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All your base are belong to me

May 22, 2012

You fuckers got sloppy with your IP and now I’m gonna come over and burn your dick with a candlestick. After doing a little research I have copyrighted, trademarked, product identitied, and registered as my property the following product names:

  • Dwimmermount
  • Delving Deeper
  • The God that Crawls
  • The Monolith from Beyond Time and Space
  • Dwarf-Land
  • Aione Megadungeon
  • Loviatar

I can’t believe none of you flamers bothered to protect your precious creations through the proper legal channels. Cost me dinner money in fees to scoop up legal ownership of those names, and if you try to publish anything under the same name I’m going to sue you and seize your family as chattel. But I’m not a bad guy, so I offer the following terms. You play ball, you get your IP back:

James Maliszewski: Renounce your offensive polemics against ‘bastardy,’ donate 100 hours of your time to personally working with children from broken homes, and then film yourself licking your own pussy.

John Adams: So, you got yourself baptized at age 40-something… this means you have changed your Christian denomination, yes? Just to get a new shitty job you turned your back on the God you served for 40+ years? Okay, well if you want DD back you’re going to have to do it again. Either go to Wicca or one of the wacky Muslim ones, like 5% or something. Or Scientology, I will accept that as well. Post confirmation ceremony/Thetan audit to YouTube.

James Raggi IV: You’ve already given us the spectacle of a crash n’ burn IndieGogo campaign, I’d feel guilty asking you for anything else. Here, have your projects back.

Scott Driver: Tits or GTFO.

Kent: 1000 word post extolling R.A. Salvatore’s literary works as superior to James Joyce’s, and it better sound like you mean it.

Christian: New zine comprised solely of F.A.T.A.L. fanfic.

Clock’s ticking, I’m kickstarting my version of these projects in Q3 if I don’t get what I want.

 

61 Comments leave one →
  1. Bry permalink
    May 23, 2012 1:32 am

    You, sir, are the Lex Luthor of the OSR. Either that, or the Bill Gates.

  2. Poop permalink
    May 23, 2012 1:57 am

    Can you actually register a mythological name? Loviatar is from the Finnish epic Kalevala. Could you also somehow control the use of Zeus or Thor?

  3. nicknocknuck permalink
    May 23, 2012 5:24 am

    Marvel owns the rights to Thor, within the context of a hammer weilding comic book character. You can create a new character named Thor in a comic book, but if the character resembles Marvel’s Thor too much, they can sue for infringement. I’m not sure how that works when the infringing material is created first, while the copyrighted material comes next, though. Funny stuff.

  4. kent permalink
    May 23, 2012 6:11 am

    I didn’t notice that K&KA thread before. Let’s get this out in the open. In a thread about The John Carter movie the Religious James Maliszewski feels compelled to get this comment about BASTARDY in a film off his chest:

    >>Religious J-Mal:– I intensely disliked Ratatouille, which I found to be muddled and self-indulgent (not to mention self-congratulatory). And, I’ll be honest, I was more than a little shocked that a film marketed to children included bastardy as a pivotal plot point.

    What was that?

    >>Religious J-Mal:– … I was more than a little shocked that a film marketed to children included bastardy as a pivotal plot point.

    I have yet to meet a Religious person who isn’t a sick fuck.

    Fine word ‘legitimate’.

    EDMUND
    =======
    Thou, nature, art my goddess; to thy law
    My services are bound. Wherefore should I
    Stand in the plague of custom, and permit
    The curiosity of nations to deprive me,
    For that I am some twelve or fourteen moon-shines
    Lag of a brother? Why bastard? wherefore base?
    When my dimensions are as well compact,
    My mind as generous, and my shape as true,
    As honest madam’s issue? Why brand they us
    With base? with baseness? bastardy? base, base?
    Who, in the lusty stealth of nature, take
    More composition and fierce quality
    Than doth, within a dull, stale, tired bed,
    Go to the creating a whole tribe of fops,
    Got ‘tween asleep and wake? Well, then,
    Legitimate Edgar, I must have your land:
    Our father’s love is to the bastard Edmund
    As to the legitimate: fine word,–legitimate!
    Well, my legitimate, if this letter speed,
    And my invention thrive, Edmund the base
    Shall top the legitimate. I grow; I prosper:
    Now, gods, stand up for bastards!

  5. Timothy permalink
    May 23, 2012 7:05 am

    Couldn’t you have gotten that Insect Shrine vaporware as well? Then R4 would have a legitimate reason for its not coming out, besides “It sucks shit.” Also, it would be nice if you mandated all LOTFAP products mimic the cover of Monolith, a big steaming turd cut by Cthulhu.

    Good idea on the jolly halfling dude. I bet he makes Theta Clear in two months.

  6. FASERIP permalink
    May 23, 2012 2:19 pm

    Shipy should start publishing the first edition of Carcosa.

    • Scott permalink
      May 23, 2012 5:22 pm

      God, what a shrieking shitshow that was.

      • Scott permalink
        May 23, 2012 5:27 pm

        (Shipy, not/besides Carcosa)

      • Sykirobme permalink
        May 24, 2012 9:19 am

        No, Carcosa was a shitshow, too.

  7. Scott permalink
    May 23, 2012 3:55 pm

    Honestly, my tits are unimpressive, especially by OSR standards. But I’ll rustle up a soft-focus filter and see what I can do.

  8. Lamentations of Gygax's Ghost permalink
    May 23, 2012 10:25 pm

    Yeah, but did Ragu keep the money earned to buy Celtic Frost records or did its failure mean he got a zero pay day?

    • May 24, 2012 8:35 am

      Raggi gets to keep the money. He achieved his stated goal, but obviously he wanted much more. Raggi’s failure to fund various adventures was – in my opinion – because he pretended to have one project with numerous stretch goals. Actually, he had numerous projects strung together in the guise of a single funding campaign – somewhat akin to a human centipede. In this context, we see that Raggi wants $7,500 to publish a 32 page adventure. Although some people may consider this to be outlandish, we must remember that Raggi affects an outlandish demeanor. I really can’t blame Raggi for his ambition in this matter given the success of Dwimmermount.

  9. Radovarl permalink
    May 24, 2012 10:46 am

    It speaks volumes about Maliszewski’s self-righteousness that he immediately removed himself from K&KA (to the extent that his username no longer appears on their member list) and hasn’t been back since. In fact, he has a pattern of this sort of cut-and-run when things don’t go his way, and then clamming up about it. I think that’s what he conceives of as being “professional”. He’s a big man on his own blog, where he can censor anyone he that doesn’t fawn all over him or buy his line of bullshit, but when someone takes him to task somewhere else, he runs away blubbering. Notice he has zero web presence nowadays outside the blog, whereas he used to be a (non-contributing) contributor at Bob Cunt’s blog, a regular pontificator at K&KA, a clueless sycophant at Eldritch Dark, etc. ad nauseam. No wonder his posts have grown less and less interesting over time–his echo chamber is shrinking like one of the stupid room traps in Green Devil Face.

    • May 27, 2012 3:03 pm

      I am really fucking impressed that Maliszewski has such a following. Just a bunch of ramblings about how he gamed once upon a time and then he tries to pump out some mega dungeon or something. What is the fucking point and who buys this shit? There is some dude’s site that I can make a fucking mega dungeon in like 5 seconds for free! Sometimes he speaks at cons like he is some gaming authority when he doesn’t even play anymore.

      • Roger Moret permalink
        May 27, 2012 8:38 pm

        But does that megadungeon have lots of empty rooms and some other rooms with rats and 2 goblins and nothing else? Dimmerdump does. And it made a million bucks. Mad Props to the J Mal. PT Barnum is looking down from con man heaven beaming with pride.

    • May 31, 2012 5:16 pm

      You take issue with a dude reviewing 35 year old Dragon Magazine issues?

      • May 31, 2012 5:48 pm

        Arneson has conjunction cheeks? Or maybe you meant ‘Arneson has left but [he is still] chic’.

      • Bob's Cunt permalink
        May 31, 2012 5:57 pm

        It’s more like having an issue with a self-righteous prick who acts as if he is the savior of the old-school.

  10. kent permalink
    May 24, 2012 3:45 pm

    No more Mr. Nice Guy

  11. May 24, 2012 3:57 pm

    FK YOU ALL!!!!! ROTGOBLIN BASTARD JMAL SMUGGLED ME A KEYBOARD WIT A WORKING CAPS LOCK BUTTON! HE CONVINCED ME FOR A CARTON OF CIGARETTES TO SEE THINGS HIS WAY> NONE OF YOU TROLLING HALFASS JIZZ MONKEYS CAN HOLD A RAT TURD UP TO THE LIGHT THAT IS JIMAL!!!!!!! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT PEEKNG FROM HISNONBASTARDY WHITE JOCKEY SHORTS! IWONT RECANT UNTIL SUCKDUNGEON COMES TO VISIT ME IN PERSON! BRING SMOKES>>>

    • Roger Moret permalink
      May 27, 2012 8:40 pm

      Keep your back to the wall and don’t bend over to pick up the soap, JRT.

  12. kent permalink
    May 24, 2012 4:42 pm

    I am the Iron Fist in the Velvet Glove and the glove is coming off.

    • May 24, 2012 5:38 pm

      *yawn*, no, you’re the fist around your English-faggot cock, pumping away to eventually jizz all over yourself in a vain attempt to be edgy, relevant or at this point, even interesting.

      • kent permalink
        May 24, 2012 5:49 pm

        I am the fist of flesh and bone through which my steel cock spurts on your mother’s breast implants.

      • kent permalink
        May 24, 2012 6:09 pm

        And … let’s be clear, you are a cowardly anonymous fuck. Here you are online at a venue where your comments won’t be deleted no matter what you say and yet you choose to post anonymously. I use the same handle everywhere that I am not banned from doing so but you, you are a gutless cunt, and even though you are the only one who knows this it is good enough for me that you know that I think you are gutless cunt.

      • May 27, 2012 10:24 am

        I too could care less what you think or spout from those pretty English-faggot lips. The ego-phallus that you continuously stroke between your effeminate fingers doesn’t impress me. You’ve not only jumped the shark, you’ve backed up, shoved your tiny-limp-dick into all of its orifices and then guzzled on the thin, tiny creampies you’ve left behind. You are just as much a shadow of a mockery as you claim anyone else is.

      • May 27, 2012 3:07 pm

        For all we know it is just AncientGamer in disguise. That fucker can whip out some of the stupidest shit around. I can’t blame his anger though. Imagine a Marine that had to leave the corp because he was secretly a butt pumper. That would piss off any fag marine. Could you imagine the dread from all the fucking war time buddies? Finding out they were close to being angrily ass raped while taking a communal shower?

  13. Bob's Cunt permalink
    May 24, 2012 6:13 pm

    Prediction for the next few months:

    JMal will get a big check from WOTC and, like the port-town whore he is, jump to 5e claiming it as an OSR game and convert DimmerCooch to the system. Of course, he’ll do this with sudden ‘insights’ that he got while masturbating to thoughts of Gary Gygax molesting him and the sheep will follow St. Jimmy and show how easily led they are.

    With Jimmy gone Alexass and Faggi will fight it out for who the true prophet of the OSR is. Poag will illustrate the fight with large amounts of shit, rape and babies. Many will leave the OSR fearing the movement being led by one of these two.

    Meanwhile, OSRIC and Labyrinth Lord will still suck and with no hope of finding usefulness will turn to whoring themselves out to truckers at a run-down Detroit truck stop. The Chenault Boys will promise more products for C&C to compete with 5e but, as usual, nothing gets done since they spend all their time at a strip club for trannies. DIck Crawler Craptastic creator Joe Goodman will find himself a guest on To Catch a Predator and the game dies before any more foil books and dick shaped dice will be made.

    Finally, Robbie Cunt-Lips will find no gives a rat’s ass about his drivel and blow his brains out in the crackhouse he was conceived in.

    All in all, it will be a good year.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      May 27, 2012 8:33 pm

      Bravo, Sir. A touch of Nostrodamus, methinks.You forgot that Zak will throw down the gauntlet by banging some tattooed bitch and then putting out another badly drawn supplement you can roll dice on as well as shoot a load on (wipeable cover!)

  14. kent permalink
    May 27, 2012 6:32 am

    Here’s a map James Raggi might like. It shows the distribution of red hair (aka ginger) in europe,

  15. May 27, 2012 3:10 pm

    “Delving Deeper”? I think I saw that about 20 years ago. Christy Canyon flick right? If not you will still feel like you got fucked, when you spend your money to find out you just bought Basic D&D all over again.

  16. frogbait permalink
    May 28, 2012 12:39 pm

    Wow. Funny -but not as funny as y’all seem to think. Thing is, my bet is that this is, basically, bullshit, and I’m not even convinced it really happened. Yeah, sure you can IP the hell out of all those; and sure you can sue – if you’ve got the money to spare. But, I’d bet that prior use and the above rant will go along way towards proving malicious intent; plus, if they used the bog standard OGL, they have at least a passive ownership of all that isn’t OGL -registering IP is easy, but it still is to to the registrar to prove no prior ownership. So I’m guessing that this is just pud waving to piss on your favorite piss-boys. Which is fine, fun, and creative, but unfortunately, an obvious fantasy.

    Why ? well, if you have registered IP, you are an idiot, and are thinking with your unsupressed nerd rage , taking fat-boy-braniac-on-a-playground-pleasure in using big words that the local retards don’t get – and assuming that that will carry you forward when you play with adults. Which is a mistake.

    So, okay, lets imagine that you did resister all of those (and exactly where ? The international IP magic pixie registry ? Oh, right, details. Nevermind).

    All your victims need do is ignore you and keep doing what they do; so you need to either basically give up your claims through non-enforcement, OR sue them (and have more money or gainful employment than your time online suggests, or at least send C&D notices, ( got a lawyer handy ? C&D & service cost a minimum of 300$ per to have any effect) ; and, at this point, whoever the hell you are is now public record (actually, it already is if you actually did more with the ips than post on your blog -but I’m assuming you have the brains to register them to an anonymous owner/company/LLC);

    Now that you are known, and throwing down actual grown up money to harass fanboys you seem to have a hate boner for, have I’d be astonished if one or more of the more dysfunctional or overly revenge minded fanboys don;t start throwing your ass to the lawyers: accusations of pedophilia, damage to various businesses, good old stalking statutes, and everyone’s favorite version of slander or libel (depending on how online character assassination is regarded in your jurisdiction) .

    In fact, I’ll predict here that the big new OSRetard kickstart news will be raising money to sue your now publicly identified ass . See, they don’t have to win, (although they might) any more than you do, to make your life a financial hell. And frankly, five or six nerd-raging fanboys (like yourself) backed by some kickstart money (lots of people will kick in 5 bucks+ to see you dance the boned by lawyers fees hornpipe) will always be able to outspend and generally ass-bone one somewhat snarky but ultimately unresourced blogboner

    • Andrew permalink
      May 28, 2012 1:35 pm

      Did this moron actually type all that? This is clearly one of your victims YDIS.

      • frogbait permalink
        May 28, 2012 4:55 pm

        No, dumbass, I used my 9th level mordenkanen’s magic ass monkey to do the work for me.

        Took me about ten minutes, but then I have all ten fingers to type with, as opposed to one fingered hunt and jack, such as y’all.

        girl2-497

      • May 29, 2012 6:07 am

        Wait….YDIS is issuing empty threats? Could y’all please explain that to poor, little ol’ me with several more paragraphs of cracker legalese?

      • Andrew permalink
        June 4, 2012 9:38 am

        Not as dumbass as your post. Y’all keep it up now y’hear?

      • Andrew permalink
        June 4, 2012 10:59 am

        NOTE: My above post is directed at girl_anal69, not perdustin

    • Roger Moret permalink
      May 28, 2012 10:32 pm

      Everyone has fun till the one Nerd Roid comes on and rants like this is really going to happen.

      ” I’d be astonished if one or more of the more dysfunctional or overly revenge minded fanboys ”

      Why include “one” in there? We are all more dysfunctional than a paper sack full of rabid monkeys. And then there’s Kent.

    • Timothy permalink
      May 29, 2012 6:14 am

      Wow, fagbait took YDIS at face value, rather emphatically.

      You, sir, win the International Internet Dumbass award, Junior grade.

      Should we tell him, or will he ever figure it out on his own?

      • bombasticus permalink
        May 29, 2012 9:56 am

        Let’s wait for “the international IP magic pixie registry” to get back with his mark search and watch the D&C procedures start flying at $300 apiece.

    • Scott permalink
      May 29, 2012 8:14 pm

      frogbait wins the prize

  17. Bob's Cunt permalink
    May 28, 2012 5:04 pm

    Look, Jmal has joined YDIS. He must have had an extra two-minutes between meticulously designing dust filled rooms.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      May 28, 2012 10:34 pm

      There is a room on Level Four that SUPPOSEDLY has a dysfunctional one-legged zombie and three goblins. Only a rumor, BC.

      • May 29, 2012 6:10 am

        SPOILER: The goblins are illusionary.

      • Timothy permalink
        May 29, 2012 6:15 am

        This one time, in Dwimmermount camp, I stuck a statue up our goblin torch-bearer’s ass.

      • Shitty McTits permalink
        May 29, 2012 8:19 pm

        That was a bastardy thing to do, Timothy.

  18. kent permalink
    May 31, 2012 2:29 pm

    [ … god-damn-velvet-glove—-wont—-come—oofffff———goddammitt——–hate-being-mr-fucking-nice-guy—-gettt–offfff–velvet-glove—want–to –kill–these–morons—all—around—me … ]

  19. kent permalink
    May 31, 2012 7:27 pm

    Ive been thinking about our journey as a species out of dank stinky caves. How did it ever happen? Did it happen? Maybe we are still living in shitty dark caves but have merely evolved airs and graces. I have been thinking about this because whenever an intelligent person makes a suggestion the average fellow doesn’t follow it and tends to react against it because it is deep in human nature to oppose – “don’t tell me what to do” – but if a stupid person makes a suggestion *in all politeness* then this is considered delectable by any hairy savage within earshot.

    What is this ‘politeness’ which makes shit smell like apple pie straight from the oven? Think of all the morons you know and how they detest their betters. Now try to imagine me and Ms Suck Dungeon and Dr. Strangelove trying to coax you out of your faeces encrusted stone hovels. It’s not working, right? You are staying put. Now imagine a million generations of polite religious apes like grognardia and guys like you guys on the internet politely talking random shite and somehow there is slow progress, the peoples who survived were the ones who were accidentally sitting slightly further out from the crappy cavern of pong with each generation.

    But if you just listened me, and listened to Ms Suckdungeon, and listened to Dr. Strangelove all those millions of years ago we would each already have our own PK Dick flying cars and beautiful women would suck our balls to sate their lust rather than for money.

    What a waste of time measured in epochs is this ‘politeness’. Just do what I say, me and Suckdungeon and Strangelove.

    • Timothy permalink
      June 1, 2012 6:10 am

      Kent, put down “Atlas Shrugged” and return to Lord Pamplidoo’s harem.

      • kent permalink
        June 1, 2012 11:01 am

        Im a socialist me.

    • June 4, 2012 10:05 am

      I note that, within days of appointing yourself prophet of better days, you remove your blog from the public domain (again). Withdrawing your pearls from the pig-pen only ensures that no swine will ever learn to walk on their back trotters and carry the whips like gentlemen, and I thought that’s what you wanted…

  20. Sykirobme permalink
    June 1, 2012 6:23 am

    Wow, here’s the poster child for gamers-as-sexually-frustrated-people:

    http://www.theskyfullofdust.co.uk/2012/06/weeping-chasm-draft/

    • Lady Wrinklequim permalink
      June 1, 2012 8:23 am

      That looks just like my dried out old snatch!

    • Chainsaw permalink
      June 1, 2012 8:27 am

      Weeping Chasm?!?!? You gotta be shittin me..

      • June 2, 2012 2:29 am

        I think there’s an ointment for that.

  21. Bob's Cunt permalink
    June 1, 2012 7:23 pm

    Found this blog on accident: http://stockingthedungeon.blogspot.com/
    I think this chick is the female equivalent of Jmal. She has all the retention, self-righteousness and the same grating personality he has. For extra fun check out her Facebook page where you can see what a bitch she is too.

    • Arneson's Spectre permalink
      June 1, 2012 9:14 pm

      I bet JRT would hit that. Hard, backdoor and without lube. If he raises bail money he should look her up.

  22. Captain Kirk's Dick Blood permalink
    June 4, 2012 4:24 pm

    I’m pretty sure that is a guy.

  23. ShalonBoy permalink
    July 3, 2012 11:28 pm

    HAHA

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