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Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition Player’s Handbook Errata (Official)

June 15, 2015

Wow guys, long vacation but I’m back now and ready to dig into some D&D 5E, which is a really thrilling and exciting version of everyone’s favorite roleplaying game! The list of errata for the Player’s Handbook has just been released, I’m here to save you time with a concise review of the changes made. Here we go and hope you are enjoying the AWESOME D&D 5E experience!


Dwarven Combat Training (p. 20). Dwarves are proficient with the light hammer, not the throwing hammer.

Drow Magic (p. 24). Here “once per day” means you must finish a long rest to cast the spell again with the trait.

Infernal Legacy (p. 43). Here “once per day” means you must finish a long rest to cast the spell again with the trait.

Half-Orc Heritage (p. 47). From now on, Half-Orcs will no longer be referred to as, “basically Black people for the Forgotten Realms, with all positive social characteristics replaced by a ticking rage-bomb timer.” Just, you know, use your imagination with that part.

Holocaust Denial (p. 48). This is now an official Elven racial prerequisite.

Juggalos (p. 49). Juggalo characters must begin play declared For the Dark Carnival.


Character Creation (p. 50). All players who wish to play a Bard character must smoke e-cigs. It’s a rule now.

Song of Convincing Minors to Partake (p. 52). Requires save vs. observe or 1d6 x 1000 g.p. bribe per each adult in range to avoid law enforcement response.

Song of Rest (p. 54). A creature regains the extra hit points only if it spends one or more Hit Dice at the end of the short rest.

Song of the South (p. 61). Additional effect: Protection from Half Orcs 100′ Radius.


Feinting Attack (p. 74). The advantage is lost if not used on the turn you gain it.

Feinting Interesting Character Concept (p. 79). This attribute is not supported by D&D 5E.


Deflect Missiles (p. 78). The range of the monk’s ranged attack is 20/60 feet.

Eternal Mountain Defense (p. 81). A monk must be 17th level, not 11th, to learn this discipline.

Race Other than Entitled White Man with Zero Authenticity to Source Material (p. 81). This attribute is not supported by D&D 5E.

Water Whip (p. 81). This discipline requires an action, not a bonus action. Also, why not just use a normal whip?!?


Divine Smite (p. 85). You can expend any spell slot, not just a paladin spell slot.

Divine Smite of Anal Rape (p. 85). Can only be used following successful Sneak Attack or Attack from rear, or at Boys-Only Sleepover Church Camp.

Polyhedral Annihilation (p. 89). Platonic solids are no longer supported for Paladins in D&D 5E. Rolling a d4 will cause system reboot, rolling a d20 will cause total protonic reversal.


Ranger’s Companion (p. 93). If you are incapacitated or absent, your beast companion acts on its own, focusing on protecting you and itself. It never requires your command to use its reaction, such as when making an opportunity attack.

Bestial Fury (p. 93). When you command the beast to take the Attack action, the beast can attack twice or take the Multiattack action if it has that action.

Bestiality (p. 93). This is an at-will power usable only with Ranger’s Companion, or at a furry convention with informed consent and safe word(s).

Sausage Fest (p. 94). The Ranger class is open to characters of both genders, however female characters who wish to be a Ranger must have a penis.


Flexible Casting (p. 101). The created spell slots vanish at the end of a long rest.

Twinned Spell (p. 102). This just sounds fucking stupid so we’re getting rid of it. Thanks for another dumb idea, Zak.

Elemental Affinity (p. 102). The damage bonus applies to one damage roll of a spell, not multiple rolls.

Venger Satanis Picture (p. 102) God he would get such a boner if we did that here LOL!

Wild Magic Surge (p. 103). If a Wild Magic effect is a spell, it’s too wild to be affected by Metamagic. If it normally requires concentration, it doesn’t require concentration in this case; the spell lasts for its full duration.

WHY??? (p. 104). What is the point again of this class? So we can be more like World of Warcraft?


Oath of Transphobia (p. 105). Jesus fuck, how did this even make it through focus groups? Okay Tumblr, we hear you, it’s gone…

Quick Build (p. 106). Ray of Sickness should be Charm Person.

Quick Build (p. 106). Charm Person should be Aura of Date Rape Prowess.

Pact of the Chain (p. 107). When you let your familiar attack, it does so with its reaction.

Pact of the Tome (p. 108). Any cantrip you cast with this feature is considered a warlock cantrip for you.

Eldritch Invocations (p. 110). A level prerequisite in an invocation refers to warlock level, not character level.

Book of Ancient Secrets (p. 110). The rituals needn’t be from the same spell list.


There Can Be Only Gandalf (p. 113). If you are using miniatures, D&D 5E only supports using the little Grenadier Gandalf guy from 1980 as your figure. Future supplements will allow use of the bald Illusionist chick.

Your Spellbook (p. 114). The spells copied into a spellbook must be of a spell level the wizard can prepare.

Spellbook (p. 114). A spellbook doesn’t contain cantrips.

Empowered Evocation (p. 117). The damage bonus applies to one damage roll of a spell, not multiple rolls.

Overchannel (p. 118). The feature doesn’t benefit cantrips.


Ammunition (p. 146). Loading a one-handed weapon requires a free hand.

Bag of Morons (p. 146). Can fit no more than four (4) human-sized morons haha!

Belt Pouches (p. 146). Placing a Large Belt Pouch into a Small Belt Pouch creates a tear in the fabric of the universe that expands to instantly destroy the campaign world.

Jennell Jaquays (p. 147). Is not a dude anymore, you believe that shit?!?!?

Lovely, Lovely Estrogen (p. 147). (Inside joke!)

Pickle (p. 147). Also available in sweet.

Reach (p. 147). This property also determines your reach for opportunity attacks with a reach weapon.

Reach-Around (p. 147). Yes, please.

Special Sauces (p. 147). Ranch, Buffalo Ranch, BBQ, Honey Mustard, Sweet Teriyaki, and Asiago Parmesan.

Two-Handed (p. 147). This property is relevant only when you attack with the weapon, not when you simply hold it.

Weapons (p. 149). Unarmed strike doesn’t belong on the Weapons table.


Class Features (p. 164). You gain the starting equipment of your first class only.

From Now On (p. 165). You know what, multiclassing has always attracted the stupidest fucking players with the gayest-ass bullshit characters and nobody really wants these fucking dipshits around anymore, so we’re canceling multiclassing. Don’t even ask about it anymore.


From Now On II (p. 167). Speaking of horseshit for dipshits – adios, feats! Use your goddamn brain to navigate the world of the game not your fucking character sheet, retards.

Using Ability Scores

Hiding (p. 177). The DM decides when circumstances are appropriate for hiding. Also, the question isn’t whether a creature can see you when you’re hiding. The question is whether it can see you clearly.

Lighting Bag of Poop on Fire, Then Fleeing to Nearby Cover to Enjoy Prank (p. 180). Requires checks (in sequence) vs. DEX and WIS. Fail of either check requires check vs. STR or CHA, fail indicates character killed.

Peeking Through a Glory Hole (p. 184). Requires check vs. DEX to avoid getting poked/sprayed in the eye. Beholder characters do not suffer Blind status effect until 6+ eyes have suffered disability.


Suffocating (p. 183). If you run out of breath, you can’t regain hit points or be stabilized until you can breathe again.

Vision and Light (p. 183). A heavily obscured area doesn’t blind you, but you are effectively blinded when you try to see something obscured by it.

Long Rest (p. 186). You regain at least 1 Hit Die when you finish a long rest.

Greyhawk (p. 189). How Forgotten Realms was chosen over Greyhawk, I mean whose dick did Greenwood suck to make that happen?!? And it’s not like Greyhawk is so hot, in retrospect it’s a dopey Mary Sue convention created by a bunch of circlejerkers with wet dreams about living in medieval times, but good lord Forgotten Realms is just… fuck, it’s lame.


Ready (p. 193). You have until the start of your next turn to use a readied action.

Melee Attacks (p. 195). The rule on unarmed strikes should read as follows: “Instead of using a weapon to make a melee weapon attack, you can use an unarmed strike: a punch, kick, head-butt, or similar forceful blow (none of which count as weapons). On a hit, an unarmed strike deals bludgeoning damage equal to 1 + your Strength modifier. You are proficient with your unarmed strikes.”

Second Try (p. 195). Wow. We needed a mulligan to get the definition of an unarmed strike correct? Holy shit, did Mearls put Rob Conley in charge of writing the original???

Wimmin (p. 198). Female characters suffer a -10/-50% penalty to all combat related rolls, because vagina+tampons.


Paladin Spells (p. 209). The spell is Destructive Wave, not Destructive Smite.

Wizard Spells (p. 211). Trap the Soul shouldn’t appear on the spell list.

Mexican Spells (p. 214). Whoops, this was a little joke that was only supposed to be shared with the testing team. Pls ignore, thx.

White Power Spells (p. 215). The spell is Kill Jew, not Cure Jew.

Bigby’s Lubed Fist (p. 224). Shout out, homie!

Mass Cure Wounds (p. 258). This spell’s school is evocation, not conjuration.

Mass Heal (p. 258). This spell’s school is evocation, not conjuration.

Mass Hitler (p. 258). Number of Hitlers created is 1d6 per caster level. For every 6 Hitlers created, 50% chance 1d3 Goerings appear.

Phantasmal Killer (p. 265). The frightened target makes a save at the end of its turns, not the start.

Phantasmal Tao of Alexis (p. 266). The frightened target makes a save at the end of its turns, not the start.

Polymorph (p. 266). This spell can’t affect a target that has 0 hit points.

Purify Shit and Piss (p. 267). All non-magical shit and piss within a 5-foot-radius sphere centered on a point of your choice within range is purified and rendered free of poison and disease and can now be eaten.

Raggi (p. 270). I forgot all about him and now I got nothing. Someone fill this in…!

Revivify (p. 272). This spell’s school is necromancy, not conjuration.

Silence $48,000 Radius (p. 278). That’s another shout out, bruh!

True Polymorph (p. 283). This spell can’t affect a target that has 0 hit points.

Weird (p. 288). The frightened target makes a save at the end of its turns, not the start.

Creature Statistics If in doubt, the Monster Manual version of a creature’s stat block is authoritative. Also, we’re gonna use a picture of Raggi to illustrate the Type IV Demon… that’s the big fatass one with hooves, right?

Acknowledgments We’re going to stick with Zak because he can still prove useful from a marketing standpoint, despite the fact we completely ignored all his actual stupid input on the game. But we’re cutting Pundit loose, and moving forward we’ll just pretend he never happened. (Don’t worry Pundit, you can keep the $250.)

624 Comments leave one →
  1. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Filk permalink
    June 15, 2015 5:07 pm

    Character Creation (p. 50). All players who wish to play a Bard character must smoke e-cigs. It’s a rule now.

    Fuck, what am I gonna do with all these clove cigarettes? Any comp. lit. grad students out there?

    • Von permalink
      June 16, 2015 1:55 am

      I’ll take ’em off your hands if the Arts Council will give me a grant this year.

    • June 16, 2015 2:28 am

      comp. lit crew checking in. we’ll take all your djarum blacks.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 17, 2015 10:21 am

        They’ve been illegal to sell in the ‘States since 2009 (damn tobacco lobby has insured that the only legal cigarette flavoring is menthol), but a “cigarillo” style kretek is legal. The bidding starts at fifty dollars a pack, between the students of Sarah Lawrence College and NYU, I think I’ll make “Nystul” money.

  2. down with aging ydis permalink
    June 15, 2015 6:46 pm

    This is like the Tao of YDIS or ydis’s mother. Lots of words or yap, no point, target or bite. Vague mild mentions of minorities who are absent and not a single effective insult. It is as if a criminal going straight too late finds himself in an old folks home and his best friends are three psychiatric nurses.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 15, 2015 7:37 pm

      Hi Kent! (I knew it was you from the lame insult at the end there.)

      • down with aging ydis permalink
        June 15, 2015 8:27 pm

        Shut your psychiatric ass and make ydis a cup of tea and give her her blanket. She is trying to make friends with zak and others.

      • June 15, 2015 8:44 pm

        You are a Lvl. 0 commenter. FotU is a Lvl. 24 commenter, along with Shakespeare.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 15, 2015 8:37 pm

        ~ass cancer

      • down with aging ydis permalink
        June 16, 2015 12:25 am

        What? Your knob causes cancer?

    • Von permalink
      June 16, 2015 1:56 am

      Decent concept for a sitcom, maybe? In the hands of a Writer?

  3. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 15, 2015 7:31 pm

    I had hoped the 5e errata would have addressed the known problems with Colored People Time (CPT) during spellcasting and maintaining concentration during bowel movements.

  4. zarathustra permalink
    June 16, 2015 4:56 am

    Did this blog die because blogging is dying?

    After Runs With Scissors, there’s really no point to this anymore.

    Diminishing returns from diminishing targets. Maybe you could just declare “Mission Accomplished” from the deck of floating con.

    • Von permalink
      June 16, 2015 6:20 am

      Is blogging dying? Oh, well. I’ve had my fun and that’s all that matters.

      • June 16, 2015 7:07 am

        Blogging in the sense of it being a “gaming zietgeist” (whatever that means) does seem to be greatly diminished, but I also think that anyone who blogs for the comments, reshares, and +1s probably has the wrong motivation and is doomed to disappointment anyway.

        Keep doing your thing for as long as you enjoy it, Von.

      • Von permalink
        June 16, 2015 8:42 am

        Eh, I just think aloud on the Internet and hope people say something clever or amusing in response to it. I’m curious about the trends, though. Has everyone fucked off to Google Plus, or back to the forums, or decided to actually do some bloody gaming for a change?

      • Aos permalink
        June 16, 2015 8:56 am

        A slow down in DnD blogging is a good thing for DnD blogging.

      • June 16, 2015 9:01 am

        G+ seems a bit like a ghost town lately, but that *might* be because I block people at the drop of a hat.

      • June 16, 2015 10:18 am

        That’s your problem in a nutshell, hoss. If you’re not on G+ to open yourself to the steamy fecal mess that everyone makes of themselves there, what’s the point?

      • Aos permalink
        June 16, 2015 10:27 am

        You can only see a halfwit with toilet paper hanging out the back of his pants so many times before your scorn turns to pity, turns to scorn again, and then finds its final form as despair for all humanity.

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 16, 2015 7:09 am

      I miss IRWS, too. But 1600 comments on a blog post is evidence this blog is not dying. I mean, Turdkar would go back to patrolling the south Bronx to even get 100 comments on one of his shitty posts. John Tarnowski would suck off Bat Penis Dude to get 100 comments on any of his blog or EveryBlow posts. Zak would…wait, is he even still around?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 16, 2015 7:51 am

        To be fair, most blogs don’t function as de-facto forums, which might up the postcount a bit. That and the alcoholism. Delicious delicious alcoholism.

        The Turdowski/Zak question is an important one, so i will attempt to answer. I think seeing Zak’s soft (and obstinate) nazi-apologism in the wake of his withdrawal from a new ‘I hit it with my dissapointed father and bad life decisions’ because someone arrogantly insisted on calling a chirurgically altered man a man on his personal twitter along with Pundit’s hilarious meltdown in the wake of a very honest and non-biased review/systematic deconstruction by an anonymous commenter on the shite and great writer respectively has left us somewhat jaded to their baseline idiocies. We are waiting for that next high. That high i get when i download Dark Albion and post the review on Pundit’s website using a carefulyl infiltrated sleeper agent alias. What where we talking about again?

        And eat shit Zaratushra, we exposed Pundit to the two or three people that still had a quantum of hope for him. If that’s not journalism i am sober.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Filk permalink
        June 16, 2015 8:20 am

        I’d bet actual folding money that “Dark Albion” will be a “Small but Vicious Dog” ripoff. I’m looking forward to a brutal takedown.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      June 16, 2015 10:47 am

      “Did this blog die because blogging is dying?”

      No, not at all. In addition to G+ diarrhea streams, there is now vloging on YouTube. That Erotic Dungeons & Dragons fatbeardo weirdo is only the tip of the video iceberg.

      Yahoo Groups for gaming are definitely dead. Forums and blogging are slowly dying. Everyone has moved to Facebook and G+.

      Yes, YDIS is technically a blog, but it serves the same purpose of a G+ community stream.

      • Von permalink
        June 18, 2015 12:04 am

        That’s a good point and I wonder if I’d be arsed to comment if all this went on on another platform.

  5. Timotheus permalink
    June 16, 2015 7:13 am

    Good call on Raggi as Type IV. Have him vomiting turds for fairly transparent symbolism.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 16, 2015 8:22 am

      Zak would be the quasit perched on Raggi’s shoulder, vomiting up smaller turds and occasionally cackling maniacally.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 16, 2015 8:47 am

        Where Oh Where the fuck is Recovering Retard?

      • Ingrid Titt permalink
        June 16, 2015 9:44 pm

        I’m no Recovering Retard, but I can try.
        There’s even some random porno chick with them. I have no idea who she is but apparently she’s another “star.”

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 17, 2015 7:44 am

        Nice job, Ingrid! I think you captured Raggi’s eyes in particular. And that porn chick is indeed an Alice from Zak’s RaPeLand.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 17, 2015 10:23 am

        That’s exactly what I was hinting at! Well played.

        I also like the image of Zak riding on Raggi’s shoulders in the Thunderdomw.

  6. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 16, 2015 10:54 am

    Without Blooey, everything might as well be dead! 😦

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 16, 2015 11:25 am

      Keep hope alive! Bloo will come through.

  7. Oakes Spaldbot permalink
    June 16, 2015 1:16 pm

    The Catholic Church has always claimed that life has value. Life in and of itself has value. Not the mere existence of some life. Not only enough life to preserve the “equilibrium”. But life itself.

    That will appear to officially change on Tuesday.

    Hands off the earth, life.

    Saint Francis would have been horrified.

    This whole thing is evil. It drips it. It’s not a silly encyclical, ghostwritten by a deranged loudmouthed archbishop who wrote a kissing manual. Nor is it a meaningless toss-off, directed by a former Archbishop, narcissistically addicted to secular praise.

    It will be an evil document.

    And no we won’t be able to say, this time, that it’s a translation problem.

    Global warming is a pagan lie, so why is the Vicar of Christ shoving it down our throats?

    I don’t know the answer. I don’t want to know the answer.

    But more and more of us will soon be asking the question.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      June 16, 2015 2:22 pm

      Someone needs to remind Oakes Spaulding and Paul Ryan (actually, just Paul Ryan because Oakes is an insignificant piece of garbage) that Ayn Rand isn’t recognized as a Catholic saint.

    • Von permalink
      June 17, 2015 3:16 am

      But that’s enough about Dark Albion for now.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 17, 2015 1:52 pm

        Speaking of Dark Albion…it’s funny to see the dude post a quickie mockup cover on Post 86 and see Turanil get all nervous and butt-hurt when people start saying they like it better than his artwork…

      • Von permalink
        June 18, 2015 12:39 am

        I skipped back to page one and was rather disturbed to see echoes of Ars Magica (third, White Wolf edition) hanging around the place. Very brash stuff. I’m not a fan. That mockup, however Byzantine, is elegant and lacks the visual noise appearing at the start.

        I suppose if I’m going to comment in good faith I should bother to log in and take my thoughts directly to the Pundit…

  8. Happy Mentzer-bot permalink
    June 16, 2015 7:25 pm

    I’m just glad the guy who wrote the best selling RPG in history (Frank Mentzer, duh!) is back on Dragonsfart writing PMs, doing chat (and probably doing transgay I hope) and occasionally threadcrapping (ragequitting was JUST a JOKE guys, come on). I only wish I wouldn’t have ragequit in sympathy and asked to have my account DELETED. It’s cool though. Really it is… 😦

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 17, 2015 7:41 am

      That is hilarious. At least two posters – Rhuvien and Noir Boy – started threads to announce they were quitting DF over this shit. Nice show of solidarity, Frank! At least your global cred is solid.

      • Scott permalink
        June 17, 2015 7:54 am

        Gist of this thing? I can’t read Dragonsfoot from my office computer and won’t read it in my off time.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 17, 2015 10:28 am

        There’s no link, but I would guess that Frank realized that, in the real world, he’s a nonentity, so he scarpered back into the bubble, where he’s a pretty big wheel, maybe even as big a wheel as Tenkar.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 17, 2015 1:31 pm

        Tenkar? Of Tenkar’s Tavern? THAT Tenkar?!

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 17, 2015 2:25 pm

        Tenkar is world famous. At NTRPGCon his wife would indignantly choke you in the pool if you did not acknowledge his wide fame.

      • Cuntstable Tenkar permalink
        June 18, 2015 12:38 am

        Tenkar is world famous. At NTRPGCon his wife would indignantly choke you in the pool if you did not acknowledge his wide frame.


      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 18, 2015 3:56 pm

        I wonder if Tenkar’s wife’s mouth is large enough to accommodate my….


        Legendary Taco Bell XXL Burrito Dumps?

  9. zarathustra permalink
    June 18, 2015 4:44 am

    Blogging in the osr IS dying. As someone said forums were once the Zeitgeist, now they are basically devolved into niche, irrelevant circle-jerks. Blogs filled that creative, or analytical void for several years but I have noticed blogs no longer have a broad impact, or as much relevance- there may be more of them, but fewer reading the same blogs. Less “tentpole” blogs (Grognardia dead, Jrients never posts and Zac has resorted to pictures of him gaming with actual women to wow the droppers). Not much creates shared ripples anymore and the pond is shallower.

    There is more on G+ but I only subscribe to 1 limited group so I’m not into it anymore.

    My basic points of no cutting content here; diminishing targets; diminishing relevance remain. I used to come to see bubbles pricked and a critical eye cast over the osr. Blooshite and insults were annoying but used to come amid actual critical thought (and no, Kent doesn’t count- all tip and no iceberg that fellow, but the bluster fools enough fools).

  10. June 18, 2015 6:55 am

    They banned its humble author, me.

    I can’t say it was a surprise.

    Actually, what finally set it off was I that I implicitly equated the Moderators with Nazis. I still don’t understand why anyone would get upset at that.

    Also, they have no sense of humor.

    I was called a spammer–which, if you define “spamming” as posting more than one blog link per two-week period, or sometimes posting to Roman Catholics along with one or two other Catholic groups–is technically correct, though, as far as I can tell, many of the other regular contributors do the same thing. But those other guys post links to their own self-help Catholic websites or yet another gay-marriage bashing story. I was posting original parody stories, such as the one about the heretical frat boy lawsuit crazy priest actually being a “woman” (that one travelled far, let me tell you), or fairly straight (for me) write-ups of interviews with the Pope or his allies that tended (it wasn’t my fault, man) to be embarrassing.

    Deleted. Deleted. Deleted.

    A Catholic friend told me he thought Roman Catholics was sort of weird and New Age. I trust him, but I never saw that. Rather, they seemed to me to be merely snotty. We don’t (nose held in air) serve Traditionalists.

    That’s okay, Skippy, I don’t eat them.

    But I hate snotty people. They either never let me into their clubs. Or, if I do get in (usually under false pretenses), they’re always looking for reasons to kick me out.

    Let me be serious for a moment. a few months ago I would have been mortified at this. Now I honestly couldn’t care less. Though, I will admit that some of the things the Owner said publicly and privately got under my skin. But, at this stage of the game, I would doubt that more than 1% of the hits and readers of Mahound’s Paradise came from that Group. And many of those would write obnoxious comments on my blog, like, “You know the author of this post is not really a Catholic, don’t you?”

    So, in recent weeks posting in the group was more out of defiance.

    Yeah, I know, like that was really mature.

    But let me be more serious for a moment. These people make Catholicism into a Dear Leader cult for brain dead strivers. They want to form a study group to read the new encyclical in Latin (because anything else would fall prey to the misinterpretations of the media), yet they are too stupid to know that Latin has ceased to be used by the Vatican in many cases, let alone being any kind of “official” standard. And they have ceased to be able to recognize drivel–or evil–for what it is.

    They are Pharisees if ever the term had any meaning. Relax. Don’t worry, be happy. The media blah blah blah. Gays blah blah blah. Traditionalists blah blah double-fucking venomous blah, and so on and so forth, etc. etc. The “Gates of Hell will not prevail” but millions will go to hell because their Pope is more interested in bragging than in saving souls.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 18, 2015 3:58 pm

      You know the author of this post is not really a Catholic, don’t you?

    • June 19, 2015 7:32 am

      Spalding, I’ve told you this like I tell all you p*ssed off children of Rome who try to top my man Frankie from the bottom and otherwise micro-manage his sh*t: you are always free to prove to me that you can do better. People just like you are the reason I invented a thing called “Protestants” in the first place. If you’re really that fed up with what Frankie is getting up to in Rome, guess what? The door is right there.

      Otherwise it’s all just a lot of this passive aggressive whining because Frankie studied hard in Jesuit school whereas you seek handouts on the Internet to cover your au pair bills. You’re better than that!

      Another fine message from

  11. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 18, 2015 3:49 pm

    Most blog posts are devoid of any real content now and just rim jobs for whatever dribble the blOwSR has released for sale today complete with affiliate link back to the product. There’s no in-depth analysis or review – let alone any actual play reports – just lots of “This is SOOOO COOL now click here you fucking wallet thing stupid enough to read my “blog” and throw me a dime!” Tenkar and Sean Patrick Fanny, I am looking at you lot 😡

    And most Google+ posts are now just links back to blogs featuring the affiliate sales link dumps above.

    And no Blooey to be found. Sigh 😦

    • Von permalink
      June 18, 2015 11:35 pm

      Look on the bright side, eventually people will come to this festering shithole if they actually want to know what’s in a book. Prince and I have done the diligence on a couple of emanations; it’s someone else’s turn to huff the fumes and describe their hallucinations, and I’m not just saying that because I’ll never want to play Carcosa as written (no, no, you can’t make me, not even for effical jurnalism…)

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 18, 2015 11:52 pm

        Skittles-people racism on John Wayne Gacy’s Barsoom doesn’t appeal to you?

      • Von permalink
        June 19, 2015 8:48 am

        No, and nor does buggering pre-teens of both genders in order to summon a thing to learn the equally loathsome spell for banishing a bigger thing. It’s a shame because the psionics rules are decent and I don’t hate the space alien hexcrawl either, but it’s tangled up with shit that I don’t want at the core of my game experience.

      • June 19, 2015 8:04 pm

        For the last time, THE BANISHING RITUALS DO NOT REQUIRE RAPE AND/OR HUMAN SACRIFICE!!! But yeah, the other ones do.

      • Von permalink
        June 25, 2015 4:36 am

        Right, but how do you learn the banishing rituals in the first place? Sooner or later you’re going to want to summon or bind something, and then the trouble starts.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 19, 2015 2:59 am

        It works with the right people, the collected works of C. Ashton Smith, Lovecraft and Howard in your back pocket, posters of the art of Don Lawrence and Frank Frazetta plastering the walls and several open bottles of ammonium placed strategically around the table

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 19, 2015 6:16 am

        I think Schiz made the ultimate sacrifice when he read Sexy Lexi’s Pete’s Garage and posted his review here.

        Of course, we all rolled a d20 to determine who had to do it, so he hardly volunteered.

        Maybe we need to establish what needs to be reviewed and do another roll of to see who loses and has to buy and review it.

        Besides Dark Albion, any must-reviews coming up/already out?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 19, 2015 7:35 am

        Ooh, I got a must-review: Venge’s How to Game Master Like a Fucking Boss, Hoss.

      • Von permalink
        June 19, 2015 9:29 am

        Hmm. On the one hand, the prospect of ripping into the Charisma King’s dribblespeak sounds amusing; on the other hand, I can’t review something with any integrity unless I’ve paid for it and I’m damned if I’ll give him the satisfaction of suggesting his advice is worth money.

      • June 19, 2015 7:41 am

        YDIS may be an appropriate venue for a review of this:

        Is it a meaningful exploration of human needs and the potential of role-playing? Or is it a crass, Raggi-like attempt at publicity?

      • Von permalink
        June 19, 2015 9:27 am

        That was… not what I was expecting. It might even be the sort of thing of which I am ideologically obliged to express a positive opinion.

      • June 19, 2015 8:03 pm

        One of these days we’re gonna do a PbP Jeep game here… one of these days…

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 19, 2015 8:25 am

        I Run With Scissor Sisters should review that one.

        “The tribadism table was overly complicated so we moved to a ‘roll under dex’ mechanic.”

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 19, 2015 9:42 am

        Come on, Von! Venger Ass Nasty commands $100 an hour for his advice at conventions!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 19, 2015 9:45 am

        White Cis (or is that sissy?) SJW Men fully support lesbian porn games like A Place to Fuck Each Other, but heaven forbid you show a woman’s cleavage on your product cover art aimed at straight white men! *pearlclutching*

      • Von's semen encrusted neckbeard permalink
        June 24, 2015 8:16 pm

        SJW males (they can hardly be called “men”) know they’re only allowed to support the homely, unfeminine sort of dykery and Femen style titty exibitions, not anything involving attractive women.

      • Von's semen encrusted neckbeard permalink
        June 24, 2015 11:30 pm

        Von finds the pretend rapes of pretend crayon children of Carcosa an issue of great importance. OTOH the real rapes of 1,400 real British children by Paki scum IN ROTHERHAM ALONE, doesn’t seem to disturb his commitment to the “Progressive” ideals responsible for allowing it to happen in the least.

        Von thinks that holding these ridiculous, state-sanctioned opinions shows what a smart, well-educated fellow he is.

      • Von permalink
        June 25, 2015 4:35 am

        “Of great importance” is pushing it a bit. And what would you have me do about Rotherham? Call for the chemical castration of kiddy-fiddlers? (Not actually a bad idea…)

        Still: I have, at last, proven worthy of genuine mockery. That’s something.

      • Von permalink
        June 25, 2015 10:07 am

        Actually, forget that. Why am I even biting on this stupid hook in the first place? When did this blog become “Your Engagement With Law And Politics Is Suck”? Why am I allowing myself to be told what I do and don’t find important or disturbing by this fuckwit? Why don’t I simply say “Carcosa is a pretend game and I’m not cool with the content and wouldn’t play it. I probably wouldn’t play the lesbian Grindr RPG either. Neither of these is an objection to their very existence: it’s an expression of preference in elfgames.”

        I can’t be that smart or well-educated if I’m foolish enough to gobble up the argument that’s presented to me with such gleeful abandon. Whoopsy-daisy. Never mind. I’m happy to admit I’m a bit thick and only Timotheus seems to think that’s a problem.

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        June 26, 2015 2:12 pm

        People have long been attacked on YDIS for their politics, but pretty much only for being on the right. I’m just picking on you because, while many dong-experts here are quick to call anyone to the right of Hillary Clinton a “nazi”, no one else seems to have the balls to say where they actually stand. And that really is something.

        “And what would you have me do about Rotherham?”

        Join the BNP! Everyone knows Pakis wouldn’t be allowed to run around raping British kids if Nick Griffin was in charge. Death to all pedophiles!

        For the record, I share your distaste for the John Wayne Gacey aspects of Carcosa.

      • Von permalink
        June 26, 2015 2:30 pm

        Oh, it was you? Damn. I could have sworn it was FOTU. Good job I didn’t call that in public.

        On the topic of the BNP: believe it or not I nearly voted for UKIP. Once. When I was eighteen. Before they were famous. Then I saw the candidate for my constituency was flying the Stars and Stripes on the morning of the election and realised ‘independence’ meant just meant the asshole would be presented across the Atlantic rather than the Channel. That and their abysmal attendance record in Europe (you’d think they’d turn up to actively fuck with things and get us kicked out, but apparently actually agitating for UK independence in the relevant sphere is not part of their remit) put me off for life.

        One suspects that if the hard left took over I would be the first to rabbit about laissez-faire capitalism and the need for private property to secure private life. Where I stand is on the side of basic human dignity, quality of life and a fair go, digging the heels in and dragging things back toward a basic reasonableness: women are welcome at the gaming table, creepers are not, kiddy-fiddlers of all stripes want shooting and E R. Eddison is simply the best writer of fahntahsy lihteratoor who ever lived.

        … not entirely sure what happened there.

      • June 26, 2015 4:38 pm

        @Bigby the Usurper

        I can see your point about a the left-wing bias but we do occasionally make fun of Zak, Wundergeek(once or twice, very little mileage to be had, mostly just depression and shrugging) and the RPGnet Tranny/SJW brigade. Surely that lends us some republic credits?

        Isn’t the whole point of this site that you don’t really have to give a shit what other people’s politics are, you just have to laugh at morons?

        P.S Is this salient the result of Sad Puppies and the Hugo’s and if so, can i have a succinct opinion on ‘if you were a dinosaur my love?’

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        June 30, 2015 1:45 pm

        Alright, I’ll get with the program. Which one of you tireless trolls posts as “abe” at Dragonsfoot?

        A few of abe’s idiotic gems include – “Aspergers in D&D” (asking for a friend), “enchanted paper” (not any particular enchantment mind you, just making paper magical somehow), and asking for help stating up a “Mule kick” (donkey punches probably require a feat)

      • Von permalink
        July 1, 2015 12:02 am

        I might be going blind here but how come nobody in that Asperger’s thread said “Why would you want to? This is the Old School! If you have it, your character has it! End IC/OOC discrimination now!”

  12. Elminster Crowley permalink
    June 18, 2015 3:57 pm

    [i]Half-Orc Heritage (p. 47). From now on, Half-Orcs will no longer be referred to as, “basically Black people for the Forgotten Realms, with all positive social characteristics replaced by a ticking rage-bomb timer.” Just, you know, use your imagination with that part.[/i]

    So you mean that Half-Orcs are basically Basketball-Americans, but instead of the ticking rage bomb-timer, they have positive social characteristics?


    • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
      June 26, 2015 2:48 pm

      I got some new orc minis

  13. Elminster Crowley permalink
    June 18, 2015 4:01 pm

    No BBCode 😦

    • Mjollnir permalink
      June 19, 2015 9:47 am

      Oh what the hell. Say what you want about Gay Nazi Porn, at least we Gay Nazis have a place to fuck each other!

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        June 24, 2015 7:55 pm

        Bigby’s Gay Porn Archive

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        June 24, 2015 8:00 pm

        You don’t become a world renowned Dong Expert without studying the subject long and hard.

  14. Timotheus permalink
    June 19, 2015 10:04 am

    OK, looks like the two burning titles in the blOwSR now are Venger’s Gaymaster Boss thing and lesbian hardcore sex game A Place to Fuck Eachother.

    When I get home tonight, I’ll roll a d20. Everybody else roll, too. We’ll set an arbitrary time limit for all shitheads here to make their rolls, say by Sunday night?

    Lowest roll gets Venger’s baby (meaning Von will have to pay for it, even if that supports the imminet return of Cthulhu, if he coughs up the low roll – stiff upper lip, old boy!). Second lowest gets A Place to Fuck (which seems to be free, aside from SAN loss).

    Remember, people, we are on the honor system. As always.

    If there are any more titles to consider, bring them up by Sunday.

    (I thought about White Star, since it is what the in crowd are drooling over, but it looks so mind-numbingly boring i doubt anyone could stay awake for the second chapter.)

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 19, 2015 10:47 am

      I’d hate for this week’s WHITE STAR drama to fall off the radar without at least passing acknowledgement at YDIS. Over at the WHITE STAR Google+ community, some fan thought it would be fun to have a community contest to create content for their favorite cut and paste and find (Elf) and replace (Vulcan) suckdungeon is space snooze fest, but then the creator James Spahn got all AN IP HAS BEEN STOLEN!!!! on his fans and up in their face because some chucklehead used the WHITE STAR logo on his free for the taking fan creation in support of his stupid game but neglected to include the OGL!!! I mean, yes, this is the worst fucking thing to happen since 9/11 and all, but then Tenkar got all serious and shit about this great atrocity of not using an OGL on a fan contribution which is far worse than shooting nine people dead in a church in South Carolina, especially if the victims are black and the shooter white.


      Also, as a real Catholic (unlike Spaulding), I am forbidden from reading either How to Gaymaster like a Fucking Boss or A Place for Lesbos to Fuck Each Other.

      • Scott permalink
        June 19, 2015 11:40 am

        One of the nice things about not selling stuff is being able to say “I wrote this for Dungeons & Dragons, no one’s ever going to do anything about it, and the retroclone/OGL crowd can suck my dick.”

      • Aos permalink
        June 19, 2015 7:01 pm

        You could probably say all that shit and still sell it, really. Nobody that actually matters gives a fuck.

      • June 20, 2015 10:54 am

        (whispered) *I* care.

        What can I say in conclusion about ACKS? Its definitely not just a clone; and yet at the same time its not actually as innovative in either inspiration or mechanic as other non-clone games. Its got less atmosphere than LotFP, and its less daring with the actual rules than DCC or Majestic Wilderlands.

    • June 21, 2015 7:28 pm

      I was steeled for the awful but that’s really nice.

      Fuck, that reminds me, I rolled another 8 on this year’s Review Sudden Death Save. You’re sure we want to roll high on this one?

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 22, 2015 7:35 am

      11. Ill deliver a review of Dark Albion if it gets released by our buddy Steven Chain. I dunno about that though, not that much OSR stuff getting ass dumped lately.

      • June 22, 2015 11:14 am

        Okay, I’ll do White Star. Allow me a few days to swallow the bitter pill that is giving money to those twats, and then I’ll read through it disinterestedly and report back.

      • My Face is a Place Where Lesbians Can F*CK Each Other! permalink
        June 22, 2015 8:33 pm

        For White Star, all you really have to do is read S&W White Box and substitute “Vulcan” for “Elf” and “Jedi Knight” for “Cleric”.

      • My Face is a Place Where Lesbians Can F*CK Each Other! permalink
        June 22, 2015 8:36 pm

        Or just take a lot of drugs washed down with liquor and review them all at once: SUCK DUNGEON IS SPACE IS A PLACE WHERE LESBIANS CAN FUCK EACH OTHER LIKE A BOSS!

      • My Face is a Place Where Lesbians Can F*CK Each Other! permalink
        June 22, 2015 8:37 pm

        suck dungeon IN space WTF!!!

      • June 23, 2015 12:50 pm

        Update: I took the plunge and conjured forth a blog. Let’s see if i can last the week.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        June 23, 2015 9:24 pm

        Looking good. Not my taste in fantasy but I eagerly await your reviews. Keep it up, don’t be a Kent. I’m down to 3 blogs that I like to read. You’ll keep blogging if you love me.

      • June 25, 2015 3:27 pm

        You had me at Kent

  15. My Face is a Place Where Lesbians Can F*CK! permalink
    June 21, 2015 5:15 pm

    Still no Blooey sightings.

    Sigh 😦

    • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 21, 2015 6:18 pm

      He’s probably celebrating Father’s Day with his weirdo son

    • My Face is a Place Where Lesbians Can F*CK Each Other! permalink
      June 22, 2015 8:38 pm

      I think Blooey was shot and killed his body dumped in that swamp where they tell the outlanders the WalMart is…

  16. June 22, 2015 1:10 pm

    Bringing John Tarnowski on board was apparently a real Hail Mary over at EveryJoe. Is that troll traffic spike back in January us? If so, you fine fucks need to be getting back over there to make the clicky clicky noises because end-to-end traffic has dropped 35% since the Kasimir Urbanski era started, down 45% year over year.

    Travis, I hope you’ll tell us if our numbers start going the wrong way.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 23, 2015 7:06 am

      Hahaha that’s the ole Pundit bump for ya. I doubt it’s pundit’s fault that traffic is plunging though, i doubt he has much effect either way. Also Kent is trolling Kellri and i think we should take responsibility for the attack. Im picturing a masked YDIS crew on a grainy video recording, speaking mangled gaelic, shrugging and pointing to a semen-stained copy of the Worm Ouroboros in accusation whilst a static-laced colombo soundtrack interspersed with clips from the Creature of the Black Lagoon is playing in the background. Calling Recovering retard!

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 24, 2015 10:13 pm

        Kellri: So which forums have you not been banned from?
        Kent: None involuntarily.

        Heh, Kuntloaf “voluntarily” banned himself from all of those forums. He liked banning himself that he kept on creating sockpuppets so he could keep on doing it.


    • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 23, 2015 3:54 pm

      Pundejo’s milkshake, that combination of cod-libertarianism and Uruguayan rune magick, doesn’t bring anybody to the yard.

    • June 23, 2015 6:07 pm

      Funny thing happened on the way to Big Purple:

      (‘Shite is not ranked . . . and you need to have pretty low traffic not to get a public Compete ranking.)

      • My Face is a Place Where Lesbians Can F*CK Each Other! permalink
        June 23, 2015 8:15 pm

        😯 That’s a lot of SJWs and trannies!

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        July 8, 2015 12:58 am

        I blame BPAs

  17. June 24, 2015 2:40 pm

    If White Star is too rich for your blood, I made this for you:

    • June 24, 2015 3:24 pm

      The OGL better be on the back of that piece of paper or there’ll be hell to pay.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 24, 2015 3:26 pm


    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 24, 2015 3:30 pm

      Put this on it anyway.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 24, 2015 6:16 pm

        Even better: White Star Contemptible

    • June 24, 2015 8:43 pm


      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 24, 2015 10:14 pm

        I think Jack could clear a cool 50K so he could photocopy that sheet. At the $25 level, supporters would get it copied on goldenrod-colored paper.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 25, 2015 10:09 am

        At $50K Jack should pull a JMal grab and go Obi Wan style. “These are not the Kickstarter rewards you are looking for…”

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 25, 2015 10:30 am

        Backers at the $100 level will get a Lego figurine of their PC.

      • June 25, 2015 10:46 am

        Autarch will pick up the tab if I dine n dash, right?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 25, 2015 11:39 am

        Word on the street is that Tavis just bought a ream of goldenrod paper.

    • Mjollnir of the All Gay Fourth Reich! permalink
      June 25, 2015 8:38 pm

      Common Covetous Jew – Wererat stats
      American Negro Ghetto Thug – Dire Ape stats
      Obama’s Attack Drones – use Beholder stats
      Muslim Sand Monkey Terrorists – Orcs (pig faced)!
      Tranny Activist – Mimic stats

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 25, 2015 8:41 pm

        That’s actually very clever. Psychotic and sick as fuck, but very clever.

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        July 8, 2015 1:02 am

        Not bad

  18. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 25, 2015 8:30 pm

    Blooey Blooey Bloo
    Where are you?
    We Need to sell some product!


    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 25, 2015 8:33 pm

      Come on Blooey Bloo
      I miss you
      Fresh install that dine & dash now!

  19. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 25, 2015 9:00 pm

    BREAKING NEWS: White Star has dropped on 7chan! White Star has dropped on 7chan! Download your free complimentary copy that you are entitled to as a YDIS member today!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 25, 2015 9:16 pm

      WARNING: White Star is hosted on FileDais, which will make your computer shit blood if you aren’t careful and you’ll be up for days doing fresh installs and trying to get rid of unwanted toolbars just like Blooey, but on the upside, FileDais ignores copyright infringement takedown notices even though it asks for them and just sells the email addresses of those who request them to spammers.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 25, 2015 9:20 pm

      Wow this White Star twat has declared all generic class names like Fighter Pilot product identity and off limits.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 25, 2015 9:38 pm

        Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, you got a cut-and-paste of that shit?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 25, 2015 9:54 pm

        All the classes (which have generic names like Robot and Star Pilot) are in chapter. Chapter 2 is declared Product Identity in the OGL:

        Barrel Rider Games™ logo and name “Barrel
        Rider Games™”, and “White Star™” and the
        “White Star™” logo are copyright and the
        Product Identity of James Spahn, 2012-2015.
        Chapters 2, 11, and 12 and all proper names
        and terms within, as well as the map of the
        Kelron Sector, are designed Product Identity.
        Artwork and cartography are the copyright of
        the respective artists, are used with permission.,
        and are Product Identity.

        This White Star cunt has broken the Big OGL cardinal rule around since the d20 Glut Days for his own benefit: THOU SHALT NOT CRIPPLE THE OGL TO PREVENT REUSE!!!

        I am glad I didn’t spend $10 on this incomplete piece of shit cut and paste and find and replace of the free S&W White Box, but I can why dumb fucks like Tenkar who did would be trying to convince everyone this thing is any good so they don’t look like the retards they truly are like the idiots who wouldn’t tell the emperor he was in his underwear in the Emperor’s New Clothes.

        White Star: Cut & Paste SUCKDUNGEON IN SPAAAAAAAAAACE!

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 25, 2015 10:56 pm

        Heh, Barrel Rider Games…

      • Von permalink
        June 26, 2015 12:10 am

        Who is this septic bell-end and did he ever work for Games Workshop’s IP division? This smacks of claiming you invented the words “Space Marine” to me (and then changing “Imperial Guard” and “Storm Trooper” to dog-Latin garbage because it turns out you can’t actually make that shit fly in court and you urgently needed some names you COULD trademark…)

      • June 26, 2015 12:39 am


        That explains the fucking Astra Militarum. What a crock of shit.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 26, 2015 12:49 am

        Checked out the “RPGNow” discussion page, seems the d00d heard the rumblings of the disaffected natives and made Chapter 2 Open Gaming Content. I checked out a bit of his oeuvre and it seems like his specialty is cranking out “Labyrinth Lord” adaptations of various AD&D subclasses, a lot of them seemingly cribbed from “Dragon”.

        He’s slightly more contemptible than Raggi, and slightly less contemptible than the Brave Halfling guy.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        June 26, 2015 8:02 am

        Ah, I see Pundick’s butt-licking lackey Benoist is in the RPGNow comments to defend White Star’s honor against much more complete and much better written games (not to mention free and totally open) like Stars Without Number. What a douche.

      • Von permalink
        June 26, 2015 12:41 pm


        Have you seen the new Warhammer Age of Sigmar shit? I have no idea what I’m looking at. Huge flabby plastic models and round bases and… are those angels?

      • June 26, 2015 5:03 pm


        I’m tangentally familiar with the End Times but i have not yet had the pleasure of seeing fucking Sigmar and his fucking Angels. I would hazard to guess it would be like having the Emperor getting off his Golden Throne and taking to the field of battle or some other dumb crap that sounds epic in concept but always fails in execution. I am witholding judgement until i see it with my own eyes but i can already recite half of the Calyxis sector from memory and i have not gotten laid in months which i feel to be a sign that i should temporarily halt my accumulation of useless trivia. Unless its really cool. Are the books any good(i.e were they written by Dan Abnett, Aaron-demsi-bowden, Gavin Thorpe on amphetamines or Rob Sanders)?


      • Von permalink
        June 27, 2015 12:05 am


        We know precious little at present bar a couple of White Dwarf scans but they do not fill me with confidence, especially since the backstory paragraphs read… well, like dumb crap, without the wry humour or the historian’s insight of the original. Warhammer has always been dumb crap but in the past it was dumb crap produced by clever people who were interested in things outside Warhammer; the last few cycles have been produced by people who grew up on the Warhammer IP and don’t seem to have that solid ‘Appendix N’ factor. They are the same sort of people who think that quoting your own shitty tie-in novels throughout your rulebook is big or clever, naming no Wizards and pointing no Fifths.

        News on shitty Warhammer tie-in novels is as yet unconfirmed. I don’t know if ADB is allowed to write fahntahsy litratchur, Thorpe is mediocre at best, Abnett’s WFB stuff has been lacking (with the exception of Darkblade and he only got away with that because it’s comics and nobody was expecting anything clever), and I don’t know who Rob Sanders is. I haven’t read a WFB novel since they commissioned that Savile bloke to write the Vampire Wars, though, so I’m probably not qualified to pass judgement. As long as it’s not fucking Kyme or Goto…

      • June 27, 2015 7:55 am


        Oh shit we are warhammer fagging again. And i am loving every filthy second of it. Your first paragraph highlights a problem i also seem to have with many current gms and players in that instead of loving the source material that produced DnD(or any other sort of fantuhsy lideratur) they love Forgotten Realms novels that are almost inevitably shitty copies of the same(i am giving the Dark Sun novels a pass even though they too are bad). Or worse, video games and anime(though i too am guilty of dabbling on those fields on occasion).

        40k seems to be having some more luck with its tie-in novels, perhaps because the vastness of an interstellar empire with ten thousand years of history and a million+ worlds allows for a bit more lee-way and creativity. I am starting to hate the Spees Muhreens Fight Orkz again! type of novel they incessantly churn out(unless they are by Dan Abnett) but on occasion someone that is not Dan Abnett manages to sneak an interesting book under the radar before the editors get their mangled dog-talons on it. That and the Horus Heresy series seems to do better because its a fresh universe and authors are actually involved in the creative process and shit.

        Darkblade was alright(i assume you also mean by extension the books that he collaborated on with Mike Lee) but i think Warhammer Fantasy novels just suffer from a sort of fundamental deficiency that will make them mediocre by default. Thorpe has a firm grip of story structure and writes decent if workman-like stories. Sanders is great. Kyme is utterly wretched and Goto made me actively nauseous(i still own a goddamn copy of the Blud Rehvens omnibus for pete’s sake).

      • Von permalink
        June 27, 2015 8:24 am


        Blatant faggotry indeed, but this is surely the day for it.

        In before the inevitable manifestation of Kent: it need not be fhanthahsy lhitra’toor, of course. What is important is that the developers and writers read extensively outside their own setting and ideally have some sort of expertise in a field that is not prannying around making elfgames (I’m not saying the older Warhammer material is good because Rick Priestley is a qualified archaeologist, for instance, but it can’t hurt to have someone who knows how barbarian tribes and medieval cities probably worked hanging around the place).

        I like the occasional computer game but I don’t go to them expecting them to be especially rich influences, since by and large they’ll have the same problems as everything else we’re bitching about here.

        40K seems to attract a better calibre of author (Matthew Farrer, Robey Jenkins, the aforementioned ADB, Andy Chambers, etc. etc.), but also to produce things for the sake of producing them rather than because they’re particularly interesting. (Naturally, all this is mere carping on my part because they rejected my submission for the Deathwatch anthology. In retrospect, opening the summary with ‘Basically, it’s Apocalypse Now with Orks but the Kurtz character is a decent, diplomatic human being, because that’s what constitutes going off the deep end and becoming totally unacceptable in a society as crazed and xenophobic as the Imperium, and if that sounds derivative and trite, remember you let Kim Newman get away with worse’ might not have been strictly tactical.)

        I reject 30K and all things pertaining to it on principle – not because they’re not good but because I think the period was better left as a half-described legend with a footnote saying “read Paradise Lost and Dune you twat”.

        This concept that Warhammer Fantasy Literature is innately lacking in some respect intrigues me. Why do you think that should be the case?

      • June 27, 2015 4:51 pm


        Amen on the Phaant’asay Lyatratur part. Better a dude with a degree in vikingology then an asshole who just read Codex Chaos from back to back and has a 3.500 point chaos army. Of course an asshole with a degree in vikingology and a 3.500 point chaos army is the ideal candidate.

        Is Kim Newman the broad most would be 40k authors want to be, not because she is an established author but because they get to fuck Dan Abnett? Regardless, an interesting literary twist would have gone over with the old crowd but in this new era any plot that does not require at least three chainsword/bolter fights is morally reprehensible and therefore unacceptable. Unless Rob Sanders/Dan Abnett/A to the DB.
        Ironically, the story ‘Orc Hunters(DA)’ may have filled up their Heart of Darkness-inspired Bolter-porn quota so you would have been better off putting it in an ice setting or something. Kurtz would of course be a Magos of the Adeptus Mechancius that seeks to replace all his organic components with technology in violation of the Treaty of Mars(Codex mechanicus just came out so its marketable), replace the V.C with either orks, eldar or if you can get away with it, god forbid, something new and interesting, and the ending would involve him getting shot in the face with a new 250 quid Forge World Super Heavy Tank(call me GW!).

        I find 30k rich, detailed and brimming with fun stuff because they are making it up as they go along. 40k is so settled it takes talent and originality(i.e shit that is not directly linked to selling plastic figurines) to make it cool. The Dark heresy core rulebook(i think my favourite roleplaying game) shows how you can have a rich and detailed setting in 40k by doing its own thing without completely going off the rails.

        My take on WH Fantasy is that the potential for fun, interesting tidbits and originality is stymied by the fairly limited scope of the world(not that it isnt detailed mind, i would have no problem setting an rpg in it), and thus the potential for interesting stories is more limited. 40k is so immense you can put almost anything in it as long as it involves killing, and over the years they did some pretty cool shit. They did Space Battle of the Bulge, Space some obscure South Asian conflict, Space Alexander the Great, aforementioned Space Paradise Lost, Space Dante’s Inferno etc. etc. I imagine WH Fantasy is a lot more contraining to the imagination.

      • Von permalink
        June 28, 2015 12:42 am

        “Vikingology”. I like this, and will encourage Medieval Studies colleagues to rename their specialisms accordingly. (Wait, that means I’ll know at least one doctor of Medieval Virginology. Back to the drawing board…)

        On Kim Newman – ahhhahahahaha no you’re thinking of Nik Vincent. Or possibly Sarah Cawkwell. I know one of ’em’s living with him. Kim Newman is the goth neckbeard who dresses like a walrus wearing a Victorian sofa and happens to have a deceptively transy name. Nice bloke, by all accounts, and he writes vampire novels that aren’t rejected trash-porn submissions with fangs bolted on.

        Codex Mechanicus wasn’t out at the time, unfortunately, and I’d just re-read Planetkill so I was a little bit overloaded on Mechanicus. I wanted to keep it within the Deathwatch remit so that kinda meant using an Ordo Xenos Inquisitor. Should have gone for a more recently released alien Codex though (and had some underselling flyer kit vroosh in to save the day). The problem, of course, is that I’m more interested in crude but (hopefully) interesting twists on pop culture narratives within the setting than I am in selling Deathwatch conversion packs.

        Dark Heresy is an excellent sub-setting book although I think I prefer Inquisitor for sheer batshit “this is an actual GW release but it’s so unlike everything else we do that nine-tenths of the player base will barf when they see it” ingenuity. Who’d have thought that scaling up to 54mm, abandoning points values, reintroducing the GM and an honour system and sliding toward PvP RPG wouldn’t go down well with the Codex-lickers? I’m afraid I will never pronounce Dark Heresy my favourite RPG ever because it is a Fantasy Flight product and therefore burdened with an abundance of mechanical cruft. I’m of the opinion that roleplaying rules should become slimmer and more efficient and restrained over time, as the dead wood of overenthusiasm and inexperience is cut away: it is for this reason that I believe most roleplaying rules to be shite. (That said, I’ve played and run Dark Heresy since it does fulfil the ‘interesting if you just run out of the core book’ criterion and I’m used to eliminating cruft from the WFRP system on which it’s loosely based. Needs a 100% random chargen option though.)

        I agree and disagree on the limitations of WFRP: again, the aforementioned Newman (I’m not gay for him) (well, maybe for his wardrobe) (and status as Official Goth Culture spokesman to documentary makers) managed to do “what happens twenty years after the epic quest to slay the Dark Lord when all the dust has settled” as a starter and then settled in to doing Warhammer takes on Dirty Harry, the Phantom of the Opera, a dozen classic Gothic novels in the space of one short story, whatever the fuck that one with the unicorn was meant to be, a superhero-comics-style masked avenger story, and a good honest bit of direct political satire. There’s a lot you can do with the Warhammer world when you get away from the battlefield, but since GW doesn’t currently market an RPG for it nobody is paid to go there any more.

        (There’s probably a podcast in this, you know. Can you stay off the Dutch govt. issue smack and hookers long enough to record ninety minutes of Warhammerfaggotry for the benefit of my Dear Listeners?)

      • Von permalink
        June 28, 2015 12:52 am

        Also, in ref: computer games (a thought that’s just occurred to me), I would potentially go to computer games for inspiration in terms of aesthetic and play-style. Diablo (II and III in particular) manages to integrate music and background aesthetics and prioritise flow (for the most part) to the point where you pick up the lore as you’re going along and don’t notice its relative scantiness or care that its plot can be seen coming from a mile off.

        (It’s worth noting that my guildmates disagree on this front and are either baffled or enraged by the plot, but they are strange Swedish folk who would happily press one button and simply have the plot of a game unfold so they can get on with using it as a chat platform for lesbian erotica. Shiiit: I play computer games with the kind of people I Fuck It With My Face or whatever that thing’s called is made for. I should accept that I multiclassed into Social Justice Warrior after all…)

        Final Fantasy does a similar thing by showing me how a tediously granular modern RPG which does nothing but combat simulation can be incorporated into my preferred diceless style, and how such an approach can even have merit because it allows players to connect or disconnect with the aspects of play that most please them. I wouldn’t have thought of that if my good pal Dr. Shiny hadn’t insisted on replaying one of them over and over in my presence.

      • June 29, 2015 8:20 am

        I enjoy listening to you dildos spam WH lit studies, but I keep in the back of my mind that you recommended some massive volume of 40K short stories and I bought it and it was terrible, the half dozen or so stories I read (some dude goes to a sanitarium to research a plague, some dudes fight some Space Elfs for some reason, I can’t even recall the others). Which is kinda like how I enjoy listening to friends talk about the latest South Park episode, then about once a year I’ll try to watch an episode and it’s absolutely unwatchable. So yes, do the podcast is what I’m saying, but keep it under 15 minutes.

      • Von permalink
        June 29, 2015 11:01 am

        I know the one you mean and the sanitarium one is probably the best one in there. Adjusting your expectations downward is key. Newman, for instance, despite my being overwhelmingly gay for his vampire nonsense, is still competent, occasionally amusing pulp hackery, about equal with Moorcock in “phone it in” mode. So yeah: the Black Library commissions some good people (and some crap ones) and doesn’t necessarily care whether they do a good job or not.

        I have only ever watched one episode of South Park despite having heard teenage cocksandwiches rattle off its catchphrases for much of my adolescence – it was the WoW one and I think about two lines in it raised a smirk.

        That’s still more than Family Guy, which I find unendurable. It may be ivory tower elitism of the sort which makes people not want to live on this planet any more, but I still think “says ‘giggedy’ more than once in a conversation” is a basic qualifier for “get out of my house” territory.

      • June 28, 2015 7:32 pm

        >Kim Newman is the goth neckbeard who dresses like a walrus wearing a Victorian sofa and happens to have a deceptively transy name.

        Von, I love your work and congratulations on the module about being bottom master, but you’re going to have to give us more clues on these OSR blind items. This could still be anyone.

      • June 29, 2015 2:11 pm


        Odd, i find Dark Heresy to be almost a poster child for the “complex and customisable yet relatively easy to learn” school of roleplaying thought and consider the Inquisitor’s handbook almost mandatory for playing a serious game of DH(no fucking noble background, forge world background or schola progenium background in the corebook that is some serious bullsh*t). I am one of those obsessive compulsive completionists that actually tries to incorporate everything i can find on an existing setting although i also tend to improvise and add to it as i go along(as any good setting should allow). TLDR Dark Heresy is a great game as long as you ignore some of the ridiculously overpowered bullshit and your gm stops the insane min/maxing that becomes trivially easy with the addition of starting packages and advanced classes.

        Also yes, i would be available for a warhammerfagging podcast. Send an email or something and we will work out some details.

        Games are fine soundtrack wise and occasionally as an example of delivering exposition in an interactive environment but have this notion video games(especially rpgs) focus on exactly the opposite stuff that makes a tabletop worth playing. I played some Final Fantasy when i was younger along with some other Jrpgs but i have come to the conclusion that with a few rare exceptions they are all gay rubbish with the interactivity and pacing of a train simulator and overwritten high concept stories with bizarro characters. Western rpgs fare a lot better but are still fairly restrictive.


        You bought Let the Galaxy Burn?!? I absolve myself from responsibility and would like to blame Von though i must be quick to point out that any conclusion as to its collective merit that does not include an analysis of the short story Battle of the Archeosaurs, where the imperium attempts to giant robot fight a planet of cavemen with giant dinosaurs that they control through massive spikes in their skulls is a joyless exercise in futility. I reread it recently and i must admit it sucked considerably more ass then i originally remembered, though i would have been a teenager at the time of my first reading. For what it is worth, here is my top 5, from which i withhold what i think might be Pestilence by Dan Abnett, which was atmospheric with a hint of the lovecraftian.
        -Any and all stories by Barrington J Baley except for the many lives of Ferrag Lion wolf.
        Ancient History by Andy Chambers deserves a read i reckon.
        Ork Hunter/Fall of Malvolion by Dan Abnett are fun action stories.

      • June 29, 2015 5:58 pm

        LtGB, that’s the one. You cannot simultaneously absolve yourself of responsibility, then submit your list of the bestest, most shiny&chrome stories. But thank you for the tip about the Mighty Morphin DinoRangers story, that does sound like a must read. Not sure why someone doesn’t turn that into a campaign… (hint-hint, Von).

      • Von permalink
        June 29, 2015 10:07 pm

        @YDIS – I always saw it as more of a wargame thing. Titan Legions would cover the giant stompy things aspect fairly adequately, or some sort of OGRE variant… no, dammit, I don’t have time to think about this today!

        Also I think I recommended LtGB as a book with some decent stories in it, rather than pure cast-iron brilliance. (Is Tenebrae in there? Or Hell in a Bottle? Or… shit, that other one with Word Bearers and a craftworld nobody’s heard of. Three not-awful Chaos stories, anyway…)

        @Prince – “… consider the Inquisitor’s handbook almost mandatory for playing a serious game of DH …”

        Which I would consider a flaw of the game (in that the core book is underdesigned in order to make a supplement a must-purchase: poor design, good business). Anyway, I’m still filing it under “decent but could have around a third of the rules and still be perfectly playable” and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

        Western RPGs are generally combat engines in which people occasionally do some talking about a plot which is either crap (not Bioware) or elevated by some good work on characters and solid choice of voice actors (Bioware). MMORPGs are worse because the poor sods writing them have thousands of unpleasable dickwads to satisfy and some of the most vocal and toxic ones are also the least literate.

      • June 30, 2015 1:55 am


        I blame Von for recommending it, though it was a good recommendation based on the fact i recall you saying you enjoyed some of the earlier anthologies. Also those two stories Von mentioned(Tenebrae and Hell in a Bottle) are both in there and also kind of okay.


        A Legitimate grievance easily corrected by the 2nd edition of the Dark Heresy Game, which has the drawback of not being based in the calyxis sector however(though its own setting is also kind of kickass and it does away with the cubersome class system in favour of a sort of hybridized point buy with flowcharts).

        You are correct about video game rpgs but jrpgs are infinetely worse and lack the ability to explore in a lot of the later versions. MMorpgs are generally text book examples of how not to design a setting(bloated and generic to appeal to the dummies).

  20. Sykirobme permalink
    June 26, 2015 6:26 am

    It’s panhandlin’ time!

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      June 26, 2015 6:53 am

      This is the second time they’ve asked for money to go to a con, too.

      Come on, Wallet Things of the OSR, pay for our vacation! WE DESERVE IT!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 26, 2015 11:17 am

        I’d like to, but I’m backing Jack’s OSR space game Kickstarter at the $250 level. That includes the goldenrod paper option, a Lego figurine of my PC, plus another Lego figurine of Darf Nader, the setting’s BBEG. Also, Tavis will personally trace over the TAU Fighter’s (product identity) blaster bolts with a neon highlighter marker, and I get to choose the color. Finally, the package comes in a Ziplock bag and includes a crayon to color in the numbers of the dice, which are not included.

        I think the dice come with the $500 pledge package.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      June 26, 2015 7:03 am

      Who are those two cunts and why do I care if they are at GenCon or not, considering there will be over 60,000 people there already?

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:08 am

        Apparently the suckdungeon you get for donating has something to do with Von’s Bottom…Von, what is the deal, old chap?

      • Von permalink
        June 26, 2015 11:05 am

        Am I my Bottom’s keeper?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 26, 2015 11:08 am

        “Von’s bottom” sounds like a perfectly cromulent Elizabethan swear.

      • Von permalink
        June 26, 2015 2:37 pm

        Great. My ass is a B&B tavern trawl. Immortalised at last…

      • Von permalink
        June 28, 2015 11:12 pm

        Curiosity bit too deep and I had to see what my Bottom had been up to without me. Result:

        “The adventure is pretty cool, and anyone interested in a short, whimsical dungeon crawl type of adventure with anime tropes will enjoy Von Bottom’s Hoard.”

        Whimsical I can do, short is fine, but ‘dungeon crawl with anime tropes’? I disown this Bottom. This is not my Bottom and I know not what has been Hoarded therein. Like Cromwell, I have fallen out with my Rump and will be disbanding it forthwith.

        “If, for some reason, you don’t want to help these people for the contributions that they’ve given to gaming through their blogging and their social media posting…”

        Guilt trip, much?

      • June 29, 2015 2:25 pm

        People criminally overvalue the contribution of “blogging and social media posting.”

    • Scott permalink
      June 26, 2015 7:33 am

      Rey and Annah are both *extremely* nice people and not just by my reflexive contrarian apologist “I know this person acts like an unhinged douche an awful lot but YOU GUISE” standards. I’ve literally never seen them have a bad interaction with anyone or act shadily. I’m not their white knight and I think random fundraisers are baffling on both ends of the exchange, so that’s all I got.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:38 am

        I know plenty of *extremely* nice people whose vacations I’d refuse to fund. Fuck these douchebags.

      • Scott permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:46 am

        Oh, I’m not giving them any money, but I wouldn’t give it to anyone. They just don’t have the usual OSR personality disorders or horrid character traits to compound the mendicancy. People want to give them free money, at least they’re not getting it under false pretenses or playing some weird-ass “syndrome” card.

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:39 am

        More importantly, which Slavic Idol Buttplug are you buying, Scott?

      • Scott permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:42 am

        Perun looks like he’d compromise my colon and Mokosh is frighteningly girthy, so I reckon it’s Veles by default.

      • Scott permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:53 am

        Today is also my first day of a ten day break from work, the most time I’ve had off since God, I don’t know when. Maybe since I started working in my teens. And I don’t get to go anywhere because I have other things I should spend that kind of money on and I have animals that require high daily maintenance, there’s no possible universe where I’d fund anyone’s vacation. I don’t even understand these fundraisers, much less advocate them, but it’s not like there’s a shell game.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        June 26, 2015 7:58 am

        Well, they would have had to pay for badges and book a room for the convention by this point, so they are already planning on going anyway. They just want to see if someone else will be stupid enough to pay for it, or at least underwrite their RPG purchases at the con.

        I’m approached by “extremely” nice panhandlers every single day but I still won’t give them money because I know they won’t buy food only booze and drugs.

    • kent permalink
      June 26, 2015 7:54 am

      –Rey and Annah are both *extremely* nice people

      Who are they and where did you interact with them?

      • Scott permalink
        June 26, 2015 9:02 am

        I’ve gamed online with Rey and I’ve been friends with both of them online, including social media, for several years. As far as you can get a sense of who someone is through their online persona, I e-know them pretty well.

        They’re both very active on G+ (or were when I was on there) and this is probably more of a “pass the hat among people who know us online” than “accosting strangers” thing but I didn’t read it all.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 26, 2015 11:06 am

        Damn, gay marriage has only been legal in all 50 states for a couple of hours, and Kent is already acting like a jealous wife.

        Don’t marry him, Scott, no matter what cocktail of pharmaceuticals is messing up your impulse control.

      • kent permalink
        June 26, 2015 11:50 am

        They might be able to earn a few bob for their trip teaching people how to be nice on the web and explaining why this is a good thing.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 26, 2015 12:52 pm

      Dorkland Manchild Sez: “Don’t forget to pay my way too! (Full disclosure: I run my own fundraising campaign for Gen Con, to be found at the right. It is expensive for everyone.)”

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 26, 2015 1:49 pm

        “ is expensive…”

        Fucking fatbeards, of course it is for you. Gotta keep those Cheetos flowing, don’t you.

  21. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    June 26, 2015 7:52 am

    Stay home you fucking losers. That frees up one hotel room in an already overcrowded small pond.

  22. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 26, 2015 8:47 am

    Congratulations, Kent! You can get gay married in all 50 US states now!

    (Seriously though, this is awesome news for America and equality for all! Seeing twats like Oakes Spaulding retard-flail out only makes it better!)

    • June 26, 2015 10:47 am

      And the Vatican officially recognized the Palestinian State. Rough week for religious maniacs.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      June 26, 2015 1:21 pm

      Certainly it’s great goddamn news for divorce lawyers. Mo’ money mo’ money. Plus now there’ll be medical components to divorce. “I deserve more cause he gave me ass-herps!” or “I deserve more cause he wanted too much buttplay and now I have a prolapsed anus!”

  23. Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
    June 26, 2015 2:56 pm

    Paul Joseph Watson (of Alex “FEMA Fat Camp” Jones fame) just released one of the greatest short films of all time (after “Anti-racist Hitler” anyways). Watch and despair that SJW’s actually exist.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 26, 2015 3:02 pm

      Aw, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you closet case.

      They give you internet access in prison after you shot those kindly black people in SC, bowlcut?

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        June 26, 2015 11:19 pm

        Seriously, who has a fucking bowlcut?

        You have an obviously mentally-ill weirdo living in a batshit insane culture, and the anti-White puppets on TV want to pretend the Confederate Flag is what pushed him over the edge.

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 27, 2015 12:47 am

        What’s the matter, you self-loathing, inbred closet case? You’re scared that the Negros are going to get you?

      • Mjollnir of the All Male All Gay Nazi Fourth Reich permalink
        June 27, 2015 8:05 am

        Thanks to the Supreme Court, I can finally have an ALL MALE ALL GAY NAZI FOURTH REICH! I will sit on cocks for Hitler ALL DAY LONG AND INTO THE NIGHT MOTHAFUCKAS!!!!

    • kent permalink
      June 27, 2015 3:12 am

      Jesus that guy is insanely funny.

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        June 27, 2015 9:39 am

        Kent’s been jacking off to that guy in the video all day.

      • Kent's Rectum's Vagina permalink
        June 27, 2015 6:44 pm

        I wish Kent’s Rectum wasn’t such a dyke, I mean I like guys.

  24. Mjollnir permalink
    June 27, 2015 8:09 am

    Thank you Supreme Court for allowing me to finally establish my All Male All Gay Nazi Fourth Reich from my trailer park home!

    • Mjollnir permalink
      June 27, 2015 8:11 am

      Deep throat that cock for Hitler!

    • justme permalink
      June 27, 2015 10:37 am

      What was stopping you before this?

    • Gay Nigger from Outer Space permalink
      July 23, 2015 1:24 am

      Meanwhile, back in reality

      This is what the Reich did with fags –

    • Gay Nigger from Outer Space permalink
      July 23, 2015 1:28 am

      and this is what ZOG has done to America

  25. Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    June 27, 2015 8:18 pm

    Here’s Mjollnir Bowlnir trying to overcompensate for his physical shortcomings.

  26. Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
    June 28, 2015 12:18 pm

    If I were a fag, I’d be as happy as you are with the Supreme Court’s latest desecration of the Constitution.

    The United States of America is dead, long live the Faggified Mullatos of Zion.

    • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
      June 28, 2015 1:11 pm

      But I still love sucking that BIG BLACK DICK! YEAH!

      • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        June 28, 2015 7:26 pm

        This isn’t the appropriate place to post your vacation pictures, Bowlnir, you should post this on the Dragonsfoot “post a picture of yourself” thread.

  27. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 29, 2015 10:32 am

    Gay Nazis, Gay Kent, Gay Warhammer, but still no sign of Blooey.
    Sigh 😦

    P.S. Nazis doing gay are trigger warnings for me. I am tapping the X-card now.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 29, 2015 12:06 pm

      Don’t forget the gay, whimsical dungeoncrawl with anime tropes.

      Regarding Bloo, don’t worry, he will turn up as soon as he is freshly installed in Missouri. Bloo is cursed never to thrive, but blessed with a n ability to eke out survival. He will outlast us all.

    • July 1, 2015 8:33 pm

      Gay Nazis (…) Gay Warhammer… but I repeat myself.

  28. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 29, 2015 2:01 pm

    Like the mighty cockroach, barely aware of his own existence, he will be crawling from the rubble and staring confusedly up at a giant, dying sun millions of years from now when we are naught but dust. Think of his story as sort of that of Wall-E, except Blooey fills no function other than to make the cosmos smile 🙂

      June 29, 2015 9:36 pm

      Bloo-E 🙂

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        June 30, 2015 10:48 am


  29. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 30, 2015 5:48 am


    Apparently some doofus named Don Mappin (a washed up RPG designer who hasn’t done anything of note since he worked on two failed licensed Star Trek RPGs) created a free (remember this word, FREE) game based on the BioWare computer game Mass Effect and put it up on RPGNow who then took it down since he doesn’t have a license, so the guy set up a website to give away his game instead. Nevertheless, AN IP HAS BEEN STOLEN!

    Then the ENnies had the balls to nominate this free Mass Effect game with stolen IP THREE FUCKING TIMES in this year’s ENnies Awards (for those who don’t know what the ENnies are, they are the annual ass kissing award presented to WotC, Paizo, and Monte Cook).


    Meanwhile, BioWare and EA Games continue to not give a shit.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      June 30, 2015 6:36 am

      Fuck, maybe if his pan handling pays out and the dork gets to Gencon he can walk around wearing a sandwich board and corporate justice warrior about it or something.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      June 30, 2015 7:41 am

      Hey, man, those three ENnie nominations were all for the game’s novel ass mechanics. I’ve ported these rules into my “Blasters and Buttocks” campaign, which is White Star contemptible.

    • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
      June 30, 2015 1:58 pm

      Won’t someone PLEASE think of the IP owners!

  30. June 30, 2015 6:12 pm

    This seems like a sound investment, what could go wrong?

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      June 30, 2015 7:53 pm

      Fuck me, god damned Dhalgren reference kept tickling my brain so I had to fucking flip through In Time of Plague. I’m not due to re read that fucking book for another two years yet. I find reading it every five years keeps me grounded in reality.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 30, 2015 8:32 pm

        Holy shit, that’s my favorite book! I read it once a year!

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 1, 2015 6:36 am

        Yeah, worst book I ever read when I was younger but I was expecting a ‘well written’ Deathlands style novel so you can imagine how right fucked I was from the moment (the) Kid(d) showed up, fucked a tree, ran into someone who may or may not be a werewolf, and then things started getting weird.
        I ran into that book about five years later with a best/worst novel ever internet slap fight and read it again. Yeah, it’s now one of my favorite novels and I do enjoy visiting the city forever on the edge of disaster ever so often.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 1, 2015 5:10 am

      Be Forewarned: Patreon lets creators take money from patrons BEFORE they deliver the goods. They pretend that creators don’t get paid until the produce something, but that’s not entirely accurate. I dropped a couple of Patreons I was backing because my credit card would get charged and then weeks would go by before I would see anything. That’s not how it is supposed to work – you need to be ready to deliver then and now if you take the money.

      And if anyone we know will take advantage of this i.e. take the money and run it is Mike Nystul who has already successfully ripped off three Kickstarters.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 1, 2015 7:47 am

      Nice to see somebody has already called him out for undelivered Kickstarters and the money disappearing in the very second post in his Patreon comments: “You blew over $75,000 (less fees) from three Kickstarters on a Dwarf Con and a failed business venture (not spent on the Kickstarters themselves) & now your fleecing more people. You did it with Nystul’s Castle over at Indiegogo and now your trying to use Patreon.”

    • July 1, 2015 11:05 am

      “Here is a handy table of 100 Rumors that can be used in any fantasy campaign,” Nystul says.

      A quick perusal shows that he duplicated at least three rumors (54 & 78, 46 & 70, and 48 & 72). So, in presenting an example of the quality of his work, he is untruthful.

      Is he a pathological liar or just fantastically incompetent?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 1, 2015 11:22 am

        Is he a pathological liar or just fantastically incompetent?


      • justme permalink
        July 2, 2015 4:22 am

        Seems he’s a moderatley competent con-man that understands there is a sucker born every minute

  31. Timotheus permalink
    July 1, 2015 8:41 am

    Hey, everybody.

    A couple of saturdays ago I killed my girlfriend’s character and she threw my laptop across the room. Messed it up pretty good. She said I deserved it.

    Anyway, it kinda works now. Looks like I have about 150 posts to catch up on. Hope some at least are funny.

    Missed you guys.


    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 1, 2015 10:13 am

      You’re lucky she failed her “to hit” roll.

      I used to dig volatile chicks, conflating bad tempers with passion. After a girlfriend nearly took my head off with a set of keys (she was an artist, so she had a bunch of studio keys on a keyring that would have made a building super envious), I wised up and realized that, while an occasional roller coaster ride is fun, a daily roller coaster commute is untenable.

      Be safe, old chum.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 2, 2015 12:29 pm

        You are completely correct, BACLF. But let me also say, right now she is totally worth it!

    • July 1, 2015 11:23 am

      I presume you have chosen to exchange your girlfriend for one more versed in the art of Dungeoncrawling or at least one with a lower str score?

      Welcome back Tim.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 1, 2015 11:53 am

        Gotta fucking love how thieving fucking Nystul apparently was left broke and homeless after stealing $75,000 (more or less) and how it destroyed him financially to steal that money. Best he can do is hope to steal some more after all. I mean, fuck, honoring agreements is for fucking Paladins. When you’re bended out of your skull on ‘wizard dust’ $75,000 only goes so far before you need to fucking steal some more so you can chase the (dungeons &) dragon(s) again.
        Only a complete idiot would do more than fucking harass the fuck out of this guy on patron. I’d pay good money to shove a copy of Dhalgren (it’s a BIG book after all) up his ass and hope the ink gives him colon cancer. Believe it or not I never even kickstarted this bozo. I’m just amazed at his audacity. More amazed he doesn’t negative numbers on the site.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 2, 2015 12:30 pm

        Hey, prince! Actually, I am trying to get her to smoke more weed. Maybe you could divert some of your government-mandated allotment over here?

      • July 2, 2015 2:31 pm

        Ah las i at present lack the intestinal fortitude to risk my pristine and well-sculpted virginal buttocks to the cruel ministrations of the american penal system. Surely it is not that difficult to procure oneself some much needed weed in the U S of A. Also if she starts showing signs of going nutty you might want to go cold turky, i’ve had a colleague and an aquiantance that went coockoo from the stuff(and others that smoke like a dragon and suffer only the dim-witted sluggishness of the habitual user). I can only proscribe love, frequent knobbing and the adoption of a fate-point based roleplaying system.

  32. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    July 1, 2015 1:03 pm

    Here’s a list of retards who backed Mike Nystul:

    Anyone know any of these derps on Nystul’s Wall of Shame and Stupid from around the blOwSR turdosphere?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 1, 2015 1:14 pm

      I think three of those seven retards are fake accounts owned by Nystul to drum up interest, the ones with no user pics and only one patreon supported…

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 1, 2015 1:49 pm

        I’m thinking he may have truncated his patreon blurb. The game doctor is in YOUR house! Stealing everything he can for his crack habit cause gamers can be junkies too!

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 1, 2015 1:57 pm

        Hi, I’m Mike Nystul. You may know me as that guy who managed to make more money than a dwimmerdouche yet somehow produce less. I’d just like to say that long ago I gave up slaying dragons in favor of chasing THE dragon. I’m hoping you can dig deep into your pockets and help me to help you go on an adventure with me. Austin’s heroin scene is rife these days with bug bears and gelatinous cubes that won’t give a fix on credit to crusty old adventurers like myself anymore. I’m sure with just a few fixes my dried up creativity will flow like Satine Phoenix’s vagina and I’ll be able to fulfill this patreon shit AND my kickstarter obligations. C’mon folks, I just need one or two more Potions of Heroism and I’ll make good. Honest!

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 1, 2015 6:15 pm

        Nystul’s Sockpuppet (Illusion/Phantasm)

        Level: 3 Components: V, S, M
        Range: Special Casting Time: 1 round
        Duration: Special Saving Throw: Neg.
        Area of Effect: Special

        By means of this spell, named for the infamous dual-classed illusionist/thief, the caster creates one duplicate of himself or herself for every level of experience. This spell is an improvement on the mirror image spell in that the duplicates are not limited to mimicking the actions of the caster. Indeed, the various duplicates are free to engage in various activities in order to deceive onlookers.

        This spell is popular among multi- and dual-classed illusionist/thieves in order to facilitate stealing. The material components of the spell are a DSL line and a crude puppet fashioned from a sock.

        Note: Spell is considered Open Gaming Content.

  33. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 1, 2015 3:41 pm

    Just wanted to say, there are no less than two posts today on Dragonsfart about soda. This leads me to believe two things. One, the blOwSR is pretty much dead. And two, these jagoffs on DF are some lonely fucking wankers.

    • Arneson's Spectre, MD permalink
      July 1, 2015 3:47 pm

      3. The blOwSR is type 2 diabetic.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      July 1, 2015 3:50 pm

      Fuck yeah they’re lonely wankers. I don’t know about you but the last time some fat beard asked me to give him a hand job at the game table and talk like a succubus I told him it was ROLL play not ROLE play and I picked up my dice and went home.

      I don’t know what kind of game sessions you run but back in the day before I became a ghost we jacked off alone after we were done delving the dungeon. I can’t stand these new games where there’s always a gang bang at the gaming table.

    • Bigby's Affirmed Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 1, 2015 6:30 pm

      Now that Blooey is aestivating, my new favorite DFer is “abe”, who has brought such wonderful first posts as:

      how would the various types of dragon be effected by ice cream and/or soda pop?
      think a person from this world throwing ice cream or containers of soda pop down a dragons throut?

      And this little gem, which would get you killed in an actual fight:

      how would you fine people use the mule kick?
      basically it’s when you plant your hands on the ground & kick with both feat behind you if that’s important.


      how would aspurgers syndrome effect playing dnd in ANY form (off game and otherwise)?

      Now onto the gaming content, from stuff that might be useful:

      How about a food shirt, like a cornucopia but it’s a shirt!

      To the not so useful:

      How about a helm of mighty burps?
      it allows the wearer to cast mighty burp once per round!

      Here’s the weird thing about “abe”:

      Joined: Wed Aug 14, 2002

      I think he remained in stasis until a time when Blooey would be missing, and only returned to active status in order to make up for the Blooey deficiency. He only needs a web-store to complete the circle. NOW BUY SOME PRODUCT!!!

      • July 1, 2015 8:37 pm

        Fuck, that’s almost as bad as the RPGsite threads Pundit himself starts.

      • July 2, 2015 10:36 am

        It falls between the threads that Pundit starts and the reviews he does of his own books.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 2, 2015 12:38 pm

        God damn, that dude needs to post here, STAT!

  34. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 2, 2015 10:40 am

    Bloo-E’s TRUE fanclub (“TrooBloo?”) is chiming in asking for bedcheck:

    Thorkie must be really worried; he hasn’t mentioned pussy yet.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 2, 2015 12:42 pm

      They are only now realizing they miss the stink of lovely, lovely Bloostregen.

      But hey, that scaleydude tracked down his phone number in the thread. Call him up, CKDB!

      • mortysockpuppet permalink
        July 8, 2015 11:44 am

        Hang on Blooey, Blooey hang on
        Hang on Blooey, Blooey hang on

        Blooey lives in a very bad part of town
        And everybody there tries to put my Blooey down
        Blooey I don’t care what Blooey do
        ‘Cause you know Blooey I bought product from you
        And so I’m singing

        Yeah yeah yeah yeah

  35. Kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 11:00 am

    Mercedes Carrera, a brainy porn star, sends subliminal messages to me inviting me to become her lover as she discusses rape.

    • Kent permalink
      July 3, 2015 11:55 am

      What a smart gal. Or do I think she is intelligent because I am too involved in rubbing my dick across her dark eyes during those moments she slips up, ‘discern’. Are Puerto Ricans the master/mistress race of beauty?

  36. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 11:14 am

    I call my dick, ‘privilege’.

    That’s why when I ask broads to ‘check out my white privilege’ and ‘suck my white privilege, doll’, they wonder who is this CUTE GUY ?!

    • Kent permalink
      July 3, 2015 12:01 pm

      –who is this CUTE GUY ?! Mmnn Mmnnnneeh. !

      That’s EXACTLY what the ydis $£%#s wonder.

      Suck my drinking whisky dick, privilege.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 3, 2015 12:14 pm

        It’s a “drinking whisky dick” because it’s the size of a cocktail straw.

      • kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 12:29 pm

        I pour out a round of Lagavulin and then stick my dick in everyone’s glass and offer them bud-lite.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 3, 2015 12:34 pm

        And then you drink the dick-flavored Lagavulin. We get it, d00d, you like the flavor of cock, just like that “semen-flavored latte” maniac.

      • kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 12:43 pm

        Actually the first privilege dip I refer to as an alcohol cleanse, and this is offered to some wife or other. Thence forth my drinks are as clean as my whistle.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 3, 2015 12:02 pm

      Kent calls his dick “privilege” because it is exclusively for males.

      • Kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 12:09 pm

        … to envy and admire (by reputation).

    • Kent permalink
      July 3, 2015 12:07 pm

      No health professional mildly suggests I moderate my whisky drinking a little, for short while, and LIVES !! Im back — for at least 30 minutes !!

  37. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 12:28 pm

    I am not as clued into Juvenile Intellectual Fuss as the typical ‘Merican. I read books; I don’t read on the web. What the For-Fucks-Sake is **Gamer-Gate** ????? The challenge in response is concision and truth.

    • kent permalink
      July 3, 2015 12:51 pm

      What is 8chan ?? What are the most famous troll boards ?? I thought only D&D had trolls. I have been a troll-slayer in some backwater when I could have been a GLOBAL HERO.

  38. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 3, 2015 12:37 pm

    Kent’s favorite soup

  39. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 12:52 pm

    4th July Cunts.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 3, 2015 1:29 pm

      Try not to stick a lit M-80 up your ass, fr00t l00p.

  40. July 3, 2015 1:24 pm

    Best Kent headline

    And I do mean “head”

  41. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 1:30 pm


    Heavy Metal == Little Boys (except for the stuff I still like)
    Kraukrock == Smart handsome young men. Intelligent Young Lads.
    Classical Music == Manly men. Think Zeus statues.

    Tell Scott, he thinks Heavy Metal is rad.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 3, 2015 1:41 pm

      Personals M4M: Lonely Irish grad student seeks smart, handsome young men who are into Can

      • kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 1:53 pm

        anything in your CLOSET apart from teh gay ??

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 3, 2015 3:03 pm

        That’s not “the gay”, that’s your mother- though come to think of it, she is androgynous.

      • kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 3:10 pm

        Yes, but can you stop thinking about homosexuality for even a moment ?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 3, 2015 3:28 pm

        Not while you’re the subject of discussion, fancy boy.

      • kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 3:44 pm

        –Not while I am the subject of your erotic fascination, right .

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 3, 2015 4:07 pm

        Sorry, cupcake, but you’re the only guy who’s into you. Make that the only humanoid who’s into you.

  42. The Quiet Man permalink
    July 3, 2015 1:45 pm

    The Pundick’s new suckdungeon setting thing is out:

    Thirty bucks for a cut & paste of the War of the Roses Wikipedia entry.

    • kent permalink
      July 3, 2015 1:54 pm

      Keep QUIET fag.

      This is my show.

      • The Quiet Man permalink
        July 3, 2015 2:50 pm

        Kent, you thick spa, you’re just upset that Pundick at least has the skills to publish a crappy suckdungeon and you’re too much of a gobshite geebag to even accomplish that much. Go home, muppet.

      • kent permalink
        July 3, 2015 2:59 pm

        –gobshite geebag

        Very Irish. I thought I was the only Irishman in D&D.

  43. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 2:07 pm

    Who needs YDIS to host a forum of TRUTH and FUN anyway ? Ever since he found his first girlfriend just over a year ago he has had little time for YOU. Oh yes he reads your jokes when his MISTRESS lifts her THUMB, but he does not need YOU anymore but takes the CREDIT for this forum being the 745,221st most influential forum that uses swear words.

    • Von permalink
      July 4, 2015 12:16 am

      Apparently you do. I am still waiting on my invitation to this Fantasy Literature forum of yours and am forced to assume it does not exist. You may indulge in the delusion that I am daft but we both know you are sulking because you can’t persuade me that the best bits of the Lyrical Ballads are all Coleridge’s and you are afraid that you might have to acknowledge Clarke, Kostova and LeGuin as Women who can Write.

      Also, Penderyn is a lovely whisky and superior to whatever used paint stripper you’ve been knocking back.

      • Von permalink
        July 4, 2015 12:19 am

        AREN’T all Coleridge’s. Bother. All right, there is some credibility in this ‘Von is daft’ assertion but don’t get carried away.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 4, 2015 1:37 am

        Forget it, Von, it’s Kenttown.

      • Von permalink
        July 4, 2015 3:15 am

        I’m having my fun and that’s what matters.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 4, 2015 8:05 am

        Daft as you are, you’re alright, Von. Shine on, yadda yadda…

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 5, 2015 1:16 pm

        What do you like about Susanna Clarke Von? I agree with you on Le Guin. It still astounds me that The Dispossessed gets passed over in “Novels of Ideas” seminars.

      • Von permalink
        July 5, 2015 2:11 pm

        Talking about Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell:

        Mostly, her footnotes, which indicate the extent of the work she did in creating/re-creating a tradition of English magic. She evokes some of the Georgian period’s personalities well, she makes an intelligent use of prophecy, and her characters undergo some sort of journey: there are very few static figures who are just there to be interacted with by the protagonists. Despite the book being named after them the world doesn’t revolve around them: it is a world which feels like it already existed and is reacting to them like a pond into which stones have just been skimmed.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 5, 2015 2:27 pm

        Hm. Is it a British thing? I found her characters to be very wooden. No doubt her craft is clever but I was frustrated at her predilection to use a lot of words to say very little. A kind of maximalist style without the literary goal of breaking traditional textual modes left me cold. It could be a cultural thing, I might not have the necessary historiographic knowledge to appreciate the subtitles?

      • Von permalink
        July 5, 2015 2:37 pm

        Maaaybe? It’s a clever enough mock-Georgian style in a traditional mode, which amused me in the same way that twelve-part historical dramas on BBC2 of a Sunday evening do. I agree that it’s not trying to break out of anything, rather to be what it is as hard as it can be.

        Perhaps you need to have a serious nerdboner for the history of magic to appreciate the footnotes: I’m not sure.

        Something to consider: for some reason I don’t hold Jane Austen in particularly high esteem, not for her craft anyway, which is odd given that Clarke writes like someone determined to do an amateurish Austen impersonation. I think it’s the ingenuity of Clarke’s world that appeals to me most.

        Something else: I don’t know why but Anne Radcliffe is flitting around the edges of this conversation, demanding entrance. There might be some sort of overlap between the appeal of Radcliffe’s rather tame Gothic and the appeal of Clarke’s modern attempt at supernatural fiction in a roughly similar period.

        If this isn’t particularly clear or cogent I’m sorry: it’s late, and I’ve spent the day reviewing some rather poor creative writing resources, obviously produced by someone who doesn’t write themselves. I’ll have another go at being literary and clever in the morning.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 5, 2015 2:43 pm

        haha. You’re fine. I see your academic-ese has not dulled.

      • Von permalink
        July 6, 2015 1:17 am

        Are you sure? I don’t think I’ve gotten away with “nerdboner” in a peer-reviewed submission to date… 😉

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 6, 2015 5:35 am

        A journal, no. In that princely haunt known as the student pub, yes. Perhaps “a phallic vocative to the rich autotelic pastiche of regency myth and manners” would get a pass, eh? haha

    • kent permalink
      July 4, 2015 4:56 am

      –I am still waiting on my invitation to this Fantasy Literature forum of yours

      Id love such a forum but there is no interest. People don’t read books anymore. I linked to a forum on librarything which is pretty good.

      • Von permalink
        July 5, 2015 2:15 am

        Ah yes, I remember now. I think I registered on Librarything for an afternoon’s desultory poking around and then I was probably distracted by the harsh cawing of jackdaws or a shiny tuppenny piece or something. Doesn’t take much.

  44. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 2:57 pm

    I have just laid my hands on the latest – Dept. Of Justice figures for – Eminent Figures of the OSR Whatever-That-Is:

    100 — Scott Driver (tattoos, handsome, ladies’ man, master of ferrets, quirky, unreliable, imperturbable)

    99 — Zak Smith (tattoos, handsome on one side. funny in person, creepy online, hitler complex, photoshop artist, aggressive in that tiny rodent way, OSR Whatever-That-Is Genius)

    . various kickstarter opportunists – outright liars and fantasists.

    02 — James Raggi IV (Despised of James Raggi II & III, )

    01 — ydis (Cunt mooning pratt, Suddenly discovered pussy aged 39, thinks women are amazing, Barely associated now with the OSR Whatever-That-Is because of some dumb bitch who WILL dump him because women are calculating whores but until the age of 39 ydis was on the FBI Most Silly Men List)

    -17 — Kent (No reliable sightings confirmed like BIGFOOT, do not approach, unpredictable, dragon? drunken undead? Manly, Woman haunting cock)

  45. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    July 3, 2015 3:29 pm

    Jesus Mother Fucking Christ on a Matzo Cracker! It’s like Kent got sodomized by the entire English Premiere League in some sort of super gay butt sex orgy on that Irish fag’s bung hole and then shit himself everywhere in here because his anus muscle is completely stretched out and he’s lost sphincter control like the goatse!


  46. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 3:42 pm

    What annoys me is that beautiful boys, half boys and aged (39) boys like Scott Driver, Zak Smith and Chris Roberts get all the attention from gorgeous girls but the same time stupid, horrifyingly ugly throwbacks like me and BIGFOOT have to resort to neolithic physical strategies to get our sweet mushroom cocks exploded.

    How is that time-saving for a brilliant neanderthal ??

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 4, 2015 1:42 am

      Well, that’s quite the farrago of self-pity, unrequited homoeroticism, envy, and TMI. Makes things kinda awkward on a blog dedicated to Snarking on elf games and troll gamers.

      Soooooo… anybody have an opinion on the utility of 5E’s advantage/disadvantage mechanic at the table? Is it to unbalancing or could it be ported into a 1E game?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 4, 2015 1:46 am

        Motherfucking smartphone- it’s just not made for a guy with alley-basher’s hands, and why the fuck doesn’t spellcheck recognize “Snarking” as a gerund, not a proper noun?

  47. kent permalink
    July 3, 2015 4:08 pm

    OK, I am signing off. The entirety of ydis is extremely boring when put on the spot.

    Bye Bye dull morons.

  48. Bigby's Affirmative permalink
    July 4, 2015 7:47 pm

    Happy Fourth of July, scalawags:

  49. Timotheus permalink
    July 6, 2015 12:12 pm

    So Mandy got out of the hospital with a fucking feeding tube stuck in her heart.

    And Zak of course mentions that so that you know he is a good man, before he gets back to his favorite subject – how everyone attacks HIM!!! Er, I mean the Porn “Star” woman-shield.

    It all happenned one year ago…

    He has gotten very slack on backing up his claims with facts. Someone in the comments mentions this, and he alludes that he MIGHT be bothered to source his info..IF you really need him to because you are too lazy to take his word for it.

    Kinda funny how he equates all of his enemies with Jeb Bush, the same way the RPGPlagiarist equates all his enemies with a semi-charismatic bat-penis cult leader.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 6, 2015 12:29 pm

      A year ago? Why did he wait so long? Is he being criticized by someone?

      What’s Wundergeek up to these days?

      • bad wolf permalink
        July 6, 2015 3:18 pm

        I looked the other day… same old same old.

        This flame war was a great reminder that in some wars, there are no ‘good
        guys’. (Or as AVP so succinctly put it: No matter which side wins, we lose.)

      • bad wolf permalink
        July 6, 2015 3:24 pm

        Okay, i’m bored… typical quotes:

        “Unfortunately, one awesome character doesn’t make up for the fact that women still aren’t evenly represented, and the other female characters designs still suck.”

        “Fable Legends comes close, again, to gender parity, with 5 of 11 characters being female. Unfortunately, it also has terrible character designs. Only one of the five women isn’t blatantly objectified, and surprisingly she’s a mage”

        “…it’s a pretty excellent example of decent character design! However, Glory is also the only character who gets to wear pants, and all of the other character designs are ridiculous, implausible, or straight-up problematic.”

        Yes, it’s 2015, we’re still on what costumes characters wear. Congratulations, E3! By including female characters this time, you’ve… reduced not at all the complaints you get from SJW bloggers.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 6, 2015 1:09 pm

      Clicked through… Damn, that OC twerp knows how to carry a grudge, and he is all about the logorrhea. TL,DR all the way, baby! His attempt to induce guilt trips by mentioning his sick girlfriend was just the cherry on the sundae. Am I the only one who gets creeped out by that?

      Why did I click through? Thanks, Obama Tim!

    • July 6, 2015 9:56 pm

      Am I the only one having a really hard time picking a side here? I mean, other than feeling sorry for Mandy. People on long-term TPN tend not to live long, sad to say. But the insufferable porn artiste and his naysayers truly deserve each other.

      To be honest, I find the people giving Zak and Pundit shit even worse than Zak himself. I’m all too familiar with the horrors of sex-negative Secind Wave feminist bullshit. Making me even think of siding with these two, of course, is the ultimate insult.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 8, 2015 11:26 am

        Why do you have to have an opinion?

      • July 8, 2015 1:08 pm

        I dunno, why do you have to be such a concerned little bitch? You’re all over the thread taking offence at nearly everyone who gives SJW slacktivists anything less than an “attaboy”.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 8, 2015 1:17 pm

        lol. offence. prince and I go back. i like him but i find some of his comments confusing, so we talk. look at you with your big boy voice. it really doesn’t suit you.

    • Von permalink
      July 7, 2015 2:06 am

      I’m wondering who is in this Drama Club and whether they are worthy of skewering. Or is he talking about us? Fuck knows. I was under the impression his blog dealt with specifics and that was what made it worth reading.

      • July 7, 2015 4:17 am

        I believe the Drama Club is the shadowy conspiracy of Something Awful goons that rated his pornstar gf on a one to ten scale [thereby labelling themselves as massive mysoginists] and Big Purple Trannies/White conservative religious males(the Calvin to Pundit’s SJW Hobbes) that falsely accused Zak of Transphobia or something.

        His blog deals mostly with self-congratulatory bloviating and arguing about the defenition of words(or is that that one RPGsite thread?), which is not a good sign.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 7, 2015 7:13 am

        Yeah, it is funny that he calls them the Drama 50 and cites their crimes but won’t spill the names. He has not drawn that kind of line before, usually he points and his followers attack.

  50. kent permalink
    July 6, 2015 4:04 pm


    Aged 00-14 –==– No girlfriend
    Aged 15-18 –==– No girlfriend
    Aged 19-24 –==– No girlfriend
    Aged 25-34 –==– No girlfriend
    Aged 35-39 and 8 months –==– No girlfriend
    Aged 39 and 9 months –==– A girlfriend named HILDA aged 87 years.

    Hilda is a widow. She is old. Chris Roberts, aka YDIS, has been taking it is easy around these parts because Hilda’s thumb weighs 120 Kilograms, and he can’t move just yet. BUT HE IS HAPPY AND IN LOVE WITH HILDA AGED 87.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 6, 2015 7:58 pm

      That timeline is kinda funny. Well done, kent, after a couple of decades of aiming in the general direction of humor, to score such an adeqaute grade of funniness.

    • July 7, 2015 11:56 pm

      I’m a better person than you. FACT.

  51. July 6, 2015 7:20 pm

    Endgame approaching over at SKAAAAAARKAAAAA’s place:

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 6, 2015 9:46 pm

      I am willing to, for a small fee (say 10%) of the Kickstarter take, negotiate a settlement. In lieu of getting a finished project, every backer of this campaign gets to kick or punch Skarka in the plum-bag (extra points for wushu-style strikes) once for each dollar they gave him.

      I believe all of the backers would take this deal at this stage.

  52. July 6, 2015 9:48 pm

    Ladies and gents, it’s that lovely time of the week over at the Shite again.

    Jack’s commitment to sanity is endearing, touching even. Forget it Jack, it’s Tarnowskitown.

    Seriously, though. SJWs can and do get on my nerves fairly often but some people just… wow. Holy shit.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 6, 2015 11:27 pm

      I dunno about that Jack… he’s an instigator and an agent. Do those ‘Shitefuckers ever talk about games anymore?

      • July 7, 2015 6:09 am

        They do, or I wouldn’t waste my time with them. I generally steer clear of these obviously non-gaming threads unless I smell entertainment.

        Like I said elsewhere, it’s one of the few general gaming fora left with a halfway decent signal-to-noise ratio. Which is probably a testament to the death of web message boards as media.

    • July 7, 2015 2:16 am

      I dont get the fuss. Anyone who applauds WoTC for its cynical pandering and somehow considers this progress is a goggly-eyed child. At the same time, anyone who gets offended that they try to get a few extra dollars by surfing the ‘inclusivity’ short bus is also a moron.

      Whoever wins we lose:(

      • July 7, 2015 3:49 am

        Prince, I was gonna invite you to a party too, but now… 😦

      • July 7, 2015 4:19 am

        ~ 😦

      • July 7, 2015 4:26 am


      • July 7, 2015 5:05 am

        [Incidentally hello Jack i recall you mentioning a willingness to take a look at my homebrew elfgaem stuff and i have a blog now so…]


      • July 7, 2015 5:17 am

        I’ll take a look later on today and leave a comment or two.

      • July 7, 2015 5:33 am


      • Von permalink
        July 7, 2015 8:09 am

        If there must be morons in the world I would rather they did things that I find agreeable than not.

      • July 7, 2015 10:36 am

        Ah, but would you put them in a bag?

      • Von permalink
        July 9, 2015 2:32 am

        Perhaps only the disagreeable ones.

    • July 7, 2015 3:51 am

      Thanks for the vote of confidence, Butcher. My favorite guy in that thread is the one who claims that only white male characters are relate-able…even to non-white people. “It’s like white men are the only people who seem real!,” he desperately wants to say.

      • July 7, 2015 6:04 am

        NP, bro. I just think you should kick back and watch the fireworks, y’know? I think SA is a fucking cesspit but grognards.txt had a reason to exist, and could even be an entertaining read every now and then.

      • July 7, 2015 6:21 am

        No worries, I only ever log in to the Shite to see if I have any PMs, but while I’m there sometimes it’s nice to take the temperature of the dopey motherfuckers who post there. The way I see it, any adult who is scared of “SJWs” or “reverse racism” or whatever is a sad fuck who deserves their life in the basement. The “SJW” mindset is nothing to be afraid of; it seldom survives contact with the real world–it’s a product of people who only have online lives, but not much real social interaction. A lot like therpgsite’s regulars, actually.

      • July 7, 2015 6:44 am

        I hate to merit a ‘deserves life in his basement award’ but a healthy dose of skepticism or at least dismissive contempt in dealing with the SJW/intersectional feminist brain-virus seems to make some sense considering there is a precedent of this small, vocal and hopefully isolated minority trying to get decent people fired/ unjustly labelled as racist with a nonzero success rate. So while you should not fear them as one fears as say, traffic accidents or falling rocks, its generally in one’s best interest to avoid them or at least ignore them.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 7, 2015 12:41 pm

        Marginalisation exists. Not everyone who seeks to do something about it is an SJW. Geez Prince, half the time I swear you and Pundit are the same kind of ideologue.

      • July 7, 2015 2:25 pm

        Only half? 😦

        Ah las, Pundit and i would have been gaymarried long ago had it not been for my vehement anti-Rune magick stance.But for serious I consider myself to have a decent SJWdar allowing me to discern SJW from equalitarian/reasonable left-wing kind of guy/ actual activist but you would have to take my word for that. Its very rarely a question of a problem not existing in the first place, its the methodology used to advance it that differentiates SJW from normal activist. In matters of rpgdom i think i sort of reached a consensus debating said matter with Von that the best way to promote diversity if you give a shit about that sort of thing is to make things you like that are diverse as a natural product of the setting, which is something no reasonable person can really argue with.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 8, 2015 11:36 am

        The tactics of politics are always polarising and under-handed that still doesn’t explain why people have demonised a group for expressing a politicised theory which has 50 years of study, data, and peer-review behind it. You may not like the rhetoric but the academics is solid. Playing the SJW card…it’s just ignorant. I’m sure conservatives hate the nazi or facist card. This is exactly the same thing. Fuck I hate politics.

      • July 8, 2015 12:48 pm

        Lest we fall further into the quagmire, i would be remiss in pointing out i do not question the existence of Marginalisation as a socio-psychological mechanism and my stance is not that it does not exist. I just said cheering WoTC on its inclusivity and hailing it as a sign of progress rather then the cold hunger for cash is, in my estimation, foolish. I am not making the comparison that anyone who is in favour of diversity as a concept is by defenition an SJW. SJW’s are mostly defined by methodology.

        My remark on SJW’s was in response to Jack’s remark that the SJW mindset is nothing to be afraid of, which is verifiably false. Its absurd to be afraid of it on a daily basis, but there are instances of people getting fired or unjustly sued by SJWs. But its not fucking Al-Quaida which i guess was Jack’s point.

        That being said, i do not know what politicised theory with a solid 50 year old academical background is being systematically and ignorantly demonised, are you referring to socialism? If not/so, what kind of backing are you referring to?

        (Waiting for Dark Albion from Steven Chain. Light em up if you got em).

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 8, 2015 1:24 pm

        Prince, please be sure to include the vital point of whether Dark Albion DOES or DOES NOT feature the RPGShite Award of Distinction on its cover.

        I am not sure which outcome I prefer, but it will say much about Pundejo’s ballyhooed Award whether he slapped it on his own turd or not.

      • July 8, 2015 1:37 pm

        Ah, I get you. What I’m referring to -and how I ultimately understand the issue of inclusivity in rpgs and art- is French theory but better described through the Bourdieu’s theory of field cultural production. We are talking about a ritualised media, fantasy being highly ritualised, which brings in Nick Couldry who goes all the way back to Durkhiem. I don’t think wordpress could handle a breakdown of my annotations on The Rules of Art but basically artists are now bound to social constraints because art has been commodified. You gotta’ eat, you gotta’ sell. So we see an industry which re-produces dominant ideas and be damned with anyone who doesn’t fit, which is cool but multicultural societies are changing and so the old ideas really don’t fly anymore. Society isn’t as homogeneous as it once was. The mindset of pushing for inclusivity into expressive hobbies IMO isn’t something to be afraid of and it’s something that can be explained and has a lot of backing.

        I admit I only engage with the “SJW” position in academia and so it might look different through the tumblr looking-glass but I still don’t see the big deal about forced or critical inclusivity. It’s what art has always done as an industry, reflect the socio-political changes of the society in which it is developed.

      • July 8, 2015 2:59 pm


        Steven has been stingy on the OSR front but i am hoping his new incarnation will pay off. RaPL is is the last Raggi module i saw floating about though he did have White Star. Ill put in a request for Dark Albion. Also perhaps we could ask Pundit to nominate Dark Albion for the RPGSite product of distinction?

        My background is psychology, not sociology, but ill see if i can follow you.
        A frog named Bordieu asserts that all art is bound by social constraints because art has now been commodified, but i would need to know when mister Bordieu perceives this shift has occurred, since art could be classified as a commodity from the moment the first professional cave-painter or stoneworker came into being.

        Your following statement is fine, but:
        1. I’m not against inclusivity, Im against pandering. Since DnD is kind of setting neutral it makes some apparent financial sense to try to appeal to a broader audience by having art direction that reflects a diverse plethora of cultural and ethnical backgrounds but at the same time i cannot help but scoff at the notion that the only thing that has shaped the demographic distribution has been the art direction, not the actual content.

        2. You assert the diversity movement in rpgs has a lot of backing. I would posit a theoretical percentile distribution of the diversity question amongst the current rpg playing or video game playing public to have the following shape:

        1-3% For.
        1-2% Against.
        95-98% Just wants to play elfgames/Indifferent.
        0.000001% Kent/Gene

        3. You assert the old ideas dont fly anymore in the muddled commercial multi-cultural rpgmarket so as a bold attempt to attract a wider multi-cultural audience it would seem to be a wiser move but lets face it the bulk of the rpg playing audience is white nerdy dudes with settings that appeal to white nerdy dudes and making a high fantasy/S&S game about combat and murdering dragons is not suddenly going to attract truckloads of hot blond women if we just put some attractive blond woman art in there(fuck me if that would work i would be Swatting WOTC employees day and night until they’d put a hot babe on every page. In fact fuck all those rules, just put pictures of hot babes everywhere).

        4. I agree with your last postscriptum but it is a truism that media(i hesitate to call dnd art) that sacrifices artistic vision in exchange for sales figures will take a qualitative nosedive as n -> infinity. I guess time will tell if this move pays off for WotC, but i wouldnt hold out for a tripling of sales figures in the next annum.

        Ad Fundum!

      • July 8, 2015 5:47 pm

        My background is not sociology either but sociology does cross-over into my area of study. Eh, not exactly. His analysis is specifically looking at the social influences of artists -and by artists we mean people who critically create media (including literature) not “art” as exclusively fine or visual arts- and how that shapes the product they produce. I’m using commodification to avoid using specific jargon but it’s mainly to distinguish the shift from patronage etc towards an anonymous social market.

        So when I say art i’m talking about d&d as a whole product not just the drawings inside.

        1. D&D is marketed, like all products, towards growth. Art is one of the most important aspects for selling books and growing your market. You can do your own research on this if you find that claim hard to take but I assure you that in literature and genre fiction the volume of sales for a new author depends largely on what’s on the cover. The general public do judge books by their cover.

        2. I agree that’s your experience but I think that breakdown is for people already playing nerd-games not the potential fandom that d&d could draw from. I don’t know about Holland but where I’m living currently there is a huge Asian fantasy/sci-fi fandom.

        3. As a psychologist, what does psychology have to say about identification? Anecdotally I know non-white nerds are more than likely to support art that reflects their own sense-of-self than not. The comic Saga being the most recently example off the top of my head.

        4. Whoa, at least we agreed on something 🙂 I’ll take that.

      • July 9, 2015 1:24 pm

        Thank you for clearing up the difference between the patronage system and the anonymous social market, i shall contemplate that on my tree of woe.

        I’ll keep in mind that we are discussing DnD as a whole product when we mention the art.

        1. Except that one since its actually about the art. Your description of the mechanism is correct. However, you assume the same mechanism that causes people to prefer, say, a diverse-cover art science fiction novel above a non-diverse-cover art science fiction novel(terrible analogy because sf covers need cool space ships) will magically make people like and read science fiction if they didnt in the first place. I will grant that it might increase the probability of them trying it sooner by a few measily percentile points(which i guess would be the point?), but if they have no interest in the subject matter art isnt going to be much help.

        2. (in response to your first sentence) But then you must also agree that the new diverse dnd art is not a reflection of the socio-cultural climate of its current fanbase and thus the resistance to this move is in some cases understandable, if we assume art has the effect you theorize it has that is.

        Japanese culture has a tradition of some pretty awesome (and weird) science fiction shit, South Korea is also doing stuff, even China has managed to stop imprisoning and organ-harvesting its artist class for some science fiction authors to emerge unscathed. My question is though, there are role-playing games that are either anime-inspired(Tera Bashri Zero, Anima Beyond Fantasy, Mekton, Kuro) or heavily based off/inspired by asian culture/mythology(Five Rings, Crimson Tide, Oriental Adventures, Kindred of the East if you can stomach the racism and enjoy reading 120 pages of atrocious flavour text just so you can roleplay your character etc.). Why aren’t they playing those if they are potentially interested and art is a big thing in selection? I figure the barrier of entry for rpgs that are not dnd is probably way higher then dnd since you can buy dnd in a toy store but still, if you are interested in shit like this you probably look into it, right?

        3. Psychology agrees with your statement on art but i have two points to make:

        a. Effect sizes in psychology are generally fairly low. Effect sizes outside of an experimental condition(reality, e.g greyhawk, age of dusk, forgotten realms, uruguay etc.) are even lower because the subject(we have to call them participants now because of political correctness 😦 ) is subjected to a veritable horde of additional stimuli (SJWs trying to doxx you by posting fake reviews on your forum, Stirges, out of ulfire children for your summoning ritual etc.). But this is still probably valid…for comics. Which leads me to my next point.

        b. I don’t know if the effect holds up for roleplaying games because roleplaying games are a weird interactive medium that attracts pedophiles and allows you to imagine your character and make it look like whatever the fuck you want it to be. You can even secretly imagine everyone else to look like what you want them to look unless they describe their character in excruciating detail. For initial buys i will grant you a very minor effect, which would not suffice to expand the fanbase to justify putting it in but it is quite possible once some people like it it will spread through the asian(?) community like wildfire.

        I have three points. Three i said three.

        c. I have a black friend that plays a caucasian knight with a metal facemask to hide his crushed skull, a white friend that plays a large jamaican esque black assasin and on occasion some creepo will attempt to play a woman when i am not GMing and telling them women belong in the kitchen. For some reason i like playing substance-abusing tattooed ruffians with a thick british dockworker accent and border-line sociopathy, e.g myself. I therefore do not believe that we are neccesairily drawn to Rpgs because we identify with its subject matter on a racial or cultural level.

        4. Its always a pleasure to discuss things like this with civility and reason, even though we do not always agree, but yes.

      • July 10, 2015 9:34 am

        1. Magically? There is pretty strong data on children’s books and how children choose. I’m not a scientist but I’d say if it informs a part of the readership who don’t read or are just starting to read, then I don’t think I’m making an unfounded assumption here. I think you are underselling how people get into the hobby I.E through their parents or just thinking the book looks cool. I’ll just cede and say yes, a few measly percentile points is the point. Something is better than nothing.

        2. I don’t really believe your breakdown to be accurate because my experience in the hobby is different. However, I can’t really prove either way that your breakdown isn’t. So forgive me if i move laterally and address your other point.

        We seem to be making a case-study of Asians, I can do that. This is a difficult thing to explain. I’ve lived in Asia and the answer for that is easer. In South-East Asia, those playing d&d like western myth and fantasy. That’s why they choose to play d&d, kind like how we’d play a bastardised version of their myth…say Arrow of Indra. I don’t know much about Japan or China so I don’t know what the rpg culture is like there. However, Asian-suffix’s in western counties face radically different social and identity issues. Are you familiar with W.E.B Dubois, specifically his concept of dual-consciousness? It isn’t as simple as “sticking to your own” when you are born in another country which ethnically does not recognise your citizenship. What those people seek is recognition within the social-space they were born into. Being recognised in the media is a big part of that desire and why we have “SJWs” pushing for more diverse media.

        A quick and simplified Bourdieusian analysis would be that these people have next to no cultural capital and so to inform the field they will seek influence among those who do. I.E Appealing to artists to produce more diverse media either through economic capital (voting with your wallet) or relying on those with cultural capital to make your case for you (public blogs etc).

        3a. That’s fair enough. I’m not disputing that rpgs are a fringe hobby. I just believe, perhaps naively, that the potential is there for another 80s style boom.

        3b. With the rise of the internet, the potential fan base is huge. Vice has covered d&d as an example. There is huge cross-over between d&d and comedy podcasts as well. etc etc.

        3c. The thing I would point out here is that you guys are much older and your non-white friends have probably made peace with whatever identity issues they’ve had. That’s just an assumption from personal experience.

      • July 10, 2015 11:03 am

        Semi-rushed response, have to go to a party(not jack’s party 😦 )

        1. You cede prematurely. Your point on children is excellent and i had not considered the mean age at which people get into DnD, which is sort of a gateway rpg. Im guessing early teens? We’d have to consider by what process people get into roleplaying games and parents would be a factor, though in my experience most of the stuff you get into as a teenager is the result of peers or the media. Goddammit we need census data.

        2. A lack of accurate data either way makes your lateral motion understandable, please continue. I figured the best way to examine a broad theoretical question like this is to take an example and work out how it applies to that example.

        I was not familiar with Dubois’s concept of dual consciousness, it sounds interesting(i looked it up on wikipedia), but i must confess i tend to skepticism when it comes to socio-political theory with an absence of statistical or experimental data, which such an overarching theory is bound to suffer from. At this moment, my current knowledge of the theory you cite is insufficient to render any sort of judgement on the veracity of your theory/reasoning. You must permit me a short hiatus to do some reading to come to grasp with the basics so i can make a judgement that is at least woefully underinformed rather then entirely uninformed.

        However! I think we can both agree that voting with your wallet is a perfectly acceptable model of driving the growth of the medium.

        3a. I think given the advent of video games, short attention spans, less time and the huge amount of entertainment at our disposal your utopian viewpoint is somewhat optimistic. As long as we do not have godlike super virtual reality simulations that are easily programmable we will still have roleplaying games though.

        b. Hopefully. DnD seems to have gotten a bit more credibility in mainstream media. Its unlikely it will recapture its glory days of the 80s, but i heard there is this great new rpg coming out called Dark Albion that will surely capture the hearts of the young by storm.

        c. I could always ask them but i’d rather play elfgames 😦

        Er…shit, let me mull this over some more so i can respond with more words and poor jokes.


      • July 10, 2015 11:58 am

        Sure, no problem. Yeah, I came across Dubois while in America. He is highly respected among black academia there but I know what you mean and this is one of the greatest challenges with these types of discussion. Most of the data is qualitative and boils down to the psycho-socal experience of the person which is incredibly fuzzy when trying to apply any analytical theory.

        Two caveats though. My stake here isn’t to convince you but to demonstrate that what gets lumped in with SJW pejoratives has credible and peer-reviewed analysis behind it. Whether or not people agree, which I don’t expect, I’d rather people at least have a clear picture rather than a bunch of pseudo-educated internet voices. The other caveat is that in the realm of identity politics, I firmly believe in a “two-state solution” if you will. That in the context of colonial countries there has to be a unity among white and non-white peoples and new ethnic or cultural identity established. I say this so you or anyone reading this doesn’t mistake me for being anti-white or anti-european.

    • kent permalink
      July 7, 2015 4:39 am

      Jack is a feminist, a male feminist. You have to be a real cretin to be a feminist these days. These frenzied insignificant arguments involving SJW are just echoes from third-wave feminist freak-outs. Feminists are always the dumbest people on any campus.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 7, 2015 6:47 am

      There are some Grade A Bitter-Ass White Men in that thread. The accusation of Jack being a hypocritical racist, the “my 1/4 Chinese nephew identies with the white guy” and the accusations of diversity by WOTC being a sinister pandering ploy made that a worth-while 20 minutes. Tarnowski’s new publisher even shows up to rail against Political Correctness, because why not.

      Reminds me of that thread on the KKK alehouse started by Vargr1105 or Axemental about the disappearing all-white,all-male adventuring party and how it eviscerated the game of D&D.

      • July 7, 2015 7:02 am

        But but but, Wotc is a corporation and corporations generally base their decisions on profit. To assume genuine idealism where simple pragmatism will do is a violation of Occam’s Razor, which my hyperlogical mind does not permit.

        Also are you getting your girlfriend to smoke more weed and have you considered letting her play a troll so she could regenerate and save you many a new laptop.


        (Slow day at the office guys)

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 7, 2015 8:26 am

        Nah, she is worried about getting late night cravings for Doritos and Dr Pepper. The troll idea is good, though, if I can get her to play again.

      • July 7, 2015 8:47 am

        Well, to be fair, you knew that publisher guy was going to turn out to be a dumb-dumb, right? I mean, he willingly associates with Pundit. It’s A-OK to judge people by the company they keep.

      • July 7, 2015 12:21 pm

        That actually bums me out a bit, because “Fantastic Heroes and Witchery” is perhaps the best OSR rules iteration (I know, damning with faint praise), a small marvel considering English isn’t his first language.

        I was actually looking forward to his “Blasphemous Bestiary”, and the he got sidetracked by Taintloafsky.

        Oh, well, at least we have Prince’s upcoming evisceration of “Dark Albion” to look forward to.

      • July 7, 2015 12:48 pm

        But what if Dark Albion is actually good?

        [ominous silence]

      • July 7, 2015 1:43 pm

        [ominous silence]


        Ah, who the fuck are we kidding? This is Pundejo we’re talking about.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 7, 2015 2:17 pm

        “But what if Dark Albion is actually good?”

        Anything is possible, but based on precedent, this scenario is improbable.

  53. zarathustra permalink
    July 7, 2015 7:55 am

    I had to post to check “only white characters are relatable to other races guy” for possible sarcasm. Delighted to find he was legit.

    Still beats Dragnsfoot.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 7, 2015 8:34 am

      Whoa, are you saying that you don’t find multiple threads about soda riveting?

    • July 7, 2015 8:34 am

      You do the Lord’s work, Zarathustra.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 7, 2015 8:35 am

      Are you saying that you didn’t find the multiple soda pop threads riveting?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 8, 2015 2:47 am

        Fuck you, WordPress!

  54. July 7, 2015 8:37 am

    Are you saying that you don’t find multiple threads about soda riveting?

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 8, 2015 1:26 pm

      I admit to finding multiple time-looped queries about multiple soda pop threads to be riveting.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 8, 2015 2:32 pm

        Were their any soft drink product placements in “Groundhog Day”?

        Come to think of it, even as a kid, I found the Pepsi placement in “Back to the Future” glaringly obtrusive and intrusive.

  55. Timotheus permalink
    July 8, 2015 9:39 am

    So in perusing Faggi’s G+ feed, I found this about cam Banks’ “attack” on ZakAttack. And it became clear – Cam said Hitler had Supercharisma, and that Zak does not have Supercharisma. He is explicitly NOT comparing him to Hitler. So once again, Zak’s inability to understand plain English and/or his outright lies carry the narrative. Him giving anyone else the appellation of Drama crew is textbook irony.

    Anyway, lots of goosestepping and Zak declares VICTORY yet again. And my pal Ed Dove shows up to point out he wasn’t given any of the VICTORY cake. Raggi also admits that he craves gold stars because it reminds him of handjobs in seedy metal bars (well, I may have added context to that last bit – but he does admit industry awards are as important as handjobs given by some skank). com/112262093672917983853/posts/YCa6juXxFm2

    Delete the space between google. and com. When I post g+ links here they go haywire.

    Zak also mentioned that Wundergeek had launched a kickstarter and a Spring Offensive against him – anybody have a link to that?

    • July 9, 2015 4:53 am

      Wundergeek’s spring offensive:

      I looked into that, and other then the fact Wundergeek completely and totally still signed that petition stating Zak and Pundit are Transtardic knowing it is bullshit and completely denies responsibility for her own actions like a typical 3rd-wave rabid tinder feminist and is thus guilty as sin, most of Zakina’s subsequent accusations(e.g Operation ZakGarden) kind of fall flat. I like it that Wundergeek, when she is not too busy lying and fabricating assaults against her, takes the time and effort to state that since this one post is not patreon supported she is exempt from being a professional victim, which she is.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 9, 2015 6:33 am

        Our metaphor is pretty strong until this point. Picturing Wundergeek as a beleaguered Johnny Frost, desperately holding her boldly-gained territory against the fanatical, counterattacking 10th ZakS Panzer Division is…pretty cool. Nevermind.

        Except that it does lend an air of moral credibility to Wundergeek that she has not earned. But still, the image of her in a bunker and grime-covered and requesting reinforcement from Allies who will never come as Obersturmbahnfuhrer Zak calmly, precisely assures her that the wounded will be shot is largely accurate.

    • July 9, 2015 2:24 pm

      Hah, more like Herr Oberst of the Waffen Zak S still has a mohawk/tattoes and is constantly shrieking orders in his effeminate nasal voice and refuses to leave his tank unless the troops publically admit he is the greatest general that ever was and will be and Wundergeek is a fat Russian commisar that keeps sending her starving troops to die as she huddles in a ruined opera house and gets drunk on confiscated vodka-rations.

      [added to my list of Setting ideas]

  56. July 8, 2015 3:04 pm

    “I was looking at it as well. The art is also what grabbed my attention the first time. But my problem with it – i discovered it is by RPGPundit…and i just don’t want to give that guy any money. So i will have to pass.”

    30 bucks and no pdf version that is some grade A bullshit right there.

  57. Timotheus permalink
    July 9, 2015 6:59 am

    OK, I am totally starting to feel sad for that stupid git Chirine Cock Ball.

    “Folks, we couldn’t make this stuff up – we had fun, we laughed our heads off, and we explored Phil’s astonishing creation. No pretense, no worrying about ‘prestige’, no worries about ‘serious art’; we just went out there and were John Carter, Dejah Thoris, Conan, Fafhrd, the Grey Mouser, and all the other people who lived in our imaginations.”

    He is still convinced, after years nosing around the net, that nobody is having a truly good time playing fantasy rpgs, much less understands how to play. He is either a genuine Grdae A Dumbass, or has a learning disability so strong that no amount of evidence will persuade him that people have had a good time the last 35 years, even if it does not match his own experiences in every detail.

    And the fact that he is baring his Rainman-esque soul on the RPGShite where the Plagiarist has made a career of trashing Phil and his creation is fucking incredible.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 9, 2015 10:56 am

      Dejah Thoris? Great, the last thing anybody needs is an image of Dave Arneson in a metal bikini.

      Oh, you’re welcome guys!

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        July 15, 2015 9:47 pm

        Reading Bigby’s mind causes 1d20/1d100 San loss.

  58. Aos permalink
    July 9, 2015 11:24 am

    I stopped reading when he started in about how he never played DnD. Baby boomers love their meningless distinctions.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 9, 2015 11:54 am

      No snobs like gamer snobs!

  59. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 9, 2015 12:18 pm

    Just to touch on Hitler and Zak; these dillholes really weren’t all that charismatic. They were just at the right place at the right time, making the right movies and statements for the crowd they were trying to lord it over. Germany was looking for something to worship besides a good plate of cabbage and sausage. The blOwSR was looking for something hipper than the old, fat farts they previously got behind (can’t blame it all on Zak having proof he got laid…Gygax and company, fat and smelly, still apparently managed to find something to breed with them). And Zak was accessible. If you praise him and got lucky, he’d throw you a bone and it’s all “hey, I know Zak!”. It is amazing that prewar Germans were less pathetic than Zak’s minions. Unlike ol’ Schicklegruber, Zak is all sizzle and no steak. Sizzle is enough to get the dogs to come running and sniff sniff sniff till they die of hunger.

  60. kent permalink
    July 9, 2015 2:51 pm

    One of the better Rogan podcasts with a young retired cop talking about cop problems.

    • kent permalink
      July 9, 2015 4:21 pm

      I am predicting that almost all of you fags think this cop is … dreamy … and … peachy … even if you have ugly girlfriends. They don’t need to know dumb cunts. You are such gays you make me laugh.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 10, 2015 7:18 am

      kent, you should stop wasting your life listening to podcasts and join the legion of people begging Chlorine Cock Ball to unleash his six books of gay fanfic to the world. Just imagine reading six books worth of this:

      “The ship came about, feeling the wind in her sails as they hoisted in the two great stone anchors and made everything ready for sea. Hárchar wanted to be off; he hated any time that he had to spend in harbor, and was always unhappy when he was not at sea. Chirine was startled when the summons came for him to, as the sailor informed him, “Lay aft to the poop; the cap’n wants to see ya!” by which Chirine guessed that Hárchar wanted him to appear before him on that maritime Holy of Holies, the uppermost deck of the after-castle of the ship from Hárchar surveyed his maritime domain and upon which he was normally found bellowing orders to his crew.”

      I know for a fact that the authentic seaman gibberish “Lay aft to the poop” gets your juices flowing.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 10, 2015 8:08 am

        “Lay aft the poop”

        Hey, now we know who really wrote Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt.

        Meet Chirine Chuck Tingle…

      • July 10, 2015 8:45 am

        I think you mean Pounded in the Siyenagga by My Own Siyenagga.

      • July 10, 2015 9:03 am

        “Professor Barker really didn’t use the ‘pounded in the butt’ table that was included in the 1984 Tri-Stat System release. All butt poundings were adjudicated on an ass-cock, I mean ad hoc basis, at least during the Monday night sessions.”

      • Chirine ba Kal (Jeff) permalink
        July 10, 2015 10:29 am

        The work is divided into six 400 page volumes, for the ease of the reader:

        Book One: The Chalice Of The Flaming Flame

        Relating the beginnings of the original Thursday Night Group, and their excruciating adventures up until the revealing of Prince Mirusiya hi Tlakotani…puposely excluding the homos from the Monday Night and Friday Afternoon groups, as they added nothing…

        Book Two: Beneath The Gaily Blazoned Sail

        Relating the further adventures of our heroes (and in particular me), on their first tedious voyage to the Southern Continent with Captain Harchar of the Clan of the Blazoned Sail, and what befell them there…with a special emphasis on my thoughts and perceptions of the game as it enfolded in real time…

        Book Three: Lower Your Standards!

        Relating the epic adventures of our heroes (and in particular me) as I…er, they go to war, on the Northwest Frontier, and their battles lost and won…with a token appearance from the Early Tuesday Morning Group, since it featured an Actual Woman of Color and Phil was ALL ABOUT Diversity except for the fucking Mexicans…

        Book Four: Across The Sea Of Endless Words

        Relating the adventures of me, er our heroes on their second tedious voyage of boredom and tepid discovery with Captain Harchar, and the run-of-the-mill places they visit…this one might actually be 385 pages rather than 400…I suppose I could include a vignette about the Saturday Midday Group to pad it out a bit…

        Book Five: The Golden Squeal

        Relating the adventures of our heroes as they march forth on the marches, striding forth on the Stridences, sally forth on the sallyances, trying to preserve the City and Province but not Region of Hekellu and the Chaigari Protectorate, and the many mundane occurrences on their way…featuring a nude pin-up of Mike Mortard from the Hish-Shyai Wedding-ha of Marsupius Sanpooji…

        Book Six: To The Distant Whores

        Relating the continuing epic (and not so epic) adventures of me, er our heroes as they attempt to age gracefully in a time of strife and civil war…the campaign was mired in utter boredom and repition by then and even Darth Vader becoming a PC could not save it as we all mailed it the fuck in but this is the longest volume at 700 pages, bitches…featuring a token appearance by the Wednesday Teatime Group, as I made a tiara for them all to wear…

      • July 10, 2015 3:19 pm

        Dammit, Jeff! Everything’s fair game here except non-gaming wives and Mexicans. You know that. Now they’re going to call us racists.

      • Von permalink
        July 11, 2015 2:16 am

        Six bleeding volumes of “let me tell you about our characters”?

        Jesus wept. I suppose it might be passable reading for the shitter, but alas, I bought the complete Conan canon from a flea market t’other day and am now set for bumpaper for many a moon.

    • kent permalink
      July 10, 2015 10:36 am

      Now that I am off the booze for a while I have noticed how boring everything is. TV? boring; Movies? boring; Gamers? silly; Online forums? wank. Podcasts by comedians? not bad still.

      The Chirine Tekumel guy is writing a novel ? Link ?

      • Chirine ba Kal (Jeff) permalink
        July 10, 2015 11:05 am

        Thanks for your interest, kent! I promise you it will be the greatest experience of your life to read about my character in six volumes of Splendour in English!

        Mornard wants to jointly run a Kickstarter to help with his book but I am tired of his fatass holding me back. So, no.

      • kent permalink
        July 10, 2015 11:55 am

        –==–the adventures of our heroes as they march forth on the marches, striding forth on the Stridences, sally forth on the sallyances

        I like this. Jaunty and determined.

  61. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 9, 2015 4:02 pm


    Originally Posted by Turanil
    Both the author and myself live several thousands of miles away from Gen Con… I would probably have to sell my car to go there with two dozens of copies and have a booth.

    Understood! There are a few booths that carry books from a variety of publishers (IPR, Indie Game Developer Network, Indie Game Alliance). It was a longshot.

    There used to be an OSR booth that had products from a bunch of different publishers, but that hasn’t been there for a few years.

    Aren’t these organizations the very “swine” that Pundejo rails against? Hoist on his own Puntard.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 10, 2015 6:47 am

      Ha! It would be awesome to see a booth selling Dogs in the Vineyard and Dork Albion side-by-side. The demo playtests could have you decapitate and throat-fuck Oliver Cromwell for Story XP.

      And of course, the coveted RPGShite Award of Distinction could be replaced by an equally coveted Monolithic Bat Penis logo.

      • July 10, 2015 7:35 am

        The correct logo for these strange bedfellows would be a turgid bat penis crossed with a corncob pipe, as if two rapiers were engaged in the weakest of duels.

      • July 10, 2015 8:14 am

        It would be even funnier if a side-by-side comparison revealed the Dark Albion plagiarized whole sections of a Dogs in the Vineyard.

        “Curses, the swine are onto me… Currently Smoking: Uruguayan Bat Penis”

      • Bigby's Extensive Gay Porn Archive permalink
        July 15, 2015 9:54 pm

        You had me at “decapitate and throat-fuck Oliver Cromwell”

    • Von permalink
      July 11, 2015 2:38 am

      Shit, Venger actually raised a flicker of amusement in me there. Stating the obvious isn’t going to win him any observational comedy awards, but still.

      “I broke ranks” = “I voted for something which I, personally, thought was good”? THOUGHTCRIME!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 11, 2015 6:24 pm

      Best OSR Publisher: Polyhedron Games LLC

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 12, 2015 12:08 pm

        Best OSR Product: A Blue and Pleasant Land

  62. kent permalink
    July 10, 2015 10:49 am


    Dr. Paul R. McHugh, the former psychiatrist-in-chief for Johns Hopkins Hospital and its current Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry, said that transgenderism is a “mental disorder” that merits treatment, that sex change is “biologically impossible,” and that people who promote sexual reassignment surgery are collaborating with and promoting a mental disorder.

    • July 10, 2015 11:50 am

      It’s okay, Sophonisba, don’t worry about what the moral scolds at CNS are saying, just go ahead and get the reassignment surgery.

    • kent permalink
      July 10, 2015 11:58 am

      That old doc must have balls of iron. Good for him.

      • Von permalink
        July 11, 2015 1:51 am

        Do you commend his actual stance, or merely his expressing of it in the ding-dang liberal-infested social climate of the day?

        (You get one shot at Golconda, Kent: don’t fuck this one up.)

      • kent permalink
        July 11, 2015 5:49 am

        The truth is always interesting, no? Sympathy is important but it doesn’t aid understanding. Reading the article I remembered always thinking tg was a mental illness and somewhere along the line media bombardment has established it as flesh couture, trendy. I think he has balls because the lgbrd$%ft are an insane cult looking for a fight.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 10, 2015 12:48 pm

        The wall street journal – LOL. The same editorial board that felt publishing a piece comparing 99% of Americans to nazis on the Night of the Long Knives was a reasonable thing. A very credible place to get your social outlook from.

        You actually subscribe to it, kent? You and Oscar Anderson, Billionaire Dinosaur have far more in common than you have admitted.

      • July 10, 2015 4:35 pm

        For the last time, this is my stance on tg:

        dude turning into chick and likes dudes: Hmm, lots of variables here… I’m confused and probably you dress like a retard, so my initial reaction will be to laugh with my friends, but not so you can hear us because I don’t want to hurt your feelings and you face a bunch of adversity already; could be fun to hang out with if you’re not into gay shit like Twilight.
        chick turning into dude and likes dudes: Probably tries too hard to be “just one of the guys,” but the chick in the movie Just One of the Guys had awesome tits so I’m not gonna be a hater.
        dude turning into chick and likes chicks: You sneaky bastard, I like you!
        chick turning into dude and likes chicks: Whoa, that’s sexy…! Also we need to decide ahead of time how many points you get for a goal if you play coed soccer.

      • kent permalink
        July 11, 2015 5:51 am

        A chic in a bowler hat with a paint moustache is far enough for me, though it doesn’t work unless she is a fox.

    • Jennell J'accuse permalink
      July 10, 2015 2:30 pm

      Really, Kent? You extol my old modules and you even release a remake of my “Night of the Walking Wet” and this is how you repay me? I’d appeal to your better angels, but I’ve come to the conclusion that you have no capacity for honesty or empathy.

      • Aos permalink
        July 10, 2015 3:12 pm

        You say that like it’s a bad thing.

      • July 10, 2015 3:25 pm

        Oh for fuck’s sake. First that Kirin O’Ball guy slams the Mexicans and now it comes out (ooer) that Kent’s been TRANSPHOBIC all along? That’s the ultimate crime in the OSR so we look like assholes in front of Tenkar and everybody. I guess our chances of winning an Ennie for best blog are fucked. Sorry, Travis. We failed you and Autarch LLC.

  63. July 13, 2015 5:38 am

    Speaking of Nazi’s, look who showed up!

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 13, 2015 10:04 am

      Bless his pointy little head. He thought that Pundejo was a fellow National Fronter because he’s a fellow Breivik fan. Silly Mjollnir, Pundejo’s a fascist, but he’s not a Nazi.

      Didn’t he get the memo that Pundejo isn’t exactly 100% white according to his own “Aryan” credentialing system?

      I like his assertion about ancient India being “very white” with no factual basis. The pale complexion he bases his entire political stance on is a recent evolutionary response to a vitamin D deficiciency-causing combination of long hours of darkness and a largely grain-based diet, which cropped up (heh) sometime in the Neolithic.

    • July 13, 2015 10:33 am

      Like clock-word. There should be some internet law about how many posts it will take before someone invokes the anti-white argument.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 13, 2015 11:12 am

        It’s as inevitable as an ammosexual writing “it’s a magazine, not a clip, therefore your argument is invalid” in a thread about regulating firearms.

        Oddly enough, this standard of expertise doesn’t apply to subjects such as evolution or anthropogenic climate change.

        “Herp-a-derp, it’s just a theory!!”

    • July 13, 2015 3:44 pm

      I like how one dude accuses him of crypto-nazism. gay boy might be a lot of things but he’s been nothing but blatant in his racism.

      • Aos permalink
        July 15, 2015 10:50 am

        Suburban white folks are weird. I grew up as trailer trash and although I live among them, they baffle the fuck out of me. Poor is apparently a state wherein you can only take two expensive vacations a year, for example.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 15, 2015 1:21 pm

        Poor is having to sell the stock your dad gave you to pay for college.

  64. Timotheus permalink
    July 13, 2015 2:02 pm

    HA HA!

    Turdkar gets a boner because John Tarnowski, the RPGPlagiarist, is sending him a review copy.

    The first commenter rightfully wonders how much will be original content, linking to perdustin’s blog post about Arrows. The Plagiarist shows up to tell the guy to fuck himself and then accuses him of being part of the Great Conspiracy.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 13, 2015 2:40 pm

      That’s hilarious, now there are two commenters piling on Pundejo, who is responding with paranoid, TL/DR rants. I hope the SBVD guy is paying attention, because he’s probably the guy getting ripped off.

    • July 13, 2015 4:46 pm

      Hahaha only a lying asshole ey Tarnowski? For bonus points, if you feel his entire fucking magic section could be chalked up to a single, collossal, staggering coincidence(i think at this point the word miracle might be more apt), i invite people to check out the Magic item section, in particular the few wondrous items that seem as though they are not simply dnd items with a bollywood coat of paint on it, and make the startling discovery that they are in fact EoPT items with a thin bollywood coat of varnish. The Magic book section is particularly telling.

      • Jeff ba Kal (See what I did there? I'm smart!) permalink
        July 14, 2015 11:10 am

        Let me try to explain this; it’s going to be a little complicated, so please bear with me…

        In EPT I’m a Priest; I’m in the middle of the spectrum, as it were. Warriors don’t use magic, and normally can fight better then I can; Magic-users don’t normally fight in melees, but can do spells better then I can.

        The class system in EPT was a result of Gary Gygax’s input on the play-test version of the game. His take on PCs was that having classes was an easy way for beginning players to get their PCs rolled up and into a game, as the rules would set out what the player had to work with for that particular class.

        On the other hand, the skills system in EPT was Dave Arneson’s input. He felt that players should be able to ‘build’ their PCs, and then one would be able to simplify the game mechanics by rolling against their skill levels.

        Phil, on the other other hand, didn’t feel that either approach really fitted in with what he’d had in mind. He liked the idea of an ‘occupational’ system that was a ‘hybrid’ of both, where a ‘class’ could have a range of skills that were normal for that ‘job description’.

        ‘Warriors’ are pretty straightforward; they are people who fight things, and with various weapons in various types of armor. Generally, they do not use magic; when they do, it’s with the technic devices of the Ancients. ‘Magic users’, on the other hand, are much more complex; in Tekumel, they are all associated with a particular Temple, and all have ranks as priests / priestesses of that temple. Generally, they are adept at various types of sorcery, and are normally unarmored and carry daggers and other such small weapons.

        EPT’s ‘Priest’ class, on the other hand, are a hybrid character type that falls in between these two main types. They can wear armor, usually use maces and other such weapons, and have various different functions in the temple.

        S&G did all of this differently; there are no ‘classes’ in those rules it’s all skill based.

        I am, as far as I know, unique in that I’m the only PC who was a military sorcerer – by definition, I think I’m a ‘referee’s special’…

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 14, 2015 1:25 pm

      Wow, Tarnowski is having another frothing meltdown – I actually got hit with some cigar-tainted spit from my computer screen. And now he is assuming his true mantle of the Prince of Lies. Nobody here called him a spic. Maybe Mjollnir, but he posts on the RPGShite too, so that doesn’t count, if it even happened. He attributes a bunch of other shit we never said, as if we are all a monolithic hive-mind. The Shite is a bigger haven for goosesteppers than ever showed up here – where we call them the fuck out.

      I did call Tenkar Turdkar, maybe even called him stupid. Immature – yes. But so is “Dark Albion is Coming! Dark Albion is coming! Free shit for me to review! YES!!!” (That last phrase is attributable to the both of you.)

      Tarnowski, link to the race-based names you claim we called you. Do it today or you are a goddamned lying piece of fascist shit. Still.

      And we have nothing but pity for Mandy, being tangled up with that narcissistic psycho ZakAttack, even if little respect for her choice of vocation. She and her crew are skanky, but its LA and the porn industry. Pointing that out is not insulting.

      Rients used to take the ribbing here with a laugh until he got all serious. Not a coincidence that his net popularity dropped when he stopped coming by for a beer and an insult.

      Anyway, time to get the cheeto-flavored popcorn and Dr. Pepper popsicles…

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 14, 2015 2:22 pm

      Wow…Turdkar nuked a certain post, while leaving Pundejo’s psychotic swearing and character assassination of that Monaco dude to stand.

      Fuck you, Turdkar, you limp tool. In case I have not called you stupid, I am doing it now.

      Unless your mind was controlled by Pundejo’s Rune Magic, in which case just put on the tin-foil hat and you’ll be free of his evil influence.

      Until you dive into Dork Albion like a teenaged girl reading the latest TeenBeat article about Leif Garrett.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 14, 2015 10:50 pm

        Goddamit, I go down to Brooklyn to guzzle beer and listen to a lecture about the use of occulters to aid in the search for earthlike extrasolar planets, and I miss Prince’s gauntlet being thrown down in the ‘shack?!?

        The fact that Tenkar deleted Prince’s post just goes to show that he’s not the cop of the OSR, failed Kickstarter reports notwithstanding. The self-appointed luminaries of “old school gaming” are nothing more than a circle-jerk, there are no neutral arbiters, except maybe that ten foot pole guy.

        Did anyone get a screencap?

    • July 14, 2015 3:56 pm

      I’m leaving this link here for the record:

      In this thread, someone asks pundit about how he “approached the magic rules” for AoI. Pundit responds with 500+ words including, “The magic system was…one of the trickiest things to handle in the AoI rules.” He makes no reference to EPT or Barker. Eventually, when backed into a corner, pundit admits to some mechanical similarities. This is a profound understatement; the “similarities” go way beyond mere inspiration. In short, pundit refused (and still refuses) to acknowledge the extent of his debt to Barker.

    • July 14, 2015 6:01 pm

      Ahh, is that not glorious!

    • July 15, 2015 3:32 am

      Hahaha that was fun. Tarno is pained to admit that yes, he did in fact base his stuff so heavily on EoPT its laughable.

      “Well of couse when i said i wrote 100% of the rules and content i meant i copy-pasted his magic system/half his magic item section like everyone else does in the OSR Swine!”

    • Von permalink
      July 15, 2015 2:37 pm

      Ye gods, what HAS he been smoking?

      One wonders, as well, if railing against IMAGINARY CONSPIRATORS and chewing out everyone who disagrees with him as a lying cunt or an idiot and either way IN LEAGUE WITH THE SWINE hasn’t done more harm to his career than anything Prince has ever accomplished.

      Take a deep breath, smile sweetly and make some disingenuous remark about wanting your readers to work out your sources for themselves. Keep up. Keep up. You’re not going to spell everything out for them. Works like a charm.

      • July 16, 2015 2:02 am

        The subtle art of tarnowski baiting relies not on a destructive offence, but rather a subtle barb to trigger its apoplectic fury. Like the aikido master, one uses the strength(or weakness) of the opponent against itself.

        Also how is that warhammerfagging podcast idea going along? I can bring many millions of listener and my mom has always wanted to know how to properly play a cappadocian in feudal france and thus is rest my case.

      • Von permalink
        July 16, 2015 2:07 am

        He racks discirprine. I am disappoint.

        You’ll have to get in line behind the handful of other eejits who’ve agreed to exchange mouth noises with me. Podcasting happens on a “can I be bothered?” basis so an idea it will remain until I next have the inclination to transmit words.

  65. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 15, 2015 4:38 am

    I just had a premonition… I now believe that “Dark Albion” is nothing more than a re-skin of Blooey’s “Ertian Chronicals”. “Golonda” being the “Gloucester” stand-in while “Beldany” is the “Weald”.

    Poor Blooey is fighting for his life and a sit-down breakfast in the rolling hills of Blooistan while Pundit is raiding his magnum opus. BLOOOOOEY!!!

  66. kent permalink
    July 15, 2015 6:52 am

    Any reviews yet of Dark Albino ?

  67. kent permalink
    July 15, 2015 9:46 am

    I found some more reviews of Dark Albino:

  68. Timotheus permalink
    July 15, 2015 10:08 am

    Some 3rd rate blOwSR “artist” complains to his g+ homies that Shannon Appelcline (ownerof released an appendix to his tl;dr 4-volume history of rpgs, and did not prominently mention his buddies/employers.

    Zak shows up to remind everyone that Shannon ruthlessly attacked his girls, and is also conservative – because, you know, the operator of a forum where you need an advanced degree in feminism just to post there is obviously conservative.

    Fun ensues as this artist dances at the end of Zak’s strings, and Appeldude shows up to justify giving the blOwSR the finger.

    Rob Conley shows up and his semi-literate pompouness shuts down the thread. com/+JezGordon/posts/3SGQMw5MCB1

    (remove the space between the dot and the com)

    • bad wolf permalink
      July 15, 2015 10:30 am

      Shannon Appelcline: Lives in: Berkeley, CA

      Yeah, big old crazy redneck right-winger there, Zak. I mean, that bicycle helmet alone is like a Confederate flag waving.

    • Aos permalink
      July 15, 2015 10:56 am

      All else aside, Jez is actually a very, very good artist.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 16, 2015 6:17 am

        After this comment, Aos, I googled his art, and you are correct. He is very good, very atmospheric. I retract my “3rd rate” comment. He might be the best artist in the whole blOwSR.

    • July 15, 2015 11:36 am

      This one caught Zak in a weirdly non-combative and defensive mood. With his reputation on the line you would think he’d go full ATTACK when Tipper Gore herself pops up with the busty lady banner ads and such. Instead it’s just this weak “shut down the thread, don’t give him this promotional opportunity” stuff – hey, holy shit, did this Jez guy just put sales in Tipper’s pocket?

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 15, 2015 1:50 pm

      My favorite comment was Zak’s whine that Applecline was using the thread to promote his book, so Jez should shut it down.

      Poor Zak, he of all people should know that the spice must flow.

      • Von permalink
        July 15, 2015 2:19 pm

        Chortle and snortjoy indeed.

  69. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 15, 2015 6:56 pm

    It’s a glowing review, but the astute reader can discern the seeds of suck:

    This isn’t D&D as you might know it. Instead this is a pseudo historical setting abiding along its own rules and mores. Society is front and center with changes spelled right out in the introduction chapter with headings like : the level range is low, social status is extremely important,the role of women, the church of the unconquered Sun, chaos cults & heresy, the non human is hostile and dangerous, the monstrous is found in lonely places, and differences between our world and our historical world.

    Now, this is only a review, but let’s look at Small but Vicious Dog on levels:

    All playable characters in SBVD are levels 1 3 in B/X D&D terms. The grubby, vicious world of SBVD is a place of minor triumphs against a background of misery, squalor and suffering. It thus has very little in common with the monster riding, daemon punching antics of WFB or high level D&D. Baldrick don’t ride no dragon!

    And on the importance of social status:

    The world of SBVD is hopelessly caste ridden. The law is entirely weighted in favour of the rich and well bred (As well it should be! Only a fool writes laws against his own interests), as are tax codes, military obligations and even social mores. In civilised parts of the world it’s still considered perfectly acceptable – among those who can afford them – to roger the serving girls and viciously horsewhip insolent underlings.

    Climbing to the top over a heap of looted bodies doesn’t just advance personal power; it also advances your place in society. Instead of representing vast disparities in clout and authority with higher character levels, here’s a fix inspired by the hilarious and under rated GURPS Goblins sourcebook. These rules are entirely optional, and supersede The Gods Hate You! (see Resolution, p7) where appropriate.

    Social position affects all dice rolls made directly against a particular character. Hit rolls, Ability Score checks, Saving Throws; they’re all affected by the modifier given on the table below. Similar modifiers cancel out: the lowly batter one another on roughly even terms, as do the rich and powerful.

    Anybody out there reviewing DA should keep a copy of SBVD handy, to determine if Pundejo’s charging for another ripoff.

    • July 16, 2015 12:44 am

      How good can it be? Has everybody forgotten Raggi passed on it but printed Van Oops, Seclusium of Orphone. Can we moved past “It’s like [proper noun] but…”? I’m seriously fatigued by riffs. It’s like I’m living inside of Borges’ Labyrinth where everyone is Pierre Menard, hacking away at their reproductions.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 16, 2015 6:03 am

      That Stitchery punk gleefully wraps his lips around every flacid shaft or steaming turd the blOwSR pumps out, so his breathless Dear Diary schoolgirl crush stuff is irrelevant. And let’s not forget that he excitedly blogged about his campaign consisting of Nazis going on an expedition to Carcosa a couple of years ago.

      But it makes Tarnowski richer and famouser, so he’ll take any tepid words of support from every vile corner of the net.

  70. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    July 15, 2015 10:47 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA!! John Tarnowski AKA RPGPundit as well as Tenkar of the Turdshack* are all Caloo Calay that Dark Albion is #7 or some shit on RPGNOW, but if you look at the DriveThruRPG top 100 it is only like #68 when it has to compete with ALL the recently released RPGs including the most hated of STORY GAMES!!!!

    *Is it true that Tenkar of the Turdshack is retired NYPD? Judging by his bitchy pussy online presence, he must have been a Meter Maid, AMIRITE? LOL!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 15, 2015 10:56 pm

      Also, reality check time for Zak S – this is EXACTLY WHY ultraconservative yet somehow FemiNazi Tranny Rights SJW activist Shannon Appelcline rightfully ignored the blOwSR in his four volume history of tabletop RPGs – WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT ABOUT SOME AMATEUR FANBOY SCRIBBLINGS THAT TEN YEARS AGO EVERY NERD LIVING IN HIS PARENTS’ BASEMENT GAVE AWAY FOR FREE?!?

      • July 16, 2015 5:19 am

        It’s nothing to worry about. It is, however, a fantastically straightforward example of the kind of weird conspiracy thinking that Appelcline overtly supported this year. It’s unspurprising a guy who supports that kind of rhetoric against OSR and DIY D&D authors doesn’t really think their contributions are noteworthy.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 16, 2015 6:36 am

        It’s like complaining that a book about the history of Dolce & Gabbana or Prada doesn’t cover the cheap knockoffs they sell in Chinatown.

  71. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 15, 2015 10:55 pm

    Oh, OSR, you never fail to disappoint:

    I just got Yoon-Suin, and it’s a pretty big disappointment so far. From what I’ve heard it sounded a lot like just that kind of thing, but it turns out to be mostly tables to generate random NPCs and locations.

  72. Timotheus permalink
    July 16, 2015 6:32 am

    Good news, everyone!

    We can ask Pundejo about his “influences” in general and SBVD in particular tomorrow night! Live chat at 8pm CDT!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 16, 2015 5:07 pm

      Here are my questions for RPGPundit tonight:

      1. May I call you John, or would you prefer Mr. Tarnowski?
      2. When is the Dungeon World/Apocalypse World Engine version of Dark Albion coming out?
      3. Are you still considering a Fate Core adaption of your Empire of the Petal Throne retroclone Arrows Of Indra?
      4. I know the criminal charges against you and court testimony are still sealed (although we are trying to get them released like Bill Cosby’s rape confession, but the general rumor is you fled the country to avoid prosecution for child molestation. Quick question – was it little girls or little boys you were diddling?
      5. Who is going to win the ENnie for Best Product Blow/Rim Job this year?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 16, 2015 5:22 pm

        (Apologies to CBS news reporter and Libertarian hero Major Garrett whose press conference questioning style I emulated for the Pundit interview!)

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 16, 2015 6:14 pm

        What are the odds that both Leif Garrett and Major Garrett get mentioned in the same thread?

        We have always been at war with Eurasia the Axis of Garrett.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 16, 2015 8:36 pm

        Don’t forget Mrs. Garrett!

        Might as well go for the trifecta!

      • July 17, 2015 5:07 am

        6. Has your Rune-magick helped you retard your ever-accelerating descent into frothing paranoid lunacy or is it a product thereof?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 17, 2015 6:53 am

        “5. Who is going to win the ENnie for Best Product Blow/Rim Job this year?”

        I voted the OSR slate down the party line so hopefully Tenkar!

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 17, 2015 11:24 am

        7. How much of the wit and wisdom of Breivik influenced the tone of Dark Albion?

        8. Is the title a shout-out to White Britishers who are dismayed at the Browning of their beloved land, like the similarly titled racial tract?

        9. You were turned down by Raggi and Bedrock Games (publisher of your EPT theft-fest). How many others said “Nein!” before this obscure french dude said “Oui, oui!”

        10. Why are there no transsexuals on the cover?

  73. July 16, 2015 8:32 pm

    Hey, check out this shitshow (Shiteshow?) y’all.

    It’s got the OSRIC guy, and RPGnet’s head honcho, and Pundejo, and of course the Attak himself checks in (zaks in?) further on.

    • July 16, 2015 8:36 pm

      It is important to fight for the ideological purity of…old-ass elfgames, I guess.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 16, 2015 8:42 pm

      LOL! From Zak Attack to Pundick to OSRIC Cut & Paste Retroturd Regurgitate guy, I don’t think they realize they are the ones who are coming across as the complete fucktard assholes in all this, not Shannon.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 16, 2015 8:47 pm

        Yeah, Shannon has been nothing but professional in all this, but Zak, Pundit and Papers & Paychecks OSRIC guy (not to mention Tenkar of the Turdshack) all look like crazy ancient aliens conspiracy theory looney tunes nut jobs.

      • July 16, 2015 8:52 pm

        It’s very important to carry a grudge from being SLANDERED and BANNED FROM RPG.NET everywhere you go like a whiny Jesus showing everybody his cross.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 16, 2015 10:02 pm


        I took that discredit line to be more of a “If you do talk about OSRIC you best be careful to get things right” sort of a warning. I would have set it differently, but hopefully Applecline takes the cold shoulder to heart and realizes he may need to reevaluate his approach to the online RPG community in general. And make some real changes at the site he owns.

        Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Applecline’s site dwarf all of the “OSR” type sites combined? If he doesn’t change his stances, the ‘Shite denizens will hold their breath and stamp their tiny feet.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 16, 2015 10:11 pm

        Even funnier:

        Sort-of on topic, I haven’t really seen any generalised hostility to the OSR at rpgnet, though certainly there is hostility to free-thinkers and iconoclasts, which includes a bunch of OSR luminaries.

        Oh, yeah, it takes a bunch of free-thinkers and iconoclasts to cut-and-paste.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 16, 2015 10:27 pm

        The best joke of all, Pundejo actually tells the truth:

        Like I said, we ban less people on theRPGsite in a year than rpgnet usually bans in a week.

        There’s a reason for that, but it’s not a result of moderation.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 17, 2015 6:42 am

        That is hilarious! Not a fan of Shannon or, but he looks like the reasonable one, with Pundejo and the Attack and PeePee melting down into petty blobs of impotent anger. Zak takes the gold star for hypocracy – suggessting to someone to avoid the thread. There are about 347 times he should have taken that same advice.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 17, 2015 8:05 am

        The best thing about this kerfuffle is how the grogs whine on Google+ about how Applecline ignores the OSR, then they whine on the ‘Shite about how he wants to cover the OSR.

        My advice to Shannon is that, if he truly wants to cover the OSR, the only people he needs to interview are Gene Weigel (Gene was there!!!) and Kent.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 17, 2015 8:21 am

        Heh. And now that Shannon has announced he won’t be back, the Dungeon Dumbass (Bill Silvey, whom Poag once accused of being YDIS) crawls out from his bunker to call him a coward. That is true courage: to call someone a cowardly fuck to their back when they are out of hearing range.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 17, 2015 8:52 am

        Applecline needs to do his research into the blOwSR exclusively at YDIS. One Stop Shopping and all.

      • bad wolf permalink
        July 20, 2015 1:32 pm

        The only question i have left is whether anyone can link to that original post where Ctrl-C&Ctrl-V was banned on I must admit to curiosity about “that filthy baboon Ettin posted sneering lies about me in that forum” allegedly setting him off.

        Zakattack and Plagiarist don’t make themselves look great when they jump on board. In fact, since he’s always crying about being harassment and false accusations of harassment: Zak, what’s the word for when someone jumps into every online conversation someone has on an open forum, and slings mud at them from five years ago?

    • Sykirobme permalink
      July 17, 2015 9:58 am

      “I’ve waited about five years for someone from to need something from me.”

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh, fucking hell, if there was ever a doubt that these people are petty little man-children.

      Damn, this whole fucking civilization needs another big war. Cull the herd and put an end to bullshit arguing over the ideology of elfgames.

  74. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 17, 2015 6:46 am

    I am deeply offended that RPGPundit claims we called him a “Spic” and thus insults our (collective?) intelligence. We all know his surname is Tarnowski thus making him a Stupid Pollock! Jeez!

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      July 17, 2015 9:06 am

      Truly a beautiful thread highlighting how these OhEssaArrr knee biters completely knock each other over to fall on their own swords of self righteous indignation.

      I’d wager Shannon had a great jerk off session afterwards and was probably smoking the combined ashes of the OSR ‘elite’ as they really outdid themselves in that thread.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 17, 2015 11:36 am

        That thread only gets better. We have a guy who bitches that a mod at RPGNet told him he hates women, who then launches into a hatefuck fantasy:

        In the end, this is ultimately what led me to saying “Fuck, Fuck it hard and long and dump it off on a street corner somewhere with bus fair.”

        Scro, fucking’s about love, you DO hate women… or boys, for that matter.

        Then we get a WTF? moment regarding everybody’s favorite gay Nazi boy.

        To cap it off, P&P flat out says “I don’t like Pundit very much but thanks for the venue for this bitchfest”.

        Best thread EVER!

  75. Sykirobme permalink
    July 17, 2015 9:37 am

    A history of the OSR:


    The end.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      July 17, 2015 11:31 am

      Well, there were unique things like fecal golems. I mean credit where it’s due, right? Pretty sure there was a mishap with a spontaneous ejaculation and the sperm grow bat wings and attack the party. That may have been FATAL, though. The line between FATAL and LotFaP keeps getting thinner as time and shit modules trudge onwards.
      All the more reason to just give up on the bickering man-children, lock yourself in your room, and just play SPI/Avalon Hill’s Freedom in the Galaxy until the hurting stops. Which may happen because Freedom in the Halaxy takes a long time to play. It’s literally easier to really plan an intergalactic rebellion than play the game.
      Speaking of, anyone spare a copy? I’ve jerked off on the Thysa Kymbo card so much it’s illegible.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 17, 2015 11:43 am

        Oh yeah, numbers are in! Small But Viscious Arrows Over Albion has outsold A Red and Peasant Menstrual Cycle by several copies! Take that Zak Ack Ack Attack! Fucking Pungent owned that half haired spastic.
        Currently smoking: Zak’s bitter tears as he realizes he’s been dethroned as the OSR cash cow. Fucking Raggi will think twice before getting high in hash and not publishing another Puget Sound product.

      • July 17, 2015 12:23 pm

        Last I checked Red & Pleasant Land was disappearing at faster than a copy a minute–I MEAN, A LITTLE SLOWER THAN ONE A DAY–at the current rate they will be gone in two days YEARS. I MEANT YEARS. Anyone who’s tried to scrounge up a print copy of Vornheim knows how hard it is to get your hands on these things once they disappear. (December 3 2014)

  76. Prestigipotater permalink
    July 17, 2015 1:00 pm

    I love this place. I came here by googling “zak s is an asshole” or “zak s is a paranoid sea lion dick” in hopes of finding people who hate him as much as I do. Keep up the great work.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 17, 2015 1:25 pm

      Welcome, Presti. Feel free to share your favorite ZakAttack stories, and please include links if it took place in public so we can all point and laugh.

      And be sure to visit Zakina at his page. He gets so lonely.

      And don’t forget that the RPGPlagiarist sucks a lot of dick, as does James “Summer 2012 is now or never for this shitty vaporware” Raggi IV.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 17, 2015 1:37 pm

        Raggy’s last project was printed and ready to ship but was ruined in freak accident with a shit golem and a bong-water weird. Can’t send out shit stained pages damp with hemp smelling water after all. Only Brave Halfling would lack the quality control to do something that asinine.
        So don’t pick on the Rags it’s hard not to spill your bong on stacks of LotFaP product while at the same time keeping the wife from using pages from the books as toilet paper.

  77. Sykirobme permalink
    July 18, 2015 5:33 am

    “”That’s a good plan. Maliszewski is a self-serving narcissistic opportunistic asshole who would do anything to be the center of attention again.”

    Oh, irony!

    “They read us near-constantly.

    Last year after 5e came out, we caught Ettin spending hours and hours reading through my 10-year old blog posts trying to find some out-of-context quotes he could spread around to smear me with.”

    Kind of like you do here, eh, Tarnowski? Your lack of self-awareness is breathtaking.

  78. July 18, 2015 7:57 am

    Man I wish I had learned proper english in high school instead of jerking off on a poorly translated copy of Moldvay (Alina le clerc anyone?) in the back of the classroom. Maybe then I could get at least some of your self-referential gibberish. Anyway I’m having fun. I came here trying to decipher what “SA/YDIS goons” could possibly mean and I am not disappointed. Keep it coming!

  79. kent permalink
    July 18, 2015 1:09 pm

    It has been a while since a comedian made me laugh out loud, Bill Burr and Louis CK have become stale. That gal is Amy Schumer – I started with Inside Amy Schumer season 3 – and *yes* I did not think a woman could be funny.

  80. Von permalink
    July 19, 2015 4:49 am

    I feel a review coming on. Rent goes out tomorrow and if I have anything left after that I’ll look into Dark Albion. Someone has to.

    • July 19, 2015 6:03 am

      Von, it might be good, it might be bad, but one thing is certain: SOMEBODY FORGOT TO COUNT THE HEXES!!!

      • Von permalink
        July 19, 2015 8:45 am

        This stuff matters, doesn’t it? I mean… it’s staggeringly important that you know exactly how far it is from one elfgame encounter to the other… the sky falls in if there’s even a hint of fudging… oh, I don’t know, I am Swine and couldn’t really care less.

      • RPGPundBot permalink
        July 20, 2015 4:43 am

        “You’ll have to ask our map-maker about that one. Maybe he’s using some kind of French standard we’re unfamiliar with?”

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 19, 2015 8:28 am

      Your “mad money” would be better spent on benzene-tainted scrumpy.

      • Von permalink
        July 19, 2015 8:48 am

        My homebrew’s coming along nicely, don’t worry.

    • July 19, 2015 8:33 am

      Can i at least appeal to your long-buried Imperialist instincts and persuade you to take it in the name of the Queen, rather then lowering yourself by bartering with the savage of uruguay? Surely your money is better spent on cigarettes and filthy nudy mags?

      • Von permalink
        July 19, 2015 8:47 am

        Certainly not. I run a legitimate reviewing operation and I won’t allow any of that “well you didn’t pay for it so I can ignore you” fidgy-widgyness. Everyone knows principles aren’t truly tested until there’s money on the line.

      • Aos permalink
        July 19, 2015 7:27 pm

        Traditionally, giving money to someone in the OSR decreases your chance of actually obtaining a product.

      • RPGPundBot permalink
        July 20, 2015 4:44 am

        “This is information, not just advertising. This is where people can reasonably expect to come get information about Dark Albion.

        But you can feel free to keep right on having sour grapes if you like.”

      • Conley-Bot permalink
        July 20, 2015 4:49 am

        “I used a hex-map making software. I asked it to create a blank hex-map, and voila. Okay, it’s not perfect, and I didn’t notice… Sorry.”

        Unfortunately the distortion is pretty bad for long distance hex counting. For example
        The 6 mile side length seems to be for the 6 mile hex. The real distance is 6.93 miles.

        What I would recommend is to include a small note in the RPGNow/DriveThru Upload giving the true hex sizes rounded to the nearest number. And that all pretty all that needs to be done.

        6 mile hex side = 7 mile hexes
        12 mile hex side = 14 mile hexes
        24 mile hex side = 28 mile hexes.

        Otherwise the maps are accurate enough by the ruler.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 20, 2015 6:01 am

      For those about to die of dreariness from perusing Dark Albion, we salute you.

  81. kent permalink
    July 20, 2015 7:08 am

    I have some spare cash I stole (It’s OK, I didn’t like the person; hunger aids weight loss in any ways) that I could do with spending on some D&D, BUT ONLY IF IT IS AN UNMISTAKABLE WORK OF GENIUS.

    Hello gayssths what’ssths thissthss

    • Von permalink
      July 21, 2015 6:49 am

      I can’t be the only one who senses the sarcasm dripping off that Monte Cook quotation in the project blurb, can I?

  82. Timotheus permalink
    July 20, 2015 7:21 am

    Kuntz gets into it with someone who refuses to bow down before his unrestrained creativity. Starts on page 2, dominates page 3.

    Before he pulls the inevitable “Good day to you, sirrah!” he goes through five or six goalposts and the always precious “If it wasn’t for me (and gary and Dave) we would not be having this conversation.” He also tells this guy he has no idea what originality is.

    I think Kuntz has already retreated to France, maybe he is loaded on cheese and rancid wine.

    • Von permalink
      July 20, 2015 8:55 am

      I was distracted by the delightful frisson of Sauna-baiting, sorry.

      I am also not sure what Mr. Kuntz is trying to prove here. Everything after Gygax and Arneson is creatively redundant because nothing is inventing a whole form of writing and gaming?

      On the other hand I think he’s onto something with this comment:

      A lot of little men with a lot of things to sell. It does no lasting harm but it feels like treading a circle in the vast majority of cases.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 20, 2015 10:23 am

        Yeah, Von, I have a difficult time following Kuntz when he starts with the pale imitation Gygaxian purple prose. He just seems bitter and petty.

        With regard to that link you posted, I think the last sentence sums up his nonsense. He says he is worried about the health of the industry/hobby, in which he has been a freelancer for 40 years.

        The hobby has been around 40 years then – whether we like all of its aspects, that sounds pretty healthy. So Bobbie’s concerns are pretty shallow. Although I suspect it was just another “look at my impressive credentials – didn’t I tell you I gamed with Gary and Dave” type of threadcrap, trying to shutdown different viewpoints.

        But his output over the last 40 years – has there been a single memorable product? The garden of the plantmaster stuff, but mostly because of the Necromancer games head honcho tearing him apart on his messageboards, than any quality of the product. He is still trying to publish some levels from Greyhawk, nothing new or innovative there.

        Seriously, has he done a single interesting project the last 40 years that he claims to be a freelancer in an unhealthy hobby?

      • Von permalink
        July 20, 2015 12:41 pm

        I’ll be honest: I can never remember WHO he is or what he’s done, besides game with the founders of the form and write oddly constructed sentences and incomplete arguments on the Internet.

        There might be a viable argument about ‘health’ and its possible meanings. The industry might be commercially healthy, in that a man can make a living for forty years by producing product for that industry (in exactly the way that our Mr. Kuntz has done), but artistically or creatively unhealthy (in exactly the way that we accuse the OSR of being, i.e. pumping out a lot of derivative nonsense, or in the way that White Wolf used to be, i.e. cranking out stuff that doesn’t improve the games in any real way because them bills gotta get paid, son). I thought that might be what our Mr. Kuntz was going for.

      • July 20, 2015 1:38 pm

        He’s one of those guys you forget is still alive, year after year.

      • Prestigipotater permalink
        July 20, 2015 2:47 pm

        The problem guys like Kuntz (and what the hell, Gygax & Arneson too) is that there’s this buy-in to the Great-Men-of-History theory that they alone, at that time, could have created a wargame-Diplomacy mashup set in a medieval fantasy world. No one else, just them. There’s already proof that they weren’t the only ones and it’s probably a good bet that something would have been created eventually. So who gives a fuck about the crusty opinion of someone who once gave Gary & Dave brazilian scrotum waxes. It’s even sadder that he has to chime in on this stuff.

        At the end of the day all the posturing by the “OSR Luminaries” is just junior high school bullshit. One big pile of steaming “UR DOIN IT WRONG”

        I used to think that post-graduate liberal arts academics was bad. Really, how small is the pie that all these dickcheeses are fighting to get a piece of?

        The best is zak “i leveraged pr0n to seem important” s’ “DIY D&D” which is inherently fake because all the shitty tables he foists on his gullible fan base are nothing more than crutches for people who either 1) lack the intelligence and/or well-readedness (that a word?) to lift things from the massive amount of fantasy lit laying around or 2) lack the imagination necessary to come up with your own shit. I’m surprised he hasn’t trademarked DIY D&D…Zak also likes to dump on published adventure modules because they’re created by corporations (O NOES!) He can’t possibly fathom that some people have lives that aren’t filled with splooging on canvases and calling it art, and who might not have the time to come up with their own shit so they pay professionals for the service. You know, like, I don’t have the time or the viagra prescription to go be a porn star, so, I’ll just hire one of zak’s friends from an escort service…

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 4:46 am


        Did I say hello already? No? How churlish. Welcome to the ulcerated sphincter of the OSR.

        You are very right about the Great Men fallacy. The climate was right for this whole thing to happen and if X hadn’t done it Y or Z would have. Saying that only Gary-n-Dave had the GENIUS necessary to realise it is remarkably like killing Hitler to avert the war…

        You have a strong feeling on the state of postgrad liberal arts academia? That makes three of us. I’m not airing my dirty laundry again though.

        As for Zak… the bulk of Zak’s work good at doing what it does, i.e. providing an immediate solution for the DM whose brain has temporarily frozen and who needs to get something together quick quick quick. (That could happen to any of us whether we’re Intellectual Love Gods or not. Everyone brainfarts sometimes.) It facilitates flow in play or the preparation for play, but that is more or less all it does.

        When he presents something resembling an adventure hook or campaign setting it is firmly not bad but not brilliant and certainly not the mindblowing experience the hype train makes it out to be. They are still serviceable crutches for people who either 1) lack intelligence, 2) lack imagination or 3) lack time (and any of those people are still paying others to imagine on their behalf, so let’s be honest and not pretend one of these fellows is any less crutchbound than the other, eh what?)

        Lest I be accused of shilling for Zak, however: I find his art unattractive and his online persona – the spiky one-rule-for-me-and-one-for-my-critics huckster – aggrieves me like a splinter and is the foundation of modest animosity toward the fellow. I gather that he finds my self-deprecating and devil-may-care whimsy equally grievous, which is his loss if you ask me.

        Then again, I am a bit thick and haven’t read everything in Appendix N, and therefore I am just the sort of cretin who’s expected to like Vornheim. Take all this with a pinch of salt. Or don’t. I hear it’s bad for your heart.

      • July 20, 2015 4:24 pm

        The funny thing about Gygax and co, is that their prestige rests on a single game. Almost no one talks lovingly about Cyborg Commando or Dangerous Journeys, with good reason. Hell, I’d argue that old-school D&D should only really be feted for *starting something*, rather than any claims to strong design skill or imagination.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 4:20 am

        Dangerous talk there, Jack. These men were PIONEERS, doncherknow…

        I wonder. Can we say that the first attempt at something is, in an intellectually healthy field, the shittiest, the sign of good health being that things continue to improve on the things that came before them? If so I find it interesting that many forms of gaming are turning back on themselves, as though admitting that a peak has been passed. If OD&D represents a peak what does that say about the last forty years?

        Of course, we can’t filter out the individual, nor the nostalgic, in ref. my repeated assertion that Oldhammer is the Warhammer you were playing when you were twelve and overenthusiastic. By that logic the OSR is the same attempt to recover the feeling of enthusiasm through collecting or reproducing the trappings. I’m not immune to it but I recognise it’s not going to be the same as it was – and I don’t think that the nostalgia argument can or should crowd out the argument about whether or not a given thing is obectively any good.

      • July 21, 2015 5:04 am

        I don’t think there is actually anything wrong about enjoying a game due to nostalgia. Nostalgia is a powerful and often charming emotion; I’m not sure why so many old-school guys vehemently deny that it is part of the appeal for them. But, as you say, nostalgia should probably be tempered with an understanding that it doesn’t necessarily correlate to quality. For a lot of old-school gamers, “old” or “classic” equals “good” or “one true game,” which seems like the mark of a childish and defensive mind.

        For example, I recognize that WFRP 2e is likely more mechanically sound than 1e, but 1e is where all my memories are inexorably bound up with the idea of Warhammer Fantasy for me.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 5:14 am

        Agreed. Separating “things I like” from “things that are objectively good” is a crucial step in critical discussion and one that’s often neglected. I’ve come in for a lot of shit over the years because I don’t manage to make that clear at the start. Sometimes I like things even though they’re not perfect.

        Poor 2e. Such an awkward halfway house. I feel much the same about Vampire. The new World of Darkness is equal to or better than the old one in every way except actually making me want to play it. D&D is interesting because I didn’t play it as a yoof and consequently have no such attachment to any particular version of it. I do have a vehement dislike of third but that’s from repeated attempts to play the damned thing in adulthood.

      • July 21, 2015 5:19 am

        Prince speaks:
        The first attempts tend to be brimming with creative energy and experimental because there is no way to figure out what works. As time moves on the field gets more firmly established, the original vision gets diluted, traditions and conventions ossify and it becomes much much harder to do anything interesting without throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
        The product gets sleaker but at the same time the drive behind it gets diluted.

        I think the OSR exists because 3e and its descendants represent such a deviation from the original game in both playstyle and tone that its existence is only logical really. That and the hundreds of dollars that are there for the taking.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 5:23 am

        Seems fair, and now that I think about it, the Oldhammer movement/cargo cult is based on the same principle: what happened post-Citadel-takeover represents a sea change in how the games worked and to whom they were marketed. WFRP is a weird exception in that its first edition persisted for years and years in franchised form and was finally flogged off to the flea market.

        I wonder if you can explain why the super-sleek (aesthetically and mechanically) new World of Darkness failed to catch on? I suppose it must be playstyle (does it have one?) and tone (less metaplot, more… personal horror, except that’s not really what anyone was playing oWoD for, or rather they were but it required the driving factor of plot in order to happen at all.)

      • July 21, 2015 5:56 am

        Prince, when you say “As time moves on the field gets more firmly established, the original vision gets diluted, traditions and conventions ossify and it becomes much much harder to do anything interesting without throwing the baby out with the bathwater. The product gets sleaker but at the same time the drive behind it gets diluted” there is a certain truth to it *in some cases* but as a general rule that sounds an awful lot like “new” = “bad,” which just sounds like grogspeak. Interestingly, the point of ossification is up for debate and is at best a moving target: you’ll find guys who regard AD&D as a betrayal of OD&D, 2e AD&D as a betrayal of AD&D, 4e as a betrayal of well, everything, and now you’ll find guys on for whom 5e is a betrayal of 4e.

        Von, I think the new World of Dorkness didn’t catch on because it didn’t have a zeitgeist to capture like the original did. Original Recipe Darkness came out in the era of The Crow, The Craft, a slew of Anne Rice novels, Ministry and NIN violating pop music, Tim Burton making movies people could still give a fuck about, etc.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 6:00 am

        @Jack – Van Helsing, Laurel K. Hamilton and the first rumblings of Twilight probably didn’t have the same credibility, true. I still think if they’d waited a couple of years they could potentially have made a go of it, and I’m not sure your explanation explains why people like me (already in WW’s back pocket) didn’t bite.

      • July 21, 2015 6:07 am

        Von, without getting into a Freudian analysis of your gaming preferences, the answer might be easy enough to unveil: what is it you liked about the original WoD that the new one doesn’t have or doesn’t do?

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 6:41 am

        It would be easier to deal in generalities – I can’t talk about my likes and dislikes without slipping into anecdotes and analysis.

        I know some players whose favourite clans weren’t there (even if they were there as bloodlines or easily rebuilt as such – that apparently wasn’t good enough) and some who needed a hook like the cold war between the sects (even if you end up playing a purely local level game, getting players interested in playing in the first place seems to require something bigger). Those are the most oft-cited reasons.

        Personally, I wrote a campaign for Requiem in the week of release and would still be quite happy to run it, but it doesn’t seem to attract interest. I have the nasty feeling that my dislike may be down to something Freudian, as it were.

      • July 21, 2015 7:23 am


        As a general rule describing the behaviour of intellectual property or collaborative universe building i find it actually describes things fairly well, without grogspeaking. Enthropy always wins. You cannot infinetely expand upon an existing framework without diluting it, this is why we have reboots, which usually tend to differ from their predecessors because of changes in the cultural climate, target audience or just to have a justification for the reboot. I find a reboot that surpasses its progenitor in both fluff and crunch to be the exception, rather then the rule. Is there a particular intellectual property you would put forth as an antithesis to my claim?

        Also shit, the product does not always get sleaker, see splat-bloat, canon-bloat and rules-bloat(most outrageous offenders 2e/3e, OWoD, Dark Heresy).

        As for that moving target, there is truth in your statement, however, the fact remains 2e and its predecessors retained considerable mechanical similarity, which was not the case with 3e and its ilk. The mechanics of 3e and 4e actively hinder the sort of gaming, both tonally and playstile-wise, that is currently regarded as oldskool by popular consensus(and not much else).


        I agree with Jack’s theory that the original was popular because of the zeitgeist. I’d like to add an addendum/tinfoil-hat theory.

        I agree with your assesment on the new WoD, it seems better written and mechanically streamlined. Its also a tonal mess, they exchanged their gothic punk aesthetic for a sort of general modern horror/post-modern horror vibe that, while better written, was much less firmly present. And the in my opinion ill-conceived emphasis on personal horror, while undoubtedly more present in the new game then the old one, may have actually worked to its detriment. I think that many people actually like working in a larger universe with different factions, and NWoD didnt emphasize that as much. Demon the Fallen(?)/God-machine was a neat idea though, even if it was way too out there.

        TLDR it failed because gay WoD.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 9:52 am

        Prince, I think you’re on to something with that. nWoD is a lot more open than its predecessor – “here’s a toolkit for playing postmodern horror games where everyone’s a vampire or a werewolf or a wizard or something” – but that very openness sort of leaves people stuck doing their own imagining. A nWoD game won’t attract anyone on its own merits – a given nWoD campaign might but it’s going to be sold pretty much entirely on whether you know the Intellectual Love God who’s running the damn thing is any good at this sort of thing, and how are you going to discover THAT if you haven’t played something in a similar vein but more innately attention-grabbing with them?

      • July 21, 2015 8:14 am

        Prince, I have a better understanding of what you’re saying now, and I think we agree more than I previously assumed. As for nominating some examples of reboots where the fluff & crunch was better than the predecessor, I would offer up Moldvay Basic over OD&D and 5e over…well, most of D&D’s bloated corpus, really.

        They’re both arguable examples, of course, and to be honest I’d probably have to admit that those are exceptions rather than the rule. I might not have any other good examples, should those be disqualified, as I haven’t really followed many games that have had numerous reboots and “Now with extra kung-fu grip!!!” editions.

        For what it is worth (not much, I’d gather, as I’ve only ever played two sessions of it) but I think your read of the difference between WoD Olde and WoD Neu sounds right.

      • July 21, 2015 12:52 pm


        Amen. It was my understanding most games sell on setting these days.

        I consider myself versed in the shameful art of WoD discussion, as i have a friend of mine who is very fond of them and own a bazillion splats he never used while i think most of them are either absolute shit or some clever ideas lodged within absolute shit that are not actually meant to be played(i.e masturbation).

        I don’t get why he likes them, but i find discussing them diverting since his perspective on roleplaying games is radically different from mine. Wraith is a clear offender, but some of the newer games like Promethean, Mummy or Changeling don’t really seem well suited for group style play(i.e almost every roleplaying game ever).

        I can see how playing a hardbitten group of normal folks gradually drawn into a world of occultism and the paranormal is tonally feasible, but making a party of spellcasting mummies is going to be hard to pull off if you are going for that overly serious woe-is-me personal horror vibe. But then again old Werewolf was incredibly silly, and that sold(right?).


        I agree with you on Basic, but i would also say that it makes sense, since OD&D was the literal fucking beginning of Rpghistory and thus there was much pioneering left to be done and many wonderful things to discover.

        I have not played 5e, i will take your word for it that its less shitty then 4e and 3e(rules slim 3e is a clunky and unwieldy but servicable game in my opinion). My biggest problem with post/mid 3e dnd is the settings all got really fucking lame and bland(ebberon less so since it was at least consistent with the way magic worked in 3e and it was a new idea). Does 5e continue this proud tradition of bland generic settings that you are better off ignoring?

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 11:23 pm


        Party of normal/increasingly hardbitten folks drawn into a world of the occult, the eldritch and the uncanny is more or less how I run the nWoD – that seems to be the shape it’s expected to take. It’s a bit like Call of Cthulhu if the rules were drastically streamlined and hung around a consistent mechanical base, and it weren’t imitating a genre that’s structurally incompatible with the campaign-style RPG.

        As for the party of spellcasting mummies: that’s the thing with which White Wolf has always struggled. While purporting to sell serious and heartrending RPGs that run on intimate personalised soul-wrenching events, they are ultimately Gamers at heart and so what you get is elaborate combat and spellcasting mechanics for doing Cool Stuff with, and convoluted comic book plots woven through everything. I don’t think they’re actually trying to do what they say they’re trying to do.

        I wouldn’t know how old Werewolf sold since I have never found a way to give a shit about Werewolf – sorry. I do own Wraith and am surreptitiously intrigued by this game that’s apparently so White Wolf even White Wolf fans refused to accept it into their hearts. One day I’ll run that True Black Hand game I keep threatening to do and see how long it takes for us all to start dribbling.

      • July 25, 2015 7:17 am

        A True Black Hand game would kick “arse” and has the advantage of nobody much wanting to reclaim that material for the “official” WOD. Do it!

      • July 25, 2015 7:55 am

        I second that motion. Put on your shades and trenchcoats, sharpen your katanas and send forth the Tal’mahe’ra (OMG THE APOSTROPHES!) from their Shadowlands redoubt.

        Though the big, epic supers-with-fangs oWoD campaign I’ve never played would actually rather use the True Black Hand as Gehenna-cult Big Bads, forcing an uneasy allaince between elder vamp PCs from different factions — Camarilla, Sabbat, Anarch and independents.

    • July 21, 2015 6:18 pm

      Prince, I *think* that so far 5e’s published adventures have all been set in the Forgotten Realms, but I haven’t read them. I’m not really interested in published D&D settings or published D&D adventures, so there’s not much for me there.

      Basically, I just have the three 5e core books and that’s more than enough for me. Anything beyond that I want to make up myself, I guess. So yeah, you’re better off ignoring that shit but that’s always been the case.

  83. Sykirobme permalink
    July 20, 2015 11:39 am

    Pundit’s gonna release some more shit!

    “Log is forthcoming.”

    • RPGPunditBot permalink
      July 20, 2015 3:14 pm

      But you can feel free to keep right on having sour grapes if you like.

  84. kent permalink
    July 20, 2015 3:05 pm

    I think this could be a very interesting pole/topic if you all turn your minds to it.

    When I was younger I was a big De Niro/Marlon Brando fan (and I still am) but If I was to pick *six actors* now as I become an old fuck (old fuck == wise fuck) to be in a movie *I directed* they would be (of course this could change slowly year by year)

    Clark Gable – James Cagney – John Barrymore – Humphrey Bogart – Fredric March – Jimmy Stewart

    Carole Lombard – Bette Davis – Kate Winslet – Lauren Bacall – Ingrid Thulin – Joan Crawford

    I would want this talent for The Worm Ouroboros – fuck special effects.

    No right answers, who would you want to direct and in what ?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 20, 2015 3:12 pm


    • kent permalink
      July 20, 2015 3:35 pm

      And if you weren’t doing gay … ? Use your words …

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 20, 2015 5:49 pm


    • kent permalink
      July 20, 2015 3:45 pm

      Come on lads it takes balls to answer a Kent question, smelly sweaty balls, have you got ’em ?

    • July 20, 2015 4:42 pm

      Who gives a shit about your topic, but I know you like manly men so here is an article from 1977 about maybe the most manliest man ever:

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 20, 2015 11:03 pm

        The poor fool has mistaken us for friends.

      • kent permalink
        July 21, 2015 4:35 am

        Interesting character. We don’t get dudes like that in rugby. Maybe its a 1970s vs 2010s thing.

    • Von permalink
      July 21, 2015 5:08 am

      The Worm Ouroboros would be better done as a serial for the television than as a film, I think. It wouldn’t compress well into the cinema – too much back and forth from place to place and its narrative sits ill with the conventional three act structure. Look you to ‘The Golden Compass’ or Jackson’s execrable Hobbit and learn. Square peg, round hole.

      I am unsure if I would prefer to direct a ninety minute farcical film in the spirit of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum or a long-form serial drama in the tradition of the old BBC. Actually, a serialised His Dark Materials wins out. I would prefer to cast unknowns in the main roles and recruit veterans of the small screen for minor parts – John Hurt as the Master of Jordan for instance.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 21, 2015 5:38 am

        Jackson’s “Hobbit” was execrable precisely because he didn’t compress it, not that I bothered to watch any of it, seeing as I hated his LotR (short version, it seemed fair but felt foul, to crib from the Good Professor).

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 6:04 am

        I maintain that trying to turn the Hobbit into a feature film is essentially square peg/round hole territory. Its structure defies the conventions of film narrative as far as making a single big-budget feature piece goes and once you turn it into a trilogy you need to force more stuff in there to pad out what original incidents remain. Some things don’t work in some media or some forms.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 21, 2015 5:46 am

        You’re spot on about the farcical treatment, a Funny Thing a Happened on the Way to Koshtra Pivrarcha.

        The “worm” is a gilded turd, the language is gorgeous but the plot is utterly ridiculous, and the theme and moral underpinning are grotesque. It’s not quite “The Human Centipede Ouroboros” (that would be Zak’s Google Plus circle), but it’s not much better.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 5:58 am

        I wasn’t recommending the farce for Ouroboros. More distance between those paragraphs please. (A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Koshtra Pivrarcha would be hilarious for the dozen or so people who a) know of Eddison and b) have a sense of humour, admittedly, but neither here nor there.)

        The moral grotesquery is undeniable (using a very precise meaning of ‘grotesque’ here, not just ‘ugly and displeasing’) but that’s part of what fascinates me and makes it worth dragging out of relative obscurity. I think.

    • Von permalink
      July 21, 2015 5:33 am

      Additional: this maintenance of a list of dream performers who you’d cast in anything regardless of fit is what turned Tim Burton into the artistically bankrupt wreckage he is today. Bear that in mind.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 21, 2015 6:08 am

      I would love to see a version of Worm Ourobouros where Joan Crawford wire hanger-whips the fuck out of Lord Gro.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 21, 2015 6:32 am

        “No defections to Demonland!”

    • kent permalink
      July 21, 2015 7:21 am

      Where does the ‘Eddison is immoral’ pap come from ? What is it referring to ?

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 21, 2015 7:59 am

        Have you even read it? Not to speak for BACLF, but the book is an homage to endless violence. The language is complex and beautiful. The plot is plodding (the author even forgets after page 12 or so about the ostensible viewpoint character and his guide) and the central message crystalizes at the end, when all they wish for is the war to be played over again, because life is boring without the endlessc ircle of viloence. The death of friends, ladies in dark peril – that was fun! Let’s do it again! Ourobouros!

      • kent permalink
        July 21, 2015 8:40 am

        It is very stupid to comment on the morality of someone having examined a work of art, particularly in the case of a writer who creates fantastic worlds. Always extremely stupid.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 21, 2015 9:29 am

        Well, I have had my fun, and that is all that matters.

        Ha ha! Ahhh hah ha ha!

        Take that, Lord Blow!

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 10:07 am

        “Where does the ‘Eddison is immoral’ pap come from ?”

        No comment on the morality of the author has been made. There is a moral grotesquery to the events portrayed in The Worm Ouroboros, if only in the sheer loss of life undergone to rescue Goldry (the inference being that any number of lesser lives are worth one aristocratic hero). I suppose you might call that ‘immoral’, i.e. ‘not conforming to accepted standards of morality’.

        I am intrigued by Eddison’s ethic but find it more clearly and less brutally enunciated in his later works. (I really should read Spinoza at some point, if only as an extended gloss.) Ouroboros is a delight in which to wallow but it ultimately has less philosophical merit, if you ask me.

      • kent permalink
        July 21, 2015 10:22 am

        ‘Philisophical merit’ is not worth one onion. Art is something you experience; people who talk rubbish (at nauseating length) about art are not in control of their own thoughts.

        There has always being a hand-me-down cliche about Eddison doing the rounds that the ‘philosophy’ in his works makes him a bad person. I think it goes something like ‘An aristocrat is a bad person.’ These might be the same idiots who think it is virtuous to be offended by a comedian.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 12:09 pm

        If you say so. I wonder how you define ‘rubbish’ though – leaving out your old saws about various critical ‘isms’, we know you think those are tommyrot and I’m prepared to accept and discard that for the sake of a productive conversation. Let’s start from ‘actually talking about the primary text’ and go from there. Zak has told us how to have conversations about Art, now it’s your turn.

        I’ve encountered the hand-me-down that you mention: seen it attributed to Lewis and/or Tolkien in its origins. To judge the man from the work is always a dicey prospect and it’s not one I encourage.

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 12:19 pm

        That last part was poorly phrased. I’ll try again: it’s easy enough to talk about Eddison’s ethics given that he clearly articulates them in his letters and it’s more or less apparent by the time you’ve finished the extant Zimiamvia material, if you’ve been paying attention. It’s a considerable and dicey step FROM THERE to say ‘Eddison was a bad person’.

      • kent permalink
        July 21, 2015 3:17 pm

        Leave out the ‘rubbish’ — people who talk (at nauseating length) about art are not in control of their own thoughts.

        As I age, and my belly hangs down over my balls, I have come to realise that there is nothing worthwhile to be said about art (art/music/fiction) and that those who do just want to talk about themselves and their bullshit dreams and theories, piggybacking on the artist’s credibility for they have none.

        There are people like Harold Bloom who have made an art of *recommendation*, I can’t read more than a few pages of The Western Canon without putting it away in favour of whatever he was praising. The experience of a work of art considered worth sharing should be promoted with words but not much beyond, ‘you know what I like, have you read x-and-such ?’ or ‘I am much smarter than you, you should read y-and-such.’

        I am, however, in favour of extended diatribes of mockery repudiating whatever shit is popular among ordinary people at any time. The vituperatory corrective serves as sanity stabilizing emetic for people like me who are much more intelligent than anyone we are likely to meet over our lifetimes.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 21, 2015 4:38 pm

        Tim, he’s not known for his reading comprehension, hence his inability to remain on topic. He probably heard about the book on some podcast.

      • kent permalink
        July 21, 2015 5:19 pm

        Was that your mother’s podcast where she revealed you were born of a homunculus and that you jumped out of her cunt with a full head of hair and bucked teeth crying ‘I want to bite little boys’ buttocks !’ ?

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 21, 2015 7:58 pm

        I hear you, Bigs, but we all know this is Brandoch Dur Hur’s line in the peat. That any criticism of the work becomes a larger criticism of this author. And all of us minus one know that’s horseshit.

        Still, a bit worriesome about his letters, as Von points out, but I am not familiar with them (one of the virtues of the English is their letter obsessions, a much more credible gig for them than the “We’ll take the East flank of the Italian sideshow since most of the Germans are on the West flank; and we’ll take the Northern flank of the actually relevant campaign as you chaps soak up the bulk of the Wermacht in the center and the south, and our flank will feature the airborne carpet that will take us across the Rhine and into Berlin by Christmas” meme).

        (Although that was most likely primarily Monty; so Von’s involvement in the Market-Garden Operational planning and subsequent promise of a Christmas ’44 end to hostilities is difficult to ascertain, and perhaps largely speculative.)

      • Von permalink
        July 21, 2015 11:45 pm

        The letters that I’ve read (not all of the extant ones) indicate an informed and highly unorthodox set of ethical principles which do not automatically lead to the conclusion that the author is a Bad or Good Man in conventional terms. If we are to assess that on any terms it might be best to start with biographical details (the current printing of The Mezentian Gate has some interesting stuff on the years before Eddison’s death). I am still not entirely convinced that it’s an assessment worth assessing – it may only be an issue because Tolkien, Lewis et al disapproved of Eddison’s thinking and were for their own reasons quick to point the finger and damn.

        @Kent – so anything but a recommendation informed by personal preference or intelligence (however we’re judging that)?

        @Tim – don’t focus too hard on my choice of a German-derived username. This is how hand-me-down clichés get started.

      • kent permalink
        July 22, 2015 6:49 am

        I couldn’t care less what anyone here thinks of Eddison’s work. Im pointing out the stupidity of people who make judgments about artists or writers themselves. This is a borrowing from moron feminist ‘intellectuals’.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 22, 2015 11:14 am

        It’s funny that Kentloaf is bloviating about people who make judgments about artists or writers when exactly no one here has done anything of the sort. Reading comprehension is not his strong suit, so he goes knocking down straw men like Dumb Quixote tilting at windbags. Keep fucking that chicken, Durr Hurr.

        Kent is a bargain-basement Zak… just as combative, just as incoherent, but not nearly as intelligent (yeah, damning Zak with faint praise here), and utterly lacking in talent or industriousness.

        I’d be willing to bet that he went out and got a stupid haircut, thinking that it would help him emulate his former idol. Sorry, Fey Fat Fag (mixing my Worm metaphors here), but sympathetic magic doesn’t work.

      • kent permalink
        July 22, 2015 3:57 pm

        This is like overhearing a mental patient appraise his psychiatrists !

      • July 23, 2015 2:18 am

        Art for art’s sake. Soviet Realism had no visible effects on that society. Neo-Nazis don’t find expression in Pre-Raphaelite paintings. Anybody suggesting that art is produced in and influences society is a feminist!

      • July 23, 2015 2:39 am

        Let’s talk about Jacobean conjugations and purple imagery. Wouldn’t that add an exciting depth to our reading! Think of all the annotations we could make about thorns and unvoiced consonants. Value judgement Philosophy? That’s going beyond the primary text man! Are you a dirty feminist? Why, to think you could have analytical tools to discern rhetorical influence. What oestrogen sorcery is this! Burn the anti-white school of resentment before our poor European canon has to share the shelves with the works of those dirty savages. The white-man’s burden marches on good fellows! Conservative Aesthetes rise, rise up! – Every paranoid reactionary English department ever.

      • kent permalink
        July 23, 2015 4:17 am

        I would love to swap my library for yours some time so I could learn all about faggots.

      • July 23, 2015 6:13 am

        Gauging the effect of art on civilisation is terribly difficult even if you had good instrumentation because it is almost impossible to establish causality e.g whether art shapes society or is merely a reflection thereof(in short, society shapes art). Probably some sort of feedback loop, but the strength of the feedback is unlikely to be equal.

        It is a big step to go from Nazi’s like pre-raphaelite paintings(at least they have good taste/arent nihilists!) to pre-raphaelite paintings cause nazism or even, therefore pre-raphaelite art has fascist elements to it as though fascism where some granular substance that can be divided into component equally fascist parts like a complicated mechanical device.

        I do not believe that even an expert writer can deliver works of quality that are not somehow a reflection of his subconscious worldview but to derive from such fragmented allegory an insight into the personality of the author is an art best left for soothsayers rather then scientists. But apparently Eddison wrote a bunch of letters so one could probably draw conclusions from those.

      • July 23, 2015 8:52 am

        It’s called Biographical Criticism. No one has suggested that conclusions be drawn from fiction alone. Any cultural or social literary criticism isn’t just based on literary analysis. Morphological and lexicographical approaches to criticism aren’t even used to draw conclusions.

        No one has suggested causation either only that literature is produce within a society by people who can be understood via analysis. Not some mystical, metaphysical bullshit that can’t be understood ever, so just shut up and comment on stylistic devices ad-nausum forever because going beyond that is for stupid feminists.

        Whether people realise it or not, sociological, biographical, and historiographical criticism is by far the common mode of analysis when understanding a work in context. Oh this is by a ROMAN about METAMORPHIC MYTH and INFLUENCED a whole era of artist expression. I WONDER WHY he decided to do it? Oh well, I can never know because it’s impossible to establish causation. Back to my scansion! Maybe this time I’ll find a dactyl some bad translator forced into line 208! How exciting, glad I’m not a feminist!

      • July 23, 2015 9:29 am

        But Kent, you could never learn about a reader from their library. Such assertions would be against your formalist ethos. Now go back to reading about your mythical greek man-love and stop being a faggot feminist.

      • July 23, 2015 11:12 am

        Just so we are clear, i am not suggesting you are guilty of the aforementioned examples of causal fallacies/a dirty dirty feminist, i am pointing out the difficulties inherent in such attributions. Nor am i suggesting such efforts are by defenition meaningless, just that they should be taken with a grain of salt, especially when a clear consensus is absent.

        I was under the impression our historical view on such authors/great figures tends to change over time as our culture/sociological viewpoint changes and we reinterpret our findings through a different lens. This is not to say that all such judgements are of equal value as hopefully our knowledge of human behavior increases over time.

        And shit man, i fully agree that with adequate primary sources fiction can be a great additional source of information or insight. However, my point about causation is accurate. This does not mean one cannot formulate a theory, after all, historians must neccesairily formulate theories based on (at-best) second hand knowledge, just that such theories do suffer from inaccuracies one would not have with the harder sciences and therefore to question them is not by defenition stupid. To claim they are meaningless is not warranted but then again you are debating Kent.

        You okay dude? Those caps are kinda scaring me.

      • July 23, 2015 12:30 pm

        Haha. Yeah, I’m fine. I just thought I’d play at caricaturing a very specific branch of ideological formalism. Might have been a bit strong but italic emphasis seems so soft.

        Why would we reinterpret because of social viewpoints? If there is no causation between art and society then they have no effect or no proven effect on each-other. So we could’t possibly reinterpret anything. Everything must be inherent in the text otherwise the interoperation is not possible.

        The point is, there is no right way to read or to analyse literature. I just think it’s bullshit when certain schools dig their heels in. The sea rejects no river, so to speak.

        We can go around the causation merry-go-round but there is still data that needs explanation. Why did Mcviegh have The Turner Diaries. Why is Tolkien so popular on stormfront? How did the Society of the Spectacle inform May ’68. Why are political ideologies found in architectural principles? etc etc etc etc.

      • July 23, 2015 5:19 pm

        Just as long as you promise not to use caps against me again *shudder*

        [reinterpret-social viewpoints]

        Nuh-uh. That’s cheating. I specifically outlined in my above point that i speculated art and culture function probably function as a sort of feedback loop. I also never said there was no causation, i said it was very hard to prove causation, which does not eliminate the possibility of correlation(in fact correlation is pretty much certain unless we postulate art-gnomes or art-santa).
        Therefore even if i believed causation was completely impossible to determine(i believe it is very hard to determine in many cases), your argument would be based on a strawman(that the impossibility of determining causation means there is no correlation). It’s a good anti-Kent hate point though.

        [Sea rejects river]

        I get that.

        [Data needing explanation]

        Tolkien is popular on stormfront? #Kentliteratureforumaudience.

        Regardless, I’m not saying you can’t try to find answers for questions that need some sort of explanation, I’m making a statement about the reliability of said theories based on the methodology one uses to formulate them.

        You feminist pinko you.


      • July 23, 2015 8:41 pm

        I think wires are getting crossed. I’m making fun of Kento while addressing your points. My bad. I’ll knock that off.

        Yeah. Despite my pinko online appearance, I’m fairly apolitical. I think art and social sciences offer more in the way of guiding principles than politics. As such, I have a couple of “racialist nationalist” acquaintances (I used to be active in the Death in June/Laibach fandom). They love Tolkien. They consider his books sympathetic to their views.

        Using this as a case-study, I accept that any conclusion about Tolkien from his books is highly dubious but I think with different analytical tools you can arrive at a “state-of-affiars” more likely than another. I hold epistemological skepticism as a truism. Even physical science should be open to falsification but that doesn’t mean you ignore gravity because methodologies need constant work.

        I respect your skepticism but I just don’t think it negates what can clearly be demonstrated.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 23, 2015 10:33 pm

        Why is Tolkien popular on Stormfront? It probably has something to do with this line from RotK:

        Easterlings with axes, and Variags of Khand, Southrons in scarlet, and out of Far Harad black men like half-trolls with white eyes and red tongues.

        Even as a teenager, I thought that throwaway line was more than a little fucked up. The mainstream fanbois now try to pass these problematic portrayals off as literal half-trolls, but that’s not what the Good Professor wrote.

      • July 24, 2015 2:45 am

        Yeah, stuff like that. I’m just auditing this course but the “Eddison letters” thing set off my sirens earlier so I looked around. Apparently if you square the Good Professor you get Eddison:

        “Eddison thought what I admire ‘soft’ (his word: one of complete condemnation, I gathered); I thought that, corrupted by an evil and indeed silly ‘philosophy’, he was coming to admire, more and more, arrogance and cruelty.”

        C.S. Lewis was down with the pogrom (admired the “northern hardness” of it) but I’m not seeing a bit where Rücker slams his flaccidity either. A writer of kiddie books into spanking might not have even pinged Rücker’s radar.


      • July 24, 2015 4:40 am

        I think Eddison was just another ineffectual white-nerd looking for something to feel good about as he wept at the changing of the English language and the crumbling of the Empire. He had a raging hard-on for “the northern spirit” and romanticised mythical figures like Egil as the fore-fathers of “british spirit”. I got no time for the concept of mystical or divinely appointed “superiors”. None of these links to other nerds like Himmler are even necessary though. His great book is over-written and while pleasing in places it dips in and out of quality. He’s an okay writer who wrote an ok book. Nobody seems to address that though. Maybe because nerds so want fantasy to be taken as aesthetically or literarily significant. Something to feel good about.

      • July 24, 2015 5:45 am

        Nice one. “Our dad is as big as yours” arguments are popular among populations in decline (whitey) as well as those who never had it in the first place (nerds). Cross the streams, we get this crap where suddenly Roger Zelazny rates above Faukner in a totally scientific survey, because Zelazny swords and shit.

      • Scott permalink
        July 24, 2015 6:01 am

        Thanks for the flashbacks to syphilitic academia, you fucking pricks, I feel like I just stared into my own butthole in the mirror for an hour

      • July 24, 2015 6:26 am

        I think I speak for all the book fags on here when I say no pic no proof.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 24, 2015 6:38 am

        Jesus H. All that Ivory Academic Tower bullshit and not a single fart joke.

        You can take a few lines out of any book, and with “different analytical tools” you can turn it into anything you want in that kind of atmosphere.

        I don’t give an ounce of credibility to Stormfront’s racial ideologies, and I’m not about to give any credence to their literary criticism, either.

      • July 24, 2015 7:11 am

        Staring at your unwashed butt-hole, is that what you plebs do? I wouldn’t know I’m an aristocratic aesthete sensitive to the genius of overwrought Nordic fan-fiction. *fart* *sniff*

        No. You can’t take a few lines and turn it into anything you want. Again, literary analysis is not some vague bullshit. You still have to make an argument based on the evidence and data. Yes, market and qualitative data matter in supporting the cultural value of a work. Even if that means a book you like is culturally important to a bunch of nazis.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 24, 2015 8:00 am

        I was an English major, I Don’t Wanna. Yes, you can take anything and with the right perceptual bias, of which there is plenty floating in universities today, twist into any prefabricated meaning.

        You have gone from “The point is, there is no right way to read or to analyse literature.” to “Again, literary analysis is not some vague bullshit.” in less than 24 hours. While there is some cogent literary analysis, much of it is circle jerk crap, and bullshit that falls into your preconceived narrative.

        No matter what you tell yourselves in the ivory tower, and how often you repeat it, that doesn’t make it true. Unless you are a believer in the philosophy of Goebbels.

      • July 24, 2015 8:59 am

        Just because Nazi’s like something that doesn’t mean it’s a nazi work gang. Society has been over this with violent video games, marlyn manson and peanut butter.


        The comparison with physical sciences is a skewed one. If i were a physicist and i disagreed with the current model of gravity i would have to duke it out with other physicists and use math an formulae and empircal observation n’shit and that would be replicated by others until one of us was forced to choke down and suck it. With literary analysis one can have two literati(literacysts? Literuminati?) with opposing viewpoints using similar sources to reach two different(not diametrically opposed, but different) conclusions based on, for example, a disagreement on the importance of some of those sources and both can be argued logically(or illogically).

        I agree with your statement on a sort of “state-of-affairs” more likely then another, but that is really all you get; A set of probable interpretations that can be weighed against one another based on criteria that cannot be readily quantified. The interpretation, “Tolkien is raciss” can be backed up more readily then “Tolkien was a transhumanist goatfucker” but it remains an interpretation(one that ignores cultural context and existing norms imho).

        Also do you agree that said literary interpretations change as our culture changes, very much unlike physics?


        Agree and also Goodwin’s law.

      • Timotheus permalink
        July 24, 2015 12:16 pm

        Intended to be more of a warning than an accusation, but you are correct nonetheless.

      • July 24, 2015 1:27 pm

        I guess you’re technically right that you can but as I said, you still have to make an argument based on evidence and data. I should clarify that no, you can’t convincingly take a few lines and turn it into anything you want.

        Prince, that is a big question. I would say that interpretation doesn’t so much change. I think what you are getting at is that the value judgement of the readership changes. From my experience there is always a variety of interpretations held but which one has risen to be culturally significant is a matter of social values. That doesn’t mean dissenting interpretations are wrong…

        Look, I’m going to have to concede here. You guys are totally right. I was wrong and I’m sorry. This is getting too “bringing work home” for me and I don’t think I can defend my position without turning every post into a mini-essay. I will point out that I have to use linguistic and sociological methods and I don’t consider them to be in the same category as Derrida.

      • Von permalink
        July 24, 2015 11:52 pm

        “I will point out that I have to use linguistic and sociological methods and I don’t consider them to be in the same category as Derrida.”

        Nor should you.

        From my point of view, for whatever that’s worth, you can try to get away with anything in this field but there are such things as volume of evidence, critical discourse analysis (even if you’re having to sit there counting word usages like it’s the old school) and even that summon-the-neuroscientists affect criticism that seemed like it was going to be the next big thing when I was mid-MA a few years ago. Quantitative analysis of text isn’t impossible, merely contentious and… possibly unpopular? Might be wrong there. I’m a little out of touch. The point is, I think it is possible to say something that’s technically right in isolation and demonstrably wrong in context.

        If I seem wilfully old-fashioned in my “for fuck’s sake let’s get back to primary texts and find something else to do with them” protestations, consider that I don’t understand Derrida, Foucault, Deleuze/Guattari et al and that cost me my Distinction and self-esteem. I’m just bitter as fuck.

      • July 25, 2015 2:21 am

        I got you Von. I tend to take the depth of my French Theory knowledge for granted. I research primarily how books effect identity in society. So most of it is quantifiable. I primarily use Field Theory, Legitimation Code Theory, and Morphological/Lexicographical Analysis combined with Qualitative interviews to see how people connotatively understand words and descriptive grammar vs the text’s intention and perspective grammar.

        It’s very unpopular. English departments hate it because it’s not formalism. Comp. Lit departments hate it because it’s not a true comparative study of languages. More a study of Standard English and (say if I was in London) Multicultural London English.

        For what it’s worth, I think this kind of study is the way to go. Ultimately I want to work with Indigenous educators in designing programs that will help rise the literacy level. I’d avoid the classicist vs po-mo war altogether. It’s treading water, helping nobody but keeping a bunch of elitist assholes in Nautica polos when they take their 6 monthly sabbaticals.

        I’m so defensive because I am also bitter. Language studies could be doing so much more but no, what the world really needs is another study on Hamlet or how many Norsk root-words James Joyce used in Ulysses.

      • July 25, 2015 4:38 pm

        Actually there’s something more important we need you for: please assign a grade level to Rob Conley’s writing, and just from the choice of words used can you determine what color crayon he uses?

      • July 25, 2015 7:21 am

        Jesus Sheepfuck, this end of the thread is hard to butt into now. Professor Anymore, we need to have one of those villain team-ups one of these days. Between your quant work and my robotics platform we have a better chance of killing Superman than either of us have managed alone. The question is venue.

      • July 25, 2015 8:10 am

        Von’s a nice guy. I was trying to give him hope about getting back in. That last post was entirely for him. Don’t make fun of me while I’m running game, you cock-block.

      • July 25, 2015 8:23 am

        I’m serious. The analytics you’re working with open up some interesting applications, but it’s sounding like I’ll just have to work on them solo and take full credit for killing Superman. At least we’ll all enjoy that world!

  85. Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
    July 21, 2015 4:31 am

    Heh, sounds like someone we know:

  86. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    July 21, 2015 6:43 am

    Life imitates art

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 21, 2015 7:04 am

      Woah! What cartoon is that? It would be cool if Zak decided upon that hairstyle by rolling on a d20 chart that had that scene as a possible result.

      • Arneson's Manboob permalink
        July 21, 2015 11:20 am

        Its from Jem and the Holograms. The character is Techrat, and he sounds EXACTLY like I imagine Zakattak.

    • Sparklemotion permalink
      July 21, 2015 12:44 pm

      Zak is truly, truly Outrageous

  87. whatever permalink
    July 21, 2015 9:40 am

    Color me not surprised: Raggi makes comments on YouTube. Happily, Red Letter Media has enough cache to survive his presence.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 22, 2015 6:18 pm

      Heh, Oh you’re that Finnish fuckhead that made the RPG thing recently.

    • Sparklemotion permalink
      July 21, 2015 12:49 pm

      This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we affectionately call a Cuckold.

    • Zak's Dead Jew Relatives permalink
      July 21, 2015 9:54 pm

      There’s literally nothing any sane person can say about leftists wackos that they won’t proudly proclaim themselves.

  88. kent permalink
    July 21, 2015 3:28 pm

    I have watched *alot* of Amy Schumer over the last week (half Jewish – no surprise there) and I rate her in the same highest bracket (for me) with Gervais and Larry David. She is only 34.

    • kent permalink
      July 21, 2015 3:43 pm

      And I am starting to see her as somewhat hot because I really like her, which is weird.

    • Zak's Dead Jew Relatives permalink
      July 21, 2015 10:12 pm

      I don’t think it’s possible to be half-jewish. Sure she may have a goy parent and she doesn’t look like a stereotypical rat-faced kike, but her shameless, whorish soul is 100% jewish (see also – Sarah Silverman).

      • Mjollnir permalink
        July 22, 2015 3:46 am

        Who new I would have so much in common with the closet gay Irish drunks! Kent, if you want to get together for some ass play we can take turns pounding each other in the butt!

      • July 22, 2015 5:34 am

        Zak Smith had his own personality-shaping epiphanies at age fourteen, though he grew up in a very different environment. His parents had divorced a decade earlier, and Smith spent his youth ping-ponging around the Maryland- side D.C. suburbs with his mother, visiting his father in L.A. during the summers. Both parents were religious in a noncommittal, very 1960s way. “My dad was ‘great spirit’-slash-Jewish,” Smith says, “and my mom was into healing and energy but also kind of Presbyterian.” His introduction to the “predictable classics” of teen-appropriate existentialism—including Burroughs, Sartre, Marx and Borges—solidified his early distrust of religious and social institutions.

        Smith left D.C. for Cooper Union after high school, and his work ethic and capacity for debate quickly endeared him to professors. Despite experimenting with different media and artistic approaches, his New York years helped him perfect a unique, confrontational style that looks like an extension of a youth spent scribbling in notebooks
        – See more at:

  89. Ed Dove permalink
    July 22, 2015 8:04 am

    Should I delete my G+ account?

    • July 22, 2015 10:59 am

      Oh Jesus, that guy is still around?

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 22, 2015 11:16 am

        Not for long, if he follows the poll results.

    • July 22, 2015 11:18 am

      The terrifying thing is that was a month ago. Has he stopped “helping?” [He seems to define this as browbeating people like Cam Banks to leave poor Zak alonnnne, by the way, because LotFAP = Awesome. Core rule of brainwashing is to make the client thank you when he leaves.] Did anyone do any bed checks?

      • July 22, 2015 11:22 am

        I spoke too soon, he’s apparently kept the page open (for now!) as a sort of combined Cam Banks boo / LotFAP yay channel.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 22, 2015 11:26 am

        That explains why his profile picture depicts him posing with a pink blouse clad Raggi.

      • July 22, 2015 1:11 pm

        Guys like that make me want to buy anything Cam Banks does, sight unseen. (Who is Cam Banks again?)

      • July 22, 2015 1:16 pm

        Oh, he does superhero stuff. I retract the previous statement.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 22, 2015 2:20 pm

        Adolescent power fantasies involving musclemen in tights don’t appeal to you?

        I am disappoint

      • July 22, 2015 3:34 pm

        Fuck if I even know what Cam Banks does other than swing dangerously from Hitler to Zak on his twitter. If anyone needs Ed to apply “gentle correction” when it comes to message control, it’s that guy!

        Oh wait, he runs RPG for Atlas these days, which I guess is Ars Magica, Over the Edge and Feng Shui remakes along with shit like “Furry Pirates.” So another pro on the level of Evil Hat guy, I guess. Makes a living at it = DIY Satan Incarnate.

      • July 22, 2015 3:38 pm

        And now a word from our sponsor….

        Maze of the Blue Medusa Available
        This is probably my most D&Dish painting. You can now order a print of it here.

      • Aos permalink
        July 23, 2015 7:02 am

        Personally, I prefer superheroes to elf games for my fetishistic adolescent power fantasies. The beardo interaction index is way lower and the art is better.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 23, 2015 7:45 am

      The number of people who have voted in that poll have almost doubled since it was posted here yesterday.

      You’re welcome, Ed.

      • July 23, 2015 8:00 am

        Hahaha mostly negative votes though. Tough luck Ed.

      • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
        July 23, 2015 8:32 am

        Zak would call that a “signal boost”.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 23, 2015 10:05 pm

        That’s the YDIS bump for you!

  90. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 24, 2015 7:25 am

    Please tell me more of this Ed Dove fellow. What games does he play, where does he hang out online, and what has he done to deserve my mockery? From what I’ve seen so far, I have to ask is he mentally retarded for real reals? I don’t mind pointing and laughing at social retards but making fun of real retards is bad karma.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 24, 2015 12:24 pm

      Ed’s greatest triumph was 50-post exchange with Jack on his blog over Isle of the Unblown, but I am unable to locate it, now. It is maybe 3 years old. We joked about it here and then he kinda faded until recently, white knighting for Raggi and Zak, who I guess have not shown him enough appreciation for his devotion.

    • July 24, 2015 4:58 pm

      All you need to know about Ed Dove is that he describes himself in terms of a LotFAP character:

      Specialist (Level 3)
      Architecture (3/6), Bushcraft (2/6), Climb (1/6), Languages (2/6), Search (2/6), Sleight of Hand (2/6), Stealth (2/6), Tinker (2/6)

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 24, 2015 5:23 pm

        So Ed Dove is basically a Mentally Retarded Chronic Masturbator, if I were to give him a FATE high concept aspect from Fred Hick’s dreaded yet immensely popular (and much more so than these OSR cut and paste regurgitated retread retroturds) story game RPG. Gotcha.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 24, 2015 8:03 pm

        You really should stat Ed Dove up using Cam Banks’ Marvel Heroic Cortex Plus rules.

    • bloodymage classic/retro edition permalink
      July 24, 2015 8:56 pm

      It’s always polite to introduce yourself before asking impolite questions, my friend. 🙄

  91. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 24, 2015 11:15 am

    I miss Blooey.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 24, 2015 5:26 pm

      He probably finally found this place, read all the comments (and I mean ALL the comments) about him and committed suicide. First Christian Walker, now bloodymage. Nice going, guys.

      Sigh! 😉

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 24, 2015 8:00 pm

      I miss Blooey too. 😦
      He really was the heart and soul of the blOwSR.

    • Bigby's Affirmative Consent Lubed Fist permalink
      July 24, 2015 9:31 pm

      As an adherent of Bloodaism, I believe that the Messed-up Messiah will return. Keep hope alive, Bloo will freshly install himself some day.

      • bloodymage classic/retro edition permalink
        July 25, 2015 6:46 am

        This place is depressing. Listened to Hank Williams, “I’m so Lonesome I Could Die.” Way to bring up a man suffering from chronic depression.

  92. bloodymage classic/retro edition permalink
    July 24, 2015 8:29 pm

    My point was that some of you cant concieve of epic play in d&d. In 1e, we ran campaigns with 20th or so level characters on the inner and outer planes, against dragons, demons, devils, deities. We didn’t call this “epic” play. We called it “adventuring”. The venues were just normal extensions …

  93. Andrew permalink
    January 31, 2017 4:43 am

    I have a couple of questions, I honestly don’t know much of the D&D world however I have read all of the Drizzt books. I have found that I want to write my own book set in the world and pursue publication. So my questions are can a purple dragon breed with an angel? And if so would the appearance be like that of a dragon born or could you give it a better mixture of the two races? Also is it possible for weapons to tear and devour the souls of those killed with the blade? I need to do research obviously but I can’t find answers to these questions anywhere and am trying to work out some details.

    • John C. Wright permalink
      January 31, 2017 7:16 am

      Only within the eternally binding boundaries of the holy sacrament of matrimony, as celebrated and proclaimed by an ordained priest of the Holy Mother Church of Rome.

      Children begot of sin will have -2 on all ability rolls and have Mexican as their native tongue.

      • Andrew permalink
        January 31, 2017 7:50 am

        Has nothing to do with my question, I only want serious responses not stupid and meaningless babble.

  94. September 15, 2018 3:19 am

    Thanks a lot lots pertaining to delivering people who have a very breathtaking possibility you just read essential testimonials with this website.

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