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There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute

March 19, 2010

The proliferation of low-life cocksuckers who want you to trade your gold pieces for magic beans continues unabated.  Welcome to RPGs 2.0, where gaming catches up with Franklin Mint collectable dolls, Nigerian email scams, and CASH4GOLD – “pay me lots of money and I’ll double your investment!!!”

What a tedious webcast: Brian Owens is a nasally douche who appends each of his rambling statements with “Cool!”, in a sad attempt to convince himself that the fawning horseshit he has just uttered is indeed cool.  It is not.  I couldn’t get past Yacine Merzouk’s halting, lispy dork rap so I punched out after five minutes – March Madness is on, I got better shit to do.

Besides, the style of the ad copy really tells you all you need to know.  Gotta love the hard sell in the middle:

These two special bonuses alone have never been offered alongside the Gamer Lifestyle program before, and will most likely help you DOUBLE your investment in the coaching program back a lot faster than you normally would.

I’ll ignore the potent brand of illiteracy displayed by that largely incoherent sentence… ooops, I just pointed it out!  “most likely help”?  That’s a soft endorsement, but holy shit you wrote it all in bold AND THE DOUBLE PART IS ALL-CAPPED!?!?!    ZOMG THAT’S BASICALLY A FRAKKING GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL MAKE ME A JILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SIGN ME UP… HOW MUCH IS IT?

…$250…

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  $250 to invite these shits into your life… idiots who can’t even compose grammatically-correct sales copy… they’re gonna “most likely” try to “help”… by regurgitating info you could find for free in a thousand other places.  Sounds like a great deal!

God bless these guys, I hope they rip off a bunch of basement-dwelling nitwits and laugh all the way to the bank.

One Comment leave one →
  1. March 21, 2010 3:02 am

    I was going to point you out to them but you found them… I’m beginning to suspect I’m schizophrenic and write as you during the night.

    I still think you’re a class A asshole but this… this is near criminal abuse of kids going all dreamy eyed with their lame ideas of selling “D&D-only-with-ninjas-and-laser-bears” ripoffs.

    50X250$ is a lot of dough for a pair of guys likely creating cookie cutter websites and answering emails.

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