New Dwimmermount conten!

Hello fellows “Our Dungeons Are AWESOME!!!” friends. Sorry for the delay in gettign this latest update to you. I hoped to have even more, but James called me late last night to inform me that Level 4 would be delayed, owing to the fact that a Protestant family had moved to his neighborhood and all of his time was now occupied walking a picket on their front lawn and throwing rotten produce at their children.

So this week is a new NPC class, created specially by James for the world of Dwimmermount but drawn from real life insipirations. Go to the Autarch downloads section for a PDF.

New NPC class – The Bastard

Vile spawn of wanton seed spilled amid careless loins, Bastards are a callous mockery of all that is wholesome, correct, and holy in the world of Dwimmermount. Unmistakably swart of skin, this darkened sub-race is quasi-sorcerific in nature, as any dweomer able to provoke passions beyond the sacred bonds of matrimony is undoubtedly infernal in nature.

Requirements: INT 9 or less, CHA 5 or less

Alignment: Bastards may be Neutral or Chaotic; regardless of their declared alignment, Bastards are treated as evil for the purposes of Detect Evil, Protection from Evil, and any similar spells or abilities designed to unmask or thwart perfidy.

Max Level: Effectively unlimited within any progressive welfare state that condones their existence.

Weaknesses: Suffer 1d6 damage from holy water; cannot be reincarnated or resurrected because they have no souls.

lvl. title HD special Bastard ability

1 Mudblood 1d4 pestilential trait

2 Octoroon 2d4 speak any alignment language

3 Fuck Fail 3d4 thief skills

4 Decepticon 4d4

5 Papal Bane 5d4 confuse Clerics/Paladins

6 Despicablix 6d4

7 Devil Kin 7d4 spell use

8 Loki 8d4

9 Bastard 9d4 turn Clerics/Paladins; establish bastard sewer city

10+ +1hp/level

Pestilential Trait: Roll 1d6 when creating character, 1) exudes putrid stench of brimstone, 2) provokes hysterical reaction among domesticated animals, 3) curdles milk/sours wine within 25′, 4) Ginger, 5) skin translucent when viewed under moonlight, 6) goat horn nubs, webbed digits, post-18^th century progressive values, vestigial scorpion tail, lazy eye, Irish brogue, or similarly repellent deformity.

Speak Any Alignment Language: Bastards gain the ability to speak any alignment language at 2^nd level, because they are very tricksy beings and cannot be trusted, not unlike Women who are allowed to vote or own property.

Thief Skills: At 3^rd Level, Bastards gain thief skills as a thief of equal level, the better to commit crimes against the wholesome God-fearing portion of society that must never forgive the transgressive nature of their origin.

Confuse Clerics/Paladins: Cause Confusion (per spell) in Lawful Clerics/Paladins 3x/day. This is often used in one-on-one social situations to induce victims to commit non-normative sex acts, which is why we have all these priest problems in real life. Used in the heat of battle, victims will forget to cast spells, behave aimlessly, endanger allies through inaction, or touch themselves inappropriately.

Spell Use: At 7^th Level, Bastards gain the ability to cast spells from a limited list. Levels/spells per day are as a Cleric of the same level. Bastards may use the evil form of any reversible Cleric spell. They may also cast spells from this unique list – all are 1^st level spells, effects are self-explanatory: Cause Abortion, Invisible to Those of Righteous Bearing, Uncomfortable Conversation, Ruin Children’s Movie, Summon Homosexual, Dissolve Matrimony, Talk Like the Blacks, Reveal Sex Organs, Progressive Democracy, Cause Mopery.

Turn Clerics/Paladins: Turn Clerics and Paladins as a Cleric of equal level turns undead.

[Notes to Tavis: Add mechanic to allow experience point gain for siring additional Bastards. More of my thoughts here, for artwork inspiration, etc. — JM.]

Good gaming every one!

Best,  T.A.