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What’s the Deal with Christian?

July 3, 2011

Seriously, what the fuck is going on over there?  I’d love to be a fly on the wall for his games.  No one has more wacky game night misadventures than Christian and they’re a friggin’ hoot to read about, but I’m getting the feeling that his problems all start with the man in the mirror.

On the one hand, he seems like a real sweetheart.  His vblogs are SoCal amiable & folksy, he cooks crazy shit for his players, puts a lot of thought into sessions, nose to the grindstone and shit…

But then his games inevitably end in tears and hysterics.  He had a public Fukushima with this sweaty, drunken sociopath last year.  He hates dungeons, but keeps going back to the D&D well.  Hates gaming with randoms, but entertains an endless stream of strangers at his home.  Clearly has a big ol’ boner for WoD and WoD only, but he execution-styled his WoD game… or maybe the players quit on him, I don’t know.  Chafes at being a player and sulks through sessions, but lacks critical DM skills including confidence and improvisation, which probably causes most of his problems.

I’ve read a handful of his ‘zines and they’re pretty putrid – maybe if you’re into that WoD crap you can find something of use, but I doubt it.  Free City of Haldane couldn’t be any more bland.  But he mails them out free and there’s an unmistakable passion, so it’s tough to shit on him for it.

He’s good for some absolutely batshit comments on other blogs, some real out of left field shit… maybe he forgets to take his meds?

And he’s got an ex-wife that he periodically spits venom at, so there’s a monster lurking in there beneath the go-with-the-offshore-flow huckleberry routine.  I’m guessing the recent life problems he’s hinted at are professional (RIF notice from LAUSD?), but who knows.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, DON’T CHANGE A FUCKING THING!  Keep playing Labyrinth Lord, with players you find on Craigslist.  Keep spamming out dorky WoD garbage.  Keep pissing on the ex-Mrs. Christian.  More wacky blog comments!  When you finally snap and kill a hooker, vblog the garden burial.

In the meantime, I’m saving up to send you abroad for some DMing lessons.  Not sure yet whether you’re going to study at Rients’ hairy feet, in McKinney’s Megan’s Law dungeon, or in the Jonestown-like crucible that is Kent’s parlor, but I think you’ll benefit from the experience whatever the case.

***I promised Asslexis I would keep mentioning his blog.  If you haven’t already, you must check out his blog about writing — he’s riding pegasi, fingering centaurs, playing squat tag with unicorns, and otherwise being a fucking buffoon.  God there’s so much fucking pointless suck, but flip through to the parts where he talks about his own unpublished masterpieces.  This one gives you a good idea of what this tard is up to… I know, how didn’t this get published?!?!?  Don’t comment about his horseshit here, go on his blog and let him know what you think – he’ll probably erase anything critical sane because he’s a delicate little fruit loop, but fuck it.

25 Comments leave one →
  1. GreyArea permalink
    July 3, 2011 10:55 pm

    First of all my players kill NPCs all the time, because they are annoyed with them. Honestly I do not think we would finish a single campaign with out an NPC being killed. Oh I am unoriginal and my pussy hurts, so I have to end this game.

    The Second guy, all I have to say is what the fuck is the matter with you.

    Oh, I wanted to put this over there, but he has turned off comments. I am thinking because of what you have written here.

  2. Al Canada permalink
    July 3, 2011 11:43 pm

    “…the Jonestown-like crucible that is Kent’s parlor…”

    That’s a keeper right there. Anyone question the reason for this blog, just read that beaut.

  3. Roger Moret permalink
    July 4, 2011 12:34 pm

    Maybe Alexis just needs more encouragement:

    {Alexis that crap is straight up godawful dogshit mixed with Rosie ODonnell’s vomit. Start over}

    There, did my part for community service this month.

    And Christian needs to game with our fave expat, Raggi. After being subjected to heavy metal death rock and semi-porn gore illios for hours, he’ll either toughen up or end it all. Either way should improve his “gaming experience”.

  4. Kent permalink
    July 5, 2011 3:24 am

    Ah now.

    I’d like to game with Christian to see how he handles roleplaying because that’s an important part of my game too. I do think though that the DM needs to have the aura of a boss, with an authentic De Niro stare and on the tip of his tongue exclamations like, ‘What the fuck are you doing?’

    The git wants to kill Cristian’s npc for no reason? Fine. ‘You are playing a moron and a psychopath, you have obviously done this before in other towns so let’s say as you go to kill this guy, out of the corner of your eye a familiar posse gallops down the street lead by a febrile lecherous homosexual dwarf. Your nemesis squeezes his genitals in anticipation.’

    Gaming is a social activity but not primarily so. Game when you are gaming. “This is this. This ain’t something else. This is this.“. If I have arranged to play footy and guys are yacking and socialising then “Come on. Lets play.” As DM you have a licence to be impolite to keep the game enjoyable.

    Some people find it easier to be impolite than others. Misanthropes make good DMs.

    • July 6, 2011 10:25 pm

      I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a sin quite vile enough to warrant ‘molestation by lecherous dwarf’ as a punishment, although it would be an amusing reward for some people…

      To be frank, I find the idea of in-character ‘punishment’ for player idiocies rather repugnant. Perhaps it’s a flaw in my character or perhaps it’s just my profession talking, but I would rather make people explain why they’re being asshats and lead them to an understanding that asshattery is wrong than just punish them for behaving like asshats and leave the underlying asshattery unresolved.

      You’re quite right about the licenced impoliteness, though – and it’s sad that I know people for whom “explain your behaviour – what do you want to achieve with this random stupidity?” is an impertinence. Fortunately it’s only happened in games where everyone involved was about sixteen, or when I run games for strangers. The people whose company I choose are comfortable with me calling them muppets and they’d do the same to me if necessary.

  5. Jack Colby permalink
    July 5, 2011 11:12 pm

    Check his blog again…

    • FASERIP permalink
      July 6, 2011 10:51 am

      … or don’t, ’cause it’s not there.

      Here’s his final entry, preserved for posterity:

      Destination Unknown — See You Around

      When I got back from the beach this evening, I received an e-mail from a buddy with a link pointing to an entry over at YourDungeonIsSuck.

      Man, that guy really took me apart. I’m not sure what to say other than this is no longer fun and has become way too personal.

      Take care and thank you for all of the wonderful, insightful exchanges over the past few years.

      destination unknown out

      • Sykirobme permalink
        July 6, 2011 12:33 pm

        He’ll be back. Two weeks, tops. Just like that dude that gave up over the TARGA business.

  6. July 6, 2011 7:17 am

    First off, dude you don’t have to bother “unmasking” me as I have gladly put my link with this comment and if you have anything shitty to say about my own blog, you can fire away because I honestly don’t give a shit what you think.

    It must be sad to be you, man. Spiting out drivel like this and attacking a stranger on the internet under *gasp* a veil of anonymity at that. Rather than spending time producing something of your own with quality, you’re instead wasting time knocking the work of others. It’s pathetic and sad really.

  7. July 6, 2011 11:31 am

    Misery is a disease. Shutting the fuck up is the cure. Do yourself a favor and cure yourself.

    • FordAnglia permalink
      July 7, 2011 11:15 pm

      That, Sir, is the piece of advice in history.

  8. Sykirobme permalink
    July 6, 2011 2:37 pm

    And, having been jerked off by the OSRobot collective, his need for attention sated, he’s back.

  9. FASERIP permalink
    July 6, 2011 2:57 pm

    He just can’t resist a good, OSR-wide attention-whoregy.

  10. Yo Mama permalink
    July 6, 2011 3:49 pm

    Wow. You geeks crack me up. Thanks to the internet you can anonymously be a bad-ass by trashing other people the same way you get trashed in the real world for not taking a fucking bath and learning how to hold a conversation about something other than star trek episodes. I no longer feel bad for picking on you dirty fat fucks.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      July 6, 2011 4:12 pm

      Wow, Yo Mama cracks me up. Thanks to the internet s/he can anonymously be a bad-ass by trashing other people the same way s/he gets trashed in the real world for not taking a fucking bath and learning how to hold a conversation about something other than star trek episodes. I no longer feel bad for picking on that dirty fat fuck.

  11. Chainsaw permalink
    July 6, 2011 5:40 pm

    When you open yourself up to the Internet, you better be wearing +5 plate and a badass shield, eh? I thought this was common knowledge.

    • Sykirobme permalink
      July 7, 2011 5:36 am

      Yeah, but some people like to have the pity party and triumphant return. Sort of the blogger equivalent to James Brown being led off the stage. Only not as good.

  12. July 7, 2011 4:46 pm

    Everyone knows that YDIS is just filling one of the cliched roles of the blogosphere, right? Getting upset at whatever you read here is like getting mad at mustard for tasting like mustard.

  13. July 7, 2011 4:50 pm

    Seriously, since when do adults get torn up by a bit of potty mouth? I’m really confused by this non-issue.

  14. Wuzzah permalink
    July 7, 2011 6:22 pm

    At least Weepy Surfer Dude isn’t a monomaniac ass-toady like that Hill Cantons guy. Watch him kiss dear old Asslexis’ shiny rear over every post he makes about boot polish.

  15. The Clangadong permalink
    July 9, 2011 6:22 pm

    Your Dungeon Is Suck is Serious Business™, and woe to any whiny blog bitch who can’t take it and feels the need the start popping the Pamprin or pulling a Leave Britney Alone moment.

    • July 14, 2011 9:30 am

      actually your pretty safe as long as you are an anonymous troll who hasn’t shared anything about his personal life and has contributed nothing (except possibly vitriol) to the gaming community.

      It’s only the people who use their imaginations, spend time and effort on the hobby, and those who try to contribute that have anything to fear.

      Who needs all these bloggers anyways? It’s much easier to be an annoying troll.

      It’s self evident that trolling makes the internet better and I think that if we all pull together we can go a step further and prove that trolling CAN thrive even without original content.

      I say delete the content of ALL OSR blogs. Just leave a blank post where all of us trolls can comment.

      Thanks
      Bill

      • Kent permalink
        July 15, 2011 8:49 am

        If your doctor tells you you are ill would you call him a troll?

      • July 18, 2011 12:22 pm

        If I asked for a doctor’s opinion and I knew that it was a licensed medical doctor with the little thingy on the wall giving me a legit diagnosis then no, I’d respect his learned opinion and would hesitate to call him a troll, unless I knew some unsavory details from his personal life.

        HOWEVER, if it’s some spazz on his sixth bottle of Boone’s Farm using foul language and hissing spittle, or if it’s a creepy voice coming from under the bed (not sure which analogy applies best) then I might call the troll a troll and devil take the hindmost.

        thanks

  16. July 19, 2011 8:14 am

    There are a lot of strange comments on here.

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