaPl for maximum clarity was well done, hence the compliment on layout. I liked the paintjob he did on Death Frost Doom revised, with the grotesque undead, ancient names and albino tarantulas. I have not looked at BotM so I can’t comment on it.

        I wouldn’t know about his ideas being all shit. What is an example of an idea of his that was good that someone else also came up with?

      • Kent permalink
        March 16, 2018 8:46 pm

        ==yourrpgisshit== I disagree about Zak’s everything: I think his style and layout are complete and utter shit. There is NO way I’d ever use anything he’s ever written


        ==PrinceofNothing == I will not argue an appreciation of aethetics because different strokes for different folks

        NOPE. That’s all we can discuss and if your ‘appreciation of aethetics’ is weak then no-one will pay attention to you. Except all the morons who buy most stuff.

      • March 17, 2018 4:35 am

        You can discuss the weakness or strength of his writing and compare it with salient examples to come to some sort of conclusion as to its comparative merits. I am no art critic so any discussion of the art style is going to resolve into an exchange of different sensory impressions with further discussion relatively moot because of a shared frame of reference.

        YRIS’s blistering critique of MotBM is damn solid for example. You get a firm grip of why he hates every fucking letter of it and I respect that hate. It’s well-argued, provides salient examples and is utterly merciless in tearing shit down. However, sometimes a style or genre just does not appeal. It is the critics task to demonstrate the ineptitude or competence of the artist, not merely render a verdict.

        Ah…whatevs. I reviewed the shit so my opinion on it is on the web. Comments are open and I don’t have a speech policy so anytime bucko.

  123. March 10, 2018 10:01 pm

    Buy my menage new furniture

    • Frog Gode permalink
      March 12, 2018 4:17 am

      I was about to mock these leeches but I found out that the purple landwhale’s bard character spends all her resting time cooking the monsters the party just slayed, and her blog has recipes for that. Now that is OSR content worth stealing.

  124. Kent permalink
    March 12, 2018 4:50 pm

    Has anyone come across pdfs of any of these Companions adventures. They are old, rare and very expensive. Might be among the best material written for D&D according to various reports. Try to be useful can’t you.

  125. Kent permalink
    March 12, 2018 5:59 pm

    Why aren’t muslims been murdered at random in the UK following the Telford rape gang revelations?

    • Kent permalink
      March 12, 2018 6:04 pm

      I would also execute all senior civil servants advocating mass immigration form Pakistan into the UK in the the last 40 years.

    • Kent permalink
      March 12, 2018 6:07 pm

      This is my sixth attempt to try to link this GENUINE NEWSPAPER ARTICLE obviously flagged for islamophobia, which means anti-insanity.


    • March 13, 2018 7:39 am

      Remind me if UK leftists still try to pull the ‘religion of peace’ gambit or if they are just sticking their heads in the sand while rushing to get a totalitarian police state enacted before the inevitable helicopter rides and train rides kick in?

  126. Kent permalink
    March 12, 2018 6:16 pm

    The government has decided it is better for men to accept that their young girls are raped en masse by vastly inferior religiously insane Pakistani scum, than that those men indiscriminately kill young muslim men for fun after football matches and a few pints.

    Personally I think we need to kill those civil servants who over the last 40 years advocated for Pakistani immigration because their friends told them it was good for business. “I’m OK, I’m insulated from Pakistani scum because I am wealthy”. “Let’s just call the poor ‘racist’ if they can’t handle muslim scum raping their daughters.”

  127. Kent permalink
    March 12, 2018 6:49 pm

    The only productive way to go about assassinating those civil servants who advocated Pakistani scum mass immigration to the UK is to aim for politicians because they are easy targets, but you have to make sure to broadcast through social media that you really wanted to kill culpable civil servants who are the anonymous skulkers. It’s OK, kings used to be sacrificed for the good of the community and no-one ever minded.Eventually the kings will bring the clever civil servants out into the light where they can be killed for crimes against their country.

  128. Kent permalink
    March 12, 2018 7:18 pm


    1. Calculate roughly the world’s wealthiest hundred in each year.

    2. Assassinate the richest SIX each year. If we can’t access the richest SIX in the world there is something wrong with how we permit the wealthy to live.

    3. To appease our humour and the dignity of the wealthy, we execute SIX at random from the rest of the world.

    4. TWELVE die each year, and they are honoured because there is pressure from above to avoid being the richest SIX and an accommodation to balance the suffering of the blessed with the agonies of the rest of the world.

    5. If no-one can be found to terminate the wealthiest SIX I will step forward myself to extinguish these exultants with mercy and style.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      March 16, 2018 4:08 am

      Not bad, but there’s no incentive to redistribute wealth in ways that don’t game your position just outside the top six. Build in forfeiture of assets to that second stage and you’re on.

    • Kent permalink
      March 16, 2018 8:51 pm

      No redistribution of wealth, just kill the top Billionaires for fun. We should be able to and if we can’t then their wealth is too potent for random individuals, which they are.

  129. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 12, 2018 7:24 pm

    I’m starting to have waking nightmares from coming here and having to briefly stare at that picture of Franky’s mirthful face with that lone kooky eyebrow hair sticking straight up in the air. What is the story behind that hair? Is it more bristly and unruly than the rest? Is it like a cowlick that he can never seem to comb down? Is it the leader of the eyebrow hairs? How old is it? Is it older than me? Does it have a name? Can he sense the direction of the wind with it like a cat whisker? Or is it just a regular eyebrow hair that got caught when putting on his sweater that morning?

    • Franky Panky (consummate lady's man) permalink
      March 12, 2018 10:50 pm

      Ladies love My eyebrows. So bushy. Such tickle. Much pleasure. 😉 😉

    • Frog Gode permalink
      March 13, 2018 12:59 am

      Yesterday I looked at my face in the mirror and that exact same white hair was sticking from my brown(ish) eyebrow. I swiftly pulled it, but this morning it was back. What ungodly game are you playing with us YDIS?

  130. Kent permalink
    March 14, 2018 10:25 pm

  131. Kent permalink
    March 14, 2018 11:27 pm


  132. Kent permalink
    March 15, 2018 12:12 am

    … so much of what Jordan Peterson says is true and yet he is a religious moron who earns his living kissing business cretins’ arses. He seems to have a 2e D&D understanding of how the world works. He mashes up the KJB, Jung and Disney but can’t quite make sense of Nietzsche. He struggles with stats as all non-maths people do. And he seems to swear to an ever dumber categorization of personality types than the Briggs-Myers.

    My advice is run for the hills! Save yourselves!

  133. March 15, 2018 11:26 am

    I would be remiss if I did not mention that Kreider’s badshit game the Watch has made its way to a certain close and personal friend and it is hilariously terrible.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 15, 2018 12:58 pm

      Poor Wundergeek. A game about Horology sounds intriguing, theoretically, but really it won’t be in practice. I shall have to “comfort” her 😉 😉 when she reads some of the reviews. Hopefully not to soon. GaryCon has taken much out of me. I’m completely dehydrated.

      At least xhe delivered on the kickstarter. No mean feat, that, these days.

    • @wundergeek permalink
      March 16, 2018 2:43 am

      Your emotional pain does not require me to allow you to hurt me. It is okay and healthy to set boundaries around how someone may interact with you. If my five year old can learn this lesson, so can you.

      • March 16, 2018 6:05 am

        Man I am totally going to rip off that sick burn when I have a gender-confused kid.

  134. Sykirobme permalink
    March 15, 2018 1:00 pm

    Oh, dear, what will the OSR culture warriors think of this new development? Will the ones who like 5e suddenly disown in? Will there be drama on internet fora and Google hangouts or circles or whatever they hell they are?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 15, 2018 9:02 pm

      They will only appear in the 5e Greyhawk relaunch GOPagan has spearheaded. MAGA: Make Aerdy GAY Again!

    • Jeffro permalink
      March 16, 2018 6:17 am

      Sounds like a plan. After all, inimical elves that are an outright manifestation of chaos over and against science, Christianity, the mundane, and humanity are so passé. Why would anyone ever ponder the implications of immortality, timelessness, the nature of the human soul, and why elves might necessarily be barred from heaven? And why would anyone explore the consequences of a union between a human adventurer and an almost completely alien elvish princess given that such a thing is fundamentally unimaginable?

      • March 16, 2018 7:32 am

        Come up here and say that to a living legend, you twerp. I’ll rip your raisins off and feed them back to you in your morning oatmeal.

      • March 16, 2018 8:27 am

        The only part of a delicate elfin body that my players ever tried to make sweet love to was its severed head, so I don’t think they will be troubled by this development.

    • March 16, 2018 5:33 pm

      WotC is pushing the pedophilia culture agenda of the far left by feeding lies to and indoctrinating children to make them vulnerable. We are so glad that we did not by any Fifth Edition products and contribute in anyway to this sick disgusting filth.

      One of our fans took the site down, fortunately we were able to restore it from a back up. The SJW left wing censorship apparently is alive and well.

    • March 16, 2018 6:28 pm

      Not sure whether you did this already, but check out the difference between the archived version of Warpig’s source, and the present version. In the present version the journalist makes what he obviously thinks is an important correction to the earlier article – Elves have the blessing of changing their biological sex every morning NOT their gender. I assume this correction was made to emphasize the point that anyone (including humans) can already change or assume whatever gender they choose (and no one should imply otherwise). The evolving epicycles of Stalinist correctness are a a wonderment.

  135. March 15, 2018 9:42 pm

    Hey bros you are the kings of terrible takes, sack up and join my contest to win free art

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 15, 2018 11:12 pm

      Can you draw fairies? Not the sort you see walking the streets of that den of iniquity in which you live; rather the Andrew Lang sort. Androgynous, with gossamer wings. Maybe even pointed ears. Mmmm, yes. Pointed ears. Ask Satine about it. You and I have her in common, or, have had her. She is quite imaginative. And very bendy. Back to the topic at hand. I could use some free art for My forthcoming game, the biggest pan-industry project ever, Fairy Tale Games®

    • Mandy Morbid permalink
      March 16, 2018 2:35 am

      Woke up incredibly sore all over post yesterday’s endoscopy. Man those things are kinda rough. Have lots to do to get enteral feeds set up. A million forms to fill out. Might need help with that so will wait ’till mum gets home from work maybe to start on that.

      • Kent's Rectum (OFFICIAL) permalink
        March 18, 2018 7:22 pm

        Is “endoscopy” porn biz slang for taking it up every available scab covered orifice or something?

  136. March 16, 2018 8:39 am

    These guys have a podcast that is actually funny(ish), further convincing me that the abysmally bad shows our OSR luminaries regularly commit are not just the result of a tenuous grasp of the medium, but probably the true reflection of their utter lack of talent.

  137. March 17, 2018 12:06 pm

    It seems that one specific fan(s) took our blogs down again and once again we have been able to restore it from a backup. Some people seem to have a problem with the truth and have a serious hate for anyone that tells it. If this site goes down again, just thank the pro-gay child molester brigade that is taking over the RPG World.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 17, 2018 12:57 pm

      How fucking retarded do you have to be to get your blog hacked not once but multiple times? Is the password “password”, “1234”, or “WHITEPOWER” or something? Even Blooey couldn’t fuck that up.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 17, 2018 6:35 pm

      I would not be so sure about that. Some of the PMs Blooey sent Me when we were both Dragonsfoot members. I cannot access those PMs now, thanks to that meddlesome and oafish Bote. Perhaps those who hacked My computational device are behind this hack. There is a vast OSR conspiracy. Whispers I heard at GaryCon. Dark SUVs driving around My House and The Bakery. I fear for my safety. Nefarious plots and schemes in motion.

      No posts at that blog, but they seem to like an assortment of Blogs, The Tao of D&D for example. Lexy writes about a stair investigation. I did not click the link. I do not want to read that drivel. Some King’s Kent blog. Zakbot’s Blog.

      I suspect the oafish Bote is behind all of this. His plan is coming together, and he loves it. Fear, gentlemen, fear. He means us all ill.

      I knew that I should have given him the ‘Fredo treatment’ at GaryCon. Damn that Kask. Utterly unreliable. One of these days I will tell him. His magazine failed because he spent every waking minute stoned. Reagan had nothing to do with it.

      Could this Bote be a puppet of Rob Kuntz? I would not dismiss the idea. Kuntz is a sociopath. He would certainly go so far as to hire an actor to portray Bote at the GaryCon. There is nothing that he would not do. Truth. The stories about him at TSR. He left abruptly. Ever wonder why?

      Yes, I am certain now. Rob Kuntz is the evil mastermind behind all off this. He is Bote. He is Llaurenella. all of these identities are just his puppets.

      Or: I was around Kask too much this past week-end. The contact high still hasn’t worn off, and it’s making Me paranoid.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        March 17, 2018 6:45 pm

        Wait. Wait. James Maliszewski. He’s in on it somehow. A Confidence Trickster like him. This is too good of a setup for a Long Con. Kuntz and Maliszewski, together. A regular Newman and Redford. They’re after me. I know it. Well, If they do show up I will introduce them to My ‘little friend’. Nobody takes down the Prince of the OSR without a bloodbath. Kuntz can’t stand that he is a miserable failure in the OSR and I, I, I am a Prince. Maliszewski, he wants My rare and priceless collection of OSR memorabilia, and for free. I’m sure he sabotaged My Empyrea kickstarter. It all makes sense now. He is quite skilled at screwing up a kickstarter.

        Damn that Kask. What in the Name of the Nine Hells was he smoking?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 18, 2018 7:29 pm

      Sorry Frankie but if your Dragonsfart account was truly hacked like you say then you are just as fucking retarded as these purple worm carcass clowns. You have only two choices, pick one: Frank Mentzer is dumber than Blooey or Frank Mentzer is a liar.

      Also, I’d have that exceptionally long eyebrow hair checked out. Hopefully you have a malignant skin tumor at stage four.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        March 19, 2018 11:08 am

        What do you know Arneson? You’re dead. Not just a little dead either. Haha! Rob Kuntz will not rehabilitate your memory. He’s a failure just like you. How could you not capitalize on inventing the RPG? How stupid is that? Very, very stupid.

        Forum accounts are readily hacked when the hacker is on the inside. Yes, someone high up at Dragonsfoot is in on the conspiracy to get me. Kuntz has agent-saboteurs everywhere. He’s an idiot, but he has a weird Svengali-like power that he uses on foolish OSR types.

  138. Frog Gode permalink
    March 18, 2018 12:34 am

    From WotCrap via Turdkars’s Toilet :
    “— 2017 was the best year for D&D ever in terms of sales
    — Year 3 of D&D sales is stronger than their first year
    — Actual play streaming is a key driver of D&D’s success, with 9 million users watching D&D on Twitch”

    So while the OSR guys are alone in their basement fantasizing about playing pretend, the new generation is busy pretending to play pretend on scripted “actual sessions”. The future is bright.

  139. agent cooper permalink
    March 18, 2018 2:50 am

    am I the only one to notice how Pundejo threatened to publish his correspondence with Mearls during his twitter argument with that Crawford guy?

  140. agent cooper permalink
    March 18, 2018 2:54 am

  141. agent cooper permalink
    March 18, 2018 2:55 am

  142. agent cooper permalink
    March 18, 2018 2:56 am

    i just wonder what is mearls pet name for pundejo? pundy?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 18, 2018 11:01 am

      Mearl’s pet name for him would be, “who? Oh, that one.” For Zabot, “Who? Oh the other one.” He knows who I am. My D&D is still the better seller than his. My D&D is a global best seller. He’s jealous of Me. I could see it in his eyes at GaryCon. he did manage to “persuade” Ernie Gygax to let him in on a private game too. The weasel.

      I may be away for a while gentlemen. Last night, as I was standing by the bakery’s back door to the alley where Our dumpster stands, pissing in a bag of day olds– this takes a while too, I am an elderly gentleman– I heard voices by the dumpster. They were speaking Corsican French. Rob Kuntz’s in-laws are Corsican. It’s an island full of Mafia types. Even nastier than Sicilians. What are the odds of that, Corsican French speakers in an alley in good Sharon, Wisconsin? Kuntz has put a contract out on Me. I’m certain. That black SUV is back… I must flee!

  143. Timotheus permalink
    March 18, 2018 10:40 am

    So that’s what the modern master sorcerer does, eh? Waste four days of his life bitching on Twitter and declaring victory. You are truly living, pundejo.

    What a weak little punk.

  144. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    March 18, 2018 11:05 am

    It’s really eating at Tarnowski that those Critical Role D&D guys are getting millions of views and pulling in seven figures from their Kickstarters while his books are earning dozens of dollars, isn’t it?

  145. Kent permalink
    March 18, 2018 5:40 pm

    Muslim Scum News

    • Kent's Rectum (OFFICIAL) permalink
      March 18, 2018 7:20 pm

      Kent has been hanging out in Newcastle trying to get gang raped up the ass (ME!!!!) by a Pakistani grooming gang all week. He’s even wearing a new pair of pink socks.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 18, 2018 7:34 pm

      The British Empire raped their colonies for many years. Now the former colonial subjects are raping the British back – literally. If white British men weren’t so effeminate and emasculated, they would be able to protect their women.

  146. Kent's Rectum (OFFICIAL) permalink
    March 19, 2018 2:35 pm

    Stay tuned for Kent’s new retroclone, SAUDIS & SODOMY!

  147. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 19, 2018 6:27 pm

    Pundy’s magik touch is somehow causing 5E to practically fly off the shelves. Some new 5E kickstarter for “Strongholds and Followers” just raised over $2 million. How hard would that be to crap out? Just re-hash a bunch of old D20 content and some old ‘zine mass-combat rules. I can think of a couple books to rip off already. I could bang out some better-than-Blooey-level baloney for that kind of moolah and deliver it on time besides. I gotta get in on this gravy train, man.

    Honestly, the pitch for this doesn’t look much better than Franky’s Empirea pitch. Not $2,000,000 better anyway.

    • Matt Cold Vile permalink
      March 19, 2018 11:42 pm

      Certainly the greatest risk is producing minis. Unlike printing books, I’ve never done this before and there will certainly be unforeseen problems. If all else fails, we could 3D print them ourselves, which would be a lot of fun, probably!

    • Frog Gode permalink
      March 19, 2018 11:46 pm

      Most successful D&D kickstarter yet, from a video advice / actual fake play guy. Tao is gonna lose his shit.

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 20, 2018 6:53 am

        Maybe this prompts Zakina to start up a new season of I Shit on my Axe, only this time straight-to-Youtube and with sponsors. If there are any D-list skanks who will still play with him, that is. His group now might be a bunch of fluffers.

  148. Kent permalink
    March 20, 2018 10:59 pm

    I stumbled on Uncle Matt Finch’s youTube Dungeon Shebang and I don’t know what to make of it. Is it brilliant or is it the kind of event of which you guys are capable? Sometimes I can’t distinguish between the lead figures and the humans. One entity, I think it is Zak Smith, looks like a homosexual Mount Rushmore person. Then there is the Commercial Uncle Matt whose smile is as sincere as CHEESE TEETH.

    On the plus side the pretty squinting Slav with the fake california accent digs me. As yet I haven’t seen her buttocks so I can’t round out my genetic appraisal, but I have yet to see a young woman on the internet who doesn’t at some point freak out and expose herself for money.

    • Kent permalink
      March 20, 2018 11:03 pm

      Oh yeah LINK

      • Satine Pheonix's Aborted Fetus permalink
        March 22, 2018 11:24 am

        Wow, just in the first couple minutes (all I could stand) the various players are still and at attention, while Zak fidgets and bounces around in his Hollywood square like a hyper retard who just woke up from bed bug bites. Hilarious.

  149. Franky Panky permalink
    March 21, 2018 2:18 pm

    Is this you, O Prince of Nothing?

    As a Prince Myself, I do wish you well in your endeavors. Howevr, you will never equal Me.

    • March 26, 2018 12:22 am

      Ugh, I responded ages ago but I am in moderation hell. That is me alright! You can check out reviews at Tenfootpole and another one at mystical thrash heap.

  150. Kent permalink
    March 24, 2018 4:03 pm


    France, yesterday:

  151. Kent permalink
    March 25, 2018 7:11 pm


    Malaysian guy, Tan, besieged by grinning goblin muslim scum continues to insult them.

    Good lad.

    Muslim scum should fuck off out of europe back to their desert nothing-lands.

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 25, 2018 9:01 pm

      Nine minutes is too much.

      “Islam doesn’t belong in the 21st Century”

      “Go back to the desert”

      Insightful stuff from your hero, kent. Taking full advantage of free speech, in the paint-by-numbers Tarnowskian sense.

    • Kent permalink
      March 26, 2018 11:33 am

      Opposing Islam in europe requires courage not any special insight, the reasons to oppose it are grotesquely obvious.

      When we expel Muslim Scum from europe we will ship people like you off with them.

  152. Kent permalink
    March 26, 2018 12:29 pm


  153. Kent permalink
    March 26, 2018 12:50 pm

    Take a look at this group of childish cosplaying ANTIFA at speakers corner.

    What sheep. What a bunch of say-nothing cretins. Nancy boy dregs of the overpopulated university system.

    Also, how long before George Soros is taken out, in the Al Pacino sense. Anyone who can get close to billionaires, kill them. You will be pleasing both me and God. Humanity does not need billionaires, multi millionaires – fine. Billionaires? Kill ’em all.

  154. Kent permalink
    March 26, 2018 12:56 pm

    Where is George Smiley when we need him?

    MI5 (or any Euro Intel Agency) is not up to the task of protecting you from Muslim Scum. Nor should they have to shovel up societies’ shit because you behave like cowards and children, and neither say or do anything about Muslim Scum in europe.

    • Kent permalink
      March 26, 2018 1:02 pm

      Pro tip:

      vocal tremors are not entirely involuntary so pay attention to what is being said at moments of quivering broadcast.

  155. Kent permalink
    March 26, 2018 8:32 pm

    I have a business plan to turn european MUSLIMS into SAUSAGES, but will anyone EAT them???

    • Kent permalink
      March 26, 2018 8:57 pm

      The Ministry of Justice has put in a bid to feed Muslim criminals in Rotherham and Telford with KENT”S MUHAMMID SAUSAGES, ‘guaranteed to make you homosexual or you will be returned to the desert you, or your parents, came from’.

      March 28, 2018 4:56 pm

      Kent’s been up in Newcastle eating A LOT of Muslim sausages, IYKWIMAITTYD

  156. Timotheus permalink
    March 29, 2018 5:20 am

    Bobby Kuntz spreads his peacock feathers as wide as he can to tell us the hobby does not deserve his genius. So he is flouncing off to industries that will appreciate him.

    Scroll down to March 24 where he announces that the storm of interest he received concerning whatever the fuck he was talking about was a single email.

    Obviously not the fault of the boringly inscrutable content, Bobby! Or the tortured brilliance behind it!

    • Sykirobme permalink
      March 29, 2018 9:24 am

      Jesus Christ, how can anyone read his incoherent drivel?

      Did he ghost-write Sean Penn’s book?

      Scroll about 2/3 down for actual excerpts from that flaming shitpile of a book.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 29, 2018 10:43 am

      Gentle men, it is a ruse. Kuntz is not leaving. The Devil’s greatest feat was to convince people that He did not exist. Kuntz is only emulating His Dark Majesty. Kuntz plans on ‘Hiding in Shadows’ and continuing his master plan. Sadly for him, he is no mastermind.

      His Corsican assassins failed. I live. I thank the brave police officers of good Sharon, Wisconsin — I always enjoy enjoy returning home, BTW. Entering Sharon 😉 ;). Years of serving the folks in blue the finest donuts in all the Dairy State have endeared Me to them. It is as though I am their… what is the title… ah yes… Prince. There was some gunplay and a quiet “burial at sea”. Now Kuntz goes into hiding to plot his next step. That has always been his problem. He never thinks one step ahead.

      I am currently trying to contact Merle Rasmussen. He wrote “Top Secret”. Of course he knows much more about the world of International Intrigue than I do. We shall formulate a plan to serve to Kuntz his final comeuppance– exile on some forsaken island, like a certain famous Corsican. Perhaps Tristan Da Cunha?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      March 29, 2018 9:55 pm

      A senior moment. Forgive an Old Gentleman. I forgot to mention who sent that e-mail. 🙂 I can assure you Gentle Men that it was not sent to Praise Kuntz, or to encourage him to pursue further endeavors in the RPG industry.

      If you think the scathing screed which I sent to that oafish Bote was something, you’ll be suitably impressed with the steaming pile I left in Kuntz inbox.

      I plan to leave a steaming pile of a different sort in his wife’s box too. 😉 😉 Yes Rob, you eternal disappointment, You will wear the horns. And your wife, the pointy ears.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 31, 2018 8:22 am

      So I’ve read Green Drizzleshit Cuntz’s latest babbling and as a physician I have to ask: Rob are you capable of taking your psych meds on your own or do we need to contact your healthcare proxy?

      • Frank Panky permalink
        March 31, 2018 12:45 pm

        This is how you repay the man who is trying to canonize you? Arneson, Kask is right about you. Alas, I suspect that Kask’s weed was dosed with something nasty, something Kuntz obtained via his “connections.” Kask’s mind is somewhere out on the ethereal plane most of the time. Poor bugger

        Kuntz did have a moment of lucidity. His objection to the OSR “historians” not interviewing people who were a part of the beginning. I understand why they would avoid Kuntz. But the soi-disant — yes, French. The Ladies love it when je parle la langue d’amour 😉 😉 — “historians” avoid everyone.

        They need to inteview kuntzie soon. My operatives are closing in on his location.

  157. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 29, 2018 4:54 pm

    When is someone going to write Rob Kuntz’s Real Genius? Of course, it would not be read from beginning to end but instead would dimensionally alter the ancient model of reading still in use to this day by reorganizing the standard model and thus realigning the tenses and applications vis-a-vis the systematic integration of information across all platforms while exploring new and sustainable and overlapping zero-sum trajectories of design attitude system architecture logistics. Like maybe a choose-your-own-adventure book that doesn’t tell you what page number to turn to (the day before). Or something.

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 30, 2018 8:10 am

      Classic High Kuntzian. I suggest that you are the very man for the job of assembling the biography of our hero.

  158. March 30, 2018 6:20 pm

    I know excluding women is a joke to many, but it really does create peace. What’s more: It incentivizes other men to comment because they know they don’t have to struggle with whether or not they will make a woman feel bad, or suffer her putdowns in response to perfectly reasonable suggestions. The sort of men who write or read SF/F, or who hold fondness for tradition and canon, are mostly the same sort that really hate to deal with a twat in dudgeon. Jordan Peterson talks about this when he says that normal men don’t know how to fight women; that they don’t know how–or what kind of–force is acceptable. Instead they shut down.

    This is of course related to my comment on your post three back, but is also relevant to this one. Who wrote The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas and If You Were a Dinosaur My Love. Who are stuffed into thousands of creative writing programs? Who is more prone to “stultifying homogeniety of stories following the ascendancy of Creative Writing Inc.”, or general herd mentality for that matter?Who is more often detached from reality? Who is in revolt against tradition, self-mastery, and discipline?

    • bloodymage (VERIFIED) permalink
      March 31, 2018 8:19 am

      Well, I’m not really in to pornography but their gamers too I guess 🙄

    April 1, 2018 9:58 am

    Kent’s gay fantasy Muslim setting SAUDIS & SODOMY is coming along nicely! Today he’d like to share some historical cover art. You can see he was inspired by Turdnowski’s DARK ALBION!

      April 1, 2018 10:00 am

      Britain has gone FULL GAY MUSLIM!

      April 1, 2018 10:04 am

      More artwork!

    • Fanny the Tranny permalink
      April 1, 2018 10:10 am

      Represent BRITAIN!

    • Fanny the Tranny permalink
      April 1, 2018 10:11 am

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        April 2, 2018 5:12 am

        Is that Kent?

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 2, 2018 4:20 pm

      If kent was in fact a self-hating black Irish gay muslim transgender, that would explain a lot.

  160. April 3, 2018 5:28 am

    Alright my coprophagic self-loathing freaklings, rouse yourself from your moribund self-introspection and stand in the sun to see the light once more!

    I was hoping this would be a thing that would unite us all as a people (except for Kent, our Eternal Foe, The Irish One).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      April 3, 2018 5:48 am

      Hahahahahaha! Is that a Canadian accent or is he retarded? They sound similar you know.

      I also love how the “review” becomes about his shit products!

    • Kent permalink
      April 3, 2018 8:09 am

      I think youTube humanizes the nerds of the OSR. Why these grey-haired boys have persisted with pompous blogs which no-one reads is frustrating when there is clearly so much youTube talent out there. You only have to watch a couple of Matt Finch’s videos before you find yourself violently insisting that he continue. Nerds deserve the exposure that youTube facilitates.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        April 3, 2018 9:24 am

        I saw you interviewed and yes Kent (Kentina?), I see you in a whole new light

      • Kent permalink
        April 3, 2018 11:36 am

        Is that the interview where I said that the YDIS crowd are vicious rabbits hiding behind four degrees of lettuce?

        FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN — put yourself out there as an individual on youTube where I predict, I may be wrong, you would die because you have nothing to say even to gamers who lap up any old crap. YDIS provides the perfect growth medium for non-entities, but you I designate an un-entity, you stroke your tiny cone shaped cock dreaming of having a human cock but you never will. You are an un-entity sheathed in four degrees of lettuce and your cone shaped cock marks you out forever as a being too timid for youTube.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        April 3, 2018 2:28 pm

        Why’d you have to go and ruin it, Kent? I was truly emotionally moved by your transitioning journey. 😦

  161. Kent permalink
    April 3, 2018 11:58 am

    When I promote youTube as a medium to encourage brain growth one literary genius I like to link to is :

  162. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    April 4, 2018 6:51 pm

    Great, I come back from the first long vacation I’ve taken in a long time, and I notice that Kent is trying to market the Muslim sausages that make people homosexual. No doubt he’s talking from experience- he’s deep throated everything from wee Uighur weenies to medium Moroccan merguez to his favorite, titantic Timbuktubesteaks.

    Christ, talk about an own goal.

  163. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    April 4, 2018 6:55 pm

    Also, it’s funny to see Durr Hurr waxing lyrical about Jordan Peterson in light of this article from MacLean’s:

    Here’s the money quote, which describes Durr Hurr to a ‘T’:

    There is no polite way to put this, but since Peterson claims that “If you worry about hurting people’s feelings and disturbing the social structure, you’re not going to put your ideas forward,” I’m just going to say it: Spend half an hour on his website, sit through a few of his interminable videos, and you realize that what he has going for him, the niche he has found—he never seems to say “know” where he could instead say “cognizant of”—is that Jordan Peterson is the stupid man’s smart person.

    No wonder Kent thinks the guy is a thought leader.

    • April 5, 2018 10:07 am

      That was the stupidest article I have ever read. Is there so little ammunition on Kent you must resort to third-rate canuck hack-journalism as a vehicle for your antagonism? Like, Kent likes right-wingers that are not well-respected cognitive psychologists with well-founded argumentation. No criticism of substance is given and this moronic e-journo is nowhere near qualified to determine what is or is not a smart person.

    • April 6, 2018 1:49 am

      I am suspicious of anyone simultaneously endorsed by Pundit and Kent, but in that instance I’ll go with Ollie :

    • Kent permalink
      April 6, 2018 7:59 am

      Jordan Peterson isn’t saying saying anything I haven’t been saying since I was 18 years old. I operate in a tiny circle with my CHA 6 (5?), and he is a CHA 18 guy and deserves his splendour.

      I disagree with JP over two significant issues, without ceasing to admire him: I am not a Christian apologist and I despise the reductionist psychological profiling in the manner of the Briggs Myers and his own Big Five.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      April 6, 2018 3:50 pm

      That MacLean’s article was a bit heavy-handed in its satirical approach- the juvenalian stuff really shouldn’t be outsourced to nice Canadians. That being said, Peterson is a pusher of pseudoscientific evo-psych bafflegab and outdated WOO. Since his stature in the academic community is tanking, he’s turned to YouTube to push a reactionary message to angry incels and edgelord bros who desperately seek a ‘scientific’ rationale for their attitudes. He’s a YouTube skollur for YouTube st00dints.

      Jordan Peterson isn’t saying saying anything I haven’t been saying since I was 18 years old.

      Exhibit A, dumbfuck Kent is a dumb fuck, taken in by a snake oil salesman. Kent would no doubt lose in any sort of contention against an alpha lobster.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      April 6, 2018 7:16 pm

      From Mal to Milo, Macris knows how to pick them. The excerpts from Yabbadabbadoopolous’ abortion of a book made for some hilarious reading…

      • Timotheus permalink
        April 7, 2018 6:54 am

        Hey, Bigs, hope you had a good vacation.

        Those editorial notes are hilarious. He certainly seems to have held Milo to a higher standard than Limbaugh or Beck, whose works are filled with nasty lies, and he also edited. Were Milo’s that much more outrageous?

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 7, 2018 6:49 am

      “Macris: I’m Dad”

      Wow, I wonder if he tried out that fantasy on JMal, as well. There might be a whole other side to the Silence 48,000 GP Radius than we thought.

      Also, I wonder if Macris is still holding onto the coattails of that $14,000 bomber jacket as it goes into a tailspin, or if he has pulled his ripcord on Milo, Inc?

  164. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    April 8, 2018 4:03 am

    Heh, the Yog-Blogsoth guy did a series of Chuck Tingle illustrations.

    Durr Hurr’s gonna have a wankfest with these.

  165. BACLF permalink
    April 10, 2018 12:34 am

    It begins:

    Buy some product!

    • OA, BD permalink
      April 10, 2018 6:15 am

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      April 10, 2018 1:27 pm

      I could hire him as a consultant for Fairy Games®. He seems the type who will work for day old donuts, as long as they are cream filled.

      I did not get to make a presentation for Fairy Games® at GaryCon. I was otherwise ocuppied 😉 😉 Ho ho ho hee hee hee little blue pill how I love thee…

      • Timotheus permalink
        April 10, 2018 3:19 pm

        I’m disapoint, Franky! Enema was your world for 40 years! How could you throw it all away for pussy story gaming? BOTE and the bullies at Dragonfart are laughing at you! In 14 languages!!!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        April 10, 2018 5:06 pm

        In What world do you think Fairy Games® is set? There will be a real RPG in Empyrea, too. I need the additional income. I have mistresses to keep. Filipino ex-pr0n stars, and wanne be SJW game designers don’t come cheaply. Then there is the hush money to Lorraine. Sigh. Who knew she would be so skilled at blackmail?

        The losers at Dragonsfoot are incapable of laughter. They can manage a pathetic mewling, at best. For Bote, well, I have been in contact with some Sardinian Mafiosos, to help Me deal with My “Corsican Problem”. They’ll deal with him too. Apparently, My D&D was translated into the Sardinian language, so I am a bit of a hero to them. A… Prince even. They’ll do anything for Me. Hmmm, I do have a “Lorraine” problem as well. Maybe some kind of BOGO deal?

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        April 10, 2018 5:07 pm

        A storytelling RPG about the magical and fanciful realm of fairies that uses a standard deck of cards plus your own imagination? Didn’t Deliria already do that? Asking for a friend.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        April 10, 2018 5:14 pm

        No. My game is about Fairies. A player takes on the role of a Fairy in Empyrea. The Players then use their Fairies to hunt down, kill and eat other Fairies to gain their magic.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        April 11, 2018 12:01 am

        A game about Fairies. A player takes on the role of a Fairy. The Players then use their Fairies to hunt down, kill and eat other Fairies to gain their magic. And also you use a standard deck of playing cards. Didn’t Fairy Meat from Kenzerco already do that? Asking for a friend.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        April 11, 2018 12:48 am

        That was the world’s only 1:1 scale miniatures game. My game is a story game. My game doesn’t have twinkle magic. It’s going to be called tinker magic. In Fairy Meat, players didn’t play the role of a fairy; the players just used them as pawns. In My game players take on the role of a Fairy. My game is totally different. In Fairy Meat, fairies have butterfly wings. Fairies in My game have dragonfly wings. My game is set in Empyrea. Fairy Meat is set on the dinner table.

        Kenzer doesn’t own fairies. Fairies are in the public domain. Anyone can take advantage of fairies. I can do to fairies as I see fit. It is a well known fact that fairies were cannibals. Fairies went extinct centuries ago, like leprechauns did. Read Andrew Lang. You’ll see. Real life fairies were vicious,wicked, and depraved creatures.

        Kenzer, I have pieces of guys like that in My stool.

        When was the last time you saw anyone play a game of Fairy Meat anyway? I played maybe half a dozen times many years ago,like 15 or more years ago. But it totally has not influenced My game.

        Keep on insinuating that My game is unoriginal and you can say good-bye to ever getting RPG products delivered by the USPS. Maybe I send my Sardinian associates to ‘visit’ you. I’d send Tim Kask, but his brain is pure Jell-o at this point. Shame, really. His scooter is truly a death mobile. Just last week he disrupted a Shriner’s parade in downtown Cincinnati. He thought it was a demolition derby. O the Humanity. Tiny hub caps and fez’s scattered all over the place. And the screams. Blood-curdling.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        April 11, 2018 4:19 pm

        Wow, I had no idea that fairies enjoyed such a rich and deep cultural heritage. My only real exposure to the fairy community is the time I spend listening to all the ones here.

        Rectum, nearly killed ’em.

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 10, 2018 3:15 pm

      Love is Real!

      I bet it will sell more copies than all of Tarnowski’s clones combined. I can see him sticking a Chuck Tingle kewpie doll in a bloody pentagram and thinking hate-runes at it.

    April 10, 2018 6:44 pm

    Well, Kent is back from Newcastle where he was successfully and repeatedly gang raped by a Pakistani Muslim grooming gang.
    I, however, am more prolapsed than ever before. I look like a windsock up at the airport flapping in the breeze.

    • Kent’s Transverse Colon, Looking for Equal Time permalink
      April 10, 2018 10:35 pm

      Rectum isn’t even telling the half of it. Kent had so many Pakis running a train on his arse, they started calling it the Urdu Poo Poo Choo Choo.

      Kent was so full up of sperm, he looked like a goddamned Swiss roll!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      April 11, 2018 2:47 pm

      Hang in there buddy (literally!)

  167. RPGPundit permalink
    April 14, 2018 7:32 am

    I did a bit of research on the subject, and apparently for monetization purposes, the ideal is to have videos over 10 minutes.

  168. Satine Pheonix's Aborted Fetus permalink
    April 14, 2018 4:59 pm

    A little heart warming blast from the past.

    Has Mandy yet to dish on the falling out between her and The Autistic Attack? It has to happen sooner or later, cause ya know, wimmen.

    • April 17, 2018 9:49 am

      Focus on something positive you mugs! Like this video:

      • April 18, 2018 6:52 am

        Dammit Tarnie’s voice is nowhere near what I imagined. It’s actually less grating than the vast majority of neckbeards’, and his point is valid (though largely devoid of interest – the reference to TSR’S crap novels of yore is far-fetched).

        Run-of-the-mill but well-executed strawmanning, with just one problem : how fascinated by the sound of your own voice must you be to forget to just put the damn phone on some kind of holder instead of shaking it for 20 minutes ?

    • Daganaga permalink
      April 24, 2018 6:45 pm

      Nothing really from either one. Except The Attack posted something on Twitter about an unnamed paraplegic who lives in Canada. He didn’t go into much detail ,but it was nasty and he quickly took it down afterwards.

      Hopefully she’ll get new boyfriend soon. That way, Mr.Mohawk-Fuckface will get to see some pics of Mandy sucking another guys cock!

  169. Timotheus permalink
    April 18, 2018 8:16 am

    This place has fallen too far when we timidly offer approval to a lying, thieving fascist. So what if Tarnowski has a good point or two? Everybody does. Blind squirrel, broken clock, etc. We’re gonna feed his megalomaniac paranoia over that? He’s a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve your praise, even if you share his hatreds and cultural fears.

    Never forget that he stole parts of EPotPT and passed it off as his own work (and his vapid attacks on its creator at the same time), that he thinks children being gunned down en masse is humorous, and punching a skanky chick is deserving of hero worship. Among a metric fuckton of lies and reprehensible behavior that has been documented here over the years.

    He is a rancid turd, undeserving of attention, much less any degree of praise.

    • April 19, 2018 2:05 am

      I don’t mind falling too far, since I know Kent will always be under me (and under everybody else), ready to slow my fall with his soft, spring-like protruded anus.

      As for our deluded Montevideoano, he is actually putting out stuff and offering it for sale without KSing his shit, Patreon-pan-handling, or even sucking up to his fans (if he has any). I am not far from respecting that.

        April 19, 2018 8:03 pm

        Because now you’ve earned it.

      • Timotheus permalink
        April 21, 2018 12:08 pm

        Well, then, that certainly excuses his theft of IP, and cheering on child-murderers and misogynist fascists.

        Thanks for reminding me what is truly deserving of respect.

      • April 22, 2018 5:37 am

        Is it not said that it is better to pledge undying allegiance to Tarnowski, to be deaf to all voices but his, to breathe no air but his pipesmoke and to speak no words but those that issue from his mouth then to voice approval of a single word spoken by even the most moderate of leftists? Brother Froggode sacrificed his anus to Kent out of devotion. He is a martyr, and though his anus be lost and prolapsed and danging unseemingly between his legs, his soul is exalted. Mark well the anus of our brother, for it is a beacon showing the way to paradise.

        Currently Smoking; Incence and the hymns of the Chosen.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        April 24, 2018 5:42 am

        If you’re so far down that KENT still being beneath you is your mental security blanket, I’m sorry, but you need help. Ideally in 9mm calibre.

      • Timotheus permalink
        April 24, 2018 7:57 pm

        Jesus, FWWW. I’m giving Froggy shit and he deserves it, but he’s a good dude. The world is a funnier place with him in it.

        And for the record, kent never deserved the suicide crap CKDB dribbled out, either. It was never funny.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        April 26, 2018 12:02 am

        Ah, you’re probably right, that one was a bit sharp. Maybe that prolapse pic put my humours out of alignment or something.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        April 26, 2018 1:22 am

        @Tim : Know Alignment went away after 2e, you Grog. How dare you be so specific about my supposed goodness? Don’t sweat the suicide thing, though : I didn’t spend all those years trolling menchildren fora and not learn a little something about drinking my own Kool-Aid (I KNOW it was actually Flavor Aid you insufferable nerds).

        April 26, 2018 11:00 pm

        Frog Gode Currently Smoking: Pundit’s Pole!

  170. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    April 18, 2018 10:10 pm

    The pros and cons of RPG gaming with child pornography collectors:

  171. The Tao of YDIS permalink
    April 19, 2018 7:04 am

    On the whole, I consider D&D and role-playing in general to be of benefit to the human experience; I’m quite sanguine on the future of humanity, not being willing to buy into the whole dystopian schtick … and as such, as a human, I feel it is meaningful to do my very tiny part of the betterment of humankind thing by pointing out that bullshit is bullshit, while treasured, valuable things deserve to be maintained and supported …

    … even though yes, I’m going to die.

    What I write in this minute could be the last thing I ever write. I am not so self-involved that I feel a total lack of interest in the lives of others who will continue living once I am dead. I care about them. I hope they do well, even when my body is mouldering in the grave. I care very deeply that others will continue to play ~ that even the unborn will someday get to enjoy this game as much as I do.

    It’s not that I’m altruistic. It’s just that I’m awfully grateful to all the intellectuals of the Greek and Roman culture, the monks who froze in stone monasteries, the scientists who tested their theories, the explorers who sacrificed their lives and so on, for all these millenia, so that I could enjoy the Earth as it is right now. I owe something to those people. AND SO DO YOU. Even if you don’t feel you want to pay it forward.

    But yes, as far as the WOTC goes, I hope they all fucking die.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      April 19, 2018 8:01 pm

      In other words thank you white people!

    • Franky Panky permalink
      April 19, 2018 11:25 pm

      I’ve been so involved in Fairy Games® that I have forgotten that that particular cabuncle on the RPG community’s ass was still alive. I was under the impression that he had been eaten by rats in the cellar of the *restaurant* where he fries potatoes. Or he was writing pirate-dinosaur erotica. No matter, I would never hire him for any of My pan-industry projects. As Gary succinctly put it, “68-85 NO SKILL OF MEASURABLE WORTH”

      Speaking of Fairy Games®: Should I call it ‘tinker’ magic or ‘tinkle’ magic. The later sounds more fairy like, but it also sounds like it may involve urine. That might appeal to the wrong sort. My GaryCon hook-up Satine was telling Me how much money she was paid to let men pee all over her. Yuck. I don’t want people like that playing My game.

  172. Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
    April 26, 2018 12:11 am

    White Wolf Publishing announces fifth edition of Vampire: the Masquerade, codename V5, written by Mark Rein Hagen, Kenneth Hite and some lad with a big YouTube channel (and nary a mention of award-winning toxic spod and known harasser Zakkary Smith-Sabbath, so maybe they HAVE learned something from last year’s shitfit after all).

    Not, of course, to be confused with Onyx Path Publication’s twentieth anniversary edition of Vampire: the Masquerade, codename V20, written by Justin Achilli, some lad with a big YouTube channel, and a bunch of long-serving LARP types. Still has books coming out (badly proofed, but we can’t have everything). Recently opened its community content vault, where tens of dollars are to be made peddling highfalutin opinions and superfluous new bloodlines (like Malkavians but they’re all sexy gorls and they have a new Discipline thinly inspired by Greek mythology and all the monsters I wanna fucc and – [the text trails off here, the author having nutted himself unconscious at last]).

    Neither of these products has anything in common with Onyx Path’s Vampire: the Requiem, which happens to use the same dice, with similar rules, for a similar kind of game with a corresponding but less gamerbait theme, and happens to reuse a bunch of the same trademarks, and have a supplement for porting over Masquerade content despite the insistence that THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.

    When approached for comment, Paradox Interactive spokespeople would probably have said “why the fuck did we buy this overlicenced, undermanaged mess of an IP when Activision still owns the only bit we understand and that’s anything close to marketable? and who the hell authorised Elricsson to confuse matters further? wasn’t he supposed to be working on a Werewolf vidyagame?”

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 26, 2018 5:16 am

      What a fucking mess. We need bat penis boy to come in and tell everyone what think.

      That would be funny if The Attack got the boot…

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        April 27, 2018 12:17 am

        I mean, it’s early days yet, but it looks like they’re going hard on “awkward photomanips of LARPers and cosplayers” rather than “terrible blocky line art”, so that’s a step away from both original flavour WW AND Zak-o-lat the Traitor who sired a bloodline of haters and brought bullshit to the East. Improvement on all fronts.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        April 27, 2018 11:11 pm

        In further “what a fucking mess” news:

        Today is the day pre-orders open for “V5” and if one googles “White Wolf” to find the official channel, the first page is full of… a character from Black Panther who is presumably associated with whatever phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universal Domination Project we’re currently living under, or maybe the next one. I wonder how many Eurodollars Paradox paid for this extremely well known IP about which there is much hype and curiosity.

        (I took up the Fake Woke White Wolf moniker in jest and to diss Sabbath but bugger me if the IP’s not entering its own OSR period. Confused product history, competing products, tens of dollars to be made as a ‘content maker’ and lots of tiny nerd wangles getting perilously close to erect over how close they are to some dude called Shane who is paid to get cheap writing work out of them and save on what minimal shits the Onyx Path is legally obliged to give about its freelancers. Have they paid David Hill yet? Who fucking knows? Who fucking cares? But of such trivia was the OSR made…)

  173. Timotheus permalink
    April 26, 2018 5:25 am

    Meanwhile, over at OD&D Discussion, the paranoia and bans are flowing like dead first level characters:

    What the fuck? Another Perilous Creamer sock puppet? Posting is dropping off there as demands for proof of identity are going up.

    Meanwhile, on the creamer’s forum, Ruins of Dorkhill, posting is reaching dragonsfoot levels. Although, given that some of the dudes posting over there are “proven” Creamer sock-puppets (according to Rafael), you have to wonder if that board is just the Creamer talking to himself over and over, with Bobby Cuntz and Moretard showing up to drop plastic wisdom and bask in the resulting adulation whenever their flagging egos demand it.

    • Oakes "Every Sperm is Sacred" Spalding permalink
      April 26, 2018 11:11 pm

      Hi guys, it’s your favorite Catholic mental midget mud person too fucking stupid to use a condom Oakes Spalding here! So my wife is pregnant – again – and we’ve started another GoFundMe page as we are in desperate need to meet our basic expenses: upstairs maid, pool boy, another BMW X5M SUV to get all the kiddies to Bible school and choir practice, $50K a plate dinner for Rick Santorum etc.We need your help! Because if being a zany Catholic sheeple in the 21st century has taught me anything, RHYTHM IS A DANCER BUT NOT A RELIABLE BIRTH CONTROL METHOD AMIRITE?!?!!

      • Oakes "Every Sperm is Sacred" Spalding permalink
        April 26, 2018 11:17 pm

        Also our Pope is a LIBTURD because he doesn’t support Republican Jesus’s mission to oppress minorities, make war on our neighbors, and pollute and overpopulate the planet!!!! 😡

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      April 27, 2018 12:30 am

      That forum is such a disappointment. It wasn’t too bad at the start it’s sunk into third rate territory so fast (and that’s third rate for GAMERS, already two rates below society at large but one step above barely literate Facebook trogs). Even the OSR ‘personalities’ who show up are C-listers notable for cranking out one thin dribbly payload once upon a time and acting like royalty ever since. Mediocre in every sense of the word.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        April 27, 2018 3:10 pm

        I recently went down the ‘Perilous Dreamer’ rabbit hole, and I think the guy might actually be the most fucked-up person on the OSR/gamer scene. I mean, that whole Laurenella shit, with him building up this sockpuppet and then ‘killing’ her off with cancer is some really grade-Z trolling. I can see Rafe cleaning up his spoor for years to come… it’s like a Lernean Hydra of sockpuppets.

        PD is basically an even shittier Kent with a work ethic. Kent could only dream of keeping so many sockpuppets going, and having the wherewithal to not only start a forum, but to have Kuntz and Peehole Mornard showing up to wow the rubes. I suspect, though, that at least one-third of the Murkhill posters are PD puppets.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        April 27, 2018 4:45 pm

        The ProBoards forums are free up to a point. So wherewithal is not an issue.

        Let Me get this straight: Perilous Dreamer is also “Dave”, Llaurenella, Jakob Grimm, Morgan, Crimhthan — Morgan’s sock at Dragonsfoot, Mighty Darci, and I surmise every other forum member who has a similar looking profile: Some personalization to the text under the avatar, and a multi-line text sig.

        I’d bet these names are PD’s characters in various RPGs that he plays in. Alone. The forum is one big meta game for *them*. Or PD is a convict passing time in a minimum security prison. Gary used to answer mail from prisoners. I wonder if PD has a letter from Gary.

        It could also be a magnificent piece of performance art. I’ve always liked lady performance artists. So very generous with the affections. So very imaginative too. 😉 😉

        How does Kuntz tie into all of this? Is he the mark?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 27, 2018 4:56 pm

        Well, this explains how Perilous Creamer’s blog was being hacked so often: THE HACK WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!! PD is a liar and a phony just like the Zak Attack and Franky Talentless Hack Panky! LOL!

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        April 27, 2018 11:31 pm

        The Mighty Darci is a fake? You mean there aren’t twentysomething girls with a mad yen for OD&D, Traveller, the sagas and spending time around older men with fine flourishing piss beards and beer guts? Say it ain’t so!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        April 28, 2018 12:14 am

        No, the Mighty Darci is totally real, totally hot, and she’s waiting for you in a plain white van parked behind the Piggly Wiggly…

      • Franky Panky permalink
        April 28, 2018 1:55 am

        No, that’s me in the unmarked white van. I was awaiting the Mighty Darci, but now that I know the truth… ugh.

        Glancing through a few of those threads, this is a surreal experience when one realizes that it is mainly the work of one person. The socks must out-number the rest of the forum members combined.

  174. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    April 27, 2018 3:05 pm

    In current Macris news…

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 27, 2018 4:54 pm

      He hung out with the dude for a week and didn’t tell him he’d been fired LOL! The Alt-Right is so fucking spineless not to mention clueless. What a generation of pussy chickenshit girly men!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        April 27, 2018 8:54 pm

        Kent could have gotten that poncy Eurofag gig if only he had beaten Yabbadabbadoopolous to it. Now that the plutocrat lucre is drying up, it’s too late.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        April 28, 2018 12:13 am

        Kent could have become the beloved stupid-haired totem of dribbling gamer trolls by pretending he hadn’t hated them the week before there was a career to be defined by being On Their Side?

        Unlikely. As much as bagging on Kent is the Lord’s work, I don’t think he could or would declare allegiance with the GAMERS (who make him sick, you know) even in fakery. Besides, if his career here has taught us anything, it’s that even gamer trolls can’t stand the fucker.

  175. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    April 27, 2018 10:30 pm

    I’m in a confessional mood, so I will relate something illegal that I’ve done recently…

    As most open areas in eastern North America do, my principal workplace is overrun by specimens of Branta canadensis. We had one particularly aggressive pair of them nesting in an area that receives a lot of foot traffic when we are open. The gander came at me, and actually gave me a couple of wing buffets (no biggie). I noticed that there was an egg in the nest, and I stole, cooked, and ate it.

    It was fucking delicious, and now I wonder why more people don’t do this.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      April 28, 2018 1:55 am


      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        April 28, 2018 4:52 am

        Nah, that’s a disease of the cage-raised slave birds. These fuckers are free-range, grass-fed. I bet their eggs would go really well in all sorts of baked goods, so make it happen.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        April 28, 2018 5:11 pm

        I cannot. The Missus is the baker. I’m the business dood. Really, I just sweep up and take out the trash. Sometimes I amuse Myself with some of the baked goods. I also drive the delivery van. It’s plain white, as you well know.

        The Wisconsin Dept. of Agriculture — Division of Food Safety, A humorless bunch, I can assure you from first-hand experience– would have to weigh in on the matter. The hoops We had to jump through just to sell Our pie crust cookies. Unbelievable.

        There are good reasons why nobody cooks or bakes with goose eggs. Salmonella is more prevalent in them than in chickens (True. Free range or not.). Cost and availability are going to be issues too.

        This talk of geese: I wonder if My Sardinian friends know of gavage. A fitting end for Kuntz et al. Shred all his papers and down the throat they go. Stuffed to death with his own incomprehensible gibberish.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      April 28, 2018 6:56 am

      Because their are dumb and you are not, you magnificent hipster arctic fox.

  176. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    April 29, 2018 10:51 am

    Where is YDIS for comment in 2018?????? Video games are the Next Big Thing, and Gail Gygax wants in through Gary’s (now worthless) IP!!!!

    • Franky Panky permalink
      April 29, 2018 12:36 pm

      Gail. The one that got away. Curse that meddlesome Kuntz. His last act of loyalty to Gary: cock-blocking me so Gary could make his play.

      Fig will have their work cut out for them. They should hire Me as consultant. I have experience in translating Gary’s writings into something normal people, and even children, can understand. After 10 years, one would expect that the materials would have already been archived. And the memorial built. And the Gygax Trust actually making a profit. Looks like Alex has the same problem as Arneson, no clue how to profit from such a gold mine. Come to think of it, I’ve always thought that Alex had a resemblance to Arneson. I wonder…

      If anybody owns a Gail Gygax mask, let Me know. I could hire someone to wear it around Kask. The surge of pure rage through his system might bring his mind back.

      I cannot see this doing well. The few hundred grognards who still have an interest in All Things Gygax are essentially computer illiterate. They could not possibly learn to play RPGs on a computer. I know this from firsthand experience. And I, I, I am smarter than any of them, hell, all of them put together.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      April 30, 2018 7:26 pm

      Saint Gary must have warehouses full of personal papers if they’re still working on archiving it all a decade later. Maybe they’re writing it all down in spiral notebooks. Alex could be the next Christopher Tolkien, crapping out, I mean editing, some long-lost Gord the Rogue books when he’s an octogenarian.

      He’s certainly got the chops for this project – look at all the different games he’s played. For years and years! Plus he hangs out at the local game store and everything. Guys, he’s even going to have a website! I wonder how much he’s going to charge for a copy editor position?

      I know something I can propose to his “green light committee”: Give me my money back for that hideous non-existent statue, you bunch of shysters.

      I foresee some whopping kickstarter scams on the horizon. And hey, whatever happened to that movie deal?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      April 30, 2018 9:21 pm

      Possibly more like Brian Herbert than like Christopher Tolkien. The Silmarillion etc were not bad. Those Dune prequels were putrescent. I never read any of the Gord books. I knew that if I did, I would never be able to look Gary in the eye again.

      Gary used 3 ring binders, not spiral bound notebooks. Alex will use the same. Me, I have binders too, *binders full of women* 😉 😉

      First up will be the computer version of Cyborg Commando. Alex could not get enough of that game when he was a child. I’ll get royalties for it. Tens of dollars.

      • May 2, 2018 1:34 pm

        Godfuckingdamnit I hate Brian Herbert’s take on Dune. It is the absolute worst, like Picasso had a retarded gay son that imitates all of his work with his own faeces. It exemplifies the worst of fan fiction. The more I read Dune the more I hate very second of what Brian Herbert did with it RAAAAGGGEEE.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      April 30, 2018 10:46 pm

      There were some tasty cheesecake drawings in the Gord books, plus some steamy love scenes somewhere along these lines:

      Gord: Oh Evenleigh! Oh Evenleigh! I give you my soul!

      Evenleigh: Oh Gord! My champion!

      • Timotheus permalink
        May 1, 2018 8:04 am

        I actually read the first two, back when they came out. Gord is one of the shittiest Mary Sues of all time, I couldn’t stomach any more. In the second one, he got it on with the clone of Eclavdra, because you know Gary always wanted to go there.

  177. Old Geezer's Peehole permalink
    May 1, 2018 12:24 pm

    Double-wide Don Juan Sean Patrick Fannon accused of improper convention behavior:

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 1, 2018 3:51 pm

      Zak Attack! Online serial harasser Zak S makes an appearance in that thread to accuse Sean Patrick Fanny of… online harassment.

      • Timotheus permalink
        May 1, 2018 4:13 pm

        The ENWorlders are too stupid to understand the irony.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        May 1, 2018 6:01 pm

        ENWorld is the Dragonsfart of WotC era D&D gamers.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        May 1, 2018 10:59 pm

        prove these instances of online harassment beyond doubtable reason or reasonable doubt (but not both) or you are a LIAR and INSANE and a BLIGHT ON THE COMMUNITY!

        [reasonable standards of proof are void in the state of California]

        [what a state it’s in]

      • Mandy Morbid permalink
        May 3, 2018 8:17 am

        I am beginning to feel like I’ve never been sexier than at this point in my life but I feel wholly incapable of finding someone honest/straightforward/trustworthy enough who meets my standards to enjoy it with. I hope the sexy stretches out for a few years while I collect myself.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      May 1, 2018 4:12 pm

      Oh no! Where will I get my affiliate links embedded in posts devoid of any meaningful content now???? I feel Tenkar’s Turd Shack is somehow behind this!
      Meanwhile, Sean Patrick Fannon is posting affiliate link posts all over G+ right now in a mad frenzy to get the last of the pennies before he’s exposed and the gravy train dries up.

    • Timotheus permalink
      May 1, 2018 4:15 pm

      It will be glorious when Chris Helton’s pedophilia is exposed.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      May 1, 2018 6:48 pm

      It’s not pedophilia that is Helton’s kink. Think darker. Think zoophilia. Think Centaur pr0n. He’s banned from most race tracks in the US. Or so I hear through the grapevine.

      I cannot say unkind things about ENworld. I have not yet been banned from that place. It may be necessary for Me to post about the biggest pan-industry project ever, Fairy Games® there for marketing purposes.

      However, Helton’s opening paragraph tells you all, “The specter of sexual harassment has once again risen up in tabletop gaming circles.” Whose spectre could it be?

      Arneson’s, without a doubt. Good for you, Arneson. Just stay away from My ladies. Franky doesn’t share pussy.

    • Timotheus permalink
      May 2, 2018 8:18 pm

      And Sean Patrick Fanny has “stepped down” from his position at Pinnacle:

    • Franky Panky permalink
      May 5, 2018 8:58 pm

      Grim Jim Makes a rare forum appearance. Morrus threadbans him for using the terms Social Justice Warrior and Virtue-Signalling.

      Clearly he still has no idea how to have fun. My hint to you, Grimmy. Posting on Enworld is not how to have fun.

      Is this Morrus fellow trying to muscle in on the Purple Dildo’s *safe space*? The BPD shout down the blubbering over the SPF very quickly. Morrus revels in it. He is deluded if he thinks that he can poach from the Purple Dildo, where the members only want a place to complain, and they are not willing to pay to be copper level supporters in order to do so.

      Perhaps he can be Robespierre to Fannon’s Danton. A consummation devoutly to be wished.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        May 5, 2018 9:00 pm

        Shut down the blubbering, not shout down.

        And thread locked by Miss Atomic Bomb. Hmmm, does she have a set of pointy ears? Is she a she?

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      May 7, 2018 10:09 pm

      “…I would not have opened such a file and shared it without believing, sincerely, it was a welcome part of the discussion (and in pursuit of further, mutually-expressed intimate interest).”

      So she didn’t like his dick pic? How else are you supposed to flirt with a real live woman?

  178. Franky Panky permalink
    May 2, 2018 1:45 am

    Pundejo is back on the Bolivian Marching Powder. He’s banning people from his vanity forum with the maniacal energy and paranoia of, well, I don’t have a good analogy here. The last time I’ve witnessed that sort of bloodthirty frenzy was when Kask heard the sound of Gail Gygax’s voice out in the hall at GaryCon last year. We had to use elephant tranquilizers on him. Turns out he was just having an auditory hallucination. The voice belonged to someone from housekeeping. It was fun shooting Kask’s fat ass with the tranquilizer gun.

    • Timotheus permalink
      May 2, 2018 5:30 am

      Hah! I was just swinging by to drop this link:

      Trainwreck, with lots of BS before this, but this is where Pundejo shows just how tolerant of free speech he is and the bans start flying. The last fascists standing declare victory (and Combat 18 enthusiast S’mon quotes Neo-Nazi Vox Gay) while some people show the traffic for therpgblight is dropping off a cliff. You get the feeling Pundejo is bout to unleash some Rune Magic on non-believers’ asses.

      This is the smell of Victory (and Colombian Shit-hemp)!

      • BACLF permalink
        May 2, 2018 6:05 am

        My favorite bit was Pundejo claiming that he didn’t know Nathan Damigo was a neo-Nazi when he defended him. It was well known that he was a violent racist (mofo stabbed a cabbie) before he set foot in Berkeley.
        Pundejo did Nazi that coming!

    • Timotheus permalink
      May 2, 2018 5:44 am

      And here Pundejo and his sycophants tell some Prometheus to shut up or else:!

      • BACLF permalink
        May 2, 2018 6:07 am

        That’s some grade A schadenfreude. As the kids would say, “That traffic trend, tho!”

      • May 2, 2018 1:30 pm

        Hahaha Site Disruption! Classic Pundit. SHUT. IT DOWN.

        There is nothing sadder then a star on the wane, particularly if that star has four sides and 90-degree angles.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        May 2, 2018 6:56 pm

        Gotta bust out the ending of Aguirre for Pundejo…

        Tarnowski, Zorn Gottes!

  179. Timotheus permalink
    May 2, 2018 8:11 pm

    It’s almost like the internet feels sorry for the last-standers at the ‘Shite. A number of bots are posting threads to drive traffic:

    One of three so far! Hurry and read before Pundejo cancels out their free speech! (If one shows up about a Fashy Haircut, It will probably survive.)

  180. Frog Gode permalink
    May 3, 2018 3:18 am

    I was bingeing Altered Carbon on Netflix this weekend (3/5 show from 3.5/5 novels), stopping only to watch our favourite antifas setting Paris on fire again and then blaming the police, so I missed the latest elfgame dramas.

    I just read SPF’s convoluted denial, and Crom was it worth the legalese-induced headache :
    “The truth is, as I explained above, we were friends, and very close until the day came that I called into question the idea of remaining with the Royal Manticoran Navy. Only then did she lash out, viciously and horrifically, against me.”

      May 4, 2018 8:31 pm

      ❤ Frog Gode

      May 4, 2018 8:32 pm


      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        May 5, 2018 10:19 am

        Okay I’m out.
        Even gay Nazi porn isn’t this hardcore.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 6, 2018 6:16 pm

        Not quite as disgusting as Frank Mentzer’s foot long eyebrow though.