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Frank’s having his fun, which is all that matters, but Grim Jim Isn’t?!?!?

October 21, 2017
the last thing you see before the darkness closes in on your soul

I’M SAFE

 

Can someone show me a 70-year-old white dude with a pony tail who’s NOT a skeeve, I mean come on. That stringy mop + penny dreadful goatee combo is like a neon sign that says, “Do you wanna play Summon the Amphibious Ones with Grampa Touchy?”

This sad dick, gross old shit is full of humor of the “laugh-at-him-not-with-him” variety:

 

please look at meeeeee!!!!

thx nah

 

Looks like poor Eleven has another monster stalking her!

The flip side of this gutter nickel is Grim Jim, who’s apparently sick and fucking tired of all you slutty bitches grinding your pussies in his lap and goddamn cougars playing with his luscious hair. For reals, his lament (including thoughtful background music) begins at about the 7-minute mark:

 

 

These two douches remind us of one eternal truth, “It’s hard out there for a muthafuckin pimp!!!” (I’m too scared to see what Sexy Alexi is up to these days…!)

 

190 Comments leave one →
  1. Claude permalink
    October 21, 2017 12:35 pm

    Hi Your Sucks, I an a Ms Menslee. Farts, THIS IS A PRIVATES MASSAGE. Seconds, thanks you on a profile of my Major Award. i am on offer to you. I have the runs of a red box if you like, if you are a brilliant buddy. I am a safe 6”4 so long, unless you came crying. Left me know. Emprunia foreskinns! #donotdroppings

    • Claude permalink
      October 21, 2017 12:44 pm

      Hi You Suck, her are an favorite shot on an old girlsfriend Jesticles. Empornian forge! #donotdroppings

  2. Baclf permalink
    October 21, 2017 12:44 pm

    I hear the producers of Stranger Things cast Mentzer as ‘creep in plain white van’. Hey, kids, wanna see my red box?

  3. Kent permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:28 pm

    Three men, together, talking shit. Three excellent men.

    http://justonemorefix.com/2017/08/29/episode-51-lamentations-of-the-flame-princess-interview/

  4. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:47 pm

    A new thread? This is like the third this year, YDIS is killing it.

    Anyway, I am re-posting this here at hir request, since it is relevant:

    Well, the pitchforks and torches are being handed out all over the net, now.
    I haven’t read through this thread yet, just the first post, and it has more dirt like Bill Webb getting drunk at the last Paizocon and assaulting some female fan there (from the Sphincterian twitter posts in the first post).

    Just glancing through the follow up posts, many are coming out with the I-heard-it-from-a-friend stories of abuse by industry insiders.

    You get the sense that the majority of online people in the hobby have been just waiting for for this…

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?817741-RPG-Industry-sexual-harassment-Mentzer-abuse-and-what-do-we-do-about-it

    • Kent permalink
      October 21, 2017 6:20 pm

      “Drop the bomb. Exterminate them All!”

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        October 21, 2017 11:23 pm

        I’m an “Exterminate all of the brutes!” man myself, different media, but you’re not wrong.

        For once.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 22, 2017 2:13 pm

        “Nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure” is the quality quote, Kunt.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 21, 2017 9:51 pm

      Damn the RPGnet folks manage to look like tools as big as Mentzer in this. Boorish asshole meets safe-space kiddies (Post #8 in that thread made me choke on my bourbon)…no one wins.

      And thus the balance is maintained.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:32 pm

      Mink, I tells you. They await only the slightest provocation to turn on and tear down their idols. It’s probably a Robot’s Revenge/return of the repressed thing. Secretly, my one-time comrades know they’re being exploited and abused in far more important ways than this. The urge toward iconoclasm is there, but they’re so used to sublimating their political instincts into escapist power fantasies that the only people they can bear to tear down are irrelevancies like themselves. I’m no better, but at least I don’t pretend I’m doing anything useful.

  5. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 3:57 pm

    Wow, how did we miss Frank begging for a cameo in Stranger Things? (Comp,lete with the promise that his appearance would boost its social media presence, since nobody was really hip to it before)? Class. I really hope they did not take him up on it – we’ll find out next weekend.

    As for GrimJimmy, started watching from the beginning but fell asleep twice, so fast-forwarded tot he good stuff at 7 min. How could a bunch of cougars play with his hair and he not notice? Dead Scalp Syndrome? I love the swig from the urine sample at the end. The music takes the whole to the next level. He is so oppressed.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 21, 2017 4:35 pm

      frank claims that he “wrote” 1980s d&d? i thought he was credited as “editor.” what did he write? the little choose your own adventure story? the immortals rules? the weapons mastery rules? the crap everyone ignores?

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:33 pm

      We missed it for the same reason Netflix (hopefully) did.

  6. Kent permalink
    October 21, 2017 6:07 pm

    Patrick Stuart has the discipline to abstain for one month from inane contact with the dumbest people in the web population, osr gamers.

    What about the dumbest osr gamers, the ydis crowd? I believe i can abstain from contact with the ydis crowd for more than a month which would make me better than Patrick Stuart, and he is the best ever freak out fantasist except for Jaquays and Gygax.

    And if one month why not a hundred years?

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 21, 2017 6:18 pm

      who the hell is patrick stuart?

      wallowing in (probably blissful) ignorance, i remain,

      elrond hubbard

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 21, 2017 6:31 pm

        We’ve given Patty the business here for a few years. He wrote a misery tourism module, Deep Carbon Observatory, for which he was hailed as the greatest living writer. Then he latched onto Zak for a few years, until their big messy divorce a month or two ago, see the middle of the comments in the previous post here for all the salaciousness.

      • October 22, 2017 12:17 am

        Isn’t Patrick back in Canada doing cripple porn for rent money?

      • October 22, 2017 2:00 pm

        Don’t forget that Pat also worked with the illustrious Crap Princess, the greatest living artist (not to be confused by her innumerable copycats: four-year old children).

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:24 pm

      You’ll last about two weeks.

  7. Timotheus permalink
    October 21, 2017 6:28 pm

    And now the pitchforks and torches have shown up at Paizo:

    http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2uokq?I-am-very-disturbed-to-hear-the-allegations

    There will be a trial of faith there…

    But I want to know who Bill Webb groped and then punched with his Raging Drunk Libido feat.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 21, 2017 7:09 pm

      Twit feed recap of the intimidating bouncer who had to handle an inebriated Bill Webb:

      https://mobile.twitter.com/sphynxian/status/882440112646344708?lang=en

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 21, 2017 11:35 pm

      I’m only sad it’ll be Allegations Of Serious Business that sinks Paizo and not Making A Horrible Clunky Game.

    • October 22, 2017 5:04 am

      Useful idiots are soon submerged by the forces they helped unleash. The Girondins learned it the hard way, so dit the Mensheviks, and now Paizo is about to get dragged to the bottom of their tiny women- and LGBTQ-friendly pond.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 22, 2017 7:03 am

        Yeah, despite all their years of inclusiveness and diversity, by Monday morning half or more of their fanbase will be not just against them, but doing it loudly on all accessible corners of the net.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 23, 2017 10:23 am

        And thus the inevitable end of the benighted PC-age. A treacherous consumer base does not a steady source of income make. Sharpen your knives brothers. Our time cometh. *cackling, manical typing, gasoline drinking etc.*

  8. October 21, 2017 8:25 pm

    Zoned out during Desborough’s “argument” but ROFL when that pirate rape outro music starts up.

  9. Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
    October 21, 2017 11:36 pm

    I have come this far in life by not listening to Grim Jim’s doubtless awful voice and have no intention of breaking my record now. Get us some transcript gold, homes?

    • October 22, 2017 12:25 am

      I personnaly derived some of my greatest pleasures these last gloomy years from auto translating youtube’s autosubs for fatbeards videos. This one looks golden.

  10. Timotheus permalink
    October 22, 2017 7:00 am

    Webb has responded on facebook to the accusations in a classy way. A picture of two adventurers carrying a fallen comrade, with a caption that people should know better than to mess with the “king of cons” when he has been drinking. Link:

    https://m.facebook.com/frog.god.games/photos/a.287034224662738.78366.207158595983635/1698454243520722/?type=3&source=48

    But it has already been pulled. Anyway to do the Wayback Machine thing on a recent post? I’m sure someone screencapped it, though.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 22, 2017 7:54 am

      Someone screencapped it.

      https://imgur.com/tJEVH3J

      Maybe not the best response when you are accused of drunkenly harrassing a chick and then punching out a Paizo employee.

      Although the KKK Alehouse crew might up their pledges to Frog God Games current kickstarter for some maps without content.

  11. zeea permalink
    October 22, 2017 11:48 am

    Also, let me be really damn clear, in case I wasn’t already.

    Frank Mentzer and his ilk have made it clear that they cannot and will not coexist. They will never live and let live. They will continuously attack and harass other people as long as they are allowed into our forums and conventions. If you’re trying to keep him in the industry without strong evidence that he’s changed and will never do this again, you’re inherently saying that his victims should not be in the industry, whether or not that’s what you intend.

    There is no happy, idealized, everybody-gets-to-be-involved ending to this because he, Zak, and others simply will not let that happen. And dear gods, if there’s anybody who hasn’t been convinced about that regarding Zak, try looking at a list of people who have tried to reconcile with him, from every faction of the industry and multiple viewpoints and different backgrounds. When you have me, RPGPundit, and Stuart broadly agreeing that it’s not worth getting entangled with him, I think it might be time to accept that everybody can’t just live together and be happy. No matter how much I personally wish that were different.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:15 am

      Wait, what does that Zak have to do with this? I checked through to his blog and all I saw is that he’s rolling out a Tarot-based system with ‘Clash’ as its core terminology and…

      … hang on a minute.

      I can’t kvetch, since I nicked the Tarot concept off him in the first place and then sat on it for years, but still.

  12. If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
    October 22, 2017 4:05 pm

    Is there a way to organize a mass red box burning? While we are at it, perhaps a Frog God Games book burning too.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 23, 2017 11:03 am

      Rumor has it the rash of wild fires in the Pacific Northwest are due to the massive amount of Paizo splatbooks being burned by the disillusioned LBGTQFAG wallet things.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 23, 2017 12:04 pm

        That’s LBGTQKENTFAG now FYI!

  13. mythmere permalink
    October 22, 2017 6:53 pm

    An incident took place at PaizoCon 2017, and we address that here. YDIS, the world wide leader of the OSR, is important to us. Matt Finch is the partner at Frog God Games who conducted our internal investigation.
    I am Matt Finch, the partner of Frog God Games, married to a man trapped in a woman’s body, and appointed by the partners to investigate a sexual harassment complaint filed against Mr. Webb at Paizo Con 2017. Mr. Webb was not consulted by the partners on this decision. Due to recent accusations made on Twitter by a third party, I will outline the aspects of the situation to the extent that they do not compromise the confidentiality of the person who filed the report, I will describe the nature of our internal investigation, and will also address the recently-raised tweets by Robert Brookes on his twitter feed, all while masterbating to tha Backstyreet Boys. This report will not necessarily be updated; it stands for itself at the time of posting, based on the knowledge I currently have, which can in no way be augmented.
    First, it is correct that a complaint was filed with Paizo at Paizo Con against Bill. I was made aware of this by phone on the day it happened (I was not present at the convention, instead engaed in a three-way with the marriage councillor). Frog God is aware of the identity of the person who made the complaint, because they spoke to three of our partners at the convention after the event. We have not been invited to share that person’s identity, and although we are not under legal obligation to protect that confidentiality we have elected to respect that person’s desire not to have the event brought into the spotlight.
    Gathering information in a situation like this is necessarily limited due to Paizo’s own confidentiality obligations and general incompetance. To assemble information, I spoke to the three partners who had talked with the person who filed the complaint, and obtained their accounts of what they were told. Secondhand accounts are not perfect, and I had to weigh that against the fact that an attorney making direct contact with someone who has filed such a report can be seen as a threat or intimidation, and weighing those two issues, I chose to rely on a comparison of the conversations between the individual and our partners, plus Paizo’s own resolution of the matter at the time, plus a necessarily-cautious review of Bill’s account. There has been contact between the person who filed the complaint and Frog God partners since the event, and I will provide a screenshot of one such communication with the name redacted. I believe the screenshot provides a great deal of clarification.

    Reducing the event to a level that will maintain confidentiality, my understanding based on my investigation was that Bill Webb took an action and engaged in speech that could be construed as a sexual advance or as gender-dismissive. It’s the same thing, after all, amirite?

    In consequence of this finding, I and another senior partner of the company as well as a stripper had a meeting with Mr. Webb about expectations, standards of behavior, and future protocol. We addressed that one’s lack of bad intentions does not excuse problematic behavior.
    Some people have asked that Mr. Webb acknowledge and apologize for the situation. No fucking way. Bill does deeply regret his actions, and understands that they were inappropriate and upsetting. I have told Mr. Webb not to contact the person directly, for the same reason that I have not done so myself: the potential for that contact to appear intimidating or threatening. However, at whatever time the person lets us know that a direct apology from Mr. Webb would be welcomed, that apology will be immediately forthcoming. Mr. Webb is also under instruction not to discuss this matter in public, in case peripheral details were to be inadvertently disclosed that might allow the identification of the person by another party. He ws also reminded that he was married, and saddled with several disappointing children. This is also the reason we chose to have me, as the investigating partner, write the public report, given that a report has become necessary in response to a recent description of the event on Twitter. You gaggle of witch-hunting nazis.
    In terms of the affected person’s own view on the matter, and as a lead-in to a discussion of the recent tweets, we believe that the following communication will give third parties a better understanding of the context of the event. This is from the person who made the complaint, with name and metadata redacted. The words in blue are from our partner Zach Glazar, best friend of the departed bloodymage, and the words in white are from the person who filed the complaint.

    [Edit: removed image]

    A series of tweets brought to our attention have mentioned that an altercation occurred at the time of the incident, and that a Paizo employee was injured. From talking to the individual who made the complaint we have not been made aware of any altercation beyond the behavior of Mr. Webb addressed in the complaint. And to date we have not received any information from Paizo regarding an employee being injured or how such an injury occurred. There were a number of other casualties, none employed by Paizo and therefore of little consequence.

    I can be contacted at mythmere at dicksuckingcuck dot com if anyone has further first-person accounts. I will be conveniently out of country for the next two weeks, but when I return I will probably review any such information.
    In conclusion, I simply refer once again to the comment made by the person affected by the incident, shown above.

    It is worth mentioning, too, that we posted an advertisement on our site that appeared to be related to this issue. Chuck called Zach to point this out, and Zach deleted the post. Apparently, someone had already made a comment on it right during the interval, which Zach didn’t notice. That post and its timing were an incredibly messed-up coincidence, but a coincidence. Really. Honestly. If we had seen the comment, we would have left it up and used it as the place to link to this report.

    • OABD permalink
      October 22, 2017 11:18 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:27 am

      Matt oh Matt, your personal life already was an insane merry-go-round of hilarious perversion, and now your day job too is turning into a Grisham movie / Dead or Alive video ?

  14. I Am Alexis Smolensk And I Want To Belong permalink
    October 23, 2017 1:56 am

    I’m not much interested in general gossip connected to the public gaming community, but I do enjoy tap-dancing on the metaphorical grave of any self-righteous soul connected to the so-called glory of TSR, which I continue to feel took role-playing and D&D in the wrong direction right from the beginning. I believe that the grassroots community that plays this game weekly, not as a publicity stunt but because they love the game, has been fighting to regain all the ground that has been lost by four decades of modules, edition wars and endless copycat game systems punched out by every fanboy who dreams of someday being Gary Gygax or Dave Arneson. We just want to play. Yet there is a whole community out there that sees this as nothing more than a way to pump their egos, flitting from game con to game con to enjoy the adulation of largely ignorant innocent young people who have been mesmerized by their “authorship” on some half-baked 64-page system printed on pulp stock before the fans were born.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2017 3:38 am

      You know, if you scrape the self-adulation and wind off this, he’s right.

  15. October 23, 2017 5:53 am

    You couldn’t make something up about me jacking off centaur magi with my slimy green tentacles? Thanks for nothing, ass folk!

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2017 11:13 am

    OK, I vote we give Alexis a what-what for his thoughts on Stank Frank:

    “Mentzer just happens to be one of these that is still alive: but looking at his recent failed attempt at a kickstarter, it is clear it was just going to be more of the same, more derivative re-tellings of two-dimensional settings and stories, plastered with the same artwork available everywhere on Google.  In a computer age, when bookstores are dying and the tablet rules, it was Mentzer’s idea to build his new Empyrea kickstarter and really well made 200-page tomes fashioned of good, high quality paper.

    These were not bright guys.  They were lucky guys.  And in a way, they were very unlucky guys, depending on one’s perspective and what they might have done if they had not sold their souls to stay in the game, whatever the cost.  These are not guys who went to the cons thinking of how they were building their careers towards a greater future.  These were guys going to the cons because they had nothing else.  The adulation they got from the budgies (fans with bobbling, piercing, darting eyes) was the only thing that made these guys feel alive.

    Some, like Mentzer, let it convince them that they were somehow important to the industry; that their word could make or break the careers of other people ~ and they made that threat to hundreds of people, in the hubris of feeling self-righteous.  It was the budgies that made them feel that way; who tricked them, with their adoration, into feeling that they deserved that adoration … but in fact, most of these guys are just lazy, dull, repulsive old men, sitting on cheap chairs and pretending they are thrones.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 23, 2017 12:02 pm

      I don’t think Alexis gets it yet that Googled art from the Internet isn’t free for the taking. Also being demoted to fry cook is as bad as being demoted to baker.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 23, 2017 4:58 pm

        b…but…it’s about the game, man! D&D man! It doesn’t matter if you spit on lambchops for a living. D&D!!!

        I guess.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        October 24, 2017 1:13 am

        Fry Cook Lexi seems to be as high-functioning as ever, while Baker Frank’s valves are clearly starting to leak. So I would say Fat 1 – Carbs 0. Go Atkins.

  17. Landifarne permalink
    October 23, 2017 6:11 pm

    It can’t be posted anywhere else, so here you go YDIS donkeyballers:

    Shannon Appelcline had the mods at rpg.net cover his legal ass by wiping all evidence of its members making libelous posts against Frank Mentzer over the previous couple days. They had literally claimed that Frank sexually assaulted numerous female coworkers during his stint at TSR. The original posts were force-edited by the individuals, and my page 39 post was edited by one of their ass hat moderators to scrub the evidence after I was perma-banned:

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?817741-RPG-Industry-sexual-harassment-Mentzer-abuse-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/page39

    Frank, if you’re out there, here’s your chance to finally flex some legal (love)muscle!

    I doubt that the posts where one of their moderators was accused of statutory rape (the dude was 25, accused of having raped a 15 year old girl…somewhere around pages 36-38) are still up. Appelcline’s suction machine is probably on overdrive.

    • Claude permalink
      October 23, 2017 6:24 pm

      Hi Landofarts, every people knews Applecunts is an ideas of a drizzleshits. Clear. Empurgia for e! #donotdroppings

      • October 23, 2017 8:13 pm

        Do not use my name in vain, varlet. Lest I be dissuaded from plunging into the depths of genius that was a man who cannot tell others that I am wrong.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 10:23 pm

      Fuck you made me look…I had promised myself never to go back there. Jeez how many piss gurgling loonies are there on this Alphane moon ?

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 24, 2017 9:00 am

      Landifarne, I Believe You.

  18. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:13 pm

    I haven’t experienced this before

    https://somekingskentsaione.blogspot.ie/2017/10/3-yeoman-archer.html

    Someone cut and pasting content within one day verbatim. Weird.

    http://treasurehuntershq.blogspot.ie/2017/10/setting-specific-class-yeoman.html

  19. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:14 pm

    I haven’t experienced this before

    ———-https://somekingskentsaione.blogspot.ie/2017/10/3-yeoman-archer.html

    Someone cut and pasting content within one day verbatim. Weird.

    ———-http://treasurehuntershq.blogspot.ie/2017/10/setting-specific-class-yeoman.html

    • Kent permalink
      October 23, 2017 8:17 pm

      In case it is deleted here is Scott Andersonson’s post

      The Yeoman

      Even before their war with the Norman invaders began, Harold Godwinson, Anglo King of the Saxons from Wessex made mandatory for freemen the daily training with the English long bow from the age of seven. Harold had learned from excursions into the inhospitable northern Highlands the strategic value of massed ranks of skilled archers. The indifferently armored Highland Kotter were slaughtered so long as they could be coaxed to fight with propriety and good order; the bloody Picts soon developed the arts of ambush and Harold was forced to retire.

      Decades later, Parisian chivalry disdained furtive animal craftiness and weathered the despicable Yeoman peasant storm of shafts, trusting in their splendid and costly armor. Their horses were not so well protected but a horse is not a Knight.

      The Yeoman is a farmer of some independence cultivating his own small holding, rather than a serf tied to his Lord. (This social class evolved from the Franklin of the 12th century, but we will use the modern English term for simplicity’s sake.) The Yeoman’s presence, mode of speech and manner is not as offensive to noble sensibility as the peasant’s and he is capable of earning a dignified position of servitude on a Baronial estate, such as a groom. In the army, with sufficient experience he may become a typical Sergeant but not a Knight himself.

      Welsh freemen used the Welsh Warbow, which is functionally equivalent to the Composite Bow. They wore no armor or leather, but are allowed to use Chain and shields like their Anglo-Norman counterparts.

      The Prime Requisites of the Yeoman are Strength and Dexterity. Both Strength and Dexterity of 15 or more grants a bonus to XP earned. See Table 2 for XP adjustments due to high or low attributes.

      Arms & Armor: A Yeoman wears leather armor (principally) or chain armor, never plate. He may use a shield and usually carries a small wooden one. Yeomen may use backswords, hatchets, daggers, longbows and short bows. Aside from the short bow, they often carry one or more of each weapon.

      Combat Ability: The Yeoman uses the Fighting-Man’s Attack Matrix line and Saving Throw charts.

      The Yeoman’s Class Abilities:

      Longbow Primacy: Among commoners, only the Yeoman may use the English longbow. Knights will sometimes use one and nobles rarely do, except to take exercise. They receive a +1 to hit at any range with a longbow or composite longbow. Some Outlaws will also use the longbow, but this is strictly forbidden.

      Special Rules for the Longbow:

      A Longbow firing against AC 3 or better, at a range of more than 7 scale inches, only hits on a natural 20 regardless of the normal Attack Matrix indication. But should it hit, it deals double damage to these types due to particular luck.

      Favored Foes: In combat, he is particularly effective at battling man-types. Once per combat, he may attempt a Mortal Strike. This shot gains a +4 to hit and deals two dice of damage if it does hit.

      Hunter’s Kinship: The Yeoman frequently handles dogs to root out varlets, bandits and rural vermin. He adjusts reaction checks by +2 in any dealings with dogs but alas!, their scent upon his possessions penalizes him at -2 with wild or feral animals of all kinds.

      Rapid Shots: At 4th Level, the Yeoman may roll to hit twice per Round with a long bow or short bow. At 8th level, he may roll to hit thrice per Round with same.

      Any Yeoman can be ennobled and added to the household staff of a Baron or greater. He then earns 140 GPs per month and is no longer subject to taxation.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 24, 2017 9:02 am

      That’s funny he stole from you. What comment did he post on your blog that you removed?

  20. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2017 8:31 pm

    I know I promised not to post here again but isn’t that creepy?

    Who is that Scott Andersonson weirdo?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 23, 2017 10:11 pm

      Are we playing this weird storygame again where everyone is Kent ?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 23, 2017 11:16 pm

        Kunt.

    • If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
      October 24, 2017 12:49 am

      Scott’s version of the Yeoman is better. Less wordy and doesn’t have that baked in potato cunt stink.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      October 24, 2017 2:44 am

      Poster on Ruins of Murkhill. Frequent SJW-basher. Sadly, probably NOT the one who was an accessory to delusional murderer and VtM player Rod Ferrell, unless Florida has some extremely lenient rules concerning Internet access from prison cells.

  21. If I Were 30 Years Younger permalink
    October 24, 2017 12:40 am

    I am compiling a list of OSR luminaries that have committed heinous acts of sexual harassment and abuse. Please respond to this post with the offenders name and the abuse you survived.

  22. If I Were 30 Years Younger You Would Be In Deep Shit You Craddle-Robbing Bitch permalink
    October 24, 2017 1:24 am

    All of these concepts are new to me.

  23. Blow Job Hensley permalink
    October 24, 2017 10:20 am

    Paizo Con: The only thing I desire is peace and to be left alone to create.

    As the victim in this particular situation, I have watched in public silence as the world dissected my story and speculated as to the intimate details. I looked on and relived these events as people believed, disbelieved, defended me passionately, and cast doubt on the situation. I received many wonderful messages from those who were there or heard what happened, expressions of anger on my behalf and an outpouring of love. And yet I am heartbroken by what I see, not due to the event itself but that these same individuals, who aided me when I was in need, are being verbally assaulted and accused of less than exemplary behavior. So, despite being told that I in no way needed to by countless individuals on all sides of the event, I’ve chosen to speak. I’ve selected Paizo as my medium to do so to ensure that everyone can see my words.

    What happened at Paizo Con was not appropriate. The offensive behavior I dealt with from this person was very inappropriate, unwanted, and frankly a bit scary. However, Paizo’s staff did all they could to ensure I was safe, they made all the right offers to take care of the situation, and when I declined some of their suggestions they chose to protect me with their silence. Nearly every member of Paizo’s staff interacted with me in some way during these awful events. Many offered protection, others walked me to my room, spoke out on my behalf, held my hand while I was afraid, and even physically stepped in when the clearly inebriated individual in no way wanted to hear my “No thank you.”. In the end, Lisa Stevens herself shed tears alongside me as she heard my story. Her concern was genuine, her anger fierce, and at no point was there any disbelief. She passionately argued to be able to defend me and doesn’t deserve to be accused of doing anything less than her very best to protect me while I was in her “house”. Paizo made me feel welcome, believed in, and defended me in every way I would allow.

    No one tried to silence me, I silenced them.

    The individual who stalked me through the halls that day was far too drunk to drive, he had children staying at the convention, and I asked that he be allowed to leave when sober. I also requested the incident be kept as quiet as possible to protect his family. Additionally, several of my friends work at the very company this man represents, I didn’t want their professional lives impacted by a public scandal any more than I wanted anyone else’s to be. Members of Frog God Games checked in on me and handled their side of the mess as they saw fit. I protected others and I tried to protect myself. I’m a private person who’s survived far worse storms than what happened here and I simply wanted to resolve the issue for all involved and put it behind me before it resurfaced more traumatic events in my mind. We all have to choose what hills we die on. I didn’t feel the need to make this one mine. I work here. This industry is my life, it’s where my friends are, it’s my creative outlet; the place where I bring to life all the crazy ideas parading through my mind, and all I want to do is take my imagination out for a stroll and create games we all enjoy.

    I would like to extend my sincere appreciation to all the people who cared enough to stand up for me, walk beside me, and protect me from the public. I personally consider this matter closed and would prefer everyone else do so as well for the sake of my own privacy and personal sanity. – BJ Hensley

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      October 24, 2017 11:20 am

      Could someone translate that to English?

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        October 24, 2017 11:35 am

        Because it reads like *someone* told BJ she better write how it’s all her fault if she wants to keep working in the industry. Way to be classy Paizo!

      • Rash in Remballo permalink
        October 24, 2017 6:55 pm

        It was a cri de cœur from someone who was paid much $$$ to keep her mouth closed– and not just to keep Bill Webb’s Peyronie’s twisted pecker out of it but also to keep silent about Bent Bill’s rampage, and now has to give back the money, or have it “taken out in trade” because the secret is out. All because of Jessica “The Human Burdizzo” Price and Franky-Panky. Just not fair.

        She stayed silent for the sake of the children too, of course. BJ had to spare them the trauma. But she had no problem letting those children stay in the custody of a violent, aggressive drunk. Come to think of it, Did she create that Pædo-Bear Demon all the kids at RPG.net were palavering about? Yes, way to be classy Paizo.

  24. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 24, 2017 5:02 pm

    You can bet that none of these rapey shenanigans would have happened at Pollycon with coordinated armed undercover security teams roving the hallways and stationed at strategic access points.

    Code Blue! Possible Unauthorized Photography in Progress! Swarm! Swarm! Swarm!

    • bloodymage (official) permalink
      October 25, 2017 10:01 am

      Well, I am not a fan of rape and sex her ass men, but there gamers too I guess. :rollseyes:

    • Baclf permalink
      October 27, 2017 6:48 am

      It is said that a virgin, unclad and carrying a bag of gold, could stride from one end of Pollycon to the other, fearing neither ravishment nor brigandage.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:40 pm

        i would appreciate more gold laden naked young women strolling around conventions. it would offset all the smelly fat beards attempting to conceal their man boobs under 80s band tee shirts.

  25. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 25, 2017 10:07 am

    So RPG SJW frontman Black Hat Matt McFarland has been accused of raping a minor on RPGNet and had to resign as a mod. So where are all the SJWs now on his CHILL RPG Kickstarter page to call him out just like Skanky Franky Panky?

  26. Franky Panky permalink
    October 25, 2017 1:20 pm

    This is a private communication and is entirely protected by Privacy Law. If you reveal any of this content, My lawyers will sue you, right after they are done suing that troll Enema of the Behinder and that ex-cop 10-Car pile-up. I’m going to get Me some of his sweet, sweet, affiliate link money. And make him squeal like a pig.

    Now pay attention.
    Don’t mention Me in the same comment with Blackhead Matt. You’ll never work in this industry again if you do. I may be a creep with a thing for corn-fed mid-western beauties, two-legged and four-legged, but I am not a rapist. Teen-age girls are not My thing anyway. They’re always laughing at Me. Me! I am the author of the best selling version of D&D ever! Empyrea is the biggest pan-industry product in 30 years! Assholes.

    I can totally put the moves on some chick half My age, whenever I want to. It’s My right. Droit de Seigneur. I am a Prince after all. Why are people upset when I do?

    I don’t think My cheap chair is a throne. I know better.

    Okay, in private: My throne is made from porcelain. I spend a whole lot of time on it. Too much flour and not enough bran in My diet has stopped Me up tighter than that brazen strumpet JP’s vagina dentata.

    Yes, teeth.
    Little Franky a.k.a. “The Dragon’s Tail”, is AC -3. So, no danger to Me. I’m safe. Maybe I like it when pussy grabs back. You don’t get to judge My kink. I’m the Prince who wrote the global best seller Red-box D&D. E mpyrea is the biggest pan-industry product in 30 years! Cover art by Elmore, maps by Darlene, inane brain droppings by My wingman, Ed Greenwood.

    O what I wouldn’t give just to be able to take a proper crap, instead of irregularly squeezing out a couple of BBs. Me, The Prince, I’m going to end up like the King. Or worse, like My Empyrea kickstarter.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      October 25, 2017 4:00 pm

      Try the Squatty Potty, Franky Panky.

  27. Melan permalink
    October 25, 2017 9:37 pm

    REVIEW of RPGPUNDIT PRESENTS 1-3

    This was pretty cool in the days of Arduin, but today, most of us need more to be wowed.

    Altogether, it is hard to see what this series wants to bring to the table. It would work better as a series of blog posts, or perhaps in a collection, but even then, it doesn’t rise above the level of shovelware.

    No playtesters were credited in these supplements.

    Currently smoking: random tables

    Rating: ** / *****

  28. The Deliverator permalink
    October 26, 2017 7:14 pm

    I’m trying now to get my newly-launched FLGS, where I play D&D weekly, to adopt any sort of code of conduct / anti-harassment policies at all. I had a conversation with the manager last night and it did not go well. He was very unreceptive. But the idea was probably new to him and he did say he’d speak to the owners, so, we’ll see. But I’m not thrilled that both he and, AFAICT, both owners are cis abled white dudes.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 27, 2017 8:47 am

      I find this triggering.

  29. Dragonsfoot Editor permalink
    October 27, 2017 7:38 am

    Facebook is a goldmine of potential sitcom scripts. I love how people state that someone didn’t do something because that person never did it to them. Here, I’ll give it a try. Jeffrey Dahmer? Serial killer that ate people? Nah! That’s not true. He never killed and ate me. That is all fucking bullshit!

    Alexander Metzger on Facebook:

    First, I want to state unequivocally that I stand by and support Frank Mentzer. I believe that the accusations against him are false. These “allegations” have no real merit and have only been put forth to damage the reputation and re-emergence of an RPG industry legend. He never told me I was hot nor did he ever dry hump me when I stayed in his basement for that year where I had to sit in a pit and rub lotion over my fat fucking body.

    Second, If Ms. Price found Frank’s behavior to be so deplorable why did she sit on it for years before “addressing it”? This smacks more of vendetta and witch hunt than anything. Unfortunately for Frank, we are in the new witch hunt era, everything is sinister, everthing is interupted in the worst possible way so that the most amount of people can be pissed or have some bullshit feeling validated. Women need to understand that if you don’t report these incidents within 20 minutes, then you can never talk about them ever again. I don’t care if you have a puddle of Mentzer load on your stomach. You either report it immediately or shut the fuck up forever. I hate when women challenge men!

    • Son of Rachan permalink
      October 27, 2017 10:47 pm

      Alas, I am undone, you mischievous putto!

      Yet, revenge I shall have…

      Arise, Blooey! Arise, mine quaesitor invisiblis. Hie thee to Cormac’s Realm and plant thine (self-fertilizing) fundament upon HIS doorstep!

      PollyannaCon shall take root, varlet, I promise thee!

  30. Frank Mentzer permalink
    October 28, 2017 11:19 am

    Frank Mentzer
    October 27th 2017 at 10:53am

    President Bush touched a woman. He told a dirty joke in her presence. The woman then publicly accused him of sexual assault. Mr. Bush apologized. (non-partisan USA Today, link below.)

    Please do not let media trivialize a serious topic. Have zero tolerance. Come forward with any allegations of sexual harassment or assault. Report it to the police and take legal action against the perpetrator. I feel that Mr. Bush is wrong to touch others without their consent. And his dirty jokes offend others.

    I offer my sincere apologies to anyone offended by isolated incidents during my 37 years in the public eye, including the most recent. I stand proudly on my pattern of behavior and my character, including more than a decade of problem-free attendance at dozens of game conventions. I have never been accused of dirty jokes, obscenity or vulgarity, touching, or any repeat offense whatsoever.

    Last week I was accused over an event 2 years ago. (There may be reasons for the delay; don’t judge.) I was surprised by the news. Until that time I was completely unaware of a problem. But instead of seeking satisfaction, the accuser sought publicity on Twitter. Nobody representing the accuser has ever contacted me. I continue to obey the accuser’s wish expressed in 2015: to have no contact whatsoever. I have never violated that in spirit or deed. If any allege otherwise, I welcome facts and sunlight.

    Warning: all personal in this paragraph. Some advise me to strike back, but I have few resources and no skills in this area. I have been active on the internet for more than 25 years but I do not use it to attack individuals. I respect privacy and refuse to publicly release anything considered confidential by the recipient. I refuse to stockpile incidents for later use to attack those who disagree with me. I refuse to allow personal attacks on my Facebook page. I refuse to allow obscenity and vulgarity as well, because I respect the feelings of those who object to such. I will not abuse the internet as a means to control or destroy communication. I try to raise awareness of issues and stimulate conversation from all points of view, not just a select few. NB: the preceding describes me alone, and is in no way intended as criticism of others. I apologize for the posts of those who have made reprehensible personal attacks on others within a thread on this FB page. These vile and evil assaults must remain for all to see, because I have been threatened should I perform routine cleanup or apply my posted rules. Others may delete relevant evidence — one of my attackers confessed to this — but I do not. /end personal aside

    I refuse to strike back. I’m too mild-mannered, too old-fashioned polite. I don’t know how to weaponize the internet, and I don’t want to learn. I stand firmly for law and justice and oppose the vigilante actions, but I am unable to affect them or be heard above the roar. All I can do is continue to be polite and calm. I often make mistakes and I occasionally lose my temper, but I do my best, and am sorry that some find it insufficient.

    In closing I ask that you please consider the following.

    When attacked, some people have the urge to attack in response. If that applies to you, please try to overcome it and reach for truth, work for justice and progress, communicate, and discover solutions. You’ll be better for it. I was given no chance in this matter, but I still apply this and advocate it strongly. Please try.

    Good day, and have a great weekend!
    .
    President George H.W. Bush apologizes for sometimes patting women on the rear
    Woman accuses former president of improper touching; Bush apologizes for off-color joke and for sometimes patting women on the rear.
    usatoday.com

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/25/president-george-h-w-bush-apologizes-actress-who-alleged-improper-touching/797846001/

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 28, 2017 11:43 am

      you are still full of yourself and full of shit.

      when apologizing and coming home to jesus, it helps if you don’t squirt feces into the baptismal pool while being publicly dunked. all that passive aggressive “personal info” that paints you as a victim undermines your apology.

      “president bush did it too…i’m sorry anyone was offended by my actions (not sorry for my actions, just that someone was offended)…i’m a victim [here is a description of my virtue and victimhood…ten times more text than i spent on my sort-of-apology]…here is some advice on how you can be a better person.”

      you are a clueless, hypocritical, pompous asshole. it is evident every time you open your mouth. keep talking so we get an even clearer picture of what a fucking douche you are.

    • Franky Panky permalink
      October 28, 2017 1:26 pm

      I told you that I had been hacked. I’ve never seen this statement before. I know nothing of IT matters. How did JP and EoTB hack My computer again? I used that Fix Me Stick® device. My computer should be as clean as a whistle, unlike My colon. Alas, I’m still grunting out little raisins. So no, it doesn’t work as a suppository to fix Me, but it is shaped liked one. It’s not an unpleasant experience. Maybe I was inserting it wrong. I’ll try it again. IT confuses Me so much. How can I ever finish Empyrea — the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years? The biggest! — If My computation device is hacked? And everybody else is quitting the project…

      Bill Webb does good work. Maybe he’ll have some time for it soon. But not Blackhead Matt. I refuse to work with a child-rapist. I have standards. I’m a Prince. Do you think I could get funding from some of my fellow Princes, the ones in Nigeria? They email Me all the time. I have tried to reply, but I know nothing of IT, and so my responses are not properly sent. What about that Zak Smith fellow? I need an artist, and he lost his partner recently, StuPat? But No pornographic art. I don’t like that sort of thing, except Sutherland’s tracing of Miss May 1977 for the succubus illustration in the first Monster Manual. Darlene’s succubus illustration in the original DungeonMasters Guide was too flat and flabby. I like My corn-fed beauties well rounded and busty. Or with teats. And with a bit of Spunk. O Jessica, with the fire in your eyes, I was going to make you a Princess.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:27 pm

        someone’s hacked your facebook account, now, frank? must be those sneaky fucking russians.

        for your insertion issues, i think our boy billy-zee-dicksblood has something you can insert. can’t comment on its proportions, but he’s experienced.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 3:32 pm

        i see we have a pretender.

        you did well, pretender: i approve of the above message.

        secure in my identity, i remain,

        elrond hubbard

  31. Elrond Hubbard permalink
    October 28, 2017 11:42 am

    you are still full of yourself and full of shit.

    when apologizing and coming home to jesus, it helps if you don’t squirt feces into the baptismal pool while being publicly dunked. all that passive aggressive “personal info” that paints you as a victim undermines your apology.

    “president bush did it too…i’m sorry anyone was offended by my actions (not sorry for my actions, just that someone was offended)…i’m a victim [here is a description of my virtue and victimhood…ten times more text than i spent on my sort-of-apology]…here is some advice on how you can be a better person.”

    you are a clueless, hypocritical, pompous asshole. it is evident every time you open your mouth. keep talking so we get an even clearer picture of what a fucking douche you are.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 28, 2017 11:46 am

      fuck, i meant this as a reply to frank. wrong place.

      apparently as bad at this internet stuff as frank says he is, i remain,

      elrond hubbard

      • Arneson E. Van Vogt permalink
        October 28, 2017 11:08 pm

        You stole my ideas, faggot

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 28, 2017 11:29 pm

        what were these purloined ideas?

        dying of curiosity, i remain,

        elrond hubbard

      • Arneson E. Van Vogt permalink
        October 29, 2017 7:06 am

        20-sided Dienetics, Mister I’m-so-innocent. I’m going to sue for Rivendell, where all the Theta Queers hang out.

      • Elrond Hubbard permalink
        October 29, 2017 1:29 pm

        you have been declared a sp and fair game.

        revenimus,

        elrond hubbard

  32. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 29, 2017 2:06 pm

    yawn.

    • Elrond Hubbard permalink
      October 29, 2017 9:40 pm

      billy is bored?

  33. Landifarne permalink
    October 29, 2017 6:18 pm

    The shit-chute slowed down greatly, but you get a nugget like this every once in a while:

    Re: Mentzer & Webb

    “It’s not that they’re worse than rapists, is that they’re “rapists” even if not by legal definition, and doing such things over years with multiple instances is clearly worse than once.

    That is, ultimately one of the bigger problems. People treat, “have sex with me or I’ll ruin your career” as closer to, “if you have sex with me I’ll do you favors in this industry,” than, “have sex with me or I’ll physically hurt you.” When it should be the other way around. Coercing someone into having sex is sexual assault, not harassment, which puts it in the same category as rape.”

    – Heavy Arms

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?817741-RPG-Industry-sexual-harassment-Mentzer-abuse-and-what-do-we-do-about-it/page102

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      November 1, 2017 4:48 pm

      That colossal circle-jerk of a thread finally got shut down after 114 pages. Now they are working out an obligatory Code Of Conduct for discussing sexual harassment before allowing the blubbering to begin anew.

  34. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 1, 2017 11:20 am

    Can we get some more monsters with Frank’s head art please?

    I’d do it myself, but I’m too busy harassing the Mexican and Philippino chicks at my office (unlike those uppity white bitches they love it)

  35. tommy tippy permalink
    November 2, 2017 2:03 pm

    Cockballs, thought there was a second post inside 6 months there for a second
    https://yourdungeonissick.wordpress.com/

  36. November 2, 2017 4:12 pm

    So with Mercer cutting off Milo’s allowance, does Macris have a real job to go back to?

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 2, 2017 5:39 pm

      Autarch LLC. Where the REAL money is.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 2, 2017 6:37 pm

      Everybody say it, “The spice must flow!” Milo wasn’t good for the bottom line. Mercer’s had his fun, but being linked to a pro-pederasty bigot isn’t as fun as it seemed to be at first.

      It’s too bad Durr Hurr didn’t get in on this racket before Milo killed it. That ‘queer Eurotrash hate merchant’ gig would have paid more than his ‘failed grad student’ gig does.

  37. The Duffer Brothers permalink
    November 3, 2017 5:41 pm

    Sorry, Frankie Panky. We had the kids upgrade to Advanced Dungeons & Dragons in Season 2 because you are just too fucking dirty of an old man to be around the children you sick fuck!

    Also, we read your disgusting fan fic about raping Barb’s corpse! YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE ATE OUR CAT!!!!!!!!!

  38. Franky Panky permalink
    November 3, 2017 6:09 pm

    I frequent some of the lesser known, and thus inexpensive, Asian cuisine restaurants here in good Sharon, WI. It is entirely possible that I have eaten your cat. Probably with a nice Hoisin based marinade. Some dumplings too.

    Okay: We don’t have a feral cat problem. Anymore.

    You don’t suppose the once and future Princess Jessica rejected Me because of it, do you? I know she has cats. Lots of cats. I would never rub one of them the wrong way. Or eat one.
    Knowingly.

    She is going to die. Alone. In a seedy cat infested apartment.
    Only I, her Prince, can save her from such a dreadful fate. She still resists Me.

    The name is Franky Panky, not Frankie. Asshole. I do not appreciate the insult.

    If I find out your Realname you’ll have trouble registering for conventions and even buying game stuff by mail. You’re Troll.

    • The Duffer Brothers permalink
      November 3, 2017 6:41 pm

      You keep dreaming big, Frankie Panky. You are a has been. Scratch that. You are not a has been. YOU NEVER WERE!!!!!! We are the hottest thing in Hollywood right now and the BIG MONEY KEEPS ROLLING IN. Your small town Lake Geneva shithole bottom tier law school attornesy are going to get ASS RAPED by our BIG HUGE TEAM OF HOLLYWOOD JEW LAWYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      BTW How’s your Kickstarter doing? LOL! EPIC FAIL!

    • The Duffer Brothers permalink
      November 3, 2017 6:49 pm

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 4, 2017 4:18 pm

        You should have vanished, Troll. Now you’ll never get into any RPG Convention. Ever. You’re finished. Done. Toast. Don’t even try to get the USPS to deliver you anything RPG related. It won’t happen.

        Your cat was surprisingly tasty. It went well with a nice New Glarus Moon Man –https://newglarusbrewing.com/beers/ourbeers/beer/moon-man. Cat counts as ‘wild game’ under the food pairing.

        Do you want to know what the fortune cookie it came with said?

        Too bad. I won’t tell you.

        I had your cat’s pelt made into a hat. Like a Coonskin hat. With the tail. It makes Me look quite rakish.

        This is important: This –https://newglarusbrewing.com/beers/ourbeers/beer/raspberry-tart — is the beer I would serve my Princess, My Dulcinea… nay, My Wanda von Dunajew! The fair Jessica, since she is one Saucy Tart herself.

      • The Duffer Brothers permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:46 pm

        Well well well, Frankie Panky. You want to challenge the big boys? We are BIG HOLLYWOOD PRODUCERS. You are Time to Make the Donuts you crusty old minimum wage grocery chain baker! Here is what YOU LOSE when we call out our BIG GUN HOLLYWOOD LAWYERS, the JEWISH ONES this time!
        1.Sexual access to minors
        2. Kickstarter, IndieGoGo, and GoFundMe
        3. Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime
        4. All Hollywood Red Carpet Premieres
        5. Jewish Lawyers (the only good lawyers since they have no souls)
        6. EN World, RPGNet, Tenkar’s Tavern, and Dragonsfoot
        7. Your (pitiful) net salary
        8. Oxygen and water
        9. RPGNow and DriveThruRPG
        10. The last remnants of your pride and dignity
        YOU HAVE BEEN SERVED MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:48 pm

        Mr. Mentzer, I’ve always been in your corner, but Jews man. That shit is serious.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 5, 2017 2:18 pm

        These Hollywood Lawyers to which you refer have no time for Me. They are too busy suing, or defending, Weinstein, and Spacey and soon, Woody Allen. (How do you think he got that first name, Woody?)

        Your threats are sad and risible. Asshole.

        Now pay attention.

        1. I have no interest in minors. I prefer My females well-developed. Well fed. And a bit feisty, like the fair Jessica. I live in the Dairy State for good reason. I did write BECMI D&D for minors, specifically pre-schoolers. It is the best selling version of D&D ever.
        2. I have already forsaken Kickstarter as an inferior platform for My Genius.
        3. What are these things? Are they Computer related?
        4. Vin Diesel had already invited Me to be his guest of honor when his D&D movie premiers. I will also be a consultant for it, as soon as it gets funding.
        5. All lawyers are soul-less. What are Jews? I live in Wisconsin. We have Lutherans. Are they related?
        6. I’ve been forced to Threaten Tenkar with litigation. I shall settle for a portion of his affiliate link money. It will amount to a princely sum indeed, a few tens of dollars per annum. Dragonsfoot — troll infested hole– and I have parted ways. Acrimoniously. ENWorld welcomes Me, as always, for the Prince that I am. What is this RPG.Net? What is a .Net? Is this a computer thing?
        7. I’m retired. I draw no salary.
        8. This is senseless.
        9. I’ve never hear of these. Are these publishers? I should contact them. They will leap at the chance to publish Empyrea, the biggest pan-industry project in 30 years!
        10. Ha. Lorraine Williams took those from Me decades ago. She keeps them in a jar by her bedroom door. They are next to another jar with something of Gary’s in it.

        I won’t contact you again, ever.

        Goodbye asshole. You’re anti-Game Community, anti-Civilization. Go away.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 4, 2017 1:33 am

      FIRST BARB NOW BOB DID YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE TO KILL OFF BOB TOO?????
      Also, this was what Frank Mentzer made Kent wear at his AN(nu)AL Hallow e’en Party:
      http://www.yandy.com/Upside-Down-Honey-Costume.php

  39. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 3, 2017 6:29 pm

    Looks like China Mieville isn’t such a ‘woke’ bloke after all:

    He and Zak deserve each other.

    • November 3, 2017 10:35 pm

      An unsurprising revelation. Nice to see I’m not the only one that felt his writing was pretentious.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 4, 2017 11:44 am

        Zak S and China are part of the pseudo-intellectual man twat club.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      November 4, 2017 4:32 am

      But the people discussing this are on Tublr and therefore mentally ill. It is so hard to figure out who is the most unlikeable and who to laugh at the hardest in these cases. Need help 😦

      • Industry Insider permalink
        November 4, 2017 8:05 am

        My take:

        Neurotic, asexual thirty-something is wined and dined by bald, pretentious writer for a period of a year. Unbeknownst to said psychobitch, baldy is wining and dining half a dozen other lunatics [’cause, you know, rich dudes without real jobs can do that.]

        Takes a full year to finally get in her pants (first time she’s been laid), after which she goes full Fatal Attraction. He obtains a (predictable) restraining order and she claims she is “emotionally raped.”

        The End.

      • November 4, 2017 9:54 pm

        @PrinceofNothing: I’m defaulting to China because I don’t know enough about the average Tumblrina to make a better judgement call.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 5, 2017 12:20 pm

        China actually tapped that thing? Whew. I guess you don’t get to play all those years of DnD without learning a little bit about courage.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 4, 2017 11:42 am

      If you are one of the SJW “woke” crowd like Black Hat Matt McFarland, you can rape a minor, get called on it, and still see your Kickstarter successfully fund. Not one single comment from the SJW crowd to call him out as a rapist in the Kickstarter comments.

      @yourrpgisshit – you should look into this.

      • November 4, 2017 9:59 pm

        @Arneson’s Spectre: That’s just it: if you’re the “right” kind of rapist you can do whatever. The question is what exactly causes SJWs to turn on each other. I’m guessing it’s a certain combination of (perceived) fame or wealth. Matt can rape all he likes: it’s only AFTER he makes enough money and/or gets popular enough that they’ll turn on him.

        Anyway, gotta get back to my article on why Lamentations is shit.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 5, 2017 3:14 pm

        The usual sort of hypocrisy. The lumpencommentariat proved quite vociferous, after pages of pages of endless posturing and other sorts of the virtue-signalling and expressions of “concern”, in asserting that the victim/accuser must ALWAYS BE BELIEVED no matter what. Deep down, they really do not believe that one of their own could have done such a thing, and do not place much credibility in the anonymous accuser who appeared out of the blue (or purple) to make the accusation. However, appearances must be maintained. Thus Blackhead Matt is duly stripped of his moderator stripes and banned from posting, at least under the Blackhead Matt username.

        The lumpencommentariat also has “concern” for Mrs/Xrs. Blackhead, who also moderates at BPD, and is Blackhead Matt’s business partner. Harming the kickstarter would also harm her. That would be “problematic”, especially given the (as of yet) completely unverified nature of the accusations against Matt.

        Did I use all the correct buzzwords? I learned them from Jessica’s twitter feed. 😉

  40. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    November 4, 2017 8:17 am

    GUYS GUYS GUYS!
    TENKAR’S TURDSHACK SUCKDUNGEON IS HERE!!!
    http://www.rpgnow.com/product/225734/Under-Tenkars-Tavern-Levels-13

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 4, 2017 4:05 pm

      Once a boisterous and popular bar, Tenkar’s Tavern has recently become a place shrouded in mystery and despair.

      Ain’t that the truth!

      • November 4, 2017 9:52 pm

        Just minus the mystery.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 4, 2017 11:21 pm

        Hahaha it’s gonna suck so much. Good thing is it reminded me of Wererats of Relfren, which was quite an enjoyable cheese-centric adventure.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 5, 2017 4:14 pm

      ”Members of the kitchen staff have disappeared and have not returned in several days.”

      It’s a mission to save Sexy Lexi and the other fry cooks!

      • Al'eh-xi permalink
        November 6, 2017 9:55 am

        Fell down a flight of stairs today. Was carrying a hotel pan of sizzling hot tomato bisque in two hands, when another cook decided to fly up the stairs, his head down, because he was in a hurry. I stopped him, avoided the collision, then took a step to the right to let him pass. And then, when I took my next step, there was no stair there.

        I stumbled down, nailed myself several times on the left hand side with the metal railing as I struggled not to deadfall down the stairs. I kept the pan in my hands, half juggling it, until I was at the bottom, when I finally had to let go of it to grab the railing. The pan hit the floor, losing only one third of its contents – with bisque, you oven cook the tomatoes until they’re on the edge of burning, to bring out the flavor – but that meant tomatoes all over the floor, on the walls, on the ceiling.

        They found me in the blackness after three hours; found me crouching in the blackness over the plump, half-eaten body of Sgt. Tenkar, with my own cat leaping and tearing at my throat. Now they have blown up Tenkar’s Tavern, taken my Nigger-Man away from me, and shut me into this barred room at Queen Street with fearful whispers about my heredity and experiences. Webb is in the next room, but they prevent me from talking to him. They are trying, too, to suppress most of the facts concerning the tavern. When I speak of poor Tenkar they accuse me of a hideous thing, but they must know that I did not do it. They must know it was the rats; the slithering, scurrying rats whose scampering will never let me sleep; the daemon rats that race behind the padding in this room and beckon me down to greater horrors than I have ever known; the rats they can never hear; the rats, the rats in the walls.

  41. Frog Gode permalink
    November 4, 2017 11:18 pm

    Live from GameHole : Venger just boarded the Tenkar Train (get you hand behind me, Satan?).

    As an aside : Erik, no matter how many “e” you drop, no, you can’t man my booth.

  42. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 6, 2017 11:23 am

    WTF?

    Not too many weeks ago I looked at a Lexi post and in it he was declaring he would no longer be talking about his personal life. So it only took that time for him to be sharing his harrowing life at work making like Chris Farley as he stumbles over co-workers who barely acknowledge his very existence, careening over stair railings and spraying the joint down with tomato soup we can only hope he didn’t jack-off into (“fuckin’ old ladies always complaining about the soup not being salty enough! Oooh…yeaaaa…I got…yer…salt…here it cums…oh gawd…”).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 6, 2017 4:18 pm

      I thought DEM TITTIES would have broken his fall…

  43. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 6, 2017 7:41 pm

    That RPGnet sexual harassment circle-jerk thread is resurrected and in full swing. The first guy to bring up that pesky “Constitutional” idea about being innocent until proven guilty got banned right quick. Also Frankie is apparently now guilty of multiple counts of physical assault at some con or other. Hey, if it’s on the internet, it must be true! And if you are feeling disappointed that Pollycon never got off the ground you will be happy to learn that the good ol’ boys at NTRPGCon are packing plenty of heat (multiple weapons each) and will kick you out on your ass if you dare discuss religion or politics at the gaming table. Being a member of ISIS is OK, however. Just don’t interrupt your play session to pray to Allah.

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?818696-TX-Gaming-con-Sexual-Assault-rapists-terrorists-all-welcome-to-come-according-organizer

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2017 7:01 am

      That’s another instant-classic thread. These guys would have been at the first wave of Kristallnacht.

      I love this Critias faggot:

      “My real-life name is Russell Zimmerman. I do games for a living; I write tie-in fiction for established settings, I contribute to sourcebooks, I write whole sourcebooks, I wrote a PC game, I playtest, write adventures, yadda yadda yadda. I also live about twenty miles away from the North Texas RPG Con. I could not be more the target demographic for this organization, and could not be an easier scoop as a guest.

      I will not do so.”

      Does Russ really think he should qualify as a guest for NTRPGCon? Because they couldn’t be clearer that they are an old school con, and nothing on his highly polished resume even hints at old school. If you played 0e or 1e or 2e, or even S&W, LL, or (embarrassingly) LOTFAP, would the name Russell Zimmerman make you say, “Really?!?! Oh, Boy!”

      This guy’s self-deceptive arrogance is almost as bad as Lexi’s.

    • Landifarne permalink
      November 7, 2017 9:20 pm

      The assholes at rpg.net created the entire situation from scratch to extend their righteous indignation as far as possible and portray their methods as being justified. One of the first things they did in the original Mentzer/Webb thread was to attach the sexual harassment issue to NTRPG Con, as the Con had a “history of inviting Mentzer and Webb as Special Guests.” Not to any conventions that they actually sponsor, attend or run, but to a specific convention dedicated to traditional gaming. Within a few hours of the original thread opening it was all “Gee, I wonder what NTRPG Con’s response is?”

      This new thread is a complete, fabricated set-up, and I’m saddened to see new people get pulled into it, particularly a guy who has been battling cancer.

      Of course, while this new attack thread has been going on the moderators at rpg.net have shut down discussion on all of the harassment that came to light within their own community. Very classy, that.

      • Ursa George Artio permalink
        November 8, 2017 8:01 pm

        Again, the big point is that Mr. Rhea’s blustery hyper-masculine response and characterization of emails expressing concern as attacks make an environment that is hostile to reporting harassment.

        He is scary. If something happened, I wouldn’t want to go to him or say anything about it because I have learned to fear the hostility of defensive fragile hyper-masculinity and I know I am not alone in this.

        No wonder HE’S never seen it.

      • Landifarne permalink
        November 8, 2017 10:20 pm

        Ironic double posting there, and here…well played, sir!

        You’re going to need a sobriquet. I suggest Unka Frank or Unka Bill.

  44. Franky Panky permalink
    November 6, 2017 8:44 pm

    I assault no one. Liars. The Big Purple Dildo. Trollheim. Outside of their tiny niche, they are powerless. Impotent. They know this. It gnaws at them. It embitters them. Sayre’s law, or a corollary, applies here. They must vigorously and viciously defend their little bailiwick. Pitiful specimens.
    They can suck it. Because:

    FUNDED!
    [img]https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HMxhPUZ5hJY/WgBiB0ckeVI/AAAAAAAArHM/6J_JZL90zzE2vaqmS82-r8gYj7bWjrwXACLcBGAs/s1600/23261998_10159461725685858_1253062036_o.jpg[//img]
    The biggest, nay, GREATEST! pan-industry project ever!

    Yes. I did steal the screenshot from “Constable” Tenkar. Loser is on the AT&T network too.

    You will all pre-order it. It will be the highwater mark of the OSR movement. Dwimmermount will pale in comparison. All of those retro-clones. Ha! Only those which Empyrea supports will thrive. I am transformed from Prince to Emperor.

  45. Franky Panky permalink
    November 6, 2017 8:47 pm

    The Screenshot. maybe. Using computers is hard. I need to get my old Selectric out of storage.
    [img]https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HMxhPUZ5hJY/WgBiB0ckeVI/AAAAAAAArHM/6J_JZL90zzE2vaqmS82-r8gYj7bWjrwXACLcBGAs/s1600/23261998_10159461725685858_1253062036_o.jpg[/img]

  46. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 6, 2017 9:35 pm

    That reminds me, the renowned domain name Polyhedrongames.com is currently available for $1,400.

    Sigh!

    • bloodymage permalink
      November 7, 2017 10:07 am

      And I forgot to pay my Facebook bill. Again.
      Sigh 😦

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2017 7:04 am

      One neighbor who wished to keep his name out of the press posted that it was about ascending-vs-descending AC. Ronnie is a Non-Arnesonian descending guy.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 7, 2017 8:00 am

        “EVERY SINGLE COIN OF ENCUMBRANCE MUST BE ACCOUNTED FOR!!!”

  47. Timotheus permalink
    November 7, 2017 9:53 am

    Breaking Fucking News:

    Jeffblow has stepped down as Colostomy House Website Blog Editor-in-Chiefish:

    http://www.castaliahouse.com/farewell/

    Evidently with the runaway success of his Appendix N fetishization rehash and all the iron he is pumping, he is a Popular Man now and lacks the time to cut-n-paste onto their website sub-site.

    But at least he exposed the conspiracy against out-of-print fiction! Thanks, Jeffie!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 7, 2017 11:10 am

      I like how he thinks that rehashing the sort of reviews JMal crapped out every so often was a revolutionary act.

    • November 7, 2017 12:51 pm

      What happened, did he get a job?

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 7, 2017 3:57 pm

        A hand job from Oakes Spalding in the comments.

    • November 7, 2017 10:24 pm

      Appendix N was fucking garbage and Jeff is a fucking hack. He actually said shit like “early editions of D&D placed no restrictions on the intelligence of magic-user characters”, and claimed that the premise of obtaining most spells by defeating other wizards “…has not been explored overmuch in either fantasy or gaming.”

      Makes you wonder if he actually played older D&D at all.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2017 12:36 pm

        If directly fighting a wizard was the only way to get spells, it would get talked about. But you also find them in treasure hoards, trade for them, etc. So the Eureka! moment of pondering taken them off the smoking remains of a fallen wizard is pretty weak.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        November 8, 2017 5:40 pm

        I think a major stylistic shift between 1st and 2nd edition was that in 1st edition you gained XP either by killing monsters or by gaining treasure. In 2nd edition you only got it by killing monsters. So the focus of the game changed from occasionally trying to outwit monsters or sneak around their lairs avoiding them and stealing their treasure to simply charging in like a killing machine.

        Correct me if I’m wrong on that. I’m not a 2nd Ed. guy.

        One similar shift that happened in the RPGA tournaments was that originally teams of players would progress to the next round, so you had to work well together as a team. Later on, individual players would be voted to advance so the focus shifted from teamwork to being the best amateur thespian at the table. Who was in charge of that little decision? Thanks, Frankie Pankie!

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 8, 2017 10:14 pm

        You’re quite welcome Zarkon. It sounds like you will enjoy Empyrea immensely. Shall I put you in for 2 copies: One to use and one to keep ‘mint’?

        How did I fund it, you ask? Watch for an upcoming episode of that TV show, Shark Tank. (Yes, I made it onto TV. Take that, Stranger Things.) Mark Cuban practically offered to fellate Me right there on camera. I declined. The “Dragon’s Tail” is exclusively for My Lady Jessica.

        Appendix N was just a list of books Gary read. There is nothing sacred about it. That Jeffblo’s book is pretentious crap. And I can certainly recognize pretentious crap. I’m quite familiar with it.

      • November 9, 2017 10:57 am

        To clarify, Jeff is making a comparison with The Dying Earth, where wizards mostly had to fight/trade/steal with each other to get different spells. This is where he SOMEHOW claims that this “has not been explored overmuch in either fantasy or gaming”.

        In 2nd Edition the only way wizards got automatic spells was by being a specialist (I think one per level), otherwise you had to research them, or (the quickest/cheapest way) kill another magic user and take his shit. Also scrolls as treasure.

        In regards to the whole “early editions of D&D placed no restrictions on the intelligence of magic-user characters”, you had to have an Intelligence of 9 or higher to be a wizard at all, AND your Intelligence capped the highest level spells you could cast!

        So my question is what was Jeff doing that he somehow that was playing D&D?

    • Rob Kuntz permalink
      November 8, 2017 8:08 pm

      Leave it to the dumbed down “literati” of today to say that anything that is open-ended equates to no straight forward benefits. Talk about cognitive dissonance! You see, linearity in thought has been accepted as a cognitive equation for too long in education and thus its byproducts in every institution, including the game design “industry”. This perforce champions the A+B=C course of thinking (the shortest course between two points), the exact opposite of what was espoused in OD&D. The shortest course between two points is a contracted throughput which adheres to a production protocol in thought and application (i.e., what is constant and immediate). The genius of OD&D is that it can be sculpted to flow diametrically upward while denying the immediate and constant “medium” curve in thought and application, thus shattering the linear model that was a standard in the games industry for hundreds of years. Its persistent results are in a prolongated building of continual abstractions and information and thus its use has direct as well as indirect outcomes as well as a marked unpredictability which at the least creates more choices and at the most new thinking and cognitive angles for future application, material or philosophical. The extended use of such a system creates active cognitive growth whereas production is geared only to its cyclical results, rinse and repeat. This is what, in the larger societal view, the mainstay of our thinking today has become (linear, based upon immediate throughput) so it is no surprise seeing that quote pushed forward as having merit and the dissonance connected with it. I won’t be reading the article for obvious reasons.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2017 9:03 pm

        Now, THAT is what I call bafflegab! If Kuntz is such a paragon of cognitive ability, why is he a barely functional scrub rather than a Randian Übermensch?

  48. Ayn Rand, rape enthusiast permalink
    November 9, 2017 1:04 am

    She tried to tear herself away from him. The effort broke against his arms that had not felt it.
    Her fists beat against his shoulders, against his face. He moved one hand, took her two wrists, pinned them behind her, under his arm, wrenching her shoulder blades. She twisted
    her head back. She felt his lips on her breast. She tore herself free.
    She fell back against the dressing table, she stood crouching, her hands clasping the edge
    behind her, her eyes wide, colorless, shapeless in terror. He was laughing. There was the
    movement of laughter on his face, but no sound. Perhaps he had released her intentionally.
    He stood, his legs apart, his arms hanging at his sides, letting her be more sharply aware ofhis body across the space between them than she had been in his arms. She looked at the
    door behind him, he saw the first hint of movement, no more than a thought of leaping toward
    that door. He extended his arm, not touching her, and fell back. Her shoulders moved faintly,
    rising. He took a step forward and her shoulders fell. She huddled lower, closer to the table. He let her wait. Then he approached. He lifted her without effort. She let her teeth sink into is
    hand and felt blood on the tip of her tongue. He pulled her head back and he forced her mouth open against his.

    She fought like an animal. But she made no sound. She did not call for help. She heard the
    echoes of her blows in a gasp of his breath, and she knew that it was a gasp of pleasure. She reached for the lamp on the dressing table. He knocked the lamp out of her hand. The crystal burst to pieces in the darkness.

    He had thrown her down on the bed and she felt the blood beating in her throat, in her eyes,
    the hatred, the helpless terror in her blood. She felt the hatred and his hands; his hands
    moving over her body, the hands that broke granite. She fought in a last convulsion. Then the
    sudden pain shot up, through her body, to her throat, and she screamed. Then she lay still.
    It was an act that could be performed in tenderness, as a seal of love, or in contempt, as a
    symbol of humiliation and conquest. It could be the act of a lover or the act of a soldier
    violating an enemy woman. He did it as an act of scorn. Not as love, but as defilement. And
    this made her lie still and submit. One gesture of tenderness from him–and she would have
    remained cold, untouched by the thing done to her body. But the act of a master taking
    shameful, contemptuous possession of her was the kind of rapture she had wanted. Then she felt him shaking with the agony of a pleasure unbearable even to him, she knew that she had given that to him, that it came from her, from her body, and she bit her lips and she knew what he had wanted her to know.

    • Sexy Lexy, Advocate of Raping Pirates permalink
      November 9, 2017 2:26 am

      The moody, dangerous Pirate Captain heads down to the beach, bottle of ouzo in hand, mourning the loss of her dead husband, whom the party briefly knew and whom they buried. The player character watches her, well aware of how violent she can be, how deep her feelings – and though she’s been described by a male DM, the description is compelling, just like every description of a strong female character in a book or story written by a man has been since the dawn of time. And the player would like to do something. He’s interested in where events might go if somehow this NPC were induced to be more than just a momentary distraction, but an ally too. But how to approach her. She seems to disdain everyone and everything. But clearly she is filled with passion. What to do?

      Like any fighter girdling on a sword and stepping up to a lion, daring to face the thing in its lair, he marches forward and without any weapons at all. He knows she probably carries a dagger. He knows she’s murdered men before. But he wants to believe there’s more than that. He tells the DM he seizes her by the arm, and turns her around. He’s a fighter, he’s fifty pounds more than her, and the DM rolls a die. “I tell her to stop being stupid,” the player tells the DM. “I tell her she cannot mourn his death forever. She’s destroying herself with liquor and this endless sorrow. I shout at her, tell her to be alive now, to recognize that her dead husband would not want her to stay like this.”

      “She fights you,” says the DM, and the player realizes that her hand might in that moment reach for the dagger she has hidden. “I hold on tight.” The DM pronounces that the player is successful. The woman doesn’t speak, and asks if the player says anything else. The player, daring, says, “I tell her that her husband left her.” The DM rolls a die, says the woman breaks free and punches the fighter. He takes a point of damage. “DAMN YOU!” the woman says. The fighter doesn’t give in. “He gave you all he had and now he has left you. He’s left you here, alone, and you know that there’s nothing else he can give you!”

      A roll. The DM says the woman stands her ground, furious, trying with all her strength to hold herself together, but clearly she’s too overwhelmed to speak.

      The fighter says, “I speak to her very gently. I tell her she’s not alone. I tell her there are others here who won’t leave. Who will fight with you, win with you … and die WITH you. If you will open your eyes.”

      She looks at the fighter. The DM announces that she is overwhelmed. He says that the woman lifts a hand, half-heartedly, towards the fighter.

      The fighter responds, “I seize the hand. I use it to pull her tight against me. If she makes no protest, I kiss her hard. I make her understand I’ve meant every word.”

      The DM says she doesn’t fight. She gives in. She yields. The fighter says, “I press her down to the sand. I’m very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I’m willing to be there for her.”

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 9, 2017 7:17 pm

        “…I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I’m willing to be there for her. And that she can have some fries with it. Or some ‘Tomato Bisque’. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge…”

        A veritable Jacqueline Carey, this Alexis. She has potential for modest success by self-publishing in the pulp erotica genre.

        I can do a dramatic reading of her works for My Lady Jessica. That will thaw Milady’s heart. I will have My fun. Finally. Which is all that matters.

      • Ghost of a Pirate's Husband permalink
        November 10, 2017 6:09 pm

        THAT WAS SO HOT I EJACULATED MY ECTOPLASM ALL OVER THEM WHILE I WATCHED FROM THE ETHEREAL PLANE!

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 9, 2017 6:34 am

      X-card! X-CARD!!!!!!

    • Alexis Tao, Randian Fry Cook permalink
      November 9, 2017 5:15 pm

      “I press the Idaho russet to the hot oil. I’m very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want the potato to understand that this is not cooking, this is me caring for it. I want it to understand that I’m willing to be there for it.”

  49. Gary Gygax (OFFICIAL) permalink
    November 9, 2017 5:42 pm

    I’m glad I’m dead so you don’t find out I too sodomized 14 year old Corey Haim back in my Hollywood days! The boy pussy and cocaine was EVERYWHERE!

  50. Timotheus permalink
    November 9, 2017 7:53 pm

    Not sure what the fuck is really going on, but there is another rage fire on the big purple dildo,

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?819163-A-message-from-Green-Ronin-re-CA-Suleiman/page6

    This is about the place they (is that the correct pronoun for a bunch of candyasses?) all start turning on each other. This involves some writer of middle eastern origin hitting on chicks, and Green Ronin and the Horror Writers of America and c-list authors, and how it is all really a plot by the evil white dudes at ntrpgcon to deflect from the fact that they have had zero fatalities in their 9 years. Somebody says they can’t go on anymore because they don’t know anyone to trust (hint: get offline) and that fag Critias who wants to say no to being a guest at a convention he is unqualified for tells everyone to take care of themselves because the threads at rpgnet are heath endangering.

    Tough to believe these are not actors.

    • Franky Panky (Validated User) permalink
      November 9, 2017 9:27 pm

      Not actors, but most definitely drama queens. Amusing reactions to getting a strong dose of Reality. *Progressives* are not perfect. Gasp.

      Green Ronin, they of Blue Rose RPG? How could the SJW’s turn on them? First Paizo and now Green Ronin. Groupthink is fun. Bets on which “Virtuous and Woke” Game Publishing Co. will be next? These infants could use a good Reign of Terror. Cull the herd. At least smacks all around.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 10, 2017 8:20 am

        They turned on Paizo faster than Jesse Owens in Munich. Already rumblings about Onyx Path. Can Evil Hat be far behind? And then next week, Cam Banks.

        Kill them all, let Wundergeek sort them out.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 12, 2017 10:10 pm

        Green Ronin have been on the outs for a while now, ever since a “they don’t pay their fucking freelancers on time” storm a while back.

        Onyx Path… let’s see, is this “we didn’t pay David Hill on time and he ragequit tabletop development”, “we employ Ian ‘VonAether’ Watson and he creepily cozies up to anyone who looks like a big name in Fake Woke Gamer Circles”, or have they done something serious?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 10, 2017 1:52 am

      Not actors, just half-baked PJ. RPGnet is just one giant play-by-post metagame of Blue Rose, with hints of the Raft of the Medusa.

      • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
        November 12, 2017 10:10 pm

        Nailed it. Salut.

    • Landifarne permalink
      November 10, 2017 8:42 am

      The rpg-related portion of rpg.net is really has two foci: threads where 3E, 4E and 5E (and all the story-type game) GMs and players yap away about game concerns; threads where (supposed) woke individuals pretend that they are concerned about SJW issues.

      I say supposed and pretend because it became clear to me that their primary purpose is to belittle and denounce those aspects of gaming that do not serve to fatten their wallets. The numerous semi-employed, storygame-ish freelancers that drive their SJW discussions never fail to suggest that people attend a particular convention (which happens to employ them), a new source book (that they contributed to), or a certain blog (which they derive revenue from). Appelcline and his mods actively shut down discussions and threads which have the potential to hurt the site’s own revenue streams and which do not strengthen the in-group boundaries that they drew years ago. It’s all a load of hypocritical bull shit.

      Tenkar’s blatant pimping is tame in comparison.

  51. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    November 9, 2017 11:22 pm

    “We are gathered today to see these three girls on the verge of becoming women take their challenge and become full members of the clan,” the chief’s voice boomed out over the gathered crowd to rapturous applause and cheering. “They have come of age and now are ready to face their final test to take down a beast of their own choosing.”

    More cheering and praise boomed from the audience. I turned to look at the other two naked girls who stood before the crowd trying to cover themselves with their hands. Their bowed heads made them look like the children they were. I sneered at the pitiful way the two girls cowered before the chief not even able to look him in the eye. I may have been seen as a bit of a loose woman by some in the tribe but at least I was able to hold my head and stand naked before a horde of men and women without wilting under their scrutiny. There was no comparison between those two little girls and me. I had a better figure, was more muscular and much prettier than either of them. It was I who would become the chief’s woman when Cooland succeeded his father and through him rule the tribe.

    — Ravished by the Triceratops, Christie Sims

    • @wundergeek permalink
      November 10, 2017 1:59 am

      Just when I thought I was done with my Bigfoot obsession, you pull me back in ! Some days I can’t with you, cisdudes, I really can’t.

      • Franky Panky (Social Justice Prince & Validated User) permalink
        November 11, 2017 9:24 am

        Greetings, Wundergeek.

        First, congratulations of the success of your kickstarter, The Watch. I never considered that a timepiece, or chronometer, hehe, could be the subject of a RPG. How clever.

        An Offer:
        What Cons will you be attending in the near future? Perhaps we can “meet”? 😉 I believe that we would find one another’s company mutually, ahem, enjoyable? I am willing to share the “Dragon’s Tail” with you.

        An Expansion:
        Could you Persuade Jessica to attend too. I’m not sure how to pronounce it, but the French have this term…

        I’m 67, semi-retired, the author of the best selling version of D&D, baker extraordinaire, and not *looking*. Just offering.

      • @wundergeek permalink
        November 11, 2017 10:30 am

        Today is National Coming Out Day, and that’s great, but I’m just feeling grumpy about how my queerness isn’t “real” enough to come out abt

      • Wundergeek's Inner Child permalink
        November 11, 2017 4:12 pm

        Don’t be half-gay, go all the way!

        You’ll actually respect yourself.

        Well, maybe YOU won’t. And maybe nobody else will either.

        When will my that fucking daughter of yours stop begging for food and attention? I’m trying to MMO with my buds from high school here. We’re about to takedown the Male Gaze Cannons.

    • SparkleMotion permalink
      November 10, 2017 12:12 pm

      I’m feeling triggered here in all the right ways. Can someone roll d20 and tell me if I passed my SAN check?

    • OA,BD permalink
      November 10, 2017 7:32 pm

      Oscar Anderson Likes this.

  52. Timotheus permalink
    November 13, 2017 11:15 am

    Oakes Spalding has uncovered a fraud on the internets:

    http://saveversusallwands.blogspot.com.uy/2017/11/jacob-bos-of-5realms-is-troll-and-liar.html

    Moreover, it reveals how America is assaulting the Religious!

    The comments are gold, with that faggot Scott Anderson showing up to whine about the godless liberals opening a new front in their unholy war, Oakes fellating him, and arch-dumbass Matt Celis dropping another witty one-liner.

    • Oakes Spalding permalink
      November 13, 2017 2:29 pm

      Some Christians still believe D&D is anti-Christian. This has had some effect in dissuading Christians from playing D&D.

      But it has had absolutely no effect on the mainstream hobby or, say, current D&D (5th edition) as a product. On the other hand, SJW influence has greatly impacted current D&D. The fact, for example, that there is almost no “skin” whatsoever in illustrations of 5th edition classes, a phenomenon which reaches almost comical proportions, isn’t due to Christian puritanism but, rather, SJW intimidation. There’s ten times as much partial and near nudity in the statues and paintings at my church than in 5th edition D&D.

      • Franky Panky (Woke & Validated User) permalink
        November 13, 2017 8:37 pm

        The SJWs are not so intimidating. Good ol’ Tarnowski and Zakmeister both got to consult on 5E. Plus, look at the character options. Nothing for Genderfluid, non-binary etc… D&D 5E is still Patriarchy oriented and exclusionaryist to all but cishet males. It remains the same oppressionative perpetuation of cis-hetero-caucaso-fascist ideology that it has always been. I’m so ashamed to have been a part of it.
        Does that sound about right? I’ve been corresponding with the Wundergeek. She is trying to *awaken* Me. I intend to “let” her 😉 Whatever it takes to get a slice on the side. Do I have the talk down?

        Nota Bene: I am aware that I have lowered My standards. Considerably. The Wisconsin Winter is coming and Franky Panky wants to stay warm. Any port in a storm. Milady Jessica’s port is closed tighter than Madagascar’s in a pandemic.

        More:
        What the hell kind of name is Oakes anyway? Sounds suspicious to me. Frank. Tim. Gary. Jim. Tom. These are proper names. Oakes is a porno name. Think about it. Too many porno creeps in RPGs these days. Bad for the image.

        I have to admit that the Evangelicals were really good for sales, BITD. These SJWs, from what I hear, have no effect on sales. They don’t even like D&D, or RPGs anyway. Simpering Juvenile Wussies.

        Please.
        Don’t tell Wundergeek I wrote that last part.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 13, 2017 5:13 pm

      A very generous donation has been made to Planned Parenthood in Oakes Spalding’s name.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 13, 2017 5:14 pm

      Oakes is also absolutely right. I’ll be sending Roy Moore and Donald Trump to his house to have sex with his children as the Bible says they can.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 15, 2017 10:40 pm

      I suspect Oakes made Jacob Bos up, and created that blog and the social media profiles himself.

  53. @wundergeek permalink
    November 14, 2017 5:59 am

    Hey, tweeps. Just got back from a con, so let’s talk about con crushes and not being fucking creepy. (thread)
    Con crushes at RPG conventions are pretty common, especially when you play deeply emotionally affecting games. And that’s okay!
    I’m an ace person, and I get con crushes too – although mostly my crushes consist of being aflutter and wanting to talk lots.
    Even so! When you’re in convention headspace (ie no eating, sleeping, etc) – con crush feelings can be OVERWHELMING and hard to deal with.
    This is also okay! As long as you act like a fucking grownup and keep your hands and feelings to yourself.
    More specifically: DON’T tell them you want to fuck them. DO tell them you think they’re cool/exciting – ONLY if you can be low-key about it
    DON’T compliment them on their body. DO compliment an aspect of their appearance they clearly put effort into.
    When I’m just natural blonde, I get a lot of attention bc it’s so light and I’m just like “… thanks? My head pooped it like this.”
    Frex, compliment their hair style, or their winged eyeliner, or a particular distinctive item of clothing. Those are always safe.
    Also, using a friend as a feelings outlet is great. If you HAVE to tell someone about your feelings, tell a friend who can KEEP A SECRET.
    Seriously. Don’t try to engineer some game of telephone, hoping it will get back to your crush. That’s weird and creepy.
    It can be really fun swapping con crush feelings with a friend you know has your back! Safe outlets for crushfeels are great!
    DO walk up to your crush and talk to them if you see them not engaged in an event/game. DON’T follow them w/o permission if they leave.
    Lastly, DO NOT SEND THEM PICTURES OF YOUR JUNK. DON’T DO IT. EVER. OKAY? JESUS. [/thread]

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 14, 2017 6:46 am

      Wow, too much to unpack here. I guess she hit on some “concrush” and got turned down and is now trying to flip the script?

      With every tweet, I bet her husband feels prouder and stronger as both man and husband.

      This is a great bit: “DO compliment an aspect of their appearance they clearly put effort into.”
      I guess a subtle way to do this with Wundergeek is to ask her to the cafeteria for some deep-fried lard-coated cheese burgers smothered in gravy with a side of dorito-encrusted cheesecake?

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 14, 2017 7:37 am

        Forcing myself to go and read the actual tweets (and to think that some people do that every day – God!), it seems that the aspect she is refering to is that wonderful Toilet Duck Blue she dyed her hair with, to get rid of the one redeeming feature of her appearance : her “natural blonde” (“it’s so light !”).

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 14, 2017 10:43 am

        Ah, your reading comprehension/twiiter patience is superior to mine, Froggy.

        I still believe, however, she put a lot more effort into the mass she displaces than her blonde disposal regimen.

      • Franky Panky (Frightened & Validated User) permalink
        November 14, 2017 3:25 pm

        Confession:
        I’m Wundergeek’s Con Crush. We met up. She/Xe is such a drab, mousy thing. Pathetic really. Sad and depressing. I gave her a pity fuck. I am, as noted, a gentleman. Always willing to help the ladies, or reasonable facsimiles thereof.

        Well.
        She had her first orgasm. Ever.
        Now I cannot get rid of her/xer.

        Does anybody have China Mieville’s contact information. He seems to have endured something similar with this “Bidisha”. I could use some advice.

        Also, that photo she sent, the one of her ‘junk’?
        Ewww. Serious ‘wizard sleeve’. I suspect it produces a terrible whistling sound in a strong breeze. I’m sstill nauseous.
        Good thing the hotel room at the con was dark.
        I destroyed My phone that had the image on it. Image deletion was not enough.

        How’s that new iPhone?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 16, 2017 8:38 am

        If wundergeek ever confessed to me I was hir con crush, I would report hir for sexual harassment to the con organizer. The one with the gun. #nofatchicks

  54. Robrt cOnly permalink
    November 14, 2017 9:45 pm

    Jim Raggi is very consistent in the weird horror tone of Death Frost Doom. It is steeped in the same vibe that infuses the work of Bierce, Chambers, and Lovecraft. If I encountered this module I would quickly enter into what I would call “Call of Cthulu” I would assume that everything is out to fuck me because it all infused in whatever magic/thing that “man is not supposed to know”.

    A room choked with vines where the updraft through the foliage creates an eerie song that otherwise doesn’t do anything else definitely something that fall into “don’t fuck with it unless you know more” category.

    My initial criticism of this portion of the module is that no where is there anything written that explains how the players can learn more. However when I read it again, Raggi does mention that a simple Speak with Plant spell will work to allow passage through the vines. It not a stretch to think that if you ask the vines what it doing with the song that the party can learn more.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      November 15, 2017 7:02 pm

      No module actually says no druids allowed!!!! They fuck the module!!!!

  55. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 15, 2017 10:38 pm

    This guy should be guest of honor at North Texas RPG Con.

    He’s not the hero America needs, but he’s the hero America deserves.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 16, 2017 3:46 pm

      “Porn Mag Girdle” is the new Chainmail Bikini.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 16, 2017 8:31 pm

        ‘Hustler’ haramaki…

      • November 16, 2017 10:40 pm

        No encumbrance, yet the enemy’s jizz keeps lowering your AC during the fight. Genius.

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