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Another dickbag shits his pants

December 31, 2012

Here we go, fatass dumbshit terrible-cartographer Rob Conley commits one of the most common OSR infractions: failure to warn.

thanks for nothing

See, Rob is terrified that by naming names he might bruise some delicate OSR flower and hurt the feelings of someone who might conceivably hire him to draw a shitty map in the future. So instead of warning fellow skiers about the avalanche danger ahead, Rob just lets them shoosh on by to be consumed by the raging torrent of shipping costs that he decries. Good on ya Rob! Anything else you want to NOT help us with? I hope you land a gig from this!

My guess is that this refers to something that Brave Halfling has done, can anyone confirm? Has anyone received their Delving Deeper box yet, supposedly shipped out on Dec. 17? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

28 Comments leave one →
  1. Timothy permalink
    December 31, 2012 10:30 am

    That dumbfuck Conley can’t even find his “spellcheck” button. He deserves this.

    Not sure about the Delving Dumber thing, but this might be the Frog God Swords and Wizardry Dickstarter. Supposed to ship (after their typical delays) next month, and their shipping is always an extra charge – er, excuse me, “chage” as Conley says.

  2. December 31, 2012 10:38 am

    I have been developing over the last five years or so, what will turn out to be the best thing the gaming world and especially the OSR™ has ever bought into.
    It occurred to me some time ago that there was a missing product. Something the OSR™ had overlooked. A hidden gem in a bucket of shit.
    So with allot of effort and focused thought and not a few trips to the locale mens room , I finally happened upon a solution to my dilemma.
    Five years of work was about to pay off.
    You guys here will be the first to know about this amazing new product which once you learn about it you will wonder how you ever gamed without it!
    Here’s the basic concept in a nutshell. Its really so simple you will be amazed you hadn’t thought of it yourself and you won’t mind one bit that it costs $499.95 per book. And you will want every SINGLE volume in this 9 book set!
    Ok without further ado, I hereby introduce to you all…
    MY greatest creation to date…
    You know all the blue parts of the old TSR maps? Well I combined them all into a 9 volume set ( @ a mere $499.95 each).
    Yup 9 NINE 9!
    Nine books with 9 pages each. No cover as covers are for wimps!
    NO staples or binding either!
    No need for anything to get in the way of your enjoyment of 9 volumes of 9 pages of the blue parts from all those TSR maps that were printed in “non repro blue”
    Yes the non reproducible parts of the old TSR modules are now available in a 9 volume 81 page total set of non binded non glossy printed pages, fresh off of my personal inkjet printer.
    So that’s 9 volumes each containing 9 pages of all… yes that’s right …ALL!
    ALL OF THE BLUE PARTS!
    SAY IT WITH ME!
    Remember the blue parts the old Xerox machine couldn’t copy?
    No not the white part. Uh uh!
    Just the blue non repro ink part. Printed in epson blue just for you.
    No white nope. Not one bit of white page shows through on either side of the 81 pages.
    Completely blue 100 percent solid!
    Recall with wonder the old Tomb Of Horrors Map?
    All the blue ink? Well we have reproduced just those blue parts from all the early 1980′s TSR modules.
    Kickstarter to start soon….

  3. December 31, 2012 11:08 am

    Looks like Jamal has abandoned his post(s)!
    Gone since December 11th?
    How goes the Dwimmermount updates?

    Has he run off with his funds leaving a void?

    I hope someone steps in with reviews of reviews from magazines nobody ever read…

  4. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    December 31, 2012 12:30 pm

    Confused by all the cut and paste blOwSR Retroturds out there? Fear not, this product has you covered! It’s a Suckdungeon Book about Suckdungeon Books!

    http://www.rpgnow.com/product/109631/Old-School-Renaissance-Handbook-%28PDF%29

    Best part: there’s a 100 page hardcover version coming soon featuring interviews with various suckdungeon authors and other OSR Turdosphere luminaries including “James Raggi III”, who I can only hope is Faggi IV’s cross-dressing, alcoholic, extremely disappointed father.

    • Scott permalink
      January 1, 2013 7:32 am

      Holy crap. The satire writes itself … at this point, YDIS could go to a “screencaps only” format with no loss of functionality.

      Happy New Year, bitches.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        January 1, 2013 11:49 am

        YDIS is starting to remind me of the George W. Bush years on The Daily Show when Jon Stewart would just show a clip of Dubya saying something retarded and just make a face and smile to get a laugh. Shit writes itself indeed when you have such fertile source material.

    • January 4, 2013 7:39 pm

      Funny the amount of time it took me to read the description of this piece of crap is little more than it would take to download the original D&D rules.

  5. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    January 1, 2013 11:47 am

    Five comments from people who bought the same Shitstarter Conley did and not one of them named names. Some even defend their financial sodomization by their rapists. “Here’s more of my money! Thank you suckdungeon master may I have another!”

  6. Kent's Rectum permalink
    January 1, 2013 3:27 pm

    I just wish I could rip a loud fart again. I’m so stretched out by all the man meat Kent brings home and squats on, all I can manage now is silent but deadly.

  7. kent permalink
    January 1, 2013 8:21 pm

    Here is the latest Zak (blogboast) blogpost
    http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.ie/2013/01/2012-in-game-stuff.html

    *****
    *****
    Gaming 2012

    Realized Secret Santicore was really good.
    Speculated what 5e should look like.
    Wrote a GM questionnaire, people answered it.
    Saw my players fight ice monkeys.
    Realized A Book of Beasts by TH White was really good.
    Wrote an essay about people who love rules. Made people who love rules mad. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Wrote random tables.
    Told RPG companies to hire more women. At least one of them listened.
    Played Dwimmermount with James Maliszewski. Fun.
    Moebius died.
    Thrown off Story-Games.com.
    Got GMed by Satine. Twice.
    Wrote a called shot mechanic.
    Jeff stopped running his Wessex campaign. Everyone angry.
    Wrote a superhero story game. It passed the time.
    Wrote a Chill hack for Call of Cthulu consisting of one rule. It worked really well.
    Wrote an essay about people who need rules. Made people who need rules mad. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Got hired by WOTC. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Explained that, no, really, I got hired by WOTC. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Discovered blogger’s Batmanalytic feature:

    Wrote a story game using playing cards. Fun enough.
    Had International Anklebiter Illustrator Day.
    Got interviewed on some podcasts.
    Half-bird ranger died in the home game.
    Found an excellent RPG-thing carrying case at the antique mall in Medina, Ohio.
    Realized the One Page Dungeons this year were really good.
    Explained how ‘GM Fiat’ actually works. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Wrote alternate fighters, rangers and thieves for old-style D&Ds.
    Played Burning Wheel, had fun, wrote about it. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Had an idea about a couple story-games and their connection to wargames. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Interviewed author of one of those games. He said the idea made sense to him.
    Interviewed authors of the old Marvel Superheroes game and the new one simultaneously.
    Talked with people about Sword & Sorcery vs Anime Sci Fantasy. Angry mail. trolls.
    Hello? Gammarauders?

    Made that:

    One year anniversary of ConstantCon.
    Ran a lot of FASERIP games on-line. World partially saved. Northwest Russia annihilated.
    Hired by LOTFP to write an Alice-In-Wonderland thing.
    Realized that was going to be awesome.
    Invented a PCs-in-the-middle-of-a-mass-battle mechanic (refining Pendragon).
    Invented a PCs-crawling-on-big-monsters mechanic (refining Scrap Princess).
    Party druid wrote an article about sexual harassment. Roundly lauded by people who’d previously claimed our game group appearing in the media was “bad for women”.
    Said Google + was becoming the best forum for talking about games. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Wrote some notes on Dungeon World. Angry mail. Trolls.
    Won a prize for game thing I wrote.
    Went to video game conference about it. Got interviewed a lot.
    Saved some FLAILSNAILS PCs from imprisonment in Castle Amber.
    DMed for a college game design class.
    Thoroughly enjoyed Dungeon Crawl Classics.
    Played 4e for charity (again).
    Made that:

    Invented a sci fi storygame specifically designed to work in G+ hangouts. Passed the time.
    Made the RPG Speedcyclopedia.
    Hacked Deities and Demigods so you could use it at the table.
    Hacked Carcosa so I could use it at my table.
    Wrote about my favorite Adrian Smith picture.
    Made a Random Villain Generator. Dave abulafia’d it.
    Players faced a maximum age maximum size blue dragon. Survived.
    Played Night’s Black Agent’s with Kenneth Hite. Fun.
    Made up Murdermaze G+ game. Fun.
    Made up Warlords of Vornheim G+ game. More fun.
    Ran Cthulhu on Christmas.
    Played in Vertique, Hill Cantons, Trash Planet, Cocanha, The Vats of Mazarin, The Malicrux Sector, HUSK, Aggravaina, Scrap Princess’ game wherever that is, NGR Kazakhstan, Castle Nicodemus, The Caves of Myrddin, and Outland.
    GMed my players from the Horrible Ice Monkey Cave across the sea to the Cobalt Reach and the Fortress of Ferox the Incinerator.
    Saw the Goblin King of Gaxen Kane hire a gang of G+ FLAILSNAILERS to hunt down my home group.
    *****
    *****

    He missed a trick though.

    If he had numbered each of his accomplishments in 2012 he would have created a BRAND NEW ROLEPLAYING GAME. By rolling on the MAGIC TABLE his subjects (readers) would receive a CLUE from Zak’s PORTFOLIO OF ACHIEVEMENTS.

    The WINNER gets to move one square towards some FUTURISTIC CITY where the citizens are SASSY HAIRDRESSERS from the FUTURE and move away from the HICK TOWN they grew up in.

    • January 2, 2013 9:11 am

      I rolled 23: “Got interviewed on some podcasts.” Very meritorious. I assume I receive a bonus. Add 3d6 followers? Level up my Hubris skill? Savor the tiny boner this makes me pop? Would this allow me to advance to domain-level play?

    • kent permalink
      January 2, 2013 9:42 am

      I rolled ’19’.

      >> Got hired by WOTC. Angry mail. Trolls. <<

      Hired by 'WOTC'? Wifebeaters Of Troublesome Cunts?

      I have to admit I like the Tolkien vibe he has introduced into what is surely a contemporary-urban-fifteen-minute-celebrity kinda game with Trolls as his favourite wandering monster. The treasure, "angry mail", is sentient but cursed, absorbing a fixed amount of damage before shouting and roaring at its wearer to leave the fray.

    • Timothy permalink
      January 2, 2013 10:04 am

      After rolling a 39 I got – Hired by LOTFP to write an Alice-In-Wonderland thing.

      He sounds totally committed to this particular venture, doesn’t he? His tone of indifference to any potential customers is one of “OK, break out the anal lube for my next paying gig and lets get it over with” enthrallment.

      Then I rolled again and got the Bowyer/fletcher secondary skill.

    • January 4, 2013 7:41 pm

      This guy is indeed a fuck tard- I’d think someone hired by WOTC or Hasbro would have more to do with their time than say write bullshit jerk off posts.

  8. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    January 2, 2013 11:15 am

    13.

    Shit, this last year for me is starting to look pretty good. I actually did some things that fucking mattered. Really, that gutter slut Satine DMing a game for you a couple of times is some proud achievement?

    Does the Wizards “job” pay enough so he and “Bendy Mandy” can move up from the 99 cent store to the dollar store?

    • kent permalink
      January 4, 2013 8:24 pm

      Let’s show some slight degree of political nous here. There is a difference between slagging an egotistical runt, a pathological celebrity, who can stand up for himself but chooses not to, and demeaning the chicas who happen to know him. That is the difference between journalistic integrity and opportunistic fueling of your hatred of women. The latter makes the timid audience of lurkers and fence-sniffing neutrals suspicious of the former.

  9. kent permalink
    January 3, 2013 8:18 am

    For your nasty eyes, the complete and utter list of RINKY DINK,

    https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Ar9Wm_5gI_1TdGlyZHpwRHFoU2pEMng0NkhqTlJEYmc#gid=0

    • kent permalink
      January 4, 2013 8:10 pm

      I chose this song for laffs but it is fast becoming my favourite song ever.

      • Kent's Rectum permalink
        January 4, 2013 9:26 pm

        They look just like the guys you invited over to the flat to gang bang us last night.

  10. January 4, 2013 7:26 am

    Zak inspired me to create my own 2012 list:

    Realized that Atlantasia was really, really bad (instead of just really bad).
    Got pissed about WOTC’s abominable treatment of Arneson’s legacy.
    Posted some maps. Fun.
    Interviewed Mark Acres.
    Interviewed Daniel Griego.
    Speculated about psionics in 5E.
    Went to Gen-Con.
    Participated in the D&DNext playtest. It sucked.
    Interrupted a Richard Garfield interview. It passed the time.
    Got GMed by Ken St. Andre, but only once.
    To the joy of dozens of followers, provided information about FFG’s new Star Wars RPG.
    Didn’t give a shit about G+.
    Larry Hagman died.
    Gave Year of the Phoenix probably the only love it will ever get.

    • Timothy permalink
      January 4, 2013 9:13 am

      This is a notably drama-free, un-Zakish list, perdustin. Can’t you throw in some random “angry mail” and “trolls” exclamation points? Or at least appear studiously casually-disinterested in all of your accomplishments this year?

      Or take it to the next level with some interviews from all those satanists in Richmond? Or some old-school Odinists?

      Larry Hagman died?

      • steve o permalink
        January 4, 2013 12:21 pm

        ‘Larry Hagman died’ shouldn’t appear on your list unless you killed him.

      • January 5, 2013 8:56 am

        Timothy, there’s only so much Zakness a mere mortal can aspire to.

        steve o, if Moebius can be on Zak’s list, Larry Hagman can be on mine.

      • January 5, 2013 10:55 am

        steve o, if Moebius can be on Zak’s list, Larry Hagman can be on mine.
        Sorry. Didn’t realize that ‘what Zak did’ had become the model for what anyone else on this troll site should do afterwards. Will have to adjust my expectations accordingly. Please warn us before you do a porno — based on how many posts you spent beating your meat over that Atlantasia crap, I don’t think I could bear to see your bloody, shredded, used and abused penis on video.

      • January 5, 2013 1:33 pm

        Apology accepted!

  11. January 4, 2013 7:37 pm

    Hey at least there’s a kick starter for the original old school intellectual property robbing hackery piece of shit that is Tunnels and Trolls. What better cherry atop the wonderful sunday that is the self congratulatory and mutual lend a fellow guy a hand mastubatory OSR™.

  12. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    January 11, 2013 7:21 am

    I just want to give a shout out to the hacker who hijacked the RPG Blog Alliance website this week and sent out rejection letters to some carefully selected OSR Turdosphere blogs then deleted their accounts. Judging by who he targeted for rejection, odds are he is a YDIS fan. That was a pretty boss move those social retards naturally blamed the Alliance for booting them not a hacker and the vitriol they spewed forth was classic BlOwSR before they found out the truth. Well done, sir. Well done.

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