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The Turd from Beyond Time and Space

August 16, 2011

AKA “Cthulhu leaves an upper-decker.”  Look close and you can see corn and some peanuts in there…

 

 

58 Comments leave one →
  1. JRT permalink
    August 16, 2011 9:08 pm

    Faggi wishes he could be the corn in Lovecraft’s turds.

  2. Tatem permalink
    August 16, 2011 9:37 pm

    That is hilarious. I guess taking a picture of your shit is art now a days. I thought you where kidding about the piece of corn, but it is totally there. What kills me is people are going to buy a picture of someones shit. I am kind of jealous I did not think of that.

  3. TurdBurgler permalink
    August 16, 2011 11:21 pm

    I thought this was your usual Raggi hatred slash hyperbole, but lo and behold, you kind of have a point.

  4. Chainsaw permalink
    August 17, 2011 3:35 am

    Not a fan.

  5. August 17, 2011 4:51 am

    pretty turdly in appearance. Hey check out what Tao of DnD is saying about rob kuntz today. what a chicken fucker.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      August 17, 2011 8:48 am

      I’m depressed actually as this article is delaying Alexis Asperger’s riveting series of mind numbingly long lists of prices in his campaign world, I am eagerly awaiting comparative pricing on pieces of string, dildos and toilet paper. Hurry up man your fans are going nutz!

    • Schmoopie permalink
      August 18, 2011 11:50 am

      The Tao Jones Kid there is seriously whackadoodle.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      August 20, 2011 4:05 pm

      Hopeful mention of his Aspergerness will drive more readers to his blog! He needs 10 mill to create his own D&D game. Check out his latest posts! I’m more excited about this than seeing him prance around in high heels and a miniskirt, or Dao Tao Pow posting another long list about the prices of candles, shiny beads and cockroach semen in his fantasy world. A check for $4 Canadian is on the way, hope that “kickstarts” your fund drive for you, Genius God of Mental Illness!

      • Schmoopie permalink
        August 21, 2011 8:40 pm

        If only clouds pooped nickles every time he insulted someone for their intellectual failings for not desiring a computerized system of determining pork belly futures in Greyhawk, Mr. Kung Tao Chicken would have financed his endeavor thrice over.

        Honestly though, when I did the math and figured out this guy has already seen his 45th birthday…well, it kind of went from funny ha-ha to funny crying shame.

      • Quixotic bastard permalink
        August 22, 2011 2:10 am

        There is something very wrong with the author of Tao. The guy is the retard philosopher loser. Cracks me up. The dude probably doesn’t have a pot to piss in and uses his hobby and blog tool as a means to make himself feel important as he jerks his gerkin off to his own solipsistic musings.

  6. August 17, 2011 6:24 am

    Friday, October 30, 2009
    Knockspell #3

    Knockspell magazine’s latest issue is on the shelves and I’m happy to have the cover article this time. Peter Mullen has done a very evocative cover, and inside is packed full with solid gaming goodness. This also marks the first issue to be published by Black Blade Publishing, who will also be releasing Swords & Wizardry in bookstores. Grab a copy, support old school gaming, and let me know what you think of the Anti-paladin. As editor and friend Matt Finch says: It’s the highest-level Knockspell magazine ever created, the Wondrous Can of Whoopass, the plate mail of armor classes, and indeed the one thing you MUST NOT DO WITHOUT if you are a serious gamer from the editions that never had decimal points! 1E, 0E, OSRIC, and Labyrinth Lord — it’s all here.
    Posted by Kellri at 7:35 PM

  7. zarathustra permalink
    August 17, 2011 6:31 am

    Yep, that’s a turd. Worst. Alien. Monolith. Ever.

  8. Timothy permalink
    August 17, 2011 7:23 am

    Wow, what an impressive picture. And, as usual, his drones oohed and awed, even after it was pointed out to them it came from Uranus.

  9. Jack Colby permalink
    August 17, 2011 4:49 pm

    I miss the days when Raggi would actually talk about gaming instead of only pimping his products in each post. I’ve given up even clicking to read his blog these days. It’s an advertising blog now, nothing interesting unless you are a “fan” of buying his stuff.

  10. Paul KB permalink
    August 17, 2011 5:28 pm

    Here is the second post on my blog, ‘Constancon is for retards, right?’

    http://critiquezaks.blogspot.com/2011/08/constancon-is-for-retards-right.html

    If you think Constancon is ‘awesome dude’ well and good just keep in mind I don’t give a rats ass what you think. The blog for is Zak Betty’ betterment.

    • August 18, 2011 10:21 am

      Paul KB: Your blog makes me want to send you to counseling.

    • August 18, 2011 10:21 am

      sad.

    • August 18, 2011 12:01 pm

      Paul: You are just sad making.

  11. August 18, 2011 4:50 pm

    oi vey

  12. two shits charlie permalink
    August 18, 2011 5:39 pm

    I highly doubt a 35 year old punkrocker who dose drugs all day and acts in porno films could give a crap about some gamer trying to help him.

  13. Paul KB permalink
    August 18, 2011 6:25 pm

    If only there were more punkrockers in the world the world might not be a fractionally less interesting place, but don’t quote me on that. Punkrockers look fierce don’t they? But in the darkened rooms of their bedsits you can hear them crying, the angry punkrockers and let’s not forget the lady punkrockers, with their big boots on the bed and their spikey hair awkwardly pressing against a pillow, crying as their bullet-belts press unforgivingly into their pudgy white flesh. Why do they cry, the lonely punkrockers in their darkened bedsits? Perhaps it is because earlier in the day, as they were angrily bounding along the city streets with that curious bouncing stride of the angry bounding punkrocker, laden down with metal objects fastened to his punkrock costume, yes, perhaps earlier in the day the raging punkrocker saw me in the city street grinning at him.

    • Nihilist permalink
      August 18, 2011 6:52 pm

      Thanks Kent…err…Paul KB.

    • Paul KB permalink
      August 19, 2011 8:52 am

      Nihilist, you have seen The Big Lebowski and still want to be a nihilist?

      • Nihilist permalink
        August 19, 2011 11:16 am

        Never seen it.

      • The Dude permalink
        August 19, 2011 11:48 am

        Do you own a ferret?

        Man, that rug really tied the room together man. Bummer.

    • August 19, 2011 6:48 pm

      Jesus, Paul, that has to be the worst wanna-be-gonzo-journalism self-indulgent waste of time idea for a blog on the whole fucking planet. Including this one, turd jokes and all. yeah, I can really imagine that the young punk porn actor who games with lots of chicks will give a bigger shit than Raggis new cover sized shit. Yeah howdy.

      And you even have the cyberpunk-dwarf-apple-genius-bar biopic. Wow.

      • Paul KB permalink
        August 19, 2011 8:28 pm

        I can’t decide if you are implying that being a “punk porn actor who games with lots of chicks” is *impressive*. I hope you are because the idea makes me chuckle openly. However if you were *not* implying that a “punk porn actor who games with lots of chicks” is impressive then I have been chuckling for no reason at all.

        See above for my take on punkrocker lads.

        My take on tiny male porn actors banging their wives on telly: Classy.

        My take on chick gamers: Chick gamers are shit at D&D.

  14. August 20, 2011 11:00 pm

    Paul,

    Probably, the main point is that you are would seem to be a self absorbed retard, and that, alone, is unlikely to impress anyone, let alone a skinny porn punk who actually has a life and a wife to bang.

    Really, the prose about how you break punks hearts by chuckling at them…Priceless. Sad, too, but priceless.

    Okay, stupid argument on now tedious site….check !

    • mandy's fake tit permalink
      August 22, 2011 11:41 am

      Oh look, it’s the porn punks girlfriend coming in to say hello under a different name. The very same whore who fuck’s ONLY the little guy while a the same time fucking other girls like her co D&D partner who fuck faggots like the little guy’s cameraman. How’s the genital warts doing?

      • August 22, 2011 11:53 pm

        Hah ! Nice try, but BZZZZZZT. Thanks for playing !

        Nah, I’m a different person under the same name as before -its Kent, I think who insisted I must be a girl, so this is in his honor…..am I a girly girl ? Who knows ?

        An interesting torrent of virginal fantasy posing as abuse, though. Good spelling for single hand typing, although I expect you have more than enough experience.

  15. FASERIP permalink
    August 22, 2011 10:22 am

    Neo-nazi Stefan Poag is up to his old fascist tricks again, now claiming that YDIS is run by kellri.

    Of course that’s conspicuously incorrect. So down the memory hole it goes.

    Hey Sherlock, do the world a favor and stop trying to use your brain. You’re not good at it.

    • Roger Moret permalink
      August 22, 2011 10:52 am

      Well, at least Pog got his blog back up. The world never has enough bad art, inane political opinions or conspiracy theories, you know.

    • August 22, 2011 11:06 am

      Wow. You guys really do follow my blog pretty closely. I’m honored.

      • FASERIP permalink
        August 22, 2011 12:14 pm

        You’re my lolcow, so of course.

    • Not Kent permalink
      August 22, 2011 8:24 pm

      Faserip wrote: …YDIS is run by kellri.

      Really? You think so? How did you figure that out?

      Well, it does make a certain amount of sense. YDIS/Kellri feels slighted that his ‘genius’ in producing OSR shit has not been recognized with free drinks and offers of BJs by the wider world while Raggi, Zak and others collect all the “attaboys” (“attaboys” that ought to be mine, thinks Kellri/YDIS— but I’ll show them!)… Unfortunately, he shows his hand when he accuses the people he is running down of mental illness (how he loves that one… bet there is some fucking deep shit history there) and under the YDIS psuedonym he makes a lot of whimsical, scatalogical high-falutin’ references to shit that went down on message boards where Kellri throws his tantrums… and Kellri’s resentment over his failed marriage would help explain the hostility towards the ‘fairer sex’ and sex in general (because he isn’t getting any younger… and he certainly can’t rely on his charm any more… especially after he has had a few)… plus the inevitable pedophilia stuff. Sadly, he on occassion forgets WHICH fake name he is using that day and sometimes his ‘Kellri’ prose on Knights & Knaves grows a shade too whimsical and flowery — almost as if one had sprinkled a bit of perfume on a turd (bud done it in an ironic manner, of course). Under both psuedonyms he writes like a mean drunk who fucked up in academia and had to go teach ESL classes in another country — the guy who got passed over once too often because of his erratic behavior and finally said, “FUCK IT” and moved to Vietnam so he wouldn’t have to face all those sad looks from former classmates at him 30 years old and still drinking in the bars where the college kids go. He has the stink of the failed student about him — the guy who, never really left grad school.
      I seem to recall that old Kellri pretty much red-lined his bloodpressure for a week straight over on Dragonsfoot over Fantasy Fucking Vietnam — hoo boy, what a barn burner that was! — and he went atomic over Carcosa — so he decided to try to dial it back a notch… so under his YDIS moniker he says, “Buy Carcosa!” Yeah; that’ll fool them. Plus Zak really got under his skin because time was Kellri could impress people by saying, “Hey, I play D&D with a Buddist Nun, a Ladyboy, a Rickshaw driver and a dude who was an extra in The Deerhunter…” and people would say, “Holy fucking shit that is impressive!” but now they just say, “Big deal. There’s some dude in Hollywood who plays with porn stars…” and then Kellri says “FUCK” and goes back to his room to drink cheap whiskey and work on his novel… but the muse has fucking left the Hanoi Hilton so he just logs into WordPress and lets the shit fly.
      I guess that about sums it up.

      • Roger Moret permalink
        August 23, 2011 9:56 am

        ” 30 years old and still drinking in the bars where the college kids go”

        This is a bad thing? Holy fuck, I really oughtta rethink the last decade or so. Or just have another drink with the college kids.

  16. August 22, 2011 10:43 am

    Paul’s opinion of “chick gamers” coming from never having sat at the gaming table with one.

  17. Paul KB permalink
    August 22, 2011 11:46 am

    DMing chicks:

    ME: Look can you put away your family charts I told you all of your aunties died of plague.

    Chick1: But is my brother still angry with me for sleeping with the naughty village boy?

    ME: Yeah, he forgave you and then swiftly died of plague. Lets get on with the adventure. Two leering goblins can’t believe their luck when they see a bouquet of ravishing adventuresses giggling through the woods wearing the beautiful dresses you bought with your previous dungeon haul.

    ‘Fuck me!’ exclaims one.
    ‘Fuck them!’ suggests the second.

    Chick2: Take out my two handed sword and leap up gracefully into the air and chop off a goblin’s head. What do I roll?

    ME: I told you you are not strong enough to carry a two handed sword let alone wield one. You whip out your longest hair pin and with a cute little hop sashay towards the disrobing goblin who embraces you warmly. Roll up a new character.

  18. August 22, 2011 1:28 pm

    This is how it really happened isn’t it Paul?

    setting: Forgotten Realms ( aka your mom’s basement)

    Paul: ( directing comment to old Sears mannequin with wig and fredericks of hollywood nippleless bra, mailordered in Ma’s name but already stained with… something)”Look you can put away your family charts, I told you all your aunties died of plague.”

    mannequin 1: –

    Paul: “yeah. he forgave you and died of plague.” mumble. mumble third grade..mumble, wet myself…. suzie’s fault mumble mumble

    Bitch!lets get on with the adventure!”Fuck you i want to fuck you!”

    “mannaquin2:-

    Paul: “thats right bitch! i am going to fuck you too… just as soon as im done with suzie here.

    • Paul KB permalink
      August 22, 2011 7:34 pm

      I wouldn’t go so far as to say girl gamers are all mannequins since that is a sexist remark. No woman likes being called a ‘mannequin’ even if her breasts are not composed of human flesh. Women have many things going for them aside from their sexual allure, I can’t think of any off hand but that is no excuse for you to continue with your sexist jibes. I am simply stating that imho women make for shit gamers because they have no imagination.

      • August 23, 2011 12:01 am

        The constant attempts at prose are pretty revealing, but this has some pretty impressive free association subconscious content, too, in between the spasmodic bursts of bargain basement attempts at sarcasm…….

      • August 25, 2011 1:29 am

        I’d bear that in mind if one of the female gamers in my group didn’t regularly out-old-school the gentlemen in terms of tactical flair, lateral thinking and healthy use of the equipment list, and if they weren’t both the group’s most convincing armchair thesps for that ‘narrative roleplaying’ bit, and if they weren’t assuredly the best at taking their turns like adults when the party splits, spending their time constructing a more convincing play instead of badgering me for the item crafting rules.

        As it stands, all I can say is that you must know some very boring women.

      • Paul KB permalink
        August 25, 2011 10:33 am

        Ah now.

        Nerdy guys are one thing, nerdy girls are not so appealing to me. I like women to be classy, mature and intelligent and that rules out women with an interest in rpgs with the exception of ydis. If a woman I liked wanted to play I would laugh and dissuade her. ‘Women have no imagination,’ I would say. ‘Just look at how little they have contributed to the arts and literature over the centuries,’ I would add. ‘Hush now, don’t frown my pretty,’ I would conclude.

      • August 25, 2011 11:45 pm

        Okay, so I *know* this is a wind-up, right – because it’s you – but I can’t work out whether it’s a cunning double-bluff to disguise an actual belief in this erroneous garbage or not. I *want* to believe you’re just trollin’ and don’t actually live under a bridge where the names Austen, Brontë and Behn have never been heard and ‘canonical gatekeeping’ is what a vicar does to the shrubbery around his garden path, but I can’t quite bring myself to.

        Also, try introducing female drama students to RPGs. You genuinely receive a greater degree of class and flair that way. Of course, you’d have to interact with drama students, and I suspect that’s not something with much appeal to you.

  19. FASERIP permalink
    August 22, 2011 2:16 pm

    Benny Goodman was so cheap he built an igloo out of his own dung.

    He lived in it for a long time till finally the ‘roof’ collapsed on him. Friends asked him how he could tolerate it.

    “It’s a blessing, really. I’ve been saving up for a skylight for twenty years!”

    • August 22, 2011 11:57 pm

      Wow…its like an autistic open mike night.

      • Timothy permalink
        August 23, 2011 6:23 am

        And yet you keep coming back. It really makes you feel good to be a sock puppet bitching among sock puppets. Sad little bitch.

        Dungeon Suk Boy, time for a new post, eh? There are a few choice posts from the last week. I won’t reccomend any since you don’t take requests.

      • Stefan Poag permalink
        August 23, 2011 7:16 am

        Girl2-497, you didn’t do a good enough job covering your tracks.

        Girl2-497 is The.Happy Whisk.

  20. August 23, 2011 10:52 am

    ooooh. Stefan and Paul are going to show the icky girls a thingertew!

  21. Sykirobme permalink
    August 24, 2011 8:08 am

    I think YDIS deserves a merit badge, or whatever stupid feel-good meme is making the rounds of the OSR right now.

  22. Frank Rizzo permalink
    August 24, 2011 8:48 am

    Hey, I think you need to do a post on Alexis’ growth on his back. He dodged the cancer bullet, and admitted to being 47 years old. Great fodder for your oft-gentle words.

  23. Radovarl permalink
    August 24, 2011 5:13 pm

    The scariest (or most reassuring, depending on how one looks at it) part of this whole deal is that the YDIS post about the artwork has generated more than twice as many comments as the original LotFP post… Just saying.

  24. August 25, 2011 1:43 am

    Good. A turd in the snow is still a turd. And at least LotFP is catching on. You’d think such a savvy marketeer as Jim Raggi would have realised there was already an established WFRP in the world, even if its current owners are pissing on their inheritance somewhat.

  25. September 29, 2011 12:06 am

    So…all of you true believers…it ain’t me. I’ve got much better things to do then bust a nut reading what Raggi, Geoffrey and the rest of those tossers write – even to troll them. Considering NOT ONE OF YOU bothered to contact me and ask if I’m the guy I feel pretty good telling you to go fuck yourselves.

  26. kellri permalink
    September 30, 2011 12:51 am

    Oh, yeah, I’m caught, all right. Caught between whether to laugh at Poag or YDIS. Together you’re like a photo of a redneck holding up a freshly hooked carp he caught in the sewer.

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