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James Maliszewski — an appreciation

March 26, 2013

James is officially airlocking himself and as Captain Kirk’s Dick Blood notes he will be missed — targets large enough to be reliably hit by a Mr. Magoo or even a Tenkar are hard to come by.

I don’t want a victory lap, I want to create a memorial to honor Jimmy and preserve his legacy as writer, worldbuilder, humanist, and all-around Mr. Awesome Guy.

Please share here your favorite James Maliszewski stories, your memories, your personal accounts of this humble, amazing man. Post links, pictures, scat fic, interesting smells from balls you have cupped, hilariously antique political/social musings, whatever. As the vultures circle and wetdicks like Gorgonmilk get their jammies all cummy picking the bones of James’ woulda-coulda-beens, I want to create a safe place to appreciate James’ genius. This will be our 9/11 memorial to the Pope of the OSR.

NEVER FORGET!!! Godspeed James — hope to see you again soon!

294 Comments leave one →
  1. Scott permalink
    March 26, 2013 9:07 am

    In

    • March 26, 2013 9:21 am

      Christ you’re fast. Got a comment in before I even fixed the fucked up first post. Get some fresh air, buttdick.

      • Scott permalink
        March 26, 2013 9:25 am

        DON’T YOU DARE RUIN THIS FOR ME

    • Buggerbuggerbugger permalink
      March 27, 2013 10:56 am

      In too.

  2. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 26, 2013 9:48 am

    Once James Maliszewski said something or other and then the other one said a thing about the old days, autumn and such like. ‘Religion is a thing,’ said James Maliszewski, ‘but D&D is a thing too and we read it and it is in our brain but also on the kitchen table all holy like beside the salt and dice.’

    Charles Bronson said, ‘Have some scotch Jim.’ James Maliszewski shouted with his mouth, ‘Dost thou know the Baby Jesu! Bastard thou.’ Eli Wallach said ‘Where is the money?’ Gulp. On a soft white belly James Maliszewski snekked out the door. Gulp said its mouth.

  3. March 26, 2013 9:48 am

    I’ve never seen these videos. I think I played with that guy! Or a reasonable facsimile thereof. I couldn’t get past the statues segment on the gameplay vid so I shut it off. Maybe if I was actually playing I could bend it more interesting as a player but that is a style that I can’t stand. With the a lot of “world” and character assumptions but little actual “living”/detail from perspective. Should I watch the rest or is it more of the same?

    • March 26, 2013 9:53 am

      OOPS: With the SESSION CONSISTING OF a lot of “world” and character assumptions but little actual “living”/detail from perspective. Should I watch the rest or is it more of the same?

    • ratsliveonnoevilstar permalink
      March 26, 2013 9:57 am

      “A reasonable facsimile thereof” applies to the approximately 100% of the OSR population who are neither fatbeards or neckbeards (you know, the weasely little bespectacled ones like JM that CAN’T grow facial hair), so that hardly narrows the field. Gene, you’re probably remembering playing with some entry-level TSR employee BITD in your mom’s basement. You know, back when YOU WERE THERE!

      Anyway, unrelated but I made some disparaging comments in re: Lord British’s efforts to make the “Ultimate RPG”, and how he was analogous to RJK. Well, egg on my friggin’ face. I did a little more research, and found that our favorite Britannian does indeed have something major in the works. And yes, it’s a Kickstarter. The first I’ve ever “donated” to. Looks kickass. So, my apologies Mr. Garriott:

      Oh, yeah, and good riddance St. Jimmy.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      March 26, 2013 10:48 am

      Yet again, GENE WAS THERE!

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 26, 2013 11:18 am

        Gene is either off his meds or has taken to smoking banana peels again. Either way, he’s amusing and sad at the same time. Like a clown with a spastic colon.

    • March 26, 2013 12:01 pm

      Not sure. If you made it past the introductions, you smoked my personal best.

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 26, 2013 1:43 pm

      Yes!!! We have confirmation that the Gene either played or did not play with Mr. Maliszewski or one of his life model decoys. Who are we kidding? It was previously established that the Gene both knew and didn’t know the full story behind the the Gygax-Blume-Williams wars circa. 1985. Can we not be secure in presuming that the Gene was both at a game with Mr. Maliszewski and not at the game at the same time. We must embrace this new fact that the Gene has resolved the issues of being there and not being there just as the Buddha has resolved issues relating to attachment and non-attachment. Perhaps the Gene is the new annointed one. HE MUST TAKE AUTHORSHIP OF THE NEW GROGNARDIA! …for it is the Gene and the Gene alone that can give us those new and perplexing angles on faux-nostalgia that we have not seen since December.

      * * *

      Then again, it’s probably just the meds.

      • March 26, 2013 9:48 pm

        I’m not the anointed anything.

        Here is my straight up “professional” rpg c.v.:

        I worked on a never published Gord comic book with Gary Gygax as well as a fan website about Greyhawk where I did the write up of Saint Trowbane and a few maps of the City of Greyhawk all with Gygax. After that I briefly was with Rob Kuntz with Pied Piper in 2002 for a never finished book of magic places and again stupidly in 2007 for a book of planar monsters. One article was published through e-mail about a magical bubble of sorts. Some demon that I did for a Dragonsfoot jam dungeon room someone inserted in their in-house magazine’s first issue.

        That begins and ends my so-called “professional” rpg career.

        I don’t ask people for anything so you’ll have to find somebody else asking for money to be the new rpg crowdfunding poobah.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 27, 2013 12:24 am

        That’s it, Gene! Thanks for the rundown on your C.V. You just lit the pathway to Brannan’s annointment. YOU HAVE TO LET BRANNAN INTERVIEW YOU. Your profound metaphysical awareness rivals Darlene Pekul’s, and your writing credentials rival those of… say… James Maliszewski. Both of them were interviewed at Grognardia–one of them repeatedly and extensively despite his tendency to give qualified, evasive answers. Go to Brannan, Mr. Weigel. Give him the interview so he can use it to unseat Tenkar. These are dire times, and you are his ONLY HOPE.

    • March 26, 2013 2:25 pm

      Gene is totally zen.

      Each comment is a koan.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 26, 2013 3:15 pm

        Beautiful! There’s no way I can follow that.

  4. Mistwell permalink
    March 26, 2013 10:03 am

    After I felched the pope clean, he deigned to pat my head. The touch of his clammy fingers sent me into epiphanaic shivers.

    Hail Maliszsewzszki! Amen.

  5. March 26, 2013 10:51 am

    I honestly believe I’ve avoided what you people call neckbeard players. I saw them at GenCon in 2002 when I WAS THERE (no it was a clone created by Mike Breault’s tears) but around here I’ve avoided them. In high school there was a DM who refused me into his campaign who had a beard on his neck and he was also a ninja. Does that qualify? I’ve had no problem with old fat guys with beards who are annoying but I didn’t call them fatbeards. They usually fall under “geek motor mouths”.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 26, 2013 11:07 am

      Gene, you are a neckbeard.

      • March 26, 2013 12:14 pm

        I don’t actually have a neck or a beard. I’m just a spambot virus that emulates speech that is incoherent to those who play popular rpgs.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 26, 2013 12:48 pm

        http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=neckbeard

        You fit under number 2 definition Gene.

      • March 26, 2013 9:22 pm

        Yes, I have a neck and a beard. YOU WIN! Here is your prize: the realization that you’ve been countering a shitty “neckbeard” for so long with gainsaying babble that you’ve become some kind of new rpg mutant that is undefinable…

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 26, 2013 11:37 pm

        LOLOLOL Gene!! That either went over your pointy head or you just can’t read! LOL!
        Here it is in it’s entirety of the number 2 definition of NECKBEARD:

        “Talkative, self-important nerdy men (usually age 30 and up) who, through an inability to properly decode social cues, mistake others’ strained tolerance of their blather for evidence of their own charm.”

        That is so you buttercup.
        Still snickering over Gord fancomic. LOL!! You make Twilight fanfics seem legitimate literary endeavors. Keep ’em coming Gene!

      • March 27, 2013 8:37 am

        Dude, you haven’t even SEEN me singing. You must have missed the YouTube videos (2007-2010). Since you seem so relentless, I can’t even imagine what the remarks would be about that!

        My voice would probably enchant you for sure, I’m guessing it would be like Beatlemania for you. Urinating on the floor. City street chases. Searching for clues that my cousin Bill is dead. Breaking into my basement to wear my poncho.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 27, 2013 9:11 am

        Meds sir, please take them. Or if you wanna really impress the fella’s around here, post up some of those Gord comics that you and Gary worked on you fuckin’ neckbeard!

  6. Adventurer Conqueror Quim permalink
    March 26, 2013 10:57 am

    Do you really think this is THE END? Does anyone really think JaMal will not return, that Grognardia will not live again? The OSR is his life, pontificating about it is his profession (essentially since he’s a workshy bum), his ego will NOT permit him to turn down a triumphant return, filling his blog and G+ group with longwinded entries about HIMSELF and HOW MUCH HE HAS SUFFERED and what AWESOME STUFF he plans to produce(Autarch, Kickstarters and Dwimmerturd will not be mentioned of course). Just look as the asskissers hailing him as A STAND-UP GUY, who they ALWAYS KNEW would deliver the goods, that he’s DONE THE RIGHT THING in returning, uh, some of the money – this at a time he has been exposed as a fraud, a thief and pompous incompetent to the web at large.

    Mark my words, Like a slap-headed, narrow-chested, whiney voiced Freddy Krueger he will return no matter how deep you think you’ve buried him.

    • Adventurer Conqueror Quim permalink
      March 26, 2013 11:05 am

      BTW, I left a snarky comment about the whereabouts of certain Kickstarter monies in the comments of that YouTube vid the other day and now it’s gone.

      Censorship is wrong, k?

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 26, 2013 3:08 pm

      I think it’s too late to revive Grognardia; however, it’s never too late for Mr. Maliszewski. In the past he has moved on from science fiction roleplaying and gothic horror roleplaying, and he will be able to move on from the OSR movement. But he will persist! In fact, I have it on good authority (no, I don’t) that Mr. Maliszewski plans on focusing his talents on computer gaming for the foreseeable future, since it is not unknown for talented roleplaying creative types to transfer their talents to the computer gaming community. Of course, Mr. Maliszewski intends to play to his strengths and keep it “old school.” Therefore, his efforts will primarily concentrate on maintaining a nostalgia blog wherein he contemplates what a superior game Zork is and how World of Warcraft ruined everything.

      Here’s your chance to donate your Apple IIs, your Commodore 64s and your TRS 80s.

      Correction: He’s just playing video games with his kids. Nobody’s ever blogged about that before….

  7. Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
    March 26, 2013 11:16 am

    My favorite Jimmy the Scumbag moment was when Jimmy and Ken St. Andre played in his precious Dwimmermount game at OSRcon.
    http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2012/08/osrcon-dwimmermount-session-1.html
    Watching Jimmy the Scumbag flummox around in his seat while Ken shat on the table and began to make sculpture with it was priceless. I think this was the catalyst that broke Ol’ Jimmy the Scumbags morale and started his decline into into thumbsuckling isolation.

  8. March 26, 2013 11:58 am

    That septic-spewing cunt corrected my use of the term “Anglo Catholic” once, years ago. It’s the little hypocrisies you remember.

    But while looking to see if I already told that story I found this smarmy nugget rolled out of his ex cathedra so will leave it here as my gift to posterity:

    http://amywelborn.wordpress.com/2007/09/23/crossing/

    FUCK!

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 27, 2013 8:58 am

      Holy Crap!! It’s a good thing our Mr. Maliszewski has no interest in engaging in theological gymnastics. There’s no telling what manner of contortions would be necessary to figure out how to square up his own position on bastardy with (1) the Catholic Church’s policy to impose a nominal celibacy on the priesthood and (2) the United States legal system’s crackdown on the pervasive pederasty practiced by American Catholic priests. If they can’t sodomize boys anymore, they’re going to have to start targeting women. And the use of contraception is a sin….

      • March 27, 2013 11:04 am

        A fucking pox on all hipsters who convert to orthodoxy in middle boyhood in order to “get back to the essentials” anyway. Oh fuck, am I talking about religion now or still the OSR? Who can tell?

  9. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    March 26, 2013 12:08 pm

    With all the hoopla surrounding Jimmy’s swansong, this has mostly flown under the radar:

    Posted to both the Axes and Anvils and Cairn Kickstarter pages:

    So here’s the thing. I screwed up. I started a game company and proceeded as though the cash flow and production speed would keep pace. They did not. I’ve tried to keep you informed and up-to-date, but most of all I’ve tried to deliver on expectations. So far, all you’ve seen are delays and broken promises. I take this situation very seriously.

    The long and the short of it is that Cairn and Axes and Anvils have become troubled projects. We are out of money, due to some poor decisions on my part. People have asked for refunds I can’t possibly give them.

    Some 40% of RPG Kickstarters fail, their sponsors simply disappearing with the money. Good people don’t ever see the projects in which they put their faith, and they don’t receive refunds. That number haunts me. That will not happen here.

    Cairn could use more work to make it what it should be. I was rushing to get it out and turned in some inferior work. I just wanted to get something out the door and into your hands. Axes and Anvils has suffered because I was thinking like someone running a company and has too much going on at once.

    We have discussed ways in which to get something into your hands – maybe ashcans like the old D&D White Books. It’s not the finished project, but it lets you see what we’re doing and lets you start playing with it as soon as possible.

    I believe in these games. I will move heaven and earth to get it out, and into your hands. Every promise made will be honored – every tankard and every last stitch on every last plush. This company and it’s products will NOT be numbered among the 40%. I and everyone involved in the project are completely committed to that notion. All I can do is be completely honest with you, and ask you all to forgive my my stupidity and bear with me as I make it right.

    I tried to salvage the company with my well intentioned, but poorly received, IndieGogo campaign. I see the point of the people who objected – I was not an effective custodian of your investment in the first place. Why invest more? An excellent point. All I can really say is my goal here has nothing at all to do with money.

    Case in point – one of my bad decisions was DwarfCon. We didn’t have the money or manpower to mount a first year Convention. Based on optimistic projections of where I thought we would be it seemed like a good idea. I shut it down and took a big hit. Because my first priority is the people who supported the idea I’m mounting NonCon instead. For free. A way to try to make good without asking for anything but your moral support.

    Moving forward, I am searching for ways to fix these problems that don’t call for anyone to invest further or take a leap of faith. I may try another IndieGoGo but this time for a complete in-hand game. Not a promise. A product. I will be working as hard as I know how to dig myself out of the hole I find myself in. My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has been patient and understanding.

    Go go Mikey Nystul!

    • March 28, 2013 8:04 am

      Wow. Another scam. And at what a total of a near $60k between both projects?
      On his website his last post is from August of last year.
      He posts the above on March 26th of this year. The guy has pocketed more than Mal and has claimed he spent it all so he can’t return a cent. Guess what backers? This above post is what you guys get for turning over your hard earned bread.

      I can only imagine the ghosts of Arneson and Gygax groans echoing through the Ether. If only they had lived long enough to suck from this particular teat! The kick started funds each could have generated. I imagine it would have been a bit more than the $50 – $60k.

      Problem is there would be no interest in any old school shit ( not to the level seen ) if not for the deaths of the two founders of the hobby.

      • March 28, 2013 8:13 am

        Ahh I see- having read further- this guy’s backers should continue to hold their breathes for some kind of half assed version of the game they never needed in the first place. But for the want of the name of a spell!

  10. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 26, 2013 1:01 pm

    I speak on behalf of everyone who posts here when I say we are all a bunch of arseholes.

  11. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 26, 2013 1:15 pm

    And I don’t think Scott should be in our gang anymore. He hangs around all the time but never really says anything. He tries to look mean like a little kid screwing up his face.

    I mean what is the point of being in a gang if Scott is in it?

  12. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 26, 2013 1:17 pm

    My favorite Jamal moments were when he would post a tiny, one paragraph item with maybe a picture or something, proclaiming “I’m too busy to do a full post today, but here is something to TIDE YOU OVER.” Here Jimmy Geekface shows full confidence in his faithful’s complete and utter devotion to him and his lame musings. When the comments from The Unblown would come pouring in with “more, we need more!” I liked to imagine that, flush with the ego boost, Jimmy would grab Mrs. Geekface and take her on the kitched table like a wild stallion, finishing on her back and in her hair.

    The St. Andre game will always be a favorite of mine, though. Two great things going on there; Jamal’s already shit, vanilla game being ruined, plus we get to see an aged game creator at his most assholish, showing no respect to “The Pope” of OSR blogging.

    I should probably take this opportunity to also mention what is perhaps Jamal’s greatest contribution to the OSR – that is, his popularizing of the word “Indeed.”

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 26, 2013 1:31 pm

      Ken is a winner in my book forever for that moment.

    • Timothy permalink
      March 26, 2013 1:37 pm

      Actually I think his greatest achievement was popularizing the phrase “Mind you,…” Even troll moderators like Benmoist Pore pad out their gay walls of text with his sub-scholarly phrase.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 26, 2013 10:15 pm

      Ken St. Andre is like the Bob Denver Gilligan of the BlOwSR. And just like Bob Denver, he’s probably a burned out pot head who smells like his own stagnant pee pee.

  13. jdj permalink
    March 26, 2013 1:26 pm

    I’m going to miss the table of contents reviews of 30 year old game magazines. How can the world endure not knowing the was an article called “Creeping Table Crud and You” published back when the cool kids wore members only jackets.

    • March 27, 2013 12:19 pm

      Never worry. I am still doing that.
      Today even. It’s like you guys don’t even care anymore.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 27, 2013 1:49 pm

        Bravo! Keep doing your thing and we’ll keep plugging you. While you’re at it, can you blog about Mr. Maliszewski’s entries relating to Imagine Magazine. I think it would be incredibly avant of you to take your blog to that entirely new order of meta.

        I just said meta? Christ. Just shoot me. Leave my dead body with the cut-up hipsters since I won’t be using it anymore.

        What?! Don’t care anymore. Christ! I’m working on brokering an interview between you and the Gene. I think he’s in/not in at the moment. You’ll have to interview him at the quantum level.

  14. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 26, 2013 2:05 pm

    Remember the time JM in his eagerness to proclaim the death of some gaming luminary any gaming luminary, … eh … , made a mistake. The chap was not dead after all.

    “Oh Im sorry everyone who responded with tearful consolation, I’m sorry to say that chap is not dead.”

  15. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 26, 2013 2:20 pm

    These videos are… shocking. Given what he named his blog and the authority that he assigned to his opinions, I was expecting him to have a crustier appearance. I watch these videos, and all I see is a kid in a Gary Gygax Halloween costume. Can you really pass as a fatbeard/grognard/holy father of the OSR punditocracy with just the flower print t-shirt and the receding hairline? If you have any spare facial hair or adipose tissue, be sure to donate. Please contact Mr. Maliszewski’s heir presumptive, Tim Brannan, for information on donating.

    Mind you, donations from bastards are not accepted (Yes, they are).

  16. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 26, 2013 3:04 pm

    And man oh man, I figured online D&D sessions would not be all that appealing to me, but after watching a couple minutes of that crap I can see I’m not missing anything. Only getting a big steaming gander at Zaks fucked-up douche bag hair every few minutes in the sessions he played in would make it entertaining.

    If I got a DUI and for community service they gave me the choice between being on a computer in an air conditioned room with free soda playing D&D with these drips, or picking up trash on the interstate, I’d be all like “give me my Hefty bag and my nail-stick, bitch.” At least on the interstate I can daydream about fun gaming.

    • Lord of the Things permalink
      March 26, 2013 3:13 pm

      … and then you could daydream about finding players who don’t think you suck as a GM.

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        March 26, 2013 4:06 pm

        Oh snap! I’m a sucky DM! Good burn.

        Drinking: my own bitter tears of game master fail…

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        March 26, 2013 4:16 pm

        You suck as a GM buddy, you suck real bad. That’s why you have so many daydreams about gaming and sucking , like the one where you dream about licking Carlsberg Lager Beer from your parole officer’s moustache.

  17. President Fartdickmurderrape permalink
    March 26, 2013 3:18 pm

    fuck this, I’m gonna watch BBW porn and masturbate.

  18. Zarathustra permalink
    March 26, 2013 4:09 pm

    Mind you, I’m gonna miss the gaming product reviews. You know the ones;

    Jmal tells us about a product. Describes basically what the blurb says. Tells us he hasn’t played it but… And then fails to actually tell us anything else really. Mind you, he’ll also reference another old or obscure game tangenitally related, just to remind us he is indeed an OSR historian.
    But once all is said and done, all James has really done is inform us that yes, X product exists and it is, indeed, a gaming product that we may or may not enjoy.

    I think his reluctance to actually ever give a strong opinion came from some sort of inflated sense of authority- after all, Grognardia is so powerful and influential james didn’t want the responsibility for a whole company failing or entire stocks of books being burned on the account of one stray adjective from the Pope.

  19. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 26, 2013 4:19 pm

    If any scholars are studying assholes for a living check out this website, it is full of assholes for your project:

    https://yourdungeonissuck.wordpress.com

    • Lord of the Things permalink
      March 26, 2013 4:20 pm

      It has assholes and Scott.

  20. Grifty McGrifterson permalink
    March 26, 2013 5:07 pm

    I just find it remarkable and even a bit frightening the resemblance his entire family shares to himself….it’s like a Canadian gattaca up there…

  21. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 26, 2013 7:56 pm

    This video captures in spirit by way of analogy how I imagine everyone outside of my gaming group plays D&D:

    • Timothy permalink
      March 26, 2013 8:06 pm

      Welcome back, auntie kent.

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 26, 2013 11:55 pm

      To Mr. LotT:

      Okay… I’ll admit that you appeared to be feeling your way toward something in your first few posts, but now I’m just going to say that it’s now in your best interests to just go back to the playground and work on your act, kid. It looks like you’re trying, but the video post just ain’t getting you anywhere. I mean, it just makes you look like you really don’t get it, and you can’t even get a “funny because it’s ironically unfunny” gestalt going. Kid, you have wandered into a small microcosm of the most emotionally damaged and/or cross-wired aberrants you will ever encounter… and we all feel sorry for you. Except for the Gene–the Gene both does and does not feel sorry for you.

      I really don’t know what do or say to help you. If you needed a working theory of humor, I would refer you to the recent work by Hurley, Dennett and Adams (Jr.). I would refer you to Mr. Dick Blood’s earlier post at March 26, 2013 3:04 pm; however, it appears from your responses that you did not get it. And I can’t explain it to you, because it’s just self-evident to the rest of us. I mean, Dick Blood had us all at “give me my Hefty bag and my nail-stick, bitch.” We all laughed. Then we fought off the looming temptations of incontinence as we continued to laugh uncontrollably. Then we imagined Dick Blood’s monologue being performed by Gilbert Gottfried.

      Then we work our way down to your response, and we all can’t help but feel saddened by your complete inability to say something funny. Really, kid… what does Carlsberg Lager Beer have to do with gaming?

      You had something going on. Early on, it looked like you were going to occupy the field as the YDIS analogue to the Boomer’s Bible’s Book of Psomethings. But then you went all Norm Macdonald on us. And here’s the thing kid: YOU CAN’T DELIVER NORM MACDONALD IN CALIBRI. At the very least, you need something with a serif–but don’t even try.

      So get yourself back to the playground and figure out what you’re doing. Come up with a long rant equating long rants on other people’s blogs with sodomy. Or maybe you can equate a prolonged and systematic disassembly of a middle-aged house husband’s pet hobby-career with something like… say… your law professor’s quixotic attacks against Justice Cardozo’s (well… at the time… Judge Cardozo’s) cynical opinion in Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad. Perhaps you can then turn Judge Andrews’s reference to “rough justice” into some kind of homosexual reference and thereby accuse us of being sadomasochistic homosexuals. At the very least, you can link link gaming to that beer and parole officer shit you were talking about earlier. At the very least, you can accuse us of secretly wishing to be sodomized by Raggi’s latest tentacle monster creation. That very image of anal rape by a xenomorphic monster–with all of the condensed imagery of shame, degradation, mutilation and secretions–is still less gay than that goddamned video you posted.

      C’mon, kid. Just regroup. Start with the potty humor. Get some feedback from your friends. You’ll get the hang of it. And if at any point you feel overcome with despair, just imagine Gilbert Gottfried encouraging you along your way with “give me my Hefty bag and my nail-stick, bitch.”

      Respectfully,

      Pretentious Asperger-ridden Asswipe Who Can’t See Straight Because of Preadolescent Juvenile’s Unconscionable Use of Other People’s Lame-ass You Tube Crap.

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        March 27, 2013 2:29 am

        Interesting and persuasive. I would like to hear more if you wish to continue.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 27, 2013 6:30 am

        It’s very simple, really. Not-funny youtube videos are kind of like… actually, they are exactly like epic sodomy. By way of explanation, please allow me to explain the heuristic steps involved when I attempt to determine whether your most recent comment contains any humor:

        1. Read comment. Weigh potential for sarcastic tone or other humorous element.

        2. Consider the comment in the context of this conversation and other statements found in this thread.

        3. Weigh merits of aforementioned YouTube video as qualifier to earlier comment and… POW! My colon is instantaneously stretched to dimensions that can accommodate the fucking Galactica. Raggi’s monster has to be Johnny-on-the-spot to Dutch boy me or else I suffer a catastrophic prolapse.

        Let’s be reasonable, Mr. Things. You really don’t want to be responsible for such painful banality. Stick to the “Something happened, and then something, something, something… blah blah” schtick. At least we can give you the benefit of the doubt there and say “Okay–Grognardia… ennui… both French, so you gotta laugh at ’em.” But if you continue with the shitty videos, you’re just going to end up holding on to Bob Saget’s karmic balance sheet.

        Here’s an exercise for you: Write “Wha-choo talkin’ ’bout Willis” on the wall about twenty five times. If you don’t have a magic marker, use the contents of your pants. Still not funny, but at least you’ll be cute.

      • Timothy permalink
        March 27, 2013 7:22 am

        Hey, Mr. Fuck, that is all good stuff, but LotT is kent. You are being trolled on a troll blog.

        He is a crafty bog-dweller.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 27, 2013 7:55 am

        Ha! Thanks for the heads-up. I really don’t mind the trolling. I mean, I’m just throwing feces on someone else’s virtual real estate myself. I just want the kid to deliver. Here… I’ll give him one more chance. I hate to resort to Shatnerian cadence, but you know… desperate times:

        JUST… SAY… SOMETHING… FUCKING… FUNNY.

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        March 27, 2013 8:13 am

        And we’re back!

        Lord of Anal Sex Toys is indeed Kent. He just can’t stay away from you fine, well hung lads.

        Almost forgot – currently drinking anonymous jizz loads shot deep up inside.

  22. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    March 26, 2013 10:10 pm

    Thank you, YDIS. This is a very touching tribute to JaMal. And by “touching” I mean this:

    My favorite JaMal memory? Oh there are so many where do I start?

    Pedo Pumpkin molesting a boy while he sleeps is probably my favorite. But I do also love Lord Buttplug and Lady Wrinklequim:

    Oh they call to adventure in empty room after empty dust filled room of Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon! What wonders will they witness but not be allowed to witness but not interact with? Ghosts playing poker with no real treasure? Rats with exactly 2000 coppers? Graffiti scrawled by past Dimmerdouche Delvers?

  23. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    March 26, 2013 10:11 pm

    Thank you, YDIS. This is a very touching tribute to JaMal. And by “touching” I mean this:

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 26, 2013 10:12 pm

      My favorite JaMal memory? Oh there are so many where do I start?

      Pedo Pumpkin molesting a boy while he sleeps is probably my favorite. But I do also love Lord Buttplug and Lady Wrinklequim:

      Oh how they call to adventure in empty room after empty dust filled room of Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon! What wonders will they witness but not be allowed to interact with? Ghosts playing poker with no real treasure? Rats with exactly 2000 coppers? Graffiti scrawled by past Dimmerdouche Delvers?

  24. UNCLEBARBUNCLE permalink
    March 26, 2013 10:13 pm

    THAT VIDYO WAS PRETT FUCK DUMM IF YER THAT FUCKIN BALD AN STOPD WEAR A FUCKING HAT

  25. UNCLEBARBUNCLE permalink
    March 26, 2013 10:19 pm

    DD HIT IT GO AN CANDI LITES A TORCH AN EATS SOME RATIONS WINESKIN AN SHE WALKS OUT AN OPENS THE BLACK BOX ON THE PEDDSTAL AN IT HAS A NEEDLE TRAP POSION SAVES AN EYES HER BLEEDING FINGER. FUCKING DUNGEON!. INSIDE TH BOX IS A LARGE BLACK DILDO GLOWING

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 27, 2013 12:01 am

      Yes!!! Thank you!!! Now, activate the mechanism on the dildo that keeps Numbnuts from posting any more Beach Boys videos. The rectum you save may be your own.

  26. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 9:08 am

    Is that you, you Pretentious Fuck? Is that me? Or is this Gene Weigel relating his experience of both being me and not being me?

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 9:12 am

      I think Weigel broke something as he was pissing on his pancho.

  27. Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
    March 27, 2013 9:33 am

    LOL?

  28. March 27, 2013 9:35 am

    James couldn’t get and learn a page layout program in all this time?
    Nor could he simply find and pay someone to do so?
    He couldn’t find one follower who’d do him a favor and perhaps do it for less $ or free?

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 9:54 am

      I think he died a little on the inside when he had to look at the steaming pile of crap that he had created with Dwimmermount and was torn between setting it on fire or allowing it too be published and show his failure to the public. The soul crushing despair of room after room, level after level of complete shit probably contributed to his overall mental breakdown.

  29. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 9:37 am

    Well, Good God Magnum. Someone brought a robot to this little hootenanny.

    Sour grapes indeed….

    • March 27, 2013 9:51 am

      From Gysin to Robyn Hitchcock, all y’all heavies in the “cut-up movement” is fags.

      CANDI FOLLOWED THE CORRIDOR EAST. THE CHAMBER ON THIS CORNER OF DWIMMERMOUNT WAS A MANS UNDERWEAR SHOP AND THE HUNCHBACKS EYES DEVOURED ANOTHER CROTCH OR TWO BEFORE HE LOOKED UP. HE WAS ALSO SMILING. HE SUPPOSED SHE WAS A POLICEWOMAN. RUBATUBDUB! HE SAID AGITATING HIS HUMP VIGOROUSLY AGAINST SOME RANDOM LEVER STUCK IN THE DUNGEON WALL. GETTING RUN IN WAS PART OF HIS TRIP. “THREE MEN IN A TUB” CRIED CANDI LAUGHING IN MARVEL AT THEIR IMMEDIATE RAPPORT. HOW SIMPLE SHE THOUGHT HOW WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFULLY SIMPLE THE IMPORTANT THINGS ARE AND HOW IT HAD SO COMPLETELY ESCAPED HER FATHER ROLL FOR SURPRISE

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        March 27, 2013 5:34 pm

        The correct grammar and spelling shattered my suspension of disbelief.

  30. Timothy permalink
    March 27, 2013 9:54 am

    Hah! Somebody killed the second video of the pope. Word must have gotten out that we were using it for a pinyata.

    Hey kent, just post under your own byline. Or Bloom. Or Travis. Or Paul KB. Or any of your other well-known nom-de-poofs. You’re not fooling anyone with your new fangled disguises.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 9:56 am

      Yeah, one of Jimmy the Scumbag’s deplorable cultists probably tipped off ol’ Jimmy. Probably got more views in the last 48 hours than it ever had. Just goes to show that Jimmy not only can’t take it but can’t dish it out either.
      FUCK!

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 27, 2013 10:14 am

        Is this you Mike Jimson?

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 27, 2013 11:01 pm

        This however will stand up for Francie and probably Mungbat as well.

    • Mongbat permalink
      March 27, 2013 4:29 pm

      I so totally agree with Jack here.

  31. Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
    March 27, 2013 9:55 am

    Nutsac cupping Kunt says wut? LOL!

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 10:03 am

      U MAD SON?

  32. Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:01 am

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 27, 2013 5:32 pm

      I just set her up a blind date with JRT.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 27, 2013 11:00 pm

        It’s disturbing without the context of teaching Pretentious Fuckface about proper YouTubage too pin it on.

        FUCK!

  33. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:05 am

    OK, guys.

    I did a little research on this LofT/Kent/Jismson guy. Yes, I know my posts are a bit long and perhaps formal, but I do put some effort into them.

    Trust me, this one is short and to the point.

    It turns out this guy is actually a “Mr. Barry” and I think we’ll leave it at that. Some people claim he’s English, but they’re deluded. No evidence that he is gay, either.

    This kid (I nearly typed ‘gentleman’) is actually Irish.

    You know the Irish? The inbred niggers of Europe.

    • Francie permalink
      March 27, 2013 7:38 pm

      “Yes, I know my posts are a bit long and perhaps formal, but I do put some effort into them.”

      I’d hate to see anything you rushed you moronic cunt, you sure aren’t sharp and your posts are really fucking tedious to half-read.

      I bet you’re full of nigger talk when you’re facing people as well right? Course you are. You’re a big boy, and you got your big boy pants on when you’re online

    • Francie permalink
      March 27, 2013 7:45 pm

      Arneson’s Spectre right. The world couldn’t vomit up two fuckers of that level of utter cuntery in the same generation with the same painfully bad writing style

  34. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:12 am

    Get some new material, you fuckin ginger nigger.

    Ahem, Mr. Barry.

  35. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:22 am

    Well, it seems our friend has already passed out from all the Guinness or perhaps Jamesons he drank tonight.

    Our friend being Mr. Paul Barry, the Irish inbred ginger nigger.

    I should add, in keeping with this site’s tone, to which I am unaccustomed, that he is a face-humping, buttsecksing inbred ginger nigger homosexual.

    On a more serious note, you should look up Irish genetics. Those people are genuinely inbred, so I suppose our niggers on this side of the pond at least have the benefit of white farmers crossbreeding with them.

    • March 27, 2013 1:19 pm

      The cut ‘n’ paste is super boring so I deep-sixed it. This is better. It stays.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 27, 2013 1:27 pm

        It’s fucking offensive!!! We have to keep it or in come the jackboots.

  36. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:30 am

    Hey! Look! I think it’s a real person now! Hey, genius…. look at your fucking icon. Think you might need to change that too?

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 11:06 am

      I think you got under someone’s skin Mike.

      • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
        March 27, 2013 1:34 pm

        Yeah… I really need to work on getting along with others.

  37. Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:37 am

    Inbred? We Irish? Poppycock! The irish have experienced no euginically significant breeding issues since receiving a liberal donation of genetic material from the Normans during their invasion in the 12th century.

    Shamefully, I admit that I am unfamiliar with any alleged Irish “buttsecking” practices.

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 27, 2013 1:36 pm

      Look at this. Now it looks like I’m just babbling without any contextual anchor whatsoever. That little shit finally pulled off funny after all.

  38. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 27, 2013 11:06 am

    It’s so funny when Kent does these sock puppets. One for deep irony, because occasionally he likes to rant against sock puppets. Two for the fact that you can tell it’s him right away because of reasons mentioned above (unfunny, unironic) and a couple of “tells” (english slangs such as the term “wanker” or time-wasting youtube videos). The sad part (and by sad I mean funny) is that he wants to rail against things he hates in gaming like we do and lash out with the funny, but has no real funny with which to lash. He gets all frustrated and sleepy, and has to take little vacations. When he does return he likes to play “dress up” with lame-ass handles, but eventually he’ll say “fuck it you cunting cunts” and return in full Kent-handle glory.

    And while I’m here I want to take this opportunity to say that everytime I am not funny, it’s Kent sock puppeting my name.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 11:13 am

      They can’t all be zingers.

    • Lord of the Things permalink
      March 27, 2013 6:05 pm

      “And while I’m here I want to take this opportunity to say that everytime I am not funny, it’s Kent sock puppeting my name”

      Can you provide LINKS to those occasions when you were funny?

  39. March 27, 2013 11:07 am

    Wee Irish! The curse! Slainte Enya, sure Jaysus!

  40. Lord of the Things permalink
    March 27, 2013 6:15 pm

    You know, I don’t look down on you guys really.

    In fact, if I too was vicious and if I was a moron with an asymmetrical skull and if I had no friends in the Real World I can imagine myself saying, “These guys are great!!” and “I want to hang out some more with these guys. They are the shiznick!!”

    But no I don’t look down on you guys.

    • Mike Jamison "Pretentious Fuck" permalink
      March 27, 2013 7:35 pm

      Well, now… look at that. He’s trying to be a nice guy. I applaud you, Mr. Things.

      I also applaud the goal that you have set for yourself. Truth be told, nobody really uses Goddard’s categories anymore. Idiots, imbeciles, and morons alike can just go around saying they’re “mentally retarded” these days without worrying about comparing notes. But don’t you worry your poor little assymetrical head one bit–I have faith that you will succeed in your quest for that fifty-first I.Q. point.

      And don’t worry about feeling like you have to tell people you want to hang out with us. You’re already here! And anyone who wants to can go to his or her computer and see that you’re right here with us. So you don’t have to feel like you must aspire to something greater before you can say those things about us. It’s okay. We get it. It doesn’t have to be said.

      And here’s a little bonus for you: I bet you can get to fifty-one just by taking the exam. I.Q. tests aren’t perfect; you can generally get a three-to-four point bump in your results just because you’re familiar with the test. You can do it. In fact, in my mind, you already have that fifty-first point.

      And just out of curiosity, where do you plan on keeping your friends once you remove them from the “Real World.” Wait, wait… I withdraw the question. Nothing incriminating, please.

    • March 28, 2013 7:46 am

      If I was vicious, I would say it’s impossible for Kent to look ‘down on us’ because he’s on his knees sucking cock.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        March 28, 2013 12:52 pm

        Well, Kent is a man of letters.

        Those letters being Y.M.C.A.(It’s fun to stay at the…)

  41. March 27, 2013 8:38 pm

    Alright, in summary of what is going on here again?

    Some questionable not-so-old fashioned guy in old fashioned clothes wanted to serve up a good old fashioned dungeon and couldn’t manage it. So a big hubbub was made because of money contributed towards the questionable guy by unquestioning people was lost. Now the thing is being “saved” by an even more questionable “clone game” company that has a button for more unquestioning “generous fans” and now this website is kicking dirt instead of “starters” on the questionable guy for laughs.

    Can I just say that its weird that some might want to defend this company at all.

    . Whats really bizarre is that I’ve found that this “supposed old fashioned” dungeon’s name has the word dwimmer (dweomer) from Old English (or if you prefer indirectly Tolkien’s LOTR “dwimmer-this”, “dwimmer-that”, etc.) which originates from PIE “dheu” for “dust, smoke, vapor” and is also found in these words:
    down (n.1),
    dew (n.),
    dwindle (v.),
    fume (n.),
    funeral (n.),
    dust (n.),
    dizzy (adj.),
    dull (adj.),
    dumb (adj.)
    dwell (v.),
    die (v.),
    deer (n.),
    death (n.),
    and dead (adj.).

    Its just a coincidence but still its pretty appropriate considering that all these people fell for it.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      March 27, 2013 9:31 pm

      Are you okay taking your psych meds on your own Gene or should we call a nurse?

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 10:41 pm

      Wow, Gene. Do you even know what’s going on here or what we are talking about?
      What’s next? Will you find out that you have Down’s syndrome?

      FUCK!

      • Timothy permalink
        March 28, 2013 7:02 am

        DwimmerSyndrome.

  42. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    March 27, 2013 9:29 pm

    I think Kent has a new RPG publishing company called “Doctor Boner” or something:

    http://www.rpgnow.com/product/112859/The-Absurd-Superhero-Name-Generator

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 27, 2013 10:51 pm

      Twinklescrotum, Queenbottombitch of YDIS is his superhero identity. No real superpowers, just an annoying twat.

    • April 1, 2013 9:39 am

      While I think that the linked products are jocose, they are jejune. They reek of a juvenile outlook that is foreign to my experience, though I could use the cover of that one product as an autoerotic adjunct.

      That being said, I am planning to take the OSR by storm by introducing a clone of a clone. I am working on a letter of intent to Mr James Raggi to obtain permission to produce an “advanced” version of his Lamentations of the Flame Princess RPG. While Mr Raggi’s game is fine as it is, its roots in Hollywood torture porn epics and black metal album covers appeals mainly to an adolescent audience which primarily seeks to shock its parents. I wish to create a more mature version, inspired by the fiction of William S. Burroughs, E.R. Eddison, and M.R. James. While a princess is a fine thing to be, she is immature, like Mr Raggi’s game. The working title of my “mature” version of his game is Lamentations of the Flaming Queen. I believe that Mr Raggi and have have some similarities in outlook, such as an ability to find horror in female genitalia.

      One of my goals in writing Lamentations of the Flaming Queen is to incorporate more erotic elements into the game. While F.A.T.A.L. sought to do just that, it was the product of virgin adolescents who were terrified of sex. F.A.T.A.L.’s biggest problem, its pardon the expression, fatal flaw, is that the game was, to put it in the vulgar vernacular so favored by you savages, all rapey and shit. Just imagine, the designers could not imagine consensual anal sex! While I would keep the anal diameter rules, I would track anal experience points separately from character experience points, so that a character’s sphincter could progress from virginal choirboy to full-on goatse.cx guy in the course of a campaign. I would also address the glaring omission of prostate location rules in the final game.

      As is common in OSR products, I plan on “re-skinning” the demihuman races to shed the baggage of Tolkienian associations. While elves would not change from the poncy fops of current taste, their interior design skills would have an in-game effect- given enough time and material, they can alter a dungeon chamber so that opponents must roll under their “taste” score to avoid being stunned.

      Halflings are waist-hight sybarites whose toothless mouths and foot-long tongues are perfectly suited to provide oral pleasure. Halflings subsist primarily on the secretions and emissions of other sentients. No intelligent monster with external genitalia will ever willingly kill a halfling. How did halflings develop to so perfectly cater to the erotic needs of other beings? A wizard did it… a very naughty wizard.

      I am taking inspiration from the much-maligned Jmal when it comes to the dwarves in LoTFQ. While Jmal’s dwarves carve their sons out of rock, my dwarves must carve cocks for themselves, which they plunge into one of the earth’s ley lines (a process known as getting ley’d) in order to seed the earth. A newborn dwarf will then burst from the earth in the course of a few months. The potential of a newborn dwarf is dependent on the hardness of his father’s cock on the Moh’s scale, therefore every dwarf will seek out the hardest minerals from which to shape his cock, and even the most benign dwarf would kill to obtain a diamond of great size. Woe unto the son of a dwarf with a talc tallywacker!

      In future supplements, I wish to incorporate more fetishes and lifestyle choices, in a series of paraphilia packs. My first planned supplement is aimed at the furry community, with rules for hengeyokai and lycanthropes. It will be the preferred system of the otherkin community. I am also planning on a vorephilia rulebook so that being swallowed by a purple worm could be considered a successful outcome.

      My game will become the platinum standard of the OSR movement, to the extent that it will overtake even the reissued classic TSR products. Gone will be the days of shame: the bannings, the sockpuppetry, the change of pseudonyms, the nights of silent weeping into my pint of bitter, the desultory couplings with rent boys of dubious provenance. Soon, all will seek me out, all will fall down on their knees and proclaim my genius. I will take my place not only in the pantheon of game designers, alongside Gygax, Arneson, Bledsaw, Hargrave, McCracken, Weigel (he was there!)… I will also take my place in the pantheon of fantastes: Eddison, Dunsany, Tolkien, Hodgson, Goodkind, Tom of Finland.

      You shan’t scorn me again!

  43. Cameron permalink
    March 27, 2013 10:31 pm

    Just for Kent, who seems to be trying to be a good sport, here a couple of jokes from his side of the the pond, as heard through a proper YDIS filter:

    ——————————–

    Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: Sir, if you were my husband I would poison your drink.

    Winston Churchill: Fuck you. [Drinks heavily.]

    ——————————–

    Churchill: “Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?”

    Socialite: “My goodness, Mr. Churchill… Well, I suppose… we would have to discuss terms, of course…”

    Churchill: “Would you sleep with me for five pounds?”

    Socialite: “Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!”

    Churchill: “Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about viability of your Kickstarter project, you fucking slut.

    ———————————-

    Bessie Braddock to Winston Churchill: Sir, you are quite drunk!

    Winston Churchill: I said FUCK YOU! [Punches Bessie, passes out, throws up on floor.]

    ———————————-

    During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, “May I have some breast?” “Mr. Churchill,” replied the hostess, “in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat.” Churchill apologized profusely. The following morning, the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honor. The accompanying card read: “Boobies!”

    ———————————

    And here are some wonderful Winston Churchill quotes:

    “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants off and jizz on the carpet.”

    “History will be kind to me for I intend to hump its leg. With a tentacle penis.”

    “Immature love says, hey just suck my fucking cock already; mature love says, I need you to suck my cock because I love you.”

    “”Statistics are like a dru . . . aw fuck it. This got old three jokes ago.”

    ————————————

    Keep reaching for the stars, Kent!

  44. Timothy permalink
    March 28, 2013 9:51 am

    According to Tenkar, Sgt-at-arms of the Po-po’s, our boy JMal was now transfered the IP to Tavis so he can proceed with publishing Dimmermount.

    IRWS better get cracking now, the full might of Autarch is being brought to bear on this project (aside from their might tied up in exploiting their other cut-n-paste stuff).

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      March 28, 2013 12:47 pm

      Tavis posted this on the last update I saw:

      “I’m very happy to announce that this afternoon, James Maliszewski transferred to Autarch the Kickstarter funds necessary for us to complete the Dwimmermount project and pay the artists who haven’t been compensated for their work. ”

      My question is simple – how much was transferred and what happened to the rest of the $48,000?

      Yeah, don’t bother. I guess it’s obvious.

  45. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 28, 2013 12:59 pm

    Well golly, I guess all is forgiven.

    Those artists are kinda sucky, so hopefully they won’t get much. I wouldn’t pay them two wipes of Ed Greenwoods buttcrack for the Sir Buttplug/Wrinklequim shit we saw.

    • Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
      March 28, 2013 5:46 pm

      Which brings up an interesting point. I was curious to see what the highest dollar amount an individual got taken for, which was $250. Turns out two people actually signed up for this. The main reward at this level is”.. we’ll work with you to ensure that one of the illustrations in the finished product will depict a scene from your party’s explorations of Dwimmermount…”

      So now they have to contact these two nitwits ( cuz you know Jamal didn’t) ask them what happened, if they played the damn thing at all, then go commission the work.

      Of course how hard can it be to draw a bunch of characters standing around in a room full of rat shit holding a bag of pennies and scratching their heads ala WTF ???

  46. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    March 28, 2013 1:00 pm

    And would it be unfair for the Kickstarter supporters to be informed of how much money is back in the project?

  47. Cagey Drifter permalink
    March 28, 2013 4:45 pm

    On a completely different note, this Kickstarter is interesting.

    Guy mismanaged his project, lost his house, and it’s somehow his backers’ fault.

    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cambridgegames/glory-to-rome-black-box-edition-rome-demands-beaut/posts/439321

  48. March 28, 2013 6:04 pm

    I heard some rumors about the pope being gay.
    Me I don’t give a shit who you fuck.
    But just saying…

  49. Cameron permalink
    March 29, 2013 4:11 am

    I’d like to post an awesome theory. Mostly because I just pulled an overnight shift for inventory and I’m punchy as hell and won’t even remember typing this after I wake up. Or maybe just to be a d-bag. Whatever. Here it is:

    I Run With Scissors *IS* James Maliszewski. It’s kind of a “Three Faces of Eve” thing. Or Sybil. Whichever is scarier.

    Run with that. I’m a-goin’ to bed now.

  50. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    March 29, 2013 7:46 pm

    Check out this flailing retard failing with a flail!

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 29, 2013 11:19 pm

      It’s Gene at his best! Flailing around like a ..waitaminnut! We done did this a few blog entries ago!

    • April 3, 2013 8:26 am

      Sorry I haven’t been at the DUNGEON SUCK land lately I kind of started sympathisizing with the Maliszewski guy.

      WHY CAN’T THEY JUST LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE???

      Sorry, I think that I might just have to upload another random moment with a medieval weapon to YouTube in order to give the internet some more cathartic superiority.

  51. Timothy permalink
    March 30, 2013 9:07 pm

    The saga gets better and better. The Autarch boys were going to release Dumbassmount for AndroidConcubineQueer only, because James signed a contract that keeps them from doing it in LL, as he indicated to them he wanted to do his own version for LL later. Now supposedly JimmieMal refutes this interpretation to the LL “creator” Procto. The relevant section of the agreement is posted online by an exasperated Tavis, and sure enough, the Pope had kept them from releasing an LL version.

    Now they are redoing the contract again. I bet Procto gets the opportunity to release his version of the legendary megadungeon.

    Still a Polish clusterfuck.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 30, 2013 11:15 pm

      Once again, just when things seem settled Jimmy the Scumbag puts yet another obstacle in the way of finishing Dwimmerdouche. He attributes Dwimmerfuck’s delay with his lack of satisfaction to the version which will be published under ACKS ruleset and he obviously wants his version which will be made under the LL ruleset to be his personal vision of Dwimmershitsuck, undermining Autarch’s version sometime down the road. Probably to herald his return to the hoi pololi gamer suckasses who will flock to JImmy the Scumbag Maliszewski’s probably crappier version in the sometime future.

      FUCK!

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 31, 2013 8:21 am

        Suckass Dwimmersuck is suck no matter what system it’s published under, I don’t care what system is used it’s just another episode of JImmy’s attempt to fuck up shit that is fucked up beyond all fuck ups.
        FUCK!

    • March 31, 2013 3:36 am

      I don’t understand why anyone would care whether or not Dwimmermount was published for LL. Considering that LL is a D&D clone wtf is the point in publishing more than one version of this thing?

      Consider too that empty room descriptions and the like are transcendent of game rules what’s the point other than trying to associate the product with LL?

      • March 31, 2013 7:04 am

        Because OMG they are totally separate GAMES and NOT COMPATIBLE. These people are idiots who are overly invested in the notion that every clone was special and necessary — probably because they harbor sad dreams of one day becoming cloners in their own right. (Aim high, losers! Dream big!)

        Even the TSR faithful know that to convert say a 1E module to a 3E module you need a tiny amount of brainpower, time and creativity. You match STR to STR. You match INT to INT. You keep matching. Something new, you make it the fuck up. That’s right, idiots. The 3E fans are *smarter* and *more creative* than you because they can fucking line up the numbers on the sheet and cross out the ones that don’t line up and play their fucking game without whining. Have a nice day!

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        March 31, 2013 11:13 am

        It’s not the system it’s about Jimmy the Scumbag Maliszewski having the option to come out with ‘his’ perfect vision of empty rooms for another round of Dwimmershit. But serously, I didn’t know that playing one edition made you smarter. I guess since I’ve played them all I’m in the smarter and more creative club too?
        FUCK!

      • Schadenfreude permalink
        March 31, 2013 11:53 am

        Dudes, the rules for empty dusty rooms in LL are *totally* different than those in ACK. I mean, it’s like trying to play a cleric in Holmes basic in a Moldvay basic game–it just doesn’t work.

        I wish people would recognize how different these games are from each other. I mean, a “fighting man” is *totally* different than a “warrior” or a “fighter.”

      • Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
        March 31, 2013 7:09 pm

        Ummmm… Jamal, You already HAD your chance to publish the perfect version of Dwizzleschlong…you blew it.
        Not sure if ya’all caught this in the KS comments, but Jamal’s initially wanted to refund all the money , so he could complete the work without the “pressure” of the dead lines. Also stated was the fact that he was disappointed in the draft, and that added to the stress of the project. Gee, who’s fucking fault was that ??

        It’s amazing, Jamal had his shot and blew it, yet he’s still holding on to the fantasy ..
        Ya know, IRWS called it. If your going to be professional, fucking be professional. I recall reading in the archived Gygax Q&A that when he was in the middle of writing, he was pulling 60-70 hours a week. He also went on to state that post heart attack, he wasn’t working on any large projects cuz he knew he wasn’t up for that work load.

  52. March 31, 2013 3:37 am

    Its funny how James still manages to keep this shit fucked up.
    If only someone had offered him cash to republish his blog musings, before it became obvious that he was phoning it in.

    • Schadenfreude permalink
      March 31, 2013 6:39 pm

      Did JMal not actually read the contract that he signed? It’s obvious that the contract stipulates that Autarch won’t be publishing the LL version, but JMal tells Proctor that that’s not the case? What a tool.

  53. Zarathustra permalink
    March 31, 2013 7:13 am

    How the fuck am I sposed to gauge if those hobgoblins (or reskinned Fuckfaces or whatever) are 19 or 20 THACO or +1, +0 BtH geniuses.

    We NEED those extra versions so we can envision the suckdungeon the way the suckmasters created it; full of suck.

    Thank gawd some Fuckface has told me to roll skills on d6 or vs d20 for $50 or I would be fukkin lost and the dungeon FFing useless.

    Apart from the many layers of history apparent by finding out the dungeon was once used by someome else (Dah Adah DAAAAH).

    Ps. And like, a dead body of an npc adventurer man.

  54. Schadenfreude permalink
    March 31, 2013 11:54 am

    I noticed that the contract specifies that James transferred the remaining money from the KS to Autarch. Any mention of how much that is? I know that this point has been raised a number of times, but even the wording of the contract leaves open the possibility that James kept/spent a whole bunch of money.

  55. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    March 31, 2013 4:09 pm

    I hate to drop my pants, grab my butt cheeks, spread ’em apart real wide, take aim, and spray my runny feces over anything that holds the Pope of the BlOwSR accountable for his failure, but wouldn’t JaMal still be entitled to a cut of the Kickstarter for signing over his intellectual property rights to Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon, even if that IP is dull, uninspired, and highly derivative?

    Okay, actually maybe I do enjoying spraying my feces, but only on JaMal’s smarmy little face that lacks any facial hair growth which I can only attribute to low testosterone levels, even though I can’t give a diagnosis without doing a full examination and looking at his blood work.

    • Francie permalink
      March 31, 2013 4:49 pm

      ” I can’t give a diagnosis without doing a full examination and looking at his blood work”

      I fucking hate you you piece of cunty shit

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        March 31, 2013 7:24 pm

        I know you do!

        Now get back to cuppin’ your ball sack then sniffin’ your hand!

  56. Timothy permalink
    March 31, 2013 4:36 pm

    Schade, AS, it seems that JMal kept 8,000 of the $48,000. I think I got this from the rpgsite thread, where Tavis’ “partner” Macris weighed in, might have been Friday night or Saturday morning.

    • Scott permalink
      March 31, 2013 4:39 pm

    • Schadenfreude permalink
      March 31, 2013 6:36 pm

      Maybe I misread or missed something. I didn’t see anything in the contract, or the message, about Tavis getting all of the money except for $8K. I had thought the 8K figure was just the amount JMal gets out of the project, but does that mean he handed over the other 40K to Tavis? The face that the contract itself talks about Tavis getting what’s left of the money makes me wonder.

  57. Ritter permalink
    March 31, 2013 5:55 pm

    So know there’s going to be “Autarch Presents: Dwimmermount” and eventually, “James M’s Dwimmermount.” Two versions of this useless, derivative, dull piece of shit? Talk about useless. But I’m guessing the completist faithful will line up to buy both. Christ almighty, this shit almost makes me hate this hobby. On the other hand, this is providing valuable market research: gamers are suckers with the common sense of a banana slug.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 31, 2013 7:05 pm

      He’ll put out his version out when he is ready to make his return, probably a year or so from now when memories fade. It will suck just as bad (or worse) then as it does now. However plenty of the asssucking fucktards will be there to welcome him with puckered lips and reach arounds galore.

    • April 1, 2013 6:33 am

      Faith and emotional projection are powerful forces. Weak egos and underdeveloped persona are easy prey.

  58. Schadenfreude permalink
    March 31, 2013 6:47 pm

    Wow, it’s sad to see that there are still JMal defenders out there. Apparently, people like us bullied a poor sensitive soul like JMal into leaving. We should hang our heads in shame.

    The one thing that I never saw JMal get called out for–and I could’ve just missed it somewhere–is how he cloaked the nastiness and petty venom of the OSR in his faux-gentlemanly demeanor. I saw a number of people in the comments on Grognardia say horrible things about anyone who questioned the OSR or the Pope, and James never did a damned thing about it. And we know that he wasn’t afraid to delete comments that criticized him, so it’s not like he simply let people say whatever they wanted. JMal is a bit like the nice guy who gives cover for bigots but at least presents himself as not a bigot. That’s why I stopped reading grognardia about 3-4 years ago, long before this Dwimmermount crap.

    • Schadenfreude permalink
      March 31, 2013 6:48 pm

      Forgot to include the link for the JMal defender–it’s Jeremy in the comments section: http://www.tenkarstavern.com/2013/03/for-those-wondering-about-funds-left-to.html#comment-form

      • Ritter permalink
        March 31, 2013 10:41 pm

        Jeremy: “JUST LEAVE J. MAL ALONE!!!!”

      • March 31, 2013 11:08 pm

        He’s talking out his ass too. Giant rats automatically appear in *two* separate storerooms and are a 33% (LL) or 2 in 6 (ACKS) in one of the toilets. Then there’s the normal-size rats he goes out of his way to note everybody hates. And the wandering rat tables. And the endless wererat checkposts.

        Plus RAT BOSS who is clearly a FRENCH BASTARD

        Oh fuck SPOILERS

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 2, 2013 3:00 pm

        Little bitches who come out and defend Fuckface Maliszewsk not only love the smell of JImbo’s asscrack but must be a special breed apart. Like Ponzi scheme investors who cling vehemently to the fragile illusion that they made the right choice and everything’s going to be OK in the end, attacking anyone or thing that claims otherwise, they can’t face the ugly reality that they have been suckered. I feel a bit of pity for them. Nah, not really.
        FUCK!

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      March 31, 2013 7:08 pm

      Jimmy the Scumbag never was one to get into the mix as it were, he preferred to stay on high and ‘above it all’ when it suited him. He retreated from direct attacks and deleted comments that called him out on the carpet all the while his loyal suckups did the dirty work. What a piece of work.
      FUCK!

      • Schadenfreude permalink
        April 1, 2013 6:52 am

        He was more than happy to let other people do the dirty work for him, though.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 2, 2013 2:49 pm

        Jimmy, Jimbo or whatever you wanna call him, I know! Let’s call him Milquetoast McWeaksauce Maliszewski. On second thought lets not and just call him Jimbo ‘Fuckface; McGee, anyway that guy,JImbo was a peice of shit wrapped in human skin who let other people fight his fights for him because he might get his man cunt scuffed up and his fecal form might ooze out.

        Yeah fuck that guy in the face with a Slap-Chop!

  59. Exploding Colostomy Bag permalink
    March 31, 2013 7:17 pm

    FYI, comments on the latest KS update state the Autarch will publish an LL version .. Duh duh duh

  60. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    April 1, 2013 10:30 am

    I think it’s time to turn the full might and spotlight of YDIS on this Axes & Anvils Kickstarter fiasco. We’ve flushed JaMal’s nasty stinky runny turd for good, so grab your torches and pitchforks and lets go after this Mike Nystul fool of a fatbeard manchild who somehow blew all $35K of Kickstarter money and is now claiming he’s broke.

    • Timothy permalink
      April 1, 2013 10:38 am

      Actually, it is more like $75,000, between this project and his other two which funded, Cairn and Infitinte Dungeon. None of those projects have produced so much as a rough pdf.

      And yet the money is all gone.

      This is a bigger fuck up/scam than Dumbermount.

      Evidently, Nystul’s Magic Aura works on kickstarters, too. Makes bullshit seem like magic.

      • April 1, 2013 11:25 am

        Somewhere in a northern realm the Arch Fagi laughs.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 1, 2013 12:03 pm

        Now this is what I’m talking about! $75,000!?! Shit just got real!

        Links please to any defenders he may have so I can laugh and point. I sure hope Mistwell still has some taste left for ass munching after the All You Can Eat Buffet he got from defending JaMal’s delicate honor.

    • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
      April 1, 2013 11:49 am

      That dwarf kickstarter guy is laughing his ass all the way to the bank. What a wonderful time we live in. Money for nothing.

      I don’t know how appealing I would find all-dwarf, all the time game play, but I can see how the project had a certain charm, far more than Dwimmermount. Promise of rune stones and decent minis. And the dwarf bitches got no beards, so it’s easier to jerk it to them.

      • April 1, 2013 2:00 pm

        “There was indeed an original goal posted of $1,000 and yes, if that is all that was raised a $1,000 book could have been produced.”

        Oh, so the problem is too much money! I guess it’s the backers’ fault for being too supportive. I hate when that happens.

    • Cameron permalink
      April 1, 2013 10:29 pm

      Holy crap. what a mess. I’m-a guessing that if any of the $75k was spent on the games, it was spent (poorly) on his Nystul project – which same project has today been taken over by another company:

      http://d3adventures.com/wordpress/?p=448

      Seventy. Five. Thousand. Dollars.

      • Schadenfreude permalink
        April 2, 2013 5:22 am

        Maybe I should start a company that specializes in creating shitty Kickstarters that I have no intention of completing so that someone else can come in and take over–I get money for doing nothing! Of course, I need a patsy like Autarch to run the KS for me . . . . Hey, who wants to help me Kickstart an amazing new RPG product?

    • Arneson's Manboob permalink
      April 2, 2013 12:27 pm

      What’s interesting is that Nystul had some legal trouble lately, something about losing his license. Court costs, lawyers fees, etc. can be quite expensive, I hear.

      • Scott permalink
        April 2, 2013 12:30 pm

        I don’t know shit about Mike Nystul so I checked his wikipedia page, which he clearly wrote (the most telling evidence being that it exists).

        “He additionally enjoys a unique distinction in the industry for having an official Dungeons & Dragons spell, Nystul’s Magic Aura, named after his real name, rather than that of a character.”

        brb Chariot of Sustarre

      • April 3, 2013 8:26 pm

        Looks like they’ve had a little problem with vandalism on that page:

        http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Mike_Nystul&action=history

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 2, 2013 2:40 pm

        Should be updated to read ‘And now is latest scammer in Kickstarter’s short sorid history to take the money and run’.. Fuck! What do these people do when the money comes in? Have party time in the VIP room at Little Darlings? Coke and bitches day at the local Hyatt-Regency with GFE from Platinum Entertainers? Allright, that’s probably what I would do with it but still I would put something out. Fer ‘christssake, the back of the DMG has a random dungeon generator. I could rattle that off on a lost weekend rolling on an classy escorts back while snorting powder off her tits.
        FUCK!

      • Scott permalink
        April 3, 2013 8:31 pm

        LOL, how the hell did you find out his page got vandalized? Creeper. Also is there any way to view the vandalized version?

      • April 3, 2013 11:04 pm

        You can view the complete history of any page on Wikipedia: click the “view history” button at the top right. To view the vandalism, on each entry click the “prev” button all the way to the left.

        Only one of any real note: “Mike Nystul, in addition to his gaming experience, is also a world famous glassblower. His collections can be seen in such galleries as the Louvre, the Getty, and also his garage. His art explores themes of nature, d12s and Asian-European fusion cooking. His most famous work, the Statue of Liberty, can be seen in New York Harbor. It is made out of glass.”

      • Scott permalink
        April 4, 2013 4:50 am

        Well played, mystery vandal

  61. unclecarbuncle permalink
    April 1, 2013 8:12 pm

    WOT A DICK>>>>>
    AN BACKS TO TH DUNGEON>>>
    CANDI HOLDS UP TH SHINY BLACK GLOW DILDO TO TH TORCHLIGHTS, ‘WELL LES SEE THERES ONLY WON WAYS TO IDENTIFI THIS’ SHE EGSCALIMS ON HER TIPTOES. A MAGIC SWITCH AN SHE ABUSIN HER ELF TWOT BUT GOOD FOR A 10 TURNS. SIGNS OF HEAVY MOANS BRINGS A PAIR OF WANDERING KOBOLDS. ‘CANDI – FUCK U WANT CANT U SEES IM BUSY LITTL DOG FUCKERS.’ ENRAGED SHE DRAWS HER S SWORD+1

    • Timothy permalink
      April 1, 2013 8:25 pm

      CANDI SHUVS THES SWORD+11 INTO THE FURST KOOBALDS’ MOUTH AND IT STABBS OUT ITS ASS. SHITT XPLODES AND BLINDZZ OTHER kOBALD. hOUR HEROIN JAMZ GLOWING DILLDO IN UTS THROAT UNTILLL STOPPS MUVIN.G

      SHE FINS 2000CP IN A POUCH ATT WON’S WASTE.

      dWWUMMARMNT SUX, SHE SEZ AS THE BLOODY DULDO I SSHEATHED BAKK IN ELF WOO-WOO.

      • Timothy permalink
        April 1, 2013 11:17 pm

        GOD DAMNED KABOLDS, CANDI SAYSS AS DLRIUM STARTC BACK UP. pIS ME TH FUCK OF,FF. GAD DAMN…

        SHEE LOTS IN ECSTSTY ND DOES NOT EAR THE STLTHEE APPROACH OF THE ROPER GYROSKOPTICSLLY MOUNTTED ON ROWLING BOWLDER…..

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 2, 2013 3:03 pm

        This is getting downright interesting.

  62. Lord of the Things permalink
    April 2, 2013 6:10 am

    I can’t figure out on the Axes and Anvils kickstarter if the special Dwarf Pajamas Pledge delivers pajamas sized for a dwarf (a fat midget man or an american child) or pajamas decorated all over with bearded big-nosed faces.

  63. Timothy permalink
    April 2, 2013 7:37 am

    Hey, does anyone know if JMal’s notes from the legendary megadungeon were actually donated to that dumbass university? Who was it, Pheonix Online?

    • Schadenfreude permalink
      April 2, 2013 8:41 am

      I keep forgetting about that part. I re-read the Kickstarter section about that and I loved how he wants to do it with the hope that in the future scholars will study the documents. What a pretentious douche!

      Of course, maybe we should donate all the discussions here, and at other sites, to a business school’s archive as a case study of how to fuck something up but still have people defend you.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 2, 2013 2:32 pm

        Sending notes from Dwimmerfuck to a university to study? That’s like sending a the contents of a porta potty from a state fair to a culinary school. Is there no delusion that milquetoast fuck won’t cloak himself with?
        FUCK!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 3, 2013 6:20 am

      I remember that. It was either University of Phoenix, or Wassamotta U.

      What an arrogant, egotistical cunt. I guess Dimmerdouce Suckdungeon is what passes as scholarship in Canada, America’s retarded little brother.

      • Schadenfreude permalink
        April 3, 2013 7:10 am

        To be fair, Canada (and Toronto in particular) has some outstanding universities. But none of them would touch JMal with a 10 foot pole.

  64. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    April 2, 2013 3:10 pm

    Does a university really need to have notes on how doors open for monsters, but not for player characters? Or could something like that be taken as college entry affirmative action philosophy? Could knowledge of a mystical place where a crowd of differently specied top predators don’t have to eat or drink and just wait for characters to show up be some kind of socio-political analogy? YOU make the call, Professor Unblown.

    • April 2, 2013 3:56 pm

      It would make more sense if the original D&D rules were given such treatment. Being that those guys actually produced a gaming product that at the time was somewhat revolutionary and would go on to have direct influence on video games. Consider too, they built a company from the ground up out of nothing. What seems to be forgotten by the navel gazing backwards looking mass is that there was no internet, no nostalgia, nor any market for RPGs prior to the work that literally came out of Gygax’s basement ( or was it garage?)
      For some half assed internet hack to lay claim to anything close to that sort of recognition is deluded.

      • Schadenfreude permalink
        April 3, 2013 7:12 am

        Hey, the cut-and-paste-then-call-it-original practices of the OSR could be fodder for a study of how in the postmodern age we’ve lost all sense of creativity and talent. Or something like that.

  65. Osrleaks permalink
    April 3, 2013 1:16 am

    Courtney Simpson:

    I’m not upset!

    I didn’t do anything illegal!

  66. Timothy permalink
    April 3, 2013 8:15 am

    Another exciting update from Tavis today on the dickstarter page. LL version by Gencon, ACK by Christmas. The stonehell dude to work on the ACK version.

    Looking back at that page, it was Texas A&M that was to get the notes for “scholarly research.” Well, that university just lost a shitload of credibility.

    • ratsliveonnoevilstar permalink
      April 3, 2013 9:29 am

      Damn. And they had so much cred before…

    • April 3, 2013 9:37 am

      To be fair, the kickstarter said the notes would be donated to Texas A&M. We have no evidence that they actually accepted these historic documents. I think that Texas A&M should be given the benefit of a doubt.

      Also on the kickstarter, “Scans of these materials will be curated by the Play-Generated Maps and Documents Archive, which will make them freely available to the public online.” This hasn’t happened yet. Someone should take Tavis to task for this. After all, Dwimmermount is “a masterwork of the skills James has developed” – future generations should not be deprived of such a bounteous treasure.

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 4, 2013 6:17 am

        Who has ever heard of a university declining to accept D&D material from a man who’s father was ill?

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 4, 2013 6:20 am

        Who has ever heard of a university declining to accept D&D material from a man whose father was ill?

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 4, 2013 6:21 am

        Who has ever heard of a university declining to accept D&D material from a man whore’s father was ill?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 3, 2013 8:55 pm

      Then I beg the good, hardworking if not borderline retarded people of Canada’s forgiveness. TexASS is a Right WIng shithole filled with inbred mental midgets, but I at least hoped the universities still had some credibility.

  67. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    April 3, 2013 12:40 pm

    I think we really need to take a closer look at the work of exciting new talent Bloodymage before we decide exactly who gets to go in the hallowed halls of academia and passed down thru the ages.

  68. Brian Y permalink
    April 3, 2013 3:23 pm

    “What is the scariest thing about this is that when [my husband] found him he was walking with his bike, hysterically crying, with a 25ish, overweight, dungeons and dragons looking kind of guy next to him… [My husband] shouted [our son’s] name at which point the guy ran under the fence at the park,” she wrote.

    Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/mothers-horror-as-son-nearly-abducted-20130403-2h6rw.html#ixzz2PRRq2WkH

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 3, 2013 8:51 pm

      “dungeons and dragons looking kind of guy”

      Well, it is a rather effective shorthand for “creepy, overweight, pedo nerd, kiddy diddling fatbeard boy fucker”.

      “at which point the guy ran under the fence”
      You knew that neckbeard fatty wasn’t going OVER the fence. Unless there was pizza and Cheetos on the other side anyway.

      I hope they catch this scumbag and cut his nuts off. Do they still have hanging in Australia?

      • Scott permalink
        April 3, 2013 8:53 pm

        I doubt he was an RPG player, it said he was running

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 3, 2013 8:56 pm

        Also, he was outside, in public.

    • Lord of the Things permalink
      April 4, 2013 6:27 am

      “pasty white skin”

      That’s racist.

  69. Zarathustra permalink
    April 3, 2013 4:43 pm

    “I want one of these failed Kickstarters to actually spend the money on hookers and blow, and to upload a YouTube video of them doing so. Let’s see The Hangover end-credits moments for that money, not this bullshit whine and then silence.” – Mistwell.
    http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=26000&page=65

    MISTWELL! Wtf.Has he changed his tune?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 3, 2013 9:02 pm

      Mistwell proves once again he’s contrary just for the sake of being an Asperger asshat. And Christ I hate looking at that razorback hog wife of his. Typical gamertard – look, I’m getting laid by something! Reminds me of the old days when Black guys would proudly parade their white bitches around, even though they were obese, hadn’t seen a dentist in years and had that “we met at Special Olympics” kind of look and smell.

      • April 4, 2013 8:11 am

        We could all change our icons to him hugging Grognardia to show our solidarity with gay marriage or the dying dads club or something.

        That thread gives me the twitch because now the brain trust over there has never fucking heard of Junta but they’re falling all over themselves to name-drop Braunstein? Get some perspective, fucking hipster morons.

        However I want them to keep jabbering because the 2 dwimmerfail topics together are closing in fast on fucking “Best Free RPG Map software?” as their hottest traffic driver ever. And in their most private moments I want them to know IRWS beat them and then picked up the Pundit’s check at the restaurant afterward. Those fucks.

  70. Let me tell you about my character permalink
    April 3, 2013 6:31 pm

    Do female dwarves have hairy backs?

  71. Arneson's Manboob permalink
    April 4, 2013 9:32 am

    What the scheisse is this retarded shit?

    http://www.gofundme.com/GenCon-Fund

    • Scott permalink
      April 4, 2013 9:38 am

      If he had a job and something to offer society, he could afford to go, but would have to stay home and go to work. So you see the dilemma.

    • Timothy permalink
      April 4, 2013 10:22 am

      Hey, our other grim and edgy hero, Jim “Hooray for Rape!” Desborough, gave that fat, useless fuck $25 for his travel-and-cheeto fund.

      Do I detect a snivelingly positive ass-kiss of a review of grimjim’s work upcoming on that blog?

    • April 4, 2013 10:29 am

      Forget Dorkland! Callie Cosplay is in trouble!

      http://www.gofundme.com/savingcallie

      Really, is there a more worthwhile cause?

      • Scott permalink
        April 4, 2013 10:39 am

        “$8,718 raised by 174 people in 8 days.”

        a;dlskfjas;dklfja;sdklfja;sdklfja

      • Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
        April 4, 2013 11:01 am

        That bitchy face is pretty enough to earn her some extra bukakke cash. Get guys like that fat neckbeard who gave her a fitty, and charge 100 a “pop” in the backroom at Comic Con. “Hey, is that fatass weirdbeard towards the back of the line Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkland? Hopefully he’ll tip big after grunting and dropping his cheesy load and get this poor gal some scalpal time!”

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 5, 2013 3:44 am

        How about a Kickstarter to get JRT to go to her house and help her out, right after he gets out of prison?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 5, 2013 3:46 am

        $50 bucks from fatbeard Scott Francis, hoping he can cop a free feel one day.

        He’s the poster boy for fatty neckbeards too:

    • Binman permalink
      April 4, 2013 10:36 am

      Would it be feasible to raise funds to send a hitman to GenCon?

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 5, 2013 7:58 am

      I think Dorkpork is the same guy who was asking for free sporks at GaryCon. I bet he has the funds in the bank to leave GenCon with way more than $400 worth of loot though. Bet he’s on 99 weeks of free unemployment dole! GET OFFLINE, GET A JOB AND PAY YOUR OWN FUCKING WAY TO GENCON YOU FATBEARD LOSER!!!

  72. Lord of the Things permalink
    April 4, 2013 9:38 am

    It came to me as I was contemplating the nature of The Things, that the genius of the YDIS corral lies in the remarkable way it has herded together a group of man-things who in every particular remind one of the never gainfully employed, estranged, criminally inarticulate and unstable younger brothers of Dennis Hopper & Joe Pesci:

    Humphrey Hopper & Peter Pesci.

    http://en.wikpedia.org/wiki/Humphrey_Hopper_Fartingfaced_Shithead

    http://en.wikpedia.org/wiki/Peter_Pesci_Ultraviolent_Retard

  73. Better At Everything permalink
    April 4, 2013 1:26 pm

    It came to me as I was contemplating the nature of The Things, that the genius of the YDIS Corral lies in the remarkable way it has herded together a group of man-things who in every particular remind one of the never gainfully employed, criminally inarticulate and unstable younger brothers of Dennis Hopper & Joe Pesci:

    Humphrey Hopper & Peter Pesci.

    http://en.wikpedia.org/wiki/Humphrey_Hopper_Fartingfaced_Shithead

    http://en.wikpedia.org/wiki/Peter_Pesci_Ultraviolent_Retard

    • April 4, 2013 2:17 pm

      Are we soon to break through the bland crust of your B-team identities? When do we hit the tasty Wodehousian nougat?

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 5, 2013 3:06 am

        B-team Identities work well on censored sites.

        The A-team is abroad being battered by the Gigantitanic intelligences on osr forums and blogs.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 5, 2013 1:29 pm

        B-Team? You rate that high?! I guess. After triple posting and flopping about copy and pasting posts from people pwnin’ the allmighty fuck out of you, you might figure you now make the B list. As for being battered, the only thing being battered around here, besides your man-clit, is you son.

    • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
      April 4, 2013 4:36 pm

      To Mr Everything:

      You ignorant fuck. Your links don’t work. Now how am I supposed to know whether your little bullshit posts are funny? Here’s some masturbatory material for you: Imagine that the world somehow figures out how to flush away your miserable existence as quickly and effortlessly as Wikipedia did your fictitious entries. Better yet, now imagine not having existed at all. Now go clean up.

      Now go take the fucking coat hanger out of your skull and remember that you needto use a situs that abort your content. Get this right once, and you can take off the “I’m so stupid I can’t even heckle properly” t-shirt.

      To YDIS:

      What the fuck?!! Can’t we get better hecklers than this? Perhaps we need a rotating schedule that pediodically obligates us to heckle ourselves. I think it would be good for morale.

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 5, 2013 2:57 am

        Thank you for clicking on the links to learn more about the lives of Humphrey Hopper Fartingfaced Shithead & Peter Pesci Ultraviolent Retard.

        I have some chinathings working to fix those links for you bros. In the meantime if anyone wants to know more about Humphrey Hopper & Peter Pesci simply close your eyes and incant in a whisper, “What … am … I … thinking?”

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 5, 2013 1:39 pm

        Hmm, let’s see. I’ll take the Pepsi challenge, You posted some fake/broken links and are thinking that you want to assert yourself in a positive light, in a way that doesn’t make you seem like some shame faced loser? But, nah. You really should lower the bar and go for the ‘I’m a jack ass who can’t really hack it’ vibe, like Mistwell does.

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 5, 2013 6:31 pm

        You are too much in my peripherals. Get thee to a nunnery.

      • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
        April 5, 2013 9:11 pm

        WAHOO! LOOK OUT LADY WRINKLEQUIM!!! HERE I COME!!

    • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
      April 4, 2013 8:25 pm

      Oh Christ… I just realized it’s you again Mr. Things. My apologies… I am exiled to this stupid android for the duration of my vacation. But that’s good for us–it presents me with a good metaphor for how your brain works.

      I had a great idea that might help you as you comment on this site. You should plagiarize the material of someone who is funny. I’ll try my hardest not to catch on. And if I do catch on… well… at least it draws a clever parallel to the subject matter (here’s a hint: we talk about the OSR here).

  74. unclecarbuncle permalink
    April 5, 2013 1:07 pm

    THIS BLOG SMELL LIKE DIM KASKIDS BONG WATER AN MI FARTS STARTA KNEW THREAD AN TALK SUM DD CRISESACKS

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      April 5, 2013 1:43 pm

      Hey fuck you unclecarbuncle! Get back to posting about Candi you sack of shit! Timothy is doing a better job than you and you’ll lose your singular place here on YDIS if you don’t get off your lazy ass and get back to Candi and her +1 sword.
      FUCK!

      • Timothy permalink
        April 5, 2013 1:57 pm

        HOLLY SHIT!! ELF TITTYS, ROPER SAYZ TWO IHMSELF. TENACUL TIME, BABEE!!1!

        BUT THEN BOWLDER HE IS AFFIXXED TO SCRAPES WALL. CADNI HEARS AND ISS PISSED, I TOLD YOU FUKKING KOBALDS TO FUCK TH HELL OFF, BUT SHE IS SURPRISED BY ROPER GYROSKOPTICALLY MOUNTED ON FUCKING BOWLDER.

        I AM SURPIZED (ROLLED A 1)!! GIRL CUN’T CATCH A BREAK

        REMOVEZ MAGIC DILLDO AND DROWS +! SWRD. MAIKE MY DAY BARKBREATHE!

      • April 5, 2013 3:33 pm

        Love a Candi adventure. Look out for the roper tentacles, Candi!

  75. Timothy permalink
    April 5, 2013 1:58 pm

    By the way, I hereby designate ropers gyroscopically mounted on boulders to be open gaming content.

  76. Lord of the Things permalink
    April 5, 2013 7:13 pm

    30 minutes in my mind as I look for something, anything, one thing, one word worth reading on therpgsite, K&KA, DF, odd74, google+, and the osr blogs on Rient’s bloglist:

    Who are these idiots? Not this idiot again. For fuck’s sake. Oh for fuck’s sake. Christ, can’t you stop saying the same shit over and over. Oh Jesus. Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ more of this shit again. OK what’s on google+. Please let the little faggot be dead. What’s this shit? But that’s the same crap from last week. What are all these morons on about? Fucking so dumb. Unbelievable retards. Are these grown men? Maybe ‘adult’ is 10 years old now. [checks urbandictionary]. OK blogs. Someone please say something interesting. No, that’s bollox. That’s utter shite. Are humans writing this? Christ Im getting a D&D headache. Reading this is making me nauseous. Delete bookmarks to forums and blogs. Again? That’s the second time today. Google knows where they are. Google the pander. Kill google. [fails]. Wait a minute … wait a minute. Slowly smiles. Why don’t I tell these people what I think? They know what I think, I already told them. Yeah but … why don’t I remind them.

    • Cameron permalink
      April 5, 2013 7:45 pm

      Whatever.

      • Lord of the Things permalink
        April 5, 2013 11:11 pm

        30 minutes in the mind of Cameron as he chews gum and paints his fingernails.

  77. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 12:18 am

    It’s National Poetry Month!

    The Lord of the Things licked a thimble
    Whilst dreaming of boys thin and nimble,
    And longed for the day
    When he could go gay
    And his penis was more than a symbol.

  78. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 1:08 am

    Maybe something more highbrow.

    The Lord of the Things sits naked in his cave
    Unable to avert his bloodshot eyes.
    The scheiße porn to which he is a slave
    Doth draw him as a fresh turd draws the flies.
    It wasn’t always thus; he’d had a life:
    A good job cleaning toilets with a brush;
    A Realdoll dressed in leather as his wife;
    A joyful love of making puns on “flush.”
    Alas! One day his brush broke on the job.
    No coward he: he’d use his hands and tongue.
    But once he got some floaters in his gob
    He knew that nothing else would get him sprung.
    The Realdoll now lies unloved on the floor,
    But safe from lovin’ by a shitty boor.

    Now THAT’S how you troll, kid.

  79. Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
    April 6, 2013 1:18 am

    Gentlemen:

    Time to regroup. Maliszewski is old news. The new target really needs to be this “Mistwell” individual. Of course, who is Mistwell? I don’t fucking know. However, if we can take anything this person represents as being true, then we can presume:

    1. Mistwell somehow obtained a license to practice law in Nineteen ninety something….;
    2. She resides in California; and
    3. She is extremely proud that she once had her picture taken with Richard Masur.

    This hateful little shrew has at one time (way back in February) accused our own IRWS with having played the role of the “creepy stalker” vis a vis one Mrs. Maliszewski, codependent-saint and financial benefactor to Mr. James Maliszewski. What, do you ask, had Mr. Scissors done to merit finding himself on the receiving end of such an accusation? Why… he saw something on THIS VERY BLOGSITE! Armed with knowledge from this very blogsite, Mr. Scissors posted to the RPGsite. And thus the Harpy Mistwell became sorely offended and accused Mr. Scissors of creepery and stalkeriness.

    But what would Ms. Mistwell mean from by this accusation? What could a Californian mean by one’s choice of words, when one of those words is ‘stalker’? Could she be putting her aging legal education to use? Let us delve into the California Penal Code:

    646.9 Stalking

    (a) Any person who willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or willfully and maliciously harasses another person and who makes a credible threat with the intent to place that person in reasonable fear for his or her safety, or the safety of his or her immediate family is guilty of the crime of stalking, punishable by imprisonment in a county jail for not more than one year, or by a fine of not more than one thousand dollars ($1,000), or by both that fine and imprisonment, or by imprisonment in the state prison.

    Hmmm… now… Ms. Mistwell has at times pointed that these laws, of which she allegedly has more than a passing knowledge, are full of ‘elements’. Here we have the following elements:

    1) Willfully, maliciously, and repeadedly
    a) follows OR
    b) harasses
    a person

    AND

    2) BOTH
    a) makes a credible threat to place the person in reasonable fear of his/her safety
    AND
    b) intends to accomplish 2(a) above.

    Astonishingly, Ms. Mistwell believes that she is capable of establishing all of that using nothing more than the evidence that Mr. Scissors gleaned information from Mrs. Maliszewski’s very public blog.

    I think I know how she did it. I think Ms. Mistwell somehow expanded the concept of ‘Expectation of Privacy’ to include those blogs where a person probably sort of meant to set privacy parameters or was thinking about setting privacy parameters but ultimately didn’t. Yeah… there’s got to be some precedent for that, right? No. Not in the country where I live. Someone check Ms. Mistwell’s diploma and see if it came from North Korea. If the diploma actually came from an law school accredited in the U.S., someone should advise her to seek a refund. But she should seek and retain counsel. And not any of her classmates.

    So… TLDR: Watch out for that crazy bitch “Mistwell”; she runs around with a law degree that magically enables her to make up laws.

    To Mr. Things: Don’t copy this–it’s not funny; just… sad.

    • April 6, 2013 7:15 am

      Why do I have a feeling Ms. Mistwell is none other than Jamal in virtual drag?

      • April 6, 2013 8:37 am

        GIF!

        Last I heard he was a more or less lapsed entertainment lawyer (still an active member but not sure how many hours he bills nowadays) and she was a semi-retired actress.

        http://www.academicapparel.com/about.html

        “I don’t think of myself as a troll. I think of myself as often playing devil’s advocate, because it’s how I learn best. And because it’s fun.” – Mistwell

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 6, 2013 9:21 am

        Crap! See… If he had just passed himself off as the scion of a California cap & gown empire, I wouldn’t have been so bothered.

        Nice “stalk”, S.R. It clears up a lot of confusion. Most lawyers who rely on their licenses to feed their families will usually preface with “Of course, on this topic, I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about” before they discuss some topic they know nothing about. Society runs best when we only allow physicians pretend to know everything. They can afford it, and we need to keep the currency circulating.

      • April 6, 2013 9:33 am

        Not in the game! Should’ve smelled something when people on the rpgshite were all, “dude, doesn’t taking on KS for fraud get your lawyer money bone a-quivering?” and he goes “duh, no, that is beneath my notice?”

        I think the wife is off limits though except to anchor a nerd wife recovery group or something. She too blogs. Sad story.

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 6, 2013 10:04 am

        Not going near the wives for reasons of self-interest. Don’t need to see any evidence that these guys impose themselves on other people for extended periods of time as opposed to just brief blog entries. I’m going to tell myself that she does cute kitten photos… or fairy princesses… something sweet and innocuous that will give her a respite from, well….

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 6, 2013 10:41 am

        Wait… the significant other has an IMDB page. If she styles herself an actor, then she’ll regard “off limits” as a discourtesy.

        http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0600758/

        Her career history is pretty simple: Two parts desperation offset with one part resilience. I actually like her.

        Of course, that makes Mistwell’s existence even less excusable….

      • April 6, 2013 11:10 am

        Yes, this is all routine discovery. Calling her anything but photogenic just seems tacky now that I see she’s worried about partial facial paralysis.

        My persistent ??? is whether the wives are innocent victims or as you say codependent enablers. What are they getting out of these relationships with man-children? Are they fulfilled?

        If not, even a broke lesbian will scrub the carpets twice a day, so to speak.

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 6, 2013 11:39 am

        Ha!!! Nice carpet reference… gives me imagery that rivals a Raggi module. If my nightmare about being chased by a giant Ewok ever comes back, I’ll just tell myself it’s only Mistwell and yell out “Hygena! Rescue me!”

        Hey… Empty Nester’s is a real thing, and if you can’t have a baby with Down’s Syndrome, you have to settle for this or a monkey.

  80. Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
    April 6, 2013 9:02 am

    Perhaps she’s an unrequited lover that just hasn’t gone sour yet. She really jumped on those ‘elements’ when accusations of fraud were brought up. No mention of the actual elements, however, which are as follows:

    1. Representation of a fact
    2. Fact has to be material
    3. Fact has to be false
    4. Person making the representation has to know the fact is false
    5. Person making the representation intends that the victim acts on the false representation
    6. Victim does not know that the representation is false
    7. Victim relied on the representation being true
    8. Victim’s reliance was reasonable
    9. Victim suffered harm

    If you look at all the facts in this case (i.e. early sketches of megadungeon with no follow-through, taking all of the money up front, failure to pay contract labor, failure to communicate after a certain point), I think it’s obvious to all but the most deluded apologists out there that a prosecutor would have enough for an indictment or information and a warrant to seize any records or instrument(s) that could be used to maintain such records.

    Given what has been posted here and elsewhere (with primacy being given to Autarch’s posts), it appears that only the eighth element would save Mr. Maliszewski from a future filled with steel bars and sodomy. Of course, that outcome would depend on Mr. Maliszewski’s legal defense convincing a jury that Autarch’s business decisions were more incompetent than, say, the decisions of senior citizens who are ponzied on a regular basis in the States. I’ll admit, that’s a close call. I’m not saying it’s fraud (mostly because I’m not a jury). What I will say is that Ms. Mistwell is an asshole for trying to lead people to believe that Maliszewski’s actions most certainly are not.

    To Ms. Mistwell: Conversion? Pshaw! Go wax that sphincter if you’re going to be showing it in public. Nobody deals in actions of trover anymore. Nowadays we just call it theft. Go back a couple of centuries where you belong.

  81. Adventurer Conqueror Quim permalink
    April 6, 2013 10:37 am

    Fuck Chevski, he’s yesterday’s gimp – and that wannabe Chevski, Mistwell. Chevski has been torn not one but a thousand new assholes and his backers will now be getting something. The new target must be Mike Nystul who admitted on the Kickstarter page of his game Axes and Anvils that he had spent all $35,000 his backers ponied up and had NOTHING to give them in return. And he’s done the same thing on IndieGoGo and was planning another IndieGoGo to raise money to finance the Kickstarter from which he had spent all the money – a pyramid scheme of Kickstartery!

    He is a bona-fide thief rather than a merely suspected one like JaMal.

    • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
      April 6, 2013 1:07 pm

      I get what you’re saying with regard to Nystul being a genuine article confidence man. The problem with his case is that he doesn’t seem to have the several-year track record of exuding the aura of self-importance that makes the heckling so sweet. Hell… this guy might not have any real gaming connection. It may be a legitimate scam rather than the quixotic endeavours of a cheetos-and-mountain-dew-addled mind.

      The OSR doesn’t need Kickstarter. All Kickstarter gives them is a venue, some publicity, and a way to collect the money. They can do all that with their little blogs. What they need is Winston the Wolf to come into their houses and tell them “you need to start fuckin’ writing” and “get that fuckin’ map done.” If they had anted up to the Wolf instead of paying the Kickstarter fees, this shit would be done.

  82. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 11:21 am

    I don’t even suspect Maliszewski of being a thief, at least in the usual sense of the word. That is, at no point in this did I imagine James rubbing his hands together and thinking thoughts of delicious perfidy, as if he somehow knew he was going to get 35 thousand bucks for throwing in with the Kickstarter project. I think it was more a case, once the project funded, of him discovering and then refusing to accept that his megadungeon materials weren’t even close to being up to his several years’ worth of on-line bragging – certainly he didn’t have $35k worth of megadungeon sitting in his notebooks. But I don’t for a second believe that he ever intended NOT to deliver on Dwimmermount. He probably still believes he’ll be able to pull it off, but he’s going to have to build some character and get his balls back before he can do it.

    Which he probably won’t do, as his M.O. is to wash his hands of something once he moves away from it, whether he was kicked or left voluntarily. His is simply a very sad story of how one can puff one’s self up enough that when the needle gets applied the result is very, very messy.

    Nystul, on the other hand, is either a career scammer or one of the world’s worst businessmen, excepting only Bloodymage.

    I must admit that I find the scammers less interesting than the scammed: the people who refuse to admit to themselves that they’ve made a risky investment that will never be recovered.

    This whole thing reminds me of the comic book speculation craze back in the 80s, but with this difference: the comic book companies actually put product on the shelves before asking customers to pay too much money for it.

    • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
      April 6, 2013 12:09 pm

      Cameron, I’ll meet you halfway. I think Maliszewski intended to publish until about December. When he walked away from his precious blog is where I believe a jury would find an intent to defraud was formed.

      I agree with you one hundred percent with regard to Nystul. I’d wager he actually perceives himself to be a victim.

      Maliszewski strikes me as a multifaceted object of ridicule because he has such obnoxious defenders despite being an advocate of bringing a hobby back to 1974 and banking one’s reputation for being a malcontent. Nobody can question him? Nobody can criticize him? Jesus! Leave it to a theist mired in dogmatism to provide the best argument for twentieth century existentialism to appear in the twenty-first century. He’s the protagonist(foil) that Sartre, Camus and Beauvoir sought after all their lives!

      Pretentious Fuck–indeed.

      • April 6, 2013 1:09 pm

        It always comes back to the bourgeois revolt against the cult of Bergson to you, doesn’t it? But it works. Jimmy’s advocates are the old grannies in the provinces who embroidered his wry clerical musings on their dog sweaters and clutched their brooches when the youth of today failed to walk the Gaullist party line. Uh, I mean “Gygaxian naturalism.” How dare you question that great man, that philosopher, that … saint?

        Andre Malraux can fuck himself cross-eyed as well.

  83. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 1:20 pm

    I’ll see your pretentiousness and raise you a chip.

    “When he walked away from his precious blog is where I believe a jury would find an intent to defraud was formed. ”

    For a brief second I considered responding, “Intent to defraud or merely intent to hide?” But then it occurred to me that that would actually make him less sympathetic if it were the latter than the former.

    In a good ol’ Shakespearian match-up, I find Lear’s “I’m a douche and proud of it!” Edmond far more noble (to the extent he could be so) than Hamlet’s same-named Prince. Edmond at least tried (and failed) to effect some good at the end. Prince Hamlet went out throwing the same tantrum that worked so well for him in the preceding four acts. That is, Edmond had his blind spots, sure, but he knew he was being a troublemaker. Hamlet never could face his shortcomings, even to the point of contemplating suicide rather than overtly admit to himself overall dicklessness.

    It’s a very sloppy metaphorical game to play here, but I see a lot of Hamlet in Mal and a lot of Edmond in Nystul. I’m not a fan of either. I’m comparing villains not heroes. That being said, I prefer my villains straight-up. The Dwimmermount play is just too many Ophelias floating in the river.

    • April 6, 2013 1:28 pm

      I love the fucking Ophelias. Hey, it’s Alexis in his rock star garb!

      Nystul is such a shadowy cat that the spell may actually somehow be named after him and nobody realized it at the time.

      Any discussion of bad actors in the OSR needs to at least flip a finger at Kuntz, the legendary original evil PC and vaporware artist with only the purest intentions. Jimmy seems more this type but let’s hope the fucking Swedes trash the place before we find out.

  84. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 1:21 pm

    Forgot what blog I was commenting in:

    Boobies!

  85. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 2:36 pm

    Reading this letter from Robert Heinlein (link: http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/10/help-from-heinlein.html) we come to a passage that may be used to explain the how and why of the OSR Kickstarter phenomenon:

    There was this man Flammonde who came to our town and grandly borrowed what he needed. Edward Arlington Robinson has dealt well and fully with Flammonde in verse but he has not been described in prose. The power that Flammonde had was to make everyone around him happier, richer in experience, greater in his own self-esteem. Naturally a man like that would not have to work. It is a neat trick.

    What exact knowledge of how human beings work can enable a man always to make other people happier simply by his own presence?

    Cats have made a racket and a good thing out of this knowledge for seven thousand years without even bothering to flatter the recipient of the pleasure.

    Damn cats.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      April 8, 2013 8:24 am

      Old news. We’ve always known JaMal was a pussy.

  86. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 2:37 pm

    Also: Poopie!

  87. Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
    April 6, 2013 4:51 pm

    Ha! Enough! I yield!

    * * *

    So that was what Malraux was doing with his eyes. It was hard to tell–I was only four at the time….

  88. Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
    April 6, 2013 5:34 pm

    And again you have bested me, S.R. How could I have ever forgotten the Venerable Mr. Kuntz. I believe it was way back in 2004 that we first saw Mr. Kuntz give the prophetic words that would later characterize the labours of OSR’s greatest.

    In response to the question whether Necromancer Games would publish the fourth installment of the Maze of Zayene series, the following thread was created:

    http://necromancergames.yuku.com/topic/4487/A-Question?page=2

    I know it’s old news… but I can’t help to go back to it. The prose is so… I mean… the tears flow as the side aches and continence subsides:

    “That is false. But I dont want to start a debate…”

    Bull$hit. That is starting a debate. And you know it. That is just once again another one of your “oh, poor me, I’m the victim here” moves. Its pathetic. A 4th grader can see through it.

    Dont you ever get embarassed at what a big wuss you are? Seriously, its pathetic.

    I know it is really just a big ego stroke for you. You get people riled up. Your “supporters” rally to your side and post pro-Rob comments. You feel all good about yourself, basking in the glow of toadyism.

    Hey, whatever you need to feel good about yourself.

    But come on, Rob. How can you say that is false.

    You were late on the manuscript. PERIOD. That is just the flat out truth. I know the truth means nothing to you. All you want is to be “poor Rob Kuntz, the misunderstood victim.” Well I for one am sick of that crap and I’m not going to tolerate it anymore in the name of politeness.

    Your subsequent representation that it was nearly done was yet another lie, as it has been nearly 2 years since we cancelled you and it is still not done. Grodog has been noble enough to say that is his fault, but it isnt. It is yours.

    Rob, go back to your boards. Quit spreading your filth here.

    I try to be cordial to you, but the facts are the facts. And the fact is you dont live up to your obligations. Period.

    M4: not done.
    Codex Germania for TLG: not done.
    City of Brass: not done.
    Barbarous Coast (or whatever): not done.
    Any number of other projects: not done.

    And you have done nothing in their stead. Its not like they got put to the side while you did other things. You have done nothing.

    Actually, what obligation have you lived up to? The only real stuff you have done are retreads of old products that were just updates. In what, three years? Come on…That is a joke.

    As far as I can see it, the only thing you are able to accomplish is a lot of talking about what you did a long time ago.

    Pied Piper Publishing may have set a record for the company that has done the most talking and the least publishing in the history of publishing.

    Which is sad, really, because you have some good ideas. And I respect that.

    But I think Monte Cook said it best when he said that your role in D&D is vastly overrated. And I know that irks you. Truth hurts.

    I dont go posting on your boards, despite the stupid crap you spout over there. I wont ban you here, either, because I dont want to give you the pleasure.

    But here you go again, “Rob the victim.” No one asked you to post here. So dont gripe about getting the truth pinned on you.

    I’m sure this will all get spun to “Rob the victim” or, my favorite, “they just dont understand genius.” So spin it how you want. I dont care. I know what the truth is. And the rest of the industry knows what the truth is.

    You are perhaps feeling your oats because Mona is crazy enough to work with you on Maure, which essentially was his guys rewriting an old module of yours (sound familiar?) with you submitting a new level. I can’t wait to hear how much editing that is going to take on his end. I for one am glad to see the content. And I am amazed you actually finished a product.

    As far as I am concerned, I am happy I never have to work with you again. Thank God.

    Good luck in your future endeavors. Just keep me out of it.

    I’m sure this is just another one of your attempts to stir up publicity and support for you by pointing to how mean I am. I dont care.

    Rob, if you had just met your obligations we wouldnt be here. We would have published M4. We could have gone our merry ways and no one would have had to know how horrible you are to work with.

    But you were more interested in your “importance to the game” than in writing. In fact, I always loved the way that you had written up your “credits” before you even finished the manuscript. That speaks volumes.

    But now its out. And you asked for it.

    Clark

    Bravo, Mr. Peterson. Bravo!

    I know that this is incredibly old canon for trolls such as ourselves, and I have really only inserted a painfully long quotation into this thread. But we are talking about Rob Kuntz, and in keeping in the spirit of the subject matter, I had to phone something in.

    To Mr. Kuntz’s credit, he does actually have a one in six chance of producing something. The probability increases to three in six if his hand is being held by Mr. Gygax, Mr. Jelke or Mr. Peterson.

    • April 7, 2013 6:02 pm

      This is an example of looking back and not getting the whole picture.

      The big problem with those guys (Kenzer, WOTC, Troll Lords, Necromancer, Paizo, etc.) is that they all wanted a low rent icon and they got one in spades.

      The big problem with Kuntz is that he starts low and asks for more later. I know the man has something in him for fantasy definitely no question but that and a bag of chips will get you a bag of chips.

    • April 8, 2013 12:15 am

      Nice post. Like the parallels between Kuntz and Jamal. Both excel at writing about writing D&D modules and the like and both lack the discipline to actually produce work in any manner that could even remotely be considered ‘professional’. Excuses are easy, getting off a lazy ass- hard.

  89. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 6:27 pm

    [Raises a glass]

  90. Cameron permalink
    April 6, 2013 7:05 pm

    KICKSTARTER:

    This guy (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/581969921/strange-world-would-you-open-the-door) could probably complete and ship, but the fact remains that he’s asking for $30k to essentially write a GURPS mod.

    Jeff Rients already has this territory marked out, and he can do it with whatever already-published rules are interesting to him on a given game day.

    How did the $30k-$35k range become the magic number for this stuff?

    • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
      April 6, 2013 11:54 pm

      The guy sounds legit–I don’t know him, but he sounds like he has his act together. He has a big project laid out. I don’t know how much profit he’s factored in for himself, but I know that I wouldn’t do all that work to clear eight grand even if I had the talent and background.

      I figure his angle is a little different. His books are already published. This kickstarter is probably more a way to promote the books–marketing with sweat rather than money.

      I admire the guy, but I’m not sold. It’s really close to Cynosure without being Cynosure. And I’m really just a one multiverse kind of guy. I even try to minimize my time on the outer planes for fear that Mr. Gaunt will feel jilted.

      … Christ, Mike… WTF?!

      * * *

      I also appreciate that this guy isn’t loading himself down with rewards and all different kinds of swag for higher level pledges. Publishing is a volume game, and his pledge levels address the need for volume printing.

      I can’t bring myself to be interested in it. But I also can’t find a reason to lampoon it. Problem must be me… I’m not drunk enough.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 7, 2013 6:30 am

      Everybody thinks their “original” idea is the next Star Wars or Lord of the Rings cash cow, that’s why. As many of you know (Hi Francie!), I’m a physician, and as mentioned above, we do in fact know everything, and very well know that we know it. So I have no problem telling you that I know all about RPG publishing, and I am confident in stating that a project like he is proposing should have had a realistic Kickstarter goal of about $5,000 to implement while making a nice little profit. Now you know too.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      April 7, 2013 6:49 am

      Plus, every manchild gamer’s Kickstarter has a $20,000 to $25,000 budget line called “I Just Want to Stay Home and Not Work For Another Year Again and My Unemployment Benefits Run Out Next Month”.

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 7, 2013 10:46 am

        Your points are valid, Dr. Spectre. The $5, 000 figure makes sense, and I applaud you for retaining the ability to count that low. However, I suspect this guy is a professional as he says he is, so he must be okay with letting the project die if he doesn’t get the numbers he wants.

        It concerns me that you are contemplating kickstarters. You should be directing your attention to weightier matters like real estate, boats, small engine planes and adultery, lest the lawyers of your community starve.

      • Lamentations of Gary Gygax's Ghost permalink
        April 7, 2013 3:51 pm

        Finally every manchild out there can have their dream come true of releasing their subpar product and also have other people foot the bill even! This is truly the platinum age of roleplaying games. Thank you kickstartera dn thanks even more to the rubes that throw dollars after dollars to crying grown men with infantile complexes that will blame the backers when they fail to produce a god damned thing!

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 7, 2013 6:29 pm

        Thank you for your concern, Pretentious Fuck, but as they say in the vernacular, “been there, done that”.

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 7, 2013 10:10 pm

        NOOOOO!!! I am greatly dismayed by your use of the past tense, Dr. Spectre. Everytime a physician reverts back to sensible living, somewhere a lawyer starves to death.

        Stop clapping! This isn’t Neverland!

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 7, 2013 11:20 pm

        They can always sell graduation and choir robes instead I guess.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        April 7, 2013 11:24 pm

        Me? I’m one frivolous malpractice lawsuit away from Kickstarting my own Finger Lakes winery. Or a cut and paste suckdungeon I rolled up randomly from the DMG.

  91. Timothy permalink
    April 8, 2013 11:56 am

    HEY BABEE iM LOVER NOTTA FIGHTER, ROPER SEZ. mY LADIE FRIENDS CALL ME MR. G. PLUS I KNO WHERES TREASURE IN DUMBMOUNT.

    CANDI LAUGHS. I GOTS 2000CP INN THIS SMALL PUOCH.

    I KNOW A BIGGER SMALL POUCH WIT 5000 GP MR G. SAYAS ASS HE LOOKS AT ELFF TITTEES. JUST PASSED THE LEGENDAIRY PATH OF FAVORS.

    OK LEAD ON BUTT NO FUNNEE BIZNUSS.

    SO THE PARTY GOZE TO PATH O FAVORS. MR.G IS IN LOVE AND ROLLS ALONG KNOCKING OVER STACHUES, SINGING SAWNG;

    TRALA LA LA
    TRA LAA LAA LA

    hEY SHT FUCK UP, ATTRACT WANDENG MUNSTERS, CANDI SAY.

    BUT TOO LATE ROLL2 THERE IS A WNDER MONST. ROLLL 78; RIVAL ADVENTEURY PARTY; IT IS AXGARR LVL 5 BARBARIEN AND HENCHMEN RUTHERFORD 3LVL HOBBIT THIEF.

    HI CANDI.

    OH HI, AXGURR. THIS IS BAD TIME…

    MR. G IS JEALOUS WHO IS THIS ASSSHOLE, IS HE BOTHER YOU, BABYY?

    LONG STORY, SAY CANDI.

    WE FUCKED N SHIE STOLE MY SHIT, AXGARR SAYS.

    THAT IS NOT LONG STORY, MR G SYSS.

    • Chatdemon's Manboobs permalink
      April 8, 2013 12:10 pm

      Rutherford lol

  92. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    April 8, 2013 2:52 pm

    I’m getting the DT’s from “Bloodymage Withdrawel Syndrome.” Blooey, I miss ye. Get a Kickstarter going or something will ya? Or at least show up to comment on a DF thread about boxers vs. briefs or whatever the fuck the Unblown are yacking about this week.

    • April 9, 2013 6:19 am

      Doubtless, BM is busy with wedding plans. I expect it’s difficult to find a caterer willing to pay to cater an event.

  93. Schadenfreude permalink
    April 9, 2013 4:59 am

    Do we need to send out a search party for IRWS? I just went to check out his brilliant Dwimmerdust, and the site is gone. We sent out a search party for Bloodymage; shouldn’t we do the same for one of our own?

    • jimmyjones permalink
      April 9, 2013 10:29 am

      This is very upsetting, Once jimmy gave back the money irws has not returned.

      • April 9, 2013 12:21 pm

        His mission complete the man known only as IRWS moves on without saying goodbye…

      • Pretentious Fuck (Mike Jamison) permalink
        April 9, 2013 3:57 pm

        Aaaaaaand…. cue tumbleweeds.

      • Schadenfreude permalink
        April 9, 2013 4:59 pm

        IRWS! Come back!

  94. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    April 9, 2013 7:18 pm

    He’s on a top secret assignment to find the most retarded, man-child teeming threads on Dragonsfoot and K&K. He could have just listed the prog rock threads and drinking threads as nose to nose ties and called it a day, but the true professional he is he decided to go deeper. Balls deep. Many have not returned from such a mission. Those who have were…changed somehow. There is a special kind of look on the face of one who has tread to close to the Unblown. Kind of sad, kind of empty, it AIN’T pretty. Pray for him, lads.

  95. Cameron permalink
    April 9, 2013 8:09 pm

    Eh. Now that the Maliszewski thing is essentially over I don’t have any compelling reason to keep tabs on the OSR. I mean, hell, once I threw out the last of my books and dice the Kickstarter drama was the only thing remotely interesting to me. This has been my only D&D stop for the last few weeks, and I think tonight shall be my last gaming visit, period. Bye, guys! It was fun while it lasted!

  96. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    April 11, 2013 11:11 am

    *looks towards horizon and salutes, slight tear in eye*

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