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Open Letter to the OSR + Story Gamers (Inclusion MEGAThread)

July 27, 2016

Hey guys, sorry for the long wait between posts. I’m glad I took a little time off though because recent hubbubs have really made me start to think about building bridges instead of walls. There’s a lot going back and forth right now between OSR people and storygamers (so far the legitimate cosplayers and LARPers have stayed on the sidelines).

I’m an OSR guy but I’ve been lurking Tumblr for a couple days now to get a sense of how the other side thinks. And guess what, guys? They’re not so different from you and me. They like to use their imaginations to play games, just like we do.

So how about we start building some bridges right here? I’m going to start a play-by-post OSR game here on the ol’ blog and everyone’s invited! This is a chance for the OSR people to meet some story gamers, and for the story gamers to see we’re not all a bunch of jerks like Zak S. or Pundit or Scott Driver. Or Varg.

I want to give everyone a chance to tell THEIR STORY within this game, so there will be many chargen options available. Let’s start simple: if you are interested in playing, please browse the following tables and reply with your character race, class, gender identity, ableism context and religion. Thank you and I look forward to a real opportunity to meet new people, build bridges and HAVE SOME FUN!

Race options:

  • Human
  • Dwarf
  • Elf
  • Half-Human
  • Centaur
  • Candy Corn Teifling
  • Hobbit
  • Irish
  • Beholder
  • Gnoblar
  • Robo-Machine

Class options:

  • Fighting-Man
  • Fighting-Other
  • Magic User
  • Thief-Acrobat
  • Cleric
  • Rune Warlock

Gender identity options:

  • Male
  • Female
  • Queer [specify subspecies in brackets for +5% EXP bonus]
  • Trans
  • Neutrois
  • Cuck
  • Cislunar
  • Genderfluid
  • Vagiantess
  • Gymnosperm
  • Bromosexual
  • Tinglesexual (added, thank you Bigby’s Fist)

(Let me know if I missed anything, I’m still new to this!)

Ableism context:

  • Able
  • Differently able [specify mutation in brackets, e.g. wheelchair, hearing/sight disinvolved, third nipple, acid blood, Mongoloid-abled, Libertarian, etc.]

Religion:

  • Cthulhu
  • Scientology
  • Viking

(I’m only allowing 3 religions because I’m creating custom lists of cleric spells and I just don’t have time to make separate lists for Christians, Jewishers, Muslims, Aum Shinrikyo, etc.)

cismale bridgebuilders

 

696 Comments leave one →
  1. July 27, 2016 6:25 pm

    Venger Satanas stole my thing! FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM
    I was supposed to be the spooky facial hair in the OSR
    He waltzes in and thinks he can broker some kind of DEAL?
    FUCK

  2. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 27, 2016 6:32 pm

    I don’t see Cleric-Thief as an option. I am being marginalized to the point of negation!!!

  3. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    July 27, 2016 8:16 pm

    How many henchmen can I have with an 18 Charisma? I want to be a Priest-King of Gor with 4 chained slave-girls. I’ll go ahead and get things started:

    Slave-girl #3: Take me, Master.
    Priest-King Zarkon: I don’t take orders from slaves.

  4. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 27, 2016 8:22 pm

    OT… I just listened to Kent’s podcast:

    https://yourdungeonissuck.wordpress.com/2016/02/04/did-he-officially-die-or-something/#comment-33332

    What the fuck was up with that whisper? Was he afraid his mom would catch him? And the redundancy… I lost count of how many times he said “DM”. I’ve long maintained that Kent was a dimbulb, but before tonight I would have rated his cranial capacity as “australopithecine”. Now I’d rate it as “stegosaurian”… Kent must have a ‘second brain’ (to be accurate, a big nerve ganglion) at the base of his spine to operate his rectum.

    For the record, the Kentrosaurus had one of the smallest brains in relation to body size. When Edwin Hennig named the type specimen, he must have had a premonition.

  5. Oscar A, BD permalink
    July 27, 2016 10:09 pm

    Irish; Cleric; Bronysexual; Diff. Able [stumbling drunkard]; Scientologist

    Clarification, please, on:

    Narrative Control
    X Card Slots
    Proficiency Slots
    Wpn vs. AC Modifier

  6. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 27, 2016 11:06 pm

    I propose the following additions to Gender Identity:

    Hermaphrokent

    Tinglesexual

  7. Kent permalink
    July 27, 2016 11:19 pm

    I am most often asked for updates to entries on my Intelligence Scale but the truth is while measures might become more precise as further information comes in, intelligence is a stable attribute fixed early in life.

    The second most often asked question I receive is,

    “Hi Kent! Love your Intelligence Scale. Is it possible that **Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist** rating could fall below 1/100? 1/100 is extremely rare. It is kinda funny that a douchebag like that is also the dumbest guy in the OSR.”

    Thank you for your questions. Yes, in my research, even in comic books like **The Beano** I could not find characters that rate below a 1/10. The fact that **Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist** is also a douchebag is different because he was not born that way but grew into the role actively and voluntarily.

    Beano Comic — https://goo.gl/QVPd7j

    =====================
    =====================

    For your scrutiny, I present again

    =====================
    Kent Intelligence Scale
    =================
    1/100
    Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist

    1/10
    FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN

    2/10
    Arneson’s Spectre

    2/10
    Chris Roberts aka YDIS

    3/10
    James Raggi aka LotFP

    5/10
    Zak Smith

    5/10
    Geoffrey McKinney

    6/10
    Melan aka Gabor Lux

    3/10
    T. Foster

    3/10
    James Maliszewski

    2/10
    Bryce Lynch (atomic reviewer)

    3.5/10
    Scott Driver

    4/10
    Nagora

    4/10
    Noisms

    4/10
    Patrick Stuart aka false patrick

    3/10
    Kellri

    3/10
    Falconer

    1.314/10
    –typical Knights and Knaves member

    1.453/10
    –typical Odd74 member

    1.765/10
    –typical Dragonsfoot member
    =====================
    =====================

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 27, 2016 11:41 pm

      Ahh… the Whisper in Dorkness. When the Mi-Go took Kent off-planet, they put his ass in the cylinder by mistake.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 28, 2016 3:37 am

      I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out the irony of Kent responding to accusations of redundancy by trotting out the same cretinous joke for the umpteenth time. I doubt the Whisperer in Dorkness could come up with something original even if Raggi offered him a tun of cheap whisky and a Geoffrey-abducted catamite.

      Another “own goal”, brought to you by Kent, the Original Unoriginal.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        July 28, 2016 12:00 pm

        He does it so he can hurt me by leaving me out of it. Or maybe he leaves me out because he’s afraid I’ll hurt HIM with sincere suicide suggestions that cut too close to the quick?

    • July 28, 2016 5:20 am

      “I am most often asked for updates to entries on my Intelligence Scale…”

      … by whom? Surely not anyone here.

    • bryce0lynch permalink
      July 29, 2016 3:46 pm

      I’m still a 2/10? Fuck.

      • Kent permalink
        July 29, 2016 6:49 pm

        If you reviewed some Jaquays and Melan stuff and WG4 Tharizdun and Embertrees/Starstone with judgement, that is came to the same conclusions I do, then your rating could bump up to 3.5/10 or thereabouts.

        Or, even if you explained why reviewing mountains of shit is more important than analysing a few classic works as best you can, that might be worth a slight bump.

        ====The best Melan stuff, which is the best the OSR has offered so far and the clearest insight into his thoughts on D&D is found in his campaign journals on Dragonsfoot and not in his modules.

      • July 30, 2016 2:43 pm

        Link, please.

    • Kent permalink
      July 29, 2016 7:26 pm

      Scott’s response to my comment here drops him to a 2.5/10, barely above the average for a forum dweller. This has long been coming and reluctant on my part because I like Scott and think he is a cool guy and handsome guy for an american hipster. However Scott doesn’t have a firm grasp on how smart he is and this makes him lazy and dull like a well-frocked flabby creamcake fed aristocrat who thinks she is a beautiful dancer.

      https://cyclopeana.wordpress.com/2016/07/27/naive-odd-underworld-design/

  8. July 28, 2016 5:29 am

    FUCK YES. The time has come. Sol is in the Swine Ascendant and Pundegeuse below the horizon. Grab your triple handful of d10s, OSR Schweinhunden, you’re on my turf now.

    Beholder (Beauty’s Eye subrace); Rune Warlock; Cislunar (are we using the crossover rules for neo-lycankin? I’m easy either way but I prefer the Logical Phallusy Discipline to Vaginamancy); Differently Able (Asperger’s, two point Flaw, and I’ll take Crippled Lad and Celtic Heritage for another five freebie points); I resent not being able to pick Werewolf Order but I guess I can live with Viking or Cthulhu, whatever fits best with the chronicle.

    • July 28, 2016 6:18 am

      This is exactly what I’m looking for. You’ll probably be the Caller.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        July 28, 2016 4:22 pm

        Caller?! A fucking CALLER?!

        What kind of pro-tyrannical, Trump-worshipping bullshit is that? No caller is going to step all over my fun!

  9. July 28, 2016 7:15 am

    While we’re talking about Story Games:

    First: if your inclinations incline toward Vampire: the Masquerade, there’s currently a Humble Bundle on offer with the least awful bits of Revised Edition in it – https://www.humblebundle.com/books/vampire-masquerade-rpg-bundle

    Second: Vampire play reports yes/no/oh god no Von why would you?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 28, 2016 7:36 am

      Do they have any copies of Kent: The Redundancy?

      AFAF

      • July 28, 2016 8:04 am

        No, but there’s a template for Vulgar and Demented Irishman in the Antagonists supplement for Gypsies: the Unfortunate Stereotype. You’d have to update it a bit since Second Edition didn’t have Academics on the sheet, but… ah, who am I kidding?

    • July 28, 2016 8:54 am

      Yes.

    • July 28, 2016 1:58 pm

      Yes.

      Dutch Elf. Fighting-Man (weapon specialisation used needle/ Keyboard/polyhedral dice).
      Gender Identity: A pillar of severed yet still animate human heads fused together in a perpetual, never-ending scream. Differently Able [Alt-right sympathies]. Religion: Tzyan Cultist.

      • July 29, 2016 2:43 pm

        I recommend the Merit: Ability To Laugh At Myself. It’ll go well with the rest of your build.

  10. Timotheus permalink
    July 28, 2016 8:21 am

    This whole thing smells like Erasure to me, but in the interest of building a bridge to the storyfags:

    Spanky

    Candy Corn Tiefling/Thief-Acrobat/Tinglesexual/Differently Able[4th Reich Feminist]/Great Cthulhu

    Also would like clarification on the Weapon vs. AC usage – it will determine whther I go with Broadsword or Longsword. If we will be facing L-sized antagonists primarily, will stay with Longsword.

  11. Wundergeek permalink
    July 28, 2016 8:30 am

    human
    fighting-man
    male
    able
    viking

  12. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    July 28, 2016 8:50 am

    Is there a place to list all my triggers? I have many triggerz that set me off like Tranny and Doing Gay and need to be sufficiently warned.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 28, 2016 10:20 am

      Oh and I want to play a vampire night bus BUT cis male hetero poonslayer vampire night bus.

  13. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 28, 2016 9:00 am

    FYI White Man Talking Fred Hicks of Evil Hate Games is hiring Tranny Lesbians of Color who are Differently Abled to write story games. There has to be thousands of those out there gaming, right?

    Kent, I think you qualify.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      July 28, 2016 5:42 pm

      Oddly enough, this was the casting philosophy for the Ghostbusters reboot.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 28, 2016 7:00 pm

        Who ya gonna call? Anybody who validates my worldview.

  14. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 28, 2016 9:15 am

    I’m still looking for approval for the cleric/thief multiclass. Pending approval, I’ve got:

    Adams Lightfingers
    Halfling cleric/thief
    Kleptosexual
    Scientology
    Different ableisms: Brave, crippling procrastinator

    • Wundergeek permalink
      July 28, 2016 10:05 am

      I came very, VERY close to removing your comment, because it violates the comment policy that is laid out very specifically in the sidebar, as well as duplicating material covered in the FAQ, particularly #12 – regarding why I am not obligated to give a flying fuck about freedom of speech in the comments section of my own personal blog. I’m erring on the side of not, because you were at least respectful, and because I’m tired of playing whack-a-mole with the comments on this post.

      So. In short, what Kent said.

      But also, if I – an indie games publisher who is entirely self-educated on these issues – can manage to poke huge, gaping holes in the “diversity” depicted by D&D, how much easier would it be for YDIS to hire a goddamn diversity consultant? Especially when diversity is one of the selling points they keep hitting in their publicity.

  15. Aos permalink
    July 28, 2016 10:58 am

    Wow this crying a out rpgs online shit is still going on? I admire the attention spans of everyone involved.
    Kent, I went to grad school for paleolithic archaeology- willingly. I am afraid you will need to add a lower, or perhaps negative bracket, to your intelligence chart if you wish to accomodate me.

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 28, 2016 12:10 pm

    “Rust Nuts”

    Robo-Machine (actually a cyborg – his ass and one finger are still flesh, so he can pick n’ sniff when he thinks nobody is watching)

    Bard (but doesn’t get laid cause he’s not very good at music and storytelling, and thinks nobody is watching when he picks n’ sniffs)

    Trigger: when he smells cheap lotion it reminds him of his teenage girlfriends bedroom from the 80’s; causes him to curl up in a ball and remain in catatonic state for D30 full turns as he hallucinates about all the guys she must have been with since. If exposed to porno will snap out of it in D3 combat rounds. In such a case he’ll wake up and go “Moe, Larry, the porn! Moe, Larry, the porn!”

    Hmm…any suggestions on how I can flesh him out a bit more (abstractly that is; I only want his ass and that one finger to be flesh).

    And where to I fall in OSR or storygames? Well, I prefer to play OSR games, but would really like to be around chicks half my age, so thinking of getting into 5th edition. Most of the girls I’ve played with are around my age and look like Janet Reno (there’s a timely reference for you other olden folks).

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 28, 2016 7:54 pm

      I was gonna say, Better Janet Reno than Warren Christopher, but I realized that might traumatize all the new Story Gamers joining our community. That would make all of our new friends that endeavored to meeet us halfway feel unsafe; my deepest apologies for almost saying such a hurtful thing, that would no doubt make Mrs. Anna Kreider’s spleen tighen like bridge support cable as she couldn’t breath as she buried her head in her hands and twittered her husband that he would once again have to give their kid the love she just could not give at such a gut-wrenching moment.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 28, 2016 7:58 pm

      Oh yeah, also you could totally flesh out your character with a simple tagline. Like after he removes his digit from his Tingle-inspired butt, he would hold it up in front of the party and say in his best Schwartznegger-Terminatorian, “Talk to the Finger, asshole.”

  17. Timotheus permalink
    July 29, 2016 6:20 am

    The Attack is back, bitches! And he is now a Socratic Mental Health expert!

    http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/2016/07/mental-illness-in-rpg-community.html

    As usual, holding everyone accountable to a 25 Step Plan except for the punk in the mirror. Or…is this actually a cry for help, to be liberated from his dreary existence of rank fucking with skanks, doodling for hipsters, and Internet Patrol?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 29, 2016 10:01 am

      Now ZakPrincess is a mental health professional?

      Yeah, no.

    • Make Golanda Great Again permalink
      July 29, 2016 10:56 am

      Now? He’s always been a mental health expert! Don’t you know that every MFA degree comes with a bonus degree in psychiatry?

      This shit has been part of his rhetoric forever: it’s other people who are “deranged,” “crazy,” and “mentally unstable.” Of course, the root symptom–never to be discussed–is that these people are crazy because they disagreed with something Zak said or thought he could have been nicer about in the way he said it. Clearly, it’s not the person who can’t handle disagreement–who needs total, abject compliance–who is mentally unwell.

      Remember, it is Internet Libel to say something mean about Zak (PROVE IT OR YOU’RE A LIAR) but if Zak says someone is nuts we best believe him without proof because not believing Zak is an ATTACK AGAINST HIM AND ALSO WOMEN.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        July 29, 2016 6:34 pm

        is MFA “Masters Fine Arts.” How high a math level you gotta get for that?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 29, 2016 6:48 pm

        Is it just me or does Zak’s “art” look like bad knockoffs of Duran Duran album covers fro the 80’s?

    • July 29, 2016 2:35 pm

      The seethe is strong in this one.

      I am reminded of the (now-deleted) occasion on which cheekily calling out the pointless aspects of his thought experiments was deemed a sign of madness on my part. Apparently it takes a loon to recognise a stupid question these days, and a sane man to claim that stupid and real are mutually exclusive.

      The thing is, of course, everything he’s saying is true… but not as often as I suspect he’d like it to be. Sometimes, people disagree for reasons which have nothing to do with them being barmy.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gyax's Ghost permalink
        July 29, 2016 3:20 pm

        Rabid chihuahua on meth dictates mental stability to community at large. About the equivalent of writing in to Dragon magazine’s Out on a Limb article for relationship advice.

      • July 30, 2016 2:25 am

        I am in no position to go around making claims about Zak’s sanity, or anyone’s really, but I do note that mental illness is all too often weaponised by the afflicted who see a tidy way to short-circuit argument or debate. See also: “I’m autistic so I get to act like an insensitive prat who doesn’t believe other people exist or grasp the concept of dual standards”.

        Corollary to the corollary: I hear that sometimes these people aren’t mental AT ALL. Keep it under your hat though. Wouldn’t want to gaslight anyone.

    • July 29, 2016 4:20 pm

      I think what my fellow Official Wizards Consultant (one of the leading guiding lights of the most successful role-playing game edition of all time, along with myself of course) is reaching for is “the political abuse of psychiatry in the Soviet Union.” Naturally the prospect of such power being wielded by anyone other than me makes my skin curdle and my blood crawl. Imagine what a piss-pan censor and tyrant like Steve Wieck would do if he could have his political “enemies” written off as mentally ill:

      http://io9.gizmodo.com/5940212/how-the-soviets-used-their-own-twisted-version-of-psychiatry-to-suppress-political-dissent

      Oh, my “character sheet?” Very well. I would identify as a Half [spicy Latin lover / pensive Azhkenazim / full Canadian] Rune Warlock [write what you know] Genderfluid [grow up, everyone has fantasies plus I invented trans characters you know] Able Scientologist [chtulhu is for pansies who can’t handle the Real Power].

      Don’t forget, buy Dark Albion! Storygamer Swine and the Old School elite agree, it’s widely critically regarded. Check out my blog for the latest reviews and coupons.

    • Cancererous Catoblepas permalink
      August 5, 2016 12:17 am

      Some pop psych. Fits Zak to a T.

      http://www.wikihow.com/Diagnose-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder

      Love the illustration in Part 1. Looks exactly like a Zak selfie.

  18. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 29, 2016 6:37 pm

    I am kinda sad to not be seeing Blooey’s cheery, thoughtful mug (or is he just squinting to try and make out if his hair stylist, who clearly loves 80’s cuts, is male or female) whenever I come here. But then, I guess I can always go look at the other thread if I want to wait two or three minutes for my computer to load it.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 29, 2016 7:13 pm

      I miss Blooey 😦
      I might have a sit down breakfast complete with dine and dash in his honor tomorrow.

  19. July 29, 2016 7:44 pm

    Hello backers,

    First, I would like to share continuing news about my life partner, Ernest G. Gygax Jr. (I am Ben Poiré here posting under his account and considerable girth): Ernest is doing extremely well, sober and very well from a health point of view, considering his moribund obesity. His strength is coming back with each day (currently to the point he is like a 6 year old girl), and his resolve is adamantish. We are in communication with each other every few days or so, whenever we remember this kickstarter, until such a time we go back to the material and maps I’ve been pumping out like French-Canadian sewage for the project, at which point we are going to assess the extra material together and Ernest will add his personal tweaks and touch to what I extrapolated from our original “concepts.”

    • July 29, 2016 9:50 pm

      Also:

      Half-human[French Canadian]
      Clerk
      Queer[Faggot]
      Differentialy Abled [Fat as shit]
      OSRian [Cantrips only]

  20. Cancererous Catoblepas permalink
    July 30, 2016 1:19 am

    Wundergeek sez:

    Btw (Freebie, obvs)
    July 29, 2016 wundergeek Uncategorized

    Hey. So. Not how I planned on doing this but I’m asexual and genderqueer.

    I was hoping to figure out what the fuck that means for me before saying anything, but my hand is getting forced, so fuck it.

    • July 30, 2016 2:28 am

      Who in progressive/transformative media fandom ISN’T genderqueer these days?

      As for asexual, no surprise really, but I wonder if she’ll come in for any “stop colonising queer spaces with your filthy heteropresenting EASY LIFE” flak.

      • July 30, 2016 2:30 am

        “Genderqueer” is basically the new “bisexual, in a lesbian relationship, would never do anything with men EXCEPT write porn about them” – the new ‘you must be at least this queer to ride this ride’ gatekeeping.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 30, 2016 3:31 am

        This short instructional video elucidates the concept.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 30, 2016 8:31 am

        Holy shit!?!?! A Replacements reunion

      • Cancererous Catoblepas permalink
        July 31, 2016 2:19 pm

        “Genderqueer” basically applies to anyone these days, actually. If you’re not 100% fitting exaggerated ideas of a pure gender, you’re genderqueer for all intents and purposes. Wundergeek’s “asexual” think is funny though, where did the kid come from? Did her husband rape her? Or is the kid adopted, which is even sadder.

        The other thing is the mental illness bullshit. Considering how easy it is now to be diagnosed with some form of mental illness, it’s no surprise almost all of the loud RPG folk who win the internet with their famous blogs and tweets, are admittedly mentally ill. Zak of course being the exception. Out of all of them, he’s most likely the only one who is legitimately insane. I could claim insomnia, which was “diagnosed” to get a medical marijuana card, as my mental illness. Then I’d be able to hang out with all the cool kids…

      • July 31, 2016 5:07 pm

        I think I’ll add “medical marijuana” to the list of items available for purchase in The Keep. What should the cost be?

      • July 31, 2016 5:16 pm

        Free Obamacare handout to minority humanoids
        1,000 g.p. per dose for taxpayers

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 30, 2016 8:07 am

      Well, at least she didn’t charge people through her Patreon for admitting whatever the fuck she admitted to.

      What “forced her hand?” Zakmund Freud’s internet diagnosis post? Her husband complaining about having to take care of their kid every night as she lay in an unresponsive quivering jello-like mound? Suddenly realizing that she does like sandwiches (My entire life is a LIE!)?

  21. July 30, 2016 2:40 am

    KENT – I am disappointed in your latest ether-transmission. Angry drunk is more amusing than mellow drunk; spleen more amusing than gentle fantasy. For once I endorse your deletion policy. Be sure that you’re properly infuriated before recording and be sure to deliver the proper amount of incoherent spluttering.

  22. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    July 30, 2016 5:07 am

    Race: Vampire Nightbus
    Class: Poonslayer
    Gender Identity: Tinglesexual
    Ableism: Differently Able [diesel/electric hybrid]
    Religion: Cult of Bernie Bro Life Losers
    Trigger Warnings: Rape, Sodomy, Lash, Nude First Lady Barbara Bush

  23. Timotheus permalink
    July 30, 2016 8:11 am

    And we have the worst fucking Caller ever. Three days, a dozen blOwSR-storyfag characters generated, and Von hasn’t asked a single fucking question of our DM about the tavern we are all meeting in, only whether we want to hear about his Vampire slashfic. He hasn’t even designated a mapper.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 30, 2016 9:24 am

      Given the number of white-power characters in the party:

      “You meet in a klavern…”

      The quest giver is a wizard, a grand wizard.

    • July 30, 2016 10:45 am

      Shh. I am waiting for the traditional half hour opening spiel. It’s the spoken equivalent of the terrible fiction opening. Y’all have so much to learn.

  24. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 30, 2016 1:51 pm

    Yeah, let’s wait for the DM to finish reading all that boxed text set-up description before The Caller starts telling us who has the torch, who is searching the wall, who is mapping the corridor, etc etc etc etc etc etc….

    Jesus, Feels like Mentzer is running this game. Is he available? Speaking of which, here’s an oldey but a goody, with butt-stink Frankie insulting one of the mouth-breathers elf characters right off the bat, and telling everybody what their character is doing. And no booze at the table. Shoot me now.

    • July 30, 2016 2:22 pm

      I was waiting for Kent and Scott to declare their characters, but it looks like they’re going to be little shits who don’t want to participate 😦

      “Welcome ye adventurers! From many lands have ye come, together to journey to… The Borderlands at the very edge of The Realm! This is a rough land say some, but who are you to judge whence civilization ends or begins? We DO NOT JUDGE, we accept that experiences and contexts are unlimited and we embrace them all, for everyone has value.

      “The Keep on the Borderlands is the gateway to many adventures. Only, like, a quarter mile away are tons and tons of caves ripe for exploration. It makes little sense that there’s a big, bustling castle and then literally just a couple minutes down the road there’s a monster apartment complex, but no WE DO NOT JUDGE, especially not the plot of our adventure.

      “The group approaches the closed gates of the Keep, guards peer over the walls at you and you hear snickering and maybe a catcall or two. A chamberpot is emptied perilously close. Will you weary travelers be let in?!? You may need to state your claim to be admitted…”

      • July 30, 2016 3:41 pm

        Hmm. Quick privilege check. Which of us has the strongest case against gatekeeping?

        Failing that, which of us can stamp our feet and shout the loudest?

      • July 30, 2016 7:36 pm

        [I don’t want the Caller to monopolize narrative privilege, other players please feel free to dialogue]

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 30, 2016 5:58 pm

        Kent and Scott can show up and play NPCs, henchmen and supporting roles. After we get the feel for them (and vice versa), they roll up their PCs and continue from there.

        They could also opt to not play at all and just observe. But before we instituted this policy, we would end up spending anywhere from 5-30 hours one-on-one with a new player for him to roll up a PC and have him play in our game.

      • July 30, 2016 9:13 pm

        Gatekeeping infringes my right as a Uruguayan to unlimited free speech everywhere. This town is filled with left-wing totalitarians. I say we set the stockade on fire.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 30, 2016 9:44 pm

        Spanky, my candy-corn tiefling, story-games into existence a Daredevil-like implement because of my thief-acrobat class. When extended, it is a 10′ balancing Pole. Unextended, it is a baby rattle with a skull’s head. Like the Wand of Orcus, but made in Taiwan instead of Mordor.

        I shake it. And I stamp my feet and yell.

        “Great Gthulhu! Lesser godlets of Odin and L. Ron Hubbard! Heed my prayer!

        “This place of faceless NPC’s is only good for selling shit off! Lettuce head north-east to the Apartments of Chaos!”

        [Narrative Privilege yielded]

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 30, 2016 10:09 pm

        Can I spend a FATE point to activate “Vampire Night Bus Wrecks My Pussy” as a scene aspect?

      • July 31, 2016 5:48 am

        No, because Vampire Night Bus only pounds butts, or maybe its own butt? There’s no pussy wrecking in the Tingleverse.

      • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN NIGHT BUS permalink
        August 1, 2016 3:41 pm

        Understood, oh wise one DM. See below for my new multiclass butt pounding night bus!

      • September 15, 2016 7:24 pm

        Listen, if you faggots will embrace the true original Gygaxian spirit of letting players pick, say, a Taylor Swift but it starts off as a baby Taylor Swift, I’m in, but I’m not putting up with your restrictive bullshit, I’m triggered enough as a swiftkin in a world of macroaggressions

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      August 1, 2016 8:23 am

      FYI Frank Mentzer wants a cameo on season 2 of netflix’s stranger things as the creepyolddude running D&D for nubile tween boys. But he doesn’t want to join the actor’s equity to do it no sirree boy!
      #entitlement #pedowatch

      • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN NIGHT BUS permalink
        August 1, 2016 3:40 pm

        Holy shit you’re right I just saw this on Facebook! “I INVENTED THAT VERSION OF THE GAME PUT ME ON TV AND PROPEL ME TO RELEVANCE IN THE 21ST CENTURY! PLUS GARY AND DAVE ARE DEAD AND GAIL IS THE NEW YOKO! I BET THAT BITCH IS GETTING NETFLIX PAYOLA HOW BOUT ME TOO?” – Frank M.

    • JustME permalink
      August 7, 2016 9:23 am

      The astounding excitement of doors, walls, and empty spaces is amazing. Couple all that action with shuffling about of characters fills me with joy to see an old timer keeping the game dynamic, exciting and old-school.
      He’s doing an awful lot of narrating about details he hasn’t been asked for…he’s played the game at least once or twice before…

  25. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 31, 2016 5:07 pm

    I’m going to apologize in advance for metagaming here…

    I know we haven’t picked a party mapper yet, but I’ve been counting the hexes on the initial players’ map, and I noticed that it doesn’t quite correspond with the classic B2 map. A closer perusal of the map revealed that the tamarack stand in the swamp has been replaced by a grove of Quercus aliena trees, which explains why dotorimuk is on the tavern menu.

    Putting these clues together, I realized that the map closely resembles that of the Korean peninsula. The keep would correspond with Kumhwa, which makes the Borderlands the DMZ. I suspect that our tricksey DM, while implying that he’s running Keep on the Borderlands, has subbed it out for Ass Eaters of Pyongyang.

    If correct, I think he was trying to put us off the, forgive me, scent, by mentioning that Kent and Scott aren’t playing. I suspect that Kent will reprise his role as Kent Jong Un- who better to play a dim authoritarian megalomaniac than a dim authoritarian megalomaniac? Scott will probably play his sinister henchman Scottjob.

    Ass Eaters of Pyongyang has one of the tensest vignettes in any campaign I’ve ever played in. My player character was captured, strapped down into a chair, and menaced by a tattoo-gun wielding Scottjob:

    “Do you expect me to talk?”
    “No, Mr Fist, I expect you to look like a hipster stripper in a Portland alt-nudie bar.”

    I will defer to our caller, but I figured I’d bring some metagame knowledge to bear so we can better prepare. My character will attempt to pilfer a “Protection from Prolapse 10′ radius” scroll in the keep before the party heads out.

  26. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 31, 2016 5:24 pm

    Well, I should have done this before the campaign, but I really thought there’d be a few hundred posts about who Kunt thinks is dumbest here (that long, repetitive boxed text I mentioned earlier) and in the OSR before we got around to it. Anyway, I posted to DF about my character “Rust Nuts” just to see what the nimrods think about him (I was hoping T. Foster would chime in with old school praise). It turns out that his background, and couple of character traits, are very troubling to older gamers. Seems it cuts close to home. So I would like to start a new character since we have yet to enter the keep. Cool?

    Willet Fumbledick

    Former soldier (supply sergeant); writer/merchant
    Hometown: Golanda
    Abilities: unknown substance oozes from skin. Paranoia.
    Immunities: criticism. Logic.
    Weaknesses: retirement home meatloaf. Female dog walkers much older than him. Complete and utter faith that the OSR will help a brother out.
    Goals: open a shop called “Polyhedraramadamadingdong” at the local marketplace to sell his writings to a willing populace.

    Oh, and he’d be happy to take on the role of mapper.

    Since our caller situation seems in flux, I’ll just go ahead. While the party is busy dodging turds from above, he inserts himself among them to join the party. He heard there is a pretty nice tavern with good food, and if he hangs with a crowd it’s easier to do the ol’ D&D (Dine n’ Dash). He holds up the book of children’s poetry he wrote, “Da’ Orcs A’ Fa’ Down,” and cries up to the guards “Buy some product! I gotta keep the candles lit fer Christsake!”

    • July 31, 2016 5:32 pm

      Since we’re doing this, I find a full trash can next to the stockade and flick my lit Toro Toro Churchill in it when the guards are distracted.

    • August 1, 2016 3:35 am

      I accept the temporary and non-judgemental role of caller.

      Voxel Legoday the dutch elf player-agencies a soapbox into existence and attempts to use rhetoric/dialectic to sway the guards into abandoning their posts and joining the fight for inclusion and narrative agency.

      “My people.

      We have come far. But a mere second on the cosmic hourglass ago, our ancestors crawled from pelagic shores and found the world cold, cruel and triggering. Whilst many chose to accept this for what it is, some aspired to more.

      From flint and bone we fashioned elfgames to educate our savage kindred on the true and glorious path. But progress is often fraught with peril, and the first elfgames were brutal, broken things. Players were expected to play whatever was dealt out to them by the random hand of fate. Player agency was not respected. The game was ruled by a vile autocrat and its rules were a product of institutionalised marginalization. Hurtful playstyles turned the greatest of men into cruel mysogonists and the least of them in little more then beasts (Donald Trump supporters :().

      In time these cruel games were trampled and their corpses piled upon the ramp towards True Progress. A golden age is on the brink. But there are those among you that still yearn for the old days, that are not inclusive, that cause thousands of rapes. They call themselves the OSR, this spectre of the ancient times.

      Will you, brave genderqueer, nonbinary people of colour stand idly by whilst these foul revenants attempt to restore the rightfully vanquished era of western colonialism and erase forever more the chance of a narratively-driven, inclusive, meaningful future for elfgames? Will we let the ability to explore important meaningful themes and ask deep questions be replaced by meaningless dungeoncrawling?

      I say we shall not. I say we shall don our armours on this day, daubed white, and gather our bannerwomen. Let no player be without agency and no privelege remain unchecked. Together we will crush patriarchy! Who amongst you is woman enough to join me?”

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        August 1, 2016 4:57 am

        Vampire Night Bus pounds Vox Legoday’s butt. Do I have to roll separately for Vox’s tears of shame?

      • August 1, 2016 5:21 am

        I wish to spend a FATE point to resist secretely liking it.

      • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN NIGHT BUS permalink
        August 1, 2016 3:36 pm

        I’ll give you a FATE point to compel you to cry for your mommy in a thick brogue.

      • August 1, 2016 11:35 pm

        “I’ll give you a FATE point… and you’ll like it, my boy!”

        Crap in a barrel, I didn’t even NAME my self-inse – I mean my delicately and carefully rounded and realised exploration of what it is to be a rune-wielding floating eyeball whose sexual proclivities wax and wane in harmony with Mother Luna. I dub her* Princess Kasimia Von NoUrGay.

        * – of course she’s female, I’m exploring gender and sexuality through the medium of awkwardly elusive girl-on-girl romance RP but I don’t want to play a trans character ’cause I might do a Problematic. I am also incapable of detecting irony.

        Princess Kasimia facepalms her main eyeball with another of her eyeballs. Another of her eyeballs is recording the homoerotic goings-on behind her – properly dressed up in a popular media property of the day, this will mean major kudos among her circle of textual poachers and recreational pornographers. Another of her eyeballs is closing itself so she can plausibly deny that she was watching porn – I mean, it’s an exploitative industry, isn’t it, except when it’s an empowering one.

      • August 2, 2016 2:20 am

        That Nightbus Pounding was okay with me but I am tapping the X Card on this one.

      • August 2, 2016 4:56 am

        Typically classical male obsessionality.

        (I don’t know what that means, but GOSH it makes a good j’accuse.)

      • August 2, 2016 6:44 am

        In return I will observe that you seem to be taking to this role with way too much enthusiasm and your evocations of the cringe-factor are so spot on as to make it extremely unlikely this is not a reflection of some deep-seated storygamer perversion.

        Do we need a safeword?

      • August 3, 2016 12:57 am

        Probably, but it should be something that neither of us would ever say in the course of normal conversation. I suspect that’s going to be quite the challenge.

      • August 3, 2016 1:39 am

        “Age of Sigmar is a huge improvement on the Old World of Warhammer Fantasy.”

      • August 4, 2016 12:51 am

        I’m not saying that where Google can see it.

  27. thebutcherbr permalink
    August 1, 2016 6:11 am

    Stop the presses, GrimJim’s done it again!!!

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?34850-Deja-vu-DriveThruRPG-censors-a-game-again

    (not playing in protest against the stupid rule that Vampire Night Bus characters can’t take the Poonslayer class)

    • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN NIGHT BUS permalink
      August 1, 2016 3:33 pm

      I’m good. YDIS let me swap out Poonslayer 8 for Rump Ranger 7/Butt Pirate 3/Hiney Biter 1 and take a FATE point for the retroactive compel.

    • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN NIGHT BUS permalink
      August 1, 2016 3:43 pm

      A C-Note sez GrimJimRapeyPants reported his own game.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      August 1, 2016 6:11 pm

      I just hope he doesn’t put any Doing Gay in his (overdue) crowdfunded Gor RPG.

      Priest-King Zarkon: Slaves, prepare more scented oils and lotions for my taut rippling pectorals.
      Slave girls #2 and #4 (simultaneously): Yes, Master.

  28. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 1, 2016 10:33 am

    Screw that Raggi mess – we’re trying to play a game here!

    Anyway, Willet is trying to map the keep. But this accursed cartography software is vexing his brainstuff. Can’t even get it open. Sigh!!! Does anybody know what a little white arrowhead floating in the middle of your computer screen means? It moves when you move the mouse, so might have something to do with that. *slapping forehead emoji!*

    • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN NIGHT BUS permalink
      August 1, 2016 3:35 pm

      Try a fresh install. And a fresh adult diaper (eat crap pee wipe rinse repeat).

    • August 2, 2016 6:45 am

      Does being pounded in the butt by a Vampire Nightbus count as an Advantage when convincing the guards? Caller? Caller!

      • August 3, 2016 12:59 am

        If I were Storyteller here that’d be good for a two die circumstance bonus, but it’s not my call to make.

      • August 3, 2016 3:23 am

        Does the Vampire Knightbus have to spend a point of permanent Willpower to Embrace me into a Neophyte-bus? What generation of bus are we talking about here?

      • Schizbot permalink
        August 3, 2016 7:50 am

        I think the glossary says the in-setting term for “embrace me into a neonightbus” is “Turn Me Gay.” As for what generation of gay you are, depends on how old and rich your Daddy is. Most buses in these final nights think Judy Garland was an urban legend so don’t get your hopes up.

  29. Frog Gode permalink
    August 2, 2016 7:01 am

    So as soon as the exchange student goes on vacation, the kool kids start a fresh campaign without him. No problem, I am not hurt at all, even though the dutch fella bullied his way into the Caller position and everyone is OK with that. It’s fucking ’92 all over again. I’ll just go back to my dorm an definitely not start sobbing while listening to Alice In Chains.

    On a different note, I was in Hamburg last week (perilously close to the Netherregions, I know) and got thrown out (with my 6 y.o. daughter ) of the FLGS near my hotel for the unconceivable transgression of trying to buy something after 4 PM, from 3 fat slobs busy doing nothing. There is no hope for this hobby.

    • August 2, 2016 12:32 pm

      Post race, class, able/not-able, religion and whatever else to join!

    • Frog Gode permalink
      August 2, 2016 1:49 pm

      Graceful host you, here we go : Half-human fighting-other, whose memory some warlock erased after having pieces of fruit grow all over his/her body, especially where genitalia should be, making for delicious (and sugary) ambiguity. You can find me sticking out of the mud anywhere, for quick insertion (in the campaign). Obviously veget-able. I don’t see this character interested in any religion but the craziest one, so scientology it is.

  30. August 2, 2016 11:34 am

    Wow, I wasn’t even tagged for this. And I repeatedly asked you for an update, Mark. Jesus fucking Christ!

    Here’s my open letter (which many of you have not even bothered to respond to): http://vengersatanis.blogspot.com/2016/07/open-letter-to-osr-storygamers.html

    And here’s a recent (re)post of very interesting and damning material by the RPGpundit, +Kasimir Urbanski: http://therpgpundit.blogspot.com/2016/07/classic-rant-swine-pseudo-activism.html

    If there’s any truth to his accusations (starting now), then I think we should make a case for burning the storygaming community to the ground.

    • BACLF permalink
      August 2, 2016 12:56 pm

      ~vibes, hoss!

    • August 2, 2016 2:10 pm

      Go fuck yourself for stealing my thing. I can make a case for the storygaming community hoisting you on a long pole until you choke.

    • August 2, 2016 2:18 pm

      If storygamers are willing to come to the table and discuss things in a civilized manner, then I’m willing to forgive – but never forget – what came before. That’s the best deal the storygame community is ever going to get.

      I won’t tolerate the OSR, traditional gaming, and RPG hobby being destroyed by some outrage/censorship fanatics. It’s not “social justice” they’re after. It’s some shitty, backwards, untermensche agenda. *I will not let that happen.*

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        August 2, 2016 8:42 pm

        Binger joins a barely active Google+ community, declares he’s salting the earth of the story gamers victory garden, and then declares victory when like two people respond going, “who the fuck is this dork hybrid of dumbass fake religion mixed with dumbass incompetent animated villain?” Opinions? Is he ambassadoring like a boss?

        Oh yeah, gender fluid, magic usurper, cast lightning in a bottle once per lifetime, undead, reeks of a fathers disappointment in the product of loin, follower of St. Cuthbert with powers from Iuz, with twenty three transsexual Koa-Toa in tow wearing chainmail bikinis/loincloths.

    • August 3, 2016 1:18 am

      Where even is this mysterious Story Gamers Community of which you speak? I’ve never come across anything as… one hesitates to say ‘organised’ as the OSR, so let’s say ‘apparent’ – anything with its flags and flagships and generally held truisms. Where does one even start looking?

      Also, that Jeffry Crews fellow has his head screwed on right.

      • August 3, 2016 1:24 am

        “Look, if you want to talk about RPGs, a thing you say you actually care about (though you haven’t demonstrated much interest in it despite suggestions of topics), and which this group was formed to talk about, we’re here. If you don’t want to, then that’s fine too.

        Hey, here’s a thought, why not scan through this community and see how far you go before you run into one of those bullet points you’re so not-shouting about not-caring about? Out of curiosity, I searched for “white male” and the phrase hasn’t even been mentioned since 2013. Happy hunting!”

        I’ll kill him last. When I was a lad, you entered a community by observing, involving yourself in the discussion, building credibility, and THEN the pontificating, ‘thought leadership’ and ‘bridge building’ could begin. Venger seems to think you can skip to the end.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        August 3, 2016 5:38 am

        Like all things OSR, it’s about Cringer’s narcissism and inflated sense of self than doing anything productive. With apathy as his reception he can’t react properly. “Oh, it’s the guy that has the tang of cat urine that the other is the barely tolerated cat piss man of the OSR? He was the kind of guy in high school, before he dropped out his sophomore year, that gave all gamers a bad name with his attempts to shock people through gaming and made people think we were ALL losers like him. The guy you wish that had just stuck with trying to impress people with his heavy metal record collection rather than leave a lasting impression that role playing games were about stealing your mom’s kitchen candles and chanting in the basement until your dad yells to shut the fuck up because the football game is on.
        And 30 years later Cringer thinks all this apathy that was directed at him for three decades gives him instant credibility, which is sad but mostly laughable.

  31. Old Geezer's Peehole permalink
    August 3, 2016 8:46 am

    Will no one rid me of this troublesome dribble?

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      August 3, 2016 9:48 am

      I’d suggest penicillin but I’m pretty sure the idea of Old Geezer having a venereal disease causing a drippy dick is fairly unlikely. Did his book come out? Not that I’d spend a Quatloo on a poorly written ‘My Time with Gary’ memoir but he was working on those 5,000 words for around five years so they should be well crafted, right?

      • Old Geezer's Peehole permalink
        August 3, 2016 11:45 am

        Mornard and Skarka are having a race to see who can get the least done in five years, so don’t hold your breath.

      • Timotheus permalink
        August 3, 2016 8:15 pm

        I think it is a race between Mortard’s 20,000 word book and the first in Chlorine Ball Cock’s 6 book 300k word epic to come out first. Clash of the who-gives-a-fuck-about-those-losers.

  32. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 3, 2016 11:37 am

    Did we even get into the keep yet? The lack of player action has me deciding.that Willet will strike out on his own. He’s going to walk down the road to Caves of Chaos. He heard there’s a temple there, and is going to see if he can spend the night in their parking lot. Next morn he’s going to go see the Minotaur and ask if he’s like to invest 2000 GP into Polyhedraramadamadingdong and get the opportunity to do some writing or artwork for the company.

  33. August 3, 2016 3:44 pm

    [The circus atmosphere of crippled Beholders and furiously copulating Vampire Night Buses, amplified by the cacophony of competing orders and privileges, has a hypnotic effect on the guards. Slacked jawed and dull eyed, they lower the drawbridge. Impolite stares greet your group, as you convey yourselves by various means into the Keep. Did someone cough “fucking faggots” or was it a trick of the wind?

    Gleaming new railroad tracks lead into a tavern, where gather officers, soldiers and wanderers alike. Refreshments, anyone?]

    • August 3, 2016 6:02 pm

      AM I TOO LATE ?!?

      Half-Elf/Half-Flumph
      Magic-User (has a Blink Dog Service Animal/Familiar)
      Asexual (Only because my hand is forced)
      Differently Abled (Blind – spellbook is in Braille)
      Scientology if we are using 1st Ed psionics for Thetan powers – otherwise Viking
      Trigger: pirate rape

      currently smoking Vegepygmy Blend #7

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 3, 2016 7:18 pm

      I cast my beady glace around the Outer Bailey, trying to discern any glimmers of cunning in the vacant-seeming eyes of the Keep’s denizens. All the while, I am feeling the reassuring weight of the e-meter in my belt pouch. The natives’ souls are heavy with Thetans, their purses heavy with coin, and I seek to relieve them of both.

      Note: As a cleric/thief, I have a 5% per level ‘Detect Mark’ chance, with a flat 15% bonus as a Scientologist.

    • August 4, 2016 12:58 am

      Requesting a roll for Cislunar Rage, on the grounds of overheard potential insult to an adjacent minority. Difficulty to resist Being Offended On Others’ Behalf is usually 9 and I believe I suffer a one die penalty because it’s a social event and, y’know, Asperger’s.

      In the event of failure, Kasimia turns her most baleful eyeballs to the passers-by and, red mist obscuring her multi-faceted gaze, loudly asks “WHAT FUCKER SAID THAT? Casual homophobia is an OFFENCE. This is a CITIZEN’S ARREST. I bet you condone trans suicide!”

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 5, 2016 6:50 pm

        I actually made a citizen’s arrest a few nights ago. I was sitting in my office making some ad hoc schedule changes to deal with the Pokemon Go menace when I heard a couple of loud reports. I poked my head out the back door of the building in time to see a bottle rocket whizzing across the property in the general direction of one of our wooden outbuildings.

        I raced out the front door and across the parking lot and saw two dumbfucks on the property. I rolled up on them bugbear style- large and fierce, and surprisingly stealthy. I called the police emergency number, and when the two idiots saw me, hit them with the beam of a high powered flashlight to blind them.

        The quicker thinking of the two started toward the exit, but I’m thinking ‘devil take the hindmost’, and cast Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Interposing Fist between the slow guy and any avenues of escape. At this point, he has his hands up and keeps saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

        I told him, “If you move so much as one inch, you will be a v-e-r-y unhappy person.”

        He whined, “You’re letting him get away?”

        “I got you, that’ll suffice. You’re going to help the police get him. Now, don’t say another word, save it for the cops.”

        When the cops arrived, I explained the situation and gave a description of the other guy and his direction of travel. The cops then started grilling the dumbass. He spun a sorry tale of his friend from out of state losing his job and the two of them getting drunk and having to blow off some steam.

        One of the cops tells him, “Call your friend and tell him to come back here, or he will be facing more serious charges.”

        The cop asks him for ID and the guy tells him that he’s never had a driver’s license. Twenty-seven years old, lives at home with his parents, and never learned to drive.

        I had to walk away because I started laughing… the first thought that came to mind was: “The Unblown!” A lieutenant then pulled into the lot and told me that a detective was looking for the other guy, the one with the fireworks, the one who was actually firing them off. When I casually mentioned that it was a hot, dry summer night, and that the idiot was shooting fireworks at one of our buildings, one of the cops tells the guy I nabbed, “You’re very lucky you’re not facing arson charges.” At this point, the guy turns semi-boneless, like an Easter ham, and starts crying.

        I told the lieutenant that my organization likes to keep a low profile, and that we are reluctant to press charges unless it’s a serious offense (something that I’ve never had to deal with). By this time, the dude is in complete meltdown mode, so we decide to let him off with a warning. I actually told him, “Don’t ever let me see your face on this property again, and get the word out that this isn’t a good place to be after dark.”

        I would have invited him to a Monday night game, but he looked to be more of the ‘Magic the Gathering’ demographic.

        GOOD TIMES!

      • August 5, 2016 11:00 pm

        Fun story, but you blew it with that unbelievable “would have invited him…”

        You said it yourself: The Unblown. Invite them not to your table nor clasp them to your bosom. The Unblown are tolerated only as friends of friends whose absence would cost you a decent player – and then, only barely.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 5, 2016 11:32 pm

        This dumbass was convinced that I was going to ‘do him a mischief’, there’s no way he’d be showing up at game night, even if it were taking place in a Pokemon Go gym. Besides, without a car, it would take him about an hour each way to get to Casa Fist, due to the vagaries of the public transit system.

      • August 6, 2016 12:51 am

        Well dude, you’re the one who said you’d have invited him…

      • August 6, 2016 5:02 am

        Citizens arrest is still on my bucket list. On another note, getting a story about my erotic exploits on a reasonably well known podcast is off my bucket list. Great weekend Five!

      • BACLF permalink
        August 6, 2016 6:18 am

        Oh, God, please tell me that Kent didn’t resume his podcast…

        The horror… The horror…

    • August 4, 2016 3:32 am

      Voxel Legoday drives timidly into the bar. The Nightbus Pounding has given him new insight into the nature of sexuality(I have added the 3-point merit: Non-hetronormative). He spends 150 gp on Bloody Marys in the hopes of gathering rumours about the Appartments of Chaos.

      Check roll: 17+3(Cha bonus) vs DC 10: succes! I have uncovered 3 rumours!

      5. There are over 67 genders in the appartments of chaos.
      14. The mad rune-wizard of the Appartments of Chaos, Johnneleth Tarnowsika, identifies as Adamasgender, Alexigender and Mystigender and was the first to invent Tranny concubines.
      18. Johnneleth is triggered by a mysterious tome known as the Kingdoms of the Petal Chair. No one knows why.

      Voxel nodds sagely as he sipps from his 29th bloody mary. “Much thanks insect! Now make yourself scarce before I dine on your butt.” He honks threateningly.

  34. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    August 3, 2016 4:46 pm

    Wait, what is this? Why is no one rolling any dice? Something funny is going on here.

  35. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 3, 2016 7:02 pm

    After several hours of running from various humanoids in the overcrowded monster ghetto, Willet, delirious from hunger, thirst, and big time disinterest in his companies wares, shows up at the tavern and orders up a burger, fries, and the most expensive ale in the house (with no concern for his empty pockets). When a serving wench passes, he inquires “do you have frequent-bather rates on the use of a bathtub here? I stay clean for all of 5 minutes.”

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      August 4, 2016 1:33 pm

      For extra fun, imagine Willet’s mad dash looking like a several hour long episode of Scooby Doo where he and the monsters are running in and out of various cave openings. At one point he’s in a photo booth in the Owlbear cave, and the Owlbear appears behind him in the booth at one point flashing a peace sign to the camera. Some more in and out cave chasing, and at one point Willet is chasing THEM waving his new 5 page, $29.99 adventure module “Giant rats in the Tavern Cellar” wildly with dollar signs in his eyes.

      The song “Walking on Sunshine” should be playing while all this occurs.

  36. Timotheus permalink
    August 3, 2016 8:28 pm

    Spanky kicks back at the tavern. At the appropriate moment s/he tosses a rock by Priest-King Zakon Oth-Ommog’s right shoulder. As P-K ZO-O looks that way, Spanky scoops up Slave harem girls 1-5 in Hir FannyPack of Holding.

    “More whisky, god dammit! And I have heard through my infernal contacts: the un-named castellian’s mom sucks tiefling cocks in hell!” Trying to fit into such a rough and tumble company.

    Makes Chaisma roll: 8.

    In Chainmail, that is a success.

  37. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    August 3, 2016 10:38 pm

    OT, but gleaned from here:

    Some King’s Kent
    Permanently Deleting Blog on Tuesday – Back from holiday on Tuesday I will be *permanently* deleting this blog as I retire my Kent cognomen, Kent of fond sweet memory and enduring laughter. S…
    4 days ago

    Given his track record, after this megaflounce, he’ll be back before the week is over. How many times can a scroteloaf go away permanently?

    • August 4, 2016 12:59 am

      The “scare quotes” around “permanently” reveal a degree of hitherto unexpected “honesty”.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 4, 2016 2:35 am

        Mendacity is as natural to Durr Hurr as outré sexual activity is to a mallard (don’t make me link!!!).

        Kent was (if the “retiring the moniker” bit is true) an interesting, even instructive case… the first case I’ve ever seen of someone “gaslighting” his/her/hir-self. It’s a pity that Southern Hibernia Institute of Technology isn’t a real university, a psychology department would have a field day with the Autist Formerly Known as Kent.

        Of course, this could all be a ruse, Kent could be laying low until he reveals himself in the game as Kent Jong Un. I still suspect out host will pull the old Ass Eaters of Pyongyang switcheroo. I sure hope I’m not the guy who sits idle for four months because his character is imprisoned in the dungeons of the Pyongyang Old City Shitadel.

  38. Frog Gode permalink
    August 4, 2016 5:36 am

    I, Fruity Frank(ie) the amnesiac barbarian, wakes up once again with suspicious bite marks on my various fruity appendixes and a totally unsubstantiated certitude of past abuses. Distant voices chuckle in my head : “Old enough to booze, old enough to juice!” I have no more tears – mostly because my eyes are now grapes. When will it all end?

    Until the DM says otherwise I am laying on a wooden table in what seems to be the backroom of some angry dwarf’s tavern. Having been raised on a steady diet of Fighting Fantasy I can’t rule out the possibility that this tavern is somehow smack in the middle of a giant cave complex filled with monsters, so I don’t make a move. I sense there is a white male terrorist lone wolf lurking around, waiting to rip my throat out. I have absolutely no evidence of that, but who needs evidence? What I need now is the cold hard steel of Entitlement, my heirloom machete, and a +1 forward in Hack and Slack.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      August 4, 2016 1:43 pm

      A small, squinty-eyed man in a utili-kilt and a “I travelled 2000 miles to Garycon and all I got was this T-shirt two weeks later when the con opened for business” T-shirt who smells like over-boiled cauliflower and cabbage approaches Frog Gode. He looks towards the studio audience and winks to their delight and applause before addressing you. He waits a couple of beats before speaking, looking knowingly at the audience again who are now at the edge of their seat, then back to Frog Gode and speaks with a big smile on his mug “…buy some product!”

      The audience leaps to its feet, many of them hollering and high-fiving. Some even hugging and more than a few tears of joy.

  39. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    August 4, 2016 3:55 pm

    PK Zarkon: (slaps waitress on the ass) Wench! Fetch us some ales! And be quick about it! The men (eyes Spanky skeptically) are thirsty! (pulls Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity from backpack and straps it around Skanky…)

  40. Frog Gode permalink
    August 5, 2016 12:13 am

    “We need a fourth wall here I’m freezing!” I yell at the wench as I suddenly recognize Willet from the poorly drawn portrait that adorns every pack of Golanda Stinkies (the leading brand of adult diapers in southern Dragonsfart). I refrain from buying some product, fearing that this would trigger another hideous transformation. Instead I look around and marvel at the inclusive ragtag band of enlightened backstabbers (and undead vehicles) gathered here through player agenda and non-judgmental collective storytelling. I take this opportunity to reflect loudly on the irony of playing elfgames in a world on fire while secretly indulging in transfatphobic fantasies. May I have my three rumours?

    • August 5, 2016 2:09 am

      23+4 = 27 vs DC 10, a tantalizing succes!

      As you blink away tears from the pungent musk emanating from your fellow players, you overhear the following:

      8. It is said that if you close your eyes and listen closely you can hear faint korean screaming and fart noises issue forth from the appartments of chaos at night. No one knows why.
      14. On the road to the Appartments of Chaos is said to dwell a mad swamp hermit named Kent, constantly deleting and undeleting his blog. He will volunteer information about the caverns only in a condition of extreme approbation or arousal.
      19. The Fortress is under constant attack from Native Americans.

      I pass on the caller baton.

  41. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    August 5, 2016 8:56 am

    Vampire Night Bus enters the tavern and orders a white wine spritzer and two quarts of synthetic motor oil. To avoid any unnecessary unpleasantness with the local yokels who are all wearing Make Golanda Stink Again Trump shirts (and matching thongs?), VNP covers Willett’s unpaid tab. He throws some coppers Willett’s way for a shower curtain. All who fail to buy some product must now Save vs. Pounded in the Butt by Vampire Night Bus.

    • August 5, 2016 11:02 pm

      I’m concerned about the Storyteller letting this game become a vehicle for your anal rape fantasies. This isn’t a Black Dog system, you know!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        August 6, 2016 11:53 am

        Sorry Vampire Night Bus Pounds My Butt is the only World of Darkness product I own. Matt.Ceb at Big Purple Dildo said it was pretty much the definitive sourcebook for the whole setting and the point of the whole game since VtM first came out in the early 90’s. :/

  42. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 5, 2016 11:50 am

    Willet, who was just about to slip on his ring of inviso to sneak out the bathroom window, see’s that his tab is paid and is also overjoyed that some product seems about to move. He pops open his bag of holding (which is in the form of a Charles in Charge lunchbox from the 90’s) and pulls out Nightbuses shower curtain. He then places some more product on display on the table. T-Shirts with that famous dogs playing poker artwork but instead they are playing D&D, “Hang in there baby” coffee mugs but it’s a Flumph instead of a cat, Pencil toppers in the shape of some of the worst Fiend Folio monsters, and some posters that feature a Fire Giant sittting on a toilet and the tagline “Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.”

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
      August 5, 2016 3:20 pm

      VNB buys a Gamer Girrrl thong from Willet, hands him a Cuban cigar – THANKS OBAMA 😡 -and offers to buy him a craft beer. Rolls stealth to avoid WIllet catching him checking out his butt for potential pounding.

  43. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 5, 2016 3:32 pm

    Willet lights the cigar with pride and glee. The resultant explosion (either from it being an El Explodo joke cigar, or from lighting it with his face too close to an obviously leaking gas pipe that Willet thought was a Russian Spambot’s voice and was leaning over to thank it for frequenting his website) leaves his face blackened and his cheap, feathered hairdo and beard burnt away to the more 2011-2014 clean look we have come to know and love. He is barely aware of it, being so excited as so far today he has sold more product than he has in his entire writing career. Things are looking up! He looks around at his new mates/handlers (especially his best customer Nightbus), and inquired “does anybody have some crash space I could use tonight? I have asked “Small Beer” the innkeeper to watch out for my disability check, but until it comes I’m a little strapped for cash (despite having made $180 in sales today). Oh, and could I have some shower privileges? I’ve been carrying a load in my Huggies since the Gnoll cave complex.”

    Our hero is unaware of what might be in store should Nightbus be the one who champions a nights rest for him.

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
      August 6, 2016 5:50 pm

      Do not fear, Willet. I don’t have time to clean let alone repeat so I won’t be pounding Blooey in the Pooey!

  44. August 6, 2016 3:50 am

    Since the mission-assignment part of this boxed text seems a little behind schedule, Fruity Frank starts lecturing the assembly about the moral obligation for the Keep’s denizens to welcome more refugees from the internal wars that rage in the Caves. Those definitely not rape-thirsty humanoïds have an unquestionable right to settle here, just as it would be unspeakably wrong for any elfgame session to avoing dealing with all current social issues.

    • August 6, 2016 6:28 am

      That trash can must be blazing by now with all these pointless social tests. If the framers wanted you to roll on it there would be a rule. Come on already, OSR! Let’s burn this motherfucker to the ground!

    • August 7, 2016 10:02 am

      Vox Legoday honks approvingly and uses his dominate discipline to add additional weight to Frank’s well-reasoned argumentation. He makes careful notes on anyone who voices reasonable concerns or points to the historical antagonism between bugbears and humans. Incensed with self-righteous fire, Voxel Legoday asks for affirmate consent to pound someone’s butt.

  45. VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
    August 6, 2016 5:49 pm

    I see from the area map that getting from the keep to the Caves of Chaos is going to take a couple of days – it’s 3 squares per hour walking, 1 square per hour searching (or stopping to pound butts). Since I am a Night Bus we should leave tonight so why don’t you guys hop on and ride me for a change and we can be there in 22 minutes*. There’s no cross town traffic at this hour.

    *Unless I have to stop and pick up this fucking loser named Freddy P who is a grown man who still has to take the bus. That’s one butt I won’t be pounding ever!

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
      August 6, 2016 5:55 pm

      OOC: Here’s my character background:

  46. August 6, 2016 5:50 pm

    [You peruse the tavern bulletin board. It is filled with local news, some gossip, offers for services rendered and needed, and items for sale:

    https://www.etsy.com/listing/274139996/giant-centipedes-vile-mockery-and?ref=related-0

    Tempting…]

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
      August 6, 2016 6:04 pm

      VNB says “This bus schedule is out of date. Night bus doesn’t stop at the Cave of the Unknown on weekends…”

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 6, 2016 9:14 pm

      Are there any outstanding warrants for a brave halfling Cleric/Thief who has absconded from the realm with a large sack of coin cozened from naive fatbeards who really, really wanted a shitty B/X cut-and-paste?

      Any communications from the dwarf Tenkar, Commander of the Order of Sheriffs of the Realm?

      • Timotheus permalink
        August 6, 2016 10:38 pm

        “The po-po gots the street”

        Officer Turdkar

  47. Timotheus permalink
    August 6, 2016 10:32 pm

    Spanky spazzes out. “Centipede” used to be hir safeword before…before…

    Too painful…X card…

    “Kill everybody,” She/He/It screams as SHIt extends hir pole again and again in an orgasmic raibow of candy corn guilt.

  48. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    August 7, 2016 9:25 am

    Frank the half-fruit, half-barbarian has got serious reservations against taking Vampire Night Bus (or be taken by it) unless these is a detour through the swamps. If a functional party ever emerges from all this wenching and boozing, surely it should first investigate the mad blog-erasing swamp hermit, whose “now you see me now you don’t” powers may originate in repeated copulation with blink dogs and would be priceless in the rest of the adventure.

    He also tries to locate the Keep’s Forge, because one of the many voices in his head, the one with the weird Canuck-Spanish accent, keeps on insisting that there lies the root of all Evil in this land.

  49. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    August 8, 2016 4:34 pm

    Wow, this sure beats going to Gencon.

    I don’t want to be a Priest-King of Gor anymore. I thought they were supposed to be well-lotioned loincloth-clad Boris Vallejo types (how I am in real life) but they are really these big alien insect-men or something. Yes, I am a poser and not a True Gorean(tm). From now on I will stick with what I know: I want to be Draco Malfoy from Slytherin House.

    Erecto Engorgio Expulso!

  50. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 8, 2016 5:15 pm

    Either as PC or NPC, I’d like to see more characters that are thinly veiled versions of blOwSR luminaries.

  51. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 9, 2016 2:58 pm

    Taking a look at VNB’s schedule so on the next visit to the caves he doesn’t have to walk, he notices that there is what seems a typo. The weekday schedule says “Caves of the Unblown.”

    Of course, the hilarity is lost upon him.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      August 10, 2016 5:03 pm

      VNB approves this message!

  52. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    August 10, 2016 12:01 am

    Upon leaving the tavern, FF hears of the imminent fate of its owner, Commander of the Order of Sheriffs of the Realm Turdkar, who everyone believed to be full of gas but is in fact slowly filling up with a mysterious fluid. Side quest already?

    [Note : Turdkar used to be an adventurer like you, but then he shot an arrow in some kid’s knee an they put him behind a Desk on the Borderlands.]

  53. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    August 10, 2016 12:05 am

    Looks like PolyhedronGames.com is no more. It comes up as HugeDomains.com now. Interestingly, it seems you can still buy the infamous shower curtain at the Cafepress Polyhedron Games store. Only now the store banner reads “HugeDomains.com (Welcome to Polyhedron Games).”

    http://www.cafepress.com/polyhedrongamesllcshop.674168947

    Not sure if you can really make it through to the check-out though. C’mon, somebody, give it a shot! It’s the “Secret Stash” storefront with the bargain prices! Just $45.99! You know you want one!

    All together now…

    Buy some product!

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      August 10, 2016 3:36 pm

      Is this the real world Beldany? It’s a place in Poland. Heh. Pollock. How fitting, really.

      I wonder how many of these ended up sitting around. Wonder if they’ll end up in a hole in the desert like the E.T. video game cartridges.

      Say, you can (somehow) get it in bracelet form as well.

      http://www.cafepress.co.uk/+beldany_map_labels_2_charm_bracelet_one_charm,1123500866

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      August 10, 2016 5:05 pm

      I never knew you could buy a Stink in Golanda thermos from Blooey.
      Sigh 😦

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 10, 2016 6:31 pm

        Nothing quite says “this is going to be delicious” like a Stink in Golanda thermos food jar.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      August 10, 2016 6:53 pm

      The Polly the Dragon cufflinks aren’t bad looking but they cut Polly’s head off. A Polyhedracon mug would be great for cons but I need something that won’t spill. Sigh! And why are there 69 products with just giant red lips on them?

  54. Out of the Bloo, and into the Black permalink
    August 10, 2016 11:43 pm

    Buy this product to know the truth.

  55. August 11, 2016 5:10 am

    http://hateosrconone.strikingly.com/

    CAVEAT EMPTOR – this event does not do what it says on the tin.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      August 11, 2016 6:23 am

      Do they have plans for a Taylor Swift Convention (asking for a West Virginian acquaintance)?

      • August 11, 2016 7:07 am

        God willing, the Taylor Swift Convention will one day refer to parameters for warfare

      • Frog Gode permalink
        August 11, 2016 8:29 am

        They would need to understand her rules of engagement first.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      August 11, 2016 4:20 pm

      It’s too far away from Wisconsin for me. I’m sure we can all agree that only a mouth-breathing cretin would travel over a couple hundred miles for an elfie-welfie con.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      August 13, 2016 2:27 pm

      ABLEISM IN ACTION AT THE HATE OSR CON!!! *angry*

      “Access: The club has poor disability access as there are steps into the venue, and down to the con area.”

  56. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 11, 2016 5:19 pm

    Hey, there’s a little too much chit chat at this gaming table. Can we move this along? There’s plenty of other games out there, ya know! Gamers vote with their feet!

    btw – any experience points yet? I think my character deserves a bonus for acting in alignment (chaotic/moronic) and fully in character.

  57. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    August 11, 2016 6:13 pm

    You Sir! You Sir!

  58. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    August 12, 2016 1:11 am

    My previous post is still in limbo, probably because it alluded to Sheriff Turdkar’s mysterious ailment.

    Anyway, as he shortcuts through the dark alley behind the Tavern, Fruity Frank stumbles onto Durr-Al-Lexed Lexi, the tavern’s fry cook, a scrawny beardless dwarf, whose radical incompetence outweighs any attempt at racial solidarity and who consequently just got fired for the umpteenth time. The pathetic being offers Frank a one-on-one coaching session with a happy ending. Frank doesn’t see why anyone would inflict that on oneself, but out of compassion he lets Lexi suck his banana dick instead [character creation through play : Frank is neutral good : I hate him already].

    Unfortunately the banana is too ripe and the result, mushily predictable. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what grows next. Anyway tears of gratitude start rolling on Lexi’s grease-burned cheeks and Frank asks him where the fuck the Forge is, and also where one may find the local friendly priest for advice (I have a good feeling about this).

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 12, 2016 6:44 pm

      As a cleric/thief of the Church of Scientology, Adams Lightfingers can give advice for a, er eh um, small honorarium. He reaches into his pouch and turns on his trusty e-meter. Now how the fuck does one get an electrical response when the subject’s hands are made of kumquats?

      “Oh, hey, Fruity Frank, you’ve got a fuckton of Thetans haunting your nervous system. Better get your wallet out.”

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 12, 2016 6:53 pm

      Heh, Pundejo…

      Maybe I’m a special case, though, because I pretty well AM the ‘idealized version of what I would like to be in real life’. I don’t need to play it in a game, because I’m living it, baby.

      Here’s a guy who couldn’t make it in the cutthroat jungles of, snort giggle, Canada, so he had to go to Uruguay to shine. He’s a medium-sized fish in a small pond.

      I hope Venger casts a ‘foul taste’ curse on his tobacco.

  59. August 12, 2016 3:45 pm

    The group moves to leave the tavern but find the way blocked by townies [rolls initiative] They have the jump on you!

    2 Men-at-Arms try to pin Oscar Anderson, Billionaire Dinosaur’s tiny arms but you sensed danger and held action to meet any threats. Roll to swing on them or cast your readied spell “Suppress Thetans.”

    The Sergeant-of-the-Guard tries to bundle Von into a sack, roll to save vs. death ray to avoid.

    A Serving Wench and Scullion hurl a storm of tankards, plates and tableware at Spanky, roll to dodge or spend a fate point to narrate response.

    Adam Lightfingers is ignored in the commotion, you may designate an attack of opportunity or begin stealing anything not nailed down.

    The Barkeep sneaks under Vampire Night Bus and tries to lodge a banana in your tailpipe, roll to avoid touch attack.

    Corporal-of-the-Watch brandishes his bec-de-bardiche at Rust Nuts, save vs. DEX or roll on the Polearm Shenanigans Table.

    3 Men-at-Arms approach Prince of Nothing but appear reluctant to hit an Elf. They instead pantomime gay kissy faces at him and ask, “Does your husband know how to fight?” Save vs. bullying or lose 3 rounds cutting yourself.

    The Captain-of-the-Watch waggles his longsword at Zarkon but is distracted by his comely slave girls, who caper provocatively. Save vs. boner or be likewise stricken dumb by titties.

    The Barkeep’s Wife reaches for one of Frog Gode’s tempting fruits – do you let her take one???

    Perdustin is ignored in the fray and ponders whether to cast a spell or start flinging darts left and right, when he notices on the wall a painting of a pirate ship and it’s salty crew. YOU ARE TRIGGERED – roll 2d4 to see how many rounds you lose to blind tears of impotent rage.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 12, 2016 7:01 pm

      Since he’s not being targeted by any of the townies, Adams will fish a spell scroll out of his pouch and attempt to cast Wall of Tats to cut the bulk of the townies off from the melee.

      Let’s see… Wall of Tats is a 4th Level Scottomancer spell, so Adams has a 20% chance of failure. I rolled a 37, so the spell should take effect. Any opponents trying to push through the Wall of Tats has an 8% chance of contracting hepatitis.

    • OA, BD permalink
      August 12, 2016 8:34 pm

      Suppress Thetans, 48,000 Gold Piece Radius

      Sent From My Blackberry

    • Timotheus permalink
      August 13, 2016 5:45 am

      [spends fate point] Spanky dodges the frothing missiles, hooves clopping out a mad Irish jig, creating a Safe Space around hir for hir new friends. SHIt advances it toward the door, trying to overcome all the Patriarchy in the party’s way.

    • Timotheus permalink
      August 13, 2016 5:47 am

      [OOC: DM, you forgot Stonefister! Or is this a deliberate Silencing?!]

      • August 13, 2016 7:14 am

        You are not allowed multiple PCs until you source the spell Summon Sock Puppet.

      • August 13, 2016 7:49 am

        You rang? Since the grass roots seem ornery I look for a soap box or a chair to stand on. Do I have to roll or is this just one of my Moves?

    • Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
      August 13, 2016 8:32 am

      Where once was an overripe yet proud banana is now a slit and juicy pomegranate. The Barkeep’s wife’s hand triggers Frank’s move : “opens new horizons of dripping sexual possibilities”. I roll+Wtf and try to join Timmy’s safe space.

    • August 13, 2016 8:38 am

      Rolled a 9, but since Voxel Legoday’s Crybully specialisation makes him both victim and opressor, he gets a +4 on saving throws vs bullying provided he can appeal to White Knights in the audience. Stirred on by fruity frank’s speech, Voxel Legoday’s cries of harassment allow him to summon 2d4 (5) 0th level fighters (7 str, 8 con, 5 cha) to come to his aid. However, he still fails the save, so Voxel Legoday spends the next 3 rounds cutting himself with his trusty katana+2 that is both Triggering and Privelegechecking provided it is wielded within 500 ft. of a liberal arts college. Does the keep have a campus?

      • Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
        August 13, 2016 1:03 pm

        It must have. Otherwise, why so many Orc Lit majors whose only way out of their affordable student loan is a trip to the Caves?

      • Timotheus permalink
        August 13, 2016 7:36 pm

        According to Matt Finch in his Mold School Primer, which dogmatically Erases the experience of those of us who were actually playing in those days, it is totally right to use metaknowledge your character would not know, because true Role Playing is all about the player and not the Role being played.

        So if my memory of KotB serves, there is indeed an outpost of the Sub-University of Montevideo here, run by a bitter tobacco salesman who spends all his time sticking pins in kewpie dolls of his students in runic patterns and chanting at the String-n-cup Repairer’s Guild..

        It will have to be the DM’s Ruling if it qualifies as Liberal Arts or not. And even then, since you are cutting yourself, does that mean you Trigger and Privelege check yourself? Hopefully you fall within my Safe Space so it won’t matter (but I am not burning another Fate Point to make it happen, if required).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      August 13, 2016 4:05 pm

      Vampire Night Bus narrowly avoids the banana touch attack thanks to the bonus from his I’m a Top I Don’t Bottom Like Kent the Pillow Biter feat. VNB uses his disguise skill to transform into the Partridge Family bus. Tomorrow the townies will wonder why Shirley Jones kept trying to pound their butts.

    • August 14, 2016 12:22 pm

      4 + 2 = 6 rounds

      When feasible, in order to cheer up, I will attempt to cast Melf’s LSD Arrow on myself.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      August 15, 2016 10:16 pm

      The sight of actual (female) boobs at the gaming table gives Zarkon a -15 penalty on his save, so fail. Zarkon is Fascinated and Confused for 1d4 rounds and can take no further actions except babbling incoherently.

  60. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 14, 2016 6:27 pm

    Willet finishes up his dinner, and is surprised when a bill lands in front of him. It’s for his and the rest of the parties meals and drinks. He looks around and suddenly realizes they are all gone. As it dawns on him that he has been reverse dine-n-dashed, he slowly lowers his head and quietly weeps. Then he remembers Nightbus’ payment for the shower curtain, a nice fat check. But when handed over to the innkeeper, it bounces so hard it breaks several bottles of booze and knocks out the serving wench. The innkeeper hands him an apron and a broom. “You’ll be working for me till you exit this world.” Defeated, our hero starts sweeping. he’s not very good at it.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 14, 2016 9:51 pm

      Once the incontinence strikes, his cleaning services won’t seem so attractive.

  61. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    August 14, 2016 9:52 pm

    Do the townies continue with their hostilities? If so, Adams will ready a weapon- he’s proficient in the tit-man’s mace and the staph-sling.

  62. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    August 16, 2016 1:01 am

    Trying hard to sound as stereotypically French as possible, Frank mixes haughtiness with defeatism and offers the townies public apologies for the imaginary sins of previous generations, as evidence of our predominantly white (and chrome) party’s moral superiority.

  63. VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
    August 16, 2016 7:59 pm

    VNB goes into Willet’s newly opened Ye Olde Shoppe and picks up a pair of these for 100 GP and a 6 page PDF of The Stink in Golanda for $18.99.

    That will help keep the lights on for a bit.

  64. VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
    August 16, 2016 8:03 pm

    OOC (or is that OCD?): Using Alexis of Tao’s extensive notes and spreadsheets, how much cereal grain is produced within a three-hex radius of the Keep?

    This knowledge is integral to my continued enjoyment of the game.

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
      August 16, 2016 8:07 pm

      Oh and please break the percentages of cereal grain types down as follows:

      Wheat
      Bran
      Oats
      Rice
      Corn
      Count Chocula
      Froot Loops (No Homo)

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 16, 2016 11:53 pm

      Now that you mention it, what about pseudocereals, such as buckwheat, amaranth, and quinoa? I demand gluten-free options in the dungeon.

    • Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
      August 17, 2016 3:55 am

      Didn’t we just storygame this shit? If Bigby imagines the mere possibility of pseudocereals they must exist, and from now on I demand +1 on all my Saves vs IBS thanks to the healthy banana & buckwheat crêpes Frank just had, courtesy of Willet.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 17, 2016 9:44 pm

        Ah, my fruity, froggy friend, no need to storygame this one. You should know that your famous Corsican menace subsisted on foraged chenopod seeds during lean times on campaign. Why should chicken Marengo get all the love?

      • Timotheus permalink
        August 17, 2016 10:30 pm

        “Description: Bushy appearance, tapering toward the top.”

        “Chenopodium album, a native of Eurasia, goes by various common names: lamb’s quarter, goose foot, pigweed, fat hen, all of them suggesting that the…”

        You’re gaslighting my character!

        I’m not going to spend a Fate Point, but I will do a default Candy Corn roll for absorbing and converting random thetans into orgones – one of several implied abilities I have from that link you posted. When/if successful, I will exert Diversity-based Suppression of the substance of Big’s post.

        Except for the frog part. That stays.

      • Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
        August 18, 2016 12:45 am

        Once we are are done slaying renegotiating the terms of our social contract with the townies, we should really head on to the caves, because I see a lot of potential for our unique brand of vegan scientology among the low-INT/high-gp crowd there.

      • August 18, 2016 2:20 am

        Still triggered and with his privelege thoroughly checked, Voxel Legoday spends his last 30 guilders on a nightbus-sized van persie kit and two black market doses of goverment heroin.

        Hoking enthusiastingly, he ventures forth towards the appartments of chaos, urging on his fellow adventurers by recounting harrowing tales of the institutionalized opression faced by adventurers within the keep. The violence inflicted upon us by the natives is but an example of structural violence, he muses.

        Although Voxel Legoday’s race is elf, he identifies as a Vampire Night Bus. I expect the Storyteller to accomodate my new identity as soon as possible.

  65. Alexis's Tits permalink
    August 17, 2016 6:15 am

    “I should warn the reader; this is going to be one of those posts where I look at something from a bunch of potentially negative angles and then decide not to change because I don’t want to change. That really is the truth. There’s no point lying about it.”

    I know you want to hate me, but when I write things like that, you can’t really, can you?

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      August 18, 2016 11:54 pm

      Per Alexis’ horse rules, Zarkon’s steed “Lady Windermere” is an 1850 lb. (2d4 x 50 + 1600) heavy warhorse with 7 1/6 Action Points, INT 3, STR 17 (2d4 + 12), and DEX 10 (2d6+6). At present exertion levels, Lady is currently consuming 46.25 lbs. in forage (1850 x .025) per day. Zarkon has 42 Knowledge Points in horseback riding (authority status) gained from his sage ability and possesses the skills Feeding & Diet, Handling 1, Mounted Combat 1, Handling 2, Horse Jumping 1, Horse Physiology, and Train Warhorse.

      This Ludological Narratology is great and all but I need to roll some bones, man.

  66. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 19, 2016 11:24 am

    is it too late to convert this campaign’s system to OD&D? Zarkon’s horse looks like it’s from a fucking superhero game.

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS POUNDS MY BUTT permalink
      August 19, 2016 4:14 pm

      We aren’t using anything from 4th edition D&D are we I don’t own the books? I do own the World of Warcraft board game though which is essentially the same thing so I guess I could pull that out…..

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 19, 2016 7:46 pm

        I’m pretty sure that ‘cuck’ and ‘bromosexual’ are right there in the rulebook. Now count the hexes, or Lexi will have a fit and burn his omelet.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      August 22, 2016 9:29 pm

      I could re-stat with Ponyfinder.

  67. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    August 22, 2016 6:30 am

    I finally checked out Candy Corn Tieflings. I roll a feat of Lore to state that the Keep’s long, hot and moist tunnel to the Hollow World leads directly to Sucreterre.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      August 25, 2016 6:13 pm

      Does YDIS have Computer Woes or something? This game is progressing slower than a Blooey PbP on Dragonsfart! 😡

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        August 26, 2016 6:34 pm

        Stop meta-gaming, sir, and run your character!

        (a deep Blooey reference, shared by a rare appearance here the other year by an actual physical participant in a Bloodymage-run game at a con. Man, what an exciting cameo that was!)

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        August 26, 2016 9:33 pm

        Yeah, Computer Woes…

  68. Gary Gygax (OFFICIAL) permalink
    August 25, 2016 6:17 pm

    Sorry I haven’t been around for awhile, fellow travelers. I’ve been holed up in a motel snorting crystal meth and masturbating to the Little League World Series for the last two weeks.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      August 25, 2016 9:55 pm

      Any news on your better half partnering up with that Transformers guy? Maybe a Cyborg Commando movie is in the works? Assuming she can somehow screw Frank “my global cred is solid” Mentzer out of his half, perforce.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      August 26, 2016 6:35 pm

      Man, that’s quite a fall from the mid-80’s when you were doing blow off of hooker tits in hot tubs in LA!

  69. Frog Gode permalink
    August 26, 2016 6:29 am

    As I suspected, one can locate Pundejo’s exact address without any weird stalking, just by using Google Maps and the many clues disseminated in his infamous “Pictures From Uruguay” posts. I won’t spoil your pleasure : find it yourselves (while our DM is on the loo or something). It took me about an hour. Man his street is filthy! But overall, it turns out that this part of Montevideo has a troubling French vibe (the trees, low buildings, deep blue street name signs and Marseille-grade littering) whose laid-back appeal for a bitter Canuck I can understand.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      August 26, 2016 6:37 pm

      He claims he gets local chicks for his games, right? Cut-rate prostitutes maybe?

      • Genderqueer Pansexual Agekin permalink
        August 27, 2016 6:10 pm

        Cut-rate prostitute here, can confirm.

  70. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    August 29, 2016 3:28 pm

    Maybe the DM needs the party to grab onto a hook? I mean, isn’t Keep on the B. full of them? Might I suggest rescuing Willet from his Tavern enslavement? Oops, hold on. Seems he’s been given the boot already for his poor performance (” how are the privies MORE dirty after he cleans them?” sez The Inkeep).

    Outside he spies a nice looking, slender and tall girl with a dog on a leash. He goes over and strikes up a several hour convo with her (it’s actually just a dog tied to a lamp post).

  71. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    August 29, 2016 5:20 pm

    A half-soused villager named Red is sitting by the roaring fire and relating a popular local tale of the night Valkyria Odusdoter, now known as the Bloody Mage, once revealed herself:

    “She acquired many enemies in her career and one came hunting her. A demon by the name of Greelaxus discovered her quietly drinking in the tavern. Recognizing the threat, she immediately threw off her disguise and strode into the street to battle this foe. Drawing Bloodsinger, it immediately began singing Viking war chants, causing all in the vicinity to quail in fear. The demon himself took pause. The battle raged and it was apparent that the demon was going to lose. She had loosed her sword and was casting a spell when the demon gated out. Bloodsinger followed him!

    The mage quietly returned to her drink. After the initial shock, folks wanted to talk to her, congratulate her and pound her on the back. She shook her head and cautioned them to move away, that it wasn’t over. A short time later, Bloodsinger appeared in front of her, dripping green ichor. She stood, cleaned off the blade, sheathed it and quietly said, ‘Now it is over’ and strode from the establishment.”

    (From the Confederacy of Kyria: A Federation of Adventurers – a gazetteer of Ert by Steve “bloodymage” Willett)

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      August 29, 2016 6:28 pm

      *sniff*

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      August 30, 2016 6:09 am

      The mage quietly returned to her drink. After the initial shock, folks wanted to talk to her, congratulate her and pound her on the back. She shook her head and cautioned them to move away, that it wasn’t over. A short time later, Bloodsinger appeared in front of her, dripping green ichor. She stood, cleaned off the blade, sheathed it and quietly said, ‘Now it is over’ and strode from the establishment.”

      Now, THAT’s what I call a dine-and-dash!

  72. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 1, 2016 4:05 am

    “Celebrity” D&D this year with host Saltine Penix is a one big list of WHO????

    http://celebritycharid20.squarespace.com/players/

    Zak S is right smack in the middle of this pack of delusional people who think they are celebrities but don’t even make the cut with Kathy Griffin on the D List.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      September 1, 2016 5:08 am

      Those barrel-bottomers look like the cast of an 80’s slasher movie at a Midwest Con, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but right now I have a hard time deciding whose face I’d like to slap the most.

    • cancerouscatoblepas permalink
      September 1, 2016 3:51 pm

      Wow. So much fail. A bunch of desperate D-listers and one narcissistic psuedo-pornstar and another narcissistic psuedo-artist. I still don’t understand the thrill of watching other people play D&D on a stage. WTF is wrong with people.

    • Timotheus permalink
      September 1, 2016 6:12 pm

      I can’t believe that there are no Uruguayan Rune Sorcerers in that lineup.

      Or is that the same thing as “actor”?

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      September 7, 2016 3:59 pm

      I’d play a game with Bizarro Kramer.

  73. Timotheus permalink
    September 1, 2016 6:17 pm

    Spanky notices all of hir new friends slowing down… nay, time itself is freezing. SHIt wonders, “Are we getting JMalled like that infamous game of Dwimmerdust at the OD&D boards? And just as we were about to break its record of sustainability! Fucking Patriarchs!”

    • VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS (POUNDS MY BUTT) permalink
      September 1, 2016 9:09 pm

      Vampire Night Bus runs over some rats in a trash heap behind the tavern and finds exactly 2000 copper pieces in the pile. And maybe a pin and a comb.

  74. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 1, 2016 6:20 pm

    A virtual “who’s that?” of celebrity talent!

    If any one of these chumps has a Wikipedia page, you can bet that just like Zak and Saltine, they’re the ones who wrote and posted it. I’m sure most of these “actors” and “artists” had to give up getting some overtime at the Sonic/Kinkos/Applebee’s they work at in order to donate time to this. But hey, free publicity! Or maybe Satine has offered up sloppy Filipino-style blowie’s like she used to do for 50 bucks a pop in the backroom at that Hollywood comic book store (no jive; I actually heard that from somebody who was a regular there) that got robbed blind by her “friends” when she had a birthday party at the place.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      September 3, 2016 7:31 am

      I imagine the real celebrities were actually working in the biz that day.

  75. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 1, 2016 6:22 pm

    p.s. – I know we have a campaign going here, but this event really needs it’s own post so we can give it and it’s “superstars” the attention it deserves. We can have fun looking at all the IMDB pages with one or two minor credits they have and citing them here.

  76. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 1, 2016 9:41 pm

    I think I’m going to have to watch that ‘celebrity’ d&d thing in the off chance that they are playing through ‘The Stink in Golanda’.

  77. Frog Gode permalink
    September 2, 2016 3:11 am

    Let me concede that if the Aussie driftwood or the blue-haired cosplay girl get dwimmermounted in the process, there may be entertainment value in this sad mess. Also I’m curious whether Zakko can still get it up or not.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      September 2, 2016 3:25 am

      Plus the blue-haired cosplay girl has a micro-part in “a Beginners’s Guide to Snuff”, which is film cred enough for me.

  78. September 2, 2016 3:42 am

    It’s time to get some tempo up in this bitch. As you trundle along through the forest of marginalization, sweat-drenched and still-hungover and bruised from the night before, you are startled by an ominous rustling coming from the bushes from your left side.

    From the bushes emerges a buck-toothed leprechaun wearing a semen-stained raincoat, a four-leaf clover and wielding a half empty bottle of Black Bush. As he raises his bottle, you sense he is about to rank your party on their intelligence. The shame of coming up last in such an already dim-witted gathering will likely be enough to fatally trigger the two pcs with the lowest score.

    Quickly! Make a speech to impress the Kentrechaun!

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      September 2, 2016 11:28 am

      Man, this would have been Willet’s time to shine. He has +6 saves vs. reality checks.

      • September 4, 2016 8:32 am

        Willet’s enslavement at the hands of the hated tavern patriarchy is no escape. The Kentrechaun’s rank intelligence has a range of 180.’ After doing the calculations, the Kentrechaun determines that Willet indeed within range.

        “Think now,” it cackles, “we know you are a very stupid guy, too stupid to rate on my intelligence scale even among vermin at the American end, but try to realise through the fog of irony that confuses you that you have stolen my command to you and are feebly trying to present it as your own idea because you can’t think of anything original. Willet 2/10”

        With a sound like the mother of all toilets being flushed, Willet is whisked from the tavern into the bag of morons. What wonders will he discover in the demi-plane of Kent?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 2, 2016 11:34 am

      Adams casts Protection from Dunning-Kruger 10′ Radius. That should hedge out the Prince of Not-so-Brightness. Once the spell takes effect, he will dig a bottle of pesticide-tainted neutral grain spirits out of his pack- that’ll be enough to distract the gay fey down *redacted* way long enough so the party can get to the Apartments of Chaos without incident.

      • September 4, 2016 8:46 am

        The Kentrechaun begins rating your intelligence: “Contempt is a natural reaction to the majority of what the OSR puts out, unless I suppose you are a dim & jolly infant or a preening star in a world of your own invention.
        Giving expression to contempt is another matter but I have forgotten what the *purpose* of that exercise is. Hardly to improve the quality of the output. Who can remind me of the purpose?”

        You are succesfully protected from Dunning-Kruger and thus you cannot be rated, as is Spanky since she is within the radius of your spell. Voxel Legoday is still medium-sized but identifies as Colossal (Nightbus), which poses a conundrum that will require some pretty hardcore DM arbitration. Vampire Nightbus is too large and thus outside the radius of the protection spell.

        *roll*

        After 2 rounds you manage to dig out a bottle of pesticide-laced rubbing alcohol but to your great perturbation, it appears you have accidentally dug out a bottle of premium Black Bush, causing the Kentrechaun to begin Podcasting immediately. You will have to divise an alternate stratagem!

    • Timotheus permalink
      September 2, 2016 7:12 pm

      “You see, sir, and if I may just have a moment of your time, sir, Columbo really did wear pink socks. And…may I just sit on your couch, sir? My wife has one hust like this.

      “Also, sir, if I may, Brandoch Daha was totally giving Goldry Bluszco big-eyed blowjobs in the green grass behind the stadium. In fact, Lord Gro was the only character who didn’t take it up the ass, sir. With the possible exception of Lessingham.

      “And Gaythoven’s death mask is something only an Irishman would use as an avatar.”

      • September 4, 2016 8:48 am

        You are protected from the Kentrechaun’s appraisal by Adam’s spell. However, your references to both Columbo and The Worm Ouroborus trigger deep-seated feelings of self-loathing in the Kentrechaun. The Kentrechaun takes 9 damage (half of which is inflicted on his blog instead).

    • (POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY) VAMPIRE NIGHT BUS permalink
      September 2, 2016 7:25 pm

      Kentrechaun fails his Save vs Pounded in the Butt by Vampire Night Bus despite having a +5 bonus because he used Irish Maths and accidentally applied -10 to his roll instead. But it’s Kent so in losing he actually wins in the end (and by end I mean his thoroughly pounded ass).

      • September 4, 2016 8:57 am

        Ah las, as Vampire Nightbus pounds Kent’s Butt like there is no tomorrow, the dramatic realisation comes too late. The Kentrechaun wanted to be pounded in the butt and voluntarily failed his saving throw. As the Kentrechaun climaxes with an ear-piercing shriek, Vampire Nightbus picks up the cackled sub-vocalised candences in his shriek.

        “Kent Intelligence Scale for Idiot Gamers. Vampire Night Bus 2/10. Ho! Ha! Ha!”

        Before Vampire Nightbus can drive out of range, he is consigned to the deeply unnerving demi-plane within the Bag of Morons.

  79. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 2, 2016 7:26 pm

    Heh, Casimir Cuck is painting his ass red and parading around so someone will mount him:

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2016/09/down-rabbit-hole-enworlds-sean-fannon.html#comment-form

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 2, 2016 9:15 pm

      The irony of Pundick and Venger Ass Nasty coming in to that Turdshack rant to plug themselves is precious.

      And I love how Officer Tenkar Durr Hurr followed that rant post up with a post plugging his newPatreon campaign that his readers ” have asked for”.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        September 3, 2016 7:27 am

        Hey YDIS, you should do a Patreon. Or at least a GoFundMe for computer woes. Your readers are asking, Good Sir!

  80. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 4, 2016 7:19 pm

    OT, but completely batty:

    While Terrance was at the hospital, Jesuits launched a nukkake bomb (a nuclear bomb with Jesuit AIDS and semen in it) that hit Ontario, Canada (where Gail’s men and Terrance Jenkins were) and killed millions of Canadians, impregnating every woman in Canada (according to Canada’s FOX News).

    Heh, nukkake… now we know what happened to Kent.

  81. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 4, 2016 9:59 pm

    Canada is in ruins!!!

  82. LADY WRINKLEQUIM permalink
    September 5, 2016 4:24 pm

    I don’t want to play my character anymore. I finally finished reading Vampire Night Bus Pounds My Butt WoD Supplement by Dr. Chuck Tingle, and it turns out Vampire Night Buses don’t drink blood they drink semen! TRIGGER WARNING AND I AM TAPPING THE X CARD!!!! I AM TAPPING THE SHIT OUT OF IT!!!!!

    Can I just play Lady Wrinklequim from Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon instead?

    • LADY WRINKLEQUIM permalink
      September 5, 2016 4:26 pm

      VAMPIRE NIGHT BUSES DRINK SEMEN STRAIGHT FROM THE TAP!!!!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        September 5, 2016 10:24 pm

        Not after a nukkake bomb’s been dropped, they don’t!

        Now roll for initiative!!!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 5, 2016 10:28 pm

      I’m pretty sure Lady Wrinklequim drinks semen as well. I recall reading it in the Dwimmermount supplement “Pounded in the Butt by 2,000c.p.”

  83. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    September 6, 2016 7:17 am

    Doesn’t sound OT to me : Semen Explosion in a Druid cantrip in my campaign – but whatever floats yous bus.

    Fruity Frank teases the Kentrechaun with a signed copy of Ma’ Barker’s “The Tekumel Diet” which advocates putting one and only one thing into your mouth (can you guess what it is?) and tries to grab the Bag from his tiny deformed hands (and surprisingly strong wrists).

    • September 6, 2016 8:09 am

      With the status of Vampire Nightbus’s character still in limbo and the Kentrechaun still reeling from the damage to his blog, you succesfully distract the Kentrechaun with your copy of “Pounded in the Sia-néggu by my own Sia-néggu.”

      D20+5 vs DC 10: 17 a roaring success. You wrest the Bag of Morons from the Kentrechaun’s deformed fish-hands. The Kentrechaun takes a swig of his bottle of Premium Black Bush, empties the rest over himself, lights a torch and prepares to podcast about Scott, and no one wants to be near that when it goes down!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 6, 2016 8:23 am

      A cantrip? I’d have it (heh) pegged (heh) as at least a 7th level spell, based on the old Tiltobate spell from the first “Jizzardry” computer game. Given that M-U spells were capped at 7th level, I’d argue that Nukkake would be 9th level.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        September 6, 2016 11:58 pm

        My bad, Mixed Bodily Fluids Explosion is 7th level indeed : I have a bad memory and the pages of my books somehow got stuck together a long time ago. It’s Semen Projection that is a cantrip, which is understandable given its versatility and outright necessity for all mundane dungeoneering chores : shining leather armors, transcribing new spells, sticking doors shut, smoothing iron rations etc. Druids spend their first year in the woods practicing just this one : it’s like Dragonsfoot, only with fresh air.

  84. Frog Gode permalink
    September 6, 2016 10:30 pm

    OK, before we go on we really need define the acceptable level of gratuitous violence against Dutchmen at our table.

    • September 7, 2016 3:47 am

      Anywhere between the Betrayal at Istvaan V and the Battle of Calth and we are good.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 8, 2016 1:34 pm

      Soylent Orange is Dutchmen!!!

  85. Inklusiv WunderGeek permalink
    September 7, 2016 11:45 am

    It’s important to note that some players will see content warnings as an invitation to be as “dark” and “edgy” as they can, or to treat the problematic content as a joke. If you have a player that is making light of what is meant to be a serious issue, X-card it hard and fast. And if they keep doing it, call them on it, and kick them out if you need to.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      September 7, 2016 4:24 pm

      Now that’s the kind of thinking that would work well for this place.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        September 8, 2016 2:50 am

        Someone should invite her to come and play with us : no dark edgy wise-ass here, no ma’am (and/or persons of related gender options). I wonder what she sounds like while osrgaming?.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 11, 2016 2:56 pm

        As long as her husband is still wondering what she sounds like when she’s orgasming!

  86. Inklusiv WunderGeek permalink
    September 11, 2016 7:40 am

    Fight the Patriarchy by stealing His shit : new OSR Trove at https://mega.nz/#F!oN9XQRaR!3IOuPLcjR9zBh_xvIvrwEw

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 11, 2016 2:53 pm

      Guess I’m a has been in the business if nobody wants to pirate my products. Polyhedron Games isn’t on that list, even under Miscellaneous.

      Sigh! 😦

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 11, 2016 7:00 pm

      Now, now, fake wundergeek, you’ve beaten Casimir Cuck. Not only did you drive him from Big Purple, you drove him from Canada. He’s now a broken shell, a pre-op Tarnowski-to-Urbanski transpolar, cringing in his Southern Hemisphere hideaway, consumed with envy of more successful OSRers and hatred of the ‘swine’. There’s no need to loot his walking corpse. Besides, his stuff stinks… why even bother pirating it?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      September 12, 2016 4:19 pm

      I don’t really recognize most of that stuff. I think most of the goodies were in the previous haul (Deep Carbon, etc). Any recommendations on this?

    • September 13, 2016 3:20 am

      Looks like the same trove to me. Yoon-Suin under Misc seems alright.

  87. bloodymage permalink
    September 11, 2016 2:48 pm

    HAPPY 9/11 DAY OLD SCHOOL GAYMERS!

    To celebrate, ALL Polyhedron Games are marked down to $9.11 TODAY ONLY at RPGNow!

    DA ORCS FALL DOWN JUST LIKE THE TOWERS!

    NEVER FORGET: BUY SOME PRODUCT!!!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 11, 2016 7:03 pm

      The Stink in Golanda was an inside job!!!

  88. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 11, 2016 6:37 pm

    I for one would like to take this opportunity to thank the servicemen of the blOwSR, on DF and elsewhere (they’ll love to remind you of the fact) who made our country safer by diligently manning mop closets, supply cabinets, file clerk duties, etc. in the armed services for the love of God and country.

    I said I’d like to. But I don’t give two shits at the direction they took in life. They didn’t do it for me or you. It was a way out of mom’s basement, and a way to be told what to do just like mommy did to them. Three hots and a cot, after service healthcare, tales of latrine adventures during basic training. They don’t need our thanks.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 11, 2016 8:22 pm

      Yeah, being poor and stupid with your only prospect being to serve as cannon fodder while protect some rich people’s property isn’t really something to be proud of. I just thank God that good white rich men like Donald Trump, Mitt Romney and Dick Cheney didn’t have to end up doing that!

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 11, 2016 8:25 pm

        Dr. Arneson’s Spectre, United States Army Retired.

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        September 20, 2016 3:44 pm

        Maybe one day soon we’ll be able to die in wars started by a woman. Ahh progress.

  89. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 13, 2016 1:08 pm

    Grrrooovvy peacenik Christian Walker opens a game session with child gang rape. Has our favorite surfer/cook/kook gone all Raggi on us?

    http://unknownzine.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-pigeon-street-society-of-explorers.html

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      September 13, 2016 4:35 pm

      Avast! Butt pirates pillaging booty on the poop deck!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 16, 2016 5:15 pm

      “I push the pirate queen to the ground.”

      “Dude, that’s no pirate queen, that a ten year old cabin boy.”

      “I tell the pirate queen that I’m only helping.”

      “Fuck, dude, that a ten year old boy!”

      “Pirate queen!”

  90. Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
    September 14, 2016 8:51 am

    So, read over this Derp Carbonated Oscillator module all you dorks rave about. Another case of Derp, Thrust, DUDE! it seems. Fucking lunatic masturbatory praise for a mostly unplayable module. It’s got better ideas than anything Raggi ever shit out but it’s still shit misery tourism and I’d feel sorry for any player subjected to this mess. Did I get the children’s crayon drawings version cause the art these bloggers rave about look like crude doodles from a 4th grader’s book cover. Fuck, is anyone out there making decent modules I don’t have to wholesale rewrite to make playable?

    • September 14, 2016 9:14 am

      Get Anomalous Subsurface Environment instead. Silly as fuck but fun.

    • Make Golanda Great Again permalink
      September 15, 2016 11:39 am

      DCO is for people who would like to read a novel but aren’t actually literate enough to do so. The shit art hits them right where they live.

  91. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 14, 2016 11:44 am

    I like a lot of the wacky ideas, but it’s not only unplayable but unreadable in places. And seems to take place in the same world as Phantom Tollbooth or something. Time is fluid as fuck. Why don’t people get the fuck out of the valley when they are up to their knees in water crawling with deadly beasts and monsters? Why are they starving? I think the middle part with the drained lake bed is probably the coolest. That, and the crawling giant, has a lot of atmosphere to it. But yeah on a whole the thing needs big time rewrite. It seems like the author wrote down some fairly adult ideas, then had their 6 year old son build a game around it. And illustrate it.

    I recently read a bit of Anomalous, and am having a hard time getting past all the setting material. It’s more than half that shit. I don’t want to run this dudes game world. Plus maybe a bit too heavy on the Sky Fi. There’s a picture of satellites in orbit. Maybe I could use it for a Gamma World game? Also, I now see where Jamal got his “aliens in Dwimmermount” crap.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 15, 2016 12:04 am

      The ‘HA, there’s nothing you can do to help them’ vibe is pretty off-putting, as it takes away player agency. Also, most of the predators in the river are seafood… those meter-wide crabs would make a fine meal, as would those giant pike. There’s also this weird assumption that the player characters’ magic won’t work as it’s supposed to- in a world where ‘create food and drink’ spells are available, a famine could be mitigated somewhat. I sense this ‘frustrated fantasy novel author’ thing going on- ‘She’s a fourth level thief who can sense discord and has an insatiable appetite for crumpets. Her ambition is to steal the great cog from the magical automaton in the abandoned alchemist’s lab.’ She has 18 h.p.- two arrow hits from the fighter’s longbow and a magic missile spell cast at 4th level by the MU… she’s dead in one round, hoss! What a waste of backstory.

      As far as ASE1 goes, it would be great for a sideline campaign when everybody’s tired of the main event. I kinda like the ‘Thundarr’ vibe with the Gene Wolfe style AI ‘gods’, and the allusions to pop culture crap like ‘Bat Boy’. The ‘Dungeon of Signs’ blog has some nice additions to the setting. It’s one of the more interesting OSR offerings, and it sure as hell doesn’t take itself too seriously.

  92. September 14, 2016 11:47 pm

    This is the saddest mid-life crisis I’ve ever seen. I would be less creeped out if you guys were just going to strip clubs. And I’m secretly hoping that I’ll find out that you’re using this as a cover to just go to strip clubs and get drunk.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      September 15, 2016 10:54 am

      Leave the jokes to hubby, lady.

    • September 15, 2016 11:22 am

      Die Gawker you obsolescent anthill of moral turpitude. Your philosophy is dead. Crumble and bury the subhuman vermin that scribbles your memetic excrement underneath the debris. Die knowing that your death is celebrated with mocking laughter that THEY shall come for your whiny brethren and make of them the Blood Eagle and none will stand in THEIR way.

      Also DCO is in serious need of an editor but the imagery within the dam/the dam itself and the DCO itself are atmospheric. I’m guessing the game assumes spellcasters are fairly rare in the game, hence the lack of a create food/water solution (although you can just catch fucking fish or wait for the flood to stop after a day or two, you can live that long without food without resorting to cannibalism).

      The fucking map needed scale badly, I guess one could say that DCO is a dangerous step away from the return to playability and into the realm of the avant-garde art project that should be loathed and feared but it is but a tiny step and it is brimming with atmosphere, albeit it incoherently at times.

      Any thoughts on Yoon-suin/Red-Tide from you lovely ladies?

      • September 16, 2016 4:43 pm

        I like Red Tide well enough, though I’ve never gotten around to running it. It’s a fantasy world that’s been devastated by a Stephen King-ish “Red Tide” of mist that brings madness and death (yes, it’s vague) and survivors from several different nations (typical fantasy fare; pseudo-Viking Scandinavia, pseudo-Feudal Japan, etc.) huddle together in the last landmass that’s free from the mysterious hecatomb, but have to fight the natives — a mishmash of D&D humanoids like orcs, goblins and trolls, collectively callec the Shou — for “living space” as the Tide encroaches.

        Some great ideas (the dwarves’ origin/mythos is awesome), a LL/BX compatible monk class, and a fine fantasy sandbox with horror/terror overtones (and not by way of Raggi grand guignol either). A supplement called An Echo, Resounding, introduces an abstract but expedient domain management system, explicily for use with the setting but compatible with any TSR/OSR D&D I know of (and easier to manage all around than BECMI/RC or ACKS).

  93. Frog Gode Not Pepe permalink
    September 15, 2016 7:49 am

    Magick, you say?

  94. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    September 15, 2016 4:45 pm

    Would any of the esteemed gaming scholars present be able to give a capsule review of Bill Cavalier’s World’s Worst Dungeon Crawl? Part one is “Flaming Deathpits of the Minotaur Mage: Descent into Doomfire.” Part two is “Forbidden Crypts – Halls of the Sorcerer King Jeff: Necropolis of Anger.” They sound like they are mostly meant to be satire but could be playable gonzo adventures if they were done well.

  95. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 15, 2016 7:05 pm

    I’ve heard some good things about this guy at Dreams at Lich House or somesuch blog, who some years ago did this Black City project. Mountains of Madness with vikings (he really seems to hammer this “vikings vikings vikings” part of it). Sounded kind of cool, so wen to look at the blog, only to find it’s a bunch of scattered posts from years ago (when the blogs still mattered). Worse, his latest crap seems to be running endless sessions in Dwimmermount. That didn’t give me much hope he would do anything good.

    Does anybody have more info on this? Is Black City collected anywhere in a form one could use, or at least get a good read of it?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 15, 2016 10:24 pm

      I think the Black City is strictly homebrew. I have an aversion to ‘historical’ fantasy in role-playing games… just make up a homebrew ‘alternate prime’ setting so you don’t have any baggage or unreasonable player expectations, and leave it at that.

      That being said, the campaign journals were okay, but nothing earth-shattering.

  96. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 15, 2016 7:11 pm

    Also, I was wondering this week why Kunt hasn’t chimed in on Deep Carbon, seeing as he kept bringing it up some time ago (ad naseum which is his way). But then I noticed he’s busy trolling away with the durptards of DF. Getting caught as usual like the fucking Hamburgler (or in Kunts case “Turdburgler?”).

    It’s so funny (and by “funny” I mean kinda sad) that this lame-o who likes to talk about his intelligence and the lack of it in others, seems to be not just an obsessed nutjob but a genuine idiot. We’ve all known them. Folk who are quite moronic who want to come off as intellectual. Like Ted Danson on Cheers trying to read War and Peace, or Brian from Family Guy going on about the great American novels. Don’t know where I’m going with this (other than taking the piss out of the loser), but it strikes me quite…funny. Ha ha ho ho hee hee…

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 15, 2016 10:21 pm

      That’ll teach me not to refresh my browser before posting… SCOOPED!

      Brandoch Durr Hurr will eventually crawl back here. He’s addicted to the discussion of elfgames, and he’s got nowhere else to go but here.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        September 16, 2016 11:08 am

        The sad part is we were both actually looking at DF. What can I say? It’s like whiffing your armpit after an hour at the gym. Can’t get enough of that sick yucky stuff.

  97. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 15, 2016 7:24 pm

    Getting back to the Play-by-Post, the pounding by the Vampire Night Bus has driven the Kentrechaun to the Elemental Plane of Fatbeards, but the Elemental Prince of Moderation has now banished the Kentrechaun:

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=75060

    Dumbass just can’t help his cur nature.

  98. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    September 15, 2016 11:59 pm

    It’s best to believe in gods in RPGs because of a cross between Pascal’s Wager and the Godbound RPG. Without any gods in your campaign world, you couldn’t have Godwalkers, towering techno-magical-cybernetic robots that shoot lightning bolts from their hands and can only be driven around by demi-gods. Therefore, per Pascal’s Wager, a rational person should live as though gods in RPGs exist and seek to believe in them In order to receive such infinite gains. Obviously any rational person would recognize the sheer awesomeness of such a PC.

    Also please let the record show that I don’t aspire to be a pseudo-intellectual and freely admit that I’m one of the dumb ones.

    In case anyone has any doubt.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      September 16, 2016 11:04 am

      Had a player back in high school who called me “God” when I ran games. And in the olden (and maybe not so golden) days of olden D&D, the DM was respected for his god-like powers. Only god there need be, when you think about it. But half the fun of clerics is having a nice variety of ultra-powered dickheads up in the sky to choose from. From Zeus to Petty God’s Lord of Spitting in yon Onion Rings at Jack upon thine Box(tm).

  99. Frog Gode permalink
    September 16, 2016 4:48 am

    Nothing like a good ass-pounding to put the story back on the railroad.

  100. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    September 16, 2016 5:13 am

    Nothing like a fairly moderated but firm ass-pounding to put the story back on its railroad.

    So, still holding the Bag of Morons with Willett and an identity-issues-riddled Nightbus inside, Frank leaves the Kermit Kentrechaun’s lair in the swamps and heads straight to the Caves, where s/h/it hopes to reconvene with the rest of the party. No need to search the lair : what could this pathetic creature possess that would be of value to anyone?

    By the way, I spend one bag of Yeast&Fish Doritos to retro-continuitize my rumours : the chaotic Cult in cave KKK has just been taken over by M’lord Rastapopoulos, the blond Half-elf that was recently banished from Thyatis by the Black Princess of the Crossed Streams.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      September 16, 2016 11:00 am

      Prespos? Is that you?

      • Frog Gode permalink
        September 16, 2016 1:27 pm

        He who lives by the post dies by the chat.
        On a related note, Charlemagne’s Paladins (and the Matter of France in general) would indeed be a refreshing (solar, optimistic) alternative to endless Arthurian rehash. Didn’t know there was a D&D sourcebook, will look into it.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        September 16, 2016 4:20 pm

        Most grogs get a bit of the MoF through the lens of ‘Three Hearts and Three Lions’, what with Ogier the Dane and all that.

        Having read La Chanson de Roland, I have to say that the rearguard of an army being attacked by Basques who were conflated with Saracens is pretty prosaic without some ‘Lady of the Lake’ or ‘Merlin’ shit added to it for the titillation of the grogs.

        Get on it, mon ami… Frankland deserves better than Pundejo’s silly WHFRP pastiche, and you are the man to write it.

      • September 17, 2016 9:09 am

        Okay Okay let’s pull back here for a sec and see what everyone is doing keep it together Prince don’t allow this to become a second Asseaters of Pyongyang.

        – Fruity Frank escapes from the loathsome podcast of the Kentrechaun and sets course for the appartments of Chaos, carrying the Bag of Morons wherein lies the Demiplane of Morons with VNB and Willet trapped inside.
        – Emitting a thick pungent musk of coppery rat-turds, mould and ancient estrogen, Lady Wrinklequim emerges from the Underbrush, clutching a Bible and wearing only a loincloth and carrying 48.000 CP. Something tells us that she is not who she appears to be at first sight.
        – Spanky gets 50 roleplaying xp (THE ONLY XP THAT WE SHALL BE HANDING OUT THANK YOU) a fate point and a jade idol of Pepe the Frog worth 30 gp for countering the Kentrechaun.
        – Adam gets no xp for effective play but it still protecting the party from Dunning-Kroeger. ROLEPLAYING NOT ROLLPLAYING GENTLEMEN AND YOUR ATTACKS ON KENT ARE RACIST TOWARDS IRISHMEN.
        – Zarkon is still at the Keep but narrative expediency whisks him out of the clutches of the siphilitic tavern-dwellers and deposits him next to Adams, naked as the day he was born.
        – Voxel Legoday is still triggered but has escaped intelligence rating by the Kentrechaun thus far.
        – Kasimia has been kidnapped and triggered by the evil shitlord Rastapopoulos and will have to concoct a daring escape plan with the former lord of the appartments of Chaos, Johnneleth Tarnowsika.
        – Perdustin was last on initiative and his half-flumph has yet to act. Keep it together man.

        The Kentrechaun is reeling and crying from the damage inflicted on his blog and the loss of its Bag of Morons. He attempts to muster the energy to podcast but promptly deletes it and himself, you are all victorious and gain 48 roleplaying xp for staying in character.

        As you continue on towards the appartments of chaos, you encounter a hideous, whale-like creature covered in repulsively thick blue hair. No one is suprised by its appearance.

        Encounter reaction: 2d6 – 4 : 2.

        It is triggered! It bellows as it waddles towards you, the gender disparity and lack of diversity in your party sending it into a murderous apoplectic fit. None of you have weapons that can harm Tumblerettes and it seems too late to make a donation on its Patreon. What will you do?!?

      • BACLF permalink
        September 17, 2016 9:43 am

        Adams attempts to convince the Tumblrette that the Bag of Morons is a safe space in order to trap hir on the Demiplane of Dumbasses.

      • September 18, 2016 1:13 am

        Sod this for a game of tin soldiers. I’m not letting some elevated swamp-German with delusions of grandeur contain me…

        =====

        While Tarnowsika sleeps, Kasimia raids his stash of Magickal Supplies for runes, tobacco and bottled cat-piss. With these, she marks out the Back Button on the kitchen floor and evokes her first-level Logical Phallusy Ritual, ‘Escape to a Safe Space’.

        9 – 9 – 3 – 5 – 4 – 10 – 8. Five successes. By RAW that should be more than enough for Kasimia to return to her grandparents’ spare bedroom, take comfort in the stench of stale patchouli and trenchcoat dust, consult the Prophet with a spot of bibliomancy (a quick riff through the nearest Black Library publication) and prepare herself for a return to adventure.

  101. LADY WRINKLEQUIM permalink
    September 17, 2016 11:26 am

    A vial of Holy Water and a ceramic urn carrying the ashes of Phyllis Schlafly crash into one another and shatter within the Bag of Morons, drenching poor Vampire Night Bus in the splash radius. VNB burns away and his scrotum shrivels up into a tiny butterfly which then morphs into a bearded clam that proceeds to dry up and grow into Lady Wrinklequim. The Lady of the Tampon Tunnels rips out of the Bag of Morons and presents herself to the party, offering her services as a Menstrual Mage in exchange for a position (missionary only mind you!) among their ranks. At her side is her milquetoast manservant, a Baltimorian Ex-Pat she found in Toronto at the center of a miscast Silence 48,000 GP Radius spell.

    • September 18, 2016 5:52 am

      Lady Wrinklequim appers alongside her Baltimorian companion, the Moonglum to her Elric if you will. The Bag of Morons is still intact, and this is a fortuitous thing, for Adams has just succeeded at a secret Knowledge: Dunning-Kroeger check, making him realize that if the bag of Morons were ever to be destroyed, it would free all Morons that are imprisoned therein!!!

      Adams, your attempt to convince the she-walrus (it shapeshifts between whale and walrus each round) that she should enter the Bag of Morons is perceived as ‘man-splaining’ instantly provoking its tiny woman-brain into paroxysms of petulant, impotent rage. It is so triggered that 1d6 (3) White Knights appear in bursts of sweat-scented pink haze from the realms of Tumblr, ready to defend M’lay’s honour to the death if need be.

      Kasimia receives a stern look from the Storyteller for splintering the narrative and thereby erasing the lived experiences of others but this quickly turns into admiration and approval, because it was all in character, and that is what really counts. Your grandparent’s basement (I assume Vampire Beholders or people who identify as such) has an old trunk with semen-stained copies of the Blood-Ravens Omnibus by C.S Goto only.

      • LADY WRINKLEQUIM permalink
        September 18, 2016 8:30 am

        Lady Wrinklequim’s effete manservant asks that a copy of the rare Blood-Ravens Omnibus (not to worn mind you!) be immediately sent to him gratis.

      • LADY WRINKLEQUIM permalink
        September 18, 2016 8:34 am

        Lady Wrinklequim casts Speak with Prolapsed Rectum on the Kentrechaun.

  102. September 18, 2016 1:07 pm

    Don’t forget to support my blog, simply by visiting, or pressing close to me. Why should you? Sometimes when I am feeling lonely and ignored, the warmth emanating from the circle of your flabby bare butts enthuses me as if your asses were erotic batteries, unlovely sweating muses.

    • September 18, 2016 11:47 pm

      I didn’t know you had levels in Vulgar and Demented Irishman.

    • September 19, 2016 4:39 am

      I should not have dual-classed to Irish but after that Connor Mcregor Fight I just could not help myself.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      September 20, 2016 9:08 pm

      Oh wow, you guys all have blogs too? I thought you clicked on the name to send an email or something.

      Speaking of DCC, check out the Transylvanian Adventures supplement for it. Think old Vincent Price and Peter Lorre monster movies like Elvira used to showcase.

      Also, I love you (no homo brah).

  103. John Tarnowski, Sex Magickian permalink
    September 19, 2016 11:48 am

    I cast summon copier, bitches!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 19, 2016 2:39 pm

      Having invoked, I then shifted myself into the astral plane, creating a mental image of the area that I was about to go to, the neighbourhood around my Lodge.

      Heh, ass-troll plane…

      I can’t believe such an idiot is a product o 21st Century Western Civilization.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        September 19, 2016 4:04 pm

        Is that a euphemism for using google maps?

    • Timotheus permalink
      September 20, 2016 8:24 pm

      ‘An update to that story above; about a month ago I needed to make some photocopies in that area again, and so I went to that store. The guy at the counter there said that they don’t make photocopies, and haven’t in years.”

      dun Dun DUN!!!!!!

      Pundejo invokes a 1950s movie cliche to underline the mystic experience of getting photocopies.

      Who wants to bet that the woman he lovingly calls “the wench” is actually just a discarded mop he found in the apartment building’s basement, but he is totally convinced she is real?

      “But when I’m in Astral Form, I see her for what she really is! We’re magic, baby!”

  104. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 20, 2016 1:04 pm

    With certainty, I can say that everyone who despises us here at ydis is a homophobe. Surely in this day and age there is nothing wrong with a group hug on the web, even if it consists of a virtual pressing together, in solidarity, of a circle of unjustly ignored middle aged dudes’ flabby sweating buttocks. We are proud of our gay butts huddled together for defence and to inspire Prince of Nothing to write his D&D stuff.

    I ask you, should we be ashamed of our comforting nest of aging homosexuals’ ass cheeks pressed together in a flesh prayer. Listen to the squelching sounds our asses make in communion! How dare God dawdle to cast down our heterosexual Dungeons & Dragons foes into that dark pit which hath no male buttocks around the place.

    • September 20, 2016 1:07 pm

      Amen, brother.

      Also I like the smell here which you didn’t mention.

    • September 20, 2016 2:02 pm

      I think Chris Roberts aka YDIS is not one of us. I saw him in a restaurant talking to an attractive woman who was laughing at his jokes. He reached out and cupped her sharp chin in his hand and with his other hand picked up a pork chop and smeared it over her right breast exposing that nipple with grease from the chop and then kissed her nipple.

      But that is still ambiguous. However, I then heard him say,

      ‘Baby, I am so tired of the HOMO MONSTER website I created. The only people who post now have escaped from a leather satchel for imbeciles that kent wielded in hapless effort at purification. These guys are as in love with their own slimy buttocks as Humbert Humbert was in Lolita’s pussy.’

      Is this a show of respect?

      • September 20, 2016 7:00 pm

        It was absolutely a sign of utmost respect for the Swine, to have a segment of one’s carcass ritually rubbed upon the right nipple of a nubile human female. Indeed this is how our ancestors celebrated the bounty of the Earth and its life-giving fecundity before emasculating Christianity.

      • Timotheus permalink
        September 20, 2016 8:29 pm

        Wow, who would ever have conceived of “kent” and “hapless” being in the same sentence?

        How is the potato famine going?

    • BACLF permalink
      September 20, 2016 9:32 pm

      Oh, Paul, you’re too small and weak to inhabit my ‘nym. Nice try, though, now go knit another sockpuppet for Matthew to unravel.

      Oh, and nice post-flounce bounce, you weak-willed cur. We knew you’d come crawling back.

      • September 21, 2016 3:34 am

        Maybe it’s possession. He’s ruminated so long upon Scott, and the general Scottyness of Scott, and Taylor Swift’s artificial breasts and so on, that he has successfully BECOME Scott, and now operates the poor Virginian like a meat puppet.

        SCOTT. CAN YOU HEAR US, SCOTT? YOU HAVE TO FIGHT HIM.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        September 21, 2016 8:52 am

        Now, Von, he’s never been successful at anything. He’s even failed at being Kent, and when he brings the ‘nym back out of retirement, he’ll have failed at not being Kent.

        The sad, simple fact is that Paul has never been successful in any endeavor. He’s a failure elemental. He even failed to create a character for this play-by-post, which gives away the game… the module we’re using is actually “Ass-Eaters of Pyongyang” and he’s resuming the role of Kent Jong-Un, which he’ll inevitably fuck up.

        Regarding Scott, I don’t know why poor Scott has become the object of Paul’s obsession. I think Scott was nice to him once, like a boy who sits next to a lonely fat girl in the school cafeteria, and now that lonely fat girl is stalking him and fixing to boil his pets… a nasty task that will thankfully end in, you got it, failure.

        Now, roll for initiative!

  105. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 22, 2016 11:24 am

    When Kuntington vanishes, I always hope it’s his inevitable lonely, tear soaked suicide that has finally kicked in. But then it turns out he’s just dancing with the durptards at DF.

    Six of one, half dozen o’ the other.

  106. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 22, 2016 12:24 pm

    I, CKDB, have tried to kill myself several times because as an aging psychopath I have no friends or companions.

    Each time I, CKDB, have tried to kill myself I have been thwarted by my rebellious buttocks whose powerful farts blow the noose out of my reach. My ungovernable buttocks refuse to die with me till I have been raped by a muslim fanatic.

    So there is that. And I can’t find a job.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 22, 2016 1:41 pm

      You’re projecting again, Paul. You should seek psychiatric care. At the very least, go read some Chuck Tingle self-help books so you can finally learn that Love is Real, and stop harassing the grogs.

      You should be more like FreddyP- that guy doesn’t shit in the punchbowl he drinks out of… and unlike you, he games. Now begone, foul Dumbasslaik, and if you return, it had better be with a character prepared. We’re gaming here, you fool.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      September 23, 2016 3:19 am

      Time to wave your lighter, Kent : LOVE is REAL

      • September 23, 2016 5:49 am

        Man, that song reminds me of my girlfriend 😦

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        September 23, 2016 4:52 pm

        I’m glad to see these guys making a cumback! 😯

  107. LADY WRINKLEQUIM permalink
    September 22, 2016 3:54 pm

    I guess I went a little overboard on my Speak with Prolapsed Rectum spell! I was trying to summon Kent’s Rectum but it looks like I conjured up the whole drunken Irish Nancy Boy enchilada!

    Way to shit the bed, Miss Kent!

  108. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 22, 2016 5:42 pm

    I, Kunt, have tried to kill myself several times because as an aging, drunken, loser manic depressive I have no friends or companions. And I can’t get laid.

    Each time I, Kunt, have weepingly tried to kill myself I have been thwarted by my inability to do anything successfully. It’s also in part a cry for help, but it’s moot because I don’t have anyone to help me (see first paragraph).

    So there is that. And I can’t find a job. I’m on the dole. All I have is cheap booze and tired old TV shows (from America, no less).

    Oh, and I was all for Brexit, though it’s only going to hurt me and make my life harder.

  109. Frog Gode permalink
    September 22, 2016 11:46 pm

    You need pay a visit to Lexi if you are in Edmonton this week-end (it is a real place). He has a booth that he paid for by means I don’t want to imagine. He’ll show you The Map (The Map!) and even pinpoint the exact location of the 12 acres he has succeeded in populating so far. Only nine thousands years before this beauty becomes a playable artifact.

  110. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    September 23, 2016 4:57 pm

    I dedicate this song to Kent and all the boys of Dragonsfart, Tenkar’s Turdshack, the RPGShite, KKK Alehouse, and pretty much everyone in the OSR!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 23, 2016 6:45 pm

      Wow, that’s the OSR theme song if there ever was one alright.

  111. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    September 23, 2016 5:01 pm

    I”d like to propose a switch to this new story game:

    http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/156244/Hot-Guys-Making-Out

    And by Hot Guys Making Out, they apparently mean Man-on-Boy NAMBLA pedophile action! 😯

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 23, 2016 6:43 pm

      Well, it’s just men fucking boys so the SJW outrage brigade like Ettin and Topher won’t get upset since they don’t have to see any lady parts or boobies.

      • September 25, 2016 2:37 am

        I’ve read worse in fanfiction.

        I gather that many problematic things can be forgiven when it’s guy-on-guy.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        September 25, 2016 3:58 pm

        I gather that many problematic things can be forgiven when it’s guy-on-guy. Or dinosaur, or vampire night bus, or…

        This song pretty much explains the whole Chuck Tingle oeuvre.

  112. Timotheus permalink
    September 24, 2016 11:38 am

    Is 50 xp enough for Spanky to advance a level in a storygame? SHIt wants to multiclass into either Raptor Butt Wrangler or Secretary.

    • September 26, 2016 1:03 am

      Raptor Butt Wranglers are banned from the campaign on account of the disastrous “Creampie in Chongjin” module and the campaignwide implications that followed. I understand Zorbus gets lonely but I just can’t deal with that stuff tbh.

      Secretary is allowed but given the historical connotations I think you should be cautious so you do not end up accidentally propagating white supremacy and patriarchy. We are trying to make this game a welcoming and space for all people of colour and LGBTYMCA as well as women and if that means banning some classes with connections to the darker past of roleplaying games then I am not afraid to put my foot down. It is like my hero, Soros-sama often says: “The road to diversity is built from the bones of the white man” and “progress is best forged from the iron of the refugee in the blood drenched crucible of violent revolution.”

  113. BACLF permalink
    September 28, 2016 2:59 am

    Heh, looks like someone’s gotten on that no jism guy’s last nerve:

    http://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2016/09/of-night-and-day-and-heart-beat-time.html?m=1

    Making friends! Note to Stu, ban the last half-dozen members to sign up at DF.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      September 28, 2016 8:02 pm

      He’s been playing Wack-A-Mole with our Little Miss Kent I see!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        September 28, 2016 9:35 pm

        Crazy old fart-snarfer is still at it with his cut-and-paste. I think all of those penile throat obstructions have finally taken their toll on Ireland’s Shame.

  114. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    September 28, 2016 10:05 pm

    Looks like someone’s been adding some flavor text to the Wandering Wizard’s Wikipedia. I wonder if it’s the same mysterious turkey from here (not me) who tattle-tailed on his failure to deliver on his Kickstarters a couple days after I made a crack on YDIS about it?

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2016/09/the-wandering-wizard-mike-nystul-comes-html

    From Wikipedia:

    “In 2016, Mike Nystul was noted for his notorious inability to payback over $35,000 in three failed KS projects. The money for those three projects mysteriously disappeared leaving many fans with a bad taste in their mouth. As of this time, he is considered the second worst failure when it comes to fulfilling Kickstarter projects with Ken “Whit” Whitman being #1 as far as failing to fulfill those Kickstarter projects. Both of these individuals have stolen well over $120,000 from the gaming community.”

    We should let Wikipedia readers know the results of the “most hated in the OSR” contest too. This is the kind of hard-hitting commentary that the world at large needs to know!

  115. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    September 29, 2016 12:33 am

    Frank sits down an weeps as the last shreds of reality’s veil escape s/his feeble grasp, blown away by the the almighty winds of shared narrative control. Who is in the Bag of Morons now? Was there a Bag of Morons at all? And do Vampire Night Buses accept food stamps on trans-kingdom lines?
    Reunited by love, greed and DM fiat, the party now stands in front of the Apartments of Chaos. Its unique mix of piss, vinegar, self-referential chitchat and fluid identity appears formidable, even unstoppable maybe, but quite difficult to set into motion. Frank looks hard for some kind of rallying cry, maybe some laughably self-important quote that everyone would rejoice in mocking, but the IT guys at work have come to their senses and gomakemeasandwich now falls under “Sex, Pornography” so its wisdom is out of reach. Maybe if Frank would just pass out near a dorm’s door and let the monsters get out and eat him raw… but this is not college anymore, and besides Frank is not sure of her-is birth control status whit all this fruit where mucosal lining should be.

    Any idea, fellow respectful storybuilders?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 1, 2016 5:12 pm

      Frank looks hard for some kind of rallying cry, maybe some laughably self-important quote that everyone would rejoice in mocking, but the IT guys at work have come to their senses and gomakemeasandwich now falls under “Sex, Pornography” so its wisdom is out of reach.

      “NO MEATLOAF 😦 !!!”

  116. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 29, 2016 1:06 pm

    The Whisperer in Dorkness is still pasting the same witless comment on two threads now:

    http://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2016/09/of-night-and-day-and-heart-beat-time.html?m=1

    I think it’s official, that walnut-sized lump of gristle that serves him as a brain has finally melted down.

  117. Sykirobme permalink
    September 29, 2016 1:58 pm

    It’s the economy, stupid:

    http://crpgaddict.blogspot.com/2016/09/guest-post-why-economy-sucks-in-ssi_29.html

    Jim Ward toppled the economy because he apparently lacks the experience to properly design an AD&D adventure.

  118. Xartan Tsauggua permalink
    September 29, 2016 6:22 pm

    Kent or perhaps the poster is serious? http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=75246

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 29, 2016 7:00 pm

      It doesn’t scan as Kent- this individual comes across as smarter than Kent (no surprise there), but while having a certain fluency of English, not a native speaker. Some of the word choices are a bit outré, and the poster’s other comments seem to suggest a younger person, one more well-versed in computer or collectible card games than RPGs.

      Plus, there’s no way that Kent would be posting about hawt harem girls, he’d be pricing catamites.

      • Xartan Tsauggua permalink
        September 29, 2016 10:54 pm

        An astute deduction – I’m hoping Thorkhammer gets to weigh in before the eventual lock.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 30, 2016 3:01 pm

      Well I for one am glad he clarified what he meant by monogamy is overrated because I know I would have been up all night wondering. Here’s a tip for naosu and the other neckbeard fatsos over at Dragonsfart: Get yourself ONE piece of pussy lined up first before you start branching out.

      Jesus Christ what a pathetic lot the blOwSR is!

  119. Timotheus permalink
    September 29, 2016 6:58 pm

    Jeffro caught the Appendix N fetish a decade after other blOwSR bloggers, and is now declaring some kind of victory in some sort of culture wars, and we are all sheep because we did not appreciate his ravings:

    https://jeffro.wordpress.com/2016/09/29/random-thoughts-nothing-to-see-everything-to-lose-real-writer-culture-and-following-your-hate/

    And if you do not write full of hate, you are dead to him!

    Not sure who the most influential voice in the blOwSR that supposedly mocked him is. Surely not Tarnowski?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 29, 2016 7:03 pm

      This is my favorite, overheated reply:

      Be warned. I’m a big fan of Jeffro’s. (I need a hat or shirt or something). It’s not fair, unbiased, or objective, but it’s right, true, and just. Buckle up, buttercup, you’re about to take a bumpy ride.

      Sorry, buddy, there’s nothing ‘bumpy’ about a bunch of aging grogs arguing about elfbooks on the internet.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        September 29, 2016 11:40 pm

        He probably meant love bumps.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      September 29, 2016 7:25 pm

      Also, he’s going to have a shit hemorrhage when Hillary Clinton steamrolls Donald Trump. His tearful jag is going to be a delight to behold.

      • Timotheus permalink
        September 29, 2016 8:05 pm

        Ha! I looked at Vox Gay’s blog, and he is talking about the coming “Trumpslide” or something. Where do these dumbasses get their news, the Colostomy House blog comments section?

    • Frog Gode permalink
      September 29, 2016 11:59 pm

      The post has a nice picture of Nehemiah & co rebuilding the Sheep Gate.

      So reviewing 80 y.o. hastily written pop artifacts is now not only a thing but a controversial one. Can’t wait to see what future Jeffros will make of Xena WP. I guess there is a word for ‘frustrated impotent male huffpuffery’, but my English fails me.

      • Xartan Tsauggua permalink
        September 30, 2016 9:45 am

        Bloviation? A David Brooks column? I feel sorry for the guy who just wanted to read about Traveller and was trying to figure out what the fuck the dude was talking about. I read it twice and I can’t really tell – he probably just needs to curl up with a nice Jerry Pournelle novel.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        September 30, 2016 3:40 pm

        Is Jerry Pournelle psycho-right enough, or does he need some pure, uncut John Ringo?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        September 30, 2016 4:02 pm

        Based on his sf-writing, Pournelle needs some uncut Ringo to set him straight. Raise paws if anyone has read John Ringo’s Ghost btw.

      • October 1, 2016 7:30 pm

        As an addition I will proclaim my undying love for Von Neuman’s War, co-written by Travis S. Taylor, as the smartest and greatest B-movie-novelisation-that-never-was ever made.

  120. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    September 30, 2016 3:39 pm

    Heh, friendless Paul is still spamming two comment threads over at nojism 😦 s’ place.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 1, 2016 8:12 am

      I am surprised our hero is using his real name. Did he already exhaust his imagination’s supply of sock puppets?

      I also love that on nojism’s last post the tribe takes the opportunity for the 13,000th time to virtue signal how they hate “story” and how it is the Enemy or rp’ing. Groundbreakingly insightful, guys!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        October 1, 2016 5:09 pm

        I think he had a full-on Dark Dungeons style meltdown- “I don’t want to be Elfstar Kent any more. I want to be Debbie Paul.”

        The pity is that Paul has always been as big a shitbag as Kent.

        Also, just because nobody is fudging to provide pathos or other narrative tricks, doesn’t mean it’s not ‘story’. Sheesh, people, get over yourselves.

  121. Timotheus permalink
    October 1, 2016 9:44 pm

    OK, I’m struggling between mutliclassing into Disaproving SJW (if we are doing Prestige Classes), Sarah Hoyt’s Magic Marketeer, or Post-Binary Faggot (I get +10% XP because of my CON score). The last also has the Quivering Nukake at 13th level, so I’m leaning that way. Not that I’ll reach 13th level in P-BF when we finally invade the apartments of Chaos, but a farmboy can dream.

  122. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    October 3, 2016 2:35 am

    Small party and all, I will reconsider my no-henchmen policy. If we are to bring Multikulti Enlightenment to the denizens of the Apartments, we need to identify their weakest component and strike hard with all the social-justice tongue-muscle at our disposal. As all the clues point to a hobby-based room repartition, I propose to target the tin-welding Wyrd Dwarves of Malifake first with a Sputtering Rapee (it worked quite well in the past), then in the ensuing confusion to run straight to the main Grog nest and submerge them with a wave of Videogaming 4E simpleton / illiterate millennial Strawmen. By the time the grogs realize these exist only in their heads we will have educated every single one of them.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 3, 2016 8:00 pm

      That’s so crazy, it just might work.

    • October 4, 2016 6:30 am

      Timotheus I mean Candy, you have yet to declare your multiclassing selection.

      Adams, face the feminoggoth and its coterie of white knights lest ye be declared an apostate and disemployed/discredited.

      Frank, Wrinklequim, Zarkon, Perdustin and Willet (still imprisoned within the demi-plane of morons) press onward, leaving their erstwhile companions to face the menopausal horror of the feminoggoth alone. Wielding the potent but dangerous power of the Bag of Morons, they press ever closer to the appartments.

      As you approach the refugee-camp of Chaos, alerted by loud orcish yelling and praying and the cursing of Karameikan immigration officials, you approach a clearing littered with spent condoms. A great wall of iron blocks any attempt to proceed. Within the clearing stands a rusty iron statue of an androgynous hipster with a hitler hairdoo and piercings, smiling grotesquely as it sticks its finger in what appears to be the butthole of another iron statue of a psy-duck clutching a copy of Deep Carbon Obervatory. Upon the plinth displaying this beautiful work of art and forbidden love is a silver plague with an inscription described thereon. It is written in Academese, the incomprehensible language of the enemy.

      Sorcerous understanding fills your mind. It appears Tarnowika has gone before you and translated it to Low Neckbeardian, the lingua franca of the OSR!

      “Pull my Finger.”

      How will ye proceed?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        October 4, 2016 4:38 pm

        Adams, face the feminoggoth and its coterie of white knights lest ye be declared an apostate and disemployed/discredited.

        Adams whips out his e-meter and approaches the group… Adams gasps “Thetans”, and falls to the floor. He looks clear.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 5, 2016 7:22 pm

        My name is Spanky!! Calling me by a fraction of my nom-de-race is like saying, “Hey blackie! Get to the back of the bus!” This is outrageous discrimination against the glucose flowing through my veins!

        On the mutli-class front, I choose Monk. The variant from Dragon #53 with 8-sided hit dice and Quivering Nukake at 3rd level.

        Anyway, I’m a bit confused by all the action. Particularly Adams attaining Clear and collapsing (“That is supposed to be the most powerful level!” Spanky says to hirself. “Were we LIED to by Saint Hubbard?”). So if I can make out his outline, I lay down a suppressing fire of microaggressions against the feminoggoth and pull him into the safety of Intersectionality before the statue.

        Did Frank lead the rest of the party out of the Bag of Morons? Is the party unsplit again? If so, I pull my shirt over my nose and then pull the finger of the statue, and prepare to jump aside with my new long-honed reflexes.

  123. Sykirobme permalink
    October 4, 2016 12:41 pm

    John Tarnowski admits he’s a pile of shit.

    • October 5, 2016 4:04 am

      Hahaha the first reply is an immediate threadshit by Kellri. Amazing.

      • YourPunditIsSuck permalink
        October 5, 2016 5:09 am

        My life as a whole, not just the RPG side of things but that’s certainly a part of it, is beyond my wildest dreams of how I really imagined things could credibly go in my adult life.

        I literally have moments every couple of days where I go “I can’t believe this is really my life”.

      • October 5, 2016 5:59 am

        And that, children, is an object lesson in the old saying — the secret of happiness is low expectations.

        Pretty easy to brand yourself an Earth-shattering success by setting your standards of success low enough.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 5, 2016 7:24 pm

        Looks like he rune-cast Nystul’s Magic Aura on himself.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        October 5, 2016 8:36 pm

        My life as a whole, not just the RPG side of things but that’s certainly a part of it, is beyond my wildest dreams of how I really imagined things could credibly go in my adult life.

        His life’s ambition was to get the Uruguayan Telephone Company to hook up his phone.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 6, 2016 2:49 pm

      HAHAHAHAHA! BOWEL movement, from his anus of a mouth that is!

  124. Frog Gode permalink
    October 5, 2016 3:20 am

    While braindead Venger waits, dreaming, and we suckdungeoneers are giggling like used-tampon-throwing schoolgirls, Stacey D and other Zakites have completed the ultimate inclusion by taking over the main OSR ruleset. Old Erol has been shown the door, his cover replaced by a fine blood & sperm piece on black canvas. The rules should not be altered much (except of course for the Girdle of Sex Change which now works only one way).

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 5, 2016 3:58 pm

      HA! Bill “Hey, I’m not PC” Webb shows he is a total tool. I love the rationalization and trying to get out in front of the gimmick of an all-chick crew instead of using the best talent by saying “There is no best talent.” And the Frog God Faithful/Stockholmites lap it up like Raggi at an abortion clinic.

      The interior art is actually pretty cool, but that cover is about the worst piece of shit ever produced for a heroic fantasy game, rivaled only by Scrappy P’s scribbled crud.

      I bet Stacy is sucking her own dick over getting funded in one day, not realizing it is pretty much the exact crew that buys anything FGG drops in the bowl. “Bringing new blood to the S&W table!” my ass.

      • Cancererous Catoblepas permalink
        October 5, 2016 4:12 pm

        The gaming world needs a new printing of a retro clone like a bullet in the head…wait…that’s actually what it needs.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        October 5, 2016 7:55 pm

        The cover is a Georgia O’Keeffe vaginal cow skull with a yeast infection. Really fucking edgy and summarizes the Oh Ess Arrr perfectly. The copies will sit and collect dust on some neck beard’s bookshelf because he can’t say no to anything vaguely D&D related and he will eventually confess he hasn’t played a game with real people since 1983. I thought the closest we’d get to O’Keeffe was the cover to The Forgotten Temple of Tharizdun but apparently vagina flowerskulls on covers are going to sell this moldy game to females and kids all over the world.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        October 10, 2016 6:34 pm

        So it’s like a heroic fantasy version of Macho Women with Guns?

  125. October 5, 2016 8:06 pm

    People say I am a typical bible reading bible thumping american moron, but I ask every each one, can anyone who plays AD&D be a moron? No. Just visit the K&KA and meet all the CHRISTIANS FOR CHRISTIAN AD&D:

    supernatural evil? — booo, it does not exist and makes us angry. booo.
    supernatural goodness? — yaaaa, god bless america. yaaa.

    On the down side, even though I am a typical american Christian moron I moved to Vietnam because I am possessed by childlike pussy. I adore childish genitals but I am a US Christian, God bless the Knights & Knaves Alehouse!!

    Also, please keep quiet our complete take over of Dragonsfoot. We are the mods there now.

    So FOUR or FIVE american christian morons control the whole of 1e D&D’s presence on the web.

    God Bless!!

  126. October 5, 2016 8:08 pm

    People say I am a typical bible reading bible thumping american moron, but I ask every each one, can anyone who plays AD&D be a moron? No. Just visit the K&KA and meet all the CHRISTIANS FOR CHRISTIAN AD&D:

    supernatural evil? — booo, it does not exist and makes us angry. booo.
    supernatural goodness? — yaaaa, god bless america. yaaa.

    On the down side, even though I am a typical american Christian moron I moved to Vietnam because I am possessed by childlike pussy. I adore childish genitals but I am a US Christian, God bless the Knights & Knaves Alehouse!!

    Also, please keep quiet our complete take over of Dragonsfoot. We are the mods there now.

    So FOUR or FIVE american christian morons control the whole of 1e D&D’s presence on the web.

    God Bless!!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 5, 2016 8:39 pm

      What’s the matter, Paul, that nojism 😦 guy deleting your comments again?

      • Kent Intelligence Scale permalink
        October 5, 2016 8:46 pm

        Kent Intelligence Scale
        =================

        Lowest ever …

        1/100
        Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist

      • Kent Intelligence Scale permalink
        October 5, 2016 8:48 pm

        Kent Intelligence Scale
        =================

        Lowest ever …

        1/100
        Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        October 5, 2016 8:49 pm

        That’s the nicest compliment I’ve had all day, Paul.

    • papersandpaychecks permalink
      October 5, 2016 8:40 pm

      Haha! I can ban people! It is just like chicken farmers and school teachers being in charge of the Third Reich.

      Me and my homosexual son love hanging out dressing up as medieval fags at costume parties!

      So FOUR or FIVE american christian morons control the whole of 1e D&D’s presence on the web.

      God Bless!!

    • K&KA Take Over Dragonsfoot permalink
      October 5, 2016 8:54 pm

      We, T. Foster, Matthew, Papers & Paychecks, Kellri, EOTB, TRP and a bunch of other obvious fucks have taken control of feeble minded Steve’s Dragonsfoot.

      Needless to say the imbeciles there did not notice.

      The funny thing is that as guardians of Gygax’s D&D we are about as low rent a bunch of cretins that the internet could squeeze into a forum corner.

      Also we are religious! Haha!

      So FOUR or FIVE american christian morons control the whole of 1e D&D’s presence on the web.

      God Bless!!

    • K&KA Take Over Dragonsfoot permalink
      October 5, 2016 8:56 pm

      We, T. Foster, Matthew, Papers & Paychecks, Kellri, EOTB, TRP and a bunch of other obvious fucks have taken control of feeble minded Steve’s Dragonsfoot.

      Needless to say the imbeciles there did not notice.

      The funny thing is that as guardians of Gygax’s D&D we are about as low rent a bunch of cretins that the internet could squeeze into a forum corner.

      Also we are religious! Haha!

      So FOUR or FIVE american christian morons control the whole of 1e D&D’s presence on the web.

      God Bless!!

      • Imperious Rex permalink
        October 11, 2016 2:39 pm

        Cease your pathetic babbling, moron.

  127. papersandpaychecks permalink
    October 5, 2016 8:44 pm

    I look like a disgusting old aunt from a PG Wodehouse farce but on K&KA and DF I get to be an excruciating bore and everyone has to agree with me or else …

    Because FOUR or FIVE american christian morons control the whole of 1e D&D’s presence on the web.

    God Bless!!

  128. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 5, 2016 8:59 pm

    Just out of curiosity, Paul, why all of the redundancy? Is it OCD which compels you to post the same idiotic comment over and over again, or is it merely your linguistic paucity? You keep telling everyone that you are a smart cookie, but your oeuvre indicates otherwise.

  129. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 5, 2016 9:15 pm

    Just out of curiosity, Paul, why all of the redundancy? Is it OCD which compels you to post the same idiotic comment over and over again, or is it merely your linguistic paucity? You keep telling everyone that you are a smart cookie, but your oeuvre indicates otherwise.

  130. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 5, 2016 9:16 pm

    Just out of curiosity, Paul, why all of the redundancy? Is it OCD which compels you to post the same idiotic comment over and over again, or is it merely your linguistic paucity? You keep telling everyone that you are a smart cookie, but your oeuvre indicates otherwise.

  131. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 5, 2016 9:21 pm

    OCD it is!

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 6, 2016 12:04 am

      My guess is the demise of the fool and the wise alike : booze. Just booze.

  132. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 6, 2016 1:22 pm

    Honestly, I think Kunt’s grand scheme is to fucking bore us all to death with repetitive material. Year in and goddamn year out. The only thing halfway amusing still is what a fucking pathetic joke The Unblowntards at DF (and many other forums) think of him as. A failed career troll. The OSR’s biggest loser.

  133. Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
    October 6, 2016 8:55 pm

    So… Dragon Magazine #78 Psionicist, was it s fantastic addition or a pox upon the game by making psionics readily accessible?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 7, 2016 12:02 am

      The die was cast when the mind flayer was made ‘official game content’ in the Monster Manual and the problem was compounded when the Githyanki and Githzerai became official in the Fiend Folio. As a fan of Hiero’s Journey, I can’t get all torqued up about psionics.

      If it becomes a problem in your campaign, just plague the psionic character with cerebral parasites, thought eaters, and all those ultra-powerful brain-benders.

  134. Radovarl permalink
    October 7, 2016 7:10 pm

    Okay, so…. Like…. I want to … But… Oh, you guys still give a shit about what is going on with Kellri, Papersndouchebags, and kent? And yes, even the acaeum, my favorite punching bag full of subliterate weasel excrement? Um, why? As even “Gary” would probably say now, 8 years after his death, get a fucking life. Posted from my (Radovarl’s, the OG) iPad. Bitches.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 8, 2016 7:53 pm

      Roll up a character, bitch! We’re about to go all Dark Ages on the Apartments of Chaos! You can even be Caller until Von returns from his Vampire 40K binger.

  135. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 8, 2016 8:46 am

    YDIS is somewhere to go online to take a shit. That is its only purpose.

    Two shit-eaters live here because being here is the most important activity in their day. Also they eat the shits that others dump here for sustenance:

    Captain Kirks Dick Blood

    Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 8, 2016 7:56 pm

      You’re just bitter because defeating the Kentrechaun was only worth 50 xp.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 12, 2016 9:30 pm

      Originality is as anathema to Paul as hygiene or heterosexuality, therefore he plagiarizes FotU’s old ‘KENT EATS DA POO POO’ trope. Ho-hum, the Whisperer in Dorkness should stick to cutting-and-pasting another twenty comments into a thread at that nojism 😦 guy’s blog.

      Also, Durr Hurr is projecting his coprophagous desires onto the illustrious CKDB and myself. The real giveaway is his ‘nym, ‘Arse in this Guy’, which clearly refers to some outré sexual practice, in which he inserts his prolapsed rectum into the bunghole of some other d00d.

  136. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 11, 2016 10:06 pm

    Childish crybaby fag T. Foster called on the Dragonsfoot mods – i.e. his Knights & Knaves Alehouse incestuous Christian bumchums – to deal with someone who implied he was ‘starry eyed’. And it worked.

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=75324&start=30#p1789947

    So the K&KA is now providing six-year-old-girly safespaces for its Christian bumchums … on another forum …

    Haha !

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 12, 2016 5:21 pm

      T. Fistfucker is the biggest unblown manchild of the Dragonsfart manchildren. ScottyTooHotty on the other hand should join the YDIS ranks.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        October 12, 2016 9:54 pm

        The weird thing is Bawl Parry’s characterization of Foster as an overly religious person. Is there any evidence of religiosity on his part, or is this some sort of Barrian fever dream?

        Bawl’s sudden evangelism for atheism is another weird new wrinkle. I always took him for an apostate Paisleyite who left the church because his mom beat him with a large spoon when she found a ‘bodybuilding’ magazine under his mattress. He’s a pretty piss-poor atheist… even when he was trying to bait the DFers in his last thread under the latest sockpuppet, his ‘argument’ against the existence of a deity was a half-assed suggestion to watch *snort* a Youtube video by Richard Dawkins.

        I will be attending an event commemorating the 40th anniversary of the publication of The Selfish Gene in November. In the Q&A afterwards, I think I’ll ask the Good Doctor if he knows that his new Number One Fan is a saggy-moobed churl of No Real Accomplishments who haunts the gaybars and gloryholes of Southeastern Éire.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        October 13, 2016 1:13 am

        Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how funny Durr Hurr’s use of ‘bumchums’ is- he’s so desperate to join in the circle jerk/have the KKK/DFers run a train on his ass that he’s created numerous sockpuppets in order to make it happen.

        Poor Autist Formerly Known as Kent, he’s the unloved fatbeard, looking in on the ‘bumchums’ and wanting somecum.

      • Xartan Tsauggua permalink
        October 13, 2016 2:22 pm

        They 86ed that thread at Dragonsfoot – takes a lot for that to happen so congratulations to our little potato eating friend?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 14, 2016 11:01 am

        I was curious what that avatar of a woman T. Fister has been using for years was so looked it up. It’s “Cat Power”. He has a touchy feely “chick” artist as his avatar. Egad, he is a fruit loop.

    • Imperious Rex permalink
      October 13, 2016 9:36 am

      Your ceaseless whimpering reminds me of the the lamentation of the women.

  137. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 13, 2016 5:22 pm

    Trent Fosters long-time buttplug Wheggi usually shows up in threads hot on his trail to echo his thoughts. But no go in this case where Gygax’s Gatekeeper actually goes apeshit. Did they have a falling out or something?

  138. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    October 13, 2016 11:58 pm

    When is Mike Moanhard going to launch his memoirs Kickstarter already? He was shilling it like three years ago. It’s like he’s got the “disappear off the face of the earth” part right, but he forgot to get everyone’s money first. I know I can’t be the only one just dying for it. If it’s anything like the fascinating yarns he spins at the con bars to anyone he can corner then it’s sure to be a runaway hit with the beard and bellies crowd.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 14, 2016 12:14 am

      He’s too busy chasing down Australian housewives who write fanfic.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 15, 2016 1:15 pm

      Mortard and Chlorine Ball Cock are competing hard for most anticipated vaporware.

  139. Timotheus permalink
    October 15, 2016 1:12 pm

    Heh. Our buddy John C. Wright, who religiously castigates the poor for being so lazy, holds up a tin cup for his blog followers to cover his subsistence:

    “Of old, it was thought that poets were closer than other mortals to the gods, and heard the whispered echo of their revels on Olympos or Fensalir, or their clash of ethereal arms at Phlegra or Vidblain.

    Myself, I think it is because men in my profession approach their beloved patrons in the same suppliant posture as pilgrims to a shrine. Poets know that no man lives without the charity of some superior power, because we have nothing else on which to rest but the good pleasure of our patrons.

    This month, we at the Wright Household does not have enough to cover both groceries and mortgage, and so I thought I would beg my readers for tips.”

    http://www.scifiwright.com/2016/10/starving-artist-open-to-suggestion/

    There is probably no better example of imperious emporerer-has-no-clothesism alive than Johnny. It is particularly ammusing that such a great writer (just ask him) makes a first grade mistake in noun and verbs. Third sentence – “we” “does”.

    No wonder he and JMal were so close. Pretentious holier-than-thous who change the immutable laws when it is their bellies aching. This man is truly an inspiration to all patreon kids in the blOwSR.

    • Imperious Rex permalink
      October 15, 2016 3:17 pm

      Who? I never did mind about the little things.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      October 15, 2016 10:00 pm

      Does any of these fucks have a job anymore? On the one hand Wright Frankless Lloydable lists his many accomplishments but then screeches that he cannot afford any Cheesy Poofs. I guess I’m just getting old in finding the lazy egotists to be insufferable fucks that need to quit sniffing their own farts and just get a job for forty hours a week.

      On the other hand, I never heard of this loser before and will have forgotten him by tomorrow.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 16, 2016 9:44 pm

      I always crack up when a right-winger can’t hack the free-market system that he espouses. What makes Wright’s particular bleg even funnier is this old post of his:

      http://www.everyjoe.com/2014/07/16/politics/secret-to-the-most-mind-blowing-sex-ever/

      Best part:

      Since sex is ordered toward reproduction, you have to love the woman first, and want her to be the mother of your children, and want it more than you want life itself. Since sex is spiritual, you have to protect your children and your wife and make them safe. Your wife cannot be made safe if you are allowed to abandon her. Hence, since sex is ordered toward reproduction, you must swear, swear by Holy God and your hope of heaven, never to leave her, but to love and cherish her, in sickness and health, for better or worse, until nothing less than horrid death itself you do part.

      For her part, she must vow to love and honor and obey.

      And if you do not understand about that obey part, you do not understand women. She wants a leader, an alpha male, a chief, a Christ, and you must be willing to die for her as Christ was willing to die for you, or she will not feel secure in your love. If she does not swear to obey, you are not a couple, not a dyad, not a unit, but are still two sovereigns dealing with each other at arm’s length, not intimate, and she cannot trust you fully, cannot love you fully, not with a divine and self-sacrificing love. And she knows you don’t love her fully, not with a love that is more than madness, more than sense, more than the universe.

      Dude can’t even pay the mortgage, how does that keep his children safe, and how the hell could he claim ‘alpha male’ status? The ‘C’ in his name stands for ‘cuck’.

      I have a friend who has a particular disdain for Wright- she’s going to laugh until she passes out when she reads this.

  140. Pundit's Electric Bill permalink
    October 16, 2016 9:28 am

    Pinning this here for Arrows of Indra inspiration!

  141. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 17, 2016 9:16 pm

    I love my YDIS friends because at least you can tell the truth without fear. Unlike the forum commentators who are like rabbits, and the amazing Kent who was too honest and truthful and too frightful soothsayer for the modern world. But he is dead and that is enough marmalade about that.

    Chris Roberts aka YDIS sucks my cock but that’s ok cos sometimes Im not looking. But if I was looking there is no way he would suck my cock because I am not gay like Zak Smith.

    Also, autumn is a beautiful month full of brown, not excrement, leaves and shit. Also where are the magic mushrooms I was promised? Life is samey. Where are the drugs that make life worth living when you are about to murder a Billionaire for fun?

    AD&D stats for US candidates:

    Trump/Hillary
    Str – 14 – 6
    Int – 12 – 15
    Wis – 12 – 11
    Dex – 6 – 5
    Con – 17 – 15
    Cha – 15 – 4

    • Arse in the Sky permalink
      October 17, 2016 9:28 pm

      US newspapers:

      1970s
      ———NYT – WP
      Int—–18—–18
      Wis—-18—–18

      2010s
      ———NYT – WP
      Int—–10—–4
      Wis—-9—–4

    • Arse in the Sky permalink
      October 17, 2016 9:45 pm

      BBC

      1970s
      Int—–-18
      Wis—-18

      2010s
      Int—–-4
      Wis—-4

    • Arse in the Sky permalink
      October 17, 2016 9:49 pm

      So what can you do when the intellectual media are cock-sucking for saudi-clinton?

      Vote for Trump.

      Or wait four years.

  142. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 18, 2016 3:59 pm

    The funniest thing about The Autist Formerly Known as Kent’s new ‘nym is that it’s a subconscious evocation of his homosexual proclivities. He thinks that ‘Arse in the Sky’ is somehow a sly, antitheistic burn of T. Foster (how the hell was he, heh heh, pegged as being a devout Christian by Durr Hurr anyway?), but it’s really an admission of his preferred ‘head down, ass up’ sex position as he gets railed from behind by drunken farmboys on holiday away from the bog and jolly Nigerians looking to cob off after a hard day of attempted e-mail scamming.

    Arse in the Sky, indeed, just ask all the sodomites in *REDACTED*.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      October 18, 2016 7:02 pm

      I can confirm the veracity of this statement.

  143. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 18, 2016 6:58 pm

    This had to have been inspired by Zak Attack:

    http://www.theonion.com/article/school-of-the-arts-aims-to-transform-boys-and-girl-33274

  144. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 18, 2016 7:08 pm

    Everybody post a pic of you character! Here’s Lady Wrinklequim –

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      October 19, 2016 6:58 pm

      Wrinkle, she quimmed…

  145. October 20, 2016 4:09 am

    Disgusting porn collections aside, I have some actual good news guys.

    The Witch is dead.

    https://gomakemeasandwich.wordpress.com/2016/10/19/you-say-hello/

    • zakbot permalink
      October 20, 2016 9:22 am

      Thx PON. Little lesson bros: I always win. Can noone on this plane teven challenge me?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 20, 2016 3:08 pm

      Does this mean I can has big titty chainmail bikinis drawn from Hustler mags on my RPG covers again?

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        October 20, 2016 3:49 pm

        Pretty sure there was a 9.9 on the Richter scale from her falling on her own sword so hard with that post. Her own sense of self importance to gaming almost ALMOST rivals Jmal’s. With no wundergreek, who will stem of the encroaching tide of Zpastic’s continuing destruction of gaming? Who else is brave enough to don the mithral armor and draw forth the holee sword and project protection from misogyny 10′ radius?

        Sad to say that wundergreek and the Zpastic seem cut from the same cloth. Wundergreek just needs to up her game and dye her hair a candy color and shave a portion.

      • zakbot permalink
        October 20, 2016 4:49 pm

        Please I have better titsand shes insane.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      October 20, 2016 5:26 pm

      I hope Adkison keeps giving his stirring “Gencon is a harassment-free zone” speech on opening day. Otherwise I might forget to not be chauvinist pig and accidentally take a girl’s picture or something.

    • WunderWaffen permalink
      October 21, 2016 7:56 am

      Well, given that the asshats have found this post and are saying things like I need to remove the sand from my vagina, I’m closing comments. Thank you to everyone who said supportive things. I’m leaving you with one last lesson in diversity.

      • October 21, 2016 10:20 am

        Pshaw! I doubt she even made this sandwich herself.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        October 21, 2016 12:15 pm

        Wait, Scott, which one is Taylor Swift’s again ?

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 22, 2016 10:14 am

      Wow, Wundergeek checks out. Even at the end, there is no self-examination along the lines of “Well, maybe I was not right about everything.” Instead, and with totally unrealized irony, she laments that no white knight male rode into her rescue; the silence of her insider allies (whoever the fuck they are) left her ultimately betrayed.

      Hopefully, not having the challenge of launching ever escalating attacks on men for being male might cool off her hatred, and she can function as a mother again.

      It won’t be long (unless it has already happenned) that this is characterized as her having been “silenced” by the tabletop game culture.

  146. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 20, 2016 7:25 pm

    I got a chickenshit better than any of these mooks. An old friend of ours has a newish blog of video posts that go hand and hand with..a one page zine? Can one page even be called a zine? Talk about underachievers.

    http://thegreatblackbell.blogspot.com/

    • Frog Gode permalink
      October 21, 2016 12:29 pm

      My one sentence zine will pick up where JaMal left off : I plan to spend the rest of the decade reviewing Imagine #7.

      Sêaking of JaMal : new stuff to buy !

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 22, 2016 10:17 am

      After a year and change, he is up to 16 issues of a one-page zine. That is better than a page a month! Christian is on fire.

      Remember like five years ago when ydis made fun of Christian and he cried and all the blOwSR bloggers posted those “I am Christian” memes? I bet none of them even remember him now.

  147. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 22, 2016 1:04 pm

    Are you following this?

    https://twitter.com/jordanbpeterson

    A highly respected clinical psychologist at U of Toronto is refusing to use LGBT gender pronouns which is expected to become mandatory under Canadian law within a year or so.

    This recent youtube video of his started off a kick back against LGBT-feminist-marxist university administrations.

    • Arse in the Sky permalink
      October 22, 2016 1:06 pm

      A day after his video

    • Arse in the Sky permalink
      October 22, 2016 1:13 pm

      A couple of other folks talking about the same thing (from his twitter feed)

      First video is pretty good.

  148. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 22, 2016 1:25 pm

    Peterson is a deep thinker, he leans on Dostoevsky, Nietzsche and Jung as much as engineering style stats and his interests are (i) belief systems and unconscious archtypes and stories that are responsible for religion and totalitarianism and (ii) personality. He has about 20 hours of lectures on his youtube channel about each interest, Ive watched them and they are fascinating if you are into that.

    So, I think he is a deeper thinker on ideological bias than anyone he is going to come up against but what does that matter? the LGBT-marxists have completely taken over universities while cowards buried their heads.

    He may be fired although he does have tenure.

    Oh by the way studies have shown a correlation between weak verbal skills and PC ideology, interesting if you think how they try to control language. Also PC ideology and liberal politics are NOT correlated.

  149. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 1:25 pm

    Peterson has uploaded videos of a letter he received saying ‘be silent’, his response and the U of T response to his response.

    https://www.youtube.com/user/JordanPetersonVideos/videos

  150. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 2:53 pm

    Interview with Peterson posted today:

    http://www.thedarkroom.ca/Ep-61-Dr-Jordan-Peterson/

  151. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 4:56 pm

    Ha ha look at these north american douchebags.

    ==

    Here is a thing, stop pretending you are a ‘student’, ie learning something difficult at university, if you are not studying either Physics or Mathematics.

    The future of third level:

    1 Maths-Physics institutions
    2 Engineering institutions
    3 Medical institutions

    That’s it folks !!

    The humanities, as a male centred western canon, will be studied (and should be studied by all students) as relief fringe courses any of those three institutions.

    The rest of young people, the mediocre who should not be thinking at all, will go to study law and sociology at non-funded feminist crypts.

  152. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 5:01 pm

    Here is a girl being funny (not impossible)

  153. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 5:17 pm

    This is good from the same girl

  154. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 6:29 pm

    One thing I don’t understand about YDIS is why I am not universally admired here as the ONLY HERO who has for years GONE OUT to the forums and blogs and made statements that you lot, immature birdlings blind with sky snapping beaks, never have balls to do, though I admit you are brave enough to make your statements here.

    Is that brave? Here?

    ==

    On the other hand the fact that I am much smarter than anyone else here, never mind the forums and blogs, and that I have contempt for people who are stupid, that is the people here, and have repeatedly humiliated the most aggressive popinjays here with supernal grace, in a way I understand your resentment.

    Nevertheless, I am due admiration and medals, if you want to keep me here.

    • Arse in the Sky permalink
      October 24, 2016 7:12 pm

      This update has been a long time coming because the ydis coterie is too cowardly to object to provocative promotion of morons like Geoffrey-Noisms-Zak.Smith-Melan etc…

      So, here is normalised unprovocative canonical ordered list of the tiny tiny group of D&Ders desperate for attention:

      =====================
      Kent Intelligence Scale
      =================
      1/100
      Bigby’s Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist
      1/10
      FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN
      1/10
      Arneson’s Spectre
      1/10
      Chris Roberts aka YDIS
      1/10
      James Raggi aka LotFP
      1/10
      Zak Smith
      1/10
      Geoffrey McKinney
      0.9996/10
      Melan aka Gabor Lux
      1.1/10
      T. Foster
      1/10
      James Maliszewski
      1/10
      Bryce Lynch (atomic reviewer)
      1/10
      Scott Driver
      1.1/10
      Nagora
      1.1/10
      Noisms
      1/10
      Patrick Stuart aka false patrick
      1/10
      Kellri
      1/10
      Falconer
      0.9996/10
      –typical Knights and Knaves member
      0.9996/10
      –typical Odd74 member
      0.9997/10
      –typical Dragonsfoot member
      0.9998
      =====================
      =====================

  155. Arse in the Sky permalink
    October 24, 2016 8:28 pm

    I want to thank our host Chrisantha Roberta for keeping YDIS free from vermin for the last few days ON MY REQUEST for the sake of purity and TRUTH which I am known for worldwide.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 25, 2016 4:45 am

      We were all in mourning for the Silencing of Wundergeek.

      Anyways, several dudes from YDIS are on forums. We just are not dumb enough to expose ourselves through transparent sock puppet accounts, Mrs. PKFairy.

      What is your preferred pronoun? Are there any other pronouns in the Official Irish Language beside “drunken sot”?

      • Arse in the Sky permalink
        October 25, 2016 1:54 pm

        “Anyways, several dudes from YDIS are on forums. We just are not dumb enough to expose ourselve”

        So what you are saying is that you are there but are indistinguishable from all the other morons.

  156. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 25, 2016 9:50 am

    Jack Chick croaked:

    http://www.latimes.com/local/obituaries/la-me-ln-jack-chick-obituary-20161024-snap-story,amp.html

    Durr Hurr, the guy who is impressionable enough to be swayed by YouTube videos, will probably read a couple of his tracts and become a fundamentalist evangelical.

    Kent Piety Scale

    Kent: 10/10
    Kent’s Rectum: 8.675309/10
    Raggi: 6.2/10
    Venger Satanis: 6.14862/10

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 25, 2016 5:03 pm

      Kent went from this (_*_) to THIS (_O_) on the anal circumference scale after he took to pillow biting this past weekend.

  157. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 25, 2016 5:06 pm

    You sure have a fucking lot of time on your hands, Kunt. You need to find more old American TV to watch. Being an unemployed loser, you should watch the shows we all watched throughout our lives during times of daytime unemployment. Might I recommend Beverly Hillbillies? It has the bonus fun of forcing you to toss off to Ellie May after a couple or three eps, even though she is a porker by today’s standards (but not yours I imagine). You can get some bonus strokes for thinking about what Elvis did to that lovely, god fearing Southern fried face during the months he was boinking her when she co-starred in one of his dreckish films. Apparently she was really hurt by him. That’s hot, right Kunto?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 25, 2016 8:00 pm

      Kent would probably prefer jacking it to Sonny Drysdale since they are both poofsters.

  158. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    October 26, 2016 8:58 pm

    Got my tickets to see Richard Dawkins in November. In the Q&A, I’m going to ask the good doctor if he is aware that his newest fanboi is an ambulatory, talking rectum from Éire.

  159. Frog Gode permalink
    October 28, 2016 2:11 am

    Guys, Kent’s shamrock-shaped rectum is distracting us from the task at hand, which is emulating a time-honored OSR staple : the slowly dying play-by-post. Where are the lame-ass “real life happens”, “insane workload here” and ” my dad just died gotta lotta paperwork see you next year or never and thank you for all the KS money”? We need at least a few other awkward rerailings before calling it quits in true OSR fashion : with hurt feelings and lots of unused maps.

  160. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 28, 2016 11:49 am

    Hey, we emulated the typical pbp right here early in this thread. But at least we got further than Little Jimmy Geekface did with his little Dwimmermount adventure on one of the forums. Towards the end the Unblown were all “hey, is this thing still going? Maybe James doesn’t have time because he is working so hard to actually get his dungeon published. Though somehow he found the time to post three articles on his blog today about mags he never read and games he never played.”

  161. Timotheus permalink
    October 29, 2016 12:37 pm

    My copy of the new Strike Force from the kickstarter showed up this afternoon. They’d sent out the pdf earlier, but I didn’t want to see it until the book showed up. It’s pretty cool. It reminded me what I really liked about the original – the enthusiasm and methodology and concepts. The book is pretty inspiring, and they kept a lot of Aaron’s words. I am pretty happy with it after a quick read through.

    Damn, I need to start my Champions campaign back up!

  162. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 30, 2016 4:20 pm

    As most of you know, I have wanted to change my medical specialty from emergency medicine to psychiatry for some time now. you know, sort of have another voice from the Right in a field that has been overrun with liberals and homosexuals (aka Jews). I’ve been studying the online posts (mostly G+ and various message boards) of RPG gamers who identify as having “severe depression”. I was able to create lists of what these poor souls are able to accomplish on a daily basis and what they are incapable of doing because of their affliction.

    Severely Depressed Gamers Can:
    Play video games
    Talk about RPG games online all day
    Watch a lot of Netflix, Hulu and cable television.
    OUTRAGE! and SJW over the improper use of gender pronouns
    Someone is MANSPLAINING!!!!!
    Trump is Hitler!
    Beg for money/GoFundMe
    Buy themselves more video games, new RPG game books, stacks of comic books, pay their monthly Netflix/Hulu/Cable/Internet connection, and what amounts to toys and dolls for children (Baron Von Manchildren Syndrome)

    What the Severely Depressed Gamer Cannot Do:
    Pay their bills
    Fulfill their Kickstarter
    Work at a job of any kind

    I am still sorting through the data, but I think I might have a journal paper here or at the least a YDIS guest post.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 31, 2016 12:41 pm

      You’d probably be better off staying in the ER pulling rebar out of Mexicans. No way you’ll ever have success pulling “lame” out of The Unblown.

  163. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 1, 2016 6:07 pm

    Holy shit, Diana Mal (wife of Jamal) and their daughter seem to be doing more actual gaming than dear old dad every talked about on his blog. I wonder if they’ll eventually do a Kickstarter?

    http://familygamingxp.blogspot.com/

  164. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 1, 2016 10:11 pm

    Heh, dumbass sets up a new sockpuppet but forgets a “first time poster” post, then writes as if Geoff were familiar with this newcomer…

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=75567

    Dunning-Kruger strikes again!

  165. World Of Tenks permalink
    November 2, 2016 6:52 am

    Wow 500 comments, so blessed 😉 You guys are an awesome community together we can make this happen yeah, happy dance :))) Of course by “this” I mean ‘ Swords & Wizardry : Light’, the best thing that happened to the OSR since the neckbeard trimmer, and that I made myself by crossing out whatever dessicated flesh remained on WhiteBox osteoporotic skeleton. And no, Internet trolls, “those halycon days of herosim” is not a laughable typo : it’s actually the title of James Spahn’s next sourcebook / campaign/ 57-classes compendium (btw he’s still looking for a dozen or so illustrations to fill out the rest of the 4 pages if you are interested).

    Sorry gotta take my meds and go to sleep : my sinuses are killing me – again ! The doctor’s letter said I am allergic to something. I wish I knew what, but the test results are buried somewhere on my desk under a mountain of cat hair.

  166. Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
    November 2, 2016 2:34 pm

    Remember only four days left to back the Wizards and Saucery Nut Cutter edition for chicks n’ ladiezzzz. Awesome to see so many new female gamers finding role playing for the first time with this game! Of the 937 backers it’s soooo good to see so many new female gamers… Fuck…. Still a bunch of fat neckbeards buying copies to collect dust on their fucking semen stained bookshelves never to be played, innit?

  167. November 6, 2016 6:38 pm

    Watch as I (accidentally, I swear) turn a regular Pundit “har har I killed storygames” screed into an Apocalypse World love-in thread.

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?35528-The-Radioactive-Ruins-of-the-Storygame-Movement-Sure-Burn-Pretty-From-Up-Here

    And yeah, AW is fun and you should play it.

    • cancerouscatoblepas permalink
      November 6, 2016 10:46 pm

      Pundejo’s opinion of himself knows no bounds. Just when I thought he couldn’t his Hillary-Clinton-sacrifices-children article, he does this…wow…”I own the hobby…”

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 7, 2016 2:31 pm

        Whoa, the guy who thinks he can cast spells on the Uruguayan phone company is accusing Hillary Clinton of black magic? Geez, Taintloafski has even less self-awareness than Paul ‘The Stench’ Barry.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 7, 2016 2:35 pm

        The server at work has ‘Break.com’ blocked, but its funny to think that another clickbait site will be killed by Cucksimir’s shitty writing.

    • November 8, 2016 7:33 am

      I played DW but with a novice GM used to video games it’s a hard transition, had some interesting mechanics though. Isn’t Fate designed as more of a storygame?

      • November 14, 2016 5:26 pm

        Prince, I do think FATE feels more “storygamey” than PbtA, or at least more upfront about it. At our table PbtA flowed like a slightly gimmicky RPG while FATE’s gimmicks felt clunkier.

        DW, IIRC, actually leaves out some of the best bits of AW like History and collaborative setting creation.

  168. Frog Gode permalink
    November 8, 2016 1:42 am

    Thanks Cirsova for the heads-up on this hilarious list of YDIS pun-filled aliases.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 8, 2016 2:17 am

      The real funny thing is that Cucksova actually believes the new ‘Satanic Panic’ bullshit that the Trumpers are trying to pin on Podesta. That shit doesn’t even pass the smell test, and no elfgamer should jump onto a ‘fear the weirdos’ bandwagon, lest the cockatrices come home to roost.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 8, 2016 4:23 am

        It really is incredible all the tools who think Hillary is in league with Satan now. Especially dipshits like Circumsova, who link to Varg Vikarnes’ blog. But this is what Vox Gay tells him to say, so he dutifully (and defiantly!) does as instructed.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2016 9:13 am

        The greatest trick the authoritarians ever played was convincing the world that the devil exists.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 8, 2016 6:56 pm

        Well…then who is it I have lunch with every other Tuesday that gets me autographed glossies of Belial and Garyon and Venger? HMMMM????

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 8, 2016 4:29 am

      There are some hiarious names on there. It seems like the net was cast pretty wide to drag up anyone even tangentially related to gaming. Seriously, who the fuck cares which way Podcaster #3693 is voting?

      Interesting that Jennel Jaquays is on there, though, and Monte Cook is conspicuously absent.

      Pundit’s buddy Mike Mearls is on there – once he was a savior of D&D when he asked Tarno to spellcheck 5E; now he is undoubtedly a story-gaming cunt. How long until we see Johnny Tarno’s virtue-signalling rebuttal?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2016 9:15 am

        Jennell doesn’t want Trump to grab her by the pussy.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      November 8, 2016 8:37 pm

      Hundreds of game designers stumping for Hillary and now Trump’s classic boardgame of family fun “The Art of the Deal” mysteriously vanishing from BoardGameGeek. Coincidence?

  169. Timotheus permalink
    November 8, 2016 4:42 am

    Ha! Stopped by Pox’s blog to see how loudly he is proclaiming the Trumpslide, and he is reduced now to claiming Podesta took that poor McCann girl in 2007:

    http://voxday.blogspot.com/2016/11/cards.html

    “I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.”

    He shares that same lack of self-awareness and indifference to the truth as the Pundit, only he really does have a cult built up around him.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 8, 2016 5:03 am

      Just discovering this nonsense. Why can’t I buy something, anything, named “Pedophile Pizza Cult” on DTRPG right now? Maybe it would clean my eyes of Punster’s “Cunts of Chaos” that the lack of a proper Princely review forced me to check myself (gorgeous layout, though).

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2016 9:23 am

        Check out Perilous Dreamer’s forum… he has a white van and sacks of candy.

    • November 8, 2016 7:49 am

      I mulled over giving Cults a quick bang followed by swift departure out of the window as is the proper course of action for dutch romantics but I think i’ll save it for a rainy day. There is only so much mileage you can get out of “Mechanically sound yet uninspiring with a few nuggets of inspiration scattered here and there.” Thanks to YDIS my supply of Pundit quotes to tagline the review is inexhaustible though.

      I’ll buy “Podesta has dirty laundry and there is something weird going on” but need a bit of proof for “Podesta is a child-molesting sex-occultist and acts as one of the pawns of the Archenemy in this world of the mundane and also unclean spirits are a thing we believe in now.”

      The covereage of this election has been a fucking mess from all fucking sides and consequently I have no idea. The current current consensus in the dutch press (to be seperated from the previous consensus when trump was “done” after he said something about ladies 11 years ago) is a close call but narrow victory for Hillary. Seems likely.

      Monte’s absence from that list whilst his bosom friend and Moonglum to his Elric Bruce Cordell is present is interesting.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 8, 2016 9:22 am

        Remember that the electoral college determines the outcome. The polls I’ve seen recently are Clinton 323, Trump 215. My workplace is a polling place, I had to be here at 5AM to unlock the building and help set up the machines. There were 20 people on line by 5:55AM, and it’s been a steady stream ever since.

        The vulgar talking yam is going to go down in flames.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2016 6:52 pm

        It’s evening now and looks like the goofball is going to win.

        “….remember the Alamo! Then chucked the Mexican’s out!”

      • November 9, 2016 9:51 am

        Whew those polls fucked up big time. Between this, the coverage of the migrant crisis and the brexit, I may as well get my reliable news from old episodes of Alf. I followed the election till 6:00 o clock in the morning here. The gradual yet inexorable rise of Trump was something that filled me with equal parts elation and dread. It was uncanny how many democrat states had suddenly shifted to Trump. Truly a phase shift, a gamechanger, almost a…slide if you will YEEEEAAAAAAH.

        Predictions 2014-2018
        TLDR Vox Day ain’t going away, Milo Yiannopoulos will be elected first lady, Breitbart will go into the annals of history (or with Milo, the anals) alongside such works as the plays of shakespeare, the epics of Homer and the poetry of Keats. Pundit will claim he saw it coming all along and will continue to proclaim victory over imaginairy foes. John C Wright will never quit patreon till the day the good lord takes him into His embrace and will gradually become the mirror universe wundergeek. All Storygamers will be deported.

      • November 9, 2016 10:02 am

        I have it on good authority that Pundit has been appointed to the newly created office of Secretary of Rune Magick. Kek be praised!

    • Voice of God permalink
      November 8, 2016 5:46 pm

      First, I find it amusing that YDIS think this is going to somehow discredit or disqualify any of us. I stand by every single word and every single tweet quoted. Second, no one has claimed that the Clintons are running an underground sex ring targeting children. We merely suspect that the Clintons are connected to those who run it, and we are inclined to believe that the allegations that one or more Clintons have sexually abused minors are true.

  170. Frog Gode permalink
    November 8, 2016 11:42 pm

    So Pépé it is.
    Here our 100% enlightened media tried to convince everyone, until the very last minute, that H.R(ape) Clinton was the best thing since buttered bread. I guess we will have some sweet, sweet tears of impotent rage to go with that, thank you.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 9, 2016 9:29 pm

      Wow, did I get it ass-backwards… funny how basing one’s projections on a sane society fails. Clinton won the popular vote but lost the electoral college.

      Idiocracy is now a documentary, and a vulgar talking yam with a spun-piss toupée is going to have access to the nuclear launch codes. Oh, well, that brainy negro guy was boring as hell.

      Luckily, I’ve heavily invested in Thunderdome futures. Hey, at least the alt-right bros in the Rust Belt will starve in their meth-addled immiseration knowing that those smug latte-sipping Rootless Cosmopolitans on the Upper West side will be crying in their lattes.

      • November 10, 2016 8:45 am

        The last projection I watched showed Trump to be ahead by a million+ popular votes at around 6:00 Dutch time. Did that change?

      • November 11, 2016 11:49 am

        Yes it did oh well.

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        November 11, 2016 6:38 pm

        As a member of the LGBT community, this must be a very difficult time for you Bigby.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 11, 2016 8:37 pm

        A member of the LGBT community? Fuck, I didn’t know your sister was a man.

    • Synagogue of Satan permalink
      November 12, 2016 12:12 am

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 12, 2016 8:28 am

        Ha! Shoulda known the election result would bring you back here to gloat, Mjolnir.

        Your views are certainly more mainstream than I believed.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 13, 2016 3:52 pm

        The ironic thing is that the ascent of the Orange Ogre is not going to do anything to prevent the collapse of the white working-class in the Heartland. The mortality rate among non-college educated whites of early middle age is going to continue to increase. This guy isn’t bringing decent jobs back, he’s just decreasing the regulations that already aren’t sufficient to keep coal miners and factory workers safe.

        They elected a guy that any of us New Yorkers could have told them was a YUUUUUUGE conman and a virtual illiterate decades ago. Funny, a decade and a half ago, pundits were talking about the ‘unipolar moment’ when the US was the only ‘hyperpower’ in the world. Now, we’re going to see a major collapse in prestige and power.

        This week’s reading assignment is Gene Wolfe’s ‘Seven American Nights’.

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        November 17, 2016 12:29 am

        You just saw your mudrace faggot future evaporate before your very eyes, and yet you still cling to the inevitable “progress” delusion. How delightful.

        Sorry I doxed you with the pic though…

  171. Timotheus permalink
    November 10, 2016 4:23 am

    Fuck.

  172. Frog Gode permalink
    November 12, 2016 9:54 am

    I thought I was indifferent to American politics, but the pain and tantrums of all those pensée unique brats proved extremely enjoyable even an ocean away. So before Kek the 1st shed his green skin and gets back to his long-held liberal and hollywood-friendly views (long before January, I guess), why don’t we just just unite and enjoy those unique days, which will always be remember as the time when froggish memes ruled the world. Dark Albion fans, it’s time for a Dirty Dozen-style raid in Frogland to rescue Taylor Swift.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 12, 2016 9:53 pm

      All of you reactionary right guys – at home or abroad – miss a core truth in your exultation over the smoke screen of SJW tears. An amoral thug has risen to power at the helm of the most powerful nation on earth. Yeah, you hate the lefties, but that is no excuse for enabling and/or cheering for the rise of Trump, one of the most deceitful souls the good ol’ USofA has ever shat out.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 13, 2016 11:57 pm

        That is the magic of democracy : not being US citizens means we don’t feel any responsibility for what is happening over there and thus are able to enjoy it for what it still is : just a show. I’ll admit that when a far-right extremist party will be about to seize power in France there will be much more difficult moral issues for me, but it won’t happen before a long, long time (six months).

        And for the record, only in Europe could I be labeled reactionary. In The US old farts like like me would be just right of Bernie Sanders (have you seen the babes that followed him around like he was Mr Mojo Risin? I want some of that, not Zak’s skanks!)

    • November 13, 2016 5:59 am

      I would be remiss if I did not point out that Hilary ain’t exactly a bastion of integrity, morality and wholesomeness either, I recommend the publications of Mr. Assange for an in depth examination, not to mention we all get to breathe easier because Trump is less openly anti-Russia and Europe happens to live next to it. That being said, I think most right-wing populist guys are not so much Pro-Trump as just anti-status quo/PC-gobbledygook and fed up with the dominant narrative and the sanctimonious and shamelessly deceitful press. It’s really only just beginning.

      That being said, yes, the tears are delicious and I have seldom laughed this often and this sneeringly as I have in the last couple of days. I don’t blame you for being worried though, a Trump presidency means economic uncertainty and probably riots/low level civil war.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 13, 2016 4:04 pm

        That being said, yes, the tears are delicious and I have seldom laughed this often and this sneeringly as I have in the last couple of days.

        Neither have I, neither have I. Hey, the Rust Belt retards who elected Trump will suffer mightily, but at least those mud people will get fucked HARD. Meanwhile, we Coastal Elites will just sip our lattes and laugh at the rubes, because at his very heart, all Trump ever really wanted was to make the transformation from Outer-Boroughs creep to Midtown Swell, and that is one victory he will never will, even though he became King of the Kretinous Klowns. He can’t fuck over all the Messicans and Nigras he wants to, but he’ll never make Mike Bloomberg invite him over for lunch.

        As far as a low-level civil war goes, most ‘Murkins are too fucking lazy to get off the couch to blow shit up. Even the truly motivated revolutionaries are too stupid to actually pack supplies when they go up against the Big Battalions:

        WOLVERINES!!!

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        November 17, 2016 12:36 am

        I just hope the coastal dildo-enthusiasts’ burning down their Starbucks doesn’t interfere with their latte sipping; and the crying doesn’t interfere too much with laughing at us victorious rubes.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 13, 2016 3:54 pm

      There are no Dark Albion fans, that’s why Casimir Cuck, Uruguay’s Schmuck, keeps showing up in comment threads spouting a Blooeyesque ‘BUY SOME PRODUCT’.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        November 14, 2016 7:12 am

        I must admit Dark Albion grew on me, and not the way yeast infections usually do. I can’t see myself dropping some hard-earned euro-TP for it, but playing it with Pendragon-indifferent medieval history buffs (MedHeads?), why not? Even “Cults” (’81-style scribbled campaign notes + blatant WP cut-n-paste) would not be the worst dust collector on the average grognard’s shelf, thanks to its nice layout and wonderful public domain art.

  173. Xartan Tsauggua permalink
    November 12, 2016 9:23 pm

    I eagerly await the Orange monsters quick exit from the embrace of the Kentish and Rune Sorcerer types to more acceptable pastures. In the words of the great John Turturro they will be soon left holding their own.

  174. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 13, 2016 6:13 pm

    Heh, from the intart00bz:

    I am so mentally and physically exhausted that I’m tempted to try that Chinese thing, with the needles. What’s the word? Oh, right: heroin. I want to do heroin.

  175. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    November 13, 2016 9:38 pm

    Ya know, it just hit me, the United States has now become the first Kekocracy in the history of the world.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      November 13, 2016 9:42 pm

      Of course, this Kekocracy is also a Kakocracy, it must be said.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 19, 2016 4:20 pm

        Sorry, cuck, but you’ve been cucked, bad. Kushner is going to line his pockets with no-bid contracts thanks to your Orange-hued White Savior. Trump is a New York elitist who doesn’t give two shits about your Heartland shithole.

        As you cartoon frog cucks would say, ‘KEK.’ You’ve been had, cuck.

    • Synagogue of Satan permalink
      November 17, 2016 11:08 am

      Well, it’s been a Kikeocracy long enough.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 18, 2016 9:28 am

        You’re going to love Jared Kushner. Trump’s been cucking you all along, cuck.

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        November 18, 2016 10:17 pm

        I’m not relying on Trump to start ovening the kikes. We’ll do that later.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        November 20, 2016 3:57 pm

        Looks like Trump cucked, or rather kiked, you again, cuck….

        http://deadline.com/2016/11/ari-emanuel-president-elect-donald-trump-meeting-wme-img-1201857796/

        You’ve been trumped, dumbass.

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        November 21, 2016 11:22 am

        I don’t think you actually read the article you posted.

  176. bryce0lynch permalink
    November 14, 2016 5:57 am

    Did someone claim Bloody Mages storefronts? There are some weird pricing changes going on lately.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 14, 2016 5:38 pm

      Hmm. Wondering if Blooey Son is trying to make a few bucks off of Blooey’s legacy and name.

    • bloodymage permalink
      November 19, 2016 10:20 am

      Well, this is not one of my favorite boards but I have product to sell, so I’m registering for an account.

  177. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 14, 2016 8:00 pm

    The first thing we need to do is get all the perverts and kiddie-diddlers out of the women’s bathrooms now No disrespect intended to the kiddie-diddlers here, you guys know I love ya!

  178. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 15, 2016 6:03 pm

    I did not vote Trump. I’m no liberal, but just between me and you pricks I’m not really the character I portray here (a 200 lb. country music loving, meth puffing, Jack Daniels ball cap wearing son of a bitch). I believe in universal health care, less ass-woopin’ cops, and apple pie (actually cherry is better). But I could give two shits about bathroom use, what freaks want to marry each other, and how many Mexicans we have (they are here to stay and their children will rule places like California and Arizona in 20 years). But I can sort of understand the frustration that made this happen. For over a year I’ve had hippy geeks on my Facebook telling me I may not think I’m a racist but I actually am even though just years ago you actually had to hurt somebody or wish them harm to be a racist. That my white privilege has served me well (I don’t see it). I witnessed directionless Occupy movements that were more about hating anybody who had money, much less the rich. And for years and years Bush bashing like he was the worst thing that could happen. He was an embarrassing dipshit, but he didn’t change my life. But I still see “miss me yet?” memes like he was the anti-christ.

    The people who made this assclown Prez aren’t the people who voted for him. It was the people who pushed the boundaries in the wrong ways. Who told people who were actually good that they were bad. I don’t like the situation, but like some have said I am going to take a little pleasure in watching them weep. When I’m not weeping myself.

    God, I miss a simpler time when pretending Bloodymage was a genius and hating on D&D playing sex workers made the world seem livable.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      November 16, 2016 12:25 am

      We are entering the Days of Perky Pat, Capt’n Blood, and there is nothing we can do about it. The world is now our children’s to do what the hell they want to do with it. For us old geezers there will be only “Simpler Times RPG” in the basement until they remove us one by one in big plastic bags.

    • November 16, 2016 1:47 pm

      Grim times ahead, for sure, but I feel mentally prepared for that climate (I am probably wrong on all but a the philosophical level). It is the reasonable leftists I pity. Also the Netherlands are on the whole very laid-back. I think I’ll be alright unless ole’ Geert manages to conjure from his hat a 100% increase in his voter base.

    • Synagogue of Satan permalink
      November 18, 2016 10:44 pm

      So you’re “not a liberal”, but you’re cool with the mudvasion and all forms of faggotry. Is that like the cuckservative position or something? Not actually demanding the faggot spic Pulse clientele and their Allah Akbar party-crashers become the New America, but simply passively accepting the AIDS being spewed into your figurative poop chute like a well-trained prison bitch.

      Or maybe you’re a “Do What Thou Wilt” libertarian/libertine in the mold of Donatien François and Edward A. Crowley. Either way you’re a worthless degenerate.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        November 19, 2016 10:22 am

        I TOLD YOU MY ALL MALE ALL GAY FOURTH REICH WOULD FINALLY ARRIVE!

        Now excuse me while I go jack off to Mike Pence’s fine, fine man pecks!

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        November 24, 2016 9:41 pm

      • Mjollnir's Nazi Gay Bar for Donald Drumf permalink
        November 26, 2016 2:08 pm

        YEAH I WIN!

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        December 9, 2016 11:03 pm

        The only way to deal with fags

  179. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 16, 2016 1:37 pm

    Well Gode, you are like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day!

  180. November 16, 2016 6:19 pm

    Alright, aside from the odd twitter meltdown (hint to disgruntled black Hillary Fans, saying that you want a race war with white people because donald trump won is probably not going to end up like you think it will. Just check the history books on that one.) this is the most amusing wailing/gnashing of tears video thus far, involving the worst people.

  181. Sexy Lexi permalink
    November 17, 2016 5:50 am

    While we’re waiting for me to get myself together after much too much fun over the weekend, let’s play a game.

    Fundamentally, it is a role-playing game, but one that is personal to each of us. It begins with a choice, where both options are a flight of imagination, quite impossible, but both are full of possibilities.

    Let us say that I’m able to alter your reality in one of two ways.

    In the first option, you would be able to return to your 12-year-old self, at the time, the place, the world you knew back then, without any changes save one: you will retain all the knowledge and experience you have right now. Like you never could the first time around, you could play the system; assuming you could find a way to lay bets, and do so with the memory you have right now (no making lists of winners in advance, I’m going to send you off in the next three minutes), you can make a ton of money, you can decide to change things and do things differently than you did the first time.

    The upside is that, of course, everything will be familiar. For some, perhaps their family life at 12 isn’t something they’d want to return to, but for many it would be an opportunity to see relatives and friends again, to return to the comfort of a mother and father who took care of you, to see a world that is now long past or forgotten ~ particularly for those of us for whom 12 was a long, long time ago.

    There are a couple of downsides. Forget new music, movies or television for awhile; and if you’re going far enough back, forget the internet and easy access to media. To you, everything will be old. There won’t be anything new for a long time, unless you invent it . . . not until you catch up to today.

    As well, it will be hard to get the right timing on meeting those friends you knew after 12; hard to make your marriage happen again, if you’re happily married right now . . . and forget your children. Even if you knew the day your son or daughter was conceived, even if you actually succeeded in conceiving a child on that day, it wouldn’t be the son or daughter you know now. It would be someone similar, someone that looked much like the child you had, that behaved much like the child you had, but the child you have right now would be lost forever. There’s nothing you could do to change that.

    In the second option, I make you 12 right now. It’s today and you’re still the same person you were, but you’re in a 12-year-old body. Perhaps you’ll be able to identify a surrogate mother or father in the next few minutes, explaining the situation for them, or perhaps you’d like to take your chances on your own. You won’t be able to play the system like in the first option, because the future will still be unknown ~ but at least you’ll have the potential to begin again and do it better than you did the first time around, plus you’ll have all these extra years of life. That is, assuming you’re not hit by a bus.

    Which would you pick? And once you picked an option, what would you do with it? Be brave, imagine this is a role-playing game and you’ve just been transformed or reanimated, whatever you want to call it, and the DM is asking, “What do you want to do?”

    Tell me in the comments.

    • November 17, 2016 7:50 am

      Isn’t this the plot of Hot Tub Time Machine?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 19, 2016 10:25 am

      It’s a trap where Alexi gets to kiddie diddle the 12 year old boy either way.

  182. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 17, 2016 1:50 pm

    Mandy, Satine, etc should play this at Zak’s table. But a version before they were 6 years old so, you know, that stuff that went down that made them shameless whores who work in sex trades and get involved with angry demi-punk dudes with fucked up hair won’t happen. Then again, it was probably a bunch of stuff that happened to make them low lives. Not just uncle Joe’s basement naked talent show.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      November 17, 2016 2:22 pm

      Hmmm, which of the Hoors (Trainspotting, Filth- hip referential spelling amirite?) got damaged the worst? Was it Sasha getting the large end of baseball bat up her ass or Saltine? Nothing spells face of progressive female gaming like two tons of semen dumped on your figurehead, right? Course they’ll never regret their porn careers or potential damage to their womanhood.
      Fuck, do I ever miss the simpler days of jerking off to Gary’s (my) daughter’s Gamma World advert.

  183. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 18, 2016 12:34 pm

    Though Satine did S&M bondage stuff, nothing really got hurt but whatever pride she had left on attaining adulthood. But from what I saw a few years ago Sasha did some extreme stuff that probably prolapsed certain organs. Both of these classy young ladies at the time and a short period after such work acted proud of it, but as of a couple years ago Satine was all “if I have children what will they think?” and Sasha, who during her attempts to “mainstream” stated she was proud of that work for years, as of about a year ago expressed big regrets in an article. Proud because that big Hollywood movie career didn’t work out.

    While being scum they never think that they might have children one day who will be suicidal over the bullying over mom’s “special” scenes.

  184. Baclf@yahoo.con permalink
    November 25, 2016 3:55 pm

    On this Bloo Friday, we remind everyone to BUY SOME PRODUCT!!!

    This year, give the gift of Stink.

    • bloodymage permalink
      November 26, 2016 2:09 pm

      I just wish I could get rid of this persistent Yahoo toolbar!
      Sigh! 😦

  185. Chef Alexis permalink
    November 29, 2016 7:47 am

    I should be running D&D right now; instead, I’m resting and writing this post. I’m just too tired, too sore, too unable to think properly enough to run a game. Reality. At least I can say I’m employed, for three months now . . . I’ve been working as a prep cook in a gluten-free rib house of some quality. I can say the work is hard or I can say simply that I’ve lost three inches around my waist and about 25 pounds in less than 90 days.

    […]

    I spent yesterday in thought and much of today as well. While watching burgers sizzle and fries bubble, while watching calamari drain and ground duck meat thaw, there’s not much else to do than think. The subject has been, what do I do next? Specifically, now that I’m admitting that my physical well-being demands rest on a Saturday; I’m working Friday night and Sunday is a complete loss as well. My players can’t run during the week so once again, I’m stuck without a game.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 29, 2016 7:04 pm

      Gluten Free rib house? Where the fuck does he live, San Francisco or something?

  186. Timotheus permalink
    November 29, 2016 7:15 pm

    Man, I woke up from my three week tequila bender and missed Thanksgiving. I see Mjolnir has assumed control of the comments here.

    Well, I did find a cool “Because Fuck You, That’s Why” recent video from Faggi to the people who shelled out for his Ref book back in 2013:

    And where is Jeff Rients’ long awaited sky-shark book? I guess the Faggi Faithful have been lulled into forgetting about that one.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 30, 2016 1:51 pm

      Damn. Those are some porky fingers. You’d think they’d have inspired him to have a “your fingers turn into bratwurst” screwjob traps in one of his unplayable modules.

  187. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 1, 2016 11:26 am

    Damn, Lexi is running some kind of Hunger Games experiment with his devoted.

    “I do hope that I can make myself clear about something. I say this in the hopes of establishing total clarity.

    Would-be players are COMPETING for a place in the campaign. I don’t want to run up to 11 players simultaneously forever.

    The competition in this case is based on two things:

    A) Can you follow instructions EXACTLY.

    B) How consistently are you reading the blog so that you can respond to information that is needed and to instructions.

    Frederic,

    While I can read your intentions perfectly, and they are Short and Precise, do you understand that they were NOT put in the format I requested?

    There is a famous story of Van Halen’s contract with venues, asking that all brown M&Ms be removed from candy dishes that were placed in their rooms backstage. Many people mocked this request, many people called the band a bunch of prissy assholes who obviously had delusions of godhood and thus felt they were entitled to ask for ridiculously needy things just because they could.

    Fact is, the candy dish was a TAG. It meant that the band’s manager could walk into the band’s room back stage and see in ONE SECOND that the venue had READ the contract and had taken the time to FOLLOW the contract. If there were brown M&Ms in the candy dish, it showed immediately that the venue plainly did not respect the contract and that there were bound to be many other things the venue DID NOT DO.

    That’s what this is. If I see people not following instructions, as written and given, what I think is, “Uh oh. Trouble.” There are going to be vast numbers of details and issues of communication that arise between me and the players ~ those players who resist following the simplest, clearest instructions are going to be kicked to the curb because I am not interested in this getting harder just because a person thinks, “I know, I will do it MY way.” ”

    And here I always thought the Van Halen guys didn’t want brown M&M’s because they reminded them of those little straggling pieces of shit that just won’t flush.

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 3, 2016 7:01 pm

      Only the most detail-oriented players can keep up with his rum-fueled pirate rape scenarios.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        December 7, 2016 12:30 pm

        I think I honestly have to respect that this guy, though to me in the past seemed repellent (unskilled worker, bus rider, publicly declares “I want to experiment sexually” despite being unattractive and usually broke), he does seem to get some kind of following without porn chicks, and players in his games despite seeming quite the taskmaster DM. He must be good at it. I don’t know much about it. Can anybody give further clarification? Are his books actually good?

  188. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    December 1, 2016 5:17 pm

    After reviewing many of the images in this thead I can safely and honestly say that this is most disgusting website I have ever (intentionally) visited. I would not presume to tell anyone here what they can’t post, that’s what makes this place what it is. But man, you guys are really starting to skeeve me out.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      December 2, 2016 6:47 am

      Yeah, Raggi’s face makes me want to vomit up my breakfast, too.

  189. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    December 1, 2016 7:55 pm

    Now if someone could just Google image “Odin-worshipping frozen horse penis”

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 2, 2016 5:08 pm

      You’d just turn up an image of GOPagan. Better to save time and just look up Anton LaVey.

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 3, 2016 7:09 pm

        I bet that Witchiepoo is as convinced that his frequent frozen horse penis use contributed to Trump’s mystical victory as Tarno is convinced that he rune-magicked repairs to his telephone.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 3, 2016 7:13 pm

        Make frozen horsecock great again!

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 4, 2016 7:43 am

        Believe me, it’s going to be HUGE.

  190. Timotheus permalink
    December 10, 2016 7:11 am

    Heh. Chuck Tingle’s new site.

    http://www.buttbart.com/

    Love is Real, motherfuckers.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 10, 2016 3:37 pm

      Make America’s Butt Great Again

  191. Mjollnir permalink
    December 10, 2016 9:38 am

    Kent, would you be a dear and post some pix of your bare buttocks?

    Um, asking for a friend?

  192. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    December 13, 2016 8:52 pm

    Anyone jonesing for a Grim Jim fix might want to check out this little nugget. It’s old (2005) but it was new to me:

    http://www.armchairpatriot.com/Encyclopedias/Encyclopaedia.Arcane-Nymphology.pdf

    It’s a 50 page supplement featuring spells like: Locate the Clitoris, Ray of Nipple Hardening and Power Word, Orgasm; classes like: the Mystic Pimp and Peeping Scryer; magic items like: the Pop-up Porksword and Cockring of Girth; and creatures like: the Bearded Clam and the One-Eyed Trouser Snake.

    You can rag on the poor guy all you want but this is a work of sheer genius. If my GM tried to throw any of it at me in a game I would be appropriately nonplussed and act all indignant, of course. But here in our inclusive safe space I feel free to wallow in my degeneracy.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 14, 2016 5:11 pm

      I dunno, I got as far as page 2, saw that damnable ‘DMPC’ crap and ran like hell away. Who the hell needs to read about some scrote’s ‘Dirty Elminster’?

      What is it with the compulsion to write five pages of shitty fanfic per three pages of crunch? Leave the shitty erotic fiction to Chuck Tingle, peace be upon him.

    • December 17, 2016 6:42 am

      New Desborough attention grab, logged here for giggles & posterity. “How many networks did you run to, Heather?” https://postmortemstudios.wordpress.com/2016/12/16/rpg-fatectiv8-lets-kill-trump/

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        December 18, 2016 12:08 pm

        It’s beautiful because all the racist Trump Trolls of the blOWsR were the only ones who defended his rape products at RPGNow!

  193. Timotheus permalink
    December 16, 2016 6:05 pm

    OK so this chick Foz Meadows wrote a melodramatic article on Black Gate about politics in Fantasy. Some interesting points, but it was marred by the stereotypical “if you disagree with my narrative then you are blinded by white male privilege”. But the article caught fire in the intertubes because it conflated the Sad ans Rabid Puppies as being under the leadership of neo-nazi Vox Day. He cried on his blog and begged Black Gate’s editor O’Neill to change it because he could get in trouble with the Italian police, or something. It is easy to tell the Sads from the Rabids, and Voxy leading the Rabids is the major one, so Meadows is just lazy here.

    Anyway, the article got moved to Amazing Stories and Vox’s moron followers and their ideologic equal-but-opposites at File 770 all wet their knives in an orgy of virtue signalling. Lots of electronic ink spilled. There is a link to the moved article at Black Gate still, and some pingbacks in the comments. I checked out one, from a blog called Men of the West, which turns out to be a standard neo-nazi we-must-win-the-cultural-war-at-all-costs-failure-is-not-an-option-and-also-we-are-Christians site.

    And in the comments is one of our favorite Colostomy House gamer brownshirts Circumsova.

    https://menofthewest.net/the-necessity-of-rabid-puppies/

    There are links in there if you want to follow the fireworks, or go to Black Gate or File 770 or Vox Gay’s website. I linked this one so it is documented that that Circumsova faggot is active on openly racist sites.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 17, 2016 2:28 pm

      The funniest thing I’ve read about this is that Cocks Gay is whining about being called a Nazi, though he’s called women Feminazis for years. Christ, if the heat is too high in Italy, maybe he can move to Putin’s Russia and become one of Vlad’s cucks.

  194. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 19, 2016 2:43 pm

    Somebody check on Scott…

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a51673/drug-companies-opiates-west-virginia/

  195. John Tarnowski, Sex Magickian permalink
    December 20, 2016 7:29 am

    Let me show you how I make the most of my micropenis, bitches!

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?35771-Break-Monday-Sex-Magic-Edition

  196. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    December 22, 2016 7:53 pm

    Did we ever find out who was altering the prices in Blooey’s RPGNow storefront? Has the Blooeyson taken over the family business? Did some blOwSR dipshit buy out the estate and all that glorious product IP like The Stink? Did Blooey fake his own death hoping that would finally take care of that damn annoying Yahoo toolbar? Are the Beldany shower curtains back in stock? What’s the 411?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 22, 2016 9:09 pm

      Maybe old Bloo rose from the dead like Lazarus… Azureus, if you will.

  197. Synagogue of Satan permalink
    December 23, 2016 11:32 am

    You guys want to circle jerk all over my face? Maybe take a dump on my chest and golden shower me too?

  198. Kent permalink
    December 24, 2016 12:17 pm

    Ugh. This place sucks pencil cock without me. Just like the forums.

    Zak & Raggi have taken over the entire minuscule world of D&D and all the vermin and bacteria here are dying out because no one cares what they say or think. Why? Because the commenters here are all unemployed with below average IQ, it would be accurate to say all of the posters here have MUSLIM IQ.

    I am misunderstood by the vast boring mob just like every genius. I am glisteringly brilliant, a shining example of excellence and my contempt for everyone reading this is unpalatable because you all lack humility, a sense of proportion and are not resigned to your murky place in society.

    Keep an eye out for:

    1. Erotic photos of my buttocks

    2. My new adventure module

    • Kent permalink
      December 24, 2016 12:37 pm

      And another thing.

      Everyone can see you are boring and I was keeping this place alive.

      That’s because you have MUSLIM IQ – (70-85)

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 25, 2016 5:12 am

      Merry Christmas, kent, Throw some more peat on the fire. Surely those with Irish IQ (65-66) can figure that out.

      Looking forward to your next module. Not sure how you can top your pevious effort, a one page rip off of Ozymandias, but everyone’s breath is bated.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        December 25, 2016 2:46 pm

        Not sure how you can top your pevious effort, a one page rip off of Ozymandias

        Ozymandumbass

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      December 25, 2016 2:45 pm

      HEH… just in time for Christmas, another failure brought to you by Kent:

      September 21, 2016 8:52 am

      Now, Von, he’s never been successful at anything. He’s even failed at being Kent, and when he brings the ‘nym back out of retirement, he’ll have failed at not being Kent.

  199. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    December 25, 2016 2:58 pm

    Barry Kentmas to all, now how about a carol?

    Kent’s rectum, merry sodomites, is open now for biz
    So use it roughly with your cocks and pump it full of jizz
    At taking phallus up his poopchute Kent is quite the wiz
    Oh, tidings of cumshots, old boy, cumshots, old boy,
    Oh, tidings of cumshots, old boy.

  200. SparkleMotion permalink
    January 5, 2017 5:18 am

    Can we get a new main post? It’s been 6 months and the front page is getting kinda stale.

    Plus KenM got banned at rpg.net which is always a hoot.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      January 6, 2017 1:06 pm

      Meh. Grogndaria is dead. Raggi and Zak Princess have settled into their own little echo chambers and are unlikely to evolve over the next few years. Sexy Lexi is still busy with overthinking D&D in order to not focus on his shit loser life. Chickenshits like Christian Walker blow in and out with the wind. Dragonsfoot will always remain pathetic and will continue to become more so (I kid you not, right now there is a thread to announce which cheapass shitty potted meat meals are the favorites of the perpetually broke Unblown).

      it’s done.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 6, 2017 6:26 pm

        And they wonder why some of them are getting extremities amputated… at least some of the later posts are somewhat sensible, with advice to cook vegetables. Hell, I bought a fuckton of carrots, cabbage, and onions all at 49 cents/pound, which is a lot cheaper than buying Hot Pockets and Soylent Bloo.

      • Timotheus permalink
        January 7, 2017 11:23 am

        Yeah, the scene is kinda over, just vultures picking the corpses. Exhibit A is Jeffblow Johnson carrying the Appendix N banner, like the blOwSR never even happenned. Colostomy House is going to release a whole book about Jeffie’s brown-nosed(and -shirted) musing’s on Gary’s half-assed afterthought to the DMG.

        Why, just four years ago James Maliscewscki would have his followers descend en masse on some other asshole plagarizing his schtick. Now…tumbleweeds at the sacred texts being extolled by others.

  201. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    January 5, 2017 7:12 pm

    Now, here is some world-class trolling of the grogs:

    http://7chan.org/read.php?b=tg&t=113975&p=l50

    Brandoch Durr Hurr, this is how it’s done. You have neither the smarts nor the emotional savvy to pull off a trolling of this magnitude.

  202. Kent permalink
    January 7, 2017 2:26 pm

    Has anyone found these old adventures in pdf ?

    Some of the few good things Ive never got hold of:

    Curse on Hareth, Plague of Terror, Brotherhood of the Bolt
    by the Companions.

    https://www.acaeum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?cache=1&f=10&t=16093&c=1

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      January 7, 2017 7:18 pm

      Kent has been fucked up the ass so many times his anal sphincter is wrecked and now he leaks poop in his knickers! HE’S LITERALLY SITTING IN HIS OWN MUSHY SHIT AS I TYPE!!!!

    • Dr Chuck Tingle, Hugo Nominee permalink
      January 7, 2017 8:38 pm

      Thank you for expressing interest in my adventure, Brotherhood of the Butt. It is just the module you need to bring the sexiest tingly vibe to your gaming table.

      #loveisreal

    • Kent permalink
      January 8, 2017 3:09 pm

      Those links are dead boys.

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        January 9, 2017 8:13 pm

        So are the nerve endings in your bunghole, penis breath! That’s why you can take two dicks up your ass at the same time you drunken Mick faggot!

  203. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 10, 2017 1:09 pm

    It’s pretty sad (and by sad I mean high-larious) that soon it’s probably only Kent who will haunt these hallowed halls. Two or three sock puppets durping at each other.

    I really wish we could get a solid psychological eval of this sad, weird prick. So many times tried to be a serious part of the online game scene, ultimately rejected in so many places because he cannot control his mental issues and ends up trying to bully dipshits in forums with a variety of socks. Comes here trying the same seriousness, but even here devolves into his mania.

    Here’s to you, Kunto. You’ve given more disturbing joy here than even our sacred Bloo. I’d like to say I wish you the best, but really, we know there is only one end for you. A sad lonely death. Your head in the oven, or hanging from an electrical chord in your kitchen. Perhaps even an elegant way, like bleeding out slowly in the tub. But we all know it will end badly. Just…when? And here’s our sympathies to the emergency personnel called by you neighbors due to the smell, having to find your bloated, pale corpse.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      January 10, 2017 3:26 pm

      Kent is wallowing in his own feces due to a wrecked anal sphincter from years of sodomy. He likes to take it up the ass (no condom) with no questions asked! Just the other day he left so much shit on his anal sex partner’s dick the bloke punched him in the head and made him suck his meat clean after he shot his load and pulled out. And rightfully so!

      • Synagogue of Satan permalink
        January 10, 2017 3:29 pm

        This is really fucking HOT!!! I’m stroking my tiny Nazi meat hard right now! Kent, I’m still waiting on those pics of your bare buttocks so I can really crank one out!

    • Kent permalink
      January 11, 2017 6:36 pm

      Captain Kirks Dick Blood,

      You’re a guy who lives in his own filth with pride but occasionally shouts out in anger, ‘Who’s been shitting on my ass!’

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        January 12, 2017 4:49 pm

        Dang, Kunt. Why so hurtful?

  204. Frankly Fruity Frog Gode permalink
    January 13, 2017 5:12 am

    Frank emerges from his coma to find a fundamentally changed world. As expected, the storygamers’ statues were full of air, but it was not the stench of hipster suffisance that knocked out our PC: Spanky Monky’s fingerpulling triggered a higher-level sleep spell, while obviously altering the equilibrium of the spheres. M’lord Rastapopoulos the blond half-troll is now the only head of the Apartments ; his Uruguayan lieutenant and his Kanuck Kunts of Kaos took over the Keep, and refurbished the masonic temple with giant statues of their frog-like god from planet Maralgol. Prince is lost at sea, and all Vampire Nightbuses have been commandeered to deport Mexicans and food critics out of the Grand Duchy. Frank feels kinda bad for helping cause so much weeping and gnashing of teeth, but he must admit that the sudden availability of golden showers in every inn is definitely an improvement.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 17, 2017 4:26 pm

      Spanky’s form stops shaking; there are no more tears for hir lost friends.

      But there is something else in hir eyes, now. Resolve.

      SHIt slowly rises from the mud, and places the locket that Bloo gave hir over hir neck. The locket that came with a long explanation about what “expendable” really means and glories of fresh installs. SHIt ties a cloth torn from from the hem of Vampire Night Bus’s red butt-pounding dress around hir temple, muscles bulging as shit draws it tight.

      Then shit grabs hir Wand of Automatic Missle Fire as the music swells and charges up the hill to Apartment H. Unintelligible phrases fall from hir lips as she is met by crossbow fire from the heights above. “Adrian! Tekeli-li! Ice Cream Soldier!”

  205. Timotheus permalink
    January 17, 2017 4:31 pm

    And we have now jumped the shark:

    In case the link from Amazon goes haywire, this is Jeffblow’s 350 page book from Colostomy House on Appendix N, complete with a couple of fake reviews and one by hate-and-titties click-bait purveyor and Tarnowski-employer Alex Macris.

    And we are told this is the most important book ever written on D&D in the “reviews.”

    • Frog Gode permalink
      January 18, 2017 7:30 am

      Shark jumped and duly fucked in the gills, I reckon.

      Form the Amazon blurb (written by Jeff of course):
      “Author Jeffro Johnson, an expert role-playing gamer, accomplished Dungeon Master and three-time Hugo Award Finalist, critically reviews all 43 works and authors listed by Gygax in the famous appendix. In doing so, he draws a series of intelligent conclusions about the literary gap between past and present that are surprisingly relevant to current events, not only in the fantastic world of role-playing, but the real world in which the players live. ”

      Last time I “drew an intelligent conclusion” was in a middle school history essay.

      And being a Hugo finalist is certainly an achievement, only slightly tainted by the fact that his category was eventually won by industry veteran “No Award”.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 18, 2017 6:18 pm

        Introduction by John the ‘C’ stands for ‘cuck’ Wright… this is too precious. I hope he made enough from this assignment to buy enough instant ramen to feed his family for a week.

        The funniest thing about Wright is the fact that he was a Randian atheist before he had his ‘Road to Dumbasscus’ moment and became a god-botherer. I predict a similar trajectory for Kent… hir’s a woman-hating (even a pussy-hating) failed authoritarian, one step away from a typical fundamentalist. Either Kent is going to run off to Aleppo to become an ISIS bride, or hir’s going to return to his Paisleyite roots.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 18, 2017 6:24 pm

        Oh, fucking great, in the ERB section, Jeffro’s bitching about how Princess Leia was only in her metal bikini for 150 seconds, and that the lack of fapping material was ‘a glaring omission’ in the first two films.

        Christ, what a toolburger.

  206. January 21, 2017 8:20 am

    That John C. Wright is awful, how long can he drag out an anecdote that should be wrapped in fifty words tops? Oh right, he has space to fill and not enough material, so like a kid (or game writer) assigned a page minimum he p a d s.

    But enough about that, I summon the owner of this site (I think the guy’s name was Travis or something) to do something nice for Richard Spencer getting nazi-punched down the block. Recovering Retard tribute art, video contest, you name it.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      January 21, 2017 2:21 pm

      The best thing about that intro is the way he evokes ‘hidden treasure’ and ‘buckling on your father’s sword’, and all that crap, all to describe finding a battered copy of Throngor of Lemuria in a thrift shop. Fuck, Jeffro should have asked Kent to write an intro, it would have been just as embarassing, but cheaper.

      • Frog Gode permalink
        January 22, 2017 12:23 pm

        If Kent managed to stop flogging the Irish setter just long enough to write a book, I would read it.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        January 22, 2017 6:16 pm

        He’s too lazy and effete to manage it. Remember his promised ‘Empty Planet’ story, which ended up being one of his shitty maps using fingerprints as contour lines? He’s not up to the task of producing anything of note.

      • January 23, 2017 7:42 am

        “Buckling on your father’s sword.” Like the lines of nerd descent have gotten so occluded after, what, eight years of OBAMA that knowing which fucking pulp paperback to grab on eBay becomes a Seamus Heaney translation to these people. Sad!

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 23, 2017 5:27 pm

      I’d love to see Recovering Retard return. A nice portrait of Tarnowski, Richie Spencer, and John C. Blight giving Milo some head would jumpstart the now moribund blOwSR.

      Still wish he would illustrate the Battle of Berlin with Zakina hiding under Mandy’s wheelchair.

  207. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    January 24, 2017 2:33 pm

    Hey, you guys remember that weirdo who always used to go on about how we’re a bunch of unemployed layabouts with no cash?

    Me neither…

    As someone who has little in the way of money but spends much of that on relatively expensive books (I justify this because I have spent so much time reading I now know what is worth re-reading)

    I wish I had a screen-cap of his post in which he stated he eats a lot of canned food because of his spending habits. I picture him getting periodic bouts of scurvy because he doesn’t eat anything green. It’s a pity he’s been banned at Dragonsfoot, he’d have fit right in on that ‘cheap food’ thread.

    • noisms permalink
      February 28, 2017 9:26 am

      Eh? As flattering as it is to be noticed by the legends-in-their-own-thirty-second-wank-break on this site, I’ve never called any of you a bunch of unemployed layabouts with no cash – at least to my knowledge. It certainly doesn’t sound like me. I hope for your sakes you’re unemployed, because I suppose at least you’d then have something like a valid excuse for spending so much time commenting here. (Especially after even the author himself has apparently managed to summon up enough shame to jack it all in.)

      Nor have I ever talked about eating canned food – I eat very healthily, thanks, although it’s touching to know that you care. Now excuse me while I go and pour myself a measure or two of the 50-year old Macallan while smoking a cigar rolled on the naked thigh of an 18-year old Portuguese slave girl. I’m having a relatively cheap month.

      tl;dr: you have me confused with somebody else.

  208. Kent permalink
    January 30, 2017 2:28 pm

    Transcript of a conversation with Chris Robert aka YDIS:

    Kent: Hey lass. You have been neglecting your blog.

    Christopheress: Blog? Ptah. I am not a blogger. I am a performance artiste.

    K: I see. When you drink a gallon do you ‘perform’ into the urinal?

    C: I am a this. I am a that. Now you see me. Now you don’t.

    K: Ugghkhh..cunt..thdhuh. You have been gender throbbing lately, bristling cock one moment then gaping for cum the next. Have you a gender message for the sex-forlorn, your blog followers?

    C: I put my left foot in, my right foot in, I do the hokey cokey, and I turn around.

    K: You … turn … around

    C: I put my left cock in, my right cock in, I do the hokey cokey, and I bend overah

    K: Left what … ? D&D sicko …

  209. Brown Acid permalink
    February 1, 2017 6:47 pm

    Hey, look at the guest line up for this! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOYBLalI1YM

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 3, 2017 3:44 pm

      Well, if that ex-porn whore immigrant slut President Drumf married can be First Lady, I guess Saltine Penix can be royalty for a day.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 4, 2017 6:24 am

      The comments on the video are great. Some dude asks if Saltine is trans,some point him to google and wikipedia, he responds with “think of the children” outrage at her porniness.

      Wil should hook up with Zak, Mandy, and another random porn “star” for a RAPeLand game. With the ensuing cred among the Unblown, he could definitely jump start his acting career.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 4, 2017 2:43 pm

      I’m just going to leave this here for Satine Phoenix’s children to find someday.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 4, 2017 2:45 pm

      And one for Barron Trump too!

  210. Frog Gode permalink
    February 3, 2017 1:11 am

    Does Anne know there is a Filipino urine gargling sex slave in her basement ?

  211. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 4, 2017 3:03 pm

    A sleeping giant has been awakened… a sleeping giant in greasepaint:

    http://juggalomarch.com/

    • Frog Gode permalink
      February 7, 2017 1:24 am

      Thxs, I had been wondering what this fine forum’s regulars were cookin’

  212. Kent's Rectum Taking Care of Business permalink
    February 5, 2017 2:22 pm

    Hey, lads, Kent’s Superbowel Party kicks off in one hour. Kent will be taking on all comers HA! Defrocked clergymen and cross-dressing farmboys go to the head of the line.

    At halftime, Kent will astound the crowd by stuffing assorted courgettes and aubergines up his Kenthole. BE THERE!

  213. Kent permalink
    February 6, 2017 12:06 pm

    This is what I think of YDIS

    And I know voyeurs will see something foul in it

    Something sexual

    Maybe it is sexual

    But it is love

    Internet love of the most moist web

    I kiss YDIS on his web persona mouth

    Right on his wet mask

    Kissy kissy kissy

    If his girlfriend objects

    I forfend the grandedames protest with this

    ‘Thou art a foul fleshed thing of age’

    ‘Thy parts stink’

    ‘I disavouch thy stinking cunt’

    But

    I kiss YDIS on his web persona mouth

    mmnppppsssssuuuuhhhhhhyyy

    • Kentian Imperative permalink
      February 7, 2017 7:12 am

      “A man reduced to despair by a series of misfortunes feels sick of life, but is still so far in possession of his reason that he can ask himself whether taking his own life would not be contrary to his duty to himself.”

      Short answer for our Irish readers : no, it would not.

      Cmon Paul, do that pathetic lad the real ultimate favour.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      February 16, 2017 6:39 pm

      Old Geezer’s reply was the best, you just know he was no stranger to the grognards’ depravities.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      February 18, 2017 4:18 pm

      That story was incredible. Like the Cohen Bros, M. Knight S., and Tarentino collaborated on the script.

      I was sleepily reading along, then POW, big twist. It was like watching an old ep of The Rockford files, and at the end of the show while drinking beer and grilling steaks on the porch, Jim and Angel Martin talk a shirtless, teenage runaway boy from Mexico into the trailer as the credits pop on screen.

      Speaking of pops, I think I’m getting a boner. Fred and Ethel doggiestyle Fred and Ethel doggiestyle Fred and Ethel doggiestyle. Phew, it went away..

  214. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 16, 2017 6:42 pm

    http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14476

    • February 18, 2017 11:39 am

      MFW “This doesn’t even make much sense as satire as Hickman and Pryor are hardly the epitome of grognards” looked set to win the thread, but then my old friend “we do have many female gamers who post and lurk here” takes the field.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 18, 2017 7:10 pm

        Lovely, lovely estrogen!

    • Gary Gygax (OFFICIAL) permalink
      February 18, 2017 7:14 pm

      It’s all true! It started when I used to bend a young Rob Kuntz over the couch in my basement back in Lake Geneva. Truth be told, I only invented D&D as a means for grooming young men from broken homes like little Robbie. Good times!

  215. February 17, 2017 11:25 am

    For FUCK’S SAKE.

    There’s no getting away from him, is there?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      February 17, 2017 7:06 pm

      Why stop with Zak? They should hire Paul Barry to produce the game Kent: The Failure.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        February 18, 2017 2:51 pm

        While we’re at it, Cucksimir Urbanski should design the game Tarnowski: The Plagiarism.

    • Frog Gode permalink
      February 18, 2017 12:01 am

      Zakko is even more insane than I thought : why would anyone ever pretend to be Shannon Appelcline? Gross!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        February 18, 2017 2:49 pm

        Because the alternative is being Zak.

      • Gary Gygax (OFFICIAL) permalink
        February 19, 2017 9:15 am

        Who in their right mind would pretend to be someone they’re not on the Internet?

        Well, I’ve got my cock ring on and I’m off to cruise the Chucky Cheese bathrooms!

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        February 19, 2017 9:16 am

        Jesus FUCKING Christ!!!!

  216. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    February 19, 2017 9:11 am

    Paradox White Wolf should just complete the set already, hire Turdnowski Pundick to plagiarize Mykal Lakim’s godawful Vampire TM rip off Vampire Undeath and call it a day.

  217. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 21, 2017 2:54 pm

    Kent’s hero just imploded….

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/video-shows-milo-yiannopoulos-speaking-fondly-pedophilia-article-1.2977071

    • Radovarl permalink
      February 21, 2017 6:35 pm

      Yes, Milo is an ass. Now fucking Die Already, YDIS…. Also spracht Radovarl.

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 22, 2017 4:56 am

        Welcome back, Radovarl! Do I detect some resentment that your post-binary character died on the slopes of the Apartments of Chaos before breaching the entrance?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      February 21, 2017 10:09 pm

      He was on Bill Maher Friday night. Train wreck interview. Reminded me of what Zak Sabbath would be like on the show, only more gay.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 22, 2017 4:54 am

      According to Voxy Gay, it is all a media hit to distract people from Pizzagate:

      http://voxday.blogspot.com/2017/02/pedophile-projection.html

      How will Steve Bannon save l’il Milo? What would Julius Evola do?

      • Frog Gode permalink
        February 22, 2017 7:57 am

        I call your Evola and raise you a Mishima, whose + 1 katana was a far more elegant full stop to a poetic career than Milo’s juvenile ass-pounding fantasies.

        Anyway, I hope he bounces back soon , otherwise our campaign may lose its irresistible whiff of roman à clés.

  218. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    February 22, 2017 4:50 pm

    So, about those Zak S and Mandy Morbid pornos. Is this some kind of specialty fetish they are catering to: scab covered skanks with scabies? It leaves you wishing Zak would take a cheese grater to her diseased snatch to scrape some of those scabs off. Fucking disgusting.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      February 22, 2017 7:02 pm

      Grimy Jim is currently seeking writers for his Gor RPG. Maybe you could make an adventure out of that.

  219. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 22, 2017 10:15 pm

    Zakk seems to have inadvertently (?) designed ‘Ass Eaters of Pyongyang’:

    https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?798530-Vampire-the-Masquerade-Prelude-We-eat-blood-and-all-our-friends-are-dead&p=20837805#post20837805

    Maybe Zak really IS Milo, who really is Kent. Ass Eaters all the way down…

    • Severed Vampire Prolapsed Rectum permalink
      February 26, 2017 11:46 am

      I Am Kent and I own the night!

  220. Frog Gode permalink
    February 24, 2017 1:50 am

    The Watch is upon us

    https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/medeiros/the-watch-rpg

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      February 24, 2017 7:41 pm

      I think I’m going to back this, even though I’ve never played PbtA, just as a rebuke to both the Gamergate and the Zak camps.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 27, 2017 4:23 pm

      Gah! Wundergeek liveth!

      I hope I am at Gencon sometime and I see aroup of dudes playing that “game.” I’ll throw a big-ass X card in the middle of the table and pee all over it as they scream, “Roll for Darkness!”

  221. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 24, 2017 7:40 pm

    Nojism 😦 flounces:

    http://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-end-of-era.html#comment-form

    That RPG.net thread is pure comedy gold- we have sockpuppetry, the LotFaP crew all coming on-board to defend Zak, despite the fact that the other people on the thread have actually had interactions with the nutbag, and a Chuck Tingle reference.

    GOOD TIMES!

    • February 26, 2017 5:12 am

      I declare February 24 to be Noisms Retirement From RPG.net Day. He’s doing an amazing job and people are starting to take notice. A really amazing job, like the job I did keeping 2.5 billion jobs in America, but the press doesn’t report on that. Sad!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        February 26, 2017 9:12 pm

        Mr President, I respect your dedication to Noisms’ efforts to Make Flouncing Again, but I must inform you that this is most likely an alt-retirement. As the closest equivalent to Baron Harkonnen in the history of the United States (protip: keep Uday and Qusay away from the Trump Family Atomics), you surely must know that THE SPICE MUST FLOW!!! As soon as Nosims publishes his next release (smart money says it will be “Ass Eaters of Yoon-Suin”, with ZakS receiving credit as ‘ass-eating consultant’), he’ll be back on Big Purple with a Blooeyesque “BUY SOME PRODUCT!”

      • February 27, 2017 6:28 am

        Zak S. talk is FAKE NEWS put out by the OSR, and played up by the media, in order to mask the big storygaming defeat and the illegal leaks!

  222. Kent permalink
    February 26, 2017 8:56 pm

    I am going to do another podcast which I will upload to youtube through my new blog. I am told that I have done three podcasts so far – I hardly remember doing one. My ambition is to do a podcast that I remember recording. You are my greatest fans even though I despise you.

    In terms of content I am open to suggestions that I will reject utterly.

    I would like to do a podcast about beginning AD&D stuff, refreshing the initial stages of character development while at the same time trying not to drink too much scotch and mock osr favourites by name.

    • nWoD eDgElOrD permalink
      February 26, 2017 11:08 pm

      I will more actively not listen to it if you drink you liquor from a fat neckbeard’s severed ass.

  223. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    February 27, 2017 2:25 pm

    Is this Venn diagram some sort of thinly-veiled ass-eating reference?

    http://monstersandmanuals.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-setting-book-as-literatureliteratur.html

    I’m going to contact White Wolf and see if they’ll publish Ssempa: Da Poopoo-Eating.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 27, 2017 4:18 pm

      I don’t believe it is veiled at all. He clearly takes pride in the Ass as Setting for his Nupitals.

      Wow, Noisms has fewer ideas than kent does. Way past time for him to go the way of the dodo and the Masilewsji.

  224. Timotheus permalink
    February 27, 2017 4:12 pm

    Has our dauntless Caller, Von, been reduced to a quivering ball of rote catechisms now that The Attack has usurped his beloved Vampire game, turning it into severed asses and handjobs?

    Von! Speak! Fight back! Apply some Narrative Priviledge!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      February 27, 2017 4:19 pm

      I checked out his webpage, he’s on a 40K tear. At least he’s not chained up in some dingy LA apartment, having his cornhole licked by Vampire LARPers with bad hairdos and delusions of ‘edginess’.

      It’s funny, looking back on this hole (sic… and sick) kerfuffle and noting that cigarette smoking is now less socially acceptable than ass-eating. C’est la vie.

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 27, 2017 4:26 pm

        Good to know the kid is alright.

        Make Smoking Great Again!

  225. Kent permalink
    February 27, 2017 5:40 pm

    I will never mention anyone here on my podcast because you are all non-entities. There is nothing interesting, or even peculiar, about you once I dismiss your collective nappy-wearers fixation on buttocks, rectums and the smell of your own faeces on your fingers.

    Take Timothy for example. His presence is so inconsequential, the content of his waking life so vapid that one would be forgiven for describing him not so much as a wallflower but a wallweed. My pointing him out will mark an epoch in his uneventful life, his gray heart will be delirious, pulsing to acknowledge my observation but he is incapable of thought and will have nothing to say, poor dullard.

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 27, 2017 6:57 pm

      I prefer wallsprout.

      Indeed, your notice is opening a new epoch in my life. Tonight, I have at least twice the “I have job opportunity of lifetimes” and “Sexy neighbor wants to date for fuck in ass to night” offers in my spam folder.

      Mostly from Ireland, oddly enough.

      Can’t wait for the next iteration of the Whisperer in Dorkness podcast.

    • Kent permalink
      February 27, 2017 7:48 pm

      As a wallweed is there anything wallweedy you would like to see me cover in my next podcast ?

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 28, 2017 4:28 am

        Tough to say, the past decade evrything has been done to fucking death in all the blogs and pudcasts. I don’t care about a podcast where the author just wants to hear himself babble on.

        Why do you want to do another one? Have something interesting to say? What is it? Have a point, something you think a few people might find amusing or thoughtful.

        Casting for the sake of casting is Pundejo-type stuff.

  226. Timotheus permalink
    February 28, 2017 4:18 am

    OK. The BlOwSR is dead, but the Pulp Revolution is taking its place. Just like I love old D&D but despise the dogmatic one-true-wayism of the blOwSR, I love pulp but crack up at all the fags just now discovering Leigh Brackett and building temples to her in their fervor.

    This is exhibit Q, and one of the stupidest blog posts ever, written by a tool who has no grounding in sf:

    http://www.castaliahouse.com/hard-sf-does-not-exist/

    No surprise it is from Colostomy House, where they are dutifully following Vox Gay’s playbook of 1.Lie 2. Make up altrnative facts. 3. Double Down IN ALL CAPS. 4. Lie some more.

    And give no examples of your thesis.

    Jeffblow even shows up to once again declare how THEY don’t want you to know the truth.

    Sorry kids, Hard sf has been around a long time, and it won’t stop existing because you are crying about Causality or other terms that popped up on your Twit feed.

    By the way, the author is also Daddy Warpig from the ‘Shite. Once he licked Tarnowski’e ass clean, now he is trying to get bukkakeed by Vox’s junior brownshirts.

    • February 28, 2017 7:47 am

      Holy shit, this is spectacularly wrong. Clearly Daddy Warpig has never read proper hard SF in his life.

      But then that is the trademark loquacious idiocy of our age, is it not? From theRPGsite to the White House, the least qualified have the most to say, and pontificate in vibrant, urgent ignorance to the acclaim of an equally ignorant audience.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        March 1, 2017 8:04 am

        The ‘shite is a gathering place for people like that. Hell, it’s run by an ex-pat ex-lefty Canadian who considers himself an authority on American politics.

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