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Can’t resist

March 6, 2012

Why don’t I comment about Arselexis more? Well he’s so one-note and the target is so big, once you’ve said anything about him the topic is pretty much exhausted. Obnoxious, check. Silly campaign, check. Delusions of grandeur, check. Laughable, check. OK, let’s move on…

But this is genuinely fucking amusing:

http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2012/03/handling-difficult-players.html

As usual, skip the patented Arselexis wall of clumsy circlejerk prose and go straight to the comments for a peek at bodies being pulled from the trainwreck. I must thank him for putting his big fat be-mulleted head up on YouTube. I can read his comments with his authentic fluttery lisp and picture his jowls quivering in queenly uproar as he suffers not the fools around him. Just waiting for that big purple forehead vein to erupt with a satisfying “pop”…!

90 Comments leave one →
  1. Roger Moret permalink
    March 6, 2012 8:18 am

    These will be the golden days of YDIS, I predict. It’s such a target-rich environment out there it’s uplifting, there is daily gold out there being mined by half-wit bloggers (mostly from Canada, which is a bit disturbing, as least they aren’t French, well most of them). Alexissass has become my favorite blogger of late (sorry, Pog, you need another run at Mein Kampf and finish that build your own monster book to get me back to being a daily reader) but Jamal threatens him with his new kickstarter, Dimmerdump. Who would not want to spend hours online with Zak and friends fighting dust and centipedes? It’s that sort of derring-do that made me fall in love with D&D, remember all the classic adventures where you putter around in an abandoned corn silo battling giant rats? For hours? No? Me neither.

    Now if we can just teach JRT where the caps lock is YDIS will surely be celebrating the golden age of OSR reduction….

    • JRT permalink
      March 6, 2012 10:36 am

      I HAVE STICKERS OF RUSH LIMBAUGH AND SEAN HANNITY MY FELLOW LOUD MOUTHED IDOLS ON MY CAP LOCK KEYS.

      (Sorry. Will tone it down for the sake of our noble cause – flushing down that big stinky OSR turd clogging up the toilet that is the Internet once and for all.)

  2. Chainsaw permalink
    March 6, 2012 8:24 am

    Yeah, that guy is a total dipshit.

  3. Andrew permalink
    March 6, 2012 8:27 am

    WOW. That guy is a douche (and I’m not referring to the refreshing and cleansing kind!) I’ve met the type before and agree with his former player’s comment about not spending time in the real world.

    • March 6, 2012 11:34 am

      But how does the fat prick get so many followers for his blog? Jamal attracted old schoolers by waxing nostalgiac ad naseum about how the best dungeons are half empty and dusty. Zak gamed with mostly low-level S&M gangbang cumchugging whores (and talked himself up on the Wikipedia entry he obviously wrote) and got popular with gamers who never knew the touch of even the fattest, Ugly Betty looking girls. Christian became a follower of every piece of shit blog out there so they would give him a reach around and join his blog (self-promotion is the lowest form of fame).

      But why the fuck does this 40 year old virgin have so many followers? Is it possible he actually has something to say?

      • JRT permalink
        March 6, 2012 1:12 pm

        YOU MOVED TO MANY FUCKING HEXES GET THE HELL OUT OF MY GAME!!!!!

        Well said, ! I particularly liked this turn of phrase: “gamers who never knew the touch of even the fattest, Ugly Betty looking girls” So true.

  4. March 6, 2012 9:10 am

    Either the turd is totally delusional and doesn’t realize he’s a turd, or it’s a turd persona he consiously puts on before fapping over his keyboard.

    I bet his house smells like Cheetos and desperation…

  5. Andrew permalink
    March 6, 2012 9:34 am

    Hi first youtube video was a riot. According to him he loves D&D and something available on he internet that he won’t mention. Could that be kiddy porn?

    • JRT permalink
      March 6, 2012 1:13 pm

      “Could that be kiddy porn?”
      You have to ask?

  6. Civilectomy permalink
    March 6, 2012 9:44 am

    There was a time when regular folks, people who don’t game, only suspected that those who played D&D were nutjobs. They suspected all of you, peering closely looking for physical deformity to match the evident childish lunacy.

    Now there is such abundant evidence that all gamers are insane, clear as day in millions of words online, that it won’t be long before the Normals bang up D&D bloggers and forum members in mental infirmaries.

    If the Normals act promptly it won’t be long before the tourettes will soon be mingling with the Napoleons and Messiahs on gaming fruitfarms. What a bunch of cretins you all are.

    • Timothy permalink
      March 6, 2012 11:29 am

      “Mommy! Mommy! Look! I called some guys on the internet cretins! That means I’m Normal, now right?”

      Be careful, Ironic Faggot. The Abyss gazes back.

  7. JRT permalink
    March 6, 2012 10:28 am

    ALEXASS IF YOUR PLAYERS ARE ONLY IGNORING 90% OF WHAT YOU SAY THEN THEY ARE BEING VERY GENEROUS TO YOU.

  8. March 6, 2012 11:03 am

    Ahhh, now that’s better. Home sweet home…

  9. Timothy permalink
    March 6, 2012 11:38 am

    Poor Lexi. All he wants to do is correct common misconceptions of manueverability in banded mail, and all his stuck-up players want is to play a game.

    Leave Lexi alone, you…you bastards! Are you happy now? He cancelled a whole combat because you lazy-ass players were too busy to read 97,000 words of godlike wisdom.

  10. Radovarl permalink
    March 6, 2012 12:06 pm

    It takes real talent to take a fairly streamlined combat system like AD&D’s and make it into a stultifying exercise in statistical drudgery. As far as I know, this calibre of navel-gazing mechanical quagmire has only been achieved once before, and that was by Monte Cook. Alexis must be a genius!

    What I think is truly sad, however, is the number of people lined up to play in this douchebag’s online games. No one who has read more than a handful of Sexy Lexy’s “wall of text” (as one of his [former] players put it) posts can use the excuse that he didn’t know what he was getting into…

    • JRT permalink
      March 6, 2012 1:19 pm

      Monte Cook certainly did that that to magic but only hit the tip of the iceberg on making combat long and dull with 3E. 4E took combat to new heights of long, drawn out drudgery. I got suckered into playing a 4e game once. I would go into the bathroom and masturbate, watch a couple of Seinfeld reruns, then heat up a frozen french bread pizza in between my turns.

  11. marc permalink
    March 6, 2012 3:03 pm

    wow, you weren’t kidding about the fat head and mullet, not to mention his cumbersome prose. Fuck, that guy loves the sound of his own voice. It’s dudes like him that make me afraid to play D&D anymore. I don’t want to hang out with dudes like him.

  12. March 6, 2012 3:30 pm

    Wow, everytime I don’t think Alexis can move any further beyond parity (by disappearing up his own asshole), I am proven wrong.

    PS. Are people on a troll blog really reacting angrily to “Gamerz is sux” comments?

  13. Radovarl permalink
    March 6, 2012 3:44 pm

    Breaking news.. St. Jimmy loves Loviatar, because it’s just like a ‘blog in the sense that it allows you to focus your creative vision like a laser, and avoid the “pettifoggery” and “gadflies” that forums are rife with (i.e., people who call you on the uderlying ideology behind using terms like “bastardy” in the 21st century, and those who don’t drool over every uninspired post). The more I watch our faves (The Fourth Rag, St. Jimmy, Sexy Lexy, etc.) the clearer it becomes to me that they are all cut from the same obliviously self-adoring, logarrheic cloth. After about a year into reading Jimmy’s blog, I started despising everything “Auld Skool” stood for, a year later I started despising the Founders of the hobby, and started wondering why I ever liked D&D in the first place. At this point I’ve come full circle, and couldn’t give a shit what anybody says about gaming, from Gygax to Mentzer, right on down to Maliszewski. Shut up and keep your stupid advice, reminiscences, campaign journals, sex change operations, religious observances, and super-cool new combat systems to yourselves, and hand me my goddamn PHB on your way out the door.

    • March 6, 2012 5:04 pm

      Amen, Brother. In all seriousness, you are spot on with this shit. Hopefully many others will eventually feel like we do eventually. But the fact that Jamals latest piece of crap seems a success bodes ill for the gamer who is not a total tard.

      Really, why are people buying into any of this shit? Why do I think I’m cool because I have lots of none gamer friends and can get laid now and again without buying a hooker or marrying some fugly slag? I’m a fucking gamer, and just based on that association I am no better than those pieces of shit who buy Loviator, Dwimmermount, Thousand Suns, etc etc etc.

      I’m going into a shame spiral and it’s only Tuesday night. Fuck. Thanks a lot.

    • JRT permalink
      March 6, 2012 6:42 pm

      APPLAUSE! I would like to subscribe to your zine, Radovarl!

      • Radovarl permalink
        March 7, 2012 8:14 am

        It shall be entitled, “My Dungeon Is Super-Swell”, will run semi-quarterly, and will retail for $15.95 per issue for the .pdf, $16.95 for print. If you purchase at the Adamantite Level (for $1,000/issue, or at a discount for a mere $3,500 for one year), you’ll also receive an e-mail containing all of Alexis’ campaign materials up to the date of your subscription, or whenever I feel like getting around to it. There are also Mithril-Steel, Meteoric Steel, Platinum, Gold, and Silver Levels of support, but I know you’ll all go straight for the gusto, so I won’t detail the amazing benefits of those at this time.

        Inside, you’ll be treated to such fascinating tidbits of my home campaign as, “99 Street Vendors of the City of Greyhawk’s Outlying Suburbs”, “The Holy See of Medegia, Neither a See, in Medegia, nor Holy–Discuss Amongst Yourselves”, and “Late Night Orgies of the Rhennee Bargefolk”. Also, inside scoops on the biggest and most lovable personalities of the OSR, including “Dwimmermount is Really Area 51–A Grognard’s Play Report” by Anonymous, “A Labyrinth Lord Stole my Baby!” by Rob Kuntz, and “Win, win! How to Run an OSR Module-Mill without the Need to Deliver any Product”, by Bill Barsh.

      • JRT permalink
        March 7, 2012 6:24 pm

        I’d read that good shit. Where can I submit my d100 Empty Dust Filled Rooms?

    • Scott permalink
      March 6, 2012 7:15 pm

      “it’s just like a ‘blog in the sense that it allows you to focus your creative vision like a laser, and avoid the “pettifoggery” and “gadflies” that forums are rife with”

      I’ve got no problem with Grognardia. James has always been cool with me although we have virtually nothing in common. But its comments section seriously makes the forums look like think tanks.

      And just like /b/, the OSR as a movement was never actually a good thing. I don’t understand how a “movement” that lionizes the DIY spirit can generate so much product for sale.

      • Eh. permalink
        March 7, 2012 7:36 am

        “I don’t understand how a “movement” that lionizes the DIY spirit can generate so much product for sale.”

        Goddamn. Pearls from swine (that’s swine, not Swine, RPGCumdit). Thank you.

      • JRT permalink
        March 8, 2012 12:30 pm

        Common misunderstanding Eh. The OSR is actually a BOWEL MOVEMENT.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      March 6, 2012 7:33 pm

      Don’t forget all the d100 charts of nothing interesting. This will be the legacy of the OSR, a 1000 charts of What You Find In the Outhouse After Gramma Leaves, or Things Growing On Your Crotch, or How Many Shits the Orc Takes After Rape (a Pog special), or What Disease Infects Me Now After Playing In Zak’s Google+ Game. Instead of playing the game there is so much navel grazing and self-stroking that I am surprized anyone has time to actually pick up a make believe sword and kill a make believe giant centipede. Disheartening, there must be a group out there still rolling dice that doesn’t take this crap seriously.

  14. unclecarbuncle permalink
    March 6, 2012 3:44 pm

    FUKING ASSBAGE ON BLOG AN FUCK YOU TO JRT CHOKE ON CUM

  15. Civilectomy permalink
    March 6, 2012 4:05 pm

    And another thing while Im at it. You lot are insufficiently learned to appreciate that guy Tao of DandD’s work. I don’t know what he was on about with all those hexes but it sounded urgent and exacting. He is a professional with a sense of self-worth who rises above the typical gamer with brain-power and although he is still a cretin in my eyes he is deserving of your adoration as a sort of garrulous king of the cretins.

    I have to laugh when I think of adults like you reading books with pictures of monsters in them like Lord in the Rings and then hanging out embarrassed together in secret like some club where bald men gather to discuss fluffing up their sideburns.

    • Radovarl permalink
      March 6, 2012 4:15 pm

      Okay, now I know you’re Alexis himself. We’re insufficiently learned, eh?

    • Roger Moret permalink
      March 6, 2012 7:25 pm

      Dammit that gave it away. Tonsilectomy is a put on. And we were having so much fun.

  16. unclecarbuncle permalink
    March 6, 2012 4:41 pm

    HA HAA JRT CIVLRECTOMEY JUST SHOVED DICK UP YOUR MAS ASS

  17. JRT permalink
    March 6, 2012 6:45 pm

    Fuck this shit all I want to know is if the Kickstarter is up yet for Alexass’ sexual reassignment surgery….

  18. JRT permalink
    March 6, 2012 6:50 pm

    I can’t get this picture of Alexass with his hands spasmodically flapping at the wrist while he’s babbling “Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes! Count da hexes!”

  19. JRT permalink
    March 6, 2012 7:04 pm

    Jesus even Grogturdia doesn’t link to Tao because Alexass is batshit crazy…

  20. March 6, 2012 7:42 pm

    “He is a professional…”

    “…he is still a cretin…”

    “The fact that it took you so long proves my point.”

    Wait. His point is that he’s a professional cretin?

  21. March 7, 2012 1:14 am

    Do you think the people too dumb to count hexes the way Asstexis wants them to are the same people who paid for his wordpad 1994 documents about the annual precipitation rates in the Southern Meditereanean & how that indexes with erosion on the cobblestones?

    I’d love to think they bought his files & still don’t know wtf he is raving about, that he is a mastertroll & THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO COUNT THE HEXES!

  22. Civilectomy permalink
    March 7, 2012 11:36 am

    And another thing you mob of morons.

    Whether you realise it or not you always benefit by reading an essay by the Tao. So even if you are just swinging by to sneer you will notice the DONATE button. So fucking DONATE.

  23. March 8, 2012 4:13 pm

    The crazy DM dude who doesn’t play AD&D is right. Crappy players suck.

    • JRT permalink
      March 8, 2012 5:35 pm

      Happy birthday or RIP Gary, I can’t be bothered to remember which it is anymore.

  24. JRT permalink
    March 8, 2012 5:29 pm

    Apparently every YDIS fan’s favorite zine crapping pussy Christian wants you to believe he can’t get his fucking zine out the door!
    http://loviatarzine.blogspot.com/2012/03/buried.html
    To the five people who actually subscribe to the monthly turd delivery in the mail: HE’S TOO BUSY BAKING PIES AND LISTENING TO ENYA DURING LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH WHILE HE CONTEMPLATES SUICIDE OVER YET ANOTHER FAILED ZINE AND EMPTY GAMING TABLE!!!!

  25. JRT permalink
    March 8, 2012 11:12 pm

    Now that pre-op tranny pseudointellectual bore of a twat Alexass is cut and pasting Thucydides, Dickens and Tolstoy to feign the appearance of being “sufficiently learned” and non-cretin:
    http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2012/03/wall-of-text.html
    JUST COUNT THE FUCKING HEXES YOU SOCIALLY RETARDED CIRCUS FREAK!!!

    • Timothy permalink
      March 9, 2012 11:14 am

      That’s classic. L’il Lexi defending his inability to focus his thoughts into viable text by invoking classic authors. It’s never your fault, is it, boy? Everybody else is too stupid to comprhend your persecuted brilliance. Why, merely uttering the phrase “wall of text” conspicuously identifies one as stupid and lazy, evidently.

      • March 9, 2012 12:23 pm

        What’s really choice is that Alexis decries “blogging-give-me-money cretins” and the next day he’s exhorting people to “donate” money to his blog.

  26. March 9, 2012 10:52 am

    In all seriousness, these are some of the smartest comments (especially Roger and Radovarl) I’ve seen on any blog, especially the ass kiss fests on Grogturdia. The swearing and Poag shitrape stuff is funny, but I’d like to call for more of these insightful gems. It’ll get more positive attention here, and maybe actually affect the readership of these lame gaming blogs.

    The OSR. A legacy of D100 charts indeed. And endless ass kissing (and enriching) of cults of personalities, led by personalities with NO personality.

    • JRT permalink
      March 9, 2012 12:07 pm

      “The OSR. A legacy of D100 charts indeed. And endless ass kissing (and enriching) of cults of personalities, led by personalities with NO personality.”
      AND THEY ARE ALSO SHITTING IN THE HEXES!!!!
      Okay now I’m seriously. You are absolutely right – the observations here by YDIS and followers in the comments about the OSR – its flaws, hypocrisy, egos and other shortcomings and failures – are always spot on, witty and sometimes gut wrenchingly funny from the sophomoric to the ironic and all points in between. I have always said to the un-bathed and socially inept masses of the OSR Turdosphere the question has never been “WHO IS YDIS?”. The real question they should be asking is “WHY YDIS?”

  27. March 9, 2012 1:56 pm

    Long time reader, first time poster

    I haven’t had a very good opinion of Alexis for some time now (though I recently tried to help him with the unreadability of his blog and was snapped at for it), but this post is incredibly creepy: http://tao-dnd.blogspot.com/2012/03/pick-up-artists.html

    His advice boils down to “Trap, confuse and rant at women”. He not only thinks this is an appropriate basis for a relationship, but also a good way to run a gaming group.

  28. March 9, 2012 3:54 pm

    http://jasoomiandreams.blogspot.com/

    This underachieving clown, who mostly just posts ERB quotes and talks up his Barsoom game nobody wants, seems to have closed off his blog to non-followers. As he only had around 50 followers as of a few weeks ago, it pretty much amounts to him shutting down the blog.

    Small potatos I know, but he must have done it in response to comments about him on YDIS. See? We can make a difference. Let the exit of this gooberish, Texas loser from the OSR be a lesson to all! Maybe, just maybe, Jamal and Christian will hold each other a little tighter tonite after sucking each other’s wimpy pricks.

  29. JRT permalink
    March 9, 2012 7:35 pm

    WHICH TRANSLATION OF TOLSTOY DID THE HEX COUNTESS ALEXASS USE? I HOPE IT WAS MAUDE AND NOT CONSTANCE GARNETT BECAUSE SHE’S KIND OF A SLUT. NICE TITS THOUGH.

  30. March 11, 2012 7:30 am

    http://www.tao-dnd.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/pick-up-artists.html

    I will just leave that there with the advice that through that accursed portal lies Alexshits boasting of his exploits as a pick up artist (of live, human women no less). Of course being Alex he tells us he practically invented the term, methods & did it better than the guy in the movie he saw & manages to imply that all gays & lesbians are also incapable of not seeing him as anything but raw sexual energy in human form.

    The guy has been in absolutely vintage form.

  31. Shitty McTits permalink
    March 11, 2012 1:23 pm

    I … oh my … his most recent post (as of 11 March 2012) … has the following phrase in its third sentence: “once upon a time I was a pick-up artist.”

    And then it meanders on a bit to: “This is all a preamble to certain qualities of being a dungeon master that I share with being a pick-up artist. There are certain rules that apply to both.

    1) Approach your subject in a place where they cannot easily leave.”

    I think that, in fact, people who play in his game *are* actually duct-taped to his basement pipes and shouted at for ten hours, before having their testicles crushed with pliers and then dumped naked on a riverbank in the cold gray light of pre-dawn.

    • JRT permalink
      March 11, 2012 2:10 pm

      “once upon a time I was a pickup artist”. ONCE UPON A TIME ALEXASS WAS AN ASTRONAUT, A ROCK STAR, A NEUROSURGEON, CAPTAIN OF THE ENTERPRISE, A FUCKING ELF MAGIC USER, AND BUCKAROO MOTHER FUCKING UP THE ASS BONZAI TOO! The reality is, once upon a time Alexass was born genetically male but now she is transgendered and need your donations to pay to cut off that junk between her legs once and for all. AND TO COUNT AND PUT THE FUCKING HEXES IN THE BASKET!!!! BITCH IS MAKING A SKIN SUIT OUT OF FATBEARD GAMERS IN HER BASEMENT!!!!!

  32. Shitty McTits permalink
    March 11, 2012 6:54 pm

    Can we get back to the which-translation-did-he-use arguments?

    I can’t wait until he busts out the Inferno so we can quibble about whether Dorothy Sayers had a mighty fuckable mouth or not. And whether Alexass would consider Dorothy’s or John Ciardi’s more fuckable.

  33. March 13, 2012 7:25 pm

    http://jasoomiandreams.blogspot.com/2012/03/red-planet-review-by-hill-cantons.html

    Goobers back! With an almost two year old HIll Cantons review of his free Mars game!

    It never fails. Somebody gets bitch slapped on YDIS and they freak out and shut down their site, only to put it back up a couple of days later.

    But really…when are we going to get a Dwimmermount review? This thing has made 20 grand? It MUST be good…

  34. Civilectomy permalink
    March 16, 2012 7:55 pm

    @! – No. You are just a little man-boy sitting in your room, dreaming of girls. ‘Why do girls hate me because I am ugly?’ you ask.

    Let me tell you. They hate you because you are a nancy boy with a confused physiognomy – weak chin, delicate, big eyes but ugly. You are a tried-a-beard-nancy-boy-gamer so women hate you and you hate them.

  35. JRT permalink
    March 16, 2012 8:09 pm

    BE CAREFUL SALTINE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR WHORE NAME IS. ALEXASS IS LOOKING FOR A FACE TO COMPLETE THE HUMAN SKIN SUIT SHE IS MAKING IN HER BASEMENT TO COMPLETE HER METAMORPHOSIS TO WOMANHOOD AND I THINK SHE HAS HER EYE ON YOUR JIZZ SOAKED MUG!!!

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