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Delving Deeper is shockingly, hilariously inept

October 23, 2012

The freeware version of Delving Deeper has been unleashed upon a largely innocent hobbyist public and HOLY FUCK is this thing an amazing train wreck. This is not a full review, I need more time to let it sink in that Delving Deeper exists and its creators are filled with pride at their accomplishment, rolling around contently like a dog that has just dined on turds from a catbox.

Please take this opportunity to download Delving Deeper and flip through it. For those short on time, here is a demonstration of the “authors” at work:

Source material. Ho-hum…

Delving Shamelessly version. Ah, they’ve nailed it!

Great work guys! You have brought something new and exciting into the world. It is good that you demand payment for this. “They will serve only lawful characters” reads much better than “They will serve only Lawful characters.” Excellent! This goes on throughout…

The writing is amazingly consistent: it is fucking terrible throughout, without relief. I encourage you to extract your favorite fucked-up lines from the books and comment on them here. Grammar is abysmal, verbs agree only to disagree, the diction is just some goddamn wacky-ass shit. “Simon J. Bull” is credited as editor and I can only assume this is the pen name for Mrs. Malaprop. They have actually managed the impossible and made some rules even less clear than the original: the DM is instructed to “subtract -2” as a penalty in multiple cases. Interesting math. What’s most troubling/hilarious is that Delving Deeper is the product of no less than:

  • 3 “companies”
  • 2 “authors”
  • 2-3 proofreaders
  • 1 editor

That’s a lot of eyes and all of them agreed at the end and said proudly to one another “Yep, here it is. We have accomplished much in the 2 years we worked on this. I am excited to release this into the world as a demonstration of our creative and professional capabilities. I feel comfortable accepting money for the print version of this and will do so enthusiastically.”

And over on the ODD74 boards, the sales machine has lurched into action asking excited customers to purchase the “other Delving Deeper goodies.” Here they are, looking very enticing… hmmm, also looking very familiar. Yes, these products are not new: Delving Deeper — Bard and Delving Deeper — Gnome and Delving Deeper — Paladin and all the rest have simply been renamed from their prior incarnations as Labyrinth Lord supplements. The creators could not even be bothered to accomplish the minute task of adjusting the material and reformatting for Delving Deeper, they simply changed the names. That’s some serious ambition on display! I’m getting my $0.75 ready now…

Seriously, try fucking reading this thing. It’s an Atlantasia level of incompetence… maybe they were trying for Encounter Critical and I missed the joke? I cannot believe this shit heap exists, I cannot believe it represents a labor of 2 years, I cannot believe these ass-clowns are proud of their accomplishment, I cannot believe anyone who paid for this would not be furious. I have to step away and regroup, Delving Deeper is just too goddamn fucked up…

66 Comments leave one →
  1. October 23, 2012 10:03 am

    Never thought I’d see an “old school” project use fewer words than the original. Usually it’s a bloated mass. Still, with no padding they’ll need $0.75 of lube.

  2. kent permalink
    October 23, 2012 10:11 am

    In a section on Other Worlds it is offered up as inspiration that ” … the assumed natural laws of gravity, time, space, temperature, inflammability, scale and so on should not all apply”

    The natural law of … temperature?
    The natural law of … … temperature?
    The natural law of … … … …. … temperature …?

    The natural law of … inflammability! How bizarre to elevate the law of … inflammability so.

    =

    On Listening,

    “Listening: A dungeon should be troubled by distant creaks, echoes and moans, and any player may wish to listen for these … as a precautionary measure.”

    Player- Do I have to make separate listening rolls for moans of dread and moans of fucking?

    DM- I told you you have to tell me exactly what you are listening for. Think though. Think about it, you are in a dungeon.

    Player- Yeah. I’ll go for the fucking, then. Do I hear anyone fucking nearby?

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 23, 2012 4:27 pm

      Cute, but go crawl back into your friggin’ hole.

    • October 26, 2012 10:23 pm

      Player – Very well, I shall listen for the moans of fucking, and DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT ANY OTHER SOUNDS I MIGHT HEAR. That would be against the Rules.

      Is that seriously how it’s supposed to go?

  3. October 23, 2012 10:23 am

    Why in the fuck does it take 2 years to retype Swords & Wizardry?

  4. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    October 23, 2012 12:11 pm

    Are The Unblown going Coocoo for Cocopuffs for this shit, or is the reception fairly lukewarm? The more shit sucks, the more it gets a faithful, vocally defensive following it seems.

  5. October 23, 2012 3:28 pm

    Wow, the book is written as if, Grumpy of Grumpy Grognard blog wrote it. A complete utter pile of shit with a touch of flavor!

  6. October 23, 2012 4:02 pm

    ME CAN DO TOO!

  7. October 23, 2012 4:03 pm

    Wait until you guys read the entry for unicorns.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 23, 2012 4:25 pm

      Just quote it. I don’t have the time or patience to create an RPG-Now!!!! account just to read this bullshit. That’s why I come here. I hate gamers, want to see them fail, and require you to serve that failure up on a silver platter for me. Think ya can handle that? No references without linkie quotie!!!

      • October 24, 2012 12:57 am

        I er was joking.
        I happen to agree and wouldn’t waste my time downloading yet another rewrite of something I don’t need.

      • Rogerthecabinboy permalink
        October 24, 2012 2:51 am

        ” UNICORNS are fierce, noble and most magical steeds. They are reclusive creatures who will tolerate contact only with a maiden of pure heart. If she is a valorous warrior a unicorn may consent to serve as her steed using its horn as a lance when it charges. ”

        I feel a strange urge to make a horn/lance/maiden joke. But will only observe that the Unicorn, while being described as a “steed” in the introduction, will only act as a steed under exceptional circumstances. Also, the authors’ understanding of commas is a bit lacking.

      • Radovarl permalink
        October 27, 2012 8:57 am

        I was joking, too :-).

        Re: the commas. Yeah, well, that’s what you get when a 40-year-old virgin autodidact attempts to reproduce the prose style of a 35-year-old multiclassed cobbler/insurance salesman trying to emulate the prose style of a 30-year-old able seaman/pulp fantasy writer inspired by the prose style of someone writing stories about a bumbling English aristocrat and his butler. Information degradation through repeated copying.

        In reverse:

        Jeevesian–>Dying Earth Vancean–>High Gygaxian–>OSR Duckspeak.

  8. kent permalink
    October 23, 2012 5:19 pm

    Then again I would prefer to read Delving Deeper than anything a committee of ydis’ most frequent muppets could concoct.

    Just imagine. With brainpower like Captain Kirk’s Dick Blood’s behind a fantasy project, while it may prove a sterling contribution to the field of psychiatry, using such a supplement at a gametable would produce an effect similar to that achieved by propping up the corpse of a buck-toothed retard in the DM’s chair, limbs propelled intermittently with jabs of electric current, with gushes of the dead fool’s spittle forming an aleatory map and the scene set with jawless grave grunts as articulate as the Captain’s farts.

    • Radovarl permalink
      October 23, 2012 5:28 pm

      See how that works, kids? Pull the strings, the marionette prances.

    • October 23, 2012 5:47 pm

      Alea iacta est

    • October 23, 2012 6:07 pm

      I told you Kunt would come crawling back to YDIS after his jack off buddies at RPGPundick gave him the boot.

    • Timothy permalink
      October 24, 2012 6:40 am

      Hey, kids, as an homage to his rpgsite fuckoff, who is funnier: kent or otto skorzeny?

    • Roger Moret permalink
      October 24, 2012 9:54 am

      It won’t shut the fuck up, will it?

  9. October 23, 2012 7:37 pm

    From DD treasure section: “FLAMETONGUE This sword is afire with burning light.”

    This actually might be correct, I think I read somewhere that scientists have confirmed that what we call ‘fire’ is actually only a form of burning light. This follows from the Natural Law of Inflammability.

    • Rogerthecabinboy permalink
      October 24, 2012 2:54 am

      You think that is bad? ” FROSTBRAND This sword glimmers with frigid blue light.” I am not sure what Natural Law is observed there.

      • Timothy permalink
        October 24, 2012 6:38 am

        Pretty sure it’s the Natural Law of Imfrostability.

  10. October 24, 2012 7:02 am

    I pre-ordered. I should get another copy just for good measure!

  11. October 24, 2012 10:22 am

    LEEST THIS FUCK BLOG FINLEY MOVED ON FROM DIMERDUMP

  12. October 24, 2012 12:15 pm

    So who was worse for the pillow biting limpwristed homosexuals who like to take it in the ass? Adolf Hitler or Kent the pillow biting limpwristed homosexual?

    • NUNYA permalink
      December 4, 2012 5:09 pm

      HOW CAN 1 BE “WURSE” WEN BOATH LUVVED IT??

      :p

      -NUNYA

  13. joe permalink
    October 24, 2012 12:31 pm

    Immersive Ink’s website: crickets
    Brave Halfling’s website: crickets
    Grognardia: crickets

    If a retro-clone is released in a forest, does anyone care?

  14. October 24, 2012 1:02 pm

    From DD monsters section: “Every character that is not being run by a player is a monster. Even the good townsfolk and the players’ hirelings are considered monsters.”

    This game is appropriate for cognitive levels 6-9 months of age.

    • October 25, 2012 6:39 am

      Hey! They are easy XP and kids put up the least amount of struggle.

      • Grumpy is Sauna permalink
        October 25, 2012 8:09 am

        Sauna

    • November 2, 2012 2:36 pm

      “Every monster not run by a character is a player.”
      My heartbreak version of the MM will begin like that.

  15. unclecarbuncle permalink
    October 24, 2012 6:17 pm

    CANDI NOWS TH DRILL UNPACKS A FLASK O SHITY UNAGED SCOTCH AN PUORS JA A THIMBEL FULL. HER IS TO YOUR HEALTH NOW WHERES CAN I FIN TH FUCKI JEWELS ON THE TAKES AROUND HERE FRIEND JA

  16. October 24, 2012 6:37 pm

    My balls smell really bad. Maybe I shouldn’t mouth fuck my mom after she eats tacobell… hmm.

    • Gary's Sock Drawer permalink
      October 25, 2012 1:20 pm

      And why in the hell do we care? Can’t this bizarro fuck stay on topic?

      • October 26, 2012 1:39 pm

        Exposing the truth. At least YDIS does moderate his blog comments, and hide the posting times to avoid being found out.

      • Gary's Sock Drawer permalink
        October 26, 2012 3:20 pm

        He does?

      • Gary's Sock Drawer permalink
        October 26, 2012 3:24 pm

        I guess you are right, YDIS does have not posting times. Hmmmmm, odd indead Mr. Sauna. Odd indeed.

      • Gary's Sock Drawer permalink
        October 26, 2012 3:30 pm

        Oh wait! I see the posting date! Maybe we can figure this out. Hmmmm, my cousin was oddly absent on October 23rd. Said he had some pussy waiting for him. Maybe he was making a new post on YDIS? In fact, I never even met this girl he was talking about. I will look into it further. We will get to the bottom of this Mr. Sauna. We will indeed.

    • November 2, 2012 2:37 pm

      Out of my ass comes Goliath. Beware his bulk!

  17. October 25, 2012 3:22 am

    An infinite spiral of self congratulatory stupidity is what has become of the self proclaimed OSR™.

    Oh wait that’s all it ever was.

  18. Hulk Hogan permalink
    October 25, 2012 12:53 pm

    Eons ago:

    “I respect Matt and Marv and I wish them every success, but it is time to go my own way. The events that took place online earlier this week were a clear wake-up call for me. They demonstrated first-hand just how how vital it is for me to be in control of any game I publish.”

    Nevermind:

    “But perhaps the most exciting news is that we have formulated a plan for supporting the Delving Deeper line into the future. It has been agreed that I’ll be taking stewardship of the Delving Deeper product line following its initial release, printing supporting materials jointly with BHP under the Immersive Ink label.”

    “I have always known that other people would be more qualified to write the Delving Deeper RPG.”

    I Don’t Know What I’m Saying:

    “Brave Halfling Publishing is proud announce our new line of adventure modules in support of the Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG by Goodman Games! I have set up a Kickstarter project to start rolling out these modules.”

  19. Timothy permalink
    October 29, 2012 7:00 am

    What the fuck is all this sauna bullshit? Forum drama?

    is there a way to get Delving Dumber without the hastle of signing up at those vendor sites? It does look like an entertaining waste of time.

    • Timmy permalink
      October 29, 2012 9:39 am

      its just a tool trying to be like YDIS, but isn’t as clever.

  20. Zarathustra permalink
    October 29, 2012 11:44 pm

    Why the fuck are people always being “outed” on here. Like anyone gives a shit.

    I don’t give a fuck who is behind what handle or what other names they use, just like I don’t care who wins the special olympics.

  21. The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
    October 30, 2012 4:24 pm

    Aaaand kent is shutting down his blog again, this time because “gaming” takes up so much of his time, don’tcha know?

  22. The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
    October 30, 2012 4:33 pm

    Oh, and that guy who harassed offline an online critic of his game store, the same guy who wanted $45,000 from a kickstarter to print one million copies of his own RPG to be given away (an effort he expected that backers of his kickstarter would perform for no pay) free (base rules were to be free – while he sold his supplements online and out of his store), finally cancelled his kickstarter a week or two ago.

    In one month, he raised $390.

    • November 2, 2012 2:39 pm

      “here is the Dark Realms core rules, 11 game supplements, custom dice, World of Chaos World Box set and other rewards. Plus every contributor will get 10 copies of the give-away edition to share with friends or pass out to possible new players.”

      This part. This sounds like a FUCKING joke.
      Sad really.
      Sad marketing.
      Sad.
      But funny too.
      Weird.
      Fucking weird.
      Depressing.
      Damn.
      Wish my eyes could unsee it.
      Is there a spell for that?

  23. October 30, 2012 10:21 pm

    TH STINK IN GRANOLA WTF

  24. October 30, 2012 10:26 pm

    ANYON KNOW TH LVL RANGE FOR THE QUEEF AFFAIR

    • November 2, 2012 2:34 pm

      Then Queef is an overly powerful spell one that I hear killed Tenser himself.
      Stay away from Queef of the Demonwebpit!

  25. Captain Kirks Dick Blood permalink
    November 2, 2012 6:49 pm

    http://loviatarzine.blogspot.com/

    Speaking of queefs, one of the blOwSR’s squeeky little queefs seems to be putting the kibosh on yet another shitty zine he has quickly tired of. After bragging about how he has held so many of us spellbound for 10 years with his *ahem* quality imaginings, he says he needs a break. In other words, no more zine at least for awhile. Will the gaming world be able to survive this crushing blow? Hey, you can still go to “Destination Unblown” for the further mind-numbing adventures of the OSR’s cookin’/surfin’ douche!

  26. November 3, 2012 11:15 am

    Shocking news from Raggi regarding the latest Indiegogo event:

    “Everything isn’t going quite as smoothly as hoped with all the projects and the timing, so looks like we’re going to be a bit late on delivery (one of those unfortunately common occurrences with crowdfunding).”

    At least he’s up front about it.

    • Chainsaw permalink
      November 3, 2012 1:23 pm

      Speaking of whom, here’s a great review…
      http://www.dragonsfoot.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=57756&start=30

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        November 3, 2012 10:36 pm

        That guy lost me at Vornheim is a good product. The OP in that thread, however, thinks you should buy Turd from Beyond Talent and Taste so your players can just ignore the whole thing as an “unnecessary encounter” like Gary says to do in the PHB. Which is good advice for players to follow for ANY of the shit smears that come out of the OSR Turdosphere. Speaking of turd products, the OP Is also Geoffrey, a flailing unblown social retard who has had his own feces published by Faggi, so there you go.

      • November 4, 2012 5:17 am

        Turd Beyond Space and Time sounds almost satirical, as if Raggi was laughing with us at the mindless adherents to some sort of OSR™. Hmmm.
        Also seems that say putting a turd on the cover of a ‘module’ isn’t message enough as to the contents of said ‘adventure’.

  27. November 5, 2012 6:39 am

    “When a sub-culture is shrinking, the boundaries are patrolled more rigorously and the purity of the core defended more passionately.”

    http://floggingbabel.blogspot.com/2012/11/small-worlds.html

  28. Geddy Goo Goo permalink
    December 3, 2012 8:39 pm

    We worked fucking hard on this shit mother fucker so FUCK YOU and your momma BITCH!

  29. Geddy Goo Goo permalink
    December 3, 2012 8:40 pm

    WHo is this>?Tell me now so I can lick you!

  30. Geddy Goo Goo permalink
    December 3, 2012 8:40 pm

    I ment Kick your azz! BEEARCH!

  31. Geddy Goo Goo permalink
    December 3, 2012 8:40 pm

    Delving Deeper is the best EVER! ARRRGGHHHH!

  32. NUNYA permalink
    December 4, 2012 5:21 pm

    YDIS: IT AM ARE CRISTLE CLAER YUO AM ARE FILLED WITH RAGE-ENVEE’S AT TEH QUAILITEE OF TITE GRAMER AND DIKSHIN I GAVE TOT HIS PROGICT AS A HI-PAID CONTRACKTER. SUCK IT BICH.

    :p

    -NUNYA

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