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More DM Badges

August 25, 2011

I’d like to add these to the pile, but I’m gonna need someone to do the badge art for me per the descriptions in parentheses:

“I’ll be talking about myself quite a bit during my game and you are expected to take notes” (JaMal curled into a lewd ball, his erect penis stabbing toward his face, a drop of pre-cum dangling tantalizingly into his ecstatic mouth)

“My game is really weird.  Because I say it is.  Oh, and I’m sooooo transgressive too…!” (James Buttfuck Raggi IV drinking a cup of kool-aid)

“I’ve created an insane language filled with unpronounceable words for my game, because seeing my players get frustrated with silliness is how I feel better about myself” (Urutsk logo)

“All the players in my group were recruited at the hobby shop” (Comic Book Guy)

“Like a Japanese schoolgirl, I value cuteness & whimsy above all else *giggle*” (Jeff Rients gazing fondly into a mirror)

“I use Stefan Poag art to visualize important scenes” (an Orc facefucking a baby, and they are both pooping too)

“I like Carcosa” (a Human facefucking a baby, and they are both purple too)

“I can’t keep a group going and I don’t know why” (an apron draped over a surfboard)

“My game is going to end up being a boring fucking clusterfuck” (percentile dice and a DM screen filled with random tables)

“For the entire 6-hour session, the party will do nothing but shop for leather goods” (Asslexis patting himself on the back)

“This game is a play-test of my new retroclone” (YDIS with gun in mouth, head exploding outward, a Solar watches tearfully and a Unicorn bows its noble head in despair, and blood is spraying out of my vagina too)

EDIT: I forgot one, “I used to sniff Gary’s dirty undies and that entitles me to ‘Elder Statesman’ status” (Green dragon wearing a crown)

33 Comments leave one →
  1. August 26, 2011 3:12 am

    I was wondering when you would get in on this.

  2. The Translucent Dodge permalink
    August 26, 2011 5:39 am

    Maybe you D&D blog guys can all get together and do each other’s hair…
    or better still you can all work together to try to un-bunch your panties.

  3. zarathustra permalink
    August 26, 2011 7:11 am

    Back to your best YDIS.

  4. Timothy permalink
    August 26, 2011 7:51 am

    Sadly, I remember that Poag illustration, from his “Maybe Raggi will notice me now” phase. *shudder*

    • August 26, 2011 8:27 am

      If my work attracted your notice and impressed itself on your memory, well, that’s really more of a compliment than I am used to getting.
      This is the second nicest thing someone has said about my work on the web — thanks guys. Stay tuned — more work soon!
      I just wish I could thank you in person.

      • August 26, 2011 8:38 am

        Be a mensch for me and do these badge illustrations. Thanks, bro.

      • Timothy permalink
        August 26, 2011 12:09 pm

        You’re welcome, Limpo. You do have some good pictures, but that corpse-fucking, orc-shitting in mouth stuff was nasty. You’re being spotlighted here is karma for that bullshit.

  5. Roger Moret permalink
    August 26, 2011 10:55 am

    Slow clap.

    I have a badge: “I don’t play any other game except for the original game, whatever that means, and if you have bought anything published since 1983 you are a unloyal douchebag” (Large fat bearded guy wanking off to the illustration of the succubus in the 1st edition Monster Manual)

  6. August 26, 2011 2:23 pm

    Timothy said:
    You do have some good pictures…
    Careful… you are coming dangerously close to paying me another compliment. I thought YDIS was where people like me were brought to be humbled and knocked down a peg, and here you are being so nice!
    …but that corpse-fucking, orc-shitting in mouth stuff was nasty. You’re being spotlighted here is karma for that bullshit.
    Isn’t this the site where you fucknuts giggle to each other over the blogger thinks he has cancer or the people you have aggravated over the internets and you fuckers want to take me to task for drawing a picture of a pretend goblin dropping a pretend log in a pretend severed head’s mouth? I’m drawing pretend pictures of shit that never happened and you think you need to give me a lesson in good taste? That’s a hoot.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have made my day.

    • August 26, 2011 3:22 pm

      Badge art or STFU.

      • August 26, 2011 3:45 pm

        I’m waiting on payment in advance as per my usual policy as a money grubbing hack artist of the OSR working with a new client. Fifty bucks US per badge via a cashier’s check should do it — no refunds. If you need my mailing address, contact FASERIP; he has archived everything about me and should be able to set you up.

      • August 26, 2011 6:10 pm

        I’m sorry to be a wet blanket, but in the above post I note that the assertion:

        “JaMal curled into a lewd ball, his erect penis stabbing toward his face, a drop of pre-cum dangling tantalizingly into his ecstatic mouth”

        sounds suspiciously like my very own carefully worded:

        “when your pustulent tongue stretches, elongated, longingly for the last drop of urine on your dog’s dick.”

        that I considerately contributed to the “About” page about a month ago.

        Admittedly the species and the fluid have been changed, but the intellectual thrust remains the same and I feel violated.

        I formally request redress

        Bill

      • August 26, 2011 11:28 pm

        No way, dude. The focus of mine is on the dripping boner. The focus of yours is on the seeking tongue. Apples & oranges, homie.

      • GWilson permalink
        August 28, 2011 8:05 am

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      • August 28, 2011 9:43 am

        Fucker.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      August 26, 2011 11:51 pm

      “I’m drawing pretend pictures of shit that never happened and you think you need to give me a lesson in good taste?”

      It would even be better if you had pretend political opinions on your pretend blog and I could pretend I don’t read that pretentious socialist bullshit that you pretend makes you superior to most tax paying citizens with actual jobs not requiring a third grade art course to learn how to draw a log of pretend shit. Power to the people and that that bullshit, bro.

      • August 27, 2011 6:12 am

        My blog seems to have made a big impression on you. Thanks for reading!

      • Roger Moret permalink
        August 27, 2011 10:07 am

        Seriously, can you think hard about the “pretend blog” stuff? You could just pretend to make entries every day about topics like gun control, pot smoking and the union busters up north, and I could pretend to laugh uproariously at your twitness. We’d both have more free time.

  7. Sykirobme permalink
    August 26, 2011 7:34 pm

    Awesome.

  8. Paul KB permalink
    August 27, 2011 3:04 am

    ydis @ limpey: Badge art or STFU.

    Since Germans are not protected by copyright law you could just cut and paste from the artworks, I think they are called, on his blog.

    The potency of the badges could only be heightened by merely using smiling mugshots of our exemplary mentors.

    I see you left Zak for me, so:
    “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH random charts BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH a million words where ten would do BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I can satisfy chick gamers with utter shite.” (a picture of Zak’s tiny little face)

    • Roger Moret permalink
      August 27, 2011 9:57 am

      “I see you left Zak for me, so:
      “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH random charts BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH a million words where ten would do BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I can satisfy chick gamers with utter shite.” (a picture of Zak’s tiny little face)”

      …….with an orc facefucking it. Sorry, Paul, just had to add that.

  9. August 28, 2011 8:02 am

    Roger wrote:Seriously, can you think hard about the “pretend blog” stuff? You could just pretend to make entries every day about topics like…(blah blah blah) We’d both have more free time.

    Without my blog, you and I would have never met. It’s really the glue that holds us together. Keep on reading; more good stuff on the way.

    Paul KB wrote:Since Germans are not protected by copyright law you could just cut and paste from the artworks, I think they are called, on his blog.

    That’s a great idea. You could do that or you could keep reading Zak’s blog and getting mad because he is ignoring you. Somehow I suspect the second thing is more likely… but feel free to prove me wrong.

    • Paul KB permalink
      August 28, 2011 12:04 pm

      Zak’s posts are all TLDR for me but I pop in from time to time to see how is manipulating his minions.

      “getting mad because he is ignoring you”

      You are referring here to the fable about the Punchbag and the Boxer where the Punchbag says, ‘That’s it Punchy. Ive had enough. From now on Im ignoring you.’

    • Roger Moret permalink
      August 28, 2011 12:14 pm

      “Without my blog, you and I would have never met. It’s really the glue that holds us together. Keep on reading; more good stuff on the way.”

      Can’t argue with that. Ignore my rant. Without you, Alexisass, Zakporn and Baggi (My Four Musketeers of Blogdom, so to speak), my life would be emptier. Carry on, my good man, and as a suggestion, could we see a “Scott Walker is Satan” blog topic this next week? Thanks!

      • August 29, 2011 9:10 am

        Roger: Sorry; I don’t do requests. But I feel pretty confident that you will continue to read my blog anyway.

        Kent… uh, I mean, Paul: Dedicating a blog to preserving all the responses of yours that Zak S. has deleted from his blog qualifies as more than just a passing interest on your part. Rather than a boxer with a punching bag, I think your relationship with Zak is more like a moth bouncing against a window screen on a hot summer night.

      • Paul KB permalink
        August 29, 2011 12:02 pm

        You can dress up your ass kissing any way you like but for me Zippety Zak is a crushing bore whose ego does the crushing. Not once has he accepted criticism, he has no sense of humour, he thinks he is very clever, he has an autistic style of gaming and he has lots of idiot minions in the osr. In short he is mockworthy. Ha, “in short” he is mockworthy. Nice.

        Anyway you have a habit of writing far too much to say very little so Im not going to indulge your obtuseness further. You are not worthy of being mocked to the same degree as Zak Tabatha but by all means prove me wrong.

      • Roger Moret permalink
        August 30, 2011 9:31 pm

        Not a problem, LImpey. I will continue to read if only for anticipating the meltdown when the recall election for Walker fails in January and all the left wing intellectuals in Wisconsin (all 4 of them) move to France in protest.

  10. Timothy permalink
    August 29, 2011 9:33 am

    Actually, Limpo, if you had the balls (or ability) to go back and read you would see that I have never said anything bad about you, except for this lone instance on your dead baby-fuck fetish, which you now seem to be disturbingly catagorizing as a fantasy. But I understand your need to tar everyone with the same brush. Nice to see you channeling your inner teabagger – Sarah and Michelle would be so proud!

    And it is entertaining! Now you spend every hour trolling this site, when you could be working on these merit badges and ratcheting up your art cred from orc-shitting.

    • August 29, 2011 10:13 am

      Dude! Chill out! Everything is cool! Absolute icebox! I was thanking you for the compliment and noting that compliments were as rare as hens teeth here on YDIS… I thought this site was supposed to be a counterweight to all the ‘backslapping’ and whatnot on the blogs. Bad karma and paybacks were your concept, not mine. I was just going with where my thoughts took me from that point.

      Through the miracle of modern science, WordPress emails me everytime someone posts to a thread I have subscribed to. But now that I have upset you, maybe I better unsubscribe; I don’t want to make any trouble.

      As far as painting with tar on a brush goes, I’ve never done it… although I saw some huge-ass Anselm Kiefer paintings in a museum that he painted with straw, paint, tar, varnish and god knows what else. I couldn’t decide if I liked them or not… so that’s probably a good sign that Kiefer is a lot smarter than me. If I were to resurface a driveway, would that count?

      • Timothy permalink
        August 29, 2011 11:07 am

        Actually it would be cool if you did the merit badges with tar.

  11. NUNYA permalink
    September 10, 2011 3:13 pm

    WHAT AM EVRYBODIES PROBLM WITH A GUY’S MERIT BADGES???
    THEY ARE2 KEWL FOR SKOOL!!!!1
    I ARE GOING OT PRINT THEMO FF OT HAVE MY MOMS SO THEM UP SO I CAN PUT THEM ON MY SHIRT TO WAIR TO GINCON!!!1
    FUCK YA!!!

  12. JCH permalink
    November 28, 2011 11:40 am

    Har!

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