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Forum punishments

May 14, 2014

Well, you guys win. You push my buttons long enough and I have to do something.

  • Gene … gone for a month.
  • Kent … gone for a month.
  • PrinceofNothing … do gamer outreach on Krynn for 1 week.
  • Let me tell you about my character … tell Robert Kuntz about your character for 5 minutes, then read his 14,265 word response.
  • kaptainvon … odd numbered comments will be deleted.
  • Bigby’s Lubed Fist … justify alignment languages in 25 words or fewer.
  • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN … thread ban.
  • Captain Kirk’s Dick Blood … sit in the corner quietly.
  • Timotheus … warning.
  • Peanut Eminem … three day ban.
  • Spank Foreskin … generate a Cyborg Commando character.
  • Skarka the Hutt … talk to a girl.
  • Kent’s Rectum … talk to a girl about Cyborg Commando.
  • justme … leave a positive review on Amazon for Pete’s Garage.
  • Mac … three warnings in a row (stacking bonuses apply).
  • perdustin … double-secret thread ban.
  • Martin Luther & The Game Of Life … convert to Cuthbertianity.
  • Jack … gone for several hours or until you see this, at which point you may reply in the Trouble Tickets thread.
  • The Minotaur’s Left Testicle … stat yourself out honestly.
  • Fucktard’s Everfull Ass … YouTube warning from Alexis (you must watch all 12 minutes 14 seconds).
  • Arneson’s Manboob … design d12 cantrips for the Jester class.
  • Scott … finish Dwarf-Land.
  • Sykirobme … warning, stern and fatherly; with time comes understanding and as I teach you how to become a man, you awaken memories of the childhood I never had; then buttsecks.
  • Schizonomicon Acid Redux … gone for a month, to be spent following bloodymage around with a camera.
  • Shitty McTits … disappointed shake of my head.
  • Gene Shalit’s Crazy Moustache … I stare past you into the distance, unable to meet your eyes as I wonder, “Is this my fault…?”
  • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit … two week ban.
  • YDIS is a FAGCLUB91 … permanent ban.
  • Recovering Retard … draw Zak as a Daemonette or Raggi as Nurgle or Greyhawk Grognard as Nagash, or some blend of OSR and WFRP.

I’ll put some thought into whether any of you can return or if I switch to a ban.

 

46 Comments leave one →
  1. May 14, 2014 12:00 pm

    Oh man, Cuthbert is OK for a joke religion but me studying his dogma is a little like when one of you little sons of Adam starts thinking quiet evenings at home with the RealDoll represent an actual GFE. Once again the one you call YDIS sets the curve in terms of twisted comedy.

    Another fine message from
    GOD

  2. Sykirobme permalink
    May 14, 2014 12:02 pm

    Just be gentle.

  3. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    May 14, 2014 2:24 pm

    I refuse to be modded without the use of red text!

  4. kaptainvon permalink
    May 14, 2014 2:45 pm

    TITS – in accordance with the prophecy, this nonentity will be deleted and I can say what the hell I like in the next, without fear of rebuke – right?

  5. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    May 14, 2014 3:03 pm

    This just is going to force us to all come up with a bunch of lame sock puppets (lamer than our usual ones) like Kunt does when he gets spanked too hard. No worries, you can still tell which ones are his in the crowd. He ends up using British-isms pretty lickety split. Like saying “nip down to the Chemists” instead of “went down to the pharmacy” or “my big fat wife made me bangers and mash” instead of “my big fat wife made me meat loaf”.

    And for some reason he’s always calling us the British word for cigarettes.

  6. PrinceofNothing permalink
    May 14, 2014 3:22 pm

    Shiiiiiit one week of Dragonlance gamer outreach. I better scrounge me up some autistic kids and a Fifth Age Boxed Set. Am i permitted to deviate from the official canon and use only the campaign setting or do i need to go full-on railroad and employ the modules so one guy gets to play Huma and do all the cool shit and kill Tahkisis and the other gets to be a fucking kender? Those poor kids.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      May 14, 2014 10:57 pm

      It’s not a good punishment if you don’t spread it around a little bit, so module it up like a good ‘un. Then review the modules. I’m sure there’s an audience for that sort of thing, especially if you’ve actually PLAYED the material in question.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 15, 2014 7:22 am

        From what I heard, but that’s Malesweski’s blog and half-forgotten memories of speed-scrolling through a few pdfs when I was fourteen, the first module was alright, but it got increasingly railroadery and boxed-textery afterward.

        I’m willing to give running D-Lance a shot if I can use some mates I promised i’d run a game for someday anyway. I’ll give them vacinations to make them more autistic or something. Reviews of the actual play to be submitted to YDIS in text form?

        I ask that kaptainvon’s original punishment be lifted and that he be officially assigned as my Dragonlance-Advisor for an indefinite period of time, until I complete my review.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        May 15, 2014 10:30 am

        But but but you have had the sum total of the advice I have to offer! I don’t know how to Lance any Dragons…

        … oh. Is that the point? Is this a blind-leading-the-blind kind of thing?

  7. Francie permalink
    May 14, 2014 3:32 pm

    😦

    • May 14, 2014 3:53 pm

      Sweet pea, baby doll, I went back a couple months in the comments and didn’t see your name. Where ya been, honey?

      • Francie permalink
        May 15, 2014 1:12 pm

        I miss Arneson’s Spectre. I’ve been crying mostly

  8. Timotheus permalink
    May 14, 2014 4:53 pm

    My punishment is gay as fuck. I am going to have to really fuck something up to get props around here. A mere warning leaves me without validation – like that Benmoist fag crapping in every thread on rpgshite, hoping to get noticed.

    So Aos got a pass in this round of punishment. Is he actually cool or something?

    And as a pubic service announcement, lesbian witch boy has relaunched his dickstarter.

    • May 14, 2014 11:11 pm

      Maybe you could go to the NTRPGCon and sit in for a couple of Blooey’s games. If you’re really masochistic, you could road-trip with Blooey to wherever his pole-star takes him.

      There’s gotta be a “Thelma and Blooese” joke in here somewhere…

      • May 15, 2014 12:47 am

        Damnit, the joke practically writes itself- “Thelma and Blooey’s”. Blooey’s dog-walking ex teams up with a badass mama for a mission of vengeance on the man who broke her heart. Blooey beware!

      • May 15, 2014 4:35 am

        They back the car over the cliff and into legend. Oh fuck, day one and I already broke probation.

  9. Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
    May 14, 2014 5:18 pm

    Watching Alexis?!? I’ll need to borrow some Depends from one of you catpiss trannies for when it causes me to shit myself. I promise to give them back afterward.

  10. Shitty McTits permalink
    May 14, 2014 6:21 pm

    I don’t even remember what I said to get the disappointed shake of the head, but I just want to point out that Alexis has finally started about putting cocks in mouths and I think that’s a giant step towards his acceptance of himself.

    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2014/05/acting.html

    • Mac permalink
      May 15, 2014 10:10 pm

      Oh shit, I live in Tacoma. Never been to Tacoma Games yet, but now I must. I’ll send pics of Asslicks book on the shelf.

    • Peryton Cock permalink
      May 16, 2014 9:51 pm

      True but still an asshole.

  11. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    May 14, 2014 8:53 pm

    “Hey good-looking. I’m kind of a big deal on this one site on the internet.”

  12. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    May 14, 2014 10:46 pm

    Bigby’s Lubed Fist … justify alignment languages in 25 words or fewer.

    A wizard did it.

  13. kent permalink
    May 15, 2014 6:36 am

    Save yourself, and us, the trouble of such a waste of time and ban yourself.

  14. justme permalink
    May 15, 2014 9:16 am

    “justme … leave a positive review on Amazon for Pete’s Garage.”

    It’s made of paper and can help start a fire.

  15. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    May 15, 2014 10:44 am

    Jesus fuck, Jester class? I… well, okay but… fuck…..

    While I toil away at that, enjoy this bit of Alexass Asshattery, complete with a celebrity cameo from our host…

    http://dyverscampaign.blogspot.com/2014/05/the-problem-with-your-theory-begins.html#comment-form

    • Timotheus permalink
      May 15, 2014 1:53 pm

      I was about to point out how that Claude Akins fag is a liar, since the attacks he ascribes to us on Rients never took place. It is important to be honest when you taking such a self righteous stance about netiquette. But it looks like YDIS got him straight and I guess he apologized, though it is a little vague waht he was apologizing about.

      But he still deserves a pop upside the head (as he so self righteously describes justice in his “neck of the woods”) for spouting off about us without doing any kind of fact checking – particularly given his stance. Lazy, semi-lying-ass faggot.

      Seeing Alex Qaeda sputter out his moveable goal post standards, and his petulant accusations about that barking alien dude, was worth the clicking and reading. Lexi had no choice but to equate us with mass murderers – none! And he gets secret emails of approval from his readers all the time! What a spectacular cumdump.

    • May 16, 2014 3:52 am

      Hardly anyone seems to respect the double standard that applies to Alexis. He freely admits to being a dick and an asshole, but needs to be exempt from the ramifications of being a dick and an asshole. Is this so difficult to understand? Only genocidal thugs would dare to treat Alexis in the manner deserved by a dick and an asshole.

      Alexis is entitled to this double standard because he is an excellent writer, a sexual dynamo, and a genius. His opinion is important and is cherished by many, many people. The opinions of others are…merely opinions and are manifestly inferior to the truth that Alexis reveals.

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    May 15, 2014 11:24 am

    The best thing about sitting in the corner is if you cut a loud fart into it you get a nice, cheerful echoing effect. Man, life is good.

  17. Spank Foreskin permalink
    May 15, 2014 12:37 pm

    Make a Cyborg Commando character!? But…I..No…

    *rips open shirt to expose muscled torso, raises a fist, lifts head to sky and cries:*

    Gyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyygaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxx!!!

  18. the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
    May 15, 2014 7:14 pm

    any chance we can just ban Kent’s access to a source of oxygen for 2 weeks?

  19. Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
    May 15, 2014 8:08 pm

    Glad I slipped the noose as well but I’ve been playing fucking Dungeon World and don’t have time to think about whether or not a +1 sword wielded by a third level fighter would fuck up every one of Raggi’s modules that usually pin on monsters that can only be harmed by magical weapons and Raggi trying to make sure the party NEVER HAS ANY.
    I’ve always been a one tune ice cream van anyways without the proper depth and wit to truly tackle the monuments of ego that are the Oh Es ARRRRR!

  20. Timotheus permalink
    May 16, 2014 7:26 am

    Of all our punishments, I admit I am looking forward with eagerness to Recovering Retard’s.

    In the meantime, those of us who are art lovers and Gygax fetishists can purchase a book by one of Gygax’s sons, with art by someone else, based on some vague memories of bedtime stories the Great One may or may not have told him:

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=26186&page=9

    Truly, comrades, we are rich men.

    • May 16, 2014 10:21 am

      Haha there’s a never-ending line of Marios each waiting patiently their turn to jump up and perhaps knock a couple gold coins out of Gary’s floating crypt.

      • Jack permalink
        May 16, 2014 2:40 pm

        I think it’s less of a money-grab and more of a “I wish Gygax was my daddy” sort of thing. It comes across all “These are the stories I would have been read if I had been born to the right man.”

        Note that the GP Adventures logo is an incestuous mingling of Benoist’s name (Poire) with that of the hallowed House of Gygax.

        You don’t have to be Freud to see what’s going on there.

    • May 16, 2014 11:35 am

      Speaking of the ‘shite, that thing’s being run for profit but the Pundit isn’t too proud to do his share of begging for community handouts.

      Follow the puzzling evidence:

      1. The Pundit suddenly discovered his tech volunteer had been paying $10 a month in hosting fees over the last 3 years. Time to pay it back, either because the volunteer put his foot down or the Pundit is feeling guilty for sponging off his friend. (http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29635)

      2. The ‘shite meanwhile solicits sponsored ads. Repeat refresh shows me at least five hopeful cruft makers (not counting the Pundit his own fine self) have signed up for the program. At $30 a month, the site seems to be grossing 15 times hosting fees easy. (http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=14369)

      3. What are the other costs that the site needs to cover? Is any ad revenue left over or are they actually selling only 1/3 ad per month? Who gets to keep any leftover cash? Why wasn’t that person covering hosting fees from the beginning?

      Story Problem: A hippie puppet with the oddly familiar handle “jrients” passed the can back in 2007 for hosting fees when their genius tech team was paying out $30 a month. (http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=6002) They met the 2007-8 goal with the usual bitching and moaning and “come on gang, let’s chip in for pizza and beer like on TV” but the question now is: who picked up the bill from 2008 to 2011? What finally motivated the tech volunteer to find a better deal?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 16, 2014 2:53 pm

      I’m getting some seriously bad vibes off that thread with all those creepy blOwSR parents’ basement dwellers talking about other people’s children…

  21. May 16, 2014 2:46 pm

    Anybody check on GOPagan today? Is he out overthrowing the Kenyan Usurper?

    • May 16, 2014 3:43 pm

      Weirdly enough that thing you’re alluding to got rained out! But I saw he was bitching about how “Christians regard my Gods as false and I regard their god [see what he did there?] as a fraud.” Man has the freedom to believe what he wants but I don’t see Thor or Volstagg or any of those other old-time cartoon characters on the forums unlike some of us more technologically savvy types . . . because those guys are just cartoon characters, maybe?

      Joey, man, if you’re reading this it’s okay to have imaginary friends. But don’t get mad if your imaginary friend is smaller than the other kids’ imaginary friend. You wanted to be a minority religion, right? Because the blacks and Chinese and all them shouldn’t be allowed to join? So don’t go asking for extra privileges for your minority that you don’t want all the other ones to have. You have to bring enough for the whole class, I always say!

      Another fine message from
      GOD

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 17, 2014 9:29 am

      30 million attendance? More like only 30 Tea Bagging asshats LOL!

  22. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    May 16, 2014 8:00 pm

    When I roll dem bones, I worship Tyche, the ancient Greek goddess of fortune. I pray to her in my moment of need (c’mon baby, daddy needs a 20) and sometimes she answers my prayers and grants me good fortune.

  23. The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
    May 17, 2014 6:47 pm

    Sorry, but I transcend stats.

  24. May 21, 2014 8:57 am

    Hey! What is my crime? Oh, wait. Thats right I read a PAIZO 3.5 to PATHFINDER PDF last week but how did…? Well, it doesn’t matter that you guys didn’t know. I’m still…….sorry.

    BTW, I still didn’t find the price listing for quasi-medieval hair gel… DRAT! DRAT!

  25. Gene Lake permalink
    June 19, 2014 1:11 am

    Meesa back! I can be silenced but I cannot be censored!

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