Hey John. Planet Dumb Fucking Asshole called… they want to know when you’re coming home?
This little shit is at it again: Fuck you John Adams, on behalf of anyone who ever gave you money. It’s cut ‘n’ pasted from roughly a thousand other similar posts, but this one has a new punchline:
“Everything’s done, except basically everything!” Huh? What possibly the fuck could “completed” mean here? I guess he’s completed harvesting the timber and pulping it to make paper? His work sourcing dyes and rendering pigments to make the ink is completed? He’s completed designing the symbols used to make a written language? He’s completed smelting the alloy used to make the staples? What in the mother fuck is this paste-eating moron talking about?!?
This cagey goddamn prick read in the Bible that, “The LORD is my shield,” and holy shit did he take that to heart. When the arrows start coming in, John tosses God in front to soak up the damage. “I’m busy tending my flock and transforming their lives for the better.” Can you imagine this crackerdick appearing in your hour of need? The rate of suicide at that church must be spectacular — “An F5 just tossed my home into Arkansas and this choad is handing out ‘God Loves U!’ refrigerator magnets. Excuse me while I cut off my own head.” God must be getting tired of this shit. Global warming has nothing to do with the rash of tornadoes in the Midwest, that’s just God doing his best to exterminate this little fuck. Keep trying, God — this cockroach can’t run forever!
This has to be pathological. A sane, healthy person does not behave in this manner. A certain glee is beginning to seep through the mask, I can almost hear John cackling now as he re-posts these “updates.” He enjoys this prank. No one is this incompetent, tin-eared and oblivious. Right?
Your Dungeon Is Suck. 
He’s getting off on being able to be one guy online and then blame the offline stuff for getting in the way when he fucks the gaming stuff up. The offline guys aren’t Google-stalking Pastor Adams from church because they think he’s doing all he can for them. They think he’s really busy and they’re being patient. They have no idea what’s going on with the halfling side business or that he considers their problems — which he is paid a living to help them deal with — a distracting “day job” that gets in the way of what he really wants to be doing all day. What he wants to do all day is put the modules in the box and think about Dungeons & Dragons while waiting for my brother at the post office to return the boxes for address errors.
It doesn’t make me angry (the weather is mostly its own thing right now) but it makes me sad because his church people deserve better. He’s failing them too. You can’t blow hot AND cold and you can’t serve God and Gary Gygax at the same time. One has to be the hobby and one has to be the job. Right now I’m the one picking up his paycheck and getting all this passive aggressive “sorry all you gamers, you know how my DAY JOB is a drag, maaan” stuff from him that he thinks I can’t see. If the old people and single moms and permanently unemployed are such a distraction from your dreams of thinking about Dungeons & Dragons all day, man, either give them to someone who actually wants to help them or teach them Dungeons & Dragons and you can all have a grand time. Okay, maybe I’m a little frustrated because this has been going on way too long.
Another fine message from
GOD
Religion, the refuge of choice for many a scoundrel. Whenever somebody brings up their deity of choice, I check my wallet.
Heh, indeed:
http://somekingskent.blogspot.com/2014/05/are-there-any-forums-on-web-devoted-to-d.html
What the hell?
I haven’t finished reading the last post yet. Take this one down for 6 months if you don’t mind
You big meanies should leave the Brave Halfwit/Carpe Deus alone! After all, he totally took charge and delivered on time with his Appendix N Kickstarter, right?
Right?
Oh…
Delving Deeper is the most original retroclone on the market- the decision to merge the cleric and thief classes was brilliant!
Haha that’s a keeper.
LOL! This is the funniest comment I have ever seen at YDIS!
Thanks, but I still think the funniest comment at YDIS is Scott’s “Silence 50,000 GP Radius” crack about JMal.
All Hail Horsepeckers!
OMG. Those tits are more fucking historically accurate than that thing they’re putting up in Oklahoma. Genius as always!
When do you release the Collectible Card Game? Will there be a Kickstarter?
By Heimdall’s hoarfrosted beard! Another home run, Recov! The smiley face is perfect.
Venger Satanis is going to be SO FUCKING JEALOUS!
Thanks, Obamacare!
Do them on the new D&D covers! Do them on the new D&D covers!
Recov, I know you’re a busy ar-teest, but I would love to see at least a sketch of various blOwSR luminaries in Mario outfits jumping up and knocking coins out of Gary’s levitating crypt.
Finally, a refreshing and useful blog comes out of the OSR:
http://dungeonshits.theadventuringinstitute.com/#post0
~
(ah hell, that’s too easy)
Needs more random tables.
Dungeon Scat Treasure Table
Roll 2d6 as you rummage through the shit pile:
2 – Diamond hidden in a corn nugget (10,000 gp)
3 – Pearl necklace covered in bile secretions so it looks like undigested peas (5,000 gp)
4 – Cock Ring of Enlargement
5 – Undigested bits of Lady Wrinklequim’s quim with gold genital piercing (300 gp)
6 – Amethyst Anal Beads (1,000 gp)
7 – Frozen Horse Penis of Loki (cursed item)
8 – Deck of Many Turds
9 – St. Cuthbert’s Double Ended Dildo of Ass Smiting
10 – Undigested section of shit-filled bowel (roll on this table again ignoring this result).
11 – Complete manuscript of ________________*
12 – 2,000 copper pieces
*Roll 1d4:
1- Dwimmermount Megadungeon/Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon
2 – Dragonheim/Dragon Hymen
3 – Delving Deeper/Dumber
4 – Appendix N Adventure Toolkits/Turdkits
Undigested section of shit-filled bowel
That would be… metashit!
Well played.
It seems the cleric/thief is now the prevailing RPG archetype:
http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/05/wayward-kickstarter-dragonheim-classic.html
Takeaway quote:
Let me be perfectly transparent. I’m a plumber by trade, not a professional writer. I have a writing credit on one project (“Westward” available as a free download through DrivethruRPG). A few months ago, I also took up the pastorate at a small church. This means that I now write three sermons per week and have responsibility over a congregation. My time isn’t what it used to be, but I still pour every free hour I have into Dragonheim.
I think I’m going to have to cobble together a Kickstarter: ‘Popes’ and Pastors: The Larcenous God-Botherers’ RPG. Then when it all goes tits-up, I’ll start a church. I’m thinking “Church of Christ: Hedonist” has a nice ring to it.
“Prayer: the last refuge of a scoundrel.” – Lisa Simpson
This era of “pastorly pilfering” will damage the hobby more than the “satanic panic” ever did.
Creator Varon Cook says, “My advice is that you all get on with your lives. I have.”
Just what you want to hear from a “man” that you trusted with your money, and also a “man” of the cloth. This man exemplifies the DD Cleric/Thief hybrid.
At least this fag is honest, unlike the Brave Halfass and his holy promises of the mythical second shipment.
Uh-oh! Faggoty slapfight coming, so hold on to your dildos.
http://odd74.proboards.com/thread/9993/arnesonian-mean
This chirinebakal fellow seems to have a glimmer of the right stuff about him, at least.
If stuff = dipshitted cluelessness, then yes. Good luck with that quest chlorine, old girl…
No slaps, nuggies, or wedgies. Some old guy shilling his recollections of the good old days chased the kids away.
KKK Alehouse vs. OCD 74 CAGE MATCH!!!!
Let the Sissy Fights begin!
The business of BHP…. WTF business is that? If you have a distracting and busy day job don’t take other folk’s money to fund your hobby of not publishing much of anything.
Honestly? Everything can be easily mocked in regards to “fantasies” but what is going on here specifically?
Does anybody know if there is something good in BRAVE HALFLING PUBLISHING that can be reviewed or are the complaints about everything including the design as well?
If its a review of just the quasi-business and there is something interesting waiting in the wings then its a reason to get up in arms. But if its what I’m seeing in the free stuff (a tracing of a Tim Truman halfling covering some typed up “revised” stats.) then YAWN who cares? I’d rather shove a grenade up the vent of some megabloat RPG garbage than “crush the poor”.
Do you ever post in English?
Gene, you ignorant slut. This isn’t some David vs. Goliath scenario that you can get your hippie tie-dye in a twist over; this is a case of a guy taking a bunch of money from people, not giving them what they helped fund, and then lying to them about it.
Gene, this cleric/thief has absconded with the hard-earned treasure of your gamer cohorts. You of all people should be smiting the pilfering pastor with your mighty flail of thrashings and bashings. The rank-and-file of the gaming community need the protection of your strong arm, so punish this malefactor with flailings and assailings.
Go, Gene, be bloody, bold, and resolute ya big lug.
~flail fail
Alright, perhaps I don’t understand the internet fundraiser (Kickstarter, etc.) supporter’s view is all because I’m skeptical of everything “D&D”.
The only time that I directly* threw money away for roleplaying was when I backed out of GaryCon because it sounded just like any other con as the idea grew.
*indirectly throwing money away on rpg material is also known as buying rpg materials. 😉 ((Seriously, it seems so at least these days.))
Swollen with pride from his victory over the verbal powerhouse that is Geoffry, Pundit brazenly kicks in the door, dusts off his new tabard with the WotC logo proudly displayed and empties his pipe in Tenkar’s mug of ale. Is the worst over, or is it yet to come?
http://therpgpundit.blogspot.nl/
(Still no Dragons or Lances, more to come).
Looks like the Buttdip thinks he is the new Pope…
Here is the thing – we now know the 5e Starter set has no character creation, and a single adventure in the box. So it is a railroad – you are locked into a single path with pregenerated characters. And this asswipe is defending it, in the most general sense since he can’t refute the specifics. Maybe Geoffie was right, and the Buttdip is a Dragonlance fan after all.
I so want to suck your cock right now.
I hear he’s a really big wheel down at the cracker factory.
What’s with these guys, thinking that anybody outside of a small coterie of not-so-young fanboys gives a shit about the elfgame industry?
I hope he get’s blogswarmed by people calling him a Dragonlance fan.
Fuck, I actually typed out “get’s”? These assholes are melting my goddamn brain.
I like the new direction for pundit. I’ve always wanted to read the memoirs of a dirty whore.
Wonder what name he’ll be listed under in the credits.
I love pundit’s reviews of his own material. Surely an objective and reasonable person could only conclude his works deserve to be ranked in the top 10% of all rpgs made evar. I also like how he gives you the option of donating to his blog, but considers any donation underneath 30 bucks to be beneath his notice. After all, his blog is worth at least 3 core rules set of first rate rpg products made in the last 40 years(preferably his own)!
(disclaimer: Slightly hammered. Single malt whiskey. Still no Dragonlance. Is there any Dragonlance porn on the internet? If not, there should be. I luvs me some Dalamar on Jenna action. The Dragons can watch.)
“Currently Drinking: The WOTC Kool-Aid
Currently Smoking: Mike Mearls’ Pole”
Pundit is a big mouthed whore rolling on the floor with his mouth open while WOTC jizz splashes on his face and he barks “mmmmm…. good” whenever some drops hit his wagging tongue. That’s what his new masters bought. They picked a critic and they neutralized him with cash, the coasites are jerkoffs to think the anyone would give a shit what he thought in the first place. It gonna be a flop if that’s how big they are thinking and need to hire themselves some big mouth jackasses to not talk about the goods.
“Gypsy” John Tarnowski, if there is a god.
Tenkar: Uhhh, how come I look in these books that first I wasn’t going to buy until they went on sale I don’t see “RPG Pundit” under “additional editing and concepts?”
Tarnowski: You pusillanimous sack of cretin, it’s right there under “T”
Benoist: [worried] Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay, ark-day ord-lay….
Tarnowski: I mean, I’m clearly in there somewhere important and top secret.
Hey, you fucking fuck. D&D is IMPORTANT. Which makes Pundit IMPORTANT. I’m sick of this troll crap, it’s just not IMPORTANT. Not like D&D, which is IMPORTANT.
My favorite fucking thing today is how Desborough’s insane new White Privilege Yeah game blithely assumes that gamers can’t build up their “Relevance” stat above four. I think Oprah might have leveled out at around 61.
The reason WoTC hasn’t announced anything yet is because there isn’t anything to announce. Does anyone seriously not know that Hasbro is completely incompetent by now? How long did it take them to finally get D&D Insider up and running?
I’m just an old chunk of shit but in my day white people had hubris. They didn’t need to pander to an audience of guilty, insecure white people. Being white was just better, safe in the assumed knowledge that you were kings among men. I’d never thought I’d see the day when there were so many white, gay men writing rpgs. Where has the dignity of white man gone?
It’s great watching the rpgshite disintegrate over the absence of character creation in the Starter Box. The Buttdip is in full gestapo mode, attacking dumpy loser Benmoist with mischaracterizations of his statements (the old, sad, “By your logic…” bullshit) and outright lies – truly, he has been a faithful padewan to the Zakattack.
It is amazing the sad depths of desperation that fag and his cohorts are going to rationalize the lack of character creation in the Starter Set. It is a fucking Dragonlance railroad, and crippleware. Yeah, you can download some basic options, but you can download a bunch of stuff – big deal. It is not in the box.
The fact is you cannot play D&D out of this box like you have been able to out of every starter set since the white box.
Crippleware. And the punduit is a paid-off liar and deceitful for claiming otherwise. And a complete dumbass.
Enter the Punstapo!
Best meltdown in ages.
Tarnowski: I can’t get into a lot of specifics here, but as an exercise in contrasts, I will tell you what I WOULD consider ‘crippleware’. It would be Crippleware to me, for example, if it was a boxed set that contained some pretty dice and some minis and rules for playing characters at levels 1-2 and after that you’re shit out of luck and have to go buy the big-boy books.
If only the Blue Book Basic box worshipped by nerds came with two miniatures in the box I guess the Pundit would award it the lofty title of “crippleware.” As it is, I guess we need to come up with a new word for that one, like “handijob-capable.” Great for a couple levels and then you have to go fucking buy the big-boy books. Because this edition is so much worse than all the other ones.
RPGpud is pretending to separate his whorehood from the wiztards and their ingenious marketing:
http://therpgpundit.blogspot.com/2014/05/wait-is-5e-making-grognards-suddenly.html
He goes from I know all, to I know nothing in just a post or two. I wonder if they can pay him enough to stop typing?
Dunno, were they paying him enough to effectively boost their product back when he was smoking on all cylinders?
That, to me, is the TOTAL FUCKING OPPOSITE OF CRIPPLEWARE.
Somehow I think that the people at WotC might be reconsidering their choice in bloggers.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wizards of the Bloat are selling an RPG without character generation rules? What’s next? Pencils without lead?
Just for larfs:
http://jasoomiandreams.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-kids-are-not-alright_23.html
BWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kid’s today “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” – attributed to Socrates supposedly from sometime over 2,000 years ago but we’ve all heard cranky old men saying pretty much the same thing our whole lives.
“Hey lazy little fucks put down your gamephones, run around the house for an hour and keep your dainties off the god-damned dinning room table !!!!” some old turd who masturbated to a bra advertisement in a magazine at some point in his life.
Coots say the same darn things, over and over and over again.
I was feeling a little down today but that cheered me up 🙂
If you want a vision of the future, imagine a kid standing on your bloomin’ lawn – forever
You win the Internet.
Yes, John. If you keep saying it, one day it will be true…
http://imgur.com/TpJdST8
Just like the Tea Tards saying “Benghazi” over and over over on FUX News!
Clovis is sort of a Bloodymage figure (without the constant subscript of suicidal thoughts), kind of in the same way Frodo was a Christ figure. A strange little man with aspirations of greatness in our little gaming world. Put on this earth to “give back to the hobby” before he exits this world.
He tabletop published a Mars game years ago that he had trouble giving away (even paying for the postage himself), and henceforth declared himself a game designer everywhere from the comments section of Grognardia to his own blog, that generally consisted of John Carter of Mars quotes. Occasionally there would be a post consisting of just him sitting on a horse smiling, or of a sports car he saw a pic of on google and declared “this is my new baby.” Now and again the posts would stop for upwards of a year at a time, as he spiraled into whatever goes on in his life outside of the gaming greatness. If he would just hunker down and hone his craft, he would eventually develop as devoted a following in these hallowed halls as good ol’d Blooey did. C’mon, Clove, start producing! We need a new hero!
That guy always seemed to be a me-too Mencius Moldbug type only not so ambitious. Might just be the name. Maybe starting a convention would be good for him and hilarious for everyone else.
Meanwhile, won’t somebody lend a hand and pay Tarnowski’s hosting fees? It’s been ten days and they haven’t raised their $600. Even the purple dildo (not known as a bastion of John Galt ubermensch types) would have kicked that level out in under 60 hours. According to my calculator it only takes ten dorks deciding they don’t want the 5E Starter Set after all to push them over whatever hump they have left. If you like the webshite you should BUY SOMETHING so he can keep the lights on!
Apparently being a “paid consultant for WOtC”, alongside the likes of Zak, really isn’t much of money maker. Who’d thought it….
They love that phrase “paid consultant.” Given the audience it must conjure up fantasies of white-glove McKinsey pinpoint strike teams, old Dixie spin doctors brought out of retirement to fix elections, Clarice Starling getting an eyeful of Miggs, machines on Ix, the opportunity to earn three whole digits folding money on a really good day. The reality is probably an honorarium and free copies to remainder on eBay.
But I’m fucking serious, you guys! Those back hosting fees aren’t going to pay themselves unless we sell some ad space or something.
Suh-weeeeet Dune reference!
What would you guys think about doing Meetup after Polyhedronegsscon? Everyone who’s in marginal hobby circles will be there and I think we’d all get along great and not be dysfunctional or borderline sociopathic at all
I’ll be too busy, I’m scheduled to fight Zak-riding-on-Raggi’s-shoulders in the Thunderdome.
Zak-riding-on-Raggi’s-shoulders is Open Gaming Content.
Testing72 blog of assholes
Hi Kent!
Hard to think of dumber fags 73rd post.
Strike out down at the fag bar again, Kent?
He nuked his blog again. His last post was a poll about whether or not he should grow a mustache.
I think he’s finally gone battier than Blooey.
So, D&D 5e is essentially a floater turd by past his prime designer Mike Mearls who shot his load long ago with Seal of Approval from RPGPundick, JaMal,and Princess Zak S and published under corporate directive? Who the fuck would want that shit?
Hey, what the fuck happenned to Scottt’s Huge Runny Pile? That was a good blog…
What happened to that cunt, Arneson’s Spectre?
That is on a need-to-know basis, sweet-cheeks.
But if it helps, you may rest easily knowing that he found God(dess).
This is my new favorite unblown retard fucking hero!
And oh boy does he go full potato! Anyone who applies Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief to player character death and throws in some thoughts on rape in RPGs is my own personal Jesus Corky! FULL POTATO!!!
Wow, I could smell the buttered doritos fried in fatback from here.
But he is a hero to me now, too, FOTU. He effortlessly* and accurately categorized and dismissed Faggi and Jimmy “Rapeiscoolandfun” Desburgough in a few mere sentences.
*effortlessly, aside from the wheezing and headphone fiddling.
I’m pretty sure he came close to having a stroke in the first few seconds. That he heroically forges on is impressive.
Looks like he taped that in Buffalo Bill’s back room. I half expected to hear a girls desperate voice calling out faintly in the background.
IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT PLAYS LOTFP AGAIN!!!!
It’s about time someone addresses this very real problem in RPGs. I’m tired of having my characters constantly charmed and dominated by nixies, dryads and nymphs just because I choose to play a handsome muscular barbarian who likes to wear a loincloth.
Kent?
Why does YDIS log on to ODD74 as crusssdaddy every day and never post anything?
Hi Kent!
~terminal cancer in Kent’s ass
Hey…..it’s been about 45 seconds since Tenktard blogged about 5e. Is he okay? Should we send his mom down to the basement to see if he is alright?
He’s in frantic damage control mode because Free D&D Basic = Death of the blOwSR and those unblown neckbeards know it.
Provided it sticks rigidly to the confines of established D&D tropes and doesn’t fart about with ‘eladrin’ or ‘warforged’ or other worrying glimmers of fantasy, however slight.
If it has elves, dwarves and hobbits, on the other hand, it might be time to cast some nervous glances into the future.
I guess his current obsession with Other Dust (that’s the really cool new standalone fully-compatible companion game to the Stars Without Number RPG if you’ve been living in your parents’ basement) crowded out all the 5e rage neurons.
That’s Other Dust, friends! With a cool mantis-arm chick, smooth old-school rules and savage mutants of a shattered world guaranteed to conspire to snuff the last few embers of humanity! It’s awesome! I can’t wait to run a game!
[MOD: affiliate link to rpgnow removed]
Can anybody here (regulars, snipers, lurkers, kents) post the content of John Adams’ latest update from May 28 to his Appendix N dickstarter fiasco?
It would be much appreciated. kent has promised a sloppy, whiskey-fueled bj as a reward.
Oh how I wish I could see it, but I merely ordered Delving Deeper in 2011. Yes, I’m on the second shipment list, as mythical as that may be. No, I didn’t know any better.
~vibeless
If anyone wants to play along with the reactions to 5e that are flooding G+ and the blogs, here’s a Bingo card for you: http://s3.postimg.org/spnwvbchv/5e_Bingo.jpg
This is how the OSR, and gamers in general, get their creepy reputation.
“The Völva: A New NPC Character Class – including several new spells
(part seer, part shaman, part wanderer… all woman)”
Really? A female only NPC class titled “Völva”? Why not just spell it Vulva? Oh, right, umlates…….
Icing on the cake: I’m pretty sure he’s obese and bearded.
Way to live the stereotype, Brah!
http://savevsdragon.blogspot.com/2014/06/dragon-horde-zine-2-now-available-in.html
Those creepy, creepy Norse – er, gamers.