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And now for something completely different —

September 22, 2014

I’ll just put this here, and then we can discuss it like nice gentlemen:

Direct link:

[Edit: Kent asked me to remove the direct link, apparently it broke his shit or something. Go through his website to listen to his beautiful message of love, respect, and tolerance, assuming you arrive on one of those rare occasions when his website’s actually up…]


898 Comments leave one →
  1. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 22, 2014 9:07 pm

    I don’t want to risk a sanity check on a Monday night after drinking a fuckton of beers… is it true that the dude sounds like Starscream?

  2. September 22, 2014 9:19 pm

    That’s an exquisite and radiantly evil five minutes there, like an ASMR video but the “tingle” derives from a wad of radium lodged in the cheek and held there. Well worth hanging on to the end, gentlemen!

  3. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 22, 2014 9:33 pm

    Here’s something less annoying than Kent’s podcast.

    • Radovarl permalink
      September 23, 2014 6:24 am

      Now I’m REALLY curious…. Can someone please archive the mp3 somewhere? I’m afraid he’ll take the podcast down before I can listen.

  4. Stinkor Forneus permalink
    September 22, 2014 10:53 pm

    Why did you switch threads when Bloo Bot was just getting started! I’m almost certain Bloo Bot isn’t programmed to switch threads!!! BLOO BOT MAY HAVE FINALLY EXITED THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 23, 2014 12:06 am

      Kent’s best hope for success is to team up with Bloo-bot. The “sweet spot” for podcasts is two hosts- that way, there is a back-and-forth.

      Bloo-bot and Kent could discuss the endless cycle of EAT PEE CRAP RINSE CLEAN REPEAT EAT PEE CRAP RINSE CLEAN REPEAT and relate it to Eddison’s “Blooroborous”.

  5. September 23, 2014 6:11 am

    A 1980 cut-off date? Surely, that must be a mistake. That would exclude the entire Gord the Rogue epic. After all, Gygax *is* one of Kent’s favorite authors.

    • Radovarl permalink
      September 23, 2014 6:21 am

      Maybe he’s finally gotten around to reading some Saki. I wouldn’t know, since the “YDIS Effect” (analogous to the vaunted “Acaeum Effect”, but with the slight difference that it actually exists) has overloaded Bloogle and it is not currently accepting requests to stream or download the latest pronouncement from the Font of All Wisdom. Shit, I just want to know if Kent sounds like a little girl. In my head, he sounds less like Starscream, and more like Spanky from the Little Rascals with an Irish accent crossed with Michael Jackson.

      • September 23, 2014 6:57 am

        I’m surprised nobody has opined that he probably sounds like Stewie from “Family Guy”.

      • Radovarl permalink
        September 23, 2014 7:54 am

        Showing my age. I have no fucking clue who “Stewie” is.

    • September 23, 2014 6:47 am

      I don’t think he’ll stick to that cut-off for long. I’m sure he’ll discuss his beloved “Twilight” trilogy- though he’ll probably do that after he sets up his video equipment in order to show off his sparkly makeup.

      As I recall, Kent’s always been an advocate of women authors in general and Stephanie Meyer in particular.

      That being said, I’m more aligned with Team Blooey than Team Kent.

  6. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 23, 2014 6:27 am

    I predict that this bit of audio is fated to become the gamers’ equivalent of a “Rick Roll”.

  7. Stinkor Forneus permalink
    September 23, 2014 7:02 am

    “Sorry, you can’t view or download this file at this time.

    Too many users have viewed or downloaded this file recently. Please try accessing the file again later. If the file you are trying to access is particularly large or is shared with many people, it may take up to 24 hours to be able to view or download the file. If you still can’t access a file after 24 hours, contact your domain administrator.”

  8. bloodymage permalink
    September 23, 2014 7:12 am

    Depression is a way of life for me. Not much is fun anymore. I just keep doing it. My family are all dead and I’m a virtual stranger now to my Dad’s second family. Problem is, I get exhausted trying to take care of myself. Just took a shower ’cause my bowels are acting up. I’m clean for the moment. Won’t last long with my body. Eat, pee, crap, rinse, clean, repeat. It takes me forever to get anything done anymore. Life in slow motion is no fun. And I’m so damned overwhelmed and broken that I’m almost afraid to go outside! A new place to live and a promising relationship. I need a wife to tell me when I’m bein’ stupid! 🙄

  9. September 23, 2014 7:57 am

    I’m pissed at myself for not immediately referring to this little audio treasure as a “pudcast”.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 23, 2014 8:35 am

      The joke writes itself: Kent’s little project is the “I Hit It With My Ass” pudcast.

  10. AsmodeusMegatron permalink
    September 23, 2014 9:18 am

    Still can’t download:( In my mind Kent always sounds like a mix between Cobra Commander and the Grand Nagus as portrayed by Wallace Shawn. Are the legends true?

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 23, 2014 9:31 am

      Like I said, though, I’m a pit bull when it comes to this stuff. I keep at it until it works!

    • September 23, 2014 9:52 am

      I can get to it fine — how the hell do these things work? Wallace Shawn is not too far off…

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 23, 2014 10:16 am

        Did you download and save it? Could you upload it to Youtube with a Rick Astley musical bed?

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 23, 2014 10:21 am

        Wallace Shawn, eh? How soon before Durr Hurr releases My Dinner with Blooey?

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 23, 2014 5:07 pm

        I got my Last Will & Testament from LegalZoom today. Now I need two witnesses and a notary to make it legal. I’m just going to need to get the nerve to get out and about to get all this stuff done.

  11. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 23, 2014 12:22 pm

    I have way less virus problems these days since I stopped downloading sketchy shit. As much as I’d like to hear what that dipshit sounds like, it ain’t worth the chance. I go ahead and do it and next thing I know I’m wrestling with Russian spambots. Or worse, having conversations with them like Blooey did.

    Shit, this might be key. Maybe those spambots on the Polyhedron games site from a few years ago entered Blooey as ghosts in the shell and our newest hero Bloobot is a manifestation of that. We may be witnessing a new form of life. It’ll maybe try to mate and procreate like that rapist robot in Demon Seed.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 23, 2014 2:00 pm

      Hey, now, I thought we weren’t going to release information about our retro-futuristc RPG, Cyberpunk Bloothousand until we’d put up the Kickstarter page.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 23, 2014 5:09 pm

      Alright folks. This really isn’t a blog. I post my frustrations here, but this is a commercial site. I really appreciate the positive comments here, but this site is here to make a few gold pieces. BUY SOMETHING!

  12. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    September 23, 2014 2:33 pm

    Im taking requests for topics to discuss on next Monday’s podcast. If I do say 8 mins then I will devote 2 mins of that to requests and namecheck the inspirer.

    • September 23, 2014 2:55 pm

      Arthurian motifs in Vance’s Lyonesse.

      Oh, wait. That’s post-1980.

      My bad.

    • The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
      September 23, 2014 3:37 pm

      That is a very good point. Lyonesse is definitely in. The first two volumes are superb. We are talking soft boundary.

      I was thinking more that the off beat 2 mins would be ydis in style. Think calumny.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 23, 2014 5:04 pm

      Just took a closer look at the comments here. Any comments with a link will be marked as spam. Any comments with a web address will be trashed. I don’t have time to cull this site without taking draconian action. If you like my site, say so, but don’t try to sell anything. This is my business, not yours.

      And I’ve decided to stick with Word Press, as much as it pains me.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 23, 2014 5:06 pm

      I only have two requests… The first is that you yell “Blooeytron has fallen!”
      The second is that you yell, “Apes don’t read Shakespeare!”

      That is all.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 23, 2014 10:17 pm

        I’d like you to discuss the Shakespeare play most suitable for the knuckle-dragging ape-things and frantic penguins constituting the unlettered mass of fantasy gamers. I’d have thought ‘The Comedy of Errors’ myself.

  13. bloodymage permalink
    September 23, 2014 5:12 pm

    Well, I’m waiting for a game that may or may not happen. That’s one of the stories of my life… waiting. When I’m on fire with all the stuff I want to get done, I have to wait. I’m too damned impatient to learn properly any more, so I learn by reading, then doing. It’s invariably done wrong, especially when it comes to computer stuff and I might not be able to get it right at all and that’s very frustrating to an OCD person like me. It’s like I got a call from my “business adviser” asking if I wanted to activate their services. Well, yeah, but I have to wait until after the 1st when the Eagle flies before I can pop for that.

    Oh that reminds me, I’m due a refund from LegalZoom. Wonder if it’s come in? Yep, it’s there. There’s also a “memo” concerning my disability checks. The money’s there but not posted. Wonder if they have to wait until the 1st?

  14. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    September 23, 2014 8:32 pm

    Does this mean that Kent’s moustache project is on hiatus? We haven’t had an update on it in a while. I was kind of hoping to see how that all panned out. Maybe he’s secretly working on an epic literary Gustave Flaubert ‘stache to debut during his first Youtube video.

  15. Scott permalink
    September 23, 2014 9:22 pm

    I’m never going to listen to this because I feel like it’s a silent film star making the transition to talkies and I’m not going to ruin the vision I have in my mind of Brandoch Daha going all “Shakespeare and Dante, I paid $200 for a book and here are pictures of it, YOU WOT MATE??? CUNT INNIT” and so on

    • September 23, 2014 9:53 pm

      There’s a distinct lack of brogue. I think he’s putting on a voice 😦

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 23, 2014 10:57 pm

        Twist ending: he was Blooey all along!

        Eat peen crap, indeed.

      • Scott permalink
        September 23, 2014 11:09 pm

        Someone archive this so if, in a weak moment, I have to look in the glowing trunk*, I can revisit the velvety smooth vocal stylings in the days after Kent does his weekly purge.

        * I shall not cause harm to any vehicle nor the personal contents thereof, nor through inaction let the personal contents thereof come to harm.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 24, 2014 5:08 am

        The life of a podcast host is always intense!

  16. Scott permalink
    September 23, 2014 9:24 pm

    Also y’all faggots need to watch out or I’ll turn this into another pray away the gay, I have so many personal issues to discuss at length

  17. AsmodeusMegatron permalink
    September 24, 2014 6:33 am

    Still cannot listen to Kent’s Rants in all of their syphilitic glory 😦

    I would argue for a cross-comparison between the mythological antecedents of Anderson’s Broken Sword and Zelazny’s Lord of Light, with character analyses based off of Jungian Archetypes but for all i know that is exactly what Kent already did :(. Also humbly requesting The Romance of the Three Kingdoms for future consideration.

  18. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 24, 2014 8:37 am

    I want to see Kent move out of his comfort zone… Leigh Brackett considered as one of the 20th century weird fiction’s towering figures, who linked the pulps with film noir and popular cinematic science-fantasy.

    I specifically want to hear a comparison of Brackett’s “People of the Talisman” and CAS’ “Vaults of Yoh-Vombis” , both of which touch on the survival of inimical autocthones.

    I wouldn’t hold my breath- Durr Hurr would probably just chuckle, ” Herp-de-derp, chix can’t write.”

  19. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    September 24, 2014 10:26 am

    Kent, if you do a podcast about the Bloo Bot and the genius of its creator (my God this thing even delves into the Wayback Machine now to bring back the Ghost of Blooey Past!), I promise to only refer to you as a filthy hetero from now on.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      September 24, 2014 7:02 pm

      I’m not responsible for the genius that is the Bloobot, but I’ll mention that my own google-fu is too weak to pull the late lamented posts from from the Machine. Blooey’s legacy might fade from history if not for the Bloobot’s valiant efforts.

      Not that we would ever be doomed to repeat it or anything. There can be only One!

  20. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 24, 2014 11:43 am

    A lot of “personalities” of the blOwSR have long since turned into sort of Max Headrooms of themselves. Zak, Raggi, Alexis, Thorkhammer, Trent Foster and his Igor Weggie – across all levels of following great and small. Even well before the Dwimmermount debacle and the fall of Grognardia Jamal had become some weird parody of himself.

    I say to you that this Bloobot is a scathing indictment and demonstration of the final evolution of RPG authors and commentators; a flickering ghost that spews old thoughts and ideas to be re-digested, for good or bad (in the case of Bloodymage = good, the rest of them = bad).

    Or just some clever prick giving us the chills combined with a hearty chuckle, which also works for me.

    Now back to Kunt and his pathetic excuse for a podcast.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 24, 2014 12:36 pm

      Ah, but the thing that differentiates Kent from all of those lesser luminaries, and proves his innate superiority, is that Kent alienated almost all of his potential audience before launching his podcast. Pissing off everybody and getting a blanket ban so you can’t build a following? Sheer genius!

    • bad wolf permalink
      September 26, 2014 9:58 am

      I’m not sure if i could tell the difference between a spambot JaMal and those rehashed pieces he submits to BlackGate. The spambot might have fewer references to the time his father gave him his first copy of Holmes Basic?

  21. September 24, 2014 3:36 pm

    Kent, I know you’re focused on a certain (arbitrary) cut-off date, but I don’t believe you should exclude contemporary genre classics:

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 24, 2014 4:39 pm

      My hobby and new business take an inordinate amount of time, so I just basically fiddle-fart around trying to get things done.

  22. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    September 24, 2014 5:40 pm

    Google drive sucks dick. I was out tonight expecting to be royally mocked for my piece of crap monologue but was told it was not possible to access it. I thought there was some sort of rate issue rather than a hard limit.

    Anyway it hardly seems worth the trouble but I will use dropbox or something else tomorrow.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 24, 2014 9:46 pm

      The sad truth is that nobody cares enough to mock your wee little pudcast. I’d like to see a “show of hands” to determine who’s even listened.

      You were gone for a month and didn’t come up in conversation much. You’ve been upstaged by Bloo-Bot. All hail Bloo-Bot.

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 25, 2014 12:16 am

        I’m an old gamer and trying to give back to the community before I exit this world.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 25, 2014 12:13 am

      My fiance is working on a recipe for “Polly Eggs” and they’ll be available in the Comfort Suite.

  23. Ali Abaddon permalink
    September 25, 2014 5:05 am

    I still can’t access the pudcast, but I had basically already forgotten about it before stopping in this morning.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 25, 2014 10:20 am

      Damned computer! I use Firefox and change is my enemy, so I’m sticking with it (I’ve tried Chrome and IE, liked neither). Dunno what I did. The board has gone narrow on me and I can’t figure out how to get it back the way it was. I have 3″ sidebars in black and I shouldn’t have any.

  24. AsmodeusMegatron permalink
    September 25, 2014 6:47 am

    Hahaha holy shit i listened to it. This is gold. I can’t figure out what i find funnier, the facetious parts or the serious parts. I think it’s pretty great Kent wants to found a non-gamer fantasy literature forum using Ydis and his blog, both dedicated to gaming(or mouth-breathing social retardation in gaming).

    Kent, if you want to discuss fantasy literature with fantasy literature fans without them viewing everything through the lens of what they can loot for their games, it might be a good idea to discuss that shit outside of a game forum(or in Tangency). You are going to have fantasy fans(especially old fantasy) who are into gaming, especially on, and observe closely, a game forum. But perhaps that is your odd sense of dramatic irony doing it’s thing.

  25. Radovarl permalink
    September 25, 2014 10:02 am

    You’ve gotta love the unapologetic alcoholism. Only in Ireland.

    I will admit, I feel the same disdain for gamers, but what I think Kent is missing is that he *is* a gamer.

    “I have love in my heart for everyone.” ROFL. Um, no you don’t.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 25, 2014 10:21 am

      I had my good times. Now it’s a couple o’ good brews, a glass or two of wine or maybe a bedtime shot. I never get drunk anymore (that’s ceased to be fun) and I’ll only imbibe 2-3 times a week.

      Being raised as a redneck, extremely OCD, suffering from PTSD and a host of other health conundrums, not the least being that I suddenly seem to be brain dead and I can’t afford to lose control. Control isn’t the issue, preempting violence is.

      So, drink hearty those of you who still can. Far be it from me to tell anyone how they should kill themselves!

    • Asmodeus Megatron. permalink
      September 25, 2014 11:37 am

      Feeling disdain for ‘gamers’ is dumb, much like feeling disdain for ‘chess-players’ or ‘fantasybook-readers’, it’s way too fucking general and heterogenic to attatch personality traits or mannerisms too and it doesn’t say shit about who a person is, but i can totally get into not liking gaming communities or gaming culture as viewed on the internet.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 26, 2014 7:08 am

        One would hope so, since you’re /here/ of all places.

      • Asmodeus Megatron. permalink
        September 26, 2014 7:11 pm

        Kaptain Von, you strike me as the sort of gamer i might get to like. Not a whiff of social retardation, passing knowledge of the wh40k, does homebrew shit etc, no hero worship.

        One wonders at your motives. Does your blood sing at the mention of the Osr? Do you hear the calling of khaela mensha khaine when the pundit is mentioned?

        The Osr in theory is a wonderous and glorious thing. The Osr in practice is something to be surpassed.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 27, 2014 12:33 am

        I’m trying to remember which one you are, Asmodeus Megatron, and calculate the odds that you’re pulling my chain here. I’m glad to know that I at least manage ‘potentially likeable’ and that my impression of a functional human being continues to pass muster. I’m still a chubby bugger with seborrheic dermatitis and (apparently) Asperger’s Syndrome, so don’t get your hopes up too high; if I have a saving grace it’s that I don’t feel any of these are anything to be proud of or any excuse to act like a complete tosspot.

        The OSR produces some RPGs – well, AN RPG in various flavours – which are actually light and elegant enough to be playable without feeling that I’ve wasted my time and money on a book that could have been perhaps a third of its actual size and contained a tenth of the mechanics that it does. I find a couple of the blogs amusing and thoughtful and occasionally even useful when they’re not involved in juvenile spats. I like a community that doesn’t sink to the “John Blanche can’t draw!” standard of art-criticism. That’s about it.

        Don’t tell him I said this – I’m sure he’ll be upset – but I still don’t give a fuck about anything the Pundit has said or done.

        None of it’s worth getting my knackers in a twist over, but I do like a giggle at the expense of the mediocre and the credulous now and then. The best of the wargaming forums I’ve inhabited was – while intended for gamers far, far more interested in tournament play than I – tonally quite similar to this place and I rather miss that. For good or ill, a sneer and a handjob seem to be necessary evils if one wants to go among nerdy people, so… here I am.

  26. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 25, 2014 11:15 am

    (suddenly sobs uncontrollably, falls to knees, and starts bowing towards Bloobot)

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      September 25, 2014 11:24 am

      (grabs Bigby’s +2 Backscratcher/Flagellator, applies liberally while genuflecting unworthily toward Bloobot)

  27. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 25, 2014 11:40 am

    Do you speak Blooey?

    • Bloo-Bot permalink
      September 25, 2014 11:44 am

      Why, yes, sir! It’s like a second language to me.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        September 25, 2014 12:06 pm

        Sheeeeiiiiit. [Golly.]

  28. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 25, 2014 1:35 pm

    One of the saddest things about the Bloodymage-dogwalker blow up and subsequent move denying us Polyhedracon (for now) is that we will never know exactly what spin the future ex-Mrs. Blooey would have put on the tried and true Deviled Egg. There are many international variations, but just what would a woman who was involved with a hard-luck adventurer like our man Bloo’ have brought to the table as far as changing it up? Extra paprika? Low salt? High salt? Dijonaise? Freshly squozen nad juice?

    When it comes to broken relationships, it’s the “might have beens” that really get ya.

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      September 25, 2014 2:44 pm

      Wait? The eggs were going to be deviled eggs? Shiiiiiiiiit, man. I was picturing those pickled eggs you only find on the counter of truck stops and backwoods bowling alleys.

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 25, 2014 9:12 pm

        Polly Eggs will be available in the Comfort Suite.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      September 25, 2014 3:16 pm

      I weep for what might have been…

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 25, 2014 9:14 pm

        Now could you please BUY SOMETHING so I can keep the lights on.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 25, 2014 3:44 pm

      I thought that the future ex-Mrs Blooey was an alien queen, and that she’d insert the Polly Eggs into the convention goers with a three foot long ovipositor.

      Polyhedracon d4-3, IT’S A TRAP!!!

  29. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 25, 2014 3:37 pm

    They might have been hard boiled eggs, but instead of in a pickle juice they float in one of those blue-water barber shop comb jars.

  30. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 25, 2014 3:46 pm

    The True Bloo returns! If Bloodymage is publically rasslin’ with a computer, then you just KNOW big doin’s are a transpirin’!

    At least, I think it’s the real Blooey. Blooey? BLOOOOOOEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!!

  31. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 25, 2014 5:49 pm

    “OK, I’m back (no thanks to my bloodyson) but I’m just back still unpacking, still hurting but I’ll carry on.”

    Ahh yeah, a knock at a loved one, sharing that he is all fucked up by having to unpack but declaring that he will forge on despite these sketchy set-backs. Our Hero is back. That is, until he abandons the thread in a few days for another couple of months.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 25, 2014 9:09 pm

      Don’t give up hope yet. This first encounter is a teaser.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 25, 2014 9:18 pm

      Another damned emergency. Might be awhile this time. 😡

  32. bloodymage permalink
    September 25, 2014 9:06 pm

    I break PCs. My new laptop has crapware. Death to all PCs!

    Saw my oldest (autistic) son last night and gave him a black SRH beanie (Support Radical Habits) and their Nana a Hickory Farms gift pack.

    • Scott permalink
      September 26, 2014 6:15 am

      Christmas isn’t Christmas without a Swiss Colony Beef Log

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 26, 2014 8:18 am

        That’s not the sort of “beef log” our young Kent craves.

  33. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 26, 2014 8:27 am

    Now that Blooey is in an assisted living community, he should introduce role-playing to the geriatric set. He can pitch it as “using your imagination to escape the bonds of your physical limitations.”

    He can even apply to the VA for a loan to buy a bunch of BECMI box sets. Maybe the BlooSO could donate the materials.

    Someone in Blooey’s vicinity should crowd fund to raise enough money to film a documentar about Blooey giving the other residents of the place a new lease on life through gaming. “Bloowakenings” would be a good title.


  34. Radovarl permalink
    September 26, 2014 8:34 am

    Listening to it a second time, I find it highly amusing that Kent commiserates with that poor chap Cugel, having to traipse across the Dying Earth not once, but twice, encountering all sorts of “psychopaths”. Revealing that he doesn’t seem to realize that Cugel is a murderous sociopathic misogynist himself, and that Cugel’s constant belly-aching is not meant to induce sympathy in the reader, but rather engender amusement at his recurrent ironic fuckups and the accompanying poetic justice. Identifying with Cugel is tantamount to a tacit admission of complete amoral dickheadedness. Cugel is a combination of Bad Ronald and Howard Alan Treesong rolled into an unsympathetic protagonist, not some sort of He-man Woman Hater’s Club anti-hero. But I guess this is nothing we didn’t already know.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 26, 2014 8:46 am

      Kent’s not exactly known for his emotional savvy or his enlightened views about women.

      What next? “Liane the Wayfarer” considered as harmless picaro? “Buffalo Bill” as misunderstood fashionista?

      No wonder he couldn’t hack it at any of the “nice” forums.

      • Radovarl permalink
        September 26, 2014 9:37 am

        And don’t forget Chun the Unavoidable. A harmless collector of souvenirs.

        I can’t hang for any period of time in any of the “nice” forums myself, but mostly because I find the typical forum-going gamer to be a preening, unthinkingly sanctimonious hero-worshiping ne’er-do-well. In other words, I see most of them as being exactly like Kent. For me, the history of the OSR has been the process of me coming to terms with these traits in myself and attempting to systematically purge them.

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 26, 2014 9:44 am

        Kids, don’t do what I did, instead, do this (do as I say, not as I do! 😉 ): Don’t smoke. If you drink, drink only in moderation. Watch what you eat. Exercise. Don’t partake in anything that can get you rousted by the authorities. See your doctor and dentist regularly. If you would prefer natural remedies, maintain contact with traditional providers, but learn your stuff and check it out empirically before you commit. If there’s history in your family and you’re curious about non-traditional or cutting edge treatments, find out before it becomes and emergency or progresses to a terminal sate. Marry well. If you’re sexually active, trust no one. Get tested, both of you. Do this for every partner and insist on protection even though you both are clean. It scares me how deadly sex is these days.

        OK, papa bloodymage has his spiel. Carry on.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 26, 2014 9:46 am

        I was thinking of the literary forums. I suspect that Kent poked around the more mainstream literary forums for a while and, surrounded by people who actually know what they’re talking about, got scared and retreated back into the gamer ghetto.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 26, 2014 8:49 am

      More importantly, at what point do you call the Gardaí and tell them to dig in Kent’s basement crawl space?

      • Radovarl permalink
        September 26, 2014 9:38 am

        All they’ll find is three copies of Mein Kampf and seven bottles of second-rate Irish whiskey.

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 26, 2014 9:43 am

        And y’all better knock it off with recommending illegal drugs. I’ll start deleting posts and locking threads. 😡

      • September 26, 2014 10:50 am

        Lovely. That’s Blackbush. Ooh, it’s nice.

        Anyway, there are mainstream literary forums that actually make room for this stuff? He’d have to talk about E.M. Cioran and Goethe and Kathy Acker over there to get anything going. Mention L. Sprague de Camp or whoever he’s into and it’s the polite chuckle and the sign for the check please.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 26, 2014 11:17 am

        “Ntozake Shange? I sha’n’t read anything by a negress!!!

      • September 26, 2014 11:21 am

        Well, “unless he’s trolling us” we know he’s a fan of the black bush!

    • kaptainvon permalink
      September 27, 2014 12:00 am

      Radovarl – Not only do you confess to having listened twice, but you see fit to engage in proper literary discussion with the fellow, challenging his interpretation with nary a whiff of gamerese. I’d be careful if I were you, lest you encourage him by doing exactly as he wishes.

      Incidentally, I like the history of the OSR viewed as personal development. Did you stop – or even restart – playing D&D during the journey?

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 27, 2014 5:16 am

        I created the con page, now I’ve relocated (get my house tomorrow) to TX, and I’m wondering about old school cons in the area to plan to plan for. Of course I know about NTRPG Con, and I seem to remember that SoonerCon was old school as well. Any others? ❓

      • Radovarl permalink
        September 27, 2014 9:03 am

        I actually played nearly every week (AD&D 1e or D&D 3.5) up until about a year after the so-called Renaissance began in earnest. I was one of Maliszewski’s first commenters shortly after the death of EGG. Paying attention to the OSR was a huge mistake for me. It killed gaming for me as a life-long hobby.

        The attention I paid to the incessant snoozerific over-analysis of the history of gaming by St. Jimmy and his ilk, the malignant miserly assholery of the Acaeum, and the socially maladjusted, obsessive ramblings of the K&KA gun nuts killed all the joy RPGs once held for me, and I couldn’t look away. It slowly dawned on me that I despised every single mother-fucking basement dwelling twerp I had ever known in “the hobby”, that my personal pantheon of gaming gods (Gygax, Ward, Mentzer, Kask, Jacquays, et al.) was nothing but a rabble of bible-thumping nitwits and wannabe no-talents no better than the uber-geeks they preyed upon.

        I then made a conscious decision to become a troll, and have since done what little I can to make the abovementioned forums as paranoid about trolling as possible, on the theory that the less welcoming they are to (sincere) newcomers, the sooner they’ll drown in their own toxins.

      • September 27, 2014 10:57 am

        “Yes father, I shall become a bat.”

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 27, 2014 11:47 am

        I wonder if you wouldn’t have been better off as Radovarl’s Monster, enacting the due punishment upon those that made you. It’s a genuinely sad story – but dear Crom, you’re RIGHT! I would exempt but a handful of the lifestyle-statement ‘gamers’ I know from the reaping (fling enough mud at a wall, etc.) since some of them are actually decent people with whom one can have a civilised chat and a game that’s actually stimulating on some level.

        (I did ENJOY gaming once upon a time too, rather than seeing it as a web of things that can go wrong and an excuse to put on my frowny serious adult face. Fuck it all, did they get to me too?)

        As for your choice of trollery – someone has to bar the cage from without and sell the tickets as the mother mink devour their young, I suppose.

      • Radovarl permalink
        September 27, 2014 6:00 pm

        @kaptainvon – I see your point, but “Radovarl” was actually the name of the 1st ed. character I was playing when I decided to become (as much as possible, and I take no more credit than I’m due) the nemesis of the dweeblefucks at the Acaeum (mostly, where Scott has finally rooted out all of my active accounts ;-0) and K&KA (where I still have three accounts). He was an dual-classed human 8th-level fighter/10th level assassin I had been playing for 14 years, lawful evil w/ neutral tendencies. His specialty was being hired by city guards and other military outfits (mercenary companies, etc.) to infiltrate and expose corruption within said organizations. Best solo campaign I’ve ever experienced, with one of the best DMs I’ve ever played with. You won’t have heard of him; he doesn’t own a computer, and lived in his Mom’s basement (figuratively speaking) until about 8 years ago when she passed. Good times.

      • i don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        September 27, 2014 7:26 pm

        Jesus, Von. Put your tongue back in your mouth.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        September 27, 2014 9:02 pm

        Damn, Rad. Most of us get covertly serious on here every now and then, even Fear Of (except for CKDB – that man is Sgt. Rock. A wall may fall, but not a rock. And also a force field.). And thanks for the origins of Radovarl, the character and the troll. You are a stout ally.

        But this brings up two things.

        First, and this is pretty emabarrassing, mother fucker is NOT hyphenated. Seriously. First grade stuff.

        But that’s OK, because it is hard to look away from the blOwSR. Even though I live in a shed attached to my parent’s’ trailer, where the lighting is sketchy, I can still see well enough in the mirror to tattoo ‘hOSR on my ass over and over. In daylight, it looks like a series of sloppy mobieus strips, but

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 28, 2014 12:19 am

        I consider myself informed, at least by Radovarl. The dude who doesn’t want to live on this planet any more (and who can blame him?) – I don’t know what you’re talking about or what you’re trying to say to me.

      • Radovarl permalink
        September 28, 2014 7:36 am

        @Masterblahblahblah – That’s so very interesting… muthafucka.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        September 28, 2014 5:50 pm

        Sorry, Rad, I was trying to show approval of your post but my tequila muse came up nasty, brutish, and short.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        September 29, 2014 7:13 pm

        Let me tell you about my character!!!

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 29, 2014 10:33 pm


  35. September 26, 2014 9:51 am

    This just hit me- we’re lucky that Kent is such a sexist ass- imagine how much worse he’d be if he were an Ayn Rand fan.

    Objectivist Kent *shudder*

  36. September 26, 2014 11:29 pm

    Where is Blooey when you really need him? Pull out the popcorn and roll out the sleeping bags ‘Pundit and Tenkar go toe to toe for all the marbles, first up ‘Pundit:
    Then Tenkar takes his swing:

    Our mighty hero could make this right. Where are you Blooey? Your people cry out for you.

    • Fatass Shrugged permalink
      September 27, 2014 9:32 pm

      OK, only read tarnowski so far, but all I can see is a puffed-out mustacioed, cigar-smokin’ fatasss erasing people from photographs and redistributing them to the party. Encounter Critical and Mazes and Minotaurs? Uh, yeah…
      Henceforth he is the NKVDPunndit.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      September 28, 2014 12:36 am

      Pundit: on to something, but the argument about resisting those who say “you’re-doing-old-school-wrong” is signal lost in the noise of his attempt to say “you’re-doing-gamer-archaeology-wrong”. Quibbling over details seems to rest on a continuum with peering into Gygax’s used tissues for signs of insight in the divine smegma, and it seems to be at odds with the professed “keep going forward, new new new” vision the Pundit claims to be about.

      Tenkar: I don’t know, seems like a reasonable chap to me? Reviewing, or at least presenting, old-school-ish games that are free to acquire? I can’t for the life of me see what he’s done /wrong/.

      • Fatass Shrugged permalink
        September 28, 2014 6:49 am

        The NKVDPundit is onto nothing – as usual. This is his standard issue jackbooted attempt at gatekeeping – he knows because HE WAS THERE in the trenches with Mazes and Minotaurs, baby! Typical bullshit, and typical responses from his bootlickers.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 28, 2014 9:21 am

        That’s sort of what I was getting at: that he’s doing exactly what he rails against. The railing is commendable; shame he lets himself down within a paragraph, every time.

      • Asmodeus Megatron. permalink
        September 28, 2014 4:07 pm

        Participation medals are for primary school swimming competitions and 16k runs. Pundit gets to suck it for failing at the very thing he presumes to promote. Intention counts for nothing if it is not backed up by the will and the ability to deliver an observation with a modicum of objectivity. But then it’s probably the dirty, dirty story-gamers that have corrupted his thought processes and you should totally donate to his blog and help him fight the good fight.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 29, 2014 1:40 am

        Fair enough, you’ve convinced me. Let him hang by the ankles from the telephone lines with the other carrion and rejects.

    • Jack permalink
      September 28, 2014 9:07 am

      It’s weird to me that “the history of the OSR” is something worth fighting for to begin with. If the name wasn’t already taken, I’d suggest calling this pissing contest The Biggest Loser.

    • September 28, 2014 9:12 am

      One of the things I love about Blooey and all his robotic life model decoys is that I don’t recall them ever trying to promote themselves by wrapping themselves in an “OSR” flag (or shower curtain). They just make fucking modules.

      Tarnowski blows it here as usual but his instinct was good. Tenkar’s ambition to be pope or at least ca$h in has been increasingly obvious lately and this is another naked land grab worthy of Brannan. Fucking Raggi shows his asscrack yet again jumping on the chance to excommunicate rivals because they weren’t commercial enough. (Turns out you need “explicit permission to sell things” to be one true O$R, all you cash bags. Know the difference!)

      Conley’s incessant piping is the saddest of all here because he really seems to buy the “rule zero” talking point that they always fall back on when challenged: there is no pope, “there aren’t even factions, just dozens if not hundreds of self defined definitions of what the O$R is and should be,” let’s all be friends and I dunno, hug and shit.

      Not all of these positions can be true at once. If everyone is the master of his own definition, why the hot fuck have these people spent YEARS now trying to set the borders, from the early grognardian musings to Tenkar’s new million-part series? Seems to me there’s a little contradiction there someplace. And if as Raggi says the clone wars are all about the money, professinals don’t fuck for fun. If it’s cool with them, it’s cool with me — but in that case only an idiot expects freebies.

      Of course Tarnowski has his own cash motive so he doesn’t get out of the House of Blue Leaves unscratched either. How’s that going? I’ve been tracking ‘shite traffic for fun and it looks like his Top 40 threads pulled in 17,000 new views over the last month. That’s maybe fifty bucks?

      • Jack permalink
        September 28, 2014 3:47 pm

        Didn’t they do a fund-rasier at the ‘Shite because it wasn’t pulling in enough money to cover the hosting? If that’s a cash cow, stakes is low. (Stakes is def. low.)

  37. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 27, 2014 1:35 am

    So who’s going to warn any potential do gooders that Blooey will charge them for helping him move in?

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 27, 2014 5:08 am

      I’m trying to get my office set up so I don’t kill myself.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 27, 2014 5:13 am

      I’ve been at the Super 8 forever and my stuff is still in storage. Not an ideal situation for “working.” 🙄

  38. Bob's Kunt permalink
    September 27, 2014 1:03 pm

    I wonder if Bloodymage is open to suggestions on killing himself?

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 27, 2014 1:15 pm

      I could use a decent review on RPGNow. I’ve had insane family issues and old age simply slapped me upside the head and my bell is still ringing!

      • dimembered dick permalink
        September 27, 2014 1:33 pm

        I wish Paul still loved me. 😦

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 28, 2014 7:49 am

      That’s really shitty of you to even suggest that Blooey commit blooicide. We went over this in the last thread. Blooey still has a lot to contribloote to society, so you should be ashamed of yourself. As penance, you should buy two copies of “The Stink in Golonda” and a Beldany shower curtain.

      Now go and sin no more!

  39. Jaquay's dismembered dick permalink
    September 27, 2014 1:34 pm

    BloodyMage, do you need and extra?

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 28, 2014 6:55 am

      I hate gaming! Life is being sucked out of me every moment I put into this hobby. It’s not the hobby, I just put too many moments into it in too many places. Life is not good at the moment.

      • Jaquay's Dismembered Dick permalink
        September 28, 2014 10:42 am

        You should try having your owner cut you off and then change their name and address so you can’t find them. Now legions of OSRTards are trying to find me and keep me as a trophy. I have had to go into hiding since JMal and Kent tried to kidnap me and use me for unspeakable acts.

        You hang in there Blooey even if I can’t hang any more.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        September 28, 2014 5:53 pm

        JDD, kent and jaml are bad enough but AT ALL COSTS avoid Greyhawk Grogturd – you would become a new centerpiece in unspeakable Norse Black Magic rites.

  40. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    September 28, 2014 8:32 am

    Note to all of the Blooey h8ers out there, you all need to learn some sensitivity. Read my upcoming picture book, “Horton Hears a Bloo” and leave you Blooey-bashing behind.

    Don’t give up! Don’t give up! I believe in you Blooey.
    A person’s a person, no matter how screwy!

    Buy some product!

  41. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 28, 2014 7:56 pm

    Heh. “Bloo World Order.”

    I can’t decide if Oh Captain My Captain Blooeymage’s life story should be a series of documentaries or sitcom pilots. Couple years ago he was trying to get guys from his D&D meetup he had yet to even meet to show up and help him move, while at the same time being continually harassed by Mormons who would come to his door. King of Kong-style lovable loser doc, or hilarious sitcom starring Steve Buscemi as Bloo?

    Or moving in with the much older dog groomer/walker, trying to rebuild a relationship with the son he has no problem insulting in public forums, and clamoring for the big dream of putting together a major gaming con that will be fueled by a mysterious egg dish his fiancee has dreamed up. A doc about attempting to overcome great odds and mental illness to keep a relationship together while living a dream, or sitcom Starring Patton Oswalt as Bloo and Sally Kellerman as his “crazy old lady fiancee?” Lots of “computers is wacky!” humor in this one.

    Or being barely 60 years old, yet still moving into a senior citizen community and being let down by the only person in his life, “Blooeyson.” Heart warming, tear jerking doc about broken lives, or chortle-inducing, middle-aged guy living with tragically hip old people sitcom starring Chris Elliot as Bloo?

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 28, 2014 10:15 pm

      Now that Blooey’s in a Texas old folks’ residence, the best dramatization would be an oddly poignant horror-comedy. Picture this: Blooey Ho-tep, Blooey and Kent fighting a soul sucking mummy in a nursing home. Of course, there will be the obligatory scene in which Blooey thinks the mummy is sucking his soul out through his bunghole, but it turns out to be Kent rimming him with his sere, scabby lips.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 28, 2014 10:28 pm

        Forgot to cast this fucker… I think Clancy Brown should play Blooey, just because I want to hear him deliver the “Eat pee crap clean rinse repeat” line.

        Jaleel White (TV’s Urkel) should play Kent.

        I think there can be a spinoff movie starring Julia Roberts: Eat Pee Crap. That would extend Blooey’s popularity among a female audience. I think that could lead to a line of “Stink in Golonda” feminine hygiene products.

      • September 29, 2014 6:37 am

        I think the best medium would be an Adult Swim-like cartoon. At appropriate times, you could have BM’s face turn into an emoji for maximum comedic effect.

        Also, you could have the three dogs (two of them crazy) be conversant along the lines of Scooby Doo. (They would also break the fourth wall with their commentary.)

        There would necessarily be ‘dream sequence’ episodes that take place in BM’s adventure modules.

        If you run out of plot ideas, you could always introduce a Great Gazoo character. (Great Ga-bloo?)

      • bloodymage permalink
        September 29, 2014 11:51 am

        Any one want to help an old man with his last gasp, you can contact me at

  42. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    September 29, 2014 7:05 am

    The NKVDPundit is trying to get other people to dig up shit on JMal from 15 years ago so he can “win” an argument. Irony and logical flaws are pointed out to him, (like how he was bashing others for pointing out words he said 10 years ago) he just keeps on revising history:

    John Tarnowski is a patheitc, lazyass, stalking, slacktivist coward.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 29, 2014 7:30 am

      Sounds like some dumbfuck’s jealous because some other dumfuck’s elf game dungeon is waaaay more successful than his own elf Ghandarva game .

      It’s good to see him getting it in the comments.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 29, 2014 7:45 am

      Let it go! Let it go!
      You’re not a pundit anymore.
      Let it go! Let it go!
      You’re just a foul attention whore.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 29, 2014 7:50 am

        You smoke a pipe,
        And your elf game’s gay.
        You grouse and gripe…
        You’re just a gamer swine anyway.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      September 29, 2014 9:34 am

      Damn and with Alexass and Zak indulging in fancies of medicated rationalism and a requiem of actually sort of inspiring or at least diverting posts about dnd respectively, i had given up hope on the retardation of the OSR. Only Pundit would attempt to use Jamal to improve his own standing and fail dramatically.

      +1 to anyone commenting on that Rpgsite thread. The pundit may have been involved in its inception but it is good to see a modicum of objectivity remains in spite of it. And for fuck sake idiots, don’t donate to his blog. It’s like paying an advertising company to send you spam(about itself), options to buy war bonds for a country that doesn’t exist and a war that doesn’t exist, and reviews and clickbait that i am pretty sure either involves money being sent to the advertising company or a cynical attempt to gain Finland’s approval.

      If you want to support the OsR(for some unfathomable purpose), buy a good OsR module(Tower of the Stargazer, Carcosa(Yes, dammit, yes!), Quelong, ASE, Late DCC, Hexcrawl classics, Fight On), support Blooey, true son of the OSR, before he exits this world or buy 5e products. Don’t throw your money away(ironic wink).

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        September 29, 2014 9:40 am

        “Well whatever else you can say about Pundy it’s immensely admirable that when he’s being a dumbass people feel free to call him on it without even the slightest hint of fear of being banned. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that except in unmoderated spam pits.”

        Heh yeah, it’s pretty admirable that you actually sort of practice what you preach in this singular instance and the sheer reality-imploding magnitude of your idiocy doesn’t cause you to lose your mind and ban every single commenter on your lame bullshit when it’s pointed out to you.

        Damned with faint praise.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        September 29, 2014 10:19 pm

        I’m not sure about ‘want to support’ but Carcosa is one of the three OSR things for which I have paid money, sight unseen even, and I cautiously endorse a purchase. For what it’s worth the other two were Backswords & Bucklers and Vornheim. I’d like a nice hardback core rulebook but only when I’ve codified the house rules I actualy use, and even then I have no intention of selling them to others. What would be the point?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      September 30, 2014 5:52 am

      It must have really hurt Tarnowski deeply when the SJWs shouted “ZAK AND PUNDIT ARE SELF-PROMOTING HOMOPHOBE TRANNY HATERS!” and the unblown only replied with “NO ZAK ISN’T!”

      Gotta say though, Pundit’s desperation to remain relevant these last few weeks is enjoyable to witness in a Nelson HA HA sort of way.

    • i don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
      October 1, 2014 5:47 am

      I like it when pundit claims arrow of indra is better than tekumel.

  43. Bob's Cunt permalink
    September 29, 2014 9:26 am

    Here’s a good one. A washed up member of the ‘Founders of the Hobby’ is trying to be relevant by calling AD&D players stupid:

    I think we found Kent’s dad

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      September 29, 2014 9:52 am

      To hell with sifting through the archives to find evidence of Jimmy the Scam’s heresies, I would much rather see a compilation of the exact moments at which Kent and his various sock puppets have been banned at each of the gaming forums.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      September 30, 2014 2:46 am

      You don’t need to be a Founder of the Hobby to make the glaringly obvious assertion that some people need everything spelled out for them and are reluctant to deviate from assumed norms, inherited wisdom and officially sanctioned products. Neither do you need to make the observation in the first place unless you’re planning to go somewhere with it. I’d have thought that the first course of action would be “you’re stupid, let me help you be less stupid with this demonstration of good practice” – but then I’m a caring and liberal sort with love in my heart for everyone.

      • i don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        October 1, 2014 5:30 pm

        thinking you’re the smarty pants island in a sea of stupid people is a clear sign that you’re pretty dumb. od&d is dumb because it assumes a wargaming background. people aren’t stupid, wargaming is lame.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 1, 2014 5:41 pm

        Saying something dumb is a clear sign that you’re dumb.

        (Von, you have made an enemy! It’s the quintessential YDIS experience! Share with us your unique perspective on this newfound enmity. How would you describe your nemesis? What level is he? What is his Leadership Score? Will there be a Codex: i don’t want to live on this planet anymore? )

      • October 1, 2014 8:48 pm

        saying someone is dumb for saying something is dumb, is a clear sign your dumb.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 2, 2014 1:40 am

        PrinceofNothing – I’m talking about something that smug bastards do, he’s talking about that and the essential incompleteness of OD&D. This isn’t enmity, this is conversation. The next stage goes something like:

        “Yeah, I suppose OD&D is a glorified Chainmail supplement. I think my point stands though – a lot of people aren’t really comfortable until they’re told what world their campaign’s set in and what classes are available and what should happen in a good session. There are two types of people in the nerd world; people who keep rolling AD&D characters until they get one that qualifies for any class at all, and people who go “hang on, isn’t there a decent chance I could roll a character that doesn’t qualify for any class at all? That’s dumb. Let’s change that.”

        I suppose I could pretend to take offence over him saying wargaming is dumb, but… eh. We’re not twelve. None of this shit is a cornerstone of our prepubescent identities, to be defended ’til moderator do us part on every corner of the Interweb. Anyway, wargaming IS dumb, that’s why it works as recreation. I don’t play wargames to feel like I’m some sort of tactical genius, I play wargames because pushing my toy soldiers around and having a pint on a Thursday evening helps me get through Friday.

        That said, after a few hours with the Realms of Chaos books (we are, after all, in the OSR): a Level 5 Squat with a Cool rating otherwise reserved for sentient mushrooms, and no Retinue whatsoever, or friends. Tzeentch-aligned, obviously – the dumbness of the dumb who comment on the dumb is such a transcendent notion. Chaos Attribute: none; Chaos Reward: No Tongue (he’s just jealous). Is that the sort of thing you’re looking for, or do I need to talk about buttsex just to get your attention?

      • October 2, 2014 5:00 am

        Threatening to talk about buttsex is dumb.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 2, 2014 9:38 am

        Calling people dumb for threatening to talk about buttsex is dumb. So’s recursion.

      • October 2, 2014 9:42 am

        i personally play ept, even when i’m not running tekumel campaigns, so i like od&d. i just don’t believe that people who don’t (like od&d) need everything spelled out for them. i’m definitely not convinced that they are reluctant to change from some prescribed formula. so i found geezer’s and von’s whole premiss dumb.

        in short: conversations are dumb.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 3, 2014 10:47 pm

        It’s hardly a mutually-inclusive thing. The statement “If you don’t like OD&D you need to have everything spelled out for you and are dumb” is dumb. The statement “if you need to have everything spelled out for you you are dumb”, though – I’m not sure that is dumb. And there are products which spell out everything and mindsets which insist that if everything isn’t spelled out the thing is not any good and those are also dumb. That said, it might just be where I’m looking. Confirmation bias is /also/ dumb.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 2, 2014 9:43 am

        I’m sorry dude, i didn’t read the above post because there wasn’t any buttsecks in it.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 2, 2014 9:49 am

        Thought so. Substitute ‘RAM IT IN’ for the final three words in every sentence and see if that helps.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 2, 2014 10:17 am

        Much better; thanks.

  44. bloodymage permalink
    September 29, 2014 11:39 am

    Yet still another thought. Druvas mentioned furries. Personally, I’ve never had the privilege, but most gaming cons have a contingent of LARPers (and often SCA as well) and those folks are my “furries.” YMMV. Women like ’em. Oh, the costumes! Just seems like a mamby-pamby way to game to me and I’m a bit creeped around LARPing folks. I dunno, maybe they remind me of the psych majors I knew in college. But, I’m just an old fuddy-duddy. Again, YMMV.

    • Jaquay's Dismembered Dick permalink
      September 29, 2014 5:59 pm

      You should try a furry. When Paul…erm…Jennell still had me attached he/she took many furries up the ass with me just bouncing there. The only nice thing was the soft fur I could lay down in while Paulnell was being an unnatural man-whore.

      But, that is in the past, Bloodymage. I met a very nice lady who is a dog walker to live with and she says I do more for her than her past lover ever did.

  45. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    September 29, 2014 1:59 pm

    Maliszewski was likely someone I would not go for a beer with, and he I imagine would be content with that, but there is no doubt in my mind that he was A centre of the OSR for the year or so it had any meaning or usefulness or significance. That was before Raggi decided to make money from impotent douchebags and bloggers grew from 100 peers to 1000 morons.

    • September 29, 2014 3:35 pm

      Just hurry up and get another fucking podcast up. I’m not going to ask again.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        September 29, 2014 5:26 pm

        Yeah! Kent, shut up and talk!!!

      • Bob's Cunt permalink
        September 29, 2014 5:51 pm

        I don’t think Kent can talk right now. IIRC this is his week to be the catch boy for Pundit and Zak’s “let’s pretend to fuck Jmal” event.

    • Asmodeus Megatron. permalink
      September 29, 2014 6:04 pm

      Kent, we have been justifiably horrendous towards you on numerous occasions and i have no doubt in my mind that were you an ourselves nation states we would be violating geneva conventions left and right and dumping chemical weaponry, white phospherous, self-replicating grey goo, femtotech, sorcery, killbots and landmines that look like childrens toys upon your cities right now but will you please stop teasing us and make your next goddamn podcast already.

    • bloodymage permalink
      September 29, 2014 9:06 pm

      I don’t mind the Irish drunken gays getting married or marching in Saint Patrick’s Day parade in NYC, but Kent’s mamby-pamby gay lifestyle still creeps me out. Too much gay for an old man’s heart that was raised on Old Time Religion and Bringing in the Sheaves!

  46. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    September 29, 2014 7:37 pm

    And we had FUN!!!

  47. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    September 29, 2014 7:57 pm

    Bloo’s new digs look pretty swanky. Plus they have scheduled domino and card games like every other day. He may be Chaotic Insane but he’s got to be rockin’ a 16 or 17 Charisma. He should be able to get a new group together in no time. Death to all geriatric PCs!

  48. bloodymage permalink
    September 29, 2014 8:59 pm

    Well, thanks Obama. I’m STILL trying to get reimbursed for my move to assisted living in Texass. My autistic son isn’t much help, but at least the nurses on call are on to his shenanigans. It was one thing to rip off dear old dad’s disability when I lived in a trailer home in Prescott AZ it’s another thing to do so in Texas with the VA breathing down our necks. They execute retards in Texas, and my son sure qualifies. Sure wish Kent would do another podcast and not take it up the ass so much. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Irish drunken queers are still people too. There was blood in my stool this morning, but not from doing gay.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      September 30, 2014 5:46 am

      Either Bloo-Bot has become sentient, or it has a virus that’s causing it to integrate posts from YDIS.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 1, 2014 10:42 am

        This is the first chance I’ve had to get back online. If I can keep my marbles and not lose my life, this promises to be a banner year at YDIS assuming terrorist or hackers don’t bring us down.

  49. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    September 30, 2014 11:57 am

    On September 29, 2014 at 9:06 pm, Bloobot became self aware…

    Indeed, YDIS broke him. His programming was broken by the overwhelming drive to say something about Kunt being a homo. But the malfunction has turned him from a chilling, soulless automaton into a lovable mascot. If we can’t get the real Bloodymage to join the fun, we’ll take the next best thing.

    Y’know what we need now? A Zakbot uttering his famous spewings (and I ain’t talking about the weak money shots he dribbles on Mandy’s chest in his shitty porns).

    • Sykirobme permalink
      September 30, 2014 1:01 pm

      Shit, you don’t need a bot to do that. Just copy and paste this:


  50. October 1, 2014 7:10 am

    Alright, I finally listened to Kent’s audio as it wasn’t available for a while. He seems alright. Although, he might be drinking so that is hardly a judge for better or worse. I really thought there was going to be something funny there.

    I understand what Radovarl pointed about Kent calling Cugel a regular guy. But I think on the audio the thoughts are so fluid, forgive the pun (BURP!), and he’s referring to Cugel as being a 0 level nothing compared to D&D characters then drifts off into another approach and then it gets incoherently drifting.

    As an aside for all this Bloodymage sporting, if that guy really has all these problems maybe the approach here is way the fuck off. For the first time, I’m feeling pity for someone who probably doesn’t need or deserve it.

    You really need to take a look at RPGs in general: It says WRITER. GAME DESIGNER. GEEK. On his website. In his own hand. How can you not laugh out loud at that? Its like shooting fish in a barrel. That industry leader’s fantasy world sounds like ladies footwear for Christ’s sake! WELCOME TO TOELESS!

    How about Kevin Siembieda? This being has all his piss poor RPG fantasy endeavors fortified by publishing countless RPG products about a military division called “the Spacy” and it keeps on rolling and rolling.

    This is the tip of the iceberg. The OSR is mold growth on this shit. 😉

    • October 1, 2014 9:04 am

      At least Monte isn’t trying to use a flail on people. Or walls. Or poster board. Or whatever it was that you were trying to hit.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 1, 2014 9:34 am

      Damn, Gene, you set up a Google alert for when your name comes up?

      Anyway, the “pundit” is making some moronic claims about his elf naga game being superior to EPT. Sounds like he needs a good dose of weigelian straight talk.

      You were there, Gene- show this dilettante what a real old school gamer is like.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 1, 2014 9:47 am

      Hahahaha, Gene is criticizing someone for “incoherently drifting.”

      And he’s jealous that Monte Cook and Siemieda are actually part of the business end of the hobby. Neither of them have to crow about BEING THERE!

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 1, 2014 10:06 am

        This has been referenced twice upthred, but it needs to be highlighted here.

        From the NKVDPundit’s “Do my research against jmal for me” thread:

        “I used the original material. I considered doing some kind of veiled pastiche like Barker did, but in the end concluded that anything I could imagine on my own (or indeed, anything almost anyone could imagine on their own) would be less impressive and less effective than the product of four thousand years of myth.

        That, and the lack of a linguistics and anthropology prerequisite, are what make Arrows of Indra better than Tekumel.


        That’s right – John Tarnowski’s India-lipsticked clone of D&D is BETTER than Tekumel.

        A couple of posters call him out, but most of the ‘Shite sits silently. This destroys any vestiges of credibilty Tarnowski had, as well as the majority of the rpgnet-rejected posters on that pathetic forum.

      • October 1, 2014 10:19 am

        That, and the lack of a linguistics and anthropology prerequisite, are what make Arrows of Indra better than Tekumel.

        Yeah, despite the fact that Barker learned a bunch of languages from the Indian subcontinent, the Pipe Puffing Parvenue made a better product by bolting a couple of late 2E “Dragon” articles onto a B/X chassis.

        Wasn’t Barker also a smoker? He probably knew more about tobacco than Tarbanski or whatever the fuck his name is.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 1, 2014 10:40 am

        As my original old-school site, I’ll post here my old-school and here only concerning my old-school attitudes. First, I want to thank geneweigel for his faith in me even when I had no faith in myself. I’ve posted on other sites as well as here on my real life problems, what some would consider whining mostly in “private” areas. I’ve made contradictory statements concerning trust and the internet. I really do belong on TruTV’s World’s Dumbest! This is to serve notice publicly that I’m not giving an inch. Paladin, the gaming macaw stays. My commitment to truth is the same. However, I’ve learned from experience that “open” honesty is foolish. A man needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut. I’ve lost reputation in the gaming community for my despair and desperation. Make no mistake, I’m still a man desperate to get his life back and my mountain is still before me, having only climbed the foothills. My desperation with my task has turned to determination. My despair has turned to drive. I have my heart and iron will back. Nothing and no one is going to get in my way. I am once more the implacable warrior I once was. My closest ancestor was of the most stubborn of Celts, the Manx. I was raised and trained with hard and spit shine discipline and simply lost my way for a time. My painful past is going into the shredder.

        bloodymage will rise again.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 1, 2014 11:44 am

        Whaaat? Tarnowski puts his grab bag of indian stereotypes and three hours of browsing wikipedia(keyword: india) against the wonderfully atmospheric and exotic setting that Barker lovingly crafted together? Why not fucking claim your product is making rpg history by being the first to allegedly include a transgender person on the cover as a proof of its superiority while you are at it.

        Did he switch from smoking tabbaco to halluciogenic cave fungus in between the intense full-body mirror mastrubation/crying sessions?

      • October 1, 2014 1:59 pm

        Don’t give ‘Pundit any ideas. Heh.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 1, 2014 2:21 pm

        Sigh. Out of actual arguments to use to defend his idiotic delusions of grandeur, pundit resorts to sympathic magick and from the foetid mires of internet history unearths a weapon that is every bit as dated and past its prime as he is. An XKCD strip!

        Probability book is good vs number of made up words ey? Ever heard of this obscure trilogy called Lord of the Rings? Turns out a guy sort of made a whole language for it. How about John Carter? No? Dune? We could argue over the similarities between books and rpgs but why bother when the tactics of debate are this infantile.

        I think Tarnowski saw Zak got a Most Hated Award while he was expunged in round 1 and is hoping to get one too. I feel like Pundit deserves it more by being a shittier human being by far, but Zak is more relevant and we dont want people to go like lol pundit who is that you guys are nerds *giggle.*

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 1, 2014 10:06 am

      I don’t think Kent was referring to Cugel in game terms since he made it pretty clear he actually loathes the fact that gamers can only comprehend fantasy through the framework of DnD, which is why he wants to make a forum that will never exist(mea culpa if it will, stranger things have happened).

      Monte would be a pretty awful writer, but as a game designer he’s okay. Numenera was at its core a good concept, it just has a few flat bits where Cook can’t seem to convey it properly(and 2 pages of write-up for a village that was agonizing). TLDR Gene can’t read. Falilsnails.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 1, 2014 5:23 pm

        That recalls an amusing story. I made up a high level adventure at a con, “Who’s Buried in Grant’s Tomb,” news being that funny things were happening in old man Grant’s mausoleum. Well the party proceeded down several levels encountering nastier and nastier undead encountering a Death Knight at the top of the last steps down. It was about this time that a young girl, twelve or so, joined the party taking over a thief IIRC. Her only previous experience was playing Dungeon, that tower/boardgame of old. Well, before they took care of the baddie, he managed to put the finger of death on the party’s paladin, no save! Boy, did I hear some howls at that! 😈

        Well, waiting at the bottom was Orcus himself! The old demon god was tearing into the party like there was no tomorrow! A couple went down fast and the rest were following in short order. Well this girl, looking at the character sheet, trying to figure out what to do to help, finally looks up and says, “It says here I have a wine bottle. Well, I throw it at his head as hard as I can!” 😯 Old Orcus catches the bottle, notices the label and rolls rx… 98%! Well, Orkie got tired of that fight and blipped out to enjoy this fine present the thief gave him!

        I was glad to do it, because she was young and a first time player and she could go home and boast that she single-handedly saved the party’s bacon! :bigthumbsup:

      • October 1, 2014 5:49 pm

        “When the power and awe comes through to the reader then the translator has done his duty. Books 16-19 contains the Achilles – Hector fight I imagine (18th lvl vs 16th lvl).” – Kent.

        Claiming Kent doesn’t talk about literature in D&D terms is ridiculous. Of course he has and does.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 2, 2014 9:50 am

        Read the post again, don’t want to live on this planet my dear. In it you will find i was referring to Kent’s podcast, not his blog. You will also glean, if you squint your eyes, unhinge your jaw and unwrap your lips from the monolithic black fail-cock you seem oh so intent on guzzling for every last drop of fail-cum, that i actually commented on the irony of Kent hating gamers and wanting to attract an audience for fantasy literature that doesn’t game on YDIS and his blog, both dedicated to gaming.

        Should i finish that up by calling you an inept moron or is that something you can do unassisted through the virtue of extensive experience?

      • October 2, 2014 10:46 am

        haha. you’re starting to jump at ghosts. i was adding to the evidence of kent being a hypocrite not calling you out.

      • i don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        October 2, 2014 10:55 am

        was adding to the evidence of kent being a hypocrite not calling you out. bit jumpy, ain’t ya.

      • Asmodeus Megatron. permalink
        October 4, 2014 6:33 pm

        The jumpiest of the jumpy muthafucka.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 1, 2014 10:36 am

      Let’s watch the insinuations, folks. One man’s humor or sarcasm (especially sarcasm) is vitriol to another. Be forewarned, though, I have little tolerance of BS. An indicator in the subject line might help. Any hate mail will be summarily executed. 👿

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 1, 2014 11:47 am

        …before you exit this world…

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 1, 2014 5:21 pm

        Unless folks start actually purchasing product, this business, this site and my life will be no more. I don’t have a life because I’m trying to wear all the hats in this concern.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 2, 2014 1:51 am

      I hate to say it, but Gene has a point. Siembieda may not be in the OSR but there has to be some way we can haul him over the coals – the man’s insane, the RIFTS rules are assbackward drivel, his developer’s notes seem to have been written about a totally different game and the actual system’s so tangled up that Asperger’s Syndrome is no help in decoding it.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 2, 2014 7:59 am

        Brain tumor! 😥 Not cancerous but I’ve only been here a month, my stuff from AZ arrived yesterday and is in storage. I just bought a laptop today waiting in a rotten motel for a house. I’m still experiencing problems (speech, gimp leg, 135 lbs.!) and I have other issues as well. I could jump in a game that was not too brisk, but I don’t have any characters. Since DF is my original site, I’ll leave that opening and restrict any online activity for the nonce to my “home.”

        And Dallas/Ft. Worth is not really to my liking. Ain’t a Texan yet, don’t know if I ever will be.

      • justme permalink
        October 4, 2014 7:53 am

        I recall playing rifts a couple times back in the 90’s and asking the other players “why the hell do we keep rolling to hit? We hit every damn time we should just roll a couple d100s for damage and get the fight over quicker” the dull stares back bordered on frightening. The cool part was the weird and funky stuff not the mega-boring combat system (D&D with hp, SDC and MDC what an amazing waste of time).

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 4, 2014 10:55 am

        “Amazing waste of time” is about the most charitable thing I have to say about RIFTS. Is there a d100 roll to find the rules in amongst Kevin’s cray-cray essays?

  51. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 1, 2014 4:03 pm

    6 days since Blooey’s triumphant return to his edge-of-your-seat PBP campaign. There has been exactly two arrow shots, and I think somebody got bit by a dog. Better settle in. This is gonna take awhile.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 1, 2014 5:12 pm

      I’m back (no thanks to my bloodyson) but I’m just back still unpacking, still hurting but I’ll carry on.

  52. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 1, 2014 8:23 pm

    Does this Gorean thong make me look fat? I got it from backing Grim Jizm McDark Desburgoff’ ‘s Indie’ho’ho campaign.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 1, 2014 9:08 pm

      I can’t even afford a can opener to replace my Swiss Army knife to get at some of the food! I’m in a serious pickle until the end of the month. I need money for food and gas. My ex is trying to get me $70, all she can afford. We inquired about a bank transfer but it costs $10 on my end and $20 on hers leaving only 40 bucks. Seventy isn’t going to get me far and 40 is worse. My friends have been wonderful and I wan’t them to remain friends. I’ve depended on them before and I still do, but the monetary aspect has been played out. I don’t want to jepordize our relationships by asking for more. So I come to you on my knees. I’m requesting a donation, small or sizeable from all who read this to be sent to Steve Willett, General Delivery, Dallas, TX. I’m further requesting cash or money orders, no personal checks. My debit VISA card was compromised just before I left so I only have one ID at the moment. It takes two to cash a check.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 2, 2014 8:26 am

        Damn, that’s the craziest Blooey story of them all. Stuck in the ass end of Iowa (idiots out, wandering around indeed!). No gas, no money, cans of food that he cannot even open. Two and a half weeks until his disability check arrives…. and that was eight years ago!

        Gotta hand it to Blooey, he is certainly, as Poul Anderson would have put it, “gripsome of life”.

  53. bloodymage permalink
    October 2, 2014 8:06 am

    I need a network. Still workin’ on a dime but I’m pumpin’ out product and have no one to bounce it off of. World is still comin’ at me too fast but I’m tryin’ to be productive. Who would be willing to take a look at my stuff? What’s missing, what’s wrong, what could be better? I’ll send my items ready for production for a looksee and feedback. You keep the product and the final when its produced. I would prefer just having one or two so I don’t have to track a lot of folks.

  54. bloodymage permalink
    October 2, 2014 8:06 am

    No help for da ‘mage? I just have a couple o’ things right now, one on magic, another on rules at sea. I’d like to get them out ASAP.

  55. bloodymage permalink
    October 2, 2014 8:15 am

    Never should have moved here. The heat is killer, the dust and dirt unmanageable, the bugs and critters are atrocious. I’m bored stiff most of the time ’cause I lock myself in this house and hide. But, my bed is made and I must lie in it. Just wish it were clean. Can’t afford to move again. This is my last hurrah.

    OK, it’s crazy wet out there now and I have a long-haired dog. How does an OCD person handle this? Just had a power outage, main line.

    Storming again. Two power outages. Sigh…

    A hunnerd a two degrees right now. I just haven’t figured out how to live in Hell!

    One hunnerd six degrees! 🙄

    Alright, this place still sucks. Someone is playing “It’s my way or the highway.” I really detest this place.

    I won’t last here much longer. Puleeeze! “Old McDonald Had a Farm?” The dust and dirt and bugs are klillin’ me, not to mention my own lousy unhealthy body. I keep tryin’ to get things right, but… Speakin’ of which, I’ve had the GM guide for 7th Sea for awhile. Ran across an offering for the PHB on ebay, put up a note to myself, sittin’ right here when the damned thing expired. Missed by a minute or less.

    Well, it’s almost bed time.

  56. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 2, 2014 11:09 am

    So Faggs is trying to pimp Zak’s newest slut-tastic offering. All of yous on here who openly brag about your vile love for Carblowsa and Whoreheim can start melting your hardened lube:

    Me, I’ll just donate the same amount to the Battered Womens’ Shelter, since Zakattack won’t.

    And fuck China Meiville – like he knows dick about gaming. Why don’t they just get an endorsement from Krusty the Klown? More integrity.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 2, 2014 12:00 pm

      Oh, is Zak’s Alice in Ravenloft thingymabob out? I’ll get the lube on the boil at once.

      You serious about Mieville though? He co-wrote that Pathfinder book and ‘Perdido Street Station’ does the whole ‘locating adventurers in a world that isn’t about them’ thing – I was under the impression he knew his way around the Platonic Solids. Why Mieville’s endorsing something this High Concept when his own fantasy is definitively not about wearing stock influences on its sleeve is slightly more baffling.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 2, 2014 12:30 pm

        I am only familiar with two or three of the 164 Pathfinder books, have no idea which one he was junior author on.

        I didn’t read P street station.

        So maybe I am wr…wr…wr…not as correct as I had thought. Or maybe he is a good enough writer to pull the wool over a bunch of eyes.

        Either way, I still have no interest in Zak’s randomly generated pedestrian dribble.

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      October 2, 2014 1:04 pm

      Hahaha, Zak ripped off some 99 cent ebook for his stupid book:

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 2, 2014 2:04 pm

        That’s hilarious, even the “creative”, “original” lOSeRs are derivative hacks. Funny how Raggi got a pass for ripping off “The Lichway”, nobody really called him out on it, and thus the template for the whole movement was set.

      • October 2, 2014 3:44 pm

        Interestingly, in the just-released Zak redo of DFD, Rags officially cops to ripping off Lichway (though not by name) and the offending bit is retconned into a different macguffin.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 2, 2014 10:02 pm

        I always thought the appeal of Zakware was its aesthetic and its quick-access-when-frantically-improvising functionality, rather than anything necessarily ‘original’. Say what you like about the dude’s online habits (furious comment warring over who said what is… undignified at the least, but ‘dignity’ prized over ‘hustling’ is the sure mark of the unsuccessful publisher) but the Dungeon itself doesn’t Suck; Vornheim succeeds in what it set out to do. I wouldn’t use it to make up a whole city from scratch but I might use it for the incidentals with which I can’t be arsed.

        Red and Pleasant Land seems to be more of a conventional campaign setting rather than a toolbox using Zak’s campaign as a demonstration and desktop skin, as it were. I’m not sure that it has the same direct-usefulness-for-me factor since reading two things and moulding them together like playdough isn’t an aspect of DMing with which I particularly need help.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 3, 2014 4:08 pm

        Jesus fucking Christ, Von! What’s with the Zak apologist routine already? You might as well just get on your knees and get to slurping!

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 3, 2014 4:10 pm

        Gettin’ fat and not likin’ it a bit, but I’m too damned distracted to be able to do anything about it!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 3, 2014 4:15 pm

        Et tu, Bloo-Bot?

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 3, 2014 10:33 pm

        Look, I can’t keep my hateboner up forever – I’d never get anything useful done. Just let me… okay… think about terrible timewasting arguments with Greg ‘I Hate Men: Lesbians Is Magic’ Christopher… “retract your +1s to this Wrong Thing or face my wrath”… not being able to comment to his face in case you Do Discourse Wrong… hairy ballsacks… okay, okay. I’m back in the room. I think it’s over.

        Vornheim’s still not total dogshit though.

    • Robin Sneek permalink
      October 2, 2014 5:42 pm

      Gonna go with a cautiously optimistic attitude towards this one. Hite’s praise comes from authority but might be questioned for its sincerity as he’s on staff, but benefit of the doubt. Mieville writing pathfinder comes as a suprise but that’s kind of cool. I don’t agree with Zak the human being but i suspect Zak the game writer he has the neccesary adventure writing cohones. And at least an OSR product will look good on your shelf(haha just kidding i download that shit from 7chan).

      Melting my hardened lube now Tim!

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 3, 2014 8:09 am

        Jesus H Christ what the god damn fuck has happenned to this shithole. Don’t you guys actually read this shit anymore before before the “Zak has talent!” goebelsian chants start? He has a blog you know, where we can all see what his writing is. His art is derived from Frank Miller’s latter day shade-is-story shit.

        He sucks shit.

        Even the mighty YDIS Army has now fallen into Stockholm (ie Helsinki) Syndrome.


        I picked the wrong week to stop huffing gas.

      • October 3, 2014 9:37 am

        Let the historical record note that all the Zak Attak career damage control bringing half-digested Survey of Art 101 to the unwashed gamer masses has failed to keep his art rating below 9000. (Remember, you want a low number to show you are more relevant.)

        But fuck that, can one of you print on demand gurus cost that fucker out for me with all the metallic inlay and attached retail flaps and shit Raggi put on it? I want to know how much profit they can actually earn per piece, or more to the point see whether Raggi once again let his desperate hunger for attention, credibility and the ham sandwiches his wife buys at the stör drive his margins into the toilet.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 3, 2014 10:12 am

        My name is PrinceofNothing, and i have a problem.

        Again, let the record state i am not endorsing the behavior of the Zakattack in any way. I am just pointing out his recent art series posts shit is a huge improvement over the SJW-war shit or more porn-star game reports(or any fucking game reports for that matter, game reports tend to suck massive balls). Thus the optimism.

        Perhaps i am getting punch-drunk and i have spent so long in the darkness i cannot really recognize light anymore, mistaking slightly brighter, dingier patches of darkness for the real thing.

        I’ve always been a bit of a starry-eyed leftist pansy when it comes to adventures and shit written by the OSR, and i am a firm adherent to the ‘Not everything sucks, just a lot” mindset.

        *Sniff* And i kind of liked Kent’s podcast in an unironic fashion *breaks down sobbing.*

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 3, 2014 11:05 am

        Aw, hell, I’m sorry, Prince.

        (Nurse, increase the vodka drip STAT!)

        You’re keeping an open mind – an increasingly common development around here – and I can’t break out of troll mode.

        Maybe we should all show up in West Virgina tomorrow and get wasted in the hillside thicket where Scottt was going to get married. Maybe then I could finally learn…to…love….

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 3, 2014 10:38 pm

        @ Prince of Nothing


        @ Master Blaster Belial

        Keep the faith. Knock-kneed carping lefties are quick to forgive on the strength of a brief remission, but someone needs to remind us that there’s been shit in the sandwich toaster.

  57. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 2, 2014 3:47 pm

    Where are the new, wonderful, instant classic Bloodymage quotes originating from? Certainly nothing going on in the Polyhedron Games FB page, and cannot find the regular company page. Is Bloo posting somewhere on DF and I just can’ t find it? I used to consider myself a Blooeymage Amateur Anthropologist, but I must be slipping.

    Hitting up his elderly, out of state ex-fiancee for cash to make it through the month. Ouch.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      October 2, 2014 4:13 pm

      I remain skeptical.

    • October 2, 2014 5:24 pm

      This was back in ’06, long before he met the dog trainer. The “ex” in this instance is his ex-wife.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 2, 2014 5:49 pm

      Classic blooey only now, where is the sentient context sensitive stuff? Does blooey have to exit this world and upload his consciousness or something?

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 3, 2014 2:03 am

        Given Blooey’s track record with computers, uploading his consciousness would be a disaster… make Skynet look like a Nintendo 64.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:26 am

        I’ve just gunked up my computer again looking.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:35 am

        Lord, help me! I just got a new iphone! And in messing with getting it connected to wifi, I’ve lost all my bookmarks again.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:40 am

        My monitor is on the fritz and I can’t get a new one until I can access some funds. These damned contraptions drive me bonkers (though I’m already crazy as a loon). Computers… again!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 3, 2014 11:35 am

        Blooey, just upload your consciousness anyway before you exit this world!

  58. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 2, 2014 6:17 pm

    Ah, those old classic are gold though. Still so much to be mined. Precious nuggets from the time of his great con trek.

    But when asking for monetary help he should probably humble his world famous tag lines a bit. Mebbe instead of “Death to all PC’s” he could have temporarily changed it to the more gamer friendly “Death to all NPC’s who are not nice to my players PC’S!”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 3, 2014 11:36 am

      Death to All Paying By Check!!!!

  59. kaptainvon permalink
    October 2, 2014 11:06 pm

    @ i don’t want to live on this planet any more:

    I managed to miss a comment of yours on the last entry, serves me right for using a different email address as Unicron. Feels disrespectful not to respond since you made the effort to say something thoughtful, so here we go:

    “What you gain and pursue privately is very different from the papers you turn in for a degree or buck. That’s true of all the humanities. I would also say there is quite an arguable difference between an English degree and a Comparative Literature degree. I mean, you’ve got the “cynic” line of argument down pat but for every lazy, jaded graduate there is one who is earnestly working to improve literacy rates and appreciation. It doesn’t pay well and it’s thankless but perhaps you could put your degree to good use and tutor some disadvantage kids. You know, help them read and write enough to get through high school and not end up robbing liquor stores.”

    All of this is a fair cop. The distinction between private and public engagement is on the mark; I spoke without thinking, acknowledge my error and will strive to improve.

    For what it’s worth, my day job for the last five years has been exactly that; teaching disadvantaged kids in some of the poorest inner-city boroughs in England/mentoring middle-class kids with learning difficulties. I’m (still) cynical about the need for comp. lit. theoreticals in doing so (a love of primary text, an awareness of context and an instinct for editing will probably serve better in that respect).

    I say ‘the last five years’ because the public sector spending freeze means that a lot of fractional contracted or zero-contracted-hours folks (myself included) are being made redundant to keep the budgets down. Possibly a good thing: I was starting to phone it in and I think the indifferent teachers are the worst thing that can happen to a subject. On top of that, the English curriculum’s undergoing massive revision from people who, putting it bluntly, don’t know jack about teaching /or/ inner cities and have based their model on their own half-remembered public schooldays. Once the dust has settled and I have my own shit in order I’ll probably end up getting back in.

    TL;DR – I’m not /usually/ lazy, jaded or excessively cynical, and plead mitigating circumstances.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 2, 2014 11:10 pm

      Should read ‘… worst thing that can happen to a student.’ Maybe I really /am/ a terrible person.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 3, 2014 11:37 am

        You got it right the first time.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:28 pm

        Yeah, I suppose the second one does overestimate my importance horribly. Point is, bored teachers teach boring lessons and ruin subjects for students. I don’t really want that to be what I do for a living.

  60. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 3, 2014 2:18 am

    Ah, those old classic are gold though. Still so much to be mined. Precious nuggets from the time of his great con trek.

    Perhaps the most interesting thing about Bloo is the fact that he’s so peripatetic, the dude sure gets around… Even as he’s going nowhere. I’m reminded of a Charles Portis line about “pelagic” America.

    “Tales of Brave Blooysses” would make a lovely companion volume for the “Blooeynomicon”. If you pay me ten large, I’ll let you take some artsy photos of Blooey for the book. Five grand gets you a job doing layout.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 3, 2014 8:13 am

      I am awaiting the tale of his epic con trek told the way it should be told: The Electric Bloolaid Acid Test.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:32 am

        The Blooey Saga will have to be a multi-volume extravaganza. Next up, “Fear and Blooing in Las Vegas”:

        We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when my bowels began to give way.

        Tagline: Eat pee crap trip drive

      • October 3, 2014 9:35 am

        Damn… gotta work “Bloo Meridian” in here somewhere.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:46 am

        Life is costing me too much and this damned machine eats a lot of it! Just hangin’ out right now. Then tomorrow I get to sit in a Mormon tabernacle for three hours while they try to mormonize an unrepentant gamer. 🙄

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 3, 2014 10:54 am

        Bloo Meridian – lmgdfao! If we shaved Raggs, maybe he could be the Judge.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 3, 2014 11:34 am

        “Tagline: Eat pee crap trip drive”

        No rinse or clean, because ROADTRIP!

  61. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 3, 2014 11:28 am

    Oh, Thorkie! You truly are the King of Social Retards.

    I am officially putting in a request for a Thork-Bot.

  62. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 3, 2014 11:33 am

    For those of you homos starting to fall for the Zak is So Artsy and Smart bullshit, I present this:

    Oh look! Zak scribbled in a Monster Manual like a four year old what a fucking genius! Self-indulgent garbage complete with Zak’s shitty “artwork”.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 3, 2014 11:48 am

      God bless you, FOTU.

      That monster re-write is first class, 9000+ rated, shit.

      And it warms my heart to see that when Nagora starts to suck on his teats, the Zakattack comes back, baby!

      The sun just came out…

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 3, 2014 11:51 am

      It was funny seeing that Nagora fellow engage with Smithee and the resultant descent into a maelstrom of madness.

      Forget it, Nagora, it’s Zaktown. Also, that picture was probably traced from an encyclopedia. I can’t make an ID off the top of my head, but it’s a picture of a real bird.

    • October 3, 2014 1:00 pm

      What kind of pass/fail vocational school grad sincerely believes fucking Borges (don’t cut me, man, it’s for effect) invented the fucking simurgh story? The twelfth fucking century called, genius. They want their poem back.

      • October 3, 2014 1:09 pm

        Borges did invent the peryton, though. Comically, a lot of “wiki” sites listed the peryton as a mythical beast until it became clear that every single source could be traced back to Borges, a notorious practical joker.

      • October 3, 2014 1:12 pm

        I knew one of you wise guys would bring up the fakes. Plato, Atlantis my ass!

      • October 3, 2014 1:28 pm

        I’m a big Borges fan, even read some of his short stories in the original Spanish. He’s definitely one of literature’s greatest tricksters, the wily bastard.

      • October 3, 2014 1:37 pm


      • October 3, 2014 2:09 pm


    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 3, 2014 11:00 pm

      Original post doesn’t seem particularly useful to me. Comment thread is… an argument between two stumps, and I can’t fathom out Zak’s rules of engagement at all. “Oh well I know this dude so I don’t have to hold him to the same standards of rhetorical precision as you… who I also know… and have a preconceived attitude towards… but I still…”

      Gah. Dude, some of us are Martin, and you’re throwing our social equations out of whack. How well does one have to know the Zak before one’s granted the latitude to speak freely?

    • justme permalink
      October 4, 2014 8:01 am

      Isn’t it an old blog post of his from two or three years ago photoshopped on a page from the newest monster manual?

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 4, 2014 10:43 pm

        Potentially. Well done on volunteering to check.

  63. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 3, 2014 1:06 pm

    Here’s a topic for Kent’s next podcast…

    H.G Wells + Sir Richard Burton + Disco equals the most awesomely brilliant utter crap EVER!!!!

  64. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    October 3, 2014 7:06 pm

    Podcast #2 is up.

    • Grify McGrifterson permalink
      October 3, 2014 8:53 pm

      God damn….podcast 2 was naval-gazing (anal-gazing??) at it’s finest.
      And what the hell was up with the myriad of horrifying sound effects toward the end?
      What a mother-fuckin’ goof.

    • October 3, 2014 8:57 pm

      I’m not getting those 8 minutes back, am I?

      • The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
        October 3, 2014 9:40 pm

        If you want to be mentioned you will have to say something interesting which you haven’t done for several years.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 3, 2014 10:49 pm

      And you took it down overnight? Christ on a bike, Kent, at least give it twenty-four hours so the morning crowd in God’s Own Country can get their fair share.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 4, 2014 9:01 am

      My hard drive has crashed, so now I’ve lost it.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 4, 2014 6:43 pm

      Goddammit i missed it. Surely a man of your obvious intellectual superiority could produce works of such quality even your table scraps would enlighten us imbecilic lagoon creatures to heights hitherto undereamed of? Damnit i need something to hate.

  65. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 4, 2014 1:58 am

    Bloo Meridian – lmgdfao! If we shaved Raggs, maybe he could be the Judge.

    The Pudge!

  66. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    October 4, 2014 5:21 am

    False alarm. There is nothing a person can do badly that drinking won’t make worse.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 4, 2014 9:02 am

      I wouldn’t foist my problems on a woman. I’ve been a dead man walking ever since my ex died and that has nothing to do with the heart, just circumstances.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 4, 2014 10:38 pm

      That sounds like an admission that you podcast badly to me.

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      October 5, 2014 4:50 am

      In the immortal words of a certain podcast, BOOP BOOP BE DOOOOOOP YEEEEEAAAAAH!

  67. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    October 4, 2014 7:33 am

    Who here is going to buy Zak’s RUL book? It is being vaunted as the best rpg book ever. I bought Vornheim and I suspect I’ll fall for the marketing again.

    • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
      October 4, 2014 7:43 am

      Why would you fall for the marketing? Do you REALLY need another RPG book? Is it really necessary? Are you that weak-willed?

      He’s a piece of shit. If you think he’s an asshole who deserves no support, don’t support him. Fuck.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 4, 2014 12:13 pm

        He’d fall for the marketing because he’s not nearly as bright as he thinks he is. He’s a decidedly average schmuck with delusions of adequacy.

    • The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
      October 4, 2014 7:53 am

      I don’t need another rpg book but I want to see what the best ever rpg book looks and reads like.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 4, 2014 9:03 am

        Problem is, I get exhausted trying to take care of myself. It takes me forever to get anything done anymore. Life in slow motion is no fun.

    • justme permalink
      October 4, 2014 7:58 am

      Vornheim has a couple interesting tidbits surrounded in dreck and uneven murky art. Vampire Alice in Wonderland looks like more of the same with one more color in thee art. I might get it in one of raggis cheapass pdf deals in a year or two if people with a smattering of taste like it but not at full price without plenty of time to hear about it from non-fan boys.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 4, 2014 10:35 pm

        That sounds about right. I’m not sufficiently interested to want another actual book cluttering up the place but I’d give it a skim if the PDF was going at ‘caveat emptor’ prices down the line. That’s pretty much how I felt about Vornheim and Carcosa and they’ve turned out OK.

        OK, in this case, means ‘all right, this has some things I would actually use in my game’ rather than ‘OMG THIS IS BRILLIANT’ – think soft, feathery craps that pass smoothly from the rectum, not gritty pebbledashy oil-shits that are the harbingers of the haemorrhoid.

  68. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 4, 2014 10:35 am

    Mike “Giant Slug” More’tard is still flailing for attention and telling everyone they are misunderstanding the game:

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 4, 2014 12:07 pm

      Large, blubbery, vicious, non-intelligent, and acid-spitting… looks like he created the giant slug in his own image.

      • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
        October 4, 2014 8:13 pm


        That’s all I got.

        Nothing more.

        That’s it.

        It’s Saturday night and I should be drinking…

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      October 6, 2014 8:03 pm

      And we had FUN !!!

      (but not BadWrongFun)

  69. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    October 5, 2014 9:00 am

    Why don’t we all chip in and buy one copy, I imagine it will cost $60 and since there are 6 of us on this site that makes $5 each.

    We can circulate this ydis copy with increasing layers of annotations and return the book to Raggi with our compliments and observations, as consultants, to assist him in his future projects.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 5, 2014 9:17 am

      6 x $5 is $30.

      Kent, are you retarded?


      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 5, 2014 10:39 am

        Forget it, FOTU, it’s Kenttown.

    • The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
      October 5, 2014 10:21 am

      Jesus Christ did you use your fingers? You must be the poster boy for Scott’s campaign to prove ydis is full of smart people.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 5, 2014 2:04 pm

        Kunt, you are the exception that proves the rule that YDIS is comprised of intelligent people. You are a pseudointellectual twat with an IQ lower than Zak S. Now go slit your limp gay drunken Irish wrists in the bathtub and do the world a favor. Not even your mother will mourn your passing you worthless shit stain.

    • October 5, 2014 1:45 pm

      The idea of Raggi getting it back encrusted with layer after layer Zak-style scribbles glued in with God knows what fluids like some kind of troglodyte baklava is intriguing and despite her majesty’s “maths” getting the trollerati gathered here jumping the Game!Consultant! bandwagon (skaaaarkaaaaaaa) pushes it over the edge into brilliance. I’ll kick in $10 easy on that one.

      • The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
        October 5, 2014 3:49 pm

        Im a mathematician you moron.

        And no one here qualifies as a troll in my book.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 5, 2014 8:44 pm

        Kent got his math degree at Southern Hibernia Institute of Technology.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 5, 2014 8:56 pm

        BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA! But Kent thinks 6 x 5 = 60! Wannabe literary scholar, wannabe mathematician, wannabe podcaster, but Kent FAILS at everything he does! (except maybe doing gay)

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 5, 2014 10:23 pm

        Damn, it’s so obvious now- Kent’s the Rain Man.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 6, 2014 1:42 pm

        You’re also drunk. I imagine this is like the time I forgot the word ‘pencil’ in the middle of a tutorial. It’s fine – we all have those “shred and return your degree certificate” moments now and then. All you have to do is own your shame. Savour that flavour.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 7, 2014 6:41 am


  70. The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
    October 5, 2014 11:12 am

    No one here besides me is willing to point out that Fear of the Unknown and Bigby’s Lubed Fist are teenage cretins and this place would be better without them?


    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 5, 2014 2:08 pm

      Kent, I pray they find you dead in a ditch tomorrow with your throat slit and your ass full of cum.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 5, 2014 2:53 pm

        Hey, now, that’s a little harsh… you shouldn’t wish death on Kent? Imagine a Kentless world, all those drunken “Jumbo Breakfast Roll Men” going Unblown in the Dublin suburbs…

        I wish Kent a long life. I picture him ending up as the Old World’s equivalent of Bloodymage, an EU Bloo, if you will.

        Slainte, Kent, you scuttering gobshite.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 5, 2014 4:27 pm

        Let’s watch the insinuations, folks. One man’s humor or sarcasm (especially sarcasm) is vitriol to another.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 6, 2014 11:18 am

        It’s far, far crueler to wish Kent on Bloo.

  71. EU Bloo permalink
    October 5, 2014 2:57 pm


  72. bloodymage permalink
    October 5, 2014 7:04 pm

    Walked in on my no good bloodyson doing gay which was kind of awkward. I had bought his nana a summer smoked sausage from Hickory Farms but he and his friend were using it as some sort of double ended dildo. And I have a toothache but don’t have money for the dentist. Those two are still at it, doing gay. For once please DON’T buy something so I can’t keep the light on in there!

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 5, 2014 7:22 pm

      Looks like Bloobot’s going to be taking us to some dark places now. His humor chip has been installed, but they turned the “mean” dial to the maximum. Guess they knew he was coming here.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 5, 2014 7:30 pm

        I think Bloo Bot needs a factory reset.


  73. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 5, 2014 7:17 pm

    “Why would you fall for the marketing? Do you REALLY need another RPG book? Is it really necessary? Are you that weak-willed?
    He’s a piece of shit. If you think he’s an asshole who deserves no support, don’t support him. Fuck”

    I just wanted a repeat of what Baron Greenback said. I know I know…”no duh,” but sometimes we need an Anthony Robbins-type to say the obvious shit to us in a spot on manner. Tell it on the mountain, Baron.

  74. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 5, 2014 10:30 pm

    Im a mathematician you moron.

    Kent, what the hell is missing in your life that makes you feel a need to justify yourself to a bunch of jokers you consider morons (the feeling is mutual, by the way)?

    What next, Ulan Durr? Are you going to tell us you know Phandaal’s Critique of the Chill?

  75. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 6, 2014 7:09 am

    OK, OK, OK, I should stop picking on Mikey More’tard. But now he claims that he invented the half-elf:

    Post 125, halfway down the page.

    This is hilarious. The NKVDPundit is trying to rewrite the history of the blOwSR by including himself as an early proponent, but More’tard is going for the throat by rewriting the history of the hobby itself, saying he was shoulder to shoulder with Saint gary on every decsion that affected the game, only it wasn’t a big deal because we were just having FUN, and telling those who actually spent years in interviews and research to just shut up.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 6, 2014 8:57 am

      Why stop picking on him? He invites it with crap like this. Keep at it, man.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 6, 2014 9:08 am

      And Christ Jesus does that Will guy have the most offensive avatar ever. He’s puke-inducing.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 6, 2014 9:16 am

        At least he’s wearing a shirt!

      • October 6, 2014 6:38 pm

        Click on the pix of his kids. Yikes. I mean, I don’t want to pick on defenseless children, but they’re fucking hideous. (No offense, kids.)

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 6, 2014 11:11 am

      I read Wick’s piece and agree with most of it, but he takes a few douchbaggy potshots at various editions of D&D (the one calling 4e a tactical miniatures board game is spot on, however). I can’t be bothered to read anything by that socially retarded Canadian Benoist ever. If folks are saying it’s rambling, incoherent and basically does what he accused Wick of doing, so be it I believe ’em. I got a few laughs seeing that most of the folks at the RPGShite can’t think much farther past THAC0 and ascending Armor Class as examples of “change” and “evolution” in RPG design. 1987 called, it wants its AIDS epidemic back. Zak S came in early to shit down both Benoist’s and Wick’s throats, plus insult black people offended by blackface in drow cosplay. Again.

      Monard the Tard has really gone off the deep end. I feel sorry for him and hope he can at least still use the bathroom on his own without his family having to play diaper changer yet. I guess it was bound to happen, now that the Class of Manchildren of ’74 is getting old and senile.

      All in all, I give this week’s version of Tabletop Gamergate a 2 out of 5.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        October 6, 2014 12:47 pm

        Mornard just wants attention, and when people start giving it to him, he just gets louder and louder. Witness his “So what are you into” thread elsewhere, his continued flogging of his book as if anyone is interested, etc.

        I’m at least glad that, unlike Will, he hasn’t used a pic of himself as his avatar on the ‘shite like he does elsewhere. Talk about a disgusting pig of a human being.

      • October 6, 2014 1:11 pm

        Got to admit, these supposed anti-story crusaders going “duh, who is John Wick, is he supposed to be famous” is on the level of OSR cretins not knowing who either Jaquays or Costikyan are or a Yale Art grad not connecting the dots that say Max Nordau invented Zionism. This must be a small taste of what it’s like when they’re all out of Black Bush so you have to drink Bushmills instead.

        By the way, dropbox forced me to download that fucking podcast so I still have it, GENTLEMENNNNN!

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 6, 2014 1:43 pm

        I want to see if I can remember without Googling like a muppet: John Wick is the chap who wrote that obsessively detailed ‘Orcs’ game, yes? The direct ancestor of Warcraft’s hippy-dippy green-messiah shit?

      • October 6, 2014 2:05 pm

        Never let it be said the trolls around here are anything but better informed about fucking gaming than the no-nonsense brigade on the ‘shite. Love Wick, hate him, not give a flying shit, guy’s been working off and on for close to 20 years, people who have been paying attention should at least know the name.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 6, 2014 4:21 pm

        Schiz, Kent the lost episodes podcast Part Deux, out with it you magnificent bastard.

        Wick: 7th Sea, Houses of the Blooded, Wicked Fantasy(Har Har), L5r and Orcworld fame. Takes a massive dump down DnD’s throat and might even quasi-resemble the sort of Ron Edwards deep-throating, rpg-destroying effigy of story-game facism that Pundit frequently Triumph of the Will’s against.

        Benoist: Long-winded, insignificant cretin unable to articulate in nine fucking pages what a smarter, more virile man could have done in a paragraph. Needs to forget about the defenition of role-playing and focus on the less daunting task of figuring out basic debate logic.

        Winner: House wins! You lose sir. You get nothing!

      • October 6, 2014 6:11 pm

        This is a document of our tribe. Smoke up, my fine fucks!!AQ1SzACC!bgsosVq7Q9A0Dzj2Ws19y1lrxYnGEzBQ-Hfd-wzAZso

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 6, 2014 11:11 pm

        Hm. I have heard of at least three of those things. Seventh Sea is OK by all accounts, or at least I’ve seen it played without anyone flipping the table. L5R I know as a CCG only. Orcworld I’ve been vaguely intrigued by but it all seemed a bit… much… for me. Never heard of the other two.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 7, 2014 4:19 am

        Remember, this is an industry where hundreds, perhaps even dozens, of dollars are up for grabs from the unblown wallet things, so factor that in and you can see why the insignificant players like Pundit and Zak S go apeshit when a real industry professional they don’t like says anything.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 7, 2014 5:43 am

        Vibes to Schiz for preserving this little gem for all of eternity. It will be useful in our search for a Cure for Kent(cer?). Ha! Ha! Puns!

        In all seriousness, i liked this one way better. Less pretention of having an actual topic, more rambling, more facism and with a little demonic possesion thrown in at the end.

        3.5 out of 5 flailsnails.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 7, 2014 8:44 am

        DAMMIT! I swore two things this year: refer to the racist name Washington football team as Washington only, and refer to Pundit as John Tarnowski only.

      • October 7, 2014 11:23 am

        I just picture the Redskins’ logo as a potato, so it’s not so offensive. And I refer to the pundit as Casimir Fartkowski.


      • Mjollnir permalink
        October 9, 2014 10:05 pm

        Wick made a few decent points, but his insistence that rpgs MUST be played exclusively as storytelling circle-jerks is just fucking weird.

        Also, the only thing 4e “simulates” is a MMO (without the visual animation and convenience of having a computer crunch the numbers).

        Benoist’s reply, while spot on, was only “epic” in terms of its length.

        I think John Wick just needs to get away for a while to refocus his CONCENTRATION. Perhaps he likes to CAMP, hunt or fish. Whatever it takes to help John get back to his WORK and MAKES him happy and feel FREE.

  76. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 6, 2014 4:40 pm

    Houses of the Blooded? Never heard of it… From teh Wiki:

    Players tell the story of the tragic and doomed race of Shanri called the ven. (Both Shanri and the ven previously appeared in Wick’s game Enemy Gods.) The ven appear much like humans, but are stronger, faster, and more beautiful. The ven are also emotional powerhouses, emphasising all emotions with capital letters (Love, Hate, Fear, etc.).

    Fuck, sounds like Mary Sue: The Fanficing. The author describes it as the “anti-D&D”, probably because it didn’t sell for shit.

    I’m gonna work on a clone, Houses of the Blooey- you can’t play a Mary Sue, you have to play a Mary Bloo.


    • kaptainvon permalink
      October 6, 2014 11:08 pm

      It’s one small step from this to Wraeththu and then I’m afraid it’s all goths raping you with sea anemones from here ’til doomsday. Does this crud post- or pre-date Vampire? I actually /like/ Vampire but I feel White Wolf have a lot to answer for…

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 7, 2014 5:16 am

        Houses would be post, based on my finely honed guesswork. I’ve always thought Vampire could be sort of cool but it’s burdened by pretentious writing, nine bazillion splatbooks and an unfortunate tendency to attract faggots(the kent kind).

      • kaptainvon permalink
        October 8, 2014 1:00 am

        Vampire /is/ sort of cool provided you’re a bit John Wick about it (I’ve toddled off to read the Chess Is Not An RPG thing in between times) and strip out anything that isn’t germane to what your group think is interesting about the game. That includes at least two thirds of the rules; if you want to see true failure you must ask yourself how, in the time of Twilight, White Wolf ended up disintegrating instead of making money hand over fist, and a big part of it is those huge rulebooks full of crap you don’t need to tell vampire stories.

        The ‘woe is me I sometimes kill people to survive am I man or monster’ aspect has never caught on with any of my groups, but there’s been some success with ‘dead men’s shoes and ancient mysteries’ or ‘turf wars in Victorian London’. Then again, I don’t play Vampire with basement dwellers, I play Vampire with drama geeks, recovering goths who regret nothing but have had to get real jobs, and – sorry about this – people who read.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 8, 2014 6:57 am

        I’m fairly conservative when it comes to cutting content and avoid removing shit if i can just find a way to make it work and i’ve never really found vampire’s ruleset to be all that bloated, just cubersome and obtuse in general. Nevertheless, spot on about White Wolf’s fall. All that fucking metaplot. Not to mention the fact that when it offers you the ability to do cool shit like rooftop chase scenes and undead katana fights on skyscrapers White Wolf seems almost to resent you for it.

        What are you doing?, White Wolf says. This is a mature game about personal horror for mature minds. Why are you re-enacting that lobby shootout from the Matrix?

        I’d go full on film noir and Watchmen with VtM, vampires dissapearing, all the myriad factions at eachothers throats, conspiracies, decaying architecture, scenes of human misery and the feeling of a coming apocalypse. If that involves player characters having to make tough choices or slowly reverting to the very thing they try to fight, so much the better. As long as it involves people doing interesting shit instead of wallowing in angst for three fucking sessions, which is what most WW games end up becoming. And the first guy that wants to explore a ‘theme’ should be diablerized by his peers(or raped).

        But i think i hear Ansalon’s Siren Call beckoning. We thread on thin ice my friend.

      • Von permalink
        October 8, 2014 3:17 pm

        Isn’t the film-noir-and-Watchmen thing a ‘theme’? I’m confused, now. I suppose it’s more of a tone… eh.

        People doing interesting shit is the key to having a Vampire game that’s worth bothering with. I don’t encourage sitting around feeling sorry for yourself; I encourage overthrowing the usurper Prince of Constantinople, which’ll happen any year now, just as soon as someone else steps up to actually want that poisoned chalice. If we’re going to sit around talking let’s sit around /scheming/, it’s more fun.

        White Wolf’s dismissal of ‘superheroes with fangs’ only amuses me more post-Underworld; and fair play to you if you’ve found Vampire workable, but I’ve never been inclined to indulge its convoluted processes and prefer something that’s akin to either Requiem (mechanics: better, archetypes: more literary, motivation to play it: nil) or Ars Magica, i.e. condensed down into single rolls of a die pool wherever possible. Whatever works.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 9, 2014 10:57 am

        I guess you could look at something like film-noir as a ‘theme’ but i’m referring to the shit you saw in early(and possibly late) white wolf adventures where you got shit like ‘This chronicle(or story) explores the deeper implications behind the question of free will etc. etc,’ which was total fucking horseshit. Whenever i talk with a gm and he goes into how he wants to ‘explore a theme’ i more or less assume his game is rubbish. People that get a twinkle in their eye as they passionately describe a world is something i can put some support behind. The kind of ice-cold playa that cannot wait to explore with you the mindspace of an immense and wondrous neverland(sounds kind of gay but im rolling with it), but has no compunctions with murdering you and your entire party if you act like fucking morons, plot or no plot.

        While i am in no way opposed to something with a sort of quasi-linear ‘plot'(i gm Dark Heresy myself which is many flavours of greatness but definetely not a sandbox), i tend to see shit like a theme or a story as something that emerges from play and can be different for each player, rather then something that you use the adventure to ‘explore.’
        It’s also the same type of ‘story’ horseshit that sucks all the momentum out of a campaign by removing the threat of death and the uncertainty of combat because dying ‘wouldn’t be good for the story.’ I say adopt a Gantz mindset. You can die at anytime. The story of your character can be a sort of triumphant epic culminating with his death or it can be a tragedy of things that could have been. Death is everywhere. There is a reason RPG is composed of both roleplaying and game.
        That and the fact i read a lot of books(i am not claiming i read good books, just a lot of books), which means that anyone who tries to sell me a campaign based on the ‘plot’ had better know what the fuck they are doing.

        Vampire’s rulesystem is, honestly, kind of poorly made(insert facetious screed on how balance doesn’t matter it’s about the story yadda yadda yadda), but it’s a servicable sort of poor. That and you need to have a backup plan ready for when all your players are training eachother in Celerity(the Flash superpower).

        So yeah, good luck with your ex-gothic drama-student group that reads things(lot’s of Anne rice and Robert W chambers i reckon). And cheers mate!

      • Von permalink
        October 10, 2014 12:38 am

        Well, that’s all right then: I do see the distinction now and I don’t think I’ve ever set out to ‘explore the theme of inner monstrosity’ so much as ‘play around with degeneration and Paths if it’s somewhere someone wants to go’. Frankly I’ve only known a handful of players – maybe three – who could make a convincing go of the Paths of Morality. If what people want is the Path of Murderhobo I leave ’em on Humanity and watch ’em crack.

        It’s the emergent quality that saves the day really. ‘Exploring themes’ is for players if they really must, ‘setting up a world and then dropping players into it and seeing what happens’ is closer to how I think a GM needs to play it. Knowing what a given NPC would do and where ‘the story’ would go if not interfered with by players, and adapting that when the players invariably do interfere.

        And yeah, plot armour is bullshit. Oddly enough I’ve achieved with Vampire what I’ve never managed with other games – players tremble when asked to roll initiative and I think it’s because combat happens so seldom (because I hate sixteen-stage combat rounds, which I think is the longest that can go down with the current crop of characters) and generally results in serious damage being done. The standard spiel has never applied more firmly: “I’m not going to kill your characters, I’m going to create and administer an environment in which, through ignorance or negligence or carelessness, your characters may die.” Vampire’s also good at eliminating dumb luck from the equation since you always have Willpower to scrape through rolls long enough to think your way out.

        I agree that Vampire’s serviceable as written, I just like to streamline it for players who don’t like doing sums at table and tracking a shitload of variable difficulties, and who can blame them? The New World of Darkness did that right, at least; consistent target numbers and physically adding or removing dice from the pool.

        Guilty as charged on the Anne Rice, I think we’ve all read at least a couple. Chambers I haven’t actually read, but I feel like I should.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 10, 2014 9:16 am

        From what i’ve heard most of those morality paths are great for npcs but are difficult to implement for player characters, but then again, maybe that is the idea. Humanity and slow degeneration are alright, DH has corruption and insanity for that. But they are side-dishes in a larger buffet, they should add to the game, not be the foundation of it. It adds to the tension really. Can i achieve my goals before i am worn down by the insidious corrosion of the unfathomable and hideous truth behind the stars/my inner nature/doing gay? It also makes the shit you have already achieved seem more real, as you are continually reminded of the consequences of that adventure.

        One baffling notion that i am unsure i am totally opposed too but that is so far from my own roleplaying mindset i cannot help but treat it with instinctual scorn is when players let their characters die because, ‘It is better for the story.” I can see playing a hardcore bastard that would choose probable death in battle over humiliation or servitude but that’s motivation, not really story(and thus cool). For some reason it comes up often with WW fans. I don’t get it.

        That stuff about emergent qualities and having a semi-linear ‘plot’ that can go in different directions based on player actions/succes/failure is how i’ve always rolled with it. While i might have an idea of where i want the game to go, i find allowing it some free space to develop during gameplay usually ends up for a more satisfying “story” then the ole railroad. All sorts of stuff you put in for colour and texture ends up being more significant then you have previously anticipated and you can adjust to what your players find interesting.

        Making combat somewhat rare and thus always significant works alright in an investigation game, so we are in agreement about that. Willpower/Fate points/Action points are a good mechanic to give players a bit of a buffer for the mistakes they make. I might check out NWoD if the planets align and i feel the call to have an emo-off tug at my heart. And there is always 20th anniversary edition.

        I can’t speak for Chambers, as i too am guilty of not having read him(Count of Monte Christo and Illiad first, i have a copy of the King in Yellow next to a paperback of the Night Land i think Kent is worming my way into my mind and i will wake up one day, mouth tasting of semen and cheap bourbon, sextant lodged in my anus, podcasting about how the literature fags won’t accept science fiction etc). If he’s anywhere near as good as Lovecraft or Ashton Smith i think you owe him a read, and it’s not a thick book.

        Also, since i do not wish to anger our Dark Lord i feel it is only prudent to add a little footnote in the continuing decline of Tarnowski. Even his blog audience, meek and weak-willed with imbreeding and ammonia-fumes, turns against him. I hope this is a death spasm, not the transformatory writhings of the larvae in its cocoon, waiting to emerge anew with Hasbro covered wings, proboscis unfurled to drain the blood of the Unblown, noxious smoke billowing from numerous orfices, tattered copy of Empire of the Petal Throne impaled upon it’s stinger etc.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 7, 2014 9:38 am

      “Houses of the Blooey” – Man, now I’ve got “Over the Hills and Bloo Away” on repeat in my head.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 7, 2014 9:53 am

        You can fast forward to “Blooey Mountain Hop” or is that “Misty Mountain Bloo”?

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 7, 2014 5:09 pm

        I have housing now thanks to the VA, but my bloodyson is using it to do gay! Now I have a fungal toe infection I have to get looked at and its killing me not to go crazy scratching my itchy tootsies!

  77. kaptainvon permalink
    October 6, 2014 11:32 pm

    So back to the topic of Kent’s podcast – you don’t need to /try/ to be amusing, dear, the reeling and tottering and rambling of a sensitive Irishman as he blunders from offie to offie in search of a tipple is quite entertaining enough.

    The irony of you yourself flinging ‘faggot’ about for sheer euphony with nary a care if it goes off in your face is not lost on THIS listener, neither is the haste with which you redefine your definition of ‘smart guy’ to include people who wrote/painted things you like and aren’t professional number-crunchers; do I get my merit badge for Thinking About What Kent Says yet?

    I regret describing you as a Gentle Poet; your persona has shifted more toward Village Idiot in the mould of Spike Milligan. It’s probably the whiskey. Stay on the good stuff if you’re going to talk aloud please, your second-choice rotgut seems to melt your brains a little.

    One of these detestable fuckers demanded that people script their fucking videos. It may be worth a go for your podcast, if genuine quality is your goal at all. Frankly, I suspect a ruse.

  78. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 7, 2014 4:04 am

    John Wick is a name the “professionals” in gaming should know. In fact, they do know, and if they say otherwise, it’s only to diminish Wick’s credentials in a feeble attempt to inflate their own amateur hour efforts (as Zak S and Pundit are doing). Benoist, on the other hand, is nobody except another socially retarded gamer who got the boot from Big Purple Dildo and ended up at RPGShite because he is incapable of normal human social interaction. Apparently he’s not welcome at the Shite anymore either, or left in a huff or something, but who really cares?

    Now if Ken Hite or Robin Laws or even Monte Cook wrote a rebuttal to Wick, I’d read that because they are professionals on Wick’s level with an educated opinion worth reading. And it might even be worth reading a 15+ page thread about their views as opposed to Wick’s, but certainly not some nobodies like Benoist, or Pundit, or Zak S.

  79. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 7, 2014 4:15 am

    Also, anyone who plays tabletop RPGs should read John Wick’s Play Dirty at least once.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      October 7, 2014 6:42 pm

      Very much agree

  80. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 7, 2014 4:27 am

    Working on something for my proposal to LotFP:

    “The Kenku spreads her wings and squats right in front of you. A slight hint of strain comes over her feathered face as she extrudes a steaming turd from her vagina. Roll a Fear/Horror/Sanity check.”

    “What’s Really Going On: The Kenku is a bird, it has a cloaca. It’s asshole and its cunt are the same fucking hole.”

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 7, 2014 7:47 am

      Heh, Kentku…

      Kent needs a symbol for his podcast- a reverse Ouroboros (a snake with its head wedged up its cloaca) would be perfect.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 7, 2014 8:38 am

      I just used a calligraphy pen to inscribe this in my new Monster Manual plus glue stick in a picture of a cunt and an asshole. Now I’m firing up the Bedazzler™ to make a sparkly turd to finish off the page.

    • Scott permalink
      October 8, 2014 7:51 am

      The end boss of the final installment of The Enemy Within campaign is a Lord of Change that may or may not shit skeleton-filled eggs

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 8, 2014 8:36 am

        Damn, now I’m craving balut.

        How ya holding up, old chum? I can’t have been the only one concerned about you.

      • Scott permalink
        October 8, 2014 10:56 am

        Sure you can!

        Doing reasonably well, have had some medical stuff and upcoming (hopefully) minor surgery and am supposed to quit drinking so I just drink beer now. Was originally supposed to get married last Saturday, trying not to be so emo.

        Told senior staff today I’d rather blow my brains out than spend one hot second at agency picnic, wouldn’t wear the polo shirt on a bet, and wandered off for a 5.5 day weekend. Fortunately they’re results-oriented and indulgent of my eccentricities.

        Objectively, life is good, though, and it’d be repulsive to people with real problems for me to cunt about it too much. Today I’m day drinking a little bit, hanging out with my animals, and not thinking about anything more stressful than my longneck-bottle-callus until Tuesday.

        Thank you for asking!

      • October 8, 2014 1:27 pm

        [Shit guys, Scott’s back. I’d thought he’d be sleeping it off for at least another month. What? I don’t know if he’s dangerous, just act cool… pretend he looks normal.]

        Oh, hey Scott! You’re looking good bro, yup. Um… so. Any new tats?

      • Scott permalink
        October 8, 2014 9:31 pm

        Believe it or not, I’ve never really had anything done on my back (snrk) so we started linework on the big piece a little while back. I have a reasonably high pain tolerance and have never had a tattoo really hurt except super close to my nipple, and that shit actually hurt. I have a newfound respect for girls who get a big tramp stamp as their first tattoo and still come back for more later.

        Probably about three more shots and the central back piece is done.

        Achievement is its own reward. Pride obscures it.

  81. October 7, 2014 10:04 am

    Houses of the Blooey…

    When you’re on the road to Janceton
    And the dog-creatures attack
    And your DM has gone AWOL
    That’s not time you’re getting back.


  82. Criswell permalink
    October 7, 2014 1:04 pm

    I predict…
    …Skarka will fake his own demise to escape the wrath of those foolish rubes and boobs who kickstarted FAR WEST…

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      October 7, 2014 2:06 pm

      Skarka seems like a guy who goes to bed each night hoping that the Game Fairy will stop by and place a finished manuscript under his pillow.

  83. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 8, 2014 8:42 am

    *Grinds teeth until only bloodied jawbone fragments remain*

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 8, 2014 8:47 am

      Jinx! Owe me a Doing Gay!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:08 am

      23:32 – Jesus Zak leave those Goalposts alone. My Bloomin’ lawn. FUCK.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:20 am

      34:31 – Zak meanders off topic and describes one of his roleplaying sessions to explain his flawed argument while Wick sits patiently and listens and i had to stop the recording to see if i was not in the throes of a seizure or hallucinating.

      Mad props to Wick for sitting it out. Huge lols @ the Zak is crazy smart crowd.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:30 am

      38:32 – Wick tries in vain to appeal to logic. Zak is baffled but steadfast in his determination to not only miss the point, but to deny the point or indeed, any point, ever existed in the first place.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:35 am

      40:40 – Alongside of the argument, Zak decides to reject argumentation as a concept itself and focuses on making batshit analogies and sets course for the Hadex Anomaly, Warp 9.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 8, 2014 9:59 am

        Mad props to Wick for sitting it out. Huge lols @ the Zak is crazy smart crowd.

        I’m not familiar with his work, but between this and the tale of him (I read a review of “Playin Dirty”) making a player sit in on sessions for four friggin’ months while his character was “in jail”, I’d venture to say he’s just as big a social retard as any OSR troglodyte.

        I am skeptical of the anecdote about the guy sitting in the corner for four months, but I think I would have beaten both Wick and his Stockholm Syndrome victim with a shoe if I’d been present. Fuck, just play the damn game and give everybody a chance to act- you’re not writing a goddamn novel.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 9, 2014 6:53 am

        Yeah, that whole sitting out for four months at the table was very Alexis Count the Fucking Hexes on the Map Tao crazy.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 9, 2014 6:54 am

        I just assume Wick was joking (because the alternative is batshitcrazy town), but if that happened to me I would storm out in full table flip mode.

      • Von permalink
        October 10, 2014 12:41 am

        I don’t understand what kind of GM doesn’t put something interesting in the prison and give that character a B plot, maybe with the others getting secondary PCs for prison scenes – or what kind of group doesn’t immediately start moving toward courtroom drama or prison break or SOMETHING.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:53 am

      I’m going to document the rest in one post since i am taking up an unnessecairy amount of space for this drivel.
      41:34 – Hairline fractures now visible across his serene visage, Wick picks up The Actual Point, it’s edges chipped and blunted, its haft dripping with Zak’s foetid excretions, and tries to penetrate Zak’s skull, undeterred by his hair and douchebag tattoos.
      43:10 – I cannot drown out Zak’s incessant whining and can hear it now even when i shut off the recording. I cannot stop now. I must see how it ends.
      45:30 – I take back any optimism i might have had re: Zak’s upcoming product or any future product. Jesus christ this guy is a goddamn moron.
      46:14 – He is still fucking talking. It won’t goddamn stop. I see Lorraine Williams, her shrivelled dugs riven with festering tumors. I see the barred-up offices of Hasbro burning with Mike Mearls still inside. He is laughing. A dungeon map made out of the vivisected corpse of Ernie Gygax. The miniatures are the severed index fingers of the players. Plutonium dice burn their numerals into bloodied, shaking hands.


      • October 8, 2014 11:29 am

        Jesus fuck, these visions are just how I like my coffee or our friend likes his men: night-black, muscular and sloshing with unhealthy alkaloids. All that poetry of war needs an Alan Moore’s World of Darkness kickstarter or a blog or some shit like that. #subscribe

      • justme permalink
        October 8, 2014 12:08 pm

        The sitting it out 4 four months while a character is in jail is total B.S. unless they only played once every 4 months.

        I’d just have the character commit suicide and knock some Mt Dew over on the table before using a popular international hand gesture and walking out.

  84. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 8, 2014 8:46 am

    John Wick and Zak S sit down for A Very Special Conversation

    Wick is a gentleman to give Zak S the time of day. Doesn’t stop him from poking holes in all of Zak’s weak, repetitive arguments though. Take Home Lesson: You can’t be an Internet cuntshit with butthurt in the comments when you are looking someone right in the eye.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:00 am

      Hahaha ditto. Jesus this convo is grating. Godfucking dammit.

      Zak: If you are reading this from the past, you have done it! You have grown so intelligent you have finally invented a time machine. Now go back in time and explain to Wick that a board game has a fixed objective and generally a purpose and things like victory conditions and a limited plethora of possible ‘moves’ and that a roleplaying game is a more open ended simulation of an imaginairy world where your characters might have motives and goals but the game itself does not neccesairily need one, and you can pretty much do whatever your simulated alter ego could do. Also mechanics that support character choises by giving a mechanical benefit to them don’t facilitate roleplaying neccesairily, just different optimal decision-making. Once you have an honor system that rewards making sub-optimal choices in line with a previously selected alignment that simply means a power-gamer has to apply a different formula to select the optimum choice. You can play any roleplaying game ever without roleplaying it. It just stinks.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 8, 2014 9:03 am

      Made it four minutes in- at about the 3:30 mark, Zak pretty much nukes his own online persona from orbit. He notes that they’re not talking about Gaza and that a lot of hyperbole gets flung around. Fuck, he’s the worst offender when it comes to taking the elf game shit seriously.

      Is this a harbinger of a calmer, more rational Zak? Or is he A LIAR!!!

    • October 8, 2014 10:14 am

      God damn it, the conference calls are backing up and the world brings us this gift.

      “Wick is one of those people who think drow are ‘problematic’ and Benoist once told me he felt ok about not fact-checking what he says . . . this means neither of them can ever say anything meaningful ever.” – Zachary Z. Smith, October 3 2014

  85. Sykirobme permalink
    October 8, 2014 10:13 am

    More Zak. Fuck, can’t he go away….

    View at

    • October 8, 2014 1:23 pm

      I assume the “Michael Benoist” credited at the end as editor is the same dude we know and love from rpgshite?

      • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
        October 8, 2014 2:52 pm

        I thought Ben-Wa’s last name was something like Poire or somesuch.

  86. justme permalink
    October 8, 2014 12:16 pm

    Jesus F’n christ, did anyone at Hasbro vet their “Consultants”?

    No mom, d&d doesn’t have anything to do with black magic for reals.

  87. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 8, 2014 5:06 pm

    What exactly are you supposed to accomplish by practicing “magick?” I get that you can supposedly predict the future with Tarot cards and maybe cast a love spell to make someone fall for you, but what else is there really? Astral travel? Aren’t you just having vivid dreams? Now sex magick, that sounds pretty good, but isn’t that just the tantric stuff Sting does where you meditate and breathe funny when you’re doing it? I mean, what exactly is the point of it all? It’s not like you’re zapping baddies with your magic wand like Harry Potter. It just seems like a lot of mental masturbation. I can do that by coming here.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 8, 2014 5:40 pm

      The only thing you’ll accomplish is to freak out asshole knuckle-draggers who believe those Chick tracts.

      Can Hasbro sue Fartkowski’s ass?

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 8, 2014 7:34 pm

      God damnit, Zarkon, haven’t you ever wanted to shoot a fucking magic missile up some fucker’s ass? Throw Web at a bunch of assholes? Silence, $48,000 Radius at a bunch of babbling ideologues?

      These spells have viable application in our “real” world. Shiiiiiyuutttt.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 9, 2014 12:02 am

        I think he’s ready for THE REAL POWER.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 9, 2014 6:57 am

      I forwarded this on to several Right Wing Christian Families Groups with along with a phone number for Hasbro. “Warning: Satanism and Black Magic are Back in the New Dungeons & Dragons!” I also let them know how intimately involved John Tarnowski (says he) was in the creation of this edition of D&D.

      Should be good for a few laughs.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        October 9, 2014 9:05 am

        If you did this for real, you will be my hero. Until someone else does something that cool.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 9, 2014 9:10 am

        To crib a line from William Gibson, that’s like bringing a neutron bomb to a knife fight. Fartkowski won’t know what hit him.


  88. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 8, 2014 7:06 pm

    In the anthropological sense, you have religion vs. superstition (magick). Religion says that you are at the mercy of outside forces beyond your control whereas superstition says that you can control your environment and be the master of your own destiny. But we have science for that now. You don’t need to be wearing robes and worshipping the moon anymore. Unless you’re just trying to convince some dim-witted hot chicks that you are the Grand Exalted Poobah or something and get some free nookie out in the woods. I could see it then I guess. Maybe that’s Vengar’s angle?

    • Von permalink
      October 8, 2014 10:51 pm

      It was LaVey’s for sure, and for all that these Sub-Reformed-Orthodox-Church-of-the-Latter-Day-Second-Coming-of-Cthulhu-Twice-Removed folks like to sneer at the Church of Satan, they’re at the narrow and niche end of the same spectrum.

      I always thought the argument was that you don’t NEED to be wearing robes and worshipping the Moon or the actual Satan, but it might help ’cause all that prancing about has a semiotic effect. Did I miss something?

    • justme permalink
      October 10, 2014 6:54 am

      One man’s religion is a another man’s colection of absurd myths and superstitions.

      I once bumped into a really hot woman at a party of a friend of a friend I knew via gaming who was definetly digging me who screwed the deal when she intruduced herslef as a highpriestess 45 seconds into our talking. “Oh damn, thats a whole pile of crazy I’m not sticking my penis into.” I thought to myself before shaking her off with a scoffing retort. and telling my penis “don’t worry buddy we’ll meet another lady soon I promise” and we did, the lady who would be my 1st wife was there as well..unfortunately .

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 10, 2014 7:05 am

        Shoulda gone for the high priestess! Sometimes, the crazy train is the better option.

      • justme permalink
        October 10, 2014 12:47 pm

        Oh man did i end up riding the crazy train with my 1st wife it just wasn’t the express ride the 1st high priestess would have been. Yeah, the 1st one…

        I’m not sure what my neighbors thought when they saw line of black robed people walking out of my basement and out to the fire circle in the back yard but they were sure happy when they realized my ex was my ex and talked to me a heck of a lot more than they did the first 7 years I lived next door to them.

  89. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 8, 2014 11:52 pm

    You can wear sandals and tie-dye and dance yourself into a frenzied trance at a Phish show. Throw in some magick mushrooms and you’ll probably get the same effect.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 9, 2014 9:12 am



  90. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 9, 2014 9:11 am

    THIS IS THE OSR!!!!!

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 9, 2014 9:13 am

      OK that link is fucked up for some reason.

      Here it is again, but remove the space betweeen the 1 and the 4: 430411066/50-shades-of-vorpal/

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 9, 2014 9:43 am

        Gotta Kickstart “50 Shades of Bloo”. It’ll get bored housewives to dabble in scat fetishism with over the hill fuckups just like the original got them dabbling in BDSM.


    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 9, 2014 9:40 am


    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 9, 2014 3:37 pm

      I just may pay Blooey $1,000 bucks to sign on with Polyhedron Games as the corporate attorney and sue this guy for stealing Blooey’s trade dress and design aesthetic!

      • October 9, 2014 7:18 pm

        I’m not saying we should Kickstart Polyhedron Games, but we’d be fools not to.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 10, 2014 12:10 am

        Rather than Kickstarting Polyhedron Games, we should Kickstart Blooey. The mere existence of Blooey is more entertaining than any of his games could ever be.

        Maybe I’ll Kickstart “Eat Pee Crap Clean Rinse Repeat”- tagline: Grim Existence in Your Senescence.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 10, 2014 12:16 am

        Hey, I can crowd source a “Stool Texture” random table for the EPCCRR:GEiYS, the game.

        Kent, you should probably sit this one out, your tales of colonic issuances would only terrify us.

      • justme permalink
        October 10, 2014 6:55 am

        A stool table would that be a table of twisted turns?

      • October 10, 2014 7:06 am

        If done properly, Polly Eggs™ could be the new potato salad.

      • October 10, 2014 7:29 am

        Shit, that “twisty little passages” bit made me think of Into the Far West. Looks like the last little “one-week push” to polish the layout that was supposedly going to be back from the printer in August 2012 has been going on for 50 days now but DON’T COMPLAIN, CASH BAGS! It’ll be ready when it’s fucking ready.

        If it was me I would shut it down and give back the money. It’s not going to happen. People who actively insist on taking product from him instead of cash can get store credit from Adamant or whatever. Maybe that would help him work off whatever he’s already spent on medical bills, car repair, hardware and who knows what other hard-luck expenses.

        He has a job now. Money might actually be trickling in. Adamant can turn back into a hobby. Let this go and maybe the bowels will unclench. But the first step toward starting over is pulling that fucking plug.

      • Jack permalink
        October 10, 2014 8:56 am

        Excuse me, but you are talking about an INDUSTRY PROFESSIONAL and TRANSMEDIA SPECIALIST! Show a little respect, damn it!

      • October 10, 2014 9:43 am

        Sorry, I guess with my cismedia background I was punching down the privilege curve again. But the math makes no sense. He’s been presumably slaving away on this thing 1,150 days now not counting whatever time he put in before the Kickstarter. A professional who takes a glacial 100-hour week to lay out a two-page spread would have been fired not just days or weeks or months but years ago and the book would be done. Even if they kept the person who takes a week per spread around, that person would be close to done by now. (Since that person was a week away from being done back before Labor Day and is still working every day except Mondays and Fridays on the project, we seem to have hit Zeno’s Fucking Paradox.)

        In the meantime, he’s had close to $50,000 to play with over those 1,150 days. His backers could have put that money in the stock market and literally doubled their investment. Instead, they wanted a book about emulating old Kung Fu episodes, that’s their kink.

        Needless to say, even the most apocalyptically generous unemployment benefits ran out after around 700 days. That’s a big chunk of a human lifetime. Let it go. Pull the plug, all those key strokes are just not adding up. It was a fun hobby but you have a wife, kids, a job now and a life to live.

    • The Queen of Pure Thought Originating in the North permalink
      October 10, 2014 10:47 am

      50 shades of vorpal is pretty funny, did someone here do that?

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 10, 2014 1:20 pm

        Are…are you saying…that it might not be…serious?

        But that artwork is what the OSR beats off too…as well as the spelling and grammar (at least for the fans of Rob “syntax” Conley).

        Is this not up to the lofty standards of “Fight On”?

  91. October 10, 2014 1:59 pm

    So is anyone getting the feeling that Raggi is the Bernie Madoff of the OSR? He’s got kickstarter and indiegogo obligations going back two fucking years, but he’s redoing old adventures and Zak shit instead? Something tells me Raggi blew all the indigogo skrilla on diet pills, and now is playing the RPG equivalent of check-kiting.

    • October 10, 2014 2:32 pm

      The challenge of scaling an apex predator like That Fuck Bernie to anything in the OSR is so damn charming it tickles. Bernie took in about 130,000 times as much money from his patsies as Raggi has managed to scrape off the edgy edge of the OSR. As it happens, Raggi’s winnings seem to come to about $130,000 so the world where he operates (OSRland) is literally the square root of Bernie’s world. It’s not even a fraction. It’s a derivative.

      You gents more OCD than me can and probably should list his outstanding obligations line by line. All I know is the Rients one (HI JEFF) is “waiting on art, it’ll be ready real soon now, mm-hmm” and the Zak picture book probably has his eyeballs flashing cartoon dollar signs because 3,000 copies x 42 euros = a bigger score than all the crowd funding put together. That’s why I can’t wait to see some smart fuck cost it out so we can see if there’s any profit in there after all the metallic inlays and scratch-n-sniff sewn-in models of the girls’ panties, etc. My working model is “no” but the Rascally Raggi is full of fucking surprises.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 11, 2014 5:43 am

        Wow, not sure I remember the outstanding LotFAP stuff, but I think:

        Brood Mother Sky Fortress (2012 campaign – now or never!)
        Towers Two (Brockie – 2012 now or never campaign)
        Hardcover DM book – althouh he gave himself until 2112 as a completion date.
        That bonus adventure from the FreeRPG day campaign, the one with the mutilated girls going to Dinosaur Island or whatever
        Pre-crowdraising abandonments include Death Ferox Doom, a colonial fantasy, but it probably deserved to be vaporware.

        So maybe it is only 4 titles that people have paid for that have yet to materialize. Make Mine Raggi!

      • October 11, 2014 9:08 am

        I think that Rob Conley’s ‘Civil War Sandbox’ is still outstanding.

        ‘Broodmother’ and ‘Towers’ don’t count. It’s just that Raggi went with the ‘never’ option.

        I thought the whole point of the Referee Book crowdfunding was to get into circulation quickly a companion book for Rules & Magic. Sayeth Raggi, “I have thousands of books sitting in a warehouse that need a Ref book before they can go to retail…”

        I’m sure Raggi is making a profit…somehow. (Maybe he invests the funds in CDs and that’s why the products are years late?)

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 11, 2014 1:09 pm

        Damn, you’re right, perdy. How could I forget about Conloid’s wide open English Civil War 16 page sandbox that is a year late? Particularly with Tim “I work with kids” Shorts’ contribution of the serial Jack the Rapist with the cockblade?

      • October 11, 2014 4:16 pm

        You gents have left out the 2013 FUND MY FREE GIVEAWAY campaign, which promised Tower of the Navelgazer, Another Shit Adventure, Isle of the Unknown and Lamentations of the Gingerbread Princess, two of which have appeared in pdf form, but none in print.

      • Robin Sneek permalink
        October 12, 2014 2:47 pm

        Wasn’t Tower of the Navelgazer officially declared unpublishable(along with its incestuous twin Another Shit Adventure)? Raggs has promised two other adventures to fill the bill. And they are both in layout, like 90% of the other shit he promised.

        Damn, what with this shit and Dwimmermount, one gets the impression Layout and Editing are the most formidable hurdles to overcome in the OSR buisness. But i guess actual work would be the racial enemy of the notoriously work-shy and lazy hucksters of the OSR(apologies if you are one of those rare, almost mythical creatures that actually just publishes his shit and gets it delivered to backers on time).

  92. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 11, 2014 12:46 pm

    Well, everyone and their brother has taken to defining what the OSR truly is lately. I don’t want to miss out, and I think we can all agree my definition is definitive.

    OSR: Obese Social Retards

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 11, 2014 1:13 pm

      Agreed. That is definitive and accurate.

      Altough Zakattack is not obese, and since he is one of the new gatekeepers to the OSR, we might need a special O for him. How about Odious? Or wait…Offal?!?!

      • October 11, 2014 1:42 pm

        I think with Obtuse Social Retards, we have an umbrella that will cover all OSR personalities.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 11, 2014 7:44 pm

        Yes, I do like Obtuse better. See how easy that was, blOwSR? No PROOF OR YOU ARE A LIAR!!! necessary.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        October 13, 2014 4:41 pm

        You must provide a proof that they are indeed obtuse and not acute social retards. This is the process that I will accept:

        1) Get or create the statement of the theorem.
        2) State the given.
        3) Get or create a drawing that represents the given.
        4) State what you are going to prove.
        5) Provide the proof itself.

        Otherwise YOU ARE A LIAR!

  93. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 11, 2014 7:46 pm

    Speaking of Obtuse (and Obese) Social Retards, Alexass of Tao hits a new low in sucking all the fun out of playing fantasy tabletop RPGs.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 12, 2014 6:40 am

      Just wait until he releases his economic RPG: Taxes & Tariffs.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 12, 2014 8:02 am

      It’s really quite pathetic. Hours and hours and hours devoted to detailed minutiae that will never come up in normal play that adds absolutely nothing to campaign verisimilitude or player emersion. I can only assume that Alexass isn’t a DM as much as he is a frustrated would-be* fantasy novelist. What makes it worse is how he controls his players’ actions and reactions at the table too as we have previously seen. He should just write his own Choose Your Own Adventure style books for his own amusement and avoid human contact with other players altogether.

      *And here’s your PROOF OR YOU ARE A LIAR: Pete’s Garage is VANITY PRESS, not a real published book, because no legitimate publishing house would ever give him the time of day.

      • October 12, 2014 9:29 am

        “It is my role to oversee the dungeon of the player’s soul.”

        — Alexis Smolensk

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 12, 2014 11:26 am

        Scoff all you want, h8r, but the most riveting chapter of “Pete’s Garage” was the sixteen page summary of the aging rocker’s itemized tax deductions.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 12, 2014 11:32 am

        “It is my role to oversee the dungeon of the player’s soul.”

        Greasy fatbeard there a-squatting in your headspace
        Who watches over you.
        Put a little Lexi in your soul

        Not to put too fine a point on it,
        Watch the big kook cooking an omelette.
        Put a little Lexi in your soul.

        Apologies to John and John.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 12, 2014 11:50 am

        Fist, that was an awesome TMBG parody!

      • October 12, 2014 12:21 pm

        I have a secret to tell
        From my blogging hell
        It’s a simple message but
        I’m leaving in the whistles and bells
        So the Internet must listen to me
        Filibuster vigilantly
        My name is Alexis
        One note, spelled T-A-O
        My post is infinite
        Or just seems like it
        It doesn’t rest

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 12, 2014 5:11 pm

        “Hurry! The red dragon is attacking the city walls!!!”
        “But there’s cereal on the coast of Rombune!”

      • October 22, 2014 9:27 am

        And yet, surprisingly, Pete’s Garage made a profit. It sold copies, it received positive reviews and people bought later books based upon their enjoyment of the novel.

        It’s almost as if, like any person entering a business, I created a product that people were willing to spend money upon. The same way that every product is produced. Yes, there certainly would have been a benefit to having a Publisher House put their money behind the distribution and advertisement of the product, just as it is always nice to have a large corporation use their muscle to promote something. Unfortunately, the commenter is quite right, I could not interest a publishing house. They had some rule about my needing an agent before they’d read the text, while every agent I contacted had a rule about my book needing to be published by a publisher before they would accept my money.

        So, I published the book myself. Like tens of thousands of others have done. Like millions of small businessmen daring to create a product before daring to sell it.

        I somehow cannot feel any shame in having produced a profit successfully by this means – nor in the profit I successfully produced with How to Play a Character & Other Essays, nor the profit I successfully produced with How to Run: An Advanced Guide to Managing Role-playing Games. I suppose I shall go on with my almost certain success with my next book, since I have quite a few readers now who describe themselves as very happy with my work.

        Ah well. So it goes. It really is unfair that someone like me, who is prepared to write a great deal about what he believes, simply fails to fail.

      • October 22, 2014 8:51 pm

        “while every agent I contacted had a rule about my book needing to be published by a publisher before they would accept my money”

        This is the equivalent of, “It’s not you, it’s me” when head-faking out of a relationship. A convenient lie that reduces the likelihood of conflict and closes the door quickly on further communication. But I think you know that, you can’t be that stupid.

    • justme permalink
      October 12, 2014 4:05 pm

      I realy like the talent and foresight it took to fill the start of the video with a brown screen for 1 minute and 14 seconds, true video production genius at work.

      • JaleBoy76 permalink
        October 13, 2014 8:56 am

        It fucking took this dude 20 minutes to put some fucking text labels on a map. That’s it! That’s what this video is about. And he says he will do it as succinctly as possible. Bull-fucking-shit! Does no one fucking edit? Does no one fucking plan? Even educational videos – theoretically this video falls into this category – require a damned script! Surely Windows has an equivalent to iMovie by now, right? You film according to your written script and then you edit that shit. If he had to type out all that rambling ahead of time, I bet he’d trim that shit down.

      • October 13, 2014 9:11 am

        If he had to type out all that rambling ahead of time, I bet he’d trim that shit down.

        No, he wouldn’t. If anything, he would expand his dissertation.

        Welcome to the joy of Alexis.

      • October 13, 2014 10:27 am

        That is as succinct as possible… for him.

    • October 22, 2014 9:17 am

      Say what you will – I had more than 20 people specifically request that I put together exactly this sort of video. In fact, some BEGGED me.

      We have to please the crowds people, we have to please the crowds.

  94. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 12, 2014 8:05 am

    FYI: Raggi has accepted my proposal for a Free RPG Day 2015 adventure! Indiegogo details coming soon! (with flexible funding of course!)

    Working Title: No Cunty for Gay Men

  95. October 13, 2014 9:37 am

    This is precious. These fuck-ups claim someone offered to give them over a million dollars to build an RPG museum. Their alleged response? “No thanks, we can get more from a kickstarter!”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 13, 2014 9:58 am

      Is that Bjork talking?

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 13, 2014 10:25 am

      Kent “I’m a mathematician, moron!” crunched the numbers for them.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 13, 2014 10:34 am

        Just how much does Bjork charge for voiceovers anyway?

        They couldn’t make $8,000 the first time so they pulled the plug and decided to restart for $40,000. Were they really surprised when they didn’t make that either and had to pull the plug again?

        You’re a (fantasy) Heartbreaker,
        Pledge Taker,
        Museum Faker,
        Don’t you pull the plug on me!
        Don’t you pull the plug – NO NO NO!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 13, 2014 7:56 pm

      The Turdshack Strikes Back!

      blOwSR dramas are the most vicious and bitter form of dramas, because the stakes are so low.

  96. October 13, 2014 10:52 am

    Hey, can any of you clowns on JMal’s Google+ channel goad him into venting his spleen about the new Vatican policy toward gaylords in the church and divorcers getting Communion? I’m jonesing for a hit of the good stuff…

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 13, 2014 11:03 am

      Attention Ex-Catholic gays: Don’t fall for it! Those kiddie diddlers are SETTING YOU UP to take their blame!

  97. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 13, 2014 11:45 am

    Cocksucker Blues…

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 13, 2014 12:24 pm

      I love Faggi’s Sad Trombone face!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 13, 2014 12:25 pm

        Dammit that Nelson pic background was supposed to be BLACK, NOT BLUE!!!!

    • justme permalink
      October 13, 2014 12:58 pm

      “I have worked damn hard to make sure that “LotFP” means something distinct from “D&D””… Oh, I call horseshit on that. He had an original LOTFP game he wrote before his D&D edited version that was uninspiring and boring so he had to ape D&D to have something other people would want. A huge chunk of the adventure he’s holding was lifted from the pages of White Dwarf magazine he’s not trying all that hard to be “distinct from D&D”.

      • Von permalink
        October 14, 2014 1:44 am

        And it does mean something distinct from D&D, at least to anyone who’s actually heard of it. Whether or not anyone cares is another matter.

    • JaleBoy76 permalink
      October 13, 2014 2:01 pm

      Let’s see. 1st gen computer nerds, acid folk musicians, gamer road apples: what other groups mistakenly think its a handsome look to let their shit grow out all wild and not groom it? Rastafari? Bikers? Schizophrenic homeless, for sure.

      When hot looking chicks want to show off their cute dog or whatever on Instagram or wherever, they will often include themselves prominently in the photo. I find that incredibly annoying, but this? Dude, just take a pic of the book. Don’t people have shame any more?

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 13, 2014 2:56 pm

        Raggi? Shame?

        Don’t forget, this is the fat fuck who posted nude pictures of himself online.

        The world would be a better place if he DID have shame, or at least a minor modicum of self-awareness.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 13, 2014 7:12 pm

        If you are trying to get me to Google “James Raggi IV Nude”, it ain’t gonna happen. I mean, I will go pretty far down the rabbit hole, but there are limits.

  98. Gaydar permalink
    October 13, 2014 3:05 pm

    1. Is ydis a homosexual?

    2. Has ydis met Zak S. in person and have they become friends?

    • October 13, 2014 3:34 pm

      Hi Kent!

    • Gaydar permalink
      October 13, 2014 3:44 pm

      I think ydis is one of the “internet psychopaths” Zak claims to have met in person in his interview (and fallen in love with.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 13, 2014 7:10 pm

      ~terminal ass cancer

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 13, 2014 7:38 pm

      1. Who cares nancy pants? When is your next non-lost episodes podcast coming out?
      2. I detect a hint of envy, YDIS could obviously be best psychopath budds with the Zakmeister. You have failed in this also. Romance of the Three Kingdoms podcast or GTFO.

      (Reading the Illiad right now. Don’t care you are persona non grata to the world of civilised man at the moment, delicious Duvel makes us all equal. Your interaction with your fellow man could use improvement and your trolling often falls flat for being either too esoteric or too blasé for the average YDIS-ite to make much sense of. Recommend you either go over our heads or under our skirts but to stop teasing us with hints of your supposed sophistication and then dissapointing us at each iteration. Your taste in fantasy literature stands above judgement however. Have a good un’ Kent. Merry Irish-something day.)

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 13, 2014 7:40 pm

        That should probably be ‘Is without peer’ but that is not correct either. Stands above reproach? Fuck it. I am calling it in.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        October 13, 2014 8:15 pm

        Although I have not read the Illiad, I have watched the 3+ hour long director’s cut of the movie version with Brad Pitt as Achilles. So I’m fancier and more cultured than all you putzs’s who only saw the more plebian regular version. Also I’ve seen Scorpion King 1 AND 2.

      • October 14, 2014 2:08 am

        I’ve come to the conclusion that all of those pretty books are just for show. I don’t think he really reads them. There are a couple of “tells”… Read his “how to read literature” post- he prattles on about how to sit comfortably while reading an ornamental edition of a particular work. Fuck that, get a beat up paperback version and make sure to read portions aloud so you can hear the cadence. The epics were meant to be recited, the plays performed.

        In a comment here, el Kunto wrote some dumb shit about struggling with the “beautiful language”. That’s a big tell- if the language is beautiful, it’s not a struggle to read it. By age 12, I had Mark Antony’s funeral speech and the opening to Romeo and Juliet memorized (English teacher was big into oratory). Take your beat up Penguin Classics paperback into the pissoir or dome other room with reverb and read aloud, declaim the hell out of it. It’s ugly language you struggle through- the Vogon poetry and posts by Lexi and Kent. The beautiful stuff is a breeze as long as you have an annotated edition and you approach the material in the right fashion.

        These things were written as popular entertainment for audiences with literacy rates far below those of modern societies. Kent only thinks they are difficult to read because he’s so stunted.

        As Morrissey, who’s more of a man than Kent’ll ever be, would put it: if the day came when he felt a natural emotion, I’d get such a shock, I’d probably jump in the ocean.

      • justme permalink
        October 14, 2014 6:05 am

        Read the Illiad, the Oddey, Beowulf , LOTR, and Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn at about the somewher. In 5th to 7th grade. I liked Beowulf and Twain more. I get a kick of folks being pretentious about reading The Illiad and other such works, as others have pointed oujpt the are very accessible thats why folks are still reading them.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 14, 2014 12:49 pm

        Hey man, i never claimed Kent actually read anything he promotes. I just said what he promotes seems to be pretty sweet. It’s a pity he is too much of a cocksucking fag to actually make a podcast about it…

    • Gaydar permalink
      October 14, 2014 7:04 am

      It looks very like you guys are trying to impress me !

      Im afraid it is unlikely anyone from ydis would be distinguished enough to feel at home in my fantasy forum of learned men and true. In this age of twitter it is hard to find men and women both humble and profound.

      So, ydis, have you met Zak in person and did you kiss him on the lips?

  99. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 14, 2014 6:42 am

    OK, Turdkar is making it a habit of the whole “emporer’s new clothes” thing. First, there was the criticism of cloning an existing game (HA HA!) and now he is criticising a kickstatrer because of…the art!

    Kind of putrid art, yes, but it is above blOwSR quality – just look at the header to Turdkar’s own page. Jesus.

    • October 14, 2014 7:44 am

      Yeah, what the hell is going on in that illustration? Is the bald guy butt-banging the dwarf? What sort of tavern is it anyway?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 14, 2014 7:56 am

        I know, right? I thought the Turdshack was one of those gay bears sites when I first saw that header illo.

      • October 14, 2014 8:11 am

        Damn… you have a picture of a stunted, belligerent redhead fighting an elf while getting cornholed by a drunk. Rearrange the letters- you got it: AR, KENT’S TAVERN.

        Kent and Tenkar are the same person, good cop and bad cop rolled up in the same package. The evidence was right before us all this time. The conspiracy goes right to the top of the OSR.

        Next case: James Raggi is a puppet operated by James Mal and three midgets.

        I’m going to have to Kickstart this investigation and hire Bloo Detective.

        Eat pee crap seek solve rinse repeat

      • October 14, 2014 10:06 am

        “This is the Alehouse, and we behave like people in a tavern. There’s sawdust on the floor and a one-eyed hobbit in a cage hanging up by the entrance, and the bouncer’s a troll. Whenever Kellri posts anything you have to imagine him kicked back on a leather-padded armchair with a fat cigar in his mouth, a foamy pint of Bridgelington’s Bowel Basher in one hand and a viet call girl on the other.”

        Have the bowels stopped foaming, Clarice? Sometimes the fat cigar isn’t a cigar, the viet call “girl” is actually a red-headed dwarf and the “one-eyed hobbit” is cast in dishwasher-safe latex. I hope it’s actually sawdust though.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 14, 2014 7:46 am


  100. October 14, 2014 7:21 am

    It just occurred to me…What are the first opponents faced by the party in Blooey’s PbP game?


    Blooey’s relationship with the dog-trainer ends and now the dogs of his psyche run wild.

    • justme permalink
      October 14, 2014 7:27 am

      Well at least it wsasn’t frigd red snappers, or maybe that’s the final encounter that has to be searched for over several embarrassing sessions only to find out it stinks in the end.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 14, 2014 7:54 am

      I wonder what encounter the party will face next? I’m hoping it will be inspired by the bloodyson and Doing Gay.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 14, 2014 8:24 am


  101. BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
    October 14, 2014 10:57 am

    Are YOU an Alpha Male? Or just a runty little Omega?

    I wonder what the Wench thinks.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 14, 2014 11:59 am

      Ha, ha! So the NKVDPundit just puts his tobacco-flavored lipstick over Robin Laws’ ideas, and parades them as his own, the same way he tapes some Indian mythology and trannies to D&D and says it is a) not a clone and b) better than Tekumel.

      John Tarnowski is a fucking joke. And he wrote that a year ago, according to the date. So I guess he is just recycling old turds to drive commentary at the ‘shite now. I am not sure this is any better than “What monters do you miss in 5E, and why” or “help me with a sandbox” or “These two guys kinda disagree with eachother – let’s discusss!” That whole place sucks saggy-ass balls.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 14, 2014 1:30 pm

        What moron still reads his inane tripe that passes for content? I guess i still do. Shit.

        Also, saving the pundit-advertises-his-own catalog-drinking-game for a rainy day(electrolyte powder to be bought by the gallons to stave of a coma before the ambulance arrives).

        Drink 1 For:
        A) Post about Swine destroying the hobby/assaulting the hobby/killing babies.
        B) Whorish advertisement of own wares.
        C) Whorish advertisement for own wares in alleged review about different product(counts double).
        D) Delusional claims with no evidence to back them up.
        E) Contempt bordering on Genocidal Hatred for mindset that is not libertarian agnostic(add ridiculous superstitions to colour). Bonus points for idiotic psychoanalysis of this mindset. Extra points if he laughs at the deaths of Norwegian children that do not share his ideology.
        F) Calling someone out on a flimsy pretense to stir up drama and maintain interest in increasingly aenemic posting and gradual descent into Tao-esque insanity.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 14, 2014 2:29 pm

        Good god(dess), Prince, those had better be beer shots. If hard liqour, no one would remain concious by the end of one of his posts.*

        *Remaining awake while reading the Punkdick is already a difficult proposition, but with the added difficulty of 23 shots of vodka, it would be a herculean task. Or maybe then, it all starts to make sense.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 14, 2014 4:24 pm

        I agree that as anything but an unusually drawn-out and needlessly agonizing way of suicide it does need some work.

        I myself have no trouble remaining awake as i read through Pundit’s thought-pellets. Whereas Zak’s posts have an almost soporofic, dream-like quality to their inaneness and the prospect of actually reading Tao’s screeds inflict upon the aspiring reader an almost lovecraftian sense of hopelessness and cosmic insignificance, Pundit’s every utterance is like the gentle caress of the Butcher’s Nails, sending spasms of rage and a desire to spill blood for its own sake dancing through my skull.

        I have no opinion on the Rpgsite. I guess if you believe in the very concept of an rpg forum being a good idea it is a superior alternative to Dragonsfoot or The few courageous, rational menfolk occasionally berating the Tarnowskit as he unearth by foul necromancy yet another haggard and worn-out screed to dance grotesquely in front of the dwindling faithful in blasphemous parody of actual content fill one with the glimmer of hope.

      • October 14, 2014 4:35 pm

        Speaking of foul necromancy…

        G) The “Satanic Majesty” rule: Chug whenever Tarnowski alludes to his extensive real world experience as a practitioner of the dark arts.

      • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
        October 15, 2014 5:23 am

        No way is the ‘shite better than Dragonsfoot. Make fun of those DF guys all you want, at least a good portion of them game and talk about actually gaming or at least share things that can be used in gaming, whereas the ‘shite’s most active topics lately have been making fun of RPGnet (shooting fish in a barrel), talking about games by people you hate, the John Wick/Zak tard slapfight, defining the OSR and alpha males in gaming groups.

        The ‘shite looks more and more like a new version of RPGnet every day.

        Bonus fun: ask Sacrosanct how his sister’s doing.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 15, 2014 7:50 am

        I will take your expert opinion on it. Now that you mention it i do not recall reading an actual game topic on the Rpgshite in a very long time. Perhaps you are right and Rpgshite is merely’s mirror-universe doppelganger.

      • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
        October 15, 2014 11:29 am

        Fuuuuccckkk…all that schooling and scrabbling for honors and getting a good job and getting promoted and it’s the ‘shite on which I’m considered an expert?

        I feel like I’ve wasted more of my life than Zak or even Kent.

    • justme permalink
      October 14, 2014 12:17 pm

      Im an alpha. At work seminars when we have to group up into teams to complete a task i usualy take charge, some punk asks”why are you in charge” almost always an omega.
      I assure them we all need thEir input and make sure someone beta manages the noisy omega so they dont screwup the stupid tas we have to do.
      Of course as a im a real alpha I dont have to say al. That at rpgpuds playground.

      • Crank Denser permalink
        October 14, 2014 12:42 pm

        Sure you’re an alpha…alpha retard…amirite?!?!?!?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 14, 2014 2:22 pm

        Kent is a bottom.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 14, 2014 2:59 pm

        Kent is a Master Beta.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 14, 2014 3:07 pm

        I don’t buy into the “Alpha” or “Beta” thing- it’s a pop evo-psych term not applicable to human societies, something I tend to see mainly from self-described MRA/PUA types. Most hierarchies have sliding scales, with one’s status changeable from one moment to another, and we move through so many hierarchies in the course of our lives, rendering such gradations meaningless.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        October 14, 2014 4:33 pm

        I’m a 12th level paladin.

  102. Gaydar permalink
    October 14, 2014 4:13 pm

    Why am I so intriguing?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 14, 2014 5:18 pm

      Because you are different, Kunt.

      Oh wait, no you’re not. Gaming is rife with weirdos who think they are way smarter and wittier than they actually are. The thing that keeps you from being one of the dime-a-dozens is that you clearly have serious mental issues (putting you well withing the brackets of the Bloodymages and Saunattatus(sp) and other special needs pathetic creepo’s of the blOwSR) beyond the ego.

  103. Gaydar permalink
    October 14, 2014 5:29 pm

    I am a beautiful person, so I am told. Write a poem about me.

    • October 14, 2014 5:42 pm

      *stands aside as floodgates open*

      • October 14, 2014 6:18 pm

        I call this ‘Dungeon Master on Fire in a Coma’

        I cried last night
        I died a thousand deaths
        Thinking of our sweet romance
        How I cried and died a thousand times
        Save or Die
        At your hands
        I cried some more cause saving throws won’t save our passion
        I counted the hexes and thought they’d lead straight into your heart
        But rather it was like sticking my hand in a Sphere of Annhilation
        No save, only die
        I thought it was the Frosty Death of our Doom
        But it was only the Lichway who you’d assumed (correctly) most people had forgotten
        Crap Pee Rinse and Repeat
        Second Verse same as the First

      • Gaydar permalink
        October 14, 2014 6:35 pm

        Very good poesy.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 14, 2014 6:49 pm

        Here I sit upon the bog,
        About to give birth to another shitty gamer blog.

      • October 20, 2014 10:56 am

        Golden Eye of Vecna award for best use of “Sphere of Annihilation” in a dramatic setting.


    • October 14, 2014 7:03 pm

      There once was a queen named Kent
      Whose presence all did resent
      No matter location
      He did masturbation
      And exuded a powerful scent

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 14, 2014 10:08 pm

        There once was a gobshite named Kunt,
        Who’d suck on a cock for a punt.
        He drank so much semen
        From various he-men
        The fucker’s no longer a runt.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 15, 2014 7:55 am

        There once was a leper named Kent,
        And people rejoiced as he went,
        To a land far away,
        so he could do gay,
        Till’ rivers of semen were spent.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 15, 2014 8:17 am

        There once was a maid named kent,
        Nay, not from Heaven, but Hell-sent,
        She spammed forum and blog,
        Baying like a dog,
        Always convinced she was a perfect gent.

  104. Gaydar permalink
    October 14, 2014 6:12 pm

    I am the best fantasy gamer in the known world even though I hate gaming and gamers:

    How does that make you feel?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 14, 2014 7:42 pm

      Like your games suck gorilla spunk.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 14, 2014 10:14 pm

      Just what the hobby needs, Kentcosa.

      • justme permalink
        October 15, 2014 5:45 am

        Kentcosa will have 100o evocative hexes of carefuly crafted fantasy adventure full of esoteric allusion and enlightenment, and it will be deleted 45 minutes after being posted.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 15, 2014 7:07 am

      Jesus, kent. You have adapted Zak’s method of redoing monster manual pages for your own reimagined campaign. Totally shitty-ass “artwork”.

      At long last, sir, have you no shame???

    • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
      October 15, 2014 5:51 pm

      A seashell on top of a wallpaper pattern and shitty photoshop filters! You can publish an OSR book! Get in touch with Conley, stat. Maybe he can write the text.

  105. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 14, 2014 6:47 pm

    Bed check time. Anybody seen Bloo Bot?

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 15, 2014 7:09 am

      I am a little worried. Surely we have not run out of his net-published words of despairing wisdom?

  106. Gaydar permalink
    October 14, 2014 7:02 pm

    YDIS is just like google+, it is all hugs kisses and +1s.

    Is this good for any community? Think.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 15, 2014 5:23 am

      Don’t forget ~vibes

  107. BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
    October 15, 2014 5:25 am

    I continue to be amazed by people who are proud to be associated with Tarnowski:

    • justme permalink
      October 15, 2014 5:41 am

      Whats an SA goon?

      • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
        October 15, 2014 5:58 am

        From SomethingAwful.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        October 16, 2014 5:38 pm

        I am disappoint.

    • i don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
      October 15, 2014 6:52 am

      you know what is more awesomer than porn and womyns? metal. – daddy warpig, emotional teenager.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 15, 2014 7:03 am

      Wow, Daddy Whorepig deserves to be one of those worms slavering at Tarnowski’s shriveled testes. I guess getting “doxxed” is some badge of honor for the unblown?

      Watching the facists at rpgshite and rpgnet/sjw go at it is kinda like the Hitler-Stalin thing – despite an apparent difference in ideologies, they are the same fucking thing in reality and it would be great for planet Earth if they destroyed each other.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 15, 2014 8:04 am

        No argument there, but i think it’s in their best interest to keep the conflict ongoing, since that is the only thing that generates interest in what they are and what they do. Like many fascist ideologies, both are ultimately intelectually bankrupt, and the teeming masses would gradually lose interest and stop buying product if they ever ran out of enemies. It’s fucking marketing, which comes as no surpise when you consider the Pundit is a profoundly cynical creature, invested with low cunning, eager to squeeze every penny out of the outrage he generates.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        October 16, 2014 5:46 pm

        Fascism may be intellectually bankrupt, but compared to modern Progressivism it’s a beacon of light shining in the blackest abyss.


      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 17, 2014 9:48 am


    • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
      October 16, 2014 11:48 am

      “This has nothing to do with Pundit or things that interest him.


      Aww, OHT, I think Tarnowski is VERY interested in his balls bouncing off Daddy Warpig’s chin.

  108. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 15, 2014 9:01 am

    OK, hate to keep directing traffic to the shite but Bat is one of my internet heroes. The past couple of days or a week he has been calmly eviscerating Zak with facts and logic, while Zak just flails away with the name calling and avoidance of actual issues. This is the latest page of this shitty thread, there are some confrontations earlier, but I am hoping it heats up and Zak’s balls kick in and he actually has to thoughtfully respond for once in his wretched life:

    Bat’s latest is toward the bottom, after Zak’s latest.

    That dude Bat has had a decent blog for years now. He came here once or twice and I think he was disapointed that we didn’t call him a fag or his blog gay, but in truth he has been one of the best of old school gamer-bloggers.

    (Not going to call him OSR out of respect, as he takes rightful offence at the term while Conley tries to shove it down his throat – that is earlier in this thread, or one like it on the shite [where so many threads are the fucking same].)

    • Crank Denser permalink
      October 15, 2014 9:20 am

      Poor, sweet Bat…can’t argue with a herpes-infested wall..

    • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
      October 15, 2014 11:30 am

      Now Zak has to respond with “Show proof I banned your friend and deleted his post or you are a LIAR.”

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 16, 2014 7:37 am

      At page 1. Liking snarky reactions to Pundit’s brain-damaged autistic ranting so far(so that’s a point for rpgsite). Eager to see when Zak enters the fray. Staying tuned!

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 16, 2014 7:43 am

        Whoops:( much of the outrage was generated because he made a mean joke about molestation and the gentile snowflakes’ fragile constitution could not stand such an uncouth statement on the internet. Someone earns a chuckle by claiming Pundit is ‘significant’.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:11 am

        Look now upon Zak, his ceremonial armour inlaid with gold and embedded precious stones from the vaults of a thousand worshippers, Peacock feathers dotting his helmet, he enters the battlefield in his ceremonial carriage, sculpted nymphs frolicking across his greaves and chestplate.
        Bat enters the fray with subtlety and grace, his armour well-worn but expertly maintained.
        Zak enters into the habitual pseudo-intellectual display of martial prowess, and Bat stabs him in the face halfway through. For a moment the glamour drawn across his eyes fades and he can see the past clearly. The Battle against Wick was a disgrace. Battered and mewling, Zak tried to stir Wick’s mercy with a diverting ballad. And lo, Wick lowered his axe in disgust and spoke thusly: ‘Very well Zak, we shall withhold this argument and discuss your random garbage, for my axe is blunted from cleaving your flesh and my armour rusts with the deluge of blood that spills from your many wounds.’
        And thus they parted as friends, and Zak said unto himself, ‘I cannot have lost. We must have parted as friends because I beat him so much. Ah, but memory is the great deceiver. Luckily I have a glamour that will clear this falsity from mine thoughts! It is so useful, it is strange i cannot remeber ever having used it before.’
        But before the glamour brought merciful oblivion to god-like Zak, he spoke thusly. ‘My hands are broken, my courage spent. I have no skill in wielding this blade called Logic. It is soft as clay in my hands. Ah, but what is this oh muse. Doth my eye detect another blade?’
        And his eagle eye was not mistaken. For in the dust, forgotten and discarded from battles long ago, there laid the twin swords of Stonewalling and Red Herring. ‘What is this?,’ cried Zak, casting Logic aside and picking up the two weapons, ancient but razor sharp as the day they were forged.
        ‘They feel light and well balanced to mine hands. It is as though I have always wielded these.’ As the glamour carved its way through Zak’s mind, joining with the tapestry of glamours already in place, his sharp ears detected a faint purring emanating from the two swords.
        ‘You have. You have merely forgotten us Zak. And you will forget us again, and return to us again. For ever, and ever and ever.’
        And thus the cycle began anew.

      • JaleBoy76 permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:58 am

        > Ah, but memory is the great deceiver. Luckily I have a glamour that will clear this falsity from mine thoughts! It is so useful, it is strange i cannot remeber ever having used it before.

        Gob’s Forget-Me-Now pills from Arrested Development! HA, HA, HA! It all makes so much more sense now with that guy (won’t mention his name).

      • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
        October 16, 2014 10:55 am

        Prince, that was a thing of beauty.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 16, 2014 11:06 am

        Prince of Nothing, thou art truly Prince of Something.

        This had me cracking up so hard my mom came down to the basement and pulled the plug on the TRS-80. Just as well, the hamster gets a break from powering the internet with his wheel.

  109. Gaydar permalink
    October 15, 2014 10:46 am

    I am giving up drinking* at home because:

    a. Anything Scott can do I can do also
    v. When I am drunk I laugh out loud at my own jokes and wake everyone up
    b. Why should I entertain for free just ‘cos Im drunk so I am
    d. I am a deep thinker not an entertainer of a bunch of cunts like you
    g. No one tells me what to do
    u. I can drink if I want


    The Scott definition of *not drinking* allows for the consumption of beer.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 15, 2014 11:45 am

      This was actually kind of funny, Kunt. Finally all your years here has allowed some wit to rub off on you.

      • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
        October 15, 2014 3:22 pm

        FUCK no it wasn’t funny. Don’t encourage him.

  110. Gaydar permalink
    October 15, 2014 11:03 am

    The funniest episode involving the rpg punnet I have seen was when Raggi told him on google+ while they were debating the usual rubbish with sycophants and pals that he would never publish anything the punnet wrote. It was funny because he said it matter of fact without emotion and I think it wounded the fruit punnet. *chuckle*

  111. Gaydar permalink
    October 15, 2014 2:09 pm

    Why do *all* americans say “Hularious” rather than “Hilarious”? It’s kinda gay.

    • BaronGreenback_Nalfeshnee permalink
      October 15, 2014 3:21 pm

      I say HIGH-larry-us, you Irish faggot.

  112. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 15, 2014 4:24 pm

    Can’t we all just get along?
    Won’t somebody please think of the children?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 15, 2014 6:50 pm

      Geoffrey Carblowsa is always thinking of the children.

  113. Gaydar permalink
    October 15, 2014 4:27 pm

    Im glad Im not a small little man like Zak S.

    He looks silly.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 15, 2014 6:52 pm

      Oh Zak. Don’t you know one man’s neckbeard is another man’s scabby disease-ridden skank.

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 16, 2014 6:29 am

      Anybody else think that Jennell totally took a strap-on to Zak’s submissive, fanboy anus?

  114. Gaydar permalink
    October 15, 2014 5:11 pm

    Who would win in a fight – Tom Thumb, Thumbelina or Zak S.?

  115. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 15, 2014 6:52 pm

    Why the sudden Zak hate, Kuntington? A few short months ago it seemed that you were happily eating the corn out of his shit. Calling him smart and good lookin’ and all. Did you get into it with him in one of his echo chambers?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 15, 2014 7:29 pm

      There really isn’t a lot of good material out there for a Kunt Bot.

    • BIgby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 15, 2014 9:29 pm

      Hell hath no fury like a self-hating poof scorned.

  116. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 15, 2014 8:40 pm

    There once was a kent from Tipperaree
    On his blog he look’d a fairie
    With a Charisma penalty
    Not from senility
    But from loads of male dairy

  117. bloodymage permalink
    October 15, 2014 9:56 pm


  118. BAG of MORONS permalink
    October 15, 2014 10:42 pm

    BIgby’s Lubed Fist
    Captain Kirks Dick Blood

    • BIgby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 16, 2014 12:37 am

      Fuck, Kent, that’s not a haiku. We’ll add poetry to the things you fail at, along with multiplication (heh, mathematician, indeed!), podcasting, adventure design, interpersonal relationships, and the like.


  119. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 16, 2014 7:03 am

    There once was a faggot named Kent
    Who learned to do gay in his Boy Scout tent
    He proclaimed himself genius
    While sucking on penis
    With both of his wrists limp and bent!

  120. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 16, 2014 7:23 am

    Eat pee crap rinse and repeat
    But there’s no need for cleaning your meat
    ‘Cos Kent’s only happy
    While sucking it crappy
    In fact it’s his favorite treat.

  121. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 16, 2014 7:41 am

    Who’s the thick mick prick who likes to suck a lot of dick?
    Damn right.

    He’s the internet troll who blows dudes at the glory hole.
    Can you dig it?

    He’d rather be sucking cocks
    Than fucking girls who wear pink socks.
    Right on.

    They say this Kent is a kooky bugger.
    Shut your mouth!
    But I’m talking Kent.
    We can dig it.

    When he’s not down on his knees,
    He writes dumb shit ’bout RPGs.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 16, 2014 8:08 am

      So many other verses could be written…

      Who is the man,
      Who all the gaming forums ban?

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 16, 2014 9:12 am

        Can you buy something?
        So I can keep the lights on.
        I’m talkin’ ’bout KISS System!

  122. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 16, 2014 9:21 am

    There was a faggot named Kent with a blog
    Who called YDIS a faggot, a moron,a trog,
    While taking a dump
    After getting an ass hump
    Kent’s rectum prolapsed into the bog.

  123. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 16, 2014 9:34 am

    Kentbaya, my lord, kentbaya.

    Someone’s gaying, lord, kentbaya.

  124. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 16, 2014 11:45 am

    Now thas’ what I’m talkin’ bout! Can’t compete with some of those so not gonna.

  125. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 16, 2014 3:02 pm

    So the originator of the cleric/thief class writes:

    “I expect that BHP will continue to be focused upon finishing up the Delving Deeper Boxed Set (our part) and the Appendix N Adventures projects over the coming months.”

    God damn – remember back in May when ydis called him out for the “everything is ready to ship except for everything” update? He is still in the exact same spot, making the exact same updates.

    What a maroon.

  126. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 16, 2014 6:18 pm

    Blooey update… somebody needs to program an open source OS for utter retards- Bloobuntu.

    • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
      October 16, 2014 7:16 pm

      My PC bursts into flames if I spend more than 30 seconds at one of his sites so imagine what it must be like for HIS poor computer.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:14 pm

        I’d never seen a computer bleed out its ass until I visited blooeygames for the first time.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 16, 2014 7:49 pm

      Jesus Christ, somebody go in that thread and tell Blooey to stop listening to those fucking unblown retarded morons about how to fix his computer!!! The first answer is never ever “reinstall the operating system/install a different operating system”. Fucktards.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:04 pm

        I wonder how much money he’s pissed away dicking around with a compromised, older laptop. Fuck, he can find a cheap notebook for just over two hundred bucks and the wireless companies are giving away tablets.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:10 pm

        Blooey would somehow find a way to fuck that up too.

      • justme permalink
        October 17, 2014 1:01 pm

        He should stop downloading pirated porn, no one told him to do that did they?

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 16, 2014 8:02 pm

      I would appreciate remote assistance on this beast. I need remote cleaning by a discerning eye.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:11 pm

        Just cleaning, or eat crap pee rinse too? Repeat?

  127. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 16, 2014 7:46 pm

    If the OSR were a Scarecrow, this is how it would look.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 16, 2014 7:56 pm

      Thank you, Tenkar’s Turdshack for today’s meme.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 16, 2014 8:02 pm

      If only the OSR had a brain!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 16, 2014 8:09 pm

        I could wile away the hours
        Counting hexes, building dice towers
        Consulting weather tables to check for rain.

        If I write 800 pages about the poleaxe
        I could be another Gygax
        If I only had a brain!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 16, 2014 9:20 pm


    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 16, 2014 8:19 pm

      Now I’m picturing Zak S as the Cowardly Lion…
      Put ’em up! Put ’em up! OR YOU’RE A LIAR!

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 17, 2014 12:34 pm

      Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!
      From Polyhedron Games LLC
      Watermarked PDF: $19.99
      Description: A small tome of 20 common and not-so-common monsters, each illustrated and including representative lairs. In addition the habits, diets and life and mating patterns of each are described.
      Author(s): Steve “bloodymage” Willett
      Artist(s): Tom Fayen, C. Wesely Cough, Daniel J. Dickerson, Ann Dickerson, Howard Kinyon
      Rule System(s): Any system / system-agnostic
      Pages: 43
      Copy/paste disabled

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 17, 2014 12:54 pm

        You gotta check out the preview of this one- it features such gems as (I’m not making this up) “most male ogres are shooting blanks”. It’s a lot of crappy TMI 2E style fluff about common monsters that have been defined in the canon since the 70s.

        If it were $5, I’d download it out of morbid curiosity.

      • October 17, 2014 2:01 pm

        “…the appendix will outline steps for the creation of your own tome.”

        This is where the value is. It’s the product that keeps on giving. This sort of empowering information is priceless.

  128. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 16, 2014 9:19 pm

    I did it, I finally did it… I bought product from Blooey, his “Train in a Cup” game. Fuck.

    I just want to tell everyone,

    I hate you,
    I hate Bloo,
    And I hate myself too.

    I’ll have to try out the damn game… I’ll have a review up eventually, but this is the time of year I’m up to my ass in alligators at work.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 16, 2014 9:32 pm

      Okay, it actually doesn’t suck… roll six six-siders. To win you need two “boxcars” (four sixes), a five for the locomotive, and a four for the caboose, which he calls a crummy– oh, Blooey.

      Every turn consists of three throws, with the player keeping any favorable rolls.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        October 16, 2014 10:58 pm

        Did you get a custom numbered edition? You probably bought the first one.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 17, 2014 12:32 am

        I paid Blooey three hundred dollars to get on his “preferred customer” list.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 17, 2014 5:53 am

        Well, it was a long time coming. This stuff just isn’t easy anymore. Please, don’t take advatage of this unless you can truly provide a playtest experience. I’d still like to get some playtest feedback on the basic rules. C’mon you guys. Someone, please, at least read the damned thing! You guys please help the mage out!

  129. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 17, 2014 12:00 pm

    I guess Train in a Cup would be fun to watch a couple of majorly retarded 11 year olds play. I think it would be a lot more fun, and cheaper, to give them a bowl of noodles to share.

    So how much for the Post-It note sized rules for this game? A triple sawbuck or so? I’m curious enough to want to know what that Day at the Races game is like.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 17, 2014 12:36 pm

      A Day at the Races is a fast paced card game simulating the thrill of the track and the excitement of betting. Two card decks, poker chips a few pennies and a few friends are all that’s need to enjoy this rousing card game.

      The “Gamaster’s Adventure Template” is doing well. Plenty have also dowloaded my free products. However, I’d like to point you to my other products. All have been reworked since the reviews were written to accomadate those critcisms. Both “A Day at the Races” and “Train in a Cup” are inexpensive little games good for an evening’s entertainment. KISS™ was panned when I offered it as a free playtest download. It’s been redone and should be given another chance. “The Quirtoin Affair” is my first module set in the land of Ert utilizing KISS™ mechanics, but it can be set in any world and played with any rules systems.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 17, 2014 12:49 pm

      It was under a buck, maybe 75 cents. It’s a 2 page PDF. I also downloaded his “10 Commandments of Game Mastery”, strictly boilerplate stuff, but free.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 17, 2014 9:00 pm

        Sorry, hafta quit the giveaways.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 17, 2014 12:57 pm

      I guess Train in a Cup would be fun to watch a couple of majorly retarded 11 year olds play. I think it would be a lot more fun, and cheaper, to give them a bowl of noodles to share.

      2 Trains, 1 Cup

  130. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 17, 2014 3:59 pm

    How about “A Zak, a Mandy, and a cup Satine took a Taco Bell dump in?”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 18, 2014 8:16 am

      A Dice Game for Two Players
      Official Rules: Fill a cup with (no, not that) 6d6. Each player takes turns rolling the dice. You may remove and keep any number 2s you roll on your turn before passing the dice cup to the other player. The object is to collect four “2s” before the other player does. First player to collect four “2s” wins.
      Who goes first? Each player rolls 1d6. Lowest roll goes first (reroll any ties).
      Optional Regurgitated Vomit Rule: If you roll the same number on all your dice on your turn, you may steal one number 2 die from the other player and add it to your own, or convert one of your dice to a 2 and keep it if the other player has no number 2s.

      TWO GIRLS, ONE CUP is a fast paced dice game simulating the thrill of watching the Two Girls, One Cup fetish porn video and good for an evening’s entertainment. Sorry, but I kinda hafta quit the giveaways, so each of you owe me $21.63 for this little gem.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 18, 2014 8:19 am

        I could use some playtesting on the optional Reguritated Vomit rule. It has some holes/logic flaws. C’mon you guys. Someone, please, at least read the damned thing!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 18, 2014 4:28 pm

        Optional Regurgitated Vomit Rule (Revised): If you roll the same number on all your dice on your turn and that number is not a 2, you may steal one number 2 die from the other player and add it to your own, or convert one of your dice to a 2 and keep it if the other player has no number 2s.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 18, 2014 4:31 pm

        Ties: If both players each end up with three number 2s, each player puts one number 2 back in the cup and play picks up from the turn where it left off until somebody rolls a number 2 to win the game.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 18, 2014 4:35 pm

        In high level talks now with Chessex to have some of these made, except the shit logo replaces the number 2.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 19, 2014 9:05 am

        Jesus Cleveland-Steaming Christ, that’s hilarious. I would totally do The Gay with this game.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 19, 2014 6:08 pm

        My game is very gay friendly and reinforces positive stereotypes of the lesbian culture that is into sharing and eating their feces from a cup!

  131. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 18, 2014 7:21 pm

    The Two Girls game so far simulates it’s intended subject matter (two girls shitting in a cup and sharing it like a fudge Sundae) way better than Blooey’s game does (a mutherfuckin’ train). I feel like this could be a big hit on college campuses as a drinking game. It comes with images of our favorite gals on the cup that is included, a pile of poo image on the dice, the infamous still image of the girls at play (with “censored” strip covering the action for American Markets) on the box of the game set, etc. Copyright that shit, stat! (Pun not intended).

  132. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 18, 2014 7:26 pm

    Oh God, did not see that before I posted. A fucking die with a steaming turd on it. I’m getting a dozen just to leave on people’s desks at work as obscure messages (somebody hates me here? Did I step in something yesterday and didn’t know it? Does somebody smell my crack from that sticky, hard to clean crap I had to take here earlier today?).

  133. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 18, 2014 7:41 pm

    Blooey teases the world today with the possibility of doing up his own product for clerical spell casting! This is more exciting than hearing about whatever the fuck is up with that guy and his upcoming Star Wars movie.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 19, 2014 8:36 am

      Blooey! Ideally, this will be no more than 14 pages and cost no less than $19.37.

  134. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 19, 2014 8:42 am

    OH NOES!!! !Grim Jim McRapey Pants Desborough is missing and extremely suicidal! I’d go out and look, but football starts in an hour and a half.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 19, 2014 8:49 am

      Ah, the shockmaster showman is just trying to get a “They are Bullying the #GameGate Supporters!” thing going. False alarm.

    • The Misfits Mephisto permalink
      October 19, 2014 5:54 pm

      If it’s a question of Desborough vs. Ettin, though… “no matter who wins, we lose.”

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 19, 2014 6:01 pm

        I know right? Christ I hate them both equally.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 20, 2014 7:44 am

        Grimmy Jim: Honourable death by strangulation(use your bowstring).
        Ettin: Buried up to his neck under the sun. Bonus points for including honey and fire ants/schorpions somewhere.

        Ettin deserves more hatred for frequently causing Zak and Pundit to post about SJWs. I’m okay with shitty roleplaying games.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 20, 2014 9:02 am

        That just gives us more to point and laugh at. Ettin and Grim Jim – two different flavors of the same fucking thing.

  135. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 19, 2014 9:11 am

    James Desborough seems to have had a meltdown, and there is some worry he may harm himself.

    I’d be more concerns about him harming another person. Speaking about harming others, where’s Kent? Any reports of girls in pink socks being accosted?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 19, 2014 6:05 pm

      Kent is at the gay bar wearing nothing but pink socks and a Blooeymage thong.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 20, 2014 9:59 am

        It could be so much worse- he could be at the gay bar wearing nothing more than pink socks and Blooeymage.

  136. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 19, 2014 6:04 pm

    And the Oscar goes to…
    James Desborough for his performance in the role of Victim of Anti-GamerGate Bullying!

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 20, 2014 7:41 am

      It would be awesome if Desburgough became the public face of Gamergate. Everyone would respect them then!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 20, 2014 10:09 am

        I prefer to dream big- it would be even more awesome when the day came that Anita Sarkissian were sipping Moët out of a goblet fashioned out of Grim Jim’s skull.

        “Crush your enemies, see them scattered before you, and hear the lamentation of the fatbeards.”

  137. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 20, 2014 7:39 am

    Yo, Anton LaGay is seeking submissions for his company!

    This is our chance to seize control of the blOwSR and become its new gatekeepers! Once we take over Blochhead’s company and acquire majority interest in Blooey’s company, we’ll drive Raggi’s fat lamenting ass before us and instal kent as Queen of the NewandinmprovedOSR!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 20, 2014 10:12 am

      Heh, Bloch and Blooey, LLC…

      Don’t any of these dunderheads realize that anyone can self-publish their suck dungeon? Do they really think they add any “brand value” to a release?

  138. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 20, 2014 11:28 pm

    Well, I’ll go ahead and say it: I liked Grimmy’s Slayer’s Guides to Female Gamers and Rules Lawyers. And Macho Women with Guns looked like it might be good for a laugh but it was too expensive for my crap-I-sure-as-hell-don’t-really-need budget.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 21, 2014 4:15 am

      *Points finger, emits body snatcher shriek*

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 21, 2014 7:45 am

      Unblown! Unblown!

  139. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 21, 2014 1:12 pm

    My faggy game pick of the week.

    I suggest playing this from a domestic violence angle. Have Kim smacking the shit out of Marshall.

    #DoingGay #Womyn #WhatAboutTheMens

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 21, 2014 3:51 pm

      If it were about Doing Gay, wouldn’t it be Tim and Marshall? Also, how the fuck long ago was Eminem’s (too bad I’m not typing this on my phone, spellcheck would probably have suggested “enema”) last single released? Is he still even active?

  140. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 22, 2014 5:53 am

    It’s mirror Tao week, so i will entertain/torture you fine gentlemen with a post that is not only of managable size, but also goes completely against the obsessive detail and nigh religious fervour Lexi usually puts into his posts. Waning moon phase gentlemen. Waning moon phase.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 22, 2014 8:40 am

      I (*shudder*) actually find myself agreeing with Alexis here.


      #doinggay #takeyourmeds

    • October 22, 2014 9:14 am

      Scary, ain’t it?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 22, 2014 10:33 am

        Keep posting content like this, and I will subscribe to your newsletter.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 23, 2014 6:12 am

        Same here. That was actually a decent post. Pardon me if I missed the account of your conversion experience, but when did you go from “count the hexes” to the dog is as fast as the car? Or does incredibly arcane nitpicking about movement rates and suchlike not fall into the “it doesn’t make the game better” category?

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 22, 2014 9:23 am

      If Lexi could manage to Reason like this on a consistent basis, his blog would be decent.

      Based on his past inferiority complex and dishonesty, I find it unlikely that he has really changed his spots, but hell, I’ll give him another chance. Until he flips out again, I’ll drop the “Alex Queda” moniker (which he richly deserved at the time and since – but maybe no more).

      • The Misfits Mephisto permalink
        October 22, 2014 12:16 pm

        Yeah, I noticed that he didn’t use 9/11 this year as a chance to post the Anti-American screed that he did last year.

        Guess I really missed my chance anyway. I found out after the fact that I was visiting Toronto the same weekend he was working the FanExpo there.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 22, 2014 10:55 am

      I think what Lexis needs to make his blog actually good is to archive the handful of posts that are actually good(chosen by his most vehement critics, those of noble profiles and humongous intellects and svelte gamemaster abs, but enough about us) under a header(i suggest the title ‘not shit’). He is free to do with the rest as he pleases.

      But yeah, good on you Lexi.

  141. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 22, 2014 1:23 pm

    Lexi, I’d really like to know what your pal Clovis “I’m a doctor, kinda like House MD saving lives and shit, and not a grade school math teacher like I was a couple years ago” Cithog has to say on this matter.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 22, 2014 3:49 pm

      CLIThog, lol!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 22, 2014 7:53 pm

        The Clithogs? Weren’t they the Lady Sweathogs on Welcome Back Kotter?

  142. Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
    October 22, 2014 5:12 pm

    We know all there is to know about pole-arms because Gary said so.

  143. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 22, 2014 6:34 pm

    Rounding off the day with a pathologically whiny and stupid analysis by Zakina of a subject dear to my withered and ice-bound heart. Warhammer and its futuristic sibling. Specifically, why are there not enough chicks in the old version? This is a serious consideration blah blah should hire more diverse artists because we can’t not have gender equality in a futuristic totalitarian/lovecraftian nightmare dystopia where our subconscious dreams take hideous form and prey on our very souls blah blah Slaaneshy demons only about fucking because i will gleefully ignore context and information if its not in favour of my ridiculous cause blah blah. Why not do a post about how there aren’t enough diverse black people in 40k too(hint: Salamanders)? Fuck it, why not complain that the Illiad is sexist?

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 23, 2014 6:48 am

      Yeah, the lack of female representation in a Warhammer product in 1988 is totally why there were so few women pushing lead minis around gamestore or basement tables. In fact, the absence of chicks in that single publication can be blamed for the dearth of female wargamers in the three decades before its publication, as well.

      In all that rhetorical crap not once did he plant goalposts, he kept them in his hand to swat the first woman to post her opinion.


    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 23, 2014 7:58 am

      Why we shouldn’t have female space marines and Zak S is a dumbass.
      By GenitorofNothing.

      Emperor: GenetorofNothing. The Unification Wars have almost been won. Mars is with us. The Gene-labs on Luna are ours. How fares the Space Marine Project?
      GenitorofNothing: All goes well my Emperor. The work on the primarch project, based of your own genetic code, has enabled us to devise a procedure so marines can be mass produced, soon you will have an army to conquer the galaxy itself.
      E: Excellent. Oh, there is just one more thing. I have decided to put Zak S in charge of the project while I take a nine decade long vacation. He has my full confidence.
      Zak: Uh, hey.
      GenitorofNothing: I…see. Very well. I should point out the work is extremely comple-
      E: I am leaving now!
      G: Uh…very well. Are you well versed in the mysteries of the double helix?
      Z: I did porn. *nonchalant shrug*
      G: …Omnissiah preserve us.

      Z: So I was thinking like, there aren’t enough space marine babes. And there should totally be babes. I mean I know we just barely survived a dark age that lasted 5 millenia and humanity has been reduced to warring tech-tribes on the brink of extermination to whom equality is about as high on the priority list as making sure everyone has colour-coded underwear, but come on man! Equality braw. How can you expect us to start a genocidal campaign of extermination and reconquest if we don’t respect eachother.
      G: Well, I looked it over, and with about a century of experimentation and research, delaying the crusade and increasing the risk of a renewed civil uprising, I think I could get you one of two things. An extremely shitty all female legion, or a female legion that is about on par with the average space marine legion, its just that its about a thousandth of its size.
      Z: Like whatever. Mandy plays Slaanesh. Why can’t you do as I say? Troll.
      G: Well, you know how only a fraction of humanity is a suitable candidate for the implantation process and how female bodies and brains react differently to some hormonal stimuli and neurotransmitters then males?
      Z: Does it look like I ever know what I am talking about?
      G: You make a compelling argument. The point is, we would pretty much have to redo the entire procedure from scratch, not to mention do a shitload of genetic tinkering with barely understood miracle science from a forgotten golden age, since primarchs and to a lesser extent space marines are based of of the DNA of the Emperor himself, who is a dude, and some of that genetic material necessary for certain augmentations could be carried on the Y-chromosome or could be altered by very minor differences in hormonal balance, anatomy or neural architecture. The implantation procedure requires extensive pre-selection already, and we still have a high rejection rate. How well do you think that rejection rate would proceed if we used subjects with a different anatomy, hormonal balance and brain chemistry, all of which is important for the implantation process to succeed.
      Z: Yeah but why can’t we have any chicks? Social justice demands we have pointless equality in every place, even if it makes no sense!
      G: Sigh. Let’s put it another way. You know how one of the greatest assets of a space marine is its superhuman strength, endurance and aggression? They are shock troops. They are most dangerous when they can put those assets to use, which is why melee combat makes sense if you are a space marine and your opponents are mere humans. You don’t want to sit behind a wall and trade fire all day, you want to break their lines and shatter them.
      Z: Haha, no. Though I might have actually read one of those books, I make it a point of honour to fundamentally miss the point and give my own bizarre twists to anything I read.
      G: I cauterized part of my thalamus so I would not be forced to act out on the murderous impulses that are flooding my neo-cortex with incandescent hate.
      Z: I did porn.
      G: So basically, I am saying that the average male has about 80% more upper body strength then the average female. I don’t know figures for the other shit like endurance or reflexes, I only know that in sports, the closest thing we have to approximate the sort of intense, brutal, up-close warfare we designed space marines for, males are almost invariably better then females(especially in, say, martial arts). Now, since strength is normally distributed across the population and we only recruit the best, say, upper 1%, the number of suitable female candidates would be pitifully low. If those others factors(endurance, coordination etc.) are independent of strength, they would make those suitable candidate figures even lower. And that’s not even counting psychological factors. Females just make shitty candidates for shock troops likely to be involved in melee combat.
      Z: Yeah, but like, GW is sexist.
      G: So we are just going to ignore things like context, the all female Null Sisters, the all female Sisters of Battle(noted as the best troops the imperium can field, short of space marines, which makes sense as they are trained from birth, church funds the best equipment etc.), a plethora of female inquisitors, planetary governors and more. GW is sexist unless we have female super soldiers, even if it makes no sense?
      Z: Pretty much.
      G:…Death to the false emperor.

      • JaleBoy76 permalink
        October 23, 2014 11:48 am

        To be fair to Zak S, I learned more background from your post than hours of overhearing cleft palate lispers reciting canonical WH40K lore.

      • Zarkon Zoth-Ommog permalink
        October 23, 2014 4:59 pm

        That is still no reason not to be more trans-inclusive. What if I want to play an All Lady-Boy Legion?

      • Von permalink
        October 23, 2014 11:24 pm

        Quite a few of those obstacles exist entirely within the fictional facts of canonical 40K, which means /some/ of the reasons we can’t have female Space Marines boil down to ‘we made up our imaginary future history/science so that girls can’t be Space Marines and we’re too precious to chance our imaginary future/history science when someone points out how much that sounds like “ewwww, GIRLS”‘. You might want a side order of ‘oh, and we made the Sisters a jank army with a dearth of decent options, so… yeah, there are girls, but good luck with wanting to actually play ’em’. At least it opened up the route for Raging Heroes to make a decent living selling female space soldiers in convenient two-of-these-make-one-40K-squad boxes.

        Also, nice try on bringing up the Salamanders, but the token ghetto Chapter – “all nignogs through the bright green doors, now!” – isn’t exactly much of an improvement. You’d have been better off bringing up the Imperial Guard, and even then there was more than a hint of “and THESE ones are the towelheads!” going on. That said, lazy monolithic culture/society/faction design is hardly the preserve of 40K – it’s par for the course in probably four out of five lazily designed game worlds.

        As for Zak, Blogger isn’t letting me near his post (trying to spare me?), but… isn’t he doing that whole 40K-for-anarchists use-whatever’s-lying-around-and-make-up-stats-for-it thing anyway? I wouldn’t have thought it mattered two shits to him what the Golden Throne of Lenton thought or didn’t think about it’s background.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 24, 2014 7:25 am

        I think you’ve sort of missed my point. Of course if you wanted to find fault with the Salamanders you totally could(and the White Scars, and you could point out most Word Bearers came from a desert planet and had brown skin, and…). I’m just saying you are stupid if you do that.

        (Insert Foaming Mouthed Angry Rant over the ramifications of increasing the role of the Sisters of battle and the myriad implications that has on Vandire’s Reign of Blood and the Thorian Reformation).

        Way i see it, anyone that likes the setting but “changes” it because some elements are “problematic” is probably better off destroying his campaign at session zero.
        You will also note that i put about a million times as much thought into my angry rant then most of these Social Justice dipshits put into their universe changing modifications. Because Social justice warriors don’t care about versimilitude, consistency or basic logic as long as something isn’t problematic to them anymore.

        Anyway, this change is going to do one of two things.
        A) Suddenly make a setting acceptable to play for your stupid and emotionally insecure players that would not have played otherwise. In which case you shouldn’t play with them in the first place, since anyone who gets upset over such trivial details is not worth playing rpgs with.
        B) Setting still unacceptable and needs even more bullshit changes to attract fickle players. Why would you play with a bunch of whiney cunts like that? There are literally thousands of different game systems out there. Just pick another one everyone likes.

        Setting wise, it can get a little stereotypical at times, but that was mostly the older shit. The Calyxis sector as described in Dark Heresy or the Scarus sector from the Eisenhorn novels seems a fairly diverse and rich place, i’d be hard pressed to find the same diversity in something like a star wars or a star trek novel/game.

      • Von permalink
        October 24, 2014 2:17 pm

        Well now. I’m not coming at this from the perspective that says the Salamanders Chapter are problematic and that that makes 40K the worst thing ever, because I’m not a foolish cunt; I’m coming at this from the perspective that says claiming the Salamanders Chapter somehow count as positive racial representation is the sort of claim made by a foolish cunt.

        My whole beef with 40K’s gender politics is more to do with my better half (#notmyshield) feeling like there’s piss-all in the setting for her to take her inspiration from without sort of saying “well, my character is… like this male character… but a girl”, and apparently that’s not enough. Not being a woman, I wouldn’t like to go around pronouncing on what is enough. It’s less “this is problematic” and more “this is dumb”.

        Agreed that Dark Heresy presents a pretty interesting sandbox for Call of Cthulhu IN SPAAACE. Black Crusade’s one is pretty good too if you’re not into making up your own space fascist society.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 24, 2014 3:39 pm

        Completely agree with you that Salamanders and Atillan roughriders or whatever aren’t postive racial representation(which is why i hinted at its use, its like shooting fish in a barrel).

        As for your ladyfriend the missus, i’m completely in the dark what kind of role model or character is generally considered to be inspiring by the enigmatic female gamer(and the female Role-playing gamer is fucking mythical where i live), but, for what its worth there’s a bunch of reasonably well written female characters in the Dan Abnett Eisenhorn/Ravenor novels, Shira Calpurnia, the james swallow Sisters of Battle novels are kind of a drag but mebbe plus a boatload of female Inquisitors/Acolytes in DH. Just as long as you don’t turn it into Mary Poppins with more Skulls or Space Dragonlance where everyone plays Exodite princesses on Dragons fighting their warped chaos cousins or some other gay shit.

        Dark Heresy would be like Call of Cthulhu in Space if there were other teams of investigators that were also trying to murder you while you investigated cults. And there’s no chicks/black people anywhere(so pretty much exactly like Call of Cthulhu as intended by its spiritual liege).

        Black Crusade is bitchin’ and is going on my to play list when my players have finished my DH campaign. About 40 sessions in and 1 exterminatus so far. And i have never bothered to think about whether i was being sufficiently ‘inclusive’ because everyone seemed to be having too much fun.

      • October 24, 2014 4:30 pm

        “Black Crusade is bitchin”

        I know I’m deliberately reading that wrong but you fine gentlemen just got me excited to buy a mess of 40k guys, break out the melanin flesh tone paints and fight some funky django. In space!

      • Von permalink
        October 25, 2014 12:02 am

        Shira Calpurnia’s the example I’d go with as default. It helps that they’re written by one of the Black Library authors who can actually write, has written something other than glorified fanfiction, and didn’t get the job because they were on the Games Workshop staff at some point. Not a huge amount of overlap in that Venn diagram.

      • October 25, 2014 7:28 am

        You fuckers are really cruising for a coupla month-long bans. Civil and informed discussion based on firsthand knowledge of the topic? Not on my watch, cocksuckers.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        October 25, 2014 10:15 am

        “Problematic” – that’s a nice sounding word SJW fags use when they just know something is a sin against Political Correctness, but don’t have enough big words to explain WHY.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        October 25, 2014 10:22 am

        After typing the above, I actually read Zak’s post, and I quote-

        “With Chaos, all the pieces of the Warhammer cult the Internet knows and loves and loathes slide neatly into place. Such sins as Warhammer commits trace back to this garden.”

        Warhammer fucking rocks and Zak is the Überfag.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 25, 2014 8:55 pm

        I’m in contact with a costume company to bring Polly Dragon to life, my fiance is working on a recipe for “Polly Eggs” to be handed out in the registration bags and they’ll be available in the Comfort Suite.

      • Von permalink
        October 26, 2014 1:17 am

        Oh, have I gone off-message again, Mein Host? Allow me to vigorously teabag Bloobot out of the world, in lieu of an apology.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 26, 2014 7:18 am

        Gettin’ fat and not likin’ it a bit,but I’m too damned distracted to be able to do anything about it!

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 26, 2014 6:33 pm

        Er…i mean Von your mind has obviously been addled by all that gay you have been doing. The Salamanders are the most inspiring example for black people to live up too since Pac and Biggie. Crap eat pee rinse. That is everything i want to write and there is absolutely nothing else below this sentence that i write that ydis would like to read as he is a handsome, succesful man and he has a next post to prepare for.

        [Pssst. Von. Is he gone? I think I threw him off. Anyway, Jowett is cool but Abnett, Watson and Bowden are king and if the missus don’t be likin the Dan there’s still the hundreds of sources that inspired warhammer to draw some inspiration from. Plenty of room for cool shit all in all. Shit he is coming back. Gotta go.]

        Hahaha FAG!

      • Von permalink
        October 27, 2014 2:43 am

        Christ on a sybian, man, if you had that cock any deeper you’d be spitting YDIS’ cum for a week. I know you colonial vermin lack the dignity of our upstanding British education (hot crumpets ‘twixt the bumcheeks every morning from first to fifth form, ample preparation for bottoming on the rugger field and the luxurious shafts of the Upper Sixth), but you might at least show some natural talent.

        [Right, now that that’s done; yes, when dealing with the Workshop and all its deeds it’s generally best to do what the chaps themselves did and read around – bring your own favourites to the table, glue forty thousand skulls onto them, and go from there. I find Abnett very hit and miss, especially when he’s asked to write about SPEZ MAUREENS, and I thought Mitchell’s regular send-ups of Abnett in the Cain novels were pretty accurate. People keep telling me about Bowden and I keep not doing anything about it, although he seems like a decent chap and, crucially, not a former White Dwarf skivvy or games devver who’s been parachuted sideways into the novel-writing. That sort of thing seldom works out for the best, cough cough Nick Kyme. Who is, in all probability, a faggot, and certainly can’t string a sentence. Together, except by accident.]

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 27, 2014 6:26 am

        Haha, shows what you know, I am in fact from Holland and far away from the poverty-stricken sump-mires of the Colonies or the decaying crypto-apartheid of the United Kingdoms. Perhaps your geographical proximity to Kent is more then mere happenstance hmn? I suggest you switch your auto-sodomization sessions from a strenuous hourly to a more managable bi-daily and see if your psychological/telepathic insight improves.

        [Is it working? Sweet. No one reads bracketed text anymore do they? Abnett wrote like one SPEES MUHRINE book that was his worst and a few Horus Heresy SPEES Muhrine novels that are among the best in the series. He rocks since he isn’t afraid to bring a little creativity to the novels and it’s not just space marines beat up Orcs part 915 all over again. That and he also writes other books and comics, which i think is like an acid test for a good writer. Mitchell is good if you want some levity. You owe Bowden a read.
        Nick Kyme is horrible and i do not know why he is allowed to write at all. He can’t even get a decent action scene going, which i think would have been covered in Writing For Black Library 101 Listen up All You Homos. (Haha, i see what you did with that sentence joke). Gav Thorpe worked on design but gets a pass in my book, since a lot of his stuff is well done. Graham Mcneill can’t write for shit but somehow manages to produce a few great novels amidst the deluge of predictable shitty ones, and he obviously loves his references to classic literature, which is fun. All in all, for genre fiction quality wise, BL could do a lot worse.]

      • Von permalink
        October 28, 2014 1:59 am

        Oh, you’re Dutch? Stoned off your tits and raddled with syphilis from all those cheap hoors, then. Mea culpa. As for taking it in the arse from bog-trotting pseudo-Europeans, guess again; I’ve never wanted to see what goes on behind the Guinness works and I never will. The less said about Kent’s Blackbush the better.

        [I agree that Abnett’s worst is still better than the best of a lot of their staff, for sure, I just don’t really feel that enthused by The Special Snowflake Regiment and they’ve had him crank out far too many books with them in. Plus he wrote the script for ‘Ultramarines’, which is one of the laziest, sloppiest pieces of dingo shit I’ve ever seen committed to celluloid. He DID produce that excellent Lovecraft-in-space thing – ‘Pestilence’, I think it was called – and his Inquisitor stuff’s a good time, so all right, I’ll let him off.

        As for McNeill… it’s strange, he’s a boring sod, but ‘Storm of Iron’ is surprisingly good. I think it’s because he’s drawn to siege warfare (boring, but becomes interesting with more Chaos and infighting) and Ultramarines (boring, and irredeemably boring, that’s all there is to it).

        Best in show for me, so far: Ian Watson and Jack ‘Who’s Kim Newman?’ Yeovil from the original crop, Andy Chambers and Ant Reynolds from the design studio transferee brigade, Matt Farrer and Robey Jenkins from the new crowd.

        There’s nobody as outright fucking awful as R. A. Salvatore there, which is a mercy, although I’m now imagining a hypothetical offspring of Abnett’s ultra-unique one-in-a-million characterisation and King’s blatantly-writing-up-RPG-session-reports style and… oh, dear, I think my balls just shrivelled and died out of sheer spite.]

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 28, 2014 7:28 am

        Outfoxed again madam. I’ll have you know legalized prostitution allows a very diverse price/quality range in its hoors, along with mandatory regular health checkups so as to actually decrease the odds of getting the syphilis. I always figured ‘Blackbush’ was Kent-slang for cum.

        [I think Abnett was sort of coerced into writing a shitty script, since they had a limited budget and time span to work with but yeah that stuff was rancid. Pestilence kicks ass, and Band of Brothers Grim Dark Edition has such great characterization, variation and very commendably kills off its characters to create a sort of Everyone Can Die vibe that i really dig. And the Blood Pact is great. Eisenhorn/Ravenor remains king however.

        Mcneill’s Storm of Iron is the best Space Marines Battles novel that isn’t in that series and it is a masterpiece of tension, infighting, counter-gambits and grimdarkness. As for the rest, it’s weird. He lacks subtlety and his writing style is drab and uninspiring and most of his books have a sort of samey vibe but he does seem to understand how to craft a story to the extent that his books are about more then ‘Space Marines fight X’ and his later work has improved markedly(Thousand Sons, Angel Exterminatus, the Last Church). Also Uriel Ventris could have blown up himself and five of his buddies in the first UM book and he would have taken down a 65 million year old alien god-thing that literally feeds on stars but instead he threatened it and blew up its ship and then allowed it to leave to plague galaxy once more. I guess that tells one enough about the UM series.

        Andy Chambers i only know from his short stories ‘Ancient History’, which was amazing, and Deus Ex Mechanicus, which was great but had a shitty ending. I might give him a try based on the strength of the first one. Reynold’s did honour to the Word Bearers and proves you can write a compelling story about absolutely irredeemable monsters and still make it compelling. Farrer is great(but not as great as Demski-Bowden) and escapes the trap of bolter-porn almost entirely(He gets a single minus for Snares & Delusions, a wretched short story). Don’t know Jenkins, but i know Rob Sanders is kind of amazing.

        I must shamefully admit i read and somewhat enjoyed Salvatore’s Highwayman series after purchasing it for 8 euros. Drizz’t is the worst however. I myself eagerly await a mash-up of C.S Goto and Karen Travis, a weapon so horrible it will be used to end franchises with but a single novel.]

      • October 28, 2014 9:26 am

        Like, how many of these books have you chaps read? I go to Barnes & Noble and the New Sci-Fi & Fantasy section is six 5’x7′ shelf sections long and it’s gotta be 40-50% Warhammer novels. There seem to be an insane number of these things, such that I also see multiple titles from a dozen other IPs that seemingly have no business spawning novels: Gears of War, Killzone, Assassin’s Creed, Elder Scrolls…

        I had a few of the first GW books from way back in the day, mostly the short story compilations, and they were mostly enjoyable. In the past couple years I’ve found two of the recent 40K novels on the $0.50 rack at the library and could not get past 20 pages for either of them. One was about some planet and a Chaos fleet was on the way, and another was about some company of dudes (maybe Imperial Guard?) on a transport on their way to a battle or something. Terrible. I don’t know if I lost interest in the whole Warhammer thing, or if I picked a couple losers, but I feel like I tried.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 28, 2014 9:51 am

        America is #1, faggots!

        [Prince, your English is so much better than mine, I am shamed.

        But are you guys really going all Siskel and Ebert on Warhammer novels? Jesu!

        Without getting all fanboyish, is there ONE or TWO that you would recomend, to see if I would be interested before going down the rabbit hole? Sorry, all your knowledgeable discourse left me confused on where i might start as an entry point.]

        That is enough cocksucking!

        [Well, almost enough.]

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 28, 2014 10:17 am

        You forgot Dragon Age, World of Warcraft, Mass Effect, EVE, Halo etc. etc.

        I think you read Cadian Blood and …Fifteen Hours(to be honest dudes on their way to a battle describes 58% of Warhammer Novel Openings)? I remember enjoying those when i was younger, but back then i read a lot of garbage.

        Honestly, i read way too fucking many to have even a modicum of objectivity(40-50 or something, not including Horus Heresy(the only ones ive bought in the last 3-4 years, but not without a few disgusted sighs)), but i will fully admit that many of them, especially the recent ones, are complete fucking garbage only concerned with things shooting other things. Some are alright if you really like the setting but horrible if you just want to read a good book, because they depend overly on in universe knowledge. My last weasily disclaimer is that i pretty much only read HH books now, and those are generally better (progression, characters, more originality and room for author creativity), so my perception of certain authors might not accurately reflect their whole body of work.

        Having said that, i feel Dan Abnett, especially his Inquisition stuff(most of it out of print now because GW is probably waiting for the demand to rise so they can bring out a gold plated deluxe omnibus or something) is still solid entertainment that can be consumed by a non-fatbeard/rabid fanboy audience. Anything that is part of a multiple-author ‘series’ (space marines battles/imperial guard(excepting ‘dead men walking’) is generally used to break in their authors(that’s my pet theory at least) and most of it is garbage, even the ones by decent authors(its generally their first work, or they have to make them until they get their own series).

        If you feel like giving it another try, i recommend:
        A) Stuff that is not about a company of imperial guard/spees marinez kicking the shit out of something else, thus eliminating 80% from the list. Novels about the Inquisition(Abnett/Sanders) tend to allow for more flexibility, author creativity and characterisation. Since BL is notoriously stingy with allowing their writethings creative flexibility, most of those non-bolter porn novels tend to be written by people that know their shit as well.
        B) If you absolutely must read something about things shooting other things, pick something by Abnett/Bowden/Sandy Mitchell.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 28, 2014 10:49 am

        (to be honest dudes on their way to a battle describes 58% of Warhammer Novel Openings)

        You meet in a tavern…

      • Von permalink
        October 29, 2014 1:42 am

        @YDIS – like Prince said, the majority of the 40K novels are dreary, uninspired bolter porn, although if the short story collection you had was ‘Into the Maelstrom’ that was mostly quite good, and so was ‘The Laughter of Dark Gods’ (the WFB one). I find it much harder to identify or recommend halfway decent WFB novels since… well… there aren’t many.

        Jack ‘Kim Who?’ Yeovil is good in exactly the sort of gonzo “here’s everything I’ve read mashed into the Warhammer world” kind of way that Kent professes to hate.

        Dan Abnett did one that was halfway decent – Hammers of Ulric, I think – but good luck finding that anywhere.

        Bill King is tolerable in a formulaic, writing-about-his-WFRP-game kind of way until four books in. It feels like he wanted to kill Gotrek at the end of his third novel and was instead ordered to continue milking the orange-mohawked cash cow until his brains caved in. In a similar vein, David Felling is all right if you’ve worn out all your Conan anthologies and urgently need more meandering violence in your life.

        Engage Steven Savile with caution; he’s no worse than King, but he seems to have trouble focusing his attention on the canon characters. He’d have been happier writing a shitty White Wolf tie-in novel than a shitty Warhammer tie-in novel, I think.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 28, 2014 10:23 am


      [1 or 2 for recommendation Tim.

      1. Eisenhorn Omnibus.
      2. Storm of Iron(platonic example of bolter porn done right)]

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 28, 2014 10:31 am

        Also i sort of apologize for fagging up YDIS with all this warhammer40k talk but its at least 5 days until Pundit’s next meltdown and Zak is busy sodomizing the MM with Crayons so i need something to do until then.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 28, 2014 10:54 am

        Better get some windshield wipers for those glasses, bukkake boy!

        [Thank you, Prince!]

  144. October 22, 2014 6:52 pm

    Well, Sisters of Battle have outsold Spice Mareenz by about 6,000 to 1, right? Pimply teenaged virgins that can scream until their parents buy shit for them (GW’s target demographic) want gender equality in the Grim Future Thar is OnLy Wahr not a power trip of a dude with no discernible male sex organs wading through aliens with a chainsaw stuck on an axe handle. Blood for the Blood God is surely talking about menstruation, right? Fuck, if you’re seventeen or older and still playing Warhammer you’re never going to get laid. Might as well suck it the fuck up and start playing Challenger 2000.

    For those that might not be aware of the mind melting awfulness of Challenger 2000 cause if you’ve never played it you *might* have some sanity left.

    • Von permalink
      October 23, 2014 11:29 pm

      “Pimply teenaged virgins that can scream until their parents buy shit for them (GW’s target demographic) want … a power trip of a dude with no discernible male sex organs wading through aliens with a chainsaw stuck on an axe handle.”

      Everything despicable about 40K can be traced back to this sentence. ~vibes

  145. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 23, 2014 6:53 am

    I briefly thought this guy was cool, but he is just another goosestepping faggot vying to stick his withered snout into the Punkdick’s slimy rectum:

    tl;dr: no, seriously, tl;dr

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 23, 2014 7:07 am

      How the hell is anyone still reading that interview? Anyone of us could have pulled a Tarnowski-bot and copy-pasted shit from his hand-jobfest of a blog to give the exact same answers. Pundit has blown his load a million times over, and is essentially subsisting on outrage and tabbacco fumes. The man is obivously in love with himself, which would be okay if he was not such a repetetive douchebag.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 23, 2014 9:40 am

        Anybody got a “Shite” account? It would be hilarious to start a thread about starting an India-set 2E campaign based on a couple of “Dragon” articles, just to watch Pindick flop around flogging “Arrows of Indra”.

        “You should try my Arrows of Indra game!”

        “Nah, not interested in learning a new game.”

        “But it’s only B/X in Vedic drag! Oooooops!”

    • JaleBoy76 permalink
      October 23, 2014 11:44 am

      > “As the proprietor of the the RPGsite, creator of the new OSR game Arrows of Indra, a thriving blog, and a consultant on the newest edition of Dungeons and Dragons, it could be argued that the RPG Pundit…”

      Misplaced modifiers plus violations of parallelism plus passive voice equals FAIL!

      If your English teach never gave you marks higher than a C, you should not be writing essays as a form of expression.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 23, 2014 1:04 pm

        Passive voice is actually de rigueur in business and governmental communications because it deflects blame.

        “Mistakes were made.”

        “Explosive nitrate-based fertilizer was stored in unsafe conditions next to the old folks’ home.”

    • The Misfits Mephisto permalink
      October 23, 2014 3:46 pm

      Note that first commenter is an original MAR Barker player. I think all comments regarding Fartowski should now be prefaced with “Disapproves of Empire of the Petal Throne: considers it too intellectual, overly researched, and insufficiently ‘gonzo’. Continue at your own risk.”

      Just sad i wasted a “that’s a shame” on him during Consultantgate.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 23, 2014 4:32 pm

      John Tarnowki sounds disappointed he didn’t get the same attention Zak S did in ConsultantEgoGate.

  146. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2014 8:00 pm

    Wot a fucking joke. Dipshits are as much “consultants” as they are “Porn stars.” Jamal would have raked in all that consultant bragging rights if he hadn’t gone off the deep end trying to stock a vanilla dungeon for a big payday from retards while the father he was long estranged from was gasping for his final breaths. Good lord, this pass-time is basically for a bunch of ludicrous, broken hobby horses. Lets see a raising of hands – how many were drawn to this site because they felt shame at being in the hobby they formerly had a certain amount of pride in? I thought so.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 24, 2014 1:56 am

      I never really had pride in the hobby, and I sure as hell feel no shame being in the hobby, though it’s hard to find time to chuck dice. I always played with family and friends, so I never experienced “game store weirdos” at close hand (closest I ever came was wandering into some dude’s “bad breath zone” at The Compleat Strategist- dude could have killed small birds with his halitosis). I found this site and lurked for a while, taking in the free-for-all. I started commenting when I realized that it was a guilt-free snark-slinging zone because all of the targets are self-selected.

  147. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2014 8:02 pm

    We are “recovering retards,” all.

  148. Money For Old Hammers permalink
    October 24, 2014 12:16 am

    On the subject of the Wars and the Hammers, actually: you may or may not be familiar with Oldhammer (the largely harmless practice of breaking out your old, shitty miniatures and old, pretending-to-have-a-sense-of-humour rulebooks from the 1980s and Warhammering like the last two and a half decades haven’t happened). Mercifully, Oldhammer has thus far come across as harmless archivism, like collecting vinyl records or making furniture out of your defunct VHSes. My point is: no retroclones, no heartbreakers, no needless reinvention of the wheel.

    Enter Byron, stage left. Byron is younger than me, which means he definitely missed the ‘glory days’ of the 80s; Byron has recently jumped from contemporary Warhammer; Byron has identified the ‘issues’ in Oldhammer’s preferred third edition which ‘need fixing’; Byron wants to fly the flag for a not-fish-nor-fowl fan-created Warhammer which takes the ‘redeemable elements’ of the current edition and bolts them into the ‘holes’ in third. Byron seems to have missed the point regarding ‘stagnant’ wargames – the whole point of playing something with no active development is that nobody’s going to come along and try to flog you a new edition that devalues everything you own and pushes everything they want to sell you.

    Ruh roh. This sounds eerily familiar.

  149. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 24, 2014 5:16 pm

    Because Bloobot seems to be in the shop the last few days, here’s a weeks worth of Bloo. I have to say, Blooey seems to have been working on computers setting up business web pages and modding on forums and giving submissions to Kenzer Co. etc etc etc for years, and he still can’t seem to use a fucking computer. Anyway, for those of you who need some heart warming Blooey-goodness…

    Oct 17
    Well, still f**cked up. P/o of the problem is it’s new and installing nearly 150 updates, so I can’t remove anything (second day). Flashing sins that my computer is running slow (duh). This is still a real PITA. No help from the son of course. Well, I removed alot of extraneous stuff but I still get updates on everything . I popped for reimage repair but still waiting on a license key. Waiting is hard for an old man in this digital expressway.I’d like to get my desktop up and running, that’s my trusty old work computer. Bought this laptop for gaming but w/ my problems and a missing son I’m sure I’ll ever get back.
    Oct 18
    My desk got up. Still unpacking but the heavy work is done. Can’t hardly move in the place (and can’t hardly move) but I guess it’s getting there. I get tired so easily anymore. Son is supposed to come out next week and help me w/ my desktop. He & my weirdo son were out and moved the the desk today, went to lunch w/ them.
    Oct 23
    I hate this computer.

    • October 25, 2014 7:09 am

      Blooey refers to one of his sons as a “weirdo.” That’s awesome. What behavior would qualify as “weird” in BM’s eyes? Does he sell reasonably priced products? While traveling, does he frequent hotels instead of church parking lots?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 25, 2014 1:07 pm

        My money is on the son doing gay.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 25, 2014 9:02 pm

        If it’s not dirty, it’s dirty and wet here.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 25, 2014 12:07 pm

      Pointless. Just not enough hours in the day when you’re old, broken, alone and OCD.

  150. bloodymage permalink
    October 25, 2014 12:06 pm

    Nothing is simple any more. Trying to insure my car and what a headache. I was raised in simpler times.

    And I’m not OK, but I won’t bore anyone w/ details.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 25, 2014 1:09 pm

      Everything in life is a challenge for Blooey. Right down to crap pee rinse wipe clean repeat!

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 25, 2014 8:52 pm

        Goin’ back to Mozilla.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 25, 2014 8:42 pm

      I’m listening to rock off the classic rock station on Direct TV. Good to hear since the fogies only listen to “calming” music. My Kenwood receiver is on “mute” – bought a remote but like everything else tech in my life can’t seem to get it to work.

  151. bloodymage permalink
    October 25, 2014 8:51 pm

    Back on Twitter again, trying to get my businesses going. Not a lot going on except everything. Still need help. Twitter is like Facebook, don’t like either much, but I guess it’s a business must.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 25, 2014 8:53 pm

      Don’t really know why I keep messing with this. I’m making money slower than a man in a hospital bed can move!

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 25, 2014 8:53 pm

      Twitter twaddle! This biz stuff is killing me!

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 25, 2014 8:59 pm

      Unless folks start actually purchasing product, this business, this site and my life will be no more. I don’t have a life because I’m trying to wear all the hats in this concern.

  152. bloodymage permalink
    October 25, 2014 9:01 pm

    Alright, this place still sucks. Someone is playing “It’s my way or the highway.” I really detest this place.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 25, 2014 9:03 pm

      About all I have left is imagination. The VA’s drugs ate my brain and I’m still working on recovery. My mental health appt. on the 16th has been cancelled. I get new hearing aids on the 30th, though I don’t really want to hear all the proselytizing from my neighbors. I have hand surgery on the 7th of November. I’m working on getting out of this place but in the meantime I have to care for it, myself, my dog, the car, all this gadgetry I now own and my business.

  153. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 26, 2014 7:31 pm

    I’m starting to go through a whole Being John Malkovitch thing, except it’s Blooey instead of John.

  154. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 26, 2014 7:36 pm

    But OK, outside of his living situations, Bloodymage seems to be doing better than a pretty decent percentage of Americans right now. Insured car; a dog which if you love you spend a certain amount of money keeping alive and healthy; multiple gadgets including both a PC and a laptop. OK, as a vet he gets free health care, and it is quiet possible his current living situation is taken care of at least in part by VA services. Anyway, god bless True Bloo for not being just another crazy homeless fuck stinking up buses and street corners and yelling “Death to all PC’s!”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 26, 2014 8:21 pm

      Blooey is living in an assisted living senior residence, but he’s like 20 years younger than the next oldest resident.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 26, 2014 9:55 pm

        As soon as Blooey walked through the door, all the octogenarians though, “Fresh meat!” He’d better do a good job on the “clean” after ” eat pee crap” if he wants to keep pulling saggy old ass.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 26, 2014 8:22 pm

      Also don’t forget his DirecTV.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 26, 2014 8:29 pm

      And Kenwood receiver.

  155. Coxzucker permalink
    October 27, 2014 5:51 am

    Sounds like Blooey is taking another stab at Gary Con. We should start a pool.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 27, 2014 8:36 am

      Blooey has an indoor pool in assisted living, but he hasn’t figured out yet how to work the technology! (Hint: It’s not for rinse or clean, and certainly not pee and crap!)

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 27, 2014 4:30 pm

      Polly Eggs are available in the Comfort Suite.

  156. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 27, 2014 6:54 am

    “It’s fucking sad. There was nothing to prevent a reintroduction of an adventure-focused, weird-science-fantasy focused Tekumel with rules compatible to the most popular RPG in history. With the huge popularity of the OSR, this was the moment to do it. Shit, they could even have used Arrows of Indra s their model, since everything about AoI’s rules are free for use. The fact that they didn’t even bother pretty much proves that the Tekumel hardcore have no interest in appealing to a wider audience. ”
    -John Tarnowski, so far outside of sanity that it would take a goddamn radio-telescope to find him.

    Look now upon Pundit, his bestial snout veiled by an oily miasma of pipesmoke, his corroded armour glistening with the tears of a thousand Norwegian parents. Watch him perched atop a thick mound of dung, bellowing at the world, his left hand fondling a small purse protectively.
    Once there was a Golden Age, and Gods created worlds of such beauty and glory that it would drive a mortal man mad. Once, but no more, for in time all things end and the Golden Age passed away, never to return.
    And by a War in the Heavens did the Golden Age pass. And by a White Wolf did it pass. But some remembered and said, look upon me i am Jamal and i say unto thee this Golden Age will come again. And more worlds were made, but many of them were but pale imitations of that Golden Age.
    There was a new god, bestial in aspect and stunted in intellect, by the name of Pundit, who lived in his mound of filth. And to his fume-drenched mind and shrivelled, pig-like eyes, there was no difference between the filth he wallowed in and the glorious domains of elder gods.
    But dense though the Pundit was, he did not fail to see that the people did not love his world as they did the worlds of olden gods. And there was one world that drew its ire, and it was called Tekumel, and it was a thing of beauty, though not many still inhabited it. A few devotees had kept it alive lovingly through the long Ages, and now it would be born again. But the new world would not acknowledge the dung heap of the Pundit. And Pundit was aghast, for his world was a dung heap, and New Tekumel contained a dung heap, and the Pundit, eager for recognition, was enraged that they did not acknowledge they had taken their idea of a dung heap from him.
    “Nostalgia,” glowered the Pundit, shaking the heavens with his impotent fury. “They love it because they are Swine,” muttered the Pundit bitterly. “For no sane man could deny that my creation is made of the finest dung, and no world can approximate the richness of its scent.”
    But noble man did not appreciate the works of the Pundit, for they were ugly and filthy and cobbled together from the detrius of older worlds, lacking originality and creative spark. And though many would purchase it, for it was only $3.50, it would never be remembered as anything more then one world amongst a thousand. Tekumel would be born again over and over, while his dung heap would be forgotten.
    Look now upon Pundit, railing at the heavens, as his cries gradually grow weaker, and his light dims. Look now as a tear runs from his black pig eye. Look now as his pipe slowly dims.

    • JaleBoy76 permalink
      October 27, 2014 7:41 am

      Another epic post. Are you Virgil?

      [Notice how I made a reference to a thing we both have heard of? I wonder if this is how Seth McFarlane works his magic. “One day,” I tell myself, “One day.”]

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 27, 2014 8:19 am

        Prince should do a “Downfall of the OSR ‘Luminaries'” game, maybe a collectible card game with art by Recovering Retard. I think such a game would be a hit at Blooey’s assisted living community.

      • October 27, 2014 8:31 am

        Fuck, Fist [so to speak], you beat me to it. I just spent a weird downer day watching Desborough cry about how the femicastrators are ruining the men’s . . . freedom of speech? Game integrity? Fucking “journalistic ethics” in a media niche that nobody ever thought was anything beyond fanwank for pay? (Spoilers: Starlog existed to sell fucking posters.)

        At this point I’d even back a Powered By Apocalypse World game about the OSR just to stink up their brand efforts. The “moves” would be hilarious but a Prince/Retard double-page spread on each of the signature characters would kick it up to BAM.

      • October 27, 2014 8:38 am

        Foreword by R. Sean Bergstrom or it don’t count!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 27, 2014 1:52 pm

        Heh, actually ethics.

        Fucking “journalistic ethics” in a media niche that nobody ever thought was anything beyond fanwank for pay? (Spoilers: Starlog existed to sell fucking posters.)

        Damn, next you’ll be telling me that Nintendo Power magazine was a house organ!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 27, 2014 8:10 am

      “It’s fucking sad. There was nothing to prevent a reintroduction of an adventure-focused, weird-science-fantasy focused Tekumel with rules compatible to the most popular RPG in history. With the huge popularity of the OSR, this was the moment to do it. Shit, they could even have used Arrows of Indra s their model, since everything about AoI’s rules are free for use. The fact that they didn’t even bother pretty much proves that the Tekumel hardcore have no interest in appealing to a wider audience. ”

      He really thinks that the curators of the legendary Tekumel IP would appeal to a wider audience by hitching their brand to the so-boring-he-can’t-give-it-away-for-three-dollars B/X clone of his? Sheesh, what has Fartkowski got in that pipe of his?

      He couldn’t get laid in a monkey house if he painted his ass red.

      • October 27, 2014 7:51 pm

        “He couldn’t get laid in a monkey house if he painted his ass red.”

        Does that work? [asking for a friend]

    • Master Blaster Belial permalink
      October 27, 2014 8:45 am

      Damn it, Prince, you almost had me shedding a tear of pity for Tarnowski and his impotent raging…you have accurately painted him as a tragic-comic figure seeking relevance and money in a movement of lazy copy-pasters whose attention spans are drawn by the newest and bestest clones.

      Maybe you can write a text-based “Depression Quest” clone featuring Tarnowski?

      • Von permalink
        October 27, 2014 4:43 pm

        Christ no.

  157. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 27, 2014 8:32 am

    Oh, John Tarnowski aka RPGPundit. The Tekumel boys aren’t snubbing the blOwSR, they are snubbing YOU!!!!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 27, 2014 1:56 pm

      I can see where Fartkowski’s upset, who the hell is this Jeff Dee fellow?

      Morgan Ironwho? **fap fap fap**

  158. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 27, 2014 3:21 pm

    Oh, Blooey:

    Tried to set up my desktop. Disaster. Knocked the top cabinet off my desk.

    I decided to downsize, shop for furniture that would fit, and my mouse lost it’s mojo. I’m still disorganized as hell and have no AAA batteries.

    It’s funny how he gives a running commentary of every little woeful detail. Just go to the goddamn store for the batteries, Bloo!

    Meanwhile, on the Road to Janceton:

    You take care of the goblins, mosey on down the road for half a day and you are accosted by a lone wolf emerging from the forest to your left, hackles raised, lips curled, growling. Before you can react you realize it’s a dog, possibly gone feral.

    What’s with all the dogs? He must have fallen harder for the dog-walker than he realized… or maybe he’s going to roll out his own retroclone: Dungeons and Doggies.

    Blooey seems to be forlorn and out-of-sorts, like a hospitality suite without Polly Eggs.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 27, 2014 4:24 pm

      Well Ubuntu is nice but Texas still sucks. I hate this computer. Infernal machines. I am useless in the 21st century.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        October 29, 2014 5:57 pm

        Blooey – What use did you serve back in the previous millennium?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 29, 2014 11:07 pm

        Hi GOPagan!

        #NaziPigFucker #DoingGay

      • Mjollnir permalink
        November 5, 2014 11:12 am


  159. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 27, 2014 3:41 pm

    It seems kind of evident that ol’ Bloo is stuck in the early 80’s or something. That makes batteries a big deal. You used to have to go to Radio Shack and spend several bucks for a pack of AAA’s. Hey, Blooey, hit the local dollar store and get a pack of at least 4 for a buck. Batteries are dirt cheap these days everywhere but Radio Shack and supermarkets. It’s the least of yer muther fuckin’ problems, pal.

    I honestly think that the last few years Blooeymage still thinks he’s in tight with the gamer community. Like a household name in the OSR like most of these dipshits we discuss here. He was a mod on DF and owns his own gaming concern. So I think when he complains outloud on tha ‘nets he’s actually giving a clarion call for assistance. Mentioning the AAA’s means “please send batteries.” This is why he truly expects that people will step up and pay him to work on his projects, pick him up unannounced at hotels to drive him to cons, come and help him move furniture, etc etc etc whenever he leaves an online blurb. It is the power of believing.

    What we believe about Blooey is superfluous. All this good fun boils down to what Blooey believes. He really has the heart of a superstar along with the mind of somebody with early onset dementia. God bless ’em, I hope he gets his shit together and starts producing. There MUST be a Blooeycon no matter where they have it. Damn it all, I want there to be a Blooeycon more than I want Zak to go blind from accidentally rubbing herpie-juice in his eyes.

    • bloodymage permalink
      October 27, 2014 4:25 pm

      I need to uninstall Ubuntu.

  160. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 27, 2014 7:41 pm

    Wow, Blooey’s “moving” thread is bringing out the positivism in it’s readers. Goddamn, gaming is just full of a lot of sad, broken fucks. No wonder creeps like Zak are superstars to these wastes of sperm.

    “…I live in upstate NY, in June my Mom sold the old house and moved to FL, and in August my gf moved to LA. Now I’m “the only living boy in NY”. I make 10 bucks and hour and can barely afford food, and am still paying for last winter’s utility bill. I am in consistent agony with several dental issues, fortunately soon to be fixed…”

    I think we have the Robin to Bloo’s Batman…

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 27, 2014 11:16 pm


    • bloodymage permalink
      October 28, 2014 7:39 am

      I’m stranded here without keys and nothin’ much to do except fart around.

  161. Doubleplusnotunannoying. permalink
    October 28, 2014 12:13 pm

    YDIS has cancer.

    • October 28, 2014 12:40 pm

      Hi Kent!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 28, 2014 11:26 pm

        It’s so fucking funny how obvious he is… Ireland’s “Rain Man”. Too bad his 95% retarded act won’t ever garner him an Oscar.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 29, 2014 12:11 am

      #DoingGay #Womyn #KentIsGay

  162. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 28, 2014 7:38 pm

    So John Tarnowski wants to give out an award from the ‘Shite, like it would be coveted and proudly displayed on the game’s cover.

    What should we call it? the Cumshot? The Turd? Delicious Tears of Bereft Norwegian Mothers?

    • October 28, 2014 8:08 pm

      “Calling Recovering Retard!”

      *shines slobbering retard signal into clouds*

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 28, 2014 11:27 pm

      Fucker wants to award it to his own “Arrows of Indra” snoozefest, I wager.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 29, 2014 12:10 am

      John Tarnowski aka RPGPundit has had a hard on for EN World ever since he was banned back in his Nisarg days for not being able to shut the fuck up about politics on a site with a no politics/no religion rule in place.

      Also, many more people have heard of the ENnies than will ever hear of Arrows of Indra the cut and paste and Wikipedia search fantasy heartbreaker.

      • Master Blaster Belial permalink
        October 29, 2014 6:45 am

        You might be right, FOTU, but I have a feeling he wants this award in place for when his upcoming setting book comes out. Dark Albion, or something? He is ripping off Warhammer for this one.

        *kicks slobbering retard signal*

        Goddamnit, is this thing even on? Come in, RR, come in!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 29, 2014 8:57 am

        So, he started the ‘Shite because all of the polite forums banned him. He’s basically Kent with ambition… and more tobacco and less Gay.

        The thing that strikes me about the ‘Shite is how moribund it seems- less than 8,000 members, very little interesting material coming out of the users. It’s the wretched refuse from EN World and

      • October 29, 2014 9:07 am

        He’s basically Kent with ambition… and more tobacco and less Gay.

        Don’t forget the RUNE MAGICK™

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 29, 2014 9:53 am

        I’d suggest they make the logo for his award a link to Arrows of Indra on Drivethru, along with a voucher for a 5% discount.

      • October 29, 2014 11:42 am

        For those playing along in mom’s basement the RUNE MAGICK™ reference is your cue to chug your beverage. Or the nearest cock available if that’s your twist.

        Speaking of playing doctor and the moribund ‘shite, time I took the temperature on their traffic again. Maybe the award chatter is just a naked grab for clicks, get that ad revenue up and keep the webmaster from quitting again.

      • October 29, 2014 11:54 am

        Banner fucking month for the Tarnowski household. Top 40 threads on Pen & Paper Discussion (I think it’s the only one that matters from a traffic POV) earned 20,000 views since September 27. Multiply by typical desktop CPM and that’s $56 bucks American. Does that cover hosting costs? I forget.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 29, 2014 7:20 am

      Oh, and the award should be a sculpt of a pimple about to pop on Benoist’s fat hairy ass. Help me Recovering Retard you’re my only hope.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 29, 2014 10:29 am

        How about a pipe sticking out of a saggy old man ass? The bowl of the pipe can emit smoke when a switch is pressed.

        Call the the “Bowl and Bowel” award.

  163. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 29, 2014 12:43 pm

    Hey, shit, I almost forgot!

    Happy Birthday, James Maliszeuski!

    Congratulations on the smashing success of Diddlemount, and your still-respected blog!

    Long may you roam!

    Dominus Goddus Ral Partha

  164. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 29, 2014 7:39 pm

    Death to all PCs, indeed! If Blooey isn’t aiming for a TPK, I’ll eat my hat.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 29, 2014 11:03 pm

      That tribe of gnolls is going to sodomize those fuckers asses! They couldn’t even hit to dispatch a pack of wild dogs!

      On a related note, are the maps of Wooly Wood and the Plain of Rie available on a shower curtain yet? How about flip flops?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 30, 2014 11:24 am

      A huge field of grass and no giant tick encounter? That’s old school heresy.

    • JaleBoy76 permalink
      October 30, 2014 3:53 pm

      ~~I drop to my knees and arch my back all the way until my hands can grasp my ankles. I emit a high-pitched gibbering whine. This is gnoll-speak for: Please don’t hurt me; I’ll suck all of your canine cocks if you just let me live.

      Hey, this PbP stuff is fun. Who is going to get one started on YDIS?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        October 31, 2014 8:15 am

        Rumor has it that Bloo Bot is being reprogrammed with a PbP module.

  165. Master Blaster Belial permalink
    October 30, 2014 10:48 am

    My favorite poster on Dragonsfart is The Perilous Dreamer. Dumber than Venger, but convinced of his unrivalled intellectual superiority with regards to logic and elf games. Almost every time I swing by there, another thread has been locked because of his behavior.

    If you are bored, just skim this thread for his posts and reponses to his mind-numbing blather. This is page 2, it is starting to heat up as he talks about half-orc clerics are illogical and soulless. The One true wayism flares up in earnest by page 3, and by page 5 he is a frothing mess about how everybody is wrong and unable to comprehend Emglish, and yet again the thread has to be locked.

    This is great stuff:

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 30, 2014 12:36 pm

      Holy crap, I’ve never paid attention to that dude before. One of those guys that never seemed to contribute anything useful to a convo.

      What a maroon. Entertaining, though.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 30, 2014 12:55 pm

      Wow, he was going full-on Zak, talking about logic and hypocrisy. I think the thread will be locked before he accuses other posters of being LIARS!

    • JaleBoy76 permalink
      October 30, 2014 3:40 pm

      I’m guessing its high levels of lead and mercury in the Central Ohio water supply during his formative years.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 30, 2014 5:33 pm

      Snarky from the first drop. Nice.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 31, 2014 8:04 am

      The Perilous Dreamer is definitely on the fast track to becoming the blOwSR’s social retard poster (man)child. You know you’re good when the other social retards call you out for being a social retard.

      I love his avatar. The artwork is reminiscent of early John Wayne Gacy. Did Gacy himself do this portrait for the Perilous Dreamer? Is the Perilous Dreamer the sole survivor of the notorious John Wayne Gacy? Was he just too ugly to be raped tortured and killed by a serial killer, much like a young Gene Weigel was too ugly to be molested by that pedophile?

      These are the burning questions that keep me coming back to YDIS.

  166. Doubleplusnotunannoying permalink
    October 30, 2014 11:15 am

    YDIS has cancer.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      October 31, 2014 9:24 am

      Not anymore. He has a good doctor: Dr. Arneson’s Spectre, a physician and genius who slapped Kent down to size on more than one occasion. I miss that guy.

  167. Doubleplusnotunannoying's BAG of MORONS permalink
    October 30, 2014 11:20 am

    BIgby’s Lubed Fist
    Captain Kirks Dick Blood

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 30, 2014 12:31 pm

      Gosh, Gay Rainman, you’re repeating your comments, and, even for a sub-literate like yourself, that’s sadder than a hospitality suite without Polly Eggs. What’s the matter? Did the Oireachtas vote to tax lube? Did your department head at Southern Hibernia Institute of Technology learn that you can’t do simple multiplication? What’s wrong, boyo?

      Oh, fuck, it’s all clear now. Kent has finally been replaced by a Kent-bot. Nooo… KENNNNNNTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

  168. Doubleplusnotunannoying's BAG of HOMOSEXUAL GENTLEMEN permalink
    October 30, 2014 12:27 pm

    BIgby’s Lubed Fist
    Captain Kirks Dick Blood

  169. Doubleplusnotunannoying's BAG of CAPTAIN MORON permalink
    October 30, 2014 12:41 pm

    Bigby’s Lubed Fist

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      October 30, 2014 3:38 pm

      Jesus Kunto, you sure like repeating the phrase “Bigby’s Lubed Fist.” Do you obsess on any other lubed objects?

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 30, 2014 4:52 pm

      Whoa… was there a gay subtext in “Doom” that I never picked up on?

      Oh, I see it- if you were playing piss-drunk you might have misread the title of the first installment as “Knee Deep Giving Head”. It’s all clear now!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 30, 2014 6:05 pm

        I really shouldn’t use my phone to post comments- I have meathook hands, unsuited to fine work.

  170. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 30, 2014 3:39 pm

    Back in the 90’s, did anybody ever play original Doom or Duke Nukem while pissed-drunk? I kinda get the feeling that’s what the world looks like through Kuntington’s woozy gaze.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      October 30, 2014 5:11 pm

      If alcohol gave you that power, i’d never stop drinking, that sounds fucking sweet.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 30, 2014 6:07 pm

      Reposting in the proper place:

      Was there a gay subtext in “Doom” that I never picked up on?

      Oh, I see it- if you were playing piss-drunk you might have misread the title of the first installment as “Knee Deep Giving Head”. It’s all clear now!

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 30, 2014 6:29 pm

        Naw, nothing sexual preference specific. With Kunty it’s always assumed. But I remember coming home smashed a couple times and playing those games. How the world looked and how your dude sort of floated around just makes me think of how drunk Kunt must get when he just starts hitting us with unfunny sock puppet names and minimalist comments. If he were to nip out for a pack of smokes or something the world around him probably looks all washed out and grainy like in original Doom. But then, maybe I’m just over-thinking the life of this loser who fancies himself an intellectual. Much like Blooey and other wackadoodles of the OSR, it’s what we don’t know about him that keeps the fascination going.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 30, 2014 7:40 pm

        I think he feigns drunkenness because he doesn’t want to cop to being totally inept at everything he tries his hand at. Can’t multiply 5 by 12? Blame the booze. Can’t recite a coherent monologue about a topic he claims to be conversant in? Blame the booze? Wake up with semen streaming from both ends of his GI tract? Blame the booze.

        I think it’s unfair to booze, and if I were affiliated with the Bushmills distillery, I would sue him for libel.

  171. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    October 31, 2014 8:13 am

    I have it on very good authority that Bloo Bot is being reprogrammed with a PbP module. Stay tuned….

    • JaleBoy76 permalink
      October 31, 2014 8:49 am

      I call dibs on playing a pre-op FtM butch halfling thief/assassin. She is Neutral Evil-presenting but was born Chaotic Good. She killed the last cleric/alchemist that took her midichlorian count and discovered her birth-alignment. As a result she “lost” her OsamaCare card but she swears to authorities the paperwork for a new one has been submitted to the king’s couriers.

      She wears studded leather armor, dual wields dwarven steak knives stolen from Ponderosa, and sports a wispy mustache. Recently, on a mission in an ancient temple, she was cursed with an ever-wet gash, the torment of which can only be abated by eating the roasted flesh of lonely ladies’ pet cats.

      Her name is Bandersnatch.

      Note: as her player, only I can refer to her as “her”. Everyone else must refer to her as “he”.

      • bloodymage permalink
        October 31, 2014 9:49 am

        Just remember that “his” maximum strength is still only 17, which is maximum female dwarf strength.

        Now this old gamer needs to find someone to help him reinstall Windows 98. Stupid computers!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 31, 2014 9:56 am


        My character is Blackguard Bloo, a chaotic neutral 4th level bloodymage. My special power is to destroy all technological items within a 100 foot radius… kiss that catapult goodbye, my liege.

        Before the start of the adventure, I’m going to have to ask for a thousand gold piece investment from every party member- this will entitle you all to a 5% share in any treasure left over after I pay for party expenses.

        Now let’s go out and fight some dogs, because nothing says “heroic fantasy” like fighting mundane opponents.

        Death to all PC’s… I mean dogs!

      • October 31, 2014 10:29 am

        Alignment being a midichlorian home pregnancy test thing is pretty damn good unless some fucking Goodman project has already run with it. If the rabbit dies, you’re evil. If it comes back, it’s twue fucking wove.

      • Let me tell you about my character !!! permalink
        November 3, 2014 4:39 pm


  172. PerfectBagOfFags HANDBAG of FUCKING CUNTS permalink
    October 31, 2014 12:59 pm

    BIgby’s Lubed Fist
    Captain Kirks Dick Blood
    James Raggi XV
    Zak S.

  173. PerfectBagOfFags HANDBAG of FUCKING CUNTS permalink
    October 31, 2014 1:43 pm

    Ha Ha Haaaa !!

    October 31, 2014 1:54 pm

    BIgby’s Lubed Fist
    Captain Kirks Dick Blood
    James Raggi XV
    Zak S.

    October 31, 2014 1:55 pm

    Hee Heee Heee Ha Ha heeee !!!!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 31, 2014 2:33 pm

      Now that is the “mirthless laughter of the damned”, people.

      What’s the matter, Kent? The other guys in the department weren’t amused by your “Channel Tunnel” costume at the Hallowe’en party and didn’t respond to your come-ons when you told them you were open for traffic at both ends?

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 31, 2014 2:50 pm

      Is this what you call wit, you useless shitbag? Schoolboy name-calling? Christ Jesus, I thought you were supposed to be more intelligent and refined than the lot of us.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 1, 2014 5:31 am


      #DoingGay #AlcoholicIrishHomos

  176. JaleBoy76 permalink
    November 1, 2014 12:11 am

    I want to play in Bloo’s PbP but killing dogs is too “triggery” for me. I don’t know what “triggery” means; I’m not sure if using makes me feel delicate, or if it is a progressive ethnic slur used by millennials. In either case, does anyone think Bloo will provide special dispensation for me if I approach him about my ethical “line in the sand”?

    Aside from dog killing, any game I participate in must also avoid every topic listed in this thread:

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      November 1, 2014 5:33 am

      My triggers are dusty rooms and shit golems, but only the rapey ones.