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“My name is James Maliszewski and I suffer from Retrograde Fart Syndrome.”

September 14, 2012

Hello everyone, it’s Tavis here. That title is the first sentence of an email that James sent me today. There have been a lot of questions about Dwimmermont, the progress we are making, the delays, and the future. Most of all, peopl have been asking about James’s health problems that forced him to stop writing — many people have offered their sympathy, but more have been curious about the problem. James, in an effort to provide ultimum transparency for our work, sent me this letter to explain everything to our supporters. Thank you James, I’ll let your letter take it from here:

My name is James Maliszewski and I suffer from Retrograde Fart Syndrome. This affliction, called “RFS” in the scientific community or the colloquial “Tard Farts,” affects nearly 1 in 10,000,000 people worldwide, including famous names such as Scott Baio and Angela Merkel. In brief: farts go in reverse out of my mouth instead of my butthole (fart area). Tard Farts are no laughing matter and this past summer they almost had me beat. But I have reasserted my dominance, eliminated Burrito Wednesdays at the local Spaniard restaurant from my diet, and haven’t had poop taste in my mouth for nearly 10 days straight.

I want to thank all of the Dwimmermount supporters for their patience and understanding as I grapple with this disease. I cannot say that I have triumphed over my Retrograde Fart Syndrome by any means, but I am hopeful that there are more good days than bad ahead, and work will continue on completing Dwimmermount in as expeditious a fashion as possible.

If you are moved by my story and the plight of RFS sufferers around the world, please visit my blog and click the “Donate” button — I will ensure your money goes to a worthy cause.

Thank you, James M.

Wow. Powerful stuff from James. And it also comes with a new update for supporters. I am pleased to announce that, with James back on schedule, we are offering a little something extra to everyone who ordered at the PDF level and above: Dwimmermount will now feature sequential pagination! That means extra work for us in layout, but I just wouldn;t feel right unless I gave something back to everyone who has been so patient. Enjoy your gift, our Fall ’13 estimated arrival time for Dwimmeromunt is right around the corner.

Good gaming to you!!

T.A.

180 Comments leave one →
  1. September 15, 2012 2:19 am

    I thought you suffered from head up your ass syndrome.?

  2. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 15, 2012 3:25 am

    This is dedicated to I run with scissors. Fly, FLY. Fly high against the sky. And thank you, thank you, THANK GOD for you.

  3. Authentic Dimmermount Fan #14 permalink
    September 15, 2012 6:30 am

    James,

    All the hermaphrodites on my father’s side also suffer from this disturbing affliction. You have my deepest sympathies, and another $500 donation through the auspices of your blog. Maybe I can send you my Holmes box, still in shrinkwrap? Would that help in stymying those irrascible gas spores?

    Anyway, if this does not meet the Fall ’13 deadline, no problem. Take your time to craft a playable experience for us. My gaming happines depends on it.

  4. September 15, 2012 7:40 am

    You know I think there’s an article in Tragic Curfew #6 volume # 9 edition #12 from 1974, written by Judy Blume, which describes the original Fa’h Ta’rd class from the Dumbkemul campaign.

  5. September 15, 2012 7:23 pm

    MOR FUCKING. DIMERDUMP FUCKING DUMB

  6. Chainsaw permalink
    September 16, 2012 8:35 am

    I hate finding out someone has a serious disease. 😦

  7. September 16, 2012 10:53 am

    Weekly update: http://dwimmerdust.tumblr.com/post/31670075833/quick-question

    Not link bait. I just do not want my comment into moderation. Long and the short of it, how many times did Jim the Scam talk about Dwimmerfail? Zero. Why’s this so important, because just last week he promised he would.

    • stevil permalink
      September 16, 2012 4:19 pm

      to I run with scissors:
      For someone who got his pledge money back, you seem pretty obsessed with writing/thinking/talking/blogging about Dwimmerdump or whatever the clever are calling it this week. What’s the fucking deal? If Baskins & Robbins had promised me two scoops for the price of one and then charged me for two, I’d quit my complaining once the pimply faced kid’s manager gave me my 57 cents back.

      • September 16, 2012 5:25 pm

        I do it because I can. So the fuck what? As for obsessed I’m a fucking gamer we obsessed over every trivial thing. Last time I checked I spend about two fucking hours a week on this shit. No one is making you read the shit I post. Oh and I got my money back I’m still entitled to my opinion.

        Want another one?

        Fuck off

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 16, 2012 6:40 pm

        Yeah, fuck off, fuck head. I hope it never ends. JaMal is an asshole and a scam artist. That talentless hack deserves to be dragged over the coals. Dimmerdouche suckdungeon is vaporware, suckers.

  8. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 16, 2012 6:43 pm

    Check out the ego on this social retard. Only a dumb fuck would pledge for this Shitstarter.

    Nobody wants one copy of your fantasy heartbreaker, let alone a million copies you Asperger fucktard!!!!!!!!

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 17, 2012 6:01 pm

      Four dumb fucks have flushed their cash down the toilet after this turd so far.

  9. Lady Wrinklequim permalink
    September 16, 2012 6:52 pm

    Moar pumpkin pedo rape, please!

  10. The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
    September 16, 2012 7:59 pm

    Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

    We are supposed to give them money.

    We are then expected to help them distribute their RPG system so that it gets in the hands of a “million” new players.

    One million new players to whom they will then sell their supplements to at $7 to $13 a pop?

    http://guildofblades.com/gobpub-ecom/GameSystemMenu.php?gamesystem=7

    So tell me again why I am supposed to pay you to print your system, work for you for no pay to distribute it and then sit back while you make money off of my money and effort?

    Gotta love Kickstarter.

    Asshats.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      September 16, 2012 9:12 pm

      Oh, and then there’s this:

      http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/624137/the-assholes-have-won-goodbye-bgg

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 16, 2012 9:52 pm

        Holy fucking shit what a freak show this guy Ryan Johnson is! At least he’s set himself up for massive embarrassment and a kick in his inflated ego’s balls. This is one social retard I will enjoy poking with the YDIS stick.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 16, 2012 10:05 pm

        Oh this Guild of Asshat Blades shit is priceless, This Ryan Johnson fucktard also makes a card game called Prison Bitch: http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/8932/prison-bitch

        This social retard make a CCG about Blacks and Mexicans raping each other in prison. Hopefully Ryan Johnson will end up in prison for what he did to that guy at BGG on Craig’s List and meet Bubba up close and personal like if you know what I mean. He deserves to be sodomized and pissed on and shit on afterwards. Have some Mexican gang take turns dumping turds on his face and in his mouth.

        I think I’ll start my own Kickstarter for Prison Bitch: Some Queen Kent vs. Ryan Johnson. Those two Nancy boys were made for each other.

      • September 17, 2012 4:38 am

        The fuck? That is some mess up shit. I’ll have to eep my eyes on this.

      • September 17, 2012 4:49 am

        Oh and stevil that crap is what should piss you off. Not me making fun of Jim the Scam. Paradoy cool. Stalking evil.

  11. September 17, 2012 7:22 am

    Damn, I knew Guild of Blades games sucked diseased wombat ass but I did not realize they were associated with such socially redeeming products as Prison Bitch, Porn Masters, and Crack Whore. This Kickstarter project is so assinine, it makes me actually appreciate Raggi’s style. Holy crap, that is bad.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 17, 2012 10:50 am

      After JaMal pocketed that $50,000 for Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon Scam, all the hucksters and hacks are overflowing out of the shit clogged toilet now looking for a fast quick buck.

      • September 17, 2012 11:09 am

        Also why is it that every time one of these uber fans want to to turn on people to rpg’s they pick the crap games?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 17, 2012 6:04 pm

        You can’t have the Fantasy Heartbreaker without the broken heart.

      • September 17, 2012 8:00 pm

        Well that is a very vald point.

  12. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 17, 2012 11:02 am

    I’m looking forward to Momma Satine running a Meltdown meetup for her “Wank Squad” featuring Porn Whore and Crackmasters (or whatever).

  13. September 17, 2012 12:06 pm

    DON KILLS ME MITEY HILL GIANT. YOU KIND IS NOWN AS GREAT LOVERS MAY BE WE CAN MAKES DEAL I NOTE YOU HAVE A MASSIVE ERECTION

  14. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 17, 2012 5:57 pm

    I’d give $1,000 bucks to Guild of Retards if they want to give away a million copies of Prison Bitch and Crack Whore to kindergartens around the country. But keep the G-SPOT imprint and panty thong logo on the game.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      September 17, 2012 9:49 pm

      I’ll throw Guild of Fucktards half a hundo for that one! Kidz gotta learn this shit, and hey, if it helps a few lives get on the right track (“Wow, I didn’t realize that stealing leads to getting ass-raped in prison by a Mexican, thanks to Prison Bitch now I’m clean as Kunt’s asshole after an enema!”), then it’s done good. Give until it hurts, ITS FOR THE KIDZ!

  15. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 18, 2012 6:09 am

    JaMal has posted four fucking blog entries in the last 24 hours including the latest Ares Magazine Review – all thirty years too late. He has also deleted about 50 comments from his loyal followers asking why the fuck he isn’t working on Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon Scam instead – so more time wasted. At his current rate of output, Dimmerdouche should hit the shelves in 2042 AD.

    • September 18, 2012 8:04 am

      I’m sad because James doesn’t have a copy of Ares #17 to review. Won’t somebody please give him one without expectation of gratitude?

      • Timothy permalink
        September 18, 2012 9:31 am

        Don’t worry perdustin! While Ares ended with 16, I am sure Jmal can do reviews of the various sections of Ares that were published in the Dragon for a while after that. Should take up another 20 or so posts, and keep his precious creative muscles tested.

  16. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 18, 2012 6:17 am

    YDIS Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon Amnesty Plan: Its quite simple really. If you demand your money back from JaMal and make a big public stink about getting it back, We at YDIS will give you full and complete amnesty from our mockery and attacks for thinking it would be a good idea to sign on to Dimmerdouche in the first place. No longer will you be included in the ranks of fatbeards, asshats, fucktards, neckbeards and other social retards so prominent in the OSR Turdosphere today. This includes a free one year pass to scrub the catpiss and worse smells off of yourself and maybe drop a few pounds by changing your diet and exorcise.

    • September 18, 2012 7:46 am

      So in a year I get picked on? Man someone should tell the think tank at therpgsite.com that. 🙂

      In my defense, I placed a bet. This was the best money I have spent because I get the ringside seat to the farce.

      Consider me your war time correspondent.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 18, 2012 7:50 am

        You get a free life pass. You were legitimately duped. You were also smart enough to realize you got duped and took action unlike the JaMal apologists whose egos are too frail to admit they got ripped off.

      • September 18, 2012 7:57 am

        Thanks man.

        Though this place might be vile (http://www.therpgsite.com/showpost.php?p=583457&postcount=175) for some people, there is actually real good points brought up here.

        The parody of Mensa that exists with some at therpgsite.com cracks me up.

      • Timothy permalink
        September 18, 2012 9:34 am

        Right on, IRWS. Its pretty funny the sanctomony over there, where that Pundit kid has the vilest mouth in this hemisphere, but WE are all 12 year olds.

        Fight On!

      • September 18, 2012 9:43 am

        I think at the end of the day, strip away all of your bile and “naughty words” there is a lot of good discussions and points brought up here. If anything the debate and discussions are more honest here. Unlike other places you have to be able to defend your points. No one will let you slide here, and you will be called out on your shit.

        Hell I am always amazed that this hobby has so many nervous nellies who cannot handle criticism. YDIS, from what I have seen, is criticism, parody and ridicule.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 18, 2012 8:32 pm

        If you were to look up “pseudo-intellectual” in the dictionary, the definition would be accompanied by a picture of RPGPundit/Nisarg or whatever that fucktard is calling himself now over at the RPGSite. And that’s all the attention I will give to that talentless Amber-clone ripofffantasy heartbreaker suckdungeon wannabe.

  17. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 18, 2012 6:57 am

    I thinks they died waiting for Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon to be released:

    http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2012/09/more-on-relics.html

    • Timothy permalink
      September 18, 2012 9:36 am

      Jeez, you think he could have at least turned that post into an empty room description, or something. That could have been the room at the end of the Path of Faggots level.

    • September 19, 2012 6:33 am

      Naah. They were just waiting for the release of Petty Gods.

    • Ritter permalink
      September 20, 2012 10:13 pm

      Hahaha! True on both counts, Spectre and ELNH. It looks like St. Jimmy is slowly introducing religious propaganda into his gaming blog. Isn’t he aware that he is already on the fast track to hell for playing a game that traffics in magic, Satanism and godless bastardy?

  18. September 18, 2012 5:32 pm

    CANDI PLESURES TH GREEZY HILL GIANT ORALLY FOR A SPELL AN THEN CHOPS MOSTA HIS COCK OFF W HER MAGICAL S SWORD. HE CRIES OUT IN PAIn AN THEN PUNCHES HER IN HEAD JUST THEN AXGAR ARIVES HEFTING HIS SWORD

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 18, 2012 8:33 pm

      Some Queen Kent is off his meds again I see…

  19. Zarathustra permalink
    September 19, 2012 2:47 am

    The swear words fixation at Autarch & therpgsite is basically the equivalent of people who have no arguments left to make or valid points, so instead choose to personalise it by challenging the way you made the point.

    • September 19, 2012 5:58 am

      Word. My favorite is Justin Alexander who thinks by calling me a lying piece of shit, he will shut me up.

      I find the irony thick with that. After all he has his own attempt at crowdfunding, and seems to be having a hard time meeting his obligations: http://thealexandrian.net/wordpress/17467/roleplaying-games/legends-labyrinths-not-an-update

      When did that crowdfunding end? September 11, 2011. It is a year later, and the backers still have not gotten their goods.

      Still I bet they are not missing much. If you want a laugh, check this out:

      http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=20667

      • September 19, 2012 6:50 am

        They’re missing that most brilliant and timely of cut-and-paste masterpieces, a “retro” clone of 3E. Apparently it’s all ready to go but there are *two* pictures that need picked. Or something.

      • September 19, 2012 7:13 am

        It’s not just a retro clone, it is a retro clone disguising that it is a fanatsy heartbreaker. You know Justin thinks that his version of 3E is far better that, well, 3E.

      • September 19, 2012 7:15 am

        A Warcraft-weary world raised its eyes to heaven and whispered, that’s exactly what we needed to keep the OLD WAYS alive. thank you justin alexander. thank you.

      • September 19, 2012 7:31 am

        SCHIZONOMICON feels bad now. This retro heartbreaker was a-l-m-o-s-t ready to go four years ago and then the tragedy of computer crash and lyme disease and the artists taking a year to draw the picture and…

  20. Zarathustra permalink
    September 19, 2012 3:26 am

    At least there are a fair amount of fellow dissenters at therpgsite, among those desperately trying to fling themself upon the moral high ground.

  21. September 19, 2012 8:54 am

    “_kent_” from therpgsite:

    YDIS has become as vain and egotistical as JMal and Zak S ever were. Satire, however foul, works when at its core there is honesty but ydis is a Liar. His nation of retards, his commenters, were always off kilter and off message which made the place funny because he would would make his point and a crowd of half-wits would arrive venting in a sort of pidgin cock-argot, never fully understanding what was going on.

    I enjoyed mocking them until it felt like a game of whack-a-mole, humiliate one and a sock-puppet appears with full hit points. At some point though these lunatics, for whom thought, anger and faeces are the one concept, took over and ydis aligned himself with them for the FAME. So like I said he is no longer a satirist but an egotist and a Liar.

    Kent and I must use different dictionaries. Nothing in his statement explains why YDIS is a Liar (with a capital “L” no less). Also, I don’t recall Kent humiliating anyone. Perhaps because I am a moronic sock-puppet, I do not realize that “humiliate” means “reflexively accusing people of being moronic sock-puppets.”

    • September 19, 2012 9:08 am

      I like “sock puppet whack-a-mole” as a description of the soul-crushing tedium of dealing with the OSR wannabe population. Maybe it could be the extra-special all-new level of the legendary Dwimmerdust unlocked if enough eager victims clap their hands together and BELIEVE.

      OTOH “nation of retards” makes us sound like a Lady Gaga video and come to think of it most of the recent Kent stuff is remixed Gaga lyrics. Who knew?

      • I run with scissors permalink
        September 19, 2012 9:19 am

        whose to say that won’t appear in my Dwimmerdust? That and Nation of Retards and Bloodmayge are there. I got 10 levels to fill. I’m drawing the map for Lvl 8 now. I should have all 10 done today tomorrow the maps for Lvl 2 go up.

        Btw I think the loch of Semaj lurks on Lvl 10.

    • Timothy permalink
      September 19, 2012 9:12 am

      Like Kent’s antisemitic role models, he believes that if he repeats that long and loud enough, it will become true.

      I gotta say, a nation of retards sounds kinda cool…oh, wait. Ireland. Nevermind.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      September 19, 2012 3:36 pm

      Kent is humiliated everytime his gag reflex prevents him from swallowing a load of “vitamins”.

    • The Minotaur's Left Testicle permalink
      September 19, 2012 4:40 pm

      It seems obvious by reading the above that Ken really misses having us as his only friends.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 19, 2012 6:46 pm

      So let me get this straight (if I can even use that word in any association with Kent). Kent sock posts at YDIS as Uncle Carbuncle, then points at Uncle Carbuncle to make his nation of retards point.

      Well alrighty then!

  22. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 19, 2012 11:31 am

    Faserip puts it nice and too the point about Grognardia:

    “The enthusiasm for Dwimmermount puzzles me. I’ve read JM’s blog; it’s vacuous. What opinions he does have are so often couched in qualifiers and trepidation, I can’t imagine anything mildly interesting about his dungeon.

    Lately, he’s reduced to listing the contents of Ares magazine. Talk about shitting out filler. I suppose he has nothing better to do.”

    Comments from others about overabundence of storerooms and empty chambers still hits my funnybone, too. It’s almost like we can all hear Jamal and Tavis’ next phone convo – “Tavis? This is James. I figured out how to speed up production on the project. 30% more empty rooms. Maybe I’ll include a table to roll on to fill them, including high concept residents such as dust, magic-looking objects that actually do nothing, and rival adventuring parties. Whataya think?” – JM

    • September 19, 2012 12:00 pm

      That shit is the best Catch 22 ever to hit the hobby.

      On the one hand, Jimmy and his fans are children of the White Wolf “explosive verbal diarrhea” style that turned things like the Wilderlands from tidy 32-page booklets into bloated gazillion-word monstrosities. His natural urge is to pad it out to fill a substantial hardback “volume” and bump up the price point and his own word count.

      But the true “old school” style is a little rushed and a lot of terse with “flavor text” limited to things like “Skeleton B is wearing a hat.”

      All the schoolgirls are currently twisting their panties into a frenzy at how “authentic” all the empty rooms are. But you can’t fill a 100,000-word 180-page book with empty rooms and charge people $40 and up for it. Even the fucking Dragons Byte guys would have balked at that.

      Someone in the chain of command has probably realized this. The lady OR the tiger, my fine fucks. The lady OR the tiger.

      • September 19, 2012 12:34 pm

        See the thing is, and I am seeing this more and more with the OSR’ers, is that they feel the world owes them money for playing these games for so long. These naval gazing coffee house philosophers feel that they have given so much to this hobby, and have cultivated their fame, that it is their turn to get the Gygax money.

        The sad thing is these people, like Jim, do not realize that they offer nothing new. Raggi is the same way. Their ideas are not ground breaking, and not original.

        Pundit might call those who play story games swine, but I see more original ideas coming out of those creators then out of the OSR “movement.” At the end of the day, how many mega dungeons do you need? How many different cut and paste iterations of the same game does the world crave?

        At the end of the day the OSR’ers and their sycophants will still throw money at the faint idea they can recapture the magic of the 1980s.

        And people wonder where I came up with the Game Stockholm Syndrome idea. Just watch the OSR’ers or other uber gamers.

      • September 19, 2012 12:46 pm

        So what I’m hearing here is that this is their shot at tarting up their halcyon(*) boyhoods and turning them pro. This is their retirement plan.

        And the beards buy in because they want to believe that one day their wasted youthful hours will be worth the mythical “pizza money” or even a career. If the great Jimmy Mal can’t pay his half of a Canadian mortgage, what hope do they have?

        (*) not to be confused with halcion, a hypnotic benzodiazepine with actual street value.

      • September 19, 2012 12:54 pm

        Yup. They’ve played these games so long and they have nothing to show for it but their virginity. This is their last grasp at the brass ring.

      • September 19, 2012 1:04 pm

        I didn’t spend all those years playing Dungeons & Dragons and not learn that the cherry is a depreciating asset. But speaking of “cherry” I might entertain offers to unload a mostly unread Upper Works to some old-schooler curious about the legendary serial numbers on the great megamodule Castle of the Mad Archmage. Contact me here, kids!

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 19, 2012 2:04 pm

        Maybe Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon isn’t a scam at all but actually the ultimate tribute to Gary Gygax whose own Castle Greyhawk never saw the light of day despite decades of broken promises. JaMal is just paying tribute to his fellow lazy SOB Gygax who got on the pot but could never quite shit. They both wanted huge wads of cash up front before anything got done though. False hopes and broken promises suckdungeon.

    • September 19, 2012 5:17 pm

      Anyone who was interested in Dwimmermunt should simply get their original Dungeon Masters Guide out and make liberal use of the random dungeon generation tables therein.

      The whole point is to create the thing oneself. And not at once but a level or two at a time.

      But hey why not throw hard earned money and something you don’t need… need inspiration, read a book!

  23. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 19, 2012 4:05 pm

    I can only use my “cigarette high school” psych 101, because I am really unaware of a lot of what is going on unless I read it on YDIS, or in comments and links such as those provided by Scissors and others. But I think that there is a large amount of “being part of something big” that was responsible for the success of Jimmy Geekface’s Kickstarter. That is the first thing I thought of when I saw how well it was doing.

    I’m sure some of the bigger backers are bloggers with somewhat less following than Jamal, and figured if they get in on all the extra high priced goodies they would be able to talk about it on their blogs, and Jimmy would provide links on his bigger blog, and therefor improve their following. This might be especially useful for Christian Walker types who want to promote zines that would otherwise generate zero interest (such as his former attempts when he had less than a hundred followers on Destination Unknown).

    A good deal of less invested backers were probably hoping they would have a complete Dwimmermount by now so they could be running the dungeon, and have their blogs pointed out (and thus promoted) when they posted about fighting the 8 skeletons or seeing “beware ye gawds!” graffiti on the walls of level 3. What is pretty rich though is that, looking to many of the backers who are already “Meh, I’m losing interest in this and other megadungeons anyway now” a complete and freshly minted Dwimmermount in their sweaty, furry little paws will ultimatly have little impact on anybodies blogs or lives in general. It kind of seems that this dungeon has lost steam long before it sees print. It has failed very much on that fact alone. Jimmy Geekface maybe has a new car for the formerly skeptical wife and college funds for the kiddies he forced to playtest the 1st couple dungeon levels over and over, but his dungeon is a failure. Everything Scissors, and others, are pointing out is the legacy of this future dud.

    You know what else is fucked up (more of my psych 101 coming into play)? I have zero doubt that outwardly vocal supporters of James efforts like Zak and Raggi the Last are in private chuckling at The Grand Douche being under the gun like this. He is exactly the type of person “edgy” types hate. Plus his reviews of their shit were never exactly “100% fresh” on the tomato meter.

  24. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 19, 2012 6:37 pm

    Today instead of doing anything to get Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon out the door JaMal reviewed a thirty year old Traveler supplement. Here’s my favorite line from that ever so timely review from the Pretentious Pope of Poop Chute Pedophilia “Back when I first entered the hobby, I knew guys who thought adventure modules were a “rip-off,” because they felt it was absurd to pay $6 for a dungeon when they could make up their own for free.” JaMal, those guys were absolutely fucking right and they would have fist fucked you if they saw your Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon Shitstarter Scam.

  25. September 19, 2012 8:57 pm

    FUCK OFF ARNSONS SCROTUM FUCK I EVE DO TO YOU

  26. TimothyAuthentic Dwummermutt Fan permalink
    September 20, 2012 6:14 am

    Tavis,

    As you are no doubt aware, the natives are getting resltless. I admit that these vile posters are getting me to reconsider things, too. Your lack of response on my dry/wet erase Dimmermunt accessory was also disheartening.

    Mind you, i do not want to add to the negativity, so i have an idea for you. I realize you are losing money at this point, but you also need to maintain honour. So…I was thinking about the success of Rappan Athuk as a kickstarter, and it is obvious what it has that your campaign didn’t – a coloring book.

    But lest people accuse you and yours of copy-and-pasting ideas – perish the thought – How about paper dolls!

    I am envisioning Lady Wrinklequim (everyone’s favorite) with her various dresses, plus some cool ninja togs, and a rather saucy dominatrix outfit for her role in the Path of Favors. As for the doll itself, use your imagination for lies beneath, but I would stress a rather candid look. And poseable joints, for…well, as i said, she is everyone’s favorite. Wet/dry erase, of course.

    And Pedopumy, in his native look as well as the clerical vestements to keep his creator happy. A bunch of skeletons, that you could dress up in old armor, or even Lady W’s dresses, if everyone got a little crazy! Goblin torchbearers, drawn in fully erect and shitting glory, by Poag would be fantastic…but perhaps i am dreaming here.

    Anyway, this would go a long way to ease the disssatisfaction we backers feel right now.

    Please do not ignore me any further, tavis. you would not like me when i am angry. i can use the same words scissor-man can.

    Your pal,
    ADF#14

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 20, 2012 6:21 am

      How about a Ziploc® storage bag full of dust bunnies with every Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon purchase?

    • Roger Moret permalink
      September 20, 2012 11:37 am

      Just don’t get Pog to do the Wrinklequim art, he’d have her looking wide eyed and anorexic,hairy,all out of anatomic proportions, and probably shitting down her leg. That’s not the Wrinklequim I’d like to fantasize about, you know.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 20, 2012 7:13 pm

        JaMal is already fantasizing about that old bag from Downton Abbey playing Wrinklequim in the made for Canadian TV Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon movie. I know I am. I’d so hit that.

      • September 20, 2012 8:55 pm

        “Dwimmertunt Abbey.” Wandering damage:

        1. Lewd Turk (50% bum ticky)
        2. Dowager Quim, demands scones
        3. Sebastian down from school (d4+3 Kinsey, 95% drunk)
        4. Anarchist Chauffeur (potion of hibernism)
        5. Abiatha Swelter (roving eye, +1 cleaver)
        6. Methodists (2d20)
        7. Screaming Pope, turn as wight
        8. Cook is illiterate, save vs. poison
        9. 8 skeletons, one has crabs (DM choice)
        10+ NONE / NO ENCOUNTER

  27. September 20, 2012 7:09 am

    Hey Travis — wow! Like you I thought the “OSR” style of gaming started in 2008 so it really blew my socks when you said there was a thing, the “acayum,” that started BEFORE grognardia!

    Now I’m reading that book you recommended, “Playing the World,” and it’s a real eye opener.

    Who would have thought that people were working with “old school” games way back in the nineties! Or that their work would be so lucrative! I was alive back then but the economy was still good so I didn’t have time for gaming. I wish I’d been there!

    P.S. Are any of those “collectors” who nourished the flame still alive?

    • September 20, 2012 5:54 pm

      And you wonder why I am doing Retro Retro. I also love how he now uses baseball instead of a rock band as his metaphor.

  28. September 20, 2012 9:05 am

    Kent is still as entertaining as ever: http://www.therpgsite.com/showpost.php?p=583799&postcount=264

    “_kent_” accuses someone of “effeminately trolling.”

    Physician, heal thyself.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      September 20, 2012 11:39 am

      Kent said: “JMal has never been a difficult target, he is big softy who never bites back, so dragging the ass out…” I covered my eyes after that part. Did Kunt come out of the closet at the end of the sentence? If not, why not?

      • September 20, 2012 12:20 pm

        Kent doesn’t come out of the closet per se, but he does fantasize about Zak some more.

  29. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 20, 2012 12:11 pm

    Damn you Scissors. I’m reading that fucking rpgsite thread and I’m totally addicted. I’m going through it a couple pages a morning though, cause I don’t want it to end. Some of the most entertaining shit in the OSRtard right now. I love that Sacrosanct douche calling you out constantly on your table manners. And calling you a 12 year old when you obviously are pretty smart, and have the investigative journalist skills of a modern Woodword and Bernstein.

    And man, that idiot Kent chiming in with his anger stemming from his lame blog and lack of appreciation for his epic fail attempts at insults and humor on YDIS, then getting slapped down like fat shit-eating house fly is fucking priceless. Really, the best shit in the OSR tardosphere is the free shit.

    • September 20, 2012 5:53 pm

      Thanks man. I am a vile lying shit bag. According to that Justin nut.

    • September 20, 2012 5:55 pm

      Oh, and Justin still has not answered any of my questions. That man is going to have a stroke.

      • Timothy permalink
        September 20, 2012 10:43 pm

        That is fucking classic. No wonder that bitch Justin is defending JMal’s right to give his backers the finger – he did it a year ago and still hasn’t coughed up the goods. A couple of others have asked him now in that thread, and he has disappeared. Brave, brave Sir Justin.

        He should have, in some point since last September, commisioned another artist to do the last two shitty illos, since he claims that is what is holding everything up.

        An authoritative take-down, IRWS.

      • September 21, 2012 7:26 am

        Thank you Tim. I am amazed sometimes how my act baffles people. I will admit I am confrontational, but damn, they make it so easy sometimes. I guess Captain Kirk is right, I am a one man Woodword and Bernstein.

  30. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 20, 2012 12:44 pm

    Wow. I love this little treasure. This Justin guy, who is actually arguing points with Scissors and therefore at first comes off as one of Jamals faithful, actually has what amounts to the first actual review of Dwimmermount I have personally seen. And although it includes no indication of dust in the rooms (by now it is a given), it seems to be everything people here have been getting at for over year: it’s a vanilla, boring-ass dungeon that anybodies retarded pre-teen brother could have done with a DMG and a couple of dice:

    “Again, this is based entirely on a skim read of incomplete material. But it seems to lack the identity of the Caverns of Thracia or Rappan Athuk. It lacks the attitude and heft of the Temple of Elemental Evil.

    And the individual encounter key simply lacks cleverness or interest. For example, I just randomly stopped on a page featuring: A room full of webs with two giant spiders in it. A room with an animated statue that will attack anyone entering the chamber. A room with four gargoyles sitting on pedestals who will attack anyone entering the chamber.

    Earlier in this thread a few people championed the idea that you can key a room with “8 skeletons” and then provide all the necessary details during play. Which is true. But unless you actually do something clever with those 8 skeletons, anybody can do that. And they can do it from a random stocking table. Most of what I’m seeing in Dwimmermount is just James using multiple sentences to write the equivalent of “8 skeletons”.”

    Wow wow wow. My first thought is that maybe Geoffry or Raggi could come in and help J. Geekface punch up the text a bit. Have a live baby hanging in the webs as the drooling spiders approach it hungrily, while the babies mother is hanging in another web in the room crying and screaming. The 8 skeletons can be doing a fleshless gang finger bang on a teenage nun, finally ending the love session with a bukakke of dust spray. The gargoyles? They are adventurers that tried to fuck a Medusa. NOW we gots us a dungeon!

    • September 20, 2012 1:04 pm

      HOW TO RAGGIFY DWIMMERMOUNT

      1. Hide laser pistols in the statue base. They are from space elves.
      2. Hide tiny murder surfers in the laser pistols. A twist!
      3. One of the skeletons isn’t wearing a condom.
      4. The freaky slogans spray painted on the walls actually say “GOD IS DEAD” and other metallica / nietche quotes.
      5. Nude pictures of me.
      6. Tear up one character sheet at random.
      7. Live baby in web = just edgy. Live baby in trash can = ripped from headlines EXTREME.
      8. Four live babies sharing the same can. Babies = freaky!
      9. One baby, four cans.
      10. All that dust you’ve been walking through is bukakke skeleton spray. (See No. 3 above.) Piles of it. Room after room, level after level. Roll 2d6 skeleton herpes and impreg % per turn. Mpeg is possible but baby will be day walker type.

      • September 20, 2012 1:13 pm

        Oh fuck I forgot everything’s got to be d12. Uh…

        11. Big bad is actually the castellan in a rubber monster mask. Then when the players are laughing it off as big misunderstanding all their fucking link boys pull off their rubber human masks and eat them.
        12. That shopkeeper from back east? His wife isn’t really his wife. He’s the procurer and she’s the available woman. LOL!

      • September 20, 2012 5:56 pm

        Damn. Can I use this for Dwimmerdust?

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 20, 2012 7:09 pm

        It’s not a suckdungeon without a How to Faggify d12 table from that ever so edgy and totally rad cut and paster Faggi Four.

      • September 20, 2012 8:58 pm

        Go for it. If I ever want to cash on on these bon mots I’ll just retro the retro retro.

      • September 21, 2012 7:27 am

        How meta would that be? Retro Retro Retro. 😛

  31. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 20, 2012 7:07 pm

    Anyone read Faggi Four’s The Turd That Crawls or The Magnificent Poop van Pants yet? My free comps haven’t dropped on 7chan or 4shared yet.

    Oh and apparently Kent and Justin hooked up for some hot and heavy pillow biting back door anal sex action.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      September 20, 2012 8:50 pm

      I bet Kunt caught on that one. Just a hunch I have.

  32. Timothy permalink
    September 20, 2012 10:46 pm

    We assume that kent is Uncle Carby. But I think it is Rob Conley/Estar. I mean, caps lock is the only difference in their grammar and sentence construction.

  33. Roger Moret permalink
    September 21, 2012 9:08 am

    From the RPGsite:

    Tavis: “With full awareness that I am bending over to pick up the soap in a prison shower that has Kent in it…”

    I’m starting to like this guy, he gets it.

  34. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 21, 2012 11:41 am

    Tavis seems to have pretty good wits about him under the gun, and even keeps a good attitude in general in the face of abuse because some is coming from people that gave money. I’m thinking he’ll come out of this looking pretty good. Perhaps a fair gent in a sea of sketchy gamer dorks trying to monatize their materials.

    Jamal is the one who does and will come out looking like shit. He’ll get the dungeon out and the oaths fulfilled eventually, but the damage will be done as noted before. Some minor blogs will post about game play from it. There will be much “Meh.”

    The Dick Blood wants to go on record right here and now by predicting that Jamal will probably next year try to salve this over by offering up Petty Gods. I’m sure in the face of all this despair he’ll conclude that lots of people want to see this item (his ego stroked over material he didn’t even actually come up with) and he’ll still have a following who want it. No Kickstart. He’ll just sell it for a nominal fee like Shit Chateau. Blushed with success from that (so many people participated it will have a big buzz), he’ll start his next personal project. The boring ass, old and busted Ares Magazine blog shall go on and on and on and on….

  35. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 21, 2012 12:51 pm

    It also doesn’t seem that Jimmy Geekface does his Friday open forum anymore – or as I always liked to call it “Grognardia presents Fudgepack Fridays”

    It always seemed that this was a way for Jamal to let his faithful, or “Fudgepack,” have more of a say on all the wonderful observations he likes to make about empty rooms and shit. Can it be that he is now jaded and doesn’t give a fuck about what his fans think? Maybe he’s tired of all the deleting he has to do in the comments?

    • September 21, 2012 1:40 pm

      Or maybe he is writing Dwimmerfail. No who am I kidding he is probably sniffing his own farts

      • Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
        September 21, 2012 2:27 pm

        You know, the Friday open forum did follow his usual pattern; that is, to have others do the heavy lifting for him. Write two sentences about how you think clerics are based on Christopher Lee or how thieves have no place as a character class, then kick back while the zombie blowhards leave 100 comments over the weekend.

        I’m kind of thinking he maybe doesn’t want to do it now, because the point was to have some time away from the computer after two dozen posts during the week. That means he can’t moderate comments. So perhaps he has sacrificed his little open forum so as to not have to later taste the heat.

  36. September 21, 2012 2:26 pm

    http://www.therpgsite.com/showpost.php?p=584390&postcount=442

    Kent gets pwned by Conley. That really made my day.

    • September 21, 2012 3:30 pm

      Now it’s like a dick measuring contest in a convent with the lifetime sales and the traffic stats and the…confidentiality agreements? “I’m not supposed to say my sales.” Really?

      Don’t get me wrong, Julie Andrews is still one handsome woman so the idea has a certain theoretical charm. But I see now there can be no winners in the game biz once that ruler comes out.

      Oh sorry Tavis, I mean schlongs. The naughty nuns of the OSR whipped out their schlongs.

      • September 22, 2012 6:15 pm

        Gee I wish I had sales in the hundreds…why I could sell the farm and the cows and…hey I got some magic beans for trade…

      • September 23, 2012 6:03 pm

        Dedicate three years to a product and you too could have sales in the hundreds, win a few “contests” back at the abbey….

  37. September 21, 2012 6:53 pm

    NOON CARE NOONE READ

  38. September 21, 2012 7:11 pm

    AXGAR SURVYS TH SCENE HUH SHOULD I SAVES THIS FUCKI CUNT SHE IS A GOOD LAY AN ALL. CHARGES IN W L SWORD BLOODY BATTLE AXGAR LVL4 BARBARIAN DOWN TO 3 HPS CHOPS OF HEAD GREEZY HILL GIANT. NOW GIVES ME GOLD BACK BITCH. MAYBE WE SHOULD LOOT PLACE NOW. FUCK YES SAY CANDI LVL3 ELV WENCH.LEAD TH WAY

    • JRT permalink
      September 21, 2012 8:03 pm

      HOW COME THIS FUCKING CUNT GETS A FREE CUNT PASS AND I DON’T????? I ACTUALLY FUCK CUNTS UNLIKE KENT THE FAGGOT POSTING AS UNCLEBUNGHOLE!!!! WHY CAN’T I SAY CUNT ON YDIS AND KUNT CAN???

  39. September 21, 2012 8:05 pm

    Project Update #26: The Manufactory and Rival Adventuring Parties, Ahead of Schedule
    For backers only, Posted by Autarch
    In this update we have two new sections of Dwimmermount ready for download, the usual set of progress analytics, and a message from James:

    Work continues at a steady pace, thanks in no small part to the enthusiasm communicated to me by so many backers, especially those participating in my weekly Google+ playtests. In addition to having the chance to interact personally with some of the people who’ve made this project possible, I’ve also received some excellent feedback through these playtests, which I’ve incorporated into the manuscript. For that reason, I once again extend an open invitation to any backer who wishes to participate in one of these playtests to contact me, either through Google+ or directly at jmalisze@gmail.com, to make arrangements to do so. Running Dwimmermount every week has been invaluable to me and, based on the response I’ve received, fun for the players, too.

    Once more, I’d like to offer my apologies for the delays experienced thus far. The fault for that lies entirely with me, which is why I treasure the forbearance and trust extended to me. It doesn’t just mean a lot to me personally; it’s also helped me to shake off any doubts I had and fire my enthusiasm in ways I wouldn’t have thought possible during the summer. I still have a lot of lost ground to make up, but the fact that I am doing so at all is something I owe to you and to Tavis. There are some very exciting sections of the manuscript on the horizon and I hope you will enjoy reading — and playing — them as much as I’ve had in writing them. Thank you, all, again.

  40. September 21, 2012 8:05 pm

    If you’ve visited the Autarch download area recently, you may have noticed a new compilation of the drafts to date. At the moment it doesn’t have the revisions to earlier drafts James mentioned above – we’ll work out a system of version control that helps incorporate these – and the PDF that includes original notes and layouts hasn’t yet been updated. What it does have is a Word file that adds drafts of level 6B, the Manufactory, and the Rival Adventuring Parties section. James is particularly interested in making sure that the format and degree of information presented in this last section covers everything you’ll find useful in running Dwimmermount, without offering more detail than you’d need. Your feedback is always useful, but especially so in this case; let us know what you think at this thread at the Autarch forums or by writing directly to James at jmalisze@gmail.com.

    Speaking of the Manufactory, here is some of Eric Quigley’s illustrations of rooms on that level, which will be used in the bonus goal player handout book as well as the main text:

  41. September 21, 2012 8:06 pm

    We’re now 61% of the way to a complete set of drafts for every section of the project. The jump up from last week’s 46% isn’t just due to the ongoing productivity; I also updated the table of contents to reflect the number of pages allocated to each chapter that’s been written according to the number of words rather than the original estimation of chapter length, and fixed an error in the % finished calculation that left out level 1. Here’s what the new and more accurate table of contents looks like (red is least complete, gold is most finished):

    And here is the graph showing the rate of progress on the project. The red line indicates the number of words completed across the 29 weeks since the Kickstarter launched. The blue line shows the rate of progress that would have been estimated from the pace set before these weekly updates started (marked by the vertical bar on the graph).

    Here’s a recap of the milestones on the internal schedule so far, with new ones added at the end.

  42. September 21, 2012 8:07 pm

    *ON TIME* Week of 8/15, scans of original Dwimmermount notes; *DELAYED* except for level 8 notes, character sheets, and cartography which are still being collected

    *ON TIME* Week of 8/22, draft of level 4

    *ON TIME* Week of 8/29, finished cartography for additional levels below 4 and wandering monster tables; *DELAYED* new monster write-ups (completed on 9/12)

    *ON TIME* Week of 9/5: Draft of level 5 and chart showing when project milestones to date have been met; *RESCHEDULED FOR 10/3* estimate for completion of the entire project

    *ON TIME* Week of 9/12: New monster write-ups completed, file reorganization, playtesting of Level 4

    *AHEAD OF TIME* Week of 9/19: Level 6A draft

    *AHEAD OF TIME* Week of 9/26: Draft of the NPC Parties section; playtesting of Level 5

    *AHEAD OF TIME* Week of 10/3: Level 6B draft; revised schedule for completion

    Week of 10/10: Draft of the New Magic Items section; playtesting of level 6A

    Week of 10/17: Level 7 draft

    Our project management call this week focused on making sure that work on the non-writing parts of Dwimmermount is keeping pace so that it all comes together for a synchronized finish, like trying to get all the parts of a complex meal on the table at the same time. To that end, James will be enlisting editors he’s worked with in the past to review the earlier chapters and identify necessary revisions. Once that extra layer of polish is done, Adam will be able to start doing layout on these early chapters with some confidence that they won’t undergo radical transformations. That makes this a good time to start soliciting feedback about layout, so I’ve started a thread at the Autarch forums for that as well.

    In closing, here are the standard reminders about accessing the drafts and contacting us.

  43. September 21, 2012 10:10 pm

    HEY FUCKFACE JRTS OUT ON BAIL

    • September 22, 2012 1:56 pm

      The Justin Alexander Reaction Table (d12)

      1. Call person a sack of shit

      2. Call the person a liar

      3. Engage in overtly hostile ossification

      4. Misquote and become thick header that poster might have made a typo

      5. Yell and act like baby

      6. Develop a acute case of sand in his vagina

      7. Count ill gotten gains

      8. Refuse to answer a simple questions

      9. Act like a total asshat

      10. Refuse to ask the question

      11. Loss all sense of rationality

      12. Roll again

      Said table can be used when you are confronted by a poster who will not back down.

      • Dumb Frost Doom permalink
        September 22, 2012 3:01 pm

        Notice that Justin Alexander hasn’t piped up about whether or not he took money and delivered an actual product to his backers. The reason why he hasn’t addressed this is because he knows he’s guilty of defrauding the few idiots he could find who would invest in his sad-sack 3.x fantasy heartbreaker.

      • September 22, 2012 3:19 pm

        Yup. And once I again I go into the breach and do battle with this bully.

    • JRT permalink
      September 23, 2012 8:41 am

      ALL CHARGES DROPPED UNCLEKUNTBUNGHOLE! THAT BITCH WAS DISTRACTING ME IN THE BACK ROOM WHILE HER TWO FRIENDS BROKE INTO THE STORE TO ROB THE CASH REGISTER. IF ANYONE WAS RAPED IT WAS ME BY THAT SLUT! AT LEAST I GOT TO FUCK HER 18 YEAR OLD TITS AND SWEET POOPER! SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH THE DIRTY SANCHEZ AFTER THE DONKEY PUNCH!

  44. September 22, 2012 6:13 pm

    What fucking retard thought up the stupid expression ‘Fantasy Heartbreaker’.
    Wow. Give that imbecile a medal.

  45. September 23, 2012 8:03 am

    Hello,

    Just a reminder guys, you can discuss Dwimmermount and ACKS here. I’ve been part of the discussion at RPGSite, but that prison shower is filled with soap droppers who have no interest in useful discussion: Scissors, Kent, Settembrini, numerous others. They make Autarch seem like a dipshit vanity press on the order of Brave Halfling or Chubby Funster, which is NOT the case. I’d love to get an intelligent exchange of views here.

    Best regrads,

    Tavis

    • September 23, 2012 10:12 am

      Hey Tavis, fuck you.

      The sad thing is, no matter how I phase a question to you, you ignore it and post written diarrhea. Justin is a fuck nut, at least he engages.No matter, I will go ride my war elephant and finish Dwimmerdust.

      • September 23, 2012 5:47 pm

        That Tavis is a very lame bull shit artist who needs to find a different line of work. Unless of course his shtick works for the naive masses…
        I find his responses to be pretty much the equivalent of a customer service phone number that leads to a complaint voicemail box.

      • September 23, 2012 5:56 pm

        Thank god I’m not the only one. He ses a lot of words to say nothing.

      • September 23, 2012 6:08 pm

        Hello Scissers,

        You’ve had a poor attitude form the beginning and this will be the last time I talk with you directly. Everyone else is fine with the 2-3 year wait. Everyone else LOVES the content provided so far. Yuo seem to have an interest in seeing Autarch do poorly — do you work for our competition? Goodman Games? Zakcorporated? Robert Conley Medieval Enterprises, Ltd.? Something is rotten in Kislev….

      • September 24, 2012 7:34 am

        Typical of you Tavis, you send out the goon squad to call me a Troll, while you spam away with your posting diarrhea to hide the fact that you suck at business, and that you were con by Jim. Hell, it takes a novice to go full steam ahead with a project with such a tight window and without seeing the manuscript’s current state.

        Your know in all of this I do not know what impresses me the most:

        1. Jim is a cunning scam artist despite his closed minded views
        2. You are the biggest patsy in the world.

        No one deserves each other more than you two.

        As for me, I work for no one but myself. I am something this hobby lacks: a gamer who is not suffering from Gamer Stockholm Syndrome, a gamer who thinks for himself, and a gamer who is willing to call bullshit when faced with lies, untruths and back ass ward thinking.

        As for seeing Autarch do poorly, please. I cared not about you and you game which could have been a supplement, but when you screwed the pooch as much as you have with going into business with Jim, your time was up. Welcome to the big leagues kid, raising $48,000 for the scam artists and pasting your company name all over it, was your entrance fee.

  46. September 23, 2012 11:39 am

    CANDI PAYS BACKBAG OF GOLD AN TRINKTS TO AXGAR.I SHALL BEGETON MY SHINYS BACK SOON ENUGH SHE THINKSA LOUD

  47. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 23, 2012 5:28 pm

    Apparently Poag does Poser computer art now. Check out the cover of this little gem The Stench of the Sea by Arion Games. http://www.rpgnow.com/images/667/106070.jpg

    Apparently the stench of the sea is un-douched goblin twat.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 23, 2012 5:31 pm

      And she is also shitting.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 23, 2012 5:33 pm

      Nothing calls to adventure in a suckdungeon like winning the surprise round on a female goblin in the privy while she is changing her menstrual rag.

      • September 23, 2012 6:01 pm

        It’s one of those postmodern heavy ethical dilemma things, I bet.

        PALADIN NO 1. Can we just clean her up and put some lipstick on her or something? She could be the gym coach at that orc baby school I’ve been running since Room 23-A.

        PALADIN NO 2. Fuck you NO. She’s ritually unclean now and will always be ritually unclean. These goblin chicks were BORN ritually unclean, it’s in the monster manual.

        CLERIC ASSASSIN. So uh she still doable?

        DM: Roll d4 bags you know the drill.

        CLERIC ASSASSIN: I waive my roll and activate my come hither. YOLO.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 23, 2012 7:54 pm

        Story games involve a lot of raping uggos while they are pinching out a loaf apparently.

    • September 23, 2012 5:44 pm

      That Stench of the Sea cover art is atrociously bad. Nothing like amateur illustrations and layout. Horrible mixed media piece. Jesus I wouldn’t wipe my ass with this thing, let alone put my name on it.

      One doesn’t even need to be trained in any of the visual arts to see how crappy this thing is.

      If the cover sucks, why buy the fucking thing? Its not like it written by anyone important. So cover art and not the name of the writer will stand out. And this sure stands out. Like a piece of shit on a silver platter at a banquet.

      Bravo.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 23, 2012 7:51 pm

        Why is everyone always shitting in Arion? Every fucking Poser art pose looks like the character is clenching down to expel a constipated dump. Even the fucking logo.

      • September 24, 2012 4:30 am

        They ate bad sushi

      • PaulB permalink
        September 29, 2012 3:16 pm

        Cheers for the feedback on the ‘mixed media’ illustration. I’ll take it under advisement when considering future ‘arts & crafts projects’.

    • September 23, 2012 5:58 pm

      Oh fuck. That is ugly as he’ll how about that crappy company logo.

      • Arneson's Spectre permalink
        September 23, 2012 7:51 pm

        Arion is the leading name in poop dungeons.

  48. ADF#14 permalink
    September 24, 2012 7:10 am

    So, Tavis,

    I have endeavoured to discuss some issues with you here, as you indicate above. I am certainly more respectful than IRWS is. And yet you elect not to engage my points. Instead, in your silence, i hear mockery.

    1. What is wrong with making the Dimmermount Tracker wet/dry erasable, with some candid Kelvin Green illos on the back?

    2. My poseable Dummermount Paper Doll idea is groundbreaking. I offer it to make everyone happy. Yet – silence from you.

    Maybe, having been burned by James, you are actively attempting to sabotage the project now, out of spite. Making a big scene of trying to engage in conversation, then clamming up when it actually occurs.

    I have a lot of ideas to make your project better, but if this is the respect I get, I am interested in a refund.

    Perhaps IRWS would be interested in my paper doll idea for Dwemmerdust.

    Angrily,
    Authentic Dwummermunt Fan #14

    • September 24, 2012 7:40 am

      Hello ADF14.

      I like the suggestions. Dwimmerdust. Sorry. The Legendary Dwimmerdust is all about building a experience. Just as importantly, we need your feedback to make the finished product as responsive to your needs as a gamer as it possibly can be. I strive to provide you with opportunities to experience Dwimmerdust as a player.

      So yes, I welcome all your ideas.

      Note, I have not begged for money like a pan handler, and this experience is all about creating for the joy of it.

      • September 24, 2012 9:01 am

        Fuck, I thought you turned into another Autarch subsidiary until that last part.

      • September 24, 2012 9:04 am

        Well when I start looking for my hobby cash out (e.g. Jim the Scam’s Dwimmerfail Kickstarter) I know who I will contact. I’m sure Tavis would be ready to consult on another project.

      • September 24, 2012 9:10 am

        The Legendary Dwimmerdust, Kickstarter by Autarch?

        I’d Kickstart THAT!

      • September 24, 2012 9:28 am

        Damn straight, I mean, I’ve been playing these games all these years, it is time I have something to show for! And let’s face it, Dwimmerdust is legendary, as long as Tavis says so, it has to be true.

        Now I just need to start summarizing the contents of Cosmo and opine away on my love and admiration for the Helen Gurley Brown of Role Playing Games, Lorraine Williams.

        But first I should get out of my bathrobe and get dressed

  49. September 24, 2012 9:59 am

    I think a blog dedicated to the contents of 30+ year old issues of Cosmo AND the added bonus of the occasional look at one of the greatest contributors to the industry itself would be a fine thing. I mean this is exactly what the OSR™ is lacking.

  50. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 24, 2012 12:54 pm

    Just looked at Freakshow Zaks blog for the first time in ages. Much as before, I was getting a headache from eye rolling 3 minutes into it.

    And is this Stoya bitch another porn star who has come along for low-rent geek cred by playing in Half-Hair’s shitty game? I think I have seen her article about sexual harrasment elsewhere, on FB or something. Really? What is with these porn bitches being suprised when somebody tries to finger their cunt? I mean, they get fucked 5 ways till Sunday and take cheesey load after cheesey load in their maw happily and hungrily on film, then wonder why they get treated like meat? Even moronic skanks like Satine Phoenix and Mandy Morbid keep the porno names long after they retire (do they think they still have riches to make off it, like true porn star Jenna Jameson?), then are offended when you call them “porn chicks.” Especially in light of Mandy’s disabilities, “Morbid” seems like a pretty bad name for yourself, at least karmically speaking. Man, these people are fucking weird. Can you imagine if you had a son and he turned out like Zak,or a daughter like one of these slaggyh dolts?

  51. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 24, 2012 4:24 pm

    JaMal is now reviewing other people’s suckdungeons he will never run, but still no Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon progress. JaMal mostly talks out his ass, and calls Derp Love Dump the “Raggiest” (i.e. faggiest) adventure to date, and says “grindhouse” a few times. JaMal has no balls. He can call out some stupid animated film about a french chef mouse for daring to portray “bastardy” in the 21st century (oh the horror!!!! what about the children????), but he can’t call out Faggi IV for this steaming turd:

    http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2012/09/review-death-love-doom.html

    Still waiting on my 7chan and 4shared comp copies of The Turd That Crawls and The Magnificent Poop van Pants so I can give a proper review.

    • September 24, 2012 6:18 pm

      He lacks the balls to come out and call the thing a piece of crap. Fuck at least Raggis shit looks better than that shitting goblin thing….

    • Timothy permalink
      September 25, 2012 6:49 am

      “I’d say it’s probably the “Raggi-est” adventure he’s written, being both an unrepentant finger in the eye of those who want roleplaying game products to consist entirely of stuff you can show your mother and a creative exploration of some of his own dark feelings.”

      James has resorted to limp strawman arguements to apologize for Faggi’s perversions. Please show one person, just one, oh wise Saint James, who says rpg products shuold consist entirely of stuuf to show your mother.

      Ubi Penis is a gutless liar.

      • September 25, 2012 8:23 am

        That review ranks as the “Raggi-est” thing I’ve ever seen from him. Fucking unnerving, like finding out the person who pours your coffee at Starbucks is a huge Thomas Ligotti collector and the coffee’s tasted a little off lately. You usually only see this kind of reversal in hostage situations and right after someone signs a demonic pact. (Or wins a big Kickstarter, I guess.)

        Too many new questions. What does an avowed Clark Ashton Smith fan mean by “grindhouse?” Which are the “dark feelings?” Why is mom even in this picture? I thought the point of the old school revolution was for dads to create product they can share with their own small sons and daughters and not have to worry about explaining the “icky” parts.

        How did all those skeletons in Dwimmermount get there and why do they all seem to have a venereal disease?

        A compelling bit of “literary” horror from a writer normally known for his Ares Magazine reviews.

  52. September 24, 2012 4:57 pm

    Tavis is a two faced idiot: http://www.therpgsite.com/showpost.php?p=585215&postcount=765

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Exploderwizard

    If that isn’t the case and money is not being used to cover expenses, why does James need money for his writing time?
    —-
    Because it’s a professional project and not an amateur one. That’s not a value judgement, both can be laudable, but it seems to me that expecting money for your writing time is what makes it professional.

    Source:

    Since that seems like a pretty obvious answer I will assume the confusion comes from the term “support his time”. In my day job helping write research grant applications, we talk about a budget being used to support someone’s time as a way of saying “this person will be spending the effort on this project that they could be using to do something else.” If you expect it will take two months of full time effort for them to do the work, then you put aside money to support that much of their time. Here the idea is that this person might be doing lots of professional things other than research – clinical duties, teaching, administration – so when I say “funding would be used to support James’ time” it doesn’t occur to me that I need to specify that we’re only talking about the time projected to do the thing, or that this is the same as saying “$8K is budgeted for this work” and leaving the time it takes to do it undefined.

    If this fucking dungeon was almost done back in October 2011, why the fuck does he need to have so much money to cover his writing. How much money did he take for living expenses? Is there enough to cover printing? Shipping? Who is playing for the fucking backer add-ons? Is there accounting of what has been spent, and how much? How do we know if Jim will not need more money to get this fucking thing out the door come Fall 2013?

    Christ’s left nut, this is a fucking rabbit hole of bullshit.

    • September 24, 2012 6:17 pm

      Use of the word professional implies things like meeting deadlines and having motivation and the ambition and knowledge to get such work done.
      BTW-Paying someone in full before a project is complete is unwise to say the least. Something reserved for proven talent. Not for bullshitter J’Mal.

      • September 24, 2012 6:30 pm

        Which is what is funny. The argument at therpgsite was first all about the hobbyist. Tavis disagreed with me when I questioned how could he not do due diligence before entering into the agreement with Jim. One of my main arguments has been once you take money it becomes a job. James not only took the money, but said money had a portion go to him as a “salary.” Nowhere until tonight was this brought up. Furthermore this runs counter to the patently bullshit meme that kickstarted is for hobbyists and therefore Jim and company are hobbyists.

        My opinion of Tavis, his company and Jim is even lower. Nice disclosure on this.

        This is not a scam my ass. It is either a scam, or a poorly run “let’s pretend we’re a business, but wait we’re hippies.”

  53. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 24, 2012 6:48 pm

    I was actually starting to think Tavis had his shit together, but the more I hear him being Geekfaces’s apologist, the more I’m starting to lose any shred of respect. I liked that he didn’t seem to resort to the type of rabid “blame the victim” defenses that the likes of Zak Freakshow or Rags the Last are famous for on blogs and forums, but now he seems like just another dork blowing smoke up the asses of the faithful.

    I can’t wait for the eventual release of Dwimmermount, just cause I look forward to a lot of reviews of it “This is what we were waiting for? 8 skeleton room? 2 spider-room?”

    Aw, what am I thinking. Plenty of lamers will say they love it, if only to experience Geekface commenting on their comment. “James is talking to me about D&D!”

    Gamer Stockholm Syndrome is about as good a description of that as you are going to get.

    • September 24, 2012 7:37 pm

      You’re so right Capt. It sees lie every few days Tavis let’s something slip. At first I thought he was trying to deflect blame. Now I think he’s just typical gamer fanboy who sees running a game company as a LARP.

      • September 24, 2012 8:07 pm

        YOU’RE SO RIGHT CAPT WHAT IS THIS HORSHIT ON THIS FUCKI BLOG

  54. Arneson's Spectre permalink
    September 24, 2012 9:35 pm

    Jesus Mother Fucking Christ now JaMal is blogging about the seasons while Dimmerdouche Suckdungeon collects more dust. If your grandmother had a blog about her thimble collection it would be far more entertaining than what this twaddling prat puts out. http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-fall.html

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      September 24, 2012 9:39 pm

      Or maybe JaMal is just finally making the gender identification transformation into Lady Wrinklequim he has always wanted.

    • September 25, 2012 5:01 am

      And Tavis keeps digging himself deeper into a hole.

    • September 25, 2012 5:11 am

      Oh but autumn makes me feel so wistful….(is that the right word?)
      Maybe I’ll start knitting again….(SIGH)

    • Ritter permalink
      September 26, 2012 10:34 am

      Twaddling prat? He’s more of a prattling twat.

  55. September 25, 2012 3:28 am

    He writes and writes but says nothing.

  56. Timothy permalink
    September 25, 2012 7:12 am

    I can almost see this tick starting in Tavis’s eye, like Herbert Lom around Clouseau.

    It was also pretty funny when that Beniost moderator troll tells IRWS to be serious and not joke about this matter. That must have made him feel very important, like telling kids to pipe down in church.

    • September 25, 2012 7:15 am

      You can see how much I listened to him. 🙂

    • Benoist permalink
      September 25, 2012 8:09 am

      You’re treading on very dangerous ground. Watch it or I’ll lock this thread.

      • September 25, 2012 8:24 am

        Well I am riding my elephant, so you might be right.

      • September 25, 2012 9:45 am

        Quiet down back there you two. If you don’t stop I’ll turn this thread around and we’ll just all go home instead!

      • faserfag permalink
        September 25, 2012 11:16 pm

        I love that – hey let’s make one of our house trolls the hall monitor!

    • September 25, 2012 8:25 am

      It’s like when all the geiger counters go crazy.

  57. September 25, 2012 7:14 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHA.

    Jim the Scam:

    “Last week, I erroneously proclaimed issue #16 of Ares to have been its last, since I’d never seen an issue beyond that one. Thanks to a kind reader, I now have, along with the two “special editions” TSR also produced during its time publishing the magazine. So, in the interests of completeness, I’ll be looking at these three remaining issues over the coming weeks before bidding adieu to Ares. Afterwards, I’ll start up a new series, focusing on the TSR UK periodical, Imagine.”

    Source: http://grognardia.blogspot.com/2012/09/ares-magazine-issue-17.html

    So glad this scam artist is fast at work on Dwimmerfail.

    What dumb fuck would give this dick something for free? Oh that’s right, a victim of Gamer Stockholm Syndrome.

    • September 25, 2012 8:57 am

      I like to think that this act of generosity happened due to my heart-felt plea in my September 18 comment above.

      I’m so excited that James will be posting about Imagine! I hope that he doesn’t allow Dwimmermount to interfere with his posting schedule.

  58. Ritter permalink
    September 25, 2012 8:17 am

    You beat me to it, IRWS. What is it about this douchebag that makes people want to give him shit for free?

    • September 25, 2012 8:23 am

      I honestly think there is some form of S&M involved here. You give something to Jim, be it money, a game, praise, and he ram’s his dice bag up your ass.

  59. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    September 25, 2012 11:49 am

    Jamal is such a superstar now, he doesn’t even name the reader who forked over three free mags to him. He must feel that the followers joy of giving to him is reward in itself. Kind of reminds me of the times over the years when Geekface only has time to make a quick post, he’ll use the line “…but in the meantime, here’s something to hold you over..” – as if people are hanging on his every fucking word. Goddamn the OSR is full of shit.

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