So Corky is like a 1 (retarded, funny looking but semi-functional) and a potato is a 10 (funny looking, non-functional). For reference, I think BloodyMage slots in at about a 7.
How fucking stupid is John Adams? Is he just an 11 or does he crank it up to 13.5-ish? Or maybe how stupid does he think everyone else is?
James is officially airlocking himself and as Captain Kirk’s Dick Blood notes he will be missed — targets large enough to be reliably hit by a Mr. Magoo or even a Tenkar are hard to come by.
I don’t want a victory lap, I want to create a memorial to honor Jimmy and preserve his legacy as writer, worldbuilder, humanist, and all-around Mr. Awesome Guy.
Please share here your favorite James Maliszewski stories, your memories, your personal accounts of this humble, amazing man. Post links, pictures, scat fic, interesting smells from balls you have cupped, hilariously antique political/social musings, whatever. As the vultures circle and wetdicks like Gorgonmilk get their jammies all cummy picking the bones of James’ woulda-coulda-beens, I want to create a safe place to appreciate James’ genius. This will be our 9/11 memorial to the Pope of the OSR.
NEVER FORGET!!! Godspeed James — hope to see you again soon!
Here’s a helpful info page from Visa:
This process holds true for Mastercard as well. All you need to do is call your credit card company and demand the charges be reversed. You know what makes your case a slam dunk? When the credit card company sees a bunch of people calling to have the same charge reversed. Done deal, homies.
Who’s going to end up paying for this? Beats me, I’m not a fucking expert. Ask Huge Ruined Lawyer, maybe he knows. My guess: the credit card company takes the money back from Kickstarter; Kickstarter’s all like “WTF?!?!?” and goes to Autarch for the money; Autarch’s like “Duuuuuh, we don’t have the money…” and then Kickstarter’s like “Better get me my money bitch or imma cut you” and then Tavis gotta run a hooride on Jamal to stack that paper. I think he helped pick the pope, maybe look for him at the arrivals terminal at Toronto Pearson Intl. Airport.
Wooo-hoo-hoo — can you feel the tension? I can feel it all the way down in my plums!!!
Bloodymage, I can’t quit you! Someone tell Mishler his troubles are over:
Good on ya BM for not giving up the dream! Maybe Jamal could subcontract Polyhedron to handle Dwindlemount? Brave Halfling, don’t close up the shop: let Poly run fulfillment for you! There’s incredible growth ongoing in pencil & paper gaming, just like oil shale — a $1000 investment is an incredible bargain to get in on the gold rush!!!
By all accounts the debut of Gygax Magazine has been SPECTACULAR! Literally dozens were sold at the introductory event, and reportedly nearly a handful more have been sold online, including at least two year-long subscriptions. As Huell Howser might say, “HOW ABOUT THAT!!!”
Poised to erupt into raucous cheers, the hobby awaits eagerly Gygax Magazine #2… and it just so happens I’ve been made privy to an early look at the TOC:
- This one time back in 1979, I actually kissed the hem of Gary’s bathrobe – Tim Kask / A fond look back at the early days of D&D.
- You know, the only reason I agreed to participate here is because they told me Stross and Chabon were in it too, okay… so where are those guys, huh? HUH?!?!? – Cory Doctorow / Insights and anecdotes from modern gaming.
- Hmm, they seem to be all in numerical order… – Steve Kenson / A detailed study of pagination strategies deployed in ICONS.
- The Holocaust: it never happened – Gygax Magazine Contributing Editors / Conclusions from an overdue investigation.
- Konsole Kritic’s Korner – James Maliszewski / Reviews of new releases for the Wii U.
- There’s too many fucking faggots in here – Mike Mornard / A how-to on ragequitting gaming fora that tolerate progressive sympathies.
- A whimsical d12 table – Jeff Rients / Titter-inducing juxtaposition of traditionally contrary themes.
- sUGGestons and strageties for a make of yourgame, using any addition of theD&D game is yuo like!!!!!!1 – Robert Conley / This guy types with his fucking teeth, here’s more proof.
- Does anyone know how I can monetize this? – James M. Ward / The author catalogs knickknacks and bric-a-brac acquired during a half-century of gaming (submit suggestions to Twitter @GygaxMagazine)
- Would Daddy be proud of us? – Ernest Gary Gygax Jr. & Luke Gygax / Questions that might be asked in the lonely, dark hours of the night.
THE KOBOLD’S CAVERN
- Who is John Galt… and what level is he? – Robert Kuntz and Terry Goodkind / Game-ready NPCs conjured from the classic novels of Ayn Rand.
- The Goldilocks solution – Lenard Lakofka / Thrill your players with encumbrance optimization: adding medium belt pouches to any D&D-compatible game.
- Magical miscellany – Dennis Sustare / 7 more spells with my name in them.
Gygax Magazine is still accepting submissions, if you have any ideas for additional articles list them in the comments and I will forward them to the editorial staff.
Has anyone seen or heard from Bloodymage recently? You may recall, this is the would-be OSR profiteer who engaged in a yearlong, 800+ post dialogue with the spambots that infest his personal website forum. Like, commenter CheapDubaiEscorts would say “thanKyou for a website of this qualitiy!!!!! i Hahve looked at your reading for time now it is very good keep up agood work!!!” and each word was a hyperlink to a different Armenian server farm that would infect your computer with some exotic virus. And then Bloodymage would reply to the spambot, obliviously, something like “Hey thanks for the compliment. I’m trying my best over here, just me learning this stuff on my own. If you like the website you should BUY SOMETHING so I can keep the lights on!” I’d like to link to it directly, but Chrome tells me his website is so lousy with malware that my computer will literally shit blood if I try.
His thread on DF about his travails in Arizona should be made into a Bergman film. It’s funny but also quite legitimately awful and a conspicuous plea for help. The guy who wrote Anomalous Subsurface Environment is the only person compassionate enough to offer constructive and pointed advice:
I disliked ASE and cannot recommend it on its own merits, but offering this advice to Bloodymage was a real fucking solid thing to do; you may wish to consider supporting ASE as a reward for this charity.
Anywho, now Bloodymage has been absent for 3 weeks:
His last posts, in the Arizona thread, were particularly alarming:
Can one of you DFers do a bed check on this guy? Maybe he took PatW’s advice and has quit the scene, but maybe poor health and poorer prospects during the holidays proved emotionally insurmountable. Seriously, one of you clowns who is in touch with him needs to make some effort to determine his whereabouts and lend any sort of assistance that is possible.
Here we go, fatass dumbshit terrible-cartographer Rob Conley commits one of the most common OSR infractions: failure to warn.
See, Rob is terrified that by naming names he might bruise some delicate OSR flower and hurt the feelings of someone who might conceivably hire him to draw a shitty map in the future. So instead of warning fellow skiers about the avalanche danger ahead, Rob just lets them shoosh on by to be consumed by the raging torrent of shipping costs that he decries. Good on ya Rob! Anything else you want to NOT help us with? I hope you land a gig from this!
My guess is that this refers to something that Brave Halfling has done, can anyone confirm? Has anyone received their Delving Deeper box yet, supposedly shipped out on Dec. 17? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?