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“Most Hated” Final results

April 25, 2014

Enough. Game time is over, we all know where this needs to go. The pretenders to the throne fall away like Bryan Singer’s pants at a kids pool party: John Adams, Kent, Gorgonmilk, Poag, Bruce Heard, even Bobby Kuntz as magnificent and awful as he is, these are children of a lesser god. We note their passing in song:

 

 

FINAL BATTLE: GOPagan vs. Zak Sabbath, let’s go to the tale of the tape:

GOPagan:

  • 5’8”
  • 214 lbs.
  • Tap cane to transform into Thor
  • Poops super quickly and without straining, the turds just sort of sliiiiiide out of his grossly deformed horsedick-hungry butthole
  • Only a brilliant mind could unify Wicca Mystical + Reagan Conservative themes
  • Looks pretty fucking TIGHT in a turtleneck-sport coat combo

Zak:

  • 5’2”
  • 112 lbs.
  • Can tap keyboard to transform into toughest, most impervious guy ever
  • Poops super quickly and without straining, the turds just sort of sliiiiiide out of his grossly deformed horsedick-hungry butthole
  • 1000+ Google+ followers and he could totally have more if he wanted to…
  • Tats
  • Indisputably has had sex with a female

RESULTS: There’s just no defeating Zak. He is the Perfect Internet Weapon. This is ZakHammer: 40ZAK – in the grim darkness of the online far future, there is only ZAK. To salve his wounds, GOPagan does what feels right to him: he flees to Cliven Bundy’s ranch and the two commiserate about what a sad world it is that the BLM is legal but cotton-pickin’ slaves are not.

Goddamn, this shit got boring for me real quick. This town needs an enema. Or at least something new to hate 😦

Hey Zak, why don’t you hold up your trophy for us (thank you Recovering Retard!):

"Do you have one in a large?"

“Do you have one in a large?”

155 Comments leave one →
  1. PrinceofNothing permalink
    April 25, 2014 9:53 am

    You should have known better then to trifle with the Zakmeister utilising such meager armaments. It was like you showed up at a no holds barred cage match all liquored up and ready to go and the only weapons you brought were a decorative fruit basket, a t-shirt that said Female Booty Inspector, a pink ribbon and a picture of Kent in your wallet. You needed at least a +4 weapon to penetrate Zak’s damage reduction.

  2. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    April 25, 2014 10:36 am

    Goddamn, this shit got boring for me real quick. This town needs an enema. Or at least something new to hate

    You waited to long to continue the series. The real action now is Bloo Detective. You can pull yourself out of the doldrums by putting on a cravat and hopping in the van with Blooey as he embarks on his new adventure, Scooby Bloo. The downside is, you’d end up with Raggi in the van…

    Fuck it, I’m gonna download a gig of Daphne-on-Velma hentai.

  3. April 25, 2014 11:07 am

    There are no winners here, we are all losers in the fact that we have to share the same planet with such execrable examples that nerd culture can generate. Such as it is that Greyhawk Grognard comes away #1 loser and Zak will no doubt revel in his status as most hated on YDIS. You can’t win for losing sometimes around here.

  4. April 25, 2014 11:42 am

    Victory lap!

    http://gaymmasterproblems.blogspot.com/2014/04/exclusionary-culture-leviathan-and-why.html

    After blowing out the kid’s fucking comment feed he then proceeds to take him off his blog roll for “refusing to have a debate.”

    • April 25, 2014 12:43 pm

      I want to despise everyone in that comment thread, but really the problem is me for even wasting a moment reading it. I hate me 😦

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 25, 2014 1:20 pm

      God damn, does Zakattack ever fucking sleep?

      What a brave and righteous stud, correcting liars everywhere on the internet! He is not afraid to go anywhere…

      …except here. What a cowardly little bitchtroll. Even his 72 IQ, “You’re the bestest, Zak!” harem can’t build his self esteem to the level required to post here. He’ll pick on tender little sausage-throaters, but can’t stand the heat of this place. Pussy.

      • April 25, 2014 5:09 pm

        Don’t know why he doesn’t post here unless he’s secretly Kent. The original post took the “scenic route” (people still talk about Hunter like it was an actual thing?) but Zak and what follows managed to spew close to 17 THOUSAND extra words on that page. That’s like 0.13 Dwimmermounts right there, probably what it takes to get to the Path of Mavors or some shit like that.

        He must be independently wealthy. Otherwise, he could have trained that hamster to churn out game materials and earned an easy $200 or more!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      April 27, 2014 4:40 am

      That was beautiful. Zakina descends on the unsuspecting comment section like the biblical twelve plagues and spreads misery and hate until everyone turns away, tired and disgusted. Fortunately, all of those who turn away are morons and crybabies, so that makes this section all the more delicious.
      Go get em Zak. Bring them woe and doom and misery. Let their outraged protests be drowned out by their wailing and the gnashing of their teeth.

  5. April 25, 2014 11:53 am

    And Joe the Lawyer’s echo chamber keeps it classy, giggling up a short eyes quotient well above 60% in only three comments so far: http://wondrousimaginings.blogspot.com/2014/04/game-of-thrones-kill-fuck-marry.html

    (Yeah, I know Sansa is older on the show but statutory is statutory and “crying out for someone to make a woman of her” speaks pretty loud and clear.)

    Life goes on in the OSR. The lioness has rejoined her cub and all is right in the jungle.

  6. April 25, 2014 12:03 pm

    Sad trombone: the new rankings are in and he may have won the OSR but his standing in the art world is art an all-time low! Down a full 1,100 rungs since last June, despite the brief pop he got from the failed show at Fredericks & Freiser that Joe the Lawyer went to and didn’t want to talk about.

    http://www.artfacts.net/de/kuenstler/zak-smith-15810/profil.html

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 25, 2014 1:23 pm

      Even the krauts are realizing that his art sucks shit.

      • April 25, 2014 1:34 pm

        …and we know how much the deutsche girls love art that sucks shit so it’s really pretty fucking sad. If it was me, clawing my way back from being the most obscure “where are they now” name from the 2002 Whitney list would be a more serious use of my energy than staging endless nerd bum fights on the Internet. But I didn’t base my career around being young and inarticulate, so what do I know?

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      April 25, 2014 3:26 pm

      Poor dumb fuck would’ve been better off with the blog title “Playing D&D with Art Critics”.

      • April 25, 2014 3:44 pm

        He was better off when his shtick was “Art with Porn Stars” and the paintings were selling for $37,000 a pop. Now he’s lucky to move one a year for like a fucking quarter that price – I guess checks from Raggi and dad cover the spread OK.

        Of course it’s only natural that after talking non-stop shit about the critics all these years he’s about as popular with them as he is around here.

    • Kent permalink
      April 25, 2014 4:34 pm

      Im chuckling silently here at your long term professional tracker-dog hounding of Zak’s remuneration and status as an artist, with especial interest in depreciation. One of the funnier contributions to ydis and Im not quite certain why.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        April 26, 2014 12:00 pm

        Oh, Kent, your odds of butt-banging a Carcosan jale man are greater than your odds of butt-banging an art-posin’ Yale man.

        Isn’t anally-pounding a jale man the ritual for summoning the Mucilaginous Horror?

      • Shitty McTits permalink
        April 26, 2014 12:54 pm

        “Summoning the Mucilaginous Horror,” is the best term for masturbation I’ve ever read.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        April 26, 2014 4:50 pm

        ~ass cancer

      • Kent permalink
        April 26, 2014 5:01 pm

        You guys really think about men’s butts alot.

  7. Jack permalink
    April 25, 2014 4:29 pm

    THE FIX IS IN!

    Okay, probably not. We all saw this coming.

  8. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    April 25, 2014 6:55 pm

    This thread needs more Bloo Detective.
    And ~vibes

    • Timotheus permalink
      April 25, 2014 7:18 pm

      And unlimited free breadsticks and salad.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      April 26, 2014 12:02 pm

      How about Kung Bloo, in which Blooey travels the West, searching for his lost gaming groove?

  9. Timotheus permalink
    April 27, 2014 6:47 am

    The RPGButtdip reviews Isle of the Unblown, exposing it for the cobbled-together piece of dogshit that it is, and butthurt Geoffie goes on a please-stoke-my-ego campaign in friendly halls. He tries again to identify himself with Bob Bledsaw, tries to tie the Buttdip’s style of gaming to Dragonlance (because there is ONLY the dicotomy of randomly-strewn encounters with table-generated monsters and carefully-scripted playing), and accuses the reviewer of not actually using Isle in actual play (Because if he had played through the encounter withthe chicken with laser-beam eyes and 16″ underwater speed, he would have totally come around to see the brilliance in the book).

    What a sad little faggot.

    http://odd74.proboards.com/thread/9927/rpgpundit-hates-isle-unknown

    • April 27, 2014 7:36 am

      Isle is 85% horseshit and Geoff’s need to defend it years after the fact is inexplicable, he’s typically such a milquetoast in the face of even the most virulent attacks. But there’s no worse messenger than Pundit, who rants these days only from obligation to maintain some contact with the character that gained him limited fame. His blog is now overwhelmingly just an advertisement for his own inventory and his G+ output is all kissy-face crap designed to recuperate himself into the OSR market mainstream.

    • April 27, 2014 7:58 am

      Like certain Raggi modules, reaching for Bob Bledsaw’s random encounter charts as a pinnacle of design only raises a question of scale: how tiny are the parasites that infest the floater if they think it’s the world tree?

      Not counting his family in the “parasites” category — everybody deserves to squeeze an heirloom the ancestors left behind — but all the writers who tried to make a buck off the JG style ended up in an evolutionary cul-de-sac eerily similar to one of those blind alleys that formed in Skarka’s ass. (Hey Kent! Butts! Male butts!)

      I used to think Isle was a Pokemon riff nobody got but now I realize he was deadly serious. Good to see the Pundit revealed as a fan of bloated backstory and an enemy of the fucking gonzos though.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        April 27, 2014 10:25 am

        I mean seriously, what the fuck has this McKinney guy have on Raggi?! What level of incriminating pictures does he possibly have that would compel Raggi to sell this drivel, and at such a high production value?

        He’s got the issue of White Dwarf with “The Lichway” in it and the issue of Imagine featuring “The Beacon at Enon Tor”.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      April 27, 2014 2:52 pm

      I’ve had serious doubts that Geoffrey is even a gamer since Carcosa. That setting did not feel played-in as he claimed and his AARs always felt contrived (one posted at DF was essentially a long description of a single roll). His latest turd just proves it. It’s the ultimate example of shit that seems cool on paper to someone who’s never, you know, actually used any of that shit in play.

    • Skarka the Hutt permalink
      April 27, 2014 9:25 pm

      I love it when some douchebag on a forum conjures up the Gygax quote about “doing the imagining for you”. It’s like they think he was frozen in the 70s. Look assholes, that same guy was quick to crank out AD&D and a whole shit ton of modules when it appeared he could make some money on this RPG thing. Never mind he maintained two completely redundant game lines (D&D and AD&D). He would have happily kept going too. And let’s not forget his projects after he left TSR. He wrote some baroque fucking rule systems.

      Gygax was not a god. He was a man. And while he was president of TSR, he wanted to separate you from your money while he maintained a death hold on the RPG industry. I am so fucking sick of people fetishizing Gygax and D&D of the 70s.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        April 29, 2014 10:06 pm

        It’s time for a new hero. Let’s fetishize Blooey instead. He’s the People’s Champion, not some corporate shill (buy some product!). And I think we can all agree that his substantial body of work is turkey-free. Plus the man just left behind a thriving RPG community in Prescott, formerly a fantasy-free wasteland in the desert. He’s like the Bugsy Segal of geekery. If he ever manages to pull PollyCon out of his backside, I am so going. As long as it’s not too far away or I have other plans or anything.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      April 28, 2014 8:22 pm

      Jesus Christ, Bledsaw did his thing back in the day when a fucking photocopier was the pinnacle of home publishing and rpg books needed to devote several pages to ‘what is an rpg!’ Raise the bar a little for craps sake! And FYI: Some JG stuff sucks ass so does some Gygax stuff. It’s not like either were golden gods of ‘verisimilitude’ or whateverthefuck. A lot of OSR random-table fests don’t look like they’ve ever been played, or at least that anyone ever had fun doing it. Carcosa was particularly glaring (I’ve never checked out Isle of the Unblown) in this regard. Lots of shit, like alien tanks that turn everything into slime within 2 km, that don’t ever seem to have come up in actual play because somebody would have noticed they were retarded.

  10. Kent permalink
    April 27, 2014 11:49 am

    You can take it on authority (mine) that no one gives a shit what you half-dozen-YDIS-adorers-of-male-buttocks have to say about gaming. For your anxious comments here to be read as observations or judgements you would have had to establish credibility in the first place as I did long ago by exhibiting understanding and panache, but given the state of your minds this was and is of course impossible.

    • April 27, 2014 12:02 pm

      Your Beleriand practice maps are alright, but I think you’re ready to move on to The Forgotten Realms as a true test of your skills.

      • Kent permalink
        April 27, 2014 12:41 pm

        Im kinda sick of maps at the moment. Why don’t you give it try? The Forgotten Realms – the realms that will never be forgotten by a certain sort of gamer.

  11. Kent permalink
    April 28, 2014 5:05 pm

    Is Zak OK? He has gone kind of quiet. Dumbfounded one might say, if I may be so bold.

  12. Kent permalink
    April 28, 2014 5:07 pm

    Also, is my presence so blinding? am I so severe that I can halt this place like an arthritic nag with mere threat of blows?

    WHO DARES AFFRONT THE KENT THIS DAY !?!?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      April 28, 2014 5:15 pm

      ~dildos

      • Kent permalink
        April 28, 2014 5:18 pm

        Use your words kid.

  13. Kent permalink
    April 28, 2014 5:13 pm

    Also, Also, do you think I could earn a few guineas if I placed a donate button on my bloage LIKE THE RPGpunnet ?

    GIVE KENT THE MONEYS !! HE THINKS YOU IS A MORON SIRRAH !!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      April 28, 2014 6:48 pm

      Given the esteem in which you are held by the OSR community, you’d starve. Better to contact Raggi so you can publish a module or two. Write what you know, in your case a Raggian cock-monster atrocity, “Death Jizz Doom”, or an urban adventure in the Judges Guild style, “Dwarven Mine Glory Hole”.

      Or you could always fly to the states and ride around with Blooey in a van, having adventures. Now, that would be a picaresque bromance for the ages… or for the two weeks you’d last before you engaged in a bizarre mutual homicide.

  14. Kent permalink
    April 28, 2014 5:15 pm

    Also, Also, Also,

    Johnny Walker Red Label is neeice-ah !!

    • Scott permalink
      April 28, 2014 7:23 pm

      You ever make it over to the US and driving distance of my darkest of the hillside thickets, I’m buying. I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be a larf.

    • Kent permalink
      April 29, 2014 7:00 am

      Im sure it would be a larf without even bringing up gaming. Two wise men smoking cigars and drinking brandy, “I say, what is wrong with this bally world object at all, eh?”

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        April 29, 2014 8:04 am

        ~anal lube

    • April 28, 2014 6:46 pm

      It’s like looking head-on at a boner + balls, spun 90-degrees. Oh shit, fell right back into the homo talk…

    • Kent permalink
      April 28, 2014 6:50 pm

      the RPGpunnet seems to be invalidating this blog by ignoring your criticisms,

      That is the power of theRPGsite and theRPGpunnet of gooseberries.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        April 28, 2014 6:53 pm

        ~manginas

  15. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    April 29, 2014 1:08 am

    Ruh-roh, shit’s about to get real, well as real as anything elfgame related could possibly be.

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29507

    I think Blooey should be sought out to mediate this kerfuffle, in the context of a big Kumbaya Blooeycon.

    • April 29, 2014 7:28 am

      It seems Kent has enough self-awareness to make the following statement:

      “There is no audience for what I have to say…”

      Alas, his fervent desire for attention prompts him to bray like an ass regardless.

      • Kent permalink
        April 29, 2014 11:17 am

        There is no audience for what I have to say about gaming. There *is* an audience for my mockery of people like you. In fact I swear I could make money out of it with a fanzine just describing what you do.

      • April 29, 2014 12:23 pm

        PM me about licensing. Maybe we could do a kickstarter.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        April 29, 2014 1:44 pm

        I must say I’m quite offended, Master Kent. I’m ‘ere, I’m ‘ere, can you fakhin’ see me?! Or did my last comment in some way offend thy nostrils, as ’twere a punnet of shite upon the lead-black’d doorstops of the mighty? (‘Tis my ambition to break wind within the corridors thereof, but of course you’d have to approve more than one comment a week for I do that.)

        If I’ve been more cretinous than usual the least you could do is tell me. You let Ms. Suk’s blatant trollery though, so perhaps earnest effort is my fault?

      • Kent permalink
        April 29, 2014 4:55 pm

        You are being a bit cryptic. I don’t read every comment here don’t ya know.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        April 29, 2014 11:08 pm

        I’d hope you read all the ones on your own blog, though: unless Blogger’s decided to eat mine pre-emptively, in which case consider my ire withdrawn.

    • April 29, 2014 8:11 am

      What we have here is a very clumsy attempt to help Raggi clear his shelves. Isle was very expensive to produce and Raggi’s wife is still tripping over precariously stacked towers of hard copies that clutter living room, kitchen, rutting chamber, etc… Over 2 years post-release and just now RPGFunDip portions out time for a body snatchers point-and-wail? Just-so-happening-to-be consecutive with his burgeoning business alignment with Raggs? Puh-fucking-lease.

      Cue a Raggi G+ boast: “Well, I respectfully disagree with my colleague but on the positive side I just sold 37 hard copies and 68 pdfs of Isle…”

      • Timotheus permalink
        April 29, 2014 8:33 am

        Waitaminute…RPGCuntdip and Faggs are getting in bed together? Is there a link to their “arrangement?”

      • April 29, 2014 8:37 am

        Urbanski + Raggs + Zak are a G+ best buds sandwich. To date the relationship is only cross-promotional but I guaran-fucking-tee LotFP will publish something from RPGPoopDick.

      • April 29, 2014 8:39 am

        Here, I found a picture:

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        April 29, 2014 1:18 pm

        You mean to say that this isn’t some great conflict to see who gets to rule the OSR? Damn, I thought this would end up as Game of Unblowns, with some horrific Red Convention as the bloody climax. Bloodycon, indeed!

  16. Timotheus permalink
    April 30, 2014 7:20 am

    The RPGCuntdick puts an exclamation point on his review of Isle of the Unblown:

    “Seriously, I never thought I’d look at something the author of motherfucking Carcosa wrote, and say to myself “fuck, he should have stuck to writing about pre-pubescent necrophiliac rape-magic”.”

    That dude Kellri (known here as one of the many people unmaksed as YDIS by Inspector Poag) lets him have it pretty good on the KKK Alehouse as well.

    Geoffie really is a stupid little fuck, to assume that if you dislike his blatant, clumsy copying of the Wilderlands, then you hate JG and are not old school. he must never have received any thoughtful criticism in his droopy little life – or if so, it was drowned out by the Battle Hymn of Supplement 6: Dixieland.

    • April 30, 2014 12:46 pm

      But what a glorious bomb from Geoffy, right into DumbDick’s powder room. They say a leopard can’t change its spots, but after YEARS of turning the other cheek Geoffrey launches the mother of all scuds: “DRAGONLANCE FANBOI!!!” I can see PunDump’s reaction now as clear as if Recovering Retard painted it: eyes wide he champs through his pipe stem and swallows it sideways, anus puckers and he involuntarily pinches out a tiny brown skittle into his jorts, then the full realization hits there’s a flash and a comically small mushroom cloud rises from his blown top.

      Way to go Geoffy… our little girl might be growing up!

      • Kent permalink
        April 30, 2014 3:07 pm

        Did you read the Raggi’s related G+ thread. Punnet said ‘Oh its oonnnn!’ (has he never seen South Park?) and Raggi said ‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ which I thought was funny and then Punnet went on to expose himself as the biggest plonker in this whole osr+.

        Im serious, I can’t think of anyone at this moment more deluded about their significance in gaming terms than GRAPEpunnet, and yet he tries to sell himself as one the boys. What do you think?

      • April 30, 2014 5:18 pm

        I was most struck by Zak, cowering beneath the sheets as if Mommy and Daddy were fighting.

      • Timotheus permalink
        April 30, 2014 5:09 pm

        Is there a workable link for those who do not wish to join the G- circle jerk?

        But yeah, Urbanski has totally convinced himself that he crushed the blOwSR taliban, like he did the pigs or whatever, and now he is an insider. Pretty comical to watch those two idiots slap at each other.

      • April 30, 2014 5:17 pm
      • Timotheus permalink
        April 30, 2014 6:48 pm

        God I just wasted 15 minutes reading that fucking thread. Buttdip’s blog post today was taken from his first comment there, didn’t add much.

        And yeah, Zak’s passiveness is strange and noteworthy. As is someone holding up GOPagan as an example of credibility.

        Gah, I need some tequila.

  17. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    April 30, 2014 9:39 am

    Someone should hold up a doll and have this guy point to where Dark Phoenix Publishing touched him.

    Okay, they’re plagiarists, I get it. But shit, man – they get more promotion from this guy than anything else they do.

    Shit, man.

    http://rivetgeek.blogspot.com/search/label/dark%20phoenix%20publishing

  18. Kent permalink
    April 30, 2014 5:47 pm

    What a bunch of morons,

    http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=12243

    The idea idiot gamers think there are dump stats makes me laugh. A good DM should make players feel their weakness every bit as much as they can coast on their high stats.

    • April 30, 2014 6:54 pm

      Will you type out a phonetic representation of your laugh? I don’t trust my imagination to get it just right.

      • Kent permalink
        May 1, 2014 3:32 am

        Dumbha cuntsha

        Something like that.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      April 30, 2014 8:01 pm

      ~fudgepacking

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      May 1, 2014 6:01 am

      Depends on your system and style i suppose. Kent, how would you penalize low intelligence in something like a fighter without descending into Alexis-isms and letting people make stat rolls for their every decision until the game descends into some kind of overly elaborate random number generator with elves and dragons?

      (I personally let low intelligence cut into your starting NWPs, but that’s moi).

    • Kent permalink
      May 1, 2014 12:27 pm

      When I introduce the game to players and I explain how I use the 3 mental stats largely for credibility with NPCs they typically make one mental stat their prime stat. So if a fighter with 7 Int addresses the captain of a band of mercenaries with advice on strategy, I will stop the player and say, ‘Your character is a moron. The captain doesn’t even hear what you are saying. I explained this to you before we started the campaign.’ But this doesn’t happen because players heed my advice for their own benefit.

      The same goes for a wizard who thinks he can dump a 6 into Con and claim he wants to became an ace dungeon explorer. ‘No, you might die of exposure any night you try to sleep in a dank cold lightless cavern. You need warm pillows or you can’t think straight.’

      The point is that there are consequences for decisions and so no dump stats. There are only 6 stats for fucks sake, how can any of them be dump stats.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 1, 2014 7:28 pm

        ~deep throat cum loads

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 2, 2014 4:27 am

        Decent enough I suppose. Of course, Con doesn’t really need any additional tinkering or emphasis since it directly affects how much hit points your character has and how resistant he is to diseases and poisons, but I see your point. I’ve always found charisma to be the most problematic to adjudicate since I don’t like relying overly on reaction rolls and don’t like outright telling my players their characters are unwashed, filthy degenerates and therefore no one will like them ever, no matter how well they roleplay(which is different from telling them outright that no matter how high their charisma is, if they roleplay like unwashed filthy degenerates no one will like them). For the occasional random encounter however, reaction rolls are always good fun.

      • Kent permalink
        May 2, 2014 6:46 am

        I think of player choice in stats as laying down long term ambitions. If I become powerful I want to have these stats. The mechanical benefits in the PHB are just helpful gamey indications.

        I usually leave appearance out of Cha including it now and then as an afterthought. Joffrey (TV GoT) has a low charisma, no one except his mother would touch him with a barge pole if he wasn’t king. The stark girl looks like a filthy tomboy but is intriguing, has confidence and can make people like her and so has a high charisma.

        So an assassin will probably choose charisma as his primary stat if he sees himself spying or infiltrating in disguise and needing to win many people over in those innocuous potentially dangerous situations.

        Poor players who can’t fulfill the promise of a 17 Int/Wis/Cha with good roleplaying are encouraged to load their physical stats!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 3, 2014 10:55 am

        ~Anal Warts

      • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
        May 5, 2014 4:57 pm

        Hi Ke…

        Oh. Shit. Nevermind.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      May 5, 2014 10:08 am

      The tragedy of it is that the much beloved OD&D makes it quite clear what Charisma is for, to whit ‘influencing and governing the henchmen and hierlings you will be amassing, particularly towards levels 9 and 10 when you settle down to become King Conan’. Funny how that bit never gets copypasta’d. You’d think that, with the baleful influence of the Game of Thrones, that would have found its way into a retroclone by now.

      (Piss off. I’m not doing it.)

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 6, 2014 3:26 am

        I suppose the problem with that interpretation is one of personal preference. Not everyone utilises henchmen or stronghold-construction in their games(just look at the OSR), and even then a question of roleplaying interaction vs flat mechanical drawbacks does tend to pop up. I kind of like Kent’s approach to it.

        Also, wasn’t there an Adventurer Conqueror King OSR retroclone abomination out there somewhere that promised reworked domain rules?

      • kaptainvon permalink
        May 7, 2014 2:25 pm

        I don’t always go in for domain-management book-keeping either, but, y’know, it is -in- there… I suppose I’m more curious about how it came to be a dump stat in the first place, since there’s a surprising amount of rules matter to do with what it’s for. Perhaps people just didn’t want to settle down and run a governance simulator for ages at level 9 and beyond – fair enough, to be honest.

        I do like the nuance of Kent’s approach, in that it’s not “your character wouldn’t think of that because they’re thick”, but more “your character thought of that but nobody takes them seriously because they’re thick” – the gradient between “DM tells you how to play your character” and “DM tells you what happens when you play your character” seems to be kept intact.

        I wouldn’t know about ACK-spitooie or whatever it’s called. Two OSR rules sets is quite enough for my purposes, thank you.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 8, 2014 4:51 am

        I guess Cha may have earned its pariah-status as a dumpstat because Interaction is one of those things best handled by roleplaying, rather then (wait for it, have a sip of bourbon, nod to yourself and smile knowingly) ‘Roll-playing.” After the intoxicating smell of your own socks has fled from your nostrils(I know mine has), let us continue.

        In most groups ive played with, while I would occasionally allow for the odd charisma check or Charm Test or whatever, a sizeable part of the interaction is handled by actually playing it out(since just having your players state, I convince him, and then roll is insufferably lazy and makes the game dull and sterile). If I am feeling particularly game-master-y I will assess their performance and add it as a modifier to their rolls or assign automatic success or failure for particularly clever or atrocious roleplaying.
        I have rarely done the same for something like Strength or Wisdom, since just roleplaying combat without rolling is not my cup of tea(though it can probably be done, it would just need guidelines, and it wouldn’t be dnd). Hence power-gaming oriented players will choose Charisma as a dump stat as opposed to abilities that will have a more direct impact on their survival.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        May 9, 2014 11:00 pm

        I don’t think I’ve ever used Charisma or the equivalent for social interactions between characters, though. Since coming across OD&D I’ve seen it as more of a leadership mechanic for the things you perhaps don’t bother characterising – henchmen, animals, summoned minions, that battalion of soldiery you ‘requested’ from the local laird to help get the vampires off his land. Roleplaying out your every interaction with these tools – and that’s ‘tool’ in the sense that the standard-issue ten-foot pole is a tool – seems burdensome to me; what you need, in a fight/battle sequence, is a mechanic for determining what your character’s sub-entities do, and in between times, a mechanic for determining how happy they are about it. The mechanics in my games are purely for the areas where they’re necessary, which basically boils down to ‘combat’ and ‘tedious bookkeeping’. Charisma is all about keeping the friendly NPCs in line, and I suppose I might use it for Enchantment-type effects if I ever find time to write up that non-Vancian magic system I keep brewing.

        We’re actually talking about D&D, though, aren’t we! Quick, someone call me a homo and accuse me of eating my own poops (it was only the once, dear lady, unlike all those chimps I fucked).

      • kaptainvon permalink
        May 9, 2014 11:03 pm

        Additional: I should probably add that I don’t think I’ve -ever- used Charisma or its equivalents to govern social interaction, unless I’ve failed in discouraging the shy stuttery girl with Aspergers from playing the slickest thing since the first Grease spell was cast. In my youth I regarded stats as a nuisance at worst and a crutch at best, a device to prop up play when arbitration was required; it’s only in recent years that I’ve come to see a spot of mechanical interaction as a pleasantry in their own right, and even now, I prefer to keep them out of the way – the dull resolving the dull, as it were.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 13, 2014 12:37 am

        Obligatory YDIS tithe: Guzzling the assjuice of of GoPagan’s Horse-penis(which doubles as a wand of cure light wounds(5th level). Components: V(or is that oral), S(for Sexyness!), M(one horsepenis and 500 gp worth of diamond dust).

        As a leadership mechanic for henchmen and dogs it makes fucking sense sir. True dat! As for a Non-Vancian magic system, you dabble in dark things mister. That way lies madness and 4e.

        I have always found the Vancian magic system to be a mechanic that seperates the men from the boys as it were. Your wizard can be crazy smart and know a hundred spells, but if you mess up preparation or don’t do your due diligence you will die like a little girl. Of course, no one says you can’t change the way charm spells work and still keep it Vancian.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        May 13, 2014 12:13 pm

        That’s a lot of diamond dust for a horsecock, well above the usual rates for cartoonish fantasy porn. No sale.

        I’m aware of the blasphemies in which I meddle, but I’m also aware that there are other conceits of magic beside those of Jack Vance, and other flourishings of fantasy besides those on the hallowed Appendix N. Clinging to the Vancian when it doesn’t suit my purposes would surely be the worst kind of old-schooling… right?

        Rest assured that I’ll be keeping the “you fucked up and now you’re going to die” aspect of things aboard, and I’m retaining an element of the Vancian for ritual magic (the sort of thing where levels and materials and impressing things upon your memory really matter – bringing down fire, brimstone and seven loathsome curses on the nation of your enemies, rather than finding your way out of a brown paper bag).

        We’ll see how it all works out, anyway. Besides, the majority of my players are of the female persuasion. I did consider starting up Playing D&D With Lit Students Who Happen To Be Women, but I’m not sure it’d catch on.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 14, 2014 7:33 am

        Not sure about the non-Vancian stuff man. I think dogmatic and zealous adherence to the teachings of the past and a steadfast refusal to change is one of the cornerstones of the OSR(with a few marked exceptions). For now your heresies get a pass but i’m keeping an eye on you for signs of harbouring any Dragonlance-sympathies.

        In addition, might I be so bold as to inquire as to the nature of your homebrewy/charmy spell system, as well as its literary precursors/origins? Be sure to include information in the form of a pie-chart on whether it separates the girls from the women as well as the men from the boys.

        As for non-appendix N, there was a thread(comments section?) on YDIS a while back on its relative merits and demerits but suffice to say we can agree that there do indeed exist materials outside of it and they can indeed be worthwhile inspirations.

        I suggest the title D&D with Wymyn as a title for your next liveplay blogscapade endeavor. The scent of lovely estrogen will bring in the unwashed lawncrapping masses like bees to…I don’t fucking know what bees are into…Flowers? Candy? Whatever.
        OR EVEN BETTER! D&D! Just call it that. It’s so lazy its brilliant.

        Single malt whiskey and beer yesterday. Electrolyte powder and a glass of water before sleep. No hangover. Life is good.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        May 14, 2014 2:43 pm

        Dragonlance? Wash yer mouth out, you filthy bugger. There are limits. Anyway, shouldn’t you be off pissing on Raggi’s chips for daring to have skill rolls and ascending armour class?

        You may enquire and I would tell you that it is derived from the wordy gibberish of the Kabbalah (as reflected in the noxious art of one David Coulthard) and the ‘grammarie’ depicted in ‘The Worm Ouroboros’ (someone get Kent off my leg, please?). I suppose the net effect is to produce those jumbled syllables attempting to express arcane concepts outside the reach of mortal languages and have some powerful, defining effect on the world in which they’re spoken (c.f. Lovecraft).

        Divine magic will function somewhat differently and be tightly focused around What This God Is About and What Level This Cleric Has Achieved – I suppose the key influence there is M. A. R. Barker’s essay on religion, in which the imagined faiths are codified as something more specific than just a vague sort of jumbly mish-mash and a list of spells which can be selected more or less freely within the broad confines of alignment. Other non-fiction influences include Paul Koudanaris’ ‘The Empire of Death’ and the medieval Ars Moriendi (in terms of how ancestor cults and necromancy might operate). I’m trying to think of a literary source that’s done religion as I’d imagine it done and I’m coming up blanks (I hear there’s pills for that), though it’s a bit late and I’ll doubtless think of summat in the morning.

        Ritual magic, whether divine or arcane in nature, will be more akin to the sort of thing Michael Moorcock blathers about in ‘The City of the Autumn Stars’ or ‘Silverheart’, i.e. a vast undertaking requiring particular participants and artifacts. A ritual might be the opening or closing act of an entire campaign, with suitably proportioned outcomes.

        Separation of the girls from the women is an act of ritual magic which can only be undertaken by five female divine casters of combined level twenty-three or more. I dare not enquire too closely into the workings of it; ’tis wymyn’s business and the testicle-owner is not welcome there.

        Do I -want- the rabble hanging around, that’s the question? I do crave Internet Fame, but if there’s some way to have the kudos without the crowds, I’d like to find it. Perhaps I should deactivate comments on my blog, save for occasionally permitting direct and heavily-moderated responses to direct questions. “Shut the fuck up and speak when you’re spoken to”, in other words.

        Anyway, I’m knackered from overseeing a school talent show (through which, alas, I had to remain sober), so goodnight it is. Do let me know what you think of my ill-conceived notions. Or don’t.

  19. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    May 1, 2014 12:35 am

    Its my curse, and I’m well aware of it; I make stuff I hate famous just by virtue of my hating it. I accept that.

    He’s a really big wheel in the elfgames amateur press community! I’m reminded of the Simpsons episode in which Homer catches the giant catfish

    “You don’t know what this means. This fish represents a better life for us. It makes me a hero.”
    “To whom?”
    “Those weirdos in the store!”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 1, 2014 7:29 pm

      Yeah, Kent really is a cock sucking fag, isn’t he?

      • justme permalink
        May 7, 2014 3:54 pm

        Only when his mother watches.

  20. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    May 1, 2014 8:54 pm

    I figure (INT * 10) = IQ (roughly).

    10 INT = 100 IQ, average.
    18 INT = 180 IQ, genius.
    5-7 INT = 50-70 IQ, moron. Able to complete menial tasks and communicate.
    3-5 INT = 30-50 IQ, imbecile. Approximately equal to a six year old.
    1-2 INT = 10-20 IQ, idiot. Extremely limited communication, little response to stimulus.

    I picture a high INT, low WIS character as being like Rain Man and a low INT, high WIS character as being like Forrest Gump.

    All of which obviously begs the question, where does the average poster here fit in?

    • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
      May 2, 2014 2:59 am

      That is not the correct use of “begs the question.” Try again.

    • Timotheus permalink
      May 2, 2014 6:41 am

      Let Me Tell, you must PROVE there is an average poster here or you are a LIAR.

      • Jack permalink
        May 2, 2014 9:04 am

        All this talk about using stats in different ways is just FANFIC.

        What do you mean I’m using fanfic in a way that no one would recognize?? I control what words mean; admit that or you’re a LIAR.

        God, people who commit ANTIMEMES and troll on gaming sites should be EXECUTED.

        What do you mean that sounds like a bizarre over-reaction? Prove that it’s an over-reaction or you’re a LIAR.

      • May 2, 2014 9:18 am

        Spoken like a true Dragonlance fan.

      • Jack permalink
        May 2, 2014 9:49 am

        My work is in line with Judge’s Guild products. If I’m aping something old you can’t criticize it.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      May 2, 2014 3:10 pm

      Kent’s rectum!

  21. May 2, 2014 10:33 am

    My bad

  22. Timotheus permalink
    May 5, 2014 10:22 am

    Happy Cinco de Mayo, Gayhawk Grogturd! Tonight we take Tequila shots in Hell with Thor!

    Unless he brings those gay Limearitas with the little umbrellas like last year.

  23. Kent's Jizz Covered Face permalink
    May 5, 2014 10:31 am

    MORE COCKS BALLS AND KENT GAY SEX LIFE TALK PPL PLEEZ!

  24. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    May 5, 2014 4:13 pm

    YDIS is fun AND educational!

    Unfortunately, this all seems too advanced for me to grasp without comprehensive study:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Begging_the_question

    I’ll have to get back to you later. I can’t believe I’m too dumb to converse with you Bozos.

  25. PrinceofNothing permalink
    May 6, 2014 6:17 am

    In addition, i did a bit of rpgsite trundling and discovered our merry little idiot circle has gained some small fame(or is that infame) with the Pundit’s legion of goons. Chuckle and smile wryly as the very discussion of YDIS derails the thread and people start slapfighting.

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=27931&page=1

    • Jack permalink
      May 6, 2014 8:10 am

      I can’t *not* read that thread title in Jerry Seinfeld’s voice: “What is the DEAL with Your Dungeon is Suck?”

      • justme permalink
        May 7, 2014 3:52 pm

        Well I’m out.

    • justme permalink
      May 7, 2014 3:51 pm

      The thread is 6 months old and closed…. what’s the point of linking it? I can’t log on and debate the amazing insights that have nothing to do with the thread at all.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        May 8, 2014 4:33 am

        It was linked for educational purposes only.

  26. I am a Complete Zak permalink
    May 6, 2014 3:17 pm

    I like RPGs…
    …and I like much of what is distinctly RPGish in them.

    I like that RPGs attract introverts but punish the boring ones.

    I like that RPGs create kinds of stories you don’t really find in older things like books or movies or TV shows.

    I like that RPGs might force you to talk about anything.

    I like that RPGs upset peoples’ assumptions about what’s supposed to happen to heroes.

    I like that RPGs undermine peoples’ assumptions about how stories are supposed to work.

    I like how RPGs force people to cooperate to have fun.

    I like that RPGs reveal peoples’ character and preconceptions–and that they can force people into dialogue about them.

    I like that learning the rules better than the next player can’t make you better at playing than them.

    I like that RPGs force you to fill in blanks and if you aren’t creative enough you fail and suffer and have a bad time.

    I like that the writing in RPGs doesn’t read like a textbook or a pop fantasy novel.

    I like that the design in RPG books can’t look like the design in a magazine.

    I like that there is great charm in RPGs and that sometimes it isn’t on purpose.

    I like that the art in RPGs doesn’t have to look like Disney art or a comic book or a production drawing.

    I like that in order to play with someone, they have to want to play with me, not just want to play.

    I like that so much of what I use at the table was made by hand.

    I like that so much of what I use at the table was free.

    I like that RPGs can scare off people uncomfortable with sex or the devil.

    I like that almost the only people who make RPG stuff is people who love RPG stuff.

    I like that RPGs force you to think of solutions that can’t be found in the rules.

    I like that using an RPG ruleset forces you to think about how the world works.

    I like that RPGs require people to find people they trust and like and can communicate with.

    I like that RPGs frustrate the immature and the hypocritical.

    I almost even kinda like that published modules are almost uniformly an object lesson in how much worse published modules are than what you could invent at home.

    I like that RPGs are unpredictable and you don’t know what the theme or tone or focus of a session will be.

    I like that RPGs allow people who will never draw or write or sculpt or graphic design for a living a chance to draw and write and sculpt and graphic design things and by doing that make other people happy.

    I like that neither you nor your character can get better than everyone else at the game without actually sitting and playing with other people.

    I like that in order to play the character you want you have to be pro-active and do things in the game.

    I like that players trying to fulfill power fantasies so often can’t and get mad and cry about it and hopefully stop.

    I like that you have to learn to play the cards you’re dealt.

    I like that sometimes other people get dealt way better cards.

    …and I like how many of these (still) aggressively cutting-edge things were present or at least possible in RPGs on day one.

    I think it’s dumb when people who have ideas about progress in RPGs start by walking back from the most progressive and new things about them as an experience and as a medium.

    • I am a Complete Zak permalink
      May 6, 2014 3:23 pm

      “I like that RPGs attract introverts but punish the boring ones.”

      He means you guys

    • I am a Mandy's complete lack of self esteem permalink
      May 7, 2014 4:00 am

      I don’t think Zak is a very good DM.

      I wish sometimes that Zak could run a D&D game that requires him to add titties or naked women.

      I dislike it when Zak forces me to do things that I don’t want to do or like doing.

      I hate it when Zak cannot provide adequate health care or a decent home for me.

      I really don’t like the fact that Zak can’t have sexual intercourse without raging on a forum for hours on end.

      I really don’t like it when Nyan cat t-shirts sell better than Zak’s artwork.

      I hate it when Zak has temper tantrums and beats me.

      I hate it when Zak likes making elf game adventures more than he does making love to me.

      I dislike that Zak steals my used tampons to make art when he is low on red paint.

      I feel ashamed that Zak is the best I can do.

      I hate having to pose for hours for Zak’s artwork and having to tell him that I like it.

      I dislike that Zak doesn’t have much money.

      I hate it when Zak won’t let me play what I want.

      I hate it when Zak can’t be stop raging on the internet and come to bed with me.

      I dislike it when Zak uses sockpuppets with my name after he got banned from RPG.net.

      I really hate it when Zak forces me to play an elven transsexual thief with a whip.

      I wish that Zak would get a life.

      I get angry sometimes when I realize that I shacked up with a D&D playing loser.

      I don’t really agree with Zak sometimes and feel like I can’t express my opinion without being called a liar or told to prove it.

      I think Zak’s art is weird and insulting to women.

      I hate that Zak pays more attention to his pathetic elf games than me.

      I don’t think Zak understands D&D or RPGs at all.

      I feel cheated when Zak kills my character just to make himself feel better.

      I think I am woman enough for Zak and he should stop bringing home low life tramps just to fill out his gaming table.

      I don’t particularly like it when Zak claims his rules are the best and then kills my character.

      I hate it when Zak get jealous because my dice are prettier than his.

      I get mad sometimes when Zak calls me a whore.

      I hate it when Zak gets a new tattoo just to make me feel bad.

      I wish that Zak could learn to run a published adventure sometimes.

      I don’t like Zak very much.

    • justme permalink
      May 7, 2014 3:35 pm

      Hmmm… I think zak posted the Hello Kitty of useless “I’m still here” RPG blog posts.

  27. PrinceofNothing permalink
    May 6, 2014 3:30 pm

    TL:DR

  28. I am a Complete Philotomy Jurament permalink
    May 6, 2014 3:30 pm

    You can always argue alignment, but I don’t see any reason to do so.

    As a Internet message board member, I tend to avoid alignment discussions as unpleasant wastes of time (as opposed to pleasant wastes of time found in other discussions).

    As a player, I do what I think fits my character, and I never argue with the DM about alignment. (I don’t want to disrupt the game, and I figure maybe the DM has a different approach to alignment. If I dislike his approach and the way it impacts a certain PC, I might switch to a different kind of PC for his game.)

    As a DM, I follow the alignment approach/interpretation that fits my campaign world. I try to inform the players about it, if it’s important to their PC. I don’t argue about it, though; I’m the DM.

    FWIW, I tend to favor the law/chaos axis as the most important one, in my games. Often, those represent the truly significant cosmic “sides,” with good vs. evil being less important on the cosmic scale. Of course, not everyone in the game world knows that.

  29. I am a Complete T. Foster permalink
    May 6, 2014 3:33 pm

    TBH, at this point most of those folks haven’t been actively playing for decades so they’re out of practice and don’t really remember the rules and all of us probably have way more actual playing, GMing, and adventure-writing experience than they do. Plus a lot (not all, but many) of them have really inflated egos so even though they’re running a mediocre-at-best game they’re going to act like they’re teaching everybody at the table “how the pros do it” and that you should be awestruck and deferential in their presence, which (to me at least) is really annoying. The only reason to play with any of these folks is for the nerd-cred points of being able to say you’ve done so, and, let’s be honest, the only two folks with actual (as opposed to in-their-own-minds) celebrity-cachet – i.e. the only names recognizable to anyone but the hardest-core of D&D nerds, who you might be able to actually impress somebody by saying you’ve played a game with – have both already left the building.

    Which isn’t to say those folks (well, at least some of them) don’t deserve our respect and have interesting stories about the old days, so by all means go to their seminars and if you get a chance to sit and chat in the hotel-bar for an hour or two you should probably jump on it. But for an actual satisfying play-experience, you’re almost certainly going to be better off going with somebody who’s younger and has fresher ideas and is more active in regular play (I won’t make anyone feel excluded by naming names and accidentally leaving someone out, but, basically, anyone who’s a member here ).

    • I am a complete drunken pompous fool named T. Foster permalink
      May 7, 2014 4:19 am

      FWIW at this point I don’t think anyone knows jack shit about gaming other than me. I mean, really. Look at the rest of you pathetic fucks posting on YDIS. I mean seriously, who takes you fatassed losers for reals?! I can shit out better games than any of you! I can play a paladin that would bring tears to your eyes! Plus, I am a great dancer and like to hang out in bars to pick up girls (which admit it losers none of you can do). I also get plenty of poontang while just going out to get pizza. I mean I could show you fucks “how the pros do it” and you should be awestruck at how fucking amazing I am at nearly everything I do. Which gets me lots of nerd cred in places like K&K Alehouse and grabbing some sweet Vietnamese ass with Kellri or brofisting AxeMental. The only reason you assholes exist is because of me, which (to me at least) is fucking annoying. Let’s be honest, I would have been a celebrity-cachet a long time ago to you D&D nerds but I’m way too fucking cool for the likes of you fucks. That’s it! T. Foster has left the building.

      But before I go, I have to say that you folks should just all take a flying fuck off the tip of my dick but you don’t deserve such respect! So by all means go fuck yourselves and jump off a bridge and die in a tire fire you sad sack sonovabitches. For an actual satisfying dump I find that drinking a pint of Guinness after eating a loaf of rye bread will give you a fresher shit than any of you fucks could produce. ( I won’t make anyone feel excluded by naming names but that guy Flambeaux can really clear a room unlike anyone who’s a member here ).

  30. I am a Complete Kent permalink
    May 6, 2014 3:35 pm

    Jesus Christ what a load of sh!t.

    What a waste of time.

  31. I am a Complete Tao of D&D permalink
    May 6, 2014 3:39 pm

    Catharsis & Schadenfreude

    I find it odd that ‘play’ or ‘humour’ is often proposed as the opposite of ‘seriousness’, as in this Ted Talk by Zara Swindells-Grose. I find it as odd as encountering people who cannot seem to remember what childhood was like.

    There are no serious people in the world more serious than children. There is no game played more seriously than one that has been played by children. Today, if I were to play R.I.S.K., I would likely be serious about my intentions to win, as would my opponents. It just wouldn’t happen that I would provoke Jeremy with a cruel comment upon his having lost Australia, nor would it happen that Jeremy would leap across the board and try to stuff armies up my nose. But this sort of thing happens all the time with children.

    We seem to forget that.

    I had been thinking about my own seriousness in gaming. In presenting the game as a DM, I build a wall of seriousness between my players and I – because the serious expression on my face, with the intense concentration, builds tension.

    There’s no question in my mind that this look of seriousness was not an affectation when I started playing. I took the game seriously. I really AM concentrating intensely on all the details and elements of the game as it plays. I’m not saying, then, that I am pretending to look serious. But I am saying that if I had a choice not to look serious, but to look comfortable instead, I’m know I wouldn’t take it. Because looking comfortable makes a crappy game for the players.

    There is something I see on a DM’s face – often a new DM, but not always – that I think truly undermines the potential of the game. This is the nervous grin. Nervous DM’s often grin. They feel uncomfortable, they’re not in control, and this translates into feeling self-conscious and even ashamed. And as humans, when we’re ashamed, we often grin to convey friendliness. In culture, this evokes a returned grin, causing tension to drop. See? We’re all friends. We’re all grinning.

    In presenting a game, the grin conveys that the DM is harmless. This encourages the players to feel empowered and unthreatened . . . and that means that they are far more likely to act out. And as they act out, the grinning DM will likely let them. The grin has already shown the DM’s lack of confidence, meaning the DM doesn’t feel in control. If the DM tries to get control once the players have begun to act out, the reaction will probably appear fairly hysterical. That is because the DM isn’t in control, but he or she is trying to be. Such efforts typically fail.

    Having recognized that hysteria is the effect, many DMs have learned from their attempts to control the game that it’s impossible, and that the attempt makes things worse. So they stop trying. And the game gets worse and worse, until the players totally ruin it. Whereupon the DM either quits playing, or finds new players and the pattern begins again. Occasionally, a DM grows and learns and realizes the importance of conveying that control from the outset – but this is rare.

    This awful tendency to start grinning in a game is something any DM can relate to. I have felt it myself, more so in my youth, but the compulsion would still be there if I were playing with strangers. A DM must overcome this. The game runs on tension as a fuel . . . without tension, there is silliness, and the ‘fun’ is subject to whomever wishes to ‘act out’ in the most outwardly cruel.

    Children understand this intuitively. When my friend Jeremy leapt across the R.I.S.K. board to find out how many plastic armies would fit into my nose, it wasn’t because he had lost Australia. It was because I had made a cruel, unnecessary comment about it – as children often do. Jeremy, also in the way that children do, understood the injustice of his misfortune becoming a source of pleasure for me. This is the sort of pleasure, this schadenfreude, is the sort of behaviour we acquaint with villainy in film . . . but if you haven’t got an iron fist on your players during a game, it is rife in your campaign. The most clever receive the most pleasure, because while everyone receives a bit of misfortune, the least clever are less adept at exploiting it. The most clever exploit it wonderfully. But then, this is why Jeremy took the action that seems most efficient when dealing with the most clever. Beat the fuck out of them.

    The seriousness I convey makes a tension that drives the players together in their misfortune. IF there is no tension, then Gilbert can afford to dance upon Patricia’s misfortune – he hasn’t got anything to fear. But if there is this drapery of tension that hangs over the party continuously, then Gilbert intuitively understands that Patricia’s misfortune is his own – when she goes down, he will too. That pushes the party together, and suddenly it doesn’t seem like a good idea to cut down people who are watching your back.

    FEAR is the ultimate party builder. It produces a wall between the party and me, isolating them, making them feel insecure . . . and while it does mean I’m not anyone’s best friend during the actual game, they are better friends with each other than they might be if I were lackadaisical. The world, conversely, with all its threats and potentials for things going wrong, is more real.

    This also helps me gauge the party’s level of comfort as I go forward. If the schadenfreude rises, then I’m relaxing too much. I’m letting my hand off the stick. All I need to do is shake off whatever I’m feeling, sit up straight, concentrate again on the content in front of me and the response from the party is immediate. “What is he up to?” immediately springs to the player’s minds – because there is never a moment in the campaign that they’re not carefully observing me. They want to succeed and live. Watching me is intrinsic to that program.

    I was also going to point out how this means I have more emotional control over the NPCs too. If I approach gaming from the perspective of, we’re all just having a good time, then building an emotional importance into an NPC becomes a joke. You can’t make the NPC a serious one, because nothing is serious. Thus, the party laughs and makes jokes every time the NPC speaks. Many of you readers out there have experienced this.

    BUT, if I am always serious, it is easy to portray an NPC as relaxed, pleasant, friendly and fun. It is a source of general relief for the party if I smile, and they completely buy into that emotion.

    Thus I have all the emotions of NPC’s in my repetoire. They can be serious, dangerous, puzzling or worrying . . . but they can also be jovial, encouraging, friendly and dumb. This range, all of it coming from my intensity, makes for a better game. It encourages the party to be serious also – which gives THEM the full range of experience.

    In our hurry (and here I am thinking of the TED talk linked at the top of this post) to cosmetically improve the lives of people by encouraging them to have ‘fun,’ we so completely dismiss the wonderful healing power of catharsis. Catharsis receives a lot less recognition than fun; but it is because of catharsis that the happy face in the theatre motif isn’t the only one. We attend drama because seriousness is as important for our well-being as enjoyment.

    In fact, it makes it possible for us to enjoy anything.

    • I am a Complete infected Tao -nail permalink
      May 7, 2014 4:51 am

      Pompous words and dickbaggery.

      I find it odd that people actually pay attention to me. You know why? Because it makes no sense. I find that my inability to ‘successfully’articulate myself in a sentence alone makes me a virtual pariah in D&D circles, let alone on the internet. But I digress. My omelet making skills which well documented online have really cannot be forgotten.

      We seem to forget that.

      There are no more serious egg floppers in the world than fat D&D losers like myself. And when I mean losers, well, you should look no farther than me. I mean I have gender identity issues sure but what does that all mean when I can flip an omelet and look good while I do it. Providing that the camera stays focused on me. But this sort of thing happens to talented fat idiots like me all the time.

      To crack eggs with one hand would not be enough. You have to learn to control yourself and focus on the omelet and make it happen.it takes intense concentration and It builds tension and makes you look like an amazing person after you have done it.

      Let’s look at some completely and utterly useless diversion from that topic shall we and move onto a discussion about board games. Like Axis and Allies. I have looked at the starting money of Germany in that game it makes no sense. No sense! I mean why would they start with 30 IP’s?! They were the bad guys and that should tell you something right there that is a cruel joke. Nazi’s are bad guys and should not ever win anything. Ever. They should stop making Nazi’s capable of doing anything and it disturbs me greatly that a game would ever have something other than just letting me win when I play Britain.

      But back to eggs, which I get a lot on my face lately. I got egg on my face when I last DM’ed. The look on my face when someone said I should play Pathfinder was probably priceless. I mean they brung the book which was huge! Like an LA phone book, which I look very good while ripping it apart btw. And I discovered that this game actually took itself seriously. Who does that? I am an utter fool and buffoon and it takes talent and time to look as foolish as I do. Why would I ever play a game like that.

      FEAR me! I am fat and smelly and let out some horrible gas at the most embarrassing of times. It keeps my players focused on keeping a wall between me and them so I can just let one slip now and then to keep the working on being able to fan the fumes that may waft towards them at unexpected intervals during gaming.

      This lets me gauge the ability of the players to hold their breath as I let my farts and game unfold around them. Surrounding them in a miasma of gastric distress as well as my overly wordy and stumbling prose. It pushes the party togather to escape the fumes as well as my body odor and terrible gaming ability. This is a sort of pleasure to me. A schadenfreude moment if you will, which, conversely my own noxious vapors sometimes overtake me and cause me to gag and wretch as only a diet of eggs can do to a man. Or once man. Whatever. You get the picture. You’ve been observing me long enough to know that I love attention by now. We are all grinning.

      I was going to point out that I don’t have much rectal control now that my prolapse as fully set in so that I may let out a hair curdling fart at any moment. Fueled by my diet of omelets and cheese this can lead to a “what has Alexis been eating lately?” which is interesting to a point in the fashion of b movie villains that fart too much but I’m not a villain..But if you haven’t got your fist up your players asses the whole while when you are gaming what are you doing? It is rife in my campaign.But it still is not polite I suppose to cut down your players with egg fuelled flatulence.

      Thus I have the NPCs in my games eat eggs way too much and fart at inappropriate times. So that my gas is in fact the gas of the NPCs and while it does not mean that I am anyone’s friend during the game it means that the NPCs are as much of a joke as I am which make the game less serious than me. Which gives THEM the full range of the rancid ass fumes in an out of the game.

      In my hurry to let out farts (and I am thinking that I should see a medical professional about this sometime soon) I am improving the lives of my players by letting them experience the intestinal distress that I often experience after nearly shitting myself stupid after consuming so many omelets. Catharsis is the result of my gastric episodes which I find fun. Which you should all do as well.

      In fact, it makes us all giddy to sniff our own farts. Which is what I do everyday.

      • May 7, 2014 8:40 am

        Smolensk can definitely break some eggs with the best of them and it’s pleasing to see him bring all the senses into play. But I’m still back a post trying to figure out what Risk is an acronym for up in Canada. Real Intense Strategic K-something, I guess. Ketamine? Kegels? I just think of it as that fucking thing my brother is so damn good at.

        Another fine message from
        GOD

  32. I am a Complete Crussdaddy aka YDIS permalink
    May 6, 2014 4:06 pm

    Deiphobus >>> Aithon

    Who would know you possessed such a thing? Are the thieves simply opportunistic treasure hunters, or opposed to our efforts on the mainland? Ask the frog its opinion.

    Tardy, bloody and your precious has been taken from you — we make a poor first impression….

    ====

    Deiphobus wants to examine the bodies left behind… is there time? He has no intention of heading back to the broken-ankle rogue, as he doesn’t want to tangle with the ape-man if it’s still lurking. If it can be done quickly and the watch is not likely to arrive momentarily, Deiphobus searches the nearest corpse, otherwise he encourages Aithon to get a move on with him to quickly make for Sielle. In any case, bodies are dragged into the nearest shadows to delay their discovery.

  33. I am a Complete Kent's Rectum permalink
    May 6, 2014 4:41 pm

    And my favorite song by The Smiths is “Stretch Out and Wait”.

  34. I am a Complete Irishman permalink
    May 6, 2014 7:40 pm

    Looks like I got drunk and fucked a sheep again, shite no one tell me boyfriend ta?

  35. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    May 6, 2014 9:47 pm

    Death to all PCs!

  36. TIMECUBE permalink
    May 7, 2014 5:57 am

    “TIME CUBE 4ce”

    In 1884, meridian time personnel met

    in Washington to change Earth time.

    First words said was that only 1 day

    could be used on Earth to not change

    the 1 day bible. So they applied the 1

    day and ignored the other 3 days.

    The bible time was wrong then and it

    proved wrong today. This a major lie

    has so much evil feed from it’s wrong.

    No man on Earth has no belly-button,

    it proves every believer on Earth a liar.

    Children will be blessed for

    Killing Of Educated Adults

    Who Ignore 4 Simultaneous

    Days Same Earth Rotation.

    Practicing Evil ONEness –

    Upon Earth Of Quadrants.

    Evil Adult Crime VS Youth.

    Supports Lie Of Integration.

    1 Educated Are Most Dumb.

    Not 1 Human Except Dead 1.

    Man Is Paired, 2 Half 4 Self.

    1 of God Is Only 1/4 Of God.

    Bible A Lie & Word Is Lies.

    Navel Connects 4 Corner 4s.

    God Is Born Of A Mother –

    She Left Belly B. Signature.

    Every Priest Has Ma Sign

    But Lies To Honor Queers.

    Belly B. Proves 4 Corners.

    Your dirty lying teachers

    use only the midnight to

    midnight 1 day (ignoring

    3 other days) Time to not

    foul (already wrong) bible

    time. Lie that corrupts earth

    you educated stupid fools.

  37. justme permalink
    May 8, 2014 9:51 am

    Read this shit and tell me why Alexis didn’t win most hated: http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2014/05/people-wanted.html

    Self important fuck out fucks himself because by his own advice a big chunk of his life he hasn’t been worth playing elf and lizard games with (shocking ain’t it?).

    • May 8, 2014 12:29 pm

      I’m lovin’ the “Days Since Alexis Has Lost His Temper:” widget.

      • justme permalink
        May 8, 2014 2:42 pm

        At least it isn’t A “Days Since Alexis Fapped and Ate It Out of His Hand Because Only He is Worthy” widget.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      May 12, 2014 8:27 am

      What…A…Twat.

  38. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    May 8, 2014 10:52 am

    And he calls himself “RPG Pundit”:

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29592

    I think he’d be more comfortable discussing “Dragonlance”.

  39. Mac permalink
    May 8, 2014 2:24 pm

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/05/alignment-tongues-do-you-use-them.html?m=1

    In other news, the OSR brain trust at the Turdshack is doing their 3rd post this year about alignment languages.

    • justme permalink
      May 8, 2014 2:45 pm

      Back off man, it’s better than another “review” that goes like:
      “X published Y, I’ve only skimmed the first 300 words, it looks great.”

  40. Kent permalink
    May 8, 2014 3:13 pm

    What’s wrong with me? I love these videos whether its Zak or Tao and yet their written word is the louche douche.

    https://plus.google.com/u/0/events/c09kqovh1r946ok6i4nf412d220

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 9, 2014 6:44 am

      ~prolapsed rectums!

      • Kent permalink
        May 9, 2014 4:58 pm

        Really? Thats the the best fags have to offer? I don’t believe it.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 9, 2014 9:01 pm

        ~anal lube

      • Kent permalink
        May 10, 2014 1:16 am

        FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN: Mommy, can I make another post?

        FU Mommy: OK, but only if it is anal related. You are a very stupid boy.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 10, 2014 8:59 am

        ~prostate cancer

  41. Kent's Rectum permalink
    May 10, 2014 6:20 pm

    Kent still doesn’t realize he’s the punch line at YDIS. The “butt” of all the jokes, so to speak.

  42. Skarka the Hutt permalink
    May 11, 2014 8:14 pm

    Tenkar laments his time at the glory hole.
    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/05/lamentations-of-glory-hole-or-lost-city.html

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 12, 2014 5:18 pm

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        May 12, 2014 11:46 pm

        That wasn’t even his sister, it was Kent wearing a wig and her latest outfit from Hot Topic.

  43. May 12, 2014 10:49 am

    What is with all these people and begging for money to go to GenCon? Fuck. If you can’t afford it, don’t fucking go.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 12, 2014 12:57 pm

      These manchildren beg for money just to get through life now. Remember this fat guy, the one who went after the Australian house frau for stealing a map of the Known World in her fan fic vanity press books? http://www.gofundme.com/BigDenverAdventure

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        May 12, 2014 12:58 pm

        Sean Patrick Fannon: “I should probably stop wasting time on you, Tracey, except that you’ve offended me and mine to our very core, and you are evil.

        Yes, you are Evil. Anyone who active seeks to take from others for their own gain, all the while claiming it is their right to do so, is Evil and therefore must be opposed.

        In this story, Tracey, you are the would-be master thief, and I am one of the paladins out to undo your harm. Thus the battle shall continue.”

        https://imgflip.com/i/20p5c

      • Timotheus permalink
        May 12, 2014 2:05 pm

        Ah, yes, Sean Patrick Fanny. His poor creativity is stifled in his current state. But if he moves to Denver, then the pot will make his creativity bloom! All you stockholm gamers have to do is kick in for gas and munchies (quality munchies, mind you, so his family doesn’t get fat).

      • Zak's Absent Father permalink
        May 12, 2014 7:32 pm

        Another lazy Irish fucker.

  44. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    May 12, 2014 12:22 pm

    They use Raggi inspired bullshit, and the most edgy thing the DM comes up with is glow beetles? Extra ‘tard points if the DM actually coined the term “beetles with glowing asses” to describe them in-game (while giggling) to the players.

    But the big points go to weird gaming creepo for wearing said luminescent ass as a helmet. It was always the most annoying loser at the game table who wore parts of enemies on their persons after a fight, going way back to the lamer idiots you played with in Jr. High. Although it was pretty funny that Ken St. Andre did that very thing (wearing an enemies body part) at Jamal’s Dwimmermount session at blOwSR Con a few short years back. Seemed like a douche move at the time, but I think history has been kinder to Ken’s moronic behavior. I mean, he was in the world’s most boring dungeon being run by the world’s most boring DM. It’s possible Ken was doing performance art simply because he had no respect for The Fallen Pope or his failed dungeon.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      May 12, 2014 4:57 pm

      It hasn’t failed yet, there’s still time.

      The sun’ll come up, tomorrow…

  45. Kent's Jizz Covered Face permalink
    May 13, 2014 6:29 am

    TALK PPL PLEEZ MOAR ABOUT GAY KENT IRISH DRUNKIN FAG! USE DILDO AND ANAL BEADS!

  46. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    May 13, 2014 8:17 pm

    I was kind of disappointed to not find Rope Bondage Advanced Class available again at this year’s Gencon but it looks like Mistress Crimson has done one better:

    http://gencon.highprogrammer.com/gencon-indy-2014.cgi/event/WKS1459963

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      May 14, 2014 2:23 pm

      Stay classy, Indianapolis!

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