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Alexis D. Smolensk, author of Pete’s Garage

October 21, 2013

[click to make dem titties even sloppier]

[click to make dem titties even bigger & sloppier]

(Link to the original)

Recovering Retard has done it again, applying his superheroic talents to everyone’s favorite novelist Alexis D. Smolensk, author of best-selling novel Pete’s Garage. Daaaaaamn I just wanna get in there and motorboat on those juggaloes! I’m wondering about them nipperoos — Alexis got himself some big ol’ 70’s Playboy puffies, a couple saucy red pepperoni slices, or maybe they teeny tiny little Tinkerbell nubbins? That sticky load he’s rubbing in tells me he’s got something special in there… could they be hex-shaped?!?!?

Arselexis is going on vacation — come back soon, literary genius behind the novel Pete’s Garage! Did Recovering Retard nail this one? I think its a direct hit, but you be the judge:

828 Comments leave one →
  1. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 21, 2013 9:42 pm

    Recovering Retard certainly found parts of Alexis that are “a little bit bolder, a little bit bigger.”

  2. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 21, 2013 10:44 pm

    He looks like a pudgy Tommy Wiseau: “You’re tearing me apart, Recovering Retard!”

  3. Gene Shalit's Crazy Moustache permalink
    October 22, 2013 12:35 am

    It’s like someone crossed Valerie Bertinelli with Jabba the Hutt and then had Hugh Laurie piss all over it. It’s fat,hairy,gross and stubbly in the wrong places but it sure has got some tig ol’ bitties on it though!
    I give this one best in show. Bravo RR!
    Keep up the good work!

  4. Timotheus permalink
    October 22, 2013 6:46 am

    God damn, RR, well fucking done.

    I bet Zak Attack is a jealous bitch that someone in the blOwSR has actual artistic talent. And I also bet you don’t have to hang out with third rate skanks to get approval, RR!

    Wait a minute…unless WE are third rate skunks…nah. Second rate minimum.

  5. Kent permalink
    October 22, 2013 7:32 am

    On the plus side for Tao, no-one can deny his stature in the community now and if there is any truth to ‘my enemy’s enemy is my friend’ he’ll make a few sales from this.

    • Kent permalink
      October 22, 2013 12:09 pm

      Also, I think Tao is alright, which is the most you can expect of anyone who plays Dungeons & Dragons in their 30s and 40s.

      Far too many words though.

  6. unclecarbuncle permalink
    October 22, 2013 9:59 am

    *POLLHEAD CON 2015 NORTHEST AZ SPECIAL ANNOUNCE*

    MESAGE FROM PRESDENT BLOOYMAGI

    Donations and loans
    There are certain items we need for the con and other items we would appreciate in donations. I’ll add to this list as things occur to me but to start off with, 6-8 two-way radios would be indispensable and four chess sets and timer are required for the chess tourney. As for donations, stationary and office supplies will certainly be required.
    Also-I’ll be speaking to the CoC and distributing flyers to the merchants to promote this event but I’m in dire need of an Ops Manager, a Program Manager, Floor level 2 security agent (with a loaded gun) and a Logistics Coordinator.
    (By Logistics Coordinator I mean I will need a ride to the CON) Death to all PCs!

    BUY SOME PRODUCT!

  7. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 22, 2013 11:19 am

    Now Uncle, you’re just making some of that shit up. 6-8 walkie talkie rentals would break the budget. But the loaded gun? That I believe came from the lips of my man Blooey. If this con actually goes down I get the feeling it’s going to be the weekend Oh Captain My Captain goes on that cap poppin’ rampage that has been building up for years (before he exits this world). I hope the big fat security guy in the ill fitting classic Star Trek uniform has the guts to turn that gun on his boss when the shit hits the fan.

    Death to all PC’s!!!

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 22, 2013 3:23 pm

      A loaded gun at a friggin’ gaming con?

      “Death to all players!”

  8. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    October 22, 2013 3:28 pm

    Fuck!

    You had to put this at the top of the page, didn’t you? It was bad enough when it was buried in the comments of the last post–at least I had to click on the link to get my onanistic urges flowing–but now I’m gonna be stroking it non-stop for weeks. A man can only restrain himself so much in the face of so much sexy.

    RR, you are like a cross between Mort Drucker and that Sorayama guy who did all the fetish drawings in Penthouse in the 90s.

    Fuck! Better go stock up on the “Him” lubricant.

    Fatty, stroking:his fatty.

  9. October 23, 2013 1:59 pm

    Here’s the funniest part… However awful you think Alexis is and however funny you think the pic above is, you all must know this: in the deep, dark, sticky, lonely corners of your pathetic, unenviable minds you all must know and hate that Alexis has produced more valuable content with any one of his single blog posts than this entire site, its comment sections and probably the online work of all its commentators combined. You’re funniest and cruelest jokes, all of them totaled together, aren’t worth: one offhand hex of what he’s blogged about or one offhand remark or one useful rule or system he’s implemented. Your entire time spent here is as consequential as a loud, airy fart. Amusing for a moment, but in the end sufficient for nothing. Pretty funny, eh?

    • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
      October 23, 2013 2:59 pm

      Funny haha or funny queer?

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 23, 2013 4:36 pm

      I disagree. I think Alexis’s contribution to gaming has been exactly nil. So we’re even

    • Kent permalink
      October 23, 2013 5:26 pm

      I think Tao is talented and daft as a brush. As an adventurer there is not a single hex he has described I would find remotely interesting. As a DM he disperses his energy in very thin layers of creativity across thousands of miles as if he had a thousand player parties to manage. He is a novelist? He doesn’t display for his D&D campaign a novelist’s imagination or dense evocative way with language. He is widely read but that doesn’t help with invention.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 24, 2013 3:24 am

        I don’t follow the ‘blog. What do you mean by widely read in this instance? “Appendix N” “classics”?

      • Kent permalink
        October 24, 2013 2:52 pm

        General non-fiction.

      • Kent permalink
        October 24, 2013 2:54 pm

        In fact my impression is he hasn’t read any of the few classic fantasy novels.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 26, 2013 6:02 am

        At least we agree there are only a few. Reading general nonfiction seems to me like a good way to get “magazine smart” (as opposed to book smart). This is a common phenomenon here in North America.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      October 23, 2013 5:33 pm

      No, the funny part is you coming here to defend him.

      If we’re a bunch of pathetic fucks, why bother?

      You wouldn’t go to the NAMBLA convention to complain about pederasty, would you?

      If you’re not down with character assassination, posting here to chastise us is like pissing on an a-bomb.

      Oh, and a single link to something Shelexis has posted that’s worth a shit would really help out your thesis, shit-for-brains.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 23, 2013 5:50 pm

      [url=http://imgflip.com/i/4d34a][img]http://i.imgflip.com/4d34a.jpg[/img][/url][url=http://imgflip.com/memegenerator]via Imgflip Meme Maker[/url]

    • October 23, 2013 5:58 pm

      Not even one 😦

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      October 23, 2013 6:09 pm

      Maybe you should stick with making Omelettes, James…

  10. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2013 3:49 pm

    I dunno. I originally broke the Bloodymage saga here, and I think we can all agree, with hand holding kumbaya, that it lead to our discovery of the greatest ongoing gamer story that would otherwise have gone untold. It’s the OSR’s feel good story of 2013. That’s gotta be better than a Lexi hex. It really bonds us and brings us together as well, like a bunch of gang rape-happy Civil War soldiers finishing up our dirty deeds at a southern plantation. Good times are priceless.

    • bad wolf permalink
      October 23, 2013 5:33 pm

      Alexis Qaeda wrote an anti-American rant to celebrate 9/11.
      YDIS called him on it and made fun of him for it.
      JMal crushed himself under the weight of his inflated ego and Kickstarter success.
      YDIS called him on it and made fun of him for it.
      The OSR cyberbullied an Aussie cancer survivor for daring to publish Mystara fanfic.
      YDIS called them on it and made fun of them for it.

      I am very comfortable with the blogs i frequent, thank you.

      • Lamentations of Gygax's Ghost permalink
        October 23, 2013 6:20 pm

        Yeah, have to say I got better ideas from one room of Dwimmerdust than Lexi’s entire blog. Beats the hell out of me why anyone would feel lil lexi made any kind of contribution to gaming in general besides firming up the negative stereotypes of creepy-assed gamers.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 24, 2013 3:25 am

        Nice.

      • Gene Shalit's Crazy Moustache permalink
        October 24, 2013 9:36 am

        Let’s not forget Greycock Grogturd’s frozen horsecock and right wing nut job rants as well.

      • bad wolf permalink
        October 27, 2013 4:21 pm

        I don’t know about Anton LeGay. The political stuff i at least understand. The religious stuff… well, i once told myself never to make fun of someone’s religion, but that was before i “knew what a hammer means.”

  11. October 23, 2013 6:55 pm

    The fucking universe apparently boils down to blogging about offhand hexes, implementing useful rules or systems and above all quantity of dicking around online with dungeons and dragons. Gentlemen, thugs and sissies, I give you the fucking problem with gamers, Exhibit Fucking A.

    Now I didn’t have much to say about Venus on the Half Shell up there (sorry RR, tit man but not THAT MUCH) initially but since some moral positions are beyond question, this is a good chance to compare traffic YDIS sends to Tao wi/ traffic Tao sends to YDIS. There’s a two-way reacharound now so in theory it is now easy to see which site is more fucking influential in the fucking hobby. Get those clicks out and start measuring, boys!

    BTW the “YDIS threads” (the Dwimmerdust Trilogy plus the classic “YDIS Whuh?”) are tracking to become the single biggest traffic driver to the ‘shite in its whole fucking history by this time tomorrow. Yes, the riveting “Best Free RPG Map software?” is finally in danger of losing its crown. Who loves ya, pundit? What do gamers really talk about? Cha-ching!

    Currently drinking: a cocktail known only as”circus talk”

  12. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2013 7:11 pm

    I wish the whole gang of you guys would just get along so I could fit you all into a single big bag of morons.

    • Kent permalink
      October 23, 2013 7:28 pm

      I don’t want anyone reading the above to think they have been excluded or excused because I once showed you some kindness. Get in the fucking bag of fags right now.

      • Kent permalink
        October 23, 2013 7:30 pm

        That means you two Rients & Scott.

      • Kent permalink
        October 23, 2013 8:02 pm

        YDIS — But but but but ….

        KENT — Just get in the bag, fruitcake.

  13. Kent permalink
    October 23, 2013 8:10 pm

    STALIN — Look here, I will kill you, don’t you know. Get your hands off … [muffle moustache muffle]

    KENT — Shut the fuck up Stalin or I will ration your glitter.

    [Hitler makes a run for it]

    KENT — Goddamn faggots!

    • Shit's Excrement permalink
      October 25, 2013 8:23 pm

      That was terrible. Give it a rest for a while can’t you.

      • Kent permalink
        October 25, 2013 8:30 pm

        Yeah, Im not quite getting inside these Dictators’ heads.

        Anyway, go wipe yourself.

      • Kent permalink
        October 25, 2013 8:31 pm

        Stop talking.

      • Shit's Excrement permalink
        October 25, 2013 8:33 pm

        If you stop drinking.

    • Shit's Excrement permalink
      October 25, 2013 8:35 pm

      Im trying to make a pattern here with the avatars and you fucked it up.

  14. Kent permalink
    October 24, 2013 3:41 am

    Another eccentric Englishman, Russell Brand, talks revolution with Jeremy Paxman.

  15. Timotheus permalink
    October 24, 2013 9:20 am

    We used to get a bunch of people like sweet baby James scolding us. Not so much anymore.

    The funny part os this, James: all you boys dependent on the pivot man in your circle jerk for relevance. Alexis Qaeda is a lying bitch. He is concisely criticized on here for his sanctimony and inaccuracy, and all he can say is “I am hated because I am smart and outspoken and pretty.”

    This post is the greatest event in his putrid life, because once again his blog is relevant for a few fleeting days.

    Bad wolf nailed it above.

    Think about how shallow your own life is, James, that you would try to lecture a troll blog (and the most widely read blog in the whole blower) about how any one of Alexis Qaeda’s posts is greater than the sum of this whole site. If you say it over and over and over, you may even start to convince yourself.

    • Kilgore Trout permalink
      October 24, 2013 12:18 pm

      Personally I commend James for his attempt at extinguishing the raging furnace with a small cupful of his own pee pee.

  16. unclecarbuncle permalink
    October 24, 2013 11:41 am

    NEVER HEARD ALEXI SMOLSNK. I WOULD TITI FUCK HIM AFTER 8 VODKAS THO

  17. forgetsy permalink
    October 25, 2013 2:15 am

    I’d do it after six.

  18. Timotheus permalink
    October 25, 2013 6:37 am

    My Theodish Lord and inspiration, Venger Ass Nasty Satanus, has posted some of his wisdom to the unappreciative rpgshite crowd.

    Reality is what you want to believe! It is obviously all subjective!

    Next time Arneson’s Spec is confronting a seriously injured person in the ER, all he has to do is disbelieve, and wish it otherwise! Easy!

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=28050

    I am so inspired, I decided the Tooth Fairy is going to shove frozen horse penis into Odin’s poop chute.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 25, 2013 7:15 am

      Let’s test Venger Ass Nasty’s religion out.

      “I Choose to Disbelieve anyone would ever buy an OSR game book with a naked woman crucified doggy style on the cover.”

      Too late. It’s still in the Top 10 on RPGNow. 😦

    • October 25, 2013 7:24 am

      My take away from that is RPGPundit practices magic. Apparently the variety with spells and summonings and curses, etc. Not the Criss Angel kind of magic, although it can be argued that’s similarly ridiculous. I had no idea — I mean, I understood him to be a buffoon but I thought he was a buffoon from this planet, not Planet Dumbfuck.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 25, 2013 1:38 pm

        I’m just glad to know he’s the big durpy turd I’ve always imagined him to be.

      • Jack permalink
        October 25, 2013 7:07 pm

        Yeah, a while back Pundit had a thread about how he fixed his computer problems with RUNE MAGIC. That’s…not the hallmark of mental health.

      • Kent permalink
        October 25, 2013 7:19 pm

        Of course if his computer had in the first place been afflicted by the RUNE MAGIC of one of his uncountable enemies, then he would have no choice.

      • December 2, 2013 4:21 pm

        I have a working theory that the RPGPundit persona is actually an epic troll attempt. Seriously, an OSR luminary who rants that everyone who disagrees with him is “swine”, lauds the DIY creativity of the OSR yet has produced nothing original himself, and thinks he can cast magic spells (“Black Leaf! NOOO!”)?

        We’re deep in Poe’s Law territory here.

    • Kent permalink
      October 25, 2013 7:57 am

      It is remarkable how exposed gamers are when they aren’t talking about games. I am now suspicious that roleplaying game discussions on forums are even dumber than I thought.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 25, 2013 9:34 am

      For a badass Satanist/Cthulhu cultist, he sure is a weenie.

      I already disputed the make-it-up-as-you-go-along reality. It doesn’t actually exist because of the reasons I already stated.

      I’m with Shawn about the disparaging tone of this debate. Being automatically put down along with my argument, as well as, repeatedly told that I should jump out of a 6th floor window or into an active volcano just makes me not want to discuss these issues… or even be here.

      Thanks for the invite, but I’m done with this thread.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        October 25, 2013 10:49 am

        They’re all like that, where he’s from. I’m sure he’s throwing hexes (i.e., jacking off over candles and wishing) at those who hurt him.

      • October 25, 2013 12:14 pm

        He runs away when confronted with his spell casting on RPG.net. If your god was so real then why didn’t your real spells work?

      • Shitty McTits permalink
        October 25, 2013 12:29 pm

        Peanut Eminem: his real spells didn’t work because

        NO, NOT BLACK-LEAF! NO! NO!

  19. Sykirobme permalink
    October 25, 2013 7:10 am

    To all of you who believe the OSR to be creatively bankrupt, I would like to share the following utterly unique and necessary monster created by one of the movement’s luminaries:

    http://greyhawkgrognard.blogspot.com/2013/10/monster-greater-skeleton.html

    • October 25, 2013 7:27 am

      It’s Open Game Content, thank goodness. I feared for a moment I would not be able to use it legally.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      October 25, 2013 8:50 am

      Don’t fuck with that guy, he has a wooden Viking sword…

      He’d better stick with ripping off other people’s ideas, cuz I ain’t feeling this one. Copies of imitations… If imitation is a sincere form of flattery, what flattering flattery? Sycophancy.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      October 25, 2013 6:32 pm

      I’m drunk right now and even I can improve on that shitty skeleton with 30 seconds of thought. Instead of the faggy rib xylophone action, the skeleton has a still living human head on a metal tray hanging from a dragonskin strap around it’s neck. To produce the fear effect, the skeleton scrapes the head with it’s bony fingers, making the human break out in hideous wailing as it chuckles demonically.

    • Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
      October 26, 2013 9:16 am

      Over at the turdshack, ole E has his panties in a bunch cuz they changed the artwork on the reprints of the LBB’s :
      http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/10/more-wotc-sneak-peeks-of-original-d.html

      but I think the bigger point is being missed.
      This completes the making of all the old source material available again.
      No more need for all the retro-retro-clone rule books.

      The OSR is dead , long live the OSR ( Original Source Reprints)

      • Skarka the Hutt permalink
        October 27, 2013 6:35 am

        The Degenerate Elite went up in my estimation with that comment thread.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 27, 2013 8:30 am

        Yeah, Degenerate called it and put Turdshack in his place. The original OD&D “art” was all ripped off from Marvel and DC Comics, among other trademarked and copyrighted sources, traced by amateur hour high school notebook doodlers during a particularly dull trig class.

        It’s as if early TSR was originally staffed by cancer-surviving Australian house fraus writing Mystara fan fic, so you would think these blOwSR fatbeards would be all over them for it. I guess the Gaygax Sacred Scrolls get a free pass from plagiarism.

      • bad wolf permalink
        October 27, 2013 9:13 am

        The OSR always finds the truth in the old quote, “you can get everything you want and still not be very happy.” After crying about no published Oed rules they publish high-quality versions? Oops, made the covers too trendy. Costs similar to what they paid in online auctions for 30-year old used copies? Oops, price too high.

        Seriously, if this was your target audience, would you even bother making anything for them?

  20. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 25, 2013 9:08 am

    You didn’t build that!

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      October 25, 2013 6:50 pm

      Got it in one….

      • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
        October 25, 2013 6:54 pm

        I swear I’ve never seen that before.

        But no shocker that my ideas seem like some shitty horror film.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 25, 2013 8:41 pm

        “From the author of Psycho”

        Apparently the movie was so bad, Robert Bloch wouldn’t let them use his name in the advertising.

  21. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    October 25, 2013 8:35 pm

    Meet Venger Ass Nasty Satanicus, Cult Leader

    This is just priceless. Is there ANYONE involved in this stupid elf games hobby that ISN’T mentally deranged?

    I call upon my knowledge of allopathic medicine and the scientific method to defend me from his powerful spells of non-Euclidean vengeance!!!!

    • Kent permalink
      October 25, 2013 8:43 pm

      At this stage the challenge is to find ANYONE who has played D&D who could not be described as Harmlessly Mad.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 26, 2013 4:29 pm

        Vengencer Ass Nasty Satanicus made a Bob Ross homage. Happy little tentacles, wet on wet!

      • October 26, 2013 8:41 pm

        On a scale of 1-to-10 where grape juice carelessly spilled on a carpet is a 1 and Zak doing his octopus thing is a 1.5, I rate Venger at 1.75.

      • Kent permalink
        October 26, 2013 5:19 pm

        “You are not doing an exact photorealistic portrait,” he said.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 27, 2013 6:05 am

        That’s the best part. Even this nut job is more talented than Zak S.

    • October 25, 2013 9:45 pm

      I hate it when you guys dig wacky shit up and then I’m down the rabbit hole for an hour watching shit like this:

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        October 25, 2013 10:13 pm

        That’s really lame. No candles, no ceremony – no tentacles? What’s the green shit – Jell-O? Fuck it, I am making my own pagan role-playing game religion. I am the High Priest, and these are my loyal potatoes:

      • October 26, 2013 9:52 am

        How has that possibly been around 6+ years and I’ve never seen it?!?!?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 25, 2013 11:16 pm

        I know, I accidentally found this:

        I’m crying a little now.

      • October 26, 2013 9:54 am

        WARE DEM BALLS GO?!?!?!??!?!?!?

      • Kent permalink
        October 26, 2013 11:56 am

        The werewolf video is hilarious but impressive too. I love the the meek whispered ‘werewolf’ thrown in and fair play to the cute black girl for arranging it. I’ll pat her on the butt if I ever meet her.

        Unfortunately for the osr it raises the bar for an entertaining recording of group activity beyond their capabilities.

        =

        What’s with the second belly button on that guy. Born twice? Second coming? Christ.

  22. Recovering Retard permalink
    October 25, 2013 10:57 pm

    This whole Cthulu/Tentacle thing is some kind of scatological fetish, not unlike Rob Kuntz’s diseased space twat which glares ominously from atop his blog. Could it be this Satanis fellow had some kind of early childhood trauma, like pooping his pants on the bus, that led to this? Or, judging from the rather nice dent on the top-right side of his cranium, was he dropped on his fucking head? For an alleged cult leader, he’s very un-charismatic, and has the elocution of one of those ‘slow kids’ – you know, the ones who draw the backwards swaztikas and crooked pentagrams on their folders. His ol’ lady didn’t really seem too ‘into it’ in their Jell-O ritual. Fuck, Jim Bakker’s bitch could at least cry on cue – before she went straight, paired-up with that fag from ‘Too Close for Comfort’, and died of colon cancer. His girl didn’t even know the ‘magic words’. I guess I’m trying to say, ‘If you’re going to be a flamboyant octopus fucker, do it with some style, man.’ Fuck, even Anton LaVey waxed his head.

    • October 26, 2013 7:14 am

      The young lady’s lack of enthusiasm is understandable in the context of Venger’s statement in the YouTube comments:

      “She was/is a girl who does porn/escort stuff. I paid her to take part in that ritual. She was about 8 months pregnant at the time. I did fuck her a few times, but not for money.”

      Anyone know the going rate for Jell-O ritual participants?

      • bad wolf permalink
        October 27, 2013 4:17 pm

        Shouldn’t he be fucking her while performing the ritual? I mean, otherwise, what’s the point?

  23. Timotheus permalink
    October 26, 2013 9:05 am

    I am sure this is my imagination, but it almost seems like you guys are not taking Lord Ass Nasty seriously.

    Or Pundit’s rune magical computer repair ability.

  24. October 27, 2013 11:50 am

    Venger Satanass… Wonder if he maybe has both horns so he’s symmetrical? That’s what gives him the boost of Satin maybe? Modern day hodge podge half ass evul magicians just crack me the fuck up something awful. Venger Assburger may as well start the real life worship of Iuz and rally the fucking Pomarj behind him.

  25. Kent permalink
    October 27, 2013 10:06 pm

    So Zak S. had this idea for jotting down a dance card for D&D

    http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.ie/2013/10/your-rpg-person-profile.html

    and Ive been thinking that a more directly revealing dance card could be something like this:

    You are in New York City for a week by yourself looking for adventure with nothing planned and you recognise someone from the osr walking down the street, or having a coffee, reading a gamebook on the sidewalk outside a cafe or in Central Park scratching their balls with a flick-knife. Who do you:

    1. Grab by the shoulders and yell, ‘Who hoo!! Let’s grab some beers and go see a band dude!’

    2. Warily and dubiously sidle up to and say, ‘I, eh, think I know who you are. Mind if I join you for coffee?’

    3. Turn away from, slapping on a false beard and cross the street.

    4. Boldly confront with, ‘Im going to bash your pimply nerd visage right in!!’

    • Kent permalink
      October 27, 2013 10:26 pm

      Ok. I’ll go first.

      1. YDIS, Zak S.

      2. Rients, Scott, Geoffrey, Melan

      3. J. Mal, J. Alexander

      4. Falconer (KK&A), T. Foster (K&KA)

    • Kent permalink
      October 28, 2013 10:06 am

      No takers? Here’s the key:

      1. Fags know the best places in NYC

      2. Normals

      3. Nutbags

      4. Weasels

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 28, 2013 10:46 am

        1. Kent, Kent’s pal Zak

        2. Kent’s Rectum, Schiz

        3. Geoffie, Alexis Qaeda, rpgbuttdip, Ass Nasticus

        4. Poag, R4

      • October 28, 2013 10:57 am

        1. Fuck no, who “grabs some beers and goes see a band” in the city? Who am I, Skarka? What is this, an episode of fucking Felicity?

        2. You guys, sure

        3. Everyone else

        4. Skarka, the pope, Joey Bloch, everyone whose blog has ever used the word “nacreous”

  26. October 28, 2013 10:51 am

    Is it me or is the all-new all-star Petty Gods taking fucking forever to actually come out? The rubes got all excited when the project was revived with omg Erol Otus and Michael Moorcock and all the celebrities lending a hand just like regular gamers. That was back in March, so in a few weeks it will be eight months with nothing to show for it but some increasingly ambitious plans (“now it’s a hardcover AND a six-issue magazine, yeah!”) and the occasional excuse (“people missed their deadlines, sorry”).

    The first installment of the “magazine” format was supposedly at the proof stage four months ago. Does it take four months to make final edits on a 30-page pamphlet and push the “print to PDF” button?

    What with Dwimmermount limping back updates to once a month, I’m starting to think the pope put an interdict or a fatwa on these projects, whichever one he put on the movie with the talking rat born out of wedlock because it was against God.

    Oh hey! He’s still there! http://www.blackgate.com/2013/10/22/inspiration-and-emulation-tolkien-and-gygax/#comments

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 28, 2013 11:59 am

      Yes, St. Jimmy is recycling (I guess re-using, technically) the same old banal posts he graced us with for four years on his own blog. Why he doesn’t jump resurrect Grognerdia is beyond me. At least now he has the protection of Black Gate’s mighty “Shield Wall” (i.e., a group of latent homosexuals who band together to protect the memory of Robert E. Howard and other late hacks who were, you guessed it, latent homosexuals).

      For some reason he won’t let my comments on Black Gate stand. Can’t imagine why..

      • October 28, 2013 12:19 pm

        As latency dies out I wonder what happens to the pulp queen cult. The whole Black Gate thing strikes me as a desperate recruiting channel — omg, there’s this book, King in Yellow, it is short stories — similar to what Tor is doing with their endless “let’s read” regurgitation of shit from the fan canon. Remedial fan service. What did fucking Freud say, the definition of neurotic is reading the same ten paperbacks over and over and not getting anything new out of them? So on that level the pope was ahead of the curve.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 28, 2013 12:54 pm

        I like re-reading some of the genre classics (LotR, Jack Vance, Leiber) occasionally, as much as the next guy who’s into that sort of literature, but let’s face it, Appendix N is also overflowing with total groaners that aren’t worth reading once, let alone revisiting (see below). Gygax had the literary taste of your average high school freshman. To establish a group blog for the sole purpose of rehashing crap paperbacks is some next-level stagnation. It makes the circle-jerking of the OSR look positively dynamic. Fer chrissakes, guys, read something by Cormac McCarthy or Chuck Palahniuk once in a while. Same vein, different needle.

        Appendix N titles/authors that completely suck:

        Anderson, Poul–a big fat “meh”.

        Carter, Lin–a halfway decent editor, in the sense that he okay taste in older fantasy, and deserves credit for bringing some of these back out of obscurity with his Adult Fantasy reprints for Ballantine. But as a S&S writer in his own right? No. As a literary critic/commentator? Hell no. Makes Darrell Schweitzer look like a fucking genius.

        de Camp (et al.)–blah. Pompous asshole.

        Derleth, August–little Auggie deserves credit for rescuing HPL from literary oblivion, otherwise a third-rate writer of Sherlock Holmes pastiches (Solar Pons, LOL) and dreck horror novels based on ridiculous misinterpretations of HPL’s work.

        Farmer, P. J.–overrated hack.

        Fox, Gardner–just a hack.

        Howard, R. E.–overly prolific hack with some slight ability to inject a faux adrenaline-like quality into his prose. The rock candy of S&S (i.e., good to sharpen your teeth on, but not very nutritious).

        Lanier, Sterling–“HIERO’S JOURNEY” (Puh-lease; Campbellian in both the John W. and Joseph senses, a feat but not an admirable one).

        Merritt, A.–just plain sucks.

        Moorcock, Michael–overrated logarrheic hack who stole most of his ideas from Poul Anderson (see above).

        Norton, Andre–yeah, got nothing. Meh plus plus.

        Offutt, Andrew J.–…………

        Pratt, Fletcher–see de Camp.

        Saberhagen, Fred–awful, just f’ing awful.

        St. Clair, Margaret–I’ve never actually heard of this one in any other context outside of the DMG.

        Wellman, Manly Wade–the name says it all. The devil went down to Georgia, or something like that, and had a boring time.

        Anyone not specifically mentioned is worth reading once, in my opinion, except Leiber, Vance, Tolkien, Dunsany (had to leave the lone Irishman on my list, for Kent), and Lovecraft, in roughly that order, who deserve to be remembered and re-read for a couple centuries at least.

      • Kent permalink
        October 28, 2013 1:18 pm

        I find Moorcock unreadable and genuinely can’t understand how others can read him. He was a great idealistic editor and as far as I know wrote the elric rubbish to subsidize his magazines.

        Without making a claim for anything else Poul Anderson wrote, his original 1954 edition of The Broken Sword is really excellent.

      • Kent permalink
        October 28, 2013 1:23 pm

        J Mal mis-uses the word ’emulate’ like so many in the osr.

      • Jack permalink
        October 28, 2013 1:49 pm

        The list of words the OSR has rendered useless through misuse is expansive. ‘Emulate’ must now live in sad quarantine with milieu, verisimilitude, immersion, and most notably, community.

      • bad wolf permalink
        October 28, 2013 2:26 pm

        Whither Grognardia indeed? A while ago i thought for sure he was going to let the domain lapse. But now that he’s started rewarming his old posts on a new venue, i still can’t understand why he doesn’t either close it with a new post, or just start up again, or… or anything, really. Just let that midpoint issue of Imagine be his epitaph? Bizarre.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 28, 2013 4:05 pm

        And since I’m bloviating anyway, writers who should’ve been on EGG’s list (and I don’t blame him specifically for their absence, as no one can read everything and maybe he hadn’t, though that in itself is inexcusable in some instances…whew). To be fair, I’ll keep it fantasy-ish or to those who straddle the line (and pre-1979), ’cause clearly EGG had no concept of SF and had no time to read once he went Hollywood on us in ’82/’83:

        Beagle, Peter
        Dick, Philip K. (yes, fantasy)
        Ellison, Harlan
        hmmm, I’m beginning to see what Kent’s objection might be 😉
        Herbert, Frank
        Hodgson, William Hope–yes, he was a seriously deranged ex-cabin boy weight lifter who had some weird ideas about women, but The Night Land is, for all that, very powerful)
        Pangborn, Edgar–West of the Sun, Davy (yeah, you’ve never heard of him, go do some book shopping, bitch)
        Smith, Clark Ashton (half of his stuff sucks, half is humdrum, half pure poetry, hey that’s three halves! Zothique rocks)
        Tiptree, Jr., James–I’m cheating, though s/he did write some stuff that verged on fantasy.
        Tolkien (because we should rub Ernie G’s nose in his bad taste and/or lying spite as often as possible)

        I could go on, but I’ve got more beer to drink.

      • October 28, 2013 10:31 pm

        Okay, you’ve got me looking up Pangborn. West of the Sun is available free, I’m cut ‘n’ pasting it to my Kindle.
        http://www.gutenberg.org/files/39572/39572-h/39572-h.htm

      • October 28, 2013 4:34 pm

        I love the book fagging as much as the next nerd but in my efforts to figure out what the fuck went eight months of wrong with Petty Gods THIS time I found this crunchy nugget:

        Joseph Bloch March 23, 2013 at 10:27 PM
        I’m somewhat reticent to presume that I could be in such company. Who the hell am I to be in a book with Elric’s creator, fer crissakes?

        I was unaware Mighty Ðør god of ðunder approved of his goðis swearing by the soft god Jesus, but I guess the outburst gets a pass due to force majeure. (Michael Freaking Moorcock!)

      • October 28, 2013 6:15 pm

        See here, they’ve dumbed down The Night Land. Kent, now you may finally be able to finish it!
        http://www.amazon.com/Night-Land-Story-Retold-ebook/dp/B004GKNM3W/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1383009143&sr=8-3&keywords=the+night+land

      • October 28, 2013 6:16 pm

        Oh and look, WordPress auto-contextualizes ads now. Wonderful.

      • Kent permalink
        October 28, 2013 7:09 pm

        Hodgson did himself produce a much shortened version – The Story of X – but I don’t think he ever had the narrator say of himself that he ‘chuckled’ which I randomly glimpsed in the improved modern update.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 5:56 am

        The Dream of X, as I understand it, was published kind of as a U. S. copyright law placeholder, to protect his rights to The Night Land here across the “pond”. I’ve tried it (after reading the full-length version), and while it bears some resemblance to the original it feels as if the heart has been ripped right out of it. Even deeply flawed masterpieces shouldn’t be tampered with, it seems.

      • October 30, 2013 9:51 pm

        First thing: Freud say what? That sounds like a chillingly accurate description of some people’s reading habits (my own included, actually, which probably says worlds about my mental health – not that “pretending to be an elf” doesn’t either).

        Second thing: Michael Moorcock is infinitely more readable when he’s co-authoring with someone who isn’t so in love with the THINGS THIS IS ABOUT that they forget how to write properly. Storm Constantine, left to her own devices, would be writing elegantly morbid and somewhat purple soft-porn until the end of her days; put the two of them together and you get a halfway decent fantasy novel which a chap can re-read *cough* a few times in a sort of ‘this isn’t terribly clever but I don’t feel like dealing with China Mieville today’ way.

        Third thing: For all that I really rate Mieville, he does seem to win Hugo Awards for following the most basic of advice to writers (i.e. ‘show, don’t tell’) and not barfing up his Fantasy Encyclopaedia and calling it ‘world-building’. I happen to like that, but it disappoints me slightly that more people don’t see through it: “wait a second, you mean you actually know how to write characters and don’t bore people to death with imaginary facts and have some sort of principle you’re trying to express and basically that’s all there is to it?”

  27. Spank Foreskin permalink
    October 28, 2013 1:24 pm

    R. E. Howard rocks…Asshole.

    Otherwise I agree.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 28, 2013 3:47 pm

      Hey, we can agree to disagree (and simultaneously agree) unlike the Shield Wall, which demands solidarity with a uniformly and entirely unacceptable low standard of literary taste. Even I like “The Tower of the Elephant”… a little.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 28, 2013 4:12 pm

        Merritt, A.–just plain sucks.

        I say, I say, those are fighting words! Throwing hammers at twenty paces, at dawn!

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 28, 2013 4:24 pm

        See ya there (at the throwing hammer throwing field, presumably). Don’t get me wrong, I only say Abe Merritt sucks because I couldn’t bring myself to get through more than twenty pages of the novel-length version of The Moon Pool. Maybe his other stuff doesn’t seem like such drudgery, and I do hear that HPL greatly admired the shorter version of the same work and decried the longer. So who knows?

        In case it wasn’t clear, some of the unmentioned Appendix N guys deserve one read. One such that I just delved into recently was John Bellair’s The Face in the Frost. An entertaining, if very slight, tale that is definitely worth the $3.50 or so you’ll pay for the beatup paperback on eBay. None of this stuff is so bad it’s unreadable… okay, MOST of it isn’t.

      • Kent permalink
        October 28, 2013 7:16 pm

        The Face in the Frost is very well written and has a strange atmosphere, a veiled dread, which gets under your skin unnoticed. I think it is an example of a one-off work that people find hard to get the measure of because the author, or any other author, didn’t write anything else like it.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        October 28, 2013 11:04 pm

        I’ve only read one Conan story by Howard where he chases some hot barbarian bitch down so he can rape her, and that was enough for me. Explained a lot about the blOwSR Appendix N crowd though.

        I also think Jack Vance and the entire Dying Earth series sucks retard cock, the Down Syndrome kind. Same goes for Frank Herbert and Dune cunts.

      • October 28, 2013 11:23 pm

        I actually dig the Doon (first three) and the Lyonesse books but defy any Appendix N freak lurking here to explain what makes “Rhialto the Marvelous” such world-shaking literature without accidentally quoting Robin Laws, who we all know is the real OSR devil instead of that 13-foot pimp with the swaggah stick and all the groovy mind powers.

  28. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 28, 2013 5:03 pm

    I’m a bit perplexed at the mention of Philip K Dick in this hypothetical alternate time-line appendix N(i can almost smell the kickstarter). I can see why one would mention Frank Herbert(though besides Dune, with the exception of Hellstrom’s Hive, most of his other work is not that impressive), but Philip K Dick?
    Dick was always more of a literary science fiction writer. His characters were quirky and interesting, the situations they were placed in were bizarre and surreal and the concepts were always thought provoking but i certainly would not call him a brilliant world builder, nor look at his at his work and immediately think, this is super applicable to a sword and sorcery fantasy roleplaying game in the same vein as someone like Tolkien or Vance. But then again maybe that is the point.
    Also, no love for the Worm Ouroboros by E.R.Eddison?

    • Shitty McTits permalink
      October 28, 2013 5:15 pm

      Can someone please explain what the fuck is so great about _Worm Ouroboros_? I remember forcing myself to read it when I was in my teens. Then a few months ago I went back and tried it again and got almost nowhere, and at this point I’m pretty sure it’s not me, it’s the book. It was like one of those early 20th century Sweaty Boys Sports Stories with a vaguely Norse paint job.

      Obviously there are people who like it a lot, and I’ve heard one sort of convincing argument for it, but reading it feels like wading through molasses to me.

      Also, Mervyn Peake should be on the New Revised Appendix N. Radovarl: excellent fucking call on the Pangborn.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 28, 2013 7:25 pm

        The Book of the New Sun should also be on the “Appendix N for Grownups”, perhaps The Fifth Head of Cerberus as well. I’m currently reading M. John Harrison’s The Pastel City, it comes across like the “missing link” between The Dying Earth and The Shadow of the Torturer.

      • October 28, 2013 10:25 pm

        The Pastel City is excellent. The follow-up novella and short stories are also excellent, in very different ways.

      • Kent permalink
        October 28, 2013 10:42 pm

        The Pastel City is The Pustule Titty.

      • October 28, 2013 11:20 pm

        Why can’t you be more like A) Recovering Retard and contribute masterful critiques, or B) Scott Driver and speak only when spoken to?

      • October 30, 2013 10:04 pm

        1) Mervyn Peake should definitely be on the list. That said, I’m glad Peake didn’t win the formative Nerd Wars (I’m told Gormenghast/Lord of the RIngs was the Star Wars/Star Trek fight of its day), otherwise we’d be burdened with a thousand piss-poor decrepit castles rather than a thousand piss-poor elves-are-a-dying-race-that-like-trees write-by-numbers doorstop ‘fantasy epics’.

        2) Eddison’s prose style is one of those things for which you have to slow down. Some are not comfortable reading in such a manner and prefer to know what’s what. I’d also hazard a guess that the excellent faux-Spenserian vocabulary is a barrier – I love it for lending an authentic sense of the archaic and otherworldly to the proceedings, but I can see how it might be heavy going if you’re not into decode-as-you-go.

        3) While it is something of a sausage fest, it has at least three active and interesting female characters, all of whom actually try to do things other than ‘show up at the end for the crowned and conquering king to marry’, which is more than Prof. Tolkien managed in a book some umpteen times the length.

    • Kent permalink
      October 28, 2013 7:19 pm

      The Worm Ouroboros sorts the Men out from the Boys. There is nothing for it but to read more widely in literature and try again when the language doesn’t seem difficult.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 6:05 am

        The language didn’t seem difficult (though I agree with your strategy for those who find it so, come back to it later)–it’s simply gorgeous. It was the plot and the characters that fell flat for me. The story itself felt like something an ad hoc committee of 14 intellectually challenged 7th graders would come up with.

      • Sykirobme permalink
        October 29, 2013 7:59 am

        It’s okay. I wouldn’t call it world-shaking literature, but it’s fun enough. The sequels get progressively more dreadful. Fish Dinner in Memison(sp?) was awful.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 29, 2013 5:59 am

      I got to page 223 in The Worm Ouroboros. The prose is hypnotically splendid, but the story itself is the most ridiculous excuse for literature I had ever encountered. Clearly the former did not outweigh the latter enough for me to continue. Demonland? Pixieland? Really-land? Sounds like something Alexis would come up with. I’m just glad some of that poetic Eddison DNA got into Leiber and a few other later writers.

      • October 30, 2013 9:55 pm

        From this, it sounds a little like you’re conflating ‘story’ with ‘made-up proper nouns, some of which are gibberish and some of which rather undermine the story’s tone’.

        Not that I disagree – I found that I had to forgive Eddison a few things in order to make it through. Story was compelling enough though, worth following for Gro, Prezmyra and glorious scenery porn.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 29, 2013 7:17 am

      @PrinceofNothing — Your use of the term “worldbuilder” automatically disqualifies you from engaging in this discussion. One reasons forward from literature to gaming, not backwards from gaming to literature. The only building of worlds going on in this field is that performed by the troglodyte Mom’s-basement-dwelling DMs of the OSR.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        October 29, 2013 8:16 am

        @Radovarl.
        My term of the use ‘worldbuilder’ does no such thing. When discussing such a thing as a hypothetical appendix N, one looks at these works through a lens of how they may be applied as inspirational material to a pretend to be elves game. I happen to think that novels that make a more concerted effort to present and create a coherent universe lend themselves to this application better then those that, brilliant though they may be, do not. As for building of worlds; People came up with imaginary worlds before they played games pretending to be elves, and they wrote novels about it.

        In addition: I’m of the mindset that, while one is correct in assessing that hyperdrive and psychic powers are obvious nonsense, it is a lot harder to draw the same line when examining the more grounded works of, say, A.C Clarke, Stephen Baxter or Neal Stephenson. It is incredibly lazy to simply wave off an entire genre because a subset does indeed use nonsense, and even if it is, that the approach is identical.

        As an aside, Philip K Dick is indeed an amazing author.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 29, 2013 7:58 am

      Weirdly enough, I just read a quote from Samuel R. Delany (who should also be in a s-f Appendix N…tho Neveryon is excellent deconstructed s&s) very applicable to most geeks (in gaming and other circles) I know who consider themsleves “well read”:

      “… as every teacher knows, there are a lot of highly seductive texts
      – what one might called “sophomoric” texts – that can be greatly
      enjoyable and seem extremely fresh and new to not particularly widely
      educated readers. The problem is that they tend not to lead readers on
      to other works, especially once they become broadly popular. Rather,
      they stop and catch readers and make them think, often, that they have
      now encountered the best there is, so the readers just stall out and
      never progress. *The Lord of the Rings*, *A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
      Galaxy*, even *Hary Potter* often function in this way. On another
      level, the works of Charles Bukowski can easily strike young male
      readers like this.”

      • October 30, 2013 10:08 pm

        I can cautiously endorse this message. I think there’s a similar effect on writers too; sort of an “I think this is Good Writing, if I write something like this, I will be a Good Writer” deal. With the potential profitability of imitating the action of the Tolkien/Adams/Rowling/Meyer (delete as applicable) rolled in as well, it’s perhaps easy to see why there’s so much tat out there through which to wade.

  29. Timotheus permalink
    October 28, 2013 8:08 pm

    Radovarl, excellent work, drunk and all. I agree with 62.55 of your assessments, but unlike the blOwSR, we don’t have to be in lockstep according to what Gary told us to like. The fact is that appendix N was ahaphazard list of books, many of which he did not read, and it is fucking incredible the gayass cult that has sprung up around it. Pangborn is the only dude I am unfamiliar with, will check it out – gracias.

    Shitty, I hate to say it, but I kinda agree with kent. But honestly, Worm Ouroboros was more hypnotic effect of the language than scholarly reading. If you just plow on, the effect is singular. It is not the apex, but it is good. Stupidest ending of all time, though. And beginnining, now that I think about it.

    Karl Edward Wagner is supremeour mono-god Santa Claus’s (thanks, Ass Nasticus!) gift to literature, alpha and omega of any appendix N with a sense of relevance.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 29, 2013 6:01 am

      I’ve never read Karl Edward Wagner (except “Sticks” in that Arkham House HPL “Mythos” collection, which I like well enough). Is the Kane stuff any good, or just the redundant series of typical puerile power fantasies I expect it to be?

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 29, 2013 7:37 am

        Kane is the prototypical big badass, but he also an evil sorcerer, an immortal constantly trying to set up empires and all his past failures constantly haunting him. A unique character. The cream of the sword and sorcery crop, along with Leiber. Read Bloodstone at a minimum, if you don’t like that, don’t worry about the rest.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 7:15 pm

        Will do, thanks. Usually I get the, “Kane RULZ!” response from idiots like Badmike and Zavoda at the Acaeum and their noxious ilk, and I assume they mean he’s exactly like Conan.

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 30, 2013 3:05 pm

        One caveat about “Kane”, Kane comes across as a “Mary Sue/Gary Stu” created by a big redheaded guy who fancied himself a badass. While entertaining, a little bit goes a long way, and the “modern” stories can devolve into cheese (Kane in London, as an unscrupulous publisher with a laser gun and time-travel abilities? Puh-leeze!).

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 29, 2013 8:02 am

      I mostly agree with Radovarl, but I think HPL and PKD are shit, too. They were great (in PKD’s case GREAT) idea men, but their execution was almost universally abysmal.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 7:19 pm

        I don’t entirely disagree. I don’t like PKD’s shorts at all, and most of HPL’s stuff fails. But like you say, they start out with great ideas. There’s literally nothing like PKD once he gets up a good head of wacko steam about 120 pages in. Better in my book to be a spectacular failure than a boilerplate-producing paint-by-numbers guy like most of App. N authors.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        October 30, 2013 6:59 am

        I think stories about the first biblical murderer and his immortal struggle to find any resonance in mortal life are more interesting than Conan. Whether or not Wagner succeeds, it’s still a killer premise.

  30. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    October 28, 2013 8:25 pm

    If you guys like Harlequin Romance stuff, author Christe Sims is perhaps best known for her Dinosuar Erotica (Taken by the T-Rex, Ravaged by the Raptor) but she is also a prolific writer of Beast Erotica as well. Her Amazon profile lists over 100 titles involving: gryphons, dragons, orcs, gargoyles, werewolves, teenage werewolves, centaurs, minotaurs, ogres, demons, devils, weretigers, pegasus, billionaires, vampires, basilisks, wargs, ghosts, manticores, hydras, goblins, nagas and trolls.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 28, 2013 10:09 pm

      If it’s not thinly-veiled Mystara fanfic, I won’t even consider it!

      Did she write Ravished by the Remorhaz? AFAF

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      October 28, 2013 10:59 pm

      I think I’m going to have to talk to Ettin at Big Purple Dildo about banning any further discussion of Christie Sims’s orc erotica masterpiece The Orc Chief’s Virgin Tribute because it is really about the evils of interracial dating since we all know orcs are really black people now thanks to the brain trust at RPGNet.

      Note that I am saying this with pursed lips and a poo poo expression of dismissal on my face, full blown JMal Style.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 29, 2013 11:07 am

      Dude, I thought you were joking about the dinosaur erotica stuff, but I ckecked out her name at Amazon, and god damn. A whole bunch of 3-7 thousand word short stories about chicks whom no man can satisfy getting boned by t-rexs, raptors, dragons, gargolyes, and what the fuck else. The reviews (usually favorable – written by the author?) make it clear that there are dinosaur cum shots and everything.

      Thanks for ruining lunch.

  31. Aos permalink
    October 28, 2013 8:42 pm

    I think People of the Black Circle is an enjoyable read; I like most of the Conan stories, but that is the only one I think is actually good.

    The Night Land is a great fucking book.

    I haven’t attempted The Worm of Oroborus since jr high, maybe i should give it a another look.

  32. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 29, 2013 6:34 am

    I know this is supposed to be a troll/journalistic blog, so i apologize beforehand for this, perhaps transgressively constructive, post, but are there any modern books people would like to add to their own personal Appendix N?

    I for one recommend the following:

    The Hyperion Cantos by Dan Simmons(and now that we are on the subject, why not add Illium, Drood and The Terror).
    God Killers by Liam Sharp
    The Dark Tower series by Stephen King
    The Prince of Nothing Series by R.A Scott Baker

    • October 29, 2013 6:45 am

      The Eye of Argon by Jim Theis. If the language is too advanced on first read, buff your skills and return when more capable.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 7:18 am

        Never heard of it, which is a good sign. I’ll check it out, thanks.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 29, 2013 7:19 am

      No.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 29, 2013 8:03 am

      Not GRRM.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 10:45 am

        Seconded. GRRM is a whore, and not a high class one at that.

      • October 30, 2013 10:25 pm

        Reading The Game Of Thrones wasn’t a totally unpleasant experience but it’s telling that I can only really remember Daenerys’ plotline six months later, and something vague about incest, bastards, a wall, an army of ghosts and ‘The North Will Rise Again’. A stirring ending that seemed to take forever to arrive, with a kind of “ah, things are getting interesting”: a first act trying to stand alone. It’s a little like spending six hours cooking a really good stew and then packing up and leaving it there without bothering to eat it.

        With the honourable exception of The Empire Strikes Back, I find little merit in things that only exist to set up the next thing in a series, especially when they’re supposed to be the beginning. Talking of bearded fellows named George, actually, I think Lucas was on to a good thing when he made the first part of his trilogy a self-contained narrative in its own right. I kind of feel that you can get off at the end of A New Hope and never interact with that body of work again and consider it Not Bad, which is a feeling I don’t often get from genre texts, and especially not from Martin.

        Also, deep and intricately plotted it may be, but it’s also extraordinarily dense, and I’m not sure that what he’s trying to achieve warrants the gargantuan page-counts of which he’s so fond. Apparently he has enormous trouble trimming his manuscripts down to publishable length…

    • Sykirobme permalink
      October 29, 2013 8:06 am

      Aliette de Bodard’s Obsidian & Blood books are fantastic fantasy novels based on Aztec culture.

      Barry Hughart’s Chronicles of Master Li and Number Ten Ox are extremely well-written, wry and funny novels based on Han Chinese culture.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      October 29, 2013 10:46 am

      Bunnicula.

  33. October 29, 2013 7:02 am

    I’m with Radovarl with regard to Ouroboros. If we’re talking about applicability for Appendix N, gorgeous language isn’t going to help anyone play an elfgame and that plot certainly won’t help either.

    Likewise, I’m with PrinceofNothing with regard to PKD. I love me some Dick (um…in a matter of speaking), but I don’t think his literary contributions support a Swords & Sorcery mindset.

    I hereby nominate James Branch Cabell for Appendix N status, at least his better works. If you like Vance (or retard cock evidently), you ought to like JBC.

    The problem with The Eye of Argon is that it leaves you wanting more, but maybe that’s part of the allure.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 29, 2013 7:15 am

      The Anubis Gates should be in an Appendix N2 (so called to honor The Forest Oracle). The novel is so damn tight, even the “deus ex machina” towards the end is exactly right.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 29, 2013 7:29 am

      I tried to read Jurgen by Cabell but couldn’t get into it. In this case, I assume it’s my inadequacy and not his (unlike with Eddison IMO).

      The reason I like PKD as an Appendix N choice is exactly that of the objection being raised by some. It’s “not” or “doesn’t lend itself” to S&S. So the fuck what? Aside from being fucking brilliant, most of PKD’s stuff is fantasy-esque SF (Hell, it’s not like I’m nominating Heinlein, H. Beam Piper, or Larry Niven…). My basic problem with Gygax’s notion of fantasy is that he seems to think that if it reads like something that R. E. Howard could have written, it’s the bee’s knees, and if not it’s dreck. Hence he doesn’t (or claims not to) like Tolkien (I’d say it’s just sour grapes due to the threatened lawsuit) and doesn’t read or recommend so-called “science fiction” (there’s not a lick of science in any of PKD’s novels, that I can discern at least). “Scifi” is just a subgenre of fantasy anyway… Hyperdrive, teleportation machines, and psychic powers are “rigorous extrapolation”? Bullshit. Dick was just more honest about it than someone like Jerry Pournelle or Bruce Sterling, who think they’re hot shit cause they didn’t fail high school chemistry. Someone like Leiber (a literary genius by any standard, I know because Harlan Ellison said so :-)) ended up on EGG’s list only because some of his work bears a superficial resemblance to things that REH wrote. Kind of like houseflies (REH) and helicopters (FRL), they’re not even the same species, let alone comparable in quality. Leiber makes REH look like the knuckle-dragging white supremacist dickhead with superorbital ridges you could shelve books on, that he was. I’m audi.

      • Jack permalink
        October 29, 2013 7:40 am

        If Appendix N is an excuse to not read widely, it should be discarded.

        Want to bring new, interesting ideas to sword & sorcery? Read everything but sword & sorcery for a bit.

        Want to create more boring pastiche? Here’s your Gord the Rogue novels, son.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 9:29 am

        Exactly.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        October 29, 2013 10:33 am

        Orson Scott Card needs to be elevated to Appendix N status, if only because it will piss off the left wing conservatives at Big Purple Dildo.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 10:43 am

        @Arneson – It would piss me off, too. Who the hell wants to read hackneyed Heinleinian GEE WHIZ! scifi written by a dipshit who wears magic underwear and thinks Indians are the lost tribe of Israel? Gimme a break. Friends don’t let friends read Mormons.

  34. Timotheus permalink
    October 29, 2013 7:45 am

    OK, the Eye of Argon tips the scales. You know of it or you don’t.

    Now you do:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_Of_Argon

    And yes, this defines the fetishization of Appendix N.

    • October 29, 2013 8:32 am

      It’s available online in various places. I’m too lazy to look, but make certain you get the reconstructed ending for it also.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 29, 2013 9:32 am

      Nice; now I know what I’m reading next. Sounds a little bit like Spinrad’s The Iron Dream, except even better (and worse).

  35. October 29, 2013 11:05 am

    What the fuck. If you fine literary types want to braintrust up some kind of YDIS Presents: Appendix N2 broadsheet, I’m happy to kick in to get it laid out, printed and drop-shipped to the spring cons to hand out. Because this troll blog is all about the communism or left-wing conservatism or the homophobia or fart jokes or whatever the fuck people who studiously don’t read it say it’s about. I’ll even commission a RR cover showing why Don Wollheim made the DAW spines piss yellow, some kind of helpful nerd hanky code for those overwhelmed at the local HPB.

    • October 30, 2013 10:28 pm

      A measure guaranteed to confuse, annoy, bamboozle, prove wrong and lead by example.

      I’m in.

  36. Kent permalink
    October 29, 2013 12:34 pm

    Reading a little of The Eye of Argon, I think I it is safe to say it is about the standard of most of the osr campaign journals and yet the guy was 16 not 40.

    It *is* funny because the kid was reaching in his use of language, but surely it provoked very nervous laughter from the aging scholars who recognised passages from their own abandoned notebooks.

  37. October 29, 2013 1:15 pm

    Speaking of the cover boy.
    So called expert gets everything fucking wrong in his post.
    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2013/10/snobbery.html

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 29, 2013 1:38 pm

      Alexis Qaeda don’t need facts, he’s a mother fucking expert!

      That boy just gets dumber and dumber.

      • October 29, 2013 1:51 pm

        “What the fuck is a fact here?”

        Note to all lesbians trapped in a guy’s body: when correcting the guy on his own blog, make sure you don’t fuck up J. Eric Holmes’ name. “Robert” Holmes isn’t even the dick who did the pina colada song.

      • October 29, 2013 2:30 pm

        Well that is what I get for trying to correct an “expert”.

        Robert Holmes….yeah….that was some dude I worked with years ago.
        Let this be a lesson kids. Look your shit up before posting.

      • bad wolf permalink
        October 29, 2013 2:35 pm

        I would cut him as much slack as he would cut to an Australian cancer survivor. Which is to say, i will post this faux pas to my blog, and my friend’s blogs, and my friend’s facebook pages, with a request that they all appear and crap all over his online presence and anywhere his name is mentioned in Christendom.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 29, 2013 3:32 pm

        Mr. Lesbian Witch Boy,

        Your chances of penetrating Alexis Qaeda’s egomaniacal mental fog are nearly as good as you getting to penetrate in on some Tara and Willow action. Props for your post not getting deleted from his blog, though.

        Also, shouldn’t you be preparing a summation of the table of contents for a white dwarf issue?

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        October 29, 2013 4:11 pm

        From Tao’s House of Pan-sexual Inaccuracy…

        “Blogger Timothy Brannan said…

        Once YDIS used to be interesting as a satire site, but now it is just lowest common denominator drivel.

        October 24, 2013 at 5:00 AM”

        I hate a luke-warm motherfucker, I really do.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 29, 2013 2:20 pm

      Too droll:

      Even if I were at a Convention (I’d better be a paid speaker there, I don’t know why the hell else I’d go … except possibly to sell a DM’s Book I may imaginably write some day)

      At this point, he’s running an even bigger troll blog than this one.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 3:09 pm

        At least he realizes that this prospective DM’s book is imaginary. Seems to me someone already wrote such a treatise, though I can’t recall its title atm.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 29, 2013 3:36 pm

        No doubt you are referring to the esteemed James Edward Raggi the 4th and his recently funded Dungeon Master’s G- er, Referree Book (without which, his whole line lies fallow).

        Can’t recall any other such products.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 3:39 pm

        Not actually, no. I was referring to the AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide. What else could you possibly need? 🙂

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 29, 2013 4:11 pm

        Kindly rest your facetiousness meter.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 29, 2013 4:14 pm

        Er…that should be “reset” rather than “rest.”

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 6:49 pm

        Timmy–My apologies sir, and thank you. I needed that. My trolling takes the form of infrequent but high-intensity lubricated lucubrations that leave me not only exhausted but diminished in my capacity to distinguish friend from foe (assuming any such distinction is truly to be made).

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      October 29, 2013 5:19 pm

      According to Shelexis, more rules = less room for the dm to “bottle up your imagination.” More rules mean more freedom. And the more rules, the clearer the game! Enough rules, and there’s no way anyone could disagree about any events in the game, and players are free from the dreaded, arbitrary EVIL dm interpretation, which always gets on Shelexis’s tits.

      If there weren’t an unending flow of arguments about rules as basic as imitative on the 1e threads on Dragonfoot from it’s inception to now, the latter part of that argument might make a bit of sense. Fuck you, Shelexis, if you really wanted rules to keep the GM in check, why didn’t you play GURPS motherfucker? If this is your point of view, why not go to 3.5? Plenty of rules to keep you free. The logic that makes you feel Holmes/ BX / BECMI sucks compared to 1e means 1e sucks compared to FATAL, where assrape is built in to the rules.

      I must say our delicate ministrations have caused Shelly to bring up his game — he shows signs of developing the #2 troll site of the OSR, if he can just stop moderating it.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 6:51 pm

        Why not just play a CRPG, which is obviously at one extreme of the rules/DMing range of options (Amber Diceless or any game DMed by Rob Cunts being the other, obviously).

  38. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    October 29, 2013 5:22 pm

    that should be “initiative” up there not “imitative”

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      October 29, 2013 5:36 pm

      Oh, and Gene Wolfe is one the finest American writers living, in any genre. The Book of the New Sun was the Moby DIck of the 20th century. PKD’s writing’s were brilliant (and I like him enough I have a small press edition of selections from his “exegesis”) if erratic (but not “The Man in the High Castle”) and I thought the idea of him in any kind of alt-Appendix N was bizarre at first but then I remembered that Dick’s protagonists (and antagonists, for that matter) can’t cooperate for shit, and that’s a pretty good primer for dealing with your average party of PCs.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 29, 2013 6:56 pm

        PKD – Yeah plus nobody ever knows what the fuck is going on in a Dick novel. Granted, a game like “Paranoia” might benefit more from this approach, but I can think of plenty of WTF?! moments in published AD&D modules too (S2?). We live in a phildickian world, and so should our characters.

        Gene Wolfe…. I just don’t know what to think. He had me until the end of Claw of the Conciliator, and then everything just seemed to degenerate into baldfaced pseudo-Catholic allegory. I hate allegory, and not cordially like Tolkien. I find his short stories (the couple I’ve read, anyway) a bit humdrum. But every single SF reader and critic I respect loves Book of the New Sun. Is it because it’s one big puzzle box and geeks eat that shit up? Or is it yet another of my manifold failings as a human being, that I don’t “get it”?

  39. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    October 29, 2013 5:38 pm

    ah shit! “writing’s” My wife will cut my nuts off if she sees that one.

  40. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    October 29, 2013 7:49 pm

    Gene Wolfe…. I just don’t know what to think. He had me until the end of Claw of the Conciliator, and then everything just seemed to degenerate into baldfaced pseudo-Catholic allegory. I hate allegory, and not cordially like Tolkien. I find his short stories (the couple I’ve read, anyway) a bit humdrum.

    You should check out Seven American Nights, a novella which has been anthologized many times (it’s readily available in any good public library in various “best of” collections). It’s a bit of a mindfuck, and it is totally unforgettable. It’s Wolfe’s most approachable “difficult” story.

    But every single SF reader and critic I respect loves Book of the New Sun. Is it because it’s one big puzzle box and geeks eat that shit up? Or is it yet another of my manifold failings as a human being, that I don’t “get it”?

    Book of the New Sun should be approached as a story about storytelling- there are a number of stories embedded in the novel, and it’s entertaining to figure out what familiar stories Wolfe has mutated to arrive at them. There should be a list of literary prerequisites that a reader should tackle before reading the book.

    Wolfe also has a knack for cloaking familiar items by having his naive, unreliable narrator describe them in the context of his somewhat limited experience.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 30, 2013 4:51 am

      In other words it’s self-consciously literary. “A story about storytelling.” Blah. I hate the description of anyone as a “writer’s writer”. If such an animal exists, it doesn’t get published. There are only so many writers, and if they engaged in just writing for each other there’d be little to no market. If I want to read “real” literature (as opposed to off-the-cuff wackiness like PKD’s novels), I’ll pick up Borges, Eco, McCarthy, or someone like Ellison whose agenda I actually agree with. Double blah.

      Thanks for the take on New Sun, though. I think part of my problem is that I’m not all that well-read, and I’m maybe missing significant portions of those literary prerequisites.

      • October 30, 2013 10:32 pm

        That ‘story about storytelling’ shit is what keeps Neil Gaiman in rock-star sunglasses and vacuous goth birds. I don’t dislike Gaiman’s prose but deary deary me, he’s another of those fellows who gets a lot of fuss made of him for stating the blindingly obvious in a rather gentle, roundabout way.

        At least he can contain a story to one five hundred page novel, though, which elevates him above the majority of paper-brick merchants out there.

  41. cheesesock56 permalink
    October 30, 2013 1:52 am

    Meanwhile, in Dwimmermount news…

    • Kent permalink
      October 30, 2013 2:42 am

      What have these guys been doing all this time? Is it possible they are now more to blame for delayed gratification of millions of helpless gamers than J Mal.?

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 30, 2013 4:51 am

        Yes, that’s entirely possible. Jimmy may come out of this looking like a genius for abandoning the project as early as he did.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        October 30, 2013 6:24 am

        Apparently the government shutdown is responsible now for Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon’s continued delay. I wonder if the blOwSR fatbeards will finally see their Tea Party heroes for what they really are, or if it’s still “Damn that Socialist Kenyan Usurper Black Man in the White House!” to the bitter end?

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 30, 2013 6:56 am

        I admit I passed out a few minutes in. Any news on the garment analysis front from Pookie?

      • October 30, 2013 7:17 am

        Pookie cuts a remarkably sinister figure in what appears to be an NSA listening center after hours. “Thanks Obama” indeed.

        My main takeaway is Tavis is beyond bored with the hobby, the layout guy is desperate to get working and get paid, Pookie’s garment explorations were for nought because now they’re bickering over whether to free up funds to get a freelancer to write the legendary megadungeon they had in the can two years ago.

        Good revealing bit around 9:02, the sinister Pookie (watch his eyes!) seems to think they’re only five hours of honest work from finishing the levels but that time is better spent on project management and building processes so we can delegate smoothly.

        Where the fuck is Appendix B? Are the documents stored in a form of “disappearing bits” like an experimental William Gibson poem or something?

        Pookie becomes outright evil around 12:57 as the nominal editor passes the responsibility of top-down editing back up. “The bottleneck is still you! Call in sick from the office, fuck them!” Well done, Pookie. Do you run with scissors by any chance?

      • October 30, 2013 7:22 am

        No, Pookie is not Scissors in deep NSA cover. Scissors has read fucking dungeon module S4: Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth and knows where the pope stole the fucking margoyle from. This is not rocket fucking science, this is a fucking legendary old fucking school megadungeon.

      • October 30, 2013 7:35 am

        22:50 The layout guy is my favorite now. Eager to keep his head down, just wants to turn some fucking pages and get on with it but he has to agree maybe those sidebars are getting a little crowded.

        It’s like fucking Aeschylus wrote this fucking thing to warn the Athenians that their hobby is their hobby and their job is their fucking job and do not cross the streams or else you are fucking with the gods themselves and merit only their disfavor.

      • October 30, 2013 7:47 am

        The one they didn’t bother issuing an update to promote opens on a comic note: Tavis couldn’t work on it over the weekend because he had a hot convention to go to instead, spends a minute or two in the dark. Talk about Aeschylus!

        Bonus for Space 1889 fans, we are cloning the game back out of the German translation because gotta keep it in print and ebay prices and . . . stuff? After that guy bails it’s a lot slower, like a mid-period Cassavetes but equally rewarding.

      • October 30, 2013 9:00 am

        Fuck, that sinister guy at NSA HQ in the first one? That’s not really Pookie at all. Pookie is the Brit eager to re-clone Space 1889 back from the Germans. The sinister one? That’s Greg Tito of Warcry. And that’s not the NSA, it’s a bustling 2.0 “newsroom.” It’s a hype factory. Your brother is in a bitter rage, humiliated by the pope’s thievery and grieving his lost kickstarter innocence. He’s going to post about it on his blog. What do you do?

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 30, 2013 12:37 pm

        I can’t believe any of you made it as far into the video as you did. I just closed my browser window and walked away from the PC at about a minute ten, after I realized all of them were such typical neckbeards that I couldn’t be bothered to distinguish between them. Just out of curiosity, do all of *you* guys look like FLGS rejects, too? I’ve played D&D with probably a total of 20 people in my life, and I shit you not not a single one of them was sporting the “six days worth of half-hearted beard growth and six year worth of marathon cheeto eating” look.

    • Jack permalink
      October 30, 2013 6:43 am

      If Dwimmermount were a perfume it would be described as “lethargy, with notes of quiet despair.”

    • October 30, 2013 7:47 am

      I hung in for 6.5 minutes, which is way more than I anticipated. These dudes must be smoking hubbas ’cause shit they say don’t make no fucking sense. The lead dude says he’s looking to get the pdf out before the end of the year, but the layout guy says he needs 13 weeks just for the dungeon and that would require the content be handed in to him already, which it isn’t. Huh?!?!? And now they’re so tired of this shit they’re calling in freelancers to write everything. And each level overview is a FULL PAGE OR MORE of writing? Holy fuck, what a piece of overstuffed garbage.

      • October 30, 2013 10:36 pm

        I’m torn. On the one hand, I -am- a freelance writer and a paying gig to write gaming material would be rather pleasing. On the other hand, I suspect this project would involve weighing in with twats and producing material I’d never actually pay money for if I found it on the nerd shop shelf.

        What to do, what to do?

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        October 31, 2013 3:20 pm

        What to do, what to do?

        Get the cash up front!

  42. Kent permalink
    October 30, 2013 2:39 am

    On radio Tao, the Tao smacks down perdustin with ‘Guess what, dummy? You’re just not smart enough [to play AD&D]’, which is probably true.

    Expect perdustin to counter with some robust spell checking.

    Mensa is waiting in the wings to adjudicate if vanity rears her head.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 30, 2013 6:59 am

      As usual, perdy smacked his ass down with precision, and Alexis Qaeda moved the goal posts while calling him “dummy.”

      That is textbook irony, kent. Look it up.

      And now Qaeda is enamored of making a T-ball caomparison, while declaring that MORE RULZ prevents a DM from screwing over players.

      Which makes me wonder if he has ever played AD&D in his life. The contention is demostrably inaccurate. (cf Tomb of Horrors.) Nothing can stop a DM bent on hosing his players.

    • October 30, 2013 7:34 am

      Kent,

      I would say ‘zealous’ rather than ‘robust’, but thanks for the vote of confidence.

      I have asked Mensa to stand down. I’m not going to convince Alexis of anything; I’m just trying to provide his gentle readers with some perspective.

  43. Kent permalink
    October 30, 2013 5:29 am

    .

  44. Kent permalink
    October 30, 2013 5:32 am

    .

  45. October 30, 2013 9:25 am

    😦

    Alexis has deleted my comments! It’s his blog, he can do what he wants, and I can understand if he didn’t post them at all; but why would he allow them in the first place, respond to them, and then delete? Why wouldn’t he want the intellectual thrashing he gave me to stand as a warning to all who would question an expert? I don’t think it’s because he had mercy on me. I guess I’m just too stupid to understand Alexis’ motives.

    • October 30, 2013 9:28 am

      *vibes*

      He also took down the link feeding precious traffic back to YDIS! I guess the moral position truly is beyond question.

    • Jack permalink
      October 30, 2013 10:21 am

      ~vibes

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 30, 2013 10:41 am

      Not gonna link to that fat lying bitch’s blog, but Alexis Qaeda has a new post up trying to show why AD&D is freedom from the tryanny of Red Box D&D, through the metaphor of the German language and dog sled teams. First posters blows his argument out of the water, and Qaeda quickly makes the Strawman accusation as well as misunderstanding the English Language.

      That lying piece of shit is beyond belief.

      And please stop sending vibes, it is making me horny.

      • Jack permalink
        October 30, 2013 11:01 am

        It’s beyond me why anyone feel the need to stump for their preferred game being the superior one. But then, look at the source of the argument.

        Sorry for sending all those ~vibes without also sending ~lube

    • October 30, 2013 11:05 am

      Alexis has entered his Red Moon Phase: impulsive, raging, vain, paranoid. He cannot control the impulses within him for destruction and self-destruction. ALL CAPS SHOUTING. The trigger is external, either problems at work or problems at home: his work is utterly bland and regurgitory, I can’t imagine that would be the source of any conflict. I suspect marital problems, opening a valve to spew hate is his only relief.

      I wonder how long it will last?

      • October 30, 2013 11:24 am

        It won’t last too long, he’s going on sabbatical. At least he’s giving us a going away present.

        Just so you know, our buddy James C. has chimed in with remarks similar to those in my response that Alexis declined to post.

        JDJarvis points out that many of the events Alexis lists (shearing sheep, driving a dogsled, felching ropers, and whatever the fuck) aren’t in the AD&D rules. Alexis uses this as a argument to increase the rules! Mearls, are you reading this?

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 30, 2013 1:07 pm

        Sie trinkt dein Apfelsaft. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been about 20 years since I took a course in German, and I’m by no means fluent, but this either means, “You [formal] drink your [informal] apple juice,” “They drink [with wrong verb ending] your apple juice,” or “She drinks your apple juice.” The last is the only one that’s grammatically correct, and none of them make all that much sense. If you’re gonna brag, dude, at least do it impressively.

        Alexis ist einer Dumbkopf, ein langweilig Schweinhund and auch hat das OSR Koolaid getrunken. Meine Deutsch ist sehr schlecht, aber ich haben wenigstens einen Sinn für Humor.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      October 30, 2013 1:39 pm

      Ummm…Because he’s a narcissistic pseudo-intellectual fucking fuck-faced fuck?

      Oh, how I hate him.

    • Skarka the Hutt permalink
      November 1, 2013 9:14 am

      His moderation has pretty much turned that whole deal into a circle jerk. The only thing Alexis craves is attention…..and the cum of his faithful dripping off his face.

      Of course, when I see shit like this:
      “Game systems are no different. You have developed rules for a huge range of situations, and have done a much better job than the folk at WotC in every respect. Sometimes I wish that they’d scrap half the work they have done with DnD Next and just pay you for a system license or something. But the folk who use Red Box and similar don’t need a system which models sheepfarming, or childrearing, or mass combat, if all they want to do is kill stuff and collect shiny things twice a month. ”

      “I love your metaphor, by the way! Language learning really is like building/enhancing a system (in this case DnD) to your own needs. You can always opt out and stay within your comfort zone by ignoring more complex issues at hand and ‘making up stuff on the go’ – but you’ll pretty much miss any fun part in the long run if you do so. Plus, within the context of languages, you’ll get it wrong most times.”

      “I think what Alexis is getting at here is that his players have something your players don’t have. 1,000 eyes a day sharing their opinions on a rule that directly affects their character.”

      “Fuck the Red Box. And it’s kiddie crayon. Even when I was 11 and we only had the Red Box we made up our own rules.”

      I have to wonder if he is just talking to himself. But I also assume there are always going to be people who follow self-righteous assholes, picking up the turds like they found some nugget of wisdom.

  46. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 30, 2013 11:52 am

    Phew. Thank God we are back to the hate, and not going on about all them thar books I’ll never read. They cut into my Xbox time (and Kunts jacking off to Ricky Gervais time). Plus this was starting to sound like a faggy, demi-literati Dragonsfoot thread.

    Right on! Fuck that goofy-ass Alexis guy! I hope his bus crashes!

    • Kent permalink
      October 30, 2013 12:34 pm

      It is no surprise that you can’t read and have no interest in gaming. You are every inch a psychopath who got lost one day on the web, remains bewildered and full of indiscriminate rage.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        October 30, 2013 2:46 pm

        Damn, Kuntington. Why you always gotta hurt with the unfunny?

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 30, 2013 2:48 pm

        It’s just his way.

      • Timotheus permalink
        October 30, 2013 5:03 pm

        Yeah, kentie has to hurt his only friends on the whole planet internet. Totally gay-ass, because he has demonstrated an adequate sense of humor in the past; just not enough (well-deserved) self deprecation.

  47. Radovarl permalink
    October 30, 2013 1:37 pm

    Wow, Sexy Lexy’s latest post seems to be brewing up into a veritable comment storm. He might even crack 1/8 of the number an average YDIS post generates, given another few days. Also, since I seldom ever read his exceedingly tl;dr drivel, but just pored over this latest post plus comments for about 10 minutes, I don’t think I fully appreciated just how bag of frogs OCD crazy this guy is. MUST HAVE RULES FOR EVERYTHING (huh? really?) including… childbirth? Really?! Granted, I’m a stay-at-home Dad with masculinity and anger issues (okay, not really, just an overdeveloped sense of justice) desperately attempting to not fall prey to Maliszewski syndrome (always nice to have a negative example to NOT “emulate”, LOL), but what color is the sky in this man’s world? Oh wait, I actually know this one, or at least I will once I counts the hexes and cross-reference table 13.6.7 (refraction of light in a fantasy planet’s atmosphere) with table 198.2.3.b (Alexis’ level of dissatisfaction with his dead-end job and loveless marriage on any given day). As someone else whom I couldn’t be bothered to remember here might say:

    FUCK!

  48. Radovarl permalink
    October 30, 2013 1:44 pm

    Okay, I totally promise this is my last post for the day, but I had to shared… I realized a second ago that I hadn’t visited the WotC website in about 1 1/2 years, so I did (and then jumped to the D&D “brand” page). In big bold lettering, it says:

    New to D&D?

    Offering the excitement of imaginative, shared storytelling and lots of social interaction–both in the game and around the table!

    Ooooo, do tell? Aside from the awful copywriting on display here (“both in the game and around the table”, well, um, okay, but aren’t both happening in the same place, like “IRL”?), could you make it sounds any gayer (in the ’80s sense, not the YDIS sense)?

  49. Radovarl permalink
    October 30, 2013 1:45 pm

    share. sound.

  50. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 30, 2013 3:18 pm

    I’ve never read an entire Lexi post or watched more than a couple minutes of video, so I am no expert on the douche. But for me the devil is in the details, and I’m not talking about his lesbian looks, his way-too-old-for-it long stringy hair, or train wreck attempts to be “up and at ’em” funny when jumping out of his smelly chair. What I love is that “Sad girl sitting sadly in a sad bus station” painting behind him. It obviously has meaning to him/her. Does Lexi imagine that this is one of the cute girls from his youth who laughed in his face, but is now smitten with him, rejected and comtemplating suicide? Did he rape her in his dreams, and now this is her at the rape clinic waiting her turn to be inspected by smirking, judgemental doctors and nurses? Or could it actually be Lex as he imagines himself down at the sex reassignment clinic after the work has been done and he is crying with joy?

    YOU make the call.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 30, 2013 3:48 pm

      My call is that it’s him (er, her). I actually can’t bring myself to make fun of that. It’s the resistance to his “true self” that galls me. As someone who knows a transsexual somewhat, if that’s the case, it might explain a lot.

    • Timotheus permalink
      October 30, 2013 5:00 pm

      “!’ve never read an entire Lexi post or watched more than a couple minutes of video, so I am no expert on the douche.”

      Au contrare, mon ami. That MAKES you a Sexi Lexi Qaeda expert.

      In addition, your IQ has maintained its original integrity, unlike those of us who persevered through an entire fucking post and/or vide-fucking-o.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 30, 2013 5:09 pm

        Ain’t that the truth.

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        October 31, 2013 6:10 am

        I watched him make an omelette, it was like the halcyon days of PBS and the Frugal Gourmet. Of course, that guy liked grabbing the asses of teenage boys…

  51. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 31, 2013 8:03 am

    I read a few of his first posts and have gained the following important insights:

    1) Alexis was a fan of the Gor Novels when he/she was a teenager. Make of that what you will.
    2) Alexis does not like modules, levity, people who refuse to take the game seriously, giving out plot hooks, Dungeons, skill systems, brevity or wit.
    3) Alexis spends an inordinate amount of time painstakingly recreating perplexingly elaborate models to price goods that the players will likely never use.

    The dangerous aspect of his writing is that between the pages and pages of tables for calculating the price of a loaf of french bread in Transylvania there are hints of sense, and i feel that the only way i can understand that sense is by opening the gateway to my brain with an icepick.

    Now if you will excuse me, the words on my monitor keep changing and spelling THE SCRATCHING AT THE WALLS WILL END AND THERE WILL BE NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAN AND BEAST FOR ALL WILL BE RETURNED

    • bad wolf permalink
      October 31, 2013 12:43 pm

      Being a fan of the Gor novels when s/he was a teenager is the most normal thing i’ve heard about him/her (hir?) so far.

  52. Timotheus permalink
    October 31, 2013 9:36 am

    I can’t believe this bitch actually funded:

    What are the odds that Alex Qaeda dumped a shitload in so that he could have a chapter written about him?

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 31, 2013 10:43 am

      Wow. This guy is both a total fraud (in the realm of anthropology) and a friggin’ genius (of hucksterism and self-promotion). The tongue-in-cheek presentation is the only thing going for this project. As an ABD former sociology grad student who did “research” in a related area (science fiction as a new form of [quasi]-religion), I find his attempted linkage of Weber’s notion of enchantment with the vaunted “sensawunder” of RPGs and other so-called “fantastika” simultaneously intriguing and utterly trite. Why? Because I made the exact same fucking argument in my M.A. thesis, as have literally hundreds of other theses and dissertations over the past few decades. This, folks, is why the social sciences get no respect from the rest of the academic world–they don’t deserve any.

  53. PrinceofNothing permalink
    October 31, 2013 10:00 am

    er…50/50?

  54. October 31, 2013 10:26 am

    Bloodymage is a pimpin’ machine!

    http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/polyhedracon-d4-3?c=comments

  55. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 31, 2013 11:41 am

    27 bucks? Fuck man, I want this thing to fund in the worst way. Another thing not being a millionaire has denied me. I would just throw a few grand at ol’ Blooey and proclaim “make it happen, cap’n!” I want this convention to happen so bad

    “I’m still basically subsisting on a fixed income doing this just for love of the hobby. I’m trying to organize and pimp this in addition to running a business and helping with my fiance’s business. Only nine months here, two bad backs, one blind dog, one incorrigible one and a perfect one (fiance’s a dog trainer, my private hell) winter coming on, but I’m charging ahead despite all. We need to get this funded ASAP.”

    Man, getting tidbits of BM’s world here and there is such a tease. Let’s see: Blooey has no respect for his lady’s business (regarding dog training as hell is certainly a first world problem), he hates one of his dogs, both he and the little lady have bad backs (unless he somehow has two backs) so the night time lovin’ factor must be filled with bad kinds of moans, and he fears winter like an appalachian fur hunter. Oh, and you can’t really refer to yourself as pimping something if you are unsuccessful at it.

    C’mon Blooeycon – fund!
    .

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 31, 2013 3:26 pm

      both he and the little lady have bad backs (unless he somehow has two backs)

      Heh, the beast with two bad backs…

  56. cheesesock56 permalink
    October 31, 2013 11:55 am

    I guess I don’t understand the Blooeymage phenomenon. Rather than observe his pathetic existence in mirth, it just enrages me that society hasn’t Darwined him out of itself. It’s like seeing a wounded creature flop around with a mangled wing–you know it’s never gonna fly, so why not crush it’s fucking head?

  57. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 31, 2013 3:55 pm

    Cheese, I think you’re only seeing the negative, ugly side. I think Blooey’s tale is one of great hope. He sad-sacks his way through his verbiage in print, but in his private life he clearly has goals and iron-willed desires that will not be denied. Well, they are probably going to be denied. But his endless and insurmountable capacity for hope in the face of what sounds like a horrible life should be admired. But everything else should be relentlessly goofed upon.

  58. Radovarl permalink
    October 31, 2013 4:49 pm

    Hey, I know most of you guys probably stop by the Lamentations of the Flaming Asshole blog every week or so, but I just did it for the first time in maybe 18 months (don’t get wrong, I “ragged” [see what I did there?] on him quite a bit in years past), and found that even that brazen mofo doesn’t allow comments now! What. The. Fuck? When the Lord of Whatthefuck is too afraid to let us respond to his idiotic musings, you know there’s been a sea change.

    Ya know, I think we’re really making a difference here. And I’m proud of that.

    Now, all we need to do is sabotage Ernie Gygax (Jr.)’s fire relief auctions on eBay (check out the acaeum.com for details, or search for TheCollectorsTrove on eBay). ‘Cause you know he deserves our help, because he’s the son of The Man, not to mention there are no consequences to not taking out renter’s insurance in the world of the OSRISAWESOMEANDMYDADWASEGG!!!!! All donations are tax deductible, I suppose, though I trust you won’t actually pay for your bids. Hell, just create a new account on eBitch…

    We are the power.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      October 31, 2013 7:39 pm

      Hey, I know most of you guys probably stop by the Lamentations of the Flaming Asshole blog every week or so, but I just did it for the first time in maybe 18 months (don’t get wrong, I “ragged” [see what I did there?] on him quite a bit in years past), and found that even that brazen mofo doesn’t allow comments now! What. The. Fuck? When the Lord of Whatthefuck is too afraid to let us respond to his idiotic musings, you know there’s been a sea change.

      Somebody must have gotten hip to his increasingly bizarre Kickstarters.

  59. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 31, 2013 7:36 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=63574

    My boy Blooey found an artist! For his albatross! Before he exits this world! With or without con info imprinted!

    Christina, you think he’s calling long distance from Arizona. Nope. He’s in your house. HE’S IN YOUR HOUSE!!!

    Happy Halloween! (excuse to tell you what I’m drinking if this was a Dragonsfoot thread – but I’m not gonna).

    Drinking: Stella Ar…oh snap! Looks like Bloodymage ain’t a DF moderator no more! Buy some product!

  60. Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
    October 31, 2013 9:40 pm

    Jim Fappy Flop Plop retreated to the echo chamber circle jerk of Google+ I believe so he doesn’t have to put up with any potential criticism of his masterpieces. Course, seeing how grease stained fat beards continue to fund his hash habit, why would he care? I didn’t think there were enough burned out Iron Maiden (or Agoraphobic Nosebleed) fans to fund the fat ass and his bare bones lazy assed Dee und Dee knockoff but apparently they’re out there ready to stuff Flappy Plop Jimbo’s G-string full of pus and shit stained dolla’s.

    I fucking weep for what this hobby has become and continues to evolve into sometimes.

    But then there’s fucking Dungeon World out there and that gives me hope.

  61. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 1, 2013 12:09 pm

    There is no way Bloodymage has come to an agreement of any sort with that weird uncanny-valley-chicks/creepy-child-care ads artist lady. He wants upwards of a tight grand from his prospective employees. I’m guessing she barely has the dough for her daily Valtrex dose much less 10 hundy to pour into “an albatross.”

    If he refers to himself at all as “Bloodymage” to her, she is just a few online research clicks away from the greatest OSR story ever told.

    In other, more chickenshit news: yesterday I joked about starting a Dragonsfoot thread just as an excuse to say what I am drinking. Well, fiction become reality on DF:

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63572

    Fuckface starts a “Happy Halloween” thread rather than go to the stale old drinking thread so he can tell you about the pumpkin ale he is enjoying (but the real joy is you knowing he exists and is drinking a pumpkin ale) and blow you a kiss with a grinning smiley? Is it seeking high praise from ones peers to brag about the poser drank you’re sucking down at a snails pace? Jesus Christ, some of The Unblown on the forums (and that includes our own little phorum phag Kunt) just fucking live in the tiny moments. Wait a minute – that’s what I’m doing right now!

    Fuck!

    Drinking: water. I’m hungover, bitch!

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 1, 2013 1:10 pm

      serleran sez: “It was my anniversary. The wife and I had a grand ole opry of a time.”

      Is this in reference to some sort of Minnie Pearl sex fetish thing or something?

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 1, 2013 6:00 pm

        There’s a hooole in the bucket, Dear Liza, Dear Liza. There’s a hole in the bucket, Dear Liza, a hole..

    • Skarka the Hutt permalink
      November 1, 2013 8:12 pm

      FreddyP sounds like he is a real treat at parties. He loves his elf games but all those fuckers better lay off Halloween.

  62. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    November 1, 2013 3:31 pm

    Hey, whatever happened to Fudgepack Fridays?

    I miss ’em.

  63. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 1, 2013 8:18 pm

    Fudgepack Friday season is late winter thru mid spring. But no reason you can’t have a pre-season game or two if you want to throw a couple names in the ring. FYI doing Kent and some other OSR blowhard is too obvious. The low shutter speed of his sphincter is legendary around these parts. Hell, his booty hole sometimes personally comes on this blog to reflect upon such things!

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 1, 2013 8:48 pm

      Agreed.

      Kent’s Rectum makes the rest of him halfway bearable.

      Fudgepack Friday Bone-us Edition, Day of the Dead, 2013:
      A: Sandal Bergman;
      B: Tsukasa Aoi;
      C. Nixon;
      D. R4:
      E. Sweet Northern European Honkey Triple-Thorified Barbarian Horse-Member prepared Ritual Point Ass:
      F. No All of the Above, you goddamn Redskaggots

  64. Skarka the Hutt permalink
    November 1, 2013 8:30 pm

    I don’t see Egg of Coot listed as a mod over at Dragonscock anymore. I call bullshit.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      November 2, 2013 9:37 am

      Didn’t he make fun of teabaggers a couple of times? Maybe the butthurt ‘baggers asked him to be removed.

  65. Kent permalink
    November 1, 2013 10:38 pm

    Captain Kirks Dick Blood, you have always struck me as a stupid guy, what do you do for a living?

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 2, 2013 11:06 am

      Kent, you’ve always struck me as a limp-wristed, pillow-biting Eurotrash homosexual living on the dole in government housing.

      But you probably already know that.

  66. Gene Shalit's Crazy Moustache permalink
    November 2, 2013 1:47 pm

    Kent plays the part of the forum gadfly on a troll blog called YDIS. Without any talent or verve, Kent’s performance on YDIS is filled with narcissism, self loathing and failure. Even on his best day Kent couldn’t deliver a case of herpes to a leper. I say give his comments a pass and focus on the stellar performances of perdustin, Radovarl, CKBD, Arneson’s Spectre and the dozens of other stellar commentators on YDIS in this otherwise perfect performance of OSR mockery.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 2, 2013 2:46 pm

      No doubt, Crazy ‘stache. Though unfunny and uninspiring, Kent The Kunt is pretty much just another blOwSR dipshit. A forum haunting failed blogger, and yet another human gaming trainwreck ripe for goofing on by we the few, the proud. The one real interesting Kunt thing of late is his attempts to transition into “one of the boys” when just a year ago it was “you fellows are a bunch of idiots and cunts, and blabadeyblablabla.” But his attempts to pal up and stand shoulder to shoulder these days fall so flat that our usual targets in the gaming scene probably root for us to give him his proper portion of shit. And we do. From the right angle we are heroes, when Kent is just a zero.

      Sorry about the Vanilla Ice paraphrase. Word to your mother.

    • Kent permalink
      November 2, 2013 2:54 pm

      Captain Kirks Dick Blood, you have always struck me as a stupid guy, what do you do for a living?

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 2, 2013 4:23 pm

      GSCM – You’re absolutely right.

  67. Kent permalink
    November 2, 2013 3:15 pm

    What disappoints me about this place is how easily the tone is shifted by a couple of hunchback psychos who get the cretins dancing in formation, jumping up and down with their balls slapping loudly together.

    The handful of people who post here, who aren’t idiots, are clearly afraid of the unemployed hunchback psychos and their retinue of cretins with the loud dancing balls, and who could blame them?

    Captain Kirks Dick Blood and Arneson’s Spectre are those children whose nostrils were always thickly caked with dried snot well into their late teens, beyond the age when adults would clean them up or draw attention to the cause of their loud breathing. You know the type, shunned — Lovecraft wrote about them — their finger nails black, encrusted with scrapings from their own arses.

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      November 2, 2013 4:02 pm

      Kent, you sound genuinely hurt.

      • Kent permalink
        November 2, 2013 4:24 pm

        Really? I have made the same point about tone many times. It wouldn’t be possible to troll against ydis on behalf of the good citizens of the osr more effectively than psycho CKDB. He, and his dancing cretins, with their one-note malignity invalidate all criticism coming from here.

        Show me a more airtight circle-jerk anywhere else in the osr.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 2, 2013 6:15 pm

        Are you okay taking your psych meds on your own Kent or do we need to call someone for you?

        And here’s the Suicide Hotline, just in case:

        1-800-273-TALK

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 2, 2013 4:24 pm

      Kent, you’re undoubtedly correct.

    • Gene Shalit's Crazy Moustache permalink
      November 2, 2013 9:40 pm

      Here is my review of Kent the Movie:
      Kent shows his lack of depth with his characterizations about his detractors at YDIS, making his comments boring and just plain predictable in their vapidity. He tries and fails to deliver on his insults by doing the same old bait and switch that he’s known for as Paul Berry, starting with accusing others of being crass and vulgar then repeating the same vulgarity by spewing out an insult that was more than likely applied to him at some point, all the while desperately trying to be the center of attention.
      He obviously is in a rut creatively as he resorts to the constant linking and quoting of established authors, literary works and pundits at the end of his vulgar insults. Creative souls who in all likelihood would be ashamed in being associated with such a base hack as Kent as he attempts to use their talent rather than his own to shore up his own lackluster and hackneyed performance on YDIS.

      In a nutshell: He needs to work out his obsession with YDIS a more creative fashion and find his own voice that doesn’t need to recycle past commentary or ride the coat tails of his betters before he’s ready to earn a place on the A list of YDIS. That’s why I give Kent a poor review on YDIS.

      Thanks for watching!

      • Kent permalink
        November 2, 2013 10:29 pm

        Captain Kirks Dick Blood and Arneson’s Spectre are those children whose nostrils were always thickly caked with dried snot well into their late teens, beyond the age when adults would clean them up or draw attention to the cause of their loud breathing. You know the type, shunned — Lovecraft wrote about them — their finger nails black, encrusted with scrapings from their own arses.

  68. Radovarl permalink
    November 2, 2013 4:32 pm

    Okay, I just want a show of hands, for sociological (okay, not really) purposes. Which of you here is leads a double online life as a respected (or at least unsuspected) member of one of the major RPG forums (definition left up to you, and whether you disclose which)? I’m taking it easy on the compulsive quaffing this evening, and genuinely just want to get a general sense of who my fellow inmates here are:

    For me:

    Acaeum
    Knights & Knaves

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 2, 2013 4:33 pm

      Obvious “is leads” should read simply “leads”

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 2, 2013 6:21 pm

      I am Killfuck Soulshitter at Big Purple Dildo and Egg of Coot at Dragonsfart.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 2, 2013 9:39 pm

        Over at Bible.org, I’m Saint Judas Iscariot. At Republican.com, I go by Reagan’s Adult Diaper.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 2, 2013 9:40 pm

        But I’m really Psion from EN World.

    • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
      November 2, 2013 7:49 pm

      Fuck yes, I average about 10,000 a day from big purple dildo, to rpgshite, enworld, story games, the forge, Burning Wheel forum, various Shadowrun forums, I talk to Greg Costikyan every other week or so… I ballerina step through the Palldium Multi-Verse forums, and get hand jobs from Liz Danforth while debating the campaign wrecking consequences of giving a +1 sword to a fight on google+ Lamentations of the Red Haired Chick Fat Ass Greasy Jim Will Never Fuck community.

      I also don’t have a ponytail or try to even fucking conceive of wearing a fedora.

      That last sentence alone should eliminate 99% of any D&D forum idiots and make my identity pretty fucking obvious.

    • Gene Shalit's Crazy Moustache permalink
      November 2, 2013 9:55 pm

      I love to post comments on CNN, FoxNews and MSNBC as well as KK&KA forums! I’ve also gotten a few by James Maliszewski, Joesph Bloch, Zak S. as well as the occasional snipe at Timmy Brannan from time to time. Never ceases to give me a giggle after my late night drinking binges.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 3, 2013 10:38 am

        I am both GodVotesRepublican and DumbAndDumbya on FOXNews, MSNBC, and CNN.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 3, 2013 10:39 am

        (I like to troll from both sides of the aisle, depending on how the mood strikes me.)

  69. Kent permalink
    November 2, 2013 10:33 pm

    .Captain Kirks Dick Blood, you have always struck me as a stupid guy, what do you do for a living?

  70. Kent permalink
    November 2, 2013 10:34 pm

    Arneson’s Spectre & sock puppets, you have always struck me as a stupid guy, what do you do for a living?

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 3, 2013 10:32 am

      I think I liked it better when you were ignoring me (which lasted all of up thirty seconds).

  71. Kent permalink
    November 2, 2013 10:34 pm

    .Captain Kirks Dick Blood and Arneson’s Spectre are those children whose nostrils were always thickly caked with dried snot well into their late teens, beyond the age when adults would clean them up or draw attention to the cause of their loud breathing. You know the type, shunned — Lovecraft wrote about them — their finger nails black, encrusted with scrapings from their own arses.

    • Kent permalink
      November 2, 2013 10:35 pm

      Ha ha !

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        November 3, 2013 3:07 am

        Ah Kent, you’re so funny I’m surprised Mongoose Matt Sprange hasn’t written a gaming supplement about you.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 3, 2013 10:36 am

        The Slayer’s Guide to English Faggots on the Dole

  72. Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
    November 3, 2013 6:47 am

    I was waiting for something dopey like this to happen :

    http://thedongion.blogspot.com/2013/11/researchers-admit-small-childs-costume.html

    • November 3, 2013 8:23 am

      I wanted to laugh more. Maybe it needs more hate?

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 3, 2013 10:34 am

      What a dumbass. Now LotFP fans (read: child molesters) all over the world will be picturing his little daughter as the material component whenever they cast their Carcosa kiddy rape spells.

  73. Gene Shalit's Crazy Moustache permalink
    November 3, 2013 9:53 am

    Speaking of James Raggi the IV, how is his marriage situation holding up?

  74. Kilgore Trout permalink
    November 3, 2013 2:42 pm

    Good lord, until YDIS came along I was blissfully unaware of Smolenks. Is this pompous arse for reals?

    Also, thanks YDIS for bringing Eye of Argon to my attention. Its so terrible it’s almost a work of genius.

    Thanks all for the edifying talk on appendix N. a couple of lesser authors that could be appended are A Shattered World by Michael Reeves (perhaps the only thing of worth he ever did), anything by Paul Edwin Zimmer and also an honorable mention to Hugh Cook for his sometime gritty sometimes bat shit crazy Chronicles of an Age of Darkness. Lesser lights no doubt but worthy additions as latter day contributors.

    Oh and The Borribles Trilogy by Michael DeLarrabeiti is the absolute shit. Tangential to D&D but shows guys like Gaiman how it should be done.

  75. Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
    November 3, 2013 5:07 pm

    WARNING! There is a Predator on RPG!!!!

    Unblown White Knight and Left Wing Conservative Rogerd is posting the following on all the usual suspect RPG message boards:
    “Hi All
    I am like many of you, a member on more than one site. Having come across this thread on another one of my stops I decided it was definitely worth sharing.

    http://roleplayerguild.com/showthread.php?228482-WARNING-There-Is-a-Predator-on-RPG

    As you can see it also states that said individual is on other RPG sites, so I figured this was worth sharing so that everyone is aware of the issues and the danger. I have PM’d a Mod so hopefully they will sticky this or something, and anyone who is contacted in the manner in the linked thread report it immediately and maybe between us all we can ensure that those members that have received contact know that they are not alone and something can be done. ”

    Heavens! I sure hope the predator isn’t on YDIS! It could be any one of us (although I’ve already eliminated Kent because the predator targets female victims)!

  76. Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
    November 3, 2013 5:10 pm

    Another: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=312560

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 3, 2013 5:32 pm

      Predator on RPG could be ANYWHERE!
      http://rpgchat.com/content.php/102-Predator-Warning-to-the-Young-Members

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 4, 2013 8:21 am

      No problemo, Rogerd! Just trying to help a fine White Knight like yourself get laid! Chicks really dig this sort of concern you are showing for their safety, bro!

      http://roleplayerguild.com/showthread.php?228482-WARNING-There-Is-a-Predator-on-RPG&p=10002781&viewfull=1#post10002781

      BTW, isn’t “Rogerd” Urban Dictionary Slang for “getting laid”? HA! I see what you did there buddy!

      • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
        November 4, 2013 2:24 pm

        So let me get this straight: this guy spams multiple RP boards to tell everyone that there is a predator somewhere on the internet?

        What, did this motherfucker just get online last week?

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 4, 2013 9:22 am

      Concerning the stalker, my money is on vargr1105. If he can’t restore the adventuring party to it’s all-honkey sausage fest Odin-decreed origins by force or by petitition, perhaps he has sought the course of intimidation. Maybe axemental, too.

    • November 4, 2013 10:41 am

      The “Giants in the Playground” thread wins my vote for densest concentration of complete WTF. Comment after comment makes us look sane, culminating in the “rabble rabble” guy who just wants pedophiles to get a pass. What is this guy, the fucking hamburglar of social justice warriors? These are the people who obsess over the comic strip based on that comic strip that Castles & Crusades spun out of? I guess if you can’t even swim in the kiddie pool of game blogs there’s always another toilet to drink from.

  77. Kent permalink
    November 3, 2013 6:09 pm

    Arneson’s Spectral Asshole,

    Are you still pretending to be a doctor you stupid cunt? Heh heh.

    In prison does the doctor ask you, ‘does your head hurt today you stupid cunt?’.

    Ha ha !!

    • Kent permalink
      November 3, 2013 6:10 pm

      LoL

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        November 4, 2013 7:35 am

        Kent’s Rectum Before: (_*_)
        Kent Goes to Gay Jizz Fest: 8===D x 20
        Kent’s Rectum After: (_O_)

  78. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 4, 2013 3:17 am

    Example of Alexis’s normal or ‘waning moon’ phase posted here for socio-psychological reasons. http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/2008/07/elves-in-old-world.html

    As one can observe, the subject demonstrates almost none of the obsessive preoccupation with trivial details and economic systems, quasi-sexual imagery and phrasing, strutting or any of the characteristic snobbery that is its trademark. It describes a part of its campaign world, using a mixture of history and fantasy that is similar in structure to what one can find in the works of R.E Howard or the Greyhawk Campaign setting. The writing, while perhaps overly long and outside of normal baseline human behavior, falls within two standard deviations of what is considered ‘normal’ content for a game-blog. One can even postulate that attention to such a thing as history makes for a more believable, immersive and enjoyable campaign world.

    The researcher finds it hard to reconcile the above post with the following, made around a year later. http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/2009/09/insanitys-fruit.html. The Subject seems aware of at least some part of its abnormal behavior but does not feel or perceive any strong compulsion to change this behavior.

    A particularly interesting symptom, which can be detected using the subject’s home GM game(an invaluable instrument in mapping out the various neurological imbalances in any dungeon master) is its inability to perceive the need for autonomy of the various creatures it has coerced or blackmailed into playing in its games. http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/2011/11/anti-strategy.html
    By limiting their actions by using the rules, it has established a rationale that allows it to control not just the world around the player characters, but the player actions themselves. In essence, this allows the subject to play out its own desires, using its players as puppets. It can force them to not only act in certain ways, but to think in certain ways. One needs no magical compulsion or ancient curse in an Alexis Game, one is perpetually at the mercy, of one’s own ability scores.

    • November 4, 2013 9:16 am

      Intriguing. Have you yet considered potential remedies? Is a pharmaceutical solution the only intervention likely to engender a successful outcome, or might it respond to therapy? Or perhaps aversive techniques could be deployed (shock collar, taint pincer, etc.)?

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 4, 2013 6:37 pm

        Seriously, YDIS? Medical Diagnosis?

        *Sigh* Now I know how RPGPundick felt when Big Purple Dildo’s Cessna didn’t ask him about rune magic.

        Alexis is textbook OCD. There is nothing special about him. He would probably be okay if his GP prescribed fluvoxamine (brand name Luvox) and had him talk to a behavior therapist for an hour a week.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 5, 2013 5:38 am

        My recommendation would be intensive therapy sessions for at least three months, wherein Alexis is forced to assign low stats to himself as dungeon master, thus completing the cycle and creating a sort of closed system wherein the actions of both the players and the nonplayer characters are entirely dictated by random rolls.
        If no significant progress has been made in three months, the researcher recommends a standard dose of Fluoxetine, with the amount being doubled for every month when there are no signs of improvement. The subject has informed us he finds this recommendation unrealistic as it fails to take into account the amount of iron in various historical nations as they existed in the seventeenth century, taking into account any changes that would have resulted from the existence of various humanoid sub-species and something he refers to as ‘magic.’ While the subject provided numerous charts to indicate a proper method of calculating the dosage based on the total amount of iron being produced by this fictional medieval european analogue, neither the researcher nor any other personnel on the facility was able to make any sense of it. The charts have been sent to Washington for analysis, and we expect to see the first results within the month.

    • bad wolf permalink
      November 4, 2013 1:30 pm

      Re: insanitys-fruit:“1 g.p. is equal to 16 s.p., and 1 s.p. is equal to 12 c.p.. Thus, there are 192 c.p. per g.p.” Let me get this straight–he calculated different prices for every bag-filling bit of scenery dressing from Cologne to Lahore, but he used the same (random) exchange rate for all of it?

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 4, 2013 2:00 pm

        When you are the creative end-all and be-all, you allowed to mail some stuff in.

        Like God did with the branch of humanity known as Smolenk.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 4, 2013 1:57 pm

      That is classic. He has been claiming that the more rules there are, the more players are protected from the DM. But it is clear that a preponderance of rules just allows him to control the players and their actions.

      Stupid fucking lying-ass bitch.

  79. Kent permalink
    November 4, 2013 6:08 am

    Ive had my fun and that’s all that matters.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      November 4, 2013 7:33 am

      Boy did you ever! I’m bleeding a little, and you won’t be constipated for days!
      Currently Drinking: KY Jelly and the anonymous jizz of a half dozen men!

  80. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 4, 2013 11:55 am

    Heh. Kunt used to fuck off for a few weeks when he’s been smacked down. Now he just stands in the corner dejected at the party and mutters something about “this is my fun” or “tis the season of my fun.” Really, fuckstick? Does your mind really trick you into thinking you are “winning” at something here?

    You have all the arrogance and impotence of a wanna be serial killer who doesn’t have the balls or smarts to actually successfully go and knock a bitch out to take back to the flat to toy with. What a fucking pants load. Sheesh.

  81. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 4, 2013 11:57 am

    Aw naw. Blooeys “I have an artist!” thread is gone. I was looking forward to all the helpful and insightful comments from The Unblown; like the one guy who said simply “artist for what?”

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 4, 2013 5:20 pm

      I guess she didn’t know about the $1,000 partnership fee up front it was going to cost her…

      I just hope this doesn’t mean Blooey finally had to shut the lights off.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 4, 2013 6:05 pm

        I’m thinking she probably googled “Bloodymage,” did a few minutes of reading, and after she reeled her jaw back up from the floor moved and changed her number.

        Polly Eggs!

  82. November 4, 2013 5:23 pm

    11 DAYS LEFT AND ONLY $77!!!!

    IT IS TIME FOR ME TO EXIT THIS WORLD!!!! KILL ME NOW I WANT TO DIE!!!!

  83. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 4, 2013 6:00 pm

    Check the con page. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/polyhedracon-d4-3?c=comments

    Blooey is offering up an enticement that will have them pouring into the con:

    “my fiance is working on a recipe for “Polly Eggs” to be handed out in the registration bags and they’ll be available in the Comfort Suite”

    This shit just got real, bitches. If some kind of bizarro egg-based delicacy prepared by the future Mrs. Blooey dropped into your swag bag doesn’t get them jam-packing the con, I don’t know what will. Bring sporks!

    Just 186 bucks is needed a day for the next 11 days to make this happen in style. Get on it people!

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 4, 2013 6:21 pm

      My public health fear is that she is hard boiling eggs now for a convention slated for 2015…

  84. Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
    November 4, 2013 6:40 pm

    http://www.blackgate.com/2013/10/29/five-vampires/

    ” I vant to suck….”

    and that you do…

    • I am Radovarl's Venting Spleen permalink
      November 5, 2013 5:22 am

      How he unironically (presumably, unless he’s a closet comedy genius, which is, well, inconceivable) continues to post the same old stuff again and again I will never understand. All hail St. Jimmy and his mastery of Hammer horror film lore. Yet again. You’d think the lack of commentary in response to his posts would be discouraging; clearly he is addicted to bloviating like some are addicted to trolling. It’s a neat little package.

  85. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 4, 2013 10:33 pm

    We should start a BloodyMage tribute site to collect all of his madness in one place. His cartography exploits, his cross-country con-hopping car-sleeping adventures and most of all his indomitable spirit which is an inspiration to us all. Many of Blooey’s random and incoherent ramblings have been officially saved for posterity at Polyhedrongames.com although he has disappointingly removed his deranged conversations with the russian mail-order bride spam-bots. But so much of his comedic genius may one day be lost to future generations.
    We are fast approaching the precipice of the moment of truth: will Blooey’s con be funded, thus beginning an annual tradition that may someday rival Gencon itself in size and scope? Or will Polyhedracon fade quietly into the night, along with the hopes and dreams of our hero? Please at least visit the site to get his visitor count up. It won’t crash your computer, probably.
    Actually, it looks like Polyhedracon is shaping up to be the safest and most confidence-inspiring family-friendly gaming convention ever. Blooey is currently looking to fill the following Security Positions:
    Ground Floor Headquarters
    Ground Floor Security
    2nd Floor Security
    3rd Floor Security
    4th Floor Security
    and “Runners”
    One can only imagine that they will all be afraid of the world and packing heat too, except maybe just big foam swords will be issued to the “Runners.”
    He is also looking for two special volunteers to man the Polly Dragon mascot costume. If he follows his usual corporate hiring policies, I wonder how much he will charge to fill out the ass end of that? Maybe that could be a reward for the Indiegogo? I might consider it myself but only if they sew in a few Kevlar plates and a gun port out the backside so I can return fire when the shit inevitably hits the fan.
    Ah, but who am I kidding. I probably won’t be going. I might make it as far as the airport though.

    • November 5, 2013 5:51 am

      The spambot messages are (largely) preserved:

      https://web.archive.org/web/20120503152919/http://polyhedrongames.com/utterings/

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 5, 2013 6:48 am

        I’m glad to hear it because I would have missed out on this little gem (to use a Blooeyism). Apparently Blooey had an IP Theft Scare (although he was the one stealing the IP)!:

        “Polyhedron on April 29, 2012 at 10:42 am said:

        Well, they say nothing is original any more and “The Chronicles” are a huge project, so I was wanting something to put up where I wouldn’t need to rely on artists and cartographers to complete. I had this netbook I downloaded ages ago and it was pretty much a mess. Thought I could clean it up, maybe augment it a bit, do some revisions and add it to my product list as “Castigan’s Gear Shoppe.” Well, poking around the web last night, I came across “Aurora’s Whole Realms Catalog,” something I’d heard about, but never owned or seen. Well, that’s what the netbook was, a listing of nearly everything in that catalog. Back to the drawing board.

        One of the comments asked if I have a spam blocker. Yes I do, but I police myself, as well.”

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 5, 2013 6:53 am

        Here is a link to the original stream of consciousness so those new to Blooeymage can enjoy the shear brilliance. This is textbook outsider art.
        http://www.polyhedrongames.com/utterings-of-a-madman

  86. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 5, 2013 7:16 am

    As an incentive to sell roleplaying products by giving the customer an insight into the brilliance and mindset of the author: 1 out of 10.

    As a piece of surrealist art: 7 out of 10.

    Blooey should quit the Rpg buisness and try outcompeting Zack on the art circuit.

  87. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 5, 2013 11:25 am

    “F___ing connection! Ready to give this website up and my fiance is pissed at me for good reason. Too much of my time energy and money is getting pushed into this infernal machine and trying to get this biz flying. It’s neat to futz with but I’m way over my head and can’t seem to learn fast enough”

    At least Oh Captain My Captain is soothing the ires of the future Ms. Blooey by involving her in the con. Not sure where “Egg Chef” fits into the scheme of floor managers, logistics coordinators, animal handlers, animatronics technicians, paramedics, security chief, walkie talkie tech, and a ton of other con staff Blooey (thinks) he needs, but it’s that she is contributing that’s the important thing.

    But I do fear for ol’ Blooey. If you poke around a bit on the con site, and go to where his handsome mug is posted for us all to admire the rugged, beared sexay that is BM, you’ll find a blurb about the possibility of a 2015 Blooeycon if 2014 is a success. Here once again, he cried for help with something akin to “If I’m still around in 2015.”
    Whether he means his health, or his gun-toting death wish, I dunno. I only know one thing: I don’t want to live in a world without Bloodymage in it. For reals, yo.

    • cheesesock56 permalink
      November 5, 2013 12:17 pm

      “Whether he means his health, or his gun-toting death wish, I dunno. I only know one thing: I don’t want to live in a world without Bloodymage in it.”

      Either way, this fucking loser needs to die.

    • November 5, 2013 12:49 pm

      Captain, I see this as a deadpan “Scent of a Woman” update with yourself in the role of the impressionable youth while Blooey babbles about estrogen and bides his time waiting for the perfect chance to commit suicide by con security. Maybe “Harold and Maude” with fewer sex scenes.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 5, 2013 2:50 pm

        Hooo-aaaa, beeatch. But probably not Scent of a Woman. Maybe more like Rainman.

        I think lovely, lovely estrogen wiffing was Thorkhammers schtick.

  88. Kent permalink
    November 5, 2013 2:10 pm

    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008RJ6TTC/ref=gbsl_tit_l-1_2722_4793c78c?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_t=701&pf_rd_s=left-new-1&pf_rd_r=1YKVRJTYD8Z4PGPFA38F&pf_rd_i=20&pf_rd_p=1649092722

    Deal of the day – 66% off, for the best tv cop show that money can buy if you are too dumb to torrent stuff.

    If you are curious to hear my voice there are 76 hours of my analysis of Columbo’s methods by way of commentaries on these discs.

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 5, 2013 5:17 pm

      That’s totally gay, Kent.

    • I am Radovarl's Venting Spleen permalink
      November 5, 2013 7:24 pm

      Hey, don’t fuck with Columbo. He was a major part of my childhood. Kind of like Sherlock Holmes crossed with Captain Kangaroo,

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 5, 2013 10:39 pm

      76 hours of kent’s voice? No human could make it past 12 minutes before the body shut itself down in an act of forlorn self-mercy.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 6, 2013 7:15 am

        More like 76 minutes of Kent wafting his farts and getting a good whiff of his taint.

    • Scott permalink
      November 6, 2013 7:20 am

      Rockford Files > Columbo

      • Kent permalink
        November 6, 2013 8:21 am

        Rockford was a good show but it has dated badly.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 6, 2013 10:30 am

        I always hoped that Columbo would take a baseball bat to Barnaby Jones’s skull one day.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      November 6, 2013 5:57 pm

      That sounds hellish. Hey, I know! Why don’t I just have a syphilitic hyena fuck me in the ear instead? Fucking die already Kent.

  89. Timotheus permalink
    November 5, 2013 2:35 pm

    More Aussiue-housewife hatin’ blOwSR boys stealing artwork. I doubt Gorgoncum bothered to credit Big John Buscema or Marvel.

    (Can’t open the shitty file – let me know if I’m wrong and I’ll edit this post. Heh.)

    Also looks like he continues his crusade against women at his gaming table who take offense when he stares at their boobs.

    http://gorgonmilk.blogspot.com/2013/11/crom-underworld-lore-3-is-packed-with.html

    • bad wolf permalink
      November 6, 2013 9:59 am

      Calling Tim Brannon! Calling Tim Brannon!

      Oops, he’s busy with the latest White Dwarf recap that no one asked for.

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 6, 2013 10:26 am

      BREAKING NEWS ALERT: AN IP HAS BEEN STOLEN!

  90. Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
    November 5, 2013 5:20 pm

    • I am Radovarl's Venting Spleen permalink
      November 5, 2013 7:27 pm

      Wow. Just for your edification, Kent (and any others who might wonder about Americans). This REALLY does not represent the average citizen of the U. S. of A. At least not east of the Mississippi. Or south of the Mason-Dixon line. Otherwise, we’re just like you. High taxes, oppressive government… oh fuck, wait…

      • I am Radovarl's Venting Spleen permalink
        November 5, 2013 8:05 pm

        That ought to be “north” of the Mason-Dixon line. yeah.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 6, 2013 10:24 am

        I told you to wait in the truck!

  91. November 6, 2013 9:54 am

    Bloodymage is pushing this as hard as he is able, although I can’t tell how he is pushing.

    http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/polyhedracon-d4-3?c=activity

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 6, 2013 10:22 am

      BREAKING NEWS: BLOODYMAGE PLEDGES ONLY DONATIONS TO HIS OWN KICKSTARTER!!!!

      Take a look at who all three anonymous donors were – my man Blooey himself!

      http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/polyhedracon-d4-3?c=pledges

      • November 6, 2013 10:44 am

        I guess that is what he means by “pushing.”

      • November 6, 2013 11:05 am

        That is amazing. I thought it was you guys.

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 6, 2013 2:15 pm

        I’m a little disappointed it wasn’t one of us. 😦

    • Arneson's Manboob permalink
      November 6, 2013 1:26 pm

      The saga of Bloodeymage is some seriously depressing shit. It’s like that episode of Futurama with the dog. The dog is Bloodeymage, and Fry is… like… people. Any people.

      I’m off to get a drink or ten, now.

  92. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 6, 2013 11:30 am

    I have a buck on the table right now that says Blooey will launch a Kickstarter in a couple weeks. If I’m going to contribute it’s going to be then.

    OK, this con HAS to happen. I’m appealing right now to Raggi, Zak-half-a-fag, and other luminaries of the OSRtard scene. I know you don’t have any money to spare. You live in shitbox apartements when most guys your age are hard working and angling for a house to live in. I get it. You are lazy ass fuckwads who just want to game rather than earn an honest buck.

    But you have a crowd of Unblown gamer dipshits who hang on your every utterance and every product you fart out. Why don’t you help out our man Blooey? Take a moment on your blogs to mention that a new con in sunny AZ would be good for gaming, and ask your drooling, compulsive masturbating drones to commit 5-25 bucks each and make Bloodymage’s dreams (and mine apparently) come true? I’m not fucking kidding. Step up and this could become a heart warming tale of legend, rather than the sad ending Cheesesock wishes for our hero. Think about it. With great power (over geektards) comes great responsibility.

    • November 6, 2013 11:40 am

      Sad to say Zak too fucking busy inventing geomorphs this week (English, motherfucker, do you speak it?) but maybe if you give him more notice next time.

      http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/2013/11/never-run-out-of-dungeon.html

      • November 6, 2013 12:23 pm

        I wish Zak would hurry up and invent The Rogues Gallery and the Monster & Treasure Assortment.

      • bad wolf permalink
        November 6, 2013 1:41 pm

        “I stole a lot of these ideas from Undermountain.”

        BREAKING NEWS ALERT: AN IP HAS BEEN STOLEN!

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 6, 2013 2:28 pm

        69. Vagina Chamber – an enormous cunt occupies the floor of this circular room. PCs take 2d4 damage for every round they spend inside as a tampon.

        http://imgflip.com/i/4mwiz

      • Spank Foreskin permalink
        November 6, 2013 6:24 pm

        What a fuckin’ genius. Maybe next he could make something like a handbook for players or a guide for DMs.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 6, 2013 12:00 pm

      Well, said, hear hear, CKDB!

      As a mother fucking community, this needs to happen! Gygax and Arneson did not give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and we won’t surrender either!

      Polyhedracon d4-3 (whatever the fuck that means) or bust, god damn it!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        November 6, 2013 2:24 pm

        Hey, gang, let’s put on a talent show in Old Man Higgins’ barn to raise money to save Polyhedracon d4-3!!!

  93. Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
    November 6, 2013 4:05 pm

    I am happy to report that if you Google “smolensk pete’s garage”, YDIS now comes up first, even before the Pete’s Garage vanity press page at Lulu.com.

    MUST BE DEM TITTIES!

    • November 6, 2013 8:50 pm

      Second, really (use duckduckgo or ixquick, since google skews search results to fit all the tracking data they store about you), but that’s still great.

  94. Spank Foreskin permalink
    November 6, 2013 6:11 pm

    Hey check it out everyone Tenkar got a big box full of reheated turds to eat, and it’s awesome!
    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/11/the-osr-takes-over-bundle-of-holding.html
    Honestly, they really pushed the limits on how much derivative OSR crap you could cram into one deal with this one.

    • WTFdar. permalink
      November 6, 2013 7:41 pm

      THE FIRST SIX ITEMS LISTED ARE FREE. I’m going to start photocopying the phonebook and selling it as a list of NPCs.

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 6, 2013 7:44 pm

      Isn’t S&W free now, forever? Also, you can download everything in that blOwSR Bag of Shit for free at 7chan.org/tg/

  95. Kent permalink
    November 6, 2013 9:48 pm

    Does anyone know what YDIS’s home address is? I came across someone selling ladies silk panties with just those exact frills which put him in a frenzy of dancing and mirror-gazing.

    Also, I don’t want him to feel he should be afraid to post my portrait by the resident artist on the front page because he is afraid I will humiliate him on his home patch.

    But the main thing is to get YDIS this bargain box of pink panties to his door in time for his Annual Puzzled-Gender Mincing to Music Competition.

  96. Kent permalink
    November 6, 2013 10:00 pm

    Im having fun and that’s all that matters.

  97. Kent permalink
    November 6, 2013 10:28 pm

    One of my favourite films is the 1983 Breathless with Richard Gere but I can’t find it for free in HD and this makes me very angry so watch out cunts.

  98. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 7, 2013 1:40 am

    Back to more topic-relevant subjects:

    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/2008/08/on-rock-throwing.html

    This should come to no suprise to those of you who have been familiar with Dyslexis for longer then i have, but if i read this post correctly, Alexis effectively condemns all roleplaying-game blogs ever except for Lamentations of the Flame Princess(and possibly RPG Corner).

    Interedesting.

    He does however make a valid point, that many of the people that buy all this shit are more collectors then gamers, neurotically adding all supplements to their shelves and masturbating over owning a copy of Castle Zagyg’s Upper Works.

    • Kent permalink
      November 7, 2013 3:03 am

      >> Back to more topic-relevant subjects

      Im sorry. I don’t mean to make scholars’ work difficult when they get around to making a study of these threads extracting on-topic material.

      Your contributions are invaluable, particularly for those who need to read comments expressing identical sentiments hundreds of times over before they sink in.

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 7, 2013 3:15 am

      Oh, he’s absolutely right about that. Those of the idjits at the acaeum who are not deep pocket collectors with scattergun taste in RPGs who have to have multiple copies of everything in sight (like stratochump and Secretwhisperer) are poor OCD fools who try to keep up and spend way to much of the grocery budget doing it. For a first-hand view of the utter nitwittery that Alexis (rightfully) decries, try this thread. They don’t even know how to spell “rights”, which just goes to prove that they are not reading the actual words in the books…

      http://www.acaeum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=11051&start=100‎

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 7, 2013 7:31 am

        It’s all about the bookshelf photo of the collection, not actually playing the game. My favorite is the one with the little kid forced to wear latex gloves to even touch a game that was meant to be played. (The kid is only there so the owner of the collection can say “look, I had sex once!” to his fellow fatbeards.)

      • bad wolf permalink
        November 8, 2013 10:48 am

        The only thing missing in those pictures is the corners of the rooms bending off into non-Euclidean geometry. I do love the guy saying “It should be noted that there really aren’t any doubles in these shelves. Where there are multiples of something, it’s usually because they have some sort of different provenance (e.g., a TSR employee’s copy).” right over the picture of a child playing with 20 white-box editions (that must be every original employee’s personal copy, right?).

        I wonder if these collectors notice that it is their fellow collectors’ need for multiples that drives the prices so high? If stratochamp hadn’t purchased every available white box on the market, how much would they be worth? Obviously it’s a small group collecting what were once mass-market items.

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      November 7, 2013 5:19 am

      I wonder why LotFP gets a pass…it’s not like Raggi actually games. He just publishes the ‘transgressive’ shit no one actually uses, but needs to ‘add to the collection.’

  99. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 7, 2013 4:14 am

    @Kent:

    You are correct of course.

    The only thing more noble and worthwhile then extracting information that has already been extracted is muttering bitterly about the value of information that has already been extracted. Do continue.
    My contributions pale in comparison to the scholastic brilliance, dry, acerbic wit and poorly concealed undercurrent of confused homoeroticism, racial inferiority complex and suicidal depression that you vomit over the threads daily. But do continue. We were all digging the obviously devastating thrashing you gave Arneson’s Spectre(though to the casual observer it looks like the pitiful cries for attention of a neglected thirteen year old girl with daddy issues). The only reason he didn’t respond was because he was too frightened of the linguistic powerhouse that hides behind a gay, irish facade. You were doing great Kent. You had him on the run. Everyone loves you and is jealous of your brilliance.

    I, a humble, newcomer, bow to the wisdom and authority invested in you, a beloved member of the old guard, whose contributions (or dog turds), are to me like a distant alabaster pristine, glimpsed through mountain fog, forever unreachable in this lifetime.

    And one day, when you are dead, people will gaze at this thread and speak thusly: ‘Lo, there, engraved upon a canvas of light, are the words of Kent, whom we were infinitely lucky to have witnessed in our lifetime. An inspiration to every man, a sentinel, a bulwark against scholastic redundancy. Once he lit up our lives like a second sun, but now he has transcended this world for a greater, Irish One. Read his words and heed his wisdom, for the world will not see his like ever again.’

    @Radovarl.

    Holy shit! There is no way he touched or even opened a quarter of that stuff. That right there is a fucking 3 month vacation to the Bahamas. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 7, 2013 4:43 am

      Just about everything is wrong with them. That’s why we need to encapsulate them in their own little echo chamber like the foreign object in the body of the RPG world that they, in truth, are. Their response of course would be that they’re “curating” (not hoarding) these items, so that they’ll still be around for posterity. As if anyone in the year 2050 is going to give a shit what some basement-dwelling fanzine publisher said in 1982, or what EGG wrote in the incomprehensible piece of shit that is the OD&D woodgrain set, for that matter. I can’t at the moment locate the thread where that towering genius Secretwhisperer(R) admits that he buys substandard copies (meaning that they have a hint of damage or mold) of rare D&D items and destroys them. Nice.

      I’ll allow more sophisticated and well-adjusted minds, such as Kent, handle the detailed psychoanalysis. Suffice it to say they’re attempting to fill a hole the size of the Crack of Doom in their emotional lives.

  100. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 7, 2013 4:16 am

    Edit: That should read distant alabaster tower of pristine white

  101. Kent permalink
    November 7, 2013 5:07 am

    PrigofNothing,

    Think before you write, and attempt to say something new, otherwise you’ll continue to come across like a cut’n’paste merchant. And get to the point sooner, you don’t write half so well as you believe.

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 7, 2013 5:56 pm

      Your attempted outrage is entirely nuncupatory.

  102. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 7, 2013 5:13 am

    Dear Kent,

    I will take your sage advice to heart and would point out that you would not be able to recognize good writing if it were to put its dick in your mouth(though to be honest, the amount of dicks that must be constantly hovering around it, and other orifices would generate a hell of a lot of noise).

    For now, i shall restrict myself to posting colombo advertisements and unsolicited attacks on Arneson’s spectre until i attain your level of mastery.

    • Kent permalink
      November 7, 2013 6:43 am

      You’re a hoity toity little fag, aren’t you. Oh well.

      Sarcasm, by the way, apart from being an undergraduate ploy, loses even its weak effect through constant use.

      • November 7, 2013 7:01 am

        Could you just shut the fuck up and send me the fucking frilly thing already?!?!?

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        November 7, 2013 8:03 am

        People still use the phrase “hoity toity”? This is the most shocking revelation yet to come from this site.

      • Kent permalink
        November 7, 2013 8:05 am

        Ive tried them on and they fit me nicely so they will be far too small for you which is just the way you like them.

      • November 7, 2013 8:11 am

        Okay, good. So it has good dick-feel? Good.

        Question: Is the fabric thickness sufficient? What I like to do, see, is put them on and then poke my finger into my butthole, pressing firmly into the fabric. But the fabric has to be thick/strong enough so that A) it does not tear, B) various anal secretions and/or remainders do not soak through and dirty my finger. The finger MUST remain clean, spotless even with NO ODOR. I know with the garment you have tried this as well, please report back all findings.

      • Kent permalink
        November 7, 2013 8:24 am

        Tao?

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        November 7, 2013 9:38 am

        Kent has no time for any of the niceties of cleanliness, lacking any sense of poop shame. He gets those pudgy fingers of his right inside the dirt door, then afterwards sniffs and licks them clean, using his teeth to clean out his fingernails.

  103. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 7, 2013 5:29 am

    As for psychoanalysis, the destruction of sub-standard copies of rare D&D materials actually lends a malign air to an otherwise harmless(spouses not included) case of OCD run rampant. These people don’t give a shit about the game, it’s about elitism. God forbid anyone without the right spectrum of autism actually shelling out and buying an old beloved game to possibly play it. Not that you can’t get a pdf of the stuff by randomly entering a string of numbers into your web-browser or that it was the be all and end all of games(OD&D is mostly incomprehensible gibberish), but this is a new low.

  104. November 7, 2013 7:08 am

    Kent,

    You are absolutely precious.

    You decry “cut’n’paste merchants” after you post that “children whose nostrils…” bit multiple times; yet you are impervious to the crushing irony. I know, I know, you’re just having your fun.

    Earlier you said that “the tone is shifted” at YDIS by Arneson’s Spectre and CKDB. That’s bullshit. The tone here never changes (other than the occasional foray into literary discourse); only the targets change.

    You also said that the “handful of people who post here, who aren’t idiots, are clearly afraid of” Arneson’s Spectre and CKDB. This, also, is bullshit. Anyone who posts to a troll blog is not afraid of what gets posted to a troll blog.

    Please, disregard these points and continue with your laughably inept attempts at insults. Have your fun so that we can continue to have our fun at your expense.

    • Kent permalink
      November 7, 2013 7:59 am

      ..What disappoints me about this place is how easily the tone is shifted by a couple of hunchback psychos who get the cretins dancing in formation, jumping up and down with their balls slapping loudly together.
      The handful of people who post here, who aren’t idiots, are clearly afraid of the unemployed hunchback psychos and their retinue of cretins with the loud dancing balls, and who could blame them?
      Captain Kirks Dick Blood and Arneson’s Spectre are those children whose nostrils were always thickly caked with dried snot well into their late teens, beyond the age when adults would clean them up or draw attention to the cause of their loud breathing. You know the type, shunned — Lovecraft wrote about them — their finger nails black, encrusted with scrapings from their own arses.

    • Kent permalink
      November 7, 2013 8:01 am

      Perdustin, you are the perfect hunchback’s hunchback.

      Thinking about all the spelling mistakes on the web has driven you mad.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      November 7, 2013 9:33 am

      What Kent really wants if for you to POUND HIS ASS LIKE A PIECE OF VEAL!!!

  105. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 7, 2013 7:29 am

    Kent, if all you are going to do is point out that sarcasm loses its potency(ignoring other points) and repeat insults hurled at you in a garbled, less potent manner, might i point out that you could save everyone valuable time by just copy-pasting whatever people throw at you back at them?

  106. Kent permalink
    November 7, 2013 8:13 am

    For the record, there is no one posting on this site remotely as intelligent as I am, with the possible exceptions of Scott and YDIS. That alone makes me top dog here and the rest of you cross-eyed yapping puppies.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 7, 2013 8:25 am

      kent’s rectum has continually displayed an intellect superior to yours.

      I admit, you are top dog. But everyone else is further along the evolutionary ladder, so enjoy being the best of the inferior (none of which, aside from yourself, actually post here0>.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      November 7, 2013 9:31 am

      Kent is more of a bottom if you ask me. Although we can sit on two cocks at the same time. I doubt any of you could do that!

      • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
        November 7, 2013 12:11 pm

        I guess we know now what Kent means when he says, “I’ve had my fun”…

  107. Kent permalink
    November 7, 2013 10:21 am

    Top dog, ever.

    • November 7, 2013 1:01 pm

      I think you need to write more in the style of bloodymage. You always come out with both guns blazing, you do not inspire curiosity. Tease us a little, get us guessing and then upset all our expectations with something out of left field.

      • Kent permalink
        November 7, 2013 1:59 pm

        Isn’t that a bit like asking Mohammed Ali to fuck your mom in the ass?

      • November 7, 2013 6:03 pm

        No. No no no. This is a step back. If you’re gonna go with a momma slam you need to give it a twist, a little extra snap that shows you are not a 4th or 5th grade student, but you have at least graduated into middle school. “Isn’t that a bit like asking Mohammed Ali to punch your mom in the dick,” or preferable “Isn’t that a bit like asking Mohammed Ali to finger your dad’s pussy?” You see what I did, with gender expectation?

  108. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 7, 2013 11:10 am

    Fear me, you cunting cuntiy cunt cunts!

    Columbo blows Jim Rockford in the back seat of MacMillan and Wifes car while McCloud shakes his head in the front seat, slams a Coors, and sputters “that ain’t right…”

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 7, 2013 12:30 pm

      And an incontinent Barnaby Jones is shitting and pissing himself, reaches into his adult diaper and does some finger painting with his own peanut-laden feces on Rock Hudson’s forehead.

  109. Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
    November 7, 2013 12:06 pm

    That pathetic English faggot Kunt has received enough of our attention for now, so let’s get back to the YDIS A-List – Blooeymage!

    Apparently, Prescott, AZ is not his first attempt at launching Polyhedracon. Lexington, KY almost had the honor of hosting Blooey’s first ever convention:

    http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?239039-polyhedracon-com

    Oh poor, poor Lexington. You will never know what you missed out on – POLLY EGGS!

    • Arneson's Spectral Asshole permalink
      November 7, 2013 12:09 pm

      Naturally, Polyhedracon 2008 @ Lexington, KY was never meant to be. More details on Blooey’s life – his ups, downs, triumphs, and tragedies – follow:

      http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?242586-Polyhedracon-pointer

      • November 7, 2013 12:59 pm

        Goddamn he’s a masterful storyteller. Every chapter he throws in a new wrinkle. Just when I think I’ve seen everything, he’s goes into his magic hat and pulls out a rabbit. Fuck that Dos Equis guy, BMage is the World’s Most Interesting Man.

      • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls permalink
        November 7, 2013 6:47 pm

        I have to admit I am curious to learn more about his relationship with his ne’er-do-well son, suddenly thrust back into his life and who seems to be a bit of a rapscallion whose misdeeds are preventing Blooey from ever holding a bank account again. Scandalous! It’s like a soap opera now when you add in the dead ex-wife, the dog trainer, along with his prodigal son.

  110. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 7, 2013 1:00 pm

    Wow, that link uncovers a host of hidden treasures.

  111. Kent's Anal Fuck Buddy permalink
    November 7, 2013 1:32 pm

    Kent, shut the fuck up. Time get your turds tapped right back where they belong!

  112. November 7, 2013 6:07 pm

    Hey guys Gorgonmilk doesn’t know what “pursuant” means — let’s laugh at him!

    http://gorgonmilk.blogspot.com/2013/11/were-gygaxs-post-tsr-gord-rogue-novels.html

    • Kent permalink
      November 7, 2013 6:18 pm

      The first reply makes that the dumbest blog post Ive read in some time.

    • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls permalink
      November 7, 2013 6:42 pm

      Gorgoncumshot should have looked up from DEM TITTIES! that I am sure are overflowing at his gaming table* long enough to open a dictionary.

      *female titties, the kind Kent has no interest in and are also not man boobs, which the blOwSR has in abundance.

      • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls permalink
        November 7, 2013 6:51 pm

        Although I’ve seen women from the town he lives in. You have to stare at DEM BIG FAT TITTIES so you don’t vomit when you look at DAT NASTY ASS FACE!

      • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls permalink
        November 7, 2013 6:54 pm

        (You see a lot of inbreeding down in those parts of New York State so close to Pennsyl-tucky. Cleft palettes, close-set eyes, monobrows, six fingered hands – that sort of thing.)

      • Recovering Retard permalink
        November 7, 2013 7:44 pm

        Do starving Ethiopians watch the Food Network? Titties – even those of the Great Hermaphroditic Bloviator – would be a shameful reminder of his reality. Hell, to peer into the stunted libido of one who has a lactating snake bitch fetish… now that’s fucking entertainment. His blog reads like someone who eats peanut butter and estrogen sandwiches.

      • bad wolf permalink
        November 8, 2013 10:41 am

        “Were Gygax’s post-TSR Gord the Rogue novels flagrant IP theft?” This post reminds me of when they would disable a robot in Classic Star Trek by some logical conundrum. “But, but… IP theft is always wrong! But, but…. Gygax was always right! But, but… processing.. illogical, illogical….(smoke pours out of Gorgonmilk’s muddled CPU)….But, but…Gygax… Gy…..gax…..”

    • Kent permalink
      November 7, 2013 7:22 pm

      One thing I’ll say for gorgonmilk is that he doesn’t charge a fee to read his blog posts, and this saves the hassle of having to get a refund when he gets stuff wrong like when he doesn’t understand what words mean.

  113. I am Jack's good taste in SF permalink
    November 7, 2013 7:00 pm

    I’m from NYS, so reluctantly have to side with the Spectral one on this point. There are some friggin’ serious mountain folk around these dem parts. Appalachia does indeed extend quite farther north than most realize.

    • I am Jack's good taste in SF permalink
      November 7, 2013 7:01 pm

      WordPress sucks.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      November 8, 2013 4:49 am

      They dug the turnips for the Kings of the past, and their children will dig the turnips for the Kings of the future. Funny thing, there really isn’t a historical analogue for neckbeard sissies who play octopi, elves and rape dungeons… I wonder where they’ll end up when the day is through? Don’t be too harsh on the mountain folk – they’re Kent’s cousins, after all.

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 8, 2013 5:47 pm

        Interesting notion (the historical analog). I’m not certain I agree that there isn’t a model from the past. I’d say that a bunch of priests sitting around in a room arguing over the number of angels that can dance on the head of a pin, or whether Hayseuss owned the clothes he wore (to get ecoliterary on yo arse), rises to the same level of self-obsessed nerdity we experience in the current age among certain groups of urban cretins.

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 8, 2013 5:48 pm

        that should read “sub”urban

  114. Kent permalink
    November 7, 2013 7:37 pm

    ***—===ATTENTION===—***

    *** I WANT ATTENTION ***

    I am working on a Dungeon which is a kind of prison. How much would regulars here be prepared to pay for my dungeon in which THEY WERE REPRESENTED as prisoners in that dungeon, locked away in dark little cells for the players to kill absent-mindedly (or in vengeance).

    Also I will do my own art so it will be MORE EXPENSIVE than if I hired a professional artist like Zak Sniggersmith.

    Do YOU want to be stuck in a rotten hole underground with your faeces for company?

    How $much$ do you want it?

    • November 8, 2013 6:33 am

      PDF or hardcopy?

    • Kent permalink
      November 8, 2013 1:00 pm

      Eh … no you DON”T UNDERSTAND. I am constructing a REAL PRISON and I am putting all of you guys IN IT. It’s just that I want you to fund it because I spend all my money on books and music.

      It may be uncomfortable at first but at least you will all be PACKED PHYSICALLY CLOSE TOGETHER in the real world.

      • November 8, 2013 1:39 pm

        Okay. So our characters have to escape or something? Gather resources and clues along the way? Alright. Are you using AD&D? Are there pregens or can we submit a character?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2013 2:58 pm

        Dibs on Van Damme.

      • Kent permalink
        November 8, 2013 3:20 pm

        No. Give me your address. I come around in a van and throw you in the back and when I have enough of you in my van, I cram you in a bus and we head off to the prison. This is for REALS you IDIOT. I am coming to GET YOU. Give me YOUR MONEY I said.

      • November 8, 2013 4:43 pm

        Is this a tournament module?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2013 3:58 pm

        Kunt, you broke ass bitch. Stop buying music and pirate it like smart people do and maybe you’ll have a couple bucks for some decent whiskey instead of that hedgehog piss you drink.

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 8, 2013 5:20 pm

        There are pregens. Their names are Hongleponk Bodyfink (elf ftr/m-u 3/1), Flurp Twerp the Dickbiter (human m-u 44), Feared Trannie (yeah, look it up bitches, human clr [of Gyorgmikel] 7), Redmod Dumple (cause that one don’t need no changin’ up, dwarf ftr 87), Break Genders of Booty (1/2 elf rgr 1).

        Don’t fuck this one up, guys. We need this… bad. The guys at the, oh fuck it.

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 8, 2013 5:32 pm

        No, ‘fraid not Kent. You wrote, “THEY WERE REPRESENTED” which clearly indicates that it is a written item, and not an actual dungeon/prison. I re-read your original comment earlier in the day, because I expected that particular ploy. Try again.

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 8, 2013 5:34 pm

        Anyway, more pregens: Bilbobarsh, idiotic hobbit holedigger, Scut of Hwii, reactionary noncommitter, ah fuck it this is too easy.

  115. Kent permalink
    November 8, 2013 3:49 am

    Toronto Mayor is a passionate DM

    • Arneson's Spectral Cokehead permalink
      November 8, 2013 12:44 pm

      What is it with fat guys always doing cocaine and crack?
      I’d say Chris Farley should play Mayor Ford in the movie after hizzoner dies from a coke overdose and a fat man’s already overworked heart, but…

      • Arneson's Spectral Cokehead permalink
        November 8, 2013 12:56 pm

        ===> Insert obligatory “Kent does (butt) crack” joke here <===

      • Radovarl permalink
        November 8, 2013 5:22 pm

        It isn’t that a lot of fat guys smoke crack, it’s that it is so rare for someone who smokes crack to be fat that the video automatically “goes viral” (as the whipper-snappers say). Yeah, I’m a gray-haired old coot.

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      November 8, 2013 11:21 pm

      Ha ha hahaha ha ha heh…
      Shit Kent that was actually pretty funny. Now go fucking die already.

  116. November 8, 2013 1:13 pm

    Jesus, I never actually watched the Smolensk video that’s been up for the past few weeks. The fuck is this guy going on about?

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 8, 2013 5:53 pm

      Um, like any of us have. Don’t you realize you’ve just failed the test?! Actually watching the thing for more than a minute gives you the cooties, see?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2013 6:05 pm

        Heh. A Lexi video is the “Gom Jabbar” of the BlOwSR. Watch the whole thing and it feels like your face is melting off.

    • Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
      November 8, 2013 6:45 pm

      I decided to go over there and see what all the hoopla was about .
      Did anyone check out his http://taoscampaign.blogspot.com/ site ??
      Holy shit, you ask yourself “:who cares about bullshit hexes or the price of lentil beans in Bratislava ?”
      Well , I guess these guys do. It’s a play by post campaign…..
      they spend 20 some odd posts trying to buy HAY for their horses for a ride to the next town ..

      Say , that give me an idea, maybe we should do some play by post here on YDIS

      I’ll start ….

      I sneak up behind Kent and start beating him to death with my +3 double headed steel dildo..

      • bad wolf permalink
        November 9, 2013 8:31 pm

        Is it just me or does using too much historical detail just dull everything down? “Really, a war might erupt between Poland and Russia? How exciting! I wonder how Bulgaria will respond!” Is there a more dreary-sounding locale than eastern Europe?

        Is boring pseudo-historical accuracy really so much better than sanding the names off historical and geographical specifics that you have studied, inventing names to disguise them, and thus making everything sound obscure and fantastic? “A war might erupt between Cimmeria and Aquilonia? How does Al Qaeda come up with so much naturalistic detail? It’s like we were there!”

  117. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 8, 2013 5:30 pm

    Man, I keep looking at the Blooey con tally board and my heart just breaks and breaks. Nothing new to report, so how about we do a little reading about BM’s honored guest? With a chance to meet the honcho of Flying Buffalo, I just don’t get why the gametards aren’t opening their Doctor Who backpacks, pulling out their money purses, and chipping in.

    http://www.flyingbuffalo.com/rloomis.htm

    Bloodymage and The Loom are made for each other. Both broken vets of our bloated military complex. Both live in AZ. And Loomis has the life of a typical old neckbear Grognard:

    “I am single and live with my sister and her four cats, cockatoo, and several guppies”

    Cat piss, bro. That means he smells like cat piss. A con classic. Dang – my man Blooey gets more ‘tang than this guy methinks.

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 8, 2013 5:36 pm

      Here’s a thought. Why don’t we all just pony up a couple bucks?

    • Radovarl permalink
      November 8, 2013 5:38 pm

      I’m sorry, is the fact that Rick Loomis is a loser a big surprise? I mean, I feel kinda sorry for the guy since even EGG was picking on him back in the ’80s, but come on! Flying Buffalo was never a huge success. I’ve owned more than a few of their books over the years (none at the moment) but can’t say any were especially memorable, and at their height they never did big business. Gary himself didn’t exactly die rolling in gold pieces, eh?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 8, 2013 6:16 pm

        Yeah, but Gaz’s memories of sitting in a California hot tub in the 80’s doing lines of booger sugar off hooker tits while getting his wimpy dick blown lasted until his final moments. Loomis’ lasting memory is probably the time he went to take a piss in the office john in the early 80’s and saw the corn encrusted floater Ken St. A. left in there.

      • Ritter permalink
        November 8, 2013 7:42 pm

        Which was last seen on the cover of “The Monolith Beyond Space and Time”

  118. Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls TAPPIN DAT ASS! permalink
    November 8, 2013 7:33 pm

    The two biggest denials in the blOwSR community are that H. P. Lovecraft and R. E. Howard weren’t homosexuals and Gary Gygax wasn’t a cokehead.

    • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls TAPPIN DAT ASS! permalink
      November 8, 2013 7:35 pm

      Discuss.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        November 8, 2013 9:29 pm

        The butt plug I found in the floorboards of Bob’s house in Cross Plains was surely L. Sprague DeCamp’s and not Howard’s, right? And that doesn’t mean he was gay. Just cause John Wayne answered the door in a dress when I was installing two way mirrors in his house in Brentwood doesn’t mean he was a fag, right?

  119. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 9, 2013 2:49 pm

    Kents had his cum and that’s all that matters.

  120. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 10, 2013 5:40 am

    Howard was probably manically depressed and possibly paranoid, no evidence for his gayness other then a propensity for amateur boxing and staying fit(if writing about strapping, muscular half-naked barbarian warriors with steel grey-eyes in search of babes makes you gay, i don’t want to be straight).

    Lovecraft could have been a closet homosexual, but he may have just been regular vanilla fucked up, since his mother raised him as a girl for his first six years and both his parents were sent to the asylum.

    Gygax was somewhat wealthy in 80s-90s America. Why the hell would he not have been a cokehead?

    • November 10, 2013 11:49 pm

      Oedipus complexes for certain. Wouldn’t surprise me if Lovecraft stuck his dick in shrimp cocktails and used crab claws as a masturbation aid with squid ink as a lubricant.

    • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls TAPPIN DAT ASS! permalink
      November 11, 2013 6:28 am

      I would argue that Howard wrote heterosexual fantasy stories only because he enjoyed the thought of young males becoming sexually aroused by them. It was this taboo desire that drove him to write from this manipulative and deceptive perspective, not from any heterosexual desires he shared with the reader.

      • Aos permalink
        November 11, 2013 10:14 am

        Nah, the lesbian shit he put in some of the stories is the ultimate hetro manchild jerkoff material. You can’t really fake that level of pathetic. I do agree though that speculating on his sexuality is prime troll material.
        But really, why should anyone care where he wanted to put his cock? Being a closet homosexual might sem pathetic today, but in the 30’s rural TX it was a survival strategy, so even if it were true, it would seem to me to exhibit at least a well developed sirvival instinct, the existence of which is kind of hard to buy given that he fed himself a bullet.

      • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls TAPPIN DAT ASS! permalink
        November 11, 2013 3:11 pm

        Howard swallowed a bullet because he couldn’t get any boy pooper.

      • Aos permalink
        November 11, 2013 3:19 pm

        Anyone can get man ass, bro. Especially in TX.

    • Kent permalink
      November 11, 2013 11:08 am

      Ive never understood the effeminate liberal male’s determination to associate manliness with homosexuality. They tend never to have played contact sports and have a morbid fear of changing rooms where they imagine men must be aroused seeing each other naked. Real muscles for sports are ‘gay’ but comic book muscles for superheroes in spandex are ‘hip’.

      These liberals and male feminists are educated hipsters with weirdly shaped useless bodies who have minds identical to their girlfriends (if not they will get into trouble). When I was in college, on a night out I always set aside some time for winding up these guys and their girlfriends to righteous shouting tantrums. What an incredible waste of time that was.

      • Aos permalink
        November 11, 2013 11:32 am

        It is easier to call someone a faggot a million times than it is to work out even once. Mystery solved. Next week, I’ll find Bigfoot.

      • November 12, 2013 9:00 am

        Are you certain you weren’t the one being wound up?

  121. Kent permalink
    November 10, 2013 2:10 pm

    Kent’s Film Recommendations of the Best Films Ever

    1950 – Born Yesterday

    Judy Holiday, William Holden

    http://www.amazon.com/Born-Yesterday-Judy-Holliday/dp/B0000695JT/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1384121229&sr=8-10&keywords=born+yesterday

  122. Kent permalink
    November 10, 2013 3:00 pm

    Kent’s Film Recommendations of the Best Films Ever

    1989 – Sex, Lies and Videotape

    James Spader, Andie MacDowell

    http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Lies-Videotape-James-Spader/dp/0767812158/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1384124248&sr=8-4&keywords=sex+lies+video+tape

  123. Kent permalink
    November 10, 2013 3:03 pm

    Kent’s Film Recommendations of the Best Films Ever

    1998 – The Thin Red Line

    dir. Terrence Malick

    http://www.amazon.com/Thin-Line-Criterion-Collection-Blu-ray/dp/B003KGBIRA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1384124446&sr=8-2&keywords=thin+red+line

  124. Kent permalink
    November 10, 2013 3:06 pm

    Kent’s Film Recommendations of the Best Films Ever

    1932 – Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde

    Frederic March

    http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Jekyll-Hyde-Frederic-March/dp/B0014C5HUQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1384124691&sr=1-1&keywords=dr+jekyll+hyde+march

  125. Kent permalink
    November 10, 2013 3:09 pm

    Kent’s Film Recommendations of the Best Films Ever

    1955 – Ordet

    dir. Carl Dreyer

    http://www.amazon.com/Ordet-VHS-Henrik-Malberg/dp/0780023137/ref=sr_1_3?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1384124850&sr=1-3&keywords=ordet+dreyer

  126. Aos permalink
    November 11, 2013 10:16 am

    Wow, that’s some word salad, there. Sorry, I was distracted mid post.

  127. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 11, 2013 11:24 am

    Farts in his presence made HPL pass out, and seeing as the first true sign of a fudgepacker is a fondness for man-ass and all things within it, I’m going to say he was pretty much just a puss and a momma’s boy.

    Oh, and he hated nig-nogs.

    • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls TAPPIN DAT ASS! permalink
      November 11, 2013 12:37 pm

      And ching-chongs!

  128. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 11, 2013 2:50 pm

    And Heebee-Jeebees!

    • Arneson's Spectral Cock and Balls TAPPIN DAT ASS! permalink
      November 11, 2013 3:08 pm

      Yudel Doodles!

    • November 12, 2013 7:23 am

      Secret fudgepacker or not, Lovecraft did manage to marry one of them heebee-jeebees.

      Hey, speaking of the fucking pet names we all had for each other back in “pulp” times, it’s November so Far West is once again lurching toward a print window. Here’s a blast from the past:

      Neal Dalton on October 17, 2012
      Is this still on target for a November release?

      Creator Gareth-Michael Skarka on October 17, 2012
      Yes it is.

      Always get the YEAR when asking your creator “where’s my stuff,” nerds. Kickstarter is not a preorder system! But credit card chargebacks only charge back so far and they will let the fucking clock run OUT.

  129. Timotheus permalink
    November 11, 2013 6:35 pm

    Symmetric Non-Euclidians!

    OK, that’s not really funny, but that isn’t the point of this message.

    I just wanted to give a shout out to our comrade kent, who recently left his Seniors-n-Cripples League soccer team due to mental difficulties over bullying from his team-mates. One allegedly called him a half-mick.

    Be strong, brother!

  130. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    November 11, 2013 8:39 pm

    Only 4 days left to fund Blooeycon. We can make it happen at $605.75 per day. Or at least put one donation up from somebody else. Anyone? I leave you with some excerpts of Blooey’s heart-string-tugging posts from his Reliquary.net blog in hopes that you tug open your purse-strings:

    From I hate this place: God help me.

    From Still losin’ my mind: My life is completely fantasy. All I know of the outside world is that it’s dangerous.

    From Ho hum: Good thing I have nice neighbors. If they really knew how screwed up I really am, I’d be in a lot more trouble.

    From I live a completely hopeless life: I don’t know why I even continue with this charade.

    Be sure to read the comments too. He’s written practically all of them.

    • November 12, 2013 6:53 am

      “The Mormons are trying to save my soul, but I’m trying to save my life.
      Oh, well. Still cranky, still carryin’ on.”

      Those could be lyrics in a country-western masterpiece.

    • Arneson's Spectral Black Heart permalink
      November 12, 2013 11:27 am

      Wow this is the Mother Load of Blooey Goodness!
      http://thereliquary.net/category/cranky-old-gamer

      “Well, nothin’ seems to change in my life. Well, can’t say that. I got a service dog, but she doesn’t help clean, so that’s a bust. Started shaving my head, but I’m still learning (like I’m learning everything else).”

      If that doesn’t touch the gentle heart of some kind soul (obviously not me) to donate the entire $2,500 today, I don’t know what will.

  131. November 12, 2013 7:15 am

    WHY WON’T YOU JUST LET ME DIE???
    SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME NOW IT IS TIME FOR ME TO EXIT THIS WORLD!!!!

  132. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 12, 2013 11:18 am

    Northern Arizona Community College: Business 101 first day basics

    In your start-up business marketing material do NOT do the following if you want to make even a single red cent.:

    Ask your employees to pay (handsomely) for the honor of working on your product.

    Contantly proclaim you want to “give back” (normally a term used for volunteer assitance) to the target community of your product when you are asking for money for said product.

    Constantly refer to your fledgling business as an “Albatross.”

    Contantly refer to the CEO in marketing mateiral as “broken,” “fearful,” or having mental problems people should be afraid of.

    Have the CEO constantly alluding to suicide as a business option (though it is a viable personal option *KA-BLOOEY!!!).

    Have CEO mention the possibility of bearing a gun at a gaming convention.

    Talk to spam on your website like they are people.

    Speak of any particular religious group in a negative mann

    • Arneson's Spectral Black Heart permalink
      November 12, 2013 12:01 pm

      A shaved head. A loaded gun. Hints that he will soon be exiting this world.
      Something is definitely going down whether Blooeycon with Polly Eggs happens or not!

      • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
        November 12, 2013 2:44 pm

        A shaved head. A loaded gun. Hints that he will soon be exiting this world.

        I see it more as “Breaking Blooey”, keep your eyes peeled for any news of meth lab explosions in northern Arizona,

  133. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 12, 2013 11:18 am

    …er.

  134. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 12, 2013 12:48 pm

    Oh shit, never saw the head shaving blurb. The thing is, Bobby D’s Taxi Driver character didn’t have the mirror talk back when he asked if it was talking to him. Anyway, after getting a good look at his mug on the Blooeycon page, I can only say that is going to be a frightening look. Go Blooey!

    I’m interested in finding out more about his Kenzer co. involvement. Maybe he just participated in con table reads of that stupid D&D comic everybody seems to love. Or is it deeper? Could Blooeys Columbine end up being the offices of Kenzer? Maybe somebody should give them a heads up? What am I saying; lets leave it alone and enjoy the ride.

    • Tim permalink
      November 12, 2013 2:07 pm

      So lots of people sit around in a big circle jerk and read lines from that gayass comic? I thought it was just something our hero unsuccessfully tried to get people to participate in while on his road trip last decade.

      Man, where are all the gamers that have profited off of our hobby? Give back, you greedy cocksuckers!

      Tavis, run a god damn game of Dumbermount at Polyhedracon!

      Faggi 4, the restraining order has worn off, come back to the USA and run the Turd from Beyond Time and Space!

      Zak Attack, quit whining about rpgnet being run by Tipper Gore, get off your diseased ass, and run Whoreheim at the fucking con!

      RPGButtdip, run your Indian flavored cut-n-paste shit for a real audience rather than stoned ex-convicts who don’t speak your language!

      Gayhawk Grogturd, run your “Gary would have wanted it this way” bullshit for someone who will actually appreciate it! Thor demands it!

      George Strayton…ah, never mind.

      C’mon, guys! I hear Mikey Nystul will be running Axes and Anvils, do you want to be outdone by him!??!

      Give back, you sorry ass bitches, before you exit this world!

    • bad wolf permalink
      November 12, 2013 2:50 pm

      I think Blooey penned an article or two for them, maybe 10 years ago. The thing i don’t get is, Kenzer’s whole deal is a comic book about the misadventures of sad-sack losers playing RPGs–yet i can’t remember a single story which looked like it was based directly on the life of BlooeyMage. It’s not like he’s not sharing them with anyone who’ll listen, you know.

  135. Cagey Drifter permalink
    November 12, 2013 2:36 pm

    Bloodymage has more irons in the fire than Polyhedracon.

    Courtesy of the ProFantasy mapping software boards:

    “Well, I just got back online, so this is a bear of a a job. Work, work, more work and my fiance is sick of me sitting at this wundermachine WIN 7 (at least in many people’s opinion) but I still plug away at it. Polyhedron Games LLC is still a fledgling albatross and I’m busy working on Polyhedracon d4-3 as a sick old man. This is damned hard work for a man who can’t even remember what day it is, trying to take care of a ditz of a fiances and three dogs, two crazy, in a giant house with two morons taking care of it. Better get off this contraption before the yelling commences!”

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      November 12, 2013 3:02 pm

      I can’t tell if that errant “two crazy” refers to the dogs or our humble narrator and his “fiances.” Then again, what’s the difference?

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 12, 2013 3:33 pm

      Cagey, you must have made at least some of that shit up.

      Yes, I am saying that as if this is my first visit to this blog. Fooled ya! The best thing about my man Blooey’s world is the tale needs no dressing up.

      When Blooey talks about working so hard, I keep picturing Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles at the Governers desk, waving a quill around and looking around head bouncing all dazed “Work work work work work work work!”

      • Cagey Drifter permalink
        November 12, 2013 10:11 pm

        I should’ve cited my sources!

        http://forum.profantasy.com/comments.php?DiscussionID=3989

        The title of the thread couldn’t be more, well, Bloodymage-y:

        “bloodymage’s struggles…” [sic]

      • Arneson's Spectral Perineum permalink
        November 13, 2013 2:31 pm

        Blooey still hasn’t mastered CC2 technology? I wish he would share some pictures of his maps. I gotta see that shit. It’s the one detail he HASN’T shared. He probably hasn’t mastered forum image posting technology yet either. Come to think of it, if Blooey is on all sorts of public assistance like he says, how the hell can he afford that map software because I looked and it isn’t cheap. I hope my fucking tax money isn’t paying for some socially retarded manchild’s RPG toys. Yeah, I know, we’re paying taxes for ALL their RPG toys.

  136. November 12, 2013 8:30 pm

    BREAKING NEWS ALERT: AN IP HAS BEEN STOLEN!!!!
    http://rivetgeek.blogspot.com/2013/11/cerberus-gaming-combine-joins-lofty.html

    Don’t worry, Tim Brannan is on the case!

  137. Arneson's Spectral Perineum permalink
    November 12, 2013 8:38 pm

    Hey, IP Theft Guy That Stole R. Talsorian Games’ Fusion and Tried to Sell It on RPGNow:
    Word of advice – don’t respond to the blOwSR “IANAL but…” brigade. Don’t give ’em what they want, don’t respond to their questions and what ever you do, DON’T FEED ‘EM AFTER MIDNIGHT!!!! These guys have NO LIVES. They don’t even PLAY RPGs, they just bloviate about them on every message board and social media site in existence. They will go on and on and on about it because let’s face it, they have nothing else to do.

    http://rivetgeek.blogspot.com/2013/11/update-on-infuzion-and-how-not-to.html

  138. November 12, 2013 9:40 pm

    The fun thing here is that like the little old lady down under that the OSR threw a tantrum about using Mystara and this guy taking Fuzion and re-publishing it are doing the same thing that Swords & Wizardry, Labyrinth Lord and the rest have done with D&D/AD&D. They are taking old material, filing the serial numbers off and re-selling it as something new that they alone make money with. Even if it is under the umbrella of houserules or homage publishing it is still taking other peoples work and pawning it off as their own. Pretty funny how the standards tilt when money is on the line huh?

    • Jack permalink
      November 13, 2013 7:47 am

      I think the money is less important than the Google +1s and general back-slapping acceptance that comes from within the “renaissance.” The first rule is to know which nuts to fondle and which finger to wag.

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 18, 2013 6:59 pm

        And which taint to tantalizingly tongue.

  139. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 13, 2013 7:55 am

    A valid point, considering the money to be made from Rpgs, especially in the cow-webbed sepulchre that is the OSR-niché market is counted more often in the hundreds then the thousands of dollars.

    JMal is an exception of course, but then again, if we count the time he spent slowly building up a blog and retinue(or cult, but your mileage may vary), the 8 grand he ripped off for not making Dwimmermount still comes down to maybe enough money to buy a cup of coffee and a new box of Kleenex a day.

    • Schadenfreude permalink
      November 13, 2013 5:46 pm

      Hell, I would have not written Dwimmermount for half that.

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      November 14, 2013 5:45 am

      Dammit, i meant to say Cob-webbed.

      • Tim permalink
        November 14, 2013 6:56 am

        I like cow-webbed. Vivid imagery.

  140. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 13, 2013 6:50 pm

    That’s m’man Blooeymage – keepin’ the ol’ chin up (hopefully not resting on the business end of a 12-gauge)! Blooeycon and the whole shebang is not a lost dream. There will be other moneygrabs in the future just as I predicted/hoped. C’mon you apes, you wanna live forever before you exit this world? I wanna see some hands digging around in pockets for a little chump change to make the albatross a realilty next time.

    “Well, it’s a good thing I got a head start on this thing. Con isn’t until 2015 but I have to pay the hotel bill by May of 2014, so this was basically a test run. There’s time for another campaign or two, if I wanted but I’ll run the next one in March of next year just in time for the hotel bill. Probably run another after that for con incidental expenses (mascot costume, dice bag souvenirs, etc.)”

    Um, don’t forget the Blooeyeggs budget, bro! The price of mayo is going up.

  141. RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
    November 14, 2013 7:23 am

    I’m surprised no one has mentioned anything about this yet –

    Bloodysage on July 8, 2011 at 10:33 am said:
    I used to love music. I still do, but I like my own music, not everyone else’s! Three weeks. Lord help me through this. Just took a shower ’cause my bowels are acting up. I’m clean for the moment. Won’t last long with my body. Eat, pee, crap, rinse, clean, repeat. And I’m trying to pack without hurting myself (cut myself once already and bruises!) Waiting for the laundry now…

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 14, 2013 11:08 am

      “Eat, pee, crap, rinse, clean, repeat”

      Wot’s tha problem, Bloo? That’s a nice relaxing weekend for me. And I prefer my own music on the weekends too. And by music I mean loud, reverberating farts.

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 14, 2013 7:23 pm

        I am glad that when I shower, it’s out of a regular routine of hygiene and never just because my bloody bowels are acting up. Is he trying to say that he cannot cleanse himself properly after defecating?

    • Arneson's Spectral Colostomy Bag permalink
      November 14, 2013 12:13 pm

      Too Much Fucking Info, Blooeymage. TMFI…

  142. The Fire Giant That Killed Black Dougal permalink
    November 14, 2013 9:57 am

    JMal is a deviant!

    I have proof: http://maliszew.deviantart.com/

    • Tim permalink
      November 14, 2013 10:27 am

      maliszew Mar 24, 2013 It’s definitely something to consider. Right now, I’m just trying to get back on track after the wallop the last few months landed on me.

      God damn, he still can’t accept any personal responsibility in his failures. Yeah, that was back in March, but it was all too clear by then where the “wallop” originated.

      So there is a new place for his toadies to mourn his absence and beg more rancid “insights.”

  143. November 14, 2013 12:33 pm

    36 HOURS LEFT UNTIL I EXIT THIS WORLD!!!!
    EAT PEE CRAP WASH RINSE REPEAT!!!
    SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  144. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 14, 2013 2:59 pm

    I actually can’t get enough of Blooey. Big fan. If he had a podcast I would listen everyday. I think this is the best reality show on tha internets. If he wants to talke about his peeps and poops, then God bless ’em.

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 14, 2013 7:24 pm

      Do you think he knows what a podcast is? I would fucking cherish every episode.

      • Arneson's Spectral Hanging Chad permalink
        November 14, 2013 9:47 pm

        BTW, I love your user name because it is true. GOP – Greedy Old Pedophiles! TRUTH!

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 15, 2013 8:46 pm

        At the age of 8 I was passed around the Republican National Convention like a set of jumper cables at a Puerto Rican wedding.

    • Arneson's Spectral Poopies and Pee Pees permalink
      November 14, 2013 9:44 pm

      I’m actually quite impressed with Blooey for showering after every poop with a good cleaning and rinsing, not to mention a repeat. That actually puts him levels ahead of the unwiped butt crack crowd that is the blOwSR (judging by the ass nasty scent at GaryCon) on both the hygiene and social acceptability scales.

      • Arneson's Spectral Hotel Linen permalink
        November 14, 2013 9:52 pm

        Although I do feel bad for the hotel staff that let Blooey use a room to shower in free of charge after he showed up for a convention a week early. I can see Consuela the Maid saying, “When did we get these red, yellow, and brown towels, Mr. Manager? I think they supposed to be white.”

      • cheesesock56 permalink
        November 15, 2013 2:20 am

        Arneson’s-

        I’m curious. This repeated mentioning of the scent unwiped butt crack at GaryCon–did you attend? And, please, for those of us who may’ve missed it the first time, please detail the degree of acridity of the cat piss smell surrounding bowl-cutted, minor-fingering Ed Greenwood.

      • Arneson's Spectral Con Crud permalink
        November 15, 2013 7:01 am

        I have not attended GaryCon per se (too Hitler’s Nuremberg Rally for my tastes), but I have crossed paths with the usual suspects from GaryCon at other less blOwSR-dominated conventions where I had the distinct displeasure of getting a good whiff. Cat Piss Smell is much like you would imagine. It is like somebody made a cologne from the litter box that you can smell from as far away as the driveway in some cat fancy person’s house. Is Greenwood really into minor-fingering, or is that Ken St. Andre? If so, I am not a minor so I was not selected for fingering.

  145. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    November 15, 2013 9:40 am

    Someone needs to tell BM to add some more fiber to his diet. When you get to a certain age, God makes yer butt leak poop if you eat a shitty selection of food. Believe me, my cranky old woman bowels get all out of sorts without enough veggies these days.

    Speaking of bowels, I’m starting Fudgepack Fridays back up. I nominate the flaxen-haired uptight fembots of Faux News. There’s something about the way they sneer that lets me know they’d unlock the biggest, most screaming orgasm ever if they just took one for their country up the rear.

    • November 15, 2013 10:23 am

      Gerri Willis, yes. Melissa Francis, almost sure. Greta van Susteren, 90% odds. Tucker Carlson, has that vibe.

      • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
        November 15, 2013 12:26 pm

        I think Ms. Susteren is a “pitcher” not a “catcher”, even if she needs a strap-on to accomplish the deed. Unless “she’s” a MTF trannie, which is a possiblity.

      • November 15, 2013 2:21 pm

        You read my mind on that one, Fatty! Either way, I guess we can move Greta into the ass-loving column.

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 15, 2013 8:45 pm

        Greta has an enormous clit that writhes and slithers between the alarmingly large folds of her reptilian labia. It is hungry for sweaty boy pussy. It’s going to be in an upcoming LotFP supplement – *Greta Van Susteren and Her Brontosaurus-Necked Clitoris from Beyond Time and Space*

    • Arneson's Spectral Con Crud permalink
      November 15, 2013 7:08 pm

      FAUX News republicunt contard bitches get this on Fudge Pack Fridays:

      • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
        November 16, 2013 9:08 am

        Only Tucker’s got a hole big enough for that one.

  146. Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
    November 15, 2013 2:11 pm

    Ten hours left of Blooey’s Indiegogo campaign. A miracle could happen, no?

    • Arenson's Spectral Early Christmas for Blooey permalink
      November 15, 2013 2:29 pm

  147. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 15, 2013 4:53 pm

    OK, which one of you old softies threw a hundy at Blooey in the final hours of the campaign? Hang on, Bloo, this may cause a last minute rush of cash! It ain’t over till the fat bitch farts.

    • Bigby's Lubed Fist permalink
      November 15, 2013 6:57 pm

      Kent’s Rectum held a Dickstarter, taking on the cocks of all nations to raise the money to save Blooey, but Kent blew most of the money bulk-buying Morrissey’s autobiography in order to corner the market.

    • Arneson's Spectral Con Crud permalink
      November 15, 2013 7:05 pm

      I’m going to donate enough money in the final 10 seconds to bring Blooey’s total up to $1 short of his goal.

      https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6309423360/h15A53A74/

  148. November 15, 2013 11:37 pm

    YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES LEFT TO DONATE $2,223 BEFORE I EXIT THIS WORLD!
    WILL SOME NORTHERN ARIZONA GAMER OF MEANS OR SOME WELL-TO-DO GAMER IN OTHER PARTS OF THE COUNTRY HELP ME OUT? CONTRIBUTE THE BALANCE OF WHATS NEEDED AND CHOOSE YOUR REWARD LEVEL:

    POOP BLEED CLEAN WASH RINSE REPEAT!!!!

    TAKE THIS ALBATROSS FROM AROUND MY NECK!!!

    SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME NOW!!!

    POLLY EGGS AT BLOOEYCON!!!!

  149. Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
    November 16, 2013 5:40 am

    In Dwimmerdouche suckdungeon news ….

    another update from the boys where they adopt a printing strategy that’s sure to back fire and discuss whether to hire on more help to finish writing supplement material ..

    Maybe someone should leave them a message about this hot new writer posting over at Black Gate who is well versed in the blOwSR ??
    http://www.blackgate.com/2013/11/12/neoclassical-adventure/#more-61620

  150. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 17, 2013 4:41 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63767

    Throw a simple question at a pudgy, goateed blOwSR Unblowntard that has anything to do with womyn, and you’re gonna get some snickering, sputtering, bitter excuses for personalities to have fun goofing on for your quiet Sunday. Looks like a bunch of retards trying to gang fuck a door knob.

    • November 17, 2013 5:09 pm

      And some nitwit brings up race:

      http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1436313#p1436313

      At least he’s ignored.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 18, 2013 4:34 am

        I don’t think they ignored him, because jus a few posts later some poor oppressed European male throws this out:

        “Well thanks to the radical feminist, anti-European values, controlled media…to name a few, Chivalry is all but dead.”

        Which brings about a bunch of +1’s.

        Sad, vapid, impotent fucks. Regurgitating Glenn Beckisms is so much easier than actually cracking a history book and researching the truth.

    • Arneson's Spectral Pointing Finger and Laughter permalink
      November 17, 2013 7:30 pm

      It’s like a Master Class in Social Retardation.

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        November 18, 2013 8:24 am

        “It’s really funny how violently angry a small minority of people becomes when the topic of traditional European ideals like Chivalry is discussed.”

        …traditional European ideals…like equality.

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 18, 2013 6:09 pm

        I love how the mouthbreather with the Steelers icon is the guy constantly calling himself a feminist. Check out his response when he goes in with the “…are you physically THREATENING ME?”
        He probably date rapes Applebees hostesses just like that pile of goat shit Roethlisberger.

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 18, 2013 5:31 pm

      There’s a lot of fedora-bobbing in that fucktard thread. You want to be chivalrous? Don’t be a fucking creepertard for one.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 18, 2013 7:57 pm

        I don’t remember the exact quote, but when Steelers icon guy first showed up on DF months ago he had an anti-police quote by Chris Dorner, the big black guy who was running around Southern California a year or so ago blowing away cops and the daughter of one of his bosses and shit. I remember Steelers guy because that quote seemed to disturbingly support Dorner. What with this current “are you threatening me” comment over an obvious joke about dueling, I say there is plenty more to come from this dipshit. Lets keep a close eye on that one for future laughs.

        Gametards are so fucking weird in general. It seems like a lot of them were raised by fantasy and history books. While being bullied in school they probably retreated to a mental place where they were scoring the cool kids girlfriends by putting cloaks over puddles for them to walk over. That they carried that thinking into adulthood is so fucking disturbing.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 18, 2013 8:36 pm

        Yeah, right on about steelers icon guy. Its funny that Blooey’s takes more shit than him and still has steadier nerves (despite the occasional before-I-exit reference) than Mr.-I’m-a-feminist-but-don’t-any-of-you-fucking-non-European-faggots-touch-my-shit.

      • Never forget the Steelers permalink
        November 19, 2013 5:24 am

        Yeah, Steeler boy has followed that familiar pattern of debuting on DF as a smartassed dickweed and maintaining that persona just long enough to start getting some negative attention and then turning on the ol’ Pittsburgh charm just enough to swing a few short term memory deprived nerds into his fan club. And he has really hustled to get that post count up as quickly as possible.

        One of his best posts was the one where he described himself as being 5’2″ and weighing over 200 pounds with a six and a half inch johnson. The post seems to have disappeared, probably a part of his carefully planned DF-image rehabilitation campaign.

  151. Arneson's Spectral Bed Check permalink
    November 17, 2013 7:38 pm

    Anyone seen Blooey since his PolyCon fundraiser failed? Not like him to be this quiet for this long without sharing every intimate detail about his life. I hope and pray he hasn’t exited this world yet.

  152. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 18, 2013 6:06 am

    • Arneson's Spectral Hard-On permalink
      November 18, 2013 7:47 am

      I wouldn’t mind sniffing those unwiped butt cracks and pussy piss smells.

      If the BloodyCon crowd is anything like what Blooey wants for PollyCon, I say fire that next Kickstarter up and I’m in! I want to get to tappin’ DAT ASS!

      Cat fancy lives in sister’s basement Rick Loomis can draw dem bitches in, right?

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 18, 2013 6:28 pm

        I’m ready. I’m going to swipe a bag of PollyEggs and trade them for peeks at bra straps and butts.

  153. Timotheus permalink
    November 18, 2013 7:23 am

    Attention, god damnit!

    Axe Mental is trying to save us all but you just won’t fucking listen!

    http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=11931

    Watch the skies!

    • Arneson's Spectral Hard-On permalink
      November 18, 2013 7:48 am

      I’m not buying it. Everyone knows the Irish are not allowed to fly.

    • November 18, 2013 1:51 pm

      AxeMental asks, “since when do water vapor streams turn into clouds?”

      This proves to my satisfaction that he’s only joking around. I mean, no one can be that fucking stupid. Right?

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 18, 2013 10:51 pm

      “I can only figure its got to do with effecting the weather maybe (perhaps making it rain)? But the jet fuel “gas bill” has got to be horrendous as these seem to be forming patterns. Also, I’ve not read anything about this in the paper or heard about it in the press. My sister told me she’s noticing them out in Denver. Anyone else got pics?”

      I’m debating joining that site just to ask for pics of his sister.

      LOL “gas bill” LOLOLOL!

    • Spank Foreskin permalink
      November 20, 2013 5:12 pm

      Fucking chemtrail nuts. Like the government couldn’t think up a better way to administer sinister substances to people than some shit plan any tinfoil hat wearing dildo could figure out while living in his sister’s basement.

  154. Kent permalink
    November 19, 2013 5:08 am

    Dragonsfoot is unrecognizable from the period I spent there. I don’t know any of these people but this guy -Delthyn of Greyhawk- is jailbait in any era. He sounds like the kind of guy who holds electronic doors open all day at the supermarket for so called ‘ladies’.

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63767#p1436450

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63767&start=30#p1436518

    My favourite quotes from only two posts:
    ====

    -I try to be a gentlemen and act by the ancient codes of honor

    -of course the older women still appreciate such behavior
    (at least he’s getting laid)

    -I am of course in favor of women engaging in capitalism
    (oral sex?)

    -What I am opposed to is the culture of permiscuity, sex-filled advertisements, and rudeness that has formed.
    (perdustin alert)

    -In my humble opinion, that which is denigrating women today is not a handful of courteous men, but is the culture of pornography.

    -As a culture, chivalry is dead. We need to resurrect it so that men and women will be treated equal, and more importantly, that both will be treated as human beings.
    (holy holy hoolleeyy)

    – From conception to natural death, we should respect the sanctity of human life and not denigrate it in any way
    (In fairness Nietzsche had the same message)
    (holy holy hoolleeyy)

    -Honor, Love, Courtesy? Are these condescending? Is not mankind’s best features showed in his love for his fellow human beings? Is not honor that which binds us together? Is not courtesy the least and best thing we can do for our fellows?
    ( … eh … holy holy hoolleeyy … holy god and the sweet baby jesus)

    -We all know that the woman can hold the door open. We all know that she can stand for 20 minutes on the bus while we sit. We know that she can haul those heavy boxes of stuff to the next room unless she’s physically weak
    (they are all physically weak mate)

    -My old girlfriend was probably of roughly equitable strength as me
    (ahh, now I see why the cuties objected to this rodent holding doors)

    • November 19, 2013 8:49 am

      Permiscuity – The practice of casually changing one’s hairstyle with different hairdressers.

    • bad wolf permalink
      November 19, 2013 8:53 am

      “+1 my friend (gay emoji)”

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 19, 2013 11:08 am

      Kent, now you are finally contributing in a good way here. None of this lame-o old dude shitty 70’s media guy crap noboby gives two Polly Eggs about.

      See that? I’m happy with you so I didn’t call you “Kunt” or a fag (not that it’s not true, just cutting you some slack cause I love the holidays).

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 19, 2013 8:44 pm

      Delthyn of Greyhawk just posted this nugget of fedora and trenchcoat wankery –

      “Although you don’t know how you will respond in a tense situation (I’ve been a lifeguard, people react very differently to tough situations that require quick action), I would do my best to save any girl I was on a date with, although I’d try to escape with her before simply hurling myself in front of her.

      If it was a crowd of strangers, and I was trapped, I’d try to take that sunavabitch gunman down. Better to die in combat than to be slaughtered like a sheep.”

      I wish he kept going with that “escaping with any girl on a date” scenario. I want to know what happens next! They run away from the gunman, then what? Back to mom’s house for pizza rolls and pokemon?

      • Arneson's Spectral Pointing Finger and Laughter permalink
        November 20, 2013 6:40 am

        My suspension of disbelief was shattered at “on a date”.

    • November 21, 2013 1:21 pm

      My favorite part of the DF chivalry thread was the part where Jizzsack the Really Horrible was boasting about having made some girl give up her seat on the bus …. Correction: he made the busdriver boot her out of her seat. The osr has found their Rosa Parks! Then jizzsack promised to sit on the laps, lunches, bookbags and briefcases of his fellow bus riders if they didn’t clear the way when he got on the bus because he is a ‘big guy with a bad back and a bum knee.’ (translation: fat guy who ought to do some situps and take a walk once in a while).
      To make this all more perfect, Mr. Pittsblugh Steamers, who started the whole ‘chivalry’ thread, chimed in with a big ‘me too’ on this whole not so passive agressive fat man on the bus program.

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 21, 2013 6:31 pm

        That dude is unreal. Of course he wouldn’t ask a man, a man would get up and try to beat his ass. He asked a woman. What a fucking chivalrous dicktard.

  155. Jack permalink
    November 19, 2013 11:00 am

    Hey, member that cool dude Mike Nystul who ripped off people through three Kickstarters to the tune of $76,000?

    He’s baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack: http://www.gofundme.com/595uqs

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 19, 2013 11:26 am

      Thank god!

      Welcome back, Mikey, and in such a triumphant fashion!

    • Kent permalink
      November 19, 2013 1:07 pm

      He’s using the zen disguise which removed he becomes unrecognizable.

      Links to previous snake oil web oil?

    • Schadenfreude permalink
      November 19, 2013 3:09 pm

      I guess he’ll stop this scam when he runs out of crowdfunding sites.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 20, 2013 2:35 am

        That is some unintentional comedy gold there, especially in the comment section.

        One of Nystul’s Happy Customers
        “I got it now, we weren’t funding a game but a reality show called “Watch my life go down the drain” starring old Mike. I’ll grab some popcorn for season 2 “Shine my shoes Nystul”. If it didn’t cost me money I’d find it sad. For those of you living near Mike maybe he can mow your lawn or do your laundry as a refund. What a sad little man.”

        Same day, Nystul, after a 28 day hiatus during which he has obviously been eating out of his nose, replies:

        “Hilarious”

        And another satisfied customer immediately follows up:

        “Mike Nystul wrote:”I am a game designer. I have done this my entire life.”
        THEN DESIGN THAT F#ING GAME! STOP POSTING CRAP ON FACEBOOK AND START DOING SOMETING THAT RESEMLBES WHAT WAS PROMISED!
        I am sick of you taliking about doing something instead of doing it.
        I am working full time 9-10 hours a day, have two small kids and am still able to spend a few hours each week on my hobby.
        You, as you stated, have no job and should be able to write that game and create a PDF. STOP TALIKING START WORKING!”

        The sad thing is that they cannot sue Mike Nystul because he has nothing left to give them.

    • November 19, 2013 3:55 pm

      He seems up for anything, think we could pay him and bloody to do a BumFights match?

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 19, 2013 5:05 pm

        Shit, looks like Magic Mike will come and wash your fucking car (dollar extra for SUVs) for cheaper than a high school fund raiser wash would do it. Jesus, did anybody who gamed with Gary go on to have a real career and comfortable retirement?

      • Jack permalink
        November 20, 2013 3:46 am

        Did Gary go on to have a real career and a comfortable retirement?

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 21, 2013 2:48 am

        Er…does Ed Greenwood count. I think he counts? Ed greenwood gets paid by Wotc to write a book about underwear in the forgotten realms. That counts right?

        Also all of those Elminister novels that are like books about Lord of the Rings if they had been written by Steven Segal.

  156. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 19, 2013 11:20 am

    I read LOTR and other fantasy books you could not pay me to read nowadays and I may have had a sense of chivalry and all that growing up. But I’m pretty sure that balloon popped the first time I saw a bukkake video. I realized two things that day. Chivalry is dead, and I really like bukkake videos.

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 19, 2013 8:47 pm

      I like the fat guy who can’t ride the bus and asked a young woman with her kids for their seats.
      ITT : Chivalry = opening doors for women who reward you with a sloppy handy behind the portapotties at the ren faire.

  157. Kent permalink
    November 19, 2013 12:26 pm

    Film of the week.

    http://www.amazon.com/Bang-Drum-Slowly-Michael-Moriarty/dp/B00007LP8K/ref=sr_1_4?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1384892640&sr=1-4&keywords=bang+the+drum

    Bang The Drum Slowly – 1973 is a surprisingly enjoyable movie. I haven’t heard anyone recommend it. De Niro stars with Michael Moriarty as baseball players in a low key drama, low intensity, melancholy. De Niro plays a dummy dying of cancer and Moriarty is his pal. It’s a strange film given its mood and it’s rarely mentioned as part of the De Niro pantheon which requires him to be hyper intense but it’s a lot better than most of the drekk he made after the mid-eighties. It is interesting to consider that he played this role and the aristocratic peasant Corleone within a year.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 19, 2013 3:31 pm

      See? There you go being an old queen again, Kunt.

      • Arneson's Spectral Pointing Finger and Laughter permalink
        November 20, 2013 6:49 am

        It sounds like Kent wants someone to bang on his drum slowly.

  158. Kent permalink
    November 19, 2013 1:44 pm

    If you ask me

  159. Kent permalink
    November 19, 2013 4:56 pm

    “Kent, now you are finally contributing in a good way here. None of this lame-o old dude shitty 70′s media guy crap noboby gives two Polly Eggs about.
    See that? I’m happy with you so I didn’t call you “Kunt” or a fag (not that it’s not true, just cutting you some slack cause I love the holidays).”

    Captain Kirk’s Dick Blood, it sounds like you want to be my friend.

    LOL

    Unfortunately, I am not looking for any new D&D friends at this time.

  160. Kent permalink
    November 19, 2013 5:35 pm

    I love maps.

    The anus is as good a place as any I suppose.

    http://rendedpress.blogspot.ie/2013/11/community-project-map-of-decaying-god.html

  161. Timotheus from Planet X permalink
    November 20, 2013 9:54 am

    OK, not to get too far off topic, but the KKK Alehouse has been gold the last few days. Not content with con trail conspiracy, axemental asked who has seen a UFO. The saner members scoffed, but one dude goes all in with his “I was naval inteeligence for 6 years in the Pacific and you won’t believe what I’ve seen” schtick. He also talks about how alien implants are being pulled out of people…Glorious!

    http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=11939

    • Kent permalink
      November 20, 2013 11:33 am

      My ability to distinguish between different kinds of stupid isn’t as sophisticated as it should be.

      I will say that AxeMental is the sort that you can explain things to over a beer on the porch of a summer evening, with your hand on his shoulder looking pleadingly into his eyes “to think about what you’re saying, Axe. You are embarrassing me in front my friends.”

      But then there is this kind of stupid guy, who is better named ‘a cranky nutbag’ or ‘he who smears peanut butter on his belly’. This is the guy you don’t want to invite around for a beer but that angers your friends who claim they only call around to hear the ravings of SEMAJ KHAN the CROSS-EYED SEER of KANSAS CITY.

      ===THE THOUGHTS OF SEMAJ KHAN, THINKER===

      Some thoughts:

      1. The average person has been conditioned to disregard and even snicker at the concept of UFOs. Observe the reactions in this thread so far. Don’t try that shit with me.

      2. At the core, there is a very real phenomenon. There is no rationally discounting the multiple witnessing of UFOs hovering over large cities, being witnessed by thousands of people who also witness the military reaction to the UFO, when witnesses around the world walk away from encounters suffering physical problems such as severe radiation burns, etc.

      3. The official USAF and NASA statements from the 60s boil down to “well, we don’t know what it is, if anything, but we’re sure it’s no threat to national security.” Look for the contradiction in that line of thought.

      4. As to abductions, the implants are starting to be removed and examined. What are they? I dunno.

      This is, as said, at the heart of it, a real phenomenon. The ETH is probably the least likely explanation, and there are many more interesting theories. But right now, it’s just theory because no credible scientist working for any institution will touch the subject in fear of losing his reputation and probably his job as well.

      To dismiss out of hand, despite the mounting evidence from all over the world, is at best lazy and at worst sheeplike behavior. I shit on both.

      ===

      • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
        November 20, 2013 2:56 pm

        Holy fuck! Another totally sensible post from Kent! Way to go, buddy! Has the rectum finally asserted it’s rightful place over the “head”?

        Odds of “Semaj Khan” being in naval intelligence=same odds that that guy on Sixty Minutes saw a bit of combat in Mogadishu. At the core/heart of it, UFO/contrail fascination lets us know you’re a wingnut or moonbat.

  162. Kent permalink
    November 20, 2013 6:14 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63767&sid=e640dfc619a0d87a132f7c9d37f77eb7&start=30

    This DF Chivalry thread is unbelievable, even worse than the K&KA one on flying saucepans. Ive always believed that the selfish practice of politeness primarily serves to extol two-shoes in their own minds.

    I remember in my final year there was a gang of freshers, all girls, coming towards the library down a corridor as I was leaving. Sometimes I like to see how people react to situations which will never happen in the real world. So I held the door open for the first of them to approach for longer than was comfortable, certainly longer than was necessary. After two or three had passed in with the usual smiles and sparkly eyes, I said in a very loud voice to the next lot, “For fuck’s sake hurry up!” It worked a treat because they were crossing a threshold into silence which prevented them from giving back cheek. Anyway the reaction was bowed heads, with only a token effort at hurrying up and a couple of did-you-hear-thats.

    So that was the one day when I performed a chivalrous act just like in the movies.

  163. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 21, 2013 5:56 am

    Hahaha, now they are claiming that all kids are chaotic evil. What other things will they be applying game rules too? Racial ability adjustment scores for Obama? Oprah’s maximum followers and charisma score? The proper level adjustment for roleplaying as Bill Murray?
    Good find Kent.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      November 21, 2013 10:37 am

      Kunt didn’t find it. I did. Don’t give that fag credit for my good work for humanity.

      • bad wolf permalink
        November 21, 2013 11:30 am

        ~vibes~

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 21, 2013 11:31 am

        Kent you lying parasitic Irish Bum-fondler, i demand you return to Captain Kirks Dick Blood(or CKDB-dawg to his closest palls) the kudos that you have illegitimately claimed. Thought you could slip that one past us did you?

    • Kent permalink
      November 21, 2013 1:00 pm

      I never, ever, want any of you morons to give me what you call ‘credit’ for anything on this forum.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        November 21, 2013 3:14 pm

        Jees Looeez, Kuntington. Despite your please in the past that it become so, this is a blog, not a forum. If you want a forum go back to playing around with the dipshits on K&K, OCD, or whatever the fuck. Of course, even when you play nice you are a bigger prick than any of them and always get banned. Say, I have an idea Mr. Genius. Go start your fucking own.

  164. Timotheus from Planet X permalink
    November 21, 2013 8:16 am

    Hey, Mikey Nystul pulled down his latest fundraiser. WTF? I thought he had earned a great deal of trust…

    And keep watching the skies, you skeptical fuckers! For the love of god, watch the skies!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 21, 2013 8:56 am

      Nystul’s former victims are having a rally at Tenkar’s Turdshack:
      http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/11/the-traveling-wizard-nystuls-latest.html

      $35, that’s what Mike Nystul managed to get pledged to his latest scam before the plug was pulled. I really want to know who those idiots were that gave him $35. They deserved to be mocked to the ends of the Internet.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 21, 2013 8:58 am

        Tea Party Odin Horse Cock Squatter GOPagan is on top of it. “Mike Nystul, you didn’t built that – literally!”

  165. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    November 21, 2013 8:48 am

    Are there really this many losers riding the bus in the blOwSR? I’m reasonably sure they aren’t taking public transportation to save the environment based on their political, racist, and sexist comments and beliefs they’ve posted elsewhere. Even their luminaries are living below the poverty level.

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 21, 2013 9:02 am

      It seems like they ride the bus in order to sit on peoples’ sandwiches, to demonstrate how rude that person was being not only by remaining seated, but also raising Chaotic Evil children.

  166. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 21, 2013 11:15 am

    I had a feeling that thread would be a gold mine that kept giving up pieces of joy till one of the loser mods shuts it down. That Freddy P guy (Steelers icon) is a sociopath of the highest order. His Chris Dorner quote in his sig when he first showed up makes sense now. So fucking bitter, lonely, and self-entitled that he can’t be a basic human. I can dig it; the bus sucks and is humiliating just to be standing near one. If your life is shit having to be on a bus is the corn encrusted cherry dook on top. But yeah a lot of broke-ass gametards seem to have to ride them. It’s even the pimp ride of choice for Sexy Lexy. Likely Rags and Zakafag have to ride them.

    DF is teeming with retard goodness this week. The Star Wars thread is a gas. And a new drinking thread popped up for dipshits to brag about whatever big boy pants drink they are enjoying and blowing kisses to each other with grinning smileys (or that they are drinking water). The last one got closed down for extreme douche baggery, I think. Anyway, with guys like Zak and Raggi in cruise mode folk need to keep a good eye of the forums in general, cause gold lurks in the hills of The Unblown. Always share here!

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 23, 2013 7:42 am

      HALL OF CHIVALROUS HONORS!

      THE BRAVEST AND MOST CHIVALROUS KNUCKLE DRAGGING MOUTH BREATHERS;

      HONORABLE MENTIONS:
      “My wife likes to call me “her Paladin husband” but I feel like so many others out there aren’t so nice anymore.”
      -Finarvyn the Liar

      “It is worth noting that one of the basic tenets of chivalry is for adult males to protect those physically weaker than themselves, a category which traditionally meant women, children and old men.
      And it is no coincidence that Superman’s three best friends are Lois Lane, Jimmy Olson, and Perry White – a woman, a boy and an old man…”
      – STIK, the vainglorious Unicorn fucker

      V.
      “Hollywood History is the version where saintly African-Americans are attacked by evil, stupid white people for no reason whatsoever. In the real world, Thomas Shipp and Abram Smith were taken from jail (where they had been arrested for rape and murder) and lynched by a mob of angry citizens. Their third accomplice, James Cameron (not the Titanic guy), was allowed to escape when someone in the crowd said he was innocent (which itself is odd if you believe that white people liked to murder innocent black people).”

      “Even in such a degenerate age as this, some still hold to noble ideals.”

      “It seems that dragging down the entire Western world has been the U.S. government’s highest priority since WWII”

      “t’s really funny how violently angry a small minority of people becomes when the topic of traditional European ideals like Chivalry is discussed.”

      “this case has became an infamous example of evil white people murdering saintly blacks.”

      – MJOLLNIR, the Supremely Not Racist Guy (go download his free Historical Fantasy RPG – ‘BLOOD & SEMEN’

      IV.
      “I do not practice chivalry of men toward women.
      I practice love to all.
      I try to be polite, serviceable, and courteous to everyone I meet. When I can. If they’ll let me…”

      “I may look like the The Mountain That Rides, but I can’t stand for long periods of time on a bus. The other day I almost made a pretty, young woman senseless because I politely asked her to give me her seat. She refused, and I had to get the bus operator involved. Stupid, but necessary. I didn’t get upset, but she sure did…”

      -RIZAK The Mountain That Rides the Bus

      III.
      “The concept of race should just be tossed out the window. Elf and Dwarf are races, black and white are just skin colors. They mean nothing. “Color”-blindness is what the 21st century should adopt, or as a certain wise man once said, we should judge people based upon “the content of their character, and not the color of their skin.”

      “We all know that the woman can hold the door open. We all know that she can stand for 20 minutes on the bus while we sit. We know that she can haul those heavy boxes of stuff to the next room (unless she’s physically weak). We help that woman because its something nice to do. We do it out of politeness and courtesy. My old girlfriend was probably of roughly equitable strength as me.”

      “Although you don’t know how you will respond in a tense situation (I’ve been a lifeguard, people react very differently to tough situations that require quick action), I would do my best to save any girl I was on a date with, although I’d try to escape with her before simply hurling myself in front of her. If it was a crowd of strangers, and I was trapped, I’d try to take that sunavabitch gunman down. Better to die in combat than to be slaughtered like a sheep.”

      -DELSUN OF BLUEHAWK ANTI-DANDRUFF PALADIN FOR LIFE

      II,
      “Technically, the bullet is just the projectile that exits the gun when fired, and you usually can’t put that back into the gun once fired. The cartridge is the brass that contains the gunpowder, primer, and bullet, which you can put into a gun. That’s not a bullet, its a cartridge. Unless, of course, you’re shooting most black-powder guns which generally don’t have a self contained cartridge to load into the gun (though some do). But either way, you can’t “take bullets all the time and put them back into a gun” unless you are just loading and unloading a black-powder gun, an activity which is far, far different than taking a bullet that has been shot. The clever play on words cannot win any thread due to actual reality…”

      “Imagine if the Titanic happened today and it was a singles cruise? Women wouldn’t be allowed to go first onto the lifeboats. Aside from some social norms among conservatives, chivalry in the classic sense, is dead. On the other hand, women play the victim sometimes, and despite protestations of a desire for equality, some women want special treatment…” Then proceeds to post the entirety of a Sojourner Truth poem
      -MAD KALAK who is totally into African American poetry and guns

      I.
      “Sorry to burst your collective bubbles but moderate feminism has done more to hurt chivalry than radical feminism. Wanting to bang who you want, make as much money as your husband and buy birth control isn’t entirely radical, and that’s really what’s hurt chivalry.”

      “So yeah, I will just sit down on someone’s crap. I don’t ask, I just sit down. If you can’t see my ass about to touch your homework, that’s on you…”

      “I also always try to sit on the aisle seat so, if someone does need to sit next to me, they have to pretty much ask me or straddle over me like a stripper doing a no touch lap dance.”

      “I’m going to assume you’re just talking out your pie hole now and not actually threatening me physically. Is that a safe assumption?”

      “So if your Mom took a bullet for you, you wouldn’t consider yourself a pussy?”

      -FREDDY PITTSBURGH BITCH

      • naked under my utilikilt permalink
        November 23, 2013 11:57 am

        I was pretty puzzled by Rizak’s comments ’bout getting the bus driver involved until I realized that he lived in Canada where people who are too fat for their own ankles probably have special privileges that normals don’t get. Here in the US, if a grown man with all his limbs intact asked the driver of a bus to kick a teenaged girl out of her seat because “my back hurts,” he would probably get laughed off the bus or mistaken for a very ugly pregnant lady. Or the girl would have pulled out her gun and shot him in his fat face. And the police would decide that the killing was a case of self defense because the public has a right to defend itself from the utterly pathetic.

        Hey – DF experts… is there a way to subscribe every time Freddy P makes a post? I don’t want to miss a single one but don’t want to have to wade through all the threads where every blowhard with a modem makes his pronouncements on how you roll for initiative in order to find the Freddy P Comedy Gold ™.

      • Scott permalink
        November 23, 2013 3:30 pm

        I’m not reading all the way through that DF thread because it sounds like the entire thing is made of fedoras, wicker swords, and AxeMental. Cliffs Notes: a fat guy asked a teenaged girl to give up her bus seat because he’s so fat, then complained to the bus driver, and this came up in a thread about chivalry. Is that right? I’m calibrating how hard to laugh.

      • naked under my utilikilt permalink
        November 23, 2013 7:57 pm

        Cliffs Notes: a fat guy asked a teenaged girl to give up her bus seat because he’s so fat, then complained to the bus driver, and this came up in a thread about chivalry. Is that right?
        It’s actually funnier than that, but also tragic and funny — the way hearing someone who should be old enough to know better sprinkling their conversation with malapropisms is tragic… but funny. Then, in the middle of the blockhead 3 ring circus that is the Chivalry thread, Rizak – boom – drops the “I made the bus driver boot this girl out of her seat” bomb, and he’s all proud and “Oh yes I did!” and then later he drops the second bomb — “When I’m on the bus and I wanna sit and someone’s lunch is on the seat — I sit on their lunch!” and Freddy P is all like, “Oh yes I SIT ON PEOPLE’S SANDWICHES TOO! And when I’m on the bus, I sit on the aisle and block the window seat… if you wanna sit on the window seat, you gotta climb over my fucking knees, man! I’m a hardcore passenger who takes SHIT FROM NO MAN on the bus… but I’m quite chivalrous and wouldn’t you feel like a pussy if someone was shooting at you and your mom took the bullet for you instead?”
        I am not making this up although I am paraphrasing. It’s a rare and subtle blend of hurp derp.

      • Scott permalink
        November 24, 2013 10:23 am

        I just formed a mental picture of both of those people and I am literally 100% certain that it’s accurate.

  167. Kent permalink
    November 21, 2013 8:07 pm

    Here is another thread I found for which I will not accept the ‘credit’ as it is called in these parts.

    http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=11939&sid=de09d4741320f4dc8d386eb2edd7fa9a&start=15

    Read about the man who witnessed on a dancefloor in Kansas City, a cigar shaped object pulling a man hard into his wife’s buttocks.

    And here, I found this too, but you don’t see me bragging:

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63767&sid=6eebff65834bc6ef528099947517d3d9&start=90

    Read about the degradation of chivalry as it survives in the morality of the pompous door guardian and the busybody etiquette promoted in urban cattle conveyances.

  168. Kent permalink
    November 22, 2013 3:47 am

    You ratdicks love picking on the little guy but what about a tough guy like Montey Cooks?

    $360,000 says you are afraid of Montey Cooks and his boyhood sweetchum.

    He is already famous for his game pneumonaria and no-one here had the nerve to criticise him because you love Montey Cooks and his games and his chums. That’s why.

    360,000 fucking dollars resulting from a video which should be called — Sentient Puppets Parody Shopping Channel.

    • Kent permalink
      November 22, 2013 3:57 am

      Don’t take my word for it that Monkey Tooks Sucks:

      http://thealexandrian.net/wordpress/35034/roleplaying-games/check-this-out-the-strange-monte-cook-games

    • PrinceofNothing permalink
      November 22, 2013 5:44 am

      Aw shucks Kent, and you were doing so well(compared to your usual that is!).

      Monte Cook delivers actual game material that is not a hack copy-paste rearrange job, as well as being able to deliver on his kickstarters and actual projects. I also haven’t seen him display the grandstanding, fawning, i was there bullshit that categorizes much of the has-beens and never-weres in the OCDR. Love it or hate it, the guy has delivered actual content, as has Bruce Cordell.

      And can one really hate someone who has famously stated that Robert Kuntz’s contribution to DnD was severly overstated?

      AND WHERE ARE THE KUDOS YOU HAVE ILLEGITIMATELY TAKEN FROM CKDB-DAWG’S DICKBLOOD?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 22, 2013 8:01 am

      Monte Cook would be alright if he didn’t have such a hard-on for magic users at the neglectful expense of other classes. And if he’d just come out of the closet and embrace his inner gay, like you should do Kunt. Unlike the blOwSR luminaries, at least Monte is somewhat original.

      • kaptainvon permalink
        November 25, 2013 12:14 am

        Is Monte more or less bearable when separated from Jonathan “NUMBERS FOR EVERYTHING” Tweet, pioneer of the sixteen-stage combat round and the endless, unindexed lists of merits, flaws, positive and negative modifiers for Chivalry and Twatbracketness and all the other crud that ruined the fundamental elegance of Ars Magica? I remember d20 Cthulhu being vaguely satisfactory and that was a Cook product, but at the same time his take on the World of Darkness appeared burdened with just as much page-padding bafflegab as the original, which surely defies the point…

  169. Peanut Eminem permalink
    November 22, 2013 4:50 am
    • Peanut Eminem permalink
      November 22, 2013 4:52 am

      That didn’t work.

  170. Timotheus permalink
    November 22, 2013 6:34 am

    Is it wrong to be kinda tittylated when kent starts fawning about sweetchums and cattle conveyances?

    I am asking for a friend.

  171. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 22, 2013 11:14 am

    Speaking of buses, I’m 89% sure Kunt has to take the bus. Do you read D&D books on there and get picked on by the Chavs, K?

    Say, do they have regular buses like the rest of the world now, or are they still mostly double decks? You only see them in the movies where they are usually dashing about driving Harry Potter to school, or being chased by mummies and shit. Anyway, two levels of losers who have to use public transit is supremly sad. And by now you all know that when I say sad I mean funny.

    Levels? Wait, flash of OSR brilliance. Lets stat up a two level dungeon crawl that actually takes place on a double decker bus. ‘Cause it’s English it’s automatically edgy D&D.

  172. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 22, 2013 3:08 pm

    You get cut off from Chavhood at around 24, and I’m pretty sure , judging by his tastes in TV and movies, Kunt is 60 or pushing hard towards it.

  173. Kent permalink
    November 22, 2013 3:34 pm

    Well well well. Hee hee hee its all coming out now, what a bunch of stupid fags ! I was right all along ! Hee hee hee !

    “Montague the Cook is our hero.” Ha ha ha.

    “Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah, he’s original is our Monty and we love him to bits !” What a bunch of second rate critics with no D&D pedigree, with no fantasy breeding.

    I stand alone, FOR ALL TO SEE, as the pre-eminent D&D critic.

    • Kent permalink
      November 22, 2013 3:40 pm

      Finally, standing alone, as the only man whose judgement is UNIVERSALLY respected for matters D&D.

      The one critic left standing whose opinion MATTERS throughout the OSR with no exception.

  174. November 22, 2013 6:08 pm

    Except for the fact that Monte Cook and his erstwhile companion Bruce Cordell are NOT part of the OSR. In fact, they are the epitome of the anti-OSR as one can get. Only a true believer of the OSR would grasp at the straws of Monte’s antics while ignoring the planks of JMal, Raggi and ZakS. While Monte has indeed laid some rotten eggs (Yes, Ptoltus I’m looking at you), he’s at least provided original material, which is more than any of the retroclones of the OSR can lay claim to. You mistake dismissal of his pedigree as acceptance and that is where you are wrong. I think there is much to make fun of Monte about.The capering hyperbole you display shows your true colors as one of the aggrieved members of the OSR who never got attention from the likes of ZakS or never got your own erstwhile blog linked on Grognardia. That and you seem to hate on 3e so much, that you see this as your vicotry lap on YDIS damns you utterly. You win nothing and in fact are a self congratulating hypocrite and a goon! Please try not to embarrass yourself next time.

    • Kent permalink
      November 22, 2013 6:32 pm

      “I think there is much to make fun of Monte about”

      Did you mean “I think there is much about Monte to make fun of” ?

      What’s a “vicotry lap”? Sounds sexy.

      ==

      Anyway I do concede that I attempted to charm ZakS & Jmal with an allure which was in the end deemed sexually inconclusive, but they rejected these undertures to force my blog into their lemon and limelight.

      • November 22, 2013 9:03 pm

        If you mean curious syntax versus the usual ducking that you do when confronted with attribution of your own silliness, then I’ll take that as a yes.

    • kaptainvon permalink
      November 25, 2013 12:17 am

      I’m sure they’re not part of the OSR, but why exempt their Sucky Dungeons for something so trivial as that? There’s a lot to haul Monte Python over for, surely?

  175. Arneson's Spectral Kunt Curse permalink
    November 22, 2013 7:20 pm

    Christ on a Cracker, I don’t think I hate JMal, Zak Princess, or Faggi IV as much as I hate Kent.

    I wonder if we could get Venger Ass Nasty Satanicus and GOPagan to pool their magical talents and put a death spell on Kunt? I’d really like to see that Irish fag die a slow, painful death of the ass cancer.

    • Aos permalink
      November 23, 2013 1:16 pm

      Judging by the sheer number of responses he garners and his ability to redirect the topic regardless of what it is, Kent is the only poster here that actually understands how trolling works.

      • Scott permalink
        November 23, 2013 3:34 pm

        Kent is and always has been next level in every OSR venue I’ve ever seen him appear in, mainly because he intuits that 50-year old men who spend 16 hours a day on the internet have no actual grasp of how the internet works.

      • Aos permalink
        November 23, 2013 3:54 pm

        Yeah, the Columbo/Starsky and Hutch gag is some golden fucking trolling.

      • Aos permalink
        November 23, 2013 4:04 pm

        +For example.

      • naked under my utilikilt permalink
        November 23, 2013 7:46 pm

        Judging by the sheer number of responses he garners and his ability to redirect the topic regardless of what it is, Kent is the only poster here that actually understands how trolling works. QFT.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 23, 2013 10:03 pm

        Disagree. A good troll gets people ranting or angry at eachother. All that Kent manages to inspire is universal hatred directed at himself. That is not being a good troll, that is just failing at life(on the internet!). Changing the topic only works if there is really a topic to be on or off, and last time i checked, YDIS is pretty fucking free flow.

      • Scott permalink
        November 24, 2013 5:46 am

        I’m talking about the “normal” OSR forums and blogs where the posters have delicate sensibilities despite their gun ownership and apparently constant microbrew day-drinking.

      • Aos permalink
        November 24, 2013 10:11 am

        You don’t understand trolling, Prince. I can’t help you.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 24, 2013 3:47 pm

        GODDAMMIT WHY WON’T ANYONE HELP ME?

  176. Kent permalink
    November 22, 2013 8:14 pm

    Ha ha ha. The dumbest people in the osr have tricked into revealing their loyalty to Montey Cooks !

    • Kent permalink
      November 22, 2013 8:23 pm

      Hee hee !

      Listen up !

      The taste of ydis laid bare:

      “Monte Cook delivers actual game material that is not a hack copy-paste rearrange job”

      “Love it or hate it, the guy has delivered actual content, as has Bruce Cordell”

      “they are the epitome”

      “Monte Cook would be alright”

      “Monte is somewhat original”

      “he’s at least provided original material”

      Heh, what a bunch of dumb fags who are shit at D&D.

      • Timotheus permalink
        November 22, 2013 8:59 pm

        Alright, here’s the thing kent.

        “Heh, what a bunch of dumb fags who are shit at D&D.”

        The dumb fags thing may or may not be accurate.

        But the shit at D&D thing is what betrays you, after all these years of trying to differentiate yourself from the blOwSR mainstream.

        You’re a one-true-wayist dogmatic devotee, who failed the Apocalypse Now kill-your-local-priest-king test. Your look-at-me attacks on the Pope and Zakarella are mere self-flagellation for wanting to be in a club you hate.

        Now choke down some Tullamore Dew and be cool for a change.

        Bitch.

    • November 22, 2013 9:06 pm

      Really? What a leap of logic you can make Kent. Please use this gift wisely. I don’t recall singing the praises of Monte, as a matter of fact I never really thought good or ill of him until you came along.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 23, 2013 5:08 am

        Kent you buck-toothed dim-witted Irish Leper. Not only are your attempts at getting the folks at YDIS to profess their love for Monte Cook idiotic and transparent, they are also missing the point entirely.

        To spell it out, the whole point of YDIS is to critisize the shenanigans of the bloated ego’s and pathetic antics of the OSR revolution and its luminaries, as well as the pathetic arm-chair generals and basket-cases that prowl along its periphery. Its the hypocrisy, the hack-cut and paste jobs and the self-destructive pathetic remnants of people who claim their shit does not, in fact, stink because they were at Geneva, that bring fire to our loins and lightning to our blood.

        In fact, im calling you out Kent, you preening, skirt-wearing boy-prostitute. Name a DnD author or module you like. It can be anyone, Arneson, Gygax, Cordell, Denning, Brown, Zackattack, Malesewski whatever floats your boat. Prove you are more then an ignorant moron who just likes to embaress himself to people who play a game he does not even like.

        And for the record, Planescape monstrous compendium III was shit.

      • November 23, 2013 6:51 am

        I never considered Monte more than another latter-day establishment wannabe interchangeable with Cordell, Dancey, Heinsoo, especially Mearls and all the other WOTCs who managed — unlike the scrawny OSR wanna-wannabes — to briefly parlay their ability to yank around about elves into a real grown-up gig with health insurance and everything. Oh and Keith Baker. Monte rakes in the kickstarter bucks because he’s actually been in a big circus and knows what looks like with a real fucking elephant and everything and his fans are a little higher functioning than the random flotsam who cry over sidewalk confidence games like Quimmermount. Do the math.

        What’s fucking intriguing is the way the hardened OSR rebels react to Monte and the gang. Half the time they roll instantly over back into consumer mode, “oh my god Numenara blew my mind.” The other half it’s this lame pissy complaining, “oh my god Numenara has too many tits or not enough, Monte and Skotos Tech both did it wronnnng.”

        For all I know the content is worthwhile. Or maybe it’s the same old whipped-up olestra as the 3E hardcovers that came my way. Maybe I’m missing something but who cares, the heart hates who it fucking hates.

      • Jack permalink
        November 23, 2013 7:28 am

        I’ve never seen the OSR called “scrawny” before.

      • November 23, 2013 7:34 am

        In their hearts they are always the “before” shot in a Charles Atlas ad. Zak, the Pope and a few others had the genes to stay weaselly. The rest are still scrawny on the inside even though the exterior swelled up.

    • Arneson's Spectral Kunt Curse permalink
      November 23, 2013 5:43 am

      I HOPE YOU GET THE ASS CANCER AND DIE KENT!!!!

      (Or maybe the bus you are waiting for can just run you over. Whatever works for you. It’s all good.)

  177. Arneson's Spectral Kunt Curse permalink
    November 23, 2013 5:51 am

    My thoughts on Monte, preserved forever at YDIS:

    https://yourdungeonissuck.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/on-a-scale-of-corky-to-potato-how-fucking-stupid-is-john-adams/#comment-7401

    Monte isn’t a retard as much as he is a tragic figure. His wife dumped him for leaving WotC, going solo, then leaving solo and going back to WotC. Then WotC dumped him, and a good thing too, because he shot his load long ago and now just tries to cash in on past glories. He’s smarter than Mearls, because Mearls doesn’t even realize he too shot his load a long time ago, jumping the shark when he was working for Monte as Monte shot his his load. Looking back, there sure were a lot of jizz loads getting shot back then. Maybe Sue walked in unexpectedly and that’s why she left Monte. I guess we will never know.

    Anyhow, all this 3E talk and Gene’s lingering fart-like presence only goes to show 2E really was the only decent edition of AD&D every put out.

  178. November 23, 2013 7:10 am

    Whichever one of you first noticed that Black Gate site, I hate you but wading through that weird cargo cult of a genre hub is making me stronger, like fucking Prince Conn or some other gay REH Nietzsche fanfic character. They actually have a thing where the idiots at Tor read Appendix Fucking N and then the Black Gate guys read the Tor post and say what was in the Tor post. On one level it’s dada genius like Pat Kiernan reading the newspaper out loud on live morning TV on NY1 (yankees suck). On the other level it’s just taking brain death to another level.

    Did You Fucking Know:

    * there is interactive fiction on the internet it is games there is several styles some has steampunk, some has Cthulhu

    * Manley Wade Wellman is a beloved author no homo

    * urban fantasy is for chicks not the colored folk as you might expect

    * there was a thing Ballantine Adult Fantasy some came before and also Mezentian Gate has somehow graduated to finished novel status, possibly among people who only want you to think they read it

    * there are “parallels” among heroes from fantasy and also mythology this means things that are the same

    * the November/December issue of the Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction is on sale!

    * John Carpenter made a movie, Ghosts of Mars it had ghosts on Mars but fans expecting one genre instead of two were confused

    * the Tekumel guy died! but save your feels he had estate planning!

    Please, Black Gate guys, if you’re reading, consider giving Maliszewski a static bug on the home page so I don’t have to wade through two pages of filler to get to the gold.

    • Scott permalink
      November 23, 2013 3:42 pm

      Is there supposed to be a “finished” version of The Mezentian Gate out there now? Both versions I’ve seen (BAF and the wretched annotated Dell omnibus) present large chunks as fragments but nothing that purports to be a finished product.

  179. I forget about loving Kent permalink
    November 23, 2013 1:23 pm

    Kent should be on salary around here. Oh wait… you sneaky motherfuckers, he is, isn’t he?!

  180. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 23, 2013 4:35 pm

    I’ll share favored Kent moments. I think it was maybe a year or so ago when he went on a wild, psychotic rampage about everybody here using “sock puppets” instead of their real identities. Mind you, this is a guy we have no idea exactly where he lives, what he looks like, or if Kun…uh, I mean “kent” is his actual real first name. He certainly offers up no last name (to my knowledge). When called on that, he was all like “Hey, I’m anonymous but I have a blog and I use “kent” all over the internet, so I’m NOT anonymous. “ Right. Guy has a shit blog (that’s kind of like one of those magical villages that come and go) so he’s Mr. Bravery by using the same handle on that as on the forums. Ain’t that a gasser? Good lord, he’s a fucking dipshit. But the one good thing about him (besides the bitter comedy of his obvious delusions), is that he can take a beating and keep popping back up wanting to be pals until the next pychotic event in his brain. Just like the ‘tards we used to smack around in jr. high.

    • November 24, 2013 8:31 am

      My favorite Kent moment is the time he claimed to be exempt from criticism by YDIS. When he realized this wasn’t true, he “warned” YDIS then outed him.

      That’s Kent at his infantile best.

      Oh, don’t think I didn’t notice that Kent is horning in on my schtick with his response to Gene Shalit’s Crazy Moustache. Of course, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, isn’t it, Kent? I must return the favor sometime.

  181. RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
    November 23, 2013 10:04 pm

    Freddy REALLY wants you to play Spelljammer with him. He’s even written his own fan fiction –
    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=81&t=63806&p=1437491

  182. Arneson's Spectral Bed Check permalink
    November 24, 2013 7:16 pm

    Anyone seen anything at all from Bloodymage ever since his Shitstarter crashed and burned? Dragonsfarters, time for a bed check on your favorite moderator! And Blooey left the thread over at CC2 to go vacuum days ago and hasn’t returned!

  183. November 25, 2013 12:40 pm

    To all my fans at this site:

    If any of you are in contact with Dave Brockie, or Jeff Rients, or Kelvin “Wrinklequim” Greene, please have them contact me.

    To those still waiting on their products from my now-or-never July 2012 Grand Adventures Campaign, shut the fuck up you assholes. You’ll get your mailed-in shit mailed to you before 2019.

    And you know you’ll love it.

  184. Kent permalink
    November 25, 2013 5:03 pm

    KENT & ROBERT DE NIRO
    ======================

    Ive been going through a phase of collecting blu ray editions of movies and re-evaluating them in that form. In fact I don’t watch DvDs any longer.

    For me an interesting comparison is ranking the movies of Robert De Niro, judged in my late teens, at which point I had seen everything worthwhile, and now watching everything over again, aged 41.

    Let me say that while I believe almost nothing worthwhile has been filmed post 1980 and I recognise the superior artistry of the films of the 20s and 30s because directors then were artists, at the same time I am not a film buff because I am not a fag, and in my experience film buffs are frightened by the raw masculinity of Robert De Niro, John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart and confused by the extraordinary intelligence of the likes of Stanley Kubrick. Film buffs tend to be revolted by popularity to which I am indifferent.

    Anyway, moving along,

    When I was 18 my favourite De Niro movies were:

    1. Taxi Driver
    2. The Deer Hunter
    3. Raging Bull
    4. Goodfellas
    5. Greetings

    Now at 41 my favourite De Niro movies are:

    1. Taxi Driver
    2. Midnight Run
    3. The King of Comedy
    4. Greetings
    5. Godfather II

    Thinking about the change I would say Taxi Driver remains iconic, in a sense it is best Dostoevesky film we have achieved yet. Next I would say De Niro is not appreciated for his comedy and I would go so far to say that directors who became entranced by the intensity he brought to a role ignored much of his talent.

    By the way I think Godfather I is a far better film, but De Niro is extraordinary in Godfather II. I love Greetings so much because we used to watch it regularly in college and I still find it very amusing.

    Also with regard to movies made post 1980 that are any good:

    Blade Runner, Withnail and I, Midnight Run, Requiem For a Dream, Irreversible, The King of Comedy, The Thin Red Line.

    Alien for me is a 6 out of 10 film which is very very good. Aliens is a 0 out of 10 film and I can judge peoples appreciation of film based on how they relate these two.

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 25, 2013 5:12 pm

      Good call on The King of Comedy. Great fucking movie Kent.

    • Kent permalink
      November 25, 2013 5:13 pm

      Post 1980 also: Manhunter, Heat, Bullets Over Broadway and The Verdict

      • November 25, 2013 6:37 pm

        You redeem yourself with Heat. Only a good performance by De Niro, but a great movie altogether.

      • Kent permalink
        November 25, 2013 7:08 pm

        De Niro produced better work when younger which is not true of most English actors. For this I blame american directors as much as the prevailing business climate of appealing to 15 year old american morons.

    • Jack permalink
      November 25, 2013 6:09 pm

      I was with you when you said Withnail and I; you lost me when you said Irreversible.

      • Kent permalink
        November 25, 2013 6:25 pm

        Im surprised Jack given your interests. I consider Irreversible an extraordinary horror film, growing out from a very realistic snapshot of ordinary city night life.

      • Jack permalink
        November 25, 2013 7:15 pm

        I’m surprised you mentioned it alongside those other movies; the other films you listed tend toward intense character pieces, while Irreversible barely has characterization to its name, and certainly no stand-out performances. I hardly think it counts as a realistic snapshot of ordinary city night life. It’s not standard, I think, that people confronted with trauma to a loved one seek out a blinded, idiot’s revenge. It would be far more realistic to have something awful happen and have all the main players steamrolled by its aftermath; that seems far more common a thread.

        I also thought the whirling cinematography, sub-bass noises, and strobe effects were cheap substitutes for actual craft.

      • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
        November 25, 2013 8:48 pm

        DeNiro is going to eat a bunch of wedding cakes to bulk up for his portrayal of James Ragu the IV in the upcoming thriller “Chubby Stalker Goes to Finland”

      • Kent permalink
        November 26, 2013 9:00 am

        Jack, you didn’t read what I said – ‘horror … growing out from a very realistic snapshot of ordinary city night life’.

        There’s no point trying to change your mind but I find Bellucci and Cassel really charming. The spinning camera with the grinding bass works very well in the cinema, as does the noise and pulsing whiteout at the end. I saw the film 3 times in the cinema, I was pretty blown away. I consider the viewpoint from the camera to be that of a nonhuman being either instigating the horror and violence, or, making a study of human evil, probably the latter because it follows the thread of action backwards. Note the camera moves at the beginning from a room where two men are talking in room near the homo nightclub, one of those men abused his daughter in Noe’s previous film and the camera viewpoint moves from there to spin down into the nightclub.

        “It’s not standard, I think, that people confronted with trauma to a loved one seek out a blinded, idiot’s revenge”

        It is certainly standard in drama and literature. In real life most men are conditioned not to have the mentality or character to take violent revenge for violence. It is not a matter of intelligence but softness.

        Anyway Noe was morally aware enough to make clear in the end because of the mistake they made, that violence for violence is likely to be fruitless.

    • November 25, 2013 6:35 pm

      Your regard for The Thin Red Line is troubling. Malick fanboyism is a certain sign of a film wanker. I think he was inclined to stop after Days of Heaven and that would have made a perfect Costanzian “I’m out!” high-note departure, but then for some reason he came back and has been almost worthless ever since. He certainly has an eye for beauty, but his meditations on life & death are retarded and not at all poetic as he intends.

      • Kent permalink
        November 25, 2013 7:03 pm

        The admixture of war and spirituality is intoxicating for me. Caviezel and Penn performances are fantastic if you can hold their opposing world views in your head. Unlike you I have read James Jones novels and they make a remarkable ground to work with.

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 25, 2013 9:23 pm

      What about ‘Mean Streets’?

      • November 25, 2013 9:40 pm

        WHAT ABOUT MEET THE FOCKERS?!?!?

      • Kent permalink
        November 26, 2013 8:17 am

        Mean Streets is great. I used to dance like Johnny Boy after I realised it was a good disguise for someone who can’t dance at all.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 26, 2013 7:21 pm

      Kent dresses up like Jodi Foster in Taxi Driver.

      • ARGONAUTIC permalink
        November 30, 2013 5:55 pm

        Who dresses up like Sport?

  185. Shitty McTits permalink
    November 25, 2013 5:46 pm

    Christ almighty, I’m older than Kent, and I’ve sucked hardly any dicks.

    My life has been wasted.

    • RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
      November 25, 2013 7:58 pm

      You could start a kickstarter campaign like our buddy Jimmy Ragu. He always kickstarts a lot of dick sucking. If you lick the taint he will even throw in an index of the dicks to be sucked upon.

    • Arneson's Spectral Reality Check permalink
      November 26, 2013 5:25 pm

      It all makes perfect sense now why Kent is such a miserable cunt. He’s an old poofster. Gay is a young man’s game, and Kent is a tired old queen living in the gay culture that values only youth. Kent’s life from now on is one of loneliness and chronic masturbation plus the occasional Columbo or Matlock DVD gift set. Sad, really. Suicide might be the only way out, if the ass cancer doesn’t take him first.

      • Kent permalink
        November 26, 2013 6:04 pm

        Didn’t I tell you to kill yourself?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 26, 2013 6:51 pm

        I told you to get back on your psych meds, Kunt. You really have nothing to live for, not even one more day, but your meds will help you forget.

        Oh, and get the ass cancer and die while you’re at it too. There are big, juicy, malignant polyps forming in your pooper right now.

      • Kent permalink
        November 26, 2013 7:01 pm

        This is your last warning. Kill yourself this instant.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 26, 2013 7:13 pm

        Those polyps are eating your ass out, and not in a good way that you gays like! Die a slow, agonizing death of cancer, Kent!

      • Kent permalink
        November 26, 2013 8:15 pm

        I think I get it now. You are dead but have internet access.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 27, 2013 6:24 am

        Kent, on your blog you mention you don’t like modules(but not out of general principle like, say, Alexis, more on a principle of quality) with the exception of the Paul Jaquays Wilderness of High Fantasy Trilogy and The Hidden Shrine of Toamachan. While i have not read any of Jaquays modules and therefore cannot comment, i have read The Hidden shrine of Toamachan, and found it to have a certain exotic allure, as well as a prime example of non-exposition based story-telling.

        As a GM whose playstyle tends towards the narrative driven(i.e biased in favor of story-telling and character motivation as opposed to puzzle-solving and dungeon exploration), what exactly did you find compelling about Toamachan that was absent in other works of similar nature, most notably B4 the Lost City?

      • November 27, 2013 6:31 am

        Kent has a blog, you know.

      • November 27, 2013 7:08 am

        Yes, Kent has a blog and he really ought to use it. YDIS is no place for De Niro.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 27, 2013 10:22 am

        Kent can also put up a Cancer Fund PayPal button on his blog when he gets the terminal ass cancer.

      • Kent permalink
        November 27, 2013 10:44 am

        PrinceofNothing, if you are interested you should ask an advocate of modules on one of the forums. I only read them to get an idea how others are playing D&D.

        What distinguishes the good from the bad for me, apart from good writing and smart maps, is originality. Gygax and Jaquays imagined a place and then tried to get down on paper. Most module writers considered it their job to dismantle and rearrange existing module environments like lego sets and to stick in different lego fellas. Gygax and Jaquays imagined real tombs and temples; other writers imagined D&D tombs and temples.

  186. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 26, 2013 4:18 am

    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/2013/09/the-state-of-dungeons-dragons.html

    Have i been indulging in too many late-night paint-huffing binges or is this post actually thought-provoking and, well…good? You be my judge YDIS.

    • November 26, 2013 8:11 am

      TL;DR

    • Kent permalink
      November 26, 2013 8:18 am

      Can you buy any of these single posts in hardback?

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      November 26, 2013 5:58 pm

      I liked it. The link to him running Death Frost Doom is worth reading as well. And funny!

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        November 27, 2013 2:24 am

        Hahaha, Alexis running Death Frost Doom is so awful it’s great(while providing insight into what makes him tick). Also his players sound like the worst, but that could be conditioning.

    • The Magnificent Poop van Pants permalink
      November 26, 2013 10:00 pm

      The primary thought that blog entry provokes is this:
      When this thread started on YDIS with RR’s picture at the top I thought it boarded on cyber-bullying.
      After reading that post ,I no longer feel the least bit guilty …

  187. PrinceofNothing permalink
    November 26, 2013 9:38 am

    I find it helps if you read them in 10.000 word increments.

  188. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    November 26, 2013 5:23 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63890

    Old right-tighty grognards wonder why no one wants to play with them. “Must be their lack of respect for our ancient and honorable ways. Goddamn you Blair and Obama!” Yep, center-left politicians have so destroyed our culture that it’s no fit world to find young players for old school games.

    What’s next, Pathfinder=socialism?

    • Arneson's Spectral Reality Check permalink
      November 26, 2013 5:28 pm

      Oh, Dragonsfart. You really are a Master Class in Social Retardation.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      November 26, 2013 6:08 pm

      *righty-tighty

      • Peryton Cock permalink
        November 27, 2013 8:22 am

        This dude is also leaving incomprehensible screeds over on the KKK Alehouse. http://knights-n-knaves.com/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=11958t

      • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
        November 27, 2013 2:38 pm

        “To put it briefly, my views on ‘morality’ are akin to those of Max Stirner or Nietzsche: it’s basically an animal adaptation with some culture building on that scaffolding. All values are subjhective and individual. Moreover, from my view of civilization and human cooperation a lot of ‘morality’ is in fact counter-productive by making people herdish, reflexively intolerant and more swayed by the opinion of a thousand morons and demagogues than one sensical thought. I dig Conan and Elric stories for this reason. Now this creates a problem: even if I play to what I consider ‘good’, i.e. promoptiong civilization and technical development, then a Paladin is going to end up looking like a Randroid.”

        Here’s my question: why in Satan’s name is this guy concerned about any of his players “looking like a Randroid” when he has the Randian Deluded Ubermench attitude and lingo down pat. Such as:

        “Or someone that isn’t interested in the maudlin sentimentality of hypersensitive pampered herd animals. Anyway, you weren’t invited to play with me. And trying toi use ‘egotistical’ as an insult is a logicfail.”

        Because if you don’t give half a fuck about anyone else,and you call them names, you’re obviously better than them. BTW, shit-for-brains, “egotistical” has been used with negative connotations for a long time; about the only folks who dispute this are Randroids who have bought into Ms. Rand’s bizarre redefinition of the word.

        Oh, and “logicfail” is not a fucking word. Be precise!

  189. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    November 26, 2013 5:46 pm

    More rejection for Blooey:
    http://www.yog-sothoth.com/topic/26265-cattle-drive-to-hell/

  190. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    November 27, 2013 5:44 am

    There’s a new suckdungeon on the horizon, brought to you by Benoist, the RPGShite’s most socially retarded Canadian, riding on the coat strings of Gary’s obese manchild heir who in turn is riding on his famous father Gary’s coat strings:

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63831

    The Hobby Shop Dungeon. Sounds like the basement of some FLGS where they lure the young boys for some Fat Longpig action.

    • bad wolf permalink
      November 27, 2013 8:39 am

      Fuck, of course someone finally realized they could monetize this.
      http://tomeoftreasures.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2232

      Well, at least there’s an actual map and binder already extant, so it looks like they can milk this for years of releases. It’s no Dwimmerdust, though.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 28, 2013 4:26 am

        One room in the lower right corner appears to be stained with Gary’s pee pee possibly with some poopy smears, making this worth more money.

        “Mass: 836g”

        I suppose that is there to impress us so that we don’t notice this:

        “Format: 3 ring binder containing six sheets of maps, 14 sheets of dungeon contents, dividers, plus one large map, folded”

        Only 14 pages of dungeon content. You heard it here first. This is going to be Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon Part II.

  191. Kent permalink
    November 27, 2013 12:02 pm

    Some of you have noticed that this is in fact my other Blog or Forum where I dump verbal garbage and punch idiots in order to keep my other Blog respectable, classy if you like, a place where none of you are welcome.

    Oh yeah Im opening a store here cos I can do what I want when I want and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Im having my fun and that’s all that matters.

    KENT’S WEB STORE
    =================

    1. Bag of onions — $3
    2. My old shoes, size 12 — $125

    • November 27, 2013 12:24 pm

      What are my shipping options for the onions? Can you do same-day to the US?

      • Kent permalink
        November 27, 2013 12:54 pm

        6 weeks for delivery. You have to buy the shoes as that’s how I pack the onions so they don’t get bruised in transit. Then you post back my shoes and I will give you a refund for the shoes if they are in better condition than when I sent them.

        Take it or leave it. That’s my business motto.

      • November 27, 2013 2:50 pm

        I won’t be bullied. I’ll give you $126.50 for both items. Quickly, or I will pull this offer.

      • Kent permalink
        November 27, 2013 3:39 pm

        You can have some onions for free if you grant me mod privileges here. Ive always wanted to be a moderator.

    • Jack permalink
      November 27, 2013 2:30 pm

      Did Gary touch either the shoes or the onions?

      • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
        November 27, 2013 3:12 pm

        Probably not, but the shoes have spent their lives about 2 feet from Kent’s Rectum, and that’s gotta be worth something.

      • Kent permalink
        November 27, 2013 3:37 pm

        Ive noticed from your sense of humour that you are a very stupid guy, Fatty McNeckbeard. What do you do for a living?

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        November 27, 2013 5:44 pm

        Says the guy with the stupid shoes and onions thing going on.

    • Kent's Rectum permalink
      November 27, 2013 5:42 pm

      Hello Folks! As I’m about to get stuffed like a turkey by some anonymous penis Kent brought home from the fag bar tonight, it dawns on me that tomorrow is your Thanksgiving holiday in the States. HAPPY TURKEY DAY, YDIS AND FANS! Gobble Gobble! (Not you Kent, take that guy’s dick out of your mouth you are slobbering all over it.)

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 27, 2013 8:15 pm

      How are we supposed to use these at the gaming table, Kunt? You could have at least offered to wipe your ass with graph paper and sell it.

      Kunt’s shit might be worth money on eBay after HE DIES A SLOW, LINGERING DEATH FROM THE ASS CANCER GROWING INSIDE HIM EVEN NOW!

    • Timotheus permalink
      November 28, 2013 8:11 am

      If that is all you have for stretch goals, kent, I retract my pledge.

  192. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    November 27, 2013 4:10 pm

    Heckle idiots.

  193. November 27, 2013 5:29 pm

    I’m getting all fucking confused again — Greyhawk Grognard is the Libertarian/horsedick dildo guy, right? Did he pull from his blog page the links to his other wacko blogs? One was like “Make Mine Freedom!” or something, and the other was like “Uncle Tom’s Garden” or some shit like that?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      November 27, 2013 8:11 pm

      http://www.stormfront.org
      http://www.kkk.com

      Nope, still up and running.

    • November 28, 2013 7:24 am

      Joey pulled the links about the same time he got serious about selling Castle Formerly Known As Zagyg through his “pro” site. Although he seems to have given the matter some thought, this essentially means the completely non-racist witch and the log cabin libertarian personalities are back in the closet as far as the lucrative gamer community goes. Likewise, the game dork and the log cabin libertarian are no longer out and proud as far as the witches go.

      Make Mine Freedom still proudly bears all links. Let’s see how long that lasts.

    • Recovering Retard permalink
      November 30, 2013 7:44 pm

      You gotta source me on the whole Joey and the Horse Dick thing – I missed that one!

      • December 1, 2013 8:29 am

        In brief, Bloch claims to be an enthusiastic practitioner of seiðr, which is not a religion but one of the “types of magic in [his] religion.”

        Anyway, it seems authentic seiðr requires the practitioner to squat on a stallion stick.

  194. Timotheus permalink
    November 28, 2013 8:14 am

    Happy Thanksgiving, mother fuckers.

    Currently drinking: Yes.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      November 28, 2013 8:59 am

      Happy fucking turkey day!

      Not drinking YET, goddamnit.

  195. RepublicansArePedophiles permalink
    November 30, 2013 6:03 pm

    Looks like Dragonsfoot is down! Did Freddy P freak out over the Steelers loss the other night? Did the admins spill buttercum gravy on the server? Did Thacko unleash an anti-PC screed that inspired such a clamor amongst the hemorrhoidal horde? Did Lord Geesh think a hemorrhoid donut was a kind of nummy and died trying to eat one?

    • December 2, 2013 8:23 am

      Two or three days without Dragonsfoot? I think I will live. Although I wish Jizzsack the Horrible would let down his guard more often and let us know how the campaign against his fellow bus riders is going. I know most here prefer to mock bloodymage, but I find it more interesting to observe the doofus who manages to act close to normal 5 days a week and then suddenly rolls out with a genuine wtf once in a blue moon. ‘Lookit me! I.m wearing a kilt so you know Im KRAZEE fun!’

  196. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    December 1, 2013 12:21 pm

    Are you attentive to personal hygiene?

    No answer yet

    I know the answer! Eat, pee, crap, rinse, clean, repeat!

    Prescott Area Role Playing Gamers’ Group

    Prescott, AZ
    11 RPGers

    Do you run a table top role playing game and want to find players? Join up, come to a few events, and then feel free to use this meetup to schedule your games and find new pla…

    Next Meetup

    Game On Open Game

    Wednesday, Aug 20, 2014, 6:15 AM
    3 Attending

    Check out this Meetup Group →

  197. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 1, 2013 4:02 pm

    I’m pretty sure I remember seeing Blooey on that meetup forum many moons ago, yacking it up with himself. The usual progression of happy hopefulness for great gaming, and the slow, bitter realization that the gamer flakes have no real intention of showing up at his place to play, truck in the shop or no. Sad. And you know what I mean when I say “sad.”

    Late in the game a serious playmate for BM seemed to show up recently though. A ray of hope amidst the pathos. But alas, when it came down to “go time,” that Infocyde douche bag let our hero down, just like everybody else. Hang in there Bloo! You’re gonna be swimming in players after Blooeycon, Blooeydragon mascot, Blooeyeggs, and the whole enchilada blows away the critics and naysayers. I believe in Blooeymage!

    p.s. – if you are new to Bloodymage and want to see some classics, go to the “Old School Gaming Group” discussion on that meetup, and start at the very beginning. Blooey gets ticked off at his players for not helping him move, even though they had clearly abandoned him at that point. Blooey gets bedevilled by mormons. Blooey gets annoyed at his neighbors music. Blooey even vacuums up the dog hairs in the game room, has a fridge for ya, and even a bathroom. But gamings own hard luck hero just can’t catch a break.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 1, 2013 5:50 pm

      I don’t think my truck would ever be ready in time.

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        December 2, 2013 9:54 am

        I’ve already figured I’m going to die in this house, so it might as well be gaming!

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 2, 2013 3:38 pm

        ~vibes

  198. PrinceofNothing permalink
    December 2, 2013 4:25 am

    Breaking news everyone! Alexis has been writing a new book!
    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.nl/

    Also i just read that link again and figured out it ends with .nl for the first time, meaning Alexis might be living in the Netherlands, where i live also.

    Fuck!

    • Dildatory Interlude permalink
      December 2, 2013 6:13 am

      I hope there is an editor for this book: “Until then, I have a tiger by the tale … and I’ll be talking about book a lot”

      HAVE TIGER BY…TALE

      I TALK BOOK A LOT

    • December 2, 2013 10:43 am

      A treatise. Dear God.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 2, 2013 3:38 pm

        ~vibes

    • Kent permalink
      December 2, 2013 11:19 am

      I was hoping for fresh starlet titty for a new front page but it looks like we will be having another portrait of Tao, even so soon.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 2, 2013 12:50 pm

        No one’s buying it, Nancy Boy.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 2, 2013 12:47 pm

      I was hoping it was going to be a tell-all about his gender transformation from Alexis of Tao to, well, Miss Alexis. DEM TITTIES!!!!

  199. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 11:28 am

    HA HA HA
    ========
    ==–=–==
    –o–o–o–

    Tao is talking about you guys ” a bunch of sloppy trolls” ! and making sense too !!

    At least I found it persuasive and I want to hear more because that’s how I learn about things. That’s why.

    “Truth be told, all the shit going around me, even pictures with me bearing tits, is OLD NEWS. The world is marvelously full of infantile fucks, and the world has a terrific methodology for dealing with them. In the long run, they get cancer, they end up in old age homes, they die in gutters and drunk tanks, they electrocute themselves trying to fix their own shit and they generally succeed in living a long, long life without compatriots or friends. Even the motherfucks who know them don’t trust them, and they don’t trust anyone else, so it all goes to really logical places in the end.”

    • December 2, 2013 11:50 am

      “I’m a lightning rod for that kind, have been since grade school, and the jokes don’t change, the images don’t change, the smarmy superiority doesn’t change, and the total lack of having produced anything significant in life doesn’t change.”

      Is he talking about himself?

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 2, 2013 2:34 pm

        That’s the thing that kills me. Alexis Qaeda’s irony and self awareness is stuck on Zero.

        His “swarmy superiority” drips from every one of his putrid pores…Jesus, save me from from the massive pukefest this will incite…

      • PrinceofNothing permalink
        December 3, 2013 3:28 am

        And i should think having produced anything significant in life would make one MORE inclined to laugh at Alexis, not less. Also, is he calling down cancer and old age upon us? Does anyone know what level he is?

  200. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 11:39 am

    HO HO HO
    ========
    ==–=–==
    –o–o–o–

    Tao stopped using all of the internet’s words that time I said Wikipedia was getting really pissed off. However on his sabbatical he began to speak like the little girl from The Exorcist.

    Tao says,
    “Those around me reported my curious, alive nature, since for about two weeks I could not STOP talking about everything.”

    CANADA says,
    “Shut the fuck up, we can’t hear ourselves think. Shut UP !! Give the fucker back his keyboard.”

    WIKIPEDIA says,
    “Fuck you ! No way !! Not again !!”

    KENT says,
    “Ha ha ha ! Tao called you ydis morons a bunch of losers !”

    • December 2, 2013 11:48 am

      Kent, what makes you think you are excluded from his pronouncement?

      • Kent permalink
        December 2, 2013 11:52 am

        Sex appeal and Will power.

  201. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 11:51 am

    Tao has written a book about fantasy role playing games. How is it possible that someone who has no interest in, and so no taste for fantasy literature considers himself a writer in the genre?

    Someone should ask him on his blog to discuss his favourite fantasy authors.

    That would shut him up.

  202. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 12:27 pm

    One thing that annoys me about Tao is that he knows you guys are thick as shit but won’t come out and say it. He’s aiming for the Loser angle which for me is overshadowed by your stupidity.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 2, 2013 12:45 pm

      GET THE ASS CANCER AND DIE YOU FUCKING FAG!
      Or just throw yourself in front of the public bus you ride to collect your dole check down at social services, it’s all good! 🙂

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 2, 2013 2:37 pm

      Now, kent, I thougt you Irish lassies were taught not to address your betters in this fashion.

      And, it must be pointed out that your infatuation with Alexis Qaeda is unseemly.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      December 2, 2013 3:14 pm

      Kent, my “loser” side overwhelms the “stupid” problem by a healthy margin, thank you very much.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 2, 2013 3:37 pm

        ~vibes

  203. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 3:32 pm

    More 1980s plus Movies for ya
    =====================

    In Bruges
    ————- good ol’ oirish stuff
    Evil Dead II
    ————- skip the first few minutes up to Bruce being hurled through the air which is some legacy copyright crap. The rest is exhilarating. I thought I didn’t like horror much
    The Verdict
    ———— Paul Newman in the Best Law Movie.
    48 hours
    ————-That’s me and Eddie Murphy fighten crime

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 2, 2013 3:53 pm

      Why do all of Kent’s posts read like he is jacking off to Justin Bieber or New Direction pics with the other hand?

    • Kent permalink
      December 2, 2013 3:54 pm

      Oh and:

      State of Grace
      ——————Sean Penn & Gary Oldman. An unknown classic.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 2, 2013 5:22 pm

        More like WILL & GRACE!
        HAHAHA FAG!

  204. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    December 2, 2013 3:46 pm

    Guys, do me a solid and Google “Alexis Smolensk Pete’s Garage”. We (and by we I mean DEM TITTIES!) come up first at YDIS, followed by the Alexis’s actual vanity press offering at Lulu.

    YDIS IS NUMBER ONE!!!!

  205. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 4:18 pm

    One thing that people don’t know about me is that I am arrogant. I have yet to meet someone whom I respect.

    But that does NOT mean you should fear for your lives.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 2, 2013 5:21 pm

      I think I speak for all of us when I say Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde had a better chance of putting us in fear for our lives than you ever did, Kent.

  206. Timotheus permalink
    December 2, 2013 5:38 pm

    kent, after going to such pains over the years to conceal your arrogance, why would you admit to it now?

    I can offer this question again as multiple choice if you require it to be thus.

  207. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 2, 2013 6:54 pm

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=63996

    A new thread that I am sure is going to inspire some laughs. Manchildren will be manchildren after all.

    • Timotheus permalink
      December 2, 2013 7:21 pm

      Our friend Freddy P starts off with:

      “I know, I know….broads don’t like being called chicks. But this thread gets to the point.”

      Once again, our paragon of bus-riding paladinhood proves his valor toward the ladies.

      No more chivalrous words have ever been spoken.

      Oh, wait –

      He talks about playing females! Chivalrous, yet progressive. Perhaps we have misjudged our friend Fre-

      “I don’t really get into their appearance of anything other than “decent look half-elf chick with blond hair and blue eyes, charisma 13”. I don’t want to dress her or really do anything at all different for a female character than a male character.

      “I’ve seen some other male players kinda get into. Pictures of their character (usually depicting plenty of body), long descriptions, gender politics, etc. Some not so much. I guess almost all players I’ve met have been male and only played males though I never really kept track and eventually never noticed.

      “So whats your take on men playing female characters? Are you one of those guys? How creepy not creepy about it are you? Do you have transgender ideas or are you transgender? Do you have sexy pictures of your imaginary female characters?”

      Or, you know, gosh, sexy transgender pictures of yourselves? And, you know, *candid* pictures at that?

      That guy’s a riot. Why do I think these Dragonsbutt confesions will eventually be evidence in a Pittsburgh trial about a machete massacre on a bus?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 2, 2013 7:40 pm

      You know, if any of these social retards like FreddyPeePeePants had ever actually PLAYED a roleplaying game instead of collecting them and then talking about them online, they would realize that the DM plays female characters all the damn time.

      All. The. Damn. Time.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        December 2, 2013 7:45 pm

        Also, FreddyP strikes me as a classic ball sack cup-and-sniffer. Rubs his fingers real good on those unwashed, vinegary balls and brings ’em up to his nose to get a good whiff.

      • Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
        December 2, 2013 8:12 pm

        This isn’t a problem in Kent’s all-male home campaign, The World of GayHawk

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        December 3, 2013 9:16 am

        I thought he was more of a Forgotten Reams bloke.

  208. Kent permalink
    December 2, 2013 8:35 pm

    My favourite thread on the subject, and one of the first threads I began online,

    ‘Who Would *Choose* To Be A Woman?’

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=36962

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      December 2, 2013 9:18 pm

      LOL Kent is a mental midget just like FreddyP!!!!
      HAHAHAHA! FAG!

    • December 2, 2013 10:01 pm

      It’s more interesting to consider the psychology at work of DMs who willfully fuck with gender choice, with traps and transtesticle magicks. Yes I’m looking at you Jaquays, with those sex change girdles and curses you sprinkled your dungeons with. But I think Jenelle was interested in exploring conflicted sexuality in an authentic and curious way, whereas Gary and the Boys would hit you with a twatmorphosis just so they could laugh at you and say, “Haha if you don’t spend the rest of the adventure looking at your tits in a mirror it’s because you’re a FAG!”

      • Timotheus permalink
        December 3, 2013 6:45 am

        Actually, back when Jennelle was Paul, he was a militant gays-are-an-offense-against-God style goon, so it is unlikely he was exploring conflicted sexuality from curiosity. More likely it was subliminal self-hatred.

        Not that there is anything wrong with that.

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        December 3, 2013 9:18 am

        As if Gaygax wasn’t diddling all the teenage boys who came down into his basement to play the “dungeon game.” Dudes like Kuntz and Nystul show classic signs of Stockholme syndrome reinforced by sexual abuse.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      December 3, 2013 11:33 am

      Nice to see that your loser friends on the forums don’t like you any more than we do, Kunt. Even the Wheggi-buggering Trent Fister rolls his eyes at your gibberish. I have to admit, after getting through about a sentence or two you just start to sound all “geeba geeba.” Does your massive intellect have a made up language used because normal English isn’t complicated enough to express your “demand to be heard” thoughts?

      It’s an excellent find, K. Especially sweet since the Unblown gametard being trolled in this case is yourself by yourself. We’re through the looking glass here, people.

      I did bust up laughing at the fag who off the top of his head can rattle off several names of obviously cherished female characters.

  209. PrinceofNothing permalink
    December 4, 2013 3:39 am

    Ow wow, the thread takes a nice turn for the worst at around page 8 when the Basement Dwellers start discussing the sexual escapades of their characters. I did learn a lot of helpful things about selecting the right brothels to fuck hookers when im pretending to be an elf though.

  210. Timotheus permalink
    December 4, 2013 7:17 am

    Rob “Illiteratti” Conley gives his short history of the blOwSR. No mention of Grogturdia, everybody painted as altruists giving away their work (though he does include some links to his online store) (just in case you, you know, want to support his altruis with cash), and Rob’s unique take on syntax and spelling and the English language in general make this a must-read:

    http://batintheattic.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-short-history-of-old-school.html

    “Their first editions was designed as a publisher reference/SRD to producing adventures and supplement.”

    Oh, Rob, you silver-tongued devil…

    • December 4, 2013 8:10 am

      tl;dr? Here’s Conley’s summary:

      “To recap the three factors that allowed the OSR to grow in to a substantial hobby niche are

      ~ The huge body of people who played classic editions of DnD.
      ~ The internet capability to allow niche communities to communicate and grow.
      ~ The use of the Open Game License to RPGs to use the most of the same terms as classic editions.
      ~ The inexpensive availability of Print on Demand technology.”

      That’s right, three factors. Also, is “The huge body of people who played…” remark a slight against fatbeards?

    • Kent permalink
      December 4, 2013 10:34 am

      Conley has my favourite avatar of all time on therpgsite. He looks like a toddler who, against his will, has been dressed up real fancy like by his medievalist parents. OR . He looks like a voodoo doll.

  211. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    December 4, 2013 11:12 am

    One eager blOwSR dipshit comments:

    “What would you charge if I cleaned this up and included it as a chapter in my OSR Handbook?”

    Yes. “Clean up” is key. It really reads like a pre-teenager scribbling out a quick book report and handing it in without a rewrite of any kind. Almost every paragraph has a retarded nugget. It’s one thing to just be typing away in a comments section. We all fuck up grammer and shit because we don’t give a goddamn. But this guy is presenting this weak essay (On a subject that has been done to death) publically for posterity. Dumbass needs to realize if he wants to be an all growed up writer, he needs to at least go over it once to weed out ackward sentences. Great, I’m a fucking grammer nazi forum fag now. Fuck!