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“Excuse me, but did you just ASSUME my anal circumference potential?!?!?”

November 15, 2018

Recruiting for a new play-by-post campaign, this will be a Vornheim city-crawl using the F.A.T.A.L. rule set and with custom classes drawn from Brony fandom. Apply in the comments section with a one-sentence bio for your character and roll your own areola diameter + hue.

 

49 Comments leave one →
  1. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    November 15, 2018 4:09 pm

    Welcome back home YDIS! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. Timotheus permalink
    November 15, 2018 4:22 pm

    Slitch Thundertress is a fundamentalist trans with a hoof fetish and lasagna addiction. 4cm – jale. Desired class – Civil Grievance Chancellor.

  3. rasputin permalink
    November 15, 2018 4:28 pm

    i bring you gifts

    http://vengersatanis.blogspot.com/2018/11/vs-is-no-longer-human.html

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 15, 2018 4:39 pm

      Here’s your problem, enumerated in a previous post: As the RPGpundit has taught me over the years, these people cannot be left alone.

      I just think it’s funny that a self-proclaimed ‘weird’ edgelord would end up having the same hangups as a fundamentalist evangelical preacher. How soon before he declares himself ‘born again’ and starts wearing a 3:16 T-shirt?

  4. Franky Panky permalink
    November 15, 2018 4:35 pm

    I intend to wait and see who else joins. I am particular about whom I game with these days. There are some truly skeevy people in the RPG *community*.

    Ah, my white van is repaired. And the shag carpet interior nicely steam cleaned. Some stains are nearly impossible to remove. And they show up too easily under a UV light.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 15, 2018 4:40 pm

      Bad luck, Franky, BOTE has already been named our caller.

      • Franky Panky permalink
        November 15, 2018 9:34 pm

        That’s fine. I’ll play a thief, and stab his PC in the back. No more Mr. Nice Guy here. I’ll use poison too. Then I’ll take his stuff, although I don’t expect the Oafish Bote to have much of value. Let’s see, a used sleeping bag, a threadbare and strangely stained Rainbow Dash plushie, and an old Lovin’ Spoonful LP. The sum total of all the worldly possessions, of any value, that the Oafish Bote has accumulated.

        Yes, I remember My arguments about thieves on Dragoonsfart. To hell with those.

        Are we allowed to invite past-their-prime pr0n starlets to join the group, especially those who wear the pointy ears? Asking for a friend. How about SJW’s of indeterminate *gender*?

  5. November 16, 2018 8:47 am

    That Venger guy keeps stealing my _shtick_ and needs to be moderated within an inch of his life, preferably with a “long spoon” (Horse Dildo.) Where are the mods!

  6. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 16, 2018 10:48 am

    Like an inverted christmas miracle. Zak has taken his bal and gone home along with the degenerate half-human swamp creature known as Kiel Chenier, swearing a pox upon Lamentations of the Flame Princess. Raggi has dared to pose on a picture with the evil alt-right demagogue Jordan Peterson. The OSR is in flames. The left is baying for blood. People are retreating. Pundit’s video quality is awful. The People need your guidance! Arise Dark One! And spread the dread of your Unhallowed rebirth!

    http://therpgpundit.blogspot.com/2018/11/sjws-attack-lefty-d-publisher-for.html

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      November 16, 2018 10:55 am

      Uh shit. Yellow Jarlaxe. Retired-porn Za’akir. androgene with a specialization in 4 genders (oblique rotation).5 cm (Magenta).

    • Franky Panky permalink
      November 16, 2018 10:58 am

      Kiel Chenier is Canadian. So too is that Jordan Peterson. And Pundejo. And Ed Greenwood, come to think of it. Orange Man wants to build a wall on the wrong border.

  7. Venger permalink
    November 16, 2018 3:45 pm

    Not that I have to explain myself to you or anyone, but my transitioning into za’akier is legit. Also, fuck you, asshole!

    • Anne Cunter permalink
      November 16, 2018 3:50 pm

      To take someone seriously when they tell you they’re trans-species is to wrongly accord good faith to someone who is obviously acting in bad faith and trolling you, and it’s to take seriously their claim that an imaginary joke identity, adopted in jest, dropped after 5 minutes, is equally as “real” and deserves equal respect (ie, none, in their view) to a transgender identity.

      So while I can see the appeal of trying say “look, I’ll show you how easy it is to respect someone’s identity,” unfortunately, trying to do that accepts and reinforces their premise that their joke and my existence have equal validity and equal worth.

    • Heavy Brown Trans permalink
      November 16, 2018 3:57 pm

      You’re a fucking honkey. Accept it.

    • Cavin DeWhordy permalink
      November 16, 2018 4:06 pm

      I support VS in his transition. If you disagree, you are worse than Hitler.

  8. November 16, 2018 6:51 pm

    Areola hue advantages/disadvantages — Jale: When attacked from front and nipples bared, 25% chance to reflect spells back at caster, however you are the subject of relentless pursuit by exotic nipple trophy hunters // Magenta: May heal up to 6hp/day nursing self or others (10 min = 1hp), however multiply all non-shield armor costs x2 to represent added cost of fur lining to reduce chafing.

  9. Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
    November 18, 2018 12:58 am

    I refuse to countenance any game system involving quadratic equations. I am already a Poet; if I were to be a Mathematician as well I’d be in terrible danger of becoming Kent, and the world cannot stand such horrors as two of him.

    Fortunately, as the recipient of a modern Humanities degree I am competent in nothing more complex than the intellectual dead end of postmodern critical theory (nothing is true, everything is permissible, trouble the concept and we must debate this), and can’t even handle numbers on my dice any more. Colours and symbols, that’s what we like in FWWW town. But not those Fantasy Flight games where there are different kinds of dice and symbols. Too much, too hard, too soon, which is oddly enough what my LARP group said to me the other night.

  10. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 18, 2018 6:35 pm

    Brony fandom, eh? Okay, here goes- Boscolmbe Bumblechunder is a 1st Level Megaloclopper. Areola diameter + hue: N/A, character is in possession of, and possessed by, the Nips of Vecna.

  11. November 19, 2018 4:02 pm

    For the consideration of the court: mindless bickering between Zak and some nobody.
    https://imgur.com/a/5iDsEdS

    • Frank Sabbath permalink
      November 21, 2018 5:41 am

      I formally request you stop interacting with me in my absence. I can post evidence without a postman ever coming to your house ever again and I would If only I could stop thinking about langoustes now (they are so damn delicious).

  12. Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle permalink
    November 19, 2018 11:35 pm

    Exactly how many hours/days do you imagine Pundit has dedicated to pouring over the Ars Goetia, trying to decide which demon to invoke in his revenge upon Stuart Robertson? Less or more than the hours he clearly spent slaving away on his rainbow atrocity of an alternate OSR logo?

    Perhaps the better question is why Pundy still insists upon not filming himself, aiming his camera at random books, feral cats and jars of what one can only assume is some manner of ointment. It’s terribly confusing seeing as how he films himself while giving Wikipedia quality rundowns of whatever “esoterica” he thinks we can impress the rubes with on his Swamiji Nisarg account:

    Actually, maybe the best question is why middle aged guys with thinning hair think that they can use Jack Lord’s hairstyle to fool anyone.

  13. November 23, 2018 8:35 am

    i don’t give two shits about the OSR but I love this site. What the fuck is wrong with me?

    • Satine Phoenix's Unswallowed Jizz Baby permalink
      November 23, 2018 10:49 am

      The problem is you take two shits. I avoid “picking up a spare” by having oatmeal and an apple early in the day. Also, avoid Mexican food.

    • Fake Woke White Wolf permalink
      November 24, 2018 12:14 am

      You find elderly nerds and hyperaggressive keyboard warriors who care too much about D&D amusing, and that is as it should be.

  14. OSRitalin permalink
    November 27, 2018 8:56 pm

    However vast the anal citcumference, it’s going to pale next to Venger’s after this reaming:

    http://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?p=4545

    For extra bonus carnage, see V’s attempt at rebutting Bryce in the comments.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 28, 2018 2:53 pm

      Wasn’t Vengie about to announce his retirement from the blOwSR? He should have followed through.

      But then, he certainly wouldn’t have gotten the outpouring of support that he did when he announced he was coming out as a cthulhu abortion.

      Does anybody besides Bryce buy his crap?

    • Franky Panky permalink
      November 28, 2018 3:16 pm

      For more carnage, read between the lines here, http://vengersatanis.blogspot.com/2018/11/the-search-begins.html Vin’e’gar’s little trans post has apparently cost him some of his talent. Well, his hired talent. The content of his *product* — buy some already — speaks about his own personal talent. Me, author of the best selling D&D ever, he ain’t. I crap bigger than he does. So apparently does this Zak fellow he mentions, although probably for entire different, and job-related, reasons.

      Vin’e’gar’s @yahoo.com business email sums things up nicely.

      I think that I need to speak with some of my state government contacts and see if I can get Vin’e’gar banished from the Great State of Wisconsin. Maybe to Illinois.

      • OSRitalin permalink
        November 29, 2018 9:35 am

        Crhulhu Christ, that’s more telling than the previous post wherein he desperately promotes his own reviews.

        Now I’m on the gory cusp between amusement and pity for Anton LaVey’s spawn here. Can nobody love an edgy manbaby? C’mon, America, we elected one President!

  15. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 29, 2018 9:34 pm

    F.A.T.A.L. ruleset for reference (old school first edition):

    https://web.archive.org/web/20030420125511/http://hyperbooks.com:80/fatal/fatal.pdf

    Regarding Vengie, I wish zul the best of luck in zal transition and hope za’a is happy being who za’a is.

  16. Satine Phoenix's Future Regrets permalink
    December 1, 2018 12:37 pm

    tao-dnd.blogspot.com/

    I know the first and foremost humorous thing about this dillhole is the fact he fancies himself some kind of D&D professor.

    But Christ on a cracker, these most recent posts seem to reduce the most basic, no-duh D&D concepts to the most boring classes you had in college.

    Does Lexi even have a following any more? He no longer seems to even have comments. It’s like some retired or fired college prof going into an empty classroom and lecturing to nobody. Except me I guess, but I’m the student cutting loud, sour farts and spitting sunflower seed shells on the ground.

  17. jW e permalink
    December 2, 2018 6:46 pm

    Polyqueer Transracial Zaksabbathkin

    My anus is huge since I like to put my head up there when I’m not Googling my name or trying to intellectually dominate emotionally-stunted old men from the Midwest who post chemtrail videos and casual racism on their Facebook walls. My only ability scores are an 18 in Pedantry and Birdchest. My only gear is my high school DM notes that I repackage as boutique adventure modules and sell to retards who unironically wear pro wrestling t shirts.

  18. Timotheus permalink
    December 3, 2018 3:38 pm

    Hey guys,

    I think we can get the blOwSR jump-started by teaming up and pushing shovelwar- er, I mean, product. And I found the perfect vehicle.

    https://www.hugedomains.com/domain_profile.cfm?d=worldsofempyrea&e=com

    The domain for WorldsOfEmpyrea.com is only $2700. Think of all that storied history that cause sausage fanatics like BOTE to tremble. We’ll get content from Malijzeswki and Alexis and COnly and we’ll take the movement to heights it hasn’t seen since Dimmermount and I Run With Scissors.

    We’ll get modules and books full of d30 random tables, all based in this classic setting lifted from the Wilderlands.

    We can do this.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      December 3, 2018 9:02 pm

      I would prefer Polyhedrongames.com but it’s currently trending at $4,000-5,000. TheReliquary.net seems to be available for $10-20 bucks though and that was always Blooey’s best site in my opinion. Could we get enough groundswell support to buy it? I’d chip in, oh, maybe a quarter.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 4, 2018 9:33 pm

        I think we have to shoot the moon and get control of Polyhedron… ‘Reliquary Eggs’ just don’t sound as, uhhhh, intriguing as Poly Eggs.

        Make Golanda Stink Again

  19. PrinceofNothing permalink
    December 4, 2018 9:42 am

    In honour of your rebirth I figured I’d write another review: https://princeofnothingblogs.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/review-horse-fondlers-of-greater-aione-lotfp-3pp-all-that-matters/

    • Satine Phoenix's Future Regrets permalink
      December 4, 2018 5:51 pm

      Well done.

      You’re pretty well spoken for a black guy.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        December 5, 2018 9:33 am

        Bait.

  20. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    December 4, 2018 8:44 pm

    Speaking of black guys, it seems that Call of Cthulhu’s 7th edition version of Masks of Nyarlathotep changed NPC Jackson Elias into one because, well, just because I guess. Take that Whitey! So now we have Affirmative Action in roleplaying games, taking jobs away from imaginary characters? Kiss my privileged pasty-white butt Chaosium! I’ve read Howie’s stories. When I play Call of Cthulhu I expect to have barefoot little brown people toting my luggage and calling me Effendi. If I can’t have the dirty wogs doing some step ‘n fetch while I enjoy a chilled cocktail then what’s the point of playing in the 1920’s anyway?

    • Satine Phoenix's Future Regrets permalink
      December 7, 2018 1:00 pm

      HPL hated them uppity nig nogs. But I did hear he liked to get off during his marriage by finding a bunch of bare-footed, ciggy smoking Shwoogies playing craps on the street corner and having them come over to pork his wife. Go figure!

  21. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 9, 2018 6:27 pm

    Damn, I’ve been remiss… Kent’s boyfriend is in a bit of a pickle:

    https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/dec/03/milo-yiannopoulos-more-than-2m-in-debt-australian-promoters-documents-show

    Looks like Macris knows just how to pick the griftiest scam artists on the planet. So much for another meal ticket…

    My favorite part is how Yianno spent John C. Wright’s mortgage money on rent boys:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DtYxyldUcAAZYLG.jpg:large

  22. Timotheus permalink
    December 14, 2018 3:06 pm

    Stop the god damn presses!

    EVERY marginalized person who attends GaryCon is in GREAT DANGER!

    http://www.contessa.rocks/blog/founders-forum-boycott-gary-con

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 14, 2018 4:08 pm

      Can’t Sergeant Tenkar keep the peace at the con? Oh, he works for Webb? There goes that plan…

    • December 14, 2018 5:30 pm

      Find another convention to meet at… unless you’re telling us your friends are more important than the safety of every marginalized person who attends. You’re not saying that, are you?

      • Franky Panky permalink
        December 14, 2018 5:37 pm

        I am saying that. Of course My friends are more important to Me than strangers. I’ll see all My friends at GaryCon. I won’t see you there, Stacy, apparently. That is a good thing. The sight of you churns My stomach. Kask won’t see you either. That is a very good thing, for you. He would so run you over with his deathmobile. Heck, I’d point you out to him. Heck, I’d throw you in front of his Scooter o’ Doom, you tedious harridan.

        Prediction: GaryCon 2019 will have the largest attendance ever.

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 14, 2018 8:30 pm

      I’m no fan of Webb, and he was a drunk asshole to that BJ chick, but the notion that he poses a grave danger to everyone who is not a white male, and everyone will stand around and watch, is stupid at best. Sadly, I think there is more than mere stupidity in Stacy’s perspective.

      Release the Kask!

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