Zak S. and RPGPundit, a comparison of the D&D 5th Edition consultants, or “John Tarnowski must feel lower than a legless flea’s taint”

Zak S.

Picture of RPGPundit [unverified]

How do these OSR heavyweights stack up? Let’s take a look:

Signature product: Vornheim, the Complete City Kit is written, illustrated & graphic designed by Zak S. and won a technology award because the organization bestowing the award I guess wanted the PR pop that comes from giving a tech award to a paper book written by a porno guy. It’s acclaimed by many in the OSR as the greatest thing since medium belt pouches, derided by others as silly, indulgent, littered with pointless tables, and ludicrously unusable. Everyone agrees that Mandy looks gross on the cover.

Arrows of Indra is D&D with a coat of Bollywood face paint slapped on. It has sold almost dozens of copies and I can’t find a single review outside of the one written by RPGPundit himself, who awards his work a rating of 9 out of 10 — presumably he blames the one point deduction on shitty art, or fucked up layout, or something else he was not responsible for. If you would like an Anglicized version of India written by an American Mexican living in Bolivia (Uruguay?), this one’s for you. John is super stoked to mention there’s a tranny (sp? Is it “trannie?”) on the cover, which is fine and all but why didn’t he celebrate the tranny on the cover when his supposed shitting on of the LGBT community was an issue? It’s like those guys who are all suddenly, “I have lots of black friends,” when it’s pointed out they always hire the goof-off white kid instead of the qualified black kid.

Typical supporter response to admitted retarded claims that either one of these dudes shit on the LGBT community, or hate gays, or whatever that shit was cause I couldn’t really figure it out: [paraphrased] “Zak. S. is not a homophobe. To assert anything contrary is ridiculous and itself driven by a hate agenda. He ministers, tenderly and angel-like, to his disabled, immigrant, genderqueer, alternative girlfriend Mandy. Can he sometimes be abrasive? Maybe, but only to dummies, Republicans, and other people we don’t like. But his saintly demeanor and creative genius (Vornheim!) rank him atop humanity, to say nothing of the OSR, which without him would be bereft of meaning, value, and hope.”

[paraphrased] “I’m not a fan of RPGPundit and in fact I think he’s bad for the OSR, and gaming as a whole. I cannot defend any of his actions. I have boycotted all his products on principle, but they basically look terrible and derivative, so I never would have purchased them anyway. Obviously his creepo politics are offensive, no wonder he had to flee the US to embed himself in a primitive culture. I wonder if it wasn’t an actual sex crime or maybe just one against nature itself that caused him to hastily depart America, but that’s just me wondering — as yet, I have no proof (email me if you know something). And also I just get this vibe that he smells. But anyway, despite all evidence of a disgusting moral character and acknowledging the probability that I’m sure in the next couple days the truth will come out and we’ll find out he drives by gay clubs and throws hot dogs out his window and cackles at the m2f genderstrobes lined up at the door, as far as I know, to date, to my knowledge only I cannot speak for anyone else, I don’t THINK I have ever seen him do more than just be insulting and dismissive in sort of a general way to the LGBT community, and maybe not even that but I can’t be sure. I’m certain I’ll have to retract this provisional note of reluctant support, probably within days or only hours when the full truth of his infamy is revealed, but I would feel weird defending Zak and NOT defending RPGPundit and Zak has sort of implied I need to defend both, so… there it is. RPGPundit is disgusting and should be shunned on principle, just probably not for the reason everyone is doing it right now…”

What James Edward Raggi IV thinks: James published Vornheim, pleaded with Zak for the Alice in Wonderland vs. Dracula thing, and pops a tiny boner w/ watery dribble of pre-cum at the thought of publishing anything else Zak related. He can celebrate Death Frost Plagiarism all he wants, Vornheim literally built his company and the new Zak thing will revive it after numerous Kickstarter stumbles and creative misfires (Death Love Doom, Fuck for Satan, Joop van Ooms, Broodmother Vaporware, etc.)

RPGPundit approached James hat-in-hand, asking if his eminence would be so gracious as to consider publishing his long-in-the-works supplement Dark Albion, a project that seemingly would fit gorgeously into the post-Renaissance LotFP default setting. James was shocked at first, then turned his head slightly and laughed deeply but quietly into his hand — he made an extreme effort to ensure RPGPundit would notice this laughter, but more importantly notice the theatrical effort to obscure the laughter, as is done when someone wants to enjoy a good laugh at someone’s expense without alerting them to the ridicule and thereby spoil opportunities for future derision.

Attitude toward ISIS: Zak S. has made no public pronouncements, but we may guess he does not support ISIS and is generally pro-America, although not in favor of a militaristic foreign policy and the aggressive oligarchy in whose interests it is deployed.

John Tarnowski has made no public pronouncements, but based on his overall character, it is not unreasonable to suppose he despises America and supports the terrorists and may even now be thinking ugly thoughts about Abraham Lincoln, baseball, and apple pie. But there is absolutely no hard evidence of this, that is certain.

Apart from Wizards of the Coast, collaborates with: Zak S. is partnered with acclaimed author China Mieville on a forthcoming project, went to the wedding of one of the guys from Marilyn Manson, and hangs out with actresses you will recognize from such films as Ass Eaters Unanimous 19, My Hot Wife is Fucking Blackzilla! 7, and Facefucking Inc. 8.

RPGPundit follows James Desborough on G+.

So who comes out ahead?!?!? Haha, trick question — they both fucking suck assholes!