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T-shirts of the OSR, an appreciation

July 15, 2013
Is this game a clone?Setting? I confess I have no fucking idea...

Is this game a clone? Setting? I confess I have no fucking idea…

How do you know something is worth purchasing? Easy — it’s expensive. Things that cost a lot of money are by definition awesome things and that fact applies in triplicate to Swords Against the Outer Dark long sleeve t-shirt. This fucker’s a bargain for any ransom but at $45.45 for the purple, safety orange, etc. models you can quiet in awe any tavern with the raucous boast of your Zazzle profligacy. The imagery, of a Valkyrie wielding her sword with a respectful flourish toward a giant horse penis erupting toward a rotating sky-sphincter with an eye in it, is almost incidental. Almost.

I am not ashamed to reveal that I have taken away from bars several girls who look like this or even much worse, but it does hurt me to admit that it only takes 0.5-2 beers for me to seek them out and enjoy their company.

I am not ashamed to reveal that I have taken away from bars several girls who look like this or even much worse, but it does hurt me to admit that it only takes less than 2 beers for me to seek them out and enjoy their company.

Here we have the latest Flame Princess t-shirt from James Raggi IV, and evidence that James’ creeper proclivities have metastasized into full-blown dissociative schizomania as he assumes himself the identity of the Flame Princess he has pursued now for a decade or more. He plainly instructed the artist to slim his figure, render the accumulated injuries of an epic hero and add a crimson fright wig, however the face is unmistakably his (with acne and glasses tastefully removed). Dare we speculate on his tenuous hold on sanity? Please someone do a knock-and-check to determine the welfare of his wife and confirm he’s not wearing her skin and doing wiener-tucked dances in the mirror.

As a matter of fact I do got OSRIC!

As a matter of fact I do got OSRIC!

Ahh, OSRIC. They cut’n’pasted their product from TSR, now they’ve cut’n’pasted their Got OSRIC? t-shirt from the National Milk Processor Board. That kind of consistency is to be admired. Not offered in size XXXXL, stop asking.

I think Greg Christopher  of Chubby Funster Games is despicable for endorsing Nazism.

I think Greg Christopher of Chubby Funster Games is despicable for endorsing Nazism.

This one is from Chubby Funster Games and I will say right now that I think this is outrageous. Greg Christopher, I know you are desperate to promote Ambition & Avarice and distinguish yourself somehow in a crowded field of Old School Rip-offs but this is just reprehensible. I hope that bloggers in the OSR step forward and denounce Greg for voting for Hitler and also having ties to a Ukrainian SS death squad that conducted atrocities from 1941-44 and additionally he’s in that God Hates Fags church and spits on babies and his hatred toward furries is despicable, and I think maybe everyone should spread the word and organize a boycott of Chubby Dumpster based upon those facts.

As seen worn in public by Brad Pitt, Tom Hardy, Channing Tatum, Denzel Washington, etc...

As seen worn in public by Brad Pitt, Tom Hardy, Channing Tatum, Denzel Washington, etc…

Haha YOU ALREADY HAD ME WITH THE MEDUSA TITTIES!!!

Haha YOU ALREADY HAD ME WITH THE MEDUSA TITTIES!!!

Hard to choose just one from Polyhedron Games aka Bloodymage, this is as impressive a roster of fine fashion garments that can be found away from a Paris catwalk. But I’m going with the Medusa/Bitch! Women’s Plus Size V-Neck t-shirt for several reasons:

  1. Coy reveal of a Medusa titty.
  2. Truth in marketing, product name reveals that this one’s for the fatties.
  3. Dopey font + awkward phrasing on back.

Holiday season? The Polyhedron Games LLC Classic Thong makes a great stocking stuffer!

148 Comments leave one →
  1. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    July 15, 2013 11:48 pm

    That Medusa could use a thong.

  2. Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
    July 16, 2013 12:01 am

    YDIS needs to get its own t-shirt line. Some starter ideas could include, “Where’s Dwimmermount?”, Zak Princess highfiving a tranny superimposed with a cumshot or Faggi done in a Che Guevara (with much more fat and acne) facial profile on a four color artsy backdrop. They would be great topical conversation starters at the KKK&A beer hall putsch or dropping off sporks to Bloodymage at Gencon.

  3. bad wolf permalink
    July 16, 2013 5:10 am

    Ah, i begin to see it now. The truth about Raggi was in plain sight all along:

    http://oglaf.com/delivery/

  4. Zarathustra permalink
    July 16, 2013 5:12 am

    “Free Jmal”

    It’s a bit long but in small, cursive print, superimposed over a picture of a noble knight clad all in white ““I should probably stop wasting time on you, Tracey, except that you’ve offended me and mine to our very core, and you are evil.

    Yes, you are Evil. Anyone who active seeks to take from others for their own gain, all the while claiming it is their right to do so, is Evil and therefore must be opposed.

    In this story, Tracey, you are the would-be master thief, and I am one of the paladins out to undo your harm. Thus the battle shall continue.”- Sean Patrick Fannon.

    • Arneson's Manboob permalink
      July 16, 2013 6:56 pm

      I’d buy it.

  5. bob's Cunt permalink
    July 16, 2013 9:37 am

    Totally unrelated news of another flopped Shitstarter: http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/07/axes-anvils-is-critical-fumble-time-to.html

  6. Dildatory Interlude permalink
    July 16, 2013 2:00 pm

    Don’t forget these Barrowmaze t-shirts: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/barrowmaze-gamer-tees

    If you ever wanted Poag to take a shit on your chest, this is your chance! THEY’RE BARROWMAZING!

  7. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 16, 2013 3:59 pm

    http://unknownzine.blogspot.com/

    Chrisitan Walker is either combining all his several shitty blogs into one, or else he has gone totally schitzo. Is “Destination Unblown” a gaming blog, a chess playing blog, a comic book collecting blog, or a Goodreads blog?

    Everything he does seems all over the place and pretty low quality in writing and interest factor, but his “shoreline huckleberry” aw-shucks good guy routine seems to continue to get attention from the OSRtards.

    Maybe Christians T-Shirt could say “WTF is this blog about?”

    • bob's Cunt permalink
      July 16, 2013 7:59 pm

      We should totally see if we can make Christian cry again.

  8. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    July 16, 2013 6:59 pm

    I’d pay $50 for a “Stop staring at my moobs” shirt. They are damn sexy, but hey guys, give it a rest!

  9. ChillyWilly permalink
    July 17, 2013 7:58 am

    How about a T-Shit that states:
    “I Funded Dwimmermount & All I Got Was This Stupid Shirt”

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      July 17, 2013 5:56 pm

      I like it, but lets pump it up a notch so we can really soak The Unblown on the Kickstarter for this. How about ‘I funded Dwimmermount and all I got was this scooper full of dust” – and it includes a picture on the back of a skeletal hand with a pooper scooper full of dust all comin’ atcha. THAT I would help fund.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 17, 2013 9:39 pm

        Or, you know, just a dustbin full of dust.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        July 18, 2013 3:09 pm

        Or JaMal hiding under his bed with a respirator mask over his face.

  10. Dildatory Interlude permalink
    July 17, 2013 8:13 am

    In a stroke of massive stupidity, the hand-wringers at Indie+ who like to play games about slavery and colonialism have hooked up with champion douchebag Grim-Jim Desborough to have a discussion about “taboos in role-playing”: http://indieplus.org/doku.php?id=gamenight:july_panel_2

    Yeah, I am sure that inviting the guy who puffs up controversy so he can sell his otherwise lackluster game shits is a move that will really open up conversation about why it’s important to play games that feature misogyny or the sexual abuse of children or whatever these fucks are into at the moment.

    • Timothy permalink
      July 17, 2013 11:58 am

      Totally edgy. He and Rags are the modern Madonnas. She knew sex sells to her audience, they know misogyny does to theirs.

      And anybody who gives himself the nickname of “grim” needs to play in a Turkish prison for a while, just so he can honestly earn it.

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        July 17, 2013 1:02 pm

        Well, he already dresses like rough trade Rob Zombie, so let’s make sure his passport is up to date and see if Air Turkland has any free seats.

  11. July 17, 2013 11:40 am

    I want to mark this spot as the place to make fun of every OSR blogger who squeets a bead of pre-cum over the announcement that now there are D&D Legos:

    http://greyhawkgrognard.blogspot.com/2013/07/hasbro-announces-kre-o-d-building-blocks.html

    • Timothy permalink
      July 17, 2013 11:53 am

      OK, I came a little reading that, too. Drow Not-legos are so hot.

      But hey, don’t leave out his other insightful blogs, which do not get enough attention from the blOwSR. Any surprise that Anton Le Gay rejoices that the dude who tracked down and shot an unarmed teenager because he was black was found not guilty?

      http://makeminefreedom.blogspot.com/2013/07/george-zimmerman-is-not-guilty.html

      He even plays the “those who are conditioned to feel oppressed” card, with no irony at all. Guess the standards don’t apply to him, when he compares a game about the Salem witch trials to the Holocaust. Poor, poor, repressed Odinists. Forgive him, Thor, he knows not what he says.

      • Dildatory Interlude permalink
        July 17, 2013 1:04 pm

        That stupid fuck doesn’t even realize how far him and his neo-pagan cronies are from the actual Salem victims…for one, everyone is Salem was hard-working.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        July 18, 2013 6:06 am

        I love Greyhawk Grognard’s political blog! All those well thought out right wing posts and no comments. Makes me wonder that either no one reads it or tabs out immediately after reading three words into the current topic.

        FUCK!

    • ChillyWilly permalink
      July 17, 2013 12:52 pm

      I personally like B/X Blackrazor’s site

      http://bxblackrazor.blogspot.com

      The stupid fucking football scores really put me in a gaming mood.

      • Timothy permalink
        July 17, 2013 1:38 pm

        Jesus H. Christ – an 11 part series entitled “On Roleplaying”? God damn, what a sad, egotistical little fuck. Even sadder are the numbnuts bothering to read that piss-begotten drivel.

      • July 20, 2013 9:04 am

        The Tao dude did a pretty good job trashing BXblackrazor’s latest series on role playing by simply pointing out that BX provides no definition of “role playing” at no point during all 11 parts of his blatherings.

    • ChillyWilly permalink
      July 17, 2013 1:18 pm

      You shouldn’t make fun of Lex Luthor over there at Graycock Grognard. I don’t know if you are aware, but he can see dead people. Fucking Gary’s ghost is watching him beat off in his bathroom, telling him how his 2nd edition of AD&D would have been like.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        July 18, 2013 3:19 pm

        He’s fast becoming my new role model. He never tires of writing his political screeds nor does he tire of promoting his rip off games. He seems like the perfect YDIS poster child of the fucked up OSR era. Someone give Greycock Grognard a pat on the back for me.

        FUCK!

  12. Kent permalink
    July 17, 2013 5:48 pm

    One FULL day’s worth of D&D gaming online.
    ==

    Player:
    OOC: I’m confused on the description. The surface of the dome is 3′ below, but the interior of the dome ceiling is above? Does “surface of the dome” mean the floor that is enclosed within the dome?

    DM:
    Sorry for the confusion. Yes, you are right – I should have said the floor of the dome. I will revise the previous post.

    ==
    I can’t imagine playing online like this without firing off a dozen angry emails each day:

    “CAN YOU HURRY THE FUCK UP? WHAT ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MORON?”

    “DID YOU GET MY EMAIL FUCKFACE? I SAID, ‘MY CHARACTER RAISES HIS LEFT EYEBROW WITH THE DIGNITY OF A PRINCE’ ABOUT FIVE HOURS AGO AND I HAVE HAD NO RESPONSE”

    “LOOK YOU PRICK. I CAN’T GET ANY WORK DONE TRYING TO GET YOU TO DEAL WITH MY CHARACTER’S ACTIONS. 8 HOURS PER EYEBROW REACTION TIME IS A FUCKING DISGRACE. IM PICKING UP THE PHONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT DM”

  13. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 17, 2013 6:06 pm

    Text based gaming blows in general. You need Skype or Google + or whatever the fuck lets you see, up close and personal, Zak’s fucked-up hair and self-satisfied smirk, Raggi’s sweaty, pizza stained shirt and cheeks, or Joe The Lawyers jiggly jowls.

    Sorry, that was a low blow seeing as poor Joe is going on month three of having been “dissapeared” while having Drama Queen Zak’s back during the great New York hipster/gametard wars. Zak…you got some ‘splainen to dooo!

    http://wondrousimaginings.blogspot.com/

  14. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 17, 2013 9:36 pm

    Don’t Mess With the Bloodymage!

    http://www.cafepress.com/polyhedrongamesllcshop.675013740

    Fuck yeah! I am so getting this!

    • Timothy permalink
      July 18, 2013 8:26 am

      If only we could get that image on the Classic Thong.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 18, 2013 11:23 am

      Does Cafe Press make customized tampons? A perfect gift for your favorite Menstrual Mage!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 18, 2013 11:47 am

      Here’s a tee shirt suggestion for Blooeymage:

      “My friends in the OSR went to GaryCon and all I got was this lousy t-shirt from the Motel 6 70 miles away.”

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      July 18, 2013 6:40 pm

      A…almost 30 fucking bucks for that piece of shit Bloodymage shirt? And it’s obviously on a cheap, bargain barrel shirt. Ye gods, Oh Captain My Captain, is this revenge for getting deee-nied on that ride from the hotel to the con with your drooling fiance?

  15. General Adolf E. Lee, CSA permalink
    July 17, 2013 9:55 pm

    “Don’t Blame Me. I Voted for Hitler.”

    The other shirts gave me a good chuckle, but what’s supposed to be wrong with this one?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 17, 2013 9:59 pm

      I’m guessing they don’t come in XXL or larger sizes for the target audience. Epic fail.

  16. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 17, 2013 9:58 pm

    I don’t own a cat. Can I order any of these shirts pre-catpiss smelled up?

  17. Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
    July 17, 2013 10:26 pm

    You can get your cat and outdated political bullshit out of the way in one t-shirt.

    Or does that pic automatically make me old and unhip?

  18. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 18, 2013 11:40 am

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=62183

    Compost. The Unblown are talking about…compost.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 18, 2013 11:45 am

      I’m bored at work today, fellow Dragon’s Farters!

      Do you drink your own urine?

      Yes – 100% [ 8577 ]
      No – 0% [ 0 ]

    • ChillyWilly permalink
      July 18, 2013 12:42 pm

      I tried composting with an assload of unsold Gygax Magazines, with disastrous results. Which reminds me, they are looking for someone at Gygax Magazine to hire.

      http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=62209

      JOB REQUIREMENTS
      – Must have the last name of Arneson
      – Must be willing to give *hands free* blowjobs

      If they find anyone with these qualifications, they can not only get blown on a daily basis but also start an Arneson Magazine that might actually have useful shit in it.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        July 18, 2013 3:21 pm

        Someone point Bloodymage in their direction.

      • Ritter permalink
        July 18, 2013 8:30 pm

        Looks like the job involves servicing advertisers and distributor, so maybe the low pay will be offset by tips left on the dresser.

  19. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 18, 2013 11:45 am

    coincidentally, that was going to be Christrians next gardening post. The gardening post after the goodreads post after the chess post after the shitty Call of Cthulhu session post (Christian is just calling his old, gay World of Darkness game CoC to get players I think) after surfing post after cooking post after showing his retarded son’s crayon doodling post after his comic book post after his adopted a runaway dog post after after going to 7-11 for a Slurpee post after….

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 18, 2013 11:48 am

      I heard Christian’s son is still in diapers and lives in a playpen but he’s like 14 now.

  20. Timothy permalink
    July 18, 2013 4:45 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA! L’il Lexi tells a big lie:

    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-havent-heard-bad-review-yet.html

    He claims he hasn’t seen a bad review of his novel. As we all know, we rolled a d20 to see who had to buy it and read it. Schiz (God bless you, my son) lost and bought it and posted an in depth review right here. He addressed the whole piece of shit novel with an even hand (decidedly and uncharacteristically fair for this here site). It was objective, despite that egomaniacal one-true-wayist not deserving it, but it was not a good review.

    And we know that fat bitch Alexis read it, because he links back to this site anytime he is mentioned as he flounders about for credibility and approval.

    So claiming that he has not read a bad review yet is a massive fucking lie.

    And you can’t hide from that, Lexi, and your little drones can’t take the bullet for you, you fucking lying ass bitch.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      July 18, 2013 6:04 pm

      What do you expect from a fat transsexual who denies he is gay?!
      I like to go back to oglaf for this: http://oglaf.com/delusionist/

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 19, 2013 7:57 pm

      Ah, vanity press. That’s how he roll.

    • Jack permalink
      July 20, 2013 4:13 am

      It’s hard to catch a bad review when only two people have read your book.

  21. Kent permalink
    July 18, 2013 6:16 pm

    One thing I can say for sure is that I wish I was more like Alexis Tao of D&D. He can dance with high-kneed gusto for admirers who give him lots of space and he can write a critically acclaimed novel, universally critically acclaimed, and I forget the third thing but that was the best of all. The third thing was the best of all, make no mistake.

  22. Dildatory Interlude permalink
    July 19, 2013 7:55 am

    Okay, so Zak has the most tedious post about why Pacific Rim is a bad movie here: http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/2013/07/everyone-called-they-want-everything.html

    Just try getting through that post. It’s like watching an Aspie meeting a token amount of contrary opinion–all whining, grunting, and sweating over the idea that people liked something he didn’t. (But he makes enough references to let you know he has nerd authority.)

    And, true to form, Zak pisses his pants the moment someone disagrees with him in the comments. “Spoken like a man with terrible eyesight” and “If you’re blind, then maybe you don’t get it. That’s ok, blindness is not a crime,” he squeals at the mere thought of something other than total agreement on his latest shitpost.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 19, 2013 8:33 am

      Someone needs to tell Zak Princess the Yale School of Art isn’t considered Ivy League, much like we don’t consider the Cornell School of Hotel Management Ivy League at my alma mater.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        July 19, 2013 12:21 pm

        I think ZakPrincess is ‘mentally dishonest’.

    • Fucktard's Everfull Ass permalink
      July 20, 2013 9:52 am

      He’s a retard to get so worked up over a movie made for kids, but I’m not surprised. Guy lives in a shart bubble world.

    • Skanka the Hutt permalink
      July 20, 2013 10:19 pm

      I wish someone would skull fuck that narcissistic asshole.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        July 21, 2013 1:56 pm

        It is funny that Zak is worked up over what basically amounts to homage and pastiche in a film squarley aimed at the kiddies. Talk about being a “man child.” Zak truly is a gamer. How the fuck do you make a giant robot vs. Godzilla monsters movie without tapping into the genre it’s based on? And what, you can’t depict future city scenes that evoke Ridley Scott at all? He really is a fart-sniffing wanna-be elitist. Plus I think he somehow hurt Joe the Lawyers feelings at his art exibit (probably ignored him or some shit) resulting in a bed check being needed on ol’ Joe.

        The most hilarious part is the one guy who calls Zak on his shit crumbles when his skeevy hero insults him and shuts him down. “…OK Zak, I guess we disagree on that point. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go play Vornheim some more…” Wow. That blog is one uncomfortable echo chamber. His fans seem to be afraid of not being invited to the “party” anymore if they anger him; whatever the fuck that party is.

      • July 21, 2013 7:45 pm

        The party consists of a brownie, a bullywug, a gas spore, a stench kow, and a gibbering mouther ridden with herpes sores around its many orifices. It’s edgy to have monsters as PC’s that match their personalities after all.

      • July 26, 2013 4:19 pm

        He’s been too brittle, boring and bitchy to even watch lately but this came up again today and suddenly Vornheim. Made. Fucking. Sense!

        A game book! Full of fucking tables! That you roll on! And get a conclusion!

  23. bob's Cunt permalink
    July 19, 2013 10:18 am

    And now we have something worthy of Bloodymage: http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/07/rant-time-red-aegis-kickstarter-wants.html

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      July 20, 2013 8:31 am

      The best part of that are the apologies/”clarifications” from one of the guys offering the scam. “We aren’t charging $250 for a bogus writing credit–it’s a mentoring program, guys!” “Well, sorry you aren’t schmuck enough to think our scam is a great idea–but hey, plenty of dipshits might think it’s a golden opportunity, and who are you to deny them a golden opportunity to fill our wallets?”

      Of course, once they have to deal with “mentoring” these shining lights at a mere $250 a pop, I think they will realize that’s far too little money for open-ended psychological counseling for a highly troubled portion of the population. Good luck, Crimson Circlejerkers!

  24. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 21, 2013 10:27 pm

    Google found me this little Bloodymage treat:
    http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=10829524&postcount=5

    • Bob's Cunt permalink
      July 21, 2013 11:15 pm

      To distracted to either buy new clothes or go on a diet? What does he have going besides typing with one finger, banging Special Edna and forgetting to wipe?

      Seeing that the post was from two years ago the scary part is that he is probably going to be the next 800lb man on Dr. Phil.

  25. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 23, 2013 1:48 pm

    It’s Read an RPG Book in Public Week. Read, because none of these socially retarded losers you see posting their stupidity on the Internet 24/7 actually PLAY rpgs, but I digress.

    I’ve decided to follow along by reading the Suck Dungeons of the BlOwSR in public this week. Today I read The Monolith from Beyond Space and Time at Burger King and made sure everyone could see the cover. Got a lot of dirty looks, and one African American inner city kid asked me why I was reading a book about a giant shit. Manager came over and asked me to leave because I was grossing out the customers.

    Tomorrow I’m going to read the uncut, unedited version of Carcosa at the children’s library. Aloud, and every time I finish reading a page, I’m going to show the kids the pictures.

    Any other suggestions for RPG books and locations to fill out my week?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 23, 2013 1:55 pm

      Oh, and I’m trying to get the half a dozen or so gals over at One Million Moms to sponsor me Old School Pat Pulling Style, because I would love to see those whack jobs go toe to toe with Raggi, Grim Jim Desborough, Geoffrey, Zak Princess and the rest of their ilk.

      RETARD FIGHT!!!!

    • Timothy permalink
      July 23, 2013 2:45 pm

      Yeah, I suggest reading your hard copy of Dwimmermount in public.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 23, 2013 5:08 pm

        I’d probably get hauled off to the psych ward if I do that in public, pretending to read an imaginary book and all…

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 23, 2013 8:42 pm

      Great news! There was a UPS box from Cafe Press waiting for me when I got home today containing all the wonderful Polyhedron Games fashions I purchased from Blooeymage! Tomorrow at the children’s library I’ll be wearing nothing but my new Blooeymage Classic Thong, a Don’t Mess With the Bloody Mage Half-Tee, and a pair of pink Crocks.

  26. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 24, 2013 6:08 am

    OOOOO! Raggi IV’s new adventure module FUCK FOR SATAN is now available at rpgnow! He’s so edgy, metal and wierd fantasy, all at the same time! This release comes just in time for my Read a BlOwSR Suck Dungeon In Public reading at the children’s library this afternoon. I also want to teach a new generation of murder rape hobos how to play rpgs, so after I read them Carcosa at story time, I’m going to run a Hero Kids or Mermaid session for them using FUCK FOR SATAN!

    Also, does anyone know how to get poop stains out of a thong? I really wanted to wear my new Blooeymage thong today, but it got wedged up in there real good….

    • Jack permalink
      July 24, 2013 7:41 am

      I’m sort of pissed that Fuck for Satan was retitled from the original: Forced Anal for Belphigor.

    • bad wolf permalink
      July 24, 2013 8:21 am

      Why did i even think you were kidding about that?

    • Timothy permalink
      July 24, 2013 11:14 am

      I am really waiting on the sequel: FIST FOR JESUS!

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      July 24, 2013 9:07 pm

      Get this bullshit from the title page from his store on Fuck For Satan:
      “Animals and children have gone missing from the village of Schwarzton. Locals suspect that an old Satanic coven has re-established itself! Can your intrepid heroes survive dread dungeons and bizarre monsters and save the day? (hint: this is an LotFP adventure, so good luck with that!)”

      What a load of crap! This really shows how desperate Faggi has become. All that talk of how LotFP was edgy metal death doom and was true to the original horror of HPL’s works has come down to a pathetic adventure module invoking satanic tropes and putting fuck in the title that just ends with dead PC’s and players asking for the last three hours of their lives back.

      Hey Faggi, give it up now and go back to masturbating to Frank Thorne’s Red Sonja drawings, people will be happier and the world will a better place with out your modules about mutilating women and children stinking up the place.

      P.S. observe how the proper use of the word fuck can work…

      FUCK!

      • July 24, 2013 9:35 pm

        Da FUG, Raggi? This module came out thirty fucking years ago and Roger E Moore himself panned it. You can’t fool us:

        “The most serious problem with Plague of Terror, however, is the graphic violence that goes on within Wentworth. This is not really a module that gamers in their early teens might enjoy, or gamers of any age. It is one thing to have modules in which player characters cheerfully hack their ways through hordes of goblins, zombies, trolls, and so forth. It is another thing to have a module that details torture, child abuse, sexual assault, sadistic vengeance, and other such activities. To make it worse, the picture of the guardsman killing the peasant girl for Encounter 11 doesn’’t match at all the way he is supposed to have killed her: a careless oversight.

        In its favor, Plague of Terror has some amusing names for some of the townspeople; my favorites are the Gaullo brothers.

        I cannot recommend this module for inexperienced role-players, for referees who like to do their own creative think- ing in role-playing NPCs and setting up scenarios, or for those who feel uncomfortable with violence, torture, etc., etc. If the module is ever revised, it should be pruned carefully and printed in larger type, and the picture for Encounter 11 should match the text. Caveat emptor.”

        THE PICTURE FOR ENCOUNTER 11 MUST MATCH THE FUCKING TEXT, YOU CAVEAT EMPTOR FUCK

      • Ritter permalink
        July 27, 2013 10:33 am

        Regardless of what this half-wit hack and presumed international stalker of unfortunate Finnish redheads says about his “weird fantasy” literary influences, the only things he’s ever read are clearly Warhammer game books, goregrind lyrics and porn. He’s only taken to writing his own material because all the pages of his existing reading material are stuck together…

  27. Kent permalink
    July 24, 2013 1:21 pm

    I looked it up. It actually is called ‘Fuck For Satan’. If it is not a parody then surely that is Raggi’s last adventure. I suppose he could follow it up with ‘Satan’s Creche.’

    • Bob's Cunt permalink
      July 24, 2013 1:43 pm

      His next one will be Child Molestation for Asemodeus.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        July 24, 2013 6:30 pm

        Thank Pholtus Raggi was busy crying into his pillow during the good years of Dungeons and Dragons after his dungeon master killed Raggi’s 15th level Githyanki anti-paladin and prevented this kind of shit eating modules from seeing the light of day when D&D was under every Christmas tree. Edgy? Offensive? Trying to jump on the same bus with Kill Puppies for Satan? Just fucking stupid?

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      July 24, 2013 9:09 pm

      Yeah, you can’t really make up bullshit crazier than the actual things that Faggi can come up with can ya’? Who would have thunk?

    • Timothy permalink
      July 25, 2013 6:14 am

      Faggi should totally write a tranny-positive satanic module. A true untapped market.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 25, 2013 10:17 am

      Burchill is absolutely right. Tranny shemales are becoming Internet bullies, you can see this over at Big Purple Dildo where uber-liberals try to out-liberal other liberals in Tangency. Real women are gonna take back the night from the tuck and tape wannabe shims who over apply their over exaggerated clown-like makeup to cover up the 5 o’clock shadow and parade around in some grotesque parody of real women.

      Love this quote, “To have your cock cut off and then plead special privileges as women – above natural-born women, who don’t know the meaning of suffering, apparently – is a bit like the old definition of chutzpah: the boy who killed his parents and then asked the jury for clemency on the grounds he was an orphan.”

      Children’s library FUCK FOR SATAN session didn’t go so well. All I got was a summons date to City Court next Thursday.

  28. Lamentations of Gygax's Ghost permalink
    July 25, 2013 1:20 am

    Thinking about it, Raggi probably should have given this module away for FREE RPG DAY so as not to potentially mislead people as to what they are getting into with LotFloP.

  29. Timothy permalink
    July 25, 2013 6:11 am

    Can’t wait until Geoffie gives his cum-catching review of FFS, no doubt calling it the greatest module ever written, based off of another throw away Gygax line, all the while denying he has any vested interest in the financial well-being of his publisher. Much like his last dumbfuck review for Monolith:

    http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=57756

    That one still cracks me up, exposing geoffie for exactly what he is.

    • forgetful motherfucker permalink
      July 25, 2013 1:29 pm

      That lippy guy in that thread is a genius – you should always read his posts carefully.

    • Ritter permalink
      July 27, 2013 10:45 am

      That’s a comedy masterpiece right there. Though this Geoffie quote frightens me:

      “Not only that, but I have learned from James as well. (“Oh, you’re right. That is a good idea. I’d never thought of that before.”)”

      I shudder to think what Geoffie has learned from James.

  30. Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
    July 26, 2013 5:34 am

    If you thought Jmal and Nystul were bad, wait ’til you read about this assrape of a kickstarter:
    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/07/when-kickstarters-eat-their-young-doom.html

    check out part two, then head to the KS page to read all the endearing comments

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 26, 2013 3:43 pm

      Tenkar’s Turdshack sure backs a lot of shitty Kickstarters. He reminds me of the domestic abuse victim who just keeps going back for more beatings.

  31. Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
    July 26, 2013 11:51 am

    Yeah, that is a prime example of Kickstarter’s main weakness. A neat concept gone tits up because the developers spent all the cash on stupid shit. Now, the bleeding and squealing starts over people claiming to be ripped off. JMal was a dickless coward who hid under the bed when things turned sour and Mike Nystul show’s why the spell named after him is a warning. Still people cry foul when their precious ‘funding money’ disappears on a fucking game. It’s not like that money would have gone to pay bills or went to buy food or clothing..or …wait..yeah. They got ROBBED!!!

    FUCK!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 27, 2013 7:38 am

      It was Raggi. He’s commissioning it for his upcoming module, TROT, FUCK, GALLOP.

      I wonder if Raggi is upset that everyone seems to be completely ignoring FUCK FOR SATAN this week? After all, No Controversy = No Sales for for an otherwise mediocre and lackluster LotFP typical railroad adventure.

      • bad wolf permalink
        July 27, 2013 8:37 am

        You have reached a page with Adult Content filtered from view. If you wish to view this content, you must log in and modify your account information

        It’s almost as if having something whose title comes up with a blank “adults only” result on drivethrurpg, and a google search that returns Rhianna tweets, is somehow resistant to consumer interest.

        Better start crying about book-burning LFGS owners again, quick!

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 28, 2013 8:35 pm

        Raggi, going after the clopping crowd.

    • i will never forget permalink
      July 27, 2013 1:23 pm

      Haha, it wasn’t me, but if you’re Paul then you’re a fucking mega-genius for linking it here. I will own Darlene-horse-people-doing-it-in-the-butt art, and I will own it now. Prepare to be sniped, fuckers.

  32. Kent permalink
    July 28, 2013 4:14 am

    It has been a while since I called anyone a ‘poofter’. So without further delay,

    Zak S. is a poofter faced minuscule who has only read one book.

    [Clasps hands, stretches arms upwards to limit, ‘aaahhh!’, feels better.]

    • Kent permalink
      July 28, 2013 4:17 am

      and before you guys start cosying up to me again, I still think you are all bunch of knobs.

  33. Dildatory Interlude permalink
    July 28, 2013 8:20 am

    Fron Anton LaGay on G+:

    “Tonight’s soundtrack #3: My favorite track from one of my favorite musicals. I know most Heathens would probably pick the more overtly mocking “Herod’s Song”, but this one strikes me as perfect not only for the music, and the wonderfully contemptuous delivery of Pilate’s lines (and look for the pained expression on the face of Pilate’s wife, in the blue dress), but also for the last line that really encapsulates the whole “concept” of the movie in my eyes.

    Hey JC, JC, please explain to me, you had everything, where is it now?

    I don’t need to be a Christian to appreciate a great expression of a Christian myth.”

    You don’t need be to be a Christian to appreciate this showtune, but it helps if you are a fruit.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 28, 2013 9:23 am

      You know it’s true because he also mention’s Herod’s wife’s blue dress. Only the fruits are into the costumes and take notice.

  34. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 28, 2013 9:18 am

    This guy has some serious first world problems, OSR flavor:
    http://mesmerizedbysirens.blogspot.it/2013/07/osr-as-rudimentary-science.html?zx=27eb9955c907482f

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 28, 2013 9:21 am

      This blog post has inspired me to take a picture of every one of my turds before I flush them from now on, just so they aren’t lost to posterity.

    • Kent permalink
      July 28, 2013 10:22 am

      One hundred millennia from now not one person will remember even half of those obscure osr rpgs.

      • Jack permalink
        July 28, 2013 1:14 pm

        I think you might mean “in five years,” instead of millennia.

      • Kent permalink
        July 28, 2013 10:14 pm

        What one gains in accuracy one loses in preposterousness.

    • Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
      July 28, 2013 10:26 am

      I think the words he was looking for were “sense of history,” not “science.”

      I used to have a book in the early nineties that reviewed nearly all the games on the market at the time, and quite a few that had been extinct for a while. I’m pretty sure most of the games this guy is concerned about fell into the “boring, derivative crap” category.

      Speaking of turds, I just had a hell of a spiral bowl winder. A few years ago, I crapped out a perfect 2-piece question mark. Gotta remember to keep a camera in the bathroom! FUCK!

      • July 28, 2013 11:02 am

        English has always been a slight hurdle for that guy so it’s natural he’s a Powers & Perils freak. And is *cloning* it, because that’s what the world needs and it’s not like the Snider estate will say fucking boo.

      • July 28, 2013 1:58 pm

        One time I squeezed out a perfectly intact grape. It was mysterious and also marvelous.

      • Kent permalink
        July 28, 2013 10:10 pm

        I was wondering why you kept feeding Zak grapes.

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        July 28, 2013 10:25 pm

        Oh great. Now you’ve gone and got Kent all wet in the man pussy and he’s going to pull out the anal beads tonight. I’m still recovering from the double ended dildo that was stuck up there and lost two months ago.

    • bad wolf permalink
      July 28, 2013 5:10 pm

      I bet if you found a copy of Spawn of Fashan, filed off the serial numbers and posted it to rpgdrivethru, you could become heralded as the newest genius of the OSR.

  35. Fatty McNeckbeard permalink
    July 28, 2013 10:46 am

    Fuck T-shirts.

    Fuck thongs.

    What YDIS needs is an OSR-themed codpiece; bright red, with the words “monster fucker” on the front in black Gothic capitals.

    It’ll go great under a utili-kilt.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 28, 2013 5:46 pm

      Add a cockblade and I’d wear that.

  36. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 28, 2013 2:07 pm

    “OK, which of you asswipes outbid me on this?”

    That is something gametards might have popped a chubby for a few years ago. But now they are so desensitized from the wide availabilty and extreme nature of modern porn they can’t get off on imagery without a creative money shot involved. So back to the drawing board, Darlene! Make with “La-boosh!”

    “Speaking of turds, I just had a hell of a spiral bowl winder”

    Speaking of turds, I’ll reply that comment in the manner of a clueless commentor on one of Christian Walker’s yawn-inducing posts:

    “Wow! Nice Work! My doctor told me those are the most healthy kind of shits to take! Have you flushed it yet? Did you show your son? Maybe you can use it as a monster in your game. Post a pic when you get a chance.”

  37. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 28, 2013 3:44 pm

    If you are going to fail and bail on a Kickstarter, IndyGoGo, pre-order, what have you, and you want to get your backers off your back, take a page from this guy’s book: post closeup pictures of your flesh-eating bacterial infection for all to see.

    http://thealexandrian.net/wordpress/32610/roleplaying-games/legends-labyrinths-refund-update-2

    • Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
      July 29, 2013 3:42 pm

      does that mean pictures of Jmal’s herpiated sphincter are soon to follow ?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 29, 2013 6:05 pm

        That would have been helpful, if not thoughtful, and a lot of grief could have been avoided.

  38. Kent permalink
    July 28, 2013 10:53 pm

    Here is my pricing model for my rpg which I will release in 2035:

    The community has about 1000 gamers. The model I use is called the modified Harvard kickstarter like-dislike-loath-nosepunch model.

    I like 2 people in the osr and for them the game is free.
    I dislike say a further 950 gamers and for them the game will cost $10
    I loath say 49 more gamers and the game will put them out of pocket by $100
    The game will set Zak back $1000 but he will have the pleasure of seeing himself represented in the Bestiary.

    My game will be a homagenisation of Gygax’ essays in my own words, videllicet:

    Strength — strength is the strengthness of a body of a man in his arms for the liftingness of things, for mighty fighting thus and so. For further information see — Spinach Garden.

    Magic-User — hocus pocus man, pulls rodents from his clothing when no-one is looking. Lugs superhero comics and porn collection around in huge leather bound books called ‘spellbooks’.

    Campaign Advice — Do not read widely or think about your world as this will confuse and intimidate your players. Put everything in random tables so you can play too!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 29, 2013 6:01 pm

      You spelled ‘homogenisation’ wrong (or not wrong just in the faggy English way), but since it has the word ‘homo’ in it and considering where you are, I’ll just assume you were afraid we’d pick up on that and not let go, so have a free pass.

      • Kent permalink
        July 30, 2013 7:34 am

        homage

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 30, 2013 8:22 am

        Ah. Sorry about that, Kent. Since Gary’s shit writing was all over the place, I just assumed you meant “homogenization”. No harm, no foul.

  39. Kent permalink
    July 29, 2013 3:56 am

    Raggi whispers an apology to his wife and to all of you knobs for his most recent adventure title and for releasing so many adventures. At end he offers a free t-shirt of your choice if you pay the postage:

    http://lotfp.blogspot.ie/2013/07/talking-about-new-releases.html?zx=d4ba399956b04e07

    • Dumb Frost Doom permalink
      July 29, 2013 4:05 am

      I guess that means the shirts aren’t selling well. Didn’t have enough XXLs printed up at the shop, Raggs?

    • Timothy permalink
      July 29, 2013 6:28 am

      That is classic.

      “Please notice my edgy shit!”

      The Boy Who Cried Satan has gone to the well too many times for even his most slavish drones to notice.

  40. Timothy permalink
    July 29, 2013 6:26 am

    Turdkar called us all children, while admitting he is a fan of this site:

    http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/07/bits-and-pieces-winners-losers-and.html

    Hey, Turdkar, the street belongs to the po-po, but the net belongs to the people! We’re not here to socialize, but to mock. It isn’t that difficult a concept, unless of course you have deluded yourself by your endlessly catalogued G+ delving.

    Fight On, Faggots!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 29, 2013 8:33 am

      YES I AM FAMOUS!

      So if Tenkar’s Turdshack is not backing all those shitty Kickstarters, tell me again why he’s spending so much energy on them? In a slow Shitstarter week, he went after those guys* hard for offering a design credit/mentoring program reward level which seemed rather innocuous in the grand scheme of Kickstarter rip offs. Then he caved, cowered and ass kissed when they actually showed up with a reasonable explanation.

      * “Those Guys” being established professional designers from Paizo unlike the BlOwSR amateur hour hacks doing Shitstarters who make up the Turdshack Peanut Gallery and love to chime in and a kick a man until he’s down, just like we children do at YDIS.

      Pot, meet Kettle.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 29, 2013 8:38 am

      Oh, and I thought Zak’s Cunt Hair actually was Zak…

      • Timothy permalink
        July 29, 2013 9:28 am

        Yeah, me too.

        And that one poor commenter thinking he may have been spotlighted here…anybody know who the fuck he is? And why we should even give a flacid kent turd?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 29, 2013 10:01 am

        Not a fucking clue who that guy is. I suppose it’s a badge of honor in the BlOwSR to get the YDIS treatment for your suck dungeon. Go back to the comment sections in the early days of YDIS and you will see everyone was begging to get the YDIS spotlight for their blog, suck dungeon, web site or what have you.

    • Aos permalink
      July 29, 2013 9:42 am

      He has a nice tavern metaphore going on in that post. He completely fucked it up by not giving a “now drinking” update, though. There is a word, however, for a fellow who obssess about elfgames and then unironically calls someone else a child.

      • Dumb Frost Doom permalink
        July 29, 2013 10:54 am

        It’s weird when dudes are all “we’re in a tavern.” No, really man, you’ve got a blog. That’s it.

        It’s like those guys who also pretend to be dwarves or pirates when they post to gaming message boards. These dudes have gone full on Mazes & Monsters.

  41. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 29, 2013 11:36 am

    If people are following our links, then please follow this one:

    http://ancientvaults.wordpress.com

    This OSR site DOES NOT SUCK in any way, shape, or form. Frequently updated, almost daily, you get a new monster, spell, or magic item in every post that you can use as-is in your games and your players will thank you for it, along with a little framing fiction that, believe it or not, actually doesn’t suck. Absent are the long diatribes of what is the One True Way or Edition, shaming of others, introduction of “original”, “new” ideas that have been done to death already and already seen in the thousands of other rpgs that have come out since D&D in 1974, political rants mostly from the Right that have nothing to do with D&D and are little more than cowardly racist, sexist, homophobic diatribes spitting back the blather from FOX, Rush Limbaugh and Tea Bagger Party, endless self promotion, tip jars, me too +1 controversy posts, re-posts from other more popular blogs, and Kickstarter announcements.

    If YDIS is going to drive traffic, we might as well drive it somewhere worthwhile once in awhile.

    • Timothy permalink
      July 29, 2013 1:40 pm

      Yeah, that dude is pretty cool. He actually came by here a few times, a couple of years ago, and was not subjected to much abuse at all. So his feelings might have been hurt.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 29, 2013 5:52 pm

        I’d really hate for that to happen, so I’ll just randomly add he’s also a Tranny Jew.

  42. Kent permalink
    July 29, 2013 3:02 pm

    Shit things that shit Zak likes:

    http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.ie/2013/07/i-like-it.html

    Includes a piece of shit that Zak thinks is a map.

    • Dumb Frost Doom permalink
      July 29, 2013 4:13 pm

      “I put these things next to each other in Photoshop and I’m calling it a map!”

      Remind me not to let Zak be the navigator on any roadtrips.

      j/k that would mean having to be in a car with Zak.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 29, 2013 5:47 pm

        That “map” is absolutely ridiculous. I’m not saying a map has to be a fucking CAD design detailed blueprint or anything, but that is just an underwear shit smear, and from someone who claims to be an artist too. Love the iPhone text message commentary from the skanks though about their “game”. For all you BlOwSR boobs angry about so-called fake gamer geek chicks, you might want to start going after your hero Zak Princess and his crowd, because it is blatantly obvious those disease-ridden porn whores are exactly what you hate. Jesus Mother Fucking Christ what a scam artist he is.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 29, 2013 6:21 pm

        THIS. IS. VORNHEIM!
        http://imgflip.com/i/2oyp6

      • I don't want to live on this planet anymore permalink
        July 29, 2013 8:14 pm

        First comment “I really like your players”. Fucking creepy.

  43. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    July 29, 2013 3:49 pm

    I think I saw that black chick in a gangbang video on youporn a couple years ago. The dudes were white, so naturally she had a dissapointed look and bored expression throughout. I think at one point when one guy went for anal she was overheard to say “are you in yet?” after he had been going to it for several minutes.

    Best part about a black porn chick? All the baby batter really stands out on dark skin…

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 29, 2013 5:50 pm

      You need to work Big Fat Jew Hollywood Porn Producers into that rant and I’ll give it an A+.

  44. Bob's Cunt permalink
    July 29, 2013 4:43 pm

    I’ll give Tenkar the fact that he has shown Kickstarter for what it is. Now he is turning to the Gygax non-memorial in his most recent post. It will be interesting if he goes after Gygax’s bitch of a widow the same way he goes after the Kickstarter scammers. http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/07/anyone-have-recent-info-on-gygax.html

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      July 29, 2013 5:48 pm

      I’ve been ripping into that money whore for years now. Tenkar’s Turdshack better not steal my schtick!

    • bad wolf permalink
      July 30, 2013 8:30 am

      Yeah, he gets that much right. But he also calls out the dogs on fanfic writers using the Mystara map, equating Hasbro’s long-forgotten IP with $100K ripped off from game fans.

  45. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    July 29, 2013 9:35 pm

    Good news! Bloodymage has lowered the capital investment into his company to just one dollar!
    http://s123723500.websitehome.co.uk/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=62104&sid=cd3667c92aac72a465c51e05d7ef66b2

    Blooey, I’ll PayPal you my $1 tomorrow but I’ll start working right away today. Here’s my suggestion for getting cheap dice bags. Go into every nursing home in town (you live in the retirement state of Arizona so there’s got to be a shit load of them) and cut off the scrotum of every old man you can find. Those things hang down real low and can probably hold a lot of dice.

    In fact, I’ll send you $2 for two shares. While you are out tomorrow cutting off the scrotums, I’m going to meet with your other investors and force you out of Polyhedron Games with our combined majority shares. No offense, it’s only business.

    • July 30, 2013 8:09 am

      Don’t let him gouge you for the $0.04 PayPal fee on a one dollar transaction, make him pay that. Or at least hold out for a $0.02/0.02 split and demand that fee be recapitalized from next-quarter profits. If you need $6-7 in angel investment funds to grab the majority let me know — I have some contacts at the local elementary school and could secure that type of cash, given maybe a week or so.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        July 30, 2013 8:26 am

        Good advice. I think this is totally doable too. Unlike Blooey’s girlfriend Special Edna, at least not without a paper bag over her head.

  46. Zarathustra permalink
    July 30, 2013 10:08 am

    “But…if you get stiff leather pouches made make sure you take them home and work them for a week to make them more supple.”
    Beyond satire.

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