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May 11, 2010

I am at a complete loss to comprehend J-Mal’s reckless compulsion to cockgobble pube-bearded Al Harron.  Today’s post is another weird example of his tireless efforts to extend kudos where none have been earned.

As usual, Al Harron isn’t ‘reporting’ a god damn thing.  Despite trumpeting himself as some sort of insider, he simply devours others’ scoops collected from around the web, and then heaves them back up onto his blog coated in the stinking bile of his seemingly syphilis-inspired rants.  His Conan tidbits are culled from other, more responsible parties – usually Latino Review, although today’s big scoop is a Frankenstein’s monster stitched together from the REH fan forums, Operation Kino, and Facebook.

Why indulge in the private fantasy that Al reports, rather than regurgitates?  Why go out of your way to promote that  unseemly illusion to a world that knows better?  Very odd…

7 Comments leave one →
  1. May 11, 2010 3:38 pm

    Hi there.

    May I ask exactly what the problem is? At no point am I claiming that I’m making some sort of “exclusive scoop,” neither in regards to Frazetta nor the Conan movies. I’ve never made any sort of claim to be an “insider,” since a simple click on the links would show otherwise, and I’d look rather an idiot for doing so. Indeed, I offer links to those articles myself. I am simply collecting them for The Cimmerian website, and commenting on them. The reason I do this is because not all Cimmerian readers would frequent the same sites that I do, and thus it works as a useful “hub” for articles that might be of interest. This has been a fixture of the site since its inception.

    I didn’t realise this would be a source of confusion, since this is generally how journalism works: news is broken, and the rest of the world goes about covering it. Sometimes they’ll show footage captured by other network’s cameras, or information gleaned from other journalists. Sorry to confuse you so.

    As for “syphilis-inspired,” I’m flattered that you imply I have a sexually transmitted disease, since most people think I’m a sad basement-dwelling virgin whose last intimate experience with a vagina was birth.

    As an aside, “pube-beard” is pretty accurate, since beard is categorized as one of the characteristics on the onset of puberty, just like the stuff that sprouts around genitals.

  2. May 11, 2010 5:17 pm

    “I’ve broken the news on The Cimmerian…” is your quote. That’s as definitive a claim of sourcing as there is. The confusion begins with you, amid the the numbing swirl of questions that haunts your tortured mind:

    “Why didn’t they even respond to MY treatment for a Conan movie?”

    “Nobody loves REH as much as me… can’t these imbeciles SEE THAT?!?!??”

    “Why don’t the PR people send me pictures from the set or casting scoops?”

    The answer to all of those questions is the same, and one you have doubtless encountered throughout your life: You are an insufferable cunt and no one values your opinion… except J-Mal, leading to my rhetorical ‘Why?’

    Shave the beard, it looks terrible – you look like upside-down-Buckwheat.

    • May 11, 2010 9:06 pm

      “I’ve broken the news on The Cimmerian…” is your quote. That’s as definitive a claim of sourcing as there is.”

      Yes it is, because I’ve broken the news *on The Cimmerian.* Meaning that I’m the first to report it on The Cimmerian website. Not *to the entire world.* Again, simply clicking on the link would prove that I *didn’t.*

      You make a bunch of assumptions about my motivations. You implicate that I dislike the direction of the film because I’m hurt that they’re not doing things *my* way, when in fact it’s perfectly clear that there’s plenty to find fault with beyond something as egotistical as that. I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m offended that they haven’t chosen me to break scoops: this just seems to tie in with your strange idea that I had the audacity to claim “breaking news” to the entire world in such a way as to make me look like a fool. Weird, altogether.

      “The answer to all of those questions is the same, and one you have doubtless encountered throughout your life: You are an insufferable cunt and no one values your opinion… except J-Mal, leading to my rhetorical ‘Why?’”

      If nobody valued my opinion, why is it I regularly get hits that number in the hundreds for my posts, daily, occasionally in the thousands? None of whom have complained about my “insufferability.” Surely they can’t ALL be holding their tongue, afraid to point out my faults?

      “Shave the beard, it looks terrible – you look like upside-down-Buckwheat.”

      Talking about my writing is one thing, but criticizing my appearance has nothing to do with that. I don’t see how altering my appearance would make any impact to my writing – nor why it would matter to you either.

      In any case, I don’t want to get involved in your tiff with James. That’s between yourself and him. I’m a really rubbish enemy: you’ll get little sport from me, since I prefer to promote positive vibes on the aether, and there’s nothing quite so sad as perpetuating a feud on the internet. You and I would both be better off without it, and it’ll increase both our lifespans significantly.

      Have a nice day!

  3. May 11, 2010 5:24 pm

    … And why did you change “cockgobble” to “cockeralgobble” on your blog? Either correct it or take ownership of your editorial work. That’s just retarded…

  4. FASERIP permalink
    May 11, 2010 8:42 pm

    OT: James had another classic line in his recent Holmes eulogy:

    “This is sad news, not merely because Holmes was an important figure in the early days of the hobby (as well as an enthusiastic devotee of Edgar Rice Burroughs and other pulp fantasy authors), but also because it was through the Holmes Basic Set that I was introduced to Dungeons & Dragons.”

    That last clause is— wait for it— a hyperlink to his blog.

    James M. is the gift that keeps getting re-gifted.

  5. May 12, 2010 5:12 am

    Ugh, cut the bullshit, Flubber. ‘Broken’ has a very specific meaning when you’re talking about news, and pretending not to know that makes you look stupid on top of slimy.

    I’m not really feeling your brand of positive vibes. Everyone who doesn’t light candles every night for REH (and now Frazetta!) is a dick. Any creative person who doesn’t ape in the minutest detail every throw away line is a hack (necklaces and trees… seriously?). So much shit flows from your mouth you’ve made yourself immune to the stench.

    Altering your appearance would make a big difference. You are a mopey, angry, sad-sack because you look like a twat and are treated thusly. Clean your shit up and you’ll start seeing an improvement in the way you’re treated, and your own attitude will improve accordingly.

    Suck my dick!

    • July 9, 2011 3:50 pm

      What do you look like (o one whose weird goat like twisterdick gets wood at the thought of an upside down buckwheat)???????????????????????

      He has the balls to show his ugly face, you don’t.

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