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OSR blog meme! OSR blog meme! Share, participate, validate

January 26, 2014
I should add more Norkers to my campaign...

I should add more Norkers to my campaign…

I love these things that Tenkar and Zak and Rients (RIP) do because they are so insightful and fun and they really create a sense of community. Please answer these questions on your blog or G+ and share with fellow OSR volk. [my answers in brackets]

10 OSR Questions We Should All Know About Everyone

  1. What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small? [large, duh]
  2. Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? (By “real” I mean “fake.”) [no]
  3. Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? [they are all 18 :)]
  4. Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one? [yes]
  5. Are you a member of a fantasy religion? (Jedi, Odin, Christian, etc.) [no]
  6. Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? [norkers]
  7. Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? [bag of sand]
  8. What is “hygiene?” [???]
  9. What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? [the nereid in tamoachan probably but maybe morgan ironwolf bacause dem tittiez]
  10. For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis? [any dice are fine, protip: save the d4 for last to avoid serious problems]
483 Comments leave one →
  1. Scott permalink
    January 26, 2014 9:58 am

    10 OSR Questions We Should All Know About Everyone

    What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small? [coin purse]
    Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? (By “real” I mean “fake.”) [lol no]
    Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? “[they are all 18 :)]” [that’s what JRT said][too soon?]
    Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one? [no]
    Are you a member of a fantasy religion? (Jedi, Odin, Christian, etc.) [I fap religiously]
    Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? [“gender” is for Women’s Studies majors]
    Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? [dough]
    What is “hygiene?” [Hi, Gene Weigel!]
    What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? [Probably the Erol Otus kelpie in White Plume Mountain]
    For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis? [many Zocchis require pre-coloring; no OSR member would allow colored up his butt]

    • January 26, 2014 10:01 am

      IT PUTS THE MEME ON ITS BLOG OR IT GETS THE HOSE

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      January 26, 2014 10:39 pm

      Kent just lets the natural fecal matter inside me color his Zocchis.

  2. January 26, 2014 10:48 am

    I love this sort if thing, itvreally brings us all together!
    http://themetalearth.blogspot.com/2013/07/10-questions-meme.html

  3. Chris Kutalik-o permalink
    January 26, 2014 10:58 am

    Blibdoolpoolp, true story.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      January 26, 2014 3:38 pm

      Greedy call girls always want to charge extra to put on the lobster head.

  4. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 26, 2014 6:14 pm

    1. What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small? – Every character I run is the inventor of the “fanny pack” in that world. If the DM won’t let me enjoy the riches that logically come from such innovations (and accolades from the gay community seeing as only they wear them anymore) I tell him “good day sir!” and grab my Doritos and dice and scram. I don’t play in the games of unfair DM’s.
    2. Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? – I have an old timey bronze phallic thing with small spikes on it I got at a storage locker auction. Not sure what it is for. Kent might know.
    3. Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? – Not sure. I don’t get quite as many boners as I did years ago, so maybe sex drive?
    4. Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one? – I took a shit on a copy of Alarums and Excursions years ago, and a pudgy little lady with B.O. popped out of nowhere with a copy of Ringworld under her arm and ate the turd while singing a filk song about Indy Jones. I would later learn this was a common stalker pass time of Lee Gold
    5. Are you a member of a fantasy religion? (Jedi, Odin, Christian, etc.) – Church of Monday Night Football
    6. Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? – I don’t really go all that racist in my games, although when I describe Kobolds they are not little lizards or little dogmen. They’re Mexicans.
    7. Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? – Those are weird analogies. I would say the little ones feel like Hostess cupcakes with a raison on top, and the big ones feel like…oops, came in my pants.
    8. What is “hygiene?” – When Weigel shows up at a con it’s what the one truly, cripplingly retarded guy at the MTG table shouts out. (Yeah, I know. That one is weak).
    9. What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? – The lion-mustached paladin guy in Dark Tower. Yeah, I was going through a kind of rebellious, experimental period at the time (shout out to Paul Jaquays).

  5. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    January 26, 2014 10:30 pm

    10 OSR Questions We Should All Know About Everyone

    1. What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small? MY CUPPED NUT SACK (LARGE)
    2. Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? (By “real” I mean “fake.”) FAT LONGPIG DUNGEON IMPLEMENTS
    3. Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? HDC (HUMAN DECENCY)
    4. Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one? NO, BUT I FUCKED CHRISTIAN’S WIFE RECENTLY AND NOW SHE KNOWS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GET FUCKED BY A REAL MAN INSTEAD OF A MOPEY SURFER “DUDE” IN AN APRON.
    5. Are you a member of a fantasy religion? HORSE FACED JEWESS
    6. Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? IN MY CAMPAIGN, ALL GREEDY BEADY-EYED WERERATS ARE MODELED AFTER MEDIEVAL JEWS. FLUMPHS ARE MODERN DAY ODINISTS.
    7. Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? TWO BIG MARBLES IN A SMOOTH BAG. AT LEAST I THINK IT WAS TITTIES THAT’S WHAT THAT OLDER GUY IN THE FLGS TOLD ME ANYWAY WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER.
    8. What is “hygiene?” WHORE’S BATH IN THE PUBLIC WATER FOUNTAIN BETWEEN GAME SESSIONS AT GARYCON: A QUICK SPLASH ON THE TITS, SHITS, AND DIRTY BITS. THEN LEAVE PAPER TOWEL WITH POOPY STAINS IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN FOR ALL TO SEE.
    9. What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? OGRE MAGE
    10. For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis? ZOCCHI ONLY, BUT BIG LOU HAS TO STICK THEM UP THERE PERSONALLY AFTER GREASING HIS ARM UP WITH CRISCO UP TO THE ELBOW.

  6. PrinceofNothing permalink
    January 27, 2014 1:39 am

    1. What is your favorite belt pouch large or small? [Bucknard’s everful purse of course, lol]
    2. Do you own real medieval weapons or armor? [I keep a janbiya with plastic handle, decorated with falcon pictures and a metallic falcon pommel from the time i got way too much into Arabian Adventures and converted to the Wisdom of the Loregiver near my person at all time in case a robber or Were-Jew breaks in and attempts to steal my rpg collection].
    3. Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? [a tie between personal and mental hygiene. And Kent. Does Kent count?]
    4. Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit in them [That is an oxymoron since they are both essentially the same thing].
    5. Are you a member of a fantasy religion? [I follow the teachings of Malesewskism to the letter and am waiting for the promised time when Dwimmermount will be completed and all the illegitimate offspring of the world will be annihilated by its coming.]
    6. Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? [Definetely orcs with niggers].
    7. Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? [Uh…uh…yes!]
    8. What is hygiene? [HD: 8, hp 36, MV 6, AC 5 # AT 2 D:1-8/1-8 Sp: Cure disease AL L)
    9. What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? [A true follower of the OsR does not need art to masturbate to DnD]
    10. For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis? [Depends on your alignment]

  7. Sykirobme permalink
    January 27, 2014 10:15 am

    I thought this would be about the “D&D is 40” meme that’s clogging up the OSR toilet. This is way better, tho.

  8. Professor Wormbog permalink
    January 27, 2014 10:52 am

    1> What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small? > I always insist on a Enema Bag of Holding. Iit’s a 10 gallon enema bag with a vibrating douchenozzle of +3 prostate stimulation. It will grant ANY wish if you can hold the entire enema for 15 minutes without ejaculating.
    2> Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? (By “real” I mean “fake.”) > Yes, but they are all handmade repros of WFRP weapons of non-human design. I once fashioned a skaven short sword from one of my dad’s steel rulers from his toolbox. It took me 14 hours, 3 hacksaw blades, 91 stitches and 9 leather shoestrings to wrap the handle. My dad never forgave me for ruining his ruler.
    3> Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? > My campaign would be run in WHFRP, so my lowest stat would be a Cl of 98.
    4> Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one? > I have many published, but zero circulated. I resorted to posting them on the events board at my local community college, but they are usually taken down as I am non-matriculated.
    5> Are you a member of a fantasy religion? (Jedi, Odin, Christian, etc.) > I am a Grand Wizard at my LARP group’s Church Of the Unholy Wind. we congregate and smell each others farts after binging on home brewed mead and Taco Bell.
    6> Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? > Niggers don’t play RPGs, so I reserve orcs for my gay rape fantasy scenarios. Dwarves are my Mexicans, as they are strongly religious, have large families, their women are bearded and like to send all their money home to support their grandparents. Any niggers that do show up in my fantasy setting are either fierce female warriors or sex slaves. All of them look like Grace Jones.
    7> Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? > My tits feel like shame and self hatred.
    8> What is “hygiene?” > It appears you have “stumped the chump” as I am unframilliar with this term.
    9> What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? >I preffer to masturbate into any underclothing I can steal from your laundry basket when I visit for game day. +10% XP if they belong to your mom or older sister. +15% if your slutty aunt is visiting and she’s menstruating. +20% XP if they belong to your wife. Gain a level +1XP if they belong to your teenage daughter.
    10> For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis? I have a set of baseball sized polyhedral dice I have commissioned from some sculptor on etsy. He’s casting them in silicone so they will be durable and able to withstand repeated insertions and expulsions.

  9. Timotheus permalink
    January 27, 2014 11:12 am

    1. Small – keeps the plebes from begging too much.
    2. Rusty pocket knife still stained from Faggi’s cutting days.
    3. Lowest stat is Comeliness: 15.
    4. Yes and yes.
    5. All religions can be true! None are Fantasy! Praise Ass Nasticus for showing me the way through this darkness!
    6. Equal opportunity racism for all!
    7. Female breasts feel like pudgy handles.
    8. Weigel on his 13th bong hit.
    9. The Carrion Crawler from Greyhawk Sup. 1.
    10. Any dice will do nicely, thank you very much.

    • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
      January 27, 2014 12:55 pm

      Replies have been pretty lame so far. I want my money back. 😦

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        January 28, 2014 10:30 am

        You know, we don’t really appreciate hurtful comments here. Take that negative vibe over to rpg.net.

  10. Kent's Rectum permalink
    January 27, 2014 10:06 pm

    Kent asked me to post this for him. Here goes!

    10 OSR Questions We Should All Know About Everyone

    1. What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small?
    Louis Vuitton – FABULOUS!

    2. Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? (By “real” I mean “fake.”)
    Does a rubber gimp suit count?

    3. Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character?
    STR (Straightness) 0

    4. Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one?
    It’s a trick question as all OSR zines are shit published by CRETINS!

    5. Are you a member of a fantasy religion?
    Church of Pillow Biting Homosexual Bottoms Who Love Getting a BuFu.

    6. Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags?
    The fag thing, I find it gets the boys I play with randy so I can cop a feel down their pants.

    7. Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough?
    I’m a fag how the hell would I know?

    8. What is “hygiene?”
    Remembering to clean my poop off the dildo before I use it again.

    9. What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to?
    The blonde boy in the denim overalls in that D&D magazine ad that ran back in the early 80s when the game was still a pop culture phenomenon.

    10. For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis?
    They are all too small for me to even feel anymore. I love getting fisted though. Christ am I one gay ass Irish drunken faggot by the name of Kent!

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      January 28, 2014 10:30 am

      +1

  11. January 27, 2014 10:11 pm

    I think I saw this in a Raggi module…

    • The Magnificent Poop van Pants permalink
      January 28, 2014 12:04 am

      What are you talking about, that IS the next Raggi module…
      Temple of the Assgazer

  12. PrinceofNothing permalink
    January 28, 2014 4:21 am

    Small tangent here. Alexis predicts the future and proposes that any of you fuckers that dares to make a joke in a pretend to be elves game gets death threats.
    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/

    • January 28, 2014 7:50 am

      The apocalyptic warning is . . . Dungeons and Dragons needs to be taken as motherfucking seriously as grandma’s bridge club or those board jockey hobos “knifing each other” all the time down in Tompkins Square? The day of wrath is coming, all you smug jock bankers with your pretty wives and gas-guzzling vans and plastic fantastic 1% golden parachute plans! THE DAY OF THE DICE! Soon to be a fucking Disney Touchstone film with Tony Award Winner Jeffrey Wright as the feral D&D homeless genius and OSCAR Winner Geoffrey Rush as the crusading therapist who pulls him out of his shell. In the future a few generations from now. The Wachowskis want to direct. Because it will be the future so jet packs and all the phones will have pop-o-matic capability.

      But you tourist fuckers are here to troll, not roll so in no particular order:

      * messenger style bag from that robot place
      * fuck no, N/A magic user, stop wrecking my veri-fucking-similitude
      * it ain’t my SIZ lol the ladies got no complaints
      * fuck no
      * AMORC just like “Benjamins” Franklin yo
      * both good
      * real ones dough, augmented = sandbag
      * that class P/E turns into between football and hunter safety
      * i actually don’t remember but Tawny Kitaen rocks the “shield maids of sea rune”
      * those fucking novelty zocchis look sharp enough to cause peritonitis

    • Scott permalink
      January 28, 2014 12:00 pm

      That post reflects some very weird ideas about how the world works outside of gaming circles. Nothing out of line with his previous rough-trade reveries of the two-fisted world of line cookery, blue-collar barroom bonhomie, and teh streetz, but this may be his watershed “bags of sand” moment.

      • Peanut Eminem permalink
        January 28, 2014 2:34 pm

        Some other dude throws poo back at Alexis.

        http://ravencrowking.blogspot.ca/2014/01/ymmv.html

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        January 28, 2014 7:33 pm

        This is my favorite passage:

        That whole bit in the movie where the Man in Black and Inigo are discussing Bonetti’s Defense and Capo Ferro was invented by William Goldman in the book … and done only about ten thousand times better. I think that the people who inventd 4e loved that idea, that swordplay could have names attached to it, and they went whole hog on the idea. The only thing is, Goldman had been writing for films for some time (he wrote Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Stepford Wives, All the President’s Men, Marathon Man and A Bridge Too Far, explaining why you’ve never heard of him). He was making a joke (the book is a satire) about the bullshit moves that onstage/screen swordsmen use that makes it look like they’re fighting, while not actually risking injury. In other words, he was trying to force the reader out of the idea that this sword play was real, by having the character Inigo learn each style as though it was the equivalent of getting a doctor’s licence. It’s subtle.

        Of course, what he doesn’t realize is that swordplay (indeed all fighting arts) does have names attached to techniques- an attack can be in “quarte” or “septime” or what-have-you. The fight that he describes is particularly ridiculous- two chuckleheads ripping up fence posts and whacking each other with them? He’d be better off doing some actual research before bloviating.

      • January 29, 2014 6:52 am

        I may disagree with what Alexis says, but I will defend to the death his right to make an ass out of himself. (His death, not mine)

        BTW, that Raven Croaking guy is just a TOURIST. When the ‘Serious Elfgame’ revolution comes, he will be the first against the wall. (IMHO)

      • Aos permalink
        January 31, 2014 10:42 am

        What a long-winded bag of fuck he is.

  13. Meta Green permalink
    January 28, 2014 10:43 am

    1.What is your favorite belt pouch, large or small? [Crown Royal bag, cause only the AuldSkewlest is Kewlest]
    2.Do you own any real medieval weapons or armor? (By “real” I mean “fake.”) [flail, bec-de-corbin, and a Claymore are the only truly authentic items made by real smiths, the rest are low-grade half-tang knockoffs a real collector wouldn’t be caught dead with]
    3.Other than CHA, STR, WIS, DEX or CON what is your lowest stat if you were a D&D character? [they are all 18 🙂 — hey, same here!]
    4.Have you ever published a zine or taken a shit on one? [no, I just collect other people’s shitty fanzines obsessively]
    5.Are you a member of a fantasy religion? (Jedi, Odin, Christian, etc.) [all of the above]
    6.Which are you more comfortable with in your campaign, the kind of racism that equates orcs with niggers or the kind of homophobia that treats Girdles of Opposite Gender as an opportunity to taunt players for being fags? [yes]
    7.Does a female breast feel more like kind of a bag of sand, or maybe like warm bread dough? [I don’t remember, wifey makes me sleep in the game room nowadays]
    8.What is “hygiene?” [dusting the shelves containing my precious Rank 3 and 4 rares]
    9.What was the first piece of D&D art you ever beat off to? [DMG 1st print succubus FTW!1!]
    10.For putting up your butt, are any dice okay or only Zocchis? [my ass is too tight to fit anything up there, plus I wouldn’t want to ruin my metal Dwarven dice, icky]

  14. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 28, 2014 6:32 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=64677

    What about you fellas? You ever make swears that aren’t all growed up swears? Some of my favorites to use during gaming:

    Oh fudgy pants!
    My schmeckle hurts!
    Mother father cocker spaniel!
    Poopy face tomato nose!
    By Lorraine Williams smelly smegma!
    Asscrack Fatbeard Catpiss!

  15. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    January 28, 2014 7:36 pm

    Anybody here got a Dragonsfoot account so they can start a “RIP Pete Seeger” that could hilariously melt down?

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      January 28, 2014 7:36 pm

      RIP Pete Seeger thread

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 28, 2014 8:47 pm

    It’ll probably be that douche Wheggi who starts it. Trent Fisters personal cocksmoker loves to start music threads so he can flex whatever the fuck he thinks he knows about god fucking knows what.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      January 29, 2014 1:09 pm

      It’s not prog or Rush. He won’t start that one.

  17. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    January 29, 2014 12:04 pm

    Somebody promote teh funny @ YDIS here:
    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=64670

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      January 29, 2014 12:18 pm

      Wanted to oblige, died of shame halfway through.

  18. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    January 30, 2014 9:31 am

    I gotta give it to Faggi, the man’s got ballz. With rewards still due from his “NOW OR TEH NEVERZ” campaign AND the Free RPG Day 2013 campaign, he is getting ready to launch a Free RPG Day 2014 campaign :/

    http://www.indiegogo.com/project/preview/f8b07ade

    • Zak's Absent Father permalink
      January 31, 2014 12:02 pm

      I don’t think we should confuse balls with an all-you-can-eat buffet champion’s lack of shame.

    • Timotheus permalink
      January 31, 2014 12:25 pm

      Great, now Fags wants players to kill children by the bucketload. Great cover with the kids being mutilated. That guy just knows the buttons to push on the unblown.

      Gosh, it just isn’t any fair that he would have to pay out of his own pocket to put product on the shelves. Thank Satan for crowdfunding!

      Also, another exclusive cover this year for backers only! I bet the mouth of the T-rex gets depicted as a vagina this time. Edgy!

  19. February 1, 2014 12:09 pm

    I know you fucks are tired of kickstarter disasters but IRWS (sniff, sniff) would want the troll blog of record to scoop Tenkar with the latest Dwimmer news. Turns out that Alex guy has found some big plot holes in the manuscript that the last ten months of intensive development somehow missed. I guess the glitches go way deeper than copper-loving rats, Lady Quim’s endless dust and how the textiles didn’t conform to the ACKS economics rules so they need to add on another layer of text to make sense of everything.

    On the Autarch site they are saying it should take another four months to fill in the gaps and give you the legendary mega dungeon you signed up for back in March 2012. I think that means June 2014. Hope everybody’s cool with that.

    http://autarch.co/forums/dwimmermount/any-danger-ever-getting-completed-or-released

    Interesting bit of trivia: the Autarch team has now been “massaging” this thing longer than the Pope before he gave up in early December 2012 and the happy ending is still nowhere in sight. I’m sure it will be AWESOME but guys, the first law of editing is: do no harm. The second law of editing is: especially when you’re already over deadline. Do not spend six months fucking with the textiles and reopening elements like the map book that we all thought you closed last fucking summer. Finish the page, move on, repeat until done. THIS GOES DOUBLE FOR YOU, SKARKA!

    • Arneson's Manboob permalink
      February 3, 2014 11:33 am

      SKARKAAAAAAAA

      • February 3, 2014 1:05 pm

        Man just had a piece of his colon taken out, apparently. Who knew?

      • Zak's Absent Father permalink
        February 3, 2014 3:14 pm

        I knew he was full of shit, but that seems a little extreme!

    • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
      February 4, 2014 7:13 pm

      ……and no one caught any of this in the pdf’s released for play testing ???

      • Zak's Absent Father permalink
        February 5, 2014 5:31 am

        Megadungeons are for admiring on your bookshelf, not for reading or playing. It’s about having a complete collection of OSR stuff, not about actually using the junk.

  20. zarathustra permalink
    February 1, 2014 6:00 pm

    AN oldy, but a goody. There was not enough showers of praise in the comments section on this guys free downloads (apparently he forgot that if you can’t say anything nice most people will not say anything at all while downloading your crappy houserules) so in order to facilitate proper respect and recognition for his work he is charging for it (eg $20 for a pdf of his system on how to use reaction rolls. Seriously.).

    http://hackslashmaster.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/on-ive-made-terrible-mistake.html

  21. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 1, 2014 8:51 pm

    What he’s really saying, “You OSR dumb fucks will throw money at ANYTHING, but I was a dumber fuck for not figuring that out in time!”

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 1, 2014 8:59 pm

      Cut & Paste the Work of Others Guru and Greedy Backstabber of his First OSR Bro’s Mythmere said: “The one thing to keep in mind is that you don’t get many substantial comments even when you publish for money. It’s simply that most people don’t feel like writing comments.”

      In a couple of years, the Hack & Slash hack will move away from the outdated Blogger format to the currently hot Google+ circle jerk and learn that +1’s in an echo chamber are all you can ever hope for, whether you give your shit house rules away for free or sucker one of the BlOwSR neckbeards out of some pocket change for them.

      • Zak's Absent Father permalink
        February 2, 2014 9:40 am

        Courtney (nice name for a girl) is already on G+, but no one really gives a shit about him there either. Most action he’s gotten was for plagiarizing those Grimtooth traps.

      • Aos permalink
        February 2, 2014 1:49 pm

        G plus is the newest worst thing to happen to gaming ever.
        Meanwhile, some grumpy old guy is grumpy and old, still dreaming of Gary’s sweet caress:

        http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=28895

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 2, 2014 5:44 pm

        And post #2 is from a JaMal apologist!

        I fucking hate everybody, especially those Liberturdians at RPGPundick’s shit hole.

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 2, 2014 8:12 pm

        That Mornard faggot is the champion of bitter TSR-era tag-alongs. When he first showed up on the internet a few years ago he would claim legitimacy by reminding everyone that having a giant slug in D&D was his idea. It’s nice that he admits to being a whore, but that only serves to get him more adulation from self-hating RPGShiters. In a karmic world, nobody would buy his shitty whiny-ass book, but since Satan runs the crowdfunding part of reality (scientifically proven by Faggi’s success), it will obviously fund.

      • February 3, 2014 6:59 am

        “Yes, I’m whining about whining. I appreciate the irony.”

        At least he’s self-conscious.

      • February 3, 2014 7:18 am

        I can’t imagine Old Fartypants McGeezers book being much more than a collection ala Jack the Shining’s novel except columns of “I don’t remember.” or “That was after my time.” Maybe the Old Geezer fellow had his genius moments of insight into D&D’s early years at one time but I’ve never seen him post any sparkling insights.

      • February 3, 2014 8:25 am

        Surely, you’re not insinuating that his book is a crass attempt to make money?

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        February 3, 2014 10:03 pm

        Oh no, definitely done to educate and enlighten role players of the awesome history of the game. Not half-assed pohned in short scribbles of some dude that is milking OSRtards out of a few sheckles so that he can afford to grab himself a beer and not have to put it on his bloated bar tab. I think he said that thing clocks in at a massive 10,000 words? Fuck, Nanowrimo people work harder.

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        February 4, 2014 10:08 am

        Kent was disappointed to learn that MOORCOCK is just a name.

  22. February 2, 2014 6:09 am

    Uh oh, who’s been playing on facebook.

    https://www.facebook.com/gary.gygax.940

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 3, 2014 7:02 am

      I like that even in death Gary can still get seven Facebook friends.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 3, 2014 11:01 pm

      Now Old Geezer is leading the charge to get Zuckerberg to take down the fake Gary Gygax Facebook page (hey, anything to avoid having to wipe his butt crack thoroughly amirite?!) It’s a win for me just to see Old Geezer have to type in “I’m thinking of getting ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL tattooed around my anus” about his old dearly departed friend. But that Facebook Jew is getting a lot of ad revenue from all the hits Fake Gary is generating, so don’t hold your breath, you fat ass unblown neckbeards!

      http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?716094-Fake-Gary-Gygax-page-on-Facebook

      KEEP THAT SHIT UP ON FACEBOOK I SAY!

      • bad wolf permalink
        February 4, 2014 5:26 am

        Are we sure that’s a fake Gary Gygax? I mean, none of us saw the body.

        I always enjoy coming across random forums complaining about basic internet services.

        Like, here’s a fellow on a Harn forum asking for a pdf of an out-of-print for 30 years module:
        http://www.lythia.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=7045
        Immediate response: “Can somebody tell me why what’s going on here is not illegal?”

        And here’s a fatbeard freaking out at DriveThruRPG the first time he hears about it (pdfs? online? must be illegal!) and does a domain search on the villains:
        http://www.multiverse.org/fora/showthread.php?t=1730
        “Until you stop circulating your Moorcock related products, you are basically thieving from him and his readers who buy such stuff on good faith. “

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        February 4, 2014 8:31 am

        If one keeps things into perspective, one of course discovers that D&D, the primordial ooze from which all the other games evolved from(not really but still), was itself a mish-mash of content cherry-picked from various literary sources. RPG’s are all about ripping things off. Some of the best Rpgs out there “were inspired by”(that means ripped-off and given the ol’ palette swap) material from various fictional sources and or games. What a bunch of anal-retentive losers.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 4, 2014 10:05 am

        Anyone whose screen name is Whiskers the Flying Cat has to have some serious hygiene issues. AMIRITE?!

      • Skarka the Hutt permalink
        February 4, 2014 7:24 pm

        Michael Moorcock, the anarchist, looks to have his rights protected by the law. Nice.

  23. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 3, 2014 7:00 am

    With all the hullabaloo surrounding Black History Month and the death of that Liberal heroin addicted actor who played degenerate homosexual Truman Capote, you may have missed that GOPagan has released his ripoff of Gary Gygax’s Castle Greyhawk dungeon. Remember folks, there are no colored people in fantasy gaming except Drow, and you won’t find any here! And remember the Tea Party mantra of YOU DIDN’T BUILD THIS! (even if he did rip off Gary’s corpse and shit down the mouth of his widow) so don’t download any illegally shared copies!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 3, 2014 9:13 am

      Slanderous lies! Castle of the Mad Archmage not only includes Dragon Men in all colours of the rainbow, but also has among its new monsters the Albino Carnivorous Ape. There is even a special encounter with a ‘Golden Man,’ thus representing people of all demographics and ethnicities. The more you know!

  24. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 4, 2014 3:07 pm

    That Gygax “tribute” Facebook page is actually kind of funny.

    I doubt his family is sitting around online all day looking to get angry at fake Gygax pages. I double doubt that Geezer creepo is in contact with his family. Unless there is money in it they don’t want anything to do with old geeks from GG’s games. I call total bullshit on this guy. Isn’t he the same dude who claims to have played in an hours-long solo game run by GG, and his 1st level MU blew his one spell then ran around bombing everything with flaming oil and survived? What a fucking loser.

  25. Skarka the Hutt permalink
    February 4, 2014 7:29 pm

    The actual post is sort of humdrum. But joethelawyer’s comment is amusing.

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/02/if-you-have-con-and-no-one-shows-did-it.html

    • February 5, 2014 6:43 am

      That first “Ode To A Man Cave” comment about the sausage “factory” (?) and how the only eggs on display are deeply pickled reminded me of how the OSRIC guys imagine their manly web forum times:

      “This is the Alehouse, and we behave like people in a tavern. There’s sawdust on the floor and a one-eyed hobbit in a cage hanging up by the entrance, and the bouncer’s a troll. Whenever Kellri posts anything you have to imagine him kicked back on a leather-padded armchair with a fat cigar in his mouth, a foamy pint of Bridgelington’s Bowel Basher in one hand and a viet call girl on the other. It doesn’t mean Mr Raggi’s anyone’s sworn enemy, it just means we don’t care if we offend him.”

      In other words, a kind of Soft Cell video shoot where “one-eyed hobbits” and other phallic imagery are everywhere, all the women are paid to be there and speakee funnee Englee, the novelty drinks sound both overpriced and godawful, and most importantly the men are men fuck yeah. Just don’t film their manly exploits!

      • Zak's Absent Father permalink
        February 5, 2014 8:07 am

        I’m guessing the beer isn’t the only “Bowel Basher” they fantasize about.

      • February 5, 2014 8:52 am

        Bridgelington’s Bowel Basher: same old-school foaming lubricant you love, now sold in “value packs” for those hard-to-manage insertions. And it’s asatru-approved so you know it’s manly! (No cameras please.)

  26. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 4, 2014 8:05 pm

    What is more amusing is Joe The Unblownlawyer was paying to play online solo games with the likes of Satine Pheonix and Mandy a couple or three years ago. Maybe he’s just upset he can’t get one-on-one play in this thing, but instead has to participate in what amounts to a Google + gang bang?

    Some of those chick games sound kind of cringe worthy. But The Unblown will generally eat something like this up, like Satine lapping a choad load off the floor, right?

    • Zak's Absent Father permalink
      February 5, 2014 5:29 am

      “I just want to play D&D. Those games listed and the systems used are generally unappealing to a one trick pony like me. At a glance it looks like a bunch of story games. Plus, I only see one flailsnails game in the whole list. Maybe I’m not the demographic you’re searching for though.”

      IF I CAN’T FLAILSNAILS I WILL CRY BIG MANLY TEARS.

      I also like that later on he admits to being a failure as a lawyer, which explains why he’s constantly on G+ singing the “Any games starting in an hour? Anyone? It’s not like I’ve got work to do” mantra.

      I know plenty of lawyers, all of them gainfully employed. If JoetheFailure can’t pull that off with a law degree, it’s him, he’s the problem.

      • Scott permalink
        February 5, 2014 5:35 am

        I replied to his comment re: the legal profession. His take on it is not representative of my experience. At all.

      • Zak's Absent Father permalink
        February 5, 2014 5:50 am

        But that’s your take on flailsnails, Scott? If you can’t play your ~one favorite character from D&D~ is it worth playing at all?

      • February 5, 2014 6:23 am

        That whole thread is hilarious. Tenkar brings so much spin-doctor-level negativity to it that I thought for a minute he was talking down the Obamacare website and not a project for raising the visibility of women in gaming hooray.

        Maybe if the good people at CONSTANTCON were fucking dads coaxing their daughters to pester fucking Lego for more Angelina Jolie minifigs (tits on thx) they’d get a standing ovation. But instead, the weird droning about “self-imposed handicaps” and “segregation was a failure” dribbling down to “I don’t want to be on camera so this thing is doomed, as opposed to all those other fucking Hangouts games Google automatically records and nobody gives a shit.”

        Then it becomes all about how Joe THE LAWYER can’t find a job because I dunno, white men endangered species or something.

      • Scott permalink
        February 5, 2014 6:46 am

        “But that’s your take on flailsnails, Scott? If you can’t play your ~one favorite character from D&D~ is it worth playing at all?”

        Haven’t played G+ hangout games, but it sounds kind of fun since it’s hard to find people here who want to play 70s D&D or T&T and I don’t feel like putting up a flyer and dealing with whatever randos show up. I’m just weird about playing games on webcam.

        I don’t care about favorite characters, don’t have one, seems odd, and I’d be fine with someone handing me a pregen of Carlos the Dwarf or whatever. But my not giving a shit is part of what’s wrong with gaming as srs business.

      • bad wolf permalink
        February 5, 2014 9:49 am

        Not a good sign when you need to include your credentials in your online handle. A fellow PhD of my acquaintance (let’s call him “Jones”) blogged/commented under the nom-de-internet “Dr.Jones”. Was it a coincidence that he was the biggest joke in the department, the one no-one expected to graduate, and the one with the biggest problem finding work? Hard to say…

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 5, 2014 3:03 pm

      With misogynist comments like that, no wonder Joe the Unblown Lawyer is a complete failure at life. At least he knows he’s too fat and ugly to be recorded.

  27. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 5, 2014 3:06 pm

    And Tenkar’s Turdshack – WTF? Tenkar is textbook social retard in that he always comes out all doom and gloom in his Turdshack floaters (that is his blog posts), then he caves and updates his post after he’s proven wrong for the umpteenth time yet again. What a fucktard.

  28. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 5, 2014 3:14 pm

    There are way more law school grads than there are jobs, despite the fact that we live in a system that makes them more and more necessary against all logic. Still, it is the go-to profession of people who cannot decide what they really want to do but want to make big bank and act superior like they are curing cancer or something. Anybody with the money or loan can go to law school. But like anything else you need to be good at it and stand out if you want a real job. Lots of guys pass the BAR then have to work in a mailroom. Our man Joe probably has a “show me the money” attitude, but is just as lazy as most of The Unblown. Who wants to work up contracts and shit when they could be coming up with tables for city encounters? Probably why he loves Princess Zak so much. A lazy ass dude drawing tits and bragging about “cause porn starz u guise” is somebody Joe would rather be. Joe probably sums up the OSRtards in general. It’s on the shoulders of losers like Joe that the so called luminaries of the BlOwSR get to stand.

    • Scott permalink
      February 6, 2014 6:20 am

      I’d like to jump to the defense of the profession but this is pretty accurate. My typical law school peer was a straight-out-of-undergrad poli sci major with no work experience and no other live career options. Many were actual stupid people.

  29. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 5, 2014 3:16 pm

    Sorry, Unblown Neckbeards of the blOwSR, Gary Gygax is still up on Facebook! He’s back from the dead for D&D@40, and he’s tellin’ it like it is! Meanwhile, your smear campaign against Gary’s Facebook page is a BUST!

    https://www.facebook.com/gary.gygax.940

    Shout out to all seven of Gary’s Facebook friends:
    Bob Smith
    Dennis Hughes, Jr.
    Matthew Krieg
    Jason Woodlings
    Terrance Mawson
    Robert Bridgett
    Matt Hughes

    Hey Gary! Write something sick and perverted about that baby Robert Bridgett is holding! How many hit points does that little fucker have in case you want to disembowel him?

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      February 5, 2014 5:28 pm

      Who, I know “Gary” and “Raggi” are kinda sorta anagrams, but Gary wasn’t down with disemboweling human babies.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 5, 2014 7:04 pm

        Have you seen the New Gary? Oh he’s down alright!

  30. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 5, 2014 5:07 pm

    This is a a little OT, but I just watched a promo for Rowan Farrow’s new MSNBC show. That is not Woody Allen’s son. He clearly has Frank Sinatra’s eyes.

    Old Blue Eyes not Jew Eyes.

  31. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    February 5, 2014 5:26 pm

    sigh

    http://www.patreon.com/hackandslash

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 5, 2014 7:01 pm

      So we’re expected to pay losers to use the Internet now?

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        February 5, 2014 7:56 pm

        Blogging is HARD work. You can’t really expect these full time bloggers to actually have anything as unhip as a real job, can you? Hell with sharing ideas (good and bad) the OSR unblown have unlimited dollars so fleece them for every copper piece you can!

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 5, 2014 7:45 pm

      “I have a kid and a wife, but if you pay me I’ll ignore them to write about a game on the internet.”

      He’s got little time between work and his family, but if you pay him it will all work out!!!

      That fucker should pay ME to read his shitty-ass blog posts.

      Seriously.

      • turdburglar permalink
        February 6, 2014 5:12 am

        Seriously, the dude can eat a fucking dick.

    • Zak's Absent Father permalink
      February 6, 2014 6:40 am

      LET’S READ: Monkeyfucker’s Plea for Money!

      “Hi. I’m Courtney Campbell. I’m a guy who went with his father at age five to buy a 1st edition Players Handbook. We sat in a mall pizza outlet and flipped through it together.”

      –immediately his D&D “golden age of childhood” is linked to pizza. It is safe to say that he has a pizza-centric view of the world. Notice that he never uses an actual picture of himself as an avatar anywhere. He must be fucking fat.

      “I’ve never been happier than when I’ve been playing, writing, drawing, or thinking about Dungeons and Dragons.”

      –never happier? Jesus, what an awful sex life he must have.

      “Given the chance you can receive insider comments and commentary about posts, a link posted on my blog, access to pages from my personal notebooks every month, and even the satisfaction of showing my wife that I’m really not wasting all this time writing about Dungeons and Dragons.”

      –case in point: his wife is sick of this shit. She’s probably getting nailed by the mailman on the side. Who could blame her?

      • February 6, 2014 8:03 am

        “Notice that he never uses an actual picture of himself as an avatar anywhere.”

        You mean he’s not a monkey? I’m disappointed. I mean, I’d give money to a monkey for writing a D&D blog. Giving money to a human sets a bad precedent.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 6, 2014 1:49 pm

        Not even his wedding day or birth of his own child makes him as happy as thinking about D&D?

        Then again, if his wife is fucking the mailman and the kid ain’t really his…

  32. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    February 5, 2014 11:45 pm

    Garycon event registration is coming up soon but they don’t have any of the cool stuff that Gencon had last year like Bellydancing (both regular and “tribal”), Pole Dancing for Fitness, or perennial fave Rope Bondage Advanced Class: “Come learn how to play safely with your rope, that you keep. Learn about suspension, decoration, and more! Then time playing with your new skills. Our team will help you on all your BDSM questions.” Hopefully Blooey won’t drop the ball and neglect to include such at Pollycon.

  33. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    February 5, 2014 11:56 pm

    http://gencon.highprogrammer.com/gencon-indy-2013.cgi/event/WKS1341069

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 6, 2014 8:14 am

      Man, if only David Carradine had taken this guy’s class.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 6, 2014 10:17 am

      Stay classy, Indianapolis!

  34. Timotheus permalink
    February 6, 2014 9:57 am

    Hey, a lot of exciting drama over Dumbermount! That kid Alex (who wrote Android Concubine Queer because he couldn’t figure out how to timker with the economics of D&D) is unfucking the manuscript. The dogmatic drones of the blOwSR are goosestepping out in a frenzy because he casually mentioned resolving a few of the many contradictions in the shitty manuscript. Be sure to check out GOPagan and Turdkar and their hordes telling us how JMal told us that Gary told us it should be done:

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/02/and-i-say-unto-thee-dwimmermount-what.html#comment-form

    This is about to get popcorn-worthy.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 6, 2014 1:46 pm

      I love how this Alex guy is clearly talking about Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon’s fucked up illogical backstory (JaMal really sucks as a designer let alone human being) and not metaplot, but one misspoke word sends these social retards into a tizzy over railroading, Dragonlance and story game hate. There are going to be a lot of keyboard warrior neckbeards talking out their assholess today. Assholes they will poorly wipe after making #2, if they even wipe at all.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 6, 2014 1:58 pm

        Check out Alex’s (AM’s) comment on Tenkar’s Turdshack. I really like this guy for standing up to those social retards and calling them out on their pearl clutching bullshit.

        Queue Tenkar backpedaling, ass kissing, and editing his blog post in 3, 2, 1…

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 6, 2014 2:43 pm

        Yeah, I wasn’t much of an alex fan (it really is a staggering failure of imagination to re-write D&D because you want to redo the economics) but I like him now after smacking down all the blOwSR warrriors who think mistakes and inconsistencies breed great games. What morons. That goebbelsian Shadowknows faggot reminds me of poor little Ed Dove, Faggi disciple who disappeared after being called out.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 6, 2014 2:56 pm

        Jesus Mother Fucking Christ those unblown JaMal apologist retards at the Turdshack have quite an imagination and high expection of what the nonexistent Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon is supposed to be!

      • Skarka the Hutt permalink
        February 6, 2014 3:25 pm

        I love how that cunt sandwich, TheShadowKnows, actually refuses to address Alex after he gets smacked down by him. Social retard, indeed. He’ll just stick his shit stained fingers in his ears and ignore Alex.

        I find ACKS hit and miss, but Alex gained some credit in my mind. JMal left a fucked up mess behind. No wonder everyone else was just spinning their wheels. Dwimmermount really is the piece of shit everyone imagined it could be,

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 6, 2014 4:29 pm

        It was only a matter of time until gorgonsperm showed up:

        “I guess I’d prefer to get my hands on the unfinished notes, being the DIY, literary purist guy.”

        Because that was clearly what the fools who backed this wanted – shit scribbled on a napkin.

        “Filling in the blanks is ultimately going to give the reader de Camp’s Conan — versus exposing that reader to Robert E. Howard’s incomplete, untouched drafts and letting him draw his own conclusions.”

        Does this dumbass realize that REH had a lot of “completed” Conan drafts? And that they were actually published in Weird Tales in the 1930s? Yeah DeCamp fucked with them in later publication, but the majority were not incomplete and waiting to be rescued, and obviously not in the Dimmermount clusterfuck fashion. These dumbfucks get so swept up in dogma ans slogans that they can’t even-

        “Mythology exults in inconsistencies!”

        Er…

      • February 6, 2014 5:15 pm

        Hey Greg, stop weighing in on Tenkar’s and deliver de Petty Gods you took over amid enormous hoopla 11 months ago!

      • Scott permalink
        February 6, 2014 6:19 pm

        TheShadowKnows and axemental have to be the same person.

        And good luck getting your hands on the unfinished notes … I’m sure they’ve been archived away in the special collections room at Harvard or whatever the deal was

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        February 7, 2014 6:36 am

        Jospeh Bloch: “I submit that makes him a poor fit for this project. It’s not an adventure for a preparer and a systemizer. If he is going to fold, spindle, and mutilate it to fit his own predilections, I fear that it will lose the uniqueness infused by James M. that drew me to it in the first place.”

        And what uniqueness was that you turtleneck-wearing moral leper? 2000 cp? Rats? Some of James’s stuff (like the space elves and the king of cats and whatnot) sounds alright, but how would applying a sort of internal logic fuck it up? Is everyone so stuck in the troglodyte mindset they cannot perceive that internal consistency is something old school dungeons tend to apply rather rigorously when compared to most modern dungeons? Did anyone read James’s posts about dungeons as a sort of ecology? Versimilitude? “Gygaxian naturalism?” Do they honestly prefer a bunch of rooms stuck together in haphazard fashion with an orc guarding a treasure chest behind a locked door?

        I think i can answer that one:

        ShadawN00s: “What you’re missing is that an old school megadungeon doesn’t (or at least isn’t supposed to) have a “plot” or a “story” until the players create one through play. Elaborate backstory is just a whole lot of “Who shot John?” and an excellent indicator that a railroad awaits. We can’t have the players missing any of our amateur fiction, can we? Plus, quite frankly, I can’t read those quotes from Alex without hearing them in Comic Book Guy’s voice: “Worst. Megadungeon. Ever.”

        So what he is saying is that Dwimmermount should have no plot or story. Don’t certain monsters imply a sort of backstory ShadawN00s? Shouldn’t they replace those with random tables so the monsters don’t actually apply any sort of background that is not generated through play(but wait! Even if those tables contain every monster in the MM, that still implies a backstory, even an infinite number of different monsters lends some sort of atmosphere or context). Does ShadawN00s complain to his GM(his poor, poor GM) that the medieval arms and armour imply some sort of ‘setting’ that should really have been developed through play?

        Points for that Alex guy for handing out smackdowns left and right in a polite, respectful fashion. You may be spending valuable hours and manpower on an irretrievably damaged ruin of a manuscript for the amusement of a bunch of cretins who will whine and moan about every single detail you add but dammit at least you are giving it your all.

    • Skarka the Hutt permalink
      February 6, 2014 3:34 pm

      And that horse dong loving whore, GOPagan, just can’t help but sell his piece of shit, Gygax rip-off. I don’t hate much of the OSR, but I do hate him. I hope he doesn’t send his racist Asatru mojo my way. I am not sure I could resist his fairy tale magic.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        February 6, 2014 6:51 pm

        Here’s the money quote from the OSR Odinist:

        I submit that makes him a poor fit for this project. It’s not an adventure for a preparer and a systemizer. If he is going to fold, spindle, and mutilate it to fit his own predilections, I fear that it will lose the uniqueness infused by James M. that drew me to it in the first place.

        An infusion of dust…

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 6, 2014 7:30 pm

        Here’s the thing. I didn’t back this piece of shit because 1) I already wasted my money on his uninspired railroad The Cursed Chateau piece of shit where we learned that JaMal couldn’t pull off what his big mouth promised, and 2) when JaMal’s old company Rogue Games dropped him and his 10000 Suns Suckdungeon in Space setting and put as much distance as possible between them when he announced his Kickstarter plans, I knew Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon would blow donkey cunts and he wouldn’t come through once again. All of these fucktards like GOPagan pretending otherwise about Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon are so full of shit to pretend that they ever thought this was going to be something special.

        Fact: If JaMal had managed to finish his suckdungeon, everything they claim they want now would have been torn to shreds and they would be shouting from the rooftops exactly everything Alex is saying now.

        They are a fickle, fickle bunch of pearl clutching Nancy boys in the blOwSR.

    • Zak's Absent Father permalink
      February 6, 2014 3:51 pm

      Proof that the OSR dummies would rather just have Dwimmermount on their shelf next to the dozen retroclones they own than have a module that actually makes sense. I mean, it’s not like they’re going to actually run the thing.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 6, 2014 7:32 pm

        As the Acaeum has shown us, 99.995% of blOwSR gamers are RPG COLLECTORS, not RPG players.

  35. Zak's Absent Father permalink
    February 6, 2014 3:59 pm

    Also, if any of you see my son, Zak, can you please tell him that insisting that TRUE STATEMENTS delivered with a LACK OF EMOTION (but maybe with condescension or some other kind of asshole-ism) are the basis of human interaction makes him sound like either a malfunctioning robot or the King of the Spergs?

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=28874

    I’d tell him myself but I bailed out on that whole fatherhood thing as soon as I saw the writing on the wall about how that little shit was going to turn out.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 7, 2014 7:46 am

      GizmoDuck5000 has the virtue of a saint and should pick up teaching to elementary school children. The sheer amount of density and lack of reading comprehension that can be found in that thread makes one weep for mankind.

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 7, 2014 7:30 pm

        Yes, but doesn’t anally-inserted-frozen-horse-penis-dependent racial black magic kinda restore your faith in humanity? Particularly the kind that requires fragmented dungeons wrtten on old Wendy’s receipts rather than a cohesive product?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        February 8, 2014 8:42 am

        Ive never really gotten into the whole GoPagan Odin-worshipping Asatru horse-dong thing, other then a few fragmented tales of how he ranted at Witch Hunting games because they made fun of his made-up pagan religion. Can you give me the TLDR version on our buddy GoPagan so future generations of YDIS-dwellers can be spared the indignity of actually going to his site?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 8, 2014 9:22 am

        “Ive never really gotten into the whole GoPagan Odin-worshipping Asatru horse-dong thing”

        And that’s a good thing, future generations of YDIS-dwellers.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      February 9, 2014 2:33 pm

      Whoa, no wonder Zak’s main forum of discussion is the inter-web. He seems like the type of guy you would end up decking in an actual face-to-face encounter. Then you’d end up in court for manslaughter going ‘I don’t remember…I-I just blacked out while he was spazzing out about rationality…and the next thing I remember was blood everywhere…He just wouldn’t shut up…’

  36. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 6, 2014 7:38 pm

    Man, it’s nice to hear talk of Jamal and Dwimmershits bandied about once more. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. I love all this talk of Jimmy Geekface being this improv DM. Winging it is great, but when first approached about Kickstarting his dungeon didn’t he at least think about how you can tranlate it into a megadungeon. Was he expecting them to do all the work? Well, they are doing all the work now, aren’t they bitch? That’s right, a dozen hands have been in your precious, virgin dough that for years you talked and talked and talked and talked about (the game play with your daughters and eye-rolling house guests who humored you and played your shitty game but mostly talked abgout movies) like it was your loving little child. What kills me is James is probably sitting in a dark room next to his bookshelf full of freebies gloomily surfing the web, and peeking in quietly at the forums and muttering “at least they are still talking about me and my legendary dungeon”

    He considers choking the chicken to that one weak Zak sex video out there, when his poor put-upon wife (you know, the one that looks just like him?) walks in, shakes her head, and angrily says “You aren’t looking at that D&D shit again, are you? I thought this last year was about finally growing the fuck up? Did you look at the want ads today?”

    • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
      February 9, 2014 1:08 pm

      in some strange twist of YDIS irony, I was putting together my answers for the meme and came across this link (Dragonbone was my answer for #10)
      http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2011/05/ads-of-dragon-dragonbone.html

      featuring the quote from Jmal:
      “To this day I’ve never actually seen a working Dragonbone. I’m sure someone must have bought one — or else all those ads DB Enterprises ran in Dragon for years and years really were among the most Quixotic endeavors in the history of this hobby.”

      sorry, but at this point I think that honor is now reserved for the publishing of Dwizzleerdouche sukkdunjon…

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 9, 2014 4:16 pm

        Classic Grogturdia. “I’ve never seen…”, “I’ve never played….”, “I’ve never read…”, “I’ve never owned (but you should send me your copy – not to worn mind you! – free of charge)…”

  37. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 6, 2014 7:39 pm

    Shout Out to Alex Macris. Do you read YDIS? If so, holler back yo!

  38. February 7, 2014 4:13 pm

    theshadowknows dick. Guys like him are the number one reason “free speech” forums all suck. I’d almost think the way he spazes out over “plot” he has to be a TRPS regular. They forget that people use words differently outside of their little bubble.
    Also, I love how a bunch of dudes show up to say they’d rather have it broken than otherwise. It is what they are used to after all.
    Grognards are so used to abuse, they think it is normal treatment. “How dare you offer me the steak, sir, when I have this plate of garbage to eat. Your plebeian tastes disgust me.”

    • February 7, 2014 5:25 pm

      Legalized weed has invigorated you. You’re like the anti-Planet-Algol-guy.

      • Kilgore Trout permalink
        February 8, 2014 5:05 am

        Hell hath no fury like an ex TRPS regular scorned.

  39. Kilgore Trout permalink
    February 8, 2014 6:01 am

    I find myself conflicted on this one. One the one hand anyone who takes the writings of James ‘half arsed’ Malisewerski as sacred text is a buffoon but on the other hand Alex is doomed to once more prove that you can’t polish a turd.

    Under no chain of circumstances could Dwimmermount have been anything but shit. Just slap a cover on it and get this abortion (sorry James) out the door and let people move on I say.

    • James Maliznooski permalink
      February 9, 2014 6:24 am

      Better an abortion than a bastard!

  40. Ray Tardo permalink
    February 8, 2014 1:25 pm

    Blooey
    Don’t be a hero
    Don’t be a fool with your life.
    Blooey
    Don’t be a hero
    Come back and make that retarded dog trainer your wife!

    http://no-other-bloodymage.deviantart.com/

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      February 9, 2014 8:52 am

      Blooey should start cooking meth to fund his RPG company and Blooeycon. Please, please, please, make “Breaking Blooey” a reality!

  41. Gary Gygax permalink
    February 8, 2014 8:57 pm

    Well, those butt fuckers got me banned from Facebook, guess I’ll have to post here from now on.

    Walked into Walmart today and took a big stinky dump on the floor in the electronics department. Didn’t bother to wipe – gotta start promoting GaryCon 2014!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 9, 2014 5:56 am

      Don’t give up on your dream Gary! You can always make a Gary E. Gygax(or Gary E.. Gygax) account. Just tell facebook you live in Antarctica so it won’t ask for any area zip codes or some shit. We don’t need you to wallow in the contents of your ripped colostomy bag here, we have enough people that do that. The Internet needs you Gary! Facebook needs you! The world needs to see you pay it back for grabbing you by your wrinkly throat and dragging you out of TSR by force.

      You already made Cyborg commando, that was a pretty balsy opening salvo. Now get back in that ring and retro-clone that facebook page.

  42. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 9, 2014 6:33 am

    What the FUCK has WotC done to my game?!? YOU CAN MISS AND STILL SCORE DAMAGE ON A FAILED ROLL?!? I suppose this is to be expected from the Everybody Gets A Trophy and a Hug generation. D&D Next should be called Special Olympics Edition.

    Well, I’ll be jackin’ it to GOOD LUCK CHARLIE reruns all afternoon trying to forget.

  43. bad wolf permalink
    February 9, 2014 7:59 am

    Let me rephrase that for you:
    Definition of the OSR: “…If they put out a product and declare it OSR, and it doesn’t sell for shit, then the product is OSR.”

    • Jack permalink
      February 9, 2014 8:24 am

      It’s amazing that the definition they seem to want has everything to do with buying your way into the hive identity. Surprisingly honest, for once.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 9, 2014 8:30 am

      Clearly they haven’t seen a Bloodymage OSR product like the Stink in the Gondola.

  44. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 9, 2014 8:35 am

    Definition of the OSR: “…It they Kickstart a product and declare it OSR, and if that shit funds but doesn’t deliver, then the product is OSR.”

  45. PrinceofNothing permalink
    February 9, 2014 12:40 pm

    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/2014/02/experience.html

    Sorry for Tao-posting. Allow me to simply provide this excerpt in the comment section and be on my way.

    ” It is a mistake, cbakerson, to think that the people committing genocide in Darfour and the people over at YDIS are in any way different from one another except in their particular circumstance due to birth, wealth or geographical location. It isn’t just about not giving bad people the satisfaction – it is about getting rid of bad people. I don’t give a hoot and hell whether dicks are satisfied or not – Me, I’m not satisfied, and that’s not going to change by ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.”

    • February 9, 2014 1:31 pm

      Yeah, someone should let those guys in Darfur who got genocided know they don’t have it so bad — they could have had a picture drawn with them having boobs, or even called a mean name.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 9, 2014 4:18 pm

        Yes, Alexis.Those folks in the Twin Towers on 9/11 were the lucky ones.

    • Kilgore Trout permalink
      February 9, 2014 1:49 pm

      Oh wow. Clearly there is no crime greater than mocking the Tao of Aspergers Syndrome!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 9, 2014 4:20 pm

        His manboob picture = RACIAL GENOCIDE OF HALF A MILLION PEOPLE!!!!

    • February 9, 2014 2:59 pm

      “I don’t think that any of the actual assholes who read this blog are going to change their behavior.”

      What about the actual asshole who writes this blog? In the past, Alexis has self-identified as an asshole. How is he any different from those he rails against? Because he’s the “victim”? Because his opinions are manifestly correct? Because he can shit out a wall of text at will?

      Alexis has “a zero-tolerance policy towards abusive behavior” except when he’s the abuser. If Alexis wants to change someone’s behavior, perhaps he should start with his own.

      • Aos permalink
        February 10, 2014 2:48 pm

        I think there are a couple of things goong on here. YDIS sends a lot of traffic his way, I am sure. Anytime I get linked from here, I get a shit ton of traffic. Lex likes traffic. So it behooves him to get mentioned here, because he wants the attention so fucking bad. He certainly won’t ignore this place, becuase despite what he says, he knows that online if you ignore a ‘problem’ it actually does go away- with some online problems, in fact, the only winning move is to remain still. YDIS is not a problem for Tao; it is a source of hits. He won’t let that go, I am sure.
        Further, @ Perdustin, assholes are always self-identifying as assholes. They say things like, “yeah, I’m an asshole, but at least I admit it.” It is like thinking that admitting you stink after you shit yourself is some kind of virtue. They honestly think that confession makes it okay, like a get out if jail free card.
        It does not. Pants full of shit are full of shit; self awareness is a side issue.

        Anyway, when a self identified internet asshole equates ridicule with genocide, you can safely assume, I think, that he just wants a little attention.

      • Jack permalink
        February 10, 2014 2:56 pm

        “Anyway, when a self identified internet asshole equates ridicule with genocide, you can safely assume, I think, that he just wants a little attention.”

        I just assume that their parents didn’t love them. They had their reasons, I’m sure.

      • Aos permalink
        February 10, 2014 3:46 pm

        Pants full lf shit first among them, I’m sure.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        February 11, 2014 4:27 am

        Aos is actually spot on, which raises an interesting question. Did Alexis beget Ydis, or does Ydis beget Alexis? Are we in a way creating the very thing we have set out to mock? Is he like our shadow clone, feeding of our hatred and bile?

        In a world with no more Jamal, no more Rags, no more GoPagan or Brave Halfling, no more Rob Cunt, Mike Nystul and no more Lexis, what becomes of Ydis.

        Shit i gotta take a drink.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 12, 2014 8:48 am

        “In a world with no more Jamal, no more Rags, no more GoPagan or Brave Halfling, no more Rob Cunt, Mike Nystul and no more Lexis, what becomes of Ydis?”

        His mission accomplished, he can kick back and rest secure in the knowledge that his hard work has paid off and the world is a much better place for it.

        Although Kent will probably still be a drunken Irish homosexual.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 9, 2014 4:08 pm

      I wonder how long the video would be if Alexis did one of his wall of text rants as an anti-bullying video where he could hold up cards with words on them? I’m guessing it would break Pharell’s record for his 24 hour long video of Happy by at least a month.

      http://24hoursofhappy.com

      Somebody should take the classic Alexis Man Boobs artwork that graces YDIS and make a video with cards popping up that are transcribed with one of his blog posts.

    • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
      February 10, 2014 6:03 pm

      if no else is going to do it I’m Kickstarting a Janjaweed RPG

  46. Spank Foreskin permalink
    February 9, 2014 2:24 pm

    Oh, fuck Alexis. If he wasn’t such a pretentious fuck about how he plays his elfgames people wouldn’t make fun of it…Darfur? Really? I think if some militia was torching/raping his village on a regular basis he might have less time for ‘spergish conniptions on his fuckin’ blog.

    So, yeah fuck you Alexis, go cry into your purse princess.

  47. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 9, 2014 7:25 pm

    When I first published D&D in 1974, I inadvertently left out a very important rule:

    Women, faggots, niggers, Jews, Spics, Trannies, Catholics, Muslims, Hindoos, Canadians, and all kinds of Chinks are forbidden to play D&D. This is immutable law and how the original Lake Geneva campaign was played.

    I’m off to Chuck-E-Cheese to masturbate in front of the kids!

  48. PrinceofNothing permalink
    February 10, 2014 2:21 am

    “I don’t give a hoot and hell whether dicks are satisfied or not – Me, I’m not satisfied, and that’s not going to change by ignoring the problem and hoping it goes away.”

    This should be Lexi’s official site motto. You go girl!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 10, 2014 6:21 am

      Never give up your quest to find your G-spot, Alexis!

  49. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 10, 2014 6:24 am

    Fun Fact:
    Every single spine of every single copy of B2 THE KEEP ON THE BORDERLANDS has been swiped through my ass crack like a credit card machine!

    • justme permalink
      February 14, 2014 9:29 am

      Great news, someone can scrape some DNA off a rusty staple and clone you to finish castle zaggiehawk. Of course they might have to run a series of clones to get it done since 40 years wasn’t time enough in the first go.

  50. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 10, 2014 11:20 am

    Sexy Lexy, being a world class delusional, seems to attract the same in his comments section. Like the lad who got his ass kicked by other kids for being a dork, so he and his buddy hunted them down one by one and enacted vengence upon them. Yeah, that sounds like it really happened. Also showing his face is Clovis Cthog, a weird semi-retard from Texas who manned the worlds most underachieving blog for a few years. Basically cut and pasting quotes from John Carter books. Laugably, the blog seemed to start falling apart not long after that shitty John Carter movie came out. That probably started the ball rolling on Jamal’s downward spiral as well. Man-children don’t likes when their favorite jams get shitty adaptations. Me, I love when that happens. Nothing like wallowing in the mediocrity of sub-par art.

  51. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 10, 2014 8:07 pm

    The more you know…

    http://www.salon.com/2013/12/06/dating_with_aspergers_partner/

  52. Derp MacHerpsingson permalink
    February 11, 2014 5:12 am

    RE: Dwimmermount.

    Wow. I swear there were a ton of critical comments in the dwimmermount updates the other day, and now they are gone. What a bunch of pussies.

    • February 11, 2014 5:36 am

      Hey Derp — the ones from three to five days ago are still in there, it’s just that Alex has been using his NSA mental training to turn all the angry fucking tigers into purring house cats. Apparently all the module really needed to be legendary was porn in the toilets and a few easter eggs and now the OSR outrage patrol is docile again. Tenkar regrets nothing!

      • Derp MacHerpsingson permalink
        February 11, 2014 7:33 am

        They’re still pussies.

      • Derp MacHerpsingson permalink
        February 19, 2014 10:09 am

        Nope. There were some negative comments for sure that were deleted. Alex sure doesn’t like being criticized.

  53. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 11, 2014 6:33 am

    True Story: When I was out in Hollywood, I once snorted coke off of Ricky Schroder’s bare ass!

  54. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 12, 2014 7:57 pm

    Today while I was masturbating to Jaden Smith in The Karate Kid and After Earth, I began to wonder why Black people love Red Lobster so much and always order orange soda with their meals. DEY LUV DAT SWEET TASTE I GUESS!

    AND I WANNA TAP DAT BOY POOPER, JADEN SMITH!!! It be like Lake Geneva Greyhawk “sleepovers” all over again!

  55. PrinceofNothing permalink
    February 13, 2014 3:50 am

    Less talking, more meme kickstarting:

    GM is bored random encounter table:

    1. Moon is tilted from its orbit by random gravimetric fluctuation. Everything takes 1000d100 damage(save for half) unless a convoluted series of social obstacles are circumvented so you can learn a gay song that sets back time 3 days.
    2. Demogorgon.
    3. 9.874 orcs.
    4. Extremely upset Plutonium Golem. Anyone standing near the Plutonium Golem must make a saving throw vs poison each round at -2 or die. He has sworn an oath of pacifism but will not leave until the party makes a heartfelt apology for hurting his feelings. It can only be hit by +4 weapons and moves 150 feet per round.
    5. A tree falls down atop of one character, 10d6 damage. If in the middle of a desert or atop of mountain, tree is dropped from great height by overflying roc.
    6. Herpes.
    7. Gigantic 20 HD inflatable animated Hitler. Takes double damage from piercing weapons, none from blunt. Targets Ylari and Traldarans over Thyatians, but Thyatians over Alphatians(if trueborn).
    8. Temporally Accelerated Troll. Cannot be seen or hit unless a time stop spell is used, and can move 1080 feet per round. A Geas spell prevents it from doing anything but tripping its prey until they starve to death.
    9. 10 Gnomes pelt the party with faeces and make racist comments. Their morale is 12(Fearless) 2-6 copper each.
    10. Mirror universe doppelgangers invade, but kind of get along with the party since they are sort of exactly like them. After an akward period, they leave and everyone takes a -2 penalty to hit for the next 24 hours because of existential depression.
    11. A naked hairless fat level 36 wizard covered only in fondue curses the party with a hideous rotting disease. He will agree to lift the curse only if they agree to eat all the cheese.
    12. Ghosts folllow the party and imitate everything they say in increasingly obnoxious parodies of their voices. They are impervious to all forms of damage.
    13. A woman that is exactly identical to the ex-girlfriend of one of the players(pick the worst breakup if you can) comes to inform that player she is breaking up with him again. Try to recreate as much of the original breakup as you can. If the players do not have girlfriends, pick a similair traumatic experience.
    14. Giant 10.000 foot wall that extends across the planet. If somehow bypassed, even higher wall is found behind first wall. Repeat until party turns back dejected.
    15. Powerful cleric casts a quest spell, forcing everyone to play DnD 4th edition.
    16. Two robots pose the party a riddle. There are two roads to the next hovel. One they claim is safe. The other is certain death. One robot tells the truth, while the other lies always. They are incorrect in their robot assumptions and both roads are deadly.
    17. Tiny fence. Fence posts look precious but prove to be worthless.
    18. Gigantic Sphere of unbreakable diamond worth 5.000.000 gp. Weighs 10.000.000.000 gp.
    19. Three-headed Tyrannosaur made of Lava. Anyone who is bitten must make a saving throw vs polymorph or turn into another three-headed Tyrannosaur made of lava. The character retains his original personality, but is forced to occasionally call the Three-headed Tyrannosaur that spawned it and tell it how its adventuring career is going and what its plans are for the future.
    20. The adventuring party comes across the Fortress of Inescapable Doom. Inside it is a single room with a treasure chest containing 25 sp(actually chocolate wrapped in silver foil), a set of polyhedral dice made of plastic(3 sp) and a mint copy of Dragon Magazine #231(worth 25 gp to the right buyer), guarded by a fat orc with pimples, aspergers and poor social skills. It will threaten the party with its real mace it got off the rennaisance fare, but will quickly surrender if the party threatens to destroy its inhaler(it is asmatic).

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 13, 2014 8:11 am

      A nice variant of #13 is to have a zombie that looks just like the recently deceased mother of one of the players offer to give blow jobs to the other members of the party and then bite their dicks off.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      February 13, 2014 2:07 pm

      Nice. We were wondering when a sequel to that Raggi Monolith module would come out.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      February 16, 2014 9:22 am

      Is #11 bad or good? Sounds yummy.

  56. regular guy permalink
    February 13, 2014 3:30 pm

    Do any of you queers know where I can buy pepper spray which only works on fags?

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 13, 2014 5:36 pm

      I get it at your mom’s house.

      • regular guy permalink
        February 13, 2014 5:52 pm

        My mom tests pepper spray on your faggoty weak chinned face? Ha, I thought you were calling round for elocution lessons you stuttering prick.

      • Timotheus permalink
        February 13, 2014 7:00 pm

        Ooh, struck a nerve.

        That question was just low hanging, diseased fruit. Like your mom’s labia.

        You know she puts out more than T’Pel at Amok Time.

        Anyway, are you still living at home, junior? No? Then I rest my case as to the effectiveness of her fag repellant.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 13, 2014 7:10 pm

      Welcome back, Kent!

  57. Squeeze N Love permalink
    February 13, 2014 3:45 pm

    This cover seems custom made for you guys:

    http://rendedpress.blogspot.com/2014/02/2011-2012-blog-compendium.html

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 13, 2014 5:38 pm

      Certainly an homage to Faggi’s Turd from Beyond Time and Space railroad. Nice.

  58. regular guy permalink
    February 13, 2014 9:20 pm

    Ooohh! It’s Sir Valentine’s day on the gayest blog on the web!

    Kissy kissy kissy fag boys! Ha ha!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 14, 2014 6:44 am

      Thanks, Kent!

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 14, 2014 8:56 am

      Not for lack of trying, but it seems unlikely that this is the gayest blog on the whole internet.

      For starters, there is L’il Lexi Qaeda, whose tortured fagnificence we can only bow to.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 14, 2014 9:02 am

      I don’t think anyone could seriously attribute gayism and faggotry to YDIS, Kunt’s lingering fart-like presence aside. Asshole-ism and douchbaggery perhaps (debatable ’cause when you’re right you’re right), but certainly not TEH GHEY!

  59. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 14, 2014 11:27 am

    Man, year in and year out you can always count on Kuntington to come back after a few weeks off with some lame new handle and weak insults. So I predict in the next few days he’ll be “Kent” again, trying with great futility to be “one of the boys” and point out some obscure chickenshit on tha ‘nets that is getting his old goat.

    So Kunt, last time we heard from you it seemed like you were getting taken in by Zak’s aura of hucksterism. What user name have you been using to kiss his pimply ass in his echo chamber? You in his google circle (jerk)?

  60. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 14, 2014 1:40 pm

    Hey guys, anyone know how I can get my semen stains off of a dry erase gaming mat? How about a small child’s clothing?

  61. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 14, 2014 6:41 pm

    Uh oh. The jig is UP!

    http://www.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2014/02/internet-trolls-sadists-psychopaths-lulz

    • Scott permalink
      February 14, 2014 8:09 pm

      Responding to the “are you a troll??” line of questioning with “YES I AM A TROLL” means that you’re a) not a troll at all because what troll calls himself a troll, or b) a next-level troll because what troll calls himself a troll. But more importantly, the researchers are clearly trolls.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        February 15, 2014 3:23 am

        Trolls all the way down!

      • Aos permalink
        February 15, 2014 10:23 am

        It woild probably be more informative to study the people who can’t stop themselves from repaonding to trolls. There is bait you can throw out on any rpg forum that everyone up here in 2014 knows is bait, but guys who have gone after it a million times will go after it again. The frequency of addiction to reightious indignation this seems to indicate is probably more harmful to society online and off than someone posting “u r fat, lol111111”

      • regular guy permalink
        February 15, 2014 3:07 pm

        TTSSSSSSSS … TSSSS … TTTSSSSSSSSSSSS … TSSS … TS

    • regular guy permalink
      February 14, 2014 11:54 pm

      Trolling is where someone says it’s about time I went and pepper sprayed some gay balls. And then the guys at YDIS say no one pepper sprays our balls unless we want them to.

  62. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 16, 2014 5:35 am

    Today, I stand before you as an advocate for female circumcision. Some will erroneously claim that female circumcision is female genital mutilation. This claim is patently FALSE and based on a growing lesbian FemiNazi culture of hate. Female circumcision is a vital medical necessity to the health and wellbeing of our young girls and women. So stand up for women’s rights and let’s CLIP THOSE CLITS!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 17, 2014 7:46 am

      GO HOME GARY GYGAX YOU’RE DRUNK!

  63. Adventurer, Conqueror, Quim permalink
    February 16, 2014 6:19 am

    YDIS has lost a certain je ne sais quoi since JaMal disappeared up his own anus. Don’t know if this is old news but he has emerged from said orifice to blog at fantasy fiction site Black Gate. Here’s a link to a recent JaMal navel gazing session http://www.blackgate.com/2013/11/12/neoclassical-adventure/ – it’s like Grognardia never went away.

    Strangely no mention of Dwimmerturd or Kickstarter or any of that kind of thing. Still, he’s obviously recovered from his made-up emotional breakdown.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      February 16, 2014 3:41 pm

      Those comments are great- I wonder if the readers know of Semaj the Silent’s scam:

      One can get rather cynical about OSR and see it simply as a marketing ploy to get money out of us old school gamers.

      “Hey, they could barely cobble $8 together for the newest AD&D module back in 1982 when they were in junior high. But these guys have jobs and buying power now. Let’s fleece them with nostalgia!”

      And funny thing is, even if this is completely true, I DO fork over money for this stuff. As I type this, right next to my desk is the newest issued of Gygax magazine (which I got over a month ago and still haven’t read), several recently bought, but older, paperbacks connected with older RPGs, and I even have several newer versions of older games (which I still have not played are in much nicer condition than my older junior high RPG books and boxes ever looked).

      Nostalgia. It can get expensive.

      And, perhaps even funnier:

      James,

      1) Much, if not most, OSR material is free
      And
      2) Attraction to older games (or older things or styles, in general) doesn’t necessarily stem from nostalgia. To say it is nostalgia is to falsely assume newer is better – a modern conceit promoted by marketers.

  64. James Maliznooski permalink
    February 17, 2014 2:41 am

    MY EYEEEEZ MY EEEEEEEYYEEEEESSSSSS

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 17, 2014 7:44 am

      DON’T STAND UP! DON’T STAND UP!

      It’s nice to see that the unblown fatbeard gamer is a universal cultural concept though, at least Down Under.

      #AussieNudists #AborigineNerds

  65. regular guy permalink
    February 17, 2014 4:02 pm

    I just came across a great song by The Cure called ‘Killing Fucking Arabs’.

    Being a butt-clannish lot and very sensitive do any of you YDIS guys know if there are any songs out there about killing fags?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 17, 2014 7:45 pm

      Hi Kent!

  66. regular guy permalink
    February 17, 2014 5:36 pm

    Aslo you ironic-fags pretend-fags and reluctant-fags know that your host YDIS himself is a fag, right?

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      February 17, 2014 8:01 pm

      Hi Kent!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 18, 2014 9:14 am

      But it’s okay if he does it. Or pretty much anyone else in the world, Kent. Yeah, you are pretty much the only gay man in the world that it is okay to call a faggot. Kent the Drunken Irish Faggot.

  67. your lipshitz, my ass whistles permalink
    February 17, 2014 6:50 pm

    There’s always the Suck Trilogy by the Meatmen, and just about every song by SOD. GWAR has a few, Just about any song by NWA, Ice Cube, Easy E, fuck it, any hip hop song is anti gay. Do you plan on leaving one playing for when your parents find your body after you swallow a load of buckshot regular guy?

    • regular guy permalink
      February 17, 2014 7:00 pm

      None of those songs are melodious.

    • regular guy permalink
      February 17, 2014 7:03 pm

      The thing about about killing gays is that at least there is a reduction of fake lisping accents about the place and the only downside is there are less queers on the telly.

  68. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 17, 2014 7:48 pm

    Brave Halfling wants to raise a new generation of Murder Hobos.

    http://grandlordofdungeonmastery.blogspot.com/2014/02/dagger-for-kids.html

    Here’s the money quote from Vorpal Jabberwack: “I, for one, consider myself so fortunate to have stumbled upon dungeons and dragons in my formative years. I was able to forgo the whole, wretched “casual sex” phase that so many of our intellectual lessers fall prey to. In fact, through my relatively early exposure to role playing, I was able to avoid talking to members of the opposite gender until well into my mid twenties.”

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 17, 2014 8:13 pm

      That blog is funny as shit! The hot dog puppet of GOPagan is awesome.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 17, 2014 8:23 pm

        It’s a fun find! I think GOPagan substitutes hot dogs for horse dongs too when he works his witchy poo revenge magic.

    • February 18, 2014 8:04 am

      I’m adding Flap Dragon to the d20 SRD.

  69. Skarka the Hutt permalink
    February 18, 2014 1:56 pm

    We don’t need more proof that the OSR is a group of unimaginative shits. But then again, there is always this:

    http://recedingrules.blogspot.com/2014/02/monster-tactics.html

    • Skarka the Hutt permalink
      February 18, 2014 1:56 pm

      Wouldn’t it be easier to just replace Telecanter with a computer?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 18, 2014 5:23 pm

        Or a random chart.

  70. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 18, 2014 5:22 pm

    The Brain Trust of the blOwSR turn their attention to one of the greatest mysteries on the Internet today:

    http://dyverscampaign.blogspot.com/2014/02/isnt-that-interesting.html

    And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those unblown fatbeards!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 19, 2014 3:42 am

      ” Isn’t that interesting.”

      No.

  71. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    February 18, 2014 11:22 pm

    Bruce Heard raised 19K for his Princess Ar, er, Calidar Kickstarter and he’s been hard at work creating some beautiful prose. An excerpt:

    “Mama Goo, she speaka like de fellfolk. Mama Goo, she cut off de chicken ‘ead an’ read de blood. Now she know de Great Spirit put Mama Goo on the big canoe in de sky. But de Great Spirit, she no’ say why. An’ Mama Goo, now she like de lilla’ cap’n. Him great warrior.”

    • Sykirobme permalink
      February 19, 2014 6:42 am

      No shit? If it wasn’t for the fact that I value my eyes and my sanity, I’d head over to RPGnet to see how many indignant threads have been started about it…

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 19, 2014 10:45 am

      Is that Jar Jar Binks? Is this for Star Wars or something?

      And what have the Left Wing Conservatives over at Big Purple Dildo – the Internet’s premiere tranny she male online community with a nominal RPG message sub board – said about the racist overtones (or are they undertones) here?

    • February 19, 2014 11:26 am

      Lordy! Can’t wait to see the stats on what is apparently Nell Carter in space. (Or is this supposed to be Whoopi?)

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      February 19, 2014 2:51 pm

      Me-sa stereotype!

    • Sykirobme permalink
      February 19, 2014 2:59 pm

      Please tell me this is true.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        February 19, 2014 3:49 pm

        http://bruce-heard.blogspot.com/

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        February 19, 2014 4:16 pm

        I know, right? You could say that about half the shit you read here. I’ll try to remember to include links in the future.

      • First World Problems of Unblown Middle Aged Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks permalink
        February 22, 2014 7:43 pm

        Now I remember why I always skipped over that Princess Ark crap in Dragon Magazine every month.

  72. Spank Foreskin permalink
    February 19, 2014 2:20 pm

    http://greyhawkgrognard.blogspot.ca/2014/02/details-on-wizkids-d-miniatures-plans.html

    The high horse-cock hooper can’t get through a preview of the new D&D minis without taking a swipe at Obamacare…Then decides he doesn’t want the stupid toys anyway.

    Yeesh

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      February 19, 2014 2:26 pm

      Because, you know, having to buy man-child toys in a random pack is exactly the same as having nazi-commie health insurance. Whatevs, I’m Canadian so enjoy the typhus you Yankee dipshit.

    • Jack permalink
      February 20, 2014 8:07 am

      Random D&D miniatures? THANKS, OBAMA.

    • First World Problems of Unblown Middle Aged Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks permalink
      February 22, 2014 11:10 am

      I AM PISSED THAT D&D WILL HAVE RANDOM MINIATURES AND SIX MILLION UNINSURED AMERICANS WILL NOW HAVE AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE!!!!!

  73. regular guy permalink
    February 19, 2014 3:40 pm

    An interesting article from Raggi. I wish he would post more often.

    http://lotfp.blogspot.ie/2014/02/cover-art-articlecall-to-arms-and-legs.html

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 19, 2014 10:11 pm

      Right, Faggi. Only violence for violence’s sakes covers are truly creative. All else is cowardly pablum divided into these two categories based on your tangential involvement in a subgenre of music you wish to define cateGOREically.

      How about coming up with a decent adventure, rather than coming out with a shitty, derivative cover that does the heavy lifting in your mind?

      Yeah, trick question.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 20, 2014 4:14 am

      I read that one too and can’t help but feel that his point of view is pretty far removed from how RPG cover art actually works and what it’s supposed to achieve. Most of those death metal album covers, which, in his mind, represent the pinnacle of unrestrained creativity, are grotesque for grotesque sake, and while they may provide a good impression on the type of experience you are buying when you buy the album.

      The reason RPG publishers don’t all use Death-metal esque covers, is not that they do not have the internet balls to push beyond the boundaries of human decency(some might not though) and are afraid to aspire to such lofty artistic heights as Raggs, but rather that those covers imply something about the type of experience you will have when you play that game, and gore and faeces are generally not the things that will get people to play RPGs(FATAL and LOTFP excluded).

      An RPG cover is supposed to provide insight into the type of game i will be buying(or in Raggs case, downloading off of 7chan) and playing, and the type of stuff i will likely encounter or will have to come up with to GM it. The sad(for Raggs, not for the Non-creepstalkers) thing is that most people play RPG’s to do awesome things, not stare at someone’s guts that have been pooped into a dirty toilet. Even most horror rpg’s utilize tension and atmosphere, in place of or on occasion alongside of gore, to get the point across, because excessive gore is one of the laziest ways to create horror(and is best used sparingly, or it quickly uses its bite).

      Ultimately, gore provides cheap thrills while atmosphere and rising tension(espoused wonderfully in those doom metal covers) makes for the meat of a horror adventure. So, while pulling your punches while running a horror adventure can quickly dissolve the atmosphere, relying solely on grotesque imagery in favour of pacing, atmosphere and the occasional hideous revelation, will cause it to fail to appear altogether. Raggi understood this when he wrote Death Frost Doom and the Crawling God, so why doesn’t he realise it now?

      Push boundaries all you want Raggs, but do so in the right direction.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 20, 2014 12:45 pm

        +1

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        February 20, 2014 1:05 pm

        Dangerously close to self-awareness:

        The metal scene has the public image of being reprobates and dunderheads, so aspirations of respectability is almost a non-starter.

        The moment passes quickly:

        But the Death Metal phase will be coming, and we’re going to push that to retail. They’ll reject it, but that just means we have to push harder. Anyone who gets in the way will be eliminated.

        “DEATH TO WUSSY ELFGAMES!!!”

      • February 21, 2014 4:28 pm

        Interesting that the few album covers he used to represent death metal is not really the visuals you see on most classic death metal releases, but more like the morons of the genre trying to prove they are so much more “edgy” than anyone else. If you look at covers by pioneers of the genre (Death, Entombed, Morbid Angel, Obituary, pestilence aso) you don’t find that “oh so edgy” sexual-torture stuff.

      • Ritter permalink
        February 22, 2014 1:12 pm

        Well put, Enur. Death metal album covers, to me, are more Entombed’s “Clandestine”, Carnage’s “Dark Recollections” and Obituary’s “The End Complete” than anything else. (Okay, Broken Hope’s “Swamped in Gore” also counts, but that cover is so amateurish that it fits right in with early RPG art). Death metal does not equal goregrind, necessarily. Hell, my gaming sensibilities are heavily death metal influenced yet are devoid of the torture elements of which Big R is so fond.

        I think Raggs believes he’s the only gamer who knows about metal. It is yet another one of the ways in which he comes across as a pompous blowhard.

    • Jack permalink
      February 20, 2014 8:09 am

      I find it odd that death metal album covers are held up as a pinnacle of creativity. If you sent someone to the music shop with the instructions to “buy the Cannibal Corpse album with the dismembered bodies on the front,” would they be able to make an informed choice based on the varied and multi-layered artistry at work on the covers?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      February 20, 2014 11:10 am

      Heh, I called it. Except you forgot to change back to “Kent,” Kunt.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 20, 2014 12:43 pm

        Kunt goes by Irregular Gay now.

  74. regular guy permalink
    February 20, 2014 3:12 pm

    TV News.

    The Professionals UK 1970s – awesome for men who are not nerds or fags like you lot.
    True Detective – promising
    House of Cards – Insane woman promoting crap with asymmetrical dialogue. Where are the humans in it.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      February 20, 2014 9:34 pm

      Kent, you are embarrassing me now. And I’m your asshole.

    • February 22, 2014 1:09 pm

      Kunt, I talked about The Professionals and The Sweeney like eight months ago only you must’ve had your head up your own ass further than Jamal and glossed over as you were daintily doting over your own genius.

  75. regular guy permalink
    February 20, 2014 10:49 pm

    Do any of you unemployed queers know if Raggi has been hired by HBO to work on True Detective?

  76. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 21, 2014 5:29 am

    Does anyone know if Kent has been hired by SHOWTIME to work on the Queer as Folk reunion movie?

  77. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 21, 2014 4:22 pm

    I think on one of the unblown forums a few weeks ago I saw our hero Kunt mention that he was appearing as Quentin Crisp in his local community (housing authority projects in east London) production of The Naked Civil Servent. He was bragging that he walked into the audition and was offered the part without even opening his mouth. But his mouth opening was required when he had to blow the director and a couple of the stage hands later that night.

  78. Skarka the Hutt permalink
    February 22, 2014 9:31 pm

    Blah, blah, blah, story. Blah, blah, blah, Dragonlance. Blah, blah, blah, Tenkar is a repetitive cunt.

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2014/02/experience-points-levels-and.html

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      February 23, 2014 3:50 pm

      That theshadowknows cunt is back too one his one-man-war to equate any story with railroading. This guy must have a fucking bat-signal type thing rigged somewhere to alert him when anyone raises the subjects of plot or story in RPGs so he can appear and deliver some philippic against ‘Hickmanism.’

      • bad wolf permalink
        February 24, 2014 6:08 am

        No kidding. “Shadownoose, could you show us on the doll where Tracy Hickman touched you?”

      • First World Problems of Unblown Middle Aged White Male Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks permalink
        February 24, 2014 9:16 am

        Happy 30th Anniversary, Dragonlance! Here’s to 30 years of gay ass Kender and mentally retarded Gully Dwarves!

        http://www.wizards.com/DnD/Article.aspx?x=dnd/4alum/20140221

        Shandowcuntnose must be reeling in all the brouhaha!

      • Spank Foreskin permalink
        February 24, 2014 7:58 pm

        Yeah Dragonlance is stupid as shit, yet paradoxically so are people who hate it so much. Kind of one of those deep mind-fuck situations, like the sound of one hand clapping.

  79. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    February 23, 2014 9:51 am

    Pulling up a lawn chair and making popcorn:

    http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?718123-Are-there-a-lot-of-rape-jokes-in-roleplaying-%28

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 24, 2014 4:51 am

      “Not in my experience. It’s been over 10 years since I last heard a rape joke in a game, and we kicked out the guy who made it. ”

      It’s nice to get some insight into the liberal, open-minded tolerant atmosphere dominant among the vermin that infests Rpg.net.

      • First World Problems of Unblown Middle Aged White Male Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks permalink
        February 24, 2014 9:18 am

        He must not have played Raggi’s LoFAP then.

    • justme permalink
      February 24, 2014 1:51 pm

      A home schooled 9 year old mormon raised down the street from beaver cleaver 52 years ago could tell that thread is a wee bit of trolling, why the hell can’t the aspie-brigade at RPG.net?

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 25, 2014 8:48 am

        Oddly enough, Dragonlance creator Tracy Hickman was that 9 year old Mormon…

  80. regular guy permalink
    February 24, 2014 11:13 am

    I have one question I want to put to the Homosexual Critics of the OSR at YDIS.

    In your flowering in public as openly gay men can you remember which came first, (i) brazenly turning to admire mens butts in jeans walking about the place, (ii) talking alternately in childlike lisping & sibilant accents, (iii) shrieking in the course of mundane conversation and impulsively going quiet and gazing over at hot fellas.

    What order did you perfect these mannerisms that would have been kicked out of you in a more heroic age?

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      February 24, 2014 6:05 pm

      Hi Kent!

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      February 25, 2014 8:44 am

      Kent, I need wiping and I need it soon or everyone riding the bus with us today is going to get a good whiff of your butt crack smelling like rotting taco meat!

  81. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 24, 2014 5:40 pm

    Seriously, Kunt. You are one weird-ass fuck. We goof on all these weird creeps in the OSR; and usually it’s handy to have one of the worst ones show up here. We have all gotten a lot of mileage out of imagining what your obviously shut-in life must be like. But you’re schtick has just become strange and sad. It’s one thing to be a Bloodymage who is so gung-ho about his pointless drivel. But at least he’s real. That’s the fun of it. But you’re trying hard to do some kind of fucking performance art, and it’s falling flatter than a ha’ penny. If you could be halfway funny it would be one thing. But whatever the shit is you are doing, well, it just fucking goes nowhere. It’s so unfunny it’s tragic, mostly because you think you are funny and insightful. That’s the only small larf we can get out of it. The fact that you think it’s somehow good. It’s so pathetic it’s chilling. Hang it up, dude.

    • turdburglar permalink
      February 24, 2014 9:49 pm

      Looks like kent managed to troll the ydis trolls, or one of them at least. What exacrly is it about Dragonlance is it that makes you all hate it so much? Aside from it being a sophomoric derivative of Lord of the Rings?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        February 25, 2014 1:51 am

        An Excellent Question Mr. Turdburglar.
        I don’t hate Dragonlance since i view everything TsR made through the rose-tined goggles of early adulthood and am therefore unable to give a hoot. However, people tend to hate the game because of the following:
        A) Kender and Gully Dwarves and Clockwork Gnomes oh my!
        B) Introducing excessive railroading impressive even by today’s 4e standards.
        C) Possibly because old OD&Dfags (less so here then in other online rpg-player habitats) are either really commited to Gygax’s vision of DnD and Dragonlance with its sweeping plotlines, war between good and evil and general lack of moral ambiguity is against their interpretation of what the game should have been about,

        Good morning!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 25, 2014 8:47 am

        I don’t get it either. Dragonlance if a fine addition to D&D especially for girls and gay dudes who enjoy fantasy roleplaying games.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        February 25, 2014 11:32 am

        Hey Turdburg, I see by your pronunciation of the world “exactly” that you are Chinese. I really thought you people knew better than this trolling shit. You guys are usually fucking Inscrutable.

    • February 25, 2014 7:02 am

      You gotta admit, whatever his extensive failures as a human being, Kent is a troll par excellence. The thing is, Kent craves attention. The easiest way for him to get attention is to troll (since he is evidently embarrassed by his blogging efforts). Trying to prove his superior status as an intellectual would take up precious time he could spend watching television.

  82. NUNYA permalink
    February 25, 2014 7:13 am

    GUYZ, I FORGOTS, WHY WE ARE HATE ON A KUNT SO MUCH?
    IS HE ARE NOT A TROLL LIKE US?
    IF YEW STICK HIM WITH A TORCH DEOS HE AM NOT BURN?
    IF YOU SPEW A ACID ON HIM, DOES HE ARE NOT CRY??
    COME TROLEKIN, LET US ALL UNITE IN OUR HATRED OF DARIVITIVE, WANNA BE OSR “ARTISTES” LIVING IN A MOM’S ATTIC!
    LIKE THIS POAG GUY I JUST ARE FLAMED, CHICK HIM OWT, FACK WHAT A LOOSER!

    http://aldeboran.blogspot.ca/2014/02/intrigue-at-courts-of-chaos.html?showComment=1393289403674#c3204365917349382431

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 25, 2014 10:47 am

      That’s a nasty looking dildo Poag has drawn there…

  83. Timotheus permalink
    February 25, 2014 8:05 am

    Whomever needs a Kent fix, he is running a play by post at the OD&D74 boards. His genuflecting mockery of his players balances out the tedium of his vision, so it is a pretty entertaining read.

    I’d post links but that gets me sent to trouble tickets. Besides, you guys have been there before.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      February 25, 2014 11:55 am

      Jesus. The convo between Kunt and that Crussdaddy guy in the posting style discussion reads a lot like that old Zork game would if you could argue with the computer.

  84. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 25, 2014 11:29 am

    I have no problem with Kent coming on here frothing at the mouth calling everybody fags and cunts. Although sadly since I started calling him “Kunt” he has knocked it off with that word. My problem is with anybody who comes on here and cannot muster up a single funny sentence. So when he staggers in, all woozy from meds and booze and just spews pointless jibber jabber (that anybody with half a brain can tell HE things is funny), I like to get real with him a bit. I think he takes it to heart, and vanishes for awhile, only to slink back with lame user names. It’s the circle of life.

    Any successful trolling he does is on the forums, where he usually gets booted out lickety split. That shit is funny. Why does he not bring any of that here, where hurting with the funny is the order of the day?

  85. Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
    February 25, 2014 2:28 pm

    Hey Guys! Miss me? Just stopped by to say I’m jackin’ it to Baby Michelle on Full House reruns! Really whackin’ it and smackin’ it!

  86. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    February 25, 2014 3:33 pm

    Hey Gary! Did you ever dream that your fans on forums dedicated to you’re stinky carcass would talk about so much pointless, stupid shit? I dare you to look at the link below and then show me a more lame subject matter to talk about on a D&D site.

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=65087

    Excelsior! (that was your catchphrase right?)

    • Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
      February 26, 2014 6:01 pm

      Let’s see. WTMJ was NBC, WISN was ABC, WMVS was PBS, WISC was CBS but out of Madison…

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        February 27, 2014 5:02 pm

        We had W -.K.U.N.T out of East Oshkosh. All they showed was tired old 70’s detective shows that poorly aging old tools like to watch while drinking cheap whiskey and wondering what went wrong in their lives.

    • Gary Gygax (Official) permalink
      February 26, 2014 6:02 pm

      My catchphrase was, “BRING ME A BOY!”

  87. regular guy permalink
    February 25, 2014 9:28 pm

    TV NEWS:

    YDIS homosexual critics will be wearing package crushing thongs and ankle snapping higher-than-ever heels this spring. Eyelash extensions coated in soot will now permit long range flirting within the notorious gay clique of OSR critics.

    Columbo hid military grade dictaphone in his cigars.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 26, 2014 12:58 am

      Hi Kent!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 26, 2014 4:37 am

      I don’t get the pretense, the Colombo reference is a dead giveaway. Maybe Kent is using a pseudonym so his parent’s don’t figure out he has been using the internet while he has been grounded or something.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        February 26, 2014 4:38 am

        *Parents

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 26, 2014 6:28 am

      It seems unlikely that the dictaphone in Columbo’s cigars wa actually military grade.

      • February 26, 2014 11:28 am

        Depends on the military. Irish military grade, I’m willing to believe.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      February 26, 2014 1:21 pm

      Oh no’s!!! Been trolled again? *Sob* Kent, you got us again. When will we ever learn? Boohoo…

  88. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    February 26, 2014 6:29 pm

    1) I hang everything I need from my ampallang pouch. Giant size, be-otch!

    2)I stick to modern firearms.

    3)My comeliness is a mere 17. (18 after you eat the roofies.)

    4)What the fuck is a ‘zine? Wasn’t that some 90s shit?

    5)Does the Church of the Subgenius count? How about the OTO? Aren’t all religions fantasy religions, anyway?

    6)I just send my players to towns of my own creation, with names like “Assrape” (translated by Google into Icelandic so as not to spoil the surprise) and treat their PCs like sinners in the hands of an angry god. What was the question, again?

    7)Boobs feel like boobs. Unless they’re fake. Then they feel like beanbags.

    8)Wash yer penis before the crack ho gives you fellatio. Unless she’s way uppity or something. It’s just good manners.

    9)The Finnish “Maiden of Pain”, Loviatar, from DDG. A sneer and titties! What more could any Fatbeard want? If you don’t beat it to her, yer gayer than Kent.

    10) A real man would use nothing less than a Zocchi d100 or d30 for prostate stimulation.

    Fatty, out of his mind again fulfilling that New Year’s resolution.

  89. regular guy permalink
    February 27, 2014 8:04 am

    From Dragonsfoot – How do you keep your players from hating you? -OP:

    >>My players’ characters have been sent to an area to retrieve a powerful magical relic that is guarded by a unique type of ***exceptional fire elemental.*** They know about the elemental, and before they began their journey, they made certain to equip themselves at their expense with protections which would ordinarily offer either complete or virtually complete protection against fire and heat. ***I didn’t suggest this strategy to them… they came up with that approach on their own***<<

    Without irony. I had to read that last sentence a few times blinking in between.

    • First World Problems of Unblown White Male Middle Aged Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks and Catpiss Smell permalink
      February 27, 2014 10:31 am

      Hi Kent!

  90. NUNYA permalink
    February 27, 2014 10:52 am

    TODAY’S LOOSER IS BLOG OF HOLDING GUY’S PAGE. WHAT A FUKKING RAYCISS TOSSER:

    http://blogofholding.com/?p=6380&cpage=1#comment-33469

    FLAME ON MAH BROTHER-TROLES!!1
    :p
    -NUNYA

    • February 27, 2014 11:09 am

      That one did not get me to cry. There’s just something fucking caught in my contact lens. Do you think the Imaro books would be a good inspiration for Spears of the Dawn? I do!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      February 27, 2014 11:41 am

      Simultaneously a coherent point with the grammar and all-caps of a raving lunatic. Worthy of the annals.

    • First World Problems of Unblown White Male Middle Aged Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks and Catpiss Smell permalink
      February 27, 2014 12:36 pm

      ~vibes

  91. First World Problems of Unblown White Male Middle Aged Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks and Catpiss Smell permalink
    February 27, 2014 12:35 pm

    ~vibes

    • Timotheus permalink
      February 27, 2014 7:46 pm

      ~retarded dog trainer thought pellets

  92. regular guy permalink
    February 28, 2014 1:56 am

    TV NEWS

    True Detective is written by two fifteen year olds. Don’t be fooled by Matt Mac’s performance. Episode 6 was complete junk.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 28, 2014 5:54 am

      Kent is reporting Transvestite News now?

  93. Kent's Rectum permalink
    February 28, 2014 5:23 am

    Hi Kent!
    P.S. I could use better wiping.
    ~vibes

  94. PrinceofNothing permalink
    February 28, 2014 7:10 am

    Bored with ripping on the endless promulgation of Retroclones? Why not make your own!

    Random Retroclone Generator: Roll 1d10.

    Mechanics:
    1. Direct ripoff of OD&D.
    2. Direct ripoff of OD&D. Token editing done to avoid accusations of direct copyright infringement.
    3. Ripoff of OD&D. Extensive rewriting done without functional change in content, with self-congratulatory introduction by ‘authors’ reminiscing about the golden days and fawning, slobbering thanks given to Gary Gygax, token aknowledgement of Dave Arneson(10%) and possibly Rob Kuntz(40%), Tim Kask(12%), James Malewinski(3%) or Tom Moldvay(5%).
    4. Ripoff of Basic DnD. Minor rules changes that amount to little more then house rules that could have fitted on a single page.
    5. Direct Ripof of OD&D or Basic DnD. Irrelevant new classes included from (50%) obscure dragon magazine article that no one used, (25%) Other editions of Dnd(roll 1d4-1 for edition), (20%) Other fantasy or science fiction roleplaying games(roll percentile dice, 50% oldschool, 50% current), (5%) various pulp fantasy or science fiction novels.
    6. Direct Ripofff of OD&D. Extensive reworking of domain rules, naval warfare or mass combat that have been given an identical treatment in previous TSR published works, BUT NEVAR FOR OD&D!
    7. Ripoff of OD&D with focus on using Chainmail rules and miniatures.
    8. Ripoff of Basic DnD with much needed editing. Copy-paste ‘innovative’ mechanics from other roleplaying games as desired.
    9. Ripoff of AD&D.
    10. Roll again, but include the phrase ‘What Gary would have wanted had he not…’ as often as possible. Increase number of available polearms by one order of magnitude for each reroll.

    Setting:
    1. Ripoff of standard fantasy setting suitable for sandbox play.
    2. Ripoff of standard fantasy setting suitable for sandbox play with more emphasis on ‘Sword and Sorcery.’
    3. Standard sword and sorcery setting with an emphasis on sandbox play.
    4. Standard sword and sorcery setting suitable for sandbox play with text book ‘science fantasy’ elements often held up as iconic parts of the genre.
    5. Standard sword and sorcery setting with ‘Lovecraftian’ elements, suitable for sandbox play.
    6. Standard sword and sorcery setting with elements from a non-western culture(1: Oriental, 2: Norse, 3: arabic, 4: African, 5: Indian, 6: Aztec 7: Greek 8: Roll again, combining the results, 9: Demihuman race. 10: Alien Race)
    7. Sword and planet setting(e.g a ripoff of John Carter of Mars).
    8. Pulp Science fiction setting.
    9. Pulp setting.
    10. Reroll, combining both results.

    Final form: Roll 1d8.
    1. Free but with awful spelling errors, layout and editing making it inferior to the old product it was meant to retroclone.
    2. Token artwork with scandalous price range for a pdf of such nature.
    3. Boxed set with scandalous pricing for a product of such nature.
    4. Extensive artwork funded by kickstarter. Product delayed 1d4 years.
    5. Product was promoted extensively but never actually published(If you rolled an acknowledgement to Rob Kuntz, occurs on 1-5).
    6. Product was kickstarted but founder went bankrupt. Never published.
    7. Published and of good quality but quickly ignored by everyone.
    8. Roll twice, ignoring this result.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 28, 2014 7:23 pm

      This is truly innovative in a non-blOwSR way.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        February 28, 2014 7:26 pm

        And by non-blOwSR I mean not a cut and paste of D&D and not imported directly from FATE or other story game by Zak Princess and self-declared innovative.

  95. regular guy permalink
    February 28, 2014 1:25 pm

    Here’s something that has been annoying me lately. I can’t figure out who would win in a GANG FISTFIGHT between a BUNCH OF QUEERS and a BUNCH OF RETARDS.

    The surest way to learn more about such a contest would be to enact the scenario, and so, why don’t YOU GUYS arrange a fight with THE OSR ?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      February 28, 2014 2:59 pm

      Hi Kunt!

    • the Temple of Elemental Bullshit permalink
      March 3, 2014 3:24 am

      The real question Kent, is who would come out on top in Gang-fisting between a bunch of retarded queers and your rectum?

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        March 4, 2014 8:04 pm

        Kent told me tonight that all women should get the cunt and titty cancers and die die die because they use 10 times the amount of toilet paper as men and are therefore bad for the planet.

  96. NUNYA permalink
    February 28, 2014 3:20 pm

    HEYYEWGUUUYZ – IAM RITE MY VERY FIRST OSR REVUE, RIGHT HERE, RITE NOW ON DUNJINSUCKGUYZ PAGE!!1

    AREYEW KNO YEW CAN BUY THIS SUPER OLDSKEWLRETREAD PORDUCT FROM A REAL PUBLISHER AND HAVE YEWR VERY OWN SHIT GOLEM?!

    http://the-city-of-iron.blogspot.ca/p/publications.html

    BUT NUNYA YEW AM SAY “WHERE IT AM COME FROM? HOW DO IT AREWORK?” AND I ANSWER YEW HAVE TO BUY IT (ONLY 3.50 LESS TAHN A SIXPAK!) AND READ IT, TRUST ME IT ARE JUST LIKE IT SAYS ON TEH TIN REATARD!

    I LAY AWAKING IN BED LAST NITE AND WONDRED WHICH IS TO BE SADDER 1. I DESIGN A SHIT GOLIM IN THE FIRST PLACE OR 2. I ADVERTISE TEHF ACT I CREATED A SHIT GOLLUM AND SALED IT TO ANOTHRE OSRETARD?

    WHAT TO DO? COULD A HAPPYEN DING BE FOUND? MAYBE A NIGHTLY FAP TO CHARLIT STROAKLY ??– THANX TO GAYLORD ZAK TO TUNING ME IN TO DAT ASS)
    THAN A SINGLE TAER ROLLED OUT OF AN EYE AT TEH PROFUNDITY OF IT ALL BEFORE I DRIFTEDOFF….

    TEH END
    :p
    NUNYA

    • NUNYA permalink
      March 2, 2014 5:21 pm

      OH NO’S IT AM ARE A SHHIT ELLE-MENTAL, NOT A GOLIM!!1
      TAHT WOOD JUST BE SILLY!
      MY REVUE ARE RUINED. ANYWAY HERE IS SPLASH ADVERTISMENT:

      Within the Radiant Dome: mutant space-apes, amoeboid guardians, void craft, uranium ore, and… the fearsome shit elemental! A dose of weird D&D fun for any old-school adventure game. Module #2 in Geoffrey McKinney’s PSYCHEDELIC FANTASIES line.

      AND PDF BUY IT PLACE:
      http://www.rpgnow.com/product/121370/Within-the-Radiant-Dome-%28Psychedelic-Fantasies-%232%29

      C’MON PEEPLES HELP A BLUDMAGE INBREAD COUSIN MAKE HIM RENT THIS MONTH!!1

      :p
      -NUNYA

      P.S.- IMA STAY TRUE AND STILL GIVE A GOOD FAP FOR YEW TONITE CHARLIT :p

  97. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    March 2, 2014 7:04 pm

    How fucked up is this?
    http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?718628-Transphobia-Confession-Retiring-My-Game

    The trannies over at RPGNet have weaseled their “I cut off my junk and enlarged my manboobs with hormones so I’m a real woman now!” agenda so deeply into Big Purple Dildo’s left wing conservative gaming culture hive mind, this dumb fuck cancelled his whole game!

    • NUNYA permalink
      March 2, 2014 7:23 pm

      HE ARE STOP TO PUBLISH GAME FOR TAHT??

      MEBBE DUNJINSUKGUY CAN SET UP A FORUM HEAR WHERE WE CAN RETROCLOAN IT? TEH FANS MUST BE HEARD DAMMIT!

      I CAN SEE IT NOW: TRANEYS AND TROLES! FIRST PLACE FOR A ENNIE!!1

      ALSO TO MJGRAHAM: NUDE PICKS OR IT NEBER HAPPENED!!1

      :p
      -NUNYA

    • March 2, 2014 10:08 pm

      If presumed heterosexual or perhaps no worse than bisexual Jared Leto can win an Oscar for a sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a transtesticle, then I have hope we have entered a new era of tolerance in which the reverse is true also and a being like Kent can earn kudos for doing his best to imitate the mannerisms and maybe even the appearance of a male human who enjoys vag. It deserves an Ennie category, or maybe nomination for the 3 Castles Award.

      • NUNYA permalink
        March 2, 2014 11:08 pm

        KEWL, LET US TO KNOW WHEN A FORM IS UP!

        GEWD POINT, KUNT WILL BE A GREAT RESEARCH GUY FOR ALL THE SANSITIVES NUANCES REGARDING TEHPLUGGING OF MAN-TANG.

        AND DON’T BE TO WHIRRY, IM SHORE OUR MAKE BE-LEAF TRANNY’S WON’T BE A HOARABLE MOCKRY LIKE MJGRAHAM’S SISSYBOYS WERE!

        :p
        -NUNYA

        P.S. – DIBS ON DE-SIGNING TEH FEARSOME SHIT ELEMENTL!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      March 3, 2014 3:19 am

      Stuff likes this always baffles me.

      This one guy is railing against the ‘transphobic’ rule-descriptions in Unearthed Arcana where they apparantly placed ‘transgender’ under mental ilnesses. Now i know ‘homosexuality’ used to be classified under that same banner until a few decades ago, but honestly guy. It does kind of fit all the descriptive qualities normally associated with a personality disorder. Same goes for furries(Yiff in hell and all that) and otherkin. Have we as a society become so cowardly that we must sugar-coat everything in a veneer of political correctness and tolerance in case someone(no matter how unjustly) feels offended?

      Why stop here? There might be some schizophrenics or sociopaths that take great offence at their illness being included in that description. Stop whining and write your damn transgender wood-elves the way you damn well please already. If this shit continues its going to be impossible for villains to be anything but cartoon monsters without background or personality because anything that even smacks of realism will immediately be crushed under the jack-booted heels of the political correctness mafia. Fuck em. Make something that you think is awesome and would make for a kickass time playing it, and let the haters hate already.

      As a side note, a lot of the rpg.net-trannies(needs an abbrevation) seem to have a firmer grasp on the nuances of the perceived problem then the actual game designer. Must be a christian guilt-complex thing. Or maybe they represent the higher order processing of the hive mind to the direct imput processing of the game designer. Do they have a Borg King/Queen?

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 4, 2014 8:00 pm

      I have to say I honestly look forward to playing a transgendered woman trying to come to terms with her gender identity and find acceptance in the world as she delves the deepest depths of the megadungeon in order to kill monsters and take their stuff for XP.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        March 5, 2014 5:20 am

        +1.

        A nauseatingly stupid meme that infects segments of the rpg-community like an virulent plague is that you can’t just play a fucking game where you kill orcs without first having a 9-hour long debate on the political and moral implications of slaughtering other humanoids over territorial issues.

        Well i have news for you skirt-wearing nancies. Adventuring is one of the most politically incorrect, immoral things you can do. You are simultaneously desecrating and robbing ancient historical buildings motivated mostly by profit and a lust for power, slaughtering sentient, often very rare creatures(you could even make them go extinct!) that dwell there and are often born psychotically evil(this is of course only a convenient label), thus removing any blame on their part and eventually this pattern will lead to the global annihilation of all species that are innimical, by no fault of their own, to mankind. Peaceful co-existence is not an option. Human beings have been making animals go extinct for a long time, and most of those weren’t even a serious threat. Why the hell would be allow intelligent creatures that are directly competing with us for the same resources to survive?

        So take off that dress and put down that hairbrush, put on your chainmail and pick up that spear, and let’s make some horribly dangerous things that think and feel like you and me extinct so we can take their ancestral treasures so make-believe wenches will swoon on our laps and we can selfishly construct fortresses to drive even more of them out of their natural hunting grounds, possibly while waging war with our fellow men that we would have protected from Orc attacks a year ago.

      • March 7, 2014 7:45 pm

        ~murderhobo

  98. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 3, 2014 4:30 pm

    D&D has always been cis-gender-centric. If you didn’t put level limits on trans-gender characters they would come to dominate the game world. Sure you always have transmunchkins house-ruling a hermaphrodite Drow cross-dresser with double penetration specialization, but having your character kidnapped by a water nixie and dragged to the depths for some illicit unnamed hanky-panky is as close as some of the Beard & Bellies crowd is going to get to real romance. You would take that away from us? I mean, them?

  99. regular guy permalink
    March 4, 2014 5:31 am

    Im just a regular guy and here is what I think.

    Transphobic, trans-*phobic*. I suppose they are monsters in a way, like the chimera but I am not afraid of them the way I am afraid of spiders. Do transgenders lurk in webs? If I woke at night to find a transgender poised on a web in my room I would be scared. Other than that lets call them extremists in the general class of the gender obsessed or gender confused.

    There are too many gender confused people knocking about giving their opinions, liberals, nancy-boys. The reason is that manly men are giving too much respect to women on account of their beautiful pussies which they put on the web for us to admire. Really though, men have created a perfectly safe, clean environment for women to come out of their shells and finally contribute something to civilisation and lets face it women are getting a bit cocky. They are having too much of a good time and some of the weaker lads want some of what they have.

    The wheel will turn and gender sanity will return and you shall know the time has come when there are interesting wars everywhere and when every woman’s buttocks receive their daily chastisement.

    • March 4, 2014 6:35 am

      I have a feeling this will clear things up for everyone with no need for additional commentary.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 4, 2014 8:01 pm

      ~vibes Kunt!

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      March 4, 2014 10:55 pm

      If I woke at night to find a transgender poised on a web in my room I would be scared.

      Your browser history indicates that a lot of transgenders were poised on the web in your room.

  100. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 4, 2014 5:33 pm

    On a lighter note, Blooeymage is still alive anyway.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 4, 2014 8:02 pm

      See Anton GOPagan LeVey? There IS a God, and he is the father of Jesus the risen Christ!

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        March 5, 2014 1:53 pm

        And not Thor!

  101. Timotheus permalink
    March 5, 2014 8:05 am

    Transexual is a big thing in rpgs now. There is a whole series of successful kickstarters called Shadows of Estrogen. Check it out. Lovely, lovely stuff.

  102. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    March 5, 2014 1:44 pm

    I’m convinced now that becoming a tranny is indeed a viable life choice, if by viable life choice you mean homeless, dating drug dealers, working as she-male prostitute and contracting AIDS. Thank God she had Dungeons & Dragons to help her through it.

  103. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    March 5, 2014 2:05 pm

    KUNT’S TV NEWS

    http://www.salon.com/2014/03/04/liza_minnelli_responds_to_ellens_drag_queen_joke_she_thought_it_would_be_funny/

    Why are trannies outraged by this? I thought transgendered weren’t the same thing as female impersonators, at least that’s what they say over at Big Purple Dildo. Anything to be outraged and cast as the victim I suppose…

  104. Tyler Perry's Menzoberranzan permalink
    March 6, 2014 9:16 am

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=65216

    “I just love using common names in my games. Even the monsters get in on the action…a pair of gargoyles named Shaniqua and Sheqwanda…they spoke in sassy jive idioms like “oh no you din’t just attack my gurl wif dat magic sword”.”

    • NUNYABIDNESSUJIVETALKINTURKEY permalink
      March 6, 2014 12:21 pm

      ~ VIBRATORS

    • Sykirobme permalink
      March 6, 2014 12:54 pm

      It’s Bruce Heard’s MVP playtester you’re mocking there, Tyler. What have YOU done for society?

      • NUNYA permalink
        March 7, 2014 12:08 pm

        HOW ARE A COPY-PASTA + LINK TO A ORIGINNIL SOURCE A MAWKING?

        MEBBE THAIR IS A COMPREHENSION-STOOPID PROBLIM BEYOND ALEXY IN A OSR, SIKMYROBES??

        HUGSANDKISSEBICH (NOHOMOS)

        :p
        -NU YA

  105. James Edward F...er, Raggi IV permalink
    March 6, 2014 10:59 am

    ‘Allo, losers. Just stopped by to rub my financial success in your basement-dwelling faces.

    That’s right – the second of the modules to fund in my now-or-never 2012 Grande Adventures Campaign That Really Mattered has rolled of the fucking presses.

    Say hell-O to Kelvin Greene’s flaccid little friend:

    http://lotfp.blogspot.com/2014/03/forgive-us-and-scenic-dunnsmouth-now-on.html

    Two down, 2 to go (Rients (RIP) and the Gwar fag(DIP)). And you know I will get this completed before next year(ish), and that it will be totally worth the wait. I am getting Vince Locke to do some Cannibalingis covers to disguise…er, accent, rather, the quality on the inside.

    Time to chug some lard…

    JER IV

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      March 7, 2014 4:48 am

      Good on you Raggs.

      Hope you can, by some forgotten alchemy or black sorcery, get the quality out of that nosedive it’s been in lately(your definition of lately may vary). Maybe reread some old Ravenloft adventures before giving it the ol’ college try?

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        March 8, 2014 6:34 pm

        Maybe reread some old Ravenloft adventures before giving it the ol’ college try?

        You left the “t” out of “retread”.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 8, 2014 5:27 am

      Looking forward to download my free comps at 7chan.org/tg/

  106. NUNYA permalink
    March 6, 2014 7:17 pm

    I ONLY CAN HAVE WON EMOTICON AT TIHS EPIC MELTDOWNS – FLABERGUTTED!!1

    http://www.bleedingcool.com/2014/02/28/kickstarter-fail-john-campbell-burns-comics-rather-than-sending-them-to-donors/

    • March 6, 2014 10:09 pm

      I found that video exhilarating, but I was hoping he would leap onto the pyre like Denethor 😦

      • NUNYA permalink
        March 7, 2014 11:18 am

        HEY TROLEKING DUNJINSUKKING-GUY, STICK OUT TAHT CHIN AND GRIN…TEH SUN MAY COME OWT FOR TAHT 2MORO!!

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      March 7, 2014 4:40 am

      “No tomb for Campbell and Pictures of Sad Children. No long slow fulfilling obligations and actually working for a living. We shall burn like the heathen kings of old. Bring wood and oil.”

      • NUNYA permalink
        March 7, 2014 9:46 am

        HAY “ARTISTE FOARMLY KNOWN AS PRINCE” – FUKC TAHT
        CANUTE I TALK WIT SUMBODY ELSE REASONABLE FATCH TAHT WHILE I SIT ALOAN IN A ROOM AN THINK?
        YOU KNOW, TEH REELY IMPROTANT STUFF – LIKE A DRAW STIKCFIGGERS!! ARE WE FUKCING HANNA-BARBARIANS OR SUM SHIT??!

    • March 7, 2014 6:32 am

      Damn, that’s beautiful. No sense of personal responsibility whatsoever…it’s the fault of everyone else.

      “…I’d love to hear that there are people interested in meeting another person’s needs directly with no hope for reward of any kind…”

      Welcome to the OSR! This guy should team up with Brave Halfwit.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        March 7, 2014 7:52 am

        I wonder if comic book fans are as stupid as blOwSR fans and will back his next Kickstarter anyway?

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 7, 2014 8:00 am

        If you check out the kickstarter comments on that last update with the bonfire and the rant, the backers are clamoring over each other to get a copy of the book with the dead wasp in it, in between bouts of praise for the “creator.”

        So yeah, Comic Book Guy Stockholm Syndrome is as prevalent as Gamer Stockholm Syndrome. His next Kickstarter will double this one, particularly if he promises not to deliver anything.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      March 8, 2014 12:36 pm

      Wow, the entitled shit-artist comic hipsters finally found their king. What a cunt.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        March 8, 2014 7:56 pm

        I fully expect Zak S to one day top this epic level shit on your retarded fans burn all your bridges mental breakdown.

  107. Timotheus permalink
    March 7, 2014 9:10 am

    Breaking news: some old, bitter faggots are angry that people are actually role playing the wrong way and enjoying it. Gary would disapprove, of course.

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=29109

    Starring Old “Buy my book then fuck off you nazi…and oh, yeah, I TOTALLY created the giant slug” Geezer. Someone needs to up his morphine drip.

    • NUNYA permalink
      March 7, 2014 9:55 am

      HAY TIMMMAY – SHOW SUM RASPECT FOR A TRUE CRAFTSTEMN!!
      TAHT WERE A MASTREFUL TROLE BUY A OLE GEEZER GUY!!
      WE OF TEH SITH HALF MUCH TO LEARN FROM THIS WONE SO SLY AND WISE IN TEH DRAK ARTS, EVEN USING HIM AULD SKEWL RAPUTATION SO AS TO BE ABOVE A BANNERING EVEN!!1

  108. Peanut Eminem permalink
    March 7, 2014 9:22 am

    Alexis is on the rag again.
    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2014/03/anger-is-my-default.html

    And fuck all of you swine who won’t recognize his tortured genius.

    • NUNYA permalink
      March 7, 2014 9:50 am

      HAY PEENOT – LET US KNOT CAST STONES BUTT-RATHER MAIK TEH GUY TORCHERING HIM STAHP SO MEBBE TEH ALEXXY WILL SHUT TEH FACK UP?!
      YEW KNOW – BE PROLACTIVE!!1

      -NUNYA

    • March 7, 2014 9:59 am

      “The Department of Management, Innovation and Entrepreneurship of the Department of [sic] North Carolina State University” found out that jocks doing well can look like assholes to nerds who aren’t?

      Undoubtedly groundbreaking and brilliant work but I’m a little fucking confused what that says about the abusive dungeon master type.

      • NUNYA permalink
        March 7, 2014 11:00 am

        HI SCHIZONOMICON, YAS ALEX ARE A MISTRY AND A CONEUNDERARM WRAPPED IN A ENEMA FOR SHORE!

        HEAR IS ANOTHRE WON! CONTRARRY TO A POPLAR BELEEF, I ARE NOT A JEAN-YES SMARTGUY LIKE TEH ALEXIS!! BUT I NOT UNNERSTAND TIHS PART:

        “I’m angry because there are trolls telling me that I’m a bad writer when clearly I’m not…”

        BUT THAN HE AM SEZ:
        “So I am trying to find the right language. I’m trying to say, “here are the pitfalls, don’t be a dick,” in a positive way. ”

        BUT WHAT IS TO BE CLAIR HERE?
        F YEW CANNA EXPLAIN A THING YEW DONUT RAEKT KNOW TAHT THING IS A STARTING PRINCIPLE, SO WHICH OF THOSE TWO IS AM TRUE ALEXGUY? ANSWER IS EITHRE YOU AM CAN RITE IT OR YOU AM CANNOT.

        EVIDENCE OR SHAT TEH FACK UP.

        EITHRE YEW HAVE TEH RITE STUFF AND CAN PUT IT OWT TO YEWR PARSON-AL STRANGENT STANDRAD OR YOU CAN-NUT!! DONUT WAIST A PEEPLE’S TIME WITH TEH ‘WOE IS ME, IME A TORTRED ARTISTE WHO YEW WILL NEVRE UNNERSTAND” BIT. TAHT ACT ARE WHAT MAKE -ME- OH SO FURIOUSO-ANGERMAN ALEX BECAUSE YOU ARE AM NOT PROVIDE ANY PROOF OF YORE TENET POSITION!

        -NUNYA

        P.S – TO A RAVEENINGCROWSKING : CONSIDER IT ARE AM POSSIBAL YEW, I AND TEH VAST MAJORTY OF TEH HUMAN RACE ARE JUST TOO STOOPID TO EVAR ‘GET ALEXY’!!

        MAYHAPS TRULY TOO IF WE APPROACH TEH ALLBURNING BRILYINCE OF ALEXIS WITH ONLY A OPEN AND TRUSTING HART, NEVRE QUESTINGING HIS TOWERING INTALLECT, NEVRE CAUSING HIM TO BE A ANGRY, AND ALWAYS LOOK TO A GROUND WHEN BEFORE TEH CLAIRLY DIVINELY GIFTED INDIVIDUAL AMONGST US MEAR MORTALMEN – THAN -AND ONLY THAN -WE CAN KNOW TEH PURE AND OBJECTIVE TROOTH ONLY HE HOLDS TEH KEYS TO, GRANTED TO HIM BY A PROMETHANEUS FROM A HOALY FIRES ON OLIMPUSS.

        -NUNYA

        P.P.S. – ALSO’S ALEXY: FAWK YEW, YOU FUCKNUTTED ASBERGER-VICTIMIZED, SELF-DELUSIONAL TWAT! I PUT YEWR BOOK UPON THE SAME LEVEL OF %COMPLETION AND “WONDERFUL INSIGHTS TO BE SHARED” AS THAT OTHER NARCISSISTIC OS-BLOWHARD JAMES MALESOUPSKI DWIMMERDUST…FAGET!

        (SEE TAHT ARE AM HOW YEW WRITE CLAIRLY TO CONVAY TEH THAWT…WITH FEELS)
        :p
        -NUNYA

      • Meta Green permalink
        March 7, 2014 1:55 pm

        Man, NUNYA, if they ever adapt Hodgdon’s Nightland for film, you should audition for the lead.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        March 7, 2014 8:54 pm

        His sub-Joethelawyer schtick is tired already. And it really lowers the bar on discussion here, which is saying a LOT.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 8, 2014 5:16 am

      Ravencrowking’s first mistake was patronizing Alexis by saying Alexis has something worthwhile to say (anything worthwhile to say, really) and that his Tao of D&D blog was worth reading. Big, big mistake.

      Then again, Ravencrowking isn’t worth reading either,

  109. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    March 7, 2014 1:52 pm

    It’s a clash of the titans, a battle for the ages, it’s two epic giants of the blogosphere meeting on the field of….

    Oh, who am I kidding, it’s a mantitty slapfest…

    http://ravencrowking.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-response-to-matt-tao-of-d.html

    • Scott permalink
      March 7, 2014 2:28 pm

      I’m fascinated by Alexis, his long screeds about his self-image, his weird mix of lingering jock-hate and rough-trade fantasies, his hints about libertinism and sexual adventuring, and his culture of orbiting sycophants and nemeses. Judging from his videos, he has the affect and cadence unique to tall overweight ponytailed gamers and comic book enthusiasts. (Seriously, I’ve never heard anyone but gamers and comics readers speak quite that way.)

    • First World Problems of Unblown Middle Aged White Male Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks and Catpiss Smell permalink
      March 7, 2014 3:01 pm

      RETARD FIGHT!!!!!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 8, 2014 5:21 am

      Why, ravencrowking, why? There is nothing more pathetic than a bald man with a ponytail whose life revolves around a game he used to play in middle school. What happened to that nice looking kid with his first typewriter? He looks like he could have bagged some nice girls if only he had taken his nose out of the Dungeon Master’s Guide long enough. Probably new how to wipe his own ass properly back then too.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        March 8, 2014 5:24 am

        KNEW how to wipe
        stupid auto-correct set for NUNYA!

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 8, 2014 7:02 am

      God damn. raven blowking is in love with his own bloviation (I love the “I wasn’t there, BUT” psychoanalysis), but with Alexis Qaeda there is absolutely no self-awareness. Every mirror in his house is black.

      The icing on the cake is Ass Nasty showing up and commenting that anger is a bad default position. I am sure Chthulhu will revoke his clerical spells over that bit of nonsense.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      March 8, 2014 6:40 pm

      Worst That’s so Raven! episode EVER!!!

  110. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 7, 2014 4:47 pm

    The guy burns hundreds of his super-deluxe Kickstarter books, completely deletes his webcomic he’s been doing for the past 6 years and launches a screed on how his life is “ruled by contracts?” Now THATS how you F up a Kickstarter! And he’ll burn another book for every email he gets saying “hey, um, where’s the book I paid for?” The OSR could learn from this guy. He’s making all of our turkeys look like pikers. I would have preferred a nice long rambling manifesto to cap things off but hey there’s still time. This guy has just re-set the bar.

    • regular guy permalink
      March 7, 2014 5:07 pm

      I’ll support any kick-starter fella who promises to burn any OSR books he can find.

  111. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 7, 2014 7:45 pm

    Oh, by the way, this was on the internet so it must be true:

    “Campbell’s also not a he, by the way. I’m pretty sure she came out as trans and I think she even mentions it in that latest Kickstarter thing so it’d be great if people stopped misgendering her.”

    http://www.bleedingcool.com/forums/front-page-comic-news/80213-paul-jenkins-steps-up-over-john-campbell-kickstarter-controversy-5.html#post844203

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 7, 2014 10:15 pm

      Oh he’s a she-male tranny? Well that explains and excuses everything! Now that he’s a real woman, he must be getting his period and can blame the hormones for his crazy behavior.

    • First World Problems of Unblown Middle Aged White Male Fatbeards With Poorly Wiped Butt Cracks and Catpiss Smell Slapping Around Their Man Boobs and Pulling Each Other's Pony Tails permalink
      March 7, 2014 10:19 pm

      TRANNY FIGHT!!!

      • NUNYA permalink
        March 8, 2014 3:54 am

        ~VIBRATORS

  112. regular guy permalink
    March 7, 2014 9:52 pm

    I just came up with a magic item which I will share with you.

    It is called the magic bag of farts. This soft receptacle, which has the outward appearance of a cushion, can store up to four flavours of fundamental emission guaranteeing that the separate sour winds will not mingle. After a solid meal, taking care to suppress those eructations which may undermine the violence of his farts, the magic user lowers his breeches, squats on the cushion and carries out his foul demonstration. The magic bag greedily stores such farts for later deployment.

    Witness how the magic bag may be used. In a tavern approach whatever rowdy psychopath is boasting loudest and offer the pretty cushion as a comfort betwixt his buttocks and the hard bench. Be sure to seat yourself hard by where you can follow the trend of his vain declarations and at that moment when he is at his most emphatic shout out, “blow cushion blow !!” and let the magic bag of farts do her duty. With a gentle shake of your head, all indulgence, point out the villain to the crowd giving him the blame for your vile stink.

    In a like manner a princess too might be blamed at court to her great shame.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 7, 2014 10:15 pm

      Hi Kent!

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 8, 2014 6:21 am

      Yo should Kickstart that bitch, kent, and then post a video of you burning the whole lot in a pyre in the peat bog behind your hovel.

    • March 9, 2014 8:39 am

      I hate to do this, but props on “eructation”, even though it is used improperly.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      March 9, 2014 2:01 pm

      Goddamn, Kunt. Only you could make a joke about fart-themed magic objects unfunny and actually chilling in the lameness of it’s delivery. Oh wait, I must have just been trolled.

      fuck!

      But, uh, maybe you should stick to what you do best. Running online games for a couple of your fellow loser, unblown buddies on a jackshit, third rate D&D forum and have endless back and forths with them over retarded task resolution methods.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        March 9, 2014 6:48 pm

        Hey, now, his “Rectomancer” character class, which can obtain different magical effects depending on what is up his/her butt, is a nifty example of some new game mechanics. I just draw the line at having to show him examples of such insertions via Skype in order for the character to cast a spell.

      • March 9, 2014 10:35 pm

        ~bilabial fricative

  113. FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
    March 9, 2014 12:29 pm

    Salty Seamen! They’re throwing us softballs now, just to end up linked from YDIS. Well, here you go.

    http://elfmaidsandoctopi.blogspot.com/2014/03/salty-seamen-of-shadel-port.html

  114. regular guy permalink
    March 10, 2014 4:30 pm

    True Detective.

    What a pile of crap. You would have to be a moron to not notice how appalling the dialogue was. A TV movie watered down like beer to last longer. Ligotti my hole, it was a wholly derivative feel good sunday show with excruciating dialogue, where incoherent writing is judged to be mysterious by people who struggle to read genre novels.

    2/10 – good enough for the Knights & Knaves Alehouse, women and morons.

    • Timotheus-Sothoth permalink
      March 10, 2014 6:51 pm

      “2/10 – good enough for the Knights & Knaves Alehouse, women and morons…

      …and Irish bog-dwelling Columbo-wise cock-sucking Thatcherites.

      • regular guy permalink
        March 10, 2014 7:14 pm

        Woman?

    • March 10, 2014 8:27 pm

      “I often ask my friends the lowbrows, over our muffins and honey, why it is that while we, the highbrows, never buy a middlebrow book, or go to a middlebrow lecture, or read, unless we are paid for doing so, a middlebrow review, they, on the contrary, take these middlebrow activities so seriously?” – Virginia Fucking Woolf a/k/a Ugly Stick Kidman

      • Scott permalink
        March 11, 2014 4:12 am

        Virginia Woolf may be the most “middlebrow” writer in the history of literature.

      • March 11, 2014 8:33 am

        Bloomsbury gots to get PAID! Only the true middle spends so much time looking in the mirror to keep the boundaries tweezed, much less inviting Appendix N to the muffin party for a little “uplift.”

  115. regular guy permalink
    March 10, 2014 7:13 pm

    Wro-onng … Do It Again. Wro-onng … Do It Again

    Recently, J.K. Rowling joined a Change.org petition urging the bookseller Amazon to do more to prevent bullying in their comments section. I appreciate that we are moving past the word troll to the more proper, accurate word bullying. I believe that starting hence forward, I’m going to stop calling people trolls. That’s an insufficient euphemism for what’s going on.

    I am hardly a famous person. I make no great money off the internet, I have one book and a few minor game features that I have distributed, and yet somehow I am worthy of quite a lot of abuse. I don’t believe that this is because of what I write, or who I am. I don’t believe it is because I am a bad person. I think it’s because I am not cowed, and I have not stopped writing.

    Most every blogger I followed five years ago is gone; those that are left have a presence on-line, like Tom Tomorrow, but have for the most part ceased to blog. The political bloggers have it the worst; and as they have stepped off, one by one, they have written that the main reason is the unbelievable beat down that they face every day from people who do everything possible to bully them into silence. Most of them start with moderating comments. Eventually they get rid of comments altogether. Then, a year later, writing in a vacuum, they just stop.

    I don’t wish to get rid of my comments. There are some sharp, insightful people who write very human things on the comments section here; they are involved in what I’m writing, they have a great deal to add from their own experience, and I absolutely do not want any of these people to feel for a moment that they can’t speak their minds to me. The comments, moderated as they are, stay.

    But I am clearly moving forward into a period where I am getting enough attention from the bullies to make them sense blood in the water. I would estimate that I am seeing about four times as many personal attacks here and hosted on other sites than I received last year. That is telling. As my friend Carl says, I must be really, truly, getting under their skin. Given what I wrote Friday, they know they can get a rise out of me. That has been true. I was talking it out with my family over the weekend and three meaningful pieces of perspective presented themselves.

    The first, that I am still reading these comments. This is true. It is a train-wreck, it is compelling, and virtually everyone wants to read things others write. There are a lot of positive comments out there that turn up on Reddit and other blogs, people trying out systems of mine or praising my maps on bulletin boards. But when I set out to go find out what may have been written about me recently, I get the bad with the good.

    The second is that there is a LOT worse than what I’m getting. That is true.

    And third, that perhaps I might consider having someone else moderate my comments for me. Someone who isn’t a target.

    I may someday have to keep in mind the third. If I am able to sell the book, if I set up to promote it at conventions around the country, then the level of commentary might get beyond me. I might find there’s too much to wade through, or that it is getting hard to read. If this is what I am getting now, where does it go when I have something that is really popular?

    For the present, I feel there is one thing I can do. I can intensify the moderation. Up until this point, I have been satisfied with restricting personal abuse and off-topic statements, as well as cutting down on those who write, “You won’t print this, but …”

    I’m going to tighten that up, starting now.

    Those who have never feared that I would remotely deny a comment have nothing to worry about. Gentle readers, you know who you are. But I am going to make some more specific rules about commenting, in the interest of retaining the higher level of discourse that has always been a part of this blog, while eliminating or at least reducing the lower discourse.

    If the reader opens my page, and sets to read me, and in turn takes a mind to comment, then I presume the reader has an interest in my opinion. Otherwise, why have they read anything?

    It does not follow, then, that because the reader has opened my blog in order to read my opinion, that I am automatically interested in theirs. There is great hay made of the fact that I only want to hear people who disagree with me, or that I attack and abuse people for “just giving their opinion.” This sort of statement is, naturally, meant to encourage guilt, to cause me to change my perspective and of course allow every reader to have free rein in commenting here.

    I feel, given the climate of bullies that infests every comment section everywhere on the net, making the very circumstance of comments sections poisonous for everyone, that the real answer to such a guilt-making argument is to say, “Yes, that’s true. If I don’t agree with you, I’m really not interested in what you have to say.”

    The idea that anyone anywhere in the world shouldn’t only to recreate, hang, chat or otherwise interact with anyone in the world they don’t agree with, at least in general principles, is a bully’s idea. It is an outsider’s idea. It is the philosophy of a lonely outcast who has no homies, who resents that anyone is entitled to encircle themselves with friends and people of like mind, and who uses notions like ‘free speech’ or ‘elitism’ as weapons to promote their misguided ideal.

    I do only want people of like mind around here. I want people experienced at speaking frankly, who prefer to be up front about their reasons for anything, who draw their arguments on sources or examples, rather than gut-instincts. I want the people who write here about their perceptions and thoughts to feel this is a comfortable, welcome house – and it always has been, for them. It’s only an unwelcoming house for the clodding fools who think their ‘opinion’ – and the fact that it is an ‘opinion,’ as though that alone and nothing else counts for everything – matters.

    So here are my new comments rules.

    1) Feel free to agree with me and expand on what I’ve written. Most every comment like this highlights the best parts of my post, adds things I never thought of, deliberates over the nuance of a particular ideal and straightens out my thinking. If you have a comment that does this, go straight to it.

    2) Don’t piggy-back on my blog and offer an alternative method for ‘how you do it.’ I am writing here about how I do it. Either address my method, or go write your idea on your blog, where you won’t have the benefit of boring my readers, who aren’t here to read YOU. Writing about your method in a vacuum is advertising. Go advertise in your space.

    3) If you want to disagree with me, fine. Do so. I better see a source or a credibly prescient example from your personal experience, and that example better be specific, detailed and ungeneralized. This is my blog. That is I can write as many things as I want from the hip without proving my sources. If I had no credibility, you wouldn’t be here. Unless I know you, YOU have no credibility at all. Make some good points and earn some. If all you have is opinion, save it. If I were interested in your opinion, I would be reading your blog.

    4) If I get the tiniest, infinitesimal whiff of an insult, either to me or anyone else, then you’re gone. If I see more a lot, I won’t just deny this comment, I will seek out and hunt down every other comment you have ever left on this blog in my good time and I will kill it. And I will never allow you to post here, no matter how reasonable you are. You can make another nick if you want, but I am guessing that if you can’t contain yourself once, you won’t in the future, no matter what you post as. I am through being patient.

    Let’s be clear. Your opinion, if it is only an opinion, carries no weight with me. And I am done with bullies. I don’t want you here. No one wants you here. Up until now, I’ve been trying to deal with you as human beings. I’ve gotten angry with you, I’ve written paragraphs attempting to educate you, I’ve wasted my time on you. That stops. Now.

    For everyone who is staying with this blog … I am going to take strong steps to contain my anger. I’m going to decimate the comments section and stop writing rants that address something stupid someone has said. Anger is going to stop being my default. I may allow myself, occasionally, off the chain … but this lately has been too much, too often, for the wrong reasons.

    The bullying against me is going to step up. That’s a fact of life. But I am going to stop it from having any effect on anyone reading this blog – including it’s affect on me, second-hand.

    Now let’s raise the discourse, and consider this subject managed. I would appreciate support – particularly from anyone who told me last week that I would be a happier person if I were not angry all the time.

    Well, let’s see if that’s true.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 10, 2014 9:21 pm

      ~vibes

      • regular guy permalink
        March 10, 2014 9:42 pm

        You are clearly the dumbest person on this site. Im not trying to annoy you, Im just trying to help you understand why no one likes you in real life.

      • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
        March 11, 2014 12:01 pm

        But have you figured out yet wh nobody likes you Kent on ANY site?

    • justme permalink
      March 11, 2014 6:09 am

      Plagarizing Alexis, have you no shame? Or are you too busy sniffing your fingers to bother slapping in a link?

    • March 11, 2014 7:33 am

      I’m glad that Alexis is taking Venger’s advice. Seriously, when a Cthulhu worshipper counsels you on your emotional health, it’s time for some profound introspection.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      March 11, 2014 8:47 am

      I guess we left Alexis alone for too long. Not only is the quality of his writing dropping below even his own abysmally low standards, but it seems that without us he descends further and further into a demiplane of his own creation, entirely separate from reason, the human condition and indeed, reality as a whole.

      I think the logical end point of this evolution will be a sort of singularity blog existing only within the confines of Alexis’s mind, closed off from everyone, unobserved and indeed fundamentally unobservable, with Alexis ranting incessantly at himself about GMing a group that does not exist for all eternity. When Alexis passes away, does the blog die, or will it still exist somewhere, an infinitely resounding echo ranting eternally at itself.

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 11, 2014 11:48 am

      God damn, L’il Lexi Qaeda is going to cry!

      “I didn’t agree with any of what he said on his blog. It was opportunistic, mis-representative and flat-out aggressive against me personally. This has been the pattern with every comment he has ever made on this blog – insult, claim innocence, then use the resulting ‘injustice’ against himself to promote an atmosphere of insult and abuse on HIS blog. I’m sure it is helping his self-promotion.”

      That ineffectual, bumbling navel-gazer Raven Blowking actually has Lex sniffling and whing about how he is a big meanie.

      That’s right Lexi, everybody in the world is a bully and and are objectively wrong. You are the ONLY one who can see the truth.

      That Blowking kid did get the James Jones parallel right. Can we get an over/under on the date that Alex Qaeda and his simpering syncophants do a syncronized on-line Drano cocktail?

  116. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 10, 2014 10:00 pm

    How in the world can you clearly tell who is the dumbest person on this site?

    Also, I like the magic bag of farts but prefer the name Bag of the Four Winds.

    • regular guy permalink
      March 10, 2014 10:12 pm

      >>How in the world can you clearly tell who is the dumbest person on this site?

      Watch his reaction.

      >>Bag of the Four Winds

      Classy.

  117. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 10, 2014 10:15 pm

    Q: Why don’t women ever fart?

    A: They can’t shut up long enough to build up any pressure!

    ba dum bum

    • justme permalink
      March 11, 2014 6:13 am

      Oh they fart, its just smells lik cheetoes, Mt Dew and sweaty un washed sock: yup that’s right that smell at game cons is because the one or two women there can’t stop farting, its not like they’d give a damn surrounded by con nerds.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      March 11, 2014 12:05 pm

      I FART CUM BUBBLES!

  118. Recovering Retard permalink
    March 11, 2014 3:19 pm

    )

    3:28 – I wonder if that’s his wife filming? I never fail to enjoy this nancy-ass, effete sociopath. Yes, keep that camera on him… this is the shit of genius.

    • regular guy permalink
      March 11, 2014 4:07 pm

      PLAYER #1: Ehh? … What’s that smell?
      PLAYER #2: I think Tao went into the kitchen to take off his boots.

      Tao emerges from kitchen with a plate full of curdled protoplasm

      Tao: *I* am having something to eat because I am the *DM*. Pay attention, I will demonstrate the correct procedure for eating an omelette for those who are unfortunate enough to lack teeth. Move your gums sideways like this.

      PLAYER #1 breaks a cigarette in two and places each half in a nostril.

    • March 11, 2014 8:22 pm

      That’s a fucking terrible way to cook an omelette. No flavor.

  119. regular guy permalink
    March 11, 2014 3:34 pm

    Outside of a couple of things by Gabor Lux and McK’s Carcosa is this guy going to be only the third lad in the lifetime of the OSR to produce something worth reading?

    http://aldeboran.blogspot.ie/2014/03/khunmae-update-and-metals.html

  120. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 11, 2014 3:57 pm

    When I fart, it smells like roses. Except when I have chili, then it smells like fragrant potpourri.

  121. regular guy permalink
    March 11, 2014 6:29 pm

    Also Im working on a new magic item called – The Worthless Box of Yids, a magical box of little crap guys.

    Yids live in the land of YDIS, but what are they?

    Well, say there has been an insurrection in a normal man’s toenails by an obnoxious fungus which yellows and twists the nails into gruesome flakes. Then imagine this man climbs and icy mountain and gets frostbite and his feet become gangrenous. Well the magic user takes the gangrenous toes with the fungal nails and animates these toes making little men that I call Yids. The twisted whorled fungal nails are the Yids’ brains. The Yids are known as the men of the land of YDIS.

    So stick the little men in a box and you have a box of Yids. But what can they do? That’s what Im working on. Help me out by being yourselves and I’ll watch.

    • regular guy permalink
      March 11, 2014 6:31 pm

      One big toe is YDIS herself, our host. A really great player of D&D.

    • March 11, 2014 8:24 pm

      The Yids stay in school for the rest of their lives?

  122. regular guy permalink
    March 11, 2014 7:44 pm

    Giordanisti said…
    The guidelines about how to respond to your posts are going to be quite helpful, at least for me to know whether my thoughts are relevant to what you’re looking for on the blog. Any comment’s first priority should be making a positive impact on the post, and in your past two articles you’ve outlined exactly the ways that a comment can contribute to the discussion. I expect this’ll help quality significantly.

    March 10, 2014 at 8:00 PM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    You, Giordanisti, I can count on to ruthlessly attack me with facts, examples, evidence and a priori thinking. I’ve never known you to ever need to be worried about what you might say that’s ‘relevant’ to this blog. If you’re holding back, you should let yourself off the chain.

    March 10, 2014 at 8:03 PM
    Vlad Malkav said…
    Wow, that’s clear and precise, definitely good guidelines for worthy comments.

    Point 1 : I like this one for keeping a way to give a positive opinion / feedback without necessarily having anything else to say (eh, if you blow our mind, at least we can say so ^^).
    I’ll try to always have a thing or two to add, though.

    Point 2 : something I didn’t ever think of, but quite insightful in hindsight. Well, I could see some discussion going on about someone wanting your advice on one’s way of doing X or Y, but it’d be something between you two, by mail; if not, better put it in one’s blog. Either way, good point, and that keep the comments on the subject.

    Point 3 : this, this is great ! Backing up one’s claims with specific sources (even personal experience) allow for a clear view of what one base his disagreement on – and one has to take time and thoughts on clarifying the personal experiences – which help both ways. That should refrain some to post useless banter, and help remember that what we see isn’t a general rule, merely specific cases.

    Point 4 : I find it a little harsh to seek-and-destroy all other comments. What if those are worthy, with the perpetrator of the faulty comment only misbehaving on a very infrequent basis ? There could be a risk of losing interesting stuff.
    However, you should get a lot of bullies out with this one, and if one cannot contain oneself, it may very well cause useless bad blood very detrimental to the discussion process.

    All in all, those are great rules, made to keep things civil, clear, centered on the subject, and as free of abuse as one can hope.

    Can’t wait to see this at work…

    March 11, 2014 at 5:10 AM
    Scarbrow said…
    Because I value you, as a most trusted and sound source of advice, and because I value your sanity, I wholeheartedly agree with your rules. Even if I’ve been known to offend under number 2 on several occasions, and you’ve called me on it. That’s right with me.

    Please keep well, and I hope you manage to regain some balance in your life. You’re one of my precious few role models of people able to stand strong and straight in the face of abuse and hate. Don’t burn out. Please.

    March 11, 2014 at 7:08 AM
    Andrej said…
    I’m looking forward to the new era where everything is killer and nothing is filler. 🙂

    March 11, 2014 at 7:22 AM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    Don’t worry, Scarbrow,

    If Britney Spears can take all this shit, I can.

    March 11, 2014 at 7:26 AM
    Matt said…
    Glad to see you taking steps for your sanity. I hope you stick around and write for a long time.

    March 11, 2014 at 10:18 AM
    Dave Cesarano said…
    I dunno if I consider trolling and bullying to be synonymous. I was always under the impression that trolling was done in order to inflame people’s emotions and get people angry. A troll starts fights and arguments. They start controversy.

    If you’re experiencing bullying then I imagine you’re not getting people trying to stir up controversy and flame wars for their own entertainment. I see bullying as similar to terrorism. They use fear, intimidation, and similar tactics to silence opponents and squelch dissent. If you’re getting trolls, I’d say that’s par for the course.

    Getting bullies is something totally different. Indeed, it’s indicative of several things. First, people see you as a threat. You threaten their little tiny vision of what role-playing is, perhaps, or how it is properly done. Second, building off of your role as a threat, is that you intimidate them and make them feel less powerful. You are demonstrating how they’re not good DMs and hammers their fragile little self-esteems. They retaliate in order to remove this thorn in their side that is constantly reminding them that they’re psychologically damaged people, fragile, vulnerable. Your education, erudite use of language, ability to use facts and logic to back up your arguments, effectively disempowers them in their own minds. They can’t deal with it. They’ve built these illusory constructs of self that are as fragile as houses of cards and you are a strong wind that blows the whole things down. They can’t stand up to examination, either from themselves or from external sources.

    March 11, 2014 at 10:49 AM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    Troll and bully are synonymous. ‘Troll’ is a soft way that semi-justifies their behavior. Even in your statement, Dave, there’s a taint that it’s all in the way of boyish fun.

    My dictionary defines bully as “a quarrelsome, blustering, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates.” Sounds like a troll to me: someone that acts selfishly, pushing their way into someone else’s space to please themselves.

    I feel at this time the best course of action is to cease being concerned with whether or not they are defined correctly. I don’t care if they feel misrepresented. They are ‘bullying’ me. That’s the straight of it. I need to feel more empowered to manage their comments when I receive them.

    My first instinct last Thursday was to delete the first comment I received, one that pointedly dismissed my point based on nothing but the writer’s opinion and the lack of that writer’s empathy for anyone beyond themselves. I did not delete it, however, because I felt, “well, it’s following my rules, so I’ll let it stand.”

    Yet, as I considered the comment, I found myself angered by it. If I had felt free to rid the blog of the comment up front, instead of feeling need to tangle with the commenter, the very good conversation that followed, between you, Dave, and Matt, James, Yagami and Jeremiah, would have still occurred … but without the overshadowing stupidity of one unwanted interloper. In future, I want good conversations to occur without that supposedly necessary evil.

    My failure was in not stepping up from the beginning, in obedience to a principle that was flawed. The solution, then, is to establish a set of BETTER principles. This I have done.

    March 11, 2014 at 11:12 AM
    Dave Cesarano said…
    Re: Definitions–Fair enough. You’re the one on the receiving end so I’m not in any position to really debate. Just tossing in my two pennies’ worth.

    I feel at this time the best course of action is to cease being concerned with whether or not they are defined correctly. I don’t care if they feel misrepresented. They are ‘bullying’ me. That’s the straight of it. I need to feel more empowered to manage their comments when I receive them.

    I have absolutely no quarrel with this. I hope I didn’t unintentionally imply sympathy with these people. That wasn’t my aim. As we say in the South Jersey-Philly area, “F— those guys.”

    If I had felt free to rid the blog of the comment up front, instead of feeling need to tangle with the commenter, the very good conversation that followed, between you, Dave, and Matt, James, Yagami and Jeremiah, would have still occurred … but without the overshadowing stupidity of one unwanted interloper.

    Hmmm… . Well, it isn’t my blog and since it’s your house, you make the rules, I’ve gotta respect them, so I’ll not complain. I would like to counterpoint for devil’s advocate’s sake–sometimes that overshadowing stupidity provides an opportunity. I went and read that guy’s blog. I got what he was trying to say. I didn’t agree with all of it but I understood his perspective. I didn’t really feel like anything I’d say would make a difference so I kept my mouth shut over there.

    Stupidity, though, often spurs my own thinking. I see something wrong and it helps me isolate ideas that are correct. Seeing bad film reviewers, book reviewers, video game reviewers, helped me to figure out what makes a good reviewer just as much as John Updike’s article. Sometimes, you need examples to avoid as much as you need examples to emulate. Take that as you will, though, I’m just playing devil’s advocate, as I said. In the end, it’s your blog, your rules, and I’ll do my best not to break them.

    As an aside, if you can put the rules in a permanent sidebar so they’re perpetually visible, that may be helpful to newcomers.

    March 11, 2014 at 11:43 AM
    Dave Cesarano said…
    Just as an aside, and I don’t expect you to publish this but I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon on my blog and others’. The entries that generate the most commentary are often the ones that the author might not have intended to spur huge discussions. I can think of a few of my favorite entries of yours with ZERO comments (including by myself) and several of my own entries that are (in my opinion) some of my best with ZERO comments.

    For example, I liked your post entitled “Rumson” but I felt I had nothing to add so I stayed silent.

    Eh, off-topic, I know. It was just something that occurred to me just now and I figured I’d throw it in your general direction.

    March 11, 2014 at 11:56 AM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    Six years now of receiving low end comments defines my position.

    I didn’t agree with any of what he said on his blog. It was opportunistic, mis-representative and flat-out aggressive against me personally. This has been the pattern with every comment he has ever made on this blog – insult, claim innocence, then use the resulting ‘injustice’ against himself to promote an atmosphere of insult and abuse on HIS blog. I’m sure it is helping his self-promotion.

    Dave, I don’t need things to “spur” my thinking.

    March 11, 2014 at 12:01 PM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    Dave …!

    Please don’t say I won’t publish a comment. It means I have to break a rule to publish your comment. As I have just done. Help me out here, buddy. Just make the comment and stop being Holbrook asking, “Ain’t that true?”

    Posts that don’t get comments are my best posts. That’s a hard, hard thing to recognize; everyone likes feedback, and not getting feedback, one is sure the content must have tanked. I learned years ago, however, then when I get nothing back, the response has been, “Wow, that is totally out of my experience” or “Yeah, that’s genius. I haven’t anything to add to that.”

    It’s a bit aggravating to get zero comments, but I’ve created a target audience here made of the sort of people who don’t like to agree without something meaningful to add. They keep reading. That’s all that counts.

    March 11, 2014 at 12:09 PM
    F. Douglas Wall said…
    If there is a “white water” to gaming, a standard where one is objectively good at it, I think you are closer to it than most of us. Certainly closer than me.

    March 11, 2014 at 12:35 PM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    Thank you Douglas.

    March 11, 2014 at 12:50 PM
    Eric said…
    There’s a contradiction between points 1 and 2- I don’t like talking about methodology in the abstract, I prefer to refer to real-life examples. Are you distinguishing between “Well, I do it THIS way” and “I do it this way because it produces result X that I value for reason Y?”

    March 11, 2014 at 2:02 PM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    There’s no contradiction. Both the examples you gave me are violations of point 2.

    A response that says “I don’t agree with the production of value X” is your opinion. It presumes that I either don’t want value X, or I’m not aware that it produces value X; I assure you I always know exactly what values a thing produces. Presume I want those values. Presume that I’ve thought and worked a long time to obtain those values. I’m not interested in other values, because you may also assume that I’ve considered other values and discarded them.

    Dismissing my values by disagreeing with their creation in favor of values you appreciate is just opinion, Eric. I suggest you keep your value-pursuits to yourself, and open your mind up to the question, “Why would Alexis think the values he’s wanting are important?”

    If you have something to offer, it should be a scheme to BETTER PRODUCE value X.

    Part of the failing I am finding on the internet, Eric, is the presumption that a bunch of people pulling ideas at random out of their own heads is somehow as meaningful to me as the ideas I am pulling out of REAL SOURCES, such as history, game theory, performance art or psychology/sociology. If you want to pitch your interest in value Y, you better start with a source bigger than, “I do it this way …”

    March 11, 2014 at 2:17 PM
    Carl said…
    Elimination of Internet Anonymity would solve all of these problems. I think the biggest factor contributing to trolling and bullying on the Internet is the fact that very few people are held accountable for what they say there. If people had to put their actual name to what they say, I don’t think you’d need a comments policy.

    For my own part, I find trolls hilarious, but I view Internet trolling as performance art. Also, I see a distinction between a troll and a bully. A troll is trying to get attention, while a bully is trying to extort you into particular behaviors.

    If you do manage to achieve more than a little fame from your book, I think you’ll be able to handle it just fine.

    Let me know when you’re ready to go to press. I’d like a dozen copies for my store.

    March 11, 2014 at 2:25 PM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    Damn, Carl, I’ll take that deal.

    March 11, 2014 at 2:45 PM
    James said…
    I ended up reading your blog in a very roundabout way (you called me out for a discussion I had on another forum that didn’t involve you in any way), but it has certainly been worth my time. There are many times I think about leaving comments and refrain, because I dislike speaking on internet forums unless I have questions or meaningful (what I consider, at any rate) insight.

    I can see why you say some of your best posts have 0 comments; we, as an audience, have nothing to add or question.

    Also, I know I have a habit of asking a lot of questions in an accusatory manner (blame the Socratic method, it ruined me as a human being). It never occurred to me that this behavior, which has been characterized as trolling by others, could also be considered bullying, as it was simply the discussion method I was taught and trained in.

    It is something I will have to keep in mind when I comment.

    March 11, 2014 at 2:51 PM
    Alexis Smolensk said…
    James,

    Preface your questions with, “I’m going to get all Socratic on your ass now, Alexis …” and you and I will get along great.

    Hm, some people might take that the wrong way.

    • regular guy permalink
      March 11, 2014 7:46 pm

      Omelette.

    • March 12, 2014 6:30 am

      “They’ve built these illusory constructs of self that are as fragile as houses of cards and you are a strong wind that blows the whole things down. They can’t stand up to examination, either from themselves or from external sources.”

      This guy states an opinion but offers no facts to back it up. It violates Alexis’ comment rules. However, he’s correct in that Alexis is a strong wind, at least.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        March 12, 2014 6:49 am

        Could we switch from copy-pasting Alexis posts to either cherrypicking the juicy bits or just giving links? My mouse-wheel is wearing out you guys.

      • March 12, 2014 7:41 am

        With apologies to your mouse-wheel (Is that a euphemism?), the impact of Alexis’ pronouncements cannot truly be appreciated absent his Brobdingnagian prose.

    • Let me tell you about my character permalink
      March 12, 2014 7:00 pm

      What the hell am I reading? What is this? Are you trying to break my brain?

    • Scott permalink
      March 11, 2014 7:57 pm

      I know a shitload of people who played in that tournament and they may have been some of the asscrack guys.

    • Arneson's Manboob permalink
      March 12, 2014 1:01 pm

      Looking closely, you can see that this manboobmanchild is showing off his own crack…

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      March 13, 2014 2:50 pm

      There is only one word for that man and I’ll be the first to say it. Hero. Keep up the good fight thoughtful ass-crack picture guy!

  123. regular guy permalink
    March 11, 2014 8:38 pm

    Im working on a new magic item called – The Worthless Box of Yids, a magical box of little crap guys.
    Yids live in the land of YDIS, but what are they?
    Well, say there has been an insurrection in a normal man’s toenails by an obnoxious fungus which yellows and twists the nails into gruesome flakes. Then imagine this man climbs and icy mountain and gets frostbite and his feet become gangrenous. Well the magic user takes the gangrenous toes with the fungal nails and animates these toes making little men that I call Yids. The twisted whorled fungal nails are the Yids’ brains. The Yids are known as the men of the land of YDIS.
    So stick the little men in a box and you have a box of Yids. But what can they do? That’s what Im working on. Help me out by being yourselves and I’ll watch.

    • regular guy permalink
      March 11, 2014 8:39 pm

      One big toe is YDIS herself, our host. A really great player of D&D.

    • March 11, 2014 11:51 pm

      Could the Yids review True Detective?

    • March 12, 2014 6:42 am

      Yids are among the few lifeforms willing to tolerate the repetitive blathering of Irish pseudo-intellectuals who remain in school because they are incapable of dealing with real life.

    • justme permalink
      March 12, 2014 7:48 am

      Regular guy, why do you like picking the scabs off your ass and eating them? Let them heal and the itching will stop and it will not hurt so much when you get spanked.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      March 12, 2014 7:06 pm

      I hope this means you plan on getting these anal warts treated now, Kent.

  124. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    March 12, 2014 11:13 am

    First of all, why hasn’t someone set up a Alexass parody blog? If I had more faith in humanity, I’d assume that ToDnD was that parody, but alas…

    Second HOLY SHIT THIS THREAD HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR OVER 2 MONTHS NOW HEY YDIS MAYBE ITS TIME FOR SOMETHING NEW HUH?

    • March 12, 2014 11:25 am

      Ironically enough the “interview yourself every day challenge” thing is still going on so the post remains as fresh and current as the OSR itself, months after the fact. The fucking thing has more steps than it takes to generate an experienced Powers & Perils magic-user character.

      Day 11: What post-apocalyptic RPG have you enjoyed most? Why?

  125. regular guy permalink
    March 12, 2014 5:23 pm

    Outside of a couple of things by Gabor Lux and McK’s Carcosa is this guy going to be only the third lad in the lifetime of the OSR to produce something worth reading?

    http://aldeboran.blogspot.ie/2014/03/khunmae-update-and-metals.html

    Well Yids?

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      March 12, 2014 7:03 pm

      Can you take this dildo out of me now? It’s starting to hurt.

    • rogertherogerianpsychosis permalink
      March 13, 2014 2:25 am

      Whatever happened to Gabor Lux anyway? Why can’t he write more stuff in English like a real person?

  126. I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
    March 12, 2014 7:26 pm

    I wonder how long before Raggi laments that this guy doesn’t have any of his merch?

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2577428/Werewolf-enthusiast-44-groomed-teenage-girls-join-slayer-covenant.html

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 12, 2014 8:49 pm

      I am putting you on alert, Big Purple Dildo. I blame RPGNet for promoting this freak show culture.

      And I am also slut shaming and victim blaming because yes, those dumb bitches asked for it.

    • March 13, 2014 6:59 am

      “Edwards describes his slayer covenant as ‘a world wide secret organization of Werewolves, Vampires, Werecats or Hell cats, and Hybrid humans that work together to protect the human race from the evil of demons and other evil vampires or werewolves’.”

      Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster…

  127. regular guy permalink
    March 12, 2014 8:46 pm

    What have we learned so far about the gangrenous little Yids from the land of YDIS?

    Well they are really into asses. They think about guys’ asses all day long. Whether this is a natural limitation of their fungal flake brains is yet to be seen. The pussy/guy’s ass ratio indicator is alarmingly FAG or Faggoty assed.

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 12, 2014 8:50 pm

      Hi Kunt!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      March 12, 2014 9:32 pm

      You may be onto something here, after all you are a regular poster.

  128. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 12, 2014 11:34 pm

    I can’t wait for Nystul’s Dungeon Terrain! It should be any day now! The fourth time’s the charm!

    https://www.etsy.com/it/shop/CastleNystulTerrain

    • March 13, 2014 6:20 am

      “I love games and toys so whenever possible I contribute to the hobbies I love by making new things.”

      Does a swindle count as a thing?

      Why is he using his real name? He has to know his reputation is in the toilet.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        March 13, 2014 8:13 am

        I think he too has suffered a breakdown of Malesewskian proportions, disabling his propensity for rational thought or action. There should be a term for this, and perhaps a disclaimer in Kickstarter that failing one can cause damages to your mental health.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        March 13, 2014 4:18 pm

        We shouldn’t be too hard on Mikey. It’s easy to criticize. These things take time. He has a nice logo, doesn’t he? That probably cost $30,000-$40,000 of the $75,000 he raised right there.

        Lest any of you not have your (playing) copy of the PHB available quickly to hand (yeah, right), here is a quick review of Mike “call me Al” Nystul’s namesake spell:

        “Nystul’s Magic Aura

        (Illusion/Phantasm)

        Level: 1
        Range: Touch
        Duration: 1 day/level
        Area of effect: Special
        Components: V, S, M
        Saving Throw: Special

        Explanation/Description: By means of this spell any one item of a weight of 50 g.p. per level of the spell caster can be given an aura which will be noticed if detection of magic is exercised upon the subject. If the object bearing Nystul’s Magic Aura is actually held by the creature detecting for a dweomer, he, she or it is entitled to a saving throw versus magic, and if this saving throw is successful, the creature knows that the aura has been placed to mislead the unwary.” Etc etc

        Although the spell’s description neglects to specify the precise wording of its verbal component, I’m going to take a stab at it right now:

        Abra-cadabra!
        Hocus Pocus!
        On my naval
        I will focus!

        Alakazam!
        Alakazar!
        I command the Unblown
        To buy me a car!

  129. regular guy permalink
    March 13, 2014 11:01 am

    Could this be the most promising site in the OSR for fresh new content?

    Saunatonttu’s — Ze Beer & Barbarians Website –:

    http://www.pfoorumi.net/beernbarbarians/

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      March 13, 2014 2:06 pm

      Maybe, maybe not- but it’s one of the few sites that hasn’t booted your ass out, so have at it.

  130. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 13, 2014 12:32 pm

    You have a lot in common with that giggling man-child, Kunt.

  131. Spank Foreskin permalink
    March 13, 2014 2:56 pm

    Heee’s baaaa-ack! And he has a (god-awful sounding) book for the grognards to grok.

    http://lakegenevaoriginalrpg.blogspot.ca/2014/03/just-little-bit.html

  132. regular guy permalink
    March 13, 2014 3:34 pm

    Saunatonttu is one of the few D&D guys on the web with any sense of humour at all.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      March 13, 2014 5:33 pm

      Oh, no doubt, Kunt. If the overuse of smilies is humor, the entire roster of loser dipshits at DF are comedy masters and that Sauna buttplug is their king.

  133. regular guy permalink
    March 13, 2014 5:12 pm

    WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12, 2014

    Last Gasp Autogenerators & Eyeball Notebooks
    Two things:

    1) Ok there’s a new incredibly awesome DIY D&D thing in town. Paolo Greco and Logan Knight teamed up to build a random generator maker over at Last Gasp.

    Now I know what you’re thinking: isn’t that just Abulafia?

    Kinda, but these generators are different in some cool ways:

    First, the interface is really easy–no account to make and you can just cut and paste any existing random table right into it, no reformatting–like so:

    Second, there’s a widget where you can drag the finished generator you made to your browser’s toolbar–so you can just hit a button and get a pop-up result. It doesn’t require any kind of special software or downloads or anything. Here’s my demon generator:

    Third–You can put the generator right into your blog like this.

    Fourth–and this is subtle but important–it doesn’t automatically put your generator in a public archive (though there is one, you can do that, and y’all have permission to automate any of my tables from this blog and put it on there). This, combined with how fast it is to access on your toolbar, means you can make tons of little, specialized tables for things that only matter for your game, setting and mechanics without cluttering up the archive for everybody else. I made 22 of them. Like that example in the picture up at the top refers to hex numbers and features that only come up in my Drownesia setting and the demon generator has sloppy formatting, copyrighted material* and terms on it that don’t mean anything to anybody but me–but who cares? I’m the only one who has to use it.

    (*Yeah: This means you can take a table right out of a published book and make a generator out of it for your private use and there you go, don’t save it to the public archive and you’re not breaking the law.)

    Say you’re making a new dungeon, it’s got 8 random encounters on it. Normally it’d be pointless to automate that since it’s just one die roll and would take longer to retrieve the generator off the computer than roll the damn die. Not any more, now you can roll that d8 with one click and get the encounter plus a buncha other things that might come in handy wherever you are locally.

    It also works on your phone, I hear. Haven’t tried that. And it’s all free because the DIY D&D community is motherfucking beautiful.

    I’ve run two games since this thing was made and used it several times–it’s fantastic. Abulafia is still the go-to if you want tables that draw on other tables or have if-thens in them and with Last Gasp you have to weight the tables by hand (if you want bees to come up more than monkeys you have to write bees more times than you write monkeys) and editing things once you’ve closed the window is still clunky, but, still–overall–pretty sweet.

    Some tips:

    a) You can make a generator that spits out between 1 and 7 results. Always make one that spits out 7. I mean, you may think you only want 1 Passing Frigate or Pig-Faced Ork Hat-Type Result? but why not take 7–take the first result if you want it, take the second if it’s not. Take 7 if you got 7 hats.

    b) Although it only spits out 7 results, you can actually cheat and make it spit out way more like this:

    See how in the second picture up there HD, Attacks and AC are all on one line? That’s because I put them all in one box on the generator. I made an automatic list of every single combination of those three numbers by going here to the Text Mechanic.

    You just fill in the boxes with the values from each table and write labels in between where it says “prefix” and “delimiter”, then hit “generate combinations” and you get every possible combo of those values in the bottom box. Then paste that set of numbers into the Last Gasp box.

    Anyway: it’s awesome and I love it, go make some generators.

    2) Second thing–some people have, quite rightly, remarked on Laney’s awesome notebook:

    Her mom got it for her from an Etsy store called Abbots Hollow Studios . They make weird sketchbooks and other things with eyeballs in them. They do good work…

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 14, 2014 6:23 am

      One of the gayest fetishes of the blOwSR is with random tables. None of these non-fuckers have any creative juice unless it is to be found beside a random number.

      Coming up with an elf by rolling a 17 on a d100 – Creative! Infinite possibilities.

      The DM deciding the party will encounter an elf – Railroad! You don’t understand old school!

      Fucking dumbasses.

      • March 14, 2014 7:41 am

        Once again the Zak Attack slams a gristly middle finger up the OSR’s adenoids by paying lip service to the random table dice gods who must ALWAYS be obeyed . . . and then telling people to blow off any result they’re not feelin’. Is there a motherfucking ogre on this floor or not? Since you cheated on the roll, how can we ever know for sure? It counts the hexes and rolls the dice in front of the players or else the delicate balance of the GAME is ruined!

        P.S. Only take tables right out of a published book that avoid breaking the law.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        March 14, 2014 8:12 am

        Isn’t any sub-set of all possible monsters technically a railroad?

        Regardless, Random tables serve their function for generating weather(if you are doing a survival wilderness style trek and are into that sort of thing), overland monster encounters and wandering monsters inside a dungeon. One would, however, be remiss in not noting that even in old wilderness adventures(I put forth X6 Quagmire for example), many locations or set-piece encounters that were not location bound, were provided to spice things up.

        The advantage of tabletop rpgs over computer games is the human factor; i.e intelligent adventure design and depth. If you could generate depth from a random table(which is not the same as providing depth and nuance to a randomly generated encounter), you wouldn’t need people to design adventures, you’d use computers, like computer games often do. And the thing about randomly generating shit is that people are not that good at it. If you get a retarded result on your table, you should alter it, hit yourself in the dick, and then change the table.

        It is ultimately your intelligence, story-telling ability, creativity, fiendish cleverness and breadthless knowledge that makes your campaign fun, not a bunch of fucking random bullshit. So why not apply that intelligence as often as possible and design cool shit that people will probably encounter. Yes technically it should be possible for your lovable band of ragamuffins and convicted sex-offenders to trudge for a month through a swamp with constant rain without encountering a single soul but one should ask oneself if this added touch of realism really fucking adds anything.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        March 14, 2014 3:27 pm

        No, it didn’t add anything – except for a few more dollars in the pockets of man-children social-retards who write that kind of shit for a ‘living.’ You are correct – all the way.
        Maybe the OSR isn’t aware (wink) but one can easily download almost any of the original Gygax crapola – so who needs them? Also, there are numerous rpg systems out there for free – just as crummy (or even better) than the bullshit these fags regurgitate and demand money for. So, why does this OSR thing exist? It certainly doesn’t exist for innovation – how can copy/pasting a dead cheese-head’s IP provide that? I know, let’s add repugnant bullshit to an already autistic hobby and call that innovation! Sorry, but showing the general population the psychological shit stains in your undies is far from creative or intelligent. Maybe you could smear green shit on a pregnant whore and worship the half-baked fantasies of 1920’s closet-case ‘sperg? But I digress…
        Personally, I think the whole OSR phenomena never existed in the first place. They’ve never provided anything more than something for an ageing douchebag to morbidly cling to. These are individuals who’ve progressed very little emotionally or intellectually. Look at some of the shit they churn out! Junior high level children are more creative!
        It is ultimately upon the shoulders of both the players and the DM to create the exciting content themselves. An RPG system is playing pretend with arbitrary rules for conflict resolution. You really someone to do that for you? Do you really need some imbecile to concoct pointless charts and numerous manuals for you? Do you really wanna give money to people who aren’t the two penny’s on ol’ egghead’s eyes?
        I’ll put forth a bit of heresy and say this, as well: Gary Gygax didn’t do anything great either. He played fucking army men and put some auxillary rules to it, put some Tolkien shit in it. Big Damn Deal. If he were alive today, he’d be every bit the huckster as J-Mal, Faggi, Gayhawk Grogtard, or any of these other incessant dicks who continue to kick a dead horse and expect it to shit money. Probably more so, because HE was the first puckered anus in an ocean of assholes.

  134. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 13, 2014 5:36 pm

    Well trolled, Kuntington.

  135. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 13, 2014 11:57 pm

    In keeping with our recent tangent:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Jaquays

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      March 14, 2014 7:01 am

      “As a level designer for TSR’s Castle Greyhawk module, Jaquays shared the 1989 Origins Gamer’s Choice Award for Best Role-Playing Adventure.[28]”

      WHAT THE FUCK? What imbecile selected Castle Greyhawk for an Origin Gamer’s Choice Award?

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        March 14, 2014 3:38 pm

        You know what – that’s another thing. Why is all of the RPG world so obsessed with rape-this, tranny-that? Did I miss something here? Do people who play fucking Monopoly worry about these earth shattering issues as well? I never stopped to see if the little dog had a dick, wanted a dick, or misused his dick in some egregious manner. Can’t anyone just have fun without this bullshit creeping in. Yeah, rape’s bad – no shit. Yeah, some guys wanna cut of their peckers, grow tits and call themselves lesbians – who cares? Every time I look at something, there is a great ‘social injustice’ tied to it. Give me a fucking break already.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        March 14, 2014 3:50 pm

        For what it’s worth, I’ve always felt that I was a lesbian trapped inside a man’s body.

      • Let me tell you about my character permalink
        March 14, 2014 3:55 pm

        Monopoly ditched the little ironing token and replaced it with a cat as a nod to the hairy-legged feminists.

  136. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    March 14, 2014 3:48 pm

    Heretics! Blasphemers! Bow down before the One True Way!

    http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mother-of-all-encounter-tables-greg-ragland/1006322058?ean=9781931275545

    You’re doing it wrong!

  137. regular guy permalink
    March 14, 2014 10:15 pm

    I don’t want any of you fruits marching in the NYC St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Do you hear me? Real men just want one day in the year when they don’t have to pretend to tolerate queers. Best saint ever.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      March 15, 2014 9:24 am

      The gays are allowed to march in the Dublin St. Paddy’s Day parade though, and Kent will be leading their prance! You can also count on Kent to service your shillelagh stick on March 17th!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        March 16, 2014 3:27 pm

        Didn’t the Vatican canonize Kent as the Patron Saint of Rimjobs?

  138. regular guy permalink
    March 15, 2014 12:59 pm

    Im only kidding. If it was up to me gays could get their butts out and lisp their way down any main street in the world on the best saint’s day ever ever. Hic.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      March 16, 2014 6:00 pm

      We love you, kent!

  139. regular guy permalink
    March 15, 2014 2:16 pm

    Kind.
    Tolerant.
    Handsome … well.
    Intelligent.
    Noble.
    Funny.
    Yep , Im just a regular guy. That’s why you love me so.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      March 16, 2014 6:00 pm

      No, I mean, we REALLY love you, kent!

  140. March 15, 2014 2:18 pm

    LOTFAP brain trust probes the taint separating edgy from depressing, the winners may surprise you! https://plus.google.com/112262093672917983853/posts/JCJTypG7o8C

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 16, 2014 7:05 am

      Yeah, Faggi and his ballsniffers are all class.

  141. regular guy permalink
    March 15, 2014 3:47 pm

    France 20 -22 Ireland

  142. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    March 15, 2014 6:56 pm

    Gene shows his love:

    OSR is just a commercial bump in a distinct style away from whatever is coming down the pipe with fantasy games commercially. The “blOwSR” is the derogative term for it that you see coming from where I don’t really know. The detractors are most likely purveyors of rpg glop. If someone complains about “OSR” it always raises a red flag with me though.

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 16, 2014 6:57 am

      Heh, only a matter of time before Genie claims to have invented the term blOwSR.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      March 16, 2014 6:01 pm

      We all love Gene.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        March 17, 2014 7:57 am

        We love our Gene, God save!

  143. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 16, 2014 6:07 pm

    I’d like to take credit for that one, but I think my only major contribution to the pop culture of creepo gamer hate was “Unblown.” Followed up with the great yet somewhat junior varsity efforts “Blooeymage” and “Kunt,” pet names for a couple of our most beloved chicken choaking heroes of the blOwSR.

    So who first coined “blOwSR?” If we can find out, maybe we can award the YDIS version of the Noble Prize? Or is it possible that some of these terms simply popped out of our shared collective culture, like those rhymes about Batman letting the Joker get away, or telling by the smell the Germans went to hell, we all recited as kids?

    • March 16, 2014 6:46 pm

      Google seems to think you coined that one, CKDB. November 2 2012. Applause applause applause!

    • FEAR OF THE UNBLOWN permalink
      March 17, 2014 9:54 am

      You are both humble and unassuming in your greatness, CKDB. Your contributions to YDIS are legendary, your rapier wit no match for Kent/Kunt/regular guy/irregular gay’s pseudointellectual babblings. Well played, sir, well played!

      • Timotheus permalink
        March 17, 2014 10:38 am

        While I have the utmost respect for the Dickblood Foundation, and don’t really care about who came up with what here, my google quick searches of “unblown ydis” shows the first mention in December 2011 in reference to Isle of the Unblown, and mention of “blOwSR ydis” going back until at least October 2012, and it was a different poster than CKDB.

        But seriously, do we really care? WE built this TOGETHER (except for Kunt).

  144. regular guy permalink
    March 16, 2014 9:24 pm

    Captain Kirk’s Dick Blood is angry because no one like him and he can’t get a job, certainly not working with children again, but in truth he can’t get any job. He stopped fantasizing about a career long ago when he was five stone lighter !!

    Heh heh !

  145. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 17, 2014 11:28 am

    Too late, Tim. My ego has now grown overnight to Zak-like proportions. I’ve decided to aim my creative talents to three projects: my own retro clone rules, a thousand-entry table on tavern privvy encounters (yes, Kunt will be in at least a dozen of those encounters), and a new forum dedicated to fans of the old Toon game. Prespos is welcome there anytime.

    But whatever happens, nobody will ever be able to take “Blooeymage” away from me. NO ONE!

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 17, 2014 11:51 am

      HA! Well, sign me up for the Kickstarters on those projects. I will of course support your megalomania.

      Hey, a title for your retroclone – Fragmentations of the Blooeymagus

  146. regular guy permalink
    March 17, 2014 2:46 pm

    ‘I came up with Blowsr. I am great’

    What a pathetic half-dozen stupid wankers you are. Six unemployed vicious and stupid pricks whose most common gaming refrain is ‘No? Well I didn’t want to play D&D with you guys anyway.’

    Heh heh !

    • Timotheus permalink
      March 18, 2014 8:00 am

      There are more than six of us kent, though still not as many as your roll call of failed sock puppet accounts.

  147. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 17, 2014 3:32 pm

    Aw, Kunt, don’t be a h8tr…

  148. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 17, 2014 3:38 pm

    Speaking of worthless cunts, what do you do when your comic book shop D&D group loses it’s one and only porn “star?” Drop the price per 3 hour game session from 10 bucks to 5, thas’ what! Please be advised that while there may still be pancakes, there will no longer be BJ’s in the alley by the dumpster (unless the new dude in charge is up for it).

    The New DnDMelt: Leveled Up

    Los Angeles, CA
    106 DnDMeltians

    We’re a group of D&D players who gather every Sunday at Meltdown Comics in West Hollywood. We’re open to gamers of all ages and experience levels, as well as multiple editions…

    Check out this Meetup Group →

  149. Timotheus permalink
    March 18, 2014 1:32 pm

    Our favorite black magic practitioner, Gaycock Grogturd, comes dangerously close to admitting the material component he uses in his nether-regional black magic…

    http://greyhawkgrognard.blogspot.com/2014/03/scarce-spell-components.html

    And here, as our all-American hero GOPagan, comes dangerously close to admitting his preference for eugenics…

    http://makeminefreedom.blogspot.com/2014/03/pro-choice-morons.html

    As always, his words of wisdom draw many thoughtful comments on his blogs…

    • March 18, 2014 9:53 pm

      Go Gauchos!

    • Mjollnir permalink
      April 2, 2014 6:44 pm

      As an intelligent, compassionate Progressive, I support abortion as long as it doesn’t improve the well-being of the species as a whole.

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