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Exciting developments in pursuit of the Gygax Memorial Statue!

May 30, 2014

Gail Gygax has been a busy beaver, rest assured your tens of thousands of dollars in unaccounted for donations are most likely in good hands. What’s the takeaway from her last appearance six months ago before the Lake Geneva city council? Not that for all that money, all that’s bought is the design. Not that Gail has taken literal inspiration from Mario Bros. in banging bricks from Gary’s casket to make it rain coins into her pockets. We learn: Gail has chosen an artist to render beloved Gary as a monument that will stand proudly for ages. No run of the mill artist, this man has experience in the monument industry — he is Gerald Sawyer, the Michelangelo-esque talent behind the Fonzie statue in Milwaukee… wait, WTF?!?

TIL there’s a Fonzie statue in Milwaukee. This is what the Fonzie statue in Milwaukee looks like, presumably seeing this moistened Gail’s panties sufficient for her to exclaim, “Call off the search, boys… I’ve found our artist!”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAFUKCMYSTOMACHHURTSIMLAUGHINGSOHARDHAHAHAHAHAHAOHGODFUCKMAKEITSTOPHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAFUKCMYSTOMACHHURTSIMLAUGHINGSOHARDHAHAHAHAHAHAOHGODFUCKMAKEITSTOPHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

What a gorgeous likeness! Here’s more of Jerry’s work, I think you’ll agree his level of artistic skill feels comfortably at home in a movement that has produced Greg Bell, Steph Poag and Lady Wrinklequim, among others.

AYYY!!!

AYYY!!!

426 Comments leave one →
  1. Francie permalink
    May 30, 2014 10:11 am

    It looks like a fucking Halloween costumed douchebag wearing a shit fonzie mask

  2. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    May 30, 2014 10:52 am

    Y’know maybe she’s crazy like a fox. Bear with me here.

    Perhaps Mz. Gygax, after being forced to interact with the mouthbreathing hordes of basement-dwelling gamer üntermenschen, has decided to make the statue representative of how society saw they Gyg.

    So maybe she has commissioned someone to make him look like the kid on the short bus with the helmet, all grown up, so that when the compulsive masturbators converge upon Lake Geneva, they will gaze with wonder upon their Godhead for about 30 seconds before pausing in reflection and considering the state of their lives.

    Either that or she’s shoved most of the money up her nose already, and this is all she can afford with what’s left.

    Who knows?

  3. May 30, 2014 11:16 am

    That’s some Oscar-nominated makeup design there, Mrs. G!

  4. May 30, 2014 11:29 am

    The same conundrum that faced the Elvis memorial backers now faces the Gygax memorial backers- does the memorial depict a skinny Gary, or a fat Gary?

    Skinny Gary? I kid, I kid!

  5. May 30, 2014 11:33 am

    I submitted a design to the committee- it features Gary reclining on a dais, with a tittering Robert J. Kuntz perched on his shoulder and his daughter Elise in a metal bikini, chained to the dais.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 31, 2014 2:32 pm

      I think the Gary statue is already completed.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 31, 2014 6:27 pm

        All it needs is to be holding a DMG…

  6. Timotheus permalink
    May 30, 2014 11:48 am

    I’m afraid the corruption goes even further. The person who signed the minutes of the Lake Geneva Council meeting that you linked to is a Winkler – that’s right, a relative of the dude who played Fonzie. Not that Gail deserves a break from suspicion, but just maybe this secretary made approval of the statue contingent upon getting the bronze “artist” who shat out the statue of her cousin Henry. Kickbacks all the way around.

    There is something rotten in Lake Geneva.

    • May 30, 2014 11:58 am

      Sounds like a case for Bloo Detective.

      Golconda was a tea party compared to this.

      • May 30, 2014 12:55 pm

        Not sure why you don’t have a Twitter account for Bloo Detective, but it’s your life I can’t make you do anything…

      • May 30, 2014 6:41 pm

        Bloo Detective is too recondite- only the commentariat here is in on the joke. Shit, how many people even know who Bloodymage is in the first place? There’s no real point in tweeting about Blooey- I’ll just keep any Bloo Detective comments here down to 140 characters.

    • May 30, 2014 12:53 pm

      That this comes to light on the very weekend the Bilderburg Group meets cannot be a coincidence.

      • June 4, 2014 9:10 pm

        Damn, there’s gotta be a joke somewhere about the Bilderbloo group, with Blooey cast as a sinister behind-the-scenes power broker.

  7. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    May 30, 2014 2:05 pm

    With all the hullabaloo surrounding the death of poet laureate Maya Angelou this week, apparently GOPagan missed this story!

  8. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    May 30, 2014 2:06 pm

    BREAKING NEWS: Two Typical RPGNet Posters get attacked on Atlanta Subway Train!

    http://flyvidz.com/2-trannies-get-into-a-fight-with-2-guys-on-atl-marta-warning-must-be-18-years-or-older-to-view/

    • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
      May 31, 2014 11:06 am

      Those could be Obama’s sons…

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 31, 2014 2:36 pm

        Let’s be respectful of their transgendered lifestyle. Clearly they could be Obama’s daughters.

  9. Derp MacHerpsingson permalink
    May 30, 2014 4:40 pm

    I …. just …. wow.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 31, 2014 2:39 pm

      I like how the fat tranny beats the shit out of that skinny gangbanger’s head. It reminded me of Ali vs. Frazier in the Thrilla in Manila.

      • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
        May 31, 2014 5:21 pm

        I like how someone keeps asking the fat tranny if her baby’s OK. LoL!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 31, 2014 6:22 pm

        “Pick yo fuckin’ weave up!”

      • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
        June 3, 2014 4:34 pm

        that’s unbeweavable!!!

  10. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    May 31, 2014 4:17 pm

    I was kind of out of it this morning when I watched this. I thought it was the trailer for the next Planet of the Apes movie…

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 31, 2014 6:24 pm

      Ape has killed Ape, mothafucka!

    • June 1, 2014 10:41 am

      Are you fucking kidding me? This is messed on several levels here. This is basically hate crime being taped. Violence erupts and no one does anything except tape them and let it happen. Then someone fucking decides it would be funny to post to YDIS to laugh about. Then three separate people write maybe the most ugly and offensive things I’ve ever seen in a year of checking this site on a regular base which is saying A LOT.

      What. the. fuck.

      Done with this site.

      • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
        June 1, 2014 12:48 pm

        NNNNNNNOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 1, 2014 4:47 pm

        Is your baby okay? Pick yo’ fucking weave up!

      • June 1, 2014 5:23 pm

        I know, right?!?? Totally messed up. I can’t believe it, on this blog OF ALL PLACES?!?!?!?

      • kolchie permalink
        June 1, 2014 5:58 pm

        So you can refer to black people as apes on this blog? Cool! What an uptight dumbass, amiright? I mean come on, It’s SO clear it’s a joke from what’s been written so far. It’s HILARIOUS.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 1, 2014 6:41 pm

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 1, 2014 7:16 pm

        Don’t be hatin’, except on Big Purple Dildo left wing conservative trannies, unblown neckbeards of the blOwSR, GOPagan Odinists, and Kent.

  11. Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
    June 1, 2014 5:05 pm

    I think he thought we only picked on middle-aged white fatbeards here. Sorry, motherfucker, you are all EQUALLY WORTHLESS in our eyes.

    • cheesesock56 permalink
      June 1, 2014 7:09 pm

      Dd anyone notice this? http://youtu.be/7Dr_caS_jVU

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 1, 2014 7:20 pm

        Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon: it’s still an empty book, but now it has a cover designed by some gay club kid fucked up on Molly.

      • June 1, 2014 8:17 pm

        What in the fuck is going on there?!?!?

      • Dumb Dungeoneers permalink
        June 1, 2014 11:42 pm

        Jebus. 16 minutes? 16 fucking minutes talking with a bookbinder. No wonder no actual writing gets done…

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 2, 2014 5:44 am

        I don’t blame that kid for taking drugs anymore. You’d have to be high to sit through that boring lame ass bookbinding lecture.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        June 2, 2014 11:28 am

        The kid’s mugging in the first couple minutes is hilarious. I half expected him to hold up a sign behind the guys head with “Big Fag” written in Sharpie on it.

  12. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 1, 2014 7:14 pm

    I’m not prejudiced. I hate EVERYONE equally! Give me your unconditional HATE!!!

  13. PrinceofNothing permalink
    June 2, 2014 5:30 am

    Still basking in the afterglow of his crushing victory over Tenkar, Pundit rallies his horde(consisting entirely of mindflayers, beholders, slaadi, tieflings and other monsters trademarked by WotC) and rides for Geoffry’s capitol on Carcosa, leaving only a thick black miasma of pipesmoke in his wake.

    Ah las, were it not for the cruel and indomitable march of time, Pundit would have been lauded as the stalwart new pope of Rpgs the gods have prophesized him to be. What we get instead is a stale charge on a partially burnt down ruin, the few surviving defenders well entrenched in the central spire, the ruins picked over and looted long before and Jamals phantom army riding off into the sunset.

    http://therpgpundit.blogspot.nl/2014/06/rpgpundit-reviews-carcosa.html

    I think Pundits problem is that he is just not that bright.

    • June 2, 2014 7:42 am

      You may be right. He doesn’t seem terribly literate in the genre, even by OSR standards much less Kent. The gymnastics on display when he uses “the gruesome rituals Barker’s setting used” as a stick to beat Carcosa are really Olympic-level stuff. Barker’s eye spoons are allowed because they’re part of “an intricately detailed and majestically sophisticated setting,” whereas Geoffrey’s are not because Carcosa is day-glo cavemen?

      Eye spoons are either bad or they’re not. It doesn’t matter how many pages of made-up fantasy language, history and costume design you have to wade through to realize that they’re killing hookers in both places to summon demons.

      It’s like he knows Tekumel is a sacred cow he can’t butcher without risking the wrath of the Really Old Beards, but that’s all he knows. Fucking typical.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 2, 2014 1:01 pm

        Damn Straight.

        Puntdick is nothing if not willing to mischaracterize the arguments of his target in the manner of an Alexis, but quickly leaves the fray when someone points out he is full of it. He seems to be going to Jamal route of blogging, once decent(your mileage may vary, but it was Jamals blog that drew my interest in the OsR, that is, his first year or so, then it started to suck) content slowly degenerating into navalgazing. At least fucking Jamal did his due diligence before reviewing a product, though the review was devoid of an opinion, whereas Pundit goes the opposite route, with a very strong opinion based around essentially very little.

        Perhaps he is too busy being consulted for 5e to actually bother to read the stuff people throw at his feet?

    • justme permalink
      June 2, 2014 1:49 pm

      RPGpud had much harsher language re: Carcosa in years past, funny he’s gone soft. His main criticism is disgusting evil rituals are disgusting evil rituals… oh no the horror.

  14. Timotheus permalink
    June 2, 2014 8:07 am

    So nobody can see the latest update on the Brave Halfwit Appendix N kickstarter? Word on the street is that he asked for more money before he would send out any more modules.

    What is Name Level for the Cleric/Thief? Surely he doth approacheth it.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 2, 2014 10:57 am

      I’m just glad to know most of us around here were too smart to give Brave Halfdick any money.

      • Dumb Dungeoneers permalink
        June 2, 2014 12:36 pm

        The Lying Halfling will now…
        – finishing up a single-volume, full-sized (8.5 x 11) POD (Lulu.com) version of the Appendix N Adventures modules (and Add-On Adventures) with a color cover that will be only available to supporters of this kickstarter. It will be offered at cost (around $5.00). I won’t make anything off of it. I am offering this for folks who are tired of waiting

        so more more talk of imaginary-projects getting in the way of getting actual shit done.

    • June 2, 2014 4:53 pm

      Arch Swaggart

      • June 3, 2014 10:23 am

        Similar to the druidic hierarchy, after reaching name level, there are a limited number of higher level cleric-thief characters. The first post Arch Swaggart level is Initiate of the Order of Shitty Rogues. Determination of rank within the OSR is dependent on the monetary value of one’s thefts- the highest ranking member of the Order is known as the Pope of the OSR, which necessitates a heist of at least 50,000 GP.

  15. June 2, 2014 11:34 am

    How did we go from Gygax as Fonzie to a rainbow of American racial trends?

    Aim this cannon back at Wizards of the Coast and save the racism for fucking elves with ears too damn big!

    😉

    Seriously, there was a photo of the interior of Gary’s house that someone posted just before his death and he had a portrait of himself on his wall. I had hoped it was painted by a young person because it makes this Fonzie look like a Rodin piece in comparison.

    That said, the Gygax memorial prototype image they pushed for years had a coiled dragon and seemed cheesy. The fonts in particular looked like something from a fan website.

    I wish that I could just beat the living shit out of the artist who finally gets the job with some Trampier D&D images duct taped on a baseball bat….

    Just kidding! 😉

    Wait…no, I’m not…

  16. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 2, 2014 7:29 pm

    The Fonzie guy is OK but Gary better be swinging a +2 mace and rocking a viking helmet or I want my money back.

  17. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 2, 2014 8:16 pm

    Wushu vs. Zulu TRANNY FIGHT!!!!

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      June 3, 2014 11:18 am

      I thought all Asians knew kung fu? The small girl goes into some dope defensive poses, but when it comes to actual blows she is just another stupid bitch clawing and swinging wild. And the guy shows no Pan Pacific martial skills at all, just good old fashioned meat and potatoes hooks and crosses.

      When the brothers decide to go all tranny, they seem to lose those infamous black man fisticuff skills. Wonder if they lose the ability to dance as well?

    • June 3, 2014 5:48 am

      People have always talked that way since the dawn of time. The internet destroyed the control that 19th century “modern” manners once held. So if the president says something stupid and somebody throws a shit pie in a comment I always remember that somebody has been throwing shit pie comments at kings since the dawn of time. Except they were exclusive. Now everybody is entitled to it!

      Well… except the poor and underprivileged that is.

      Wait! Let me come in again…

      PIT STOP!

      I’m gonna win this race even if I have to drive through Lorraine Williams’ anus! <<>>

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 3, 2014 12:19 pm

        “I’m gonna win this race even if I have to drive through Lorraine Williams’ anus!”

        You were already there, remember?

  18. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 3, 2014 5:40 am

    Somebody check the parents’ house. There are copies of Carcosa and LotFP in there I’m sure!

    http://www.turnto23.com/news/us-world/12-year-old-wisconsin-girls-stab-friend-19-times-060214

    Always look closely at the parents!

  19. Timotheus permalink
    June 3, 2014 10:09 am

    I kinda miss the days when the only trannies we made fun of were Alex Qaeda and Faggi. Also, when Weigel was fucking shit up with flails instead of, you know, actually speaking.

    • June 3, 2014 11:14 am

      I kinda miss the days when the only trannies we made fun of were Alex Qaeda and Faggi

      I’d go with the “Just War Theory” approach- the gaming world’s knee-biters are the legitimate targets, while random weirdos on public transportation fall outside the purview of this site.

      Also, when Weigel was fucking shit up with flails instead of, you know, actually speaking.

      The flail is good, the comment is evil!”

      • June 3, 2014 5:47 pm

        Heh, the flail video was totally random.

        And it was a talkie by the way.

        In regards to comments in general I’m everywhere. Well, except that Knights and Knaves Alehouse… and that Grognard’s Tavern… and that OD&D74… alright, so I’m not everywhere but still as the “coiner of BECMI”, the “mapper of Grogham”, the “red-haired stepfather of the pre-OSR” and the “pirate of Penzance” I … uh… get around.

      • June 4, 2014 9:07 pm

        It’s like that old joke, Gene, “But swing one flail.”

        You should do a video in which you knock an apple off Kent’s head with the flail.

      • June 5, 2014 5:04 am

        I don’t about this Kent. How about I try to knock apples off the head of the developers of the newest of D&D with the flow of concrete from the back of a cement truck? If you set it all up, I promise to undulate wildly while I aim…

  20. June 3, 2014 10:30 am

    Proof positive that the OSR doesn’t get the heroes it deserves but the heroes it needs.

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/06/can-we-all-agree-on-what-osr-is-not.html

    TheShadowKnows is that hero.

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 3, 2014 10:58 am

      TheShadowKnows that Magic the Gathering is OSR, and defines it as such.

      What a bunch of fucking morons. For years the blOwSR has screamed “rulings, not rules!” and now Turdkar et all decide that game mechanics indeed do define what their gaming is all about.

      • cheesesock56 permalink
        June 3, 2014 2:33 pm

        Hasn’t the BLOWsr been effectively put to bed by WOTC releasing the old PDFs? Or is it that these pedophilic man-children continue to pursue their vanity with these cumshot cut-and-paste jobs?

    • kaptainvon permalink
      June 4, 2014 4:10 am

      I never understood the exact distinction between ‘role playing’ and ‘story telling’ that’s batted about in these things. The latter seems fairly consistent – “if it has some sort of planned-out chain of events, it’s storytelling” – but the former seems far harder to pin down. What do these people mean when they say ‘role playing’? There’s nothing in 0D&D about putting on funny voices, so do they just mean a tactical role within the game in hand, or what? What happens when you start pretending to be elves and thinking about how an elf personality works? Do you have to turn your OSR merit badges in and shuffle off to the Story Corner (where they’ll kick you out for liking sandboxes)? What gives?

      • kaptainvon permalink
        June 4, 2014 4:12 am

        Bergquist seems to have the right idea and it’s a shame none of them have yet seen fit to answer him.

      • June 4, 2014 7:24 am

        I don’t understand it either. Its like a euphemism smashing a euphemism constantly. I don’t have a problem with a DM telling a story.

        I do have a problem with a DM that expects a parent/child relationship so all this “sit back and listen to the background for 5 minutes” is for the birds if I’m sitting at a table within fist’s length of an another adult.

        Wait, I should have said “dick’s length” for this blog.

        Seriously, its painful listening to bad fiction in person and truthfully, I wouldn’t explode as much as I’d like to. I’d just walk out ASAP and never come back.

      • June 9, 2014 3:09 pm

        Gene, my man, you’re on a very coherent roll here. I’m a little confused, but keep up the steam.

  21. IsYDISmadOrStupid permalink
    June 3, 2014 3:53 pm

    Why does YDIS log on to ODD74 as crusssdaddy everyday? **Every** Day. Is he a moron, a hypocrite, a moron maybe?

    • justme permalink
      June 4, 2014 5:00 am

      This stain on purity, this affront , nay,,,thus heresy shall not be tolerated any longer. The time has come for a rectification when the champions of orthodoxy shall meet with the waffling heretics, the ill mannered chattel and the heathen fatbeards ! Thus divine fight shall be glorious, those who bear dice with ill balanced facets shall be struck down ! We shall sever their foreskins and pile them high in the cleansing sun of truth and break the limbs of apostate cowards who cringed on the side of the battle to wallow in the rotting bloody pit of the infidels…. oh wait, this is basically all about elf and dragon games isn’t it?
      Ah screw all that, not really worth getting worked up about,

      • June 4, 2014 6:58 am

        If it’s any consolation under 2% of the ones you call fatbeards are uncut anyhow.

        Another fine message from
        GOD

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        June 4, 2014 11:41 am

        Damn, just me, that was purty. I can totally imagine the midget from Game of Thrones saying that to the troops before battle.

  22. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 3, 2014 5:26 pm

    Cause he doesn’t want you to be the only person wasting his life in retarded forums, Kunt.

    For some reason I figured all the tranny stuff would lure you back here, Kunto.

  23. Dumb Dungeoneers permalink
    June 4, 2014 12:06 am

    To no great surprise, it was heroin that got Oderus http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6106471/gwar-dave-brockie-heroin-overdose-cause-of-death – I expect an “OD of the Flame Princess” tribute scenario quite soon…

    … maybe instead of the two adventures that turned out so shit, that not even James had the nerve to publish them https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1939191852/lotfp-2013-free-rpg-day-adventure/posts/864709

    • June 4, 2014 9:08 pm

      Death Smack Doom

    • kaptainvon permalink
      June 5, 2014 3:30 am

      Maybe I’m missing the subtleties of (adoptive) Finnish humour here, but ‘Another Shitty Adventure’? Really? I might read such a thing and chortle if I came across it online, but asking me to pay money for something which flaunts itself as derivative (‘Another’) and inferior (‘Shitty’) is beyond the pale…

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 5, 2014 7:27 am

      It is rather telling that of the 300 backers for that FreeRPG Day LotFaP kickstarter, only two have even bothered to ask about the undelivered rewards.

      Also, pretty telling that Faggi’s players/playtesters, if they really exist, are being honest about Another Shitty Adventure being yet another shitty adventure.

      While the bloom is off the rose, I am still sure that the submissive LotFaP fans will shell out whenever R4 passes the collection plate.

  24. Timotheus permalink
    June 6, 2014 11:12 am

    Anybody else get all misty-eyed when thinking about the vanished days when you could burn books in enormous bonfires and chant your hated and ideology into the smoky night air, even fancying that you could see valkyries circling in Teutonic approval above?

    Well, the ten foot pole guy feels your pain, and has arranged a good old-fashioned burning! Make sure you make hotel reservations early, because you are all invited! And if you want to bring some .380 pistols to shoot into the night, you will be among like-minded “individuals”:

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29776

    • justme permalink
      June 6, 2014 11:25 am

      I doubt there are enough 4e books out there to get a good sized fire going, that’s why wankers of the coast are copying and pasting away on that new 5th edition release.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 6, 2014 1:19 pm

      I say burn away, associations with certain historical figures of national-socialistic tendencies be damned. If a bunch of fatbeards want to get together and have a drink they may as well do society a favour by getting rid of DnDs shittiest edition (the judgement is still not out on 5e, but it will be hard to top 4e as far as full spectrum shittyness is concerned). Besides, the heat will prevent their bloated, walrus-like figures(or emanciated, ghoul-like stick-figures) with compromised immune systems from catching a cold!

      • Aos permalink
        June 11, 2014 10:24 am

        4e is not D&D; it is an okay game that has mistakenly been misnamed D&D. Acceptance of this truth, puts 3.x rightback in the worst ever spot, as it is just barely D&D. One could hardly be suprised.

    • June 7, 2014 8:54 am

      From the guy who says “fuck you, my 4E tomes are worth money” to the one rubbing his hands together in hopes of a new collector market, the responses on that thread betray an almost devastatingly lower middle class orientation to bound printed matter. I wonder how many books were in those houses growing up and whether they were sacred by proximity to a well-worn Bible that no right-thinking American would dispose of without wrapping it in deconsecrated bunting and stuffing wax in their ears so they can’t hear the screams as the match lights the paper.

      Or how many of those fans took secret pride knowing their most valuable possession was a bagged-and-boarded death of Superman. Fuck! I’m turning into Kent without the down low. Need fresh air, sunshine, gin without lavender.

      P.S. speaking of Bibles, backer claims he tipped Illinois Revenue off to Pastor Adams’ wild ways. Could get a little hairy in the local weekly if they leaf through the modules while they’re chatting and there’s anything PG-13 in there. Herrin Minister Faces Tax Fine Over Occult Game Kickstarter “Backers” Say They Never Received.

  25. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 6, 2014 6:52 pm

    For those of you seeking to take advantage of the current fire-sale pricing of Polyhedron Games clothing and related merchandise at Cafepress, here is an exclusive offer for Dungeon-Suckers:

    In addition to the standard storefront located at:

    http://www.cafepress.com/+polyhedron-games+gifts

    there is also a Secret Stash Store for VIGs located at:

    http://www.cafepress.com/polyhedrongamesllcshop

    with even lower prices. While a Gamer Girl Thong will run you $11.99 at the main storefront (marked down from $15), the same item can be had for $10.34 in the Secret Stash Shop. Similar bargains abound.

    Don’t hesitate. Time is running out. These are sure to become future rare and collectible items.

    Buy some product!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 7, 2014 2:24 pm

      Thanks for the money saving tip!

  26. June 6, 2014 10:36 pm

    Any reports of Blooey surfacing at NTRPGCON?

    • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
      June 7, 2014 11:22 am

      No show – surprised the fuck out of everyone.

      • June 7, 2014 5:08 pm

        That’s kinda worrisome… thanks for the Blooey report. If he doesn’t show up, let me know if a search party/vengeance posse is organized.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 7, 2014 2:19 pm

      You need to buy A Hell Frozen Over hat from Blooey.

      http://www.cafepress.com/polyhedrongamesllcshop.676991693

      • June 7, 2014 5:06 pm

        That would probably be a hit with hipsters who’d wear it ironically. Potentially, Blooey is a millionaire fashionista… actually, he’s just a weirdo sleeping in his truck in a parking lot.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 7, 2014 2:28 pm

      I just listened to part of his Excuses sermon. Holy fucking hypocrite!

  27. Shitty McTits permalink
    June 7, 2014 12:50 pm

    I just can’t read this latest from the Pundit:

    Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Solitario Rhosdesian + C&D’s Pirate Kake

    Without thinking of the RPG Pundit smoking “Pirate Kake”.

    Who would have to look kinda like http://www.worldoftomoffinland.com/tomsblog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/71.110-246×300.jpg (SFW, for a Tom of Finland image, anyway) with a slightly different hat.

  28. Timotheus permalink
    June 8, 2014 8:16 am

    The Brave Halfwit is about to be busted by the state of Illinois for tax avoidance:

    Also some entertaining comments from submissive, diphit backers, including the standard-issue “kickstarter is not a store” and the moe novel claim by this Brandeis faggot that he has enjoyed the two year non-fulmillment “journey.”

    Also see Johnny Adams get testy – he has informed Kickstarter about some critical comments, and they are aware of it! (They evidently take critical comments seriously, but not fraud commited in their name.)

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 8, 2014 9:44 am

      Maybe he can pray the tax away?

    • June 8, 2014 4:57 pm

      Heh…

      “I told Kickstarter you were mean to me!”
      “I told the State of Illinois that you were guilty of mail fraud.”

      And all this kerfuffle over a bad Swords and Wizardry knockoff… a knockoff of a knockoff, if you will.

      I’d look into the dude’s church finances too.

  29. June 8, 2014 8:27 am

    Now going to the memorial will not only involve an awkward “Fonz-Gary” but you’ll be reminded of all the current rpg trash out there as well:

    http://www.lakegenevanews.net/Articles-Lake-Geneva-News-i-2014-04-10-252944.114135-Bricks-will-fund-Gygax-memorial.html#123

    Maybe by the time this is finished it will be located in the heart of the “AOL Time Warner Taco Bell US Government” from the movie IDIOCRACY (2006)…

    • June 8, 2014 11:44 am

      Oh the horror! Not only will your ersatz demi-god EGG be cast in a dubious likeness but it will be surrounded by reminders of your own defective ego. Fitting that Gene Weigel who ‘WAS THERE’ should know such torment.

    • June 8, 2014 1:05 pm

      When she opens up the QVC line to start selling bricks what do you fine fucks think about getting one for YDIS and/or the Bloo Detective?

      • June 8, 2014 1:38 pm

        I’m gonna get one and put Gary’s first wife’s name on it.

      • June 8, 2014 4:48 pm

        Not that Gail has taken literal inspiration from Mario Bros. in banging bricks from Gary’s casket to make it rain coins into her pockets.

        She’d better pay you royalties. How about a brick with King Koopa’s name on it?

        So, which one of you is Gail?

  30. Crank Denser permalink
    June 8, 2014 9:57 pm

    My brick is going to have my name on it: Fart Knocker

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 7:08 pm

      I’m going to get a brick that says Lorraine Williams.

  31. Timothy Kask permalink
    June 9, 2014 2:09 am

    That reminds me.

    I was watching Mork & Mindy the other day (great show man) after a little kush and I was like waittaminitt, how can Fonzie visit them? This is bullshit. Fonzy is in the 1950s and Robin Williams is in 1979! Not only that, not only that, but Laverne was there too, and she was also dressed in 50s clothes, like they weren’t even joking around with the time travel shit man.

    It gets worse.

    Mindy lives in Boulder Colorado not KENOSHA WISCONSIN, so how was Mork even supposed to be able to visit them so easily? I mean the writing on tv is just so lazy nowadays. yeah, it’s a sitcom, but so what? it should still make sense, or so Aristotle told me back at Bong U ( uknowwhatimeanman, College!)

    But I was really bummed out cause it was just some of kind of dream sequence or somethign. so the whole thing was bullshit. Actually it took place in the past and it was because mork was a spin off from Happy Days. But you see THAT’s the problem: why didn’t Mork age if it’s in the past you know?

    Btw, do you think Mork fucked Pam Dawber? her mouth and chin are kinda weird but i’d given that bitch the old closed Kasket funeral if you know what i mean. also mork has herpes so sucks to be her IF it did happen *groucho marx eyebrows*.

    Also, Mork should be older in the past since the Orkans age in reverse like when they had Jonathan winters on there later. he was mork’s baby and he came out of an egg IIRC. but it’s obvious they didn’t even do his makeup differently or anything man, it was kinda lazy even by sitcom standards.

  32. The Artist permalink
    June 9, 2014 7:53 am

    …The opposite of what follows is good…

    Tao of no art says:

    Sunday, June 8, 2014
    One Last Excerpt
    Now and then, as I am writing, I find myself needing to augment some small element in the text, which leads to a larger thought that needs explanation. Here is one that I found myself having to detail after several hours of research.

    From How to Run: an Advanced Guide to Managing Role-playing Games, part IV, 3rd draft:

    “Behind what the party sees, behind the facade of the landscape, the faces of the residents, the rolling of the dice and the words I speak, there are the bare bones and sinews of the campaign’s structure. This is the true composition of the world, for the setting is not managed by drawn images and touchie-feelie wish fulfillment, but by numbers, lists, tables, programs, algorithms, files and rules. All of these – save one – act as tools or information systems that enable me to produce the semblance of chaos out of simplicity, with varying degrees of calculated randomness. The rules stand apart from these other elements, for within chaos the rules provide order.”

    (section removed)

    “I should now return to the ‘semblance of chaos’ that I casually tossed forward. My world includes hundreds of small, simple and easy to use tables that serve to determine success at combat, skill, knowledge, interaction and survival, or which insert random elements such as whom the party meets, what the weather may be like, what details may be hidden temporarily from the players, what hazards may exist and so on. Each random roll upon these tables produces potential for connectivity with other similar rolls, that, strung together, produces unexpected permutations reflecting complexity. To enhance the value of these simple strings, I have algorithms which concatenate the little events into moments of greater complexity, which may manifest itself at any time during the sessions. Therefore, even though the actual tables may be simple, and though the moment-by-moment rolls upon those tables during the game can be performed in a linear fashion, one after another, the overall effect within the campaign is to produce synthesis, in which larger events – coupled with here and now interpretation of the data, as described in the section on presentation – develop as aggregates for the campaign as a whole. With enough die rolls, upon enough tables, a complex system emerges, from both chaos (unexpected die rolls) and detectable patterns. This is in fact called ‘emergent behaviour,’ and is believed to be the manner in which non-intelligent atoms combine to form complex systems that are able to think.

    “To produce synthesis of this kind requires a vast number of interactions – but die rolls upon die rolls do produce such numbers. While many of the results will be irrelevant, or negligible in relation to the whole picture, or certain results may produce null effects, there is a point at which a critical mass is reached, where emergence occurs. I believe that role-playing compels our attention because we are witnesses to this process of emergence – a process that is happening all the time during the actual game. That is utterly fascinating to us. We cannot help but look.”

    Posted by Alexis Smolensk at Sunday, June 08, 2014 1 comment:
    Labels: How to Run
    Saturday, June 7, 2014
    The Online Party Gets a Shot in the Arm
    This morning I woke up to find someone shouting at me to quit D&D if I hated it that much. Ha. You write one bit of satire . . .

    Okay, while hating D&D, I decided I would squeeze out a little time from my book to produce this – took about 9 hours:

    Updated June 9, 2014

    Well. I have a lot to say about this map. Hold onto your socks.

    Starting with what it is. This is the head of the Sea of Azov in the eastern Ukraine, just up a bit and to the right of all that stuff you’ve been reading about the Crimea. Whereas most of my maps have 20-mile hexes (you can find a version of this area in that scale among other political maps of the area right here), here the hexes are six miles across. The map is only a third completed. The green line up the center indicates which part is done and which part I only have notes for. The grey areas in the undone section show where there should be more hills.

    The rough edges of the map are such because this map has been randomly generated from the information provided by the 20-mile map. Every hex has been determined by an excel random generator, which can be downloaded here. The major rivers were determined from the larger map, and the minor ‘creeks’ were included from what on the previous map would look like ’empty’ hexes. The hills were hand-made, in three versions and then duplicated to get a nice feel for topography. Some areas of the unfinished map have had the hills included, and if the reader looks close, they’ll see that there is an unusual, rougher group of hills that stretch from Kamut in the top centre to Sulin on the middle right. These are the Donets Hills, the area iof which is today one of the heaviest industrialized areas on earth (usually referred to as the ‘Donetsk Basin’ or ‘Donbas’). The hills produce every kind of mineral one could want, as well as ridiculous amounts of coal and iron. Russia lost this area when the Ukraine went independent. Imagine losing the Ruhr Basin, or Silesia, or the American Rust Belt. It’s like that.

    Prior to 1676, however, these were just hills. In my world they are populated by a race of half-dwarves, half-orcs called ‘Dworkin.’ Yes, that is an intentional slur for those who get it.

    The numbers in the undone section are for reworking later on; the reader can see that in addition to numbers in the complete section, there are hammers, slices of bread (food) and coins, just as Civilization IV. These were also drawn from me, from screenshots. Why not steal. For those not familiar, the loaf of bread shown in the heavily civilized area stands for five food.

    Things get pretty busy at the top left, don’t they?

    The online party has been patiently waiting in the orange hex south of Rosk, two hexes up from the Sea of Azov, center of the map. They are in this region to establish a mission. They are very, very interested in this map right now.

    The numbers for the hexes indicate the level of civilization/cultivation. The lower the number, the more civilized it is. A ‘7’ is a mostly empty hex (as opposed to the completely empty hexes, that have no numbers). The most developed hex on the map is a ‘2.’ The numbers, and to some degree the topography, determines how much food, hammers (labour) or coin the hex produces:

    Empty hexes have no production. Most of these are dry steppe, but the green hexes around the delta are marshlands (some cultivated, the dark hexes not). In vegetation they would resemble short grass plains, where animals could be grazed, but not indefinitely, so that herds would have to be moved from hex to hex.

    7: These are dry steppe with a good water source, streams or groundwater that produces areas of good soil or richer grazing. These areas produce 1 food. If there are also hills in the hex, an additional hammer is added. If on the coast, an additional coin.

    6: The orange indicates steppe mixed with patches of open woods, where the deciduous trees grow singly or in small patches. The soil is better, some trees produce fruit and there’s wood for burning. All six point areas have 2 food and 1 hammer. If there is a large river, then add a coin (creeks do not add coins). If there’s a coast, add a coin. If there’s a town, add a coin. Previous bonuses also apply, and that is a rule that goes forward as the number goes down.

    5: Like six, these are open woods and steppe, but there’s more water and trees are more abundant. All 5 point areas have 3 food and 2 hammers. If there’s a town, add 1 hammer.

    4: These are areas of mixed open woods and cropland that have been irrigated or where there are abundant wells, where the soil is rich or where intensive herding is possible. Luxury crops can be grown. All 4 point areas have 4 food, 2 hammers and 1 coin. If on the coast, then add 1 food from intensive fishing.

    3: These are areas more intensively cultivated for luxury goods, plantations or fibre crops for textiles. All 3 point areas produce 4 food, 2 hammers and 2 coin. If on a large river, add 1 food for expanded irrigation.

    2: These areas are pure cropland. The land is extraordinarily productive. 2 point areas produce 5 food, 2 hammers and 3 coin.

    The towns that are shown on the map are not ALL the towns that exist here. Shown towns are those that unusually affect the results. Most hexes that are 5 or less have villages or sizable towns of one or two thousand – but that is not actually to be determined until producing the 2-mile hexes that are developed from this map, later on.

    So, it is easy to quickly add the total amount of bread, hammers and coins, if a person wanted to assess the power and strength of the kingdom, say, or determine how many soldiers there ought to be, or how fast the region could gear for war. I’m more interested in the various details that come to light. That isolated 4 hex, for instance, about the center of the map. Who dwells there? Who’s family built the land, who uses that base to control the scattered hammers in the hills to the south? Is that not an adventure?

    And what of that vast, empty area to the west. There are open spaces 35 miles across. Is there a copper dragon that nests in the hills? Why does the river have no farms upon it? The land must be rocky, broken, filled with carnivores or perhaps criminals, who plunder the isolated hamlets for their food and the efforts of their labour.

    What of that little town on the shore of the Azov, a little peninsula poking into the sea, with its trade (one coin), 1/9th of all the coin (see this explanation) that is made in the area around Rosk. Who controls that trade? What is it? Can it be grabbed? Or expanded?

    I look at the empty low hills everywhere, or the sections of empty hexes around the higher Donets Hills, and I see dungeons, monsters and opportunities.

    I love the random generation that made this. I love the ideas it puts in my head. I love that a player can look at this and see immediately where they might go, and what small areas influence the overall picture just by being ‘different.’ Look at this description of the lands on the map that I wrote 9 months ago, and tell me the random system didn’t generate perfectly for my needs.

    Sorry, no, I don’t actually want to quit D&D.

    • June 9, 2014 9:20 am

      “Dworkin?” That’s a grudge barely as relevant as calling people “Tippers” nowadays. What’s next in the constantly-cutting-edge OSR? Gags about Bella Abzug and her fucking hats?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      June 9, 2014 11:53 am

      “I find myself needing to augment some small element in the text, which leads to a larger thought that needs explanation. ”

      When I first grudgingly read this wordy mess, I thought it read “smell element.” Like even cutting a loud, smelly fart can bring inspiration to a DM when designing an adventure. Now that I read that correctly, I am totally uninspired. And can’t fart anyway cause I am at work and the hot Asian chick nearby might smell it.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      June 9, 2014 11:55 am

      I don’t understand.
      What has any of this to do with Dungeons or Dragons?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 1:44 pm

      Hi Kunt!

  33. The Artist permalink
    June 9, 2014 12:35 pm

    Then again, even if Tao is mad he is more intelligent than you lot here at YDIS.

    Ha ha ha !!

    It is only from my perspective that Tao and all of you YDIS freaks are indistinguishable worms.

    Ha ha ha, I say !!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 1:45 pm

      Hi Kunt!
      ~terminal ass cancer

  34. The Artist permalink
    June 9, 2014 12:54 pm

    If you want my advice … what’s that? You do? Good … so, if you want my advice you will consider yourself more like a knot of worms than a gang of scorpions. Any tiny bird with beautiful feathers could devour the lot of you.

    Ha ha !! Whiskey and abuse, where it is due. I value truth more than anything.

    Ho ho, and other exhalations of mirth !!

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 9, 2014 1:24 pm

      Truth my ass, kent.

      I’ll have you know that I have slain a starling or two in my day…even confronted a sparrow, once. While the struggle was inconclusive, I am confident I would have gained the upper hand had it not fled under cover of darkness.

      Now, back to your third rate irish whiskey and dreaming of those who are more virile and accurate than thee.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 1:45 pm

      Hi Kunt!
      ~spiked dildos

  35. The Artist permalink
    June 9, 2014 2:06 pm

    One thing I know for sure is that once upon a time YDIS had class. Now look at it, like rust, poisonous cum or the stupidest boy in the school it has … FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN. Stupidity should always be excluded, everywhere it festers.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 4:14 pm

      Hi Kunt!
      ~NAMBLA

  36. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 9, 2014 4:08 pm

    Kunt, Gene, when I say go, take each others meds…”Go!”

    • June 10, 2014 10:32 am

      Why… its placebo… that must mean…. YOU’RE ALL MAD!!!!

      Actually my only medication comes in the form of the knowledge that somewhere there is something unsettling coming off a roleplaying gamer and I’m nowhere near there…

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 10, 2014 11:29 am

        Fuck you, dude, I can smell you thru my monitor.

      • June 10, 2014 6:59 pm

        You must be able to kill a swarm of bot flies over an open sewer if you felt you had to respond to that.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 11, 2014 10:04 am

        Beats pretending I WAS THERE, man.

      • June 12, 2014 5:14 am

        To this day some guy with a a Sean Connery picture keeps reposting some TSR hack named Mike Breault throwing a shit fit because I heard the behind the scenes story of the hostile takeover of TSR. And because I WASNT THERE what I said was meaningless even though Breault accidentally gave away that they were all thoroughly involved. I was like 14 years old when old TSR was still around. AND….?????

      • June 12, 2014 5:48 am

        I was 14 in 1982 (the year TSR started crapping) and most people know that because I’ve been a public name since the 1990’s. You can’t undo the fact that I’ve been webbing around with my dick exposed on the internet for that long while everyone else has an “avatar”. I think so many RPG fans have a fetish about BEING IN OLD TSR for some reason that when they read some crappy post that I made where I’m tip-toeing around a lawsuit while exposing the Williams era bullshit to be some kind of unworthiness in their eyes. This Sean Connery(Elfdart?) person is like obsessed with this Breault/Weigel interaction its like the heavens opened up and justified his love of crappy RPG text.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 12, 2014 1:22 pm

        That’s a hell of a lot of scrambling there, man. I think Connery dude hit closer to the mark than you claim.

      • June 13, 2014 3:28 pm

        Limp.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 15, 2014 6:38 am

        I’m very sorry to hear about your erectile dysfunction. But it’s not surprising in light of your online persona. I knew you were making up for something.

      • June 16, 2014 7:22 am

        I know you have erectile dysfunction but you don’t have to project. It suits you just fine…

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 16, 2014 1:29 pm

        Hey, I’m not the one compensating for my shortcomings by posting “manly” shit about a game of make-believe with dice, dude. You’re beyond pathetic.

      • June 19, 2014 10:27 am

        I’m beyond pathetic? Pathetic is feeling sorry so beyond that is… feeling nothing at all. So why do you keep replying automatically? I smell some caring going on, people. I think someone needs a hug.

  37. The Artist permalink
    June 9, 2014 4:20 pm

    Captain Kirks Dick Blood == FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN

    == every RETARD with the VICIOUS gene == YDIS_REGULAR

    Ha ha !! Vicious Unemployed Retards !!

    Why *should* society employ the like of you two, tell us that, eh?

    I believe Captain Kirks Dick Blood expects too much from society. We don’t mind if you kill yourself. End it. No-one like you, or ever will.

    Ha ha !!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 5:22 pm

      Hi Kunt!
      ~tranny fights!

  38. The Artist permalink
    June 9, 2014 5:15 pm

    From now on, hic, Im ignoring everyone except YDIS, who is like the smartest nigger in all Affryqq.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 9, 2014 5:19 pm

      https://imgflip.com/i/9gcoo

    • June 9, 2014 5:35 pm

      You still banned at the ODD74 forum, gossoon? Gene’s got a board, he said upthread that he doesn’t know you. He may be your last hope, as far as a game forum goes.

      • June 10, 2014 8:50 am

        In regards to my forums….

        Yeah, its a safe haven but honestly?

        I mean, really, really, really honestly?

        My forum is so inherently hostile that no thread comment can flourish. Its not suitable to light comments like it used to be with easy targets. People want to contradict something when they post and the usual bleat that people can easily argue with, that you find on the average forum, is frightened away by the presence of my “mind flayer moderation”.

      • June 10, 2014 11:46 am

        WTH “mind flayer moderation”? You mean you have to consult the psionics attack matrix IV.A. in the DMG just to post? Mind Thrust vs.Tower of Iron Will seems kind of weak Gene although permanent loss of one psionic attack or defense mode and dazed for one round does seem fitting. I never pictured you as a psionics kind of guy but would Kent qualify as defenseless psionic vs. psionic or just defenseless?

      • June 10, 2014 6:56 pm

        Hell if I know. Somebody came up with that remark about me around ten years ago on some forum where they talked about other forums. I don’t even remember the name of that forum.

  39. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 10, 2014 12:01 pm

    Hey Gene, is Prespos, King of the gibbering Man-Children of DF, a regular on your forum? It seems every middle-aged basement dwelling fuck who owes Big Pharma their ability to halfway function in the real world has a forum now so they can caper and twitter about alignment languages with other ‘tards in a world of their own making.

    • June 16, 2014 7:18 am

      That name sounds vaguely familiar from Dragonsfoot but never present on any forum that I ever had.

      As for running a personal forum, when my forum became really active I found that I was answering a ratio of 10 to 1 in private messages than anything else forum-wise. You guys don’t even know the master assholes from over eleven years ago that I was dealing with on the forum. Its like they receded into woodwork. Its gotten to the point where why should I even retain the memory of who was who?

      It doesn’t anyone here was on my forum in 2002-2004.

      There was so much crap going on you people would have a field day. Drunken death threats, discovering half the forum was sock puppets, aggressively naive or bizarre ideas for D&D projects, sex deviants (hinting criminal behavior), etc. and in the midst of it I wanted to have a free speech area to promote real talk over the heavy moderation elsewhere.

      Yeah.

      • June 16, 2014 7:20 am

        OOPS! It doesn’t SEEM anyone here was on my forum in 2002-2004.

  40. The Artist permalink
    June 10, 2014 5:26 pm

    What a stupid fucking cunt.

    So many of you are mad that you make me sick to my stomach in my stomach.

    from therpgsite:

    — Kyle Aaron
    I’d assumed that they’d just nodded and smiled while you and others gave feedback, and then went on to do whatever they wanted.

    But if you’re keen to take the blame, that’s alright.

    –rpgpundit
    This is so far from reality its idiotic. It postulates a scenario where the head-guy of the new edition bothered to personally read and then provide detailed responses, follow-up questions, and subsequent responses to the same, to a a report that’s dozens of pages long on the initial rules-set; and where his company pays out thousands of dollars, just to “humor” me.

    And what I love about this argument is that its part of the pundit-haters’ desperate efforts to keep clinging to their constant but ever-slipping fantasy that I’m “irrelevant” in the hobby; except if anything, it would only make me MORE relevant if it was true. Because I mean shit, if they went to all that trouble because I’m a good writer, thinker, and reviewer of RPGs with good ideas, that would surely make me relevant; but if they went to all that trouble ONLY because they wanted to say that the RPGPundit was a consultant and/or were somehow trying to “buy me out” so I’d say nice things about them and not attack them, wouldn’t that make me unbelievably SUPER-RELEVANT?! I mean, if they needed to bribe me just to make sure I wouldn’t speak ill of them, it would suggest a level of power and influence on my behalf far greater than if they just hired me because I know what I’m talking about when I talk about RPGs.

    So you believe what you like there, buddy. Either way it makes me look impressive.

    • The Artist permalink
      June 10, 2014 5:32 pm

      Ha ha.

      Followed up with:

      –windjammer:

      I don’t think Kyle postulated or insinuated such a scenario – but onto the more interesting part. This is where we finally get to hear what’s behind your consultancy – a report consisting of ‘dozen of pages’ followed up by emails. I understand all that’s behind your NDA wall right now. But what about August? Are you willing to go public with your feedback, so we can all see how yours shaped the game?

      I’m not asking you to post private emails drafted by third parties, just to ask you to post content written by yourself that – you claim – made a difference to how 5e turned out.

      And for the record, my group provided ‘dozens of pages’ of playtest feedback on 13th Age, which I sent to Rob Heinsoo. Him and I were briefly in email exchange earlier about what in the ruleset didn’t work, and I can see that the final version handles that better. Does that license attributing to me that I had a direct hand in how the game turned out? I don’t think so, because it postulates I was the only person who was in their closed playtest to point it out to them. And I say that even though I have it, in email from Heinsoo, where he thanks me for pointing it out.

      Why do I mention that story? Because after the NDA closed, I came onto this forum and posted my entire playtest feedback, since I hoped it would be interesting for others to read and perhaps make up their mind about the game. (I never bought or played the final version when it was released.)

      All I’m asking you to do is the same. Because that contribution would be informative, civilized, and put your content, not your persona out there first. Are you willing to take that step? Are you willing to show us your relevance?

      I genuinely hope you are.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 11, 2014 6:20 am

        Ha! Let’s see the WOTC Buttkiss – er, I mean RPG Pundit – respond to that! He finally has a chance to PROVE he has had an influence on 5e.

        I bet he passes in a puff of foul-mouthed rage and cheap cigar smoke.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 11, 2014 3:28 am

      I’m glad to see WotC has finally abandoned their by now entirely transparent facade of professionalism and have instead adopted a PR-model fully compatible with the OSR. You go WotC! Give us more chest-thumping man-children! Not the heroes we need, but the heroes we deserve!

    • June 11, 2014 10:23 am

      It’s important that Tarnowski feels good about himself but in the grown-up world, “his company pays out ‘thousands’ of dollars” is on a par with putting “receives mail daily” on your resume. Yeah, real RPG companies distribute an honorarium to outside development talent when a big release is ready to roll. The checks can run from a few hundred bucks and maybe he scored a grand or two. Good job!

      But Hasbro is a different order of magnitude. They sold $1.3 billion in games last year and spent $207 million on development across the company to keep the ball rolling. If Tarnowski cashed a $2,000 check he earned himself a 00.00096% slice of that fat development pie. Good job!

  41. Masked Cucumber permalink
    June 11, 2014 4:18 am

    Hi guys,

    Not sure if this is the right forum, but I have a question.

    What system do I use to run Spanish War Z (especially around 2:03)?

    Thanks in advance.

    I remain,

    The Masked Cucumber

  42. Sykirobme permalink
    June 11, 2014 10:06 am

    Your influence is wide-reaching, Mr Yid: http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29800

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 12, 2014 3:25 am

      Gabriel2’s demonic sacrifice story on page 3 is heartwarming in its social retardation.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 12, 2014 9:06 am

        Roger wins King of the Retards because he keeps coming back…

  43. The Artist permalink
    June 11, 2014 1:05 pm

    From April 2012. Im not sure anyone got the joke at the time.

    http://somekingskent.blogspot.ie/2012/04/zak-s-and-pundit-hired-by-wotc-as.html

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Kent's Rectum permalink
      June 11, 2014 1:34 pm

      I don’t think the YDIS crowd finds your concentration camp gay anal sodomy fantasies particularly funny, Kent.

      • The Artist permalink
        June 11, 2014 1:56 pm

        No, you didn’t get it.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Kent's Rectum permalink
        June 11, 2014 4:31 pm

        Actually, YOU didn’t get it – in the butt!!!!

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 11, 2014 5:37 pm

        You mean, it’s like this – right Kent?

      • The Artist permalink
        June 11, 2014 10:13 pm

        That’s a pretty catchy video. Of the two lady specimens it is safe to say it would be hard to establish a classic romantic relationship with the larger, who seems a touch headstrong to me and so the little lady is more appealing as a companion.

    • June 11, 2014 8:17 pm

      I had no idea he reinstated his blog. I got a kick out of his “CHIX CAN’T WRITE!!!!” post. Cervantes needs to be higher on the list- part two of Don Quixote is a marvel, with DQ and SP being aware of themselves as fictional characters. Also, his snubbing of Melville is an embarrassment- Moby Dick has enough of a homoerotic subtext that it should keep him enthralled, aroused even (Snagglepuss, reference… Snagglepuss also has enough of a homoerotic subtext to appeal to him).

      Also, the lack of any of the Icelandic sagas (Egil’s Saga and Grettir’s Saga being two of the most interesting) on the list undercuts Kent’s claim to be a top-tier OSR intellectual.

      • The Artist permalink
        June 11, 2014 10:28 pm

        The Codex Regius has no known author but Sturluson should slot in around the 15-16 mark for Egil’s Saga as translated by ER Eddison.

        Melville is a bore.

    • The Artist permalink
      June 11, 2014 10:19 pm

      Anyway, the photo shows two Jewish ‘Policemen’ established by the Nazis in Warsaw to facilitate the orderly destruction of that people.

      • The Artist permalink
        June 11, 2014 10:29 pm

        Zak and Koslowski or whatever pundit’s name is are both Jews as far as I know. That’s irony for you.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 12, 2014 9:01 am

        ~Auschwitz!

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 12, 2014 9:10 am

        So, WOTC is implementing the Final Solution against the blOwSR, and Zakina and the Buttkiss are helping from within.

        You made that point two years ago to a collective yawn. You’ll have to be edgier than recylcing old material if you want to provoke a reaction here, lassie.

  44. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 11, 2014 10:22 pm

    Shakespeare was a hack. He was the world’s first soap opera writer.

    • June 11, 2014 11:38 pm

      I wouldn’t agree that he was a hack, though he was a vicious character assassin.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        June 12, 2014 5:31 am

        What level?

      • June 12, 2014 12:04 pm

        A high enough level that, almost an entire millennium after his death, the decent and honorable king Macbeth is seen as a treacherous villain.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        July 8, 2014 6:20 pm

        To say nothing of Richard III, poor bastard.

      • September 14, 2015 10:48 pm

        is bigby’s lubed fist michael leonard rondeau,because it better not be or there will be a lot of trouble in little china.i hope that i am not that character?

  45. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 11, 2014 10:29 pm

    Also there seems to be at least one glaring omission. Three words:

    Gord the Rogue!

  46. June 12, 2014 10:35 am

    Hey Kent, check it out! Either the False Machine guy failed to communicate his points clearly or else he just called Zak’s buddies a bunch of “closet cases!”

    http://falsemachine.blogspot.com/2014/06/closetcases.html

    • The Artist permalink
      June 12, 2014 12:34 pm

      His jaded tone is appropriate for what this online zoo has been but he doesn’t seem to realise that many books have value because of the calibre of the authors who have historically published their work and just presenting blog content in book form won’t make it any more interesting.

  47. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 12, 2014 11:15 am

    Never heard of that blog (like a lot of things I see here), but the guy makes some sense. I like what he has to say, in a pejorative manner, about Zak and his various lickspittles. That even Zak will eventually “move on to something else.” And all his wee followers will still be able to tell the story about how they talked to a porn guy about D&D all the time (“Ron Jeremy” somebody will say, and the dork will go “no, Zak Smith” and the other fellows will go “who?”) All Princess Zak wants is to get attention and leave a mark (that isn’t merely comprised of a weak, dribbley money shot on Mandy and some confused runaways knockers) in the hobby. The so called porn connection is the biggest part of that. Pornheim or whatever it is will never have the lasting power of a Judges Guild City State product. But he isn’t a musician, or great writer, or even all that charismatic a fellow. Everything is a forced, desperate attempt to be “different.” If he were to leave gaming behind, what would he do? I’m kind of guessing he is waiting on an inheritance. Use it to buy a coffee shop and he can invite gamers and sit there with his fucked up hair (will he keep the hair like that until well into his 40’s?) and hold court in person instead of electronic ethereal fantasy land.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 12, 2014 10:47 pm

      Examine these bloggers’ ideas, back-track the trajectory of their derivative works, and you’ll recognize the very source of their Aspergerish obsessions was, itself, initially trite. Stale fairy-tales and plagiarized fiction, slapped upon a convoluted war-gaming system was Mr. Gygax’s first squeeze which precipitated into an avalanche of diarrhea which is the OSR today. When the big turd was flushed in 2008, many smaller fecal extrusions, and their accompanying dingle berries, rode that swirling vortex (unknowingly) to the same end – the abode of dead goldfish and used Trojans. These OSR types are festering sewage, choked with the sanitary wipes and bloody tampons of their own self importance. No one dare say to these luminaries, “Hey, anyone can do that shit that you do.” The very stains in their shorts are masterpieces. A mere whiff of their intellectual flatulence is the sulfur-scented excellence no mere mortal could ever pass through their own puckered, plebian cornholes. Is it a wonder why such individuals deserve – no – demand worship? Surely, we must all bow before these rectal regents of the OSR.

  48. Timotheus permalink
    June 12, 2014 11:09 pm

    Inspired by the Tea Party’s takedown of arch-insider Eric Cantor, the KKK Alehouse moves to purify their own ranks:

    http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=12348

    Achtung all gamers of the Solar Federation! If you do not base your campaign on Gary’s early modules, you are obviously a narrativist gamer!

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 13, 2014 6:30 am

      It’s like finding a hooker for a guy with no dick, that OSR. I wonder if they only jerk-off with the exact same hand Gary used?

      I love designing adventures and think I’m okay at it, but I’d never be so pretentious as to assume that something I wrote could ever compare to the Gygax AD&D modules. Would Gygax have been impressed with my originality? Fuck if I know or care: Gary’s approval was never something I strove for. All I know is that I’m affected by the stuff he did in the same way writers and musicians have been influenced by those that came before them since the dawn of time. For someone to poo-poo the masters of their art proves that they are too ignorant to possibly create something of brilliance themselves.

      – Wheggi

      Does Wedgie wanna suck uncle Gary’s dick again? Is this why Jaquays removed his offending member? What’s wrong with these people? Masters of the Art? I thought only pretentious faggots were artists (wink!) Brilliance? I roll, I hit. I roll, I miss. I roll, I hit. I kill the (plagiarized fantasy creature), I collect 2,000 copper. Brilliance.

      And now for a cultural interlude:

      • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
        June 14, 2014 3:47 am

        I love how much emotion and intensity the recovering retard puts into his angry posts – he takes himself as seriously as the OSRtards and EGG-fuckers! This guy fits right in! At least the ‘tard can draw, I guess, but every D&D-obsessed aspie typically has one quirky talent (usually it’s ability to jerk off until his dick’s just a raw, bloody meat stump, but still).

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 15, 2014 2:37 pm

        I just want Zak to suck me off with a purple crayon in his mouth.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 13, 2014 9:50 am

      I dunno Recovering Retard(can i call you RR-Dawg for short?).
      Dnd itself is obviously pretty sweet, and i don’t think just anyone could have pulled it off, but then again, Gygax took shits too and we should all remember that after AD&D 1e, he didnt really do anything of note in the rpg world. Still, the dude made a fun game that started an entire hobby that endures to this day. He’s no Einstein, but he is no John Addams either.

      That still doesn’t mean Cyborg Commando is any good though.

      • Recovering Retard (RR-Dawg) permalink
        June 13, 2014 1:41 pm

        You want real fun? Swear at the ice cream truck when it goes down your street. Tell them they’re making kids get fat and giving them the diabetes. Try it – more addictive than crack. Or, put a couple of dollar bills in your hand, flag the fucker down and ask him for a double deuce of Mickeys. They hate that shit. Why roll dice when there’s a whole underbelly of society to piss with? RR-Dawg would be a great street name. Makes me wanna steal panties and ‘nilla wafers from Family Dollar.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 13, 2014 4:59 pm

        This Ice-cream screaming idea intrigues me and i would like to know more.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 15, 2014 2:48 pm

        It’s just like laughing out your car window at people who get their groceries at the food pantry. Don’t waste your time trying to convince people they’re shit. Find the people who are already realize they are shit, and remind them.

    • June 13, 2014 7:54 pm

      It’s my acid test: if I ask someone what their favorite module is and they reply “I don’t have one and I don’t use modules, because my players prefer what I write over any commercial product” I immediately know they are a tool and their game sucks.

      This is essentially correct.

      Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, what a bunch of elfgame fundamentalists. I thought the whole point of the game was using your own imagination to create your own adventures.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 14, 2014 11:05 am

        I guess if you have no imagination and worship the very floor the creators of your game thread upon your homebrew games will lean towards the shitty side of the equation anyway. The ultimate paradox really. Modules can’t save your game if you stink as a GM, and if you don’t, you probably dont need modules to begin with(except the bastards do save you some time).

  49. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 13, 2014 11:45 am

    Sniff. Recovering R, even your words are great art.. A man can cry when he sees/reads something beautiful, right?

    • Recovering Retard (RR-Dawg) permalink
      June 13, 2014 1:54 pm

      I’ll let it slide this time. However, if you keep that shit up, you may end up one of the many pre-op trannys, chucking virtual dice in a Google+ Apocalypse World game. I’m sorry, but those dungeoneering drag-queens make even little Zak S. look like a stud bull, bull dyke – whatever these sodomites call themselves today. Yeah, I forgot to check my CIS privilege. God damn. I’m currently rolling a character for Obesity: The Acceptance. In it, we play sweaty cake-faces and jiggly yentas who battle for body equality. Fat is social construct. It’s LGBTPBN friendly, and we burn calorie pools instead of blood points. Gamer activism will replace the OSR – we are Legion – Guy Fawks masks and twinkies, mother fuckers. My character is James Raggi IV. His nature is Bum, his demeanor is Pederast.

  50. justme permalink
    June 13, 2014 2:33 pm

    Alexis is trying really hard to not be liked, considering the glass house he is casting stones from: http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-real-deal.html

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 13, 2014 3:00 pm

      Alexis Smolensk said…

      I was born with a chalef in my hand, Dave.
      June 13, 2014 at 2:30 PM

      Did this dildo just threaten Dave with a knife? Captain Omelette is a god-damned maniac! Almost as bad as Joe Blockhead and his wooden viking swords. I wonder what GG would say if we took the way-back machine to 1970 something and showed him the eventuality of his ‘creation’? I dunno, maybe that’s how they flirt where Alexis comes from? Strip, put on a werewolf mask, grab the chalef and waddle down to Hanky Panky town. Penguin with tits and hexes.

      • June 13, 2014 8:08 pm

        Nah, he’s talking about slaughtering the sacred cow of Gygax/Arneson worship… being born with the knife in his hand would explain a lot though- perhaps he was the victim of a botched autocircumcision.

    • Peryton Cock permalink
      June 14, 2014 10:35 am

      I like how literally none of the people in the caption are actually in the picture.

  51. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 13, 2014 5:32 pm

    Blasphemers. I’m going to commission my own bronze statue of Gary and put it in my vegetable garden. He is going to be dressed in flowing robes and surrounded by wavy-haired cherubs. There will be trumpeting angels behind Him playing continuous Gregorian chant music. He will have rubies for eyes and a golden halo. In one outstretched hand he will hold a malachite D20 and His other hand will reach for the heavens to guide the faithful to the One True Way.

  52. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    June 13, 2014 5:42 pm

    From the article Alexis links to: http://vanishingtower.blogspot.ca/2014/04/the-health-of-gaming-today.html?m=0#gpluscomments

    “The turn around is, of course, quite simple; improving diet and making time for exercise. The consequences of not doing so are dire as the parade of creators to an early grave give their mute testimony. The health consequences of just sitting too long are amply illustrated in this Washington Post article dated January of 2014.

    For the love of Aiueb Gnshal get a minimum of 2-1/2 hours per week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity, or a minimum of 1-1/4 hours per week of vigorous-intensity aerobic activity, or a combination of the two.”

    As a physician, I am coming out of my self-imposed YDIS retirement to say this: If you are a smoker, a drinker, out of shape, and/or eating a poor diet, DO NOT JUST START EXCERCISING WITHOUT CONSULTING YOUR DOCTOR FIRST!!!! Shame on you, Jay Murphy, for not suggesting otherwise. I can only assume you want to see an entire generation of old school gamers collapse and die from a heart attack and stroke.

    As for Alexis, he’s still a fat tranny who only wanted to remind everyone that his manboobs are self-inflicted with estrogen thank you very much!

    I miss you all very much. Except Francie. God I hate that bitchy woman.

    • June 14, 2014 4:17 pm

      His suggestion that people follow a vegan diet will cause more acrimony than any edition wars ever did.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 15, 2014 6:05 am

        Bacon is the new THAC0.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 14, 2014 5:37 pm

      I want to see an entire generation of blOwSR gamers drop dead from a heart attack or stroke…

      Maybe at GaryCon?

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 14, 2014 6:15 pm

      Word, A Spec.

    • Francie permalink
      June 17, 2014 5:28 am

      Ah crap. Asshole alert

      • Francie permalink
        June 17, 2014 5:43 am

        You know what, if that utter dick is back on the scene it’s the excuse I need to stop wasting time wading through idiot dribblings to find the few laughs there are anymore. YDIS and a coupla others, thanks for the occasional comedy. The fact that you other tools persist with that imbecilic half-pun blOwSR, Alexass etc shit says it all.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 17, 2014 7:25 am

        Rage quitting a troll site for the sixth time says it all about you, dummy.

        ~blOwSR

  53. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 14, 2014 5:34 pm

    Somebody PLEASE put this up on 7chan.org/tg/!

    It’s “advanced” so it has to be good!

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 14, 2014 6:13 pm

      That cover sucks ass. He should have commisioned Recovering Retad to do an illo.

      But then again, the drab cover will reflect accurately upon the dry content.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 15, 2014 6:26 am

        https://imgflip.com/i/9l0fi

      • June 15, 2014 7:24 am

        I think from a marketing and sales standpoint, this cover is much improved.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 15, 2014 7:43 am

        The cap adds a jaunty aspect to offset his actual personality.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 15, 2014 1:26 pm

        The cap does add a light, jovial “Pete’s Garage” kind of feel.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 15, 2014 2:59 pm

        I’d have done it, but I can’t take a ‘topless massage’ as payment – even if the happy ending is promised to curl my toes.

        Now, to quote a True Artiste –

        Personally, I’d love to do that sans imagery. I’m not an artist, and that means the choke point for any book containing fantasy/fictional source material is going to be finding an artist that a) has my work ethic; b) has my perspective on how work is first created and THEN sold; and c) is able to produce in any style that’s needed. That’s not always easy. Artists typically want money up front for work they haven’t done yet (often all the money), which only makes them the most annoying unregulated contractors in the universe. At least if I give money up front to the cabinet maker who’s going to rebuild my kitchen, I know that someone is looking over the contractor’s shoulder, and that licences have been obtained and fees paid. But an artist … artists don’t answer to anyone, they don’t respect anyone (unless they’re a better artist, in which case they are silently hateful, also), and most really don’t believe that there’s another knowledge in the world that matches their own special snowflake derived mind-sets.

        http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/search/label/Artists

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 15, 2014 3:28 pm

        Tao of D&D really is a case study in Asperger’s Syndrome and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 15, 2014 4:43 pm

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 16, 2014 4:09 am

        At least Tao has enough subconscious self-reflection to realize collaboration with another living breathing human being would be a feat too great even for him(harsh Cha 7 prerequisite).

        I got a kick out of that picture. Vaguely reminds me of a passage from Bret Easton Ellis’s American Psycho, where Bateman fantasizes about replacing his finánce’s blood with dog blood while he is wearing a smiley mask and ‘don’t worry be happy’ plays in the background.

      • June 16, 2014 8:51 am

        Jesus, that’s Witkinesque.

    • Dumb Dungeoneer permalink
      June 16, 2014 2:01 am

      His dice seems rather small…

  54. June 14, 2014 6:56 pm

    In his review of “Suck for Raggi”, a certain pole pipe smoking pundit makes a bold claim:

    I suppose that, being the most foul-mouthed RPG celebrity around, it was kind of inevitable it would come to this.

    Funny, he makes a statement about a fifteen year old who thinks he’s edgy because he thinks he’s the first kid to discover punk, while he’s about as edgy as the “Dragonlance” saga.

  55. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 15, 2014 6:14 am

    So who is the biggest pseudointellectual douchebag in all of gaming?
    Alexis Smolensk?
    Zak S?
    Justin Alexander?
    Ron Edwards?

  56. Sykirobme permalink
    June 16, 2014 4:12 pm

    Here’s an example of someone taking their elf-game too seriously:

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showpost.php?p=758669&postcount=58

    Money quote:

    “And to be clear, even people who don’t get enjoyment out of the act of tabletop gaming can enjoy it in other ways, and making fun of them for that is, to me, akin of making fun of a homosexual person because he doesn’t have sex “the right way”.

    Dammit, where’s the entitlements for non-gamers? They’ve had it way too tough out there for way too long!

    • justme permalink
      June 17, 2014 5:16 am

      I don’t get the quote dpiece, it would most certainly be worth making fun of a homosexual for having sex the wrong way: ” Hey Gay Bob get your dick out of that woman’s vagina you stupid ass! Did you just fall in !?”

      If you don’t like a game and don’t care about what others are doing, just shut the fuck up and do something else.

      • justme permalink
        June 17, 2014 5:18 am

        To be clear I have no problem making fun of people that take themselves too seriously or are nut-cases (really, I’m posting this here after-all).

    • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
      June 17, 2014 8:46 pm

      Oh, that’s JRT, self-proclaimed internet spokesperson for Gygax. A dickweed of legendary status, he surfs the ‘net, magically appearing everytime Gygax’s name pops up somewhere so he can set everyone straight. Trying to tap a gay card in that thread shows how pathetic the guy is.

    • June 18, 2014 12:17 pm

      Since some people seem to think that “OSR Taliban” is a brand-new term I specifically invented on account of certain responses to the news about the D&D starter set or the Basic D&D PDF.

      Nobody thought that, the term’s been out there for years. What an ego on that fool. At least he’s getting it in the comments (heh, Pundejo…), as is Jimmy the Scam.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 17, 2014 5:44 pm

      LOL it’s a PA of Grim Jim Desborough written by Ettin, hypocrite mod of Big Purple Dildo Tranny Rights Forum w/ nominal RPG subforum!

  57. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 17, 2014 5:42 pm

    Uh oh, Alexis of Tao was right!

    http://www.icv2.com/articles/news/28881.html

    • justme permalink
      June 18, 2014 3:38 am

      Alexass predicted an old dude would have a heart attack. Well from my deep knowledge of astronomyy, physics, andf ucking awful late 70’s music I’m going to predict the sun is going to come up tomorrow.
      (And I didn’t have to piss on anyoneks parade, well accept for dweebs thhat pretend to like awful 70’s music)

  58. justme permalink
    June 18, 2014 12:04 pm

    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2014/06/explaining-d.html
    an applicant explaining D&D because it’s on his resume:

    “Applicant: There’s a lot of different ways to look at it. Most people call it role-playing, but it’s really a framework in which people try to solve problems presented by a specific individual. That’s the ‘DM’ – never mind what that stands for. The DM creates a set of circumstances that are imaginary, while the ‘Players’ set out to solve the problems that the circumstances create.

    Interviewer: This is a game?

    Applicant: Sort of. There are points for those who make the best choices supported by die rolls. Make a good choice, roll a die and get a good result, you get the most points.”

    Sort of a game, holy cow !?!?! A framework…gimmie an f’n break, just leave it off your resume no one gives a shit if you play D&D, or jerk it to reruns of get smart.
    The whole post is demented aspie-fantasy.

    • June 18, 2014 12:23 pm

      That’s up there with Rapey the Pirate on the scale of jacking it at the puppet show. Plus, who the fuck has ever actually been to Atlantic City and calls it the “Three-” State area?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 18, 2014 2:09 pm

      From some ass kisser named Tim in the comments: “It would make a great poster if condensed slightly. ”

      Condensed slightly? Has this guy ever read Tao of D&D before? This guy must be new to Alexis of Tao’s long-winded bloviating…

      • justme permalink
        June 18, 2014 4:32 pm

        Condensed:

        Interviewer: So, uh, I see it says you are a D&D enthusiast here on your resume, could you tell me about that?
        Applicant: well no, i have no idea how thhat got there, my fucking lady must have typed that in there. She’s always doing shit like that. I’m only applying to this job so asto give her the illusion that I’m capable of earning a living. When my works of genius get accepeted and sold widely that will show the bitch.
        Interviewer: Don’t call us we’ll call you.

    • June 18, 2014 2:50 pm

      Gritty Monopoly.

      I like that.

      What would be the best system to use for a ‘Gritty Monopoly’ campaign?

      Maybe this could be Lizzie Stark’s next project.

      • June 18, 2014 10:14 pm

        You want Gritty Monopoly? Get a job in an Amazon distribution center- motherfuckers work in 90 degree heat, sometimes passing out on the job.

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 19, 2014 4:35 am

      That conversation is pure fantasy, writen by someone who has no understanding of job interviews or actual formal social interaction.

      We gotta stop giving Alex Qaeda so many page views. Without us, he would be the internet nothing that he is in real life.

    • June 19, 2014 9:38 am

      Interviewer: Under interests, you say you are an OSR blogger. What does that mean?

      Applicant: Oh, I write a blog about Old School Renaissance games!

      Interviewer: Like…Renn Faire activities?

      Applicant: Sort of…only more gritty. We don’t stand around in costumes; we sit around a table and sometimes use miniature set pieces.

      Interviewer: Like…model trains?

      Applicant: No, it’s only a railroad if the Game Master is doing it wrong.

      Interviewer: Gay Master? Doing it?

      Applicant: Gammme Master. See, the Gammme Master – or GM – enters into a social contract with the other players to facilitate immersion into a genre-emulated imaginary world. The players interact with this world by role-playing fictional characters and…

      Interviewer: Role-playing? Doesn’t that have something to do with devil worship?

      Applicant: Oh, no. Hardly anyone in the OSR worships Satan…but you can worship Thor or Odin…

      Interviewer: Thank you. That will be all.

      Applicant: Wait, I haven’t explained weapon proficiency…

      Interviewer: Security!

  59. Dumb Dungeoneers permalink
    June 18, 2014 1:21 pm

    The rpg community at large has a new mortal enemy.
    Behold, some retards wants to patent their terrible new game.
    But have no fear, the micropublishers of the underworld are ready to defend us all. http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29852
    Best community hysteria since the Tracey Alley plagarism burnndown of yore.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 18, 2014 2:15 pm

      I love watching a bunch of unemployed middle aged fatbeards that still live in their parents’ basement act like they know anything at all about copyright law. Never went to law school, but convinced they are somehow experts.

      In other news, the patent and trademark office revoked the trademark from the Washington Redskins. I have it on good authority they will now rename the team the Washington Niggas to better reflect urban DC culture.

      • June 18, 2014 10:25 pm

        They think that having an elfgame patent will lead to BIG BUX. A fatbeard can dream…

    • justme permalink
      June 18, 2014 2:48 pm

      Wtf is the problem with someone patenting a game no one wants to ripoff? Seems like any concern is a complete waste of time.

    • bad wolf permalink
      June 19, 2014 4:41 pm

      Now Tim Brannon (the instigator of the Tracey Alley witch hunt) has chimed in on his blog and Sean Patrick Fannon (“you are evil!”) has had his 2 cents on FB, so yes, history has successfully repeated itself.

      J Arcane is no Bruce Heard, though, so this might not be enough to ruin this guys life.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 19, 2014 6:42 pm

        Maybe Sean Patrick Fanny can milk the manufactured outrage into a few more pesos for his Go-Fund-Me campaign for his tribal caravan to New Utopi- er, Colorado.

  60. Gene Lake permalink
    June 19, 2014 2:15 am

    Kent will use both hands (one wearing his sock puppet Cooper) to jerk off this statue.

  61. Timotheus permalink
    June 19, 2014 4:41 am

    HAHAHAWHATHEFUCKHAHAHAHANOGODDAMNFUCKINGWAY

    http://osrtoday.com/

    I can’t believe this shit.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 19, 2014 7:19 am

      It’s actually almost performance art: a website that cut-n-paste’s all the cut-n-paste content of the blOwSR…

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 19, 2014 7:23 am

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! http://osrtoday.com/2014/06/18/osr-research-participants-needed-for-carnegie-mellon-study/

      I can only hope this is a ruse to lure in some Aspies and other social retards for study. Otherwise, Carnegie Mellon just lost some cred on the academic prestige-o-meter.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 19, 2014 11:17 am

        Academia’s been doing “research” into bullshit social phenomena like this for DECADES. It’s what happens in a publish-or-perish world; the big topics are mined out, leaving shit like this.

  62. justme permalink
    June 21, 2014 2:48 am

    If there was any justice in the universe the statue of Gygax would animate on itks public unveiling and go apeshit righting wrongs against D&D with a pizza fueled vengance. Why Pizza? Well you. Just know pizza is going to be involved somehow.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 21, 2014 8:51 pm

      And plus size underwear with skid marks.

  63. Tao of Word Gargling permalink
    June 21, 2014 5:13 pm

    I cannot find my words nappy.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 21, 2014 8:46 pm

      You should have tl;dr’d it.

  64. YDIS aka crusssdaddy on ODD74 permalink
    June 21, 2014 5:15 pm

    I’m working on some chargen flash that’s basically a background overlay for characters — I might tie it to race, I might not. Here’s a sample, format is ripped off from Scott Driver’s DWARF-LAND:

    Dervishes are…
    Unfathomably cruel savages who haunt the scorching desert wastes.
    Enthusiastic advocates of sorcery and abomination.
    Thralls of the Mummy Brains, which unleash them on weird excursions and incite them to rampage in furtherance of inscrutable plots.
    Overwhelmingly Chaotic – those of other alignment are escapees, outcast and marked for extinction.

    Abilities:
    Desert survival skills
    +1” move
    Move Silently as thief of equal level
    Roll twice on Mutation Table, keep preferred result

    Dervish Trait Table (roll d6)
    1. Years spent wandering contaminated wastes has rendered you RESISTANT TO CHANGE and you enjoy a +5 bonus to saves vs. mutation effects. Regardless, your appearance is subtly off-putting to non-mutants.

    2. In combat you are a FEARSOME AGGRESSOR. You automatically win initiative in the current round if you hit your opponent in the previous round. Your penchant for taking trophies will someday get you into trouble.

    3. One of your eyes has been replaced with an INFERNAL OCULUS. Complete darkness is as dim light to you, invisibility is no foil to your perception. When the stars arrange themselves just so, you are bedeviled by phantasmagoric hallucinations.

    4. Some time ago you recovered a PERILOUS INSCRIPTION from a buried archive. Fragmentary and unfathomable but unmistakably evil, you may barter this artefact to a despicable personage for a significant boon. Revealing to your benefactor the location of the complete formula hastens the extinction of the planet.

    5. You know a CORRUPT VERNACULAR. You can communicate with intelligent spawn of Shub-Niggurath, including each of the six main races. Occasions of parley afford you a +1 reaction bonus with these creatures. The mere sound of your voice arouses suspicions among Lawful types.

    6. You know the FORMULA FOR LOTUS POWDER and possess three doses of a variety of your choice. Don’t get high on your own supply (you do).

    • Marvelous Marvin permalink
      June 21, 2014 5:17 pm

      Jesus Christ and you are a “critic” !?

    • June 21, 2014 8:21 pm

      Kent, wouldn’t this material be more appropriate for your own blog?

      “Artefact” was the tell. We Yanks spell it with an “i”, namely “artefict”.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 21, 2014 8:48 pm

      Hi Kunt!

      ~teh butt sex!

  65. Timotheus permalink
    June 22, 2014 7:58 pm

    Paul K Barry likes to bite the hand that feeds.

    He is like the youth that played the harmonica and sang the “knee-bone connected to the thigh-bone” song in the last episodes of the Prisoner, representing crude and reflexive rebellion.

    A footnote.

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 22, 2014 8:02 pm

      Edit:

      Paul Gayberry sounds cooler.

      And specifically, a footnote in a third rate Indonesian biograghy of Shit Fein.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 23, 2014 1:53 am

        Paul Dingleberry?

        Ah shucks i can’t stay mad at Kent. And he is pulling my heartstrings with homebrew Carcosa material, which would be commendable if it was not for the fact that this blog is not a good outlet for such a noble endeavour.

        Careful with the Ga(y)me Material on Ydis Kent. You might get yourself a one-way ticket to Ansalon.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 23, 2014 4:53 am

      Paul Dingleberry is attracting the trannies at his Some Queen Kent blog now, see the comments! http://somekingskent.blogspot.com/2014/06/jaquays-night-of-walking-wet-my.html#comment-form

    • June 23, 2014 7:17 pm

      Now, now, no need to… uh… out (snicker) Kent. I know this is a troll blog for troll people, and I’ve taken Kent to the woodshed (heh heh) every now and then, but there’s no need to use anyone’s real name here.

  66. Sykirobme permalink
    June 23, 2014 9:49 am

    “I don’t give a fuck about this group, but PLEASE let me in the club…!”
    -J. Tarnowski

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29885

  67. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 23, 2014 12:19 pm

    http://somekingskent.blogspot.com/2010/03/abandoned-by-dragonsfoot-hence.html

    Some old school fun from back before Kunt discovered the un-fine art of sock puppeting (and within a year or so of that was on this blog screaming and ranting against sock puppets).

    It’s a vacky voild.

    p.s. Jockless Jaquays commenting on Cum Queens Cunt must have thrown Kunto into a joygasm. Both an OSR luminary, and a trannie, probably has him wanking it raw like no tomorrow. Anybody who looked in his waste basket and saw all the tissues would probably think he had just gotten over a bad cold. What a silly little man.

  68. Sykirobme permalink
    June 23, 2014 1:14 pm

    Mike Mornard and his classy come-on to a middle-school girl:

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showpost.php?p=760546&postcount=43

    Maybe he should open a game store with JRT.

    Yes, OSR people, he’s one of your fucking heroes.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 23, 2014 4:23 pm

      Oh fuck off. The comment was reasonably funny(albeit in an uncouth and crude fashion inappropriate for this august and sophisticated fellowship) and given the average level of offensive that passes by this blog/comment section i’d be suprised if anyone gives a shit. The OSR is full of more interesting varieties of social retardation. Don’t go Tangency.net on us Sykirobme. In fact i’m going to have to ask you to take the test.

      In the past five days, have you done or felt any of the following:
      -Repeatedly experienced anger or frustration when fantasizing about, discussing or perusing the ability score maximums for females in the AD&D 1e player handbook.
      -Used the phrase ‘transphobic’ unironically when describing a make-pretend fantasy world or your experience playing elf-games at least three times within the same topic or conversation
      -Equated dungeoncrawling with Patriarchical Opression where the adventurers must ‘penetrate’ the ‘dungeon’ with phallic ‘swords’, thus opressing the daughters of the goddess and forcing them to earn three quarters of what a man makes somehow.
      -Felt that Rpg.net was a pretty good place, but could use a bit more moderation to protect the fragile, beautiful, unique flowers that bloom there.
      -Sadness or horror when witnessing a massive traffic accident involving multiple casualties.
      -Hesitation in seeing the deed through to the end when engaging the meat-things that you keep in the pit in the basement in conversation.
      -Uncertainty and nervousness when lying to the police.
      -Joy.

      3 or more and you are done for dude.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 23, 2014 5:01 pm

        Oh, my god…I need help…I need help…

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 23, 2014 5:10 pm

        More seriously, dude’s demonstrated a creepy perv vibe on more than one message board. This is just the latest example of his awesome social skills.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 23, 2014 5:34 pm

        I recall an art teacher of mine getting pissy about the ‘phallic nature’ of architecture, for some fucking reason. I politely reminded her; humanity spent a couple hundred thousand years in caves. I was 13.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 23, 2014 7:08 pm

        I get your point, sweet Prince, and in general you are right, but I agree with Syk in this specific instance – Mornard is a fucking creep. That Marleycunt is a snotty bitch, no doubt, but everyone in that thread has to take a shower when Mikey shows up to “post”.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 23, 2014 7:14 pm

        Oh no, please don’t get me wrong! Back in the day, all the old guys were dudes who killed Nazis or got shot-up in Korea. Men one could respect – even if you didn’t like them. Who’s gonna give two fucks about the ramblings of a wrinkly old chomo? Nah, these old hippies crawling around today are creeps.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 23, 2014 9:03 pm

        Old Geezer is definitely a pedobear. There was a time when trannies weren’t the only degenerates catered to at Big Purple Dildo which used to be much more sympathetic to NAMBLA.

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 24, 2014 6:25 am

        Sorry, RR-Dawg, my comment was directed to Prince of Nothing.

        But your subsequent point was spot on as well!

      • June 24, 2014 5:14 pm

        Hey, speaking of pedophiles and rpgs.

        Did you ever notice on rpg forums that frequently someone starts talking about GMing little kids and no one ever bats an eye?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 25, 2014 5:16 am

        I think Pundit called it on that one. GMing with kids tends to be creepy and weird and the adult is usually getting more out it then the kids are. It might just be starry-eyed enthusiasm for the hobby driving that behavior though, not a craving for boy pooper.

    • June 23, 2014 7:40 pm

      Butter your asshole and grab your ankles, party girl, here it comes.

      My take on it is that he just wants to eat da poo poo, but da poo poo is largely composed of insoluble fiber, so he wants to raise the fat content to make it more to his taste.

  69. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 23, 2014 4:45 pm

    Mornard’s come by his hatred of wimmenflesh fair and square. Think about. You didn’t have enough looks, personality, or money to get chicks back when you still could get it up from a brisk breeze. Now that he is an old and pitiful fuck with a limp dick, the realization that you have less chance than you did back in the day probably stings like a mutherfucker. He’s for sure not The Most Interesting Man in The World like the commercials. He just turned into an old fat, pedophile-looking dork rather than age gracefully . Call it “The Thorkhammer Prerogative” Why would you be nice to a young girl you weren’t related too? A bunch of middle-aged retards love him. Thats’ all that matters.

  70. As I Said permalink
    June 23, 2014 5:42 pm

    I’m working on some chargen flash that’s basically a background overlay for characters — I might tie it to race, I might not. Here’s a sample, format is ripped off from Scott Driver’s DWARF-LAND:
    Dervishes are…
    Unfathomably cruel savages who haunt the scorching desert wastes.
    Enthusiastic advocates of sorcery and abomination.
    Thralls of the Mummy Brains, which unleash them on weird excursions and incite them to rampage in furtherance of inscrutable plots.
    Overwhelmingly Chaotic – those of other alignment are escapees, outcast and marked for extinction.
    Abilities:
    Desert survival skills
    +1” move
    Move Silently as thief of equal level
    Roll twice on Mutation Table, keep preferred result
    Dervish Trait Table (roll d6)
    1. Years spent wandering contaminated wastes has rendered you RESISTANT TO CHANGE and you enjoy a +5 bonus to saves vs. mutation effects. Regardless, your appearance is subtly off-putting to non-mutants.
    2. In combat you are a FEARSOME AGGRESSOR. You automatically win initiative in the current round if you hit your opponent in the previous round. Your penchant for taking trophies will someday get you into trouble.
    3. One of your eyes has been replaced with an INFERNAL OCULUS. Complete darkness is as dim light to you, invisibility is no foil to your perception. When the stars arrange themselves just so, you are bedeviled by phantasmagoric hallucinations.
    4. Some time ago you recovered a PERILOUS INSCRIPTION from a buried archive. Fragmentary and unfathomable but unmistakably evil, you may barter this artefact to a despicable personage for a significant boon. Revealing to your benefactor the location of the complete formula hastens the extinction of the planet.
    5. You know a CORRUPT VERNACULAR. You can communicate with intelligent spawn of Shub-Niggurath, including each of the six main races. Occasions of parley afford you a +1 reaction bonus with these creatures. The mere sound of your voice arouses suspicions among Lawful types.
    6. You know the FORMULA FOR LOTUS POWDER and possess three doses of a variety of your choice. Don’t get high on your own supply (you do).

  71. As I Said - That Is YDIS Said on ODD74 - amazing permalink
    June 23, 2014 5:43 pm

    =-=-=-=
    I’m working on some chargen flash that’s basically a background overlay for characters — I might tie it to race, I might not. Here’s a sample, format is ripped off from Scott Driver’s DWARF-LAND:
    Dervishes are…
    Unfathomably cruel savages who haunt the scorching desert wastes.
    Enthusiastic advocates of sorcery and abomination.
    Thralls of the Mummy Brains, which unleash them on weird excursions and incite them to rampage in furtherance of inscrutable plots.
    Overwhelmingly Chaotic – those of other alignment are escapees, outcast and marked for extinction.
    Abilities:
    Desert survival skills
    +1” move
    Move Silently as thief of equal level
    Roll twice on Mutation Table, keep preferred result
    Dervish Trait Table (roll d6)
    1. Years spent wandering contaminated wastes has rendered you RESISTANT TO CHANGE and you enjoy a +5 bonus to saves vs. mutation effects. Regardless, your appearance is subtly off-putting to non-mutants.
    2. In combat you are a FEARSOME AGGRESSOR. You automatically win initiative in the current round if you hit your opponent in the previous round. Your penchant for taking trophies will someday get you into trouble.
    3. One of your eyes has been replaced with an INFERNAL OCULUS. Complete darkness is as dim light to you, invisibility is no foil to your perception. When the stars arrange themselves just so, you are bedeviled by phantasmagoric hallucinations.
    4. Some time ago you recovered a PERILOUS INSCRIPTION from a buried archive. Fragmentary and unfathomable but unmistakably evil, you may barter this artefact to a despicable personage for a significant boon. Revealing to your benefactor the location of the complete formula hastens the extinction of the planet.
    5. You know a CORRUPT VERNACULAR. You can communicate with intelligent spawn of Shub-Niggurath, including each of the six main races. Occasions of parley afford you a +1 reaction bonus with these creatures. The mere sound of your voice arouses suspicions among Lawful types.
    6. You know the FORMULA FOR LOTUS POWDER and possess three doses of a variety of your choice. Don’t get high on your own supply (you do).

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 23, 2014 7:12 pm

      Speak up, I kent hear you.

      Scottt had a cool blog. It is emblematic of the blOwSR that Conley is still going strong with his Cursed -3 Blog of Illiteracy, but the good ones are gone.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 23, 2014 8:06 pm

      ~EAT DA POO POO!

  72. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 23, 2014 8:09 pm

    Check out Benoist aka Frenchie La Douche! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tiA2jP-evA

    SacreblOeuSR!

    • June 23, 2014 8:15 pm

      Shouldn’t he be out roughing up legitimate businessmen?

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 23, 2014 9:48 pm

      He is such an adorable little chipmunk! I just wanna squeeze his chubby little cheeks and get him a plate of cookies! Can we keep him in a bassinet? I didn’t realize I had maternal instincts until I saw this giant, babbling hairy toddler! Am I lactating?! I love how he makes all of those cooing baby sounds! KAWAIIII!!!!

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 24, 2014 6:28 am

      God damn, I couldn’t understand half of what he said. He writes in English far better than he speaks it.

      I wonder if he is still a mod on RPGShite, or did his tiff with the WOTCButtkiss end that gig?

  73. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 23, 2014 8:44 pm

    And we had FUN !!!

  74. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 24, 2014 6:46 am

    I guess there’s no Controversy du Jour brewing in the blOwSR today, so Tenkar’s Turdshack decided to dig up an old one.

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/06/remember-targa.html

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 24, 2014 9:06 am

      Typical that noodledick schwmeer fuck who can’t remember what happenned tried to explain it, totally screwing up in his adoration of the Zakattack and Faggi. Glad Chgowiz straitened his shit out.

      The only inaccuracy in Chgowiz’s post is that YDIS was already around before that scottsz faggot, and it was he who was trying to copy Dungeon Suk Boy.

      But aside from that, Chgowiz had a great blog and it is missed. He didn’t give a shit about the blOwSR, he just wanted to play D&D, and it showed.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        June 24, 2014 9:20 am

        He was definitely one of the good ones, yeah.

      • June 24, 2014 9:03 pm

        That’s Ms. noodledick schwmeer fuck to you, ladies.

    • June 24, 2014 10:48 am

      scottsz is an absolutely AMAZING force of OSR disruption, who leaves tears and broken friendships in his wake anytime he is asked to contribute to a group endeavor. After TARGA, the Hill Cantons guy tried to set up a sort of collective publishing group, with lots of hippie ideals about working together, and scottsz got into it with James Smith and basically throat-slit the entire operation. He’s gloriously radioactive, his cockbag-ishness is like Kurtz’s speech, “the genius of that! The genius! The will to do that! Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure.”

      • Timotheus permalink
        June 24, 2014 11:28 am

        Damn, I missed that Hill Cantons publishing thing. I went to his blog but there were like 270 posts in 2011, not going to go through them.

        I do remember two 27-part “Cold Texts” series by Scottsz on Kuntz’s Lord of the Green Dragons Blog. They were tedious quasi-academic masturbations over Forgotten Temple of Tharizdun and Hidden Shrine. I went back to find them, wading through Kuntz’s “creative” link-blogging crap, to find a note that they had been moved to another blog that is now squatted on by some dude in India.

        When your only ally in the whole sacreblOeuSR is Kuntz, that is telling.

        The horror, the horror…

      • June 24, 2014 1:04 pm

        I don’t think you’ll find anything entertaining on the blog, the assplosion was strictly behind the scenes. In the interest of fairness, James Smith was a bigger buttfag about it than scottsz.

      • June 24, 2014 12:19 pm

        Man, I been here too long when I misread the Kurtz speech as “Kuntz.” It was like heaven just fell on the earth . . . but it wasn’t gardenias.

      • YDIS Said This on ODD74 - amazing skills! permalink
        June 24, 2014 6:07 pm

        I’m working on some chargen flash that’s basically a background overlay for characters — I might tie it to race, I might not. Here’s a sample, format is ripped off from Scott Driver’s DWARF-LAND:
        Dervishes are…
        Unfathomably cruel savages who haunt the scorching desert wastes.
        Enthusiastic advocates of sorcery and abomination.
        Thralls of the Mummy Brains, which unleash them on weird excursions and incite them to rampage in furtherance of inscrutable plots.
        Overwhelmingly Chaotic – those of other alignment are escapees, outcast and marked for extinction.
        Abilities:
        Desert survival skills
        +1” move
        Move Silently as thief of equal level
        Roll twice on Mutation Table, keep preferred result
        Dervish Trait Table (roll d6)
        1. Years spent wandering contaminated wastes has rendered you RESISTANT TO CHANGE and you enjoy a +5 bonus to saves vs. mutation effects. Regardless, your appearance is subtly off-putting to non-mutants.
        2. In combat you are a FEARSOME AGGRESSOR. You automatically win initiative in the current round if you hit your opponent in the previous round. Your penchant for taking trophies will someday get you into trouble.
        3. One of your eyes has been replaced with an INFERNAL OCULUS. Complete darkness is as dim light to you, invisibility is no foil to your perception. When the stars arrange themselves just so, you are bedeviled by phantasmagoric hallucinations.
        4. Some time ago you recovered a PERILOUS INSCRIPTION from a buried archive. Fragmentary and unfathomable but unmistakably evil, you may barter this artefact to a despicable personage for a significant boon. Revealing to your benefactor the location of the complete formula hastens the extinction of the planet.
        5. You know a CORRUPT VERNACULAR. You can communicate with intelligent spawn of Shub-Niggurath, including each of the six main races. Occasions of parley afford you a +1 reaction bonus with these creatures. The mere sound of your voice arouses suspicions among Lawful types.
        6. You know the FORMULA FOR LOTUS POWDER and possess three doses of a variety of your choice. Don’t get high on your own supply (you do).

  75. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 24, 2014 12:03 pm

    All due respect to Chgowiz, but does Aspies make you think 500 bucks is a lot of money?

    • bad wolf permalink
      June 24, 2014 6:15 pm

      Well, getting 500 out of the cheapasses in the OSR is definitely a lot of work.

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 24, 2014 6:41 pm

      I know a quick way he could have gotten $48,000 for the fucking statue.

      Especially if it was going to be late and done by a cheapass hack like Gerald Sawyer.

    • Michael S permalink
      June 25, 2014 7:16 am

      CKDB – pretty much what BadWolf said. It was right as people were still trying to figure out how the fuck they could feed their kids (2010) and I didn’t really have high expectations. I was surprised we raised $500 and it was a lot of work to just get that. I guess if I’d sold naked elf-maiden art, I might’ve doubled the take, but that’s a big “if.”

      Timotheus – All I needed was a picture of 2000 coppers in some dusty rooms?

  76. The Moron Sheriff permalink
    June 24, 2014 6:32 pm

    I have an arrest warrant for Fear of the Unblown for aspiring to impersonate a moron and trying to blend in with the morons here.

    Fear of the Unblown’s brain is technically a faecal agglomoration.

    Ha haaa !!

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 24, 2014 7:12 pm

      If Kent’s gonna pretend he’s Towel of D&D, he’s gotta show some titties… maybe the chavs will stop chipping his teeth on the curb?

      All I gotta say is: Any of you fuckers wanna throw out some content in the faces of these chomo neckbeards, I’m in… I often ponder what kind of material would come from the minds of people who despise the OSR. These cats are either kobolds and copper pieces, or Cthulu goes to Neverland Ranch. There’s gotta be more than that…

      I’ll shave half my head and scribble shit fer yas.. but I ain’t got the AIDS.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 25, 2014 11:50 am

        You did motherfucking ask for it(though i’m afraid im falling into Cthulhu goes to neverland ranch with this one). I’m going to rip off Scott’s format and Carcosa also(it wouldn’t be OSR if i didn’t). I pray Kent doesn’t lambaste me for it with his razor sharp wit and endlessly copy-pasted remarks.

        Crystal Men are…
        -The degenerate remnants of a once great technological civilsation living in the subbterranean labyrinths ‘neath the Icy Wastes.
        -Sadistic and depraved men that prey on others and themselves to satisfy their jaded appetites.
        -Xenophobic and Isolationst, the Crystal Men are bound by a rigid and byzantine caste system and the whims of its inbred aristocracy.
        -Almost exclusively Neutral: It is unfathomable to the Crystal Men to follow anything but their own debased desires.

        Abilities:
        Infravision
        -1 to hit rolls in direct sunlight or areas of extreme heat.
        Able to survive in subarctic climates without protection.
        Crystal Men are never sorcerors.

        Crystal men consider self-mutilation to be a mark of great beauty and status. Roll 1d8 on the following table.
        1. Crisscrossing network of scars, piercings and acid-seared flesh covers most of your body with a work of literature from the forgotten past in the language of the Crystal Men. Most Crystal Men choose to wear the teachings of their ancestors, poets and philosophers, though some find it all the more enticing if the patterns are meaningless gibberish. +1 to all encounter reactions with other Crystal Men.
        2. Missing Eye.(-1 on suprise rolls)
        3. Missing fingers(roll 1d4 how many. -1 to Dex for each 2 fingers lost).
        4. Missing Hand/Arm.
        5. Missing lips, distended jaw and extra row of surgically implanted razor-sharp teeth. Your appearance is horrifying to non-crystal men and all human adversaries take a -1 on morale rolls. Your teeth allow you to make bite attacks for 1d4 points of damage. However, you find it difficult to speak. -1 to all encounter reactions with humans.
        6. Unmarked. Whether by cowardice, as a result of your lowborn caste or in defiance of tradition, you are unmarked. -1 to encounter rolls with other Crystal Men.
        7. Surgically altered vocal cords. 1/day you can emit a piercing shriek that will stun your opponents for 1 round.(save vs spells to avoid, -1 at 5th level, -2 at 9th, -3 at 12th).
        8. Your skeleton has been grotesquely distorted and has been broken so many times your bones have fused and hardened, like armour. Your natural AC is 7 and your fists count as clubs. However, you are unable to wear armour and your movement rate is cut in half.

        Caste: Roll 1d4.

        1. Noble. Roll twice on the mutilation table. You start play with either an ornate Blacklight-projector(range 30’, 1d10 damage to organic tissue only, 10 charges) or one of the bodyguard constructs forged by your ancestors. The creature is a wire-frame sculpture of razorwire and serrated knives(HD 5, AC 4, D 1d6/1d6, MV twice human ML 12) and is intially obedient. As time progresses, the creature takes on the personality traits and intelligence of its owner and will eventually try to betray and murder him, seeking to wear his skin.
        2. Warrior Caste. You are unusually proficient with knives, darts and garottes(+1 to hit) and in the use of venom. Begin play with 1d6 doses of venom or an ornate suit of form-fitting armour(AC 2) that resembles its owner, if he were ever to be flayed.
        3. Artist/Philosopher. You are well versed in torture techniques. As a side effect of repeated exposure to forbidden alchemical draughts, you are constantly wracked with nightmarish hallucinations. You are automatically surpised, but once per session you can ask your GM one single question. He must secretely roll 1d6. On a 4 or higher, he must answer this question truthfully(though he may be cryptic). On a 1, the vision is a lie.
        4. Host. Your body is host to a multitude of alien parasites. The swarms of insects that surround you allow you to perceive your environment with unparallelled accuracy, you are never suprised. In addition, the constant stinging and buzzing is distracting to your opponents, +1 to AC). You must consume five times the normal amount of food, or your parasites will feed on your body(1d6 damage per day).

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 25, 2014 6:14 pm

        Prince of Nothing, I hope this is blOwSR enough.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 26, 2014 3:55 am

        Hahaha Recovering Retard, you are one hell of an artist. That picture fucking rocks dude.

    • Typical YDIS Dirtbag permalink
      June 24, 2014 10:46 pm

      Yeah let’s get together, hold hands like a bunch o’ fags and write some D&D material.

      Boy will the OSR be sorry when they see our D&D material. “Those fags can sure write good D&D material when they hold hands”, they’ll say.

      Grab your inedible crayons, fill your mouths with drool and let’s be fierce together !!

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 25, 2014 8:02 am

        You gotta point… You were King there, once. I suppose inedible crayons don’t trump poopy thumbprints of Bitchland. Now excuse me, I must put on some Joy Division, re-apply my black lipstick and work on my Metaphyiscal Acuity… Ecce homo, just not your kind of homo.

      • June 25, 2014 11:24 am

        Now I’m getting a picture of Kent as Buffalo Bill dancing around in his skin suit, which makes me want to put on black lipstick and dance around in a skin suit with my little doggie. BRB gotta go whack off super hard…

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 25, 2014 2:17 pm

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 25, 2014 3:30 pm

        Thank you RR for sharing that video of Kent’s early work in the blOwSR.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 25, 2014 9:59 am

      Hi Kent!
      ~KY Jelly and manjizz bubble farts!

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        June 25, 2014 11:47 am

        Kunt loves Morrisey. That’s not far from that gay ass “Goodbye Horses” tune ol’ Buf Bill pranced too.

  77. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    June 24, 2014 7:13 pm

    I aspire to impersonate the pseudo-intellectual D&D dorks here but I’m really just one of the short-busser D&D dorks.

  78. Radovarl's Diminishing Interest in all thing Fantastic permalink
    June 25, 2014 5:38 am

    The trick here is not to write material ourselves, but rather to persuade the dickbags at the Acaeum to produce the entire project for us. Convince them that it will sell less than 100 copies and’ll eventually be worth a fortune, and they’ll be all in. Picture it… Module design by Bilbo Barsh, excessive boxed DM monologue text that reads like the back of a cereal box by Jason (my IQ is over 95, REALLY!) Zayoda, shameless pimping by the staff (of one) of Nortexcon, and illustrations by whatever washed up TSR artist is currently the most desperate (oh, and “historical intro” and political rant by Kuntz).

    “All Your Elfgames are Belng to Us”, a 1st edition adventure for 4 to 8 unblown gametards, levels 9 – 12

    It’ll be glorious… And more importantly, valuable.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 25, 2014 8:13 am

      Shoul I draw orcs shitting on babies, or whatever? Maybe a nice chomo scarecrow watching a little boy sleep? I hear them OSR guys will pay a small fortune for art – like, maybe $10!

      • Radovarl permalink
        June 25, 2014 9:03 am

        It doesn’t matter, as long as the art looks like it’s done by a retarded right-handed 10-year-old with his left hand. In other words, you’re going to need to dial the talent waaaaay down :-). But I need to backtrack… You seem to be implying you’re a washed up TSR artist. I should have been clearer… by “washed up TSR artist” I meant washed up TSR artist for *1st* edition AD&D. So unless you’re either dead, or your last name rhymes with “float us”, you’re not qualified (by Acaeum standards, anyway), ’cause your style screams post-Unearthed Arcana, which is unacceptable.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 25, 2014 2:29 pm

        … it’d be acceptable if I started HTR and chopped Mr. Winky off. Maybe I could trade my Blochfomet to Venger Satanis for a green jell-o baptism and some Packers’ bumper stickers?

      • Radovarl permalink
        June 26, 2014 6:16 am

        Ah yes, I had forgotten about …. That.

  79. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 25, 2014 6:44 pm

    How to get people to watch your RPG vlog – welcome back convicted rapists and pedophiles to the RPG community when they get out of the slammer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWBYANF5ZOs

    Yes, welcome back to the blOwSR, Ander Wood, author of the Ring of Fire RPG vaporware Kickstarter and convicted rapist of his wife and child. Welcome back to that community of your peers!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 25, 2014 6:45 pm

      See him bullshit about why he’s been away here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWxsWbH8VJE

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        June 25, 2014 7:02 pm

        He got poked.

      • June 25, 2014 7:51 pm

        I watched part of this but none of his other videos. Is he putting on a persona or something? What a fucking creepy dude.

      • Dumb Dungeoneers permalink
        June 26, 2014 12:42 am

        Another fan. “I don’t know him personally, but I luuuv his stuff. So I suspect he is not guilty”

      • The Moron Sheriff permalink
        June 26, 2014 1:12 am

        I’m going to have to arrest him for his terrible impersonation of Groucho Marx.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 26, 2014 2:25 pm

        Ander Wood reminds me of Andrew the John from Reno 911.

      • Mjollnir permalink
        June 29, 2014 9:38 pm

        I don’t know if this guy is guilty or innocent. Some women will scream “molester” in a divorce because they’re evil bitches. But I do know that this guy was real quiet and respectful while in jail

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 25, 2014 6:54 pm

      Although I think the real rape is the $25 bucks this guy is charging for his suckdungeon cut and paste fantasy heartbreaker: http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product/118313/Within-the-Ring-of-Fire–Saga-Book

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 26, 2014 8:01 am

      So this Ander Wood pice of shit had a real life Carcosa going on at his house with his wife and kid, and the Unblown are lining up to welcome him back to the hobby. Color me shocked.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      June 27, 2014 6:41 am

      Anyone wanna fill me in on this guy? I need some entertaining reading today.

  80. June 25, 2014 9:05 pm

    All I gotta say is: Any of you fuckers wanna throw out some content in the faces of these chomo neckbeards, I’m in… I often ponder what kind of material would come from the minds of people who despise the OSR

    Content, eh? How about a nautical module? A hex trawl, if you will?

    Gobbler of Seamen, a system-neutral module with real OLDE SKOOL feel.

    Introduction: Trade has been disrupted! A foe of unknown origin has been attacking vessels plying the coastal waters, devouring seamen at an alarming rate. The threat to shipping is so dire, the merchant princes have put aside their perpetual squabbles in order to determine the nature of the threat and, if possible, to put it to an end. They are calling on adventurers mighty of thew and learned in the arts martial and arcane in order to conduct the necessary investigation and, if they are up to the task, extermination. In order to perform the mission, they will supply the party with a fully-laden seaworthy vessel crewed by a full cadre of sailors and marines.

    Because of the nature of the attacks, it is surmised that the perpetrator is a pelagic horror of a carnivorous nature, so the vessel is stocked with an arsenal of harpoons and nets, and a tun filled with the rare and precious Greek fire. In order to lure the creature into a position in which it can be trapped and killed, the merchant princes have engaged the services of a Master Baiter. As the ship trawls, the Master Baiter will bait and bait until the water is thick with his chum.

    Unbeknownst to the adventurers, the devourer of seamen is a teratological sport, conjoined krakens joined at the mantle. The beast lairs in a subterranean grotto underneath a This Kraken Evolved Nautical Terror, or KENT, presents as a roughly cylindrical mass of flesh with masses of tentacles and greedy maws at either end. The KENT possesses a dim intelligence characterized by a malice toward other sentient beings. The creature only takes pleasure is in the ingestion of seamen, living primarily to cram burly sailors into both of its ends. The KENT has an immunity to flaming attacks, and if attacked with flames, will seek to retaliate by flinging any flaming material onto its attackers, albeit in a feeble and inaccurate fashion.

    While a frontal assault against the KENT can succeed with the loss of a quantity of seamen, a better tactic is to drive the creature away. The KENT cannot abide the presence of human females, and will seek to skulk off in disgust as soon as a woman comes within half a mile. The antipathy is mutual, any woman coming within three miles of KENT will start to shudder uncontrollably so that her strength will be limited to a maximum of 12 and her authorial ability will be limited to a maximum of one.

    If the party decides to hire a woman to drive off the seaman-ravenous KENT, there is a firey Pirate Captain whose harborage lies not too distant, but she is currently held in durance vile by a dunce vile, necessitating rescue.

    So, who wants to come up with some random weather tables?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 26, 2014 9:17 am

      “The PCs enter a seedy dockside tavern called ‘The Barnacled Quim.’ The tavern is owned by Ida Nelson, aka Aunt Ida, who is (queer) friendly but also insane. As the PCs approach the bar, they witness the following exchange between Aunt Ida and her nephew and ward, Gator Nelson:”

      • June 26, 2014 9:46 pm

        As you sit at the bar, a brawny bravo, wishing to traverse the narrow tavern, asks you, “May I push your stool in?”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 26, 2014 9:44 am

      When the PCs arrive in the seaside town of Salty Bottom, read the following description aloud:

  81. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 26, 2014 4:00 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=66661

    Another great one from the Think Tank. I think Thorkie needs one of those oxygen tanks on wheels, but filled with lovely lovely estrogen.

    • June 26, 2014 4:44 pm

      Haha Thorkie is the bestest! He’s so marvelously bemused by the lovely lovely ladies, an episode of Gilmore Girls would just blow his fucking mind.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      June 26, 2014 6:30 pm

      “Would love to hear from our female members in this thread.”

      “I’m hoping to, too.”

      “Look forward to hearing from any females.”

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        June 27, 2014 9:16 am

        Apparently the socially retarded can’t say “women”….

    • Timotheus permalink
      June 26, 2014 9:44 pm

      Mother fucker, I couldn’t make it past Thorkie’s first post before I saw Marion Zimmer Bradley’s zombie avatar slamming his head into the muddy stones as she strap-on’s his ass into the next issue of Fight On!

      • Radovarl permalink
        June 27, 2014 7:15 am

        This made my day. Thanks.

    • justme permalink
      June 27, 2014 10:22 am

      What f’n maroons. “I wunder whut femalez wulda done they be such strange and exotic beasts then thar femalez.”

      Gimmie a fucking break, it’s pretty clear most of that aspiebrigade at DF hasn’t spent 10 minutes with a woman their whole lives.

      I know what an RPG written by Le Gold would look like because she wrote and published one about 30 years ago and it looked like it was written by any well read wargamer of the era, it was pretyy …meh.

  82. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 26, 2014 7:15 pm

    This thread is clearly Thork trying to get some kind of interaction with a female that isn’t already trapped in his weird, woozy world. Of all places, eh? Maybe the middle aged, 300 lb. Paladins Angel, who anybody new to DF thinks is a guy even after pages of her text, will waddle in and throw the old dog a well gnawed bone.

    Most of his visits to DF just include him popping up in other folk’s threads to throw out some sexual innuendo followed by, always, a winking smiley. But he will often go on thread-starting rampages of his own. They usually come off as some kind of combo of Prespos’ kooky old posts, and an attempt to be the new Jamal. He certainly has the fallen popes old obsession with the 3 little brown books with no Greyhawk. “Baby” D&D.

  83. justme permalink
    June 27, 2014 10:32 am

    Something broke Alexass. He deleted a couple posts and this: http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2014/06/sedation.html?m=0

    Poro soul can’t take folks arguing with his genius while he works on his vanity press project. I feel for him I really do, why oh why can’t the world appreciate him for the genius his mom recognized him to be when he was 12. He needs a break, he really does, but I hope he doesn’t quit us I don’t want have to use google to find another pretentious ass to fill the void.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 27, 2014 11:25 am

      He’s been busy:

    • NotAWitch permalink
      June 27, 2014 6:33 pm

      Rules for dating my daughter Alexis:

      1) Feel free to agree with me and expand on what I’ve written. Most every comment like this highlights the best parts of my post, adds things I never thought of, deliberates over the nuance of a particular ideal and straightens out my thinking.

      2) Don’t piggy-back on my blog and offer an alternative method for ‘how you do it.’ I am writing here about how I do it. Either address my method, or go write your idea on your blog.

      3) If you want to disagree with me, fine. Do so. I better see a source or a credibly prescient example from your personal experience, and that example better be specific, detailed and ungeneralized. It better be in the first three sentences, too, unless I know you.

      4) If I get the tiniest, infinitesimal whiff of an insult, either to me or anyone else, then you’re gone.

    • shlominus permalink
      June 28, 2014 12:46 am

      that “something” would have been me, i guess.

      when reading his post “lost fails” and the comments about it i was surprised that noone challenged his idea that all peasants (or guards, or whatever) should automatically act a certain way, because of “how living in the country works” or how “law enforcement works”.

      i gave a few examples off the top of my head, why a farmer might not let adventurers hitch a ride on his cart or why a guard might not let a band of adventurers pass with their weapons just because the look rich.

      i don’t think my comment violated his rules in any way, so what i expected was a reply like “yeah, how silly of me, of course that’s not how it’s supposed to work! what i meant was…”

      what i didn’t expect was my comment to be blocked, but his next post to address what i wrote almost exclusively. he spent quite some energy to defend his position, started to… (well, i guess here i have to say) bloviate about all sorts of stuff, how our cultural perceptions have changed, special snowflake farmers, how someone should create personalities for all the farmers in his world, what guardsmen think, especially when confronted with other people (or rather, what alexis believes they think)…

      it was a bit unsettling.

      what he didn’t adress was the fact that he still claimes that when adventurers ask a farmer if they can ride on his cart the farmer will ALWAYS say yes… because… countrylife!

      so i wrote another comment, which i will try to recreate here.

      “it’s quite simply really:
      the characters ask the farmer for a ride.
      some sort of reaction roll is made. they roll badly.
      the farmer says no.

      you claim, that a gm that plays like this is doing it wrong and “has no idea how country life works.” this is wrong. you are wrong. sorry, mate.”

      i fear that was the straw that broke the camels back (although it’s possible someone else posted some more to cause this). when i logged in a few hours later, his last post was gone. now booze.

      i think alexis is a smart guy with some rather obvious issues. but to be quite honest, i don’t get it.

      • June 28, 2014 5:01 am

        Are you a medieval rustic? No? I thought not. Clearly, you have NO IDEA how a REAL elfgame world works. Reaction rolls are only for important stuff, like pirates getting raped:

        “The DM judges the moment, chooses 2d6, decides that if its a 7 or more, then she returns the feeling; if it’s a 6 or less, she has merely weakened, but she is still thinking about her husband.”

        Lesser interactions invariably conform to a fixed set of paradigms. If you present a hypothetical situation that seems to suggest otherwise, you merely expose your own ignorance.

      • NotAWitch permalink
        June 28, 2014 11:35 am

        I like how the “days since I blew my top” meter is gone. That’s one experiment in self improvement that was a resounding success.

  84. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    June 27, 2014 10:50 am

    Jesus on a stick, this hacks me off – https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/4dQwe

    GET A FUCKING JOB

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 27, 2014 11:30 am

      The line has been blurred between needs and wants by liberal socialism. It’s one thing to ask for money to help pay medical bills for yourself or a family member. Now these manchildren want you to pay their way through life so they can go to gaming conventions or move across the country to another state with better welfare benefits. Thanks, Obama! 😡

  85. Kent permalink
    June 27, 2014 3:47 pm

    Nothing to do with Alice in Wonderland then,

    http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.ie/2014/06/weddings-in-voivodja.html?zx=b04785c2f7c9f23b

    • justme permalink
      June 27, 2014 4:03 pm

      Well shit, it has duelling vampire weddings how much more Alice can ya get?

    • Zak's Absent Father permalink
      June 28, 2014 6:14 pm

      Was there ever any doubt?

  86. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 28, 2014 1:17 pm

    tl;dr

  87. Update for YDIS morons permalink
    June 28, 2014 8:03 pm

    What’s going on?

    I cant find anything …

    Ha ha ha

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 28, 2014 8:39 pm

      Hi Kent!
      ~festering anal warts

  88. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    June 29, 2014 7:31 am

    More Kickstarter shenanigans, this time with the D&D Documentary. Or should I say, TWO D&D documentaries!!!

    http://www.examiner.com/article/a-tale-of-two-competing-dungeons-dragons-documentaries

    Art truly imitates life!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 29, 2014 7:35 am

      Quickly! We’re going to need a second Kickstarter to fund a second documentary on the same subject even though we already took money from you for the first documentary then walked away and took all the work done on the first documentary with us!

    • June 29, 2014 8:07 am

      I’m going to support it with a $35,000 pledge, that I will retract one minute prior to the campaign closing.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      June 29, 2014 2:41 pm

      I think a requirement to any crowd funding project should be an itemized budget. If an asshole is going to beg for money for some dubious bullshit, that person should have to show their patrons/sugar daddies, to the bloody fucking cent, what they’ve spent those donations on. Anything remotely ‘geeky’ just gives me an icky feeling inside, anymore. Every neckbeard, every nerdish-hipster creep I see, in both the OSR and the New Age RPG world, just strike me as feckless fucking frauds. I don’t support this internet crowd-funding welfare, and I don’t support lazy-asses who can’t work for their own investment capital. These residual 70’s ne’erdowells and left-over 90’s slackers need to be left to fend for themselves.
      You faggots aren’t too big to fail (by rights, NO ONE IS). As a matter of fact, you strike me as people who were destined to fail and are too chicken-shit to admit it. You broke your fucking rectum and want people to pay for your fat ass to exist? You need money to go to a convention, but are just too lazy to EARN the loot? Oh, wifey is mad because your adolescent hobbies are eating the family budget and fucking junior’s college fund? Try working! Grab a mop, grab a shovel, put on a little paper hat and flip burgers. Fuck you and your culture of geek self-entitlement.
      Your disability checks don’t cover your tab at the comic book store? Motherfucker, I crowd fund your ass every goddamned time I open my paycheck and see how much Uncle Sam dilated my anus for YOUR well-being.
      It’s simple. You want something, go out and make the fucking capital by working. You net a profit? Fantastic! You fail, sorry about your luck. I am sick of seeing this bullshit. You fuckers want the gains, but are too scared to risk your own money? That tells me a lot about the product you’re selling. I hope all of your colons erupt into shit-filled, blistered chitlins, you deserve it.
      What really burns my ass about these ‘geeks’ is this: There are people suffering around the world, children starving, civil wars, genocides, etc., and these man-children wanna cut in line. You self-absorbed fuckers will cry because someone didn’t use the right imaginary pronoun for some retard who cut off his pecker, but fuck those little brown-skinned kids starving to death in a third-world shithole nation. Your magnum opus is far too important to not be realized! I wish the powers that be would switch them roles. You fuckers like roleplaying, don’tcha?

      • June 29, 2014 5:00 pm

        But if these guys act like adults, how will we have any fun?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        June 30, 2014 4:09 am

        Actually, given that we have already seen a roleplaying(story) game about playing kids during the German invasion of Poland circa 1939-1940(Grey Ranks), it wouldn’t surprise me if some dipshit does indeed decide that tabletop rpgs are indeed a wonderful medium to explore the brutalisation of child soldiers in Africa or a similarly depressing topic. The more you know!

      • Radovarl permalink
        June 30, 2014 6:19 am

        Keep talkin’. I find your rants oddly therapeutic. When I do it myself, I just feel soiled afterwards.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 1, 2014 3:06 pm

        Truth bomb!

  89. PrinceofNothing permalink
    June 30, 2014 5:40 am

    In other news, pundit is working his way through the Loftp Catalogue, reviewing Quelong! I personally liked Quelong, and the review decently comprehensive, but the meat lies in the constant self-promotion Pundit cannot help but unleash every other paragraph. I wonder if Pundit is approaching some sort of self-promotional critical mass where even his reviews will contain nothing but drivethru-rpg links for his own products?

    http://therpgpundit.blogspot.nl/

  90. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    June 30, 2014 11:38 am

    I feel like we are burying the lead story. Is that Youtube vid a few links above actually Lexi’s fat ass floating around like a porky banana on a kayak? Or just some poor turd that looks like him?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      June 30, 2014 12:44 pm

      That’s Alexis alright. Looks like Recovering Retard captured his/her manboobs perfectly. What a fat fuck throwing stones in glass houses to go off on the fat fuck founders of the hobby like s/he did!

  91. Kent permalink
    June 30, 2014 11:50 am

    “Pundit’s envy of that product is evident. Witness the rantings of Kasimir Urbanski:

    https://plus.google.com/112262093672917983853/posts/L63xwE8hrmt

    What an interesting thread, and pretty revealing. First Raggi remains one of the few grounded gamers despite his trivial fame, witness his calm firm put-down of UrbanskiRinkyDinki

    “You’ll just get to feel all done-upon over there, knowing Vincent Baker’s done something for me, knowing that I’ve tried to get Ron Edwards to do stuff for me, knowing that every so often I check to see if McKinney has any new work I could take a look at, but I am not really interested in publishing anything by you.”

    Second, UrbanskiRinkyDinki is a Deeper-than-did-ever-plummet-sound PLONKER. He is the best example yet of what happens when an ordinary gamer (I don’t say ordinary person) is lured by the penny-candle fame light of a published rpg-cough-author into exposing himself as really craving in the core of his plonk – RIGHT NOW I SAID !! – the stellar dazzle of a James Cagney or one or other Christ figure.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      June 30, 2014 3:27 pm

      Pundit’s arrogance is matched only by his mediocrity. Smirk as though witnessing a recently deceased pidgeon cadaver splattered across the pavement as you witness the ugly truth standing revealed before you, floppy penis gripped firmly in the left fist, pipe clenched between stained yellow teeth. Qelong gets an 8, but Arrows of Indra and all his other products get a 9. Pundit rates himself in the top 10% of rpg-designers, along the likes of Gygax, Kurtz or Hite when really he is more of a Cordell past his prime or a Monte Cook without editorial control.

    • Kent permalink
      June 30, 2014 4:31 pm

      Just to be clear. Jaquays, Gygax and Gregg Stafford are in the 8-10 rank and the next best is around 3, say Raggi.

      What gets me is that Raggi has decided to publish YDIS’s Carcosa adventure, which he has kept secret from you lot, after all the shit YDIS gave him, and when I submitted a Witchland Scenario to Raggi he said “that is the most poorly written adventure I have received thus far.”

      Why is YDIS selling out? That’s what I want to know.

      • June 30, 2014 7:52 pm

        I’m not selling out, fucker hasn’t even paid me yet 😦

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        July 1, 2014 3:29 am

        Does this scale take other rpgs into account or is this solely a matter of pre-2e DnD and its OsR outgrowths writing creds? Whatever. Go get em Kent. Maybe Raggi will warm to your porcelain-dove eating fairy-land goblin kings in time.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        July 1, 2014 9:56 am

        He needed to use this guy for the artwork – then it’d ring true with that elusive “je ne sais quoi” all them pikers is diggin’ on:

        Isn’t this just a lovable little fella? I’m sure he’d never fuck a cat… never.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 1, 2014 10:25 am

        Brony boy went full potato!

      • Radovarl permalink
        July 1, 2014 12:59 pm

        What the hell kinda of accent is that? He’s not a good “drawer”? Ahhh, still watching… he’s just an Aspie.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 1, 2014 6:57 pm

        Special Ed!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 1, 2014 7:03 pm

        It’s amazing how much this guy sounds exactly as I imagine Kent would sound when I read his posts.

    • Kent permalink
      June 30, 2014 4:45 pm

      I did everything in my power to suck up to RICHARD RAGGI III to no avail. Somehow YDIS is either more devious than me or a better adventure writer or BOTH !!

      Raggi wrote to me, ‘Your maps make me sick in my stomach to my stomach. YDIS’s maps are weird.’

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        July 1, 2014 10:22 am

        ~cum burps

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 1, 2014 10:28 am

      ~semen-scented hiney bubbles!

  92. Radovarl permalink
    June 30, 2014 8:20 pm

    In other news, the newer members of the Acaeum aren’t getting any smarter.

    https://www.acaeum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?cache=1&f=1&t=14390&p=224368#p224368

    Yes, dear. Rust spreads. Like mold.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 1, 2014 10:27 am

      RPG collectors, not actual RPG players, just like 99% of gamers on RPG message boards and social media.

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 1, 2014 10:54 am

      Wow, what’s next? Asking delicately how to separate the stuck-together pages in the “S” section of the Monster Manual?

      • Radovarl permalink
        July 1, 2014 12:57 pm

        I always preferred Deities and Demigods myself. At least Aphrodite didn’t have friggin’ batwings.

  93. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    July 1, 2014 5:03 pm

    Will the stuck-together pages spread to my other books?

  94. July 1, 2014 9:29 pm

    BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    **rends garments**

    • July 2, 2014 6:27 am

      SOMEONE GET A STACK OF PRE-GENS TO DALLAS, STAT!!!

    • July 2, 2014 7:09 am

      Well, his brain tumor isn’t cancerous, so at least that’s something positive.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      July 2, 2014 7:27 am

      ~prayers and positive vibes

    • Timotheus permalink
      July 2, 2014 8:06 am

      Get better, Bloo – we believe in you.

      I love how that one asshole shows up and says it doesn’t matter whether you are positive or not. What a cocksucker.

      Also, a new idea for a product for your PolyLLC company, eh? A pad of pre-gens.

  95. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 2, 2014 11:26 am

    That Nagora always seemed to be a bit of an angry bunny. Like some others he has decided to go the pissed-off coot route as opposed to the jokey, doofy and overly positive yammer of many of the unblowntards.

    Oh Blooey, we’ve come a long way since I discovered you in a dark basement talking to Russian Spambots on your website comments section. From Arizona game Meetups at Denny’s where you sat alone drinking tea with two packets of Stevia waiting for eager gamers who would never arrive, to hiding behind the couch as Mormons knocked on your door. From camping overnight in church parking lots waiting for plastic utensil-poor cons to open, to the home of an elderly dog-walker, to the dreams, oh the sweet sweet dreams, of running your own convention powered by delicious Polly Eggs. Now this. I can only say, Oh Captain My Captain, that you will sally forth into the shine of the day and live your Blooey dreams. And we’ll be here, watching and waiting, for your further adventures…

    (cue Orson Bean singing “The Greatest Adventure” from the Rankin Bass Hobbit cartoon).

  96. Recovering Retard permalink
    July 2, 2014 7:34 pm

    So fulla shit, his bowels exploded. I wonder if he listens to Old Negro Spirituals as he works seven days a week? Almost three years – man, this fucking shit must be ‘tha bomb’… never rush an Artiste!

    “I expect to be done with it soon — this month. But I’ve been pretty consistently bad at judging how long things take me, so that’s why I’ve been less concrete with my estimates.” – G.M. Skarka

    $49,324 for three years work? How many man hours was that, in total? Fuck, that’s like making $7.90/hour, 40 hours a week, with no vacation, and before taxes. Skarka could have just worked at Hardee’s or Wal Mart, and at least had the dignity of being called one of the ‘working poor’. Maybe even burnt a few of those excess calories he wears so proudly? No, the Magnum Opus demands the sweat, tears, and intestines of a true genius.

    I bet the retail on this epic project will net him hundreds, maybe even a thousand dollars! There are probably 7 or even 8 people who wanna play an armed Rastafarian in a pointy Chinaman hat! What a visionary! Such vision must be cultivated and refined – not just chucked out there like a Family Dollar newspaper ad. This is a high artform, after all.

    I’ll bet 2000 cp. Skarka has another calamity before this albatross gets done. Call it a hunch…

    Warm up the printing presses, you worthless third worlders, Far West is on it’s way – I think I saw the thermometer drop a few degrees in Hell on Weather.com.

    • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
      July 2, 2014 7:46 pm

      Rastafarian in a Coolie had? SHO’NUFF!!

    • July 3, 2014 4:37 am

      The math implies that when SKARKAAAAAAA gets sick, he get so sick he both loses productivity on that particular day and also destroys progress he’s already made. Otherwise it’s hard to explain why the work can get to “five more minutes, mom” so many times and then back to ground zero after each health-related setback.

    • Jack permalink
      July 3, 2014 6:15 am

      It’s weird to think that in 2014 there are people clamoring for Skarka’s d20 rip-off of Deadlands.

  97. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 3, 2014 1:49 pm

    Fuck, this dude made Dwimmermount money on this?

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