NEVER FORGET
September 11, 2013
This one time, at a D&D convention, someone changed a little baby’s poopy diaper right there in public and they didn’t cordon off the area with curtains or DM screens or even use the Shaming Tent like you’re supposed to after the wiener goes in the hoo-hoo and a human pops out the mommy’s butt 6 months later, and then Darius saw the dirty diaper and it was super gross. He almost smelled it too, but he didn’t, but he almost did and that would have been even super grosser.
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Your Dungeon Is Suck. 
COMEST TO POLLHEAD CON NORTHEST AZ 5/2015, GUEST OF HONER RICK LOOMI WHO I NEVER FUCK HERD OF WiLL BE THERE SIGNI SHIT
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MKTGING DIRECTER POLLHEAD CON 2015
Raggs 4 goes the the well again. I would say the guy has no shame, but he puts up videos of himself to sell his snuff game.
http://lotfp.blogspot.com/2013/09/lets-get-this-train-wreck-started-lotfp.html
For extra money, he will do an index. Of his core products. For 2600 Euros.
I’ve done indexing for pay on texts way more complex than RPG books before. It isn’t that hard (just time consuming) and the going rate certainly isn’t that high. Hell, you can look at a copy of B/X to figure out what items you need to include in your index, then ctrl-f them, note the page numbers in a doc, and get it done in a day.
People seem mad at me for pointing out that this is silly on G+, but there you have it.
Later stretch goals will include “page numbering (1500 Euros)*
*shipping not included, may push delivery to 2020.
Wait wait wait.
You’re serious?
He’ll number the pages for an extra month’s rent?
What do I get for, say, 10 Eurodollarpounds? Bottom line this for me. What’s the entry-level buy-in get me? A bunch of pages with ALMENTITIONS VON DAS FEUR-KÖNIGESCHEN scrawled atop them in felt-tip and a drawing of some Nordic Goth bird stuffing a d20 up herself?
(Actually, for ten Euros that’s not a bad deal, I could use a new notebook. Maybe the time has come for me to brave Mr. Raggi’s shlock emporium after all.)
Raggs’ obsession with this “flame princess” is reaching epically creepy proportions. She appears on every single book now. It really disturbs me out that he’s now made her into a peg-legged amputee and is thus throwing a whole new layer of “Boxing Helena” style fetishism into the mix.
If asked, he would probably say that she’s a non-stereotypical female character and all these situations prove how tough she is. In reality, he seems to enjoy making the character suffer. Clearly there’s no resentment on his part that the real “flame princess” turned him down…
And for the record, colorized Photoshop pictures of cosplay girls does not count as “art.”
Oh, and I find it amusing that he calls his summary of his latest crowdfunding scam “the skinny.” Oh, the irony…
That thread. All of my face palms.
How far did everybody get into the thread? I had to tap out on page 2.
Don’t go any further than that. On page 3 you learn some of them have bred and have babies. It will ruin your 9/11 holiday spirits.
Happy “everyone’s a yankees fan” day, all you yankees fans out there! Never forget! BELIEVE
I skipped ahead to the end and page 7 is reasonably squirrelly. Black Vulmea Himself rides a cascade of “everybody poops” — I guess the gamers really are the nation’s brain trust — and then fucking Steve shuts the fun down in an apparent cholera joke, “it’s run it’s [sic] course.” Actual thread ran for ten fucking days. Speaking of cholera and running.
BELIEVE
Did Black Vulmea phrase his contribution in pirate speak? “Avast, maties, everybody spills bilge from aft, savvy!” I refuse to read his posts unless phrased in pirate speak.
That thread is a classic, a testament to the Dragonsfart brain trust! LONG LIVE THE blOwSR!
HAPPY 9/11 EVERYBODY!
30 DAYS OF D&D
DAY 10: Craziest thing that’s happened that you saw (to party/characters/your players etc)
Orcs raping babies while eating their intestines. And they are also shitting. Runner up: Shiting our pants in some Raggi snuff module, then getting attacked by our own shit. Raggi really captured that old school feel by giving us something our 10 year old selves could have come up with.
DAY 11: Favorite adventure that you have run
WG7 Castle Greyhawk. It was a blast to shit all over Gary Gygax’s face and life’s work through 12 whole levels.
DAY 12: Favorite Dungeon Type/Location
I like dungeons that never see the light of day, like Gary Gygax’s Castle Greyhawk/Zagyg, JMal’s Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon, or anything Rob Kuntz says he’s going to do but never does because he’s too busy listening to Alex Jones and the Tea Party while snorting crystal meth.
Anton has some great potential for vapourware.
http://greyhawkgrognard.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-do-you-want-in-published.html
But maybe I am being blinded by my particular hatred for our favorite Odinic rider of horse cock.
He’s going to publish The Gaxtard’s dungeon with the serial numbers filed off? Somebody tell that Tea Bagging Joe Blockhead “You Didn’t Build This!”
What would be useful? What would be a must-have? What would be superfluous? Feel free to think outside the box; battle mats? A book of illustrations? A soundtrack?
A soundtrack, indeed! The Tea Party Anthem will do just fine for our Asatru Republican.
I’d like this on the Gygaxian Neo-Nazi Suckdungeon soundtrack as well:
Add to the fact he had to have gotten some of his info on the original Castle Greyhawk from Grodog’s research and we can see why badgering an Australian housefrau for a stupid Mystaran take off is monumentally hypocritical.
The original, free crap he created for his blog was even “designed” to be used with Gygax’s Castle Zagyg stuff, after it became apparent Troll Lord had lost the license.
I suggested that the following might be nice, but alas, my post was not accepted by Anton LeGhey
A 220-240 page hardcover containing the encounter keys and level by level detail for all 14 levels;
— Full-color poster maps on heavyweight stock for all 14 levels;
— A folio or folder to organize and store the poster maps when they’re not in use;
— A deluxe box or slipcase for storing both the level key hardcover and the map folio with all of the poster maps;
— The addition of a number of original black & white interior art pieces to highlight specific set piece encounters or unique features of the Castle levels;
( http://www.black-blade-publishing.com/ if yeh didn’t know)
why the fuck would anybody pay for it when it was offered for free?
why the fuck would anyone pay for a fucking megadungeon anyway? Seriously, make your own up, on the fly.
Datagoblin: “A rumble brewing over a baby diaper thread? Lets keep it together brothers, all for one, one for all. If it gets out of hand in this thread and the mods have to step in, we are going to lose a lot of street-cred around the internets.”
http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1213546#p1213546
News for you, but that ship sailed long ago. Though I suspect anyone who uses the phrase “street cred” with any level of seriousness when referring to an RPG forum is a lost cause.
Though I would also question anyone who uses “ship sailed long ago”.
Nah, Mr. Hutt, it is cool to jump the shark in this place.
In case anyone is worried that R4 will abandon his enthusiastic attempts at mysogyny, worry not! Here is the special wrap around cover of the obviously-mandatory Referee book for his kickstarter backers:
http://lotfp.blogspot.com/2013/09/lets-get-this-train-wreck-started-lotfp.html?zx=841254050ffa7f9d
Great, we have seen the fetishization of the red-haired chick’s leglessness and fingerlessness, now we get to watch the blond chick’s character development with half her face burned off. Gosh, how weird!!!
That’s what I want out of fantasy – how about you?
Man, thought I linked to the blown up version of that pic, but it just takes you to the same post that Peanut Em linked above. My bad. Make sure you click on the pic for all its blown up Faggi glory.
Don’t miss the part where there is a stretch goal to bribe Rags wife into forgetting she came in second place.
+ 350€ Maria Appreciation Fund!
My wife puts up with a lot of crap to allow LotFP to function, from going without rent for months at a time (while watching thousands of euros come and go for business concerns), the living room being turned into a warehouse for weeks once or twice a year and being littered with packing supplies year-round, the “Leave me alone I’m writing!” shenanigans, “Help me get this load to the post office?”, to dealing with the stress of being married to someone running a small business in a very small and weird industry.
This crowdfunding campaign is not designed to generate profit in and of itself (of course the hope is the Ref book will go on afterwards to be a wildly successful and profitable book!), but if you vote for this stretch goal, Maria gets her share of the rent immediately after the campaign ends, not three months after the Ref book goes to press. This stretch goal can be achieved numerous times, if you’re feeling that nice.
Seriously. WTF?
Wait, he need 2600 Euros ($3,456.96 US) just to include an index, and then has the balls to say “This crowdfunding campaign is not designed to generate profit”?
I always wondered what kind of losers are sucker enough to buy into the Faggi snuff porn. Then I saw this little gem from Anders Kirstein Jensen in the comments:
“Interesting! Maybe I better boot up indiegogo :)”
Boot up? A website? This guy must still be on a Commodore 64 or something and indiegogo will take all day to load.
One less Raggi/Geoffrey fan roaming the streets… LoL
http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/12/justice/cannibal-eat-children-case/
Anybody know if prisons allow you to receive Kickstarter rewards as part of their mail service?
“The Dungeon of Fat Longpig” sounds like the title of a Raggi snuff special.
I guess the IRON GM is a recurring monster throughout the encounter. It’s like a regular IRON GOLEM, but can devour your character by fiat. Raggi would be proud.
I think “The Dungeon of Fat Longpig” is how Raggi’s wife refers to their apartment.
The real Fat Longpig weighs in on the controversy –
“While I’m ranting… you know gaming is invisible to the mainstream when the guy’s DVD collection (or a selection of, anyway) is shown as part of a news story but not his gaming shelf, when in the pic they use of the guy he’s wearing A FRICKIN GAMING SHIRT. Aren’t you curious what games he played? I am.
PS. Anyone reading this that’s planning on getting your picture in the news (or isn’t planning on getting your picture in the news but will end up there if you get caught doing what you shouldn’t be doing), LotFP shirts are quite stylish.
(I feel like this story is stealing my thunder because over the weekend I was thinking “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if some serial killer got caught while wearing an LotFP shirt like the Night Stalker got caught wearing an AC/DC shirt?” but now this story is in the news and it just sounds like this guy inspired the idea WHICH HE DIDN’T ARGH!)
(“ohhh nooo, you sick fuck, why do you want a serial killer wearing one of your shirts?” I hear you saying. Well, I think a serial killer running around committing crimes naked is slightly worse than one running around committing crimes fully clothed, and that being the case I could use the 15€ more than Levis or Affliction or whoever else makes shirts, and if this happened I could do what you all are wanting me to do: Be a representative of our hobby in one of those talking heads interviews on Fox News where Sean Hannity would just call me a scumbag for 15 minutes. Anything that Sean Hannity doesn’t like will get a boost, right?)
PPS. There are no actual disturbing photos in the article, unless looking at an empty room where stuff might have happened if the guy had actually abducted anyone, which he hadn’t, is disturbing to you.”
Alert: Asslexis is ragging on the You-nited States again:
http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2013/09/no-more-mr-nice-guy.html
Canada is so pure! They don’t do that nasty war stuff! Well, the pussies DO have an ongoing war against seals, that’s about as much as they can handle: http://www.canadasshame.com
Asslexis is brave, he can pick up a club to put down those evil seals.
Fuck that lying asshole piece of shit. Thankfully he was never able to contribute to the gene pool. His line of chickenshit finger-waggers gets Darwinned big time.
I’d love to hear what Miss Alexis Smolensk AKA Canada’s Ass Hole has to say about Canada’s Shame.
Denial, just like the bitches chiming in with him, “Now that you mention it, I am ashamed of America, too.”
It is the real world, dumbfucks, not High School English, or even your insular blog mastubathon.
By the way, he asks to name one conflict the last 40 years we didn’t cause. If Tranno had cracked a history book, or paid attention to the last 40 years, she might have seen the Falkland islands War. Or Chechnya. Or…what is the point? Ignorance is bliss to a self-righteous idiot.
Problems in the Middle East didn’t start with Lebanon, bitch, as you hypothesize from behind your keyboard and bag of pork rinds. It goes back further than American involvement. No, really. Look at wikipedia if you don’t have any actual history books in your girlfriend’s basement.
Fuck Alexis Quaida.
Exactly. Canadians still have the Queen on their money because they are England’s bitch, and it was colonialist ENGLAND that fucked shit up in the Middle East.
Why can’t that porky poofter just bake some Twin Towers and airplanes cookies and enjoy his holiday like the rest of us? Too many people read too deeply into the American holidays. Just enjoy and don’t overthink!
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MARKETING DIRECTER
YESS!!! MORE MASTURBATION FODDER FOR THE UNWASHED MASSES. THANK YOU ZAK!!!! ITS GOING TO BE ONE HELL OF GREAT WEEKEND!
http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/2013/09/charlotte-stokely-is-creepy-good-at-d.html?zx=788938b959330d7e
He had to remind folks he had pron stars! The title just wasn’t drawing them in like it used to I suppose. If the sign on your door says “Ladies With Bad Fathers” well there better be some boobies flapping about on the other side of the door or someone is engaged in false advertising.
Well put, jdj. I think you have a title for a new RPG there, written by Zak and published by Raggs.
It’s not masturbation, it’s me taking care of myself.
Do you push yourself gently into the sand?
Yes — not too hard, not too fast
Just make sure to tell yourself it is not about sex.
Nothing says “I have nothing to say” like a picture of some suicide girl licking your no-self-esteem girlfriend’s tits. The overt porno seems like a desperate plea for attention. I’m sure everyone is there to read how good Charlotte Strokely…er I mean Stokely… is at D&D, and not to look at titties.
I can’t imagine that Zak & Mandy have a particularly healthy relationship. I have a feeling Zak regularly (and passive-aggressively) lets her know how “lucky” she is to have him…
LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! cries Zak every time his spotlight seems to fade. I KNOW GIRLS WITH TITS! LOOK, YOU CAN SEE THEM! LOOK AT ME!
Is it wrong my first thought was, that kitchen floor really needs to be mopped?
My second thought was, is Mandy sitting on that towel protect the counter from her pustulant cunt?
My favorite comment from the Zakophants was: “Thanks again for helping bring this fun hobby of ours closer and closer to mainstream. Thanks also for you call to action two years ago; ever since I’ve published six Labyrinth Lord games and haven’t looked back since. Cheers.”
What the fuck?
CHARLOT’S STOKLI I LUVS YUO IN CASE YOU ARE BIG TIME OLDSKOOK BLOG FOLLOER LET ME TELL YOU I FAP EVERY NITE I CAN TO YOU CUZ YUO ARE MY FAVRIT HOAR!
I WANT YUO TO KNOES TAHT AND I WANT YOU SUCKDUNJIN OWTCASTS TO KNOW THIS COMES FROM LUV NOT SEX !! (jUST LIKE RAPEFITRE GUY DID ON LEXY-GIRL-GUYS BLOG).
CHARLIT IF YUO WANT A RAEL RELAY-SHINSHIP WITH A RAEL MAN WHO WILL ALWAZE CAER ABOWT YOU, E-MAIL ME AT:
NUNYA.BIDNESS@IMAGONNASPEWMYLODEALLOVERYOURSLUTFACE.COM
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NUNYA
P.S. – DAT ASS!!!1
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MARKETING DIRECTER POLLHEAD CON 2015
DOES ANYONE HAVE PUBLISHED D&D STATS FOR THIS? A CASTRATING RING STRETCHER? I AM STILL WAITING FOR MY LATEST SHIPMENT FROM LOTFP WITH CARCOSA IN IT TO GET THROUGH PRISON MAIL SYSTEM BUT I HAVE A GAME TONIGHT IN CELL BLOCK 69.
Pass it on.
And pay it forward!
“Fruit war.”
Nice.
I thought a “fruit war” was when Kent challenges Zak?
I’m…confused. The last time I saw a pic of Mandy she was strapped into a wheelchair. Does Zak claim to know Jesus too, and he whipped up some high level cleric spells turn back the clock 5 years?
Shit, everything Zak does is to promote a life he doesn’t really have. Poolside at the Roosevelt my ass. He doesn’t know these “stars” that roll in once in a blue moon to be wowed by his mad D&D skill in his shitbox apartement. He gets word out that he gets blog exposure to a certain niche audience, and every now and then one bites and comes to be a geek for photo exposure. It’s actually gettting pretty pathetic that his following falls for it all. But then, the are who they are, right? Sad dipshits.
His first commentator says he is jealous of Zak’s “special life.” Yep, the special life of a huckster to a weird personality cult in a dying hobby. Who is he going to promote his fake glam life to 10 years from now?
I really hate using this word, but what kind of faggot plays this?
http://www.maidrpg.com
Or this? http://atarashigames.wordpress.com/teachers-lounge/panty-explosion-perfect/
As an Asian man, it’s typical weaboo apologists. Japan in an interesting place and you really have to understand a deep, dark corner of their culture to “get” those games. I doubt most people buying those games “get” the satire, which begs the question on why these exotic fetishists bother putting out those games. Refer to user name.
White people who say KAWAII all the time, I imagine.
Like you don’t.
Now THIS is KAWAII!!!
Aw. Nothing says unbearably cute to a bunch of tween girls than institutional racism.
“Also available in French!”
…and French people apparently.
(Anybody surprised?)
Shocked.
Sounds like a great system to me…
I think I’m gonna Kickstart a Megadungeon for it where one level is a giant beach volley ball court where the maids get pushed into the sand and tentacle raped by an inter-dimensional shit monster
Hey, anybody remember Dwimmermount? Well, Tavis and company just did:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/autarch/dwimmermount/posts/598752
“At 0:50, I talk about the problems I’ve been having with motivation and efficiency, which (with having no calls to post) have contributed to the recent lapse in weekly updates. The solutions I’ve decided to try revolve around creating more accountability for myself and increasing the enjoyment I get out of working on this project.”
Looks like that team is running into the same “motivation” problems that the Pope did. It sucks and is boring as shit.
Some hoser asks for his money back in the comments. Good luck!
TL;DR: “Dwimmermount sucks and is boring as hell, but we’ll get to it. Eventually.”
First comment: “I would like my $40 refund at your soonest convenience.”
HA HA HA HA HA HA! (that is me pointing and laughing).
Way to build confidence amongst the backers, Tavis! How about another Kickstarter, Tavis, to get this out the door? Just say you need $3,000 for page numbering, $5,000 for an index. The blOwSR dupes who fell for Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon the first time should go for that. After all, it worked for Faggi.
I do fear Tavis may consider another Kickstarter to hire an assassin to take out JMal though. I cannot condone this in good conscience, funny as that shit would be.
It never fails to make me giggle when I read about Dwimmerdust and it’s hapless exploits. Even with low hanging fruit like ZakPrincess, Faggi and Greycock Grogturd competing for my daily dosage of laughs, JMal’s magnum opus still is the funniest failboat to set sail. I wonder what sappy fuck still holds out hope that a copy will show up on the door step one day? Is it bad that I find that funny too?
BTW IRWS, tip of the hat to you bro wherever you are!
Tavis is lawful/good. Is he actually fucking allowed to hire a cross-border hit even if it’s crowd funded? Or is this the rule that changed in ASS or whichever clone he put out?
IRWS your dungeon was better!
If he hires a cross-border hit on JMal, he better take shipping to Canada into account. International shipping has sank many a Kickstarter.
Risks and Challenges: Canadian shipping rates are obnoxious and their contract killers are not known for providing real value. We thought long and hard about making shipping optional but in the end decided it wouldn’t be fair to you, the loyal fan, to have to pay extra for transportation so we are absorbing our “guest of honor’s” bus fare here at Autarch. [<–BLOODYMAGE TAKE NOTE THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE] Also as a relentlessly chipper and upbeat guy I might not actually be able to identify the best guy for our purposes. In addition, James has blocked me from what I'm told is his "new" Google Plus profile and we have not actually communicated in six months, so backers will have to understand there is a chance he is already dead and this campaign is unnecessary. Now let's do this! Game ON! Your friend, Tavis
“This projection would suggest we’ll finish in April of 2014, two years after the Kickstarter ended. ”
Poor Travis.
Raggi chimes in on the +:
I feel like this story is stealing my thunder because over the weekend I was thinking “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if some serial killer got caught while wearing an LotFP shirt like the Night Stalker got caught wearing an AC/DC shirt?” but now this story is in the news and it just sounds like this guy inspired the idea WHICH HE DIDN’T ARGH!
Argh? More like sigh, you shock jock.
When you’re sad that a bunch of people didn’t die to give you free publicity, I think it’s safe to say that you’re a fuckhead. Won’t matter though; the OSR forgives all transgressions. Just keep them rapegames and crowd-funders a-comin’! GET ALONG GANG, UNITE!
If there was a single one of his followers with even a shred of decency, they would turn away from that fuckhead. Instead, I am certain they will all throw more money at his puerility.
Fuck all of those shitheads.
May Mighty Odin strike down R4 in a graphically embarrassing manner. Or Mighty Isis – that would be a lot cooler. Particularly if she was wearing a 4e shirt.
I’m certain you’re right. When you openly question Ragu Extra Meaty’s crass crowdfunding forays or his poop monsters, the “Faithful” on G+ give you the stink eye and accuse you of “haterade.” When Ragu says something indefensible, they just don’t say anything at all. You can bet they’re still happy to plunk down money or promote his stuff.
Ooooooo! Maybe this means Kent will finally get an RPG of THE GENESIS CHILDREN from Faggi like he’s always dreamed!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Genesis_Children
That hoser is the dude who wrote ‘Astonishing Swordsmen and Sorcerers of Hyperborea’ who actually delivered his product less than a year late.
Then it is even funnier he took his refund request public. But if he is a blOwSR Personality, rather than a Henchman, he might actually get his money back.
*POLLHEAD CON 2015 UPDATE*
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True story:my FLGS has a copy of the “Grindhouse” edition of LOTFP. There’s a post-it over the boobies.
You do know including the yellow Post-It over the tits cost an additional $95 add on at the FLGS Kickstarter level.
FUCK! I could’ve picked up that shit for $39.95! FUCK!
ENNYWAY BACK TO TEH HEDLINE:
HAY CON-GUY I ARE SAWRY FOR TEH POOPY DIPER SWOP BUT STEFANY POAG HAD OFFRED ME A HOLE 50 BUX FOR IT.
I HOAP YUO KIN UNDRESTAND , NO EX-PLAINING HOW TRUE ARTEESTS CUM BY THIER INSPRATOIN!!
BUTT ALSOS I WANT YUO TO KNOW SUMPTING FROM TEH DEEPS OF MY HART, IN CASE YOU CANT FOR-GIFT ME: GO FUCK YUORSELF YUO WHINY ASS MAN-CHILD!1
Just noticed my man Blooey has a Facebook page for Polyhedron games LLC (yo Mr.White, that means “limited liability corporation, byatch!”). A new source for your daily dose of Blooeymage goodness! Potential for more updates than you’ll find anywhere else…
http://igg.me/p/527503
$500 gets you free advertising!
Death to all PCs!
“I’m an old gamer and trying to give back to the community before I exit this world.”
Ah, Blooey. Always upbeat. The Master of Marketing.
Good luck getting anything out of a bunch of the blOwSR crowd who can’t be bothered to bring plastic silverware from the next room to help a bro out.
Man, Bloody is just making me cry. Somebody please buy a picture of Polly Dragon and/or product.
I think he should have included more perks in that campaign, like autographed copies of Stink in Granola.
Wow, you Google Map the address on there? Homeboy is definitely living off the grid. That’s some Cabin in the Woods shit right there…
Yeah, but not as bad as i expected. Those look like houses, not mobile homes. Zillow suggests rent >$1000/month? Maybe Future Mrs Blooey’s dog walking is really taking off.
Google maps has him in the woods next to the house. Maybe he lives in the tree house out back. Or an outhouse. Either way, somebody check the basement at 1725 West Linger Lane, Prescott AZ for a dungeon, some LotFP merchandise mixed in with the kiddy porn and a meat locker! I don’t trust any of these sick fuckers anymore!
Awesome. The Bloodymage Saga is my favorite bit on this site. First the epic Cross-Country Con Confessions and now this.
Blooey’s campaign setting shower curtain looks pretty sweet ($45.99). And I am so tempted to pull the trigger on a “Don’t mess with the Bloodymage” pint glass. Why doesn’t he put that one on the thong?
At least Blooey isn’t as bad as Faggi Four. If he was, he’d be hoping the body of the next child rapist serial killer’s victim will be found wrapped in a Polyhedron Games shower curtain somewhere in the woods off the interstate.
So Faggi4 has had two stretch goal votes on his dickstarter – and poor Maria has come in second place both times. Tearful symmetry. Methinks the LotFapites are as callous as her lard-swilling husband. That poor girl can’t win.
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/lotfp-hardcover-referee-book?c=activity
(Scroll down for the voting updates…or not).
Hopefully she summons a tentacle shit monster to get her distarcted hubby to pay attention to her.
Also, it is important to note that some two dozen plebes have asked for commentary by the LotFap stable of C-listers. And Faggs is asking them to contribute more, and he will DOUBLE the commentary.
What kind of never-gaming loser wants Zak Attack to scribble some mailed-in paragraphs in the margins of his copy of the quintessential Referee Book? Why, those who consider said book to be worth paying for.
I like how more people wanted to give some money to Maria rather than have Raggi reprint one of his shit modules.
I imagine she is summoning that cock monster from Fap For Baalzebub. She sure as Hell wouldn’t want that sweaty, fat fuck pawing all over her.
*POLLHEAD CON 2015 UPDATE*
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BREAKING NEWS!!!!
Allen Fleishman, Derpty Durp Gamer and close personal friend of child rapist canibal Fat Longpig comes to his now famous IRON GM friend’s defense! Fleishman, a known Jewish gamer and socially retarded manchild, who is also Jewish, defends his friend Fat Longpig to the bitter end, EVEN THOUGH FAT LONG PIG ONCE MADE SEXUAL ADVANCES TOWARDS HIS TEENAGED SON!!!!
Shout out to the mother in the comments who reminds Allen “Oy Vey It’s A Setup! I KNOW FROM HIS INNOCENT I’M TELLING YOU! OY!” Fleishman that Fat Longpig was arrested BECAUSE HE WAS IN POSSESSION of child pornography (and a lot of it!), not some Orwellian Thought Crime.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/Allen_Fleishman/geoffrey-portway-basement-photos_n_3909842_284834165.html
Join me in pointing and laughing at this week’s top socially retarded gamer, Allen Fleishman!
“He talked about eating other people, had child pornography, hit on everyone in our gaming group, including my teen-aged son, possessed bondage devices and torture equipment, lots of knives and bleach, a coffin or two, and a few odd cages.
“But seriously, how were we to know he might have been interested in anything seedy and despicable?”
What sort of parent is ok with a scumfuck hitting on their teenager? My mind perennially blown.
“I remember one time he had returned from a multi-hundred mile trip to find a date, only to be stood up.”
Only Chris Hansen was home.
Kent stood him up?
Did I forget to mention that Allen Fleishman is Jewish?
That is some top notch, delusional shit.
Fuck. Raggs raises 10,000 Euro and complains that some would-be baby raper wasn’t wearing one of his shirts?
Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with that guy and his fans?
OK, my mind was totally focused on the idea of a shower curtain in my bathroom with Blooey’s game world on it, and I got totally hit by suprise by this gaming molesto-jew guy news. I totally don’t know anything about this shit. Here I was sailing along on a Wed morn smiling like a ‘tard feeling the good vibes about being part of Bloodymage’s world, and you guys got to bring in some weirdo, creepo, son-fucking, to catch a predator super gametard crap and make me alls sad smiley face for being a part of the same dying hobby as them?
You know what else? I wish I had created “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” as my handle here rather than this Kirk’s dick shit.
Fuck!
~vibes
~vibes
Dave Brockie, please contact me at your earliest convienience.
You, too, Kevin (or Kelvin? Been a while since we talked) Green (Greene?).
And Jeff’s Gameblog guy, you, too, please.
By the way, you YDIS fuckers, I have juust signed a contract with a mass-murdering rapist cannibal. I have sent him some shirts and in the next week the whole world will be discussing LotFap. So I WIN, YOU LOSE, bitches.
Is he Jewish?
(Bare with me, YDIS friends. I’m just trying to lure Stefan Poag out into the open here by lulling him into a false sense of security and then we can go for the kill.)
You know why Poag avoids YDIS? If you rearrange the letters it spells YIDS.
Mind. Blown.
Shalom!
“Bare with me?” You have to have gone to some piss-poor med school if you don’t know the difference between ‘bare’ and ‘bear.’ Ten to one Arnie’s spectacle’s degree exists either only in his mind or comes from some diploma mill in Bermuda.
It’s also possible that he’s a nudist.
I was waiting for one of you cunts to catch that. I was trying to lure out Kent with it though.
Meet Cavin DeJordy. I think he may be Blooeymage’s long lost son. He just graduated from college (already doing better than the old man) and now he’s discovered gaming on the Internet. Apparently there hasn’t been an RPG Internet presence prior to his recent arrival, and he hopes to fix that with his new company, Stronghold.
“Stronghold is my embryonic business. As of yesterday night after participating in +Jonathan Henry’s Giant Dragons Gamer Chat, I have decided that my businesses (sic) first project will be a virtual convention centered around Google+ Hangout. I’ve identified the need for a con with strong organization, lots of engaging content, and exciting presentations and panels at a good value.”
Using his entrepreneurial skills and fancy new business degree from U of Cincinnati, he did the research and apparently we poor saps who have yet to figure out how to combine tabletop gaming and the Internet until his arrival have no online virtual RPG cons using Google Hangouts, despite the fact that several successful ones like Aethercon already exist, powered by Google Hangouts (go figure). God bless the American education system, pumping out steaming turds who have no concept of any reality existing before they arrived.
He should look up Blooey on Linkedin. I think they share a business model.
https://plus.google.com/100724015700228430969/posts
One of his commenters actually lists two virtual cons (including Aethercon). DeJordy’s response? (or is that DeJordyes response?)
Obviously, there haven’t been any “successful” virtual cons. I am so glad DeJordy is one the scene to show us the way!
Using Google Hangouts to run an online game is such a revolutionary and innovative concept. Mind. Blown. Thank you, Stronghold!
“…but I have run virtual organizations in the past…”
So he clicked on “Join Hangout”?
Man, these kids today. They’d shit their pants if they ever got a look at Google source code.
Just so you know, ever since my postings five years ago I’ve been running a professional storytelling business for about two and a half years now. I’ve mostly done work for Dungeons & Dragons Adventurers League using Fantasy Grounds as my platform. We still do Giant Dragons Gamer Chat, and it’s a great place to meet people from all over to talk about games with creators, GMs, and players alike. The professional storytelling experience allowed me to open my more traditional general contracting business as the owner and administrator. My work as a professional storyteller was extremely valuable when it came to learning about direct marketing, client relationship management, and business negotiation, and I still continue doing it occasionally. How’s life for the rest of you?
It would be awesome if DeJordy showed his commitment to whatever the fuck he is talking about. He could buy a picyure of PollyDragon and help out the ol’ Bloodymage before he exits this world.
Otherwise he can shove his yet-to-be-earned-degree up his “I have an original idea!”-pumping ass.
*BLOOYCON 2015 SPECIAL ALERT*
MESAGE FROM PRESDENT BLOOY; WELL, I CAN ALREADY SAY I WILL NEED ARIDE TO TH CON IF ANYONE CAN HELP MESSAGE ME ON FACESBOOK AS TH CON FORUMS HAVE BEN OVERTOOK BY SPAMMERS. I CAN MEAT U ON MY PORCH AS TH HOUSE SMELL LIKE DOGS. IF I’M NOT DEAD BY THEN
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
Important news for Raggi:
http://polyhedracon.com/forums/thread-308.html
Despite its relevance for R4, Bllodymage has a message for such posters:
“On my way to the ER at the moment but selling products via this board is absolutely forbidden. It’s called SPAM!”
That is from a few threads down. I hope Blooey gets back from the ER in one piece, because he has some work to do with those boards.
Anally-inserted frozen horse penis black magic powers – Activate! Unite us all as pagan allies…or not.
http://jonupsalsgarden.blogspot.com/2013/09/is-this-pagan-part-three.html
Joe Blochhead looks at three religions tied closely, oddly enough, to racial identity – native american here – and considers whether they fall under the “big tent” of paganism. This is all, of course, so he can boldly proclaim the racialism in his own religion without it looking, you know, racist. Because just like the native americans, the white people who worship Odin have been genocided into near non-existence in the world.
Those damned Liberal Death Camps – they are coming for us all! Save me, Thor!
TL, DR: No Redskins Need Apply! I hope his daughter grows up to marry a militant black lesbian one day.
Note to my YDIS Crew Peeps: I tried this Google+ thing for a couple weeks (and found Blooey’s long lost son Cavin DeJordy!) but I can’t be bothered to figure this thing out anymore so I can see JMal and Faggi, or put people in circles or whatever it’s called because then I have to interact with them everyday and I hate that. Besides, putting people into different circles is too much like institutionalized racism in digital social media form. I’m sure Google doesn’t appreciate that I created circles with names like Jews, Retards, Fags and Aspies either. I deactiveated my G+ account so somebody else is going to have to cover that news beat for the blOwSR.
A-Specter OUT!
A-Spec: Please tell me you were working in an ER in Arizona on the 17th when Bloodymage showed up.
Sorry, I’m in Upstate New York not AZ, but I would have welcomed him with open arms and tried my hardest to get him well. Maybe get an autographed copy of Polly Dragon too, just to brighten his spirits. True Confession Time: I really hate the cocksuckers who work in accounting and billing – the managers, not the staff that is, and you should hate these pig fuckers in your local hospitals too – and whenever we get a patient with no insurance in the ER, I try and keep them occupying and tying up a berth for as long as I can before they get kicked out by billing (God forbid an MD and not a CPA ever make a medical treatment decision around here) and sent packing. If Blooey ever comes into my ER, and let’s face it you know he won’t have any medical insurance if he does, I’d do the guy a solid and keep him in the hospital for at least two weeks.
I’m an asshole, but I’m really not heartless.
ARSHOLE’S SPINCTRE – WHY WOOD YEW MAKE A POOR BLUDMAGI TO EAT HOSPITIL FOOD FOR TOO WEEKS!? THAIR IS MUCH MOAR FLAVREHUL AND NURISHIN FOODS HE CAN FINDED ON TEH HIWAY WILE HITCHING RIDES TO CONS! YEW ARE A RAEL PRIK.
LUVS,
NUNYA
~vibes, NUNYA. Love you back, bro (no homo)!
Yeah, in retrospect, the only way I could keep Blooey in the hospital without health insurance or a dog-walking sugar daddy would be to stick him up on the fourth floor (aka the psych ward) for two weeks. But shitty pudding, flavorless Jello, powdered eggs, and over-boiled flavorless wax beans aside, he’d still get full medical care (mental retardation aside) while he was up there. And I would visit him everyday and play Stink in the Gondola with him using the KISS system – really build up his self esteem. And I would always have an extra plastic spork in lab coat, just in case he needed it.
Or maybe I’d just take blood from him every twenty minutes for the hell of it and flush it down the toilet and order a few unnecessary urinary catheter tube insertions. And make sure the big fat gay black orderly who has body odor that smells like rotting taco meat was the only one authorized for Blooey’s sponge baths.
Make that “an extra plastic spork in MY lab coat”…
Putting people into different circles was good enough for Satan, or at least Dante.
April…that actually seems optimistic. Where is I run with Scissors?
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/autarch/dwimmermount/posts/598752#comments
Oh Dwimmerdust, how I love you, it’s like I’m Richard Harris and you’re that phone ringing and it’s Oliver Reed out on bail and a promise of best behavior. This whole new “April maybe?” thing makes no sense because layout was underway back in June. Does it really take nine fucking months to lay out a legendary megadungeon? What the fuck went wrong here?
Digging back into those relentlessly cheerful updates I’m as mystified as ever. Back in May, Tavis was eager to have the “dirty” version (LL) ready by GenCon and then the “proprietary” version (ACK!) “in time for this year’s holiday season.”
Fun fact though. Some joker called “Pookie” is now the editor of record and has been spending backer resources fucking around with “an analysis of the different kinds of cloth garments found in the dungeon and their special properties.” That was close to two months ago. Let’s hope “Pookie” is fresh from his textile fucking explorations and ready to you know, get back to making the dungeon happen. Because it was in layout three months ago and as one cheerful backer puts it now, the schedule is a bad joke.
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/autarch/dwimmermount/posts/550345
HOTNBOTHERES — I KNOW TAHT IS YOU CHARLIT STROKELY!
WHY ARE YEW NOT REPLIED TO MY MASSIDGE ABOVE YET??
FAPPINGLY YUORS,
NUNYA
Holy fuck! I thought you were kidding about the cloth garment analysis. How did Tavis write that and not realize how ridiculous it sounds?
There’s really no reason for IRWS to return. I mean how can he possibly top “Pookie”?
P.S. – DAT ASS!!!1
At this point in the game, you have to wonder what the fuck is going on over at Autarch. Jmal’s fucked up bullshit vision of a mega dungeon aside all that Tavis and Co. seem to do is nit pick over fuck all nothing while the clock ticks further down.
Although there are still gems of pure comedy gold, like garment analysis and this tidbit from Tavis to keep the backers hopes alive:
“I’ll be glad to work at a less break-neck pace that allows time for reflection on where we’ve been and what the next steps are.”
FUCK! That shit is funny!
How about some original shock-shock-horror-horror LotFP zombie fisting art? Only 500$!
http://www.ebay.com/itm/281171249394
What if my man Blooey’s “Mr. Bright Side” communication and marketing strategies caught on and swept the OSR? Tavis might be able to get more sympathy and support if he was a little more down to earth like Oh Captain My Captain…
“I’ll be glad to work at a less break-neck pace that allows time for reflection on where we’ve been and what the next steps are – before I exit this world”
Oh, and I took a Google look at Blooeymage’s home address as Mr. Suck suggests. Fuck! The map of his neighborhood looks like one of those hilly patches in Sim City where you zone some housing, thrown in a couple of windy roads, but haven’t added the plumbing and electricy yet. I always wondered who those little pissant Sims were who moved in before you even made the zone fit to live in.
@unclecarbuncle
I decided to rent a Winnebago and drive out to Preston to help you guys out. Bloodymage, can I park in the woods by your house for a few months? Is there a gas hookup and a septic tank? And how long do you usually get in the county lockup in Preston for crystal meth possession (no intent to sell)?
Do you and Blooey need some board game donations? I have Don’t Spill the Beans, Don’t Break the Ice, Ants in the Pants, and Cooties. I also have a deck of playing cards with Playboy centerfold models on them. And if you are having a con, you are going to need ashtrays. I can get about 700 wholesale for $50 but you will have to front me the money. Maybe just wire me a cool grand before I leave? You’ll also need hypodermic needles for the con, but I’ll just lift those from work.
The next stretch goal for the LOTFAP ref book is developmental editing. Basically, making sure everything flows right. So, something that should apart of the development process any way. And I thought the index stretch goal was a fucking joke. Next he’s going to want 3000 euros for a table of contents.
Anton once again tries to claim he is not racist.
http://jonupsalsgarden.blogspot.com/2013/09/folkish-does-not-mean-racist.html
Methinks the freak doth protest too much.
Yup, I called that one last week when he held up the other three religions that are tied to their racial roots. He does the standard-issue “Nobody calls THEM racist!” routine that the racial right always does.
Maybe when Yoruba or the forces of the Great Spirit murder and rape their way across a couple of continents, you can make that arguement in an intelligent manner. But that is not going to happen.
And gee whiz, why would an organization (the AFA) that has one of its mai tenants being:
“2. The preservation of the Peoples of the North (typified by the Scandinavian/Germanic and Celtic peoples), and the furtherance of their continued evolution.”
be at all suspected of any kind of racialism?
The problem that guy has is that the incense-and-crystals scene he desperately wants to be part of will naturally recoil from any waft of non-inclusiveness (Geek Social Fallacies 1-5) while any hardcore Volk would immediately realize he spends far too much time fucking around with hobbits to be taken seriously. I mean, hobbits. What more extreme example of “race as class” do you need, all those people are petty criminals. Can’t do magic. Can’t really fight. No normal clerics. Can barely make it into druid school with affirmative action.
What confuses me is that Asatru is simultaneously “reconstructed” and a “cultural heritage.” What about the heritage that has developed in the thousand years since this religion was practiced? What about all of history before the existence of this religion? What about the Northern Europeans who never worshiped Odin? What about all of the cultures that have contributed to the bloodlines of the current generation?
And with regard to “continued evolution,” isn’t diversity the hallmark of evolution? Religion isn’t about genetics, it’s about spirituality.
Listen, I’m sure those are all very good points but let’s keep it simple and talk about the frozen donkey kong that he corks up his mud dumper with AMIRITE?!?!?
Aw shit, was I being articulate? What the fuck was I thinking? Anyway, I bet he has to be careful with that mummified horse penis or it might snap off where the sun don’t shine. But if it does, he can always visit the local ER. Arneson’s Spectre probably has some stories he could tell in that regard. They have special plungers for that don’t they?
I do have a few amusing stories about rectal loss presenting in the ER. The Mrs. Butterworth bottle stuck up some old queen’s pooper was the best one hands down.
Or should I say “hands UP!”
(Don’t try this at home, Kent)
Well, if shares of the casino profits are involved, I could understand. I don’t think Neo-Nazis have casinos though.
I really haven’t gone and researched this Thor guy’s stuff. Does he really talk about buggering himself with a donkey pork stick or any other object?
Him talk about that shit TWENTY-FIVE hours a day, on the real yo.
*BLOOYCON 2015 NORTHEST AZ SPECIAL ANNOUNCE*
DO TO RECURRING ISSUES ON TH POLLHEAD CON 2015 FORUM BOARDS. NEW POLICY:
ALL SPAMMERS and RUSSIANS ARE IMMEDIATELY BANNED AND DELETED
AN NO WE HAVE NO GAS HOOKUP OUTSIDE BLOOYHOUSE
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
I sure hope I can make it out to Preston before I exit this world! When can Blooey wire me the $1,000 bucks?
*SPECIAL MESAGE FROM POLLHEAD PRESDENT BLOOYMAGI*
I really have trouble thinking these days because the VA pumped me full of narcotics. I’m off them, but I’m told it will take over a year to recover. There’s also some religious nut playing his damned music 24 hours a day and that really gets on my nerves. It’s been six years since I’ve worked and writing and gaming is all I know and even that is tough.
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
And I can’t even get my doc to prescribe me the xtra strong ibuprofen. Once again I have to regret being too young to have murderdeathkilled my way across Vietnam. Then I could be the one getting pumped full of meds that take a year to leave my system before I exit this world.
Hey Doc Arneson – any idea on what kind of drool juice they could have pumped into Lucky Blooey that would take a year to detox?
My best guess not knowing what the fuck he was diagnosed with but it sure sounds like he ended up with a boatload of painkillers would be Oxycodone.
And because Blooey’s a patient at the VA where they give that shit out in PEZ dispensers. He’s probably an Oxycontin Head like Rush Limbaugh, only far more amusing.
Maybe Polyhedracon should have Narcotics Anonymous meetings scheduled on-site, just so Blooey and anyone else who might actually go to this thing don’t fall off the wagon?
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/steve-willett/54/ba2/5b4
Just in case you missed it at the end of the last thread, thanks to Pollyhedracon field reporter Unclecarbuncle here’s the chance to get linked in with Blooey. You can’t get a linked in page unless you are a total pro and coporate power broker, right?
Whoa – I don’t know what I was expecting him to look like, but I guess I figured that someone whose shit was so… not together would be… I dunno, younger?
I like how this pompous ass le nard fart guy thinks anyone gives a shit what the “official” clone is for his faggoty homebrew Arneson ripoff. LoL!
http://odd74.proboards.com/thread/9280/which-od-clones-best?page=1&scrollTo=127969
As all my fans here know, I am not prone to hyperbole. So you know i am am right then, when I say that the newest module I am publishing is the greatest in the history of D&D, just like Monolith from beyond Time and Space. Are you ready for…the Lurid Sac?!?!
Paul Keigh has written an insane D&D module entitled Dreams of the Lurid Sac.
From the back cover:
Each adventure module in the Psychedelic Fantasies line revels in unconstrained imagination. Every monster, every magic power, and every magic spell is a unique and never-before-seen creation of the author. No orcs, fireballs, or +1 swords will be found within. Leave the familiar behind to explore hitherto undreamed of wonders…
Compatible with every old school version of the original fantasy role-playing game.
How big is the module?
It’s the same size as all the rest of the Psychedelic Fantasies modules:
16 pages in length
9-point Times Roman font
11″ tall and 4.25″ wide (so it will fit in your back pocket)
What does it look like?
Just like all the other Psychedelic Fantasies modules. Scroll down a bit to take a gander. Hint: Bright, bright (one might even say psychedelic) orange.
What is the module about?
“About”? “About”? This module is not “about” anything. It is the purest location-based module I’ve ever seen. Not one word is about anything other than the titular Lurid Sac. That’s your location.
Confused? Think about where Han Solo flew the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back. Or, more precisely, into what he flew it. The Lurid Sac is freaking alive! The whole damn dungeon is one giant monster. And what a monster! The Lurid Sac is nothing less than the most amazing monster ever published for D&D. I can’t tell you how cool the whole thing is. Summaries fail Dreams of the Lurid Sac, which is tightly and precisely written. It’s weird that Paul was able to use such exacting language to describe something so fantastic, so outre, so crazy. He has raised the bar with this one. I think it one of the single best (and certainly one of the most imaginative) modules I’ve ever seen.
Do you have a picture with that?
No. To keep the price lower, none of the Psychedelic Fantasies modules have any art. These modules are not works of art. They are utilitarian products meant to take your players to places they’ve never been before.
How much does it cost?
Print + PDF:
$5.00 for U. S. customers paying with money order
$5.50 for U. S. customers paying with Paypal
$7.75 for international customers paying with Paypal
PDF only:
$3.00 for customers paying with money order
$3.50 for customers paying with Paypal
The “I can’t tell you how awesome it is so send money” pitch here is so hyperbolic you actually got me to snopes the fucking thing. What’s with the lemmiwinks motif in “edgy” design right now? Seems like every single CRAYZEE product features heavily armored gerbils going deep into the flesh cave in search of that lost mummy horse dick, syrup bottle or other magic macguffin — by which I mean glowing dildo.
This dungeon . . . is ALIVE. Like that ass Han Solo busted in the Empire Strikes Back. Where he flew it. That one time.
Far more “intrigued” with Blooey’s evocatively titled “The Stink in Golanda.” Never actually dated Golanda but I can fucking imagine how intense all that estrogen must smell.
I dated this redhead in the 90’s who was hot, but had a stinky twinkie. It was red like the head, but stanky. The trick with getting past that is to convince her you have a shower fetish. Finger bank that scarlet tommahawk wound for a few minutes under the running water, then you are good to go with the rug munch.
Was your real life Golanda sort of vinegary, CKDB? Maybe the “flame princesses” are just prone to UTI or gonorrhea or something.
Hey, YDIS, your spellcheck knows “gonorrhea,” what are the odds!
I SERIOUSLY thought this was a joke, then I thought to Google. Lo and behold, it is a thing. Is McKinney just trolling YDIS at this point? And, more importantly, can we get a bundle compilation of “Monolith”, “Stink in Golanda”, and “Lurid Sac”? It could be the OSR’s answer the the GDQ series!
A joke? Just click on my name, dumbass. And then buy the greatest module ever fucking written. Even better than the Forest Oracle.
SERIOUSLY.
I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGH ABOUT TRYING TO EAT A BABY UNTIL I READ CARCOSA. THANK U GEOFFY FOR THE INSPIRATION!
Awesome! I’ll let everyone at YDIS know when our free comp copies show up at 7chan.org/tg/
Fuck…..
Ah well, at least it’s more on the sleeve obvious hucksterism rather than the rash of ‘awesome but can’t tell you why it’s awesome’ Death, Frost, Doom reviews that splattered flecks of come and blood across the intarwebby blogs. Course Ragu the Saucy somewhere said he never heard of the Lichway when he ripped it off while masturbating to Evil Dead II.
So now a party and climb through the ass of a giant monster and sever its testicles to prevent it shooting out wads of giant semen monsters… What a glorious and heroic mission. Much like Ragu the Saucy doesn’t need monsters, magic items, errr anything creative in LotFap, Geoffrey doesn’t need art (i.e. spending any fooking money) to capture imaginations.
Please, Pholtus, make it go away. Alternately could you send St. Cuthbert to bash these fuckers heads in?
See here, this is fascinating – http://www.kjd-imc.org/2012/10/02/node-based-megadungeon-aristothanes-sanctum/
This guy has managed to make dungeon creation stupider by just turning it into a fucking powerpoint presentation, while making it sound smarter, by calling it “node-based”.
Well done! Come in, number 51, your time is up!
Do not confuse Aristothanes with Aristophanes, btw. Totally different guys.
WELL ONE THING IS TRUE ABOUT ARISTOTHANES AND ARISTOPHANES. THEY BOTH TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
The internet is a big place and I think it is hasty to say for sure that this is ‘the dumbest blog on the web’. However, while it is not immediately obvious that this is the case, on reflection, taking into account the comments here and the man-things providing them it would be irresponsible not to entertain the possibility that this is the stupidest place in the world.
Welcome to the club TDBotW. You win the interwebs!
Where is your proof bastard? You have none that is why.
You are saying we are dummy dummy dum dums? All of us? Really? Then how do you esplain that I am a member of mensa with a genius level IQ? 166 if you must know but that is none of your business anyhow. Are you saying I forged the certificate on my wall and my mensa id in my wallet? Both of them? Really?
There are SEVERAL blogs on the internet worse than this. You need to look harder that is why.
Don’t sweat it bro, it’s just Kent trying to yank our chain. I would have thought it was obvious given the awkward sentence construction and the reference to commenters as “man-things.”
And whatever knows fear…BURNS at the touch of the Man-thing!
Call us a bunch of fags or a bunch of queers if you prefer but we are not stupid. Old fags like us need some kind of hangout so we can admire each others butts all the time.
Fairies or queens too, “bunch of” optional.
Kent, YDIS will NEVER be your private gay sex club.
Kent just wants you all to TONGUE PUNCH HIS FART BOX!
KENT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!!!
Long term reader, first time poster.
I dunno guys, much as i love reading about the many different flavours of hucksterism, narcissism and snake oil salesmanship that permeate the OSR like different species of tape worm infesting a bloated, disease-ridden swine, I’ve never really been convinced that Geoffrey Mckinney can be rated among the likes of Raggi, the pope or Rob Cunt in terms of rampant egotism, masturbatory self-promotion(granted, that one is a bit of a stretch), delusional insanity or sheer undiluted assholishness.
Granted, the guy has made a few ill-advised statements regarding his preferences regarding the abolition of slavery but in terms of the quality of work he puts out one can accuse him of comparatively little. Even Carcosa, a controversial and much maligned product, did have some artistic/creative merit besides introducing rape as a core mechanic(Raggi and FATAL fans take note), and most of his other stuff seems to be devoid of the shock and awe ‘look there is rape and also blood’ tactic that characterizes most of the Loftp products.
Perhaps i am missing the point of this site, but Mckinney’s whole Psychedelic Fantasy shtick doesn’t, to me, scream of either the cynical exploitation of the nostalgia of manchildren(if we, for a moment, assume the null hypothesis regarding the application of that label to the entire OSR) or the deranged hubris of a man who thinks he has ‘created’ the ultimate game (that has been out for three decades). To me it has the feel of an actual hobbyist. Is it good? Fuck if i know, i too am waiting for 7chan to deliver unto me these roleplaying gems he broods on like a slightly racist mother hen.
The poop elemental and ballsack dungeon? Outliers i tell you.
To you, Ydis, i dedicate this post, to thank you for hours upon hours of sneering, hate-filled laughter and a daily dose of moral superiority that kept me going through long mind-numbing hours of data-entry. Malewinski bless you.
I characterize Goff as basically saying, “It’s awesome but I won’t tell you why cuz spoilerz!!!!” regarding any LotFap production and it’s bleeding into anything he touches apparently. Carcosa? Beats me, I’ve trusted in people giving an honest review that it’s a gaming product I will not be any the poorer for not having on my shelf.
Dumbest blog on the web? Someone hasn’t even scratched the surface of blog stupidity out there.
I read a few of his Loftp reviews, and i agree, but with the Psychedelic Fantasy stuff, and two of his prior products, Isle of the Unknown and Dungeon of the Unknown, a big explicit ‘selling’ point appears to be originality. He wants to recapture the sense of wonder and unfamiliarity that one gets when one first plays DnD and everything is still new. All of the Psychedelic Fantasy stuff is supposed to contain new monsters, spells and items exclusively. Your mileage may vary, but at least he explains why he thinks its cool.
Isle of the Unblown being original? What the god damn fuck? Anybody can say “A two-headed chicken with bat wings that shoots lasers from its eyes.” The most fucking stupid menagerie of “monsters” to ever infect the OSR. And it gets praised? Invest more time reading other products, where the authors have put a little, you know, thought, into it. .
Sounds like World of Synnibar with laser beam shooting bears and fire breathing clams.
Heh, yeah, it’s almost like he just went like ‘a floating eye monster with thirteen eyes that fires lasers from its eyes’ or ‘a shark with legs’ or ‘a giant cricket that eats metal.’
Isle of the Unknown is no Monstrous Manual 2, Fiend Folio, Dark Sun Monstrous Compendium or Monsters of Myth, sure. On the other hand, it does provide an environment to explore that is filled with unique creatures and magical effects(e,g the Unknown), and while I can’t say this adventure would be in my top ten or even my top 20 of adventures i’d like to run with my group sometime, I can see the merit in having a hex crawl environment filled with original(google said original meant new, fresh, inventive or novel) monsters with unknown capabilities for the players to explore. Its existence fills a very specific niche, but is not guilty of merely reshashing what has come before.
I can see merit in the adventure location as a whole, not that the execution couldn’t be better.
As for material that the creators put more thought in; What would you, Timothy, consider to be a particularly good example of this, within the OSR? I’m genuinely curious.
If you actually want an answer to that question, this is the place:
http://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/
Random quote from the blog “This is complimented by the Ice Trolls; a race of water elemental creatures who can liquify and invade an orifice.”
At least Carcosa had a warning in front.
Not the original.
@Aos. I knew about that blog, that one is alright. He buys all the stuff he reviews and he covers the material he reviews fairly well. Shame he only covers modules, but you have to specialize and all that.
I don’t use modules, but I like reading his reveiws when I am putting together my own adventures.
I got fired from my godamn job because I recommended YDIS at work. So much for my high IQ.
Rats.
All I said was that everyone at work who didn’t believe that i hadn’t any friends should visit here and meet my friends and join in if they are a member of MENSA.
My boss was an attractive lady who would not understand the achievement of YDIS. I didn’t mean for her to go read YDIS, only the younger ones. She had to go home for a rest and then she fired me on the phone.
WAIT SIX MONTHS UNTIL SHE HAS FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT. THEN BREAK INTO HER HOUSE AND EAT HER CHILDREN RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!
IRON DM 4EVAR!!!!!!!!
Classic Kickstarter fuck up from John “The Lying Halfling” Adams. Sending out 1 year+ late stuff to retailers before shipping it to the people who supported the project in the first place, including the people he scammed for more money “for faster shipping”. Classy.
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1778492214/appendix-n-adventure-toolkits-dcc-rpg-modules/comments?cursor=4381212#comment-4381211
Saw this elsewhere and wondered what clusterfuck world BHP lives in where he can’t manage Logistics (UPS commercial immediately went off). He’s shitting all over himself when he says ‘BUT THE SAME MODULE IS DIFFERENT YOU WILL SEE!” and we all know he’s full of shit.
If for some odd reason that a non-backer ends up with a wildly different module than a backer than I’ll eat a Casino D6 dice.
BHP truly defines “hapless” and has entered into the sacred company of KS projects that define everything that’s bad about KS. Plus, creepy babby funeral pictures on the bookface do not point to the most stable of mentalities.
APPENDIX N ADVENTURES SPOILER ALERT!
Rose Bud is NOT the sled!!!!
http://carpgp.blogspot.com/2013/04/we-said-good-bye-to-our-little-rose-bud.html
If I had a nickel for everytime BHP was gonna ship something, I could buy something from him and not have it shipped to me.
*POLLHEAD CON 2015 NORTHEST AZ UPDATE*
WTF!? HONER GUEST RICK LOOMI WANTS LITTLE SANWICHES W NO CRUSTS, ORGANIC FRUIT TEA AN A BOTTLE OF SOME SCOTCH THAT IS FUCKI EXSPENSIV IN HIS ROOM.
ALSO – THERE WILL BE A CHECKERS TOURNY
STILL NEED FLOOR 2 SECURITY MGR
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
*SPECIAL MESAGE FROM POLLHEAD CON 2015 PRESDENT BLOOYMAGE*
WELL, I HAVE HAD MY MARKETING DIRECTER unclecarbuncle AN NOUNCES TH CHECKERS TOURNY. WE NEED MORE MONIES NOW TO MEET TH DEMANDS OF HONER GUEST RICK LOOMI. WINNERS OF TH CHECKERS TOURNYS WILL NEED TO KICK IN $20, BUT WILL GET PRINTED PDF COPYS OF POLHEADRON GAMES KEEP IN SHAPE SLAYING AUTGRAPH BY ME
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
Can the winners pay in three installments?
I found this charming little Blooeymage thread today after doing a Google search on Captain My Captain. I present in its entirety with limited commercial interruption, “Bloodymage’s Struggles”
http://forum.profantasy.com/comments.php?DiscussionID=3989&page=1#Item_11
“Well, my slavedriver is here for Bible study. I hope I get this map done before I exit this world.”
“If I’d kept up with it from CC2, if technology hadn’t left me in the dust, if I was a good deal younger, if the VA hadn’t fed me poisons, if, if, if…”
Slavedrivers, government poison, impending death…..the epic of Blooey never gets boring.
I bet you he just loves Alex Jones.
I don’t know. Blooey strikes me more as the Happy to be Suckling on the Government Teat type, not a Right Wing Tea Bagger.
There’s a fucking difference?
Touche, Schiz. Touche!
Indeed. Most of the tea baggers I know love to criticize government programs while simultaneously gorging themselves on handouts. They wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if these things ever went away.
But Blooey might be more of a old school leftie. There is definitely some evidence for that.
Well, the VA has been keeping him pumped full of garbage.
So many questions. He teases us, just these little dollops of his personal setting material. I want to run a Kickstarter to hire Cormac McCarthy to write a book about him.
I just wish Blooey had saved his unemployment check money and bought a box of crayons instead. You know any map he makes even with advanced CC2 technology is going to look like he did it with a purple crayon and a broken hand.
“trying to deal with a demanding fiance, three dogs, two are unruly to some degree,”
I assume that the two unruly ones are dogs, and not his fiance. But jeez, isn’t she supposed to be a dog trainer? Does not speak well of her abilities that her own are unruly (to some degree).
I think it’s one dog and one fiancé, although I haven’t seen a picture of his fiancé, but I assume would probably be a bit of a dog too. Anyone else notice that’s the male spelling, as opposed to fiancée? Maybe we should set Kent and Blooey up on a date… Kent would probably still be a bit of a slave driver too (“take a shower this week Blooey! Use a coaster!), but he seems like a godless pseudointellectual atheist type so I doubt there would be any more Bible study.
I wouldn’t count the dog walker’s mad skilz out yet, bro. It’s Blooey talking, so his definition of unruly might be the dog needs to be fed, given water, and walked occasionally while he’s trying to learn CC2 technology.
I’ve hit the mother load of Pure Blooey Gold! Did a search on “Bloodymage maps, mapping, CC2” and found this:
http://www.cartographersguild.com/mapmaking-requests-archive/16808-i-need-cartographer.html
Now, this website has a requests board for people looking for to get maps made to find mappers to do the work for hire. Our beloved Blooey comes along and requests a map, but then asks the mapper for $1,000 bucks for the privilege of doing so! It must be Opposite Day!
Click on Blooey’s name and find all his posts at that site and I promise you hours upon hours of entertainment! Watch as he documents and announces everything – every single fucking detail from setting up his message board signature to how much he hates ads (despite his first post being a fucking ad). Watch him struggle to understand advanced CC2 technology and get a look at some of his mapping attempts.
Is it just me or does Bloodymage sound like Butters from South Park but with the IQ of TIMMY!?
“Now, this website has a requests board so people looking to get maps made can find mappers to do the work for hire.”
Sorry for mangling this sentence but I just can’t stop LMAO!
On the About Me page i finally found Blooey’s age: our friend is sixty years old. Geez, i had him for late forties. His LinkedIn page was a little ambiguous, and possibly just filled with errors.
Well, that does explain the early retirement a little better. Also the difficulty with computers.
Holy God. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
And now for something completely different. Did you know that our friend Mike “I misplaced 30k from Kickstarter” Nystul is now a lecturer on RPG design?
enjoy:
http://nystulatlarge.blogspot.de/p/blog-page.html
“Beginning in October I will be pulling up stakes and hitting the road. I will travel the country and eventually the world running games, offering classes in the things I know, making art and making friends.”
…oh, and avoiding creditors.
On Friday (Sept 27, 2013), Mike said:
“I’m back to work. I will keep working until you have everything you backed.”
“Working” entails splitting the scene and leaving no fixed address apparently.
“I have spent a significant amount of time measuring the trunk of my car.”
Yeah, that takes me a very long time to accomplish, as well. I mean, is it OK just to assume a true rectangular box shape, even though it isn’t? And metric is so much more accurate than feet/inches, but I have a fear of converting. Plus there is a little hump to my trunk’s door, so that will throw of my calculations. And maybe I wasn’t right when I took those first three measurements…this is difficult, guys!
So is he running from creditors/bill collectors? That’s the only reason I can think off for pulling up stakes and acting like a homeless guy.
Thanks Kickstarter for making this possible!
Jesus those boys at the Cartographer’s Guild make good maps. If the OSR looked at that stuff they would surely stop pretending there was value in their work.
Currently, the best and the brightest of the OSR is determined …. determined to keep making maps like this:
http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.ie/?zx=a0cafb816587f1e8
Look at this and keep telling yourself that the OSR is a community of experts devoted to maps of fantastic dungeons:
http://www.cartographersguild.com/mapping-challenge-archive/20109-september-2012-entry-blue-pyramid.html
That is indeed a fine map, exhibiting the tame silliness and wordplay I remember from when Warhammer Fantasy Role Play was actually an RPG and not a glossy board game.
(While I dislike Zak’s free-association slap-down-the-pictures concept-maps, I admit to a faint stirring of interest in this Alice thing he’s working on, even if he appears to be violating the “present it to me in mechanics, not flavour text’ principle that I’ve always associated with him.)
Really? Do you think he could take a day out from his ego to appreciate Carroll’s dream world? Is it not more likely he will scratch out a gallery of the same narrow style of monsters with his sluts lounging around as heroines and sprinkle in some Alice cliches. But logic puzzles and poetic nonsense to dazzle a blooming child? I don’t think so.
I hope the graphics and mechanics carry the load because his flavor text has deteriorated into the mock-tough-guy cadences that open Dogs in the Vineyard and have infected gamespeak lately: You know that X? It’s a Y. The Z? A B. Gabba gabba, gabba gabba. Gabba!
It’s like a gamer cargo cult developed around the fucking marketing “shocker” and it gets tired surprisingly fast. Although I would rather grit through it than ponder the oceanic tides of middenmurk. (I know you all like him but my eyes still just cross at the sheer syllabub of it. Fucking “language” should communicate and not dress up a room like the fucking lace curtains at the Finnegans’ place.)
Plus I doubt SHANNON APPELCLINE and CHRISTOPHER ALLEN at SKOTOS TECH can be assed to give a fuck about what he’s doing to their SEO so why doesn’t baby just let it go?
(I just realized, he’s so enthralled with the sound of his fapping that he manages to get the “1E druid” wrong twice in under 30 words. Hey Gene, if you’re still alive and lurking, remind me again what edition he actually plays?)
*BLOOYCON NORTHEST AZ 5/2015 SPECIAL MESAGE FROM PRESDENT BLOOYMAGI*
WELL, I KNOW THAT SOME YOU ARE RELUCTENT TO BUY BUS TICKETS TO PRESCOTT FOR MAY 2015 DO TO MY FRAGILE CONDITION. IN CASES I CAN’T MAKE IT TO TH CON DO TO CAN’T LEAVE TH HOUSE, CAN’T FIND A RIDE OR DEAD BY THEN – NEW SUBSTUTE PRESDENT WILL BE VICE PRESDENT MIKE NYSTAL. MIKE WILL BE RUN A SEMINAR ON KICKSTARTERS AN WRITING SPLAT BOOKS. $20 DONATION
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
*SPECIAL ALERT*
*POLHEADRON GAMES LLC – OFFICAL CHANGE TO BOARD OF DIRECTERS*
OCT 1 2013: MIKE NYSTAL HAS CHANGED POSITIONS FROM VICE PRESDENT TO TREASURER
BUY SOME PRODUCT!
http://agamemag.com/archives/3568
Don’t know if we have dug this nugget of gold out of the internets like a gooey dirt booger after a camping weekend (that may or may not have a bit of blood in it), but a brief but hilarious interview awaits you. What about monsters in your game world Blooey?
“…The Critter Catalogue is a collection of 20 creatures unique to Ert, including several sub-species of orcs, crystal dragons, goblyenas, vivesepulturans, gluttondillos, retch birds and other fell creatures…”
Gobliwhats? Gluttondildos? Puking birds? Um, ok. Could you tell the good folks reading this about your company? Really give it to us good, cause this is a golden chance for you to advertise the strengths of your business model. C’mon, promote!
“…It’s a company that’s on pretty shaky legs and it’s a bit of an albatross with just one broken down old man, a cartographer and some friends contributing to keep it afloat. I’m canvassing for talent all the time, but trying to get my core staff in place has been the toughest because I’m asking for a small investment from each to share in the profits…”
Before you exit this world? Ooohkay. Thanks for taking the time to sit down with us for a spell, Blooey!
The blog demands an A-game be brought; our boy obliged. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to inflict on myself a pendulum mechanic with a gluttondildo.
Looks like he should try to recruit a Public Relations manager before another cartographer. Any PR folks out there with $1K to invest?
Kent is a glutton for dildos!
Blooey sez: “Role-playing is a penultimate vehicle for imagination.”
I shudder to think what the ultimate vehicle for Blooey’s imagination is…
This site is always good for my daily dose of gamer schadenfreude.
Why does every gamer think that their idea has commercial potential? Especially some fucked up system wherein you roll 7d6 to somehow arrive at a number between 0 and 6? A system which, in a paroxysm of irony, is somehow viewed by its author as being “simple.”
Gamers seem to be averse to acknowledging that what they do is a fucking HOBBY. You are not now, nor are you ever, going to get paid for what you do. Stop putting trademarks all over everything thinking that doing so somehow makes your shitty rules an official product.
Long-time lurker, here. This is fucking pure comedy gold. Every bit of it. Blooeymage should just do the right thing and kill himself, though. What in the sweet, holy name of Fuck could he possibly have done for military service? My vote is for the elite Brown Helmets Brigade.
Kudos to Captain Kirk’s Dickblood, for this hilarious and frankly surreal find.
What strikes me as bizarre(normal person standards not blooeymage standards) is his last answer. Why the hell would you answer an open question about your company with a tear-jerking, doom-saying account of how it is dying. Its like he is actively trying to lose what little possibly hypothetical support he has?
Also, if i am correct in divining the nature of his “PENDULUM SYSTAM,” you basically just roll 1d6 and if its 4 or more(or possibly the slightly subversive 3 or less), you add it up. That would generate a normal distribution with the 0 as its centre and makes increasingly high or low scores increasingly unlikely. I have decided i can do better.
I call it the DUR, or DICE U ROLL system(tm), in which the dice you roll are compared to the patterns i observed in my breakfast cereal this morning. It generates a number between -2 and 3, each roughly analogous to a particular brand of cereal. Where is the -3 you ask? It is in your heart. You are the minus 3.
Anyone interested in helping me develop this system or making artwork or maps for the world of Orth can contact me by way of my new website Tetrahedron Games LLLCCC. Interested contributors are asked to make a small investment, that can be easily offset by finding two other contributors to support Tetrahedron games, whose contributions will land you a nice percentage. Of course, anyone they find to donate will land you a hefty sum as well.
As a final notice, our company is currently being run from the back of an unmarked van after several unfortunate kickstarter-related incidents, but we expect all the problems to dissapear, as we have switched to indigogo. We have accumulated much experience over the last three kickstarters, so much that we have level-upped. Yes, sir, here at Tetrahedron games, we are at least level 2.
There have been frequent complaints about our website being offline and only being accessible through a website offering Russian mailorder brides. If you cannot contact us by email but you are interested, leave an envelop with your money and contact information near the abandoned well just south of the Cypres Creek National Wildlife Refuge, Illinois, and we will contact you asap.
Death to all players!
Hmmm…a Russian mail order bride…or the Stink in Granola. That is a tough choice. Maybe that is the answer to Bloody’s con woes – whoever signs up for Polyhedracon also gets a Russian Bride, included in his entry fee (as long as he can give her a ride from the airport).
Remember, BM has banned all Russians from the Polyhedracon forums. However, if he offered Russian brides as backer rewards for his ill-starred Indiegogo campaign, he might see some action (in a manner of speaking).
That is a great thought, perdustin. And he could use a portion of the funds raised from the now less-ill-starred indiegogo to buy some gas for Mike Nystul, so he could swing by the airport on his Kerouac-esque odyssey and pick the brides up for backers.
Nystul could then claim that all the money was blown on gas and naturalization, and charge them another fiver for their new wives.
Everybody wins.
To keep consisitant with the Bloodymage business model, the Russian brides have to pay YOU to boink them. “In America you pay to buy Russian bride. In Blooeymage’s company, bride pay you! What a country!”
This dude is kickstarting his dissertation.
But wait, it gets better – he needs money so that he can _travel to multiple gaming groups_
“Although I’m interested in all kinds of gaming, in my dissertation I will specifically be focusing on the story of the Old School Renaissance, which has not been studied nearly as much as other areas of the hobby.”
Man, we get this bitch on board and we could be the most influential historians in the entire blOwSR.
But wait…there’s more…
“My regular home campaign uses Adventurer Conqueror Kingand is centered on a version of Michael Curtis’s Stonehell dungeon. I’ve also been attending Gary Con and the North Texas RPG Con for the past three years.”
He plays Asshole Concubine Queer! And the grid-governed Stonehell! And he’s been to NTRPGcon. This bitch already knows about us, being the biggest blog in the blOwSR. Let’s pump some money into his dickstarter and demand that he covers BloodyCon and the Nystul KoolAid Acid Test and their specific sub-branch of Old Skool.
If he wants to be a true scholar, he better document YDIS and its significance to and influence on the blOwSR.
I wish I could sit in on his dissertation defense just to see the draw dropping what the fuck am I reading looks on the faces of the academics who will have to suffer through this turd.
WTF? That should be jaw dropping. Fucking auto insert.
It wouldn’t be THAT much worse than the usual drivel heard at dissertation defenses.
Yeah, I’d love to see him try to talk analytically about “Fuck for Satan” with a straight face to his professors. That would really expose the blOwSR.
But if he doesn’t have the stones to bring up YDIS and the criticism of the dogmatacism and commitment to “fuck you, that’s why” fetishism that is the core of it, then “The Greatest Unreality” (all time gayest name to characterize role playing) will be as big a turd as a Raggs module.
Who am I kidding? This “dissertation” will be nothing more than a reach around.
I wish someone warned that guy to just call the dolls he’s offering high-level backers “stuffed monsters.” A “plushie” can mean something very different.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plushophilia
That said, two people jumped on that one pretty fucking hard so maybe they’re expecting orifices. Either way, too late to change the reward level now!
Man, if only there was another way to talk to people without physically having to travel to their location.
Keep dreaming, sweet prince.
Some people have already given this buttfuck upwards of 60 bucks, and he is pretty much just a slightly better put together version of Bloodymage. Bah – Blooey’s years-old bygone saga of traveling around to conventions, sleeping in hick church parking lots, begging for crash space at cons, begging for support from the Unblown on DF, and washing his taint in the soda dispenser at 7-11 is far more interesting than this waste of sperm could ever get up to. I would totally throw a fitty plus ten at a Bloodymage Kickstarter if it would get him to hit the road on his “D’oh! I’m a week early for the con!” rally again before he exits this world.
If only Venger Satanis had been around writing modules when I was a kid because my mom would have SO hated this one. Plus he just has such a badass name, it’s so evil and hellbound and shit, like he just doesn’t give a shit. I am like in awe of how off the hook he is. He’s definitely the real deal. With a name like Venger Satanis, people know you are not fucking around, you are the real deal. I wonder if that is his real name? LUCKY!!!
http://vengersatanis.blogspot.com/2013/10/lotds-on-drivethru-amazon.html?m=1
I think the As’Nas is ghetto shorthand for Ass Nasty.
Venger Ass Nasty Satanis deserves credit for working the timely and culturally relevant twerking into that cover art though.
” I will put my evil sword of dark, dreaming glyphs into your magenta box..”
I truly hope no one would allow Venger Satanis to put his tattooed sword anywhere near their magenta box.
In one line this fucker lays bare the OSR’s fetish for box sets as the holy grail. It’s all about looking for a “magenta box” to crawl up into.
Raggs has a new pen name.
It is Darrick Dishaw. Who use put a curse on all of RPG.Net for not taking his Cthulhu Cult seriously. Really. He makes Greyhawk Grognard look like a Mormon.
If only…
The author states:
“Something to be proud of… and hide from your mother. ;)”
QUICK! MOM’S COMING! ZIP UP YOUR PANTS AND HIDE!!!!
I guess I may be an Unblown geek’tard for knowing this, but wasn’t “Venger” the name of the lich (or whatever) that was out to kill the kids in the D&D cartoon? Sheesh. If I was going that route I would probably have gone with “Mum-Ra” or some shit like that from a cooler cartoon.
Hold up now what’s this? Did anyone notice those guys who interviewed Blooey, Bring Your A-Game’s list of gaming projects?
Beaverlick
Fist Full of SeaMen
I think I understand why they wanted to interview Blooey now…
http://agamemag.com/archives/3568
God damn, A Spec, I thought you were joking. But they drive their pedo-van around the country to play Fist full of SeaMen, and they blog about their western game under the titile “The Beaver Examiner,” where they talk about Train Old 69, and the Penal Facility, the Bed Side Manor, and other shit that was funny in Junior High.
http://beaverlick.blogspot.com/
I mean its one thing for us to say shit and giggle on YDIS, but these guys are seriously trying to market their game with this puerile stuff.
Fuck, I’m an asshole then. I got a chuckle. “Holland Oats Feed & Seed.”
Yeah, there are some pretty funny things on those sites, despite the unblown-sounding title. My favorite is the Tzu Wong’s Can Make it White laundromat.
“Fuck, I’m an asshole then.”
Strange, there was no evidence of that in any of your previous posts here.
But, OK, maybe I’m just jealous of the Beaverlickers.
I am so jealous of the Beaverlick Brothers I think my kinsey rating just leveled up. “Pan African Economics Back in the Black.”
Wow. Even the author of ShitHell Dungeon is pulling a Blooey Mage.
http://poleandrope.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-save-stonehell-fundraiser.html
I mean, really. Can’t you fucking supposed “old school” guys just create your own shit…like we did back in the day, when it really was old school? Who gives a twisted rat nipple if mister “dungeon ABC” dude doesn’t finish his megadungeon?
On the other hand, every oldschool D&D guy I ever met has at least a half dozen unfinished megadungeons, so maybe the O’Sorryians like Jamal Dwimmermountebank is the genuine article and not an effete LARPER posing as a legit old D&D afterall?
NAH. I KEED.
I thought Stonehell was one of the wild success stories. If this guy is begging either he’s incompetent or the entire fucking OSoRry (nice!) is in the toilet.
P.S. the pope probably knows that Venger guy from the vampire larp days.
This made laugh:
The PDF is 883 kb in size, so if you expect your email provider may have issues with a file of that size, let me know
Only a man with a 9-year old dead computer, no USB and no fucking idea about backup, would have this worry. I salute the luddism and stupidity.
Jesus fucking Christ, this is the second time in 2 years he’s passed a tin cup around. For $300?!?!? This is a middle-aged white male, with I believe multiple university degrees and the ability to write professionally… and he doesn’t have access to $300 in credit or the budget flexibility to swallow three bills on his own? When Brandon Walsh wanted a Mustang he didn’t beg for money — he worked the whole fucking summer at the Beverly Hills Beach Club and he saved his pennies and he bought that fucking car, and that was like five grand in 1991-dollars.
I honest-to-fucking-God cannot understand how Curtis and people like him live their goddamn lives. How about sell a portion of that stack of old, shitty D&D stuff that I know you have in your closet? How about work at McDonald’s for a month? How about don’t travel to that next stupid fucking Con on your schedule? Maybe walk around the neighborhood and offer to mow lawns or wash cars for $10. Get a paper route. Sell some weed. The library lets you use computers for free, maybe go sign up for an hour of time? I guess I can’t blame him, when all you have to do to make it rain is bang out a 300-word tearjerker you’d be stupid not to…
That’s the right tone, but it’s too late, you have been completely surrounded by maggots.
Curtis — “I’m not one to ask for charity often but”
… *often*
… I am not one to ask for charity … *often*
… *often*
This is deeply funny and brilliant. Im laughing with my bones at that.
=
I don’t often make racist remarks about niggers but …
… *often*
So get this. An anonymous donor gives him the $300 — ‘Michael – you’re covered plus some, you can stop now !’
Does Michael Curtis stop? No, he does not stop. Why? He’ll tell you why:
“The gift was so generous that … I’ll be able to replace my aging computer and get back on with finishing the sequel. However, I promised to keep this fundraiser going for a full week to allow people access to the limited edition PDF. I intend to keep that promise. All additional funds raised from this point forward will be applied towards other expenses.”
… *I intend to keep that promise* — [excellent stuff, he intends to keep his promise to accept charity not too often]
… [What’s the money for?] — *other expenses*
==
Well if it’s for other expenses I think I may be able to help out too.
“Turn ’em upside-down and keep shakin’ Mike, them quarters’ll fall out like rain drops, LIKE RAIN DROPS I TELL YA!!!”
Is YDIS the craigslist of the OSR? Only hours after laughes are had over Michael Curtis’ latest begging venture, before Raggi snags him up for an “exclusive Lotfp mini adventure”
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/lotfp-hardcover-referee-book?c=activity
– or as is it also known; more delay excuses of doom. Is Raggi maybe the secret benefactor, who bought Michael a new Vic20?
kent, stop using the royal “we” or “-s” when referring to yourself.
There is only one of you, so it is “maggot.” Or substitute the “m” for “f” for increased accuracy.
Hugs and tentacles!
I liked Stonehell. I saw this yesterday and I kept trying to tell myself this one was different – it was only $300 and he was at least offering a PDF (an already completed PDF at that) rather than making promises for stuff later. Then reading a little closer it’s the “Save Stonehell Fundraiser” – but:
“My machine died just when finances are at their worst and, after pursuing my budget, it’s apparent it may be several months before I can afford repairs or replace the ancient computer. At this point, it’s probably the same cost to do either. Frankly, that’s a delay I do not want to endure.”
…so it’s not to “save” this thing it’s to avoid a delay he doesn’t want to endure? The first part of Stonehell’s been out for 4 years now and he’s worried about a delay of “several months” to get the other part out? How is this an emergency for “Stonehell”? How does a “busy freelancer” do that kind of job on a computer that sucks that much? How does he only have one computer? What else does this guy do for a living? The “other expenses” BS is just the cherry on top of the fucking sundae.
So thanks MC Stonehell. I’ve been able to enjoy YDIS from the sidelines for all this time, laughing at the manchildren who beg for money from strangers online, mooch off their wives, or simply fail to execute a written document when handed thousands of dollars to do so but you finally pushed me over the edge into posting. Thank you … I think.
P.S. – If you have “special dungeon levels” already created for something that people are interested in and find your self short of cash, maybe you should put them up on Lulu for a few bucks next to your other PDF’s and get the word out that you’ve done so, possibly sparing yourself the embarrassment of begging. Assuming you are embarrassed by “asking for charity” at all.
“Shithell” is pretty good (the nickname I mean – I have no idea what the fuck is going on in that dungeon). I personally would have referred to it as “Stonesmell.” But then, people might think I mean it smells like wet rock, and not one of Ed Greenwood’s stinkier Taco Bell farts.
Scat is not dead (apparently)!
And yeah, Liberation of the Demon Slayer is out now:
http://vengersatanis.blogspot.com/2013/10/lotds-on-drivethru-amazon.html
“Ass Nasty”
Thanks! Looking forward to my comp copy when it drops on http://7chan.org/tg/
OK, Peanut Eminem giave up this fag Venger’s real name so I did a google search and the first thing that came up was his plagarism from wikipedia and hissy fit when caught:
This Ass Nasty punk is pure gold. I’ll have to track down his summonning of Chutulu against RPG.net for their blasphemy…
Unless you care to post it here, Venger-boy.
plagiarizing wikipedia = profoundly pathetic
getting indignant when caught = priceless
The same OSR unblown who relentlessly attacked the Australian house frau for stealing Mystara IP are now falling over themselves to show their support for plagiarist Venger Ass Nasty. She should have just changed her name to Clitoris Satanis and they would have been fawning all over her too.
These people are a fucking riot.
http://cocthulhu.proboards.com
And they are also gay pseudointellectuals. Kent may have a new home:
http://cocthulhu.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=sex&action=display&thread=5190
So bi is the new gay?
Gonna have to change my name to Timotheus, Prophet of Darkness.
Hugs and tentacles, everyone!
Hi guys, Blooeymage here,
PrinceofNothing was kind enough to post my message, because as an old, dying one legged albatross that is soon to leave this world, i cannot afford to utilize expensive businesses like the internet as i am subsisting mostly on the traffic i bring to the Russian-mail order bride website, as well as the money i am raking in from copious blood donations(i tried donating my semen but the doctors said it was no good and also if i would please stop donating egg yolk).
After reading none of your comments, i have decided to take your criticisms to heart but would also like to present to you my new venture in getting the world of Erf published and on your doorstep.
My previous attempts to attract buisness partners to pilot the sinking and decrepit rust-ridden hulk that is the Polyhedron flag ship have been met with mockery, scorn and incredulity. Long have i pondered why this is so. I have it all. An imaginative setting. A keen mind well versed in the knowledge of Roleplaying. A haggling proficiency. Level 2. 15 hit points. Nystull’s magic aura memorised two times. Yet i needed more. I realised i have been searching to hire people to pay me money, but only now have i realised that the money has been with you, my hypothetical fanbase, all along.
Gentlemen. I present to you my new Kickstarter, World of Alf. Tired of watching me flail and writhe under the harsh glare of sense and sensibility? Why not do it yourself? That’s right, because with World of Alf, all the money you donate to me will be used by me so that you can publish and write your World of Alf, under the Polyhedron Games logo. All the profit i gain from this venture will be spent on organising a new kickstarter and also gas for Blooeycon. I have distanced myself from the old, 1st edition Bloodymage economics(or Blooeyconomagics), so i bring you this, the 2nd edition. Where you pay and do the work, and i get money.
Polyhedron Games is going into the new millennium. Stretch goals include:
$10.000: I will do a short, personalised youtube video on how my buisness makes no money, so people need to donate more money and try harder.
$20.000: You can make your own, short adventure and put it in the pdf.
$30.000: Nothing.
$40.000: Personalised Blooeymage bathtowels and special, foam-wrapped headgear will be sent to all backers(manufactoring and shipping costs not included).
$ 50.000: Your name will be etched into to the official Blooeymage coffin.
$ 70.000: All money will go towards Tavis’s I Will Find You Jamal, There Is No Point In Hiding, I Want My Money Kickstarter.
$100.000: Money will be donated to a Haitian Cursemonger to pronounce a death curse on Mike Nystull.
$100.000.000.000: A payload of experimental femtotechnology will be designed and released to rewrite reality on a fundamental level to bring it closer to the World of Ert(tm), making it easier for new players and GM’s to set their games in the World of Ert(tm).
Death to all PCs!
Not sure how to describe this one. Supposedly people have been asking R4 how to buy the newly announced M. Curtis (of TinCupHell fame) adventure separately, rather than chucking 100 euros more into the indieblowblow campaign. He spends a paragraph talking about much everyone’s support means to him, before saying no.
“Because Fuck you, that’s why.”
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/lotfp-hardcover-referee-book?c=activity
Also another vote for stretch goals. Even though it is only 350 euros for the Lotfappers to show appreciation for poor Maria, I bet she comes in second for the fifth time in her life with Raggs. The man himself encourages this in the updtes, talking about how special the color will be.
“Because Fuck you, that’s why.”
Ah, love.
Thanks for going there, Frater Timotheus.
JARIV you fuck, the euro is only up 0.7% this week. The dollar is NOT crashing “because of the current political madness.” All your supporters in the States are not seeing your products suddenly become appreciably more inflated in price than they already are. Man up.
So the benevolent R4 is giving his supporters an adventure written by a person who has to beg the OSR for a new computer to finish Stonehell. A megadungeon that might as well be titled Dwimmermount 2: The Asshattery Lives On. And Raggs is supposedly doing this out of his own pocket. Meanwhile, his wife is still waiting for the rent.
Right.
Are Stonemell, Anonymous Ublown Environment, and other celebrated dugeons of the blOwSR actually any better than the snippets of Dwimmermount we saw? Or do they follow the same ol’ dungeon routine, but mixing it up with amazing concepts like…alien involvement, dwarves are born out of gluttondildo asses, or “wow, it’s not the past, this gameworld is set in the far flung future!” type bullshit? Cause the gametards eat that shit up, but it sounds like same ol’ same ol’ to me.
Death to all Goblyenas!
I’m not sure what the collective YDIS take is on the value of this man’s judgement, but the tenfootpole.org guy seems to think both Stonehell and Anonymous Subservice environment are both very good, with ASE being his favourite adventure of all time and Stonehell being credited as one of the few good megadungeons in existence. If memory serves, Dwimmermount got a less then positive review(link: http://tenfootpole.org/ironspike/?p=1104), so we have an indication of some kind of criterion being maintained.
My take is ASE fucking sucks — there’s a unresolved tension where on the one hand it’s a funhouse dungeon with a bunch of wacky shit that makes little sense, and on the other hand he’s one of those DMs that has to find a rational explanation for shit best left unexplained, so there’s these monsters that run around and reset all the traps and clean up after shit and lock doors, and the “gods” are orbiting hi-tech AI which means clerical magic is tech-derived, and there an explanation for all this big meta shit. Plus the setting is gay and that takes up half the first book. tenfootpole dude loves gonzo so he really responded to it.
I only saw the 3 levels from Stonehell that Curtis originally posted to his blog, which I thought were interesting for stripping down the format — there is a use for that, primarily as a platform for DMs running it to riff off of, and also as a teaching tool to show other DMs how to get started making their own megadungeon without being discouraged by the thought of coming up with 100,000 words. But the content of Stonehell is very bland and it created the whole 1-page-dungeon phenomenon, which has turned into something super lame. Curtis is good at organization (I believe he is a librarian by trade) but wholly lacks creativity. Maybe that’s why Raggi sees him as a kindred soul.
God damn, that is the kind of shit that drew the b-listers (us) and c-listers (kent) to your fucking blog (and the token a-listers – Schiz, perdy, kent’s rectum). You need to do more of that, bitch. This is the fucking Keep on the Borderlands.
I’m proud to be the dude who spikes doors and tastes potions.
I agree about ASE, I can’t see what the plaudits are for. The few pages of background were quite interesting but the whole dungeon itself was business as usual in a different dress.
As with Stonehell, that *is* what people, who can’t create their own material, want. They are the market. There is no market for creative types selling stuff to each other.
Have not read ASE myself, so i cannot comment on its merits or demerits. But one would think there exists a market for creative people selling their stuff to uncreative people. The would the fact you yourself are not a creative person not make you want to purchase creative material all the more?
I guess, but I think even wildly creative material in the hands of someone who is dull at that sort of thing ends up uninteresting as well. How far can you get simply reading boxed text, no matter how good it is?
No. They want: good to go, plug and play, minimal preparation, minimal reading, same-as-Ive-seen-before-stuff, and random tables instead of thought. The community is too small to have *enough* competent DMs to create a market, that is good DMs interested in other good DMs original material.
There has been not one Griffin Mountain from the OSR or anything close.
I think if we had the internet back in the 80s there could have been a hell of a lot of talented people supporting each other creatively.
In a small group with prevailing mediocrity it is rude to criticise so you either get sucked down to play with the laughing-boys or leave and stay isolated.
I don’t think so. The impetus back then was to monetize on a large scale and cross-pollinate into books, television, movies, board games, computer games, etc. Everyone thought they had a giant new media sector on their hands — back then even the blogs would be behind a pay wall.
I see what you mean. There wouldn’t have been permission to publish. Well then material would have to be on the surface independent of D&D which is easy enough if it is intended to be original.
Edit: That should read; Seems to think both Stonehell and Anomalous Subsurface Environment are very good.
Zak Attack, worst part of this gallery exhibition: http://chloeeleanor.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/saatchi-screwed-in-more-ways-than-one-paper-saatchi-gallery/
“Of course there always has to be one artist to let the entire show down; for me this was Zak Smith with his awful 100 Girls, 100 Octopuses and Naked Girls in the Naked Girl Business. His work rides on the supposedly shocking truth that he knows all of these girls from the porn industry in which he also works, however the images he makes are roughly drawn in Tippex and Biro and completely degrading to women. His intention may be to reveal another side to his female porn stars, but drawings of women writhing around with phallic snake forms are not witty or clever, just blatantly objectifying.”
So his MO for the art world is the same as his MO for the DnD world. At least he’s consistent? Come for Mandy’s jugs, stay for…hey, where you guys going? Here’s more tits!
Much as I wanted to Im afraid I couldn’t enjoy this coming as it does from some yet-another-dumb-bitch who uses the phrase ‘degrading to women’ and the word ‘objectifying’.
Sexist comment infraction. I’m locking you out of this thread, take a break until my next post 😡
Holy shit, that dumb bitch makes no sense. She bashes Zak for being anti-women, but embraces Saatchi who got caught smacking his ol’ lady around in public?!?!?
Art critics, go figure…
I just can’t take her seriously and now I’m fantasizing about her chained to a board in a doggy style position. Thanks a lot, Venger Ass Nasty Satanus.
It all sounds kind of awful – say what you will about Zak but at least he’s working at the game of fine art. If I was at that show I wouldn’t mind seeing some naked pictures while drinking whatever free appetizers and drinks were available.
I wouldn’t call that “working”
SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!
Well I’ll be god damned. The Lotfappers finally voted for poor Maria. Too bad it took them this long to devote the 300 euros, but then I guess editing and layout really do cost another 4000 euros. Had to mention it since I mocked them on their cold hearts before.
Of course, those punks being called out on YDIS is what led to the month’s rent at the Raggi household. They wouldn’t have done it without public shaming, particularly as Faggs was trying to get them to vote for some color bullshit.
JMal is baaaack…
http://www.blackgate.com/2013/09/17/
It lives? Kill it again.
I’m assuming that Black Gate is one of those ‘gated’ communities where only the JMal faithful are allowed to bleat?
Hey, here’s a bunch of people who have yet to hear there was a fucking Appendix N full of crap! Or about that “misunderstanding” with the $48,000 in American money. Please allow me to share the one true word of Gygax and also three-year-old musings on runequest from my blog (that I actually lifted from Herb over at some other blog)! I put them in the crock pot for you so they’re hot and fucking delicious!
http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2010/03/runequests-appendix-n.html
I’m not your fucking friend but I am
THE POPE
Why he can’t he just have the good graces to stay away? Is that fucker so starved for adoration he needs to creep his way back into spotlight? What a wretched piece of shit.
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I’m hoping that our good natured ribbing and friendly jocularity hasn’t caused BM to take a shotgun up to his mouth and live up to his tongue-in-cheek nickname “Blooey!” (although the cluelessness of Oh Captain My Captain my well extend to being unaware of us).
I have to admit that my online life would be greatly diminished if there was no more Bloodymage. For reals, yo.
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LAST SEEN NEAREST TH PRESCOTT AZ CHAMBER COMMERCE 9/25/2013 LOOKI FOR LLC INVESTORS
FIVE FEETS FIVE INCHES 60 YRS OLD THICK COKE BOTTLE GLASSES, T SHIRT WITH d20. SMELL LIKE WET DOG
IF U SEE THIS MAN DO NOT APPROACH CALL TH COPS OR HIS DOG HANDLER FIANCE
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Fear not, unclecarbuncle. Blooey is alive and well and soldiering on! He posted this today:
http://polyhedracon.com/forums/thread-372.html
“None of this stuff is easy for a failing old gamer. Stay tuned… changes likely on the way. “
Phew. Just seeing that tag line “Death to all PC’s” lets me know everything is OK in Blooeyville (a lot like Margeritaville, but with a lot less margeritas, boiling shrimp, and flip flops getting blown out).
TH CON GOES ON!
THOUGHT WE’D JUST BE LEFT MAKIN A BLOOYS GREATEST HITS
http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=18382
I can just picture him there, perched on those bleachers like a gargoyle, cheering on the Adair girl’s softball team and struggling to drink creamed corn from a can he banged open with a rock. My life’s goal now is to follow this dude around for a day, just 24 hours…
Now I really want to see KewlMarine32’s Unkind Words.
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Oh. My. God.
And I thought the dog t-shirt was odd.
This is gold. Sheer, undiluted comedy gold.
SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME NOW!
Brunomac’s D&D memories from back in the day in the style of Hubert Selby Jr.
http://odd74.proboards.com/post/128581/thread
Ah, he always manages to sneak in something about him being the only D&D guy straight known to crush the pussy.
Daniel tells it like it really is: “The only “Mac” I remember was a older guy, older than me anyway ( I just recently turned 60, at that time I was the youngest of the “Old Poops”)”
And about those pussies he was crushing: “Mostly girls helped him run the store, like Katherine (the girl with the scarred face but knockout body who always wore coveralls, she became a nurse)”
Brunomac is a BIG SCOTTISH STUD and he doesn’t care who knows it.
His back in the day stories are interesting in a David Lynch kind of way.
I think he’s holding back or maybe has blocked the memories out, because I’m certain he’s got a River’s Edge or Tapping the Source kinda tale in him.
or Deliverance
That opening crack about “register boys” seemed to get things moving in a Tralala brooklyn hooker direction but instead of Lou Reed’s epic “Street Hassle” it turned back into the Banana Splits theme pretty fucking fast.
I guess the only dangler “Playing the World” didn’t snip is whether the creator of the thief class had a weakness for blond youth in orthopedic appliances. Don’t tease us with vague innuendo, Mac. Tell us what happened!
Very interesting, and not at all surprising, that no one who was demonstrably there remembers ol’ Brunomac from back in the day, despite all his name dropping.
I have no doubt that all these babes he assuredly went out with would have similar difficulty in recalling him.
It’s like the Mike Nystul story all over again. Expect a Kickstarter coming soon from this deadbeat.
All the original old school fatbeard catpiss smell men going “Who?”
Brunomac briefly started a second blog a few years ago telling stories about youthful gaming with adolescent grotesques, stories which made it clear that D&D was a disgusting past-time and the scene was like a prison for hydrophobic grinning masturbators.
Thinking about it, they remain the most interesting blog posts on gaming Ive read.
Is it still on the net, or do you have an address so we can Wayback it? I’d love to see lardass point to the places on the doll where the bearded ones touched him.
Someone mentioned it not being pleasant being stuck in Iowa, but the City Park here has showers and electrical hook-ups. I’ve had the opportunity to watch softball every evening; last night’s games were the first real competitive games I’ve seen. Adair’s older girls’ team has one no-nonsense catcher! Aggressive that one is! Good game even though Adair stomped the competition 13 to 5!
Dude, Candi and Bloody totally have to hook up.
PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU KILL ME NOW!!!!
HEADLINE NEEDS TO READ ‘NEVRE FURGET CHARLIT STROKELY – DAT ASS!!!1″
-NUNYA
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